Chubby Behemoth - Tiny Wife, Big Smile: Skankfest With Tim Butterly - Patreon Sneak Peek

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

THIS IS A PATREON SNEAK PEEK     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors:   Factor - Eat smart @ http://factormeals.com/chubby50off & use code chubby50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 year.     Tushy - Over 2 million butts love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code CHUBBY at https://hellotushy.com/CHUBBY     Chubbies - Your Holiday wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code chubby at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chubby #chubbiespod     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are joined by Tim Butterly at Skankfest New Orleans! Sam has never been cold before, met a guy that reminded him of a power up in Streets Of Rage, and doesn't want to go to India. Nathan tells the story of the day he and Tim met, is glad he looked at the towel before he used it, and is a month clean. Tim hasn't seem Sam since the weight loss, tried to introduce Lund to Mike Feeney, and earned a little bit of staring at the laser time.     00:00 Welcome To Skankfest 02:26 Local Correspondant 04:12 Fun Nicknames 06:05 Nothing To Dip Now 07:19 Ghost Of Christmas Past 09:51 Bakers Dozen 11:25 Only Perverts 12:01 The Butt 14:31 Hope In Your Heart 16:07 Sentence I've Never Heard 18:10 Too Fat For The Cosmos 19:22 Really Nice Day 21:24 Moonlighting 23:33 How'd The Bookfair Go? 27:19 All The Way Up 28:43 All The T's Are At The End 30:31 Dumps His Stumps 32:02 First Towel I Grabbed 36:45 Is That An Ostrich Egg? 39:13 Long Ride Home 42:38 Code Of The Hamuri 45:00 It Doesn't Start With Me 47:20 Lets See The Capital 50:05 Bulletproof Pants 52:09 Jalapeno Popper 56:00 Why Can't I? 57:12 Such A Meaty Paw 59:11 Feeney Situation 01:04:20 Stuff In A Little Notebook     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Also Featuring Patrick Richardson and Jake Becker

Hello everybody, thank you for coming to Chubby Behavis. I am Sam Tallinn, of course, joined as always by the illustrious Jake Becker, everyone. Jake Becker. Jacob Becker. And the one and only, of course, my best friend in the world, the officiant at my wedding. Welcome to the stage, Guts.

Nathan Lund, everyone. Nathan Lund. Hey, all right. Thanks for being here I tried to spit a bunch of water on our friend Dick Stinkly and I think I got this guy more and I apologize

it's water my mouth's cleaner than a dog's according to science but yeah I don't know if I got you at all I think it might be very similar to a dog save it

me and a dog have a couple of things in common are you a fan of the podcast no never seen it all right oh okay okay well I just didn't want you

get blasted by a guy that you didn't know at all. So at least we have a little, I've made you laugh a couple times, so I could sign that water if you want, if it's on your arm, or those pants. But yeah, I was just mostly trying to blast this guy, and there was a wind. So I fucked up. It's a strong breeze.

Yeah, it looked like homeless Kirby. It was nuts. I was out there, you know, thanking everyone sincerely being myself, and then I turned around, and you just I was like, well, hopefully it's stinkly, because He gets off on that kind of shit. How many of you are familiar with this podcast right here?

How many of you are inside right now because you couldn't get on the Gravitron? That is typically our crossover demographics, people who like what we do and disappointed Carney enthusiasts. Or they just got off the Gravitron, stumbled in, puked, and they're like, oh, hey, an open seat.

A guy with the dumbest hat I've ever seen just walked in, but... You know, every day's a miracle. Oh, it's dreads. Well, uh, fantastic. But, hey, he is white, right? So, nice try. Okay?

You got to wake up pretty early to trick me in a race thing. So we have a, we have a big, well, I can't say a big guest. We have a very good guest, all right? He's, he's totally normal-sized. if you see we do want to bring out our local correspondent Patrick Richardson everyone Patrick Richardson Pat

you can come up Pat Pat is not part of the festival because they watched his submission tape but Pat is getting on one of the shows here today Pat is that true? Yeah I'm going to do the fight Pat don't do the fight

I have to do the fight oh my God you're going to get murdered. I think I have a shot. Well, who, are you fighting like Jason Ellis or Sydney? No, I'm fighting Fiona Collie.

I'll slash your tires. You should just have her chair repossessed and it'll be fine. Yeah, it'll go well. Yeah. All right, well, that was why we brought Pat on for that. Pat! I love you guys, I love you guys.

I remember my first skank fest. Come on, God. Leaving everybody a Berlin breadcrumb with his hand gestures. Connect the dots. Follow me. Follow it back to the hague. We're having a meeting outside the Gravitron. Now, Becker, do you want to say anything or no?

I got nothing. Yeah, we know. Becker's our Wiz Kid producer. He's our guy in the chair. Yes. For a long time, he's been accused. Not accused. There's been a rumor that you might be a man of the African-American descent.

Yep. Everybody thought I was black. It was a big Reddit discourse. It's the only time his name's ever appeared online. Well, except for that watch list. So we all have fun nicknames. Becker, of course, Girl Targeter. We've been trying to get that off the ground.

So if you see Becker out there, make sure you say, hey, GT, Girl Targeter. How are things going? Any targets acquired today? Yep, and now your little guy. You son of a bitch. I thought that was going to stay in the condo. Yep, Sam Talent, little guy. He's a little guy now, and he's only known the big man life.

