Chubby Behemoth - Under The Table And Loving It

Episode Date: September 20, 2026

Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: HIMS - Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ https://hims.com/CHUBBY     CashApp - Download Cash App today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct Deposit, Round Ups, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit https://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     Tushy - 3 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code CHUBBY at https://hellotushy.com/CHUBBY     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week Sam and Nathan are back together in Winnipeg! Sam realizes we should be seated, has an idea for a new toilet lid, and thinks anyone could have fallen for this. Nathan wants to look tough for the book people, found a discarded hand towel, and gives Sam a social media update on Brent Gill.     00:00 Wet Dream Come True 01:54 Together 03:22 Biffed It 05:00 Missing Since Milwaukee 06:34 And Twins 08:40 Winnipeg Wins 12:04 Bird On His Shoulder 14:08 That's Huge 16:44 Toading Around 18:36 There's Two 19:52 We Should Be Sitting Down 22:12 Both Of Them 25:19 Who Told? 27:00 We Were 31:09 Here's The Thing 32:43 Playing A Dangerous Game 34:21 It's Jammed 37:16 Then We Were Both Confused 41:11 It's Gunna Be Crawling 43:35 A Great Idea In Walmart 46:39 Locked In A Bathroom 48:56 Just Don't Open 50:46 Lay It On The Casket 52:29 Closer To Your Heart 54:39 Handing Him Straws 57:42 First Time Sam Met Danny 01:00:35 Ah Hell 01:05:00 It's What They Do 01:08:45 Better Go Fire Up The Truck     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

We're recording here. Check your mic real clear. We're recording here. Did the level. Help me. Get me out of here. These guys stink. Your balls are racing.

Your balls have old-time notions. We're not the same. They're not. Hey, look at this. What dream come true? Hey. I'm probably in the dark because of that column. Yeah, it looks like I'm interviewing someone for Channel 5.

My voice is being disguised. So when did you start importing the children? How old were you? The mayor told me that if I didn't import kids, I would never see my 22nd birthday. I was 26, but I looked younger. Now you're 44. Stop importing the kids. I started to like it.

It turns out we have a secret water park here. We didn't know about it. Yeah. Man, Canada. You know, everybody bitches about higher taxes, but it goes towards stuff like water slides in your mid-hotel. Every kid has. a jacuzzi by law they get given a thousand dollars in Canadian currency on their sixth birthday

and on their 12th they get given water wings and on their 18th everyone gets an above ground pool it's amazing here yeah it's not bad at all we're staying at a fairfield in in winnipeg and it's better than most of the hotels i've stayed at in austin yeah this is the stink hotel for rat people yeah somebody had a birthday party here because it's lux someone's gonna be having a they party here until late in the night. They had not even set up. There was a lot of people running around late last night. Did you hear little feet plopping down the hallway?

No. But I'm not haunted like you. It happens. And all those kids you imported in their ghosts. Yeah. Why? Yeah, because you were taking them to Tulsa. I had a perfect smile.

And I loved my family. You ruined it. But yeah, we are together. You did some of the bigger. podcasts out there. Becker and I talked about Disney and how I got had a frustrating interaction at the Del Taco drive-thru in Colorado Springs, but now we're back together. One guy was hanging on by the thread. Well, yeah, it was perfect because one guy's like, oh, great. They're just talking about food that Becker ate. And then the next comment is like, man, that's some classic shit. Isn't that the whole pod? Isn't that one made them fall in love in the first place? Well, I'm glad that we moved away from it to a certain extent. But it is nice to like, revisit old classics. The foundation of this pod is a melange of what's Lund's deal. Where's Sam, Ben, what did Becker eat?

Those are pretty much the three hydras of this. Right. The interlocking rings. I had a foehawk earlier today. He came outside with a foahawk. He greeted me with a foe hawk. I show up yesterday. He's got his Tom Seismore.

It's awesome. It's not a Seleck. It's a Seismore. That's huge. Yeah. So was he by the end, right? I wanted to find him? No, I don't think so.

Okay. I can't remember, but... I thought he was discovered. That's the rule, guys. Set the bar that low. As long as when you die, you're not discovered. You can be found by a loved one, but what you don't want is to be discovered, like, behind the CVS.

Like electricity. In the bathroom with the Taco John. Created. You want to be stumbled upon. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to trim my beard a little bit and then biffed it over here. And I was like, well, let's see what develops

and I ended up with this. We have a big week of literary events. Yeah, I want to look tough for the book. Yeah, yeah. You look like a guy in cruising, dude. Look, I don't read. I play video games. Yeah, and then you put your sunglasses on.

Pick up your Game Boy, you're playing Double Dragon. It's too hard. You're playing Battle Chodes. Yeah. I need a quarter. It's a game boy. Give me a quarter. I eat it.

Yeah. It's a quarter pounder. That's nice to be to again. Another long one. Like when we were in the south, we're going all over the Great Lakes region. I appreciate your guys' commitment

to my dreams. Well, yeah, and then Becker's going to hang out for an extra. You're going to see Becker for two and a half months straight. Becker and Pat are going to have squatters right. Yeah, they're not going to leave. They're going to be in there protesting the bathroom rules. But yeah, I haven't seen Becker in forever because you guys were in L.A. I stole them

away, man. And then we were going to, I thought we were going to do our podcast. episode together, the Patreon together, but you had the equipment so we had to do it remote. And then, yeah, we didn't meet up after for milkshakes or anything. I've had fucking whiplash, man. I've been cooked. It's been a cuckoo catastrophe for me. I mean, not in a bad way, but like, yeah, between going to L.A. with Becker and then

having, like, two days home before we went to Milwaukee. And then I went down to Austin for a couple of days to do some pods and stuff. and then was home for like a day before Winnipeg. So you haven't had your big suitcase full of stuff for like three weeks? Oh, my merch has been missing since Milwaukee. Yeah, we, they lost it. I had that big travel day, kerfuffle, where like I barely made it to Austin in time on Monday and then like had to run on stage and was like, yeah, my bag's just either in Milwaukee or Detroit or Austin.

You changed your flight later so that you could chill, but you did. And then it just wound up me being like frantic all day and scared. Fuck. Yeah, at the Denver airport. Yeah. I was like, ah. So I went from like a couple less hours sleep and then like having to take a nap to just, I don't know if I'm going to make it.

I got to promote this fucking book to everyone who will listen. So yeah, that was a lot of it. Whoa. But it worked out. And now we're in Winnipeg. And we're at the nicest hotel in North America from what I can tell. As far as the pool, yeah. pool, hot tub, water slide, like two-story water slide.

And then that big, like, I don't know what you call that, like a splash pad or water feature, I think. Splash pad, but there's a fountain that comes out about three feet of water so the kids can be in there getting, uh. Making it rain. Yeah. It's a nice operation for the Canadian youth. That looked cool. Maybe, wow, we'd have to get in there right after this for like 45 minutes. Yeah, just a couple of guys show up.

We could. Afternoon. I'm here for the birthday party. Yeah, we're here for the fountain. How old is? Landria. Oh, 53. Is a retirement birthday party?

