Chubby Behemoth - Who Wore It Best?

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

SEE THE BOYS LIVE - https://punchup.live/samtallent     Sponsors: IndaCloud - If you're 21 or older, get 35% OFF your first order @ IndaCloud with code CHUBBY at https://inda.shop/CHUBBY #indacloudpod     Harry's - Chubby Behemoth fans get the Harry's Plus Trial Set for only $10 at https://www.Harrys.com/CHUBBY #Harry'sPod     PATREON EPISODES: https://www.Patreon.com/chubbybehemoth     This week the boys are together in Colorado Springs! Sam did an art tour high and scared, reveals what he was busy with when the other boys were waiting on him, and remembers meeting Goliath. Nathan wants to know why that man slammed the roof of his truck, wasn't sure about the weight limit at the pony ride, and can't believe the normal sounding guy ended up being a "mage".     00:00 Scared About It 01:02 Don't Ask Me What's In My Flask 04:21 Addicted To Love 06:55 Mothers Day Card 08:56 I'm A Seeker 10:50 Can't Say R's 14:01 Violent Cowboy Art 15:34 The Second Owner 18:27 Real Crucial Deadline 21:17 Anime Hair 22:51 Pool Reading 26:04 Goliath 30:43 Too Big For The Pony 32:46 Alright Mr. Marbles 34:32 First Name Last Name 37:07 Don't Even Have To Ask 42:10 Pat's Been Hiding It 44:45 They Hired A Mariner 48:10 Chondo 51:59 Marketing For The New Book 53:59 Bullied TD 55:30 News Segment 57:44 From The Moment 59:38 Old Fancy 01:00:34 Started With No Light 01:03:16 Ripley's     Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   MORE WIDE WORLD: @SamTallent   Pre-Order Sam's New Book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593978897/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3I4LOBQ02YIGW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.k5eCApJdjwVfn7hSelWi5VdRMlVrzKa4zf68ficcjcg.tZZOiI0nB0n3kkWiGAbidMQy5yUS_MkvmEIaXp-LXjo&dib_tag=se&keywords=sam+tallent+brut&qid=1769522903&sprefix=sam+tallent+,aps,181&sr=8-1&dplnkId=90401c83-a6a0-4ad4-999e-ece570a5d320&nodl=1

These are just dick shorts. These are the shorts my dick accidentally fell out on that one episode. Now I'm scared about it. You kept them. Yeah, but there was a thing when I was packing for this weekend where I was looking at all my shorts in the drawer that I haven't opened since the fucking summer. And I did look at these and I was like, those are comfy? Why are they on the bottom? I don't think I, why didn't I wear those for a while?

And then I was like, remembered you ruined your sister's birthday that year. Yeah. And I just remembered right now that it was because my dick fell out. out on that one episode. Yeah, you got to deal with that. You can't have that. No, I don't have a big enough dick to excuse it. You were flying the flag, letting people know you're on the hunt, but you can't be doing

that. Yeah, it's off limits. This pot isn't about getting laid. We've established that. He's been picking. He's digging. You know, I'm dirty. I'm gross.

You're putting your penis out. I'm covering it. God bless you. Yep. No mistakes this time. Sorry. That was an early episode. We're not sex guys.

If it's your whole thing, it's annoying. Grow up. Go to an art museum. You went to an art museum. No. I took a tour of the premises. The premises, yes. The compound.

Becker, explain where we are, so the people have context. We're at the Broadmoor Hotel and Resort. It is a, fuck you to the city of Colorado Springs from a rich man in the late 1800s, like the 1870s. Arthur, don't ask me what's in my flask penrose. brought this whole thing together. Arthur, I love buying cases of Cologne from France during Prohibition Penrose. Wildly rich, wild drunk child.

He would have owned people if he could have, but it was too late. Yeah. He was 6'4-6 and wasted in 1907 and everyone just did what he said because they were afraid that he was going to drive him all the way to China. Yeah, it was a huge scary man. He would be like, fall to. He tried to buy the biggest hotel in Colorado Springs when the antler. or Colorado City when Colorado Springs was the main place that Gold moved through in Colorado. And then he choked him to death because they wouldn't sell him the hotel.

And they told him to his face they wouldn't give it to him because he was a huge drunk. Because he was too big. You're going to hit your head in here, Art. What are you worried about? They didn't want him to represent the city in any way. So he was like, all right, noted. And then went far enough away that it was a bitch to travel and built his own road with all of his goddamn money. right to shorten the trip to the gold camps and also he built a road to the top of pike's peak just so he could raise hell yeah and now the record from here to the top of pike's peak is sub seven minutes or something yeah it's crazy yeah well it's paved now though uh it's also the oldest race in america dumbass

i think i think the white race for people that are into that race because it is the oldest race in america it was actually Lakota sue it was completely unpaved until like two thousand and three and then Porsche and people were going off the side left and right oh yeah fucking crazy stuff I watched

people would gather and they called it fireworks in January because people were just exploding on the cliffs I watched the best guy go off he flew the fuck off in the EVO 8

we were up there in the devil's playground watching the race and that motherfucker went 500 feet straight off the mountain before it even dipped what's the devil's playground

it's a rock valley on the top of pike's peak where you watch the race So you and your loady friends? Yeah, you're just up there chilling. Yeah. And then you saw a man drive two football fields just straight out into nothing.

Like three football fields straight off into nothing. And then he went down the mountain, rolled, I don't know, a couple. We thought we saw a guy die. When they announced like two hours later that he was completely fine, it shattered our brains. Yeah, one of you went, yes, pay up. Everyone started giving him $10 bills. It came over on a loudspeaker like, it turns out he is okay. He's fine.

And all of us just looked at each other like, they're lying to us to make today better. You were like, you know what we have to do to make today better? Take back tonight. And you took off your shirts. You put your bandanas on and he threw the old stars and bars on the fire. He said, we're forever young in the devil's playground. I was happy that a Mitsubishi went off the mountain because I was rooting for Toyota that year. Well, it's good to have stakes.

Yeah. Yeah, so Arthur Penrose founded this place after a man named Robert Palmer. Remember him? addicted to love dude looks like a lady no no it's aerosmith you did oh yeah okay

and then and simply irresistible there might have been a whip there was huge whips yeah and all the women like were short-haired and looked the same

yeah that was cool the music video took a bold chance on what they did with that whip sound effect it wasn't a it wasn't a spiritual I don't know how they got that mansion in Georgia, but...

Yeah. I'm a house, Robert. Yeah, tell them about your tour. I'm taken back to that guy for some reason being like my earliest memory of television. Simply irresistible. She's so fine. Same. Same chicks.