He's cold. I'm cold. A lot. I've never even fucking cold before. And now we're in the hotel room. I'm freezing because it's at 68 degrees. I go to move it up to 70. bit my hand. Pat starts fucking gnashing

his teeth. It was... I saw it at 72 and I thought I don't know these people in it. Yeah. We've been wet our whole lives and now I'm dry. Where'd my best friend go? Yeah, I'm fucking wasted. Been replaced by a replica. Oh, the movie ruiners guys helped me last night. I said when you lost the weight

and you've been shaving your head that you looked like the mugshot of Kevin Spacey from 7. I was wrong. I was wrong. It's the... Take your classes up. Look, look. I'm a big fan of Spacey off. to camera. It's the muckshot of Kevin Spacey

from usual suspects. There it is right there. He's pruned. He's gaunt. He's sexually malevolent. He's Sam Talent. He's a little guy. Yeah, he's all sucked. Yeah, that's you. You look like Mick Jagger now.

You look like Dick Jagger. God damn it. I don't like being little. I don't like that Pat gave me the name. I don't like that Becker's stoked on it. That's never a good sign. So, yes, we're all just in the fucking aftermath of my magnificent body change. A lot of you are sexually intimidated now, and that's a bummer. Back in the day, people would come up, bean dip me, you know, put their balls on top of my head, say, I like your hat. But now...

There's nothing to dip now. The dip's gone. I'm flat as a board. You can fucking break up weed on my tits. It sucks. I used to be a curvy fun. And now I'm just some fucking hot genius that sucks. You would think that you could go under the radar, but everybody's still clocking you out there.

Taking a picture with everybody and all of their smells. A lot of people like to crawl into the shirt and pretend to do a circus family thing. It's just insane. Forever online, it was like, oh, hey, here he is, fattest man alive. Wow, human pig, oink, oink, Sam Talent. and then I lose 100 pounds and people are like his shirt doesn't fit no fucking shit all right

I'm learning I've been morbidly obese my entire life and now I want to wear twill and I'm a gay art director what's happening let a man live let a brother breathe right dreadlock white come on you're making choices

and we're all you know Rastafari one loving it I'm happy for you you've lost I look like you in the clip that clubs use from two years ago. I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

Dude, every fucking club we go to, it looks like, oh, hey, who's coming to the club this weekend? Oh, this bloated shipwreck victim. There he is. Fat corpse, Sam Talent. And then I show up, and everyone's like, oh, I just came out of my ass. My butt just jizz, because Sam's here.

I'm not hot. I was fat. That was cool. Now I'm just a guy whose head looks like a thumb. At least you guys are being supportive Best friends in the world We didn't take your head off You made me take it off

So I could look like a gay rapist Allegedly Hey you know If he wants to work with us We're wide open He's leaving I thought we were having fun Kevin no

Kevin You can have No, no. No. So we don't usually do this podcast upright. Usually we're in a hotel bed at 1 a.m. So I've never been funnier at noon. Let me tell you.

We have a big guest. Becker, you want to give them your update on what you've been eating before we get into it? I've been eating a lot of candy. Yesterday I had, like, how much to that way? I ate a pound of chocolates, and then I ate an entire box of macrones, and then I ate two of those, like, little bomb chocolates from sucra, and those were nuts. Name dropping your snacks, nice. Yeah.

No, I had a pistachio raspberry and a strawberry one. They were nuts. Can you quit sounding so horny as you give us this last? My throat's all dry. Yeah, have a sip. How bad are you trying to get sucked up here, man? I'm not trying to get sucked. I'm talking about the enormous amount of chocolate I ate last night.

Yeah, but you're doing putty voice. no I had a bunch of fudge yeah and then I had two two euros last night you want to go around the corner I had go ahead part of a chicken I ate a lot yesterday it was fucking nuts

great stuff yeah I don't there was nothing that was on me you know I tried to get you involved off the bench you tore your ACL yeah Lund anything you want to get to before we I had a respectable six crystals

It used to be It was double digits for sure at crystal But I had six You had four And we were like Oh Becker finish them off You had Baker's dozen I had eight yeah

And they were soggy as hell They were wet They were wet Somebody sat on them one at a time Before they put them into the sleeve You didn't need teeth When you get a wet crystal And you can just go tongue to pallet

That's what you want man Oh you haven't smushed it against your roof Grow up Like you all have teeth I'm looking around out here. Yeah, big hands. Why are you standing? You're wearing my t-shirt.

They should give you a chair. Doesn't have a rascal. Oh, he's not that big. No. They used to be fat, these people, but now they're all bettering themselves. Gross. Are you going to drink this weekend? No. That'd be sick.

I would be sick. If you got wasted and got on the Ferris wheel and exposed yourself to the river? Behold my pud! You have to, like, answer a riddle in order to get on the Ferris wheel. It seems like you have to know the secret handshake. They wouldn't allow an adult woman Elena Bamfield on alone because they didn't think she was over 13.

And Becker was like, where are you? I'll save you. Target. Target. Girl, Target. Tracking. I just wanted to ride the Ferris wheel. With her. With anyone.

Preferably, Pat. Why? Because you wanted to pass out up there. Make each other giggle. Oh, yeah. Pat, are you going to go on the Ferris wheel? He said it's more romantic at night. He said only perverts do it during the day.

The first time Pat got fingered was on a ferris wheel. Yep. During the day, right? Bad things happened during the day. His dad died during the day. Dad fingered him during the day, too. We're joking about your dad being dead, right? It's cool.

It's been a few months. Yeah, he's over it. He's healed. This next guy You know We should probably bring the guest on he's over there pacing He's over there fucking himself You guys

You know who he is, you love him I feel like there's a kinship between us and him And we're glad to have him Please welcome the stage everyone The one the only Tim Butterly Tim Butterley Tim Butterley It's Tim, how are you

It's Tim Butterley It's Tim Butterley guys FEC please Get in here here, Tim. Thanks for dressing up for the pod. It was all for you. I wanted to look cool for Sam. Hey, man. All you had to do was wink at me. I thought, well, okay.