That was last night. Yeah. At rumors, if it's your birthday and you tell them you get a little mug with like passes or something. And the host Andy Noble from Winnipeg, Winnipeg's own. Funny guy. Favorite. Well, second favorite late show host, Mike Green, also Winnipeg's number one favorite. They're one A1B.

Yeah. Andy had twins. They're Niles and Frazier. Yeah. Andy had twins. And I was like, oh, hell yeah, because you think blonde on the beach. And twins. Yeah, beer commercial.

But no, 70-year-old twins. A girl with a bottle between her boobs while she's going like this. Come get it, boys. Yeah. Soup's on. The water's fine. Tiger got stripes. Everybody's going to get laid.

But no, 70. 70-year-old twins. I didn't see either of them. They were boy girl. Yeah, boy girl, the worst kind. But still identical at that age. Yeah. Genderless. Yeah, genderless. Like, I mean, friendless, apparently. If you're going to your say, also, how did you wind up at my show on your 70th birthday? Big fans. Like, maybe. Kill Tony. Yeah. They're like, kill me. I'm 70 and I'm over there. Call me Tony. Please kill me. Call me Tony. End it. They keep calling me Tony. I just asked me Antonio for the last year. I've never followed through on anything. I can't start now. So somebody has to do it for me.

Smother me in gravy. I want to be puteen. Did you see Croatian Owens giant plate of Poutine last night? No. It's like a fucking pizza tray of just Poutine. And he has a dice necklace

and he kept swearing at me in Croatian. That was a fun way to spend time. He had a single die. Just one die. Because he likes to take chances. Yeah. Took a chance on his neckwear. Sure did.

On his jewelry choices. Yeah, there was another kid there named Alex, so I kept calling Clifford. We're having fun over there. Just give them a name. Yeah, you're Clifford this weekend. They'll answer to whatever. Who cares? If they're good at their job. You want to be red.

I can call you salty. Whatever you want. Jasper. I thought about how this was a long, another long, two weekends connected, gone 10 days. It's hard. On Megan, I have to take care of the dogs and everything and work as much as she does. But I really wanted to come to Winnipeg. And both shows last night

I tell the crowd Not lying I've been to Canada twice Both times Right fucking here Yeah Winnipe They were going nuts

When you were talking about Windsor Yeah Versus Winnipeg Right And how they won that one And they're like Yeah fuck yeah Yeah

Of the two towns I know In Canada To start with W's Yeah Winnipeg wins Yeah That And the first show

I was like Oh good thing I came to Winnipeg to kind of eat it. They were quiet on a lot of stuff, darker stuff, I don't know. But it wasn't every dark thing. No, it wasn't bad.

Like the bird killing, when I talk about outdoor cats killing birds, that bums a lot of people out, which I guess is fine, normal, but also funny to me. Well, they're more connected to the animals here. No, I mean everywhere. Yeah.

Everywhere, sometimes people are like quiet about like the idea of a cat killing a bunch of birds and say, get over it. They feel guilt. There's so many. of them being murdered right now. Yeah, they're thinking about when they were in college and they didn't feel anything. They went through that parakeet period.

Mom, this one died too. Maybe it's me. They don't want to live with me. I think it's because you're hugging them too hard. But no, the early show was like, come on, man, this stinks. But the late show's fantastic. Hey, everybody. This is the last time before the book comes out that I'll ask you, please pre-order brute.

it's currently under $24 on Amazon. You can get it day of, and I'm just trying to get those pre-order numbers up because I want to be a bestseller. So this is the last time that I'll beg of you, pleadingly. But yeah, if you listen to this podcast, if every one of you bought a book, it would be for sure the number one best-selling book

and probably be, you know, not even probably, it would be the number one book, and that would be huge. So powers in your hands, folks. I love you. Hey, if you want to come out to see us do book events post on Kirchival in Detroit the 21st at 7 p.m. Comedy, no wait, Barnes & Noble on State Street, September 22nd in Chicago, Go Bananas Comedy Club on the 23rd in

Cincinnati. Then we'll be at hilarities in Cleveland all weekend. Get those tickets. Those are selling well. And then we'll be at Morgan Stern's Books in Bloomington, Indiana on the 30th of September, followed by Helium Indianapolis and St. Louis. Come on out. Patreon.com slash chubby behemoth. Only $5 a month gets you so much more. Chubby B in your ear holes. Get in there. We started it six years ago when we started the podcast. So there's so much for you to get in there and enjoy chew up, spit it out. Swing it over your head like a helicopter. It's Chubby B. Patreon. Catch it.

And see me record my second special October 8th in Fort Collins at the Comedy Fort. That's right, Thursday, October 8th. Please get tickets. Now, get an extra one for your dead buddy. Did I talk about that meeting I had where the guy had a bird on the podcast? Not on, not with me. God, that was nuts. But you told me, yeah, that nobody was selling it at all.

I can't remember if it was like the second biggest meeting I've ever had in my career. It was a kingmaker and the guy who made this. town. The fucking guy that I freaked out about the town in the first meeting and he was still like, all right, we like the book enough that we'll take a second meeting with this town maniac. Maybe he's watched it a couple times, got it out of his system. Yeah. The other guy directed multiple mission impossibles. And so we're all in four Zoom windows. It's me. It's the assistant. It's the director. It's Chris McQuarrie is the guy's name. Very nice guy. He really wanted to make Brute a movie. And then this other guy, Jeff. And Jeff. And Jeff.

Jeff in his four panel window, I mean, I'm like receiving a pitch from like, it's like one of the biggest opportunities. We want to like franchise it, make it sequels. And meanwhile, Jeff will just have a bird land on his shoulder, fly in a light on his shoulder. And the first time it happened, and I said, holy shit, Jeff's got a bird on his shoulder, eager for any kind of comic relief or tethering in this insane situation. And everyone was just kind of like nodding. And then one of the, and then Jeff's like, yes, it's my daughter's bird and she's out of town. So I'm like, all right. So then I just have to keep listening to how they want to make all my dreams come true.

While every now and then a bird lands on Jeff and then he like looks around robotically. Says he's on the spectrum, admittedly, kind of like shoes the bird and then gets up. Like walks around like in the back, like getting smaller as he gets further from the camera and just like scaring a bird back into its cage. Yeah. Yeah. And I have to just like. He's on bird duty. He's on bird duty.

Well, uh, the d'clock. genies out of the lamp and I'm rubbing it still. You know, like, it was so surreal. You were rubbing it all in. Oh, dude, I was under the table, under the table and loving it. Yeah. Went a different direction, which maybe I'll talk about one day, but yeah. Yeah, probably.

I don't know, hopefully. I hope so. I mean, I don't know, dude. I've been telling everybody. Yeah, I know. The guy at Kudoba was like, congratulations. That's huge. That's my thing.

I didn't even know that you wanted to be in movies. Yeah. But yeah, so we're so stoked. I appreciate you guys coming out. We're going to be down there. And the book, actually being able to be on the road in the van, Black Flag style, will be so helpful to me to be in motion and not just like sitting like in my solarium. Like, refreshing book sales or like searching my name. Like I can't do that the first week.

