Chubby Behemoth - Toilet Mouse

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Extra episodes at https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth   Stacking The Box. Second Worst Bomb. Pinnacle Toilet Water.   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

Hey everybody, thanks for listening to the episode. This is Sam. I'm going to be at the Comedy Fort on Halloween doing Stick or Treat with Christy Bukley. After that I will be in Boston, Massachusetts coming up at the Hideout the 4th and 5th of November. Minneapolis the 11th and 12th of November at Sisyphus Brewing. That's always a fun time. And then the following weekend I'll be in San Francisco. After that, I'm going all the way down to Colorado Springs at Looney's. SamTalent.com has your tickets. And now, onward and upward, Christian soldiers. Hey, everybody. It's your old friend, Mud Pants, Sam, the Riverboa Talent. and I'm joined as always by my one and only, my forever person, Nathan Lung.

There you go. Nathan Lung, everyone. It feels like we haven't done one together in a long time. We have not. You're traipsing about with your young, sexier friends. Yeah, young hot you, Patrick Richardson, slowly replacing you. Slowly taking you out of the picture. The phase out.

He's going to be woken up with a tiki torch to the face real soon. You are plotting your revenge against him? Well, I just want to let him know that he will not replace me. He lives with me now. Yeah? And is infuriating. Yeah, what if it was you in there? Think about all the hijinks we could get up to, the antics.

Yeah, I would imagine I'd get sick of Fort Collins pretty quick. I imagine you'd get sick of me pretty quick. No, you're cool. I don't know if I want to be around a bunch of young college co-eds just having the time of their lives, figuring it out, looking at me, seeing that I'm 40 and fat, and thinking, that'll never be me. And then there's that twinkle in their eye that gets a little dull

because in the back of their head they know this is what's waiting for them. It's not like they're just going to be fucking sweet ass and rosy cheek forever. Yeah, they're not just going to be braless girls in bike shorts looking around trying to land some young tech billionaire

just dumping them out and swinging them around over there at the Culver's waiting in line for a banana split no they're gonna have to settle we're gonna have to compromise put dogs down they're gonna have to say goodbye to friends they're gonna have to they're not gonna say goodbye to those friends those friends are just gonna disappear they'll just be gone yeah there'll be a memory one day they They'll text who they think is their friend Sal. Yeah. And the number will text back, this isn't Sal. Yeah. And they'll say, what the hell?

They'll say, como es? Quien es eso? And they'll say, how is? How is el persona? How are? And it's like, no, it's quien es la persona, Sal? What happened to you? You were raised in chile yeah it's fun to

think about young people losing their luster forgetting about everything that made them special and just becoming guys like us it's another face in the crowd just in there turning the bowl just waiting to be flushed and being pissed upon because no one wants to flush because they don't want to touch the handle. A lot of it, I think, is actually freeing. Getting older, learning more about yourself, realizing nobody

gives a shit. I think a lot of younger people have that main character syndrome where it's like, oh God, what am I going to do next? For who? Your parents? They don't care. Everyone's thinking about my next move. They're going to love you no matter what. Yeah, so just slow down.

Get a job. Pursue a passion. Yeah, learn to fucking weld. You need a skill. What are you up to? I'm moving around. I'm trying to get comfy. All right.

We're doing a new thing. It's where we just rag on young people. Because we saw them out in their goddamn costumes this weekend here in Hotlanta. Just a bunch of fucking thongs and butt cheeks and big nipples you see through their Black Widow costume. And then I just got to pretend like I'm parking. I'm not staring at the backup camera

because I'm a pervert. No, no, no. I'm not following you around the block because I'm pretty sure your nip slipped out of your Daffy Duck costume. I just don't want to pay $8 for parking. I can't afford it. So yeah, walk up this hill and I'll drive slowly behind you like I'm guiding you with my headlights. But really, that sheer nurse costume is being penetrated by my headlights.

It is fast and furious out here in Atlanta, man. People are in a hurry. Yeah, they're all driving Dodge Chargers. People are getting flipped over on their roofs. Oh, yeah, all the time. Our Uber driver said she saw that. Yeah, that's all she said. A dude flipped onto his roof in an accident. And instead of being glad he was alive, he got into it with the other guy in the accident.

He said they were screaming at each other. And I thought that was crazy. Well, if I had a near-death experience with you and I didn't know you, I'd get out and I'd look at you and I'd just give you a big wet kiss. I'd say, we did it, man. Oh, man. You know, I was in a hurry to go nowhere. Yeah.

I was going nowhere fast. I was trying to get to TCBY before it closed. You don't know what the hell I was thinking, man. Well, my doctor get the TCBY before it closed. You know? I don't know what the hell I was thinking, man. Well, my doctor said I can't have any more ice cream, but frozen yogurt doesn't count. Yeah. So I was going over there to get some goddamn Y. Taking care of business yogurt.

That's right. That's what it stands for, right? That's what it stands for, yeah. And I've been taking care of business, but I haven't been taking care of myself until I was flying through the air, rotating onto my car's back. Yeah, and it's like, the last song I'm going to hear is, Whoa, Black Betty, Brambling Out. Is that the last goddamn song that's going to go through my fucking stupid-ass ears?

As I'm on my way to Decatur to get some goddamn yogurt to trick my bitch wife doctor. I mean, that's a different guy. That's a whole different guy. I'm soaring through the sky thinking this is it. And then moments later, I am shocked to find out I'm still in this realm. And my first thought was I should hug this man for giving my brain a good old smack in the ass. Yeah, he gave me CTE that saved my life. He goddamn scrambled my egg, and here I am, just looking at the beauty of

this creation. Did Junior Seau drive off a cliff? Junior Seau shot himself in the heart. Okay, like Elliot Smith. Yeah, and that way he... Well, Elliot Smith. That's pretty funny. He stabbed himself in the heart so that doctors could see if he had CTE. To save his brain for science. So he could build a case against the NFL.

This is what happens if you never watch a game of football. If you're a fucking pussy who doesn't like football. Right, they need a control brain. Yeah. To see what happens. You've never had a concussion. Yeah. You've never had a concussion. Yeah. You've never had a concussion.

