Chubby Behemoth - What A Man's Garden Looks Like

Episode Date: April 23, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: HIMS - Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/CHUBBY     Cash App - Download Cash App today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/g0yurtz9 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit, Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http:///cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the fellas are all together remotely again. Sam went to a prom there, hates dusk, and doesn't know what to do with all his new dirt. Nathan can't believe how young Sam tried acid, hips the boys to diablo nuggets, and has to be the commencement speaker now. Special Dr. T appearance!     00:00 Gossiping Like Hens 02:01 Queen Bee 04:37 Got A Wagon Coming 09:01 The Grizzly Rose 10:38 It Was My Cousins Idea 13:28 They Were Hers 17:09 Diablo Nugs 21:21 Mysterious Sharp Pain 26:13 Do Not Serve This Man 28:16 Broadcast Geek 30:55 Nude Under The Robe 37:26 Rubbing Off With His Hands 41:16 Got The Garden Going 45:56 Pond's Already Full Of Soil 48:03 This Is Huge 50:04 Outdoor Safari 53:22 Have A Task Now 54:44 We Do It A Little Different 59:20 One In The Washer     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

A hell of a pleasure to meet you. Hey, everybody. We were just gossiping like hens behind the scenes here. But now we're going to do a public-facing episode where we don't talk about any of the powerful people that might be able to help us. That's how I'm framing it. Nathan, how are you, man?

You got good news today. Doing all right. What was my good news? My side hurts. The IRS. The IRS hit you up in your side hurts. My side hurts. That's been weird. It's been a very random, mysterious pain. That's been like... You've been rolling at all? Huh? You've been rolling around? No, no. I've been...

Didn't you say you did crunches, though? Been bipedal. I did crunches a while ago, so it's not that. But it's just a weird pain on my side. That's kind of been anywhere between my front, upper front quadrant around to the back or the side not all the way to the back and I looked up appendicitis and that would come with some fever loss of appetite I don't have either of those I'm still rocking out free world you are super tough smoking weed it's a sharp pain and I think it might be my organs moving around and bumping into each other but it'll well resettling from all of the yeah the different layers of your fascia and skin and fat and muscle reconnoitering.

I've gone off and pulled muscles. It's body climate change. What, Becker? Becker, what are you saying? I said, I've coughed and pulled muscles there. Yeah, it feels like it could be that kind of a pain, except it doesn't, I can't trigger it by moving or twisting. It's more like after I pee and I like come out of the bathroom.

It might just give me a little, ooh. Or usually triggers his coughing fits with a three-foot bong rips. So you've been doing any of those? I'm smoking my way through it. We, we forgot that we had pre-rolls from IndyCloud. And so we had, we have this very old weed from one of the, uh, from the queen bee of the pool lady, pool ladies league. She gave me like homegrown shit forever ago.

And we, we smoked some and it was good. And then we were going to. make but megan was going to make butter and she hasn't so but it's old and we rolled up a j and it was fucking oh god pretty bad it stunk up the whole house it was all smoky down there it was very cloudy down there i was like what is this cheech and shong it's like night crawler showed up bam it looked like that 70 stone we needed help from your buddy uh how how how poorly We need to call in the Church of Scientology. It's bad down here.

There's a lot of people that can offer a lot of things. That's all I'm saying. We don't want all the smoke. It's funny to imagine somebody walking by wondering what's going on in that church. Are there any answers in there? And then there's just smoke coming out of the basement. It's not even good. It doesn't smell like good.

weed. It's like... That smells like old-ass wheat. How much leaf matter was on the Queen Bee's pot that she gave you? Oh, I don't know. We smoked it all. There's no way it was trimmed properly, though. I think it was okay. I mean, she's an old hippie. Old lady

beard, it's never good. That's my opinion. Yeah, well, and Megan was the one that was breaking it up, so I bet she wasn't just sticking the buds. But it smoked okay. We also had that blue dream, but we had that in a one hitter.

We're really going for it, I suppose. Yeah, and now you have organ failure. If it could cause that, I'd be dead. Yeah, it's not. Oh, you should have been dead from numerous ailments long ago, Becker. You got a haircut. Lund? You couldn't tell.

Can you hear me? Uh-oh. Yeah, we can hear you. Hey, buddy. I had a little dip. I'll tell Megan to get the, I'll tell Megan to get off the Wi-Fi, damn it. Yeah, it doesn't look like we lost you, so I think we're okay. Tell her to take the dog on a damn walk, the good one, not the bad one.

Yeah, Mama, we got a, we got a wagon coming for Mama. Nice. Wait, she can't. Yeah, she can't, she can't go on much of a walk before she really slows down. So I think we're going to get her a wagon so that it's like, uh, You know, she can't just be in the basement all day just because she's old. That's not fair to her. Did you get her a wagon so you can drag her to the shooting range and put her out of the misery?

The dog's in a wagon in between seizures? Hammer, get the hammer. Becker, go over to the house right now and take care of Mama's issues. I'm in Denver. I'm out of reach for hammer. Exactly. Perfect, perfect alibi. Yeah, he represented himself today.

at his haircut Yep I got fucked at both places He got the chair I've been getting fucked for like 40 hours I went to court for a speeding ticket And they barely did anything They dropped at two points

And then charged me 180 bucks Only 12 points, huh? Four points How much did they charge you? $181? Oh, Becker You got four points and almost two bills because you wanted to hot rod around like Edsel Ford.

