Classic Audiobook Collection - The Clouds by Aristophanes ~ Full Audiobook [comedy]

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

The Clouds by Aristophanes audiobook. Genre: comedy In Aristophanes' sharp and playful comedy The Clouds, Athens is buzzing with new ideas, clever talkers, and fashionable philosophies - and one desperate man hopes to use them to save his skin. Strepsiades, a harried farmer buried under debts from his son Pheidippides' expensive tastes, hears of a strange school run by the infamous thinker Socrates. At this 'Thinkery,' students learn how to argue any side of any question, turning words into weapons and logic into loopholes. Convinced that a well-trained tongue can outwit his creditors, Strepsiades tries to master the art of argument - or, failing that, to recruit his son to do it for him. Presiding over it all is a surreal Chorus of Clouds, shifting between divine spectacle and biting commentary as old traditions collide with new learning. As father and son are pulled into a contest between 'Better' and 'Worse' arguments, the play skewers intellectual fads, public education, and the temptations of moral shortcuts. Funny, inventive, and surprisingly uneasy beneath its jokes, The Clouds asks what happens to a society when persuasion matters more than truth. For ad-free listening try our premium subscription Chapters (Approximate) (00:00:00) Chapter 01 (00:35:19) Chapter 02 (01:08:04) Chapter 03 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

the clouds by aristophanes part one scene the interior of a sleeping apartment strepsiades phidipides and two servants are in their beds a small house is seen at a distance time midnight strepsiades sitting up in his bed ah me ah me o king jupiter of what a terrible length the nights are will it never be day and yet long since i heard the cock my domestic are snoring but they would not have done so heretofore may you perish then o war for many reasons because i may not even punish my domestics neither does this excellent youth awake through the night but takes his ease wrapped up in five blankets well if it is the fashion let us snore wrapped up lies down and then almost immediately starts up again but i am not able miserable man to sleep being tormented by my expenses and my stud of horse and my debts through this son of mine he with his long hair is riding horses and driving curricles and dreaming of horses while i am driven to distraction as i see the moon bringing on the twentieth's for the interest is running on boy light a lamp and bring forth my tablets that i may take them and read to how many i am indebted and calculate the interest enter boy with a light and tablets come let me see what do i owe twelve mena to passias why twelve mean i to passias why did i borrow them when i bought a blood-horse ah me unhappy would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stone first phidipides talking in his sleep you are acting unfairly philo drive on your own course strepsiades this is the bane that has destroyed me for even in his sleep he dreams about horsemanship

phidipides how many courses will the war chariots run strepsiades many courses do you drive me your father but what debt came upon me after paseus three mini to aminius for a little chariot and pair of wheels phidipides lead the horse home after having given him a good rolling strepsiades o foolish youth you have rolled me out of my possessions since i have been cast in suits and others say that they will have surety given them for the interest phidipides awakening pray father why are you peevish and toss about the whole night strepsiades a bailiff out of the bedclothes is biting me phidipides suffer me good sir to sleep a little strepsiades then do you sleep on but know that all these debts will turn on your head phidipides falls asleep again alas would that the matchmaker had perished miserably who induced me to marry your mother for a country life used to be most agreeable to me dirty untrimmed reclining at random abounding in bees and sheep and oil-cake then i a rustic married a niece of megacles a son of megaclese from the city haughty luxurious and kiscerified when i married her i lay with her red lint of new wine of the cheese-crate and abundance of wool but she on the contrary of ointment saffron wanton kisses extravagance gluttony and of colias and genitalis i will not indeed say that she was idle but she wove and i used to show her this cloak by way of a pretext and say wife you weave at a great rate servant re-enters servant we have no oil in the lamp strepsiades ah me why did you light the thirsty lamp come hither that you may weep servant for what pray shall i weep

strepsiades because you put in one of the thick wicks servant runs out after this when this son was born to us to me forsooth and to my excellent wife we squabbled then about the name for she was for adding hippos to the name for she was for adding hippos to the the name xanthippus or caripus or callipides but i was forgiving him the name of his grandfather phidonides for a time therefore we disputed and then at length we agreed and called him phidipides she used to take this son and fondle him saying when you being grown up shall drive your chariot to the cities like megacles with eurystus but i used to say nay rather when dressed in a leathern jerkin you shall drive goats from phalias like your father he paid no attention to my words but poured a horse-fever over my property now therefore by meditating the whole night i had discovered one path for my course extraordinarily excellent to which if i persuade this youth i shall be saved but first i wish to awake him how then can i awake him in the most agreeable manner how phidipides my little phidipides phidipides what father strepsiades kiss me and give me your right hand phidipides there what's the matter strepsiades tell me do you love me phidipides yes by this equestrian neptune strepsiades nay do not by any means mention this equestrian to me for this god is the author of my misfortunes but if you really love me from your heart my son obey me phidipides in what then pray shall i obey you strepsiades reform your habits as quickly as possible and go and learn what i advise phidipides tell me now what do you prescribe strepsiades and will you obey me at all phidipides by bacchus i will obey you strepsiades look this way then do you see this little door and little house phidipides i see it what then pray is this father strupsiades this is a thinking shop of wise spirits there dwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade people that it is an oven and that it encompasses us and that we are the embers

these men teach if one give them money to conquer in speaking right or wrong phidipides who are they strepsiades i do not know the name accurately they are minute philosophers noble and excellent. Vydipides. Bha! They are rogues. I know them. You mean the quacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footed fellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates and Chirophon. Strepsiades, hold, hold, be silent. Do not say anything foolish. But if you have any concern for your father's patrimony, become one of them, having given up your horsemanship. Fidipides, I would not, by Bacus, even if you were to give me the pheasants which lay Ogoerus rears. Strepsiades, go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and be taught.