You've never watched a quarter of football because you're busy writing songs about heroin. What if Elliott Smith was into football? That'd be cool. Down, down, down. It's fourth down and they're going to punt. Just go for it. The analytics say You're on the 35

Just put it in the air Fumble on the field They're stacking the box Play action pass We're on the left hash And we're bootlegging now Got the fullback in the flat I'm hanging it out

They forgot he was eligible We're down two Gotta get this conversion So we go to the play Gotta run, run, run Down the field Gotta make it all okay Run in the play Run in the play.

Run in the play. It's crazy that we know so much Elliot Smith. Well, we're kind of doing the one song. Yeah, Needle in the Hay. Yeah. What's the other one? It's like, I'm quiet, but now I'm loud and I'm a genius. Because I changed the sound.

Dude, Bright Eyes? I used to drop off my friends after listening to fucking Discharge and Misfits in my old town car and drop them off and just put on Bright Eyes. Spoke myself a lucky strike and cry all the way home. Yeah, he's got some crazy lyrics. And he was young. Elliot Smith was young, too. But yeah, Connor was writing some good stuff at a young age.

Elliot Smith stabbed himself in the heart allegedly 20 times to save his brain. For pussy doctors. To know what makes a man learn acoustic guitar. Yeah, man. We've been all over this fucking southeastern United States. We've been everywhere, man. Over here in the southern mid-Atlantic. We've been in four cities, man.

This is crazy. We've been in three cities. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, after the last few trips we've done have been like two nights in one city. This has felt like a goddamn Def Leppard 1982 world tour. Africa included. Yeah.

Two separate trips through Europe. We're like James Brown, dude. We played Zaire. We went to South Africa. We said, apartheid's cool, man. Living in a man's world. I don't think's cool, man. Living in a man's world. I don't think he liked it. It's a white man's world.

It's a good man's world. Hit him on the one, one time. Hit him on the head. He's black. So am I, man. Yeah, we're very James Brown-esque. Yeah. Isn't it?

We support apartheid Smoking crack and doing a lot of shows That's right Where did we start off? We started off in a little town I like to call Savannah The African Savannah Yeah And that was cool

We had a good time Shout out Brendan Townend Who does not run the city of savannah facebook he does not run that meme page that promoted my show for 60 days straight promoted it uh i think it was what 6 a.m 8 a.m 11 30 a.m uh-huh then break for lunch for fucking two months straight 2 p.m he lost thousands of followers we almost sold out. Yeah. We almost got 90 sold. We sold 77 tickets. On a Wednesday, though. It was a great show.

And you opened up for a little guy I like to call Doug Stanhope. Real name Stan Doug Hope. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I got to open for him. Not a lot of people know that. Yeah. It's a tax dodge. You got held up in Chicago.

I got held up in the airport for six hours yep and the flight was delayed and every 15 minutes they would get on the pa and say hey don't worry we're boarding in 15 minutes remember how 45 minutes ago we said we were going to be on the plane now taking off well hey that was then and this now. So don't go to the United Lounge, whatever you do. Sit right there and hassle this elderly Japanese bartender who's definitely going to get fired after this. Oh, yeah, he wasn't ringing anything up or writing anything down, you said. No, he was bigging everything up and bogging everything down.

Oh, boy. He was, yeah, everybody was like, oh, he's so elderly and wise, he can just memorize it all, and then he didn't. Yeah, it's like he's probably carving this all into a grate of rice. Yeah, he's writing all of our tab. It's probably incredible. Yeah. He's just some doof.

He's just an old, blind, and deaf, and demented bartender who works at this bar in the United Wing of O'Hare. And that poor guy, everyone just descended upon him and we couldn't leave. So like, we're just going to be at this bar and as soon as we board, we'll close our tabs.

Well, six hours passed by and people are passing around bottles of pills, you know, beef jerky's not getting shared even though I want some and I'm staring at the simone guy nobody handed you the bag no one passed the bag to me it's like hey you don't think i'm hungry i've been singing cool elliot smith ripoff songs can't prove i'm gay

i'm not gonna pay so yeah when it came time to finally close our tabs he was like looking around like he didn't set anyone's tabs up yeah that part is very mystifying right so it was like okay what did you have and people were like oh hell i didn't have shit buster you can't prove it he's like what did you have i had one scotch and soda. Meanwhile, they're having quadruple Jamesons. They had like six of them. Yeah, and his wife comes over who works at a different stall, and he's like, you know, like talking to her quietly, and you just hear her be like yell at her and, you know, Japanese.

I'm not going to do the voice. But imagine if I was right now. It would probably go a little something like this. Hey, why didn't you make them set up tabs? Yeah, dub it. Yeah. I don't know. My lips are moving even though I'm not talking.

I don't know. I thought I was back in old Da Nang. I thought I would be able to memorize each person's order. No one's ever been at this bar for six hours. Usually they leave. But the stork did not come from the sky and take them away. That is wild. Yeah, so he must have

had $1,200 of unpaid tabs. Down the toilet. Yeah. Which is a hole in the floor. It was just a drain. I think you hold onto posts or poles. In Japan? Yeah. I thought that was just China. I think it's Japan.

I'm going to Japan. Yeah, let me know. I'm going to be sitting in my own plop. I'm going to tear an ACL from dumping. If you don't hold on to the rail, yeah. Oh, shit. You can end up in your own mess. No, it's a hole.

So you wouldn't splat on top of the pile. No, it's a hole. And people probably aren't making it in the hole because they eat so many delicious Kit Kats. There's not just shit all over. I bet there's just shit on the pile. No, it's a hole, and people probably aren't making it in the hole, because they eat so many delicious Kit Kats. There's not just shit all over. I bet there's just shit on the ground. Nah, I don't think so. And dude, I'm going to get over there and eat sushi, then just be spraying. Well, yeah, your body isn't going to be used to that diet.

Yeah, my body is not a wonderland. After a few days, it's going to be Fukushima all over again. Yeah, it's going to be the second worst bomb that went off there. That's going to suck, dude. I'm going to have shit all over the back of my ankles. It's going to be Hiroshima, your butt, and then Nagasaki. Yeah, Nagasaki's got nothing on this hole. Yeah, dude, I'm going to come out and I'm going to be like,

Emmy, can you wipe me? And she's like, what? I'm like, my ankles? Can you wipe my ankles? My shoes are ruined i'm gonna have to go over there with fucking splatter painted shoes so no one could tell and he's going over there huh and he's coming with what about patrick yeah patrick's he's in our carry-on Oregato Domo Has he been over there already?

