Chubby Behemoth - Time To Talk OR Time To Listen

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Extra episodes at Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Rainbow Chasers. Fat Patricks Day. Anecdotes Amuse Me.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth  

and we are in. And I am leveled up. You could be more leveled. Yeah. Talk more. Hey, everybody. We're here in Buffalo, New York, for the Frozen Final Four.

We've got the hats going up against the jackets, and then later on tonight, we've got the gloves going up against the scarves. And Nathan, you do not want to sleep on those scarves. They have kept necks warm for generations. Impractical sometimes where they can keep your ears, your chin, the top of your head. And even in times of crisis, your nose and lips warm. Oh, yeah.

And these kids have been working hard, keeping the city of Nagagansett, New York, nice and excited for this tournament action. They are out in full force. The fans of the Fighting Scarves are here, and they're ready to cheer on their team to victory. After the Scarves absolutely defiled the memory and legacy of the Mittens last night, you've got to say, this has to be their tournament. Who's going to get in their way?

Their Jackets? Jackets were looking strong last week You got to say, this has to be their tournament. Who's going to get in their way? Their jackets? Jackets were looking strong last week as they advanced in the tournament by beating the booties. And, of course, we're talking about galoshes, not rumps. But, yes, after that shellacking, you feel like the momentum has to carry over into the second round. The only team that stands in their way, of course, the Beanies. Now, I picked the Beanies at the beginning of the year. We all did. They struggled mid-season after the injury of Guy LaFart.

And, of course, we don't laugh at his last name. No, we don't. Not anymore. We're professional. That's how we got this job. His family asked that we put some respect on it, of course, because... He fell through the ice and perished. A whole lifetime of bad memories associated with the LaFart name.

Lots of giggling and pointing in that family's history, but... And actually, that's just the French-Canadian translation. When they came over from France, of course they were the laqueeps and that's forgotten in the annals of history and also they hate when you bring up the annals of history when you discuss the lafarte name dude so i don't know if you guys are watching this at home uh but but baylor is playing the uc santa barbara hats well when it's when the logo is small it just looks like a hat it is they just showed a bigger version and there's some eyes poking out oh they're the gauchos they're the gauchos you knew that i did know that but for comedic purposes

i was going with the hats. Festive hats for a festive occasion, of course. March Madness. We love it so much. Each and every year, my wife says she's going to leave me every April because I am still fired up. I can't come down after the tournament action that we endure all month long. I remember last year when she said, Nathan, I am going to leave you if you do not

quit watching march madness you said i bought your ticket it's on top of the toaster see you later toots i'll be in here rooting on the vcu richmond tigers that was when vcu and richmond teamed up for that one year low attendance in both colleges forced them to create one mega team. And obviously heartbroken that they were only able to reach the Elite Eight. A lot of expectations with that mega conglomerate of two campuses. That's when I had to visit that Tokyo organ dealer in order to sell my spleen because I was upside down to the tune of $37,000 after that game. You had money on the line. All right. I had money on the line. We must have different contracts

because I am not allowed to bet on these games. Oh, wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. I've got a buddy who hooks me up and I shouldn't say his name. I call him Gaucho. I call him the hat. I call him Gaucho the Groucho. He's a little bit of a grump he is not ever happy to answer my calls that's for sure because usually i'm saying where is she where is she ronald just tell her to send me a text let me know that she's alive oh we got a bird in the backyard oh breaking news bird in the backyard up here in beautiful narragansett new york we're in buffalo uh i mentioned narragansett but that was a team in the tournament. And it's also in Rhode Island.

Well, you're going to have to dock my pay for that one. I'll tell you, that was on me. I'm caught up in all of this exciting action. I've never seen a hat beat a bear, except for once. That was in International Waters. I live bet the bears, by the the bears what a fight that must have yeah well the hat was on the bear's head which means that the bear had to self-tabotage a bit as it attacked the hat and ended up clawing its face up pretty bad and losing an ear but still

that bear wore that hat for one last day good ball movement here from the hats all around the bend. All around the Mayberry Bush that ball goes, but the monkey does not chase the weasel down the bucket. I'll tell you what, there's nothing I love more

than watching and commentating as a bunch of young, hot athletes take to the court and or the ice. I mentioned the Frozen Final Four earlier. We are currently watching young men play basketball. Either way, I'm in heaven.

My wife hates it. She says, you were supposed to be a weatherman. I said, when the sportsman calls in sick, the weatherman has to step up to the plate, and it was a hell of a fit. It fit like a glove, much like the fighting gloves that we'll see later on taking on those scarves i always like when you call him a sportsman i've always thought that was good and oh that's a steal you know what they love on this podcast

when we watch tv and we do live commentary on a game that happened three days ago that's what they love uh that was my favorite part of the pods during football season is i would come home you watching football yeah i would come home hungover and like sleep deprived after a weekend just be sitting here watching the the the bolts take on the colts and we'd be you know trying to recap and i'd be like oh that's a good off tackle yeah just random not even like painting a picture no no no picture the pictures on the screen that you're watching and then you just have a little comment or two and you know what's fun is that the picture inside their head right now is completely created by us as they drive that uh fortified uh forklift that they've been working on to get revenge on city hall

as they drive that through downtown oh shit we've got a killdozer situation killdozer 20 years later somebody's been inspired by the man from gramby his name escapes me right now um you know who was inspired by that stephen williamson loved it stephen williamson was like kill those are rules yeah and he started like figuring out how to get like plate metal he was like yeah that's what i'm gonna do that's my move now that was um on its on its head it's around the surface it's uh pretty cool it sounded cool but i know i've seen some videos of other people that live there are like journalists from that time who said that that dude kind of sucked he was pretty

no way he was pretty well i mean it was more than like you mean that anti-establishment loner wasn't fun at parties well i'm just saying that it seemed justified when it when you when you hear the beats of the story, but also he had pretty much every opportunity to work more with the city, and he didn't want to. He asked for a ridiculous amount of money to sell the property to whatever, that concrete plant or whatever was going in across the way, and kind of, of yeah went mental but hey and he was also um i think he saw visions of angels and god and sugar plums dancing in his head he was a wackadoo

yeah he was looking at a pretty sick franzetta painting right before he did it blacklight painting by frank franzetta and he's like, damn. Lizard smoking a bomb. Yeah, holy shit. Take me to your dealer. Take me to church. Have you ever done business with a concrete plant? No. Because that's the closest I've ever come to creating chaos and discord in the streets. Is having to do business with a concrete plant.

