Chubby Behemoth - We're Just Friends

Episode Date: May 23, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent   Sponsors: IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 40% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     Tushy - Over 2.5 million butts love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code CHUBBY at https://hellotushy.com/CHUBBY #ad     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are all together in Madison WI. Sam hurt his mouth on the pizza, wants Nathan to do molly with him at a wedding, and got fitted for his leather tuxedo. Nathan thinks Sam might have a good new travel plan if gas prices don't go down, is glad it isn't graduation weekend, and is being enticed into hog life. Smelling Like My dad. Make it into curtains.     00:00 This Is The Free One 01:30 Got To Feel Like Momma 03:25 Tub Time 04:51 The Montage Starts Now 06:40 Electric Jeremy 08:00 Not Only Bad It Was Wrong 09:08 Do You Speak English? 12:13 Outside Of An Alligator Boot 14:17 Still Partying 16:54 A Lot Of Different Faces 18:40 Quit Telling People 22:18 The Crystal Porcupine 25:37 Some People Think They Should Eat It 27:46 Sounded Like A Good Idea 30:04 I Want To Outlive 33:20 Deputized 35:24 What If We Did Challenges? 37:33 Hey Denver 41:19 Spoon You Just Frosted A Cake With 44:29 Tried To Get Refitted 46:58 The Middle Is Its Own Thing 48:41 One Of Our Birthday Spots 50:43 The First Turd 54:23 Where Would You Go? 56:04 Just Want To Put This Out There 01:01:07 We Joke Around 01:03:40 Evergreen Park 01:06:33 If He Passed Out     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

We are now. Hey guys. Oh, good. I'm using this pillow to cover up my NADSAC because Lund was concerned. Because it was out. I was going to be showing the barrel. Because everybody, no throbbing on the free one. Everybody would have been mad. This is the free one?

This is the free one. We shouldn't have opened with NADSAC then. I think that's okay. I don't think that one's been plugged into the ISO. How much longer does this vulgar charade have to continue? I mean. I have to say stuff like pressing my seam. me want your slime daddy you know whatever all the fucking catchphrases that have built this show

into the success it is i mean how how long is he going to keep you know scratching sniffing exploring that doesn't help but does that help yeah he'll never quit exploring he has wonder in his heart where your socks look like they're painted on what do you mean your socks look like they were made for your foot oh because i get socks that fit really well oh my God, that pisses me off. Did my socks fit right? Yeah, your socks shouldn't be so perfect. You and your sister clocking my socks.

I'm just saying that like a guy shouldn't care that much about his socks. Look at Lund over here. He's working dicky socks. Mine or new. Yeah, he got him today. I wore out a bunch of other pairs one at a time. Mm-hmm. I was throwing him away in the backyard, burying him in the backyard like pets.

Then then Mama kept digging him up and getting sick. You had to get the wagon Every time she found a pair I got to feel like Mama What? Yesterday You and Becker got to have bikes At the place we stayed at But there wasn't a third bike

And I thought oh good And I thought well I'll go fuck myself Or whatever And then the proprietor We didn't even tell you because we figured You know No no You guys took off and I

Didn't know what you were doing But I were like But yeah, two bikes. And I thought, well, what am I going to do? And then the proprietress, Amanda was so nice, she said, get in the golf cart. And I got to ride behind you. And then after when we reunited, I realized that I felt like mama in the stroller,

getting older, can't do stuff, but still wants to be a part of it. Or at least the people who own her slash you want to feel like they've made you a part of it. Yeah, by any means necessary. Right, because you probably didn't really care, you know, if you got to go on the bike ride. But then as soon as, hey, look what we got for you. Golf cart. Got to be included. Yeah, let's rip.

Otherwise, you guys would have come back together and been like, oh, I'm all biked out. And then I go by myself. I eat shit. Right. Crack my leg in half, bleed out. Yeah, you can't, no one can hear you because when you fell, you landed it face down in a pile of horse manure. Yeah, you drowned in mud and everyone says you're copying me. That's Sam's thing.

Sam was supposed to be the mud death. But yeah, that was funny. And Becker and I wrote bikes today. Yeah. So I got to go down that big hill and feel like I was flying. And I, much like Mama, had a seizure. Bit your own tongue. Bit my tongue off, yeah.

You got in the hot tub. Oh, I got in there. I soaked. I would have loved to have seen you on the bike, been with you on the bike. but yeah it was dipped I was a dumpling game you showered and then went in the hot tub which is a fun move

I didn't think I would have time to hot tub but then I saw what time it was and I said hey I already showered it might as well tub I didn't even think about it and I was like oh yeah tub time I'm gonna get in there yeah and now I'm still just coursing with tub bacteria I'm electric green

these aren't pants this is how my legs look he got sludge you were chugging on the bike going nuts having fun oh yeah he hit some rough gravel on that beach cruiser yeah going down the the gravel driveway was scary because i was scared yesterday they were they were big there were big rocks that made it and i god if i would have eaten shit i would have crashed after being on the bike for 20 seconds so that would have been

awful and then it would have been awful for me because i didn't witness because you weren't around You would have hated it because it was a good save. The gravel was fucked. I don't want to see the kid get hurt, but it is, you know, if he's going down, I want to see it. I want to see it beef it. I also had to deal with the bike seat being high up for you. We didn't bring it back down. I love a high bike seat.

Yeah, it was good. I'm tall. I need it right there at the hip. Once I got on there. Yeah. I hope you ride a bicycle. again. I'm gonna.

Yeah. It's time. Becker. It was fun. You gotta go over to his house with a bandana on. And be like, hey, buddy, the montage starts now. You're holding a boom box. You play it.

Final countdown turns on. And then after like 10 seconds, it actually switches over to Chavelle and Lund's like, I'll put on my sweats. He's walking, speedwalking. So he's like Mac in Punch Out. Mike Tyson's Punch Out. He can keep up. with you.

I'm the trainer. Yeah, you're Waldo Cruz. I'm on the bike. He's behind. He's getting ready for the big brawl against Pistin Honda. Hell yeah.

Yeah, he's eating turkey legs off the ground. Meanwhile, you ate the bicycle. What? You pissed in a Honda. Pist in a Honda. I missed it. He was one of the

punch out opponents. One of the boxers was named. Piston Honda? Piston Honda. Yeah. There you go. And then they did E Honda in... E Honda was in Street Fighter, yeah. There was a couple Honda fighters.

Johnny Toyota, you remember him? There's a lot of subliminal advertising. They were beating up. I remember Thad Chevrolet. The crazy Frenchman? Yeah. Remember Gabe Kia. What kind of car were they kicking the shit out of in Street Fighter?

Super Uber app. Accura legend. Acura. You can just say whatever car. It might be a... No, I'm wrong. It's Alexis 400. I had to think about it.

There you go. I don't know why you would know that. You can't fact check him, but... I don't have a phone. Yeah. It's all right. You don't need to. I was calling a guy

that was doing maintenance on the cottage. I was calling him Electric Jeremy. And no one was laughing at it as hard as I was. I thought it was so funny. That long hair with the beard. just, you know, working with a saws, all to paint him as Electric Jeremy, and I hope that everyone would join in

and we could build some, you know, lore, but... Blasting Slip-None. No one fucking cared that his name was Electric Jeremy. It was fun this morning when we were packing up and we were talking about whether or not he was there, and then he just emerged from the foundation of the home next door. Yeah, someone caught a guitar pick in heaven,

and Electric Jeremy showed up. Oh, good, there's street racing going on. Yeah, that sounded nuts. Also, I was calling our landlord Bad Time Amanda. I thought that was fun. She wasn't a bad time at all. I just thought that she was like a tough, brassy broad. Bad Time Amanda.

Got that on the pickleball court. Or she played rugby in college. Bad Time Amanda. You don't have to whisper. I'm inside. Oh, the mic does the heavy lifting. I've been talking all week. Yeah, I know, but you got to keep talking.

I'm on vocal rest. Becker? For the next hour. Your levels are good. I'm on vocal rest. No, Becker, why don't you take it? What am I, what do I got? I don't know.

You've been studying of, you've been watching people, praising them. Why don't you deliver 40 hours of rocking content? I hurt my mouth on that pizza. Which part? Also, your guys' pizza, the jerk chicken was not only bad, it was wrong. I liked it a lot. Well, I know, but that makes me doubt everyone's confidence when it comes to food. How is it wrong?

It had rice and beans on it. I took a bite. It tasted like paste. It was not, maybe I got a bad bite. I was glad I ate it before I ate the stronger flavored one. You don't need rice and beans on a pizza. It was crazy. That's a bridge too far than pasta.

No, both are fine. I come from the Ninja Turtle School of Eating Pizza. You put whatever you want on there. It's a delivery device. Well, yeah. You also went to school with the Ninja Turtles in the sewers, and your rat was a teacher. So I'm not listening to you.

You didn't even get the ooze. You just liked it down there. You didn't have any ninja powers. You weren't a turtle. God. That sounds like pretty. You weren't molested by Splinter. You were just down there.

Eating whatever fell on the sewer floor. And then, like, riding a hover bike around. They didn't even have hover bikes. No, they just had skateboards. They had one with a fanboat fan on the back. I'd ride that skateboard through the sewers. I'd like to lock you in a crate made of boards. That'd be fun one day would be to put, like, a big wooden box and to put each of you in the box and then to nail it shut.

You know, like they're doing cartoons? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then just mail you somewhere. Send it to Afghanistan. Send it somewhere. Abu Dhabi. Cincinnati, wherever. You're just in a box.

You don't know where you're going. You get there, you get out, you're like, do you speak English? Do you speak English? They're like, yes, this is Virginia Beach. And you're like, fuck. Fuck, send me to Kabul. That might be preferable if gas prices and flights are. To stay expensive?

Yeah, ship us. One box, the two of us together. We've got a little bit of food, a little TV or whatever. I guess just our phone. Yeah, I don't know what we're going to do because I can't keep paying for Becker to come with these flights being so expensive. Nope, it's dumb. It sucks. I guess if you guys want the pod all together, five bucks a month, join the fucking Patreon so we can get Becker out of my purse.

Not that he's in there, but I am paying for the fucking flights. and what are we going to do? I mean, you can't come, you said, for a while. I don't know. I'm going to try to make it work. But it'll be hard. Yeah, it'll be tough. The whole thing is upside down.

We could get one of those railroad teeter-totters that you push. Yeah, a pump cart. Yeah. That's right. From Trinidad. You know, there's the Amtrak, the chief. That would get us to most of the guys. Becker, keep up.

Becker's doing with one hand because he's smoking. Yeah, I'm sitting on it. Yeah, you're going up and down. Becker's getting ripped. You're playing a fart for momentum. Farts and burps, propels us. Yes. One little gust at a time.

A little spurt of energy. It was nice that that old man farted in the elevator. For real? Yeah. I miss this. Oh, yeah, he was farting. Well, whenever people, the meat and green. was in front of the elevator.

You got to tell a lot of people that the elevator was full of farts because farting in there. You had a lot of incapacitated folks. Yeah. A lot of Lund guys were there tonight on their ventilators. A lot of people said walkers. Stairs, huh? Yeah.

Out of my way, boys. The elevator's working, right? A lot of people said, hey, Lund, looking great. One, you're my fitness idol. Put the pillow down. No, no, they can see. And at least they're not seeing down my butt cheeks, you know, that was bad. So anyway, they would get in the elevator and then an old guy, like, I was joking.

He was like, I'm farting in here. And I was like, all right. And then as the door shut, I heard someone fart in there. I wish I could have looked and he would have been like, oh, leaving the bit. I burnt my mouth, though, and I hate it. What the fuck? I thought you weighed it. No, I took a bite immediately.

And then you guys were like, is it hot? and then you guys were already eating the pizza before I could answer? Yeah. I didn't. You were good. Becker did. Becker scalded his own. For the first time ever, I didn't knowingly think it's really hot and then bite it anyway,

because what if it's not? I could be eating already if I'm not an idiot. Well, Becker has a mouth like the outside of an alligator boot. Yeah. Because you were smoking all the time and eating glass to impress chicks. A lot of really hard crusty bread. Right. Yeah.

Thumbails. whatever the guys have down at the reservation beggar's been hanging out on the reservation that'd be cool that's my new hang I just go down to the res You should become a Topaz broker

Oh no Yeah man You come to Lund He appraises the topat That'd be a cool reality show for you too Dave Your dad's about to get you A Cachina doll

Yeah Fingers crossed Hopefully it's a cool one. Hopefully a good one. Hopefully you get... I don't want fucking eagle head. Reggie Miller. It's going to be eagle head.

Or dusty rose. Arbita Sabonis at least. I want it to be fully poseable. I wanted to have the sword. Yeah. Not an eagle? I don't want eagle. I don't want wolfhead.

I don't want coyote. Uh-uh. I want the black and white one with the yellow dots. That guy's kooky. Yeah, I think he's the god of good vibes and keeping it easy. He's the Lord of... hanging loose. Keeping it sleazy.

Yeah, he does this. He does this. I want him to be doing that. My dad's probably going to get me a G.I. Joe. He's going to say, it looks so accurate, right, buddy? Kung Fu grip. All right, dad. Follow me.

Are we good? Yeah, we're good. I was just moving it while he wasn't leaning. I was glad that we didn't have to deal with graduation. here at UW because that would have been too much. Now it's almost deserted. You don't have a ton of people. Not a lot of students, but some.

There were some youth tonight. They haven't graduated yet. Still partying. It was a good for a show tonight. You're on vocal rest? I just see how long you could go on. I don't want to. You don't want a pod?

College. College. It's a real trip. College professors. College, man. Some of them are here. Some of them aren't here. College is crazy, man.

Graduation happened. Now we're not part of it. And I like that. I'm glad. I thought that maybe it was going to be graduation weekend. It would be nuts. Everybody out here, puking, fingering, fighting. But no.

It's all right by me. Becker's a bit bummed out. Less is more. There's still youth, but there aren't their graduates. He doesn't want graduates. They're smart and they're old. I think he can target them up till the time they're 20. That's what I'm saying, yeah.

Until their brains are fully formed. 22, 24. Right, yeah. So, Becker, you're the undergrad target this weekend. Okay. Not just girls. Guys, too. Soft guys.

Undergland. Yeah. If they're an undergrad, he's underglad. Yeah. That his glands are over-inflated. No fifth-year seniors either. He doesn't want him gross. Busted.

Yeah. Becker wants fresh undergrads so he can measure them for his dollhouse. You're making a two-scale human-sized dollhouse, which I said was just a house. He said, you don't get it. People live in a house. They're not going to be alive in the doll house. Oh, yeah. He says that he's like a butterfly collector and he wants to pin them down.

God. What, Becker? Spread their wings. Don't say it off, Mike. If I can't say it. on Mike. Quotable. Don't have any quotables

if you don't want them postable. You're potables. Yeah. You said you're growing cabbage in Trinidad so the flock will have something to eat. Oh God.

Yeah. You're going to be feeding all your captage cabbage. It's going to reek in there. It's going to be just a big fart cloud. It's going to smell like the inside of a furry bottom. Oh.

Oh. Just sweaty and ripe. That's right. Mm-hmm. Did you grab your collectible from Rich? Did you leave it in the green room? Yeah, need it in there for good luck. I'm going to sell it online.

You can sell it. It's just sign Shannon Sharp, a headshot. If anyone wants it, Shannon is, I think it was for an acting reel, so he's doing a lot of different faces and poses. Very nude in one. Yeah, he's saluting in the other one very nude. Fireman outfit.

Yep. He's doing arms cross kind of serious, but his penis is smiling. He just had sex on live, huh? Who did? Yeah, Shannon Sharp didn't know he was on live, or he did. Whoa. And he had sex.

And I think you could just hear him. You couldn't see him. Yeah, that was like a year ago. And he was like, whoops. And it's like probably helped him, if anything. He was really loud, though. It's like when you drive on a pop tie. There's a lot of grinding, and there were sparks flying.

Whatever he was doing, hurt him. I'm in and I hate it. I know I'm in because it hurts. I'm going to take it out. Oh, there it is. Put it back in, Shannon. Ah, for real. Here we go.

Oh, oh. I'm out again. All right. It's like hot and cold. He was having sex in the fridge. Okay. He was going from the fridge of the microwave. Here we go.

Hit a hot pocket in there. You strap in. I'm the card and the mule on this one. Lund, give me a suggestion. Shut up. Okay. Can you. No.

We've been together for so long. I don't know if we're going to make it through the weekend. Oh. Telling people that we're together. What about this? What about this? God. we've been together for so long.

You've saying that to people. I'm trying to hold my hand. It's a good move. Are you guys together separate when you're getting rung up? Together for 20 years. I feel like you might have blown it tonight because earlier, when talking about the wedding,

someone was like, oh yeah, I've got some drugs, got some Molly for the wedding. But don't tell anyone. Okay. Didn't he say don't tell anyone? No. All right.

I mean, the guy who showed us all of the cool molly gummy bears that he had. I thought he was like, yeah, whatever you do, don't let anyone know I have all of these. And they're all different colors and flavors. I thought maybe he didn't want it to be widely known. I don't know. But then you're like, hey, everybody. No, you were scared because I said you have to do Molly or you can't go to the wedding. You acted like you wanted to do Molly.

I do. That'd be fun. It's not going to make you young again. No, but Molly's great. You've never done it, right? I have done it. Yeah, it's amazing. It's good.

It's fun. Why wouldn't you want to do it with me? It's a lot. And Becker. Yeah. Becker's doing it too. He's doing more than we are because he likes gummy bears. Yeah.

I don't think I will. I don't want to freak out or be weird or sweat too much. You can't freak out on Molly. At a pleasant wedding. Yes, you can. You can get hot. I'll think I'm having a heart attack or something. So I probably will skip the potential bad time.

You did. Ketamine. it. No, I didn't. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You did. It didn't. I don't even know if it counted. I didn't feel different. Come on, man. We're at a wedding. I did blow at a wedding I went to. You do ketamine. Yeah, because you don't know who or what you are. I know what? I don't want to do Molly. Come on. We're going to what, dance? Yes. Dance for two hours. No. We're going to eat Molly. And then you and I are going to dance. And we're going to say, hey, everyone. We're together. We're skinny dipping. We're going to run to the lake. And you're going to be all fucked up and take your clothes off. And you're going to be all fucked up and take your clothes off. and then I'm going to push you into the lake and I'll be completely dressed. There's a bunch of young people that are going to be there,

service industry people. It's going to be a real dickhead Olympics. I don't want to be in the running. I want to be in the cool runnings. I want to smoke weed with the cool ranch. With Jamaicans. Yeah. And talk about bobsled and other Olympic events.

I want to be chill. You have to be blade running. You have to be going to freak out. You have to be going so fast. You're going to grab the mic, give a speech, go long. That's Sean Patton's move. Sean will be there.

I'm not doing that. I'm going to be in the corner grinding my job. Yeah, I don't want to grind my jaw. Asking people if they have any more pineapple juice. Yeah. Try not to drink too much water. Yeah. I'm going to be going fucking nuts.

You're going to be rock hard talking to somebody's great grandmother. Yeah. It's going to be super in a wedding photographer. Put my balls on her shoulder. God. Ask her who her friend is. Like dancing too hard. and then you like turn and knock over like a 90 year old woman.

She's just shattered. She should have gotten out of the way. It's concrete. Shouldn't have backed me into a corner. Her ears are bleeding. Like she was in a car accident. Yeah. But she just bumped into you.

Yeah. It's like when people get shot with like a concussive like a blast weapon and like their insides are liquefied. That's what happened from a grandma. Because I was backing up that thing on her. They shouldn't have played thong song if they want a grandma to survive the wedding. I ate half a gummy bear. There's a basketball hoop.

You dunk on an old woman. I shatter the glass. She gets... It rains glass on an old woman. She's covered. They call her the crystal porcupine. Everyone else on drugs is like, holy shit, Sam T. Sam T's the best.

Meanwhile, you've had too many cupcakes and everyone noticed it. Yeah. Ow. Uh-huh. I'm complaining so loudly and that everybody's like, all right, we get it. You want to be the center of attention? I'm like, who would do it this way? I could have done Molly instead.

My stomach hurts. Hey, sorry, my friend ate the entire pork shoulder. I can't go anywhere. But check this out. Moonwalk. I'm stuck. I'm going to walk across the court through grandma. Sam won't get me an Uber home.

Yeah. or else I'd be gone. So I just have to be here complaining. Yeah, you're just in the corner saying you ate too many cupcakes and then cut to me and I have like my, I go to open my wallet to tip and a flame flies out and then a bird comes out of it. And when everyone looks down from the bird, I have sunglasses on and everyone's holding a $100 bill. I mean, yeah, then you're over there being like, oh, making myself puke. I shouldn't have had seven Coke zeros. Just kidding.

They were regular coax and it was 12. No way. Coke Zeros for life. Do Molly at the wedding with me. No. It'll be a legendary hog pack attack. Possibly. Yeah.

Whoa. Becker, you're going to be into it. I don't think I'm going to do Molly. No, you're not. Wait, there's going to be a guy dressed like Angus Young, according to Becker. Yep. So that's cool. In quotes.

Yeah. It's allegedly cool. That's a cool wedding outfit. No, I like that. Yeah, me too. I'll be into that. I'll talk to that guy too much. I'm Molly.

Yeah. You're going to be like. So, like, do you play, though, or you just know the dance moves? I just don't want to do a seven-hour drive the day after Molly. It's a, it's a kilt or a skirt? What is it? Oh, they're shorts? I wasn't looking.

Angus Young. Now, Becker, you're going to be doing a long drive. Yeah. So you're not allowed to fly? No, I could fly to just be extremely expensive. Ship yourself. Look into shipping. Yeah, we should crate my ass.

Yeah, I don't think being serotonin down and depressed in the car alone for seven hours is the way to go. Yeah, but nothing cheers you up like a drive. Yeah. Talk to the car. Yeah, that's true. Hey, Carr, how are you feeling? I just, yeah, I think it would be a bad way to start my week. I had sex with a woman named Saskia outside.

I feel kind of low. That's all right, though, right? A woman named... That's all right, car. We're just doing our thing. Saskia. Saskia. Mm-hmm.

All right. She was a milkmaid. I thought she worked in the barn, but I think she might have been a ghost, too. I'm not sure. My penis stinks. Like ecto-cdo cooler. Do you smell that car? Yeah.

It's not bird vomit. It's my penis. Sebum. Merconium. What were you talking about? Sebum and merconium are what? Merconium is the baby's first shit. And it has all the nutrients that, like, the,

mother's been supplying it. So some people think that they should eat it or like save it or make it into a mask. Some people bury it in the yard to feed a tree. Some people make it into a coffee mug and then like glaze it and fire it and drink out of it forever. Some people think that it's actually the twin of the baby and they raise it. It's crazy what people do. And nobody can say anything.

No, no, no, no. Because a mother's never been wrong. others into it. Some psycho asked if I could come entertain his wife after she gives birth. So these are the requests that people are asking. Hey, we had tickets to your shows at Dr. Grins. Clean my baby off. But my baby's going to be wet on the 28th.

I was thinking, why don't you come down, do 20, you know, the OR? Clean. Yeah, and then you can do some stuff for the sick kid. The babies, you know, whatever. Go do it. I'm not doing it. Go to the hospital. You're on Molly.

Yeah. Drop the kid. My mouth is burnt. Try to pretend to drop the kids. It's all I'm thinking about. But you're still on Molly. You do Molly Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I want rollerblades.

I give the baby back and it's all wet and covered in glitter. The baby has makeup on. Because I gave it a kiss. I have full makeup And a wig And I get there And the guy's like Who are you?

I'm like, I'm your favorite comedian, darling. Sam Talent Now where's my mirror? Fuck. Yeah. Give me the baby. Where's my baby?

Your baby? Our baby? Give me the baby. Yeah, that's, oh, and I also had a fun message. Not as good as that. Here we go. Well, I was offered a motorcycle, an old Honda that's been worked on, fixed up. And man, it sounded like a good idea to say yes.

Dude said that he would drive it down for me to old Trinidad, but I can't, I can't do it. Not in this economy. No. Maybe if we really blow up, because it wasn't expensive. No, what was it? It was like a $7.50? So you know that thing hauls. Yeah.

I don't remember what else, what type of Honda, but yeah, it was enticing, but I can't, I can't do it. Yeah, the lure of the motorcycle is so hard to not go into. I want one. I want guns. so I can shoot them while I ride a motorcycle. Hell yeah. Cheap speed. I can't do it.

Also, yeah, with the price of gas, I can't do 120 on a hog. They can't burn through a bunch of gas. They're pretty efficient. Yeah, I know, but not the way I would drive them because I always have to stop. I always fall off of them. I have to get back on. Get all banged up. It would be expensive.

So, and I just can't, I just got used to slowing down in the car, so I don't want to then have access to a fucking bolt of lightning. It sucks. It's added like an hour on my drive all the way up to 104th. Yeah, I believe it. The wagon for mama. You can't get the wagon attached to the motorcycle. No, no.

Side car wagon or, ooh, sidecar. You're pulling the dog behind. You know. Maybe the dog's driving. You're in the wagon. One-handed. You get ripped one arm. I would love to be able to have one.

But not right now. Maybe next year. There's no better time for you to have a motorcycle right now. No, I can't. Yeah, you kind of have this like, you know, laissez-faire attitude. Yeah, sure, I was going to say. No, I want to survive. I want to live.

Okay. All right. Kind of. Well, that's the thing. I think you get the motorcycle. I want to outlive. Creech. A few,

no. A few people and things. No, God, no. I want to be alive to see what, what comes after this current period of trouble, tensions.

And it could be something cool or it could be something real bad. Sure, it'll be a utopia. Maybe. You know? But, yeah, no, so I don't want to hang around a little bit longer see. Well,

When you said you're going off the OZemPEC, I did get fitted for a leather tuxedo. So, I just want to know, I got that thing ready to go. An acroid. It's standing by. Oh, God, I just was, I was paying for the shot, and I wasn't getting skinny. I think you were going all the way, that's all right. You know? I tried to go up, and you got to experience all the joys.

Right. And I didn't get to. That's all right. Well, what? You were gassy? Die-dye. That was annoying. But yeah, so we'll see.

I'm right on the bike. Becker's on Ozempic now. He doesn't know what he wants. No. Ozempic would kill my appetite that I'd have nothing to live for. Sure, your walks, you know, your dog murders. It's been a week since you killed that dog. Do you have the urge?

to kill again? No, not yet. No, you're not going to start putting... You should put jacklings in your pockets and go walk around the train tracks. And then that'd be a fun 24-hour live stream. How many dogs can Becker kick to death in the wild? In the 30 days. Yeah.

Dude, something crazy is going on because there was a dead body in Trinidad that was found this 43-year-old dude. Suspicious circumstances. And he was 43. so, you know, and he looked like he had had a rough couple years. Wasn't a pretty 43? He was looking rough and tumble. Like Kyle Busch.

Like a tumble weed. Yeah. Having got a fast angel today. That's right. But that and some old man was on the train that goes through Trinidad and might have gotten off without his son must have been sleeping or something. and he this old man wandered off and his body was found i don't know if it was in trinidad or somewhere there's a stop in raton a stop in la hanta but this dude died too it's like what's going on is there

a coyote wait no chupacabra we might have a chupacabra on our hands could be a reverse kachina at all situation yeah it gets crazy with the mysticism and the old ways and the blood in the ground. The Coliche screams, if you know how to hear it. All of the, yeah, all the echoes of the whistling. Past secrets come to the top of the earth. It's just red and cactus all over over there. Right.