Has Patrick been to Japan? Yeah No Patrick's barely not been to Greeley his entire life He's seen the world No he hasn't He's shaped like the world He's globe shaped

Yeah He's a globe rotter I think I saw a plane fly around him Yeah I thought it was him going to Japan we're setting the record it's the longest intercontinental flight yeah no uh yeah savannah was cool doug was cool he kissed me on the lips uh-huh so now you got what he's got which is a bad attitude yeah it was nice to taste some vodka grapefruit for the first time in a few years.

What about the fact that I was sipping on some Pinnacle? Yes, you were. Thanks to Melanie, the comic in Savannah that let us stay with her, which was very nice, her and her roommates. Thank you. Yeah, it's her and then a bunch of children. It was like her and the Lost Boys. Yeah, like's her and then a bunch of, like, children. It was, like, her and the Lost Boys. Yeah, like, 21. She's a woman of a certain age.

And then there was a kid named Connor who was like, are you guys on Snapchat? I want to follow you because I dig the vibes. You guys are nice. Yeah, you guys are totally with the movement, and I want to, like, be an ally. It's like, what do you mean be an ally? And he's like, well, you guys are old as hell.

Yeah, yeah, he's trying not to be ages. Yeah, I want to be an ally to some old bitches i just met everybody's everybody's getting pretty good at not being homophobic transphobic racist but a lot of people are ages oh yeah especially in stand-up yeah he's trying to yeah i got called an old fuck so many times by these young hot pieces of ass i know these comedians that have been doing it for like four years and starting to get laid they look at me and they're like what are you doing here are we putting you down after the show come on man i still got it and like you never had it whoa how old are you like 24 and i'm like all right well you're like what are you doing here you're here to hang drywall yeah are you doing

demo on the room after the show the clogged toilet is this way yeah back off kid i'm 40 and i'm opening it's like why aren't you headlining shut up it's hard you're gonna see let's see if you're still doing it at 35 yeah you dickhead you're like melanie in savannah i said several times that I don't drink. He said it a bunch. We went to two bars, too, and you didn't have a drink. I wasn't drinking. Yeah.

She saw that probably. Uh-huh. But then, yeah, we were at her house, and you said, I think, that you saw that she had pinnacle whipped. She was offering us stuff. Oh, yeah, what she had. Yeah. What she went to bed.

And I joked, and I said, do you have any pinnacle whipped cream vodka? And she said, I sure do, brother. I got the whole gamut of Pinnacle brand flavors. I got Pinnacle Long Cuts Copenhagen. I got Pinnacle Surge. I got Pinnacle Toilet Water, lightly used. Uh-huh. Number one.

I got Pinnacle Toothpaste flavored vodka. Yeah. I got Pinnacle deodorant flavored gin. It's yummy. But yeah, so you say you're good, and I just say, like, oh, yeah, I never had any of that pinnacle whipped because I quit drinking. And she was like, oh, you should try it. And I was like, well, maybe I'll smell it or something.

She's like, no, let me give you a little taste. And I was like, okay, this is a very weird thing to do with somebody who quit drinking yeah but i am not one of those that is white knuckling it no that like there's a whole spectrum of addiction to alcohol and mine is definitely not as soon as i get some on my lips it's over yeah i'm fucking done with drinking yeah you're not like climbing up a telephone pole and telling everyone you're god right but like you're just drop kicking dogs after you smell liquor right and but also like when i have tried little bits of alcohol it was like when we were in paris yeah and there's something that maybe i can never have again right you're at

that wine festival at malt mart yeah yeah of. Yeah, of course you're going to have a little whisper. Yeah, maybe it's the one of the greatest wines that I could ever come across. I can have a little sip and appreciate it. You get the angel share. But not. Because you're my angel. Pinnacle whipped. Yeah. You're not breaking your sobriety of

six years for pinnacle whipped. I have a couple of cocktails from on top of the fridge. Yeah, at 1.30am whilem. while The Descent plays for some reason. She put it on. She put The Descent on. Without asking. Yeah. She's like, we have all the streaming.

And I was like, oh, cool, maybe we'll take a gander and put something on. She just put The Descent on for us. Yeah. Mama Bear. Mama knows what's best. She was looking out for us. But yeah, so yeah, instead of giving me like the tiniest little sip or something. Yeah.

She makes me a drink. She made you a goddamn creamsicle. She put some OJ in the glass. OJ, which is delicious. It wasn't very good. Oh, it's so good, dude. It's not that good. Yeah.

No. It's yummy. But yeah, it was funny. I had like a little and I was like, okay, here you go, Sam. And you're like, no. Yeah. Motherfucker. Just drink it. Just put it away so that it doesn't sit there oh what you had 15 lone stars you can't have two ounces of

creamsicle full yeah but yeah it was funny and obviously it was fine i i tried it i don't miss fucking rubbing alcohol and oj so it sat there and the ice melted and maybe the cat had some. Yeah, the cat downed it. That's why her little chihuahua woke me up screaming. Oh, yeah, you got it. I'm surprised you didn't throw that thing against the wall. As far as I didn't bite its head off. I literally woke up like that old nom veteran we saw sleeping in front of the Avis.

Oh, yeah. Remember that guy? He was behind the bush and he just woke up and he was like, those aren't my keys! You get away from my car! Where's my girl? And we were like, okay, we better get out of here. I've got the 79 Cadillac coming up. I got it for six days. I'm

going to Oakland, California. I didn't prepay for gas! God damn it! Yeah, I just woke up to a little chihuahua barking by my head. Right by your head. Yeah, and I woke up to myself saying, okay, all right, that's enough. Just like screaming at a dog. Because that's normal human behavior.

We're going to get screamed at by Payne's mom. We're being quiet. You just yelled, okay, all right. Yeah, I was doing Italian voice. Okay. She's going to come down and say, it sounds like somebody needs a sandwich. I'll be like, well, actually, somebody does.

I wish we could get up into that kitchen. We can if we're just very quiet. All the dogs are up there. So, okay. They lose their minds. I'll go up there on all fours. And I'll let them know I'm an alpha. Put a cone on them.

Yeah. One of them's in a cone. We're staying in Payne and Ian, our friends here in Atlanta. We're kind enough to let us be in their basement room while they're at Gay Mardi Gras in Myrtle Beach. Is that right? Yeah. Because it's Halloween.

It's like the biggest gay holiday of the year. It rules. Another cool reason to be gay. You get to enjoy Halloween unironically. They're not even enjoying it for the tits. Like, that's why I like Halloween. Fishnets, you know, girls with big, pale, veiny ones. Well, it goes the other way.

They are enjoying the tits, but they're like oiled, muscly dudes or like a hairy, strong back. It's a bunch of junior seahawks. And then them them they're the football i'm open fourth down yeah yeah no ian neighbor very very funny comedian yeah and pain also rocks pain yeah it's great i stayed here years ago uh during i Red Clay, the comedy festival here. One of them. The other one, the Laughing Skull Festival, is good. But was out, got all drunk, was staying with two other comics, and left the key in their apartment or something.

Definitely didn't swallow the key. No, I didn't swallow it. I think it was in there. And so I walked there from wherever the last show was of the night, pretty drunk, and could not get in, could not wake them up. Yeah, you were like, I'm fucked up on Pinnacle House Key flavored vodka. I was texting them. I was knocking. I couldn't get them to come.

So I slept a little bit on their porch. I was like, somebody's going to call the cops for sure. Nobody called the cops. Oh, I was sleeping next to a big bag of lump charcoal. So it said lump on it. And I was like, that makes two of us, brother. And then I posted. Eventually, I realized they're not waking up.

You use tools like an early human. No, so I posted in the festival performer facebook group that i needed some help and ian said that i could come his way and they they let me take a guest bed it saved me man it was nice they gave you a bath very nice now they had to go do a show where they made pancakes they used to do like a brunch show or something oh yeah make a bunch of pancakes pain would make the cakes and so we they did that and then took a shower but it was it was very nice i didn't know him well then i've stayed here before as well it rules they used to get me like zooted i'd get so high here on my own weed of course they don't engage in that but i get so fucking high and just be like so wait you

guys are like you guys like kiss like wait what could you walk me through this whole thing yeah let's see a little act out of what it would look like you guys are both very horny yeah it's like what if i was what if i was kissing you guys that'd be nuts yeah what but pain's beautiful mother is upstairs she's taking care of the dogs yeah horrified we're in the walls down here yeah we haven't we haven't crossed paths yet we haven't been upstairs at all i don't think we should go up there because those dogs are very protective what if we went up there and i was like mommy it's me pain from the past It's your little boy Baby pain I want some of your

Pimento sandwiches Mommy God They got the best snacks There's some drinks Yeah Not pinnacle Like good stuff

Yeah do they have any Pinnacle flavored Pimento cheese vodka Cause if they do Guess what I'm not coming home You better call the fire department Well speaking of pimento cheese vodka because if they do guess what i'm not coming home you better call the fire department well speaking of pimento dude we went from savannah to charleston south carolina

listen to this though i want to tell this story please the descent yes i have not seen the descent since it was in theaters in 2007 or 8 i believe believe six, maybe that sounds right. I was out of high school. And for some reason, me and my buddy Bonzo and Clay to Han and Justin Anderson were back in Elizabeth all at the same time. And well, this might know this was yeah. Okay. 2005. So we were still in high school. So we were in Elizabeth and we went over to the crab shack, which was this kid, Kevin Looney. His dad's name was Carl Looney. And Carl Looney was this old, drunk man.

And he was like the drunkest guy in Elizabeth. And my dad and him were friends in high school. And Carl Looney's claim to fame was he was in wrestling. He wrestled in high school. And he had a mohawk in 1978 or something. No, 1975 probably. 73. Yeah, my dad's 55.

So it's like 73 and he had a fucking last of the Mohicans. And he goes to wrestle. And in his first match, he goes up to like the state championship wrestler. And this is Carl's first year. And they went to shake hands beforehand. And Carl said, kiss my ass. And then the guy broke his jaw. The guy like came out cross-barred him

and moved his jaw into his throat. Yeah, so Carl was the town drunk and his son's name was Kevin Looney and they had this little shack over there. Well, that would have been good, but they weren't that smart, so it was called the Crab Shack. And we were hanging out in there

and it was a Sunday night and we took acid and Bonzo was way too high and he laid down in the middle of the street and said i'm a checkerboard so that was like the start of the night oh king me and this old dude he used to hang out there named wyatt he came in there and he was wasted on three two bud select and he came in with like a 12 pack under his arm and he was like you fucking boys want a beer oh you want a beer you got arm wrestle Wyatt you all want to arm wrestle Wyatt and we're like we're high sir and he's like and he kept nudging me because I was wearing flannel and he'd say I bet Paul Bunyan wants a beer hey Paul Bunyan you want a fucking beer you got to

arm wrestle Wyatt and I was like please leave me alone you're 30 years older than me so we bailed and we drove to Parker to the 20 mile theater and the descent was showing and we went in there like okay we're gonna get freaked out by the descent it's the scariest movie ever we're so high Bonzo's like I'm a checkerboard I'm like I'm Paul Bunyan I work at checkers yeah I have Wyatt's arm in my hand I ripped it off uh so we go in there and we're sitting in the front row of this packed theater and i just remember we ruined it for everyone because we just kept yelling descend harder you're not descending enough descend why won't you descend for like an hour and a half like people are yelling popcorn was thrown at us and we were just like scream laughing the whole time but they didn't send anyone in to get us because i was wearing my

leather jacket nobody descended upon you yeah they should have descended i should have kicked your asses out oh we should got to beat up all the time we ruined so many movies one time evan giblets threw a rocket a rabbit and killed it now he had a gun on he had a gun for an arm and he fucking stoned a rabbit to death. We were like, Jesus Christ, giblets. And then we went in to watch old school for the first time and giblets had the dead rabbit in his fucking hoodie pocket. Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah, we used to get into rumbles at the 20-mile theater with kids from Chaparral. Wow, that's fun. We'd all be wearing our letter jackets and Chaparral kids would show up and be like, smells like pig shit. Yours are from Elizabeth. We'd be like, get out of and chaperone kids would show up and be like, it smells like pig shit. Yours are from Elizabeth. Maybe like, get out of the truck.

You bitch. I'll Facebook you right now. I'm from Elizabeth. I got nothing to lose. I'll kill you. I'll kill you. Give me your sister. My whole family.

My whole family's dead. I don't give a fuck. I'm one of eight surviving class members From the class of 05 I ruined the descent I don't care What do you think I'll do to your face? I ruined my own movie going experience

I've never been laid I'm 16 Let me smell your fingers I've never been laid. I'm 16. Let me smell your fingers. I know you're getting pussy. You're from Chaparral. You're a 5A school. Well, yeah, so we didn't watch much of The Descent.