Yep. You got to knock it off. And yesterday my car broke down seven times. It took me six hours to drive from Trinidad to Colorado Springs. And they say, is it worth it? And he says, yep, every time. I wouldn't be caught dead in a 2005 Honda Accord. Nope.

No way I'd be in a normal car. Might as well be a casket. Yeah. Yeah. I just hung out on the side of the road a couple of times. Did your car come with a tough? and a pocket protector nerd because I'm never going to give up

look at my cool hair in my bad boy glasses that's that's me did you tell the judge to screw and the collar on your jacket no I dress nice like a chump yeah I wore slacks you said it was crazy

and a fucking collared shirt and everyone else was in the one lady was literally in sweaty clothes who looked like she came straight from the gym people were wearing pajamas there were a bunch of of young men dressed like they were going to go start a gang. It was

fucking insane how bad people were looking in court. Then you're in there like, your honor, I am a sovereign citizen. You can't give a speeding ticket to an idea. I wasn't transporting. I was moving. I have freedom of movement.

Your slacks are just getting more and more attentive as you get off on sticking it to a judge. Your dad's in the back with his hat off over his heart. just that's my boy I have the need for speed sue me

there's on PS2 shock it out of me put me put me in the mental hospital it it's the only way you're going to stop me

it's the only way to slow me down you got to cook my brain more oh the demento you get sentenced driving in like a 99 camry yeah yeah yeah the judge didn't ask me anything other than whether or not i agreed to the plea deal it was so fast i was out of there in like four minutes you are sentenced to drive a kea carnival basic package becker i'd still be okay with that is that a van yeah yeah yeah but it's a

pretty good van they're pretty cool but yeah that's um yesterday sucked. It's just been shit. But then I went and ate a bunch of salad that was really good and had a big old bowl of Chea pudding. And that cheered me up a lot. Yeah. If you got Chea pudding,

you don't need going 110 and a 25. I was going 81 in a 55 when they got me. And I was definitely going a lot faster before I saw the cop. Where the hell was this? on the HOV lane in Denver. Was it in Munion Canyon? No, it was between like, it was probably between like the grizzly rose

and the top of that hill because I'd just come around that band in the HOV. Did you guys ever go into the grizzly road? Yeah. Dude, what do you think? Denver Relief sponsored events there a couple of times. I went to a prom there. It was always people that I hadn't heard of

and then every once in a while they'd be like Vince Neal. And it'd be like, holy shit. Vanilla ice. Wayne Capri. And it was huge, right? It was a big old venue. Or is it still? It's like a pole barn.

It's fucking massive. Giant. Yeah, it's a warehouse. It's like a Foot Clan hangout. But for country boys. It's a shit kicker jamboree. It's just a bunch of guys from like Eads, Colorado, driving into the big city to hopefully beat up a homosexual.

But they'll settle for just, you know, a guy. guy with long hair. Straight black guy. Either straight black guys or a gay white guy? Or gay anything. I mean, they will settle for woman, too.

Woman's also fun. Most resort. Scaro woman. Yeah. Right. Grab a woman real tight. Yeah, the grizzly rose, dude. What a scene, bro.

You just walk in there with your head on a swivel, you know, just looking around. Yeah, it sucks. I have a six cents for that, too, because of all the, like, the rodeo parties I've been to. You took acid at 12, huh? Yeah. Could have been 13. That's so bad. Yeah.

It was, uh, it was my cousin's idea. How could you even handle any of that? I don't know. I wasn't. I couldn't. I hate it. I flipped that. It was horrifying. I was scared until I was 29 and you guys had made me confident that I'd be okay.

Very scary. I was in a, you know, I want to say trailer, but it wasn't that. It was like an RV. Okay. Yeah. I like being dragged or just parked somewhere? No, it was just parked in my, I don't want to get moving trailer. 67 miles an hour. Two hits of acid. I was on roller skates. There was a bunch of rabbits in there. Stombed full of chaw.

I didn't know if you dragged it up to the woods or if you were just in a friend who had a spare RV's backyard. No, it was a family member's yard and there was an RV and I just remember like peeling out. I was just sitting there peeling all the insulation from inside one of the vinyl covered seats. And then I got yelled at while on acid while trying to keep it together because I like, why the fuck did you do that? You know, yelling at me. and I was like, ah, I don't know. I was 12. I was a little boy.

It was awful. I'm getting flipped out thinking about it right now. Yuck. You're also lucky that was like one of the windows in age where you could say, I don't know. And the adults just accepted that you were that, like, hormonal and dumb that you might just be doing weird shit for no reason. Oh, no. I was clearly strange. I think that might be why I hate dusk.

Because I remember, like, the light changing in that fucking trailer. you know and it turning gray in there uh what a bummer i hate it hate dusk just give me the day or give me the night don't make the middle my problem whoa i love dusk and dawn yeah they're good yeah no i'm asleep for dawn and i prefer it that way i'd like to be a sleep for dusk and then if i could sleep in shifts from like six a.m no five a m until like 10 and then go back to bed from like six to nine and then have the night. Yeah, that's not bad. What was Emily up to?