I need to just like be present. I had a, you know, I tried to express it to you. I expressed it to Emily, how it's like I'm giving birth to this baby. And it's like the most important baby that I've ever had. And like, I really want the world to be like, look how beautiful your baby is. And meanwhile, not only does the world not give a shit about this baby. They also don't care about any baby anymore. Like babies are out, video games are in?

Yeah. Who wants to read a baby? Are you crazy? I can put an oculus on it and be a baby. A woman will come change me for $40. They need the money. Yeah. And I'm like, look at this ugly baby that's cumbersome.

and like difficult, you know? When I told you that it will probably be similar to your current, like, visibility, fame, where there's, like, so many Twitch streamers or YouTube, social media influencers who have, like, a huge following, but they're not household names. So, ideally, I think, will continue to have a profile where people love your stuff, they tell you about it, if they see you, they thank you. And it's great where I'm at. qualms with how things are going.

Right. But it, and so you might get a few more interactions, but based on brute versus the other stuff. But it won't be all of a sudden like insane, can't go anywhere. And that sounds, uh, really difficult. Oh, no. I don't, yeah. Yeah. I don't mean, look, I don't think that as a literary author of, uh, fiction for, it's a female

beach read for men, uh, I'm going to have to worry about going to the grocery store and being harangued. Yeah, people fucking clawing at me. Getting a piece of you. Yeah. People holding up babies and saying, anoint it. Anoint my young. Kiss its head.

It's a tribute. There's drop kicking their babies off of bridge. Tribute. For the harvest. Yeah, exactly. For the next book. Bless my village. Hopefully you can have an interview with McFoly.

Oh, hell yeah. That'd be sick. Trying to arrange McFoly on the pod for November. And we're governors in Long Island. That'd be crazy. Yeah. But yeah, just like I'm really fucking proud of this thing. And like, it's tough because you can't talk about being.

an author with anyone because no one writes books, you know, that I hang out with. And then most people, like, they don't write books or read books. So it's like, I don't want to bore someone, but I'm so just fucking stoked on this.

And I can't wait for it to be out, for people to be reading it. And for me not to just be like, you know, fucking toting around this thing that's been gestating in me for so long. We've also talked about how this is the first time you're getting the real official release.

This is the biggest thing. Right. The first one, running the light was on your own, word of mouth, caught fire amongst like comics, podcast people. It was a bunch of jizz in the gutter and random house said, hey, we can sell that. They came and they mopped it up and squeezed it out. Now it's at Barnes & Noble. Made a little freak.

Yeah. A little hemunkulous. Yeah. A Devin Davis. Garbage pale kid. Devin. Yeah. He's kind of our.

I'm not sure if he was real or fake, but there was various times where he blessed me with Xbox or picked you up off the ground. His Xbox was real because we broke it. And you also got hoisted, which was nuts. He was stronger than he looked. He was super confident he could put me on his shoulders. And he did. No problem. And I was like, nobody's ever done this before.

No one ever will. My dad couldn't do it. When I was 10, I haven't asked anybody since. I tried it with my mom and now she's in a wheelchair. He fucking, like that was nothing. Probably have more trouble with me now. Because as we saw, Bobby just sent a picture from like the Squire 2014. Yeah, we remember you as fat.

You were 217 pounds based on that shirtless photo. You might have been 230. Yeah. Yet you were tremendously obese in my memory. Everybody thought I was very fat then. And now it's like there's not even a word. There is. There is.

There's too. Morbidly. peace. Yeah, right? Yeah. And then I think about getting even bigger where it's just like, you're not getting any bigger. I've come to peace with you being you, but I just can't let you get bigger. No, I'm not going to get bigger.

I'm going to get smaller. I want to lose a little weight before the recording. And I know I can in just a couple weeks. I just have to focus and I'll do 60 pounds. 14 days on the road for most of it. So now it's 70 pounds gone. Wow, it's easy. Yeah.

No, there's the, before the plateau, it's easy. Yeah. It's easy to lose. As a bigger guy, you can lose like 20 or 30 pounds. Oh, quick. Yeah, it's just all water wet. Like nothing. You just piss it on the lid of the toilet.

Hey, come on. I'm saving it for the end. I did it too. So, yeah, I thought that we were going to have to have, not a difficult conversation, but I thought maybe you would judge me. No way. Because last night. You think I've changed.

Everyone thinks I'm different. Yeah. No. Well, it is dumb because I woke up at like seven this morning. I have to pee. I know I'm going to immediately go back to bed. So you do the same thing where you don't turn the light on in the bathroom. I don't know.

Feel around. Echo locate. I almost always double check that the toilet seat lid are up. But we almost always leave it up because we're mostly peeing. We should be sitting down. I know. We should be sitting down. I know, dude.

I thought about sitting down. And I was like, nah, not tonight. It's cold. It's jarring. It's going to wake me up. Not this time. Eyes closed in the dark. Just fucking ringing the bell. Yeah, listening. I can hear the porcelain and then the water.

And then I go back out of the water and I'm good. It's bad. You try and as long as it doesn't sound like the ground, you're doing okay. Yeah. And then you want to maintain, you want to lock into the water. You just want to be in the water the whole time if you can. But I avoid the water for you. It's going to wake me?

Yeah. Oh, I'm a. underground. In here, I'm in the quick sand. Maybe not as worried. But in some hotel rooms, I feel like it can be very echoy

or if it's smaller and your bed is near. Sure. I mean, it's very considerate, but I don't think that your stream's going to wake me up. I've heard your stream. No, sometimes it's not a Russian river.

Sometimes it's strong. Okay. Sometimes it's a little dribble. I don't fear for the enamel on the bowl. Yeah, but yeah, so I go in there, I start to pee after a few seconds, I'm like, uh-oh, what's going on here? because I'm not hearing any water.

Sounds like you're playing a snare drum very lightly. You're doing taps. Yeah. So I battle him on the Republic. So I turn on the light. Oh, good. The lid is down. There's a little puddle of whiz, of my whiz.

It's not going anywhere. Like it was all on top. It didn't go off the sides or anything. It's just right there looking at me. Well, real quick. Now I'm realizing that there is a difference between what I did Because I told you immediately, I was like, no problem, man, been there, done that. I pissed all over the ground last night.

Yeah. I pissed on the side of the toilet and the ground. Yeah. But I did check that the bowl was open. I checked that the lid was open. Good for you. So there is a difference now that I'm reflecting. Oh, there's a difference.

But we're the same. We're similar. I wasn't mad about some cousins, not brothers and piss. Uh-huh. Uh, kissing cousins. So, yeah, so it's all right there. looking at me. Thank God I didn't like.

You look like trailer park boy. This is very hard for me. Ricky. Both of them, Julian and Ricky combined, but like Ricky with Julian's head. It's very trippy. With the child trafficking of bubbles.

It's like looking at a guy upside down, the forehead thing. Yeah. Which I did to my mother-in-law. Oh, my God. She was like, this is, what are you talking about? I don't know what you,

what, make it a mat. Oh, my God. There it. Oh, Emily, get over. She loved it. Yeah, brought Chelsea over to see it. And she was like, how did you figure this out? And I was like, me and Lund do it all the time.

