Chubby Behemoth - The NORRA 1000

Episode Date: May 5, 2023

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Self Soothing. Programmed To Soak. Full Datoe Datoe.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Is it going? Yeah. Nice. We're underway. We're doing a podcast. This is what everybody wants right now, is for us to be alone in our bed, semi-nude, doing a pod. I'm almost completely nude. You've been almost completely nude a lot on this trip. Not a lot. Enough. Not as much as I'd like to be. Yeah, well, you're, uh, you, do you the Aum Shinrikyo Death Cult? I remember that name, but I don't remember what the deal was. They did, like, a sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway system. Oh, right, yeah. You look a lot like their leader when you're shirtless and sitting cross-legged.

Buddha? No. Evil Buddha. Yeah, bad Buddha. Bearded? Bearded, kind of slow-eyed had the similar uh tumness situation as you tumness that's what we call your belly now your tumness i'm robert tumness hello everyone my name is barry tumness i've been uh selling real estate in cabo san lucas for over 35 years. I'm Gaga O'Reilly. This is Teenage Wasteland.

Dude. What? How about the last week? Bro, where do we even start? We're currently in a house right now with 14 men. Whoopsie. Yeah. I didn't know you wanted to protect the righteous.

You're the one that wants to play both sides. You want to be Arch. You've been Arch this whole time. Quit calling me Arch. You're a little chameleon who goes along to get along. Oh, yeah, it's called fitting in and being nice. As long as they buy tickets. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Sorry I'm not like you. You're like Michael Jordan. Republicans buy shoes, too. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Hopefully they buy shoes in brea california brea improv it seems like everyone who i've talked to who was like you're funny man come

to a show i'm like where do you live and they're like right by brea california really in the last in the last week most of the dudes i've met on this trip are like uh yeah southern california dudes what i can't itch i can't i can't play my banjo i'm getting ready to get you yeah because the the prude has become the fiddler and the diddler the dude is the prude i do it and it sucks you do it all the time it's like it's like self-soothing oh no it's literally itching something that itches. Well, does it itch constantly while you have to look me in the eye? I don't look in the eye while I do it, do I? Yeah, you're down there peeling scabs on your inner thigh while looking me in the eye.

It's good to make eye contact. Yeah, while you're making thigh contact? I don't like it. It's just deeply intimate as you're staring into me. What were you just doing I was having some fun so yeah we last spoke via podcast before the race started we were in Ensenada Mexico we filmed some stuff it was a good time yes and then the race began that feels like a lifetime ago yeah yeah time is so weird when like you have no previous experience no real uh

concrete expectations we disappeared into the moment yeah and also we got separated which sucked that was not my favorite part of the trip it was was for about two hours, and then I thought, I looked up at the sun, I stared directly at the sun, and I thought, I wonder if Lund's staring at that same sun right now. I wonder if Lund is looking directly into the sun like I am. Yeah. Giving himself a headache. Well, it was kind of cool that first day because I was just so blown away

at the landscape because it was totally alien like i've been to southern colorado i've been to the you know american southwest dude but holy those cacti were 35 feet high oh my god i can't get enough of the cacti i'm a cacti guy yeah you started talking about them and then you kept talking about them, and I made fun of you, and then you talked about them some more. Uh-huh. It was funny. I mean, I'm sorry that I marvel. You were into it.

I walk around the world, and I say, look at this. Wow, that's great. I've never seen that before. You had never seen a cactus before. Not of that height, have you? I guess the height, no. Thank you. But I knew that there were big ones.

If you were going to no-sell those fucking cactuses, I'm going to come over there and I'm going to do a Ceron gas attack to your face with my butt. Far on. Yeah. You Lord of the Rings nerd. Oh, dude. You're about to see the Eye of Mordor and it's my butthole. Eye of Sauron. Thank you.

You're the dork. I didn't know the reference. I saw two of the three, two of the nine movies god there's so many i'm not a big lord of the rings guy well i think the hobbit was a trilogy as well so that's six six movies i held that green did you i don't know what copy of the hobbit you had as a kid they were probably banned in your house due to the satanic imagery i had an old copy, not that I bought, but when I read The Hobbit long ago, I think it was nondescript, maybe dark green cover.

Dude, I had the exact same dark green cover, and I saw one recently. Where was I? Oh, I was at Mallory Wallace's house in Lincoln, Nebraska. Oh, nice. And she had the same dark green copy that was in my grandmother's library in her basement because she was a librarian.

And I was sniffing it and whiffing it. And when she looked away, I licked the fucking cover. Why? Because I used to do that as a kid. Why? I would taste books. Books in particular? Yes, only books.

You probably tasted a little bit of everything. I used to eat toilet paper a lot, too. What? I know. I'd be in the toilet on the john. And I would just see how much of the roll I could pull off and shove into my mouth. No.

I would do it like spaghetti. No. I would slurp it like spaghetti off the roll. Like a cartoon character. Yes. A bunch of it. As much as I could fit in my mouth. And then swallow?

No, I'd chew it up and see how little I could pack it down. The AC's dripping on my head. That's good. Yeah. But, yeah. That means it's working We turned it off and set it to drip But yeah I would just

Take in as many squares as I could And compact it in the smallest ball I fit a whole roll in there one time No you didn't Yes I did I swear But we're best friends Why would I lie about this to millions of listeners I figure there's some hyperbole

but I believe you yeah please put your phone away I have to plug stuff no you don't I have a lot of dates we gotta wrap it up it's been about an hour

you're getting peed on how about Saul's suit yeah seven minutes. It's been about an hour. I'm getting misted upon. You're getting peed on. Yeah. Speaking of getting peed on, how about Saul's suit? Yeah, yeah. We gotta stay on. We have so much to cover. Let's start at the beginning. This is the biggest moment in Chubby Behemoth history. God created the heavens and the

earth about 4,000 years ago. He took the dinosaurs and he said, adios. He put the dinosaurs in his mouth like they were toilet paper and he said bye-bye you got dripped again i'm just getting coated it's better than over here where i'm making my own soup yeah you're the big old ham hock in the collard greens right now you're getting chinese water torture you hear it no it? No. It's plopping. I see it. It's plopping me. What a weird, yeah, just so much weird things down here.

And it's funny that everywhere in Mexico has these room AC units like the one in the green room at Comedy Works. Yeah, we have to. No matter where you go, there you are. The bathroom. You're just in there seeing how much toilet paper you can cram. And then the AC is blasting. You can make a little popsicle. Oh, I got a little.

Oh, that's fun. So, yeah, we were in Ensenada. We started in Ensenada, which is a city in Baja Mexico. Mexico. Baja Peninsula, the northern part. That's right. Drove through Tijuana. Yeah.