She had a thing in Troy today and it was like she had to wake up really early and it was a long drive. But she's all good. And then I had a meeting with a power broker and now here we are. The main thing was she needed to take a nap too. you know how it is with wives you know you weren't allowed to talk oh fuck they were in my these are mine they were in my things

they were hers they were hers hey guys we had to come back in to let you know that the missing air pod actually belonged to my wife they were her AirPods she's pissed she's locked herself in the bathroom with I think the guns in there too and if you want to hear all about it

you can come see me in Baton Rouge Lafayette Buffalo Rosemont Illinois and Chicago downtown the chicago downtown tickets are almost sold out already so go ho yeah madison wisconsin grand rapids austin texas syracuse new york tulsa oklahoma city nashville tampa virginia beach richmond brookfield that's milwaukee i'm all over for the rest of the year and then pre-order brute get your tickets at punch up live sam talent and join the patreon the patreon's really funny the one we just did last week uh was us me recapping my trip to calahari with my niece wife and sister-in-law it was one of the best

We've ever done. Get on there. We have a lot of fun. And now, here's some Lund. Lund, do you want to plug your dates? Yeah. If you're in Trinidad in two days, no. April 23rd.

I'll probably put this up on the 23rd. That's fine. What about this? Longmont, Colorado, May 2nd, the Longmont Museum. It's been a Longmont time since I've been up in Longmont. Wait, is that a Christopher John gig? Yes.

Yes. He reached up to me and I said, I don't live in Colorado. I said, I do. Hook it up. Huck it up, homie. Yeah, Longmont Museum. So it's going to be funky. What do you know about him?

He's hilarious, weirdo, San Francisco guy. He is a, I think, an actual gypsy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask him about it. Yeah. Yeah, a family of travelers, yes. Or Eastern European, yeah, free spirits. Who knows?

Who knows? Yeah, well, he hopes people are handing out free American spirits. Go see London Longmont. If you know where the best hash is in L.A., please let me know. Why? I'm going out there for five days at the end of the month. Why? To go to a bunch of special car museum shit with my buddy.

Oh, yeah. We signed off on that. We knew that. I approved to that. who signed off on what, Sam? I approved it. There's too many new hash brands since COVID, and I don't want to research 200 brands.

So if somebody has the lowdown, let me know what to get high on. All right. Well, no, and then the meeting kept getting moved around. There's a variety of things going on over here. It's not just, you know, you guys have a simple life where

you find a homeless woman dead on your walk, you know, and the newspaper writes a story about it. Light another sig. Light another sig. You know, your dog's in a wagon because you're too scared to kill it. It's just normal stuff down there. No.

The old lady gives you weed. You smoke it in your house stinks. It's not. It's not that mama is dying. Typical crap. It's that she, her seizure meds have always made her back legs weak. And combined with her getting older, she's just like getting pooped on walks sooner. But she wants to go on the walks.

She's eating. Her tail is wagging. We're not like keeping her alive. We're not jolting her brain to keep her alive. We're not going experimental with crystals or anything. That's what the judge ordered Becker to do. Beanie wants a long-ass walk. Beanie would go with Becker on a four-hour walk.

Have Beanie walk Mama in her wagon? Well, now we can have the best of both worlds. Mama gets tired. We put her in the wagon. Maybe the wagon goes over the edge of Simpson's wrist. Accidentally. Viking funeral for a dog. I get Taco Bell.

I feel nothing. I want those new Diablo Nuggets. What are you talking about? Taco Bell. What the fuck are those? Diablo Nugs. I didn't know anything about these either.

You need to throw your phone along with Mama off of Simpson's rest. No, no. You shouldn't be knowing about things called Diablo Nuggets. You're four. Is that me or him? That's him. Thank God.

15. Emily's awake Whoa Yeah I knew we lost him He froze too hard We had a good run going Yeah at least this one I can Like fuck with for hours on Friday

And get it right What are you gonna do come back Oh you said maybe come back tonight Yeah I think so I might stay and watch Daredevil though And then eat pizza or at sandwich And something pass out That one was on me folks

I tried to Google Diablo Nuggets and I closed the window. Oh, that's crazy. That makes me feel better because it won't happen. I like that answer. Yeah, we'll keep it happening. Yeah.

Taco Bell's Diablo-dusted crispy chicken nuggets are a limited time item featuring all white meat chicken. There's an asterisk next to chicken. And it's spelled with a K with a crunchy tortilla chips breading coated in a spicy Diablo dust seasoning. Whoa, it launched nationwide in April 26th.

There are only 450 for five pieces in Lund, for the guys like you, 750 for 10 pieces. Not bad. Now here's the key details about Diablo chicken nuggets. The nuggets are seasoned with a fiery Diablo dust inspired by Taco Bell's signature Diablo hot sauce designed to create a tongue tingling heat. Well, most of your food makes your toes and fingers. fingers tingle already, so you might as well get your tongue in on it.

It's a whole scene. I'll be body rolling. They feature a breaded crunch, a crunchy tortilla chip breading all over white meat chicken. Sounds pretty good. White meat chicken, healthy. Of course, a crunchy tortilla chip breading, not for human consumption. The jury's still out.

What the hell? What was the aster for? Because they can't really call it chicken. Okay. That's an old wives tale about KFC. That was everywhere. It's an old wides tale about KFC. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Becker, do you know about the Euro kit at Safeway?