Fidipides, why? What shall I learn? Strepsiades, they say that among them are both the two causes, the better cause, whichever that is, and the worse. They say that the one of these two causes, the worse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side. If, therefore, you learn from me this unjust cause, i would not pay any one not even an obulus of these debts which i owe at present on your account phidipides i cannot comply for i should not dare to look upon the knights having lost all my colour strepsiades then by series you shall not eat any of my good neither you know your blood horse but i will drive you out of my house to the crows phidipides my uncle megacles will not permit me to be without a horse but i'll go in and pay no heed to you

exit phidipides strepsiades though fallen still i will not lie prostrate but having prayed to the gods i will go myself to the thinking-shop and get taught how then being an old man shall i learn the subtleties of refined disquisitions i must go why thus do i loiter and not knock at the door knocks at the door boy little boy disciple from within go to the devil who it is that knocked at the door strepsiades strepsiades a son of fidon of cechina disciple you are a stupid fellow by jove who have kicked against the door so very carelessly and have caused the miscarriage of an idea which i had conceived strepsiades pardon me for i dwell afar in the country but tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry disciple it is not lawful to mention it except to disciples strepsiades tell it then to me without fear for i hear him come as a disciple to the thinking-shop disciple i will tell you but you must regard these as mysteries socrates lately asked chirophon about a flea how many of its own feet it jumped for after having bit the eyebrow of chirophon it leaped away on to the head of socrates strepsiades how then did he measure this disciple most cleverly he melted some wax and then took the flea and dipped its feet in the wax and then a pair of persian slippers stuck to it when cooled having gently loosened these he measured back the distance strepsiades oh king jupiter what subtlety of thought disciple what then would you say if you heard another contrivance of socrates strepsiades of what kind tell me i beseech you disciple chirophon the svetian asked him whether he thought gnats buzz through the mouth or the breach strepsiades what then did he say about the nat disciple he said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and that the wind went forcibly through it

being slender straight to the breech and then that the rump being hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part resounded through the violence of the wind strepsiades the rump of the gnats then is a trumpet oh thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness surely a defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the intestine of the nap disciple but he was lately deprived of a great idea by a lizard strepsiades in what wait tell me disciple as he was investigating the courses of the moon and her revolutions then as he was gaping upward a lizard in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof strepsiades i am amused at a lizard's having dropped on socrates disciple yesterday evening there was no supper for us strepsiades well what then did he contrive for provisions disciple he sprinkled fine ashes on the table and bent a little spin and then took it as a pair of compasses and filched a cloak from the palestra. Strepsiades. Why then do we admire Thales? Open, open quickly the thinking shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the door.

The door of the thinking shop opens, and the pupils of Socrates are seen all, with their heads fixed on the ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the air in a basket. oh hercules from what country are these wild beasts disciple what do you wonder at to what do they seem to you to be like strepsiades to the spartans who were taken at pylos but why in the world do these look upon the ground disciple they are in search of the things below the earth strepsiades then they are searching for roots do not then trouble yourselves about this for i know where there are large and fine ones why what are these doing what are these doing are bent down so much. Disciple, these are groping about in darkness under Tartarus. Strepsiades, why then does their rump look toward heaven? Disciple, it is getting taught astronomy alone by itself, turning to the pupils, but go in lest he meet with us. Strepsiades, not yet, not yet, but let them remain, that I may communicate to them a little matter of my own.

Disciple, it is not permitted to them to remain without in the open air for a very long time. The pupils retire. Strepsiades discovering a variety of mathematical instruments. Why, what is this in the name of heaven? Tell me. Disciple, this is astronomy. Strepsiades, but what is this? Disciple, geometry. Strepsiades, what then is the use of this?

Disciple, to measure out the land. Strepsiades, what belongs to an allotment? Disciple, no, but the whole earth. Strepsiades, you tell me a clever notion, for the contrivance is democratic and useful. Disciple pointing to a map. See, here's a map of the whole earth, do you see? This is Athens. Strepsiades, what say you? I don't believe you, for I do not see the diecast sitting. Disciple, be assured that this is truly the attic territory. Strupsiades, what? by where are my fellow tribesmen of Sikina? Disciple, here they are, and Euboya here, as you see,

is stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great distance. Strepsiades, I know that, for it was stretched by us and Pericles. But where is Lacedaemon? Disciple, where is it? Here it is. Strepsiades. How near it is to us. Pay great attention to this to remove it very far from us. Disciple, by Jupiter, it is not possible. Strupsiades, then you will weep for it.

Looking up and discovering Socrates, Come, who is this man who is in the basket? Disciple, himself. Strepsiades, who's himself? Discius, Socrates. Strepsiades, oh, Socrates, Come you, sir, call upon him loudly for me. Disciple, nay, rather, call him yourself,

for I have no leisure. Exit, disciple, Strupsiades, Socrates, my little Socrates. Socrates, why callest thou me, thou creature of a day? Strepsiades, first tell me I beseech you, what are you doing? Socrates, I am walking in the air and speculating about the sun. Strepsiades, and so you look down upon the gods from your basket and not from the earth? Socrates, for I should not have rightly discovered things celestial if I had not suspended the intellect, and mixed the

thought in a subtle form with its kindred air but if being on the ground i speculated from below on things above i should never have discovered them for the earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditative moisture water-cresses also suffer the very same thing strepsiades what do you say does meditation attract the moisture to the water-cresses come then my little socrates descend to me that you may teach me those things for the sake of which i have come Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket. Socrates, and for what did you come? Strepsiades, wishing to learn to speak. For by reason of usury and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged and plundered, and have my good seized for debt. Socrates, how did you get in debt without observing it?

Strepsiades, a horse disease consumed me, terrible at eating, but teach me the other one of your two causes. that which pays nothing, and I will swear by the gods. I will pay down to you whatever reward you exact of me. Socrates, by what gods will you swear? For in the first place, gods are not a current coin with us. Strupsiades, by what do you swear? By iron money, as in Byzantium? Socrates, do you wish to know clearly celestial matters what they rightly are? Strupsiades, yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible. Socrates, and to hold converse with the clouds are divinities?

Strepsiades, by all means. Socrates, with great solemnity, seat yourself then upon the sacred couch. Strepsiades, well, I am seated. Socrates, take then this chaplet. Strupsiades, for what purpose a chaplet? Ah, me. Socrates, see that you do not sacrifice me like Athamas. Socrates, no, we do all these to those who get initiated.