Got to Ensenada. After we potted, that last one you guys heard, we tried to go to bed. And, I don't know, six people kept walking into our room because we had the only shower. Yeah. What a blast that was. What a hoot and a holler. Yeah, we went from sharing it with the two guys that were in the adjoined bathroom. Shout out Taylor and Jerry.

They had a good race in their razor. Bedroom to everybody having to come up to rinse. So we were like the balls and the shower was the dick. Little chode. Everyone had to tickle the chode. I wish I could have seen you get in and out of that shower.

There was a little square. That dripped on me. There was a little square opening that you had to, and I like had to squeeze through. Like duck down, like get an arm in. There was a high wall on the bottom and then there was just this little portico cut out of the glass. Yeah. Yeah. And I had to pop through there.

I'll bet it was wild. I'm surprised you didn't go over the top. Bro, it was as much fun as me putting on those coveralls the other day. Don't bury it. That's not burying the lead. That's shooting your wad early. Oh, I don't know. We'll get there.

Okay. Well, I wasn't trying to put you on the tee. I'm just thinking of me fitting into weird stuff. You were saying it before I could. No, I was. God, you've been a bit of a pill today. I'm not even being. You just said.

I'm not even being. I'm not even a being. I'm a thing. I'm just saying, but we'll get there. Fine. I'm going to get there. Okay. I'm going to finish.

It was so funny. Oh, yeah, so we had this new guy show up. Cool Ethan showed Okay. I'm going to finish. It was so funny. Oh, yeah. So we had this new guy show up. Cool Ethan showed up. Shout out, Cool Ethan. Cool guy. Supposedly, you haven't seen Slackers, which was where Cool Ethan came from. I don't want to have this conversation again.

God. I saw Slackers in 2001, maybe. In the theater, front row, even though there was nobody else in there. Yeah, it was me and Alex Nichols, it was his birthday. He sat in the front. It's his birthday right now, actually. May 5th. Shout out. And my dad. And David Borey. Cool. Shout out.

Birthday corner. The birthday crew. And then we start the race, and the race for us... Can we talk about Ethan? No, we're done with Ethan. Okay, I'm just saying, Ethan took a shower at like 10pm. Hi, it's shower time.

It's night. Hi, can I take a shower? Alright. And then at like 5am. He's a learning computer. He hasn't been programmed to love, but his speech is pretty good. He's just been programmed to soak. He has to stay moist at all soak. He has to stay moist at all times. He has to test

the skin suit over his android body. Who crawls inside my robot body and whispers to my ghost. Short play starring Ethan. He comes and he showers right before we go to bed, and then we wake up to someone trying to creep in the room. 5.30 in the morning.

We're supposed to be up at 6.30 I believe. Our first big30 in the morning. We're supposed to be up at 6.30, I believe. Our first big day of racing. Maybe we're supposed to get up at 6, but it was 5.30. Yep. And you had locked it. You knew to lock it, but I had unlocked it for some reason. Well, yeah, but he has, like, biomorphing gear, like the Terminator 2 bad guy.

Yeah, he can turn into a liquid. He's molten alloy. But, yeah, you didn't wake up, you no i did yeah he said hey i'm just gonna take a shower real quick and i go that's great because if there's anything i love it's being robbed of a half hour of sleep so dude can take a second shower within an eight hour window before sweating in a truck all day like i and i get showering once a day after being all sweaty, dirty, doing stuff. We hadn't even done anything yet. No.

He did a sunrise, sunset, shower. Yeah. He can only shower when the sun's down. Sunsets into sunrise. Yeah. Come on. So, yeah, that was rough. So then we go downstairs and what do we witness?

How are you doing? How are you doing? This has been a real slapstick comedy of errors. Instead of three stooges, there's 15 of us just bumping into each other. It's a bunch of guys who back the Keystone Cops. Falling down stairs, ass over tea kettle. And, yeah, we were locked in. We couldn't find a clicker that could open the gate to get out.

And a guy named Henry's solution was to shake the gates and yell to the city of Ensenada. Ayuda! Ayuda! Ayuda! He started saying, ayuda, señorita. And we thought that somebody was passing by, but they weren't. He just thought he would appeal to the fairer sex. They're more likely to help us.

They love to help. It's in their blood. They help, they give birth, they give life. So Henry is a 75-year-old man who has been accused of being Asian. Who took a dump with the door open. Likes to dump with the door open, as is his Canadian custom. Yeah, as his Quebecois. What, Canada became a country in the 1500s or something?

They're all loggers. And then doors came 250 years later. Yep, they quit speaking proper French and they quit using bathroom doors. In protest. Yeah. Of the Queen. Slight protest, yeah, while still having her on their money. But yeah, dude. So we woke up and there was razor wire above the queen. Slight protest, yeah, while still having her on their money. But yeah,

dude, there were like... There was razor wire above the gates. To keep us in. Yeah, to keep us in so we can't get out. So we had to pay for another night. Yeah, and it was electrified razor wire, too. Because remember Sweet Noah tried to get out and it zapped his little ass.

Yeah, he wasn't the same after that either. No, yeah. He's been squeaking. Ethan understands him. So luckily Bryant, bad boy Bryant, who's kind of the boss hog around here, he slipped through the razor wire and fell down and got us out of the gate by going around hitting the button that lets us in. So shout out to Bryant. Many ways that he's been victorious so far this week.

So, then it's time to get on the old chode. Time to hop in the ball sack and ride the pills. And we were supposed to be riding together. Yeah, that was the plan. Of course. That was the promise. We needed a funny car. We have a big Dodge truck that's, like, vintage.

us we needed a funny car we have a big dodge truck that's like vintage and then we have a ford like 450 or whatever f680 x1488 f360 it was doing sweet shit in the half pipe yeah an f900 and set the record yeah and then there's like a little lexus that has that's when we drove down from america in beat to hell That ended up being the media car. So that was what the film crew was in, the three-man film crew. Shout out Adrian and Chris. And we're supposed to be in the old truck together, and what happens?

Ethan. That was the issue? Ethan. I couldn't remember why we got split up. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan couldn't be in the more modern truck because it would interfere with his wiring. The radio signals in the satellite dish would fry his membranes.

Whoa. Yeah, I couldn't remember why we got split up and why we were like, I guess because it was early on before we got into the thick of it. We were like, oh, yeah, it's fine. Who cares? Big deal. Why would we be together? Yeah. How would I be with my best friend in the world?

Well, we're in a new country full of roughnecks and strangelings. Yeah. So, yeah, that was. Oh, and then what? You guys got stuck in traffic the first day. Did we? Yeah, you guys got stuck. Oh, well, so I'm out there with uh my boy noah

and my boy dude mvp of this thing to me jesus baby this this motherfucker for our yeah overall maybe a ramon hotter than a horon dollar day you know just a fine little piece of caramel ass uh 23 years old he's driving a trailer hitch with a trailer on it that's as long as the day down here in old mexico as long as the hobbit yeah not that long of a book yeah but yeah he's keeping his head on anyway so yeah we got stuck in traffic coming back from our first pit so what we're doing is we're going we say we go to established destinations to uh gas up uh and feed the drivers so they arrive and jesus and noah would give them some gasolina and meanwhile i'd have a uh very warm and wet tuna fish sandwich ready to go the way you want tuna yeah Yeah. Because we're warm. When you're driving through the desert, you know, and you've got a mouthful

of sand, it's 110 degrees. What do you want? Tuna from my hands that I've been sitting on like an egg hoping it'll crack. It'll be a whole little crab that'll come out. So I had those sandwiches ready and we would gas them up.

And yeah, the first day, you were in the Dodge and what happened anything cool happened to you uh no just had to go to the side of the road wait in the sun maybe sit in a little bit of shade it was hot and yeah gassed up and learned about how long people been doing this and who's been together for the last few years and all of that. Yeah. You had a lot more responsibilities than me. Yeah, I was doing stuff. I was doing shit.

I didn't know I was going to have to do stuff. I read a whole novel on this trip. But, yeah, of course, it made more sense, I guess, to be somewhat useful than to just sit there and pull my pud. There's two schools of thought. Yeah. Be useful or be smooth. And that was like a baby's butt.

Well, I'm glad that I didn't have to continue to do a lot of stuff because it was a lot. It was nice to be reunited with you. Yeah. So that we could dick around. That was the next day. Yeah. But yeah, first day was... You didn next day dick around yeah but yeah first day sleep together that first night no you guys were stranded yeah so we got stuck in like heavy

traffic going back into ensanada because we had to rip around old san felipe guess what san felipe four hours long four hours away and then the traffic picked up so we're like fuck this turn back around me and jesus dome a chicken each forgot about that chicken awesome dude crushed a whole chicky chicky boy boy and then uh noah who's a vegetarian ate some beans there was fucking you know rabbit in that or whatever little weird pieces of gristle meat he's crushing it he's hungry we uh get down the road he's's helping Jesus with his homework. Tag teaming it. Right.

Cheating. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that he was like, what is it dictating? You know, he was writing it in as Jesus read it to him. Okay. And he was like, oh, I think I'm going to be sick. And Jesus was like, what do you mean? And Noah said, and threw up all over the outside of the car.

Ayuda. Yeah. Ayuda. So that was a lot of fun. He turned into an old Canadian man. Yeah, an old Quebecois. Mi estomago. My stomach, man.

I like to fuck. Henry at one point said, I don't spill seed. Every time I say I don't masturbate, every time I spill seed is when I fuck. I was like, well, that's enough internet for today. He was live. So he threw up.

I got us a hotel room. We stayed in there. He kept vomiting. Then we woke up the next morning. What time did you guys wake up? Day two? I don't know. Like 6 a.m.?

Early. We woke up at like 9, had breakfast, had coffee. Gentleman's style. Yeah. And I was like, I wonder what Lun's up to. I assumed you were hating it. I assumed you were having the worst time of your life. No, it was good.

Just because everything was new. Just because everything was new. And there is an excitement to being prepared and ready to help your cars. Yeah. And watching the other cars zoom by. Uh-huh. And seeing the different, there's like 11 classes of car, vehicle that go through. No more of a class for it. So, yeah.

That's right. And, no. So, I was into it early on. And on and then yeah it's just a lot it's tough because that's what we did the next day the next day but a lot easier once we got back together yeah because we saw each other briefly we were across the highway from each other and your truck just pulled up randomly and i literally went oh it's lund and i said oh it's noah yeah but then noah and jesus said oh it's lund they were like jealous that i was so in love with you jealous of our relationship this thing of ours they're getting there they're 26 and 23 so they they did this last

year together they could uh yeah they could get to our status if they hang in there. Jesus' crazy ass drove down from Vail in one of those trucks. Yeah. To Ensanada. Solo? Solamente. Damn. He's also fluent in Spanish and Inglés. Of course, he calls it English.

And, you know, there's some translation issues. But, yeah, so I saw you cross the highway and I almost ran into traffic to go over there. I did. And we were like babies. You know when babies see their friend from school? Yeah. Like the weekend goes by and they have their little backpacks on and they totter in and they're oshkosh pagosh. And they're like, oh, dato, dato.

That was me seeing you. Right. It was full dato, dato. We also like shoved 15 minutes of conversation into a minute and a half. I saw a bird and a cactus and a turtle. Henry said this and this. Yeah. And I made fun of him by saying this.

Whoa, no way. That's good. Henry went to pee in the desert, as one does. And I said, Henry, you're not supposed to pee there. But he no sold it. He knew you're not supposed to pee there but he no sold it he knew he was allowed to pee there yeah and then when he turned around i said oh henry watch out a snake oh wait that's your dick yeah he didn't care about that either he's looking for something and what did you say what are you looking for your youth yeah i did i got him yeah it was

unnecessary oh yeah you know it's unnecessary calling me old every day. Oh, you love it. Well, I've been. You've been getting it because happy birthday. Yeah, thank you. It was your birthday. We were together. Uh-huh. And. It was a real hell mouth of a day.

Jesus has been calling you 40. Yeah. Which you hate. And a boomer. And a boomer, yeah. Because he's 23. Right. He can do that. Uh-huh.

And I loved him. You really did. Yeah. I like when you get shamed for being old as hell. He can do that. And I loved him. You really did. Yeah, I like when you get shamed for being old as hell. Yeah, I know. It sucks. I'm never doing it to you again. Yeah, I'll bet. I won't.

I'm excited for this new future that we have together. Oh, I've been so nice to you, and you were such a baby today. I've been so nice to you. I have. No, you've been a baby, too. No, I haven't. So anyway, that was day two. You was a baby. I was not. And if I was, a baby, too. No, I haven't. So anyway, that was day two. You was a baby.

I was not. And if I was, I'm the baby. Gotta love me. All right? That's a little show called Dinosaurs, which was on when I was... You remember it because you're old. I'm old as hell. Guess who doesn't know about dinosaurs?

Jesus and Noah. Because they're fundamentalist Christians. But anyway, that was Monday. And we finally reconnected on Monday, right? Your birthday was Tuesday. We reconnected Tuesday. No, no. We were on the road Sunday.

And then Monday we reconnected. Because that night... Oh, yeah, that night was when we reconnected. Yeah. Was that in Bay of L.A.? Was that day two? Dude, I don't even know. Bay of L.A.

And then La Paz was Wednesday. No. Laredo. Laredo. Yeah. Bay of L.A. was fucked. It was just this like blown out Desperado beach town where there was no hotels allegedly. So we were going to have to sleep in a blown out rape church where Noah spent the night the year before.

And so he slept among scorpions, spiders, and snakes. They talked to him? Yeah. He made a nice necklace out of them. He did. And he gave it to his girlfriend. Who's also, you know where he met her? Love on the Spectrum.

The new class. That's right. we, yeah, Bay of LA, we were going to sleep on the goddamn ground like pigs.

We slept right on the water. It was pretty, but we somehow got a hotel opportunity. Some guy walked up and was like, we've got two hotels, man. We jumped on it.

Yeah, and I brought the boys in there, took care of them. How about Ethan today describing catfishing? Yeah. That was very funny very funny someone was like what's catfishing you're allowed to jump around and he was like it's like when you're online and you like pose as like a really hot girl but instead it turns out you're a fucking pig i think ethan's well after a week with humans he's getting good at imitating our behavior.

He's out of the Matrix. He knows it now. I think he just has gotten more comfortable. His flower is opening up a little bit. Well, that's the thing. Ethan, if you're listening, you're the man. You came through heavy. We're just very used to dealing with droves of strangers at all times.

So when you see a real fresh little fish trying to swim for the first time you got to make fun of him behind his back that's all now uh yeah these guys overall good guys it seems uh dude they got our backs into racing i like teamwork but also god not into interracial marriage it's just so hard to wrangle 15 people yeah they're all dicking around we're looking at our phones as soon as we have service and so it has been a lot to try and navigate like groupthink and being on the same page and divvying up responsibilities you took the big bed it's fucking a lot i took the big bed and you speaking of being a baby you just brought it up for the 12th time you know why i brought it up why do you know where i woke up on my 36th birthday

it wasn't your birthday a little bitch bed that wasn't your birthday yes it was you don't know how time works i do because remember that was the night we got that hotel room because we didn't sleep on the floor on the on the beach you're dizzy as hell no i'm not and i woke up and i the first thing i thought was wow my best friend didn't give me the beach. You're dizzy as hell. No, I'm not. And I woke up, and the first thing I thought was, wow, my best friend didn't give me the big bed on my birthday eve. Yeah, your birthday week. No, I got 36 hours like any normal guy. 36 hours for my 36th birthday.

That's how it works. It's a guy thing. Yeah, you wouldn't understand. It's an old guy thing, you young bitch. I'm young now. Yeah. Quit itching. I'm scratching my foot a little bit

cool sergeant sergeant bill so yeah i woke up and then we uh we some guy was like uh so maybe we'll see if we can get you guys back together and i was like no we decided we're back together oh yeah yeah let's check in with nine of the 15 people and see if we can get a majority. We're like, it has been decided from on high that we have to be together or else we will stay here. And he was like, I don't think so. And I was like, it's my birthday. It's a birthday thing. You wouldn't get it.

Yeah, you haven't had a birthday yet, you Amish sucker. Yeah. You fucking Jehovah's Witness ass motherfucker. Don't the voice i'm not doing no you're making fun of the mexican people and i don't like it you know the only thing that could have made this trip better bobby no not bobby crazy i hated it no yeah bobby'd be like uh what no as if uh if i could have groomed myself better. Yeah. You know?

Like, I didn't get to shower a lot. I definitely get to. Didn't get to. I didn't get to shower. I mean, I chose not to. There was no time. You were so busy with your spreadsheets and making calls. My weights and balances.

Yeah, what are you talking about? The ledger I carry around. We had showers. Well, you know what would have made it a lot easier though if because when you can't shower an easy way to stay clean is to groom your pubes and when i groom my pubes i like to use manscaped do you know about manscaped lund yeah yeah it's a great product i love i didn't know we wereped. Well, we're shouting them out because this week we have a promo code to use at Manscaped.com. Promo code Chubby will get you some amount of money off your first order.

Cool. Yeah. I just remembered right now that I love Manscaped, and I love to talk about them apropos of nothing. All right. Well, well we can fill you in later. Please do. And you know what you should do? Fill yourself in with their great, uh... uh...

ball lacquer. You don't know about it. The shaving cream, probably. We'll do it at the end. No, no, I think that, uh... No, no, we should blow it. The only thing that I love to do at the end. No, no, I think that... No, no, we should blow it. The only thing that I love to do at the end is apply aftershave after I use Manscaped.com brand products. Nice. They sent me a lot, and I've definitely been home to use them.

And I really look forward... Every day I come home, and I, you know, you know, when you go to your job, you know, and I just come home like an old detective. And I just, every morning I shave my pubes and my ass. And I wake up, and I just have this, like, five o'clock shadow all around my dick. And my dick's like a little sundial, and I can tell that it's two minutes to midnight. So then I go in there, and I eradicate the remnants of my day bush using Manscaped products. When's the last time you shaved your mound?

It's been a while. What, 2005? I'm excited to get home and open up that box and become a brand new Lund. My dick's gonna be walking on sunshine thanks to the products at Manscaped. They've got the ball remover. If you're sick of your balls, get them

out of there. Clip them off. Yeah, I think they have an at-home brisk kit too. Did you recently convert to a new religion? Yeah. Do you have to alter your penis in order to satisfy God? Did your penis

commit a crime? It's on the run. Is your dick on the lam? Did you have to get your penis commit a crime? It's on the run. It's your dick on the lam. Did you have to get your dick across the border because you hit somebody with your car and you'd had a couple of Zimas? Do you have a clever disguise for your penis? Well, it's a double dip. You shave your dick and balls and then you have a new mustache and some mutton chops. That's right.

You just glue it on your face. So, yes, go to manscaped.com and use promo code chubby to get some amount of money off now back to this story we've been telling about the nora 1000 mac johnson baby great driver he could use manscape because he has that catheter on his peen all the time yeah the catheters jesus they're everywhere catheter on. He's peeing all the time. Yeah, the catheters. Jesus. They're everywhere. Catheter-like. They're like cigarette butts on the street side. Everywhere you look, there's a goddamn used catheter. The racers just whipping them at kids.

Yeah. Here's your damn sticker. Uh-huh. Oh, the sticker culture. So, yeah, we avoided, narrowly avoided, sleeping on the beach with a bunch of, God, just the saddest dogs. Oh, pobrecito perros oh perritos and uh yeah we we got into an ice cold hotel room god it was perfect had a nice night's sleep yeah i i started to feel bad about how we have had big beds in a lot of these cramped living situations.

We're sharing. That's what I'm saying. We're the only two that can be like, yeah, we'll share the big bed. Yeah, I'll sleep in there with a half-nude lump. Nobody can be mad at us. Yeah. I think they think that we're pounding ass.

Could you imagine? I think about it sometimes. I think I would hate it. Still accepting us? Oh. They wouldn't. I thought you meant the act itself. No, we've talked about it. We've talked about it sometimes i think i would hate it still accepting us uh oh they wouldn't i thought you meant the act itself no we've that crime against god we've talked about it yeah we've talked it over i'm out you're in i'm thinking about it uh thank you so yeah day three we uh

we drove believe it or not some more and that was But together. That was the day that Matt got all fucked up, right? It's not like we were very late waiting for him to come around. Yesterday. No, no. Remember when we were in the desert late? And we went and finally got Wi-Fi at that fucking cafe for two minutes and I tried to put a coffee lid on and I

exploded the cup in front of everyone? That was yesterday. Was that yesterday? Mm-hmm. That's impossible. Was that yesterday? That's impossible. I know, but it is. It was. So then Tuesday we're talking about, that was my birthday, and everyone was like, happy birthday, let's get you cake, we're going to get you ice cream.

Guess what? Spoiler alert, I didn't get any fucking ice cream. Yeah, all we heard about the whole day was best ice cream. In all of Mexico. And lucky for us, it was in the middle of the race course. Literally. It was in the center of the square. I don't know how we ended up in there.

I don't know. Because we shouldn't have been in there. And there's people that are supposed to keep a giant truck with a trailer out of the race course area but next thing you know that's where we are and everybody's mad at us and little kids want stickers and we don't want dancing on the trailer getting called what was it pinche they were saying pinche and he thought they were saying photo picture picture they were saying pinche yeah hey pinche yeah which is not a nice thing. They told him to dance, too, but he didn't dance.

Bailando. And then a cop said, get the fuck off of there. In perfect English. The best English we've heard down here. Yeah. Yep. But yeah, no ice cream. Yeah.

We barely got out of there with our asses intact. I didn't get any gifts or anything, either. I got you a gift. You did. Yeah, you got me a water that night, right? A bottle of water. That's how fucking... And a freestyle raft.

Oh, yeah, you freestyled for me. That was really good. For a couple minutes. Uh-huh. Yeah, that was a nice gift. That's how sparse and, like, Spartan and just fucked we are down here, that you got me a bottle of water and you got my suitcase out of the car, and I was like, this is a really nice thing to do got my suitcase out of the car and i was like this is a really nice thing to do suitcase out of the car thank you uh well yeah we just

we don't have a lot of room for gifts yeah in the trucks we got our stuff and we got gasoline and we got diesel and i get i keep getting mixed up you You keep drinking one and snorting the other. I keep filling up the tanks wrong. You're mixing your fluids. I put both in because I don't know which one's which. Play it safe. Put in a little bit of both. Crisscross applesauce, they call it down here on the course.

Arnold Palmer. Yeah. Parney Ulmer. But what else? Mac's a hell of a character. Yeah, so Mac is the lead driver down here, and there's a guy named Rich. Also a driver. Also a driver, but Mac's like the boss, and he's the star of the movie that we're filming.

The guy that recruited us. Yes. Well, he recruited you. And then I threw you a bone, as I always do. You got me in here. So get in here. As we've said, could you imagine if either of us were down here alone? Yeah, I can imagine, because I would have been dead by now. I'd be watching you podcast my memorial episode right now.

Wearing the Dan Aykroyd leather outfit. Yes, with sunglasses on. And the hat. I think he has the little hat on, too. He's got a little top hat. Was it like a leather daddy hat yeah he looks like a Tom

from Finland painting he looks like he was in the village like the village people guy yeah like fingerless gloves maybe oh god

he looks like a Ninja Turtle villain just street tough yeah Bako has to defeat him yeah Bako

Bako oh yeah hey we're really close to musical. Bako. Bako. Oh, yeah. Hey, we're really close to getting that Bako tattoo. We need like 20 more people to join the Patreon. So patreon.com slash Shaggy Behemoth. Join the goddamn Patreon. And you guys can pick whatever the Bako tattoo says on Becker's body.

There you go. Yeah. It's Becker's first tattoo. And you can make Bako say whatever you want. He doesn't have any tattoos. Uh-uh. And he's going to get this. He's not scared. He's probably terrified.

Yeah. Where are you going to get yours on your ass? Honestly, he's not stoked. Between us. Maybe he doesn't get it. No, he has to get it. Oh. Yeah. So if you guys really want to stick it to Becker, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash show behemoth.

$5 a month gets you another episode every week. That's right. Free app every week and then the $5 app. And you get to have the time of your life thinking about all those swears that you put on Becker's body. Forever. So, yeah, now we're done with the race. The race is over. Let, we should talk about Mac. Catheter attached to his dick.

We talked about the catheter. Taped on with duct tape. Yep. He talks like this. I'm Mac. I'm a bad boy. I'm the bad boy of racing. We're going to try to get him on the pod.

Yeah, if we have any time tomorrow, we have to film all damn day. Tomorrow's our last day. Yeah, because, as I i said the race is over well you're skipping a whole day but that's okay get back to it no no i didn't know i had to be somewhere what time is it oh my god i'll follow your lead no no follow my nubbin as it goes in your mouth can't wait to not see you for a month have fun in ecuador don't worry i'm not you for a month. Have fun in Ecuador. Don't worry. I'm not coming back. That'd be great. Oh, yeah.

You want me to die down there? No, I want you to stay down there and live your best life. Well, I don't know where my passport is. Is that real? Yeah. I don't even know if I can get in. Oh, good. I didn't want to talk about it,

but it's all I can think about. And then you did. Yeah. I'm consumed. I got shot down at that fucking pharmacy today. Yeah. It sucked Yeah, you kept talking about pharmacia We passed by 80 of them

Yeah, I know And then you rolled the dice and got craps twice Yeah, outside of old La Paz The piece was broken Because I was like, fuck you This is war I'll be back with some grenades. Yeah, I couldn't get any airplane medicine, as I kept calling it.

Medicina para el avion. Tengo miedo en el avion. Tengo mierda en mi pantalones. En el avion. Well, how about this? Okay. One of the highlights. There's two mechanics,

Ramon and Pedro. Who are just the unsung heroes of this thing. We kept thinking about them hooking up, because it would have been hilarious. That box truck would stink. They're both big guys. Yeah, they're huge. But, uh, yesterday, I don't know, yesterday morning?

I think so. They were both talking to each other about Mac's car. It had had some issues. They were working on it. They were about fixed with it, whatever. They were also sleepless. This was after Mac's car got dragged out of the desert by a Latino family. I don't know.

I don't want to guess their ethnicity or where they're from. They were Polish. Yes, Polish. Polish expats. And the two of them are trying to talk about things of importance integral and they had one hour sleep yeah ramon didn't sleep at all that night before okay yeah and while they're trying to talk you decide this is a good place and time to try to wiggle back into your tight ass jumpsuit and it looked

like you were doing a fun little dance except i knew you felt like rushed because you didn't want everybody to see you get back into it oh my god it was so good god is real because i wasn't like taking a whiz or looking at a stray dog instead i was looking right at you and just loving it that's too burly accomplished mexican mechanics heroes yes heroes yeah first responders are just having a very intense heated conversation over my head as i'm around around your body yeah as i'm trying to slink back into my goddamn tiny little jumpsuit and also you know who else was watching that those family the children that got the shirts and immediately put them on yeah which i thought was funny you put them on right

away it's like really like you already have clothes on. You can save it for later. But then I thought, hey, and I've said this on stage, like, hey, look at me. I'm showing off because I have two shirts on. Some people don't have any. I have two. Yep. I mean, that was probably the first time they had two shirts on. It's a flex.

They lived in the middle of nowhere. The car just drove by. The race is not over for some they crashed into my ass for some they never they never really leave but uh they're always racing against time people keep telling us you know as soon as this race is over you're gonna go home and you're gonna say god damn it i can't wait to go back and we keep telling people that I'll never say that. You'll never see me again. Yeah, I'm already dead. Yeah, no. In my head, I'm gone. We've both expressed it, I think, perfectly,

which is we've had a really good time. Incredibly grateful. I'm glad that we're down here. Yes. We'll never do it again. Except we would have to. If the movie. If there's a movie that comes of it

it'll probably be next year and we'll be back god damn it yeah things are going to change around here yeah I'm going to have my own helicopter by that point in a year? you'll be mourning the one year anniversary

of me passing away I really hope not You'll be mourning the one-year anniversary of me passing away. I really hope not. How many times have you accidentally put toilet paper in the toilet? What do you mean? On top of your turd. You can do that here. No.

Yeah. You have to be careful. I've been flushing all the time since that first house. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't not. Every time I've flushed toilet paper as much as I want. You're wrecking this entire peninsula.

I don't think that's true. There hasn't been a sign anywhere about not flushing. Oh, you think that there's supposed to be a sign about something that's throughout the whole country and they all know it. Have you been keeping your toilet paper? Everyone else is flushing. No, everywhere that we go, there's a little waste paper basket for toilet paper. That's in every bathroom in the world. There's a waste paper basket.

No, no, no, no. These are right by the toilet for toilet paper because you're supposed to be careful with the plumbing. No, dude, you're dumb as hell. No, you are. No, that first place. Go ask any of the 80 people downstairs. I will. I bet they're all in there right now, you are. No, that first place... Go ask any of the 80 people downstairs. I will. I bet they're all in there right now,

flushing all the toilet lumps they want. They all have their ears pressed to the door, listening to us. Probably. We are like the cool guys. Yeah. I'm like the cute girl on this shoot. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. That's how strapped we are for ass down here. Dude, there was a car driving in front of us. They had two tires side by side. And all three of us, me, Noah, and Jesus on day two were like, looks like tits, looks like an ass, looks like tits. We saw that billboard where the lady surprisingly had them. She had them in a coy kind of secret way.

It wasn't a pharmacy, but it was like a grocery store or something. It was like a substitute teacher the way that they have them. It was a family and the mom. Turned like side profile. Secretly rocking them. Cool sweater. Wearing horizontal stripes to distract you. Yeah.

That just stretches them out. We saw through the facade. You can't slip a sweet pear by me. They were crazy. Jinx. They were. Yeah. You know't slip a sweet pear by me. They were crazy. Jinx. They were. Yeah. You know what was crazy?

You are too. That fucking smell at Starbucks today. Dude. What the fuck? There must have been a shit factory nearby. And it was on fire. They were refining baby diapers and extracting poop and then turning them into furniture or something. Yeah, that was wild.

It was bad. Yeah, we pulled up to the only Starbucks in all of La Paz. Boy, howdy. It reeked. It reeks probably like me. You'd be showered. I did. Like a good boy.

So yeah, I'm excited to be done with this, but also glad that you invited me along anything we do together is cool and again just wrangling a bunch of people is so rough yeah and then also anytime you try to go to even if you just said to 10 people in the town you lived in let's go get dinner it's annoying right imagine doing that and finding lunch and a place to stay for the night oh we have not been a jesus fucking christ the lack of clarity in the addresses for the airbnbs has made me want to fucking climb a bell tower with an automatic weapon hey we reserve the room can you or the place can you tell us where it is no but you're close you're very close

message me again in a half hour and i'll give you another clue yeah it's like why can't i just go to bed there's like 14 i think i had two 15 hour days in the truck this week yeah yeah from like 8 to 11 8 to 8 to 10s it's brutal it's hurry up and wait and then wait a little more it's literally we gotta go we gotta get the hell out of here it's team sport you gotta carry your own weight and then you just get to the fucking pit stop and you wait around for three and a half hours so some guy can come up and be like oh no i wanted peanut butter and jelly, and this is a tuna fish. It's the whole thing. For us.

But then there's a bunch of car talk that we don't understand. All I hear is meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Yeah. And, God, one of the most tense things for me is having somebody talk to me about something I know nothing about. And down here, it's a bunch of gearheads. And we're wearing racing team shirts as if we know anything. And then we don't. The alternative is to quickly say, I'm a comedian, an actor, which is worse than just like trying

to play along. And that's if we can speak English to these people. Sometimes we just have to say, we're clowns. Yeah, somos payasos. Somos payasos. Then they no-sell it. We should do Mexican comedy. Oh, such a bad boy, always eating ice cream.

Then it falls on the ground. And then he bends over to pick it up and his pants rip. And then a bird lands on his butt. Bee stings your butt? Yeah. But yeah, I don't think I've gotten caught just like pants down. I don't know what a fucking torque rod is. Yeah.

I don't know what a Duengas bolt is. I don't know what a Fletchliv's mount is. The Caddyshack busted, so we had to ride in Dangerfield. We had to get some meatballs. Yeah, no, it's a wild ride. We're out of our element completely, except for when the cameras have been on. You've been very funny.

I have followed your lead. I've gotten in some solid improv. And so, yeah. Oh, I can't itch my foot with my other foot? Is that triggering you? No. So all I'm saying is your hand disappears behind your gut. No, no, no.

And I think that it's down south. Thank you. Oh. Yes. That looks like you're munching. And then all I hear is just the fucking vigorous rubbing, like someone sanding down an old boat before they put it in the water. I can't wait to sleep in a different room than you.

Yeah, a different bed than you. That'd be cool. It's all so hot as hell in here. Yeah, but we turned off the AC and the fan. Because we care. Because of our fans. Yeah. There's a lot more fans than one.

We've been making eye contact for so long. It makes sense, right? Yeah, it's good. It's very intimate. Well, as soon as I don't look at you, I just start drifting. I know, you wander off. Then I start scratching.

Then I get yelled at. So if I look at you, then I stay locked in. I got to yank you back. that so if i look at you then i stay locked in i got a yankee back um but yeah these the the filming has been erratic yeah also this we're recording this at when we're done recording this it'll be 1 10 a.m uh and yes the sound quality is different than usual because we don't we're in the fucking desert all right well i guess tonight we're in cabo san lucas which is a major tourist destination but you know what i mean guys san jose de cabo that's how they talked i can't understand anything anyone says down here yeah you should

see me bumping around blind in that pharmacy i was like fucking ray charles or in the harp. Sucked. He'd probably be okay. Necesito la medicina para el avión porque el avión hace disculpe

el avión me hace nervioso. Si. Tree Stay. No, Tree Stay said Emocionada. Hombre. No, that's hungry yeah you got that one yeah yeah duolingo is helpful for some of the basics that you've needed but then you don't have the follow-up answers ready yeah and yeah you're

catching like every third or fourth word and it's not easy. They just put them all together. They got wacky tongues down here. I know it's not. That you don't understand the language well. I'm not putting it on these humble, hardworking people. You tell them

speak like Duo does. Hit me over the head with it. What was I going to say? Oh, dude, on stage tonight, I thought that was very well done. I had to give a fake acceptance speech of me tonight in front of a bunch of Mexican people. Twelve. Fifteen, maybe.

Eight who were listening. I said, viva la raza, and only only one clapped and it was jesus our driver yeah uh which conan said oh yeah yeah viva la raza yeah yep you also said fuck yokohama Tires in front of the sponsors who are Yokohama Tires. Yeah. And you said, at the party tonight, I'm not leaving any pussy for anybody else. Yeah. So get it if you can, boys. I said, yeah, we're going to see New York Frogs. We're not leaving any pussy for anyone else. So get there early.

Which got a decent pop. I did it? Yes. Okay, because I was just so in the moment yeah i was like am i gonna get in trouble that's all like that's all this is my head and i'm you know what guess what a lot of things i've said if i wasn't in character a person could get in trouble yeah yeah but luckily you're protected i'm acting by the... The actor's code. I'm behind the veneer of theater.

Yeah, well, I don't know if you noticed, but I thought it was funny that the announcer, the actual host of the party, the finish line, podium ceremony immediately after we were done said, and this was all fake, folks, just so you know. distancing himself what the hell yeah how dare you just let it live yeah let it live in the moment uno momento el momento see good movie i'm sorry i just burped directly in elen's mouth but uh yeah i, I feel like people are maybe wondering, why haven't they talked more about the race?

The race happens very far away from us. We see the race cars two or three times a day, and that's only when we're gassing them up at 90-second intervals. And usually when we are, there's an old man with frosted tips saying, water, water give me water you bitch hey you cuck limb, give me some water or there's a man going

I've been pissing in my suit all day he's very funny Max is a funny dude I hope we can get him on the pod tomorrow yeah, he definitely needs something else to do yeah, uh huh besides win a race and plan a movie and coordinate where we're staying and avoid his wife and newborn.

We're here tonight, thank God. Oh, my God. Thank God we don't have to navigate. Bro, we can sleep in late tomorrow? Allegedly. Well, Brian's going to kick on our fucking door. We're going to lock our door and set an alarm for 10? I'm going to barricade the door. Do you think we lock our door and set an alarm for 10? We're going to barricade the door.

Do you think we'd get in trouble if we slept till 10? I don't care about getting in trouble. Henry will come in. Hey, Hobart, where are you, boy? Come forth. We're going to wake up with a camera in our face. Come forth. Yeah, we're sleeping together.

That's in the movie. That makes the trailer. Doctor and a lawyer in one bed. Doctor and a lawyer. What is this? Harvard School. I got my finger cut off in the first scene and I have forgotten about it every time

I've been on camera. You've got all ten for the whole movie. Hopefully they cut around it. We'll fix it in post. Don't worry, man. It's only 20k to fix it. We've got that laying around. Also, I hope we can get sponsored for the pod by... You know who I'm talking. Team Ikazawa?

I want Ikazawa to come on board. What were you going to say if you had to guess? Could you remember? We've had it on our clothes and hats every day. It's been on a giant box truck. It's everywhere. I didn't want to mispronounce it. Say Yokohama again.

You dumbass. We're on Team Ikazawa. That's right. And I made a great joke a couple times today. Oh, yeah. You should definitely put it on the pod. Shouldn't I? Yeah.

It's so funny. It is. I'm laughing already at how funny it is. You know what? You don't deserve me to say it again. Oh, but you're in character, so it's actually supposed to be kind of ignorant, but in a funny way. Well, guess what? I'm not in character right now.

So why don't you keep itching your foot? What is the best thing you've eaten down here? The tacos in Valle de Trinidad, which, funny. Why? Because I live in Raton, New Mexico. I'm cracking up. But... That's hilarious.

The tacos were really good. Tell your stupid joke. No, it's okay. Tell your joke that's really funny. No, no, no, no, no. You created this new form of comedy. What is it? Where you point out that Japanese people sometimes have their R's and L's sound like each other.

What are you talking about? The joke that you were going to tell. That wasn't the joke I was going to tell. Okay, what were you going to say? I don't know. It's a different one. Okay. It wasn't.

That's nasty. Yeah, no shit. I would never say that. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yokohama called me About sponsoring us And for a while I thought they were a tile company

What were you going to say? Something else And what was that? Say it right now I think that was a good joke you just told Damn I am the puppet master I got you to say yeah you had me do it happy birthday mr president god it's so hot in here it sucks

fuck you're just like clifford the big red dog i'm gonna have to shower again ethan style you're just the fucking pig I think the best thing that I ate was Oh the chilaquiles Where? Up north? Yeah well that Breakfast? Morning of the second day

Me and Jesus had the best coffee I've had in Mexico And some chilaquiles. How about the French pastries out of nowhere? Fuck those pastries. We've been riding around with two little zoomers and they just say like, tough. Bet.

Bustin. Noah still says sheesh, which I thought went away. He says sheesh a lot. I didn't think it should go away. I don't think a white kid from Durango, Colorado should be saying sheesh that much. Yeah? Yeah. It's just for the fellas.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. Uh-oh. What was that? My stomach. Want to do an interview with your tummy? Get in there.

My tumness. Tile company. Dude,ry came through see it's a great joke no it's not yes it is beat to death like the horse we drove by dude i forgot about that dead cow remember that no oh there's that dead cow that didn't have its legs attached that must have been jesus was like that's machaca yeah i wasn't there for that oh dude it was totally fucked huh yeah it was like goat sucker chupacabra type style how about when there was a

wreck uh just seconds before we came upon it it was probably the closest call we had a solid car accident uh involving one of the race officials vehicle getting hit by a guy who wasn't paying attention and tried to pass as that truck had probably stopped to turn left got sideswiped the race vehicle was relatively okay except for a little bit of the front and then dude's truck and trailer were like completely fucked so we we come up on it we stop and pull over to make sure everything's okay whatever and there's a dude that is supposed to be flagging cars that are approaching to slow down all you have to do is do the international flag symbol yeah we all know what a flag means for slow down yeah if you hold it i think it means a stop

that's semaphores but then if yeah but then but then if you are like waving it downwards it's like slow down not to be confused with a semi-four which is what you have when you're erect when i look at you okay you get me there not all the way but enough yeah you're pango goons that's right yeah pingo's cousin but uh yeah this dude all he has to do is tell cars that are coming up to slow down to make everybody feel safe meanwhile he's not instead he is looking at the wreck or texting as cars are doing like 80 he's snapchatting he's trying to get laid yeah he's on parlor saying fjb and uh cars are almost causing another accident so that was insane that was funny the other day when you said uh i was like i'm gonna tell more comics and you pointed the truck and it said, like, impeach the media.

Yeah. I bet they want to hear about your fucking ribald takes on modern woes. The human condition and its foibles. Yes. On full display. Yeah, this is Burning Man for Republicans. Yeah, that's good. And it is not our world.

No, but I'm glad that we were allowed to be guests in it. I'm glad that it exists so that they can all get together and let out some of that hate in a positive way. Yeah, so they don't take it out on their wives at the Renaissance Festival. Meanwhile, their kids get to, like, figure out where they're at

without getting screamed at. Yeah, they have three weeks where there aren't just two genders. Stop saying sheesh. Start saying yeehaw. Howdy. Howdy, God. I believe in you.

Howdy, God. You're real, and I love you, and you love me. You're valuable. That's why the world is so perfect. Yeah, you made it, and I'm just like you. If it weren't for these gays, everything would be the shit. Yeah, you made it, and I'm just like you. If it weren't for these gays, everything would be the shit.

I do say, I will say that it was nice to feel part of a team again. I always miss being part of a team as a former world-class athlete. Teamwork and passion. I can get behind most of the time. In all forms, yeah. Unless you're trying to start a race or storm the Capitol. Hey, I think that occupation is a valid form of protest. But that's just me. Unless it's Occupy Wall Street.

Those hippies needed to get the hoes. Yeah, take a shower. Cut your dreadlocks, Rostaman. So guys, that was a nice hour of podcasting from us. Because we love you and and we care about you, and we love Manscaped as well. He's code chubby. But not the other one?

What? I don't think we do that one this week. Oh. Yeah. By the way, guys, thank you for supporting us as we were having our rocky, prescient period, and now that we've ascended into the upper echelons of podcasting, there's going to be some ads here and there. Sorry. I need to get a little money.'s going to be some ads here and there. Sorry.

I need to get a little money. I need to get my little fucking dick wet. All right? Because my nub's been missing. Remember the chode song? Oh, yeah. That was when we really hit an overtired child phase, which I had enjoyed being able to like just hang out and have

god a hell of a torta oh yeah killer torta pork leg torta at a gas station I haven't had enough queso while I've been here I need to get some fucking quesadillas tomorrow okay

you and Noah can we have that? don't ask me can I have it? we have to ask the triumvirate and then they'll consult the council of the eldersate and then they'll they'll consult the council of the elders yeah and then they'll run it up the flagpole and then we'll dick around for an hour and a half trying to figure out where we should go yeah and that place will be closed

then we'll do it all over again yeah you really summed it up i'm going i'm not leaving mexico until i get what i want from that pharmacy. I don't think that's how it works. I don't care. I'm just telling. I'm putting it out in the world right now. I don't care. Mexico, if you want to get rid of Gordo Blanco, you better hand over this airplane medication. So tomorrow we're going to try and get

Mac Johnson on the pod, the legend, five-time accused rapist. No, five-time Nora winner. And do you have any plugs, Nathan? Yeah, dude. I do, too. So, hey, London, get this, Leicester Theatre, all right?

November 17th, London, November 17th, Leicester Theatre. It right. November 17th. London. November 17th. November. It's right around the corner. Well, bro, have you ever tried to sell tickets in London? Yeah, dude. It was pretty easy. Oh, cool. Well, that's why I'm bringing you to open.

That's right, everyone. Lunn's coming to Dublin with me. He's coming to London. We'll probably bop around a couple more spots over there in Ireland, UK, maybe Northern Ireland. Maybe we'll go to Wales and hang out with that Nick guy and drink his fucking homemade pear brandy. Nick Ashley. Nick Ashley, a horny man. I came here in 1980.

I just came again right now. I came here to come. And I come and then I go. And also Australia. I don't think I've plugged these dates enough. August, I'm coming to Australia. I'm doing all of your big cities. I'm going to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Cairns, Hobart.

Guys, go to guiltfreecomedy.com if you're down there in Australia. Get tickets to those shows. And, Lund, you can talk now. May 14th, I will be a part of Doug Loves Movies at the Downtown Comedy Works. That's a good get. May 18th, I'll be in part of Doug Loves Movies at the Downtown Comedy Works. That's a good get. May 18th, I'll be in Chicago with Two Beers with Nathan. Shout out to him for getting me Chicago sets. We will both be at the House of Blues and Tight Ship Comedy.

H-O-B and T-S-E. 7.30, Tight Ship Comedy. That is on Clark Street in Chicago. It is a free show. Not sure who else is on there, but it'll be fun. You're really plugging the shit out of this one show, huh? Jesus, dude. And then the Comedy Cabin, May 19th and 20th.

That's a new club in Janesville, Wisconsin. That's good. So Google that and the website will come up. I think it's ComedyCabinlive.com. And then Lucha Libre and Laughs, me and you in Denver, 10 years of Triple L, June 2nd and 3rd. And I'll be in Oklahoma City, June 10th. That's via James Neame. Shout out, Jimmy, for bringing me back through my favorite state in the Continentals, Oklahoma. Hey, babies. June 8th, D.C. Comedy Loft, Washington, D.C.

You guys have been fucking begging for D.C. I'm coming. Tell your fucking friends. June 9th, I will be at Port City Comedy Club in Baltimore. Never done Baltimore before. That'll be nice. Port City in Baltimore. June 10th before. That'll be nice. Port City in Baltimore. June 10th.

That's a Saturday, right? Yes. June 10th, I will be at Soul Joel's in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. That's right, Soul Joel's. And then Pittsburgh, June 11th at Shoe Fly,

no, King Fly Distillery, everyone. Go to samtalent.com, get those tickets. I just wanted to relay to you, I will be in Washington, D.C., showing my ass to the Capitol, saying, hey, Lincoln Memorial, see if you can fit that in my butt.

And then I'll be in Milwaukee the next weekend. samtalent.com, Chubby Behemoth, join the Patreon. We love you. We've done it. We've risen. He is real. Baco.