I do. And it's actually pretty solid. You have to fry it. Yeah, we do the air fryer for the Euro meat. But it's like, the proportions are funny. They give you three pounds of onions, two pounds of tomato, the seven pitas. But then like enough Euro meat for like two and a half pitas. Or you have to make them like street tacos where there's just meat in the center.

A little big. Yeah. I started cooking. You know, it's supposed to be an umami accent to the rest of the salad. If you think about it that way. Also, there's not a lot of kids. You have to get the separate Greek salad also in the deli to have more lettuce and cucumber. Lettuce and cucumber and red pepper.

Yeah. Between the two. You could probably make all that stuff just at home and save $12. Yeah, just get a spit and then get lamb and get beef and then pound it flat. You could put it on a spit, roast it. That's not, yeah, that's not 12 bucks either, ombre. No, I'm saying is that you could make this Greek salad instead of going to the deli to get one. Yeah, but if you're just having that stuff that night.

Come way in real quick. We agree with you. Blood has a mysterious sharp pain in his left quadrant. Oh. No, it's the right. How long has that been going on? The last couple days. A couple days.

Not constant, though. Very random. Pop it in. She's popping in. She's popping in. She's popping in. She's popping in intervals. Okay.

Can you hear me? Yes, I can. Can you hear me? Yeah. So it's just like every once in a while, sharp pain, kind of like upper, like almost under the armpit, like on my side.

And then also in the front, it almost feels like my organs jostling. And then there's sharp pain. Up in your armpit. So is it like in your chest or in your abdomen? It's south of my armpit, but not by a lot. So it's like upper rib cage. And then around to the front on the right side, not the left. It's probably from those crunches you did two weeks ago.

Hey. Damn. We already talked about the crunches. He's doing a different kind of crunches now. Diablo, dusted, crispy chicken. They're not out yet. They're not available yet, I don't think. And it's on your left side?

No, my right. It's on the right side. Oh, it's on your right. It's kind of been in the... That is where your gallbladder is. I looked up appendicitis, but I don't have a fever, and I don't have a loss of... And that's in your lower... abdominal.

That's lower, yeah. I think of where Will Ferrell's scar is from his appendectomy. And it wasn't that. Talking to this. Your gallbladder is pretty high up, but it can kind of radiate pain like up into your chest a little bit. But it's usually more kind of under your ribs on your right side there. Okay. And then it can go like across to your stomach.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, that might be. Have you noticed it be worse, like right after you eat? No. After I pee, it feels like it gets me every time. That's weird. Probably kidney stones, too. As I walk around.

It's more in the front, not in the back. Kineenestones is a really good idea. I know. It's a really good on differential diagnosis. It's probably kidney stones because his ureters are all blocked up with crud. Probably. Because these aren't even out yet. I thought that they were out already.

But no, these are just on his wishboard. I'm watching playoff basketball. So I see all these commercials for shoes. As his doctor, he has a mysterious pain. He's making racist jokes on his podcast. Do you think that getting these nuggets would be good medicine? No. Even though.

I think you had to hold off on the nuts. Even though reviewers have noticed a significant level of heat, quote, hotter than I expected. Yeah, I would, I would take it easy, like, with greasy, decrease greasy food and spicy food for a while. So maybe not these nuggets that others have mentioned are quite large for fast food nuggets. And see if that helps with the pain. Okay.

I just had a bunch of chicken teeka masala. That was pretty spicy. Is it, like, if you move around, does it get worse? No, I was saying, like, I couldn't make it feel like, oh, it's. around. I've been moving and it's not like, oh, when I twist, it hurts. It's pretty random when I feel the pain. Okay.

Well, it doesn't sound too bad. I'd just keep an eye on it. Yeah. Sounds good. Text me though. Or kidney. Yeah, it definitely could be your gallbladder. It's probably not kidney stone.

Yeah. So, Sam, how much bubble water are you drinking? Is it only bubble water in the house or you haven't flat? No, I have a lot of flat water too. Yeah. I do both. All right. So that's good.

You're not eating the cans, right? I chew on them and I spit them out. All right. All right, that's my consult. Just keep an eye on to eat more bland food for a few days, see how it goes. So no. Are you having bowel movements? So for sure, no Diablo spicy.

Yeah, I get it. I get it. What's up with your bowel movements? They're cool. For that. All right. I poop several times today. It was all good.

All right. It's like clump. thing like an old horse. All right. Love you guys. Love you too. Bye. Thank you.

How much do I owe you? I should have been owe her $80. Yeah. Fuck. Well, I'm glad that we fixed your problem. Well, yeah, I'm going to monitor my health. No Taco Bell until the, well, it comes out the 26th, you said. And there's Wopper Wednesday tomorrow.

I could probably do that and just do no onion. And then that's. I'm going to, I'm going to call. Carlos and have him print off a picture of you at the library and take it to all the fast food restaurant specifically Burger King and say do not serve this man as ordered by his doctor. He can't control himself. He doesn't, there's not much going on down here. He thinks he's, quote, beating the system by remembering to say, I want my Wapper Wednesday

Wiscount. I want my whimper, Wasco. He's having a stroke. He just says Wopper. Yes, he'll be the one complaining of mysterious pains. He may or may not have a dog having a seizure in a wagon. What I'm saying is we're worried that he's feeding the Woppers to the dog. So that's where we draw the line.