Strepsiades, then what shall I gain prey? Socrates, you shall become in oratory a tricky knave, a thorough rattle, a subtle speaker, but keep quiet. Strepsiades, by Jupiter, you will not deceive me, for if I am be sprinkled I shall become fine flower. Socrates, it becomes the old man to speak words of good omen and to harken to my prayer. O sovereign king, immeasurable air, who keep us the earth suspended and through bright ether, and ye august goddesses the clouds, sending thunder and lightning arise, appear in the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker. Strepsiades, not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest I be wet through, to think of my

having come from home without even a cap, unlucky man. Socrates, come then ye highly honored clouds, for a display to this man, whether ye are sitting upon the sacred snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of father ocean form a sacred dance with the nymphs or draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the nile or inhabit the meiotic lake or the snowy rock of mimas hearken to our prayer and receive the sacrifice and be propitious to the sacred rites the following song is heard at a distance accompanied by loud claps of thunder chorus eternal clouds let us arise to view with our dewy clear brights nature, from loud-sounding father ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty mountains, in order that we may behold

clearly the far-seen watchtowers and the fruits and the fostering sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea, for the unwearied eye of ether sparkles with glittering rays. Come, let us shake

off the watery cloud from our immortal forms, and survey the earth with far-seeing eye. Socrates, O ye greatly venerable clouds, ye have clearly heard me when I called. Turning to Strepsiodes, did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed at the same time, feared as a god? Strepsiades, I too worship you, O ye highly honored, and am inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I tremble at them and am alarmed, and whether it be lawful or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to ease myself.

don't scoff nor do what these poor devil poets do but use words of good omen for a great swarm of goddesses is in motion with their songs chorus ye rain-bringing virgins let us come to the fruitful land of palace to view the much-loved country of sea-crops abounding in brave men where his reverence for sacred rites not to be divulged where the house that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy mystic rites and gifts to the celestial gods and high-roof temples and statues and most sacred processions in honour of the blessed gods and well-crowned sacrifices to the gods and feasts at all seasons and with the approach of spring the bacchic festivity and the rousing of melodious choruses and the loud-sounding music of flutes strepsiades tell me o socrates i beseech you by jupiter who are these that have uttered this grand song are they some heroines socrates by no means but heavenly clouds great divinities to idle men who supply us with thought and argument and intelligence and humbug and circumlocution and ability to hoax and comprehension strepsiades on this account therefore my soul having heard their voice flutters and already seeks to discourse subtly, and to quibble about smoke, and having pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the opposite argument, so that now I eagerly desire, if by any means it be possible, to see them palpably. Socrates, look then hither toward Mount Parnas, for now I behold them descending gently. Strepsiades, pray where, show me? Socrates, see? There they come in great numbers through the

hollows and thickets, there obliquely. what's the matter for i can't see them socrates by the entrance enter chorus strepsiades now at length with difficulty i just see them socrates now at length you assuredly see them unless you have your eyes running pumpkins strepsiades yes by jupiter oh highly honored clouds for now they cover all things socrates did you not however know nor yet consider these to be goddesses strepsiades know by jupiter but i thought them to be missed and dew and smoke socrates for ye do not know by jupiter that these feed very many sophists thurian soothsayers practisers of medicine lazy long-haired onyx ring-wereers song twisters for the cyclic dances and meteorological quacks they feed idle people who do nothing because such men celebrate them in verse strepsiades for this reason then they introduced into their verses the dreadful impetuosity of the moist whirling bright clouds and the curls of hundred-headed typho and the hard-blowing tempests and then aerial moist crooked-clodd birds floating in air and the showers of rain from dewy clouds and then in return for these they swallow slices of great fine mullets and birds flesh of thrushes socrates is it not just however that they should have their reward on account of these strepsiades tell me pray if they are really clouds what ails them that they resemble mortal women for they are not such socrates pray of what nature are they strepsiades i do not clearly know at any rate they resemble spread out fleeces and not

women by Jupiter, not a bit, for these have noses. Socrates, answer then whatever I ask you. Strepsiades, then say quickly what you wish. Socrates, have you ever, when you looked up, seen a cloud like to a centaur or a panther or a wolf or a bull? Strepsiades. By Jupiter, have I? Well, what of that?

Socrates, they become all things, whatever they please. And then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of these hairy fellows like the son of Xenophanties, in derision of his folly, they liken themselves to centaurs. Strepsiades. Why what, if they should see Simon a plunderer of the public property? What do they do? Socrates, they suddenly become wolves showing up his disposition. Strepsiades. For this reason, then, for this reason, when they yesterday saw Cleonimus the recreant, on this account they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly fellow. Socrates

And now too, because they saw Clisthenes you observe on this account They became women Strepsides Hail therefore, O mistresses And now if ever ye did To any other, To me also utter a voice Reaching to heaven O all-powerful queens

Chorus, Hail O ancient Veteran, Hunter after learned speeches, And thou, O priest Of most subtle trifles, Tell us what you require, For we would not hearken to any other of the recent meteorological sophists except a prodigus to him on account of his wisdom and intelligence and to you because you walk proudly in the streets and cast your eyes askance and endure many hardships with bare feet and in reliance upon us look as supercilious strepsiades o earth what a voice how holy and dignified and wondrous socrates for in fact these alone are goddesses and all the rest is nonsense strepsiades but come by the earth is not jupiter the olympian a god

socrates what jupiter do not trifle there is no jupiter strepsiades what do you say who reigns then for first of all explain this to me socrates these to be sure i will teach you it by powerful evidence come where have you ever seen him raining at any time without clouds and yet he ought to rain in fine weather and these be absent strepsiades by apollo of a truth you have rightly confirmed this by your present argument and yet before this i really thought that jupiter caused the rain but tell me who is it that thunders this makes me tremble socrates these as they roll thunder strepsiades in what way you all daring man socrates when they are full of much water and are compelled to be borne along being necessarily precipitated when full of rain then they fall half heavily upon each other and burst and clap. Strepsiades. Who is it that compels them to be born along? Is it not Jupiter? Socrates, by no means, but ethereal vortex. Strepsiades. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did not exist,

and that vortex now reigned in his stead. But you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap and the thunder. Socrates, have you not heard me that I said that the clouds, when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap by reason of their density. Strepsiades, come, how am I to believe this? Socrates, I'll teach you from your own case, were you ever, after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic festival, then disturbed in your belly, and did a tumult suddenly rumble through it?

Strepsiades, yes, by Apollo. And immediately the little broth plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed in rumbles like thunder and grumbles dreadful. at first gently papax papax and then as p p p p p paps and finally it thunders downright p p p p paps as they do socrates consider therefore how you have trumpeted from a little belly so small and how is it not probable that this air being boundless should thunder so loudly strepsiades for this reason therefore the two names also trump and thunder are similar to each other but teach me this whence comes the thunder bolt blazing with fire, and burns us to ashes when it smites us and singes those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls this at the perjured. Socrates, why how then, you foolish person, and savouring of the dark ages and antediluvian?