This is my first time seeing you since the alarming weight loss. Yes, yes. Since the HIV took hold. Are you, you're, I mean, what a guy to send through the experience of being the lovable, big fat, fat. you know disgusting you know that

like kind of like looking chronically ill guy but everyone's just like that's dude dude we gotta love him why we have him and the guy inside is so special to everybody and then you lose the weight and are you able to perceive any of that feeling of like

being diminished in everyone's eyes forever yeah constantly women come up and say oh my god you look great and then men come up and say where are your tips that's all it is out there I mean

there's nothing more tragic than your big fat friend turning into a better person we were supposed to do it together but then I were I'm so glad you didn't lose any weight yeah so glad you didn't same medicine same dose

I had a I had some pretty fat tits in 2016 yeah I remember you were a real dump truck I did a former fat guy thing and it's like you do lose it thank God and no one knew who I was when I was really fat. Yeah, I was at the peak of my fame. So now I have a thing where people find old shit of me really fat,

and they go, this is what I could have had? Yeah. It's preferable every single time. It's a lose-lose, because if you stay fat, the older you get, people get more and more worried about you. But if you lose the weight, then everybody just dunks on your ass. Oh, constantly. Pushes you over.

You know how much fun it is to be a fat guy at the pool, shirt off, just embracing it? now just to be a guy who kind of is still fat and should have a shirt on because everyone's like, what happened? Is he melting in front of us? Do you still have hope in your heart

that you'll hit a point where you're thrilled with your body? No, what? What am I? A delusional woman? No. I'll never be happy. None of us will be happy. If you're happy, you're a narcissist, you're insane, all right?

I mean, what are we supposed to do? Everyone out here, everyone bright eyes. trying to do their best, making love, despite their appendages, you know? I mean, these are our people, the people trying, despite being gross forever. Dick Stinkly, you lost 180 pounds. You're still clinically a wad, you know?

I mean, Becker, you lost 80 pounds. It only made you more eager to target. There's nothing... And Lund... Every day's a miracle. I think I'm under 300, so that's something. You're under three? I think so.

That's awesome, dude. It's good. And I mean, look, if we, it sucks so bad. Not that we're an aspirational podcast at all, but like a lot of people do these things who are like, you need to quit being a pussy and fuck your wife's sister if you want to be a man. And we're up here like, maybe take the stairs.

Like maybe go on a walk. Wouldn't that be nice? You can be as stoned as you want and still be outside. And everyone's like, quit trying to change us. I don't want that. I want a life like yours, Butterley, tiny wife, big smile. You know?

At some point, you're going to have to do the impression. Yeah. I forgot about that. Don't enjoy this too much without them. Come on, don't do that. Okay. So you guys know Tim Butterley's wife? Yeah.

Wow, that's pretty cool. That's really nice. That's awesome. She's a lovely lady. She's not here this weekend. And I wanted to know. I said, Tim, where's Mary Jo? And I said, it's a real tragedy.

Our 17-year-old had her first varsity wrestling tournament today. Which was the sentence I'd never heard. And there's no way we could both miss it. So I had to do the festival without my wife for the first time, and I've been really down in the dumps about it. Yeah, and you were like, because why are you down in the dumps? Because I, she's the best part. She's the most fun.

And Sam pulled me out of it last night. You were on acid in a parking lot. It was me, you feed me, my house. Mike Cannon, Mike Cannon, bombing a bunch, you know. Waiting for a phantom shuttle that we weren't sure even existed. They were all fucked up on acid, and a train came, and Cannon went, I think that's the shuttle. And if he was doing a bit, it would have been a slam dunk, but no, he was sincere. So Tim's like, I just wish I was there in case, like, my wife, you know, I love her.

And like, what if my daughter needs encouragement on the side of the ring, you know? And I was like, well, at least Mary Joe's there to be like, you got it. We love you, baby. Don't worry. Upy, upy. And if you know my wife, I mean. It's like she was in the shuttle one. I was killing so hard on the shuttle until I stopped completely.

God damn it. I bombed twice. Well, Cannon bit me. But yeah, no, I mean, you're such a nice guy, man. I think a lot of people, you know, really try and emulate your cool vibe? Wow, that's pretty cool of you to say. I think it was mostly just autism

recognizing autism. Any telescope guys here? All right. So many. Hey, hey, that's enough for me, man. That was separate. We'll find each other. I think Travis raised his hand.

Yeah. I never got into telescopes because my face was too chubby. You couldn't get your eye in there. So I just be smushed against it and it would look like I was looking through a greasy people. like a fucking Burger King bag.

Too fat to observe space is crazy. Too fat for the cosmos. Cosmo? Not. Yeah, too fat. 2001 pounds. A space oddity. Oh, great riff guys.

What if I was that fat? That's what I should have done. I should have gone for a human ton. I should have just been a block and you guys like have to come in to see me in Detroit and you all pay a dollar and you can bring a turtle and you throw it in the pit and I bite its head off. They're like, oh, that's Sam Talent, voice of a generation.

He's the pit wad. They have to knock down a wall to use a helicopter to get you out of a building. Yeah, to give me a bath. The fire department comes from the sky. Your carcass explodes on a beach. I ruin a Dominican

wedding. Lund, what do you think? I was going to say, when Tim and I met, we had a really nice day last year, right? And you were thinking about getting a gun. And so we went to a shooting range, and we shot a similar gun or whatever, right? But that day, it was like right before the election, and Kamala was in Philadelphia, like, a half mile from us. And I remember thinking... Let's finish the job.