And it wasn't ruined for us. No. God, that one with the short hair and the eye makeup is so hot. They're a bunch of hotties. Yeah, but that one in particular is like my type but yeah so then we went to uh charleston well the other gem of the south yes and we ate two huge meals in savannah we did all right let's talk about them we had miss wilkes yeah which you kept calling something else. Miss Myrtles.

Miss Weinsteins. Yeah. Miss Weinsteins. Jewish take on Southern cuisine. I kept calling it Mrs. Doubtfires. Oh, hello. Oh. I'm pretty sure Miss Wilkes is a man who misses his kids.

Just putting it out there. They're not coming back. You almost fought that guy. Well, that was very annoying. They do a big old line, and then they take groups of, well, each table is huge. So if you have a party of six,

and the table that they want to seat you at seats eight, then they're going to ask if there's a party of two that can join you. So it's family style. We ate with our group. We had six and we had an older couple that joined us. Luckily not the guy right behind us because I couldn't have handled that. You would have had to kill him.

I would have arm wrestled him and won. He was dressed like a beekeeper at a hike. Yeah, he looked like a douche. And so what? We were with... It's like he's going to a beekeeper at a hike. Yeah, he looked like a douche. And so what? We were with. It's like he's going to a zookeeper funeral. That's your new. I love that.

That's your new line. We were with Brendan. And then we met his wife, Megan, and her mom and stepdad. So they were already in line. Steve and Pam. Stevie and Pammy. Yep. We get into line with them and the guy behind us says hey

the line is back there and i said well yeah but we're meeting our friends and he said that's not how it works and i said well if we had a reservation for six we would eat with them when we showed up they don't take reservations. I said, all right, well, we're not going to the back of the line, so I don't know what you want us to do. And I left. I went ahead of you, on the other side of you, so I could talk to Steve and Pam.

Because you were foaming at the mouth. Because I was going to rip that dude's throat out. You were about to have a seizure. Rabbit dough. Yeah, you were about to giblets him. You were going to whack him with a rock i was mad because i understand i often am the the person that says something when when people when teens are being loud in a theater when people get up and walk to the front of the plane when it's not their turn yet when someone sneezes too loud somebody does nothing but i

thought they did i say something uh because i'm not scared of like confrontation or being seen as being a jerk it's when i'm just when i think it's justified i'm gonna also he was an old sweat wicking bitch yeah he was wearing a flap hat you would have crushed him yeah but i didn't want to the last thing that would have been great if you beat him up before the show in front of megan and her. Yeah, just pummel an old man in front of a bunch of also old tourists. Yeah. Well, he's also from out of town. He doesn't know how it works.

It would have been bad. He's trying to tell you how the line works. It's like, bitch, you're in line, too. Well, and the other thing that was dumb is, like I said, there were times when we were in line. And the hostess would say, all right, we need a party of two if you got it. And if somebody was in a party of two, anywhere in the line, they went in. So he must not have liked that. No way.

But, yeah, luckily we didn't sit with them. We sat with a nice older couple. That guy was a freak, too, though. They were okay. Yeah, he took his teeth out to eat. He looked like captain america villain red skull total skeletor head man he kind of looked like uh he kind of looked like the grandpa in like older than the grandpa in uh talladega nights yeah he

looked dried out bone yeah very bony face. Like his eyelids didn't work anymore. So the ones from the bottom had to go up to meet his eyelids. Yeah, but they were nice enough. And yeah, it was just a bunch of Southern food. Bunch of great stuff. Thank you to Judy for telling me we should go. Gerky. Because it was good.

Judy Gerky. Judy, Judy, Judy. Judy. She's got them. That was a nice time. Oh, yeah, Mrs. Wilkes' granddaughter was walking around grabbing people's arms and saying thank you for being here. Pinching cheeks. She was very nice.

Putting okra in people's mouths. Yeah. Feeding us like baby birds. You got to chew your meatloaf, boy. You got to finish that? You got to take the bones out of that wig. You get to eat whatever you want. You would think so.

But actually, our family lost a lot of control of the house ages ago. I'm barely allowed in here. Yeah, the inmates took over the asylum. I actually have a shock collar on and they buzz me whenever I get to talking too much. Yeah, she came up to me when we were waiting to pay and I think she asked

where we were from, what we were up to. So I told her that we were there to do a comedy show, me and you. And she was like, oh my goodness, that's so fun and exciting. Now, isn't that difficult to do with all of the anti-wokeness, or with all of the wokeness going on? She said that? Yeah. What? And that is such a common, when we were in Cleveland, I got, oh, when my flight got

canceled and I had to go back to the hotel and hang out for another day. That Uber driver was also an older white woman and I just told her my whole thing and I was in town at Hilarity's and she was like, now isn't it tough nowadays to be able to do comedy

with all of this? With all the pronouns and different colors of people? Yeah, with all of the women folk being allowed to get up there and talk about how evil the man is. What about these black people being able to talk to you? It was crazy. Then it's just so obvious that they just watch whichever news

and then think, oh, yeah, that must be how it is. 24-7, everywhere you go, it's just this new world. It's like, no. I told Mrs. Wilkes' granddaughter. I was like, no, it's fine because I don't say a bunch of hateful things. Whatever I say I think is okay. She's like, whoa, so you're not funny then? Yeah.

Oh, so you're not being real up there? Yeah. You're not speaking truth? You're not telling them how it fucking is? Look here, you little cuck. You ate all my goddamn lima beans? Yeah, you're one of them liberal bitches. You're a little piece of shit, huh?

I mean, I kept trying to make that couple we ate with think that we were married. You did, yeah. That's fun. Yeah, you kept cleaning food out of my beard. Yeah. And brushing your cheek with the back of my hand. And I was a wascally wabbit. Yeah.

I was like, do you even know our anniversary? And they were like, do you? I was like, does fucking Stretch over here know your anniversary? He doesn't know his name. Yeah, this guy looks like a bunch of beef jerky pulled over some bones. Yeah, it's very dumb to hear that from people. And also, it was family style. So all the bowls were out.

Yeah, he was just putting a thumb in the mashed potatoes. I know, right. He hoarded the sweet potatoes. Oh, yeah, let's not dwell on that because I'm trying to let it go. Now, that did suck. It was like, oh, yeah, no sweet potatoes. They just appear.