If his manner is to smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon and Cleonemus and Theorist, and yet they are very perjured? But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory of Athens, and the tall oaks, wherefore for indeed an oak does not commit perjury? Strupsiades, I do not know, but you seem to speak well. For what prey is the thunderbolt? Socrates, when a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is enclosed in these clouds, it inflates them within like a bladder, and then, of necessity, having burst them, it rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density, setting fire to itself through its rushing

and impetuosity. By Jupiter! Of a truth I once experienced this exactly at the Diasian festival. I was roasting a haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not cut it open, but he became inflated and then suddenly bursting, befouled my eyes, and burned my face. Chorus, O mortal, who has desired

great wisdom from us, how happy will you become among the Athenians and among the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be a deep thinker and endurance of labour be implanted in your soul and you be not wearied either by standing or walking nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with cold nor long to break your fast and you refrain from wine and gymnastics and the other follies and consider this the highest excellence as is proper a clever man should to conquer by action and counsel and by battling with your tongue strepsiades as far as regards a sturdy spirit and care that makes one's bed uneasy and a frugal spirit in hard living and savoury eating belly be of good courage and don't trouble yourself i would offer myself to hammer on for that matter socrates will you not pray now believe in no god except what we believe in this chaos and the clouds and the tongue these three strepsiades absolutely i would not even converse with the others not even if i met them nor would i sacrifice to them nor make libations nor offer frankincense corus tell us then boldly what we must do for you for you shall not fail in getting it if you honour and admire us and seek to become clever strepsiades o mistresses i request of you then this very small favour that i be the best of the greeks in speaking by a hundred stadia corus well you shall have this from us so that henceforward from this time no one shall get more opinion

passed in the public assemblies than you strepsiades grant me not to deliver important opinions for i do not desire these but only to pervert the right for my own advantage and to evade my creditors chorus then you shall obtain what you desire for you do not covet great things but commit yourself without fear to our ministers strepsides i will do so in reliance upon you for necessity oppresses me on account of the blood horses and the marriage that ruined me now therefore let them use me as they please i give up this body to them to be beaten to be hungered to be troubled with thirst to be squalid to shiver with cold to flay into a leathern bottle if i shall escape clear from my debts and appear to men to be bold glib of tongue audacious impudent shameless a fabricator of falsehoods inventive of words a practice knave in lawsuits a law-tablet a thorough rattle a fox a sharper a slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an impostor, a gallows-bird, a blaggered, a twister, a troublesome fellow, a liquor-up of hashes? If they call me this when they meet me, let them ditch me absolutely what they please. And if they like, by series, let them serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers. Corus, this man has a spirit not void of courage, but prompt. Know that if you learn these matters from me, you will possess among mortals a glory as high as heaven.

strepsiades what shall i experience chorus you shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal lives the whole time strepsiades shall i then ever see this chorus yea so that many be always seated at your gates wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference with you to consult with you as to actions and affidavits of many talents as is worthy of your abilities to socrates but attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you purpose and scrutinise his intellect and make trial of his mind socrates come now tell me your own turn of mind in order that when i know of what sort it is i may now after this apply to you new engines strepsiades what by the gods do you purpose to besiege me socrates no i wish to briefly learn from you if you are possessed of a good memory strepsiades in two ways by jove if anything be owing to me i have a very good memory but if i owe unhappy man i am very forgetful socrates is the power of speaking pray implanted in your nature strepsiades speaking is not in me but cheating is socrates how then will you be able to learn srepsiades excellently of course socrates come then take care that whenever i propound any clever dogma about abstruse matters you catch it up immediately strepsiades what then am i to feed upon wisdom like a dog socrates this man is ignorant and brutish i fear old man lest you will need blows come let me see what do you do you do you dopsiades i take the beating and then when i have waited a little while i call witnesses to prove it then again after a short interval i go to law socrates come then lay down your cloak strepsiades have i done any wrong socrates no but it is the rule to enter naked strepsiades but i do not enter to search for stolen goods socrates lay it down why do you talk nonsense

strepsiades now tell me this pray if i be diligent and learn zealously to which of your disciples shall i become like socrates you will no way differ from chryphon in intellect strepsiades ah me unhappy i shall become half dead socrates don't chatter but quickly follow me hither with smartness strepsiades then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake for i am afraid of descending within as if into the cave atrophonia socrates proceed why do you keep poking about the door exeunt socrates and strepsiades end of part one recording by expatriate in bangor main part two of the clouds by aristophanes translated by william james hickey this librivox recording is in the public domain recording by expatriot in bangor main part two chorus well go in peace for the sake of this your valour may prosperity attend the man because being advanced into the vale of years he imbues his intellect with modern subjects and cultivates wisdom turning to the audience spectators i will freely declare to you the truth by bacchus who nurtured me so may i conquer and be accounted skilful as that deeming you to be clever spectators and this to be the cleverest of my comedies i thought that i conquer and be accounted skilful as that deeming you to be the cleverest of my comedies i thought proper to let you first taste that comedy which gave me the greatest labour and then i retired from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows though i did not deserve it these things therefore i object to you a learned audience for whose sake i was expending this labour but not even thus will i ever willingly desert the discerning portion of you for since what time my modest man and my rake were very highly praised here by an audience with whom it is a pleasure even to hold converse and i for i was

was still a virgin and it was not lawful for me as yet to have children exposed my offspring and another girl took it up and owned it and you generously reared and educated it from this time i have had sure pledges of your good-will toward me now therefore like that well-known electra has this comedy come seeking if happily it meet with an audience so clever for it will recognise if it should see the lock of its brother but see how modest she is by nature who in the first place has come having stitched her her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at the top and thick to set the boys a laughing, nor yet jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax, nor does the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched ribaldry, nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does she shout, yo, yo, but has come relying on herself in her verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do not give myself errors, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice and thrice bringing forward the same pieces but i am always clever at introducing new fashions not at all resembling each other and all of them clever who struck cleon in the belly when at the height of his power and could not bear to attack him afterward when he was down