Yeah. In both videos? Yeah. Now I know I was so simply irresistible. You were whipping them and you probably owned them to some degree. Yeah, you're sex slaves from Berlin. So here we are. We went to, I'm here because my wife's at a conference for doctors.

She's learning witchcraft and Reiki healing. And I've just been kind of, you know, lone wolfing. Yeah. And I took the art tour of the Broadmoor on. Thursday. I showed up. It was at like 9 a.m. I was stoned to the bone.

Oh, yeah. I had a giant coffee that I was halfway through, which meant that I was scared. I was high. I was scared. Sun was barely up. I never awake that early. I get in there.

I'm wearing sunglasses. It's me. What are you scared of? That you're going to get in trouble for... No, I'm like, before I smoke weed, I need to be awake a little bit, and I need to have some coffee and some food. Instead, I woke up at, like,

850, ran outside, honked my pen really hard, hit Cafe Julie, got a big coffee, slammed half of it. Another one before I went in. Sunglass is on. Wait, is it called Cafe Julie or you? My mom? Shout not your mom. Yeah. I'm having a stroke.

Yeah, so no. So I was like scared because I was, I had fucked up my chemicals, you know, after being barely conscious. Order of operations. Oh, yeah, there was a guy. the show last night that said, hey, man, what do you think about this? I thought about getting a Mother's Day card and giving it to Sam. Would that have been funny? And I was like, have you met him before? Because we're in the springs. Maybe you know him. Yeah. It's like, no, I haven't met him. And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. That would have been a big coin toss on whether he might

have laughed. I don't know. Is it Mother's Day? No, it's in May. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah. So he's a psychopath. Well, if you want to get me a gift, that lady last night gave us, that's the best gift you can give. That was pretty rocking. That poor guy. This woman and a guy came up. She was like 110 pounds.

30 of it was her rocking cans. At least 30 of it. And we take a picture. She's like, he's a huge fan. I was like, oh, right on. I'm very nice to them. They're normal. And she's like, hey, let's take a picture

where I lift up my shirt. And you guys are like looking at it. Like, I'll turn my back to the camera. And I was like, whatever. Use me, pin me, pay me. Did you have fun? That's all that matters. kids.

So I put my arm around the guy. And then by lift up her shirt, she meant dump them out fully. She just exposed her, like, brand new. It was like taught flesh. You know, it was like they just sealed it up. Like, they zipped it up and she came to the show. Fill them up. Dude, and they did.

This fucking 50 cc's of sweet jug. Yeah. And she flashed us and stood there. And the guys, I'm like, oh, right, nice. The whole merch line is like, whoa, nice cans, lady. And the guy goes, she's really wasted. I didn't pick up on that at all that she was wasted, so I think he was just, he was coping.

Yeah, because she was very sober in line. Sometimes when the guy, in the rare instances where the woman is flashed us, the guy is never stoked. The guy's never like, oh, wow, this is the first time this has happened. That's her thing. Another Thursday night in Cleveland. It was cool when we were dating. Now we're married.

And it's getting old. I saw my kids feed off those. I hate this. So I show up to the art tour, and it's 16. It was capped at 16 people. Checking your six. No, I'm in there, and I have my sunglasses on. And it's me and like 15 old women.

And one guy who's got a dog. I know. He has his dog. He's like, I've been on this tour like three times. Because they're like, hey, everyone say your name and what you do? And I said, I'm going to say him, Sam, and I'm a seeker. That's what I said. Was the guy with a dog named Mark?

I don't know their names, man. There's a weird old guy who lives in the neighborhood that used to walk around the grounds constantly named Mark. No, I've seen a couple of the people, which is bad because I hoped that they all had to leave immediately after the tour. Because I said I was a seeker. I had sunglasses on. I was jittery. Not pleasure, not information, just seeker. Seeker, yeah.

What do you do? On the lookout for position and quidditch. People and stuff. Well, I thought that would turn off any follow-up questions. If the freak on the leash said you to see- Yeah, author, artist. Author. Unemployed.

You should have said that in between jobs. I mean, it's pretty much said unemployed. Seeker is just drifter with a bow on it. I think, you know. I think when you say it here, they all just hear trust fund kid. I think Gary Gilmore described himself as a seeker for a while. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, when you say seeker here, they're like, oh, okay.

Yeah. My dad's Enron. Enron Hubbard. I'm taking whatever I want home. Yeah. He's Enron Hubbard. He's in the submarine right now. He's Edward Hubbard.

Him and Palmer were tearing this place apart. Robert Palmer? General Palmer. I'm Robert Palmer's son. So I'm rich. Kiki Palmer. Call me Raj. I'm Indian.

So we go on the tour and the lady who's giving the tour, she can't either whether it's a speech impediment or she's from a place where they can't say the R. She can't say ours. In the first 10 minutes are all about the history of Colorado Springs and how it was founded on tricking rich people into coming here to die of tuberculosis. Yep. General Palmer's big scam.

It's like all these old people, the mountain air will clean you out. You come here, but he knew that they were going to die. So when they die, they have to leave their money somewhere. So it might as well die here. So she can't say tuberculosis. Or she does. She says tuberculosis over and over again. She's four.

She's four-year-old. She's a sous-s-friend. Aya. She's this big, full hijab. Tobacolosis. And she's sweet. Like, I have a speech impediment. I'm not a fucking cruel person.

Right. You said that yesterday. What do you mean? You can't say wolf? No. So I had a G.W. Bidge and Wolverine. I couldn't say my R's.

And I still have a slippery S because Emily recently has told me that... You see this? Uh-huh. The snake thing I have? Yeah, I have a flipper yes, because of it too. All right, so I have a snake thing. And this is formed, it turns out, by my tongue being too big in my mouth as a kid. And that's why my S was problematic because it would thump off the front teeth.

My S's literally forced my teeth out around my tongue as a kid. And that's why I have a snake bite. I noticed you blowing it. I don't because I took speech classes. Okay. Yeah. I still have like a, you know, it comes out. A whistle?

Serpent. Yeah. Sassafras. You stay on it a little longer. It's also like kind of part of the Colorado accent. A lot of people adopt it. But I had definitive no R.W. Wolverine.

I told you, my mom would make me come into parties and say, what's your favorite X-Men, Sammy? Wolverine. I remember, clap. I'm fat. They'd give me another candy apple. Send me back into play NHL-N-HL-95. Wangwephti. Yeah.

I love Wangwetsky, mommy. That a boy, Sammy. They flick my propella beanie. Sam, get your fun hat. My propewa? My dad. My dad. Bown, bann.

Cranks it. Yeah. Whip Sophie. She's flayed and bleeding. My mom's like, play school Jango playground whip. Yes.

Yeah, Tabukwobothith. So she's tuberculosis. And then she also has the weird thing, which I know from old speech classes, is she doesn't say are, like, we are. She said accidentally as a grown woman, we is a couple times, because that's the thing you do when you have that issue as a kid is you don't say we are you say we is or he is yeah

so anyway i'm holding it together dude and like it's boring it's early she's not talking about the art you're talking about the history of the place like i don't care i know enough about Colorado springs from growing up 45 minutes away you want to hear about the violent cowboy art well yeah it's like they have all this sick art of like there's literally one of a indian or a native running up on a guy on horseback and it's the second after he pulls the trigger So he's on a horse And then the assailant's on a horse And you see the guy

Yeah And off the side of the horse It's like can we talk about this? I know that painting well. Yeah, it's very cool. So there's a lot of cool shit out there And she's not telling us about it Because she wants to tell us about how much, you know,

Penrose like to have a couple drinks Like, And a couple drinks by that They had the world's largest indoor swimming pool In there where Cafe Julie is And when they had a new city councilor at the end of end of Penrose's reign at the end of Prohibition, they send,

the guy's watching the dumps, the city counselor, because he knows that Penrose is partying and he knows that he's getting rid of these bottles. So he wants to get his ass. So to not give that guy the satisfaction of writing him like a $40 ticket for dumping liquor bottles, he covered up the pool in there and buried 100 or 1,500 empty liquor bottles in that pool.

And then when they moved them, there's a plot of land down the hill that they're barely, covered with dirt. Yeah, there's like, I think they put those bottles. There's a whole

like passageway in there now. That's all those old bottles. Anyway, so I'm holding it together. I'm bored. My buzz is rolling and it's going away.

Coffee's dwindling. And then we talk about the second owner. She stops us in the ballroom which has hilarious acoustics. Tell us about the second owner that Penrose sold to which is the Gaylord family.

Which is funny enough. Yeah, I'm loving it. If you catch a random gaylord in the wild, it's always a giggle. But I know not to giggle with that kind of thing. I'm evolved. You know, I'm Robert Palmer's son. But she can't say Gaylord. So she says, Arthur Penrose sold this to...

What's the guy... I can't remember the guy's first name. Jim. Jim, we'll say Jim. Jim Gayload. She said Gayload. And I went... Like that.

Blued. Boodle. Boodle. Boodle Gailode. Yeah, so I go to myself, which is way too loud in the ballroom. And a lady drops her cane, and that's a huge pop. And then I'm just, I can't exist anymore in the same room. You guys. All right, guys. Gayload was great. Thank you. I'm going to the pool.

Thank you, Wolverine. I'll be in the pool. Anyone wants to talk about galeod and how it was hilarious. You know where to find me. But no, I just had to sit there and, like, finish the last 20 minutes of the fucking tour as the guy who left at Gayload. Yep. The Seeker. Felt so the Seeker, the Seeker.

That's what you saw. Mm-hmm. And you got it. And you got it. We were doing rehearsal for Catillion in that Penrose Ballroom. I know the one because of the fucked up acoustics. And this poor big girl that we went to school with. And she was, if we shaved her head and put a U-Massie.

on her, no one would know the difference. Back in the day. Like big, big girl. Like 17 years old. And she was bald? No, but she was 400 pounds. She was a big, big chick. Six, five, big sideburns.

Huge, huge, dominated. Touched. She let one rip in that fucking auditorium while the Petitian. Yes, she didn't. She didn't fart in there. She cried. It was a big, big day for a lot of us. It was very funny, but also like, oh, no.

What? Yeah. And it was the funniest fart I've ever heard. The acoustics, everyone in their dress gowns and fucking tuxedos. The lady who was telling us what to do stopped talking. She was like... That was her gayload moment. Yeah, the poor...

I don't even want to say her name because she's definitely still in the neighborhood. The poor girl just started like bawling and ran away. Her makeup ran. Yeah. It was very funny because of the acoustics. So I'm part of a long line of... Beefing it in there. Awful folk pods.

Farted in there. Oh, dude. Yeah. Cranked it. Cranked it. Yeah, you love it here because yesterday, Becker and I wanted to meet up with you and you're like, oh, yeah, I've got something going on until six. I said I had a real crucial deadline thing.

Yeah. He's like, oh, he's got a work call, something with a novel. Surely something that makes us have to dick around for 40 minutes. No, a half hour. No, you're at the pool. You wanted every drip drop that you. You can squeeze out of the pool. Yeah, I don't want to do the shows.

Like, I didn't want to do this. Yeah, I've had dinner. I've had dinner at all the nice restaurants here. They grow all the ingredients right here on the property. Well, yesterday we went to get Thai food from a guy named Google Glenn. You know, it was definitely not Thai. He was the only one working there. He was like, you guys don't want the nachos?

It's a Thai classic, the nachos. My drunken noodles were pretty good. It was all fine. But you said yours, what did you say? Usually that dish I have isn't a wet curry. It's usually just like a dry curry noodle. It's fun and crispy. It was fine.

You also said the volcano sauce was something gross. It was Chick-fil-A Polynesian sauce. They frosted my chicken. It was nice. It was like sweet and sour sauce with Thai sweet chili sauce in it, and it very much tastes to Polynesian. It was just like, oh, cool. Thanks for putting caramel on my chicken.

I don't like a real sweet chicken. That's all right. I thought it was going to be a spicy volcano, I thought, would be spicy. It said there was peppers involved. Lava's hot, volcanoes. Right. Hot lava. Colorado Springs, hot water, hot water burn baby.

I'm a sugar baby here. I'm kept. Yeah. I don't have to pay for shit. Yeah. My wife's, you know, wearing a blazer. Fuck yeah. Learning about fixing divvets.

Very professional. Yeah, she looks like Julie Roberts and after the hunt. Hey, everybody. Why don't you go ahead and get your tickets to Cobb, San Francisco next weekend. Also, Crystal Bay Casino, which is. near Reno, allegedly. We'll be there on Thursday. It's unlike Tahoe. Unlike Tahoe. And so will we be me and Lund. And then we're going to be cruising on in right after that to Houston, Texas, the new Punchline Comedy Club. Coming up after that, and we have so many great shows. We have Atlanta, helium. Those tickets are almost gone. It's a Wednesday. One show, right? One show. Charleston, South Carolina. Whits End? Yeah, great club over there. Right near the beach.

Boy! We have Chicago coming up. I'm doing Ottawa. I'm doing Montreal. I am doing all of the great places that people want me to be. Buffalo in May. That was just added at helium. Go to Punch Up Live Sam Talent to get tickets, Grand Rapids.

My whole year is on Instagram. So I'll be coming everywhere. It's a schedule to make your enemies blush. Also live stream on Wednesdays. Sam Talent, YouTube. Thank you. I haven't seen that. You haven't seen that?

No, I don't think I have either. Two or fours from Julia Roberts. A movie does not, can't figure out. It's like a real ham-fisted, like, you know, women who had to work their way up through being a professor at Yale, and, like, they had to follow the rules of the boys' club, and now they lack empathy for the women who, like, want to be, like, accepted as human beings and not have to fucking, you know, crawl through glass like they did to get to their desk.

Yeah. And it's just, like, all over the place. But Julia Roberts is still it. still it. And that one guy who was like Spider-Man for 10 seconds. Andrew Garfield. I can't tell him apart. Yep.

But yeah, he was the one with like the big head. He looks like the guy from Parks and Rec. He has anime hair. Yeah, Andrew Garfield. Yeah, Andrew Garfield. Yeah, Andrew Garfield. He did a good job too. Anyway, my wife looks like that.

I've been turned on. I've been in a pool. I'm luxuriating, reading a French book. Oh, and also, let me show you the book I'm reading. Please. This is the book I've been reading in the pool, which is me. A bunch of parents on their phones around the pool and then young people doing whatever the fuck they want

because their dad's a senator. Yeah, no one will tell you what to do. Growing up, like, I was telling Lund about this a little bit yesterday, but growing up here was awesome because all of us just had free reign at the hotel because everyone's afraid to chastise anyone's fucking kid. Yeah. So.

You said you would go to the buffet. We'd go to the buffet. We'd go to the pool. We'd go to the sauna after we played Frisbee in the park. Like, we just fucking used this like it was. ours, our whole childhood. This is the book I've been reading. In the pool, which is about French teens in Rust Belt France in 1992.

Nice. It's young people making out while wet. In the back, it's like kind of lured as well. Carried a cigarette. I know, and I've just been sitting like this with my sunglasses on in the pool. I couldn't look more like, you know, one of the Rockefellers today. You were seeking some stuff. One of the times I was down at the pool.

Bill Gates was there tipping everyone $100 bills. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, those girls earned every penny. He had a little whip. They all look the same. Dude, getting the lifeguard position here used to be like fucking competitive.

Oh, sure. Those kids make fucking pain. And that's like a sexual pose? No, it's just so many of those parents are ignoring their kids. They get tipped out. Oh, that pool over there that's outside? Yeah. That's not open or whatever.

So I've been over at this pool. There's no life car. Okay. Anything goes in there. What there is, is there's a bunch of young student doctors who are at this conference choking the fucking hot tub. Yeah. And then when my large body waddles in, you know, a bunch of just like beautiful,

ochre people like part and roll their eyes. It's like, do you know who my wife is? I'm a fucking seeker. I'm the gay load giggler. Remember? Did you hear about this? Yeah. I replaced the fat girl who farted at cotillion.

I'm next. I'm him. Why were they doing cotillions? Just because this is fancy. So part of... It's not like it's Colorado Springs culture to have cotillions. No, but it's part of the Broadmoor culture.

Like, you had to have $100 million liquid to join the country club in the 20s. Who had $100 million? Four people? Was it the 30s? No, no, no. It was their combined net worth at the time was $100 million.

Oh, okay. So they had to pledge some amount of money, and there might have been a hundred of them that each pledged a million or something, but no, it was the combined net worth in like 1910. They were, fuck you, Rich.

But they were all, they're all historic families. Like most of these people don't report income. They're living off a bank interest. And I'm just in there miscegenating. Just mixing around, infecting them with my mushroom.

So those families have had no work or business to fill their days since they moved here. And so like the traditions that they had back in the day are still important to them, like, Cotillion and all that stupid shit. But it rules. We got fed.

bed really well. The polo park down here, it's finally, they're not playing polo on it anymore. It's a dick sporting goods park now. That shit's violent. You ever watched a fucking polo game? Yeah,

the polo fields were right by my house growing up. Holy shit. It was like the only touch of refinement in Albert County. Yeah. That shit rules. And we would have a, they used to have a thing at the polo fields that was like indigenous horsemen

versus like rich white guys from Parker. Whoa. I only saw it once. My dad took me. They only had only done it once, but it was like all these like, you know, men with long, beautiful black hair that looked like they were born on horseback,

just fucking making these horses like do stuff that I still can't explain to this day. It's crazy. And then that flexy mallet, oh, God. They're hitting each other with it. It's fucking nuts. Here's a fun story of Elizabeth

that I didn't remember until last night. You guys ever heard of Goliath the world's biggest horse? Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Goliath. It looks fake. I remember those pictures. It looks fake. I have a picture somewhere of me with Goliath. He's... Who wore it best? Yeah, we're both at the Tonys.

We're at our Rockford big and tall. I guess I'll go change. This is embarrassing, Goliath. Goliath, do you think Sam's wearing it better than you? Nay. This is like the horse that God would ride on, dude. Yeah, it's like the biggest fucking horse in the world. And it would come.

Or whoever got cast in the role of Goliath that year because it would still be Goliath, but it would be like a black horse. And then the next year it was like a red horse. Unless Goliath, like, tanned all summer. It's a different, huge fucking horse. Fur-daining. A horse in a different color. That's right, dude.

So, like, Goliath would come to Big R, which is for a... Feed store. Feed clothing, kind of like a rural target kind of. Yeah. Chicks, you can get some chicks. Yeah, yeah, you can get snakes there. Snake feed. Horse dewormer.

Giant saddles for your fat kids. So whenever Goliath would come, it was like, traffic would back up, like, all the way. Because it was, you know, one. road people want to see goliath something to do today so it's like they would back up all the way up to where andy kwin lived and they would back up all the way like on to 86 like

through town jesus yeah so i remember going to see gaiath one time and like waiting in that long line for goliath it was just a Tuesday yeah there's nothing just another day at the office a bunch of fat rednecks looking up at him oh he is big

trying to touch him glides bites the finger off of a child for the fifth time that day he's making a necklace like he's in Vietnam. Everybody clapped. Goliath, you still got it. You were blonde last year, Goliath. I like what you did. You look healthy.

You bit my dad's finger off. There's a zipper on the side. Kids tumble out like the revenant. Yeah, but one time I'm waiting at the light and I'm still, you know, I'm less than a football field away from Big Eye. I'm still two and a half hours away from getting there. And a dude gets out of his truck.

and just looks around, and he's fucking starts slamming the top of his truck, and his wife gets out, and he yells something at her. I rolled down my window. They start bickering. A fucking another dude gets out of his truck, comes over. It's like, lady, are you all right? And she says, he's always doing this. He's always getting mad.

That fucking fist fight right there. Two guys have a fight in the middle of 86 through town, just. And waiting to see a big horse. Waiting to see a huge horse. But then the police come, and now I can't get to go. Goliath because I'm right behind the fucking fist fight. I was stuck there for like three hours and I never got to see Goliath that year. You couldn't go around real quick?

No, it was me and Cal and Cal and Colkin and like the cops were right there and we were 17 and we like we wanted to smoke cigarettes the whole time and we couldn't. So like we were getting pissed at each other. Start slamming the hood. Yeah. God damn it. That's funny too because Colorado up until the new law change had a lazy law for cops where anyone over 16 was allowed to smoke. It was Elizabeth.

You just couldn't buy. It's a Colorado law. Yeah, I know, but like Officer Kelly knew who I was and my parents. So he's going to be like Sam to want your smoking cigarettes and your letter jacket while you're waiting to see the world's biggest horse. Fair enough. So yeah, that's a fun Elizabeth story. Why was he mad? I want to know why he slammed the hood of his truck.

He was too long of a wait to see a big ass horse. God damn it. I haven't seen him. Some of these fucks see them every year. I haven't seen him. I was in the war. I was in the war. I was in the war and or prison.

The last six years, this motherfucker came to town. And Darrell said, oh, yeah, come with me. And then I don't hear from him. Yeah. Now, I got to drive your ass in your car. I got to wait for you to get off work. Yeah. God. Damn it, Tyrina.

God damn it, Marri Deanne. You're not blowing me? We've been waiting to see this horse for two and a half hours. No one's getting their dick sucked. I was getting my dick sucked all the time in jail. And it wore. I there was a time

when I was probably eighth grade where they wanted you to be Goliath no outside of the man came to school and was like

Nathan Lund they see you in the offer we're both running for senior class president can you go out of fours outside of the outside of the church we went to

they had ponies and you could go in a circle and I was terrified that I was too big for the pony yeah and nobody said I assure you

little names Nathan, you're not so big that a pony is still a giant fucking being. And I wasn't 4.50. I was not. No, I don't know. No, I wasn't that big. No. But nobody said, nobody made me feel better about it at all.

No, my mom was probably like, yeah, I don't know. She didn't know shit. So she's like, yeah, I don't know. Your mom was 80 pounds and this tall. Oh, yeah. She didn't have to worry about it. You were like her miracle. I've never thought about that before.

Yeah. She was like, oh, yeah, no, I don't know. You should be okay. get on the horse, Nathan. The horse starts to freak out, then you know that you were too big. But God has a plan. So, yeah, it sucked.

I was so stressed, and I had no reason at all. Yeah. And then all these adults just failed me. Yeah. You saw the principal and his daughter get on the same horse beforehand, and you're like doing bad math.

Whole family. I don't know. I want to kill a horse. God will be mad if I kill a horse. He already knows what I've been doing in the bathroom. Yeah, it wasn't Goliath, but... No, it should have been. You wouldn't have been scared.

Yeah. I would have been confident. No one ever got to be on Goliath. I never saw a human being on that horse. Too big? I don't know. How did you get them up there? A crane?

Yeah. If you get a cherry picker. Elephants bend a knee. Yeah, they had elephants on the ground here. Yep. He was the catty. Did they talk about Mr. Norris's elephant in any depth? they talked about the elephant he was the caddy

I guess Penrose liked animals so they had chimps out here running around for a long time and sea lions but like it was 1920 and no one knew shit about primates and sea lions so like monkeys would just be ripping babies in half like a chimp killed three children here before they were like all right Mr. Marbles we're going to send you back to Rwanda

well I didn't know that yeah so they just had chimps killing people and then sea lions would bull rush people because they weren't used to being in a manmade lake in the middle of Colorado. So they wanted to kill themselves for sure if possible, but they couldn't. So they would fucking just chase people into, there was always having to be sea lions being scared out of the hotel. So they like hired a dude who used to work like in fucking Bar Harbor, Maine and they bring them out here. Based on this hotel. Oh yeah. Yeah, 100%. A monkey worked here. They would never let a monkey. be a butler here.

Maybe a guest, you know. There's some old, old rules here. Those rules just got repealed. Did they? They did. It's cool because I make fun of it on stage for like being white solnier or whatever, but everyone who works here is from somewhere else. Oh, yeah.

It's like a cruise ship. Well, that's how my neighborhood happened. That was the neighborhood for employees of the hotel and their families. And then in like the late 70s, early 80s, they figured out that they could offer training. So they bring people from foreign countries, put them up in these dorms that are down lake a little ways. Yeah, because Penrose wanted to taste the rainbow.

This is the Gaylord's. But they just figured out. That's why it's all young men in there. Much less money. They could, like, teach people how to run a five-star hotel by making them. They're, like, interning the servants here. It's crazy. Yeah.

It's a nuts gambit they're running. It's like, shadow and training. We got to just agree that, man, we got to get rid of that name. Gaylord. Come on. Everyone knows what. they're doing. It's a first name.

It's the last name. It's perfect. Gaylord? Gaylord Perry was a pitcher in Major League baseball. You don't remember him? No, I feel like I should have had his jersey. Yeah, it's a fun name.

Gaylord Perry? Gaylord. No, I mean, come on. Gaylord Falker. Yeah, I get it. Craig. It's hilarious. I'm just saying, like, you can't be mad if a guy laughs at it.

No. No, you have to know. Or hand out cards that are like, do you go to a play and you can see all the character's names so you can keep up? Just let me know we're going to be talking about the gay lords. Yeah.

So I don't make a lady drop her cane in the fart ballroom. I grew up with a kid named B.J. Cox. And I remember us desperately trying to convince him to just go by Billy. Anything. Anything. Anything that's not BJ. Because it was like Bill Joseph Cox. And his parents called him BJ his whole life.

And then in high school, we were like, hey, man, you just can't. Like, it's funny. It's going to never not be funny. You can't be that guy. What are you going to go to business college and be BJ Cox? Stop. We had a kid. had named BJ who played freshman year football.

And my offensive line coach, Coach Barrett historically melted me in Dave Boree because he said, BJ, what's that short for a cock sucker? Jesus, buried alive. Oh, that's amazing from a coach. It was nuts. It was like day one of two days. Like, poor BJ was just a fat kid and they didn't know where to put them. So of course they'd send him with the O lineman.

And he was like, all right, talent, 75, Bori, all right, you stay low. BJ, what's that short for? Cocksucker. Fuck, yeah. Just nuked a child, yeah, dude. Just fucking turned him to glass. Believe it or not, he didn't make it through two days. And he started going by Brandon right away.

That's the move. BJ argued with us and stayed BJ Cox till now. I've seen him on social somewhere posting about. about like his new real estate job and I was like, you're still, you're putting BJ Cox on on park benches. That's a fucking crazy move, man. He's spreading the lump.

I mean, once you're an adult, it's like, hey, I'm going to give the kids a little gift. Exactly, I had to deal with it. And now it's a blessing. You can hold it up. Yeah, you can join in on the fun. Hey, does your realtor suck? Work with me, BJ Cox.

I'll chew the competition. I don't even. I'm going to have to ask this question of you, two psychos. Want to get high? Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. Well, if you want to get high, get into cloud.

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Just head to harries.com slash chubby. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. please support our show and tell them chubby behemoths sent you you don't have to be Harry anymore with Harry's coach Barrett man you'd be the best guest ever on the pod you guys like blow jobs do you want to come there coach Barrett at the offensive lineman team dinner at the end of the season yeah David Sam you all like blow jobs there's porno called insatiable you boys get your hands on that oh yeah I remember that is the man. What, what, uh, what porno do you have in your carry-on? Oh, I don't know. Insatiable Asians? No.

Persuasive Asians. I think it's like, I don't know. Uh, Becker's selling, selling your shirts last night at Loonies. And he's like, hey, check this out. And it's a DVD with a young lady spreading them. Spread them, topless. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck?

Wrapped in an oversized tank top that says, nope. It's like a really wide crop. Emily's workout shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no. Snow Roach, comedy legend in Detroit,

saw Pat doing, I think I don't tell. Yeah. And had to give him his like, you know, welcome to Detroit gifts, Snow Roach, you're the man,

and blessed him with some stuff, including that DVD. Nice. Which is called Asian Sluts 68 or something. It's called BJ Cox Presents. Yeah. But Pat and Emily are like, so she's not Asian.

Asian. She's a black woman is the big talk around the house. Oh, I didn't look that hard. I don't think she's, I don't think she looks black. She's clearly like Cambodian or Lao or something. It just spoke to their lack of understanding of what Asia means. Right. They didn't know all the different varieties. Right. Yes. All the different slices of the beautiful, beautiful continent. So Pat's been hiding that in things around the house. Yeah. Refrigerator. My backpack. You toast a bagel. it pops up

I catch it I smear it with cream cheese put it in your ass that's where bagels go yeah and then my butt you're the DVD player now loading

load with my chode gas leaking here I'm waking up I've never been more alive so yeah he just been hiding it and then he hit it in there apparently yeah it did very good

yeah it was weird because I knew that that suitcase was brand new. So it's not like, oh, yeah, years ago. Iowa City, someone gave it to me. Actually, I know that girl. I went to high school with her. Yeah. Yeah.

It was, it was pop it in. Yeah. Let's watch that and the Raven documentary at the same time. Well, I'm super stoked because there's a new Raven documentary. On the bird or the movie? So he was bummed out to find it was the wrestler. Or the wrestler. Yeah, he thought it was 90 minutes of birds.

I was also thinking the crow. The crow. The crown. Yeah. Nice. That's cool. Yeah, I want to see it. It's on Amazon.

Oh, yeah. But they hired like a mariner, like an old-timey, like lighthouse, like, fucking seafaring freak from New England. They brought him here in his retirement to, like, chill up in the top windows and just, like, keep his eyes on the sea lions with a harpoon gun. Yeah. And then when they would have a sea lion go in, they had like a bell they'd ring and he'd come down from his chambers and, like, you know, put a blade in his mouth and, like, tussle a sea lion with a club, like, out the door. just thumping a fucking sea lion in front of, you know, the Carnegie's or whatever. Fuck, yeah.

The melon family. Back beast. Back to the sea. It's a fucking fake lake. Yeah. Yeah, that what a terrible fucking life for that sea lion. It was pretty crazy. Great job for that guy.

He just gets to Shaleli giant mammals who've been like killing his friends forever. And live in the tower pretty much alone. You can walk out on that thing right there. Nice. Yeah, I've been walking out there. Say, what's a lot? waving to my constituents. I guess it doesn't matter if that

freshwater, salt water, because they are mammals. I can actually explain. So that lake failed three times. It kept not sealing on the bottom with whatever they were doing to seal it and it kept leaking. And then finally, in between the second and third time they drained it, he sent in his goats. So they had a bunch of goats in there

and their shit and their hooves apparently over the course of a summer. sealed the bottom of that lake. Nice. That's what she said. I believe it. Twittered to Bocolosis told me. Maybe don't do the tour if you can't say your arms.

Yeah. Or be from somewhere where you're learning the language. Yes. And it's fine. You know. It's also fine to do it. Brent Gill has a stutter. I have a speech impediment.

It's great. I stand with my sister who can't say her ours. But it was just. very difficult to have empathy. They're seriously focus on the information. People kept asking her to say Ruta Baga. That's not nice. They kept asking her to say, can you say railroad crossing, please?

Do you guys know that one? Waste to the clouds. Railroad crossing, watch out for cars. Can you spell that without any R's? No. T-H-A-T, stupid. That was in your, it's a riddle. I thought it was a mnemonic device for your speech.

She slits the sheet. She slits the sheet, the sheet she slits and on the shit. She slits the sheet. She slits the sheet, the sheet she slits, and on the slitted sheet she sits. I think I've heard that. That was a big one. How old were you when you did those classes? Early, man.

Yeah. But railroad crossing, watch out for cars. Can you spell that without any R's? Which one of my grandpa did a riddle? And then I started using that to get my R's. Yeah. Strange time, man. fat kid that the whole city loved running around handing out one dollar bills saying wolverine

no reason i need all the love of the world to make me happy that city was my playground i was just robert palmering all over town yeah whipping my sister in the middle of the street people loved it right right in the back fuck sam you're supposed to get me in the ass my sister's three doesn't hurt as bad as right in the middle right between the shoulder blades fuck and we've been chilling with Joe's baby that thing's fat

fuck yeah a little fat blob dude chondo chondo the fucking chode everyone's calling him chode

dollop plopper oh yeah Brodish Chang Brodus Chang Brutus Chang yeah Brie called him Brodus Chang

in front of a doctor they almost took him away it's the best thing ever love all of that Brodus yeah he's in there fat and now he has his like

harness off So we took him to the park and we laid him face down on the park. And then me and Joe while Emily watched confused, we're like trying to show him how to roll over onto his back. So just me and Joe on our bellies right by Central. Nice. In Aurora. Okay.

And a bunch of like kids on lunch, like young Latinos walking by. As me and Joe were like, come on, Chang. You little show, flop it over, you fat fuck. Like trying to flop over. Emily's standing there like she's observing. Like she's running the group. He's got a clipboard. Yeah.

She's like that fucking sea lion hunter. thumping us. Yeah, but like, come on, you've got it. He can roll from his back onto his belly, but he can't figure out belly onto his back.

He was in those stirrups where his legs were like straight up. Yeah, he was born with hip dysplasia or whatever. So he might not have experimented with it as much. And now he's like, fine, but he's just a fucking cube.

So he's like figuring out his legs. And he's like, Brie kept saying he's not disabled anymore. He was never disabled. He was just born smushed. And that was fine. But yeah, he's like figuring it all out. And he's just this blob child.

And he's not that fat. He's only in the 50th percentile. But like any baby, you just think is the fattest baby you've ever seen. Unless they're not and you're like, that baby's sick. Put that baby back in. Emmy as a baby was like, you know, palm of the hand.

She preemie too? Yeah, no, she was normal. Oh, I was premium tiny. Well, yeah, because your mom was following white snake or whatever. Yeah, she didn't know. Your dad was the dog, the bounty hunter. Until it was way past when she should have quit the cocaine. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, what a life. Being dog's secret son. God. No, I would have killed myself. Also, I look just like my dad. Yeah, dog the bounty hunter. Yeah.

Spitting image. Yeah. The mullet's coming in. Recommendation and their children after them. Astounding work. It's very proud of itself, but man, it's good. When did it come out? I'm not sure.

It won like the big literary awards in France. And it's like about a part of France that no one ever writes about because it's not Paris. But man, it's good. 2018. Nice. Whoie. Yeah. This guy's stoked.

He's like, I'm good at writing. I hate that. I don't like that. Yeah, but he's really good at it. So it's like, okay. So like you can tell he's proud of himself, but it doesn't get in the way of being like, fuck, that's some good pros right there. Yeah. That's all right.

Yeah. That's the line I walk. I try to be like, I can write, look what I'm writing, but then be like, oh, but, you know, here's a knife fight. Now he's getting sucked. So I'm cool still. Some of running the light I thought was funny because it's like, all right, yeah, maybe stop calling the stand-up comedian God or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, it's hard writing the definitive novel about a thing. Sure. It's hard like pressure, the only one. You're like Shalame said he didn't want to have the bird. burden of having to like save ballet or opera. But that's what you're doing with the written word. Well, I don't want that at all. For Chodes.

I just want to write cool books, for Jagoffs, you know. For TOTI. Gayloids. Yeah. People who are suffering with tobacoloz. Premiums. Yeah. Grown up preemies.

Adult chodes, blob, blob humans. Yeah. Just bag of recessive jeans. I was like, because I had my big PR meeting with Random House about like marketing the next book. guys by the way just down pre-order brute please pre-order brute from amazon the links at the bottom of the description just do me a favor we don't you know this podcast we love you but please just pre-order brute i got to i got to make sure i have 10 000 pre-sales for september 22nd i know it sounds like a lot

but if you know a portion of you guys were to order it just pause the podcast right fucking now all right because guess when mr beast book is coming out the beginning of september so i got a can do battle with Mr. Beast's co-lab with James Patterson to worm my way onto the bestseller list with, you know, dungeon crawler Carl finds a baby in the bathtub, whatever it is. So there's pre-order now. But yeah, I was like, can you guys like think outside the box for me as far as like promoting the book? And they were like, what do you mean? I was like, well, what if I, like, took a hot air balloon over Cape Cod and like threw copies out? And they were like, what? Yeah. And my agent laughed, but my editor, Ben, like,

perked up and was like, well, maybe if we threw like inflatable versions of the book out, they were like download codes. So he was cool about it. Just flyers. Whatever, flyers. But that was like, well, how about after they like talked me down from that about like me taking a riverboat up the Mississippi and like stopping off and handing out books at libraries. Yeah, but with books in them with hard covers.

Slapping them out of the air. Pull. That'd be sick. That'd move some fucking units. you want to communicate with rural America you get me a t-shirt can and it shoots books and then we'll like put up a picture

of Hillary Clinton and these are the outside the ideas they need I was like can you pitch me to hot ones and they were like yeah I mean you are behind random house

like I was like oh that I was kidding about that one the riverboat tour I was serious about but so yeah hopefully I can do some like big stuff I would love to watch you suffer through hot ones Norman did club shayshay to promote his special.

I saw that. I know. That'd be crazy. I don't think I could ever get on there. You can meet Shannon Sharp. I mean, anyone should meet Shannon Sharp. It's me who had his jersey. No, you did.

I did too, dude. I had a Sharp jersey. And I had a number 90, Neil Smith jersey. He was. When he was a Bronco for a beat of an eye. He was so fucking nice and the scariest skinny. Like, no body fat. We went to the training camps.

Shana Sharp? Yeah, my dad would take us out to the training. Oh, yeah. To meet people. I get autographs. Oh, yeah. And Shannon was so fucking night. He bullied Terell Davis into coming over to talk to the kids.

Yeah. Yeah. Like he was talking to us and then was like, hey, where are you going? Where are you going? Kids. There's, come on. Hey, come here. Hey, who wants to meet Torel Davis?

All right. Cutte. Come on, man. It was fucking awesome. It fucking ruled. You all want to meet Trial Day and say, yeah. Yeah. It rocked so hard.

But then he like, while. Terrell was signing stuff and doing stuff. Shannon Sharp, like, lifted a shirt up and flexed at your mom. Until your dad leapt. And as a kid who didn't give a fuck, I remember, like, turning sideways and being like, he's more to fine than my action figure. Like, what the fuck is going on? Daddy, that man's body is, is exciting.

It was. Your dad's like back in the truck, Becker. He was the most ripped person I've ever seen. Yeah, no, he's, uh, he's quite astounding. He's very funny. Did you just see that lepriccon video? because it was St. Patrick's Day. I saw it a couple times recently.

It's funny because it's a news segment, and you would think that they would show one or two people who weren't completely insane, but instead it's nine people in a row with their, none of them in reality about this leprechaun sighting. They all have different theories. And then the one guy that sounds like a normal guy ends up being the one that's like a mage or whatever.

You know what I'm talking about? He speaks normal for like 10 seconds. seconds. And then he turns out that he's a fifth level Valky. But then like, yeah, they like pan out and show his chain mail or whatever. Like, I'm the only male

Valky in Baltimore. Such a ridiculous segment for the news to air. And well, that's, that's, either that's the best kept secret in the history of production, or it's real. I remember when it came out,

people were like, this is fake. And they were talking about it being a fatal farmer's video. But like, I then, I had never heard that it was fake. And I think it was just because it was from.

I'm like, it was from Baltimore, right? It wasn't Baltimore, I don't think. It was the Baltimore leprechaun. Huh. I don't remember. Yeah. I don't know. This was a long time ago, and I heard people talking about it being fake, but I want to live

in the world where it's real. And it probably is real, because I've never heard it. It's like that UFO video from Aurora or Denver where they tried to be like it was fake, and then a bunch of professionals came forward. Like, it looks fake, but that means this man spent $40,000 on a puppet. So it's a good puppet. Yeah, we don't think it's fake. I should get that T-shirt canning out and chop the puppet's head off.

I see Robert Palmer to play my big party in New York. They dust him off. It's like, I don't want Robert Palmer unless I get the same chick who is in the video. She's there in a wheelchair. He's whipping her down the aisle. Spin, Meredith, spin. We're still good with that whip, Robert. Otherwise, he has Alzheimer's.

That lady's there. Please welcome Wobot Palmer. he has Alzheimer's He simply It was Istable Now that's the party I want Ben from Random House Wait, why?

Editor and Keefe Was the Oh I When we were talking about The Gayload thing It reminded me Megan and I decided to watch

The Green Night Which we never saw And I couldn't remember If you liked it I thought it was fun It was long But people were like This is boring

It's just enjoy a movie It was very pretty Very pretty Very lush Pretty early on, the king or somebody says something to a guy like, from the moment you were quefed out of your mother. And I was like, what? They used it as like pushed? Oh, yeah.

Like pushed out or what? I don't know. What the fuck? No, I bet they used it as farted out of your pussy. Quifed out of nowhere. It was sick. I would, and look, if any dorks are out there, when I prove me wrong, I would bet that quife is in Canterbury Tales. Yeah.

I bet Chaucer said queef because he said quim, you know, her trembling, whiver. burn like all that shit described pussy he's a fucking pervert well he was cool yeah lord byron was a pervert bro yeah like i was banging kids all the time all the time that was his whole thing was kid banging gross and he was like the hot rod homosexual of gross point he was fucking young edsel for but he was edsel ford wasn't banging kids but he was like that like kind of dandy like can't ever be arrested yeah emily's worried here that i run out there and i'd fucking toke my little chillem and then we're going to get arrested and i'm like you know how many fucking and shutes cousins have killed a girl in this room yeah and then these people had to very

quietly come in and clean it up for the you know they they literally wouldn't share their taxes with the rest of the city unless they guaranteed cops wouldn't come here yeah yeah and there's a lot of cops coming here all over the ground just started allowing the fire department to come in they had their own fire department where the museum is all that new building next to the gold be that was the broad more fire department they didn't let any fucking outside workers in that is cray cray in a big way yeah i like it here man that everyone leave yeah we were saying we like the we like old fancy more than like new bullshit fancy a lot of times the new stuff looks godish yeah yeah just too much or whatever and like annoying like yeah we get it you know but i like sitting in a chair

knowing that great of gargbo sat in that same chair and had to a cigarette put out on her by one of the Kennedys. I like that. She quefed in that chair. Still stinks. There are a lot of different chairs in there and a lot of them are comfortable and some are not and I've sat in most of them. I want to do a funny chair rating thing but then I was like, so I'm just going to be a guy wandering around taking pictures of chairs.

They'd love it. No, they hate me. I'm the gay load guy. I don't think they get a lot of engagement on socials. Most people that come here are very quiet about what they're doing in their life. Most people can't be online because they don't want to be compromised. further by the IDF. Yeah.

No favorite trail. No paper trail. I was very scared last night. In the middle of the night, I woke up. I had to pee. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, shit. Well, and I don't want to wake Emily up.

You had to walk through this room where you slept through our bed area. Right by the bed. Go to the bathroom. I have to pee. I don't want it to be loud. I didn't even want to put the light on. Right. So I started with no light.

And you know that when you pee, you go, ow, ow, ow. Oh, ow, ouch. Yeah, all I have to do is ask Emily for pills. It would go away. But I don't want to bug her. She's busy. She wants to give you the shot.

So it goes right in your hog. But I go in there. It's dark. I stand very carefully over the toilet. I think if you go straight down, then you're going to hear it hit the water, then you know you're good. You don't need the light.

Immediately. I don't hear water. I don't hear water. And I'm like, what the fuck? How am I blowing it? I know I'm over it. And I'm pointing my dick down. I know where my dick goes.

This sucks. I fucking think, all right, I'm going to have to turn the light on. Hopefully it doesn't go right into her eye or whatever. So I turn it on. I'm like, what the fuck? It's every. There's pee everywhere. I haven't even finished peeing.

Most of it's yours. Yeah, I'm pretty confident that it's mine. I fucking finish peeve. finished peeing and then I clean up with her t-shirt yeah yeah yeah that nope

the workout shirt I got the DVD on me more breaks Remy I fucking clean up wipe up all the I check the

the trash can to make sure I didn't whiz in the trash can sure yeah no it was just all on the side so I'd clean it up flush turn the light off

sneak back into here lay down And then my genius brain goes, why don't you sit down? Why don't you sit on the toilet? You fucking psycho. I know, I just don't do it. I never sit to pee. You should go side saddle.

Like you're riding Goliath, man. Just sit, straddle the bowl. The reins are the back of the tank. Yeah, it's kind of fun. Just anything other than piss all over the ground. Yeah. Peeing everywhere. Yeah, it's weird.

Yeah, it was dumb as I was annoyed. Was your tip inverted at the time? No, it was I paked? No. I'm pulled it down. I did everything right as far as, as far as like setting myself up to, to pee right into the bowl. Besides getting any urine in the water. I don't know what the fuck happened.

I don't know, man. It was still pitch black. You're learning your new body or losing weight? Allegedly. There's more ridges that are visible, you know? I accidentally set the record for Manjaro use. Emily said she might try to pitch it. Maybe we could get on the Today Show.

Yeah, Ripley's. Please believe I didn't eat for five days I felt great There you a parade This man didn't eat for five days She takes me from town to town Deliastime

In a stage coach I wanted to see up I want to see the man who didn't eat For 96 hours Fuck It's all your fault on you dumb bitch We're not going to see

Goliath He has a name The first place didn't have your cigarettes Yeah they didn't have to ral Two more places. Nowhere has Durales. We're not in Virginia Beach in 92, honey. We had to leave that behind.

Thank you for listening. Goodbye. Is that it? Yeah. Oh.