And she was like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'll be on the ground. I'll be like, one, check it out. She's like, you guys are weird. He spent too much time together. I'm like, yeah, we figured this out. You're welcome. This isn't, you have to have a decade of hanging out before you can do the forehead

mouth. Yeah, man. A guy last night was like, I'm not saying you guys are like the same because you were different, talking about different stuff up there, but you guys have been. friends a long time. And I was like, yeah, man, we started hanging out a ton in like 2010. Back to lid gate, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I turn on the light. Oh, good. Luckily, I cut myself off to check. Because if it had been the whole, the whole, whole bladder. The bag. Yeah. So I think about, I wonder if I lift the lid, it'll just go down and then into the bowl.

But I don't want to make a worse mess. So I get toilet paper. sop it up, throw it in the toilet, soap or body wash from the shower, because it's just a little bar of soap. So body wash on toilet paper, wipe the lid, couple toilet paper rounds with just water to get rid of the soap and then dry it off.

Sure. It doesn't take too long. Finish peeing. Feel so dumb. Luckily, we're not here for like another several days or whatever. We don't live here. Right. Yeah, 40 hours in Canada. And then, yeah, I saw that there was a hand towel behind the toilet, and I figured you had jacked.

I thought you, like, woke up horny or something, or, like, had a sex dream and then wanted to finish the job. Oh, God. No. Pissed on the ground. Right. Didn't use any soap either. Just pissed on the ground, threw a towel down, stomped it around. Well, we don't have to go.

We don't have to walk on either side of the toilet. So, I do, but I don't have to. You like it over there. I get in there. Let me play hide and seek. That's your corner. I was in the closet. it last night. Yes, you were. You couldn't find me. And for most of your 20s.

But yeah, that was annoying. I almost always check. And I refuse to sit down. I refuse to like just sit down. I've said on the pot, I know that I could, should. It's smart. Where are you going? I got to puke. You have to spew. He's spewing. Is there a red counter? Hit the red button. Is your penis sad and shy? What? I'll bet it is. Who told? Your balls stole me.

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Viagra is a registered trademark of Vietris Specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Vietris. And we're back. Tarantino. Sorry, I was worried we weren't recording. But we were. Surprisingly enough. We have a...

Yeah, we couldn't have lost all that great footage. I said that you should design a toilet lid that you can just piss on top of. And then you press a button and it like turns into a grate. and all the piss falls in, or just the toilet folds in on itself. Trapped door. Craptor. Craptor.

Yeah, Nathan Lund's Craptor. From the people who brought you Lighthouse Ranch. They haven't been calling. Yeah, because of crap door. Because I've gotten bigger and they don't want to be, they don't want me to say that it's because of all the lighthouse ranch. Like Kramer. More like heavy house ranch.

Kramer with the smoking. Yeah. I'm idiot. Oh, look at me. we have an opportunity I think to and I'm going to need you know the greater Chicago Metroland Chubby B enthusiasts I received a desperate email from a random houses like PR person being like the RSVPs for the Chicago event surpass the amount of books that they have oh good so we have they're like flight for lifing in more books like Resident Evil but we like have an actual

opportunity. If people really want to do like a strange flash mob like art, I'm going on Barstool the morning of the 22nd, the day the book comes out. Please pre-order still. That'd be great. I just want to hit that bestseller ranking and then I'll never bring up

the book again. Yeah, right. Yeah, I'll never talk about it ever again. Well, at least not in its paper form. But anyway, I'm going on Barstool that morning. So I'm going to be telling people come down to the Barnes and Noble on State Street 7 p.m. tonight. So I can, I think that we can like

kind of do like, you know, back in the day when they would have like a shoe release. Limp biscuit. Yeah, Limp Biscuit tickets sales. Yeah, like a... Limp Batesk plays on a rooftop in 99 in the cop show up. Yeah, and it's just a river of blood on State Street. We can really like

freak out Barnes & Noble on State Street if we fucking jam it. Because right now, it's already doing quite well. Like if the amount of people who showed up right now came, I'd be very happy. Cool. But now there's a lot of people who showed up right now came. I'd be very happy. But now there's like the biblical, like hang. Like we could like take over, like occupy it and make it ours.

What are they going to do? Yeah. They can't. Smoke weed. Yeah, like smoke wheat. There's like 800 people who are stoked. And even those who just want to be involved in some kind of mass chaos, this is. You don't have to know how to read.

Yeah. It just caused some trouble. You start ripping books in half to start eating the pages. Yeah, like it could be like a real scene down there. We could make the news. Yeah. And I think Zanis just sent out an email to their mailing list. So like come out to the on State Street in Chicago, the 22nd, Barnes & Noble, get your books, I'll be signing them, Q&A with Lund.

Post in Detroit on Kirchival, the 21st, Lund will be there, Becker will be there, Pat will be there. Cincinnati, go bananas, Morgan Stern's books, Bloomington the 30th, Cleveland this weekend for stand-up. but the book events are going to be off the chain. I'll be signing them. It'll be like Happy Gilmore when he was golfing. A hundred percent. People with their junk out. We can bring these two cultures together of frothing comedy podcast fans

and people who work at Barnes & Noble. Magic the Gathering, everybody's butt crack is out. Uh-huh. I'm squatting, taking pictures. Funnels. Yeah. Doing a... Beerball.

Literally, yeah. Come down and shotgun. Lock on beers at Barnes and Noble. What are they going to do, arrest us all? I'm a respected literary author. We have the blessing of the biggest publisher in the world, Random House, to raise hell to heaven. So, yeah, like, come down, bring a Noss tank. Make a memory.

Yeah, if anyone wants to be doing balloons, bloons, fly in. It's easy to get to Chicago. But, yeah, it's going to be popping and locking. That's fun. Mm-hmm. It wouldn't be ideal to not have enough books. That might be a bummer. Hopefully they figure something out.

Here's the thing. If we do a book event for the opening that's big enough that they don't have enough books, it is great. Yeah. It is great for optics. Oh, my God, we undervalued. Yeah. And also, we can like barbecue in a Barnes & Noble in Chicago. Bring venison, bring any backstrap you have.

I'll bring the coals. And let's do a real Chicago takeover. Because there's this element of them understanding now of like, they've always been like, well, yeah, you say to the people you sell to. we'll try and get the literary people. And it's like, now they're kind of seeing the people I sell to because they're the ones like, you know, asking for me to, I just signed all the books at Schuller's books. That was the pre-order signed book partner. Schuller's books in West Bloomfield, Michigan.

So I drove up there and there's so many insane requests of like, can you draw a penis in this one? Or like, say Gabe is gay. And it's these two polite bookstore women. And they're like, this one says, can you say Keith? sucks in hell. Sure. Yeah, whatever you need. I think they misspelled quiff.

Yeah, quefe sucks in hell. Yeah, so that was, it's just like, now there's this kind of confrontation of like, oh, we're at the actual, you know, explosion point. And the people who are giving positive reviews on good reads are also like, you know, jugglers. Swine. Yeah. Mitch went to an ICP show and did the face paint

And he said he was getting hit on And like people wanted pictures with him Like hot chicks Yeah Wanted pictures with him He's the biggest man Yeah I liked that Yeah he was like the visiting ogre of Juggalo culture

Hey ladies Who wants to eat a donut off of my cock Oh His dick has the clown face paint on it Yeah He needs more face paint for his dick tip I ran out a shoe polish lady. Sounds like he could be in Coyote versus Acme.

Yeah. And then, yeah, I liked, oh, he's the one that sent me the article I shared on Instagram, the headline about a guy who was pantsless because he was masturbating while driving, got into a bad car wreck. Pulling his lunch. It was like ejected from the vehicle. God, damn it. He said you're playing a dangerous game, my friend.

You have your belt on when you rode Jack, right? seatbelt. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, always. That way you can choke yourself. Oh, yeah. You lean into it a little bit.

I put on in excess. Oh, he was the first one. Yeah. I remember my dad's telling me about that. Yeah, we're like, yeah, you're nine. I'm 12. No, I'm 16. I don't know.

It was in the 90s. I remember being like, oh my God. How could you even? Wait, I'll be right back. No, it didn't make any sense to me. Like, jerking off feels pretty cool as is. Yeah. I don't really need to.

fucking do a tightrope walk over Hades. Yeah, like someone stomping on my bag. I've never been into the, hey, can I crush your nads? Right. No, there's a lot of ways to even go. Like, give you a H.J. No. Now, we talked about my embarrassing thing.

Let's talk about yours when we went to the movie theater. Yes. I think anyone could have fallen for this. No, this is bad and it's dumb. Okay, we can talk about it, but I think that if they were given the optics, some other people. Now, did I fail to touch the screen at all? Yes, go ahead.

So we go to I think maybe you should take a nap You're like no I'd rather watch a movie I walk into the window Wow the air's hard here in Winnipeg Yeah I was out of it man I was fried Right but you didn't know like you said It fucks you up sometimes to nap

Like in the afternoon And then at the show you're like What? So I understood that So I follow your lead I'm down to go see Resident Evil Everybody loves it You're looking at the seat map To buy our seats and you're like It's packed.

Jammed. Yeah, it's jammed. And I look and I see the seats that are actually taken up. And I agree with what you're saying. It's a sea of gray seats. Yes. And then in the top, and sporadically, there's a couple of blue seat pairs available. So I think, well, the grayed out ones are clearly taken.

Why would the more vibrant... I thought it was black. What? The taken seats. They're taking seats for black. Okay. So I'm thinking, well, this sea of gray, but then these black seats are open. And I don't want to be wedged in between.

I mean, there's only eight available seats. I mean, where are we going to fit in here? We could maybe sit together in like one pair. Across the aisle, we can sit together. But I'm correctly looking at it. And I agree with what I think you're saying, which is that ideally there's nobody in that back row. You don't want anybody really near you at all. and that you were on the fence

because we could have gone and seen it today. And you're high, so I'm like, yeah, you don't want to be bothered or like you want to keep getting high. You're going to vape in there. And you can't if there's enough people like nearby. No, no, that wasn't the concern.

The concern was that there weren't any seats available. You're crazy. There's only seven seats available. It's two in the afternoon in Winnipeg on a Friday. This is a film city. Everyone's here to see Resident Evil. Yeah, which, yeah. And then you looked at, you looked at Coyote v. Acme.

I said, we can't go in there, man. It's jammed. And you were like, yeah, it's the zoo in there. For sure. No, I was looking at, yeah, we couldn't be more than like a couple seats away from people in the back row. So I thought you were being particular, and I get that. And then you looked at Coyote v. Acme, and I thought it was because you thought, if we can be in the back row and watch a movie, and not have people around us crinkling and talking.

Also, John Cena told Conan to see it in theaters. I do whatever people tell Conan O'Brien. But yeah, then you, when you, then you did touch the screen for Coyote versus Acme, and you're like, oh. Yeah. And then we realized. And I looked around to see if anyone noticed how stupid I was. I did. And then I got really confused because I went back to Resident Evil and I said, oh, these are all available.

And you said, yeah, they are. And I was like. Oh, shit. Then we were both confused. Yeah, I was like, well, then why didn't you point out? my stupidity and you were like oh I thought you were overwhelmed by the eight people in the theater and I was like I thought there was eight seats available yeah we kind of you know you think you know someone as good as you can and then you're shocked and confronted well we were very high well yeah

was part of it tired too and then yeah I thought that you just didn't know like you weren't fully committed to seeing it so it's like take it or leave it who cares kind of a situation so yeah that was funny and then it I was like, yeah, let's get in there. And I'm glad we did. It was fun. And I fell asleep. You fell asleep a couple times.

It was fine. Yeah. Best of both worlds. You got to see a movie. I kept waking up to you going, no way. What? Craigor. It's from the game. It's from the game.

Yeah. I think the game, the first, like, playing the PlayStation Resident Evil, maybe PS2 Resident Evil was actually scarier than the movie. Like when I mean, I was a child in a dark room. Like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. What? Ah!

Ah! Yeah, losing it. That bitch. We're wearing a beret. My wife was a whore. Yeah. Ah. She's all bloody.

There's zombie babies. Well, I mean, you missed some of the scary parts. I know. I mean, that wasn't like not entertained. I was just exhausted. Alex Luchin posted that he liked it a lot. I said, I loved it. And then he said that Craigor, Zach Krieger said that he took out 75% of the jokes.

And I said, well, I liked the amount of humor. And I think that more, that much more humor would have been a lot. I would not have liked it. Yeah, would have got in the way. Yes, because a lot of it is build some tension. There's some jump scares. There's some gore. And the guy's a proxy for us.

So, like, he can't really say too much. I don't, I, it was funny enough. And maybe a couple more laughs would have been good. But if it really was 75% less funny, I think that was a good. move. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. Cash App does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend called Cash App Green. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free

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debit flex card. Cash App Green features, savings, direct deposits, roundups, overdraft, coverage, and discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Visit Cash.app, slash, slash podcast for full disclosures. Love that chicken of cash out. Luchin will be at the book event. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be crawling. Come meet Big Looch.

There's going to be so many, like, you know, chubby behemoth universe characters there. Yeah, yeah. Noah. Noah. No's aunt. Happy, he'll be there. Oh, happy.

Happy will be there, yeah. We can sign her to chest. Yeah, she had me sign her fucking chest. Outside of Zanis, it was so funny. You had either gone back inside or something, but I got to have a good time with them. Yeah, she made you happy. The aunts and uncles. Happy, Skippy.

Yeah. Grumpy was bouting. Grumpy was bouting. He was a little standoffish. He was smoking. He was smoking. I was smoky. That was smoky was smoking. I was smoky was smoking. her actually you know I was like up here but it was very funny that she opened her shirt yeah holy shit happy yeah killing it uh-huh noah's pissed he's like why can't I sign him he's jealous my mom said you breastfeed me when she was too tired yeah uh shout out to the

chubby bee universe uh don't blast Noah all right if you see if you catch Noah in the wild just let him live all right he's a good kid he's figuring it up you don't need to get his yeah you got bullied you got diggy bullied unopposed It's about the special. Also, I'm not calling it. Soup's on two soup harder. I just thought it'd be funny to have it on the promo. I don't know what I'm going to call it yet.

Maybe, yeah, right. I like, yeah, right. Who cares? Can't call your own special, who cares? Yeah, you're right. But I could call it, yeah, right. Yeah, you're right. It's fun to say.

Just want something snappy and not something that is misheard as much as soups on. Well, you know how hosts are going to say. He's got a new special on YouTube. Everyone's called Yeah, Right. Please. People are going to think it's called Yeah, Ride or death ride. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Soup song.

Call it Untitled. Yeah. Call it Nathan Lund, Nathan Lund. What about Lund on Lund? No. No? No. It's you with like a hammer.

One on Lund. I bring back the podcast. I still think Live Laugh Lund is the move, but what are you going to do? Yeah. Just keep giving you good ideas. I'm going to keep them now. You gave me a great idea in Walmart to buy. a bad shirt.

Oh, you wanted me to buy the black one. Yeah, I wanted you buy the classic black Wrangler long sleeve, the desperado. Yeah, I would look like a mariachi. You would look like Tony Kukoch on his wedding day. Yeah. You're worried about looking ridiculous in the shirts you wear, so you can't wear just a black long sleeve that every man has ever owned? I just thought the one that I picked was better.

Yeah, you were buying the middle son on boy meets, or no, on home improvement. I think should have came with fucking bangs. Writer Strong wig. I told you, I've seen grown men, probably coming and going from hotels, you'll see a guy 58 foahawk. He's like, oh my God. Yeah, that kind of shirt that's like the sleeves are like rolled back but unbuttoned and there's like glitter on the inside of them.

Oh, sure. You know what I mean? Crazy, yes. Yeah. The crazy cuff, the bedazzled crucifix on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those were. The sober 53-year-old realtor, you know. Rock and roll.

Right, yeah. Rock and roll architect or whatever. Can't be a Brian Setzer guy anymore. Yeah, it was a rockabilly. Yeah. Lost enough hair that he couldn't do the big. That's when he got the singer. you were wearing a singer is that a singer for the for borie's wedding uh no no yours was more

panama than fedora yeah well that was a louvega bega lubega yeah that's what clara kare o kane kept saying that was white lubega yeah that was on instagram and i laughed yeah and she didn't respond yeah she didn't care yeah she's only keeping it open for a couple of people She's not throwing any coins in your fountain. I used to send her sketch ideas. No, sketch ideas for us and now. They were all bad. You did?

No. You send her sketch ideas of how to draw her naked. Like, what if you like... Yeah, that'd be so funny if you were sending her sketch ideas. I was trying to help. I send Shane sketch ideas and never gets in there. Damn. Yeah.

Mine are all like, you know, pretty esoteric. They don't fit. show at all. Maybe they'll fit the packet this time. We'll see. But yeah, I'm not going to unearth any in case they rise. But yeah, I always have some big ideas. Yours sketches are always take place in a break store or whatever. Yeah. He's like, it's called tires. Yeah. I'm like, well, I'm tired of it. I need a break. Pivot. Yeah. You're on autopilot. You're cruising. And you need to give up creative control. I'm trying.

No, Shane does. Oh, yeah. Shane, let me drive. To you. I'm in a man. Yeah. Uh-huh. He might. We'll see. Do you see Brent was locked in a bathroom at L&L Hawaiian Barbecue? You didn't see that? That's why you get on your phone. It's why you check in.

You always think I'm insane. Oh my God. Locked in a bathroom and then at L&L. Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's the one that we used to go to an Aurora or if it was a different one. Oh my God. What happened?

How long was he locked in there? A half hour. Mike Eaton is in there. So the video starts with Eaton's camera filming four staff members, four workers, trying to like figure it out. It has a code. And so it's just them like looking at each other. And then it goes to Brent's phone.

in the bathroom and he's like, I can't get out of the bathroom. The dead bolts obviously open. It's unlocked, but the keypad is fucking up and not releasing him. What a gruesome to do some to be involved in. Hopefully Mike wasn't in the bathroom before, Brent.

No, the bathroom would have been closed. If they're at L&L and Mike goes in first, they lose their A grade. It's an automatic C. To an X. So, yeah, he was in there. Eaton said in the comments, it was 30 minutes. That would be tough.

I wouldn't even check on you if you were gone for 30. Right. It would have been business as usual. He must not have gone this morning. He must have got some extra lives on Candy Crush. Yeah, but. Wow. Oh, and it just made me think about. Wait, can we hold on?

Yeah. What? So there's workers like observing Eaton being like, can you get him out of there? No, Eaton's just filming. He's like sitting down. Yeah. Brent probably texted Mike. I can't get out of his bathroom.

And then he tells the staff. Yeah. Yeah, there's the staff just kind of looking at each other. And then I don't know what they did to figure it out. They probably called the company and there's a reset or something, troubleshooting. Oh, my God. Yeah, 30 minutes. And it made me think of I got trapped in the elevator at hilarities.

Oh, yeah. Because it was like they turn it on and off or something. It was off. I didn't know. And it's crazy that it like lets you go in and then it shuts and then it doesn't do anything else. It's like, just don't open. It's Bangalore style. Why would you even open if you don't work at all?

So I'm in there. I'm like, oh, shit. I'm stuck. The show's starting in like seven minutes. I'm like, fuck. So I like knock a little bit and nobody can hear me. And then I called somebody and they're like, what? You're in the elevator?

What the fuck? All right. They were so pissed. And I was like, sorry, fuck. It's not like I'm a regular guest and I should know better. I've been here several times. I know that it is a way to get downstairs most of the time. So I didn't think I was the dumbest guy for trying to use it.

Did you hear that Brent got locked in the bathroom? I'm losing it already. And then at an L&L Hawaiian barbecue. And Eaton's there. They're up to no good. They're cheating on Santa, dude. Eden got to have his lunch and Brent. Oh, yeah, and eat it too.

God. And then the Hawaiian people finally open up the bathroom and they're like, someone abandoned an adult baby in here. There's someone left their adult infant in here. Brent's all wet because he's scared. He had to jerk off twice. Fuck, oh, man. I wonder if he tried to race the clock.

He's like, hey, Eaton, have him get me out of here. Go. Yeah, he starts pounding. Yeah, it's like speed for him. shit yeah no I'm sorry I'm sorry that I've ever made fun of you for going on your phone just in case you didn't know care top was in the hospital prayers up for caretop I haven't heard any of the news yeah you're Danny Moppins dead what what the fuck yeah

yeah I gotta take down the church marquee so I can promote soups on two yeah I want to get that on there when I get home just to take a picture and share it But yeah, Danny's still being lauded. He got that duster in Trinidad. I know. Creasy has a famous duster. Oh, Creasy's going to be buried in it. I told Creasy that he should fly down to Louisville for the service and lay it on the casket.

That would have been on. Throwed in the hole, the rose. Then Creasy's wearing it. He wears it there. He's like full undertaker, sunglasses, big hat. And then at the service, when everyone's saying goodbye, women are throwing themselves on. it. No, Danny, no. I miss that huge ass. Creecy just goes and stands over there, takes off the duster, throws it on, but underneath there's another duster. He also has leather gloves on.

He's total, he doesn't say a word to anyone, and then just gets into the car that's been waiting for him the whole time. Or better yet, land in a helicopter. Land in a helicopter step off. He's blowing over all the arrangements, and then he just walks up, dusts. There's so many other families grieving and all of the toys, gifts, flowers are just everywhere. Just destroyed. Even the people who aren't there just put flowers. All the flowers on the graves are just a cyclone. It's also Creasy.

And Creasy also has to like wear like a helmet cam so I could observe it all. So you can tell them what to do. Yeah. Wave over there. Give that lady a tombstone. Yeah. This one's a little closer to your heart. Mm-hmm.

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It's a great product we both use it. Damn, I am glad that somebody, I thought about the duster. I knew that he had like either given it to somebody or left it somewhere, but somebody else got it. But I didn't know where it ended up. So many people hit me up because I wrote that thing and they were like, the first time I met Danny, I got told this by four different people. The first time I met Danny was an insert comedy festival. And I met him and you were with him. And then you left because you were like following him around like a puppy as he would do bits for different people. And I turned to ex-respected comedian and I said, who's that guy with Sam? And they said, well, Sam seems to be obsessed with him.

Four people hit me up and they said, I wanted to know Danny because you were literally like handing him straws so he could do like whatever dumb bit he was doing. You know, like I was just there being like, do it. the world. Yeah, whatever. Straw World record. Yeah. He always liked to have a bit, a running joke that he could do all weekend. He needed his woozy winks and that was me.

Yeah. Hit somebody with it. Yeah. And then, yeah, people want to see. I set him up at the 10,000 laughs festival for the penis shortening surgery thing, maybe 50 times. I'd be like, people would walk up and I'd be like, I'm so sorry to hear that, Danny. Like, you know, but I'll be at the hospital afterward.

And then I'd be, you know, we'd time it just right. It was a delicate dance. And then someone would be like, oh, what's up, guys? I don't want to interrupt. And Danny'd be like, no, I just found out I'm getting the surgery. And they'd be like, oh, what surgery? And he's, I got to get my penis shortened. It's too big.

Too damn big. Gets in the way. Can't go on an elevator and shorts. I can't go on an escalator in shorts. So then we'd, you know, walk away to the next person. Ahmed Weinberg. Danny's going to the hospital. It's just blowing.

it. Yeah. Well, sometimes it's delicate. Sometimes it's a little more brutal. Depending on the audience. Right. Whether they're going to get it or not. I told you and Chris and Bobby,

after we found out he had died, Danny was gone, that Lay Lay Lay Breakfast had the last game always was whatever they called it, where the comedian is crushing the whole time. The audience has to react as if every joke, everything that the comic says. Like they're Chris Rock. Yeah, the funniest thing you've ever heard. It's a fun.

People are hooting. Easy fun way to end the show. Yeah. Ends on a high note. And I got to see a comic that is not great. Get that spot. Who was it? Oh, I don't want to say. I know what it was. I know. I told you. But some things aren't for everyone. I'm a good guy. But it was funny to watch a comic that has never really crushed, probably. Never. Get that treat. with their mid jokes. Right. So that brought a smile to my face. That was also, well, I don't want to say where it was.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Leave some more breadcrumbs. No, no, that's enough. But first time I met Danny, I walked in, I rode the bus to Chicago from somewhere far away. And I was going in for, remember when Chicago had that, like, comedy festival? Comedy Expo. Zach Peterson was involved.

Do it. Yeah. Kevin Casey White. remember so i went in for it and uh i like get off the bus i thought i was like bruce springsteen dude just fucking walked from the loop all the way up to the hideout had like my little bag fucking uh what was that bag's name dude remember my bag my little green bag yeah but i don't remember the god now he is dead if i forgot his name uh shit i could text sophie or emily and they'd remember roland rolling rolling roland so i'd rollin and i walk in there you know like i'm a

comic. I walk in. They're all goofing around. Danny's in a green man suit. I'm like, what the fuck is this? There's like a big board with balloons up there and I like the festival runner comes over and is like, hey, so you can go up and like either pop a balloon or you can just do time. And I'm like, I'm not popping a fucking balloon. I'm going to go up there and I like go up there and do my act and

everyone hates it. Because then I get off stage and I see everyone having the most fun ever and I'm like, fuck. I was such a hard o for like pure stand-up back then. But then that day... Imagine that was you. I know. Isn't that crazy? Just joke. Just write a joke. Do a joke.

You don't have to dance around. You have to fucking shake your ass and sing Kokomo. And then literally, like, he became my favorite guy. You know? But, yeah, we walked across all of Chicago that night to go get an eighth of weed. I was staying somewhere. I can't remember who I was staying with. But, like, I met Danny and Liz.

And then I was like, I'm going to try and find some weed. And Danny was like, I know a guy. And then we walked for, like, an hour and a half to get weed from somewhere. And then walked back and just. pushing each other into the bushes, sack tapping, having the mic. I was like, I love this guy. Smoking weed the whole way back. Yeah.

They'd be like a cop car would drive by and Danny would like puff it even tougher. He'd be like, I'd like to see him take me alive. I'm like, this guy's insane. It was so cool. No, he was, and it was crazy how many people knew him because of the festival. Yeah. Or festivals, because lately breakfast was perfect for the first show of the day, like noon on Saturday. everybody would go and have blow into town.

I got to do it in Orlando and Omaha. Yeah. Maybe another, well, Trinidad. I ended up being like a golden ticket holder on late, late breakfast, because I loved it so much. And whenever I was in town, I could show up and do whatever I wanted. So I definitely reverted. I was not a hearto to death.

Danny was. He was hard when he died. He didn't get the surgery. They found him propped. No, that's what the GoFund me was for. He was also... Yeah, always trying to crack people up and have a good time. Eat some hot dogs, drink some beers.

I saw him be really mean to a woman that he was in love with one time. And it was like the funniest thing I'd seen a man say to a woman. They're arguing. And he said, oh, hell, you dizzy bitch, you been spinning around too damn much. And, like, me and Emily were like... Yeah. Yeah, that has endured. Oh, my God.

That's going to live on. Danny will never be forgotten because of you dizzy bitch. Yeah, pretty, like you said, yeah, tough in the moment, real frustration or whatever. Oh, I mean, I wanted to kill him various times. I wanted, in New Orleans, we were together for a week in July when I got the mountain rules and he got the fog hat rocks. Where was that? Right here. Where were you?

Where were you? New Orleans. Yeah. And we were together. We were down there. I had a week off. Emily was like doing something so we just like

I go to New Orleans for a week he'd wake up fucking fifth the goddamn you know four roses loved four roses the best bourbon for my money

even better for yours awesome I mean I love the guy we'd wake up and start drinking and we'd be out and I'd be like by like four o'clock he'd be like you know doing pranks for hobos and like jumping into river for money

and be like dude I can't deal with this for 10 more minutes more or less seven more hours but I did because he was so fucking funny. You couldn't stay mad at the guy. No.

It was impossible. You'd have to be like, hey, I can't see you tomorrow because I need to be mad at you. And I know that if I'm around you, like, it's not going to be possible for me. So like, I need to put you in the corner for a minute. But God damn. Some of the most fun I ever had. My tattoo's fucked up because he made the guy laugh so much. Yeah, that's, which is fucked up.

It was awesome. Just shut up. Oh, yeah, Danny, shut up. Let the guy tattoo your friend. goofing while you were getting fog hat rocks. That tattoo guy was telling us about how him and his girlfriend liked to go into the quarter and meet Marines during like Shore Week. And then they take them back to their house and like, you know,

have sex with the Marine who isn't gay and just wants to come back and fuck the guy's wife but by the end of it, he's fucking the guy. Whoa. Yeah. And Danny's like, oh, hell. You know, like, what do you fucking say? How far do you live? Yeah.

How's the parking? When does she get off the war? Yeah, yeah. Officer and a gentleman. Yeah. So he's just killing and the guy's like, ah, hiltop rules. Is that what it says? Damn. Yeah. Yeah, I told Noah and I talked about Danny and he was like, it's really fucking me up because like I haven't lost a lot of people. And like I didn't know Danny well, but like, and I'm sure that you, you know, I'm complaining to you and you've probably lost. And I was like, nope, Danny's probably my closest friend that I have had. Oh, is that true? away. I mean, yeah, I think so. I'm lucky. I'm very lucky. I don't come from Elizabeth, where you've

lost more people than most Jewish families. Well, but Elizabeth is like Gaza and Auschwitz combined. It's just insane how many young people died. There were guys that I went to high school with that died, and I was not super close with any of them. The guys I hung out with Ricky, R.J. Conrad Landon are all alive. Nobody that I've dated has passed away, unfortunately. I've had two die while we were together, you know, at their own hand. Fell down the stairs. One was underneath me.

Yeah, you guys had sex after you did that push-up contest. That's right, yeah, after the hot dog eating contest slash push-up contest. So, yeah, I would say. Because, you know, I loved Kenny DeForest, but we had hung out seven times. Danny and I were closer, and it hit hard because he was such a fun guy. And I was hoping that whatever he was dealing with, you know, he'd be able to figure it out, bounce back. And it sucks that he was, you know, 44. And they all are.

It's gone. Hopefully I see 45. Andy Williams, 44? 48. Oh, okay. He was a little older, yeah. But also tragic because everybody loved him. Everybody had so many stories between Danny and Andy Williams.

So many people. Just how funny was, silly, nice. When Danny passed, I was with Becker. I can't remember if I said this to Becker, Emily, because I got called the night before the news broke and got heads up. From your agent. Yeah, for sure. CAA lit a candle.

Why would you know? Huh? Just you saying to your agent, how would you even have this information? They're like, it's what we do. It's what we do. Sorry, man. Yeah, yeah. CIA.

But, yeah, so I, like, told Becker, and he was bummed out. And then I think I called Emily, or I called David Bory, too. But I was, between Becker and Emily, one of them was trying to be like, I'm so sorry, man. I knew you were close. And I was like, yeah, you know, people die. That's what they do. And I think it was, I think it was Emily. And she was like, oh, oh.

I can't remember it was one of them. One of them was both very nice. And I was like, people die. people die, that's what they do. And one of them was like, oh, man. Is that how you feel? And I didn't like cry. I cried the next day finally when I think it was Beasley shared the photo of when

Danny was on my shoulders at the Trinidad Festival and we had the duster. And it was wrapped around like we were trying to sneak into a movie. And that made me cry. But only because at that moment I realized, fuck, I'll never have that much fun again with a guy like that. Like all that guy did was like try and make sure that we had a blast to his detriment of his own health, his own sobriety, his own sanity. Like he didn't die by his own hand. I'm not painting that picture.

But, you know, I definitely got the real Danny, you know, the Danny who was like very aware of like, you know, just how all he brought was joy. And like, could I just get a little bit of that fucking joy back? You know? Yeah. Yeah. So, God. Yeah, that's when I cried. And I was like, fuck, no one's ever going to sit on my shoulders again and like, do.

a bit with a duster he found it a goodwill like he's such a singular one of one and i'll miss the shit out of him and anytime i call emmy dizzy i'll think of you danny yeah man uh lots tons of great memories and yeah he won't uh won't be forgotten i think that's all most of us can ask for is to be like well remembered yeah uh fun joy listening like it's Low bar, but some people don't figure that shit out or push people away or whatever. Didn't need much. Needed, you know, a little weed maybe, some cigarettes, a little bit of hooch, some music. We could have, you know, we live like kings.

Yeah. We didn't know how good we had. You know, we had a good at. I mean, there was that, my favorite, the funniest thing Danny said, and I'm sure I brought it up on the pod. But it was Alex Price before Alex Price got funny. He was running Let's Comedy in Indiana. It was like 12, 14 years ago. I don't remember.

Me, Loso, Mopping, I think Jason Melton, do a run of shows with Price. They don't go well. No one comes. We're all kind of eating it. So the last night we sleep at Price's house in like Indiana, Fort Wayne, or Indianapolis, Fort White. I can remember. But it was really cold in there.

And me and Danny had to like huddle up upstairs under blankets because it was so fucking cold. And like we couldn't sleep and Price was in his room. And we wake up early because it's like 6 a.m. We have to go find Dave Laso. He was hooking up with someone. And we come down and prices. Price is like six foot 10, 400 pounds. It's a gigantic man.

It was before he got funny. He since got funny. I didn't like him initially because I thought he carried himself a little lofty for a guy who couldn't do the job yet. Whatever. Now, love the guy. But back then, he wasn't that funny. Stop saying. Well, I had to just to underline that he wasn't funny for three shows.

And we'd all been doing a tough time. Was he gone up first or hosting? I think so, yeah. And he was nice enough. He booked the shows. So anyway, we're like leaving. And Alex Price like stops us in the hall. And he's like, oh, thanks for coming, guys.

You know, everything okay. And we're like, yeah, it was great, man. We're leaving. It was freezing, you know. And he's like, you know, before you go, like, I know the shows weren't that great. And like, you know, I took some lumps. But I'm funny, right? Like, I'm not wasting my time.

Like, this is worth it. I shouldn't stop. And like, he's a towering behemoth in a very vulnerable mode. And before I can say anything, Danny Mopin says, I better go fire up the truck Left me alone To console this wounded giant And then I finally get outside

After like holding him and crying him You know It's like fucking Bob in fight club Like I'm in there You know And I walk out and Danny's just smoking Have that go He didn't fire up the truck

He did He fired up the truck And it was his dad's truck So it was like an F800 It was like the biggest truck It was like a Dooley I'd ever been in Yeah, how'd that go? There, yeah.

The man. Love you. Yeah, I love you, Danny. I hope you're laughing, buddy. He's got a conga line with Hitler and Gandhi. Yeah, he's doing Kokama with Anna Nicole Smith. Because everybody's in heaven. There's no one out there, yeah.

Hitler's up there, partying. There's no dogs, because if a dog's in man heaven, that's dog hell. We've got to remember that, folks. I'm about to enter dog hell when I get back from this run. No.