but these scribblers when once hyperbulous has given them a handle keep ever trampling on this wretched man and his mother eupolis indeed first of all craftily introduced his maricus having basely base fellow spoiled by altering my play of the knights having added to it for the sake of the cordax a drunken old woman whom phrenicus long ago poetized whom the whale was for devouring then again hermipus made verses on hyperbulus and now all others present hard upon hyperbulous imitating my simile of the eels whoever therefore laughs at these let him not take pleasure in my attempts but if you are delighted with me and my inventions in times to come you will seem to be wise i first invoke to join our choral band the mighty jupiter ruling on high the monarch of gods and the potent master of the trident the fierce upheaver of earth and briny sea and our father of great renown most augusts august ether life supporter of all and the horse-guider who fills the plain of the earth with exceeding bright beams a mighty deity among gods and mortals most clever spectators come give us your attention for having been injured we blame you to your faces for though we benefit the state most of all the gods to us alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet poor libations who watch over you for if there should be any expedition without prudence then we either thunder or drizzle small rain and then when you were for choosing as your general the pathologian tanner hateful to the gods we contracted our brows and were enraged and thunder burst through the lightning and the moon forsook her usual paths and the sun immediately drew in his wick to himself and declared he would not give you light if cleon should be your general nevertheless you chose him for they say that ill counsel is in this city that the gods however turn all these your mismanagement's to a prosperous issue and how this also shall be advantageous we will easily teach you if you should convict the cormant cleon of bribery and embezzlement and then make fast his neck in the stocks the affair will turn out for the state to the ancient form again

if you have mismanaged in any way and to a prosperous issue hear me again king phoebus delian apollo who inhabitest the high-peaked cynthian rock and thou blessed goddess who inhabitest the all-golden house of ephesus in which lydian damsels greatly reverence thee and thou our national goddess swayer of the egypt minerva guardian of the city and thou reveller bacchus who inhabiting the parnassian rock sparkless with torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals. When we had got ready to set out hither the moon met us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and their allies, and then declared that she was angry, for that she had suffered dreadful things, though she benefits you all, not in words but openly.

In the first place, not less than a drachma every month for torches, so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were wont to say, boy, don't buy a torch, for the moonlight is beautiful. she says she confers other benefits on you, but that you do not observe the days at all correctly, but confuse them up and down, so that she says the gods are constantly threatening her when they are defrauded of their dinner and depart home, not having met with the regular feast according to the number of the days. And then, when you ought to be sacrificing,

you are inflicting tortures and litigating. And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we mourn from Memnon or Sarpidon, you are pouring libations and laughing. for which reason hyperbulous having obtained the lot this year to be hiramnamon was afterward deprived by us gods of his crown for thus he will know better than he ought to spend the days of his life according to the moon enter socrates socrates by respiration and chaos and air i have not seen any man so boorish nor so impracticable nor so stupid nor so forgetful who while learning some little petty quibbles forget gets them before he has learned them. Nevertheless, I will certainly call him out here to the light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch. Strepsiades from within. The bugs do not permit me to bring it forth. Socrates, make haste and lay it down and give me your attention. Enter Strepsiades. Strepsiades, very well. Socrates, come now. What do you now wish to learn first of those things,

and none of which you have ever been instructed? Tell me, about measures or rhythms, or verses. Strepsiades, I should prefer to learn about measures, for it is but lately that I was cheated out of two kineses by a meal huckster. Socrates, I do not ask you this, but which you account the most beautiful measure, the trimeter or the tetrameter? Strupsiades, make a wager then with me, if a semi-sextarius be not a tetrameter. Socrates, go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about rhythms. Strupsiades. But what good will rhythms do me for a living? Socrates, in the first place to be clever at an entertainment, understanding what rhythm is

for the war dance, and what, again, according to the dactyl? Strupsiades, according to the dactyl? By Job, but I know it. Socrates, tell me, pray. Strupsiades, what else but this finger? formerly indeed when I was yet a boy this here. Socrates, you are boorish and stupid. Strepsiades, for I do not desire you wretch to learn any of these things. Socrates, what then?

Strepsiades. That, that, the most unjust cause. Socrates, but you must learn other things before these, namely what quadrupeds are properly masculine. Strepsiades, I know the males, if I am not, not mad. Creos, Tragos, Taurus, Taurus, Kuan, Electreon. Socrates, do you see what you are doing? You are calling both the female and the male Electreon in the same way. Strupsiades, how, pray? Come, tell me. Socrates, how? The one with you is Electreon, and the other is Electreon also. Strupsides, yay, by Neptune. How now ought I to call them? Socrates, the one Electriina and the other Elector. Strepsiades, Electriina, capital by the air,

so that in return for this lesson alone, I will feel your cardipas full of barley meal on all sides. Socrates, see, see, there again is another blunder. You make cardipas, which is feminine, to be masculine. Strupsiades, in what way do I make cardipas masculine? Socrates, most assuredly, just as if you were to say Cleonimus. Strepsiades, good sir, Cleonimus had no kneading trough, but kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call it henceforth?

Socrates, how? Call it cardopoe, as you call Sostraty. Strepsiades, cardopoe in the feminine? Socrates, for so you speak it rightly. Strepsiades, but that would make it Cardopi, Cleonomy. Socrates, you must learn one more thing about names, what are masculine and what of them are feminine. Strepsiades, I know what are female.

Socrates, tell me, pray. Strepsiades, Lycella, Phelina, Clitagora, Demetria. Socrates, what names are masculine? Strepsiades, thousands. Phyloxinus, melecius, Aminia, Socrates. But, you wretch, these are not masculine. Strepsiades, are they not males with you?

Socrates, by no means, for how would you call Aminius if you met him? Strepsiades, how would I call? Thus, come hither! Come hither, aminia! Socrates, do you see? You call Aminius a woman. Strepsiades, is it not then with justice who does not serve in the army? But why should I learn these things that we all know? socrates it is no use by jupiter having reclined yourself down here strepsiades what must i do socrates think out some of your own affairs strepsiades not here pray i beseech you but if i must suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground

socrates there is no other way exit socrates strepseides unfortunate man that i am what a penalty shall i this day pay to the bugs. Chorus, now meditate and examine closely, and roll yourself about in every way, having wrapped yourself up, and quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to another mental contrivance, but let delightful sleep be absent from your eyes. Strupsiades, Atta-tie, Atta-Ti! Chorus, what ails you? Why are you distressed? Strupsiades, wretched man, I am perishing. The Corinthians coming out from the bed are biting me, and devils. devouring my sides and drinking up my life-blood and tearing away my flesh and digging through my vitals and will annihilate me chorus do not now be very grievously distressed strepsiades why how when my money is gone my complexion gone my life gone and my slipper gone and furthermore in addition to these evils with singing the night watches i am almost gone myself re-enter socrates socrates ho you what are you about

are you not meditating? Strepsiades. I? Yay, by Neptune. Socrates, and what prey have you thought? Strepsiades, whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs. Socrates, you will perish most wretchedly. Strepsiades, but my good friend, I have already perished. Socrates, you must not give in, but must wrap yourself up, for you have to discover a device for abstracting and a means of cheating.

walks up and down while Strepsiades wraps himself up in the blankets. Strepsiades, ah, me, would pray someone would throw over me a swindling contrivance from the sheepskins. Socrates, come now, I will first see this fellow what he is about. Ho you, are you asleep? Strepsiades, no, by Apollo, I am not. Socrates, have you got anything? Strepsiades, no, by Jupiter certainly not. Socrates, nothing at all?

