Chubby Behemoth - We Got A Thousand Koozies For This

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1     SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://www.samtallent.com/     Sponsors: DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sports app now. New customers sign up with code CHUBBY & spend $5 to get $200 in rewards within 21 @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps     IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order (plus free gifts and FREE shipping on qualifying orders) @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     ZocDoc - Taking care of your health just got easier – start here with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/CHUBBY #sponsored     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week Sam and Lund are joined by AJ Grill in Milwaukee. Sam will get a Casey's Taco pizza in heaven, tells the guys about a role playing exercise he did once, and hated animal segments on talkshows as a kid. Nathan teaches the boys a new word for death pact, is reminded of the time he was part of a human shield, and suspects Sam's art teacher was a diddler.     00:00 Gone And Forgotten 01:53 I Do It All The Time 03:52 They Are Dropping 06:08 Never Saw It Hard 08:48 Trying To Hit 15k 11:46 They're Thriving 14:13 Shoulders Some Of The Blame 16:43 The Other Two Times We Met 18:59 Crossed Out 21:51 A Reason To Live 24:42 Turtle Soldiers 26:23 Update On Hanna 27:48 One Of The First Times 29:30 That's Why I Smell This Way 32:25 Making The Appointment Sucks 34:38 What Are You Checking 37:29 Three Feet Deep 39:28 Don't Turn Your Back 42:13 Ann Getty Stuff 44:00 Perfect Fall Days 45:55 So Glad 49:24 Gangsters Showed Up 51:52 Some Close Calls 53:15 Big Man     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth

My phone has been recording this whole thing. That's good. Because we're doing a new thing on the Patreon where we give them like 38 minutes before and some of it's good, and they can kind of hear it. Wow. Yeah.

We are here in the Milwaukee Improv. We're in the green room. Becker is in jail in Disney World right now. So we have a new super producer. What's your online name? Boy Torture 64. Ball Torture 64.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, she's not on a mic, and that's for her safety. Yeah, keep talking to her. Well, we were talking about our friend Joey Fickin. We were saying how we can't believe he's dead. Gone and forgotten. Gone and also forgotten.

That sucks. Oh, God. It doesn't suck because it's not true, because we were laughing about him last night. Lots of good times with him. Not laughing at him. It feels like he's been gone for 18 years. It's probably been six. Yeah.

Six days. Something, yeah. I forget. His funeral's going on right now. No kidding. That's my other friend. Danny Moppin. We never talked about him.

But yeah, Joey Ficken was a good guy. And we said that we were going to do a documentary about his life. Kind of like the Ralphie Mae documentary, you know, where we like real hit piece, kind of, you know. And what were we going to call it, Lund? I remember. That's my Joey and I'm ficken to it. Well, yeah, we left it. Come what May is,

that feels like a first thought. That's the Ralphie Mae. I think that's his wife. And then you come up with something better, but. Or literally anything else. You can't have come in the name of my, when I die documentary. Please don't have come or like, you know, jizz.

Spooge. Ancient C, man. When we were trying to meet up at the, airport yesterday, you were getting a rental car and I was trying to be helpful and I texted you, I can come to you if it makes sense. And then I was going to say, I do it all the time. I think about you when you were fat. Yeah. What are you? My management? Knock it off. All I know about the Ralphie Mae thing is that it was like a friend that tried to

put together funding and edited this film. You didn't have enough cameras to film Ralphie. Yeah, it adds 10 pounds. Yeah. So he's trying to make him look as best as he could. It sounded like a real labor of love. It took a long time, a lot of headaches, hurdles, stop, start, whatever. And then he goes to put it out and promote it. And people are like, how dare you try to capitalize on the death of a man?

And he's like, I lost $700,000 on. I lost a marriage. I put come in the name. No one wants it. His life has been five. My kid drowned in the pool. He was supposed to be watching. He was editing.

That's right. I was doing sound. It was, and also, like, who are these people who are like, how dare you? Let him, let him, let him, uh, rest in peace. Don't dig up his name for you to make a quick buck. And he was like, nothing about this is quick or making money. I didn't enjoy it at all. Ralphie would have loved it.

It drove him insane. Yeah. Took a man's fucking sanity. I also like the plot ficken's. That's good. I think that's solid. If you're on the Ralphie Mae map out. You're going to have to find someone who fucked Joey Ficken, though.

I know one person who did at least. I think I know three. He told me about seven of these people. Every time he got late, he told you all about it. Yeah, he would Skype me and be like, Joey, I don't have this. And he's like, it's all the library he has. The only way I can get a hold of you. You stop doing this.

Yeah, they said, quit bragging about sex. I say, it's my card. I'll use it how I want. There's some kind of stand-up comedian tauntine that we were. unaware of because they are dropping. What? Tontine. It's like a death pact.

Oh, I thought it was a person. I thought it was a French appetizer. No, there's a French Asian queen. Now you're making me question whether, I'm almost positive. Now you're making me queat. It's like if a group of soldiers

found Nazi gold and then they say, Oh, you're talking about the thing that Abe Simpson signed. Yes. Last One Alive gets the treasure. Do you know what I'm talking about from the Simpsons? Yeah, they found a bunch of gold over there, and they signed an accord that the last one alive would get the gold. So they started killing each other off with Abe Simpson, the father.

Anyway, that's a taunting. You know about tauntine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I forgot. You're French Canadian. Yeah. Up there in Stevens Point, you're a fur trapper.

Yeah, open for tauntine. Tontine's good. Yeah, he sells a lot of merch. That's right. Oh, my God. What did you say great live? I would say good life. Yeah, okay.