No, I remember thinking, if something happens over there, if she's shot or shot at, and then they start stopping cars, we had gunshot residue on our hands. And you look like this. And we look like this, crew. We had just taken like a gun, like, training course. Like the day of... Gave them our IDs, went and shot a bunch of them. Yeah, we looked like the 9-11 hijackers that didn't look out of land. It would have been hard to convince them.

You got the wrong guys. And then they would have looked in Lund's eyes and it would be over. Pedophile eyes. Well, then they probably clear me of the shooting because... I don't know. I got a different target in mind. We were also in Pittsburgh when Trump got shot. We were at the Pittsburgh improv.

Calamity follows you. I'm getting away with it. Chaos rains. The Trump shooter was from the roof, and there was a ladder involved, so I don't think it was you. Yeah, no. If there was an escalator to a roof, I could have been questioned. If there was a tree, you could have koala styled up.

That would have been fun. We were going to do DMT, but we didn't end up doing it. I brought it. All right, let's do it. Hell yeah. Let's do it and get on the Gravitron. Whoa. Holy shit.

I've one new DMT right now. No, no. Yeah. I don't want you guys. Look at me just going, wow. Like Steve Jobs when he died. Wow. Yeah, no.

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He's crawling out of a deep pit. This guy's here. How'd the book fair go? I don't know. Is there time and interest to tell the Lund being rude to Feeney story? Yes, of course. Is that worth it? Yeah.

This is, I think I have... I mean, fill the hour. Yeah, I don't know. I think I have a great chubby behemoth extended universe story. Yeah, please, man. Okay. Get into the lore. Half these people just found out we have a podcast.

Okay. All right. So I watched something funny that made me think Lund is either fucking with me or he's the funniest guy who ever lived, okay? And so I was with Mike Feeney. You guys know Mike Feeney, right? Yeah, we love Mike Feeney. Okay, I'm hanging with Mike Feeney, and I say, hey,

do you know Lund? It's surprising to me how many people don't know Lund. Doesn't surprise me. That's a crime. He really keeps to himself. I know. So I was so excited to introduce my two very good friends, Nathan.

So I'll be Mike Feeney. This is why I go, hey, do you guys know each other? This is one of my really good friends, Mike Feeney. This is Nathan Lund. Oh, yeah, I know. I know Nate. He goes, we met yesterday. And Lund goes, no, we didn't.

And I went, oh, funny bit. And then I watched Fieny start to panic. He goes, no, we definitely met yesterday. And I don't know which one of the guys is joking. Is this the most awkward introduction ever? Or are these two master comedians fucking with me? Are they blowing it, or is it two Andy Milanakas is going out and head to head? And Lung goes, no, definitely not.

and he's being more and more flippant as Feeney's like... Yeah, Lund's getting pissed. I wasn't flippant. I just knew I don't drink, so I know I didn't talk to Feeney yesterday and then forget. So I figure he's mistaken. You say, you give him the out. You're like, maybe...

I give him the out. I go, hey, oh, dude, I bet you were actually talking to Patrick. And Lund's like, I'm not that gross. I wish I was as tall as Pat. And Feeney goes, no, definitely you. And then it was the final, it wasn't. me and I went what the fuck I was sitting there the whole time

like this and I'm going is he and yeah dance puppets I'm struggling with is this a great is this a greatest lund bit of all time or is this the most awkward social situation the greatest one bit of all time was about the Oklahoma City thunders anyway

I pull Feeney away I go what the fuck was that dude did you seriously meet him yesterday he goes I'm pretty sure maybe it was like I just watch you so much on he goes maybe I just see you so much online and it's also impossible it's like I can smell

him through my phone so when I saw him in real life it felt like home dude and I'm struggling with it all day and I'm like and then we finally meet up with Sam in the parking lot of the shuttle and we explained the whole situation you didn't though because you were on acid and you just went

Fini Lund and you and then you and Canon just keep laughing and you're like, Lund, man, Lund is fucking, Fini! And I'm like, well, Lund's about to punch out someone right now. Oh, no. Well, I just, I wouldn't want people I didn't know laughing and going, Lund!

I like it when it's people I do know. Right, yes. You and the Beck man. All right, so we're telling the fractured story to Sam at this point. On acid, Lund. Oh, ones and zero. Lund, like, iced out Feney so hard, and Fini seemed like he panicked in the moment. It was just really sad and funny.

and it takes forever to tell them the story probably almost as long as it is right now because you keep stretching you keep telling the story and then looking up at that weird laser that was in the sky last night and you kept going man all the way up all the way

and then you'd be like Feeney man Lund Lund I think I worked really hard yesterday and I earned a little bit of staring at the laser time that's that's the Rogan signal. You couldn't decide between

the laser and the train. Fuck, fuck. Cannon was just spinning. But no, and then Pat walked up. Yeah, yeah, so we tell this super long story to say we're standing in the parking lot forever. And then we don't get any closer

to a resolution. And I'm standing next to Feeney and Patrick joins the group. And Feeney leans a little bit closer and he goes, okay, by the way, it was definitely Patrick. when he yeah he dug it he dug the grave earlier because he's like it wasn't patrick i know patrick he had it's wide world he does great stuff yeah and i was like okay i love pat

that's good number one pat i love that pat that's phony but then he saw him and he was yep yeah i have fat blindness and it was that guy yeah you all look and smell the same it was the other fat futt excuse me but yeah if you see pat make sure you call him foot stands for fat, pat, but. But all the T's are at the end. It has all of the four T's. I don't know that this is untoward, but I was wondering if you guys wouldn't mind

hooking me up with a nickname before we leave. Yeah. Well, let's let it happen organically. Okay. Right now it's Laser Boy. Whoa. Yeah, it's not bad, right? Lock it in.

The Luxor. Prism. Tim Prisbon. But? All right. You asked for it. Fuck. Yeah.

We had a fun one at one of the skank fest where me, you, Feeney, and Canon, and I think Sagalow, everyone was on mushrooms or LSD. We were in the green room, and there was a guy doing the naked roast who came in. He was double amputee. So he's on both of his legs. You know, his legs. His blades.

Yeah. He's on his Oscar Pistoriuses. Yes, yeah. He Oscared into the room. And he sat down. and everyone was like, whoa, leg guy, hey, you know. Because, like, Feeney and Cannon talk like they're on Seinfeld all the times. They're like, whoa, legs, come on.

And then, and the guy's like, yeah, you like my legs? I lost him in the war. And, like, you know, Finney's like, hope you find him. Whoa. And then. Yeah. Yeah. And the man's like, I'm a hero.

And it's like, I'll have two, extra Suzuki. And so the guy thinks he's going to come in and nail it. and we're just like on, you know. And he's nude. Yeah, he's nude. He's completely nude. Nice piece, by the way. All right.

Was a dragon on the ground? I'll tell you what wasn't blown off, you know? Was it touching? He had his blades on. He had his prosthetics, but he got the last laugh because as everyone's high on LSD, he sits down and dumps his stumps, and we're like, oh, no! kicks him into the crowd. It wasn't on stage.

He was in the green room. It was a bad time to be on LSD. Yeah, bad time to be on LSD wondering if, you know how like when guys get their legs amputated and then you go, is that just like jagged bone pointing into like a meat butthole at the bottom? Is that not excruciating to have broken, like destroyed bone jamming into the little balloon knot

where your knees used to be? It looked like something you would eat as a power up in streets of rain. He had two of those And we're just gorked You know And we went from like slap and tickle kings To like oh death is all the time

Death is everywhere And it's swift Not as swift as him Oh dude And then now you're stuck in like a psychedelic loop Of like convincing yourself That you're glad the accident happened And your life is so much better now

It's like dude to lie to yourself forever Brutal He was getting a pussy Yeah Oh man Think these guys are impressed by getting pussy That's crazy There's a guy getting laid right now

Back there, look at him Knuckles deep It'd be nuts If someone was having sex In the back of the room Standing 69 Yeah Yeah who thinks here

Who thinks they've jacked off The most in the hotel so far Dude The hotel is great It's nice But I took a shower and the first towel I grabbed had quite a bit of jizz on it.

It was, yeah, there was a nice little globule that was definitely jizz because it matched the stain that I had on my little jizz, you know, jacking off approved little hand towel. But this was the big boy. They grabbed the month of giant towel. Oh, God.

And then it got washed and dry, and they were like, ah, it's fine. They folded it up. Luckily, I looked at it. It's called a fiendtile. Fee-fi. Yeah, no shit. And I've dried my head and face with three of those towels without inspecting

them first. Oh, shit. Dude. Yeah, Luns were caked. It was like Becker took him to the bakery to carry back his treats. It was like you freshened up my room. You're like, yeah, that'll do for him. He'll love it. I'll take it from here, Matilda. I would love the jizzier towels, but no. They won't let me check in under your name anymore.

we're in separate towers and that's fine by me you don't know where I am or what I'm up to I wish you were in Tower 7 it's like the stump guys here oh man anyone have any questions for us no all right you sir

I talked with you sir yeah No, dude, watching Holtzman's like watching Lightning Bolt to me, dude. It's like, it's insane. Like, it's hard to laugh when a man is doing all the things you're not allowed to do and killing. No. He was rock hard.

Oh, dude, it's like fucking staring at the sun on an eclipse. I fucking, yeah, I was back there with Big J just like... He's doing it. And then what sucked is Vatterot, who's hilarious, had to go up at. after Holtzman reinvented comedy forever. It was the deprave show, so it's like everyone got three ends, and then you got an F or a K if you wanted it, you know.

Holtzman, you know, had some that only prospectors used. I mean, it was dusting off slurs that my grandpa wouldn't say. I saw him back there with his stithorish. A 16th Chinese, excellent. Yeah. You were laugh clocking him. Oh, I mean, I think I've been privy to Holtzman enough to be able to... I don't know, I think it's great.

I'm not anti-Holtzman, yeah. But thanks for tattling. Thanks for giggle-checking me here at my fucking show. You know, like, Holtzman, what's you dare? I took my parents to a Holtzman show. Yeah, sorry. We all miss your mom. My stepmom, I went to check on them after the show.

They were sitting in the back, closed the show, and he did 25 extremely Holtzman minutes. And I go, man. No, Holtzman. Literally the opposite of Hulzum. And I went over to check on them after he finished his big closer, which is

reciting, like, the 14 words. And I can see my dad's having a good time, and my stepmom's wiping tears out of her eyes, and I go, whoa, they got it. And I come up behind and I put my hands on both their shoulders. And I go, so that's Brian Holtzman.

And I look down and my stepmother is actually crying. This is one, every word of this is 100% true. And I go, oh, no, are you okay? And she turns around. She goes, no, it's great. I just can't do retarded frank jokes. It'd be even better if she turned around. She's like, why can't you do what he's doing, Tim?

They love it, Tim. She's like salieri dropping Mozart's music out of his hand. It's like me reading Jughead. I'll never be this good. I'll never have somebody cheeseburgers. Yeah, no, Holtzman's, uh, see him live. Bring someone who doesn't know about him. It's the best part.

Bring your parents. You don't watch Holtzman. You watch the people watching him. That's the really funny. Anyway, sorry. No, it's good. So where was I? Bobby, you're a human toilet and you like to eat all the crud out of the world.

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Are you tired of your fucking ass being rotten? Huh? I know you're a rock and roll lawyer. who has the keys to the city, but your ass sucks. You know? Maybe quit wearing assless chaps on your motorcycle on long rides. Can road rats.