"'Trepsiades. Nothing except what I have in my right hand. "'Socrates, will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of something?' "'Strepsiades. About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates?' "'Socrates. Do you yourself first find out and state what you wish?' "'Strepsiades. You have heard a thousand times what I wish, about the interest, so that I may pay no one.' "'Socrates, come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your mind play with subtle revolve your affairs by little and little rightly distinguishing and examining.

Strepsiades. Oh, me, unhappy man. Socrates, keep quiet, and if you be puzzled in any one of your conceptions, leave it and go, and then set your mind in motion again and lock it up. Strepsiades in great glee, oh, dearest little Socrates. Socrates, what old man? Strepsiades, I have got a device for cheating them. of the interest. Socrates, exhibit it, Strepsiades. Now tell me this, pray, if I were to purchase a Thessalian witch

and draw down the moon by night and then shut it up as if it were a mirror in a round crust case and then carefully keep it. Socrates, what good, pray, would this do you? Strepsiades, what? If the moon were to rise no longer anywhere, I should not pay the interest. Socrates, why so, pray? Strepsiades. because the money is lent out by the month socrates capital but i will again propose to you another clever question if a suit of five talents should be entered against you tell me how you would obliterate it strepsiades how how i do not know but i must seek socrates do not then always revolve your thoughts about yourself but slack away your mind into the air like a cockchafer tied with a thread by the foot strepsiades i have found a very clever method of getting rid of my suit so that you yourself would acknowledge it socrates of what description strepsiades have you ever seen this stone in the chemist's shops the beautiful and transparent one from which they kindle fire socrates do you mean the burning glass strepsiades i do come what would you say pray if i were to take this when the clerk was entering the suit and were to stand at a distance in the direction of the sun thus and melt out the letters of my suit socrates cleverly done by the graces strepsiades oh how i am delighted that a suit of five talents has been cancelled socrates come now quickly seize upon this

strepsiades what socrates how when engaged in a lawsuit you could overturn the suit when you were about to be cast because you had no witnesses strepsiades most readily and easily socrates Tell me, pray. Strepsiades, well, now I'll tell you, if, while one suit was still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run away and hang myself. Socrates, you talk nonsense. Strepsiades, by the gods, would I?

For no one will bring action against me when I am dead. Socrates, you talk nonsense. Be gone. I can't teach you any longer. Strupsiades, why so? Yay, by the gods of Socrates. Socrates, you start. straight away forget whatever you learn. For what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me.

Strepsiades. Hmm, come, let me see. Nay, what was the first? What was the first? Nay, what was the thing in which we need our flower? Ah, me. What was it? Socrates, will you not pack off to the devil, you most forgetful and most stupid old man? Strepsiades, ah, me, what then, pray what will become of me, wretched man? For I i shall be utterly undone if i do not learn to ply the tongue come o ye clouds give me some good advice corrus we old man advise you if you have a son grown up to send him to learn in your stead strepsiades well i have a fine handsome son but he is not willing to learn what must i do corus but do you permit him strepsiades yes for he is robust in body and in good health and is come of the high plume dames of kisira I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will certainly drive him from my house. To Socrates, go in and wait for me a short time. Exit.

Corus, do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this man is ready to do everything that you bid him. But you, while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of your power. Exit, Socrates. for matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn the other way. Enter Strepsiades and Phidipides. Strepsiades.

By mist, you certainly shall not stay here any longer, but go and gnaw the columns of Megakles. Phi Dipides, my good sir, what is the matter with you, O'Fother? You are not in your senses by Olympian Jupiter. Strupsiades. See, see, Olympian Jupiter, what folly! To think of your believing in Jupiter as old as you is. are. Phidipides. Why, pray, did you laugh at this? Strepsiades, reflecting that you are a child and have

antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach that you may know more, and I will tell you a thing by learning which you will be a man, but see that you do not teach this to anyone. Fidipides, well, what is it? Strepsiades, you swore now by Jupiter. Phiidipides, I did. Strepsiades, seest thou then how good a thing is learning? There is no Jupiter, O Fidipides. Fidipides, who then? Strepsiades, vortex reigns having expelled Jupiter. Fidipides, bah, why do you talk foolishly?

Strupsiades, be assured that it is so. Fidipides, who says this? Strupsiades, Socrates the Melian and Chirophon who knows the footmarks of fleas. phidipides have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that you believe madmen strepsiades speak words of good omen and say nothing bad of clever men and wise of whom through frugality none ever shaved or anointed himself or went to a bath to wash himself while you squander my property in bathing as if i were already dead but go as quickly as possible and learn instead of me phidipides what good could any one learn from them strepsiades what really whatever wisdom there is among men and you will know yourself how ignorant and stupid you are but wait for me here a short time runs off phidipides ah me what shall i do my father being crazed shall i bring him into court and convict him of lunacy or shall i give information of his madness to the coffin-makers re-enter strepsiades with a cock on one arm and a hen under the other. Strepsiodes. Come, let me see. What do you consider this to be? Tell me.