So, yeah. We got to get to the bottom of it. Me and Becker, we got deputized. While we've been on this trip, we got an email that says we're needed. We have to, like, join this posse or something. We need a guy to walk and we need a guy to monitor the sitch. Yep. We got you two to come down.

Lund, you'd be great if you were just in a van. You know, with like a bunch of screens. And you were like, oh, he's on the west side. And then Becker walks. And you're like, just kidding. He's on the south side. Becker walks. And then you're like, dude, I haven't seen him at all.

I'm just joshing you with you. And Becker's like, very good. Light a sick, Becker. He doesn't smoke when he wants. I don't bring him on my walks. Light of smoke, Becker. It's your cover. He's on the clock.

He's getting paid. by the state he'd probably smoke. Yeah. Maybe these people are turning back into Kachina dolls. Because usually Kachina's come to life, but these guys could have been Kachina's not known it. It's a cycle. Turned back into a Kachina.

We're a cycle. They find you in the Walsenburg train station. You're just a doll on the ground. But you smell like dad. I've been smelling like my dad when I wear a shirt for three or four days in a row. I just smell exactly like Dave T. Oh no. It's good. Dave T. used to wear shirts all the time.

I like wearing them for a few I like a patina on them. I like them when they're smooth. I don't take off his shirt. It's like I was wearing glass. I hate wearing clothes more than once. Well, yeah, Becker, but you're a press. I'm the dog.

I'm the graveyard employee. I've wondered if it may, you know, I don't like showering every day, but would I pick less, itch less? Yes, I showered every day. And here's another thing about the picking and the itching. Do you think you, well, ick, do you think you itching and you pick because you know you shouldn't. Because you said how the only thing you want to do is the thing you shouldn't be doing at that time. That's more tasks.

This seems to be some kind of sensitivity to stuff. Allergens. Yeah. I don't think it's just idle hands. I think it is a reaction to stuff. What if we did challenges for the Patreon? Like, Becker has to wear the same outfit for a week. We have to walk in each other's shoes.

And it's the clothes that I wore for three days previous. No. So you're going to wear my stuff. that I was in for 72, you're going to be in it for seven days. I'd rather do the month-long video in my place. That sounds terrible. You're doing that too.

You're wearing my gear the whole time. No way. Come on. You're Lund's clothes? That could be when we're together. My skin gets irritated easy. That's why... What about this?

Seven days in the clothes I wore for three days or head in Lund shorts that he wore for 24 hours. You have to put your head in Lund Shorts and breathe them like a mask and yours i just wear normal you just wear normal i would wear the clothes i guess but i mean like i wore the same pants for a third day and i have like fucking zits all over my legs you hell yeah yeah yeah yeah i've what about sam here's a challenge for you did buy some some large shirts instead of the

excel it's time these this is a this is a three i think i need a two get a couple of smaller shirts i like you have you probably have some don't you yeah i have some but that you're rocking I mean, I was rocking that hemp shirt was a 2x, that L-L bean hemp shirt. I have a brown shirt, it's 2x. That one? What? That red one over there? Because that fit nice.

That thing? Yeah. Oh, who knows what that is. Hmm. But yeah, no, man. I mean, I got a cool thing going on. Some are so big, and it is funny that you... It's funny to wear a huge shirt.

Well, I'm saying, you got a bunch of shirts, and you were excited because they fit, but then you kept losing weight. Uh-huh. Whoops. And now I can't buy new ones because Emily said, hey, don't buy any shirts yet. You're going to lose more weight. Get them Taylor. And I was, you know, three pounds down. And I was like, I'm doing this.

I'm doing my thing. I'm doing my thing. And she was totally right. So now I'm just stuck in this gear. Because, you know, really the devil knows I'm dead. Right. You got to tread carefully. She's just right on the time.

She's monitoring your shirt situation. She's so nice. She could be a real monster to me. Hey, Denver, come see me. Friday, July 3rd at the downtown comedy works. Tickets available now. And no, Noah won't be performing. Grand Rapids, we're there next weekend.

Austin, Texas, at Old Ruggies, Syracuse, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Nashville, Huntsville, Naples, Tampa, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Milwaukee, Winnipeg, Cleveland, Indianapolis, St. Samtallon.com for tickets. You can get all of your SamTee needs over there. And also, we have a little Patreon, we like to call it. Oh, yeah. It's not that little, though, 300 episodes. Yeah. It's kind of a big, juicy, meaty kind of a Patreon.

It's a big, wet Patreon. We do GNAs. We put episodes back there where maybe we're being a little nasty. I mean, I don't think we put on the red light on the Patreon. but yeah yeah when we're being more catty i would say it ends up on the patreon when we're talking shit yep inside baseball patreon a character maybe a little too wacky for prime time it's on the patreon so yeah check them out you know what you should check out into cloud oh yeah sure check out to end the cloud product golly i eat there uh share their soda shop gummies all the time you close it down

They give you a mop in a bucket. If Indiclad was a real place, I'd be in there. I'd have squatters rights. You'd have to come and hose me out or let dogs lose. You'd write a book there. Indiclad's a fully legal online cannabis dispensary with everything soda flavored. Oh, that should have been a period. With everything.

Soda flavored gummies, zero calorie THC sodas, vapes, pre-rolls flour, even their new THC cereal bite edibles. What the hell have you had those, Becker? No. Well, why don't we have those? We'll have to get on that right away. You know what I'm going to get on. Your ass.

I'm going to ride you around. And I'm going to say, this is my weed pig. Eat the pig. Yeah, I really like their stuff. I eat their gummies all the time. I think they're 20s. Yeah, they think they're 20 milligrams. They have different doses.

They're really nice. God, I love their soda shop gummies. They like your nighttime ones. Yeah, they come in the purple one. Yeah, the L-thian. Yeah, yeah. They're just great. They come in the mail.

They're legal. You can't get in trouble. the feds can't say hey we're going to put you in ruby ridge and do it over again hey we're taking you to idaho and we're going to shoot your daughter or whatever it was bad man you know what's not bad in the cloud and they're not going to shoot your daughter that was the feds and it was ruby ridge and the cloud had nothing to do with that maybe if everyone would have got a little more maybe if everyone would have been on a little into cloud up there wouldn't have been so trigger happy all right maybe they would have played some

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out the survey. Tell them. Timothy McVeigh sent you. Come on. We're changing the name of the pod. You're obsessed. Enjoy responsibly and thanks to IndeCloud.

Not funny, Timmy. The pod's new name is bad company. Yeah. Hey guys. Is your ass ready for a Toshiba day? Get your butt summer ready. All right? No more of your wet butt.

No more of your butt. Looks like a spoon that you just frosted a cake with. Oh. All right. No more baboon ass. Yeah. No more spider monkey hole. Okay.

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Personal endorsement. What do you love about Tushie? that you can eat out of my crack. That's what I like. I like to serve sushi in my hole. And I say, come over, it's clean.

I was on the tushy for hours. So it's legally fine. Yeah, Emily tried to take a shower this morning and she couldn't because I used all the hot water. It was just on. And now,

I mean, my tonsils are clean because I was on there for such a long time. Your breath is fresh. Yeah. I love the tushy. The worst part about being on the road is not having my whole host.

Going back to the ancient times. Yes, dude, using whatever weird towels they have in the bathroom here because the toilet paper sucks so bad. I'm not getting the deposit back. Becker's head stinks. So I would say, if I could, they have a portable bidet. Do you know that? Oh, yeah.

God, I need to start bringing that with me. We know a few people, comics that will bring it on the road. I get it. Oh, yeah. I understand bringing it. It's just, you know, I have so little space, and it's easy to travel with. Yeah. You put it up your butt.

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Start knowing it. For a limited time, Chubby Behemoth fans get 10% off their first bidet order with code Chubby at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hellotushy.com with promo code Chubby. I did try and get my suit refitted. Emmy was like, take your suit in, the one you got at Mr. Alberts. I famously looked like the king pin in it. It was green with gray pin stripes. Yeah.

I never got to wear it because all the weddings were canceled due to a haunt of virus. And then I lost 100 pounds. So I went in to, I took it in to get tailored. And the guy was like, you lost some weight, huh? And I was like, yeah. I want to see if you could make this thing wearable. He's like, oh, you take it out a bag, put it on. Trink it down.

We'll see if we can fix it or not. And I unzipped it and he went, oh, you don't have to put that on. I can't do anything for it. You can make it into curtains. Or, I mean, it's Detroit. That suit will sell on Facebook Marketplace. There's a market for this suit,

if you know what I mean. Nice suit for a big man. A lot of big guys want to look like this guy. So, yeah, get it. Is that what you're going to do? No, I'm just going to hold on more for the inevitable rise. For when you get big again? I'm going $4.50 next time.

No, don't get big again. It's crazy to see old Big Sam. Hey, I'm a little guy. I'm staying little. Stay cold. I'm staying little. I'm staying cold. I was in a blanket all last night.

Yeah. Bundled up. Yeah. Just a head. James had. No one could tell me no. Well, as we watched four brothers. One of the worst movies ever.

God is. Well, so many times, it's like, I don't want to watch something good because I want to talk. I want to watch something I've seen so I know I like it enough, but not something I've seen a bunch. And between like what we've seen or want to see, don't want to see, we have to decide on something. So sometimes it's good to just put something on. Pop it on. We'll figure it out about a half hour in that it sucks. And we probably could have moved on. Andre 3000 can't act. They tried. They tried to give him the ball. Also, one of the brothers is a guy we've never seen before, even though

the other three are household names. Yeah. Tyrese. He was in there. Walberg says it. Walberg Blasson N. in the movie. Yeah. And no one's upset. He's pretty loose with some gay slurs, too. Oh, his brother was molested, and he calls him, you know.

Yeah. He said that he loved it. Yeah, he's like, it's your favorite thing that ever happened to you. You kept going down. On your birthday, they said, what do you want for your birthday? And he said, get the gardener back in here. That one got. Yeah. I want to eat that guy's cake. Becker, I wasn't looking at you, and I felt like I was ignoring you, so I've turned around to see you now.

You're fine. You're in the middle. That's how it goes. The middle is its own thing. Yeah. You know? You're doing your thing. I'm doing my thing.

You can't go back and forth a bunch because then you're, it's an insaneo situation. Caught in the blender. You get dizzy. Yep. I get fucking whiplash. I was dizzy after the show because you guys have just been feeding me candy and treats for the last week. Oh yeah.

And my sugar is all effed. I'm fucked. I'm like my grandma after she gets by the fudge machine. Yeah, I'm going to have to just eat like fiber for a couple of days. Grandma, get away from the fudge machine, please. She'd say, oh, lo sienta, me gustavly. All right, grandma. Just be cool.

All right. She said, oh, yes, I'm very cool. I'm free. All right, grandma. Very good. Now, what were you saying? ice cold. I was saying I'm going to have to just eat like straight up fiber meals for a couple of days.

It's going to be an all-out force for the Russian. Grandma, come on. Oh, you're so lost. Yeah. Chisera mawage, please. All right, grandma. That was my grandma every time there was a fudge machine. Or a caramel machine.

How many times were their fudge machine? Oh, yeah, restaurants. Oh, man. They used to love to go to old country buffet. My grandma would just take her hat off and fill it up with caramel. He'd go, oh, it's good. It's good to eat the fudge. It's not fudge, grandma.

He's mine. No one takes it. That was one of our birthday spots, old country buffet. As kids, my grandparents ate slow. We would shove in as fast as possible, blow it. They would go slow. And eat way more than us. You know, they knew what they were doing.

oh yeah but um god yeah that was god this was 400 people in an old country buffet yeah my grandma's just they were too big taking her time in there did you ever do furs i went to furs a couple times with my mom's dad my great grandma love furs and i love going there with her no oh then no first family diner in springs but i think it was like a chain no this was uh this was fur's french kissing factory yeah it was a place that you just took people in hospitals. Get molested.

My grandpa would go there in French kids, all the ladies. I'd have to watch. I had to take notes. They had baked apples there and I hadn't had one until I was at

Philippe's in L.A. in probably like 25 years and I forgot how much I loved a baked fucking apple. Baked apples are right. I like it too. It's mighty fine. What comes with them?

It's just a cinnamon covered apple just baked to shit till it's soft and you can eat it with a spoon. Yeah. Some people can put a scoop of ice cream in there, but a baked apple on its own is a okay. Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds good. I've been really fucking cranking with the cola and lime over ice. Oh, yeah. I've been loving a cola and lime over ice after the show. Called fucking Amos Otis on stage and then was like, Otis, let me get a,

can I get a Coca-Cola over ice with lime? And he said, only if you start calling me Amos again. I was like, oh, shit. My bad, Anus. I'm sorry. Sorry, Milo. Called him Otis on stage.

I guess he broke a broom in half in the back of the room. He was like, I'm Amos. I killed Otis. Yeah, Otis was my sebum twin. What was it? Merconium. Merconium. Yes.

You might have been the merconium that survived. The stain that can never be washed. The oldest. The miscarriage that lived. The first turd. Nathan Lund. Also, our guest said's name tonight was Randy Miranda, which is not real. Whoa.

No way that's his name. Yeah, that's not right. His first album was called Randy Miranda Warning. So his real name's Randall Miranda? His name is, his real name is Randall Miranda. Oh, no. Oh, no. I kept calling the Randolizer.

Kristen Rand. He didn't know what was going on. Then Rich DeMore is in there looking haunted. Randy Barnacloon. Yeah. He's only two years in. Rich? Randy.

Oh, Randy, yeah. Rich is an old vet. I almost said, well, then maybe you don't get a guest set on Sam Talon's show. Hey, Chuck Klosterman. Pump your brain. breaks. Why don't you back off? Yeah.

What did you? Whatever you said, I had to like bite the inside of my mouth. What? When he told Lund that he'd only been going for two years. Oh, yeah. One went, oh, that's good. Or like, uh, that's, that's not very long. I forget what he said, but it really took me deeply.

Yeah. I don't remember. It probably was, uh, not very long, huh? Comedy on state, huh? Well, you earned it. The good thing is you earned it. Yeah. You're married to a server.

That explains it. You won an egg lookalike contest. All right. He was funny. He was funny, yeah. Some people, funny right away. Not me. I took my time.

Oh, I was the best ever right away? No, you weren't, but you did figure it out pretty quick. Yeah, you figured it out very quickly. You were funny. Becker. Never really figured it out up there. Bales. That's okay.

That's my time, he said. Yeah. after a year and a half. Thanks, folks. That's my time. That's my time. And more comics should do that. There should be less comics.

That would be sick. I'm just going to write for Zach Moss. Pickle jokes. What? Pickle jokes. Common Cowboys' eyes. I don't think I could write to Zach Moss jokes. I don't think I have an eye for that.

He sounds like Sturgle Simpson song. Nobody can. They're all premises for Zach jokes. Yeah. Zach's going to be all right. Yeah. Eventually. He isn't now.

No, he's great. He's awesome. He's got a new lady. Oh, yeah? A friend. Yeah. Hot lady friend. Perlap.

She's half of a person. Cut down the middle. She's half. One of those accidents. Yeah. Crazy accident. Long ways. Long ways halfling.

Baby you got no arms. It's a. Different guitar comic. I wish bad time Amanda was here. Oh man, she'd have something crazy to tell us, like, a great story about a guy who owns a beef place we like. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't like Al's beef. Yeah? I'd never really been there. Okay. Where is it? Trinidad. It's in Chicago.

Shat Down. Yeah. You gotta get down in the Shatown. God, it was nice to be in Chicago. Yeah. Only would have been better if I was there alone. Sure. With $100,000 I had to spend in 72 hours.

Where would you go? I would go to the top of the Empire State Building, and I would take everyone up there hostage. And I'd say, this $100,000, I need it matched by everyone in this room. And everyone would be like, you know, we're a bunch of kids on a field trip. We don't have $100,000. I'd say, all right, well, until I get my money, I'm going to take off one layer of clothing every hour on the hour.

I'd just be wearing a sheet, too, so I'd be like, you have 60 minutes. This is a one piece. This is a one piece, and everyone's going to see my thing. And then the mayor of Chicago would have to get all the money together, and they'd drop it off to me, and they'd bring it on a helicopter. I'd get the money, and I'd get away with it,

but then when the helicopter took off with me in it, as I'm, like, hanging out the side, it blows up my sheet and then all the kids see my penis and then I have to go on the registry I can't spend my money that's how you do it no I mean that would suck

that's the reality of the situation though he writes real stuff it's probably better that you guys were there yeah yeah we keep you safe from your penis being exposed to children I guess in a roundabout way a lot of people I don't want to be in the roundabout I want to be in the sky

um I don't Shut up. Don't laugh at that. I let me finish. Want to thank the good people of Chicago for showing up. I just want to let this, I want to put this out there. I don't have any copies of Brute to give anybody.

All right? So I'm not selling them. It comes out September 22nd. That's when the book is available. I appreciate everyone's enthusiasm. But please quit asking me at the long. live shows or emailing me. One guy called me on the phone.

Free book, perhaps. Hey, can I has book burger? No, you can't. No one can have it unless you're like in show business and you might want to option it or write a blurb. Then you could have it. But yeah. What if somebody just had a baby? Would you maybe swing by with a copy of brute?

I would swaddle the baby in a copy of brute. Yeah. And I would serve it up as like a baby and a book kind of taco. and then we would take a picture of it. Sign the book, sign the baby. If you can read whatever sticks to the baby. Okay, give $100,000 to the baby. Oh, no.

Pre-order link in the description. There's not a better place to buy it from anymore to support, just support your local bookstore. Local bookstore, be sick. I mean, get it on Amazon if you want a day of or local bookstore if you want to get a day of. Shuler's books, if you want to sign copy, I'll be signing a million copies through Shuler's Books

in like West Bloomfield, Michigan. Nice. Yeah. But yeah, just don't have any copies to give anybody so you can save your breath, buddy. Yeah. I'm sorry. But man, Chicago, Lincoln Park,

top three parks, I think. Fuck, yeah. Free zoo in the middle? God. Just stumbling into a free zoo. That's what it's all about, man. Whoops, I'm in a zoo. Hell yeah, that was all right.

Except you don't want to bowl over a little kid. There are a lot of tiny kids. they don't know what a lion is yeah they're there learning about big lion testicles yeah they were outside rocking nads

hmm got a lion such a bummer to see yeah that wasn't a big I don't know if they're a rescue either if like the Denver zoos all busted up broken animals they can't be in the wild

that's really yeah yeah huh and I don't know how many zoos are like that more and more of them, I think. So that's good. But yeah, I'm not sure about the Lincoln Park Zoo. I bet they got them like off a truck.

I bet all those animals don't have their tax stamps on them, if you know what I mean. Yeah. That whole shit he's mafia owned. From the zoo to the hot dog cards to the new balance store.

Sometimes they have to rescue the big cats that have been domesticated because they can't put them back. Yeah. So like they could be That's what the Rockies did in the expansion draft. Oh. Mm-hmm.

Rescued the Big Cat. Gotcha. Oh, shit. Galaraga. Thank you. Vinie Castillo. Dante Bichette. Andres Galaraga.

Andreus Belaraga. No, no. He's a different Blake Street bomber. He's had some tough sets down there. Was it a mat? Who was the fourth one? Larry Walker. Larry Walker.

Thank you. Larry Walker, yes. Scott, those guys really, they meant a lot to the Rockies. Too bad the Rockies haven't won a game since. Yeah. Now they're being run into the ground, seemingly on purpose.

Take them away. No, they've started out okay. Take them away. Some of the Bronco owners, some of the conglomerant of Bronco owners bought into some of the Rockies. Manning. I'm not sure. Maybe Peyton Ruddy bought it.

So it's not just the other owner's wife anymore. No, it's like a whole... There's a whole crew. Good. Because when that got explained to me, that was like, how is that allowed? Did a woman could own a team? No, it was like another major team owner's wife

owned the team, which is like having your house in your mom's name when you're a drug dealer. You mean cranky sports? Sure. I don't know who. Cranky sports also owns the Rams, I think. or is it the Seahawks?

No one's really sure. And really good at hiding them and shell corporations. Another baseball team. Mm-hmm. I think the Los Angeles Galaxy and a lot of weird stuff that turned out bad. Harlem Globetrotters.

Rockies turned out really good for that baseball team. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm not sure about any of that. And one family owned both. Damn. But through different members of the family. And it seemed like they were just like

buying a sacrifice to use as a bunch. The team stays in the family. So that would make sense because if it got to the point where like somebody explained it to me, That means it was explained to everyone. Denver's a baseball city. We've always been in baseball city.

MLB might have been like, you have to diversify your ownership here. Somebody has to be willing to say like, you're going to lose me money, idiot. Oh, yeah, maybe that's why the Bronco people got involved. You're an MLB, right? Man-loving boys. Thank you.

That's right. Well, someone had to say something funny. Good call. No, Becker. Obviously, we joke around. sure uh-huh you know

yep we do we joke around we joke around mm-hmm jump around that's all I can really say on the matter

we've had too many cookies this week to have thoughts no I have well no one really expects you to do much on the pod

you know maybe you saw a cool car I saw some cool cars but I don't remember what they are you ate a dozen of something you ate a bunch of tiny little

fucking what were those things called ice cream cones yesterday Those were a fucking joke. I ate four foot a sub yesterday. These things are so stupid. Also, that sub man,

I think you got sold a bill of goods on the sub. Yeah, I understand that you don't like cured meats as much as I do the way I don't like tendon and wouldn't appreciate it. No, but I mean three feet of that? Yeah, it was great. Oh, man. Great, you're holding the line on that? Yeah.

How about two feet of that and then a foot of something else? Well, I had... It's preferable? I had two... I guess I had three feet. foot of stuff. I had two foot of that and a foot of chicken cutlet. Chicken cutlet. Okay. All right. That makes me happy. We haven't heard about the chicken cutlet surfaces. That's the one I ate in the back.

Backseat of the car. It was my fourth foot. Secret foot of stuff. For some reason, you didn't want us to know you were eating a foot of your sandwich in the back of the car. No, I didn't think it was like a secret. You ate it quietly. You didn't chew. You didn't chew. I chewed. No. You took your teeth out in gum. There was a chewy cutlet. No, you ate it like a snake, swallowing a No. I didn't think it was a secret at all. I had a giant piece of paper. You didn't say, hey, I'm eating a sandwich back here. No. Boy, this sandwich is pretty good. Yeah, once I started.

You unwrapped it like you were defusing a bomb and then, like I said, ate it with your lips and tongue only. I was eating on a piece of paper on my lap and a sauce situation happened pretty much immediately. So it became like a ticking bomb in my hands that I had to handle. I mean, we're usually pretty good about knowing what's going on in the back seat. Who's eating a foot long sub? You escaped all of my Matrixes Yeah

You didn't trigger any of my alarms I'm pretty good at eating A sub with nobody knowing I guess Tree falls in the forest Becker's there eating a sandwich Not making a sound We went and saw Lund's spot

Oh yeah Yeah we didn't talk about that Lund Tell them all about it We went to Evergreen Park And it was nice I was Instantly like 10 years old again

riding a bike I told, did we talk on the pod about me watching my friend's dog get hit by a car? Max. I think we did. Yeah, we did. Probably, yeah. So, yeah, we didn't go by that. I mean, we were right by that area because we were in my neighborhood.

I was glad that it hadn't, like, gone to shit. Like, it was very much preserved, I think. Like, it still looked nice. It always looked nice. There's still trees. Like, a bunch of the old, like, hardware stores and shit are still there with their old signs. they're not all banks and fucking Popeyes. So that's good.

Yeah, there wasn't any like spray paint stores. There wasn't any like, you know, flags that are just insignias. There's only one house that was boarded up. It seemed like most of the rest of them were good. That's because a Chimo lived there. It was funny to. The city took it into their own. That was where Pennywise lived.

It was funny to stop in front of our house. And then, you know, it's just these three guys that are like menacing the block. And like I wish we could have. Mecker was hitting a billy club into his ball. There was a van parked right in front of my home, which made me think that someone was in there. And I didn't want to freak anybody out or bug anyone. And I definitely didn't want to tell somebody that lived there, oh, I grew up there because I grew up in Evergreen Park or outside of Chicago.

They could hit you with a who cares or like not my problem or whatever. Back away from my daughter. can't come in here, which would be insane. It's not like people at the church, can I walk, can I, can I check it out? I wasn't going to do that. Could have answered some questions. You know, if they saw, you know, you, they'd be like,

oh, that's why the floor is dented. That's where the toilet's on the ceiling. You find my secret, secret M&M stash. Yeah. Because I forgot where it was. That's where you kept your CD. If you haven't found it yet, we could split it. It's the Slim Shady LP.

I'll show you. but yeah I'm glad that we went down there because I hadn't gone down there in a long time and it was nice to see the house and my elementary school

is still the same and then we went to Pops which I've talked about plenty of times are you the boy who made the Jim Belushi shrine in the garage that was me man Curly Sue just came out

it was a he I don't know if you remember K-9. Oh, yeah. But I gave it a K-9 and a half stars in the school newspaper. Yeah, that worked out all right. Pops. To go see all that. Yeah, pops was good.

You guys kept just getting hot dogs, which I understand. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I wanted a specific sandwich, the Italian steak sandwich, because my dad would get that. And sometimes we get a taste. Yeah, you could watch him eat it. If we were good, if he passed out.

He never passed out and we got to eat his sub. He'd either finish it or he would share it. Whatever he'd throw on the floor. Right. Yeah, no. For dramatic purposes. We'd have to save him from asphyxating on it and then we'd try to eat it. And sometimes he'd still, I'm going to eat that tomorrow.

Just swinging backwards at us. It's half ass. And then, yeah, if he had it as a. pillow we could usually wiggle it free yeah uh and we ate there sometimes but it was definitely not i don't know he was the only one who was allowed to get the italian beef we got kicked out what was it called the italian slimer italian steak italian steak yes and it was like a meatloaf situation you thought so i don't know what it was well it wasn't a hamburger patty and it wasn't a steak it was a ground something that was it was ground beef that was re-formulated like a cutlet steak cutlet yeah something

Cheap steak that was hammered into a steak shape cut into a long patty. Yeah, I think a man wearing cleats just stepped on it a bunch. It was tenderized. Yeah. I could see how it would be good. Sanitized. Breaded. Yeah.

Breaded would be more like a melanase, I think. I think total melanazza and the breaded might have been too much. Yeah. But yeah, that was a nice day. And it's funny to be reminded how close. we were to the city because we were just riding around on bikes. So we didn't go downtown much except for like on field trips. So then to be in a car and be like, God, we were just 20 minutes away.

And I would have figured that out junior high and high school. If I would have stayed, it would have been cool to have access to Chicago. You're too young. You were just a little boy wearing a horse gray at Jersey. My whole world was just a few blocks and like three parks and one mall. and your grandparents house was burnt down no no I think they said it was a portal to hell

I think that one of the toilets was wrecked inside out they ruined the rest of the house it like spread right I guess yeah maybe from me maybe from someone else who knows the guy

the building inspector died mysteriously so we'll never know found a pair of little boys underwear don't think it was my fault Shocked him to his core. Electrified him. This is the biggest underwear I've ever seen. Who do these belong to?

Luke Longley? No, no. That was that Lund kid. Oh, is he? Like 28? No, he was 11.