Classic Audiobook Collection - Cupid's Cyclopedia by Oliver Herford ~ Full Audiobook [comedy]

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Cupid's Cyclopedia by Oliver Herford audiobook. Genre: comedy In Cupid's Cyclopedia, humorist and illustrator Oliver Herford (with fellow artist John Cecil Clay) turns the most unpredictable human subject - love - into a mock reference book that is equal parts dictionary, satire, and valentine. Framed as Cupid's own guide to romance, the book trots through the alphabet, offering brisk entries on everything from affection and adoration to jealousy, jilt, and kiss, each definition sharpened into a punchline or a sly bit of wisdom. Herford treats letters like zodiac signs, imagines origins for words with straight-faced absurdity, and skewers courtship rituals with a light touch that stays playful even when it gets pointed. The wit is joined by illustrations that act like visual asides, amplifying the jokes and giving the whole volume the feel of an old-fashioned gift book. After the A-to-Z tour, the mischief expands into Amoria, a tongue-in-cheek travelogue to an invented land where the customs of love are observed like anthropology. The result is a charming, quotable audiobook perfect for listeners who enjoy clever language, social comedy, and a whimsical take on the eternal complications of the heart. For ad-free listening try our premium subscription Chapters (Approximate) (00:00:00) Chapter 00 (00:01:31) Chapter 01 (00:46:18) Chapter 02 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cupidcycliopia by Oliver Herford and John Cecil Clay. Author's note It has long been the belief of the authors that love-making should be included in the regular curriculum of our schools. It seems to us the most important branch of co-education. How few of us know how to make love properly, and how very few, after making it, know how to keep it. So much depends upon the kind of love which is made. There are no artificial methods of preserving love, but the best kind will keep forever.

Few beginners know how to make the lasting kind, and many even of those with vast experience are still quite clumsy. The only way is to keep at it. We hope that this book will fill a long-felt want. Surely of all long-felt wants, the want of love, seems longest. It is for the earnest student of true love that we have compiled this cyclopedia. O'Herford, John Cecil Clay. End of author's note. Part 1 of Cupid Cyclopedia by Oliver Herford and John Cecil Clay. Part 1, letters A through Z.

A, the first letter placed by Cupid at the head of his alphabet, because it stands for Amor, Arder, Art, Affinity, Affection, Adoration, Affability, Angel, etc. Also, A is the easiest word to spell, with the exception of I. The origin of the form of our capital letter A is supposed to have been an Egyptian symbol, C illustration, representing two people. engaged in the ancient pastime called Kissen, which survives even at the present day. A, by many supposed to be the oldest of the alphabet, and constituting as it does the initial of Adam's name, was doubtless the only letter in existence at the time Adam learned to write.

The words, arc, antediluvian, ancestry, archaeology, and antiquity all support the above theory. girls like Adelaide Agatha, Agnes, Alice, Althea, Amanda, Amy, Angelina, and Arabella, whose initials fall in this letter will be attractive, amiable, artless, and in the opposite sex, most attracted by those of ardent, ambitious, and affable disposition. Absence The sixth sense arrived at by the exclusion of the other five, a powerful stimulant to love, see longing when combined with distance lends enchantment to the other five senses adamant masculine a very hard word see father admiration from admi the persian word meaning love and ration food food food food of love affinity feminine add at finise boundary at the boundary the one one meets around the corner alimony the fine for speeding in the joyride of matrimony

altar the forge where hearts are fused from the word halter to hitch a mount a foreign measure of love anchor the symbol of hope see english word anchor to long for angel see her appendix see last page arm the arm is a muscular string connecting the hand with the shoulder a man can give his arm without giving his hand coat of arms cupids heart-shaped shield ghouls pierced by an arrow argent crest on an olive branch a dove proper ringed door flappante ashes fashionable linton head-dress especially effective when combined with sackcloth a bowel a show-down in the game of love b b is supposed to take its shape from the popular and industrious insect known as the b c illustration others claim that its form is copied from the curves of cupid's bow in either case its chief characteristic is busyness b is a letter beloved of all bashful bouncing beautiful and bonnie all of which pleasing attributes are the natural inheritance of the girls to whose lot the initial bee shall fall c betty bella bertha bridget and belinda the most congenial qualities of the opposite sex will be bravery brawn briskness and brains baby a small thing somewhat resembling a cupid without wings bachelor neuter an immune balcony cupid's fire-escape beauty neuter an affection of the skin taking but not contagious most popular american export best best girl see her bill see coo bird see hat blush a weakness of youth and an accomplishment of experience

the pink of impropriety bond there are two kinds the united states bonds and cupid's bonds of the united state bravery equality looked for in man found in woman the personal adornment of a woman and the mental adornment of a man breach breach of promise suit a suit made to fit the devil but sometimes worn by cupid break to break to break hearts, popular pastime of the American girl. Brute. Neuter. A husband. C. C is the curliest of all the letters.

It takes its shape from the first golden curl, given as a love token by Cupid to Psyche when he found her again after their first quarrel, thus originating the Society of Psychical Research and the Engagement Ring. C. being the initial. of Cupid has many of his charming graces, being careless, coquettish, capricious, clandestine, clinging, and curious. These charms will also be found in the maids who follow the curly initial sea. Among the sea girls are the following, Chloe, Clorinda, Clarice, Clara, Clementine, Catherine, Constance, Cynthia, and Carol. The attractive qualities of their affinities

are candor, coolness, cynicism, cleverness, and cash. Cake. Wedding Cake, a saccharine monument to the memory of love. Care, the mother of thrift and the child of extravagance. If you do not take it before marriage, it will overtake you after. Caress, a sort of dope, very enjoyable. Cash, a sort of window-fassener to keep love from flying out. Cad

Masculine The other man Cat Feminine The other woman Chair A small ingeniously constructed seat For two people

Called after Jops the inventor The first chair was presented to Cassiopeia And now appears in the constellation of that name Cheese part of Cupid's menu Bread and Cheese and Kisses Clock A paradoxical Chapo

who is least in the way when it doesn't go company two consent see papa coup see bill courtship a picturesque gateway to a commonplace estate crowd three cure of love marriage curiosity the taper which lights the flame of love curl feminine a man trap verb to curl the dog curls up to sleep. The cat curls up to sleep. Even my lady curls up to sleep. Cynic. One who has been stung. D. The letter D dates from about 967 BC. Hippopotamia, one of Solomon's many wives, having been blessed with no children, had a little pet animal, presumably much like the modern lap-dog, of which she was very fond, and was forever exclaiming of it, isn't it dear? or isn't it darling solomon would invariably reply no doggone it and sometimes even no damn it then hippopotamia would smile disclosing two very lovely dimples realizing the usefulness of such words solomon created the letter d in order to be able to spell them in the hieroglyphics of the times it was written as this fragment will show the form being taken from

hippopotamia's little pet dog hydrophobia d has turned out to be one of the most useful letters in cupid's alphabet beginning as it does dearie ducky dreams delight determination and desire but it has an unhappy side in don't disappointment and despair the girls under these letters are all darlings see any one of them darling from dearling a little deer sometimes excessively dear dear dear beloved also expensive dawn a term for early morning used by people who don't have to get up defects what a woman loves a man for delusion hopes dressmaker desire loves partner dimple feminine a pitfall in a garden of blush roses dog-girl rhyme without reason generally written by puppies dough that which is needed a slang word for money dove a tender fow popular both in poetry and cookery books when too old to roast or broil may be served up in verse as the emblem of conjugal love dream feminine term used by a woman describing a hat mass term describing the woman used by the man who is destined to buy the hat duel the highest compliment to men can pay one woman duty a millstone sometimes mistaken by cupid for a heart what we expect in others e the letter e takes its shape from the elephant in whose symbolical anatomy it plays the most important part it is the belief of scientist that no animal has been responsible for more exclamations expressive of amazement

than the elephant the presence of ee in ejaculation extraordinary e gad enormous is directly traceable to the close relation of the letter to that popular pachyderm the the girls under e for instance edith eleanor elizabeth elsie emily emma esther eunice evangeline and evalina are distinguished for ease elegance excitability and economy and will be most attracted to the opposite sex by extravagance eccentricity and early rising escape divorce eternity oh i'll be down in a minute evil a while of the devil ever and forever the devil of a while excuse self-accusation experience an expensive tutor eyebrow a moustache worn over the eye an incentive to sonnets the form of the letter f was first discovered on an ancient fragment of pottery by a german archaeologist in the shape of a sandal on what is supposed to be the foot of achilles as will be seen in the accompanies as will be seen in the accompanying and cut, the heel of the sandal and the part covering what is known as the tendon of Achilles is peculiarly designed for the protection of that part of the foot, which was the only vulnerable spot in Achilles' foot. This can at best be accepted only as an ingenious

conjecture. F-girls will be frank, fragile, and fastidious, and those named Fanny, Felicia, Flora, Fidelia, Florence, Francis, or Flo, will find their affinities in those of the opposite sex who are fearless fickle and fantastic fainting obsolete a feminine manoeuvre fashion feminine the sum of all the virtues fig fig leaf a fall fashion of a false modiste see figure one first first love an appetizer first kiss much has been written about the exquisite joy of this still it is unsatisfying hence the second the third etc ad lib flirtation a way for two people who are not married to each other to pass the time as a matter of fact a flirtation isn't anything it's a thing to do and is really easier to do than to describe there are many sorts of flirtation the everyday or sidewalk flirtation is the commonest kind other very popular forms are the eye the eyebrow the fan the glove the handkerchief and the foot flirtation a natural attribute to woman but an easily acquired accomplishment in man forever love's promissory note subject to discount g the present form of the letter g is derived from the ancient babylonian symbol for g

the letter in its present shape is composed of only half of the babylonian symbol which is properly written g g or g g c c when we consider that without this letter there could be no girls in the world we should be thankful for g in fact we are in favor of its being made the national thanksgiving letter gertrude georgiana grace and all the girls of this letter will be glorious with their generosity gentleness grace and gaiety and cannot be won by gold or gems he who would win one of these must be guileless and go ahead garter see knee a species of serpent gas gaslight a a light often too weak for one and generally too strong for two the fainter the gas the braver the bow shakespeare girl the beginning of trouble an apple blossom in the garden of love gooseberry an unbidden fruit gossip nothing to speak of grass widow a grass widow is a widow which makes hay h the eighth letter of cupid's alphabet takes its form from the hittite symbol meaning an heir has been born to his house the symbol as shown in the cut represents two hittite gentlemen shaking hands the gladder-looking one is the proud father and is being congratulated upon the birth of his first son girls did not count for so much then as now in later symbolic writing this symbol came to stand for a pleasant or good natured greeting as shown in such words as howdy hittite howe north american indian howdy do new england hello telephonic and hail

it would be hard to reckon the immense amount of good this letter has done for without hell and headache how many of us would be good and oh the joys of life for without age where would happiness and the honeymoon be and where heart hope health and harmony girls under this sign will be handsome honest and home-loving but those named helen harriet henrietta and hannah seem to be easily hypnotized by hollow hypocritical humbugs of the opposite sex hooray happiness the mainspring of the good time peace heaven all in her eye heart the ticker in the bourse of love hearticulture see cupid's almanac hell an expression of petulance hesitation the thief of good times honesty a bunker in the game of love honeymoon the sugar on the bread of matrimony hope the child of care and the child of care and and pretty sister of despair. I. The letter I spells by itself the most popular word in our language,

though under Cupid's spell the word U is more thought of. You and I, being often the most happy of Cupid's combination, I is the most attenuated letter of the alphabet. By some, the letter I is supposed to have possessed originally a well-rounded and ornate figure, having been worn to its presence. thread-like shape by constant use in speech and writing when not acting in its popular capacity a first-person pronoun i is anything but popular as a letter standing as it does for indifference irksomeness insignificance industry and other uncongenial things i has a leaning to the cold and classic in its choice of females some of its favorites being iphigenia irene imogen eivius and illante to these ladies the most appealing masculine qualities will be irony idleness independence and impecuniosity i the most popular letter in the alphabet if the drawbridge to the castle of hope illusion loves taylor

and arts servant. Inc. The stuff that Bill's, books, and Billy Doe are made of. Innocence. A moral vacuum. J. J. We are confident, takes the shape from one of Venus's doves. We don't know which one, but we think it is the dove of peace, or possibly the turtle dove.

We are quite sure it is not from the ring dove. To strengthen our theory, we present here with, a cut of a fragment of a loving-kind. cup presented to cupid at a dinner given in his honor by the ancient and honorable society of psychic research just when we cannot tell for unfortunately the date is only left in part but it must have been long long ago when love was very young there has been much controversy over this fragment some claiming it to represent a j-bird and others a duck some an owl because of the moon in its eye but we are sure it's a love of a dove why because a jay bird is blue a duck has webbed feet and an owl a hooked bill it is a jolly letter and has been the beginning of much joy and foolish jealousy the worst thing it ever did was when it started the word jilt the men most attractive to such jolly girls as jane julia josephine jemima juliet and juliana are those of just but jovial disposition jealousy cupid's shadow jest see life life is a jest and all things show it i thought so once but now i know it gaze epigraph jilt an angel unawares originally jolt i e a jolt on the path of true love which never runs smooth

schopenhauer in his great work on dutch treats spells it chit and gives it as an obsolete past tense of the verb to chill joy the libretto of laughter june the time to make hay k the form of the letter k we traced to the assyrian cherubis figure of karubi the mighty who stood at the gateway of earthly happiness and guarded the pathway of true love it is strange that these composite boy-bird figures were also known as shedai the nearest word we have to which is the hebrew shadim devils unquestionably it is from the word carubi that we get our word cubid or cupid the girls under this sign are usually called catherine meaning pure or one of its diminutives kitty or kate they are always kind and extremely kissable while they are always kind and extremely kissable while they are always kind and extremely kissable while they are always the They are always kind and extremely kissable, while the men are apt to be keen, knowledge-seeker, and knightly. Keph, pronounced Keph, Arabic slang to loathe happily to invite one's soul, the action of doing nothing. Kindness, the larger half of the other boy's apple. King, the card that takes the queen.

Kismate, a young lady one is on kissing terms with. kizmet originally kizmet meaning good luck kiss a course of procedure cunningly designed for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous kissing see under moustache a pastime of the unmarried knee an adjustable animated settee designed for the use of ladies knowledge dame nature's lover not an entanglement L. Long, long ago, the god of love was supposed to dwell in the moon and was called Lamek, the moon god. From the sometimes startling effect moonlight had upon the sentimental, it was believed that the moonbeams were the arrows of the god of love, Cupid's arrows. Hence this symbol, C-cut, came to mean affection, and from it came the letter L, ranking very high in Cupid's alphabet, beginning as it does the most important word in the history of the world, love.

The symbol was usually found, as in Cupid's alphabet, following the symbol of Cupid and meaning that love follows in the path of Cupid. The Neo-Babolonian characters are the most sentimental ever known, as they are made up almost entirely of arrangements of this symbol slightly conventionalized. Lois, Laura, Leonora, Lucy, Lydia, Lucretia, Lucretia, Lucretion, louise and lucinda the women under this sign are languid luscious lackadaisical and loving while the men are usually named lionel and are light-hearted and lazy note it is interesting to note the chinese use of the same symbol surrounded by tears pronounced sim meaning heart lap a pillow sea gray here rests his head upon the lap of earth

lips the two edges or borders of the mouth the two fleshy or muscular parts composing the opening of the mouth generally used for kissing cussing and conversation loneliness an instigation the married man's meat the single man's poison lottery from lot state awry askew a cynical definition of marriage love a transitory derangement of all the five senses the chemistry of attraction lure cupids signposts not always safe to follow they may be found in many and fantastic shapes such as a bow of ribbon a stray ringlet a side-long glance a sigh or a breath of heliotrope m m is so ancient that no one really knows where it came from however because of of the fragment of the jar shown here, Seacut, found just outside the Garden of Eden, and representing two outsiders bargaining, the origin of this letter has been credited to the Hebrews, and is interesting in showing the politeness of these early people. Money, Moses,

and mercantile all strengthen this theory. Girls of this letter will be modest and will have merry and magnetic dispositions and will be most happy when married to masterful manly men of means the one thing to mar this letter is its connection with the word mitten marriage the conventional ending of a love affair a lonesome state memory a thing to forget with mirror her mirror cupid's cook stove misery lover of company modesty conscious purity mole the exception that proves the rule money see uncle monogamy sometimes spelled monotony moon a planetary old maid who busies herself about other people's love affairs and the recipient of love confidences mrs the o k of respectability mustache as kipling says kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt. The question was recently put before the ten million subscribers of the Perfect Ladies' Home Journal, every one of whom, without a single exception, replied that she did not know, never having eaten an egg without salt.

A masculine note, if she is an M-girl, you will be lucky, if her name is Melinda or Miriam or Mabel or Marantam or Marantam. or millicent or maud or mehidabel or magdalen or maria or minerva or marian or minna or margaret or matilda or marcia or marcia or martha or mary n is the sign of the negative and is found in the form of an eel on an ancient egyptian tablet from a lady refusing her hand in marriage and slipping out of it in a nice and graceful manner evidently the symbol of polite refusal en girls like nora and nancy annel will be nice and naive and sometimes naughty it is not a popular letter with men because of its association with nervous no never and numb nature dame nature the mistress of the house of life in which love is ever the favored guest neglect a breakfast food of life-aed neglect a breakfast food of love never a feminine sign of yielding no feminine for yes nothing the boundaries of the universe and of love number cupid's lucky number two o o has its origin in the wedding ring and is the symbol of eternity it seems to have been used by all the people of the earth as we find in the babylonian arcade

old aramean cypriot and practically in all writings of all times from its very shape it means happiness and content oh girls will be orderly and in olden times were fond of osculation the men are often odd ostentatious and overbearing oceans a minute measure of love oh an exclamation meaning this is so sudden onions should never be eaten alone opportunity an invitation of fate osculation a game of chance own to possess from onus a burden p p in its primitive form was the symbol of pairing being as the cut shows a a combination of you and i the sort of thing a bashful lover would carve on a tree or stone or scratch in the sand when taking a walk with his adored one it seems natural that it should stand for perfume poetry pastime pleasure passion panacea paradise and peace in cupid's alphabet to prevent the slightest breath of scandal it is always placed after the symbol of the wedding-ring the the girls who come within the pail of this letter see phyllis prudence pearl penelope pauline philippa phoebe or priscilla will be petite and pretty and will have perfect poise while the men will be polite and polished great posers and poker-players but pliable in the hands of woman passion the father of tenderness purity the mother of tenderness unconscious modesty see modesty passed something to be forgotten patience the tip time gives to the waiter pity loves half-brother pleasure true love's shadow

prudence said love how strange we never met before but now we've met i hope we'll meet no more q q as shown by this ancient bit of sculptor in its original hier form represented a lover's quarrel, and from the cast of features, presumably an Amorite. This proves it a very ancient origin, as in the early times the Amorites were the dominant race of Syria and Canaan, which are named on the oldest Babylonian monuments, the land of the Amorites. See Map of Amuria. There are plenty of Amorites in the world today, but they show not the slightest desire to congregate, but quite, to the contrary, can be found wandering off in pairs at the slightest pretext. Such words as quibble, quirk, quiz, quip, and querulous seem to strengthen the unpleasant

features of this letter. Fortunately, there are no Q girls. They would be very queer if there were. Question. Woman R. This form we find first used as the symbol of the seal of Rapsareas, chief of the eunuchs in the reign of Sinakurab, king of Assyria.

The symbol evidently represents Rapsaris at his daily task of watching the ladies of the royal Harim to see that they did not indulge too freely in sweetmeats. Some wit of the day twisted Rapsaris into Rabari in Assyrian to stretch, to rubber, and so a new symbol in the writing of the times was born and we have the letter Ravari. not the most cheerful letter in cupid's alphabet bringing with it as it does refusal regret remorse revenge please remit and that great hindrance to lovers reason girls under this sign combine the sweetness of the rose with the fire and depth of the ruby and will be most attracted to those in the opposite sex of reckless and roving disposition religion in the religion of love the cortis-aun is a heretic but the nun is an atheist richard garnet ribbon a rope in disguise rice the confetti of matrimony ring symbol of slavery romance once upon a time seldom twice rose the hardest working flower in love's garden ruffle a frill on the outskirts of good form

rule golden rule due unto others etc canonical extenuation of osculation s the story of s is sadness monday in the garden and a lovely day just enough air is stirring to rustle the leaves soothingly tuesday another such day wednesday if anything better thursday a wonderful day languorous with the perfume of flowers the birds never sang so sweetly the butterflies never seemed so brilliant the little silver brook fell into the lake with so soothing a sound and the drowsy hum of the bee was like a lullaby such a dreamy contentment seemed to pervade the whole garden like the breath of a rose a caressing zephyr sighed overhead and creaked ever so little the old sign-board nestled among the leaves the old sign-board with this inscription in quaint characters corendu se benegeseret adam looked up from where he lolled in the soft grass and smiled as at an old friend he stretched and drew a deep breath of content the day seemed the most wonderful he had known friday black friday they called it afterward broke clear and bright but on the horizon great piles of black cloud and far off the ominous muttering of thunder all nature seemed nervous and a tremble the breeze was fitiful and petulant and the hush of some impending evil hung over the garden the old signboard creaked sharply poor adam poor us there confronting him was this word in fresh bright paint skidoo see note that night it rained oh how it rained because this symbol ccut pronounced s like the hiss of a serpent can be traced back to the day the adams moved and which stood for sin scandal shame sorrow scorn satire suspicion scowl and selfishness people have been willing to accept adam's story

and the poor old serpent has been made the scapegoat in the whole affair we have gone very carefully into this matter and we find that adam was a lazy poet and dreamer and was put out of eden for not paying his rent the girls under s will be stylish sentimental sincere and simple in their tastes while the men will be silver-tongued and smooth note this quaint form of dispossess notice we find used all through the stone and iron ages. Secret. A feminine invention for the rapid dissemination of news. Sense. The safest fuel for the flame of love's altar. Sensitiveness.

A symptom. Sentiment. Betaker to the land of love. Tells you what to admire. Sigh. The rustle of a caged cupid's wings. Silence. If silence gives consent, how is it women marry?

Sin. a matter of opinion what other people do and we talk about sofa a receptacle for spoons spoon an arrangement for supplying nourishment to the love-sick suspicion a hair of the wrong color sympathy loves sister tea tea in adam's autobiography we find toward the end of the sojourn in the garden this symbol see cut on this page often used and always in this sense. And being an hungered, we went to the T and eight. Poetic translators of these lines have been pleased to call this symbol the tree of life, and weave a pretty story around it which fits in with Adam's falderal about the snake. We find, however, much used in the Phoenician hieroglyphs, the most ancient of all languages,

this symbol, the sign of the usurer or pawn shop. This unquestionably establishes our version of this garden story, C.S. The variation in Adam's way of writing the symbol is due either to that extreme sense of delicacy, which would naturally make him wish to disguise the unpleasant or to sheer laziness. He was such a poet. Girls fortunate enough to come under this letter will be ten. tender and true, and will be most attracted to tall, talented, temperate men. Telephone.

Love's telephone number. 2.1. Oh, heaven. Temptation. Woman, anything forbidden. A challenge, an invitation to don't. Tenderness, moonlight. 3. A crowd loves unlucky number. Time, woman's worst enemy.

A cure all. true love an old-fashioned sentiment trust a love-preserver on the ship of joy truth a very painful irritant two company you the old assyrians needing men for their many wars did not believe in race suicide the law therefore was that all men arriving at the age of twenty-three and not married must wear a yoke of wood about the neck until such time as they should wait read old bachelors were rare in assyria it is natural then that the yoke should have become a symbol of bachelorhood the cut herewith shows this symbol from a tablet from the epoch of yamrod u takes its form from the yoke and its sound from the assyrian m implying negation as shown in such words as unit until unsafe unacceptable unamiable unblemable unbroken uncalled undutiful unburied unfashionable unfeeling unfruitful unpoetic unmarried and unwise you girls are usually unsophisticated and unaffected and the men for them to marry should be useful upright and urbane un a cantankerous prefix which contradicts every adjective it meets union a combination of at least

two unmarried states. Us, the plural of you. V. V originated from an early representation of Venus, rising from the sea. This symbol was used upon the lady's entrance to all the public bazaes of the ancients. In Cupid's alphabet, in honor of his mother, this symbol was the last, and stood for veneration and virtue. But as customs changed, it became necessary to add the wedding symbol. from the fact that venus had five sweethearts came the use of the symbol to denote five valeria victoria virginia vivian vira and violet the lucky girls under this sign will be as sweet as the verbena and versed in every art to make the male heart vibrate violently the men will be vigorous but visionary and inclined to be fond of the vine vanity everything variety is the spice of love victim bridegroom w w comes from the very sacred and beautiful symbol of wedlock one cannot realize unless quite familiar with these ancient peoples with what reverence they held this symbol what poetry and romance surged through the mind of him who gazed upon it what fluttering of heart what dizziness yes the ancients loved marriage they adored it some of them were so devoted to it that they did it over and over again solomon for instance

at times the rush was so great that the clerks in the office of record would get behind in their work and in their haste would neglect to make the hole in the wedding-ring showing the bride-guerite would neglect to make the hole in the wedding-ring showing the bride-guerite groom's hand sew in the symbol and giving the opportunity for someone to advance the theory that this symbol did not mean marriage but represented the doctor offering a pill to his patient meaning sickness this is absurd w girls will be wholesome winning and wise and will be most happy when wedded to men of wealth waste the equator of heaven webb annette an entanglement doubtless from the the German vibe, woman, wedding, a necessary formality before securing a divorce, widow, the most dangerous variety of unmarried female, wife, a darning attachment for the domestic machine, woman, the last but not the least of all created things, an afterthought. X. X comes from Cupid's own mark, used by him in the day before writing was invented, and everybody had his own or her own peculiar mark to sign checks, IOUs, and love

letters. We are indebted to the British Museum for allowing us access to their treasure chambers. There we find this mark on many dainty billadou left upon Psyche's dressing-table by Cupid. The symbol for many centuries of true love, and many variations of it, were used such as, I am overjoyed. I have the blues. Fly with me. Meet me. Meet me by moonlight.

Let us be married. I love you not. Do you think you can support a wife? I will come to-night. I leave town to-morrow. Come back. I love you. Ex-girls are usually thought of

with great tenderness by a man, but they are sometimes a considerable annoyance as, for example, Xanthropy. why a derivative of whys we show here the central figure from a decoration over the entrance to the temple of cupid and naturally supposed to represent the high priest pronouncing the wedding blessing with this before us it is easy to understand why why is the parent of such words as yearn yea yielding yes and yoking another poetic-minded archaeologist has tried to persuade us to his theory that the romantic ancients who were for ever giving human form to things symbolized in this figure the waterfall his theory is without foundation why girls will be ever youthful and are rare as itrium they should be much thought after by you men yes cupid's password yesterday regret you whoever you are youth the time we wasted cupid's holiday season

z the symbol shown here from an ancient roller seal dating back to the earliest days of the turkish race shows its owner worshipping at the shrine of cupid hence the word zealot the arrangement of his hair shows him to be a bachelor'sseal so presumably he is beseeching Cupid's aid in some amour. A very similar figure is used in later symbolic writings, supposed to represent Zuxis, kneeling before one of his own paintings, and stood for egotism and conceit. We also have the same form used, so z, symbolizing the path of true love,

originally written Z-D-L. End of Part 1 Part 2 of Cupid Cyclopedia by Oliver Herford and John Cecil Clay. This Liberbox recording is in the public domain. Part 2, Amoria. Amoria is the most ancient and honorable country upon the earth's surface, and is, without question, the most intensely populated. It is a green and fertile country, and the principal occupation of its people,

is horticultural husbandry. The form of government is home rule, and to become a citizen, although born in the country, it is required that at least one complete journey be made from end to end of the country's principal highway. This at first seems an odd requirement, but there is good reasoning behind it. First, as this great highway, known as the path of true love, in its devious windings touches practically every portion of the kingdom the trip is likely to open the traveller's eyes and teach him much of the resources and conditions of the country he wishes to call his own second as the road is rough and in places sometimes seemingly impassable the trip will test the determination and stability of the most hearty turn to the map and we find a mind amoria bounded on three sides by misanthropia the state of indifference and the sea of oblivion emptying into which the quarrel river forever pours its flotsam and jetsam on the upper side you will see it is bounded by the edge of the map this is because it is too cold in that direction to sustain human life

reader's note here in the text occurs a map which is amply described in the text that follows end note let us now follow upon the map the course of this historic road far up in the corner of the map we find mount curiosity its snow-capped peaks lost in the soft gray veil of mist that has prevented the scientist from determining its greatest heights the ascent of the mountain is usually made on the side where it comes nearest to the state of indifference see note why here a well-known path known as the path of least resistance takes one by such a gradual and a natural and a way-one path known as the path of least resistance takes one by such a gradual and a way and agreeable route that little or no effort is realized in the climb and it is usually a surprise when just a little below the frost line one comes suddenly upon a little plateau high high in the heavens here the air is salubrious and the temperature even the view is so wonderful in the early dawn that the most phlegmatic will become enthusiastic this little plateau is known as the plateau platonic, and is quite flat. In spite of its beauty and charm, few travelers are satisfied to rest year long. In leaving the plateau, one must have a care, for there are two paths quite similar in appearance, one leading up the mountain to nowhere and loneliness, and the other the commencement

of the path of true love. The careful traveler need not mistake the path, for besieging beside the entrance at about the height of a man's heart and nailed to a great oak is a crudely fashioned hand with finger pointing the way this is called the hand of fate alas too few take the trouble to look for this guide and many take the wrong path while those who by sheer luck take the right one are easily discouraged because of the very uncertain condition of mind they soon find themselves in. These usually lose heart before going a long way, or in their careless method of progress, take some wrong turning and come to a swift and bad end. But we will follow the progress of the traveler who believes in signs. It is hard to describe those first impressions as one comes swinging down the mountainside, and sees winding far out and across the verdant valley of dreams, dotted here and there with its picturesque castles the path of true love like a silver thread it seems so bright and pure and off to the right there is such a happy pink glow in the sky that one usually finds himself humming some old love-song

luckily the traveller who puts a clover in his button-hole while crossing the valley of dreams for all too soon the cold winds that sweep across the lake in difference and make the trip around it a perilous and discouraging one will be chilling his marrow he will need both courage and luck when rounding the upper end of the lake he comes upon the rough and rocky stretch of road running along the edge of a fearful precipice which overhangs the lake and is known as the height of indifference here one false step and all is lost past this danger the road turns from the lake but the traveller has hardly time to congratulate himself upon the warmer conditions when he is confronted by a most disconcerting range of mountains known as the mountains of opposition if you do not cross the mountains the mountains will double cross you so push on and with tact and determination they will be overcome the mountains passed a smooth bit of road is reached and brighter weather that after the lowering clouds the storms and many obstacles met with in the mountains will likely mislead the traveller into thinking his troubles over light-hearted he will push forward hurriedly taking little heat of the fast increasing cold fortunately just at the edge of the map and just upon the longitude of respect the road takes a sudden sharp turn but it is almost from bad to worse for it plunges the traveller into the forest of misunderstanding a dark and dismal place that will fill the strongest with misgivings the only way is to stick close to the road

this is sometimes hard in the darkness as there are many by-paths travellers once off the correct road have been known to wander for years without once seeing the sunlight about half-way through the forest there is a road turning to the right it seems the easier way dipping down as it does into a little valley and across a turbulent little stream beyond which it disappears from sight in the tangle of brilliant foliage covering mount folly unhappy he who takes this turn for there is many a slippery stone in the bed of this stream and the crossing is not a happy one if one would turn back at the first slip but human nature is stubborn and few do besides there seems little choice between the dismal forest behind and the lure of mount folly ahead folly lasts but a day however and the foliage soon loses its attractive coloring the foolish wayfarer then pushing on finds himself again confronted by the turbulent stream but easier to cross this time a little way further the path ends at what appears to be a refreshing spring it is the spring of untruth and he who lies to drink of its waters will ever be a slave of the drug again as one is nearing the edges of the black forest is another road leading off to the left and to the spring of mistrust turn not aside nor drink of this spring its waters are bitter and this turning but takes one back into the depths of the dismal forest emerging from the black forest of misunderstanding the road winds across a fertile and easy-going prairie land twice crossing the acid waters of bicker brook see note twenty three and crossing the quarrel river takes its course along the foot of what by many is considered the most beautiful mountain in amoria mount

unselfishness the going is easy here and when one comes to a little road branching off and running right up the mountain-side he is apt to feel very little inclination to take it nearly every traveller knows by hearsay that this is a shortcut one should take but standing at the foot of the mountain with a broad smooth road on one hand and this little used difficult mountain path it is hardly more than a blazed trail on the other it is much to the traveller's credit who attempts it at all quite a few do however begin the ascent but almost without exception have not the strength to continue and turn back to the main highway only to be shortly plunged again and again in the cold and caustic waters of the quarrel river as the road crosses and recrosses it there are no bridges here and many a poor traveller becomes exhausted in the mad battle with the current hopelessly loses all self-control and is carried away to be lost in the sea of oblivion at the river's mouth is lost hope island this is really nothing more than a bar and superstition has it that there on stormy nights when the tide is coming in congregate those poor lost souls and it is claimed on good authority that the discords of their morrow songs can be heard even as far as the edges of the desert of absence after these several crossings of the quarrel river the road again becomes easy and travel should be a pleasure but the traveller is weary from the recent struggle with the river and is almost thankful for the flat stretch of road where it first crosses the desert of absence it were often better if this bit of road were longer for before the first the road were longer for before the first the road of the road was longer for before the first the road of the road of the road of the road was longer for before the the traveller entirely regains his former vim he is deep in the unhealthy mists and quicksands of the slew of despond and it is in a very weakened condition that he commences the second crossing of the desert of absence

in this condition is it strange that one loiter in the oasis of flirtation the one bright spot in an otherwise dull desert but an oasis and a flirtation but an oasis and a flirtation have their limits and when once thirst is satisfied one wants to move on and well this is for the traveller on the path of true love for only a little and the desert is past and the road leads for many happy miles through the sweetest and most beautiful meadow-land where the warm sunlight the songs of the birds and the sweet odor of new mown hay repay one for all the hardships of the past and so stimulate the traveller that he strikes out upon the third crossing of the desert of absence with a light step and a song in his heart and though the trip is longer it seems far shorter than either of the previous crossings so happy indeed has he been and with the soft airs of the desert making his heart grow fonder the way seems so easy that the sudden obstruction of two of the lesser spurs of the mountains of opposition fill him with misgiving and the valley between them is well-named blue valley see note thirteen in such a condition of mind the traveller plunges down the mountain-side and is soon deep in a great gloomy forest not likely to raise his spirits but rather calculated to depress them still more imagine then the elation when bursting at length from the depression of the forest of gloom the traveller sees before him that transcendently beautiful mountain mount hope well may he hold his breath and gaze in rapture for before him rises the most beautiful mountain in all the world

and will ever be as long as life lasts with its velvety slopes and shaded dells its little silver rills tinkling down the mountain-side sounding like like fairy laughter through the trees, the gently stirring air freighted with the perfume of myriads of fragrant blossoms, and overall a tender rose-colored glow reflected from the soft, pinky clouds that forever tenderly rests upon the mountain-stop, it is indeed the most beautiful of nature's jewels. So it seems, with hope so long deferred, to that tired-eyed struggler upon love's highway, often heart-sick and oppressed by the vicissitudes of the way, for here he may rest, and, gazing again out over the dear valley of dreams, rejuvenate the yearning, the ambition, and the determination that have brought him through so much. To these he must now add hope,

and so equipped and refreshed, he dashes a second time through the forest of gloom, and though confronted by the most stubborn and rocky section known as the parent peak in the entire range of the mountains of opposition his past experience and his added strength carry him over with little effort and coming down the last steep slope his heart gives a bound as his eye follows the smooth roadway stretching invitingly across a nearly level expanse of well-cultivated country thickly dotted with the happy homes of those who had once been travellers like himself if he be not short-sighted he is able to see even as far ahead as to where the road and his lonely journey end in heavenly mount hart's desire as he passes along many a cheerful face smiles out at him from the doorways and many a cheerful word of welcome and greeting encourage him to his him to hasten the smiles of the rosy-cheeked children seem especially sweet to him the journey's end the goal is reached not remains further for the traveller now except the oath of allegiance which is performed with considerable ceremony in the little church just around the corner to the left note mount hart's desire is of an attractive shape and thickly surrounded by orange blossoms no two travellers agree as to its height but we are of the opinion that it must be about five feet three or four inches within it is a little shrine called trust which is the duty of every worshipper to protect note why it seems more than a mere coincidence that the path of least resistance should run up mount curiosity on the side nearest to the borders of the state of indifference

and there is a very ancient tradition that the first person to make the ascent came from that easy-going country we believe this tradition to be another very very very ancient tradition that the first person to make the ascent came from that easy-going country we believe this tradition to be another version of the adam and eve story and feel that it conclusively proves us right in our calculations as to the exact location of the garden of eden we claim it was situated in that part of the state of indifference near to and in full view of mount curiosity and that adam was the first man to make the climb we also believe that adam became lost on the mountain-side and never returned to eden and that the path of true love gives a pretty good idea of his subsequent wanderings of which so little heretofore has been known at any rate vast numbers from the state of indifference make the ascent of mount curiosity every year and many of our best citizens have come from that state note twenty three at this point after the more or less extended journey through the unhealthy forest of misunderstanding the traveller must have a care especially if he be of a sensitive nature for the shock of the first plunge through bicker brook will often throw one into a distemper or fever some going absolutely out of their heads wander far afield herein lies a grave danger because of the nearness of the road at this point to the boundaries of misanthropia which state is little more than a barren waste the peculiar mental attitude of its inhabitants gives strength to the theory advanced in amoria that its population is made up of those poor fever-ridden souls who have wandered from the path of true love and gone quite mad

note thirteen the higher one climbs the dollar the thud so with the traveller who has been dreaming across sweet meadowland and balmy wastes when suddenly confronted by a renewal of obstacles which his optimism had made him believe passed for ever and it is in a nervous and uncertain state of mind we find him groping his way through the mists that always fill blue valley here is a great danger for with the steep mountains on three sides the traveller if he once stumbled from the road is apt to follow the depression of the valley until morbid and benumbed he wander into the state of indifference the same danger in a lesser degree is lurking in the forest of gloom appendix the appendix has been removed of part two.