Phidipides. Electreon. Strepsiades. Right. And what this? Phiidipides. Electrion? Strepsiades. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do so then for the future, but call this electriana, and this one, Elector. Phidipides, Electriana. Did you learn these clever things by going? in just now to the titans strepsiades and many others too but whatever i learned on each occasion i used to forget immediately through length of years phidipides is it for this reason pray that you have also lost your cloak

strepsiades i have not lost it but have studied it away phidipides what have you made of your slippers you foolish man strepsiades i have expended them like pericles for needful purposes come move let us go and then then, if you obey your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, and bought you a go-car at the Diasia, with the first obulus I received from the Heliaya. Fidipides, you will assuredly some time at length be grieved at this. Strepsiades, it is well done of you that you obeyed. Come hither, come hither, O Socrates. Come forth, for I bring to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against his will. enter socrates socrates for he is still childish and not used to the baskets here by dipides you would yourself be used to them if you were hanged strepsiades a mischief take you do you abuse your teacher socrates where hang quoth he how sillily he pronounced it and with lips wide apart how can this youth ever learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons or persuasive refutation and yet hyperbulous learned this at the cost of a talent

strupsiades never mind teach him he is clever by nature indeed from his earliest years when he was a little fellow only so big he was wont to form houses and carve ships within doors and make little wagons of leather and make frogs out of pomegranate rind you can't think how cleverly but see that he learns those two causes the better whatever it may be and the worse which by maintaining what is unjust overturns the better if not both at any rate the unjust one by all means socrates he shall learn it himself from the two causes in person exit socrates strepsiades i will take my departure remember this now that he is to be able to reply to all just arguments exit strepsiades and enter just cause and unjust cause just cause come hither show yourself to the spectators although being audacious unjust cause go whither you please for i shall far rather do for you if i speak before a crowd just cause you destroy me who are you unjust cause a cause just cause i the worst unjust cause but i conquer you who say that you are better than i just cause by doing what clever trick unjust cause by discovering new contrivances just cause for these innovations flourish by the favour of these silly persons unjust cause no but wise persons just cause i will destroy you miserably unjust cause tell me by doing what just cause by speaking what is just unjust cause but i will overturn them by contradicting them, for I deny that justice even exists at all.

Just cause. Do you deny that it exists? Unjust cause. For come, where is it? Just cause. With the gods. Unjust cause. How then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not perished to bound his own father? Just cause. Bah! This profanity now is spreading. Give me a basin. Unjust cause. You are a do-tart and absurd. Just cause. You are debauched and shameless. Unjust cause. You have spoken roses of me.

Just cause. And a dirty lickspiddle. Unjust cause. You crowned me with lilies. Just cause. And a parasite. Unjust cause. You don't know that you are sprinkling me with gold. Just cause. Certainly not so formerly, but with lead. Unjust cause. But now this is an ornament to me. Just cause. You are very impudent. unjust cause and you are antiquated just cause and through you no one of our youths is willing to go to school and you will be found out sometime or other by the athenians what sort of doctrines you teach the simple-minded unjust cause you are shamefully squalid just cause and you are prosperous and yet formerly you were a beggar saying that you were the mysian telephus and gnawing the maxims of pandalatus out of your little wallet

unjust cause oh the wisdom just cause oh the madness unjust cause which you have mentioned just cause and of your city which supports you who ruin her youths unjust cause you shan't teach this youth you old dotard just cause yes if he is to be saved and not merely to practise loquacity unjust cause to phidipides come hither and leave him to rave just cause you shall howl if you lay your hand on him. Chorus, cease from contention and railing, but show to us you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and you, the new system of education. In order that having heard you disputing,

he may decide and go to the school of one or the other. Just cause, I am willing to do so. Unjust cause, I also am willing. Chorus, come now, which of the two shall speak first? unjust cause i will give him the precedence and then from these things which he adduces i will shoot him dead with new words and thoughts and at last if he mutter he shall be destroyed being stung in his whole face in his two eyes by my maxims as if by bees chorus now the two relying on very dexterous arguments and thoughts and sententious maxims will show which of them shall appear superior in argument for now the whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them about which my friends have a very great contest but do you who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners utter the voice in which you rejoice and declare your nature just cause i will therefore describe the ancient system of education how it was ordered when i flourished in the advocacy of justice and temperance was the fashion in the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear the voice of a boy uttering a syllable and next

that those from the same quarter of the town should march in good order through the streets to the school of the harpmaster naked and in a body, even if it were to snow as thick as meal. Then again their master would teach them not sitting cross-legged, to learn by wrote a song,

either palada, peripollin, Dainan, or teleporon-ti-boama, raising to a higher pitch the harmony, which our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were to play the buffoon or to turn any quavers like these difficult turns the present artists make after the manner of freeness he used to be thrashed being beaten with many blows as banishing the muses and it behoved the boys while sitting in the school of the gymnastic master to cover the thigh so that they might exhibit nothing indecent to those outside then again after rising from the ground to sweep the sand together and to take care not to leave an impression of the person for their lovers and no boy used in those those days to anoint himself below the navel so that their bodies wore the appearance of blooming health nor used he to go to his lover having made up his voice in an effeminate tone prostituting himself with his eyes nor used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the head of the radish

or to snatch from their seniors dill or parsley or to eat fish or to giggle or to keep the legs crossed unjust cause ay antiquated and dipoleal like and full of grasshoppers and of secades and of the buffonian festival just cause yet certainly these are those principles by which my system of education nurtured the men who fought at marathon but you teach the men of the present day so that i am choked when at the panathanea a fellow holding his shield before his person neglects tritogenia when they ought to dance wherefore o youth choose with confidence me the better cause and you will learn to hate the agorah and to refrain from baths and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful and to be enraged if any one jeer you and to rise up from seats before your seniors when they approach and not to behave ill toward your parents and to do nothing else that is base because you are to form in your mind an image of modesty and not to dart into the house of a dancing woman lest while gaping after these things being struck with an hour by a wanton you should be damaged in your reputation and not to contradict your father in anything nor by calling him iappitus to reproach him with the ills of age by which you were reared in your infancy unjust cause if you shall believe him in this o youth by bacchus you will be like the sons of hippocrates and they will call you a booby just cause yet certainly shall you spend your time in the gymnastic schools sleek and blooming not chattering in the marketplace rude jests like the youths of the present day nor dragged into court for a petty suit greedy petty-fogging knavish but you shall descend to the academy and run races beneath the sacred olives along with some modest compeer crowned with white reeds redolent of you and careless ease of leaf-shedding white poplar rejoicing in the season of spring when the plain-tree whispers to the elm