Becker, are you going to get anything to eat while you're up there? I had Campo for lunch and I love that place. Campo's junkie nicken noodle soup? No, it's called like Campo provisions. It's like a salad and fruit shop. It rocks. They make giant salads like the size of my chest. And I had a giant hickama, radish, goat cheese, apple, cashew salad with a guava balsamic dressing and it was nuts.

I would say, get the apple out of there. Apple has no business being in a salad. It worked with the guava balsamic. It was good. It wasn't too sweet. I just don't need it in there. I got my hopes up for a salad. I don't want to be disappointed by an apple.

Yeah, I liked it. And then I had a bunch of pudding there. And then I think tonight if I stay for Daredevil, I might go get a bunch of barbecue pork buns. You keep saying stay for Daredevil. What does that mean? Daredevil comes out in 24 minutes. The movie?

No, the like fifth episode of the new season. I see. And I think it's the best like front to back without any bias about character superhero thing that's ever been made. It's got all the fans talking. It's the shit. It's so good. That kid who plays Daredevil is, I've talked about it on broadcast geeks a bunch if you want to hear me talk about it. But they cast a broad.

They cast a Broadway guy who can do all the stunts because he's like a crazy ballet dancer. And it works because they can do long shots where he's doing like triple backflip kicks to people faces and shit. And it rules. That is a that would work. Lund's been listening to broadcast geeks. Yeah, I'm a patron. That'd be very funny. I give him 12 a month.

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The show where at one point you would have like six people talking, six dudes, screaming at each other. And at least one opinion. Blackout drunk. Not like a little in the bag, like don't know where they are.

Right. Nate Balding's in there, Gandalf the Grey. He's completely nude under his robe. He had a pain in his side too. Oh, yeah. It was so bad he had to move to Idaho. Yeah, he's in the bag and somehow sharper than everyone else.

Ooh. Yeah, he was special. He's a special man. He was a once-in-a-life-time town. He was a once-in-a-lifle-old. He still gives me TV recommendations. He's the man. What is it?

Turn it on? His brain's much. He always hits me with the good stuff. TV's easier to watch when it's on. All right, balding. Good to talk to you. I got a rainbow in my brain. He's saying stuff that he used to say in his act.

In his act, yeah. The crazy guy on the street, but now that's balding. I ate his stickers for lunch, bitch. How did you get my number? He was at Jordan and Nicole's wedding, so that was awesome. What was he? The janitor. He was living at the museum.

He's the groundskeeper. They don't know that I never leave. It's a living art installation. I'm the art. I've been practicing bass upstairs. I've been practicing bass in the whale. You mean the band in the whale? No, I've been inside the whale.

He was wearing a silver jacket. So he looked like a wizard or like a very, like, like a crazy person so that was good sure was he partying uh no I think he was pretty chill he was kicking it he's retired he's on a ventilator

I think he's medically retired for partying medically retarded he he flew too close to the moon he flew too close to the moon I think he was bad that Ozzie bit the head off of I think he left pretty quick but it was good to see him

I think he was doing all right his hands were shaking too bad to eat cake he's doing great yeah at playing Edward 40 in the park with his friends and co-workers and roommate With stray dogs

He's this bunch of stray dogs I always wanted his sister to suck me Jeez What the fuck One time she was She was coming to hang out at Trito And he like Very awkwardly was like

My sister's coming And I was like oh nice Like after we record And he was like yeah She's pretty cute No, and I thought it was weird that anybody would present their sister to like a group of fellows that were going to record a TV podcast. Especially because he didn't know that anyone else was in the room and he was just staring into a mirror while fixing his bowtie. And then she showed up and I was like blown away because I was like, I'm sure it'll be cute for a balding.

And then she got there and I was like, whoa. Her name was a woman's shoe. No. Yeah. Oh, you're being, I thought you were just throwing that out. I thought that you were riffing. I can't remember what it is. Yeah, her name was a pump.

It was a shoe. Pump bald. Yes. Her name was Reebok. I wonder if, I feel like he had to deal with everybody, he was probably trying to get ahead of every other time she had come around by saying, yeah, she's cute. Get over it.

Yeah. So you know. That's for sure what was happening. just his deadpan delivery was really weird. He was probably, yeah, it was a Sunday. All we were doing was hanging out and getting fucked up and recording. Before Mitch started.

Before Mitch started doing his spiel, hello, pretty lady. Oh, who's this queen? I didn't know royalty would be joining us. Sit down. That's not a cheer. That's my face

Mitch just starts territorial pissing he rips the sink out of the ground and throws it for a window okay Mitch I told you my sister

was coming Matt Orrin has like a bunch of grapes he's like easy easy big guy come on come on checharones

oh those chichorones man chicken chichiroteroon And that fun charitos. Fuck. Those were the original Taco Bell Diablo crispy chicken bites. Yeah, those kept us strong. The comedy wars. Dude.

Yeah. They saved my life several nights. Rachel Weeks didn't like them. Yeah. So you'd always say, hey, I guess Rachel wanted to get another order of chicken cheacherone's on her tab. I said I'd bring them over to her. and then just eat them in the bathroom Yeah, you're right next to the kitchen

Oh yeah, no, no, I owe Rachel a favor So I'll bring these to her Don't worry about that It's going to be about seven minutes All right, I'll be right here I don't have any shows Just peeking over the top Sam, why are you here? Oh, I'm here for the open mic

We're doing a wedding tonight Yeah, yeah My old friend, is getting married. Whenever I get sad, the only thing it cheers me up is some of those

chicken cheacherones. Could I, you think I get some for Rachel weeks? She's down the street. She's not making any sense. Yeah. I was over at El Chapultepec.

The jazz bar. Yeah, I was over there. I have this thing on my back that Jeff Cleveland was rubbing off with his hands. So, I needed this cactus dethorned, so I was bringing it over to Jeff Cleveland so he could just rub it between his palms.

The first time I met him, he was... You thought he was cursed. No, he was walking towards me to introduce himself. And before I knew you that well, but like, kind of knew you, you said to me like, ooh, you're about to meet gravel hands and just like kept it moving. You said that to me as you walked past me. and then he reached out and shook my hand and I was like shook. My favorite thing would be with young comics, like the first time that they would meet Jeff.

He stopped shaking their hand, didn't he? Well, I would always tell them. I remember I got David Glasspool real good with it. I got Grace and Knight. I was like, hey, when you meet this guy, Jeff, make sure you shake his hand. All right. It's rude if you don't shake his hand.

And then he would like go for the fist. And they would like, hold their hands out like this and then he would unfurl slowly and then you'd see them shake his weird whart and crusted hand and then be like ah it was fun

poor guy we should call him Jorge Cincinnati remember one time Timmy had a had an eyelash on her cheek and Jeff went for it it

refusing a bomb blindfolded. He was a good guy. Yeah. I'll bet he still is. Ah, who knows? He's out there somewhere. Jimmy Toledo. You can't bottle lightning.

A guy like that, he's not here for a long time. He made a deal with the devil that he could play the piano real good, but at what cost? That's the only thing he could touch again. With the ivory. You were going to feed him chicken chichironis while he played. Yeah. For the listeners at home, imagine like the thing skin from Fantastic Four. That's what this band's palms were.

But on a freewheeling piano player. Yeah, a guy who looked like he taught art. Uh, the art of rape. Jeez. nasty one what is based on looks that's all I'm saying yeah not personal activities no no he wasn't Gary burden

he wasn't a Gary burden to the women that guy's dead for sure he's been dead yeah I know he's dead I had dinner with him at Red Lobster before he died right before he died you watched him in Las Vegas in the parking lot I saw the lights go out

He was allergic to shellfish He was walking to the bus And you backed over him He didn't tell me That he had that shellfish allergy Before we went in But You know

It was a beautiful thing to see No pain from all this laughing So that's good You're in pain or not No pain Oh good Good good good No

So who fucking Who even knows? knows what's going on in there i'll never know then i got my garden going it's pretty exciting nice oh yeah you didn't tell us about the garden last time well uh i left out two things last time my garden emily built these planters and then we stained them and then it rained after we stained them on the wood so she was stoked on that um but yeah i got all this dirt dude from mr olamon uh and he's a character dude he runs this garden center on mac and he'd to live delivers my dirt, and he's like, we got bag dirt or we get the good stuff.

Follow me. Then he takes me out into the back of the garden center, and he has four giant piles of different colored shit. And he's like, we mix it up right here. We put some sand in there, so you got your drainage. I was like, oh, I know all about sand. I'm from Colorado. He's like, oh, it's going to be a lot easier out here.

So he delivers me all this dirt. And he has three sons. Two of them have kidney ailments, just like you, Lund. He's always talking about his kidney boys. Dad, my side. My side. Yeah. Oh, my kidney boys are at it.

Then they're just in there both on bags. No, they're hard workers. They're cool. But he also has a son with Down syndrome. And he brought him on the dirt mission. And I did one of my patented huge burps on accident. It was very early. It was like I woke up to receive my dirt.

I did one of my big burps. And his son clapped and laughed. That was very nice. I got way too much. dirt isn't alamon spanish for german yeah yeah and but he was just white midwestern guy i'm mr aliman i don't know the place is called alimans so i just always say he's mr alamon all right yeah it's a family run operation figure it i got way too much dirt he did my he did my math wrong and he oversold me dirt so i always have a giant pile of really good dirt in my driveway

Are you going to have raised beds or are you doing it in the in the earth? Oh man, I got raised beds. I got four of those. I also have like 35 pots of different like different pots out there, plastic black pots that I've filled with dirt. And I still have, you know, maybe four feet tall of dirt just out there chilling underneath the tarp. But yeah, so I got the pots that I put wildflower seed in. So I want like this weird like Lego garden that I can move around depending on what color flowers grow. And then I also planted a bunch of daisies on a border on two sides of my raspberries.

And then the greenhouse has a bunch of flowers that I planted in the dirt that are like already good to go. Like, you know, annuals. So when I figure out what to do with, you know, this 600 pounds of dirt, it's in the middle of it all. I was like, we could just take the cover off. off him and it would rain and she's like yeah it's not going to wash away all this dirt no won't it though won't rain Wayne just get rid of your problems yeah you could rake it over the backyard if it's good soil it'll help enrich the soil oh I got grass I got clover out there I don't want to it won't drown it you rake it out I don't want to rake it fair enough this episode is brought to you

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stuff growing in there yeah the last year emily filled it her in lou michael and then uh how much A bunch of wildflowers on top of it. Bunch of dirt. She also got it delivered by Alamon, but he didn't swindle her because the kidney boys weren't acting up. He didn't need to take him to the nephrologist. He saw me coming from a mile away. He's like, oh, yeah, let me do the math for you there. Oh, you're going to need a swimming pool's worth of dirt.

Yep, we'll, we'll bring it over. Me and the one who's, he's got kidney disease, but in his head. So we'll be over there. his brain is jaundiced hmm so that's all exciting that's in the next like month you'll probably see some shit yeah I guess we gotta wait till mother's day they say but you guys freeze late yeah we'll see so that's why I have the

greenhouse but I blew off my trip to Montreal so I could stay home more at the house I'm going up there tomorrow I'm flying to Montreal tomorrow morning going to Ottawa on Thursday there's still tickets for the I think I don't know maybe there's not there was like 10 tickets for the late show in Ottawa available earlier today and then uh I think I'm gonna be in Montreal until Saturday maybe Sunday just kind of dicking around but then I want to come home and get back to my garden before I leave forever hell yeah I leave April 30th and I don't get back until like May 10th for just a few days yeah dang yeah it's been nice to be at home

I've been enjoying being at home. Having you not around? It's awesome. Now, I keep telling Megan, I've said this before, but it sucks that the thing I love doing the most involves so much travel. I wish that I love something. I'm going to Burger King? Yeah, it's like seven miles away. So I can't walk.

Oh, I'm getting my bike. I took my bike to the shop last week, so I should get that. What? I should get a bike in the next couple days. Yeah. This is huge. Yeah. Oh, you're going to love it, dude.

I was on the bike twice today. I've had it for almost three years, so that's dumb as hell. Yeah. As long as I ride it once before this pain gets spreads everywhere. Before your screen explodes. Get hit by a cement truck. Maybe you've got an internal quado. I end up on I-25 somehow.

Fuck. You're splattered. You splattered all the way to return. You're dragged. Becker's out there putting pieces of you together. We keep doing the pod. My mortgage. Me and Becker would do a different thing.

It'd be like deep dive on Lund. It'd be fan fiction about what you're up to. Yeah, it would be you. Yeah. No, I'd be fine. You'd be so sad. I'd move right along. I have a new manager.

He'd make it all go away. He'd resurrect Lund. Find a new Lund. Yep. I'll have the guy from Doe Boys in here. Or that fat guy that everyone says Pat looks like. Who? Houser? Oh, shit. He has the beard. Paul Walter Houser or a cummy?

No, no, Luns Houser. Pat's the other one. He has big wet lips and a beard. Mike. Mike Mitchell? Mike McGlinchy. I've met him. He does look a lot like Pat. Yeah. I saw him once in an airport lounge and we made eyes at each other, but it was one of those things where it's like I didn't know his name and he didn't know my name, I'm sure, but like I knew he was in comedy.

Yeah. And I always regret not going over there. He rules. I'm always running into Aaron Berg. I didn't tell you guys that. I ran into Aaron Berg again recently at an airport lounge. Whoa. The Bergman.

No, but we went to an outdoor safari guys. When? A drive-through safari during our Kalahari adventure. Why not? Oh. Well, I'll tell you why not, because the giraffs were not out. There was no giraffes, and the donkeys were clearly just mules at some juggaloes had spray painted. Is that separate from Kalahari?

Same with the zebras. Yes, it was separate from Kalahari. Hannah got it on Groupon, and it was really fun. There was kangaroos that we were able to see on foot. There was a bird enclosure that was closed, but we did see a white peacock. You guys ever seen a white peacock? Yeah, they're pretty cool. Dude.

Completely wide or one? Albino peacock. Yeah, and it's not as rare of albinism as it is in a lot of species, so they happen more regularly. And it reminded me that the drummer from MXPX was also an albino. So that was good. But then there was a drive-through element where we were given a bunch of cups. full of lettuce and like pellets, nutrition pellets. And then you drive through and you're just water buffalo, those big,

Scottish like long-haired cows with horns. Yeah. There was American bison. There was weird little deer. There was llamas and alpacas and they were using their castration teeth on each other. They were nipping at each other's buds. That was horrific. You ever seen that in the action?

Oh, dude, they have castration teeth and they try and buy each other's ball bags off. So that they get the mate? It's like a mating thing. Yeah. Good luck getting laid without these. Yeah, good luck procreating. I mean, I guess you're just putting a permanent condom on the guy's bag. Yeah, you're having one fight instead of seasonal fights.

Yeah, he's just blanking out there. And then he's just everybody's friend. He's just like helpful. right yeah he's really good at planting parties he's got a hell of a garden he always wears a hoodie he's got a great garden he doesn't have any nuts

they were just getting in the way guess what you'll see I was always sitting on him when I was when I was gardening before and it was the worst you're going to see what a man's garden looks like when you come out here for my 10 year anniversary

oh yeah Lund, you will be rooming with, well, I guess, Becker, you're with Luke and his girlfriend, and Lund, you're rooming with Keith and his mystery plus one. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. I'm going to do whatever I want. I'm going to stay at your house. Counterpoint.

I'm going to play PS5. Yeah, come stay at my house. You can sleep on this couch that I'm podcasting on right now. This place is going to be packed, man. It's going to be Gil packed. Hell yeah. Brent Gill will be here. Nice.