I would say if, but when he does the the blindfold segment and you can't see him and you can't see him and you can't see him when he puts a blindfold on? I can't. Gotcha. Because I don't have object permanent. Because you're empathic. Right, yeah.

You're an M-CAP. I have sympathy vision. But you're A.J., by the way. I'm A.J. Yeah. And your last name is microwave. It's a grill. Crienne.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, grill. You're referring from most grill jokes. Yeah, I don't have any. That sucks. I think so? Last night I was watching your set, you know, taking my notes. No, you were not.

You were in the green room or not. I was pacing around nervously. Yeah. He had his smiley face stickers, his red, angry stickers. Yeah. I got zero gold stars. Oh, I heard your opener. Oh, that was, yeah, the one that I wrote yesterday.

The new one, yeah. Guys, have you seen the wheel? Well, prefer to see it reinvented. That's right. Then you went up there and, you know. Did the birthday raffle instead? Farts and quiffs are different. Puts and butts, yeah.

What if your butt was in front? Just kidding. You know what I'm talking about. That's my cousin. Yeah, we're here at them. The improv, it's great. Joey would have loved it here. Well, no, he wouldn't, because I don't have enchiladas.

Black people working. Joey was banned by most improvs. Yeah. But not loony bins. The tequitos are spicy. They're covered in red. It's not ketchup? I don't know what to do.

I'm not saying the man was dumb. No, you're just insinuated get heavily. He was just ficking the head. He was ficking liquor good. Finger ficking good. Linger ficken good. That's what he called second base. Yeah, there was a couple of women.

He called the smell when he leaves the room. Who took fission? picking in. Oh, no. Uh-huh. Well, that's, no, actually good for him. It was good. Everyone needs to, you know.

I saw his penis. We all saw his penis. It was there. Well, I never saw it hard. Maybe it was, you know, one of God's pranks. I'm not sure. Got to play a lot of pranks on that poor guy. Oh, my God.

He used to say a lot of fun stuff. But, you know. None that we can say here. No. Danny Moppin, also dead. I mean, what the hell? Yeah. Noriko Ott just passed.

like today, yesterday. Right. But I'm sad about one. Great. No, it's a bummer. It's a bummer, man. People our age, people that do, doing what we do. Your age, exactly.

Both of them, yeah. Danny and Noriko, I think we're both 44. Damn. And, yeah, who knows? Who else is going to drop? I mean, everyone said me for a long time. Yeah, you were huge. We'll see.

I'm healthy now. Healthy-ish. Yeah. You're still cutting yourself. No, it was funny. Neriko was a cool guy from Portland, and I told you last night, did I tell you as well? I told one of you that my memories of Noriko are I stayed with him when I did shows in Portland, and I was sleeping on his couch, and he would wake up early to have coffee before he went to work,

and he would wake me up and be like, let's have coffee and, like, talk about, you know, the differences between seven seconds. youth brigade. And I hate being woken up and I hate speaking to anyone within two hours of my eyes opening. So I just have no positive memories of him. I just remember a guy waking me up

and he was letting me crash. Great guy, generous guy, very funny. But like my memories are like, can this guy fucking shut up and leave me alone? It's 11.30. Is he insane? Yeah. Good guy.

Hey, everyone. You know what I'm going to tell you right now. Pre-order Brute. It comes out September 22nd. So is this episode. I am over 3,000 pre-sales for the actual physical paperback, or not paperback, the hardcover. I'm trying to hit 15,000. Yet again, if every listener of this pod would order it.

I'd be right there. Nick Pizzolato loves it. Anthony Jessel, Nick loves it. Patton Oswald loves it. You will love it as well. Brute, a violent sexual thriller about a hitman in Paris doing one last job. It's a love story. It's fucking great, dude.

You want to tell them the big news? I'm in there. The book is dedicated to me. This one's for Lund. Yeah, that was very sweet. Yeah. I read the audiobook. You can pre-order that, too.

Use a Kindle credit if you have it. Just get it, man. I'm so stoked. It's so good. I'm so proud of it. And I'll be promoting it all over. The Post. We're having a book event in Detroit at the Post on the 21st.

The Barnes & Noble in Chicago on State Street, the 22nd. That's the night the book comes out. 23rd, go bananas. Cincinnati, Cleveland Hilarities, all of that weekend in September, followed by Morgan Stern's books on the 30th of September in Bloomington, Indiana. London will be there, but I think it's like hosted by some local dude, so you might be able to just chill in Bloomington. Smoke.

Yeah, smoke. Then we'll be in Indianapolis at Helium. We'll be St. Louis Helium. Where the fuck? My phone's being, is recording right now. But samatatatatcom, new website done by Ryan Jansacock. A lot of cool stuff on there. Oh, I haven't been on there, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, get your tickets. Big Diamond. That'll be a great festival. So excited for that in Arkansas, Bell House in New York, Philly, Helium, Royal Oak. Comedy Works, man, great end of the year. Yeah. And next year, maybe I won't be on the road for a little bit. Yeah, see him now before he becomes an artist or whatever.

Fort Collins. Fort Collins, Colorado, please come to the Comedy for Thursday, October 8th. I'm recording my second special Patrick Richard. We'll be directing, so I'm very excited about that. Also, Minneapolis. I'll be doing Sisyphus brewing again. The day after Christmas, December 26th. Two shows.

So be on the lookout for tickets. If they're not yet available, they will be soon. And I'm excited to go back. Maybe a new yearly tradition, me and Sisyphus celebrating Christmas together. They're opening a new space soon. That'll be cool. Oh, wow. I didn't know that.

Also, check out our Patreon, please. Patreon.com slash Chubby. The hemath, $5 a month gets you so many episodes that are just waiting for you. Some of the best ones, some of the lore, some of the foundations of running gags and inside jokes are in those Patreon episodes. So be sure to check that out once you can scrounge up a couple of saw bucks. It's $1.25 a week. Duh. Do it.

Everyone do it. Change Lund's life. Yeah, we had a really good talk when I was in Portland. You had a death pack with mopping? Is that right? Tontine. Tortan. Yeah.

Tantor. Yes. No, that's what I was wondering aloud is why we're experiencing sudden loss. Fickens not a part of it because he died years ago. But it was weird to still be like mourning, thinking about Danny. And it's like, oh, yeah, also this other really good guy is gone. Oh, good. And what about all the pieces of shit that we hate?

No, they're good. They're thriving. They just got signed. to Master to No Limit Records The first comedy album produced by Master P is going to be from

When you died Joe He's going to be the first one to welcome you Yeah, he'll be up there handing me some Casey's breakfast pizza He'll be on his head No, you know what he'll hand me When I get to heaven

We'll be a Casey's taco pizza That's right And he'll say, it's your favorite And I'll say, no it's not The one that I don't like And he'd say, oh I forgot again And then he'll eat the whole thing On the drive

That's what he did every fucking time He'd pick me up in Des Moines at the airport. And then he'd be like, I got you a whole taco pizza. And it'd be like 8.30. I'd be furious. I'd be like, dude, that one's gross. I don't like that one. Like, thank you.

But that's the one I won't eat because it tastes like dog food. And he'd go, oh, I forgot. And that must have happened six times. It's an empty gesture, but filled his belly. He did what he was doing. Yeah, totally. He was a mastermind of looking so stupid. I love, I mean, any case, he's pizza besides the taco.

I remember him saying that the, if you. go in there and get a slice of taco pizza. It's not good. But if you order a fresh whole one, when the lettuce is crispy. And he brought a whole taco pizza to blames the festival that he did, blames whiskey. The worst name of all.

Right. Any comedy festival ever. But I thought it was true that that would taste a good. Well, no, it's not because they don't do taco pizza by the slice. That's not a thing. He lied. He was a liar. The fresh thing was good.

I like, fresh is great. You brought me the wrong whole pizza when he picked me up from the airport, but I don't like that one. It tastes like when you vomit up Doritos. Also, it's funny that if he would pick you up early in the morning and not bring you breakfast pizza. It's like he got it the night before. Well, he was up all night working on his set list and never changed. Dinkering. Stinkering.

He was iterating. Yeah. But yeah, we had a lot of fun. I mean, Blames Whiskey was the name of his comedy festival in Ames, Iowa. And David. And David, of course. Can't forget about Melendez. The mastermind.

He's still getting sued. He's still dealing with litigation. It's in the darkness, yeah. A festival from 2017. They didn't get permits. Oh, yeah. I don't know who, but that one police horse was found dead and the comedy festival was blamed.

Yeah. I just remember them running the name by me and me saying, I don't think it's good. And they were like, okay, print it. Let's go. That's a rap.

We already got the, hired the Skywriter. The coosies just showed up. Ron White's here. What do you mean? I'm thinking my tattoo change, but sure. We got a thousand coosies for this. It has to be called Blames Whiskey.

Joey was eating coozy's. That was causing them. That was coozy poisoning. Yeah, that festival was really bad. But somehow Ron White did it. I think because he wanted to, you know, I just remember that the only people allowed on his bus happened to be women on the festival.

I was told that you got on the bus. I didn't know. It was a lot of lot on the bus. Really? No, we didn't go on there. Him and Josh Blue were doing a tour. Yeah. So they were at the college.

Stevens Auditorium, yeah. They were doing the state fair. I said, hey, Ron, there's some tail this way. and he said, see you in St. Louis. Then they turned around after realizing. They were already in town. I called them back and said, hey, we're actually in Ames. That makes a lot more sense.

Turn it around again. All right. You're a great writer. You're a gifted performer. Back when he was drinking, that's all he'd say. Oh, God. Dude, I never told that story on here, I don't think. I think I can.

When Ron was getting divorced. I don't know. I opened for him in Pueblo. I don't remember any of the things we talk about. Sure, sure, sure. But this was kind of like juicy for a minute, but now I don't think it's insane. Ron, I get the call from Wendy. Josh Blue can't make it to Pueblo.

Can you open for Ron White? I drop everything. I say, I'll see you in St. Louis. She says, no, Pueblo, not town. Pueblo, Colorado. Oh, yeah, I'll be there. Get there. Ron knows me because I wrote a couple jokes for him,

a couple tweets for him back in the day. and he liked my stuff so I get there and he says glad to have you you're a gifted writer you're a hell of a performer glad to have you on the show I'm like okay that's what you said to me the other two times we met that's your script but I go out and I kill and then Ron comes up after me I introduce him and he says hold on a minute and then he says

you know I don't get a lot of first time guys I don't see their acts really but I'm going to bring Sam back out here that was a hell of a live show and like come out I got to do a curtain call Oh, cool. Pretty sick. So then after the show, Ron's like, hey, can we do something before we leave? And I was like, no, his road manager says, hey, Ron wants to do something if that's okay. And I'm like, yeah, whatever.

So I sit in a room and Ron's like, so I don't know you that well, but I feel like you read people well. And I'm about to ask my wife for a divorce. And I was hoping that maybe you could pretend to be my wife. And I'm going to tell you all the reasons that I would like to get divorced from her. and you just kind of react in real time. You did not tell me about this. No? I have told you about it.

We're on the pot. There's no way I've heard this. That's such a weird predicament. So, but me, empathetic. He hasn't given you the check yet, so you're like, whatever you mean. I'm still on the leash. I'm in the cane. He's dangling the key.

I'm over the piranhas in the pit. And yeah, so he comes into the room and he changed his hat. He put on a different hat for this conversation. Maybe it was his conversation hat. I don't know. It's a little looser. A little looser so that his brain could think better. Well, so first of all, it's insane what I've been asked to do.

And also, now he's making an entrance. He makes you put a hat on this. I'd put a dress on a wig. I'd put her nightgowns. I'd have put her nightgowns. I don't know. The hat says X, Y. If you can read this, the pre-nup held.

So I just remember that it was like nuts, but then he came in with a different hat on, so now I can't like focus at all on the insane request because I'm just thinking, what's the hat happened? He changed from... Who queefed to who farted. Oh, God.

Queeped is crossed out. It seems like a job for Bill Ingval, not you. Anyone else. The boys, yeah. Anyone else, but, you know, 29-year-old Tampbell. Doesn't know shit about fuck. He's too high and drunk for sure. Like, did his 15, gets the curtain called.

Now he's just in the back. some of the best tequila I've ever had. Like, I got smashed. So now he comes in and he's like, you know, I haven't loved you for a long time. Do you laugh? No.

I laugh because I'm thinking, what's the hat gonna do? What that hat do? You know, I haven't loved you for a long time. And I think you know that. And I don't think you mind as long as you get to maintain this lifestyle that I provide. Oh, my God.

So now I just let him kind of vent and he says all this stuff, you know, and then he's like, all right, what would you say if I was her? And then I just like spit from the hip like, well, yeah, I do enjoy this lifestyle that we have. You talk that deep? Well, no, I just did me. I remember saying something about like, I don't mind the women, Ron. and he like he didn't say anything

about how there was other women you know he was like I don't mind the women wrong it's the men it's the boys it's the little boys that I can't forgive I'm not washing any more

Batman underwear I have the most respect in the world for this guy and he's like the only person who's been nice to me in show business and now my read is he's been cheating you assume and his wife doesn't care

You make his wife cooler than she is. Like you pressing my boobs together? He's like, huh? Yeah. Maybe I'm... Maybe I'm mistaken. Got a good thing going. Think of the sex wrong.

Think of how tight my butt is. Whoa. I think I would have remembered any of that. You kept that a secret for yourself. Yeah, that was crazy. Until the NDA expired. Shout out Ron. The man.

Now that he's drinking, he's like a normal guy who, you know, is just like nice to me and save my life in Austin. The wait is over. I know you've been waiting. Football is here. It is back. God, I'm so happy. It's a reason to live. Something to do.

These 17 weeks plus the playoffs of football. It's better than when there's not football. 18 weeks, that's right. Football's here, and so is draft kings. Oh, yeah. Draft Kings is now live in all 50 states. One app, every sport nationwide. New Draft Kings customers sign up with code Chubby.

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with Draft King's predictions to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable rewards issued as $50 click to claims every seven days for 21 days. Terms at dkNG.com slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest availability. Varies by state. Yeah, because he made me a made man in Austin. I remember when first walked into that green room the first time i was doing the small room the little boy you get booked me in there and i don't think there was much confidence across the board that like i wasn't some like all you know sure like pussy or whatever and also i book casey rocket and william to open so i think the

whole club was like this is a fucking freak sure what they're doing in there but they killed i killed and then when i got off stage i walked into the green room and it was like you know fucking rogan like everyone was it was the green room on like a saturday and i was scared because i don't really know any of these guys. I walk in and I'm just headlined the other room and like no one's like what's up except for Ron White's like Sam Talon, that was a hell of a fucking show you just put on. You get over

here and like gave me a big hug and like made someone get up so I could sit next to him on the couch. The man. Threw a guy down the stairs. Yeah. I don't think that story's out of school because it was like you know fucking 10 years ago. He's like happy but yeah, that was nuts.

That was a nuts thing and then we went to some bar in Pueblo and just like sat at a booth while everyone would like try and get close to him it was like that was the first time I really saw what it looked like he just wanted to go to a bar and like have drinks and he couldn't because everyone was bothering about tater salad you to pretend like that didn't just happen and then me and lund did shows with him and uh in texas and he wanted he like hired this great band of session musicians like legendary like austin guys cool to play after we did our shows and we were all this working stuff out.

And like he wanted to be on the dance floor and listen to the band. So he had me and London Uris form a human phalanx around him. You remember that one? No. Yeah. He was like, we all come stand by me and just like, don't let anyone get near me. And we formed a bubble of human bodies around him. I guess I do remember that.

Yeah. And he just stood in the middle of us. And so he could dance. So they didn't have somebody tugging on his elbow. Yeah, yeah. This is a complicated guy. You saved my life. I mean, the son was there, correct?

The guy. What's Paul? Not Giamati. No. Paul Masson? Not the wine guy. No. But he's one of those like conditioner shampoo.

Okay. Millionaires. Yeah. He was just there to like see the show. Yeah. He was trying to fuck Bukley. Ron's friend who like started Vidal Sassou. Wow.

Yeah. Like Vidal Sasson was trying to fuck Bucle. Gore Vidal Sassum. Over human shield around Ron White. Will Sassau was there trying to get laid. I would, I would, if Bucley was, if Will Sassau was trying to fuck Bucley, I'd be like, come on. Yeah. God.

You got to. You crazy. Do it for the squad. Please. Yeah. Yeah, Ron. We had to, we were his secret service. I mean, we were talking about the great dead comics.

Ron, Mike. Danny Muffin. Ronnie going to white. Ronnie got to white. I tried to get Ron to do that joke about how he's horny in his old age. Yeah. Ronnie won a white. I try to get him to do it.

At the time I see him now, I'm like, you ever try the Ronnie one of right? And he's like, you know the answer's no. Nah, I passed on that. I'm trying to make money. Yeah, I am money. Update on Hannah. She said, oh, I'm excited for my dinner. Six hot dogs.

And I said, there's no way she eats more than three. And they are gone. Clean plate. Delete them. Zero hot dogs left. Oh, for enchiladas. I thought they were hot dogs. I've never seen enchiladas before.

so I was just playing along. Yeah, I thought they were just messy hot dogs. I just like the idea of you eating six hot dogs. On the ground. Right. You lied when we were recording. Loves to lie. Uh-huh.

Shit, I was going to say, oh, in Ames, I think that was the first time that we did, the Fine Gentlemen's Club did an opening move where Sam had Chris on his shoulders, and then while we were on stage, Bobby acted like he was going to put Sam on his shoulders. And there's a picture of it where Bobby's head is in between his legs. And the thought of him pulling it off is so funny to me. It'll never not be funny. Like if he just did it, just had two, well, a giant man and a small man on his regular frame.

It would have been so cool. Everyone in that room must be going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All 12 of them were terrified. Or as Joey called it sold out Back to the guilds. Hot room. That was one of the first times I remember doing the thing where I was on stage and like everyone was bombing

and then I went up and like there was those two people and I said you guys look like your morning, the anniversary of your son's death. And the woman just got up and left crying and her husband looked at me like, what the fuck? Yeah. And I talked to them after the show. And yeah, it was the anniversary.

of their kids' death. And I just went out for some laughs. And that's happened at least three times. You tapped into something. I've done that three times. Wow. Where I've said something awful to someone and they're like, How did you know?

Yeah, it sucks. It's my worst super power. I know. It's terrible. I remember not believing you because I think I showed up to that venue like right after it happened. And I was like, yeah, I'll believe that when I'm dead. When me and Joey are long dead and we laughed because we were going to live forever.

And then you were like, No, really. And I think I asked somebody else and they're like, yeah, no, that really happened. And I was like, how? How the fuck? Does he have this weird gift? You've also used to always like guessing people's birthdays and you were good at it. Pretty good at it.

Wow. I was pretty good with, I could get the month most times. Yeah. And then I could get the day occasionally. Which, again, doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. No, it's terrible.

Yeah, it's terrible thing to have. He learned it at the gathering. I met you in Iowa and you were still in your overalls with no shirt face. And you were like, this guy's the truth. I think Baron Vaughn canceled on Beast Village. Everyone was talking about Samtown, Samtown. He's driving through the night from northwest Arkansas. I was.

I came from Fort Smith. He just came down and was like no shirt on and overalls. I was like, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. It was fun, dude. And then I got to do, it was me versus Andy Sell. And it was werewolves versus vampires. And I was were wolves.

And I just got to pretend like he was being racist. against me because I was a werewolf and I was going through the change and that's why I smelled this way. Like, you think I want to look this way? I killed. Yeah, that was fun. And then I found out they were paying Dave Ross $300 and then I pouted. I remember actively pouting because Dave Ross and Andy Sanford got 300 bucks and I got like a hundred

and I drove through the night and did like four shows when I got there. Well, you weren't wrong, right? Oh, I don't know, dude. I just remember being like, you got 300 bucks. If you knew what I did to get here. And I was also jacked on Adderall because I didn't sleep through the night. Yeah. Yeah, so I was like on fire and then mad and justified in my anger, which is bad.

Yeah, that was a fun fest. It was. God, I was wanted to do that fest. Umtham. Umthum never gave me enough love because I was so resily available. I think that's true? I think he gives everyone love. No, he gave everyone love.

but he wouldn't give me that love. Really? Like he would book me for stuff, but I never got to do the cool shows. Like, I was like the guy that he'd be like, hey, we're going to try this show

at a pizza shop for you. Yeah. Because, like, I never complained. And I kept begging him to come back because it paid $180, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, he never, like...

Felix and Oscars? I don't know, but, like, I remember anyone from New York or anyone from L.A. Or, like, cool acts from Chicago. He would, like, go out of his way to, like, do the show in a bounce castle.

or something, you know? And then I'd show up and they'd be like, oh, man, they're having a dog fight instead. So we have to do your show during a high school volleyball game. Dan, I thought of Dan when we were talking last night about Ficken because when we played kickball, I yelled out, umthin tells me I'm into umthin good. Yeah, yeah. And then collapsed. And I figured he had gotten that a bunch.

Yeah. And I was like, no, nobody's. And I was like, it's right there. Something, umthon. You're good with the names, dude. I guess. That didn't seem revolutionary, but it was funny. I remember it.

I remember it clear as day. Damn. I remember you saying that, like ringing a bell. That's how funny it was. And that's also one of those things that was so funny, and I was, of course, immediately jealous because it was right there. There's so many things my friends would say back in the day, and everyone would be laughing, and I would just be the Terminator,

like, permutating on, oh, I didn't. you say that? Like, what's the matter with you? Someone recently called Stephanie and I weather perves, and I thought that was a funniest fucking thing. That is good. We're always checking out the weather, dude. And I was like, damn, that is right there.

We are. We're perverts for the weather. Are you a heat index guy? Um, yeah, if it's a summertime, sure, yeah. Look, I remember read this to you. You should see a doctor. But... I'm about to see one in a couple weeks. Making the appointment sucks.

Yeah, yeah. I agree on that. You have to call, play phone tag. You have to listen to that. hold music. It's always like beach boys. It's like winger, played on Theraman. Then they can't see it for three months, because they

have to fly in that special doctor who can deal with your unique genitals. That's why this week's episode is brought to you by Zoc Doc. Hey, that first paragraph, this is why they wrote it. Zoc Doc makes it easy to see a doctor and take care of yourself. I, of course, see a doctor too much.

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Find it book the right doctor with Zockdoc doc. Head to Zock.com slash Chubby to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C-C-com slash chubby. Dot com slash chubby. Thanks Zock-D-D-K for sponsoring this message. What are you checking when it comes to weather? Because every morning I wake up and I say, what's the weather?

Because I want to know if I go to the lake or go. You got to go to local news. Local news. I asked my phone, what's the weather? And the weather app pops up. Local news is where it's at. Because they're here. They know.

They're forecasting for you. Your phone's forecasting for the state, the region. For Peter Thiel. I think that you and your lady just have a ritual and you like to watch the local weather. I just like to, I've always liked the local news. Yeah. Yeah, it's comforting. Well, it's weird.

It's weird. It's weird. It's been there your whole life. It's never changed. It's one of the few things it's never changed. Wow. Weather Perve, that's it. I feel like it just blew your mind.

I like weather purve. I just want to understand what's the pervosity? You know, if it's like we're always like looking at it, you know? Imagine it as like a little. Yeah, but are you guys seeing if it's hot enough to go fuck outside? No, I wish. No. You should get her on a roof.

I mean she falls too much little feet little feet tiny little feet tips over yeah I wish I was a foot guy yeah I'm not a foot guy

sick to be a foot pervert and just like in the park during sandal season just oh yeah that be the easiest not her feet repulsed me actually yeah

it's not it's not that there's a sexual component it's the obsession you're addicted to checking on I want to know if I'm going outside. What's it going to do?

Like, I want to be, don't be caught in the rain. Do I need a jacket? Do I need an umbrella? Yeah. Do umbrellas are stupid? If you use an umbrella in your adult, you are a moron. How mercurial is the weather in Milwaukee that? Can be we're on lake effect, baby. Yeah. And what does that do

to you guys? In the fall keeps us warm and the spring keeps us cool. Occasionally we get a lot of snow. You know that. You're a great lakes guy now. I know, but I think we get the opposite because the lake is to the east of you guys. Correct. And the lake is to the East of us.

I guess it's the exact sense. That's easy. Yeah. Then, yes. Never mind. Your whole thing is great lakes, though. Like, you're a lake teacher.

Yeah, kind of. I literally called you one time to brag about the lakes. Yeah. He was just asking me stats and I'd be like, 952 feet deep. I could shoot 952 feet deep. Well, so it turns out that my ex stepfather-in-law is that he was been diagnosed with autism later in life.

Nice. So, like, the kind of shit that, would get Jim's attention was me calling you and being like it's actually like so I remember doing that because I was like all right this is kind of how Jim I don't know he didn't have autism at the time but I put it together that so I helped you connect to your ex father and law stepfather and oh that's good that's cool they just are amicable amicable yeah yeah co-grandparent how about this for a lake fact last uh or a couple years ago megan and I go out to humble because she'd never seen the redwoods on the way back we stop at Lake Tahoe

and on the way there she looks up Lake Tahoe and she says man if you took all the water in Lake Tahoe and covered California you could cover the whole state three feet deep. It's crazy. Yeah if you drain the Great Lakes the entire United States

in like two or three feet of water or something like that. Whoa. Yeah. It's insane. Wild. Yeah man. It's insane. Well that's that's five lakes. Yeah but it's all ours. But it's one water system right? Yeah. Isn't it the largest freshwater system?

Yes, it is. Yeah. Is it an inland sea? That's considered an inland sea, yeah. And what is a sea? I don't know. Is it a lake that has fresh water? No, because there's saltwater seas.

I don't know shit about this. I think a sea is enclosed on all sides, but can be salt or fresh, I'm guessing. And the Great Lakes are not enclosed on all sides? They are, but there's an outlet, the St. Lawrence Seaway out into the Atlantic Ocean. Uh-huh, the St. Lawrence Seaway, which is awesome. Do you know about this stuff?

You seem like a water dork. She's got more hot dogs. She's half listening because the hot dog man came by again. Well, Joey Fickett didn't like hot dogs, but he loved buns. He would put a bun inside of a bun. Dib it in water and smash it? Kobayashi style. He called it storking.

What the hell? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sea world. Sea world. Yeah. Fresh sea world. You were talking about how you have.

Raptor habitat. We have a place that I work has non-releasable raptors, yeah. Yeah, I was going to tell you yesterday, yeah, that they're criminals, so you can't trust them. There's repeat offenders.

They're rape doors. No. It's right there. That's my umph than tells me. Megan, for a while, when we were still in Denver, volunteered at a

conservatory, whatever, for raptors and reptors. and reptiles with her brother and sister-in-law, and they had some big raptors, and there was a golden eagle. Those are huge.

That had, you know, somebody went in to feed them and turned their back on them. Oh, sure. And took the fucker's arm off. Fucking. Not clean off. Not clean, but it had to be amputated. It had to be amputable because it was not salvageable.

I would believe that. Yeah. And scary. And also, if your whole thing is don't turn your back on this giant bird, I don't know why the person did it. You should have been in there. Yeah. Not trained up. I guess.

But I think it was somebody, it wasn't their first day. I think they just weren't thinking or something. But it's like, that's all I would be thinking about. For sure. You cannot turn your back on this giant predator. So I don't know. God. I don't like champs either, bro.

Yeah, it's too much like looking in the mirror, you know. for you you yeah you can see a soul in there you're saying the potential for awful just unpredictable violence

done by a feral ball of muscles yeah yeah I don't like that stuff I don't like when people have monkeys crawling on them I don't like when people even have like I hate when there's like a I hated animal segments on talk shows when I was a kid oh like Jackana Jackana

and shit yeah it's so scared as if it were live and anything could have. Johnny Carson's face gets ripped off. No, it'd be Ricky Lake. It wasn't even Carson. Yeah, Sally Jesse. I know, yeah, I'm older than you.

Right, yeah. So yeah, you were watching Carson Daily. You were like, Carson, no. You have to talk to the Backstreet Boys in the next segment. Mori! You have to tell me who the father is. I liked Ricky Lake.

Ricky Lake was good. I liked Mori because my grandfather watched Mori and they had the fat baby segment. My grandpa would just cry laugh Never seen a man laugh harder Than these fat little babies Yeah, my grandpa literally for the whole hour Like he would laugh

They would bring out a baby and I'm told this out of here I don't know Tell age it Oh man like they just had this segment Of fat babies And I remember like my grandpa just like Oh

And then they'd go to commercial And he'd try and compose himself And then they'd come back And there'd be a baby in a wheelbarrow and he'd be like, or they had a baby next to a huge pumpkin. And he was just like, the pumpkin.

That was the thing in the 90s, like the An Getty stuff. There was a lot of babies and pumpkins and barrels. And Getty's sucks. Yeah, like how did we not see that all of our nation is run by pedophiles? The number one calendar we all had.

It was pre-9-11. We had rose-colored glasses. It's like this baby sexy. I'd sell it at Barnes & Noble. Oh, gosh. I hated fairy babies. You know the fat babies were going back to like a trailer park too. That's sad.

Yeah, they had to fly in my steer. Yeah, they were so. Load them up in a cattle crate. And then they were your peers, right? So you were like, grandpa, do you laugh about me like this? He's looking at the TV pointing it to the TV. As soon as he gets in his truck, he's just slapping his knee. We have fat babies at home.

He tries to take you on Mori. He's like, we're going to the big city. We're going to St. Louis. Make sure to wear your tiny shorts and you don't need any shirts or shoes. It makes you getting a diaper at like nine. Grandpa, please, no. Come on. He's like, remember, you're four.

Don't talk. Just to eat. God damn, that's funny. It's my grandpa. He's pointing back to him. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, he called up Mori. There's one dang regret he never got you on there, dude.

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Your subscription ships regularly and discreetly with free gifts and free shipping on qualifying orders. Don't forget, when you order, fill out the quick survey to support the show. I'm so glad my grandpa didn't put me on Fat Baby Morey. Yeah, and then what?

Ten years later, you're in high school and everybody just has unlimited ammo because you were on Mori. Oh, God. Yeah. I don't think all of those kids made it to high school. Yeah. Couldn't make it in. Couldn't fit to the door.

Yeah, right. Getting sideways. They had to get their school in the parking lot. I had an art teacher in first grade. Her name was Mrs. Bonebreak. She had to go sideways through the door. She was so big. She scared the fuck at him, you, dude.

That's awesome. I would cry before I would go into her classroom because I was terrified of her. How old were you? First grade. First grade, yeah. She was mean, dude. She was scary. That's too big.

Mrs. Bone. I know. dude. I've thought about that in a long time. Cartoon villain, yeah. Yeah, she was mean. Mrs. Boneberg.

She was a art teacher? And she was mean as fuck. Elementary school art teacher. They're supposed to be flowery and fun. Yeah. They're like whimsical and let you smoke. Yeah. I had Ms. Hahn.

She ripped. She was great. She let us make bongs in sixth grade. Whoa. That's maybe a little too cool. She was probably diddling some of you. I feel like my friend Tyler Pollock may have went on like a smoke cigarettes date with her like 10 years after graduation.

Nice. Yeah, I think she was like 52 and he was like 28. Or they just stayed close and she was a mentor. I remember seeing a photo of them smoking clothes cigarettes together before he was 30 and being like, whoa, he's the man. A smoking cigarette's date. I mean just like going to Paris on the plat and smoking with an adult. That was like a kind of prototypical, like, you know, I don't know.

Let's imagine like going down to the river, spitting in the river and just ripping some cigs. Oh, no, no, no. Paris on the Platt was like a cool place where you could get a latte in Denver in like 1999. There was late night coffee and then also a wine bar. I was a little matching Elizabeth. I'm sorry. No, no, this was in Denver. You could clove cigarettes and you go to Paris on the Platt and you would like try and talk to a girl with an asymmetrical haircut. Oh my God.

Yeah, I caught the tail end of of that before that area changed. Yeah. It like got turned, you know, they got rid of a lot of those old storefronts. and either did condos or a couple of high-rise buildings. We stopped going over that way. But there was an open mic there for a couple years. And you had the Denver skate park. Oh, nice.

So like that zone, Cigarettes smoke is a zone. Little Raven, right? That was what they called that zone. Yeah, Little Raven was the street. I think that street is still there, but there's just so much more over there now. That was where there was that video of that woman

that was like chasing all the skate kids away from like the river in the skate park. She's just insane. She like fell on her face trying to like take kids skateboards because she didn't want them having fun or whatever near her. It was like, what are you? Also, you see everybody filming you. So you are so mad that you don't care that everybody's going to just blast you for the next year.

And yeah, she fell trying to run after one of them. Yeah, yeah. All the kids, they were like old enough to not be scared of her just because she was an adult. They, like, could tell that she was, that they were okay. They hadn't done anything illegal, so they could just, like, be like, fuck you, lady. And then you're like, ah. The skateboard's a weapon, too, you know. Yeah, she didn't get, she didn't, the kids hadn't seen the movie kids, so they didn't know.

I was at the same thing, and there was a gang fight that broke out one time. But, like, these, like, gangsters showed up, and it was, like, a drug dispute. And then, like, another, like, the kid with, the skateboarder was in a gang, and he, like, was, like, calling his friends to come back him up as like the other car showed up to kill him and beat him to death. But instead just a bunch of skateboarders pummeled these dudes. Like came out like, you know, it was like chimps. It was crazy.

And like very primal. But they all like just gathered. And they were much smaller, but they were in mass. And they just beat the shit out of these guys. And I saw it while running away. That's community. How old were you? After high school couldn't drink the lost years.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And you, yeah, I was the skate park, so I was hanging out with Krusty, hanging out with Bonzo. And you guys didn't help either side. No, no. I got knocked out one time and my friend Justin defended my, like, completely concussed, like, don't remember any of it. Probably on the ground body at Civic Center Park.

We've talked about that when you guys tried to buy weed or whatever. We bought some swag and then we resold the swag and our like Nug guy called us and we're like, we'll resell this and make five bucks. And then a bunch of like grown men, we're like, who's how we feed our families. Yikes. They beat me up first because I was huge. They feed their family swag? What do they mean? They were like this weird.

We're drug dealers. You're in Civic Center Park. Oh, I see. I see. You know that this is the place where everyone comes to buy drugs. There's clearly a, they didn't say this,

but like clearly there's a hierarchy. Yeah. You were selling their product, I see. We bought it and then tried to resell it for five. And then they were all just like, and we probably tried to sell it to a guy's also selling weed. It was insane. It was 2005.

It was the scary. memory that I have at that time. Jesus. Yeah, you got rocked. Yeah. That's scary. It was sucked. And it was a little guy

and he jumped up and he jumped up and ninja punched me in the back of the head and then I just remember getting home and I'd been throwing up. Whoa. Yeah. That's a concussion, dude.

Uh-huh. And like, Justin had to like fight. The only thing I remember is a bunch of guys as he finally gets me. Like I come to on like Colfax or whatever and then they're yelling, just say it.

Just say it. Just say it. Why boy, you want to say it? And he's like, I'm not going to fucking say it. but they wanted him to say the end so they could kill him. But he was like, I'm not going to fucking say it. I'm not just begging.

I'm not angry. I'm angry. I'm not crazy. I'm scared. I'm leaving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That was a big one. I want to, I don't, I'm glad I was not a fist to cuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. anybody that is able to get old enough to leave that behind them without like prison record or like you accidentally kill somebody or you get like hurt really bad and you're lucky because yeah we all acted like you know none of that would ever happen right and yeah I had some close calls never really was a big brawler but a lot of like talking shit and luckily usually just like dissipated without the actual violence and that was better because you're probably the most ready to die to die. guy. I'm right. Yeah, I'm down for whatever. But now it has to be now it has to be now it has to be there has to be cause a reason.

You say that. Yeah. I've seen you throw the gauntlet down not like literally not recently. There's been some very minor things that you've been like man if they would say anything I'd fucking rip their head off right now. I just said that today I think what did I say? What did I say? No. I'm not being a dickhead. No yeah you did you're telling a story. You did say you were telling you were telling you. You were telling you. us a story. Like yesterday? No, tonight, just now. I'll rip him. I'll kill anybody. But you're a good shover. I could see you getting like a,

I wouldn't want to be shoved by you. Oh, face smushing. Yeah, that's a move. That's a classic. That's the worst thing you could do to a person. Yeah, that hurts. I mean, that sucks. Just like this one, you know,

it's like a nougie for your eyes. You know what would be worse? I'd be really mad if like a big man just like put his finger in my mouth. I would really hate that. I'd be like, Oh, my God. It, like, tasted like honey mustard or something. We have to...

Condimenting. We have to make the donuts. Well, AJ has to host. We have to do some ad reads. But, AJ, tell them all about yourself. What do you want them to know? I'm AJ Grill. Not where I work.

Follow me on Instagram, AJ.orgill. Pride of the Midwest. Pride of the Midwest. It's my favorite comic in the state of Wisconsin. I have 45 minutes on YouTube that nobody watched. Go watch it. What's it called? It's called I'll quit when I'm 30.

Is that the one you did at the art gallery? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Is that guy coming out this weekend? I don't know. I like that guy. Should I text him?

Yeah, he's cool. Okay. Yeah, you're the man. Whenever I'm in Wisconsin, never I'm in Milwaukee, I guess. Yeah. I always have you on. Yeah.

I love you too. Love stuff. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Yeah, Fresh or Death Vintage.

Go follow that. She's got all sorts of cool shit. I personally bought some stuff for my wife off of there. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. Good gear, affordable, curated. It's fresh to death. That's right.

And shout out to our super producer. How many hot dogs was it? Four enchiladas. Four enchiladas. But she didn't chew. Anything you want to plug? Give her the mic. You can look at my art on Instagram at myelos.p.ng.

M-I-L-O-S-P-N-G. Get there. It's great. It's very good art. Oh, cool. She's great. Do you go-tuning? You do cartooning?

No. Get out. Thank you for throwing this together. I have some money to give you. And then we're going to do our ad reads. Thank you guys. Goodbye. Bye.