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I've had a lot of young men and women come up to me at this festival and say, I took my parents to see you in Milwaukee. I'm like, they like, oh, it was a long ride home. I'm like, I'm a filthy nightclub comedian. Don't bring Mommy and Daddy. Bring dad if it's his weekend, you know? But don't bring fucking mom and her new

boyfriend and then sit there tents for an hour and a half. Just watching. What is it? humor too much for you? Any other question? I thought you were holding your nose. Yeah. Oh, brutal.

Both of those are not good for your dog. Those are trash brands. Stinkly asked Alpo or Purina. Do you guys, like, eat dog food? I am about a month off of dog food. Oh, is this the thing I finally learn about Lund that changes everything? It's literally every day is a miracle, dude.

I said it earlier. Yeah. I revealed a month ago that I would clean, after giving my dogs their pills off of a fork, instead of rinsing it off, I would just eat whatever was on there. And it has been a revelation that has rocked the fans and myself. Because until I saw the way Sam and Becker reacted, I thought it was kind of a who cares situation. Like, instead of rinsing it off, I take care of it myself.

Who cares? I'm on with my day. And no, it has not been that. It has been, they look at me different. They look at, like, fans look at him because he's skinny now, where it's just like, this isn't the guy that I like and no. And, yeah, so they're like, right then, I'm just like, fuck, I fucked up. I could have taken that to the grave, but now everybody knows. And no, we try to get better stuff for our...

dogs, because... For our dogs, huh? I don't... No, warm-o chili is really great for their fur. They love clam chowder. But yeah, so no, neither of those, but... Dude, he told us in Vermont

after we recorded the pod. And he goes, yeah, so smiling like this. Yeah, so I didn't tell you on the pod, but I've been eating dog food. and me and Becker went like this. We were laughing, we're giggling, you know, we're about to smoke some weed,

and we haven't eating dog food, and we went. No, I thought it was going to be a giggle around the clock. No, I knew. That's why I didn't say anything for like a month. Because you knew it was wrong. In Austin. I knew I was going to get some shit. It's not a who cares, man.

If you know for a month that it's bad. And then you're like, I've been eating dog food. You tried to get me to eat like a dog gummy, like melatonin or something. And you thought that was going to be hilarious. And I was like, wait till they get a load of this? And I didn't want to keep it forever, but I didn't want to deal with it that episode or like the couple after. So, yeah, eventually I was like, I got to tell them. Yeah, it's just every subsequent episode forever now.

Yeah. It's a real who cares, as you put it. And I've been studying the samurai code, all right, Tim, that's my thing. I'm trying to live a Japanese lifestyle and feel the ramifications of said lifestyle. And there's this big thing in samurai code of, yeah, no preferences. He knows the way of the sword. Yes. Yes.

And Lund, I tried to explain no preferences to him, you know, just the way of water. And his version of no preferences is, who cares, I'm eating dog food. It's a big fucking deal. I'm a samurai. I'm eating dog food. dog food. True Nilellism. The coat of the hammer-eye.

I wish it was the hammer rabbi, and I'd fucking eat some dog food with you. I live by a coat. Yes. He lived by a chode. So anyway, I'm just really grateful that you've stopped eating dog food. Well, yeah, once I saw the way you guys didn't like laugh it off, I was like, ah, fuck, all right. So, yeah, I stopped. It sucked.

I didn't need to. I didn't need to. It doesn't taste good. It tastes like nothing. I think that's the weirdest part You quit eating it because it doesn't taste good No, no, it was because of the way you looked at me It was like revealing a bad gambling problem

It was like fuck Now you can't trust me You're about to have a dog If it tasted like anything, you'd still be eating it No, no no Not even good If it tasted bad Lund, what the hell, man?

What? That's another fold. That's another little... Brinkle. All right. Oh, man. Excellent. Okay, but yeah, no, you're making strides.

Everyone's... We're tightening it up, man. It sucks that our version of tightening up the squad is you're no longer eating dog food. Picking dog food. It's like... This is $13,000 two-week camp, you know what I mean? to stop eating dog food. Anyway, some guys need a Navy seal

screaming in your face on the beach. Put down the fork. Put the lid on it. Any other questions for us? Congratulations. It doesn't start with me. It doesn't go me and then the dog. which I know makes it worse

for some of you that was a two-parter you cheated we're supposed to do one and one and one who was that oh man did everyone hear that did everyone hear that question

okay wow wee oh my god dude what a drone strike yeah and it was the second one yeah he lulled me to a false sense. Oh, all right.

Two asked that question. Where would we take? Oh, man, that was good. Coming off the bench for two. Where are we taking Butterly? Let's answer the first question. Yeah, sure. We'll go to fucking Reno or something. Can we go to the second question? The second question wasn't an inquisitive question. It was a burn.

And a very impactful one. It was not, oh, this shit is good. I should share. it with the dogs. The dogs are already getting too much, according to you. I don't deserve a kite, you know. I've been bad. It was a lazy thing more than a fat thing, all right? Yeah.

There's two wolves inside of me. Oh, my God. I would love to, well, you know what, Butterly's great, great show was an early influence on, I was like, what, Buck and Butterly. We did the thing in front of the Baltimore Aquarium. Yeah, yeah. You know?

We, yeah. Tripping, yeah, it was excellent. I saw how capable your rag-tag bunch of retards was. I was like, I got a pack of fucking ghouls and goblins, you know? But yeah, no, Butterly, I would love to, where would you like to go? I really want to go to Kazakhstan and do a reverse Bora. As Jews? As Jews.

No. That was like his big thing, right? He hated Jews? Yeah, but he is Jewish. Oh, so we go as Goyim. We hate eating dog food. Now, where would you like to go? Huh.