All the stars will be here, man. Did you invite? Jack White. Did you invite 200 people? What business of it is yours who I invite to buy 10-year- anniversary party? I want to know if I'm going to go or not. I want to know if this pain in my side is going to get worse or not. Guess what?

How about this? I need you to be the commencement speaker. What do you? you mean i have to do a set you have a task now i have to open for you i'm going i want to go good i also need you to pick up barbecue oh the best barbecue between here and there yes they need you to drive here and go to oklahoma joes on the kansas side and give me some burnt ends and i'm going to know exactly how many they put in there i'm going to know exactly how many they put in there i'm going to Exactly the amount of chunks that they give me.

You want me to drive 10 hours without getting a finger in there? You can have your own chunks. I'll pad your wallet with a little bit of Taco Bell Diablo Nugget. Yeah, hopefully they come out on the 26th. Oh, yeah, I'll be there. I can celebrate being pain free or getting out of the hospital. Oh, listen to this. Remember last time how I said, I thought that the.

Street Fighter came out on June 26th. October 16th. You know what comes out June 26th the night before? What? The new jackass, bro. Oh, yes. Dude, let's go see the new jackass in a black movie theater. With 12 of us, 15 of us boys.

Yes. All the boys, no girls, maybe Emily's weird cousin. Man, that's the most excited. I'm like really looking forward to that. Dude. Wait till you see it go off. Fuck, that's gonna rule. We do it a little different here in the sit-ta.

Jackass so loud it hurts my teeth. I'm excited. That's right, man. Yeah, you're gonna have to have earplugs in. You can't wear your glasses in there. The lenses will fall out of the frames. Damn. All right.

Fuck, yeah. So there's your reason to come, Lund. It's going to be a good year. We'll have to sit in the very back row. Oh, yeah. So we can smoke weed. Yeah, which we can blast up there. I mean, dude, it's an active situation.

Smoking weed is the least of their worries. There's like people in there like, you know, detailing cars. There's whole chickens for sale. It's, it's its own eco. It's like going to a flea market where they're showing a movie too. This is going to rock. Yeah, a lot of haggling, bartering. Yeah.

Start the movie now. Start it. There's like a dude. with a headset, like trucker phone on, you know, he's in the back. That is a big move here in the city. Trucker hat with the Britney Spears, Mike? No, no. Like, you know how truckers wear that headset?

Yeah. Yeah, that thing. Yeah. But just like a dude at the grocery store, just on that. Does he have talking on it or just having it on with like the mouthpiece up? I've seen it both ways. I've seen it just on and I've seen it in use. That's insane.

Emily, Emily nailed it when she said, what did she say? You said that she said, keep talking to me like I don't trust you. She wanted to keep you on the phone, like guvils where there's no trust at all. And I was like, oh yeah, that's why they, because it's always so annoying to me. Megan called me when I, when she was gone, when she was in Tulsa, this is the shirt is from Tulsa. I was trying to get McDonald's when she was gone and she called and I was like, hold on. And I had to mute her a couple times. I'm in the line.

And I was like, this sucks. And it made me think of people who are always on the phone. You were lying. No, no, I told her. I told her before she was going to go. I said, the only thing I can't do is I can't have just fast food. I can't have, I didn't want to go to McDonald's twice. I didn't want to go to Taco Bell three different times.

How many times did you go? I went to Burger King once. McDonald's wants Taco Bo once And I didn't go Buck Wild At any of them really at all You can't call it a mystery pain There's no mystery to this pain That was last week

That gauntlet That was last week This is something This is different I've been eating good I keep having those mystery Scabs that keep showing up on my hands And now they're growing hair

Well So I don't know if that's killing me Yeah that's a member though I showed them to you. I keep getting like weird scabbing. On the back of my hand where I'm not grabbing anything or touching anything or it's where the Ruto running with my backpack. It's where the ash is coming off the SIG.

I don't know if I do something weird in my sleep. You have masturbatory ailments. On both hands? Yes. My dick would have fallen off. I was beating it hard enough to make both hands bloody. SIG in one hand. Dick and the other.

no that's my dick yeah being on the phone constantly is crazy and and people love it into the gas station paying looking for stuff paying for something leaving the gas station like come on but yeah it's not couples that don't trust the bank at the grocery store uh shooting pool that's a classic at the pool hall with the with the phone on on the bus oh yeah just just talking to your partner every moment that you're not there it's crazy ugh I hate that it's so difficult to keep a phone conversation with someone you've been with for 15 years emmy remember when you said talk to me on the phone like you don't like I don't trust you yeah you just like kept the earbud in and you were like let's you know stay on the phone like you cheat it what that's that's

That's one of the conditions. Are you missing one or are you missing two? She found a... She just found a pod in the dryer. A single air pod. In the washer. In the washer. Are you missing one or two?

I'm not missing either. Pat. Pat. Is Pat missing any? I don't know. I don't talk to Pat anymore. He's dead to me. Well, I just went through all your clothes and I don't know where the other one is.

He came. He went through all my clothes. He came. He left. He came, he saw enough to come again, and he left. He came, he vaped, he ate, he stained. He came, he vaped in the car, he ate a loaf of bread, he left. It was like he was never here.

Emmy, thoughts on Pat? Are you glad he's gone? No. Emmy misses him. She's been using one of his t-shirts as a pillowclothes. get a bigger pillow well guys i love you i think this was a good podcast yes and i look forward to the next time i see you heck yeah