if you do these things which i say and apply your mind to these you will ever have a stout chest a clear complexion broad shoulders a little tongue large hips little lewdness but if you practise what the use of the present day do you will have in the first place a pallid complexion small shoulders a narrow chest a large tongue little hips great lewdness a long and this deceiver will persuade you to consider everything that is base to be honourable and what is honourable to be base and in addition to this he will fill you with the lewdness of antimichus chorus o thou that practises most renowned high-towering wisdom how sweetly does a modest grace attend your words happy therefore were they who lived in those days in the times of former men in reply then to these o thou that hast a dainty seeming muse it behoveth thee to say something new since the man has gained renown and it appears you have need of powerful arguments against him if you are to conquer the man and not incur laughter end of part two recording by expatriate in bangor maine part three of the clouds by aristophanes translated by william james hickey this librivox recording is in the public domain recording by ex patriot in bangor main part three unjust cause and yet i was choking in my heart and was longing to confound all these with contrary maxims for i have been called among the deep thinkers the worst cause on this very account that i first contrived how to speak against both law and justice and this art is worth more than ten thousand staters that one should choose the worst cause and nevertheless be victorious but mark how i will confute the system of education on which he relies who says in the first place that he will not permit

you to be washed with warm water, and yet, on what principle do you blame the warm baths? Just cause, because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly. Unjust cause. Stop, for immediately I seize and hold you by the waste without escape. Come tell me, which are the sons of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, and to have undergone most labors? Just cause, I consider no man superior to Hercules. unjust cause where pray did you ever see cold herculean baths and yet who was more valiant than he just cause these are the very things which make the bath full of youths always chattering all day long but the palestra's empty unjust cause you next find fault with their living in the market-place but i commend it for if it had been bad homer would never have been for representing nestor as an orator nor all the other wise men i will return then for

from thence to the tongue which this fellow says our youths ought not to exercise while i maintain they should and again he says they ought to be modest two very great evils for tell me to whom you have ever seen any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your words just cause to many paleus at any rate received his sword on account of it unjust cause a sword mary he got a pretty piece of luck the poor wretch while hyperbulous he of the lamp got more than many talents by his villainy but by jupiter no sword just cause and paleus married thetis too through his modesty unjust cause and then she went off and left him for he was not lustful nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night with now a woman delights in being wantonly treated but you are an old dotard for two five dipides consider o youth all that attaches to modesty and of how many pleasures your you are about to be deprived of women of games at cotibus of dainties of drinking bouts of giggling and yet what is life worth to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments well i will pass from this to the necessities of our nature you have gone astray you have fallen in love you have been guilty of some adultery and then have been caught you are undone for you are unable to speak but if you associate with me indulge your inclination dance laugh and think nothing disgraceful for if you should happen to be detected as an adulterer you will make this reply to him that you have done him no injury and then refer him to jupiter how even he is overcome by love and women and yet how could you who are a mortal have greater power than a god just cause but what if he should suffer the radish through obeying you and be depolated with hot ashes what argument will he be able to state to prove that he is not a blaggard unjust cause and if he be a blackguard what harm will he suffer just cause nay what could he ever suffer still greater than this unjust cause what then will you say if you be conquered by me in this just cause i will be silent what else can i do

unjust cause come now tell me from what class do the advocates come just cause from the blackguards unjust cause i believe you what then from what class do tragedians come just cause from the blaggards unjust cause you say well but from what class do the public orators come just cause from the blaggards unjust cause then have you perceived that you say nothing to the purpose and look look which class among the audience is the more numerous. Just cause. Well, now, I'm looking. Unjust cause. What then do you see? Just cause. By the gods. The blackguards should be far more numerous. This fellow at any rate, I know, in him yonder, and this fellow with the long hair. Unjust cause. What then will you say?

Just cause. We are conquered. Ye blaggards by the gods receive my cloak, for I desert to you. Exeunt, the two co-cernet. causes and re-enter Socrates and Strepsiades. Socrates, what then? Whether do you wish to take and lead away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak? Trepsiades, teach him and chastise him, and remember that you train him properly, on the one side able for petty suits, but train his other jaw able for the more important

causes. Socrates, make yourself easy. You shall receive him back a clever sophist. nay rather pale and wretched exeunt socrates strepsiades and phidipides chorus go ye then but i think that you will repent of these proceedings we wish to speak about the judges what they will gain if at all they justly assist this chorus for in the first place if you wish to plough up your fields in spring we will rain for you first but for the others afterward and then we will protect the fruits and the vines so that neither drought afflict them nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his olives and vine sprout they shall be cut down. With such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making brick, we will rain, and we will smash the tiles of his roof with round hailstones. And if he himself or any one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we will rain the whole night. So

he will probably wish rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged badly. Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder. Strepsiades. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the second, and then of all the days I most fear and dread and abominate, immediately after this there is the old and new. For everyone to whom I happen to be indebted swears and says he will ruin and destroy me, having made his deposits against me, though I only ask what is moderate and just, my good sir one part don't take just now the other part put off i pray and the other part remit they say that thus they will never get back their money but abuse me as i am unjust and say they will go to law with me now therefore let them go to law for it little concerns me if phidipides has learned to speak well i shall soon know by knocking at the thinking-shop knocks at the door boy i say boy

enter socrates socrates good morning strepsiades strepsiades the same to you but first accept this present for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee and tell me about my son if he has learned that cause which you have just now brought forward socrates he has learned it strepsiades well done o fraud all-powerful queen socrates so that you can get clear off from whatever suit you please strepsiades even if witnesses were present when i borrowed the money socrates yea much more even if a thousand be present strepsiades then i will shout with a very loud shout ho weep you petty usurers both you and your principles and your compound interests for you can no longer do me any harm because such a sun is being reared for me in this house shining with a double-edged tongue for my guardian the preserver of my house a mischief to my enemies ending the sadness of the great woes of his father him do thou run and summon from within to me socrates goes into the house o child o son come forth from the house here your father re-enter socrates leading in phidipides socrates lo here is the man strepsiades o my dear my dear socrates take your son and depotius part exit Socrates Strepsiades Oh oh my child

Hazzah hazah How I am delighted at the first sight of your complexion Now indeed you are in the first place Negative and disputatious to look at And this fashion native to the place Plainly appears the What do you say

And the seeming to be injured when I well know You are injuring and inflicting a wrong And in your countenance there is the Attic look Now therefore see that you save me since you have also ruined me. Fidipides, what prey do you fear? Strepsiades, the old and new. Phiidipides, why, is any day old and new?

Strepsiades, yes, on which they say that they will make their deposits against me. Fidipides, then those that have made them will lose them, for it is not possible that two days can be one day. Strepsiades, cannot it? Phi Dipides, certainly not, unless the same. woman can be both old and young at the same time. Strepsiades, and yet it is the law. Fidipides, for they do not, I think, rightly understand what the law means. Strepsiades, and what does it mean?

Fidipides, the ancient solon was by nature the commons friend. Strepsiades, this surