Chubby Behemoth - You EAT Ketchup

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Total Snail Trail. Negative Dick. You Got Kickflips. Noah Reynolds   Nathan Lund and Sam Tallent are Chubby Behemoth   Extra episodes at https://www.patreon.com/chubbybehemoth

Becker is not on this episode because he's considering taking his own life. He's in time out. Oh, yeah. He's in a really dark place emotionally right now. And he can't listen to us make light of the world's problems when he's underneath a weighted blanket. Of course. Of all the ennui that is, you know, being alive, being a woke human being, having your eyes open. Yeah.

So he wants to go back into the cave, but there's no vacancy. Yeah, exactly. He wants to crawl back inside of his mother and feel warm and wet. And we all know what happened. Oh, dude. Listen to this. So, this is a blind item. Trinidad gossip.

Give me that goss, y'all. Hey, no gossamer, only gossip. Brian Goss, get in here. I have a straw. Can I take a goss sip of that glass? I'm going to sling some goss like Goss, get in here. I have a straw. Can I take a gossip with that glass? I'm going to sling some goss like Goss slings mom loves to dish out at the salon. Okay. There's a recently single woman in Trinidad.

Who is it? It's a blind item, you dumb bitch. Is it Wally's baby mama? So I heard that the following pickup line was used. From a lady to a young man. Yes. We should fuck. It would be fun.

I've got a total snail trail going right now. And it's like, what? So this guy just has jizz in his pants? No. That's a lady. Oh, the girl was talking jizz. I can't believe I just knew that.

And you didn't. Noah Reynolds, everybody. Coming in. We're at Noah's total snail trail. Slinging goss. Makes me think a bunch of ants are following her pussy around. Or snails. Yeah. It's like, hey, I ate 40 of those in Paris, so bring on that pussy bitch.

I'll dunk it in garlic and butter and get sick. So, yeah, that was funny. Because, you know, it would have been pretty cool if she was just like, I'm wet right now. Yeah. But now she had to dust off the old snail trail tail. Oh, man. So, yeah, that was funny. That's what's going on in Trinidad.

What's going on up here, you guys? I don't like when women are sexually forward. I like them to be subservient to my wants and otherwise to not tell me when they need anything. No way. Yeah. That's like my thing is the power, the control. You guys heard of BTK? He's my favorite pickup artist.

Dennis Rader? Yeah, yeah. He wrote a great book called... Did you read it? I did, yeah. I read all those Pua books, though. Pua. Yeah, it was like him and Sharpshooter. Who's the famous pickup artist?

Chris Kyle? Yeah. Is he the shooter? Yeah, yeah. who's the famous pickup artist chris kyle yeah yeah he's the american sniper uh-huh that's right yeah and he wrote a pickup artist yeah go down go down to the gun range hit a watermelon right in its bullseye from 500 yards away and then say that could be your puss hey enough head shots how about give me some head yeah yeah i could see i could see him being smooth like hey you want me to kill your downstairs like i did women and children in the middle east yeah let's pretend that your pussy is an eight-year-old boy holding a book yeah he's he's always accidentally licking the woman's knee he's's like, oh, sorry, I missed. Did he kill that kid?

I forget. Did he ultimately kill that kid? He was an unrepentant war criminal. Cool, cool, cool. Yeah. That rules. The man who shot him was a true hero. He sure was. Mentally ill, but nonetheless.

Yeah, but everyone's mentally ill now, right? Amen, brother. That's the cool thing. Amen, brother. He talks right twice a day, and a mentally ill psychopath is going to kill a piece of shit now and then. Yeah, yeah. Nathan, are you going to ask me about my trip to europe at all no uh recently you had to flee to

a country in europe that would not extradite you for the horrible things that you and your father did yeah right you are not your you are your father's son but you are not your father's crimes except you kind of are because you shredded all those documents that's what i say and that's what i say yeah i had a beautiful time that's great yeah why not why not have fun over there don't just like can somebody mute their fucking oh it was the computer no i thought it was sam i was gonna blast them no i've never had any noises chime no how was exterminating those pogroms oh how did you how did i exterminating the pogroms? Oh, how did I exterminate the pogroms? I stopped a ton of them. I was a good boy.

Okay. It was easy because there were so many of them. Are you mispronouncing program? I think you're not. Pogroms. Yeah, I know what you're. Oh, boy. We're all hungry.

We're going to eat after the pot. Are you trying to say pilgrim? Howdy, pilgrim. Yeah. Hey, howdy, pilgrim. Howdy, pilgrim. That's another all-American voice you can do. Absolutely.

Doesn't it have to be a racist voice to have fun with your friends? Absolutely not. You can just be an old dusty cowpoke dusting off his spurs before he steps in for a sarsaparilla. I'm out here on the range. You know what I like, fellas? I like me a mint julep on July. So now you're going southeast

instead of Texas. Sam was in Texas and then you took the car east. What's the beauty of the spoken word? It can take you around anywhere there, fella. you took the car east well that's the beauty of the spoken word is it spreads like water take you around anywhere there filler and I'm here in the swamp I don't know what a bogram is

but I want to fry it up and eat it hey there swamp man good to have you I'd like to inquire about buying some of your crawfish I got them by the head if you just want a couple then I charge you by the head but if you want them in bulk then I charge you by the pound or I got them by the head. If you just want a couple, then I charge you by the head. But if you want them in bulk, then I charge you by the pound or by the bucket. And by the bucket, it's about five pounds.

Now, let me consider this offer with my friend over here who likes a mint julep on July. How's that sound to you? Well, let me tell you here, there, fellas. I'm doing a different voice now. A different, all different guy. I'm doing a different voice now. I'm a different person. You sound like a guy who don't know how to commit to a particular accent. Well,

there, lads. I got a guts me a ten piece. We got another guy. Come on down here now. Oh, no. Another boy.

Hey, where you from? The UK there? No, I mean, yeah, I'm from the Bayou. I got a lot of grain. I work down on the whore bayou. Are we all down here from the Bayou now? Now, this sounds like classic mirroring where a gentleman doesn't know what to do with his own character, and so you just kind of mirror somebody. Now, now, now, sir, I say, I say, I take exception to that

in where that you just think that I don't have a voice that I'ma do, so I'ma just do any sort of voice that you spoke to in my head. We done won my way. Now you're Paul Simon? Isn't that funny? He had that Graceland album, just brought over a bunch of talented African singers. It was like, all right, make me some money. I hit record.

Yeah. No, it's a fun album. You guys sing your traditional folk songs. And I'm going to, yeah. Cashing checks. That's right. And the name on the album, of course, Paul Simon. Yeah, presents.

Solo artist. Original ideas I had. Get back name on the album, of course, Paul Simon. Yeah, presents. Solo artist. Original ideas I had. Get back in the storage container, fellas. Whoa. Yeah. He killed all those singers. Damn. Yeah, he put them in a storage container and just pushed them into the bay.

By accident. That's what your dad said about what happened in Kiev. Yeah, you guys have to read up some more. Do your own research, maybe. I can't do no research down here in the bayou. Well, let me tell you about something down in Kiev. You guys have to read up some more. Do your own research, maybe. I can't do no research down here in the bayou. Well, let me tell you about something down in the bayou. We got no way in the neck. See, I was going to say something funny.

You just started talking over me. Yeah, but that's funny. What did you say that was funny? I had a good thing to tell. I'm going down to the hacker. Stupid. Did I'm going down to the hacker Stupid Did you Think of any other

Europe stories That you did not say On our last episode No Nothing really happened We dragged it out You walked around You ate some food

I tuned up my sister once. Tuned her up? Yeah. What'd you do? Slapped her around. It was in Monaco. It's legal to fucking teach a woman a lesson. They love it over there. Yeah, the prince came out of the castle and was like, put one in for me, brother.

Give her a Roman kiss. They rule over there. Where is Monaco? Is it across the Mediterranean? Is it Africa? So you got Cannes, and then you go a little bit east, and you got Nice, and then you go a little bit east a half hour. You got Monaco.

You go another half hour. Guess what? You're in Italy, bro. You're in Italy, bro. It's right there on the Riviera. The Riviera. Monaco's a country. Monaco is a micro country.

It's like Noah has a micro penis. Yes. Monaco's a country. Monaco is a micro country. It's like Noah has a micro penis. Yes. Monaco's like a micro country. Sometimes less is more. And I like Noah's dick. It's like more of it would be like boring. Like, yeah, cool. A normal penis. But micro, you know, it's interesting. It's fun. It's new. He puts it in that little car

and pushes it across the ground. Yeah, but really we're talking about geography here now. Yeah, right. But your penis was a nice analogy. Yeah, but really we're talking about geography here now. Yeah, right, but your penis was a nice analogy for it. Yeah, because Monaco's the smallest country, you have the smallest penis in the room. It's not the smallest country. Although, I must say, I've been farting into these pants for 24 hours. And when I fart too much, sometimes

the stink eats up my dick. Right now, I kind of have negative dick. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, you should... No, do me a favor. Put your head directly down here sure let me wear you like a mask okay let me ride you like a uh monaco um car whore whore horse horse i was gonna say horse but then you cut me short so it sounded like i said, Hey there, y'all. It's me, the snake oil sailor. What are you doing here? Why are you riding a horse in the bayou? Yet again.

Just come in and fucking stomp the cool thing I was about to do with your third-rate bayou voice. It's an A-plus bayou voice. You had nothing. You were going to go. One had the best one, and then I had the second best one.

I can't believe you. Well, yeah, like a Xerox of a Xerox. No, okay. had the best one and then I had the second best one. I can't believe you put me ahead of you. Like a Xerox of a Xerox. No, okay. Just a pale imitation of the genius. Maybe you should actually spend some time down. You've never been anywhere. You've been to London four times.

That's where you went to cricket camp. Well, I have plenty of investments in Macau and Tokyo. You went to Jiminy cricket camp where they taught you to be a little bug a real boy oh okay a little bug obviously not a real obviously not a real camp i'm gonna put you in a camp no okay yeah we talked about it earlier oh yeah that's funny thinking about a jew committing to one of the concentration camps. Yeah, that was the best. Signing. Yeah, signing. Signing day. Being drafted. It's a press conference.

He's got a hat with the logo on there. I'm proud to announce I'm going to Dachau. I'm a Buchenwald Timberwolf as of this morning. I'm an Auschwitz alligator. I'm excited to turn this program around, this pogrom around. You've got a solid foundation.

We're bringing the title back to Titletown. Where is that, Pittsburgh? Titletown? Boston? No, I think it was Guggenwald. Oh, okay. Yeah. In this funny riff I'm doing.

Yeah. Titletown is like somewhere. Yeah. And you're more of a Treblinka guy because you're like a hipster. I like Treblinka just because it's a built not bought Type of scenario with Treblinka Interesting What's that mean?

It doesn't mean anything I was just kind of continuing with the riff I didn't realize you were going to call me on it It's like Denver, it's like the Nuggets What do the Nuggets say? Hey big white guy Save us from obscurity Absolutely You nailed it We got Bones, we got Uncle Jeff Hey big white guy Save us from obscurity Absolutely

You nailed it We got Bones, we got Uncle Jeff We got Fuck You That's fun Why haven't you done that on Chicken and Nuggets? Because I don't rule You say his name correctly every time Yeah it is

He's always dropping dimes on his little ass Yeah it's Fuck You, right? Yeah, it is. He's always dropping dimes on his little ass. Yeah, it's Fuck You Com... Something... Fuck You Companion. Companion. Fuck You in the Plaza. He's fun. Words are hard.

He's super fun. His two good bounce passes a game really bring me to the fandom. I know, and everybody on every other team hates him, which is very fun, too. Why do they hate him? Because he's such a pest. Really? Yeah. He's like a sex pest. No, no, no. There's a gentleman's agreement that you

don't play defense until at least the second half, if not the fourth quarter. Right. Fuck you, Compazzo is like, I'm getting my minutes in, and he's like in your face before half court. And they're like, come on. We're all getting paid. Relax. He's Argentinian? That's where he's from. half court about it and so they're like come on we're all getting paid relax he's argentinian that's where he's from so he probably has some yeah but it's not in

argentina oh yeah maybe yeah right yeah for sure absolutely his name is fuck you when's that documentary gonna come out where it's just like how many how many people came you know went over there and started banging and spreading their pure bloodline there's entire villages over there they speak yeah i know but i'm saying i want a documentary netflix come on amazon we're not gonna do because the people who went over there now run netflix jesus that's fucking perfect crime yeah nobody will ever know there is this place in argentina that's like a uh like a ski resort town but it's all built to look like a German ski resort town. And all the buildings, it just looks like the Alps.

But it's just- It's just oompa music. Yeah. Dark beer, green sausage. But everybody like speaks Spanish or whatever. Yeah. It's cool. They're giving people tattoos you don't want them.

Yeah. Just German stuff. I used to work with a guy in Vegas who, his wife loved Argentina. They'd go down there, they'd dance, they'd drink wine, and we never talked about the whole Nazi thing. He was probably into Nazis. He was probably a Nazi. That's the only reason he

got Argentina. He was learning, yeah, he was going to camp, learning from the best to try to implement, to try to bring back about a traditional way of thinking here in America. No, he was a great guy. He was very nice. I bet he sucked. No, he was your friend. Yeah, he sucked.

He was like the one non-asshole in that whole construction company. The rest of them were like pigs or douchebags. One guy was Canadian. Total dick. What a chode. Yeah, he sucked. Yeah, he's like, G'day, mate. It's me. Oh, yeah.

Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. Did I tell you when I was in London what kept happening? No. People kept being like, oi.

And I was like, cool. But then I listened closely and they kept saying oink. They were mocking you. Yeah. And you couldn't tell. Oi. Oink.

And an oink to you. Oi, oink. It's like, oink. Yeah. This lad couldn't tell. Oink! And an oink to you. Oink! This lad doesn't get it. And you were like, yeah, that must be the local football club's signature noise. Hey, you big over there! You're like, yeah, bigs. Yeah, I'm a big.

Manchester bigs. They couldn't put an apple in my mouth? Yeah. This place is cool. We're built that bar. What a lovely place. Yesterday, Tim Dillon canceled Boise the morning of the show.

Boise. Boise. Boise. Boise. You're getting there. Boise. Boise. He canceled Boise to go to the Boise zone.

Yes. To go to Boys Town. Start a pogrom. They were oinking him. I was getting oinked. There's a lot of rooting around for truffles. But I went to get him a thermometer in the morning because he was already sick.

I got him the wrong one. I got him a rectal one and I went to put it in his butt and it just went all the way in. He said, leave it. It was just like... Because I got an erectile one and I went to put it in his butt and it just went all the way in. He said, leave it. Yeah. It was just like, hello. Hello. Goatsy.

You spread them. See where early for goats is, baby. I think it's right on time. Noah, you grew up a resident of the internet, a digital native. Absolutely. You don't know anything resident of the internet, a digital native. Absolutely. Digital Native American. Yeah.

You don't know anything other than the internet. You have an NFT headdress, right? I do, yeah. Well, it's a hijab. An NFT hijab. Digital Native American. Oh, I see. That's dumb.

That's stupid. That was great. No, you're right. It was good. Yeah. Yeah. Now that I get it, I like it. NFT.

Yeah, explaining it. Now that we explained it. like it nft yeah explaining it now that we explain well what yeah i'm a native american of the internet you know about gutsy is that like something like a jar in the ass type deal or one of those shock videos but i know you're talking about where it breaks i didn't watch that one but is that one of those type of videos well let me show you now you can explain it or don't i don't like care don't see was an early like hey check this out kind of a thing and it was a website of an old man spreading his butthole wide open and uh so you know you'd send like you could disguise it as a different link and be like hey check this out it was the original rick roll yeah okay cool which is how you found out you weren't

graduating from high school right that's right yeah i know congratulations confirmation well no they did it in front of the whole school at graduation and noah reynolds but then it was like i'm never gonna bring you they were like you kind of look like this guy yeah yeah no they pants dude when you do the dance yeah And then put an apple in my mouth. I will take my pants off and put them over your head. If you can stay in there for 15 seconds, I will give you a hundred dollars. If I can do what? If you can stay, if you, these pants that I've been wearing on the airplane.

Oh, and stand in them? No, put them over your head. For 15 seconds. Yeah. Let me seal you in there. Oh. The shroud of stink. For how much money? A hundred dollars. No, I don't think I shroud of stink for how much money 100 no i don't

think i'm gonna do that come on you don't have any money for 15 seconds you have no money you're gonna in seconds is nothing yeah but i just i mean i've been with you for like 12 of the hours i have to hear you breathing right now see these it's gross i don't want to do it what's the point of me being rich if i can't make you disgusting disgusting, degrading stuff? Right. Come on. Do it. Do it. Only if Nathan also does it. Nathan would do it for free. I did it last night. I snuck up to where he was sleeping.

I broke the record. He used my pants to pillowcase. My lung waited eight and a half hours. You lived in the stink. I don't want to do it. I knew that this was something like this was going to happen. The door is locked.

I am hard. Let's rock in a major snail trail. Come on. I'll just make you our cum puppet. 15 seconds. Are you insane? You can hold your breath that long. I'm not going to do it.

Just do it. No, it's such a bad precedent. What, where you're rich? Where you can do whatever you want. Oh. Oh, you think we're grooming you? Yeah. Absolutely.

It's recorded. Absolutely. This is the little domino in the heat. How fucking I would. And then the little domino in the meat and then the big domino is just you having no say over your day-to-day. I'll just take you down.

Yeah, the big domino is just him with my name tattooed on his forehead. Cum pig on my tummy. Just slut. Oink, oink on your fucking tramp stamp. We would tear you in half if we Eiffel Tower'd you

you know what would be more fun though no what more fun if me and you double teamed that would be fun you're on your back I pin your legs back I'm not a sub oh you're a fucking footlong I'm a Dom DeLuise

me and that goddamn beret dude. I'm a Dom Delouise. Me and that goddamn beret, dude. People keep sending me Dom Delouise. Yeah, you got Boston. Yeah. Who's the famous French Creole chef? Paul Prudhomme. Paul Prudhomme kept fighting. I'm Paul Prudhomme. I'm holding him up in my kitchen. It's nice

and clean. So you're searing up some salt. I've been on this damn rascal scooter since 1970. I've been on a rascal scooter longer than I use my own legs. Who would you rather bang? Paul Prudhomme. Me or Sim? Okay, yeah.

I thought that was what you were gonna ask. Who would you rather though? I don't know, I'm trying to think who's a better lover. You know what I mean? Oh, me. One hates getting hard. I'm over it. I've had my sex.

That's what I said. My whole thing, and I think it's because of porn, is that I want new and the idea of new, like first time hookup. So for you, first time, I'd be ready to go second time you'd probably notice a difference something's off one was distracted is it my fault right you start to blame yourself and then he sucks at you six months in we're like practically just friends we're roommates who don't really have sex well you're not selling me i'm just saying starting off hot if you want like a fun summer and then a little bit of fall then i'm your man summer is gonna be a sex pest and you're

gonna get sick of it where it's like we had sex 20 minutes ago and he's like i want to go again he's ready he's kind of hard though yeah you'd be smelling his pants like three times a day. Well, if you want one earth shattering orgasm, it'll like ruin you to other experience. Like you'll never taste a pair and think it was good after I fucked you. Have me. Okay.

I actually don't know what my decision is anymore. Both sound pretty great. You have six months of waning. It starts hot and then peels off with Lund. Or me, earth shatterer, but then I want you again immediately. I want you while you're still wet from my birth. Yeah, but it sounds violent. Your thing sounds violent. It's usually consensual. Every now and then I take what I need. And your thing just sounds sad eventually.

It's not sad. What really happens is you start to really just start talking. I think what's sad is when there's a sex-based relationship that goes on too long because you don't even really like them, but you just want to use them. Or like when the girl is super hot and you're like, she's really bad for me, but God, I want to tell all my friends that I nutted. Yeah, that is what you are, I guess. So I guess I'll choose you. Yeah. You're that. Because as one nut.

But you're my friend. I just tell all my friends that it would be funny if you got to come brag about me you got to tell Patrick and Rob that hey guys listen up I fucked Sam

I fucked Sam in the ass it was hilarious my wife finds out that's what rips our marriage apart. I've been getting fucked by you. You tweet on one of the hottest women around with no one. I'm the hottest dude around. I don't take any of the free poo that's thrown at me every night at the bar.

Oh, yeah. It is, dude. It's crazy. I believe you. What do they say? They come up and they'll be like, oh, my God. My mom just died three months ago. And I have a snail trail like you wouldn't believe.

From the funeral home to the grave. I live in Trinidad. Holy shit. Yeah, no, and they'll shake my hand. They'll always come in with the left hand and then they flip my hand over quietly and look at my wedding ring and go oh too bad whoa yeah that happens once a night but you talk i had a big fucking gross monster come up to me a real beast yeah now she was like i would she's like you're married right like walking by the merch booth and i was like yeah and she's like not too bad because I would fuck the shit out of you.

I was like, well, thank you. Have a good night. You didn't like it? I mean, it's flattering. It was like if you shaved, she was rough. Yeah. DMX. The Rough Riders were there.

They all were flirting. She went by on a four-wheeler. She nodded her beret I'll fuck you son I'll fuck you it was the equivalent of like Noah considering

fucking me yeah that was me thinking about better than Earthshatter well I definitely didn't consider it

until just now so you should come with me on the road and help sell my merch and I'll be like I'm married but this guy right here I was literally thinking about that as this conversation unfolded i think

it's a great idea yeah come be my sex surrogate great and i'll just watch you yeah you're in the room yeah no you have to be in the room yeah obviously he's in the room well i also have the mda right yeah and you're in the camera nice stick agreement you sign this you have to tell tell everyone Noah's piece is rocking. On all social media. Not just a little Facebook comment in a group. Yeah, not on LinkedIn.

Public, across the board, peak posting hours. Yeah, between 2 and 4 on Wednesdays, 10 a.mam on Thursdays Is that one of those peak hours? Yes

If everyone's peeking through the blinds to look at your giant piece Get in the game Well I think that's a good idea I'll come on the road and start being a whore Are you posting on Sundays at 3? Well it's all Tokyo time So it's all I guess like when they start work Maybe that's why I don't understand your humor

Is because you tell Tokyo Jokio I do Tokyo Jokio yeah so now you've got some time to think me or Lund I answered me right I'm having sex with you you're not

banging me one out of five times you're going to fill me I just told you what would happen but then the other four times I got to use any hole or nook or pin on your body One out of five times you could have filled me. I just told you what would happen. But then the other four times I got to use any hole or nook or pin on your body. I want to do this thing where I call putting on the deodorant.

I know what putting on deodorant is. I know what it is. I invented putting on deodorant. And then you have to wear a sleeveless shirt and put your arms in the air and then I can see it at the beach and be like, that was me. Yeah, that was what i did to him yeah i get it and it'll smell good too because you'll be eating we'll be watching each other's diets you think that i'm gonna let you have a say in what goes in my body i'm certainly gonna be putting stuff in your body you're not gonna

like what are you gonna put in there a A light bulb? Yeah. Sure, yeah. That'd be cool if you put a light bulb in my butt and then connected like a circuit to my tongue. Like Uncle Fester? Is that what he did?

Well, he could light up a light bulb in his mouth, but instead it's in your butt. I thought of Uncle Fester too. Interesting. So you guys have a dark alliance. Well, we just are... Well, we're just more...

We text. ...culturally literate about pop culture and whatnot and you're like dumb yeah i'm just reading balzac and you know you're reading yeah okay yeah yeah you're like we're looking at your own you go to the bookstore it's like giggling what's the what's the most pretentious book i can pretend to tell people i read and they're like balzac and they tell that to you as a joke. Madeline Albright. I slept next to the most pretentious books you can have here. What are you talking about?

The 100 greatest fights? What book did you get for your birthday, Noah? That's not pretentious. That's good. It's a oral history of the Civil War. With pictures. From the, quote, Negro side. That's not what it said.

I didn't see that. I saw it. That's not what it said. Yes, it is. No way said your parents gave you fucking propaganda from 1875 that's not what it said is that what it said that might have been

the larger print the masthead but underneath I saw that it was written or published by Jefferson Davis the 17th so this is direct link to the president of the Confederacy. Sam

thinks we're all impressed because he reads bullets and we... The name of the book is If I Did It and it's like, it happened. Jefferson Davis tried to lead a revolt against this great nation. This is all revisionist history.

You guys don't know anything. I think that it'd be funny to be a Civil War denier. That would be really funny. The Holocaust, we figured it out. The Holocaust ruled. I love it. Civil War, pure fiction. It didn't happen. Slow news day for four years.

You're at a clan meeting and there's a guy who's handing out pamphlets and it's like, the Holocaust didn't happen. And there's a bunch of other guys who are like, what? What the fuck? Bummer! No way! Leroy, come over here.

I gotta tell you, you're not gonna want to hear this. Remember that thing that we love? Yeah, yeah. It fucking happened, dude. God. You have to figure out something else we love? Yeah. It fucking happened, dude. God. You have to figure out something else that happened. Yeah. The New York Yankees.

Yeah. Yeah, they won all those World Series from 1939 to 1945. That'll do. It definitely happened. You guys are for sure on the side that the Holocaust happened. Oh, yeah. For sure. It's important to know.

I wasn't there. We may never know. Where are the shoes? They're in D.C. I saw those shoes. It is rough. Now, is this not funny? Does Complex do a shoe, like a Holocaust Museum shoe video?

BuzzFeed was in there with the soft music when two animals are friends. They do a fit check. They go with PJ Tucker and they're like, here's what you owe after the thing, but it's just a pile of all-cause shoes. And I guess

my question is, is that inappropriate to say on a podcast? Not on this one, baby. All bets are off. All pants are off take those pants off no one you're wearing basketball shorts last night that woman who's always trying to bang me was like you wear basketball shorts huh i was like no i wear five inch fucking athletic athleisure shorts i would never be caught dead in basketball shorts and she's like what are basketball shorts i'm like they hang to your knee they're big and baggy yeah yeah i like adam sandler small and that was you that started off amen and that was the conversation you had with

this lady who is this she hit you up no no she was at the gathering last night. Oh, with all the other clowns. What, your sister? No, not my sister. Oh my god. Not my wife. You piece of shit. Who's always trying to bang you? Everyone, dude. It sucks. You're talking about something. There were like three women. God damn town.

Women are just fucking ripping their crotch out and putting their wet pussies on the glass. They go see their There's a bunch of snails. They suction cup it. That sucks. I can't get a coffee in this town without someone dumping one out for a real one.

But you're talking about... I'm not going to sit here and do math with you. Right. I know, but the person seems like it would be inappropriate because this person is. Very inappropriate.

Yeah. Yeah. She knows your wife. She knows your wife. Knows her real well. Damn. It's Sarah B. I'm kidding.

No, it's the other person. Shut up. Yeah. Why do I bring anything up? You shut up. How about this? How about the next 20 minutes of the pod will suck because I won't be talking. Noah will be on his phone.

Noah, get off your phone. Noah, give me your phone. Or let me use your device. I'm texting. Do your mom to bring you home some sous vide egg bites? We're at my home, and no, those things don't exist anymore. They're really good. They have them still.

Do they still? Tim fed me one the other day. What are they? Sous vide egg bites. Shut up. That was a test. You're still on. Yeah, no, that was good. Yeah, that was fun. All right, well, I'm going was a test. Yeah, no, that was good.

I'm going to take off. Oh, no, wait. He fucking left. Yeah, well, and good riddance because if you'll recall. Now it's the Nathan and Noah show. We had a really good pod. We sure did. Sam was in Europe, denying the Holocaust. Oh, good.

It's Ray Romano. You can tell by the knock. He knocks like a guy who had a very successful podcast. Let's just not answer the door. You don't think so? Well, this is what happens. Ray wants to talk about, guess what?

Ray, that's all he wants to talk about. He doesn't want to do anything else. I can hear him. Literally, just let him in. No, you know, I'm sick hear him. Literally, just let him in. No, you know, I'm sick of it. Ray, we're doing a podcast. Yeah, we're doing a pod. Come back later. We can watch the 2 o'clock games together.

Who's up? The Cowboys or the Giants? Okay. That's not Ray. That's not Ray's knock. Oh, is it not? Is that? Let's answer it. Okay. Because it could be somebody cooler.

Okay, hello? Hello? Who the fuck are you? I, my name is Milos. Okay, hi Milos. I'm Noah. Noah. Milos Forman, Director of American Beauty?

One of those over the cuckoo's nest? He's from like former Yugoslavia. I figured you guys were going to open the door for the second guy. Yeah, the knock. You switched up the knock, but that was as far as you got. The knock's enough sometimes.

I thought we were going to do more with Ray. No, Ray sucks. Everybody hates Ray. Everybody hates Ray. Everybody thinks Ray sucks now. What was it called? Everybody loves Ray? Everybody fucks Raymond. He is like a world-renowned pederast. I knew that.

No one's talking about him. You're thinking of Milos. Milos. I'm Milos I came to tack your shoes back together I'm the shoe tackery did you come over with Sam from Europe? si I came in his pouch

I'm a little man no one can intimidate me physical I would never dare Miloš Miloš says hello would you like to see my dance that's cool you do third person Miloš yeah no that's a cool dance

cool very European yeah you're a cool dude Gourmand we were just talking about Paul Prudhomme earlier. Yeah. He's quite the gourmand. I would like to wear a little Hezbollah around.

Oh, Sam Speck. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on. Paint a fucking picture. Give up. I'm tired. It also hasn't been 20 minutes.

Shut your mouth. Oh, okay. He literally zipped his own mouth. Oh, that's crazy. I your mouth. Oh, okay. He literally zipped his own mouth. I'm back. You can't even handle being quiet. I don't want the pod to bomb. Tell us the thing. Let us flourish. December 28th.

We're filling up the car. Yeah, we sure are. We're going to go down to Albuquerque. We're going to watch the number 23 CSU Rams men's basketball team play the reviled and defiled New Mexico Lobos right there in the pit. You're going to get stabbed with a broken bottle. You're going to get killed. We're inviting every Chubby Chaser.

Yes. Come on down. It's Patrick Richardson's birthday. Noah's going to be there. We're going to paint his body. Amen. Lund's blowing off work. going to be there. We're going to paint his body. Amen. Lund's blowing off work. He's coming down.

We're picking him up in Trinidad. Let's go. We're renting out the Frontier restaurant in Albuquerque. Yeah, we're going to have so many tortillas, dude. Oh, my God, yeah. We're bringing Mark Maron. Sam's going to fly in Mark for the basketball game. He loves hoop.

Yeah, I'm going to be like, Mark, unlock the gates. Come through. Come through and with the gates unlocked. Your plane is waiting for you at gate 37. Yeah. Nice. Unlock it. I had a major defeat this weekend. Don't tell us about that.

Continue. No, no, no. I said go ahead. Lon loves when I fail. I actually do. I didn't hear you say defeat. I thought you said big feet. No, you love it when I'm just, you know, shown to be a human being. Yes. I'm taken down from on high where you put me on your pillar of heroes. I don't do that. Yeah, you do. You tell everyone. Yeah. You're my hero. Sam Kyle Rittenhouse.

End the list. So yeah. Congratulations. You're one of my heroes. It's the worst list in the Schindler's. That's why I responded to my dad's Christmas list. So yeah, congratulations. You're one of my heroes. It's the worst list in Schindler's. That's why I responded to my dad's Christmas list. You guys want to hear my dad's Christmas list? His wife, man. I don't know. A time machine.

Yeah. Here. Dave Xmas list. Not mandatory. Walmart plastic hangable bird feeder. A pack of four milligram nicotine gum. One package of high quality EGHP copy slash printer paper. Dear Lord.

Dear Lord. God, just put him out of his misery. He's got nothing left. Just give him a noose. It's also not mandatory, which is nice, too. You don't have to get any of those things if you don't want to. Sophie was like, I got him.

I don't want to say because you listen to the pod, but I got him something really nice, and I was like, cool. I got him Broncos. Yeah, I was standing there. She's like, you fucking piece of shit. How much are those? Those are like 10 grand or something. Yeah, but...

Why would you say your thing? Because of mine. It was a joke. I'm not going to get my dad Bronco season tickets. They're like 10 grand. I might get him fucking Air Force season tickets. Those are easy money. No, but I was invited by one Lance Bangs

to the Thrasher Skater of the Year party in San Francisco. Oh, but I was invited by one Lance Bangs to the Thrasher Skater of the Year party in San Francisco. I fucking couldn't go because trappings of my work. You had to go on a scavenger hunt. Tim was like, let's get a private jet and we'll fly to Boise tonight so we don't get COVID.

Boise. Boise. No. Boise. You don't say Boise. No one says Boise tonight so we don't get COVID. Boise. Boise. Yeah, Boise. No, that's wrong. No. Boise. You don't say Boise. No one says Boise up there.

You guys are both wrong. No, they don't. How do you say it? I haven't been told. Boise. Let's see. Is Milos still here? He hit it out.

I didn't see him going. You didn't see him going there? No. Milos, are you in there? Of course, I'm in there. Okay. He's it out. I didn't see him going. You didn't see him going there? Milos, are you in there? Okay, he's speaking in his own language. That sucks. Yeah, that was it. No, but I couldn't go to this rock and roll party, the coolest party in the world. Skateboarders ripping

around. Don't have a Milos swinging from a cord. Doing Christ stairs off of the second floor. where are you? Yeah. Milo swinging from a cord. Yeah. Doing Christ airs off of the second floor of the building. Christ airs are the funniest air. Just high scores

in Tony Hawk left and right. Yeah. Even Spam on it totally lost its luster. Chad Muska fucking rocking the backpack knocking shit off of tables. Yeah.

Champagne flutes everywhere. Hey, landing goofy. People just landing goofy left and right. I ride regular. Do you? Tell us about skateboard culture. You were embroiled in it.

Yeah. Well, you got the kickflips. Sure. You got grinding. Like if there's like a rail. Like a grind. You got your kickflips and your ollies you said kick flip already and then you also have like in time okay that's how long you would have to be in my pants

for a hundred dollars no way yeah i don't want to and i have just been filling these right i know i don't want to do it i know i don't want to do it insane to me no because you know what I mean I guess my point is is it's not even about the time repercussions no no it's being on a thing it's being published if we were all just shooting this shit like the boys we're just the boys and Sam was like no put my pants on your head for 15 seconds and I'll pay you $100 I'd be like yeah of course oh it's the commodification thank you and I don pay you $100. I'd be like, yeah, of course. Oh, it's the commodification. Thank you. And I don't want this to be like...

You don't want it cheap and you want a real experience. I, yeah, yeah, absolutely. That, but I also don't want like this to be like a theme or like a habit where, you know, you big, you know, grown men start to bring in some young, hot piece of ass comic

and you're like, hey, put my garments on your head or put this thing in your mouth and we'll give you some money because you did it. Patrick put the thing in his mouth and he's better off for it. Is he? How is he doing today? He's walking on sunshine. He's doing worse

for it because of you. Let me make fun of Patrick because last night we went to McDonald's and it was late and he ordered the classic bunch of food but a Diet Coke. Yeah. Which is hilarious.

He ordered 20 McNuggets, a large fry, and a Diet Coke. And a DC. While driving drunk at 2.30am. And then the capper, the topper, the Diet Coke was the setup. The punchline was fucking hot and spicy McChicken, no lettuce. That really got me.

I loved it. Like, God forbid you have a vegetable in there between your mayonnaise chicken sandwich. Yeah, you don't want anything between you and God. He's got a street going. Hasn't had a veggie since 2009. He's got a streak going. Hasn't had a veggie since 2009. He's got a streak going in his undies. I would not put his pants on my head. I would rather than mine.

No way. See, that scares me. My God. Let me get your pants on my head. I'm not giving you a hundred. Come on. You can pay me a hundred bucks for the right. For the pleasure, for the honor.

Yeah. I have to salute your pants. Yeah, salute my shorts. No way. If they were shorts, I would demand $50. Yeah, Patrick's order was insane. What was your order again? Nobody cares.

Yeah, they do. I had the same thing. I had a big salad with grilled chicken. A big salad. You had a parfait. No, you ordered from the back seat four McDoubles and four hot and spicy. That was between the two of us. Yeah, that was for Noah and me.

Still, you fired it off. We're ordering. We're order twins. Yeah, sure. You just did whatever he wanted. Noah heard what I wanted. You allowed him to put what he wanted inside of you. Noah heard what I was ordering and said, make it two.

Well, that's exactly what happened and um they didn't give patrick his mcnuggets and he pouted because he was making fun of the person yeah he kept being like damn she's spitting fire just a black woman just working at 2 a.m at mcdonald's and he's just being obnoxious like she repeated our order back perfect he was like bar sister bar, sister. Yeah, she's like the hardest working individual in the world. He's just being shitty, yelling at the guy in front of us. It was great.

It was a lot of fun. Then they didn't give him his McNuggets, but they gave us two extra McChickens. And I ate the both. Instead of letting him have it. You were so jealous that I had the fry bag last night. Well, because you were eating everybody's fries. I was not. There was four large

fries in that bag. But it's like, how are you supposed to know? A box and a half. I had six fries on the drive to the final back of your house. But how are we supposed to know? Just because you have the whole, everybody's fries are in there. You could just be like. When we got to the house and nobody was looking, I did some fry spy yeah and my eye found out that there was one full box and i took that

the rest of them were all yes decimate yeah you took the full box and the bag the bag is the real secret to the fry culture no i didn't i didn't fuck with the bag there might have been some that the fries spill out into the bag. Yeah, we know. And you guys gave me the fucking weakest amount of fries. Because I came back because I went to wash my hands because I'm not a fucking filthy little cum monster like all you guys. And meanwhile, I come back and there's

eight fries in my large box. And you guys are all laughing. You just forgot how much you ate. I took my fries. What did you do with your fries? You went to the sewing table and ate by yourself. I wanted to

stand and eat. You stand for your food. Oh yeah, I saluted those shorts for sure. I thought we should have last night capped off the evening by stripping Lund down, wrapping him in wrapping paper and putting him underneath the tree upstairs.

And then you say, you wake up your mom and dad, Mommy, Daddy, come forth. It's a Christmas miracle. And then they come down and you're like, unwrap it. I got this for you. And they unwrap it and it's Lund's nude sweaty body. Essentially a sex crime underneath the tree.

And then he's like, Merry fucking Christmas. Yeah, and he smells like cigarettes. He's smoking in the refrigerator. And he's already thrown up in the paper, so there's throat everywhere. Looks like a cab driver from Scrooge. Sometimes smoking makes me puke. Santa came early.

But also smoking stops the nausea. Stop smoking. Santa came for me. Gagging. Yeah, that would have been a better way to put that off. What are you doing? What? Screensaver?

No. Oh, good. So this has been all for naught? What are you? No, something popped on the screen. Was it a porno ad? It was a Domino's email. Let's take advantage.

How much Domino's do you literally have upstairs? It could be time-sensitive. I have three pieces from one pie. I saw three boxes in there. You're going to ask me a question. I'm going to answer the question. God damn it. There are three boxes up there.

There's one box that has three pieces of my pizza in it. The second box also has three pieces of another pizza in it. There are three boxes up there. There's one box that has three pieces of my pizza in it. The second box also has three pieces of another pizza in it. That's someone else's pizza. Those are for me. Those are for us. One of the pizzas I just said is for me. What about the third box? The third box is... You better not say

chicken wings. Decoy? It's not chicken wings. Is it booby trapped? Shut up! Is that why it was so easy to access? Because I opened it and it's C4. You ate it? not chicken wings is it booby trapped shut up is that the why it was so easy to access because i open it it's c4 g you ate it you ate out of it place mortar towards that i mean you ate this this is stale there's an ink pack in it and you open it just flats in your face the fridge is ruined yeah i love ink it turns out i'm a squid you guys find out I'm an octopus yeah well can you imagine Sam's an octopus this whole time

if I had eight dicks to fill you with that'd be nuts what would be crazier people finding out that you've been having an affair with me this whole time or that you've been an octopus I think a lot of people already assume that we're banging because they're like why else would we hang out with Noah I know

Noah has nothing to give nothing to give all to take yeah you keep taking from me i know well i'm a little uh a little spot yeah yeah you suck it all up you're my human snail trail amen and i know you've been uh snail trails. Why are you furtively shaking your head no? Because I don't know what you're going to say, but I'm certainly nervous. He's saying, uh-uh, not on my watch. Yeah, yeah. Okay. But I do.

To answer your question, though, it would be much more insane if people found out that I was an octopus. Right, okay, that was my question. I don't know why you asked that question. Of course it's the octopus thing. Right. I just thought it was a silly question. If people were like, oh my God, Sam's actually an octopus? Sam's been a cephalopod this whole damn time.

That's insane. He crushes. He's like the best octopus comedian in the world. But he is better in the water. Have you seen him stand up in the water? Maybe once or twice. It was a crazy show. Yeah. We flooded mile high like the coliseum yeah oh yeah in rome and then i also made this mistake yesterday on the first

flight i tucked my t-shirt which i thought was into my pants but it's actually into my undies and i was just farting on my t-shirt it wasn wasn't down to your asshole. Oh, it's a long t-shirt. It's a tall t-shirt. I only wear ghetto gowns. Yeah, so. It wouldn't have wrapped around to your freaking asshole. If I pull out this shirt, you'll think that a mime took his makeup off with it.

Sam, what clothing did you sleep in last night? I was none. Oh. What, you thought I slept in clothes? I just don't know, man. I just don't know. I texted Noah texted Noah come rescue me because I didn't want to walk out and have his mom be there smoking a long cigarette wearing her lingerie yeah room for one more yeah don't you think their bedrooms are funny and they look like they were decorated by like young boy magazine yeah it looks like writer strong but by like young boy magazine. Yeah. It looks like writer's strong.

The kid from boy meets world. Yeah. We have fun bedrooms. We've talked about this. We had a fun bedroom. It's funny. And we talked about it. Now I'm bringing Sam into this. You're being brought in. Tradition.

I had no decoration in my room growing up. Sorry. That was a sparse Zen Spartan lifestyle. No way. Who do you have? Kool-Aid man, Slimer from Ghostbusters. Representation. Gender heroes.

Yeah. Dylan Klebold, Eric Harris. You had the grainy school camera pictures of the two of them. Yeah. They're hiding their yearbook photos. Yeah, I had the footage from Columbine just playing on a loop. camera pictures of the two of them. Yeah. Their yearbook photos. Yeah, I had the footage from Columbine just playing on a loop. Like an installation.

The truth is out there. Well, it sounds like a beautiful room. I did it. I don't know. I don't know what that's about. I did it. Told you I do it. Deep cut.

Yeah, that was playing over the Columbine footage. Dave Matthews band. Do you remember DMV? Yeah, that was my first Red Rocks concert ever during the 2008 Democratic National Convention. I have a DNR. Do not rape. If I'm ever in a coma.

Who cares? Don't use my body. I didn't know you could actually put that on a document. Oh, yeah. That'd be crazy if I was in a coma and you came in and just used me. Finally. Oh, like in Kill Bill 1?

You're just that gross guy. I'm an orderly. I take what's mine i get okay yeah put him on your head noah i'll do it for five hundred dollars whoa whoa there's like rising in this room that's i it's like a different it's like steam rising in this room. It's like a different ecosystem. It's like a temperature chamber.

It was crazy when we opened the door this morning. It was so bad. I don't know why I would smell real bad in that shower. It's like the southern hemisphere. It's because you ate six burgers before bed and drank half a bottle of ketchup. Wrong.

You don't eat ketchup. You don't drink it. It's not a freaking... You were like, wouldn't it be funny if I drank a bunch of ketchup, guys? No, no, it wouldn't be funny. Yeah, I thought you guys were going to love it and you didn't care. You did anyway, though. Meanwhile, you're the condiment man and you get a fucking book deal.

We want the movie rights. Condiment man. It's in the want the movie rights. Condiment Man. It's in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Condiment Man goes to Monaco. Yeah, right. Just aioli everywhere. Yeah, you're going to be like Sandler and just be able to make movies wherever you want.

I would like to. I would like to have enough money to make the Noah Reynolds biopic. There's no happy ending in that one. We would get... God doesn't exist in that story. Who would play Noah in the biopic? Timothee Chalamet.

You think so? Probably. Yeah, but they'd have to make him all gross. I think Rocky Dennis. No. Eric Stoltz in the Rocky Dennis makeup. Yeah. I don't think so, just because he's ugly.

Well, it's trying to do it with red hair. Oh, yeah, but I think that's... You know who could play you? Ronald McDonald. Yeah, but he's... The Burger Clown. From McDonald's. Right.

No, but I don't think he has... The namesake. He does other stuff, too. He does plays. Yeah. No, but I don't think he would... The actor who plays Ronald McDonald. You see TED Talk?

TED Talk? Mm-hmm. Have I seen TED Talk? Yeah.? Have I seen Ted Talk? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, I liked it. Who would play us in the movie, though? The same guy? You guys think you're going to...

I think you guys are a big part of the biopic, the Noah Reynolds biopic. We're in there. What's the star power in your movie? Well, I didn't think any comedians were showing up at all. It's probably going to be my time in the army. So probably my... You want people to know what you did in the army?

Yeah. No, I didn't say I wanted people to know, but I'm saying it's about my life. It's a true telling. They used your sexuality as a weapon against the Yemeni public? Yeah. No. Who's going to play... They weaponized your lecherous libido. Yeah.

You know how the kid from Jerry Maguire grew up and was pretty normal? They wouldn't get him. They'd get Haley Joel Osment and dye his hair orange. Never saw Jerry Maguire, but I do love Cuba Gooding Jr. Are you kidding me? You never saw Jerry Maguire? Iire but i do love cuba good and junior kidding me you ever saw jerry mcguire i used to whack off to show me what the four second sex scene it's pretty hard it's all standing up it's all i need no whoa this is this is a whole new ball game uh all you need is four seconds and we were talking about this last night i also love radio that's probably one of my favorite sports that's my favorite comedy. Yeah.

I haven't seen radio. Have you really? No. It's awful. It's very sad. I like the sequel, The Blind Side. Yeah. And somebody said that.

If I'm going to watch somebody play a mentally handicapped person, I want it to be the real deal. Yeah, we'll just go to Sam's shows. We'll just literally buy tickets Nathan and Noah We should have that for the intro Nathan and Noah Nathan and Noah

Okay Sam's upset Sprinted crying With snot dripping out of his nose The snail trail So what do you want to talk about? Literally whatever Because I'm so stoked with snot dripping out of his nose. The snail trail. Yeah. So what do you want to talk about? Literally whatever, because I'm so stoked.

Yeah. This is like a breath. I mean, I can breathe. I've been breathing through my mouth, which is hard to do when you're also talking. But it was the only way that I could be in the same room as Sam. I don't think he showered in Europe. And he was like, nobody showers over here. And it's like literally everybody bathes and showers.

He just wanted to like have an excuse. He's like, oh, it's a cultural thing. Okay. Yeah. He was trying to teach us a lesson, but he just ran out into traffic and got hit by a car. So he's dead. And that's

canon. Oh, no. Oh no! Oh no! Guys! It's Sam from the other side! The other side isn't real, so you don't exist. Can you see me?

I can see you, yeah. I've taken this ethereal form to warn you. It's a regular form. You're so gross. You shouldn't have vilified me and made me run into traffic by being mean and calling me a retard. Oh, yeah. Did I say retard? You called me radio. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I did. You called me white radio. I already forgot about that. A.K.A. AM radio. Live from hell. It's Saturday night. Musical guests. Sugar Ray.

Forever. For a morning. Every morning. The guests. SNL who does Update in Hell Rafe Fines

he's still alive he's alive he takes the gig he's like yeah I guess I'll perform in Hell every day your cast members Pete Davidson Pete Davidson oh no day. Your cast members. Pete Davison.

Pete Davison. Oh, no. Pete Davison. Wait, I have a good guess. No Daryl Hammond? No. Chris Couture! Oh, shit. Rob Schneider? Schneider's on it. Schneider was even too funny.

He had a couple good characters. This is how we all talk in hell. Don Pardo.immy pardo jimmy door door man door to my heart dormancy that's what bears do everyone thinks they hibernate but they lay dormant oh yeah what was that all about that came out was that this year or last year? Everybody was blowing the lid off of that. That bears don't actually hibernate. It's some other thing.

They lay dormant. Why do we all think that they hibernate? Why was that law perpetrated? No, it's just crazy that everybody fought that. Why did we need a fucking scale of hibernation? Why was there a gradient? Was it like a simplification? Well, they wake up and they shit.

They have those plugs in their ass. They a bunch of like berries and hardtack before they go lay down so they plug up their ass but then like once or twice every period when they're laying dormant they get up and they dump whereas if you hibernate you're just out for the entire time and what hibernates nobody uh there's like certain like uh bacteria and protozoas that can exist in negative 140 degrees. What a fucking joke. They'll drift until they hit a thermal pocket on the ocean and they'll thaw them out and then they're back.

Sam's getting ready for his Joe Rogan interview. Why is everyone not willing to do Rogan? I didn't say anything. You're getting ready. You're smart. I'm smart. No.

It was a joke. Okay. Okay. You can say that again. Like, man, it's busy on April. Yeah. So is that true? The neighbors just see you running in and out of the house a thousand times.

I'm nude. Yeah. You're crying. Yeah. Ghosts are naked. you're running out nude and in with clothes on it doesn't make any sense that'd be great if you were haunted by a sexy ghost oh man all uh ghost busters i remember yeah she um that ghost made uh yeah dan akroyd come yeah that was cool. He had like an uwu face. I saw that as a kid. Didn't really know what was going on, but now I do. That's awesome.

He goes cross-eyed like your wife last night. Fellas, fellas, there's a ghost sucking my dick. She was so drunk. A ghost was blowing her. Yeah. She grew a dick. She was so drunk and violent that she became a man she was such a problem that she had to leave her female form

oh what a nightmare what a nightmare have we done this is an hour right probably all right no i'll plug what you got um just keep looking out for me man Keep No Be specific Don't be like generally Oh I don't know You want me to Like an Instagram Follow me

On my Instagram Are you looking up Your own Instagram At Official Noah Reynolds You know what we need Is an official in here To throw the flag on you

Uh huh 15 yards for sucking Yeah Personal foul On the offense So that is where You can follow me On Instagram need as an official in here to throw the flag on you. 15 yards for sucking. Yeah. Personal foul on the offense. So that is where you can follow me on Instagram. That's where I tend to post silly stuff. I'm also on Twitter. Lon, what's up with you? And you can follow me on Twitter

at the Noah Reynolds. And Nathan, what is up with you? So you should definitely come see me, Sam, Chris Sharpentier here if you're in denver uh thursday the 23rd denver comedy under black steve's on there it's in a weird church really i think i think you have to and this this is conjecture this might be proven false but i think in order to be a an assigned male at birth in this church you have to become a eunuch you have to have

your balls removed and if i'm wrong i'm dong i'm a dickhead but i'm pretty sure i saw that on the wall yeah yeah i'm actually i'm running i'm running after samson so yeah the 23rd great lineup me sam sharpie some other people bukele j, Jordan Dahl. It's a great roster. I thought it was just the fellas. I thought it was a good lineup. Maybe your wrist is on there. Yeah, we can fit under the door.

I've seen David in that place before. He can get all shapes and sizes in there. There's a garage door that can be used. We can get the crane guy. It's a church. It's not ADA compliant. You don't have to cut your dick off to see a show or to be on a show.

Just if you want to receive enlightenment, blah, blah, blah. If you want to ascend to the upper echelons of heaven, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to do plugs. Hair plugs? Good call nice you're going bald okay yeah i know it's super annoying it sucks no it looks good shut up actually did you get a diet did i get my hair done it doesn't look as great kick his ass i'm gonna have diarrhea in my hair

uh i'm so my toronto show december 30th is cancelled. Sorry everybody. As are the I'm pretty much home. No refund. December 23rd. I'll be at that show with the JV. And then I'm going to be out opening for Steven Crowder.

He would hate to have you open for him he wouldn't be able to dig his way out I love the crowd the crowd master I would like to get louder with chowder I would be screaming into a bowl of chowder Manhattan