Anywhere in the world. You know, for me, my real answer, I should probably think of a funny one instead. No, no, but yourself. We went somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. That would be my jam. What, like Olympia, Washington? Yeah. Let's see the Capitol.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's go take a ferry, you know, and see Orcas Island or something. Ooh, Orcas Island, and they'll herald me as their king. He did it. Why can't we? He's on land. He's under three.

Let's get out there. And then there's a bunch of dead fucking orcas just on the beach. Anywhere in the world, and you're thinking Pacific Northwest. That's my favorite place to go. Can you not leave the country? Oh, worldwide, I didn't even think of, obviously, India. It's called Wide World, too. Yeah, my bad.

You sound like the Netflix guy I talked to. We love world widening. Yeah, let's show. Let's go to India together. Oh, man, I don't want to. Yeah, it's like, that's why it's a funny answer. Yeah, yeah. Who the fuck wants, anyone in the world that's not in India that wants to go to India, it's insane.

Look, I don't want to besmirch India. All right. I just, I don't want to go there. All right. When one of the things we don't like more than anything is being in the way, you don't go to India. Oh, excuse me, excuse me, sir, pardon me. And I think they get a little handsy on the bus. You don't have anything to grab.

Oh, they can find something. Okay. A lot of treasure. Slap a mud mound on each part of your tit and then just, ah. Oh. Mud mound. It's their mud. They can do what they want with it.

They're not really honking you. No, I hope not. They're going to be disappointed. What if we're going to... South Korea, man. I was going to say fashion show in Tokyo. God, I really want to be in Paris Fashion Week. I want them to let me walk.

They let Stavros roll. Why can't I? He rolled so I could walk. I like aspire to... I'm going to start dressing like John C. Riley. in my 40s and everyone's going to be very annoyed I'm going to look like a puppeteer.

As soon as those hats start coming, that's when I... I'm not going to start wearing any cool hats. I don't have a bunch of cool hats already saved. I just got to write one really cool book and then I can just like disappear, you know? I'll only do skankfest. I'll be like mullen. I'll just surfaced

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I've spent a lot of time Thinking about like Do you know the song Hook by Blues Traveler As a guy who looked like blues traveler For most of his life Yeah I definitely have had people put on hook at a bar And point at me

Yes And you a harmonica Uh huh yeah I put on hook every time I'm feeling Blue. That's real. That's that pulls me out of any bad mood ever and I've spent a lot of time thinking about Blue Strival being in the studio and I've replaced you with

John Popper every single time. Yeah, man. I go, he made this just for me to smile and he played 20 harmonicas in a vest and carried a gun the entire time. Only swallowed three of the harmonicas. That was the real trip. You crack open John Popper. Who called you

jalapeno Popper? Somebody hit you with that, didn't they? I'm sure they have. you have to let the bad ones go alipino popper was my version of did you ever offer the fork to the dog that was as bad as the time

I was in Vegas and I was wearing fake yeas at a black show and I was trying to do crowd work and a guy said at least I'm not wearing fake yeas and I went good night see you later that's my time

there's no comeback Going to the Bellagio Fountain with rocks in your pockets. It's three feet tall. I bought two tickets to the Jason Aldeen show. Jesus Christ. It was so, I mean, that was, you know, a tragedy that the Saudi royal family perpetrated that day. You lived there then, right? I lived there, and I was seeing a movie, and end the movie.

A bunch of people were calling me, and I was like, uh-oh. what did Lundee this time yeah and a bunch of people were like so they're calling me and then to get text and all of them were like hey I assume you're not at the Jason Aldeen show but like country music

festival yeah I hope you're okay my buddy was there and I talked to him that night and it was so weird to talk to somebody who was wasted there's so many shooters until a mass shooting started there's definitely not just one he was so drunk and then had all that adrenaline that had oh man

He fucked a hole in a concrete wall after that. Yeah, he felt a lot of different emotions, for sure. He went Kool-Aid, man. I was putting people in the back of a truck, man. He's had, like, 12 beers or whatever. Emily was getting the call because she was in med school, and she literally was like, I don't get paid yet. Yeah, yeah.

We all went to donate blood at free buffet, yes. Another hero. All you can eat. blood. Oh, dude, it was a line around the block. Literally, people going, donating blood, going and eating all the crab legs they could, getting back in line. Undonated dog blood? The perfect crime.

Yeah, if I donate dog blood, that's what you're saying. Very good. Thanks, Lon. Yeah, but it was a lot of... There was a lot of Filipino blood getting donated. I'll say that. Whoa. Shit. Bracket slurped, dump it, butterling.

We're going to call you Craven. Jacket. I knew you're a Route 91 music festival survivor. Yep, ma'am. How far were you? I was in, I was in Henderson, the vet. Very far away. I was in a movie theater in Henderson.

Trying to make a move on my wife. Because that was when she weighed 180 pounds. And it all went to two places. No mud necessary. Oh, we were making our own chimneys in the back of the back. What movie did you see? I don't know. The world changed that day.

I think it was the whale. That's where you were trying to make a move? Oh, yeah. The whale? I was like, he's doing it, honey. Why can't I? People can't want you to sign their movie ticket? Yeah.

It was 2016. He didn't look like this. Yeah. I read for the whale I didn't get it They went with Brendan We showed up to read for that roll And we both hoped it was cinnamon

Cinnamon roll They're not all slam dunks folks Any other queries out there? there. Somebody got something good? No. I think Tap Roots firing it up outside, so all right. Oh, good. Pat. Pat, come on out.

Come on. Sam, what's it like being a little guy? Hey, Pat. Such a meaty paw. Yeah, I know. Look at that. How many fists are those? You can have so many knuckle tattoo, a lot of letters on there.

Let's get some glaze for those hands. Hey, Pat, what's it like finishing a wide world? No, your dad died. His heart exploded from meth. I've been telling people ice got him. Yeah. When in doubt, do your act. I love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

Oh, you enjoyed the kill-tony bump. I'll let you know. Yeah, I don't know. Unless, like, you really embarrass yourself or, like, you have one arm or something, they kind of don't really notice you. They love you. I've been on three times,

and people are still just like, I had never seen the script before my life. But it's been very fun. Yeah. Thank you. That's why I don't ask the question. The chubby behemoth bump is way bigger for me. Yeah, but it's...

These are my real people. It's a bump of Bolanese. I feel like there's just a kinship between us, man. Sam and I first met at Skangfest in Houston. No, I didn't do Houston. No, you definitely... That's a Feeney situation. You and Feeney, don't know who your name and where.

Is it Alzheimer's acid? No, sorry, the first year in Vegas. I'm sorry. It was at one of the pre-parties, so it's not, in my mind, It's not at the actual shows and shit, but it was at the pre-party on the Thursday night, the first year in Vegas. And I love, dude, I love having online friends.

Dude, I have so many online friends that I've met in real life. And Sam was one of my online friends for a little while. And we would poke back and forth at each other going, hey, man, it was pretty funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha, that kind of stuff. And we were finally in the same room in Skankfest, first Vegas, in the pre-party, and we locked eyes from across the room.

And I think the crowd parted, between us. We did, yeah. Everclear stopped. Everclear was like, do I see some online friendship happening IRL? Open up the pit for this beautiful moment between men. I'm feeling those usernames, you know?

And I've never been more magnetized toward a person in my entire life, buddy. Shane always told us we'd be friends because we're, quote, climbers. You're so much better. at it than me. I don't climb. Just be yourself. That's what people want, Tim.

No, people hate yourself. Guys, you want my advice? Hide your true self from every every last person. Take it from me. Keep some stuff to yourself. You don't have to be an open book.

He writes them, but it doesn't mean you have to give him more mature. I can't wait to read your next book about a guy who eats dog food. and lives in the woods or whatever. It's called The Way of the Samurai. That would be a good book, a guy who reads a lot of samurai doctrine

and applies it to his fat, gross life. It's kind of a who cares thing as far as paying the heating bill. Wow, if you were at war, destroy your plate completely. Never stop. Well, the way they applied it in this thing that I read was like there was a samurai who was supposed

to show up for a samurai battle, but he was late. And that was like how he won, because the other guy was there like waiting the whole time, like bouncing, like goes to Sashima, you know, just like this. The other guy was like eight hours late, and by the time that he got there late, the guy was tired from bouncing. And then the guy who was late just came up

and cut his head off and they're like, yeah, that guy didn't care when he showed up. The other guy was there on time. Right, and you're like, yeah, I kind of showed up here for a fight to the death And like, just chill, dude. We're kind of creating a parable for the rest of all time right now.

Yeah, this is going to be on woodblock scrolls. Nogoya. Wow. We probably were. Time for one more. Oh, yeah. Another question. Yeah, we're almost done.

Anybody else? You guys came so far where you really want to talk to you. You know? Sam Talenscher, didn't you have some? Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. New book update. Go to Simon & Schuster.com for more.

It's random house, bro. Who cares? It's a who cares thing. I'm your best friend in the world. It's the biggest achievement I've ever had. It's the other one. I'm surprised I knew Simon and shoes. I didn't know what that was.

You didn't read the book, did you? I read the book. Ask them something from like more than 15 pages in. Yeah. At the beginning in the end. How did I refer to you in the book? Huh? Volleyball tips, great.

Yeah, no. You got to keep your own. Real flat, like two boards. Flat as I am now. That's right. Yeah, no mud mounds on your forearms. And then you can pass that ball up to the center. And then you're going to have a tall Polynesian or Hawaiian dude.

Spike the shit out of that thing. And your frosted tips are going to snap in half. Yeah, you got to get those frosted tips. Otherwise, the volleyball does, it's not going to go well with you. It's oil and water. In high school, a lot of people don't know this. Lund was a volleyball. I played volleyball in high school.

yeah he was just nude out there completely hairless I wasn't on a girls team I didn't I didn't like you know break gender barriers we had men's volleyball boys volleyball in high school one was taken seriously southern Nevada yeah nobody was checking out our butts God that was such a crazy time it's being horning at a volleyball game 16 years old everyone's hard no one can talk about it

staring at long every ticket's old yeah Lund out there Just shaking it. These big wet lips that he had in that photo. Jesus, man. What the fuck? Becker, getting involved. Remember?

That photo of you, you're so like studly in that photo. You look like the man. When I was 16? The one of you. I was hot as hell. Yeah, you showed us that picture of you and you look like the man.

Boy targeter. We got to go. My next book will be available next fall from Random House. It's about a gay hit man in Paris doing one last job so hand job

it's a male be treed with nutrition it's about a gay man in Paris Pat it's my fantasy it's so easy to write it just pour it out I don't know where I end and he begins I had such just a fanciful gay

May of writing my book in Paris and walking around and going like I'm a part of it I'm James Ball You thought that? No. Yeah. No. My country doesn't understand me.

Whoa. So you went to Paris to write a book about Paris? To finish my book about Paris. Right. And you walked around and you went, Oh. And I have to capture this. Were you writing down stuff in a little notebook?

It's all the time we have. Tim Butterley, everybody. Give it up for Tim. Give it up for Pat. Patrick Richardson, Nathan Lund, Jake Becker. Thank you, guys. I'm a Sam Talent. Thank you guys.

Test your drugs.