There they are. It's like, what the fuck, man? What the hell, man? They weren't on the table or else I would have had some. Yeah. Where were they? They were right in front of Stretch. Old Skeletor over there, when he wasn't bothering He-Man,

was hoarding the fucking sweet potatoes. The Crypt Keeper only liked one thing, and it was sweet potatoes. Yeah, because he didn't have to chew. Yeah. He could just gum them down. I like food that I can eat by smushing it against the top of my mouth with my tongue. I like food that's already tasted like it's been eaten a little bit.

Yeah. I just finished the job. That cabbage went down smooth. That was fun. It was good. Great collard greens. Yes, they were. And then that night we went to the old pink house.

Yeah, and then by that night it was three hours later. that night we went to the the old pink house yeah and then by that night it was three hours later yeah we had to eat we got done eating like family style all you can cram crammed it and then three hours later we had to go to like an ancient decadent hallmark of a restaurant with my sister and her friend yeah we had to meet sophie she made reservations she thought we were rude and insane For having a big big lunch Yeah of course she food shamed us But we had a nice walk about We got to see Savannah

We did like 4 or 5 miles on foot We saw a lot of river We saw the cobblestone And the old brick And the old roads Leading to Georgia's capital Yeah Leading us to The old roads leading to Georgia's capital. Yeah.

Leading us to a respectable second place finish in the Civil War. Yeah. We got the silver in the Civil War. Silver metal is heavy as a gold metal. Still spends better than copper. Still shines in the moonlight. Oh, yeah. We tried to find that murder museum, and I didn't want to go at all. No, you didn't.

Brendan was like, I know where it is. He didn't. He lives there for 20 years. He didn't, and he never just, well, none of us looked on our phones. I didn't really care too much. If we found it, we found it. I cared if we found it, because I didn't want us to find it. Oh, Lund's vaping.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. The big dog's honking on the raz ice it's good man i started vaping it is good oh yes we went to dinner and we're sitting there in this very fancy restaurant you're wearing your seven strong brand shirt seven dash strong shout out seven dash strong promo code chubby i looked good promo code chubby5 to get that hot 5% off. That's right. And where's that 5% go? To ISIS. They support the war effort over there for the boys and Berks.

Yeah, that was, God, I mean, if it weren't for the next night, I would still be basking in the glow of the pink house but we're sitting there you're in your maternity pants and you're cool i have my shirt i had the denim on yeah i have the dumbest of my pants i know i have pants on and a colorado state ultra armor zip up long sleeve crew neck we i i told you we looked like uh high school football players who were forced to dress up and had like very few options yeah and then my sister and olivia showed up and they looked like flown in prostitutes they looked very funny yeah uh olivia was wearing a corset yeah i'm sure they didn't bring anything that well and obviously we didn't either bring any clothes that would have been ideal for such a setting.

Was that their classy outfits? I think so. My sister knows better. I know, like we were dressed up. I didn't have a collared shirt besides that. Yeah. Yeah. And then they showed up looking like, you know, they were flown there in a storage container from slovakia i yeah i i thought they they correctly said well

you said they look like fly girls and they yes and i i felt like yeah they look like they were in a music video of some kind yeah so if you had like a nice track suit matching track suit on yeah they look like they were bubba sparks video girls but yeah we look like a funny a funny group but i'm sure also i wasn't too worried about it and we got in yeah because in a tourist place like that every every older guy is dressed like for a zookeeper funeral yeah like some dumb floppy hat and like a pink uh golf polo. Yeah. Golf shirt. And then like cargo pants or board shorts, you know, that their son went to college in 98. So they show up wearing zoomies gear.

We didn't, we didn't have open toed sandals. No, we didn't. We didn't have like, you know, Pensacola trash. Yeah. T-shirts from the beach. There was no puka shell necklaces.

I didn't have frosted tips. Hard rock Tempe, Arizona. Yeah, I was married. Who queefed? Yeah. Yeah, all that tourist wear is very... I wish we had Willie B shirts on. Dumb looking.

Oh, yeah. That would have been great. Save it. Drop it. Okay. Drop it for now. Let's go chronological. Okay.

See that great show at the Front Porch Improv. Thanks for everyone who came out there. Such a... My, one of the best shows I've... One of the best sets I've ever had. Yeah, you crushed.

Great show. Yeah. Uh... I'll... I was watching you and I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. He's doing great. I'll get, I'll, I was watching you and I was like, Oh fuck. Yeah.

He's doing great. I'll get that, uh, on YouTube. I think I'll probably do the whole set. Put it up. Yeah. Cause it was,

I don't know. Just, we had some high highs and some low lows. My friend, brother, we sure did. My God. Then we had a beautiful drive the next day.

I blew off my sister. Didn't take her to the grocery store She's still pissed about that I supported Sam and his decision But I lied to Sophie Oh yeah, you were a peach I was playing all the sides I wanted to kill you

That made you mad Well, I was just like, I need you right now, Lund You didn't say that beforehand Yeah, but I figured you knew You're like the yin to my yang, dude No, of course I'm going to make it sound like Sophie. I tried to yank the wheel and he made us get on the freeway.

He hit me. He said he'd kill Creech. Yeah, Sophie wanted me to go like an hour out of my way to take her to get fucking bagel bites and pizza rolls from the grocery store because she's in Savannah on vacation and that's what she's going to eat because she's being bad. Well, and they were going to be yeah, it made sense to go to the grocery store because she's in savannah on vacation and that's what she's gonna eat because

she's being bad well and they were gonna be yeah it made sense to go to the grocery store they would have had to get a lyft or uber get them delivered and get another one get them delivered no i know but ideally we would go puff ideally we would have been able to help them we didn't have time because someone slept till noon man and then took a shower and didn't let me take a shower one slept till noon and then took a shower and didn't let me take a shower you don't like taking a shower i like a shower especially in savannah how many did you take on this trip two no that's not very many we've been out for five days i took two that's pretty good let's do that again take two how many showers did you do i took two okay in five days and it wasn't like it was muggy.

Oh, you scolded me today about my shower habits. You yelled at me. You're not good at it. I'm learning. Well, I think it's hilarious that I told you that the real ones know the 40 and over club dry off in the shower. I was like like there's water everywhere and you were like yeah well there wasn't a bath mat for the floor i was like you

don't need one when you dry off in the shower and you're like what and i was like yeah you dry off in the shower yeah but you're all wet but you turn the water off i know that but like the shower is wet in there your feet are wet yes? Yes. Your legs are wet? You dry off pretty much your whole body and then you put the towel you hold it, but you put some of it on the floor and then step

onto it and then you dry off your ankles. And that was a surprise to me. Yeah, you leave no trace. It's like you're camping in there. Well, I like to make a mess and then I go back in after I get dressed and clean it up. Unless you're in a hotel and then you don't trace it's like you're camping in there well i like to make a mess then i go back in after i get dressed and clean it up unless you're in a hotel and then you don't clean who cares you just wreck it oh yeah destroy that shit but i'm like sherman in a hotel i'm raising it i take that augusta yeah so yeah take that with you and all of you young doofs that are just

slopping up and and making your significant others slip all over the hotel room or the your friend's house where you're staying you don't have to do that you could leave the uh rest of the bathroom bone dry yeah if you do it right no i like to let them know that i was in there you shake off like a dog i do yeah i'm beethoven in there i'm rolling over I'm Charles Grodin having a goddamn aneurysm. Yeah. Well, actually, in that situation, I'm more like, oh, fuck, was it Clifford? The Martin Short movie?

Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah, you're Charles Grodin and I'm Clifford. Yeah. You're a bad little boy. Yeah. Charles Grodin also in Beethoven.

The Clifford's named after a big red dog. The man was typecast. He didn't do a lot, but he did it well. Yeah, poor guy. What about Charles Grodin? And he's a little rat. Oh, Emmy and Pat called me today, FaceTime, and there was a mouse in our toilet, dead.

Yeah, what the fuck was that? We didn't talk about it. We had to go or something. Oh, we went and had lunch, and so I didn't yeah what the fuck was that we didn't talk about it we had to go or something oh we went at lunch and so we didn't i didn't get to the bottom of that it was just another day in the talent household up in foco yeah another patch there there's just mice in the toilet uh emmy there's a mouse in the toilet is it yours it's It's like, what? Is it mine? Do I have a pet mouse that I forgot about? Because I haven't been feeding a mouse.

Did I eat a mouse and not chew it up and poop it out? Yeah, that fucking brain trust. Dead mouse in the toilet. Yeah, the Emmy and Patrick Express call me up on FaceTime and they're like, do you know about this? I'm like, what? Do we have a mouse delivery service? Do we wipe with mice?

Is that our new thing? We just put them in there and let them eat all the turds? Is our landlord a mouse? Because if it is, landlord's dead. The house is ours. Yeah. No more rent for the rest of the year. Just a dead tiny mouse in the toilet.

And Patrick didn't know what to do, so he had to call Emmy in. That's how much she wants to do on her one day off is solve your rodent mysteries, Patrick. Yeah, that's wild. I know. I never got an explanation either. Yeah, you'll never know. They scooped it out in a bean can and threw it in the street. It was dead.

Yeah. Why throw it into the street? What else are they going to do with it? Mount it? Flush it, I guess. You don't flush a mouse. That's rude. It's small.

It'll go. I mean, it is smaller than most of the turds that Emmy plops. It's so it's ready to handle a little mouse. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I don't know why we didn't flush it. Scoop it and throw it into the street. Yeah, so Emmy opened a bean can.

So they can see it every day for the next, like, six days. Oh, I bet a hawk gets it. They don't want dead food. Something's going to eat it. Raccoon? Yeah, the neighbor kid across the street's mental. He probably came out, yeah. Augie, spit it out.

Landlord's here. I ate my friend. Anyway, so we blew off Sophie. Savannah to Charles. We told Sophie to suck it. She'll mention that on my deathbed. She'll never forget that. She's better because you and I took care of that dinner

and between the two of us, we got most of their drinks. They didn't pay for a fucking drink all night. Yeah, that felt good. They got a huge decadent dinner with the best whole fish I've ever had. The flounder. You go to the old pink house in Savannah, get the flounder. Get two of them. Holy shit.

Yeah, you have to get the flounder at the pink house. It's the best fish I've ever had in a former slave plantation. That guy, that fucking kid came over to bring us the flounder. And he's like a young Latino kid with a Caesar haircut, and the other guy dropped it off, handsome black man. They put it on the table,

and they're like, this is good, but the best part is when you flip it over and eat the other side. And I was like, I know all about flipping it over and eating the other side. And he was like, oh.

And then Sophie said that when they they walked away they did like a low fly low five to each other nice yeah one of them did the worm he got fired yeah i've told you you have to stop doing the worm oh there were gonna be consequences pack your shit pack your caesar and get out of here with your weird bangs haircut, Miguel. Yeah, no, it was. I did the worm after tasting that flounder. Holy jeez. It was crazy.

It was really good. Yeah, we had to debone it ourselves. I was like, I know all about deboning it myself. The kid was like, he can't be stopped. Whoa. 360 jail. Yeah, he was like, time out. Time froze. All the employees stopped moving Time in

Yeah Then he asked how much for Sophie Yeah What is she Kazakh What 150 150 all in She's from Prague I already banged somebody from Prague.

But if she's Slovenian, you can pay me. So yeah, we slept that night at the Townsend house. Is it Townend? I've been calling him Townsend for like six years. He'll be okay.

Sorry, Brendan. For real? Yeah. Wait, let's pause this. Am I that fucking stupid? I guess. For real? I mean, I'm 99% sure.

I was at his wedding. That is talented. Oh, my God. I pay attention. I kept saying, hey, this is where the towns end. Oh, brutal. Brutal. He'll be okay.

I told that story on here about when Bonzo walked in on his girlfriend cheating. Yeah. Brutal. Fatality. Brutal. That's what you thought of in the heat of the moment? That's where your brain went? It was brutal?

Yes. Yeah. Oh brutal? Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh, heinous, bro. Bummer. Bunk. Yeah. Oh, beasters, bro. Swag.

Anything but what the fuck. Yeah, how dare you? It's funny. I loved you. Holy cannoli. Wap-bop-a-loo-bop-a-lop-am-boom yes so yes we drove to charleston the next day went to charleston it was cool had an even better dining experience at husk look i know that some people are gonna say these guys just drive around and

eat great meals and they live on vacation and i'm gonna post about it in the patreon and then delete the message so only they see it because i'm a baby who wears a diaper that i also eat out of once it's full there's a mouse in that diaper, isn't there? I don't know. It is high highs and low lows because while we are having this nice time of performing and hanging out with Doug Stanhope and seeing a place that we haven't been, or I haven't been, you know, you've been. And just seeing a bunch of cool girls dumping them in Atlanta because it's Halloween every day here. A bunch of it was great, but it's not all that.

A bunch of it is like stress but it's not all that. A bunch of it is like stress and having to be ready to perform. And six hour delays. Delayed flights. Traffic slowdowns that make your entire schedule fucked up. Your wife gives birth to a mouse in the toilet and you're not there to see it.

Your dog. I was going to say, it must have been brutal for you to be gone and to land and then you have to watch your dog get was gonna say for you it must have been brutal for you to be gone when and to land and then you have to watch your dog get put down well that was actually a benefit pretty cool yeah i didn't have to be there and be like oh my god i'm so sad i just kept turning my camera off and rock slam yeah dominique with the double pump time out time in yeah yeah no a lot of it is very fun but it's i'm incredibly grateful but i you know i just miss i'd want you guys to know that it's not just bragging well and it's crazy how it never like the worst is when you're not making a lot of money and you're trying to do it but also the trade-off is that you're so young and excited that and everything's new right so it's like

i don't know you maybe you bounce back a little more or whatever or it's part of it and you don't have anybody at home to miss right so it's you're in the moment the whole time or the person that is at home you want to be gone from. Yeah. Because they've got borderline personality disorder. So, yes. And they're slowly poisoning you daily. That's all just to say.

They make you sleep on the floor every now and then just to put you in your place. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Does he? Oh, baby. The mice? Oh, yeah. I would have loved to have been that mouse in the toilet.

There's a couple weeks back there anyway on the floor there's dinner down there yeah yeah that's the only rug you're munching tonight fat boy but yeah eat your rug this that was that time out was just to make sure that people aren't just straight up like jealous and thinking that we're spoiled for ever complaining i never complain well i'm saying this some of some of the some of the aspects are just not talked about as much you just hear the highlights and it isn't just like oh god they're living such a great right and i didn't have i didn't have a podcast when i was sleeping on floors and sleeping in a car you know like i

didn't have a podcast when i was dumpster diving all of my meals like you and i shared a fucking bed like there was a lot of pretty murky times where i doubted everything and now i've done it for fucking 15 years and i can sell 80 tickets in savannah and that feels good all right yes and guess what to all the haters out there you don't exist because this pod's all about love. All right? And if I could take all of you in my mouths, I would. But I can't because I'm on a low-protein diet.

And you guys are such studs that you blow thick, protein-laden loads. I love that about the crew. And if you're a lady out there, I know that the fucking periods that you have are just heavy with metals. They're iron-rich. and we love you for that all right so keep splattering it going through so many diapers yeah you guys can't even you have to use fucking pads and tampons because you guys you guys are shuffling out just the gnarliest womb remnants and we appreciate you lines of defense barbed wire and the trenches. Yes. And speaking of trenches, we went and fucking had a real trencher of a meal. Yes. So we go to Charleston, South Carolina.

I get to the hotel. I try to go swimming. The pool's outside. I jump in. It's freezing. I come back two minutes later. Len's trying to whack. He can't because I interrupt. I'm pissed. I didn't even think about whacking. He can't because I interrupt. I'm pissed. I didn't even think about whacking. You didn't? No. That was your time. I know.

That was your time to shine your own doorknob. I should have, but I didn't have the urge because I'm dying. My body's like, you can get hard or you can pump oxygen and blood through your heart. Yeah, we can either send the blood up or send the blood down, but you're not getting both. Yeah, it wasn't going to go to the back of the rest of my body. Dude, I was hard for like a half an hour this morning. I was sleeping on that air mattress, and it deflated. I couldn't see you.

That was the beauty of it. Look how good he looks. It was nuts, dude. I fell asleep. I was in the air mattress, and it deflated, and I woke up in a pit. But I was laying there, and I was like, I could go back to bed, but I'm so hard. I want to see what's going on here. Yeah.

Yeah. And I just, like, waited it out. I think it was, like, 28 minutes of just Pingo Jones to the moon. Like, no one's ever been that hard for that long. That's why the air mattress deflated. Yeah. Rock hard sharp penis. Yeah, it rushed the old bayonet of a Nazi killer.

So yeah, so we get to Savannah or we get to Charleston. I try to swim. Can't. Denied. Denied. Get out of the pool, fat bud. We told you. It's not all blowjobs and standing ovations. Sometimes the pool is cold. Yeah.

And sometimes you're too dumb to realize the pool is going to be cold at the end of October when it's outside. When it's cloudy. Yep. With a chance of... Oh, crap. Candy dinner's coming up. This ancient Presidente beer. Not sitting well.

Little sippy? Sip a beer for the working man? No, I'm sure that's not something I need to have. I'm not saying you. I'm saying I'm giving a swig of beer for the working man. I thought you were offering me one. No, I'm... I don't need to try El Presidente from the gas station.

Do you have El Presidente flavored vodka? Please and thank you. Hey, that's mine. You said that was my payment. You waited too long. What is this? Snickers peanut butter. Oh, God. It's good.

Yeah, but... It smells like my mouth. It kind of smells like a latex glove Weird A lot of chemicals involved in making Chocolate peanut butter nut desserts It has to be shelf stable I'm shelf unstable

Shout out executive chef Ray General manager Steven at Husk And hey if you wanna hear about the best meal We've ever had You should sign up for the Patreon. Because we're going to switch over to that right now. Oh, swerve dog. Patreon.com slash Chubby Behemoth.

Join up over there. $5 a month gets you, what? 500? 6,000 episodes? How many are over there? We're a regular Keith and the girl at this point. Yeah. Can't stop, won't stop. I think there's at least, what, 100 episodes?

Yeah. So that's 1,000 hours that you can have access to? No. That's 100 hours? It's a one-to-one situation. Jesus Christ. Yeah, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash chubby behemoth, and you can join in on all the cool inside jokes like he has them.

Or if you think Baco's good, you should get over there and listen for Bumpo. Bumpo's truly nuts. That guy says it. I have no idea what episodes we've done are Patreon or free, but I know that there's a lot of great ones on both. The Patreon's chock full of some really good stuff. Yeah. For sure.

And this is a bit of a cliffhanger, because we're about to talk about Husk.