Those guys, they're the foundation. At first they're easy to work with. Yeah. Then they get hard asen up on hard as hell yeah just immovable unshakable speaking of stefan i don't know have we we watched knuckle last night for the 12th time god patrick had not watched knuckle you guys should check it out it's on youtube it's free on youtube there's a yeah's a. Some gypsy man posted it, and he puts his logo on there like four times. But it's very tastefully done.

But there's no ads. It's tasteful. It's a slow, upward scroll. It's not a star swipe. There's no like accompanying laser horns. Hip hop track. Yeah. BKB Gypsy Beats.

Right. Yeah. I was expecting that. When the first one came up, I was like, oh, here it comes. Lauren Bagara. That ain't the BKB Gypsy Beats. Right, yeah. I was expecting that. When the first one came up, I was like, oh, here it comes. Lauren Bagara, if it ain't the BKB Gypsy Beats. The ad break for his traveling karaoke machine. But yeah, Knuckle Rules. It's the greatest.

It was just as good. Well, Michael Douglas was a hat in 68. Just as good the 13th time as it was the first few times years ago. That might be the 50th time I've seen it. Me and Bori and Stefan would just put that on and fall asleep to it at one of our many adult sleepovers when we were in high school. Oh, really? Remember those days? You were in high school?

17, 18 years old. That came out in like 2010. No, it didn't. It must have. No way. There's video from 2009 in it no way yes i know i'm dating myself oh crap yeah that came out in eighth grade for me you do date yourself because your wife is busy yeah i do i date myself a couple times a day

i'm a master dater did you in my house oh yeah you watch knuckle with me and pat and then you're like i know it's a nice nightcap that's when i jacked it you guys didn't notice no we were so wrapped up in the gypsy brawling and they use the term i'm not being anti-zygonist they do they say it all the time no they say we're the gypsy king no king of the gypsies king of the travelers i don't think they say gypsy once yeah they say this is the pikey punch i don't think they say gypsy once yeah they say this is the pikey punch i don't know if they say pikey either they probably should right pikey i don't think is indigenous to ireland i think that's more of a uk situation oh okay that's an that's my impression of an italian saying okay chuck rye used to run that show

in the mountains remember Remember with Brent Gill? Like Brent Gill was his bottom boy. Breckin Wrench. He made him work for all the scraps from the table. Brecky. And that is a three-pointer, and I like that because I live bet the Baylor Bears minus five and a half in halftime.

So yeah, he had that show, and the guy who ran it was a self-avowed pikey. John Scott? I don't remember the guy's name. The a self-avowed pikey john scott i don't i don't remember the guy's name the little guy he wore a little hat yeah he had a little hat he like hat yeah yeah he was a pikey and i remember like talking to him after a show as uh you know chuck roy's hand is wondering further and further up my thigh you want to get paid tonight sam yeah i want i want to get paid tonight, Sam? Yeah, I want to pay you. If you want to get paid, I got to get sprayed. I just had to blast on Chuck to get my money. Yeah, it's not the same.

Hey, careful. Don't do any of your agile antics right now. I have to readjust. I don't want to look at the TV screen. Oh, yeah. I want to look at you. Yeah, I don't want to watch the TV either. Oh, nice bounce pass. You look, and then I'll watch you. Yeah, watch it in my eyes. at the tv screen oh yeah i want to look at you yeah i don't want to watch the tv either oh nice

bounce pass you look and then i'll watch you yeah watch it in my eyes i watch the reflection of your glasses yeah but i remember hanging out after the show and that guy uh just walking me through all the different like branches of the uh the romani family tree throughout europe and me being like this is great man and chuck being like we gotta go kid yeah we gotta get out of here i was like what leave me alone you old leave me alone you old show producer you you gotcha yeah he was a groucho wasn't he god what a what a bummer he was yeah chuck roy was a great comedian but not a great hang yeah he had a lot going on.

You loved him. You were one of his fucking boys. Well, we got very close. I was a part of his morning show. It was like half podcast, half... Because it wasn't... Some of them were live? No, we recorded them.

He's like, I was recurring character on Will and Grace, kid. Give me some respect over here. I sold popcorn on Frasier, all right? I was the popcorn vendor on Carolina frazier all right i was the popcorn vendor on carolina the city i was the popcorn he's always a popcorn vendor on every nbc sitcom got pigeonholed a little bit he did and that wasn't his fault well those pigeons kept getting stuck in his hole he'd be like come on kid spray me yeah but yeah you and uh even sharpie you guys fell into his web and i think that he was threatened by me.

So he never took me in close. I remember once when Brody Stevens did that show at, what was that called? Castleman's. Castleman's. And we were on that show. That's where the meet and greet happened. I'll never forget that night. Brody was so funny.

I was so glad that he did like an hour and 15. Yeah. That was an Andy Jewett joint. It was the Chuck Roy show, yeah, with Jewett co-producing. World's youngest grandfather, Andy Jewett. Me, you, KOB, Troy Walker. All the stars were there. We should have been closer because the room was huge.

And not full. And there were 14 people there. Yeah. But we were in the back. Being respectful. Just loving just looking at each other i'm brody now we all stole his stuff we all started doing brody after yeah three oh three i remember i said eight one eight despite having a 303 tattoo on my wrist i'd point and say eight one eight till i die and they'd go what are you talking about i'd be like oh eight one eight till i die and they'd go what are you talking about i'd be like oh it says wow that's where the wow thing came from yeah you covering

up your lines i've dusted that one off recently really yeah dude i had to at that corporate event i remember i got off stage at that chuck roy show and went to like walk by and chuck like had his hand up and i went for a high five and he pulled it away and he said you were supposed to do 10 you did 10 15 kid and i was like all right 10 minutes 15 seconds yeah he was pissed i did 15 seconds no way yes no 100 i thought i was i went for a high five he pulled it away and said he did 15 seconds more kid why do you why do you do he hated me because i looked like him and did crowd work yeah i was young cool him and all the boys wanted to suck me for a while all the boys straight or gay we're lining up for a mouthful of your tasty delight yes hey sam

come on let me get some of that cannoli cream. I think he tried to neg me in Breckenridge once. He tried to peg you, I think. Well, yeah, he got me all fired up, and I think he maybe thought it was going to turn into passion, but instead I was like, I'm going to leave now. Oh, wow. He just made it seem like I was, I think I've told this story on the pod, but we were in Breckenridge talking to a bartender

about how we were in comics in denver he didn't know us but i think he had was in denver a lot or something and then when we went to leave he went to throw garbage away and he saw us and he was like oh hey to chuck he was like i think i do remember you were you in rainbow chasers and i was like dude that was me yeah and chuck hated that and so in the hotel he tried to like take me to task for talking too much when the bartender was talking with john scott like they knew each other he acted like i was getting in there too much or something you're getting your shit in yeah and i wasn't i'm i've never really that guy, like always on and fired up. No, I mean, you do talk a little sometimes, you know, as your friend.

This was actually before I had my acid trip where I realized I needed to shut up more. Is it time to talk or time to listen? Well, that was later. Or no, yeah, that was before I realized it's, in fact, more often than not, time to listen well that was later i know that yeah that was before i realized it's in fact more often than not time to listen but yeah chuck didn't like that the guy knew rainbow chasers and he took it out on me later and it was awkward because i had to like leave the room we were hanging out now are you sure though hotel room and then i had to bail that chuck was aware of what rainbow chasers is because he might have thought it was a slur for his people.

As a homosexual man. Right. No, no. He knew. Okay. And he hated it. Yeah. So that was awkward.

It's always nice when your hero is jealous of you. Anyway, guys. Rest in peace, Chuck Roy. Chuck Roy Memorial Basketball Tournament is why we're all here. Right here in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. Chuck Roy, also French-Canadian. Think about that. Ben Roy, French-Canadian.

Yeah, I don't want to either. John Wick is in theaters March 24th, everyone. That is breaking news. You heard it here first. Wick is back in theaters. I will be first in line. I'll be seeing that in Burlington, Vermont at the Vermont Comedy Club.

Come out and see me there the 24th and 25th, everyone. Get those tickets. All of our listeners up there, all you maple syrups just slurping freaks, just planting pine trees and drinking apple cider. Take a break from the festivities of March and come and see me. Featuring Claire O'Kane.

And Nick Naney. And Nick Naney. And Nick Naney. I hope that my fans don't eat her alive. They won't. They're good people. She's very funny. I haven't seen Nick. She's very funny.

But some people don't want to hear a woman or a minority talk, and she's both. Claire O'Kane, the king of the travelers. Yeah, it's me. Claire O'Kane. Yeah. I am a traveler,

which means I talk like a pirate priestess of the seas and also a bear knuckle brawler. I'd love to see Claire O'Kane fight that fucking big Joe Joyce. Joe Joyce. Hey guys, watch knuckle and then come back into the pod real quick. We'll do a quick breakdown. Hit pause. Go to YouTube.

Big Joe Joyce, the longest arms on a man. Like, pendulums and the grandfather clock of time itself. Gorilla-like, yeah. Oh, my God. Like, he can walk on them. Uh-oh. We have a call from Emily. Emily, we're podcasting.

Okay, never mind. No, tell us. You're live on the pod. You're on the pod. You're on the pod. Oh, God. Yeah um i have heartburn that's why you called me how jealous of you are that we're hanging out me and lun without you that you had to call and interrupt to say you had heartburn in the er doing stupid doing stupid shit all right I better be home goofing around with you guys.

And I have heartburn. All right. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, baby. But I got to get back to this money-making endeavor. All right. Same. Bye. Dude, that's the trash man.

Yeah. Dude, the homeless guy got turned into a trash can. They stole our idea. They did. Geico ad. We have to edit that thing out with Emily. Why? She can't be on here.

Her boss said she's not allowed on the pod anymore because it's too inflammatory. Because I'm her patient? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Last night. What? Nothing. Let me talk.

All right. Just saying. It's my life. Last night it was funny because we're all hanging out. I've got my elf bar out. Yes, you do. And Emily goes, whoa, Lon, is that yours? I was like, yeah, a little nicotine vape.

Yeah. She goes, oh, I'll have to update your chart. And I was like, you son of a bitch. Yeah. How about you be Emily, my friend right now? Not Emily, my doctor. Emily, your friend died she's been dead since 2020 all right this fucking vaccine situation killed her

uh yeah now she's always threatening to add things to my chart she'll be like oh wow you're having a third slice of pizza better add that to your chart charts getting pretty big yeah so are you more like whitey uh well i do need to comment on this i had a nice time at south by southwest so to all the listeners who sent me nice messages saying way to go you're our you're our friend and we're happy for you. I appreciate that. Because there were some moments throughout my adventures there that were quite intimidating.

Overwhelming. But I navigated them effectively. Pants shitting. Yes. I was pants shittingly nervous. You shit your gauchos. I did. Then I put it on my head.

I was like, this is a new kind of hat. Must be, is that Cuban? Because I'm thinking of Jim Carrey and the mask when I see the Gaucho logo. No, that's like a vaquero hat type situation. There's no Cubans in Santa Barbara. This is a Mexican influence. There was long ago. No, there weren't.

They didn't make it all the way across. We gave a name to Cuba. Before before that you know what they called it key west adjacent over there yeah we had that shit then we let it slip through our fingers like the sand that they eat they're greasy from the delicious cubanos i would love to have a cuban sandwich but i cannot because emily will add it to my chart oh yeah you fibbed last night to her i didn't fib at all you said oh so now you're in the tattletale club presented your dinner order yeah i did what are you gonna do about it i i said nothing i didn't corroborate no you didn't i didn't nod along yeah i didn. I'm sorry that I wanted to go out and have a nice meal with my, I thought, ally and friend

and confidant. And yeah, I got a little tendon in my soup. And that caused quite the kerfuffle. It would have. No, it did. At the restaurant, she was like, just tendon. What are you talking about? Yeah, we'll have to call the owners and get the board together.

I got to call old Saigon. Tendon only in your pho? All right. Let me call the vietcong she talked like marge they run everything i'm marge simpson so yeah i had tendon in my soup i didn't want to tell my wife that because she would have been jealous that you got to watch me eat meat and she would have put it in my chart you know i'll uh maybe i premature ejaculate she'll say oh cool i gotta add a page to your chart you know a whole page yeah about your sticky thighs yeah i uh maybe i maybe i fart really loud in the morning she says oh god you woke me up that's going in your chart

maybe i put my finger out the window to a female driver she's like okay that's going in your chart i hate my chart she doesn't even have access to it she's like okay that's going in your chart i hate my chart she doesn't even have access to it she's not supposed to be have access to it no no huh i figured she would she's not my primary care provider she is yours yeah she's got unfettered access and you know what to my chart she's also um other friends and family members of our primary care providers and she doesn't tell me the hot deets or the cool goss that come off those charts and i'm pissed i want to know i want to know what your uh h1c levels are she won't tell me they're they're pretty good they're probably bad it'd be better yeah right she said that uh

no she didn't say that. See, I want to joke about it, but she's never told me a fucking thing. It pisses me off. It's not allowed. She'll be like, I can't tell you that. That'd be breaking their trust. And I'm like, I'm going to break your jaw. You don't spill the fucking deets on Lund.

What's it look like? How big is it? Now, if we ever do an in-person checkup she said she'll have to call in an intern or something to check my jumblies and or back door she said she's gonna have to pass on that she doesn't want to see your dick and balls no she'd rather not and i'd rather it would be too awkward she told me that's why she went to med school. To get in there? Yeah.

With me? Or just, it's got to be more than just me. No, with you. She's like, this is the grand, this is the long con. As soon as I met Lund, I realized that we couldn't be together because we'd be too compatible. But boy, do I want to know how it hangs. I want to know how he slangs that meat. And that is two more points for these Baylor Bears. Yes, Austin was cool.

I met a couple of people down there. There's a couple of people you might have heard of. Ben and Jerry. The ice cream conglomerate. They were there. They offered me a sponsorship deal. They have their own flying car. Yeah.

Runs on ice cream. Dude. So you buy ice cream from, so you buy the car from them. You buy the ice cream from them. And then you put the ice cream into the car. You drive where? To the ice cream store to get more fuel. Yep.

It is a win-win-win for those two hippies from vermont it's crazy that they're putting um electric charging stations for drone cars at all the ben and jerry's locations throughout the country that's the only place you're going to be able to go and charge your electric drone car yeah driven by a japanese pilot they figured it out and historically not my favorite pilot not the ones that really give me the most confidence you know what if they had a bad day what if they've got a vendetta to settle now i'm just collateral damage yeah you know what i'm saying i do i remember all right i was there the events of dub dub dose i fought in world war ii i'm not gonna say which side yeah that gets messy uh-huh

i was young um uh who was who was who was i talking to down there that loved the pod and they said oh a man named adam he said that he uh was a big london guy and he wishes you just did london the episodes and i said he tried that for about a year and a half it was called one on london and uh it didn't work it was it was tough yeah my whole idea with it was open the archive nathan i would interact with people uh on facebook and it if it would have continued i probably would have eventually tried to do like Twitch or something. But yeah, I was trying to do it like during the day, during the week. So a lot of people were at work, not on Facebook or not able to interact, watch video. You had a bunch of widowers on there.

Yeah. Being like. Slim pickings. My life alert keeps going off. Help me up, Nathan. How do I share this picture of my grandson's 15th birthday party this little man in my apple tv won't shut up it's you did you ever have a web tv no oh my god we had one in our kitchen dude that thing made whacking brutal why because it was in the kitchen

my mom would be like i have to go to the pantry real quick and i'd be like my mom would be like i have to go to the pantry real quick and i'd be like just tearing at myself i used to whack like uh like uh like a parachute you know when you're like jumping out of a plane and the first parachute doesn't open you start ripping at all the cords yeah that was me just destroying my young fertile cock you're trying to pull it off yeah it's like i want to get rid of this thing this is a curse i gotta get rid of this anchor else i'm gonna drown um i gotta hang out with william montgomery a lot this weekend or this week earlier this week my god the time disappears I mean his parents I do to

Francis and Delilah Ray or whatever I'm sure can't think of it yeah yeah it's fun uh-huh a couple of fun like no Francis is one of them southern not royalty but like oh they're upper're... Upper class, right? Sure. We've done quite well for ourselves. We only wear lavender in the spring. We don't talk about it, but yes, we did make some wise investments in the early 1910s.

Yeah, we invested pretty well, our family, in about 1862. We really came out on top of that one. Who knew? Who knew that the world would change in the way that best benefited our bank account? But we were a bit prescient on those investments. Bury me in seersucker so I can go on God's boat. I don't want to be unseasonable when I meet Jesus Christ. God has a boat.

God's got a boat boat and I want to be his first mate for eternity. And we all know that when you go to heaven, whatever outfit you dye in, that's what you wear for all of eternity. That's why I feel bad. That's why I feel bad for all those mascots who pass away in the heat.

They can't remove their mascot helmets for the rest of their eternal beginnings and endings oh dude i uh had a guy come into the bar wednesday who uh hadn't seen in a while we got to talking and somehow wrestling came up and uh somehow i well i can't remember you didn't navigate the conversation to your wheelhouse no i think he brought it up maybe he's trying to connect with you i think i was telling him about like traveling for comedy or something he was like oh yeah yeah i used to i used to wrestle and so i've been to mexico a couple times he said he was supposed to go to japan but he got hurt in a match and uh couldn't make the

trip but he had wrestled in like ireland germany i think a lot of death match wrestling so that must have been a lot did he was all fucked up looking he looks like he maybe got dropped on his head a couple times for sure took a cheese grater to the forehead right yeah but uh he said his uh i was like what was your finish he said he would do a uh pop-up pile driver which i have not seen done pop-up ever before wait so like the d-low brown like under the armpit pop-up well so it's like kevin owens will do a pop-up poweromb where throw the guy off the ropes yeah like like upy like when you toss a kid in the air yes yeah okay catch him powerbomb him yeah but this dude was doing a pop-up into a pile driver and I was like that's insane dude shit and he said yeah you know a lot

of guys didn't know how to how to take it so we'd have to go through it a couple times before the match um how does that fucking work? That you have to pop them up and then they do a front flip in the air? They have to kind of lean like turn their body so that their head is going straight into the mat. Oh my

God. Trust that he will catch them and deliver them safely. They do strong style but they do safe style over there too oh no they're dropping each other on their heads left and right they love it only if they're korean it's personal over there there's no botches there's only planned mistakes coordinated attack so you have a best friend now in Trinidad who was a wrestler? My guy, Madman Pondo. Was it Pondo?

No, it wasn't Madman Pondo. Okay. That's a real guy. Yeah. Now, I don't know what his name was. He told me, but I can't think of it. Lasavius Vandemar. Yes, it's...

A southern gentleman. One of the Montgomery's. I don't have to wrestle, but it is my passion. I choose to because it brings me life. Daddy's money from the oil and natural gas fields put me through wrestling school, and I developed a taste for blood and violence. My family used to own people, and now we own the squared circle. The confines of that ring are like a grave that I claw my way out of every day.

I'm glad I'm not a wrestler. Dude, we've talked about it. It's funny to imagine any other profession where you have to travel and entertain people. Because ours is you show up and you ask if there's a microphone and there is and then sometimes there's not and then you go in the green room yeah well yeah there's horror stories yeah um with any like regular show or whatever a comedy club or whatever then there's low bar and usually it's met and with yeah anything like when we talk to those uh your cowboy buddies your uh the bronco busters busters yeah rodeo daddies and their belt buckle bunnies i couldn't

imagine the travel that we have to do which is a lot and it's uh lonely all of all of that applies to them and then being in physical pain. Yeah, their actual entertainment, their avenue of profession involves violence, potential death. Live animals? I took a pint glass to the head, but that's once out of thousands of performances.

I almost smashed a guy over the head with a bar stool just to make sure you knew I was your friend. Just to protect me. Okay, here's some big news. Breaking news on the pod. Emily and I are flying Frontier tonight to Las Vegas. And this is my seat assignment.

2A! Yes! What? Yes! That's a victory for me. That's insane. That is nuts. 2A.

2A. What Emily used to have before her tits came in. You bought the tickets last night. And now I'm taking the ride, baby. That seems so... I guess because there's a lot of flights to Vegas. I don't know. You have a lot of options.

Like you said, it's a later flight, right? It's tonight as opposed to... Tonight's gonna be a good night. I wonder what she got. Tonight's gonna be a very bad night. I arrive and then I go to the South Point Casino to do the Dirty at 1230 on St. Patrick's Day. That's right.

And not Fat Patrick's Day, which was everyday living here with Patrick. As he would come out of there. Not Tank Patrick's Day. So we'll see how that goes. Oh, we could both have bad shows tonight because I'm at the coffee joint, which doesn't have a liquor license because they sell weed, I believe. That's totally legal. No one should be mad at them and you can that's their

right yes and you can imbibe and enjoy that weed in the establishment so i uh at first was relieved at the idea of doing a show on saint patrick's day without the ability for people to get thwacked out yep um and and boisterous but then i was told that there are shows at other similar uh venues where people are just getting very stoned so it could be a quiet remember the dab lounge yes the dab lounge yeah that juggalo daycare down there in the springs? That was a scene, man. That was a happening spot. That was a weird...

That was a vibe before a vibe was a descriptor. It was a weird place that we would go down and try to swing for the fences due to a friendship with Ben Verbeck. One Ben Verbeck. Wrangler Benny V. Who's getting a tattoo now. Ben Verbeck's going to take a break

from fucking a bunch of really hot 22-year-olds so he can get a tattoo of my body on his body. What? Yeah, and then whenever he takes his dick out, they're going to have to look at my face because he's getting it on his dick. I knew a guy who had a dragon on his dick. Remember Mike mike that white

supremacist mike who gave us my toe tattoos and some of your tattoos i think he was a white supremacist he was he had to go to prison when he was like 13 he had to join up he wasn't a white supremacist he was just doing what he had to do to survive he was institutionalized but anyway he had a dragon on his dick and he showed he like showed us all one time and i was like well this is great this is fun this white supremacist just showing me his fat cock in front of my then girlfriend that was a bummer that's you have to be hard the whole time yeah yeah he said he had to tape it off as they fucking gouged him with guitar strings and Bic ink. He got that tattoo in prison.

No way. Yes. He got the Grand Dragon himself. Yeah, we're picturing a mythical creature with wings, but it was a Grand Dragon. It was a hooded figure. Right, it was just some old fuck. He's like, I don't believe in that stuff, man.

You talk like this, man. He's like, I don't believe in that stuff man you talk like this man you feel like i don't believe in that stuff i don't think that's who tatted me no you got tatted by cam's friend nil bog yeah who we paid in beers that's right yeah and he was like pretty tanked by the end of giving us all each like six tattoos that day i was all manic and i like kept saying that he should use the same needle for megan yeah myself and he's like i can't do that day i was all manic and i like kept saying that he should use the same needle for megan yeah myself and he's like i can't do it man i was like i'm just fucking around see i know you're not gonna do it so the fun is that i'm insisting that you do it i was like trying to explain why i was funny yeah and then chuck roy was like wrap it up kid yeah you're

talking too much hey kid come on use the same ink for me not the same ink um i feel like i should um divulge some of my uh adventures in austin because the listener base has asked me specific questions about one joseph rogan's comedy club yeah you were in there i was in there um it i imagine it's like getting in there was probably the same as like the amount of security that it is to get into epstein's plane you know what i mean there's just like uh five giant marines all wearing tight t-shirts probably like ex-massad agents and people are coming in they're the people putting your phones in a yonder bag yeah are these like big men you know who work for one joseph rogan then you go in the green room and tony hinchcliffe is uh chain smoking and shadow boxing and

ron white is getting his hair combed by whitney cummings you know You know, William Montgomery is doing bits with someone that he thinks is Felipe Esparza and it's just a pile of coats. And then there's me just trying to be

the only bastion of sanity in this strange spot. I went on stage there. William Montgomery brought me on. William went first, which is a wild thing to do to a bunch of people who were probably on drugs. Yeah. Just throwing William stage there. William Montgomery brought me on. William went first, which is a wild thing to do

to a bunch of people who were probably on drugs. Yeah. Just throwing William in there. And then I went on and had a very good set. And then I get off stage. And who's standing backstage when I go to leave? Joseph Rogan and David Chappelle. And they both dapped me up and said nice things and then i floated out of

there as if my feet were made of magnets and the ground was made of steel uh and does that work no no because i would stick to the ground yeah yeah so the ground would also have to be made of the reverse polarity of the magnets that i were my feet that's right that's what you're telling me be moonwalking yeah i'd be sliding around yep ron white always nice to me i appreciate that ronnie he did end up uh doing ronnie won a white and standing ovation justification for you it tore the room in half and He's done, isn't he? He was just hanging out, right? No, he does stand up. Oh, I thought he said goodbye. No, he quit drinking.

He doesn't drink anymore. Well, yeah, but our friend Chris Voth was doing shows with him, and then they wrapped up a tour, and maybe he's done with the tour schedule. I think he had enough Voth. Oh, he's lying to Chrisris yeah after this i'm done man i'm just not gonna do it anymore and then he just starts booking a bunch of shit yeah uh fuck so yeah so i do i do that show and you know i got dapped up by those two kings of new spain and then i left to go do another show where Godfrey and I goofed around for a bit.

And Doug Benson looked like me from both the future and the past. It was weird to be after Benson, to be AB, as I call it. Because he's up there wearing like a jacket and also like one glove, like one fingerless glove, I think. Yeah, but then it turned out

it wasn't a fingerless glove. It was just how it went through his jacket pocket. It's very weird. And also like one glove, like one fingerless glove, I think. Yeah, but then it turned out it wasn't a fingerless glove. It was just how it went through his jacket pocket. It's very weird. I was sitting back there. Yeah, yeah. I was really lost in the sauce that is the Benz man. I kept calling him Benz on.

Todd Berry thought it was funny. That was the only person. Todd B was hanging out. Todd Berry was there. And I went from having a nice positive interaction with Todd Berry where i was like he was looking at me across the green room and i was like t-man and he went i am the t-man and then he kept looking at me and he's like are you sam talent and i was like yeah yeah and he's like you wrote a book i read your book and i was like oh right on thank you t-man and he's like another compliment from the t-man and we laughed but then later on that same night i was walking and i came out of an alleyway from behind rogan's

club and the t-man was walking with a slice of pizza and someone else and i was like t-man and he went huh like sped up it's like who else is the giant man calling you the t-man todd you can't remember from an hour and a half ago he moved on i guess so he likes to keep the green room and the real world separate yeah but he was like afraid when i hit him with the t-man in public were you sitting down when you were interacting in the green room yeah i was sitting on couch and i stood up went over and shook his hand and we goofed a little bit saw how big you he knew how big i was he forgot yeah he's a fan he's got goldfish memory i think so contact sports yeah from the lacrosse he plays he got banged up oh yeah and then banged out and it shows yeah when you see him after a couple hours it's like you have to introduce yourself all over again yeah i'm like t-man you're the high t-man

i'm the sam t-man do you want to get some t-man that was my interaction with the bear bear uh so yes um but then i went back to rogan's club after my godfrey adventure and uh went up there and it's insane up there now because Chappelle's there and all of his people are in there and everyone's trying to bother him. So Adam Egott, who you might be on thin ice, buddy. What? Egott might be in.

Egott might be my new best friend. Oh, all right. You have your wrestler guy. No, I don't want the wrestler sorry dude you got the wrestler guy i've got to be a customer no i got the eeg man we hung out very late one night and then we had dinner the next night and uh he was in there telling me some very like uh you know heavy things about his relationship with one norman mcdonald and uh you know just like i was like wrapped i was listening i was

supporting him we were holding hands a little bit you were rapping i was right i was like norm mcdonald in the ground what are you gonna do pout around get over it eager quit being a so What? Egrit, fly away from your pain. You got to learn how to maintain. T-Man coming in. I'm Todd Berry, I guess. He doesn't know. Yeah. Am I doing this?

So much CTE. Am I Todd Berry now? So, yeah. So, he gets telling me all this shit and like you know like tearing he like he was like so like uh eager to reveal this stuff to me that he couldn't eat a fucking cheeseburger he kept like falling apart and then at one point like the bun was on his head like a little yarmulke well gotcha yeah it's like dude eat the burger you're spazzing so we have a we our our courtship is very intense and rapid because of all these sweet things and comparisons he's making.

And then out of nowhere, this like dude named Gareth who works there, who was a known entity to EGIT, he came from behind the water changing station after these like very heavy revelations from EGIT. And he said, gentlemen, your anecdotes amuse me. And Eget went, Jesus Christ, Gareth, how long have you been standing there? And then he just ducked back into his little man cubby. This Gareth guy says stuff like doth. Oh, yeah, you said he busted out doth a couple times. He said doth a couple times. Yes, he said that the menu was replete with options.

Wouldst thou, gentlemen, require an additional pouring of Starry, formerly known as Sierra Mist? Dude, Starry was everywhere at South By. Oh, shit. They were giving it away. Starry was everywhere, and so were the sonic brand uh hard seltzers sonic drive-thru sonic drive-thru hard seltzers were like everywhere dude yeah cherry limeade yeah they were sponsoring the creek in the cave after party so people were just like drinking sonic branded cups all the time which i thought was hilarious but everyone was like what

what the good ice no no good ice just normal bar ice yeah should have brought their own ice yes that's what people want so shout out to gareth if you're listening you weird up-close magic performing freak with your slicked back ponytail and your eager ears um so yeah i went back to rogan's club and uh johnny dangerfield's wife was there joan dangerfield joni d she was a guest of whitney cummings and she came up to me and she said i really liked your joke you did about clown hair and i was like thank you ma'am thank you very much and then she walked away and i turned to eget and william and i was like i didn't do a joke about clown hair. What's she talking about? What's going on here? She saw you on stage.

She did. She had her own audio playing. Yeah. And involved somebody who sounds like Rodney. Right. Talking about clown hair. I enjoyed your joke about clown hair. It is indeed ridiculous.

It's crazy that they have hair, but yet the clowns? I don't understand. What is this? What is this Venn diagram of belief systems we get lost in when one does enjoy the humor of a clown? We know it's a wig. What if it's not? Anyway, away with me.

Whitney! Fetch the falcons. Fetch the drone car. And then on my way out of the club, I said, thank you for having me, Joe Rogan. fetch the Falcons. Fetch the drone car. And then on my way out of the club, I said, thank you for having me, Joe Rogan. And he said, hey, man, no problem. We exchanged phone numbers. And now we'll see what happens.

You've got a cold bath coming your way. I would love to be dipped by Rogan. Jay Rogan. What if he's like hey man you want to do the pod uh first thing i gotta wash you i gotta clean you off you can't come into this podcast studio looking like that and smelling like this he holds up a bag of dung it's patrick's brother oh that was that was a patreon listen to the patreon we did last night it was completely unhinged oh yeah we were all stoned to the bone i didn't even think about it but yeah it is until it was too late yeah it is a whole

different vibe yeah when we are together and then if we're stoning baloney and also it's late that was 1 a.m it was late we were eager to get to knuckling yeah knuckle was queued up dude i wish we could get Joe Joyce, Big Joe Joyce on the pod. He's, well, maybe he's not dead. How is he dead? He's not dead. Those guys don't die.

Yeah. They bury him standing up so the crows don't take to the fields. That's how you bury a king of the gypsies. Buried above ground. Yeah, you let him protect his crops. He's an oxymoron, but life's complicated. They're not big on logic.

I dip me knuckles in petrol to make them hard as a stone. I batter a man. I leave him a hospital case. Yeah, that is a wild ride, Knuckle. Patrick was getting scared at the end. Did you notice that? He thought something awful was going to happen. No, what?

And he got scared. Well, he just said something like, does this end with something really bad? Does somebody die? No. I think he was scared. Whoa. He was scared. What did he say?

He was listening to a podcast that involves paranormal phenomenon. Oh, yeah. About Greeley. While he was driving i think from here to greeley or from denver to greeley yep and he was getting scared by the podcast and then i think he started a new episode and it involved something that happened in greeley colorado yeah and he got so scared that he had to turn it off so that he could drive without his hands shaking on the steering wheel. Yeah.

Didn't you lose a little respect for him? That's insane. No, because I respect people who get scared. You said that Creech left town for a couple of days. No, don't tell him. And you convinced yourself the house was haunted. That's different. It's okay if people are scared.

That wasn't a podcast about something happening years ago that was just you alone in your house that was me in the present moment being scared of a potential specter uh moving my things i like my things where i put them that's why i put them there so it wasn't like the ghost qualities it wasn't the malevolence it was just that you're very well organized i was scared of this guy the chaos look at this pile of meat is that linebacker in a basketball outfit he's playing for nc state man look at him young zion he's gonna have injuries like young zion his feet are gonna hurt a bunch of micro fractures yeah you have shark foot

so you didn't want them to know that you get spooked easily i was saying that now they're gonna be jumping out of alleyways give me the todd berry treatment i was saying how uh megan is used to me being gone because i'm gone often she is normally not gone when i'm there yeah so i'm spoiled yes you are it smells and she the meat's rotten the milk's gone bad uh when she goes out of town and leaves me at home it's weird i'm not used to it i don't like it no and yeah when years ago when we were in denver i got a little spooked it felt like there was something in the house in the apartment with me and it wasn't the dogs but what do you think it is you think it's like a copa do you think it's like a projection of your inner evil

that's there to uh like a shadow version of you no no i think tulpa is actually the term. Tulpa? Tulpa. Gaucho? Kulots? When Gaucho dies, he turns into a tulpa? No, it's just, I don't know. It's just without her in the house, it's a little quieter. I don't know. She's always banging around, usually bumping into stuff. Yeah, yeah. Hitting her head on cabinets.

Getting dizzy. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know know i freaked myself out for sure i also think i was getting super stoned and so that can lend itself dude what was that you know there's a little bit of that and she is about to go to savannah for a week with her mom which means she's coming home haunted that's a scary place bring a ghost with her yeah that's right i told her you better not and she was like it's not really under my control yeah i'm just a vessel i do what i want if a ghost decides to hop along for the ride then yeah uh we might have a ghost in our new trinidad home

yeah but what's the home in southern colorado if it doesn't have a ghost it's nothing you think ghost? It's nothing. You think that's part of the charm? Do you think you're going to be the only person left holding the bag for Trinidad? Or are you going to jump ship before all the mice get off the boat? I don't know. Because everyone who tricked you into moving down there is slowly leaving. No, Wally moved to Pueblo.

Yeah. Don't make it sound like there's an exodus. are you writer for the westward in 2013 just saying man call me brie davies uh no wally uh and his wife and kids are moving to pueblo because there's uh just i don't know more better schools there's more rubes to fleece up there uh pueblo is still a little bit of a hard town so yeah it is i think he's gonna get a lot of stink eyes and mean mugs oh he's gonna get a lot of indian burns and purple nurples yeah a bunch of bullies involved yeah a bunch of dead legs and horse bites it's not gonna be easy for him is the horse bite that yeah it hurts yeah that's that pinch yeah it's a lot yeah i don't like it probably would be the same if you just did that

right what is this that gives you more force because now you're exerting with your finger and not just your thumb there's a fulcrum here get over here no come on don't you come on bite me come on i'm hungry i'll take my shirt off and start wailing on you with my petrol hands those videos they sent each other is so stupid they're watch knuckle everyone i'm sorry to keep doing so many knuckles uh jokes but one of the best documentaries ever made this follows a traveler family around for like 12 years yeah yeah yeah 97 to 2009 he interacts with several families well i guess it's kind of one they're all one family well no some of them are related some aren't but yeah there's like several there was one drifter who banged some lady who was caught in a bog and then that's where they all sprung from yeah that's the travelers but yeah they yeah they they make videos where it's like wrestling promos and you

can't understand a word they say talking shit yeah the uh the captions are just like get the capture the essence they're so succinct yeah yeah because yeah it's a whole other type of English that they're speaking from the old country. Yeah. And some of it is kind of poetic. Like, I'll beat any Joyce that ever came out of an asshole. Yeah. And then he calls his butthole his Joyce hole. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Kiss my Joyce's hole. Uh-huh. Or he said, you insulted every Joyce that ever walked on two legs. Yeah. It's like, well, how many Joyce's does that leave out? Oh, it's all of them. Yeah.

Let's not forget about Randy who took that skateboard all the way from Dundarney to Dublin. Just pushing along on his palms as if they were toes and fingers and feet. There's a commercial now that has a fucking skateboarding half man. I can't get enough of it. You got spooked last night. spooked last night yeah oh god dude i do not like a half man because i'm never looking they're not in my like attack radius they're down below they are i don't look down at the ground i'm not navel gazing i'm keeping my eyes to the sky you know you don't look for uh dog shit human poop no vomit you're just stepping in whatever is in front of you i got a six cents for avoiding dung oh okay yeah any street piles i don't step in them when your

eyes are looking up high your nose is on alert for dumb my nose is exactly pointed at the ground when my eyes are up high god had a pretty good blueprint when he made us didn't he sure did yeah he thought of everything they want to be able to walk around and see the sights. Yeah. But what if they step in shit? Oh, I know. I'll have the smell detection device installed. Also, I don't think stepping in shit was bad back then.

I think it was probably good luck. Because then you could just go rub it in your carrot patch and you had fertilizer. That's right. Yeah. You'd take it home with you. Yeah. You put it in the patch. Free mulch. Where are are we gonna eat after this oh i don't know but i hope it's as good as yesterday i couldn't decide

between pho and a bond me and i said what are you doing you're a gad about with a couple bucks in your pocket and a friend who's gonna surprise him by paying for for it anyway so get two things you just assumed no i didn't i was gonna pay for mine because i i was naughty and had two things you were slowly you were i went to pay and you were like no allow me oh you're slowly backing up towards the door i wasn't doing the patrick no you weren't i would have taken my wallet out i tried to insist on splitting the bill and you said no no i don't mind you're my favorite person you're my favorite guy after adam egan no sorry adam's in lund's outdated power ranking yes show me falling to number three you You've become Montana State.

Shout out to whoever sent you those two paintings, drawings. Fuck, yeah. Who was that? I don't know. I think it's written on there. Okay. Well, we'll have to try and shout out their work so that you guys can all check out uh what we have maybe we can upload pictures but there's two so i get one and you get one and it's dead comedians and dead comedian society

each one has like 10 beloved uh entertainers who have passed on it looks like the guy's name is 80 winamp i remember i remember when i'm that you could have different skins that's his signature who have passed on. It looks like the guy's name is A.D. Winamp. I remember Winamp. You could have different skins. That's his signature, yeah. Whoa. I was listening to a lot of bad music on Winamp. A lot of loud shit. But yeah, they are very impressive,

the portrayals of all of these beloved comedians who have moved on to the next realm. And a couple people who we couldn't identify. There's like Otto and George, the ventriloquist dummy is on there. Right, but the depictions are very accurate. The renderings are immaculate. Some of these folks, yeah, have been gone for a long time. I just sat down. I sat on my balls. sucks oh shit yeah and if i move now i'm gonna be queasy so i just have to

kind of pin them until we're done with this uh figure it out i don't oh god unleash but yeah But yeah, what? You've got Farley, Gilda Radner. Candy. John Candy. Oh. We're not looking at him. Michael Carter. I thought it was a little inappropriate to depict Michael Carter's hanging body. Yeah, that was a little... Like everybody else is like smiling and their eyes are full of light. And then Michael Carter, it was like,

was this a crime scene photo that you used? That sucks. That's not good. No, that's a lot. Lund, tell them where you're going to be. Michael, please don't haunt me. I'm scared. I think that the bar is haunted, but that the,

because one of the former owners, Al Mantelli, passed probably 15 years ago. Sometimes it feels like there's something going on, but I don't think that I get a bunch of shit because I clean the hell out of that bar every night. Yes, you do. I leave it sparkling,

and so I think al uh smiles upon me and then uh maybe is a little more menacing to some of the other staff some of the slackers that we have that will maybe not do as good of a job as l would like dude taco bell is doing a cheese wrapped double stuffed burrito now oh yeah those aren't that good what but they're wrapped in cheese they're crispy cheese on the outside oh maybe that's new i don't know fuck man that sounds so good i really smushed my guys uh i mashed my own new potatoes total nightmare yeah we're wrapping up what yeah we hit it we hit more than an hour plug-in Yeah, we gave these people a nice taste of our lives behind the curtain. So I haven't been mentioning some of my dates that are further out,

but I might as well because I want people to get tickets. I will be returning to the Savage Henry Comedy Club in July, July 14th and 15th. I'll be up in beautiful Humboldt County. Is that for Oyster Festival? California. No, I just picked a weekend. Nice.

Before, a little bit before my 41st birthday. Oh, yeah. Eureka, California. Durant gave me the wrong date for the festival, and then he hit me up yesterday, and he's like, you still good for October 5th? And I was like, no, I'm good for October 12th, the date you told me.

And he's like, oh, bother. He's Winnie the Pooh in it well yeah so that's July 14th and 15th in Northern California and then June 10th I'll be in Oklahoma City thanks to James Neame and

I'm hoping that I can do Tulsa June 9th I need to try and figure that out get that arranged I'm going that I can do Tulsa June 9th. I need to try and figure that out, get that arranged. I'm going in backwards order. May 19th and 20th, I'll be at the Comedy Cabin, thanks to Two Beers with Nathan. That's in Janesville, Wisconsin. It's a good club.

Yeah, I'm excited to check it out. I haven't been in Wisconsin outside of Milwaukee and Madison. And Eau Claire. I've been all over beautiful Wisconsin. I haven't been to Janesville. Hopefully I'll have a Janesville addiction

after that weekend. You already have your opener? You already have your opener. That? Yeah. There'll be like two guys in the back being like i'll do the right two morning radio and uh throw that out there be sure to move some last minute tickets uh providence rhode island the 23rd there's 10 tickets left for the second show uh burlington comedy club i'm out there vermont

comedy club come out and see me the 24th 25th new hartford connecticut the 26th there's still a couple tickets left for union hall the second show in new york city on the 30th of march morgantown i'll be out there for the comedy festival on the 30th. 31st, actually. Breaking news. Paris. If you live in Paris for some reason, come see me. I'll be out there the 6th through the 13th. I get back the 13th and headline Comedy Works in Denver. And I am happy to say there are less than 30 tickets left for that.

Thanks to the Josh Blue bump. Thank you, Josh Blue. Come on out. See me April 13th at Comedy Works. Cedar Rapids the 14th, 15th, 16th in Lincoln, Nebraska. I'm all over the world. The 19th at Helium Philly of April. I'm so bad at this. Houston Secret Group the 20th at the 21st in Lafayette, Louisiana.

Come out. See your boy. Sniff my rump. Give my leg a hump. And if i sit on my balls you better get out of the way we mentioned that wild patreon episode from last night you can check that out by going to patreon.com that was a hoot chubby behemoth yeah get on there lots of uh great episodes on the patreon if you're not listening to the patreon you're totally beefing it you're squeaking your own dangle it would be like reading every other page of a novel yeah you're not listening to the Patreon, you're totally beefing it. You're squeeping your own dangle. It would be like reading every other page of a novel.

Yeah. You're going to miss out on some stuff. You're going to lose the plot if you don't get the full Magilla. I mean, I'm just trying to make your life better. You spend $5 a fucking day on, you know, what do these people spend their money on? An egg sandwich from Panera Bread? Nicotine gum. Yeah, you get your zen in.

Why don't you get some fucking chubby B? Yeah. We're really kicking ass over there. Lund says it. No, no. Yeah, I name names of people who have them and people who I wish had them. I do. I'm always like, that'd be sick if she had them, huh?

And you're like, yeah. Fantasy booking. Yeah. Fantasy boobing. So join that Patreon. And hey, do something nice for someone else today. Go Gauchos.

Go Gauchos. They lost already. Now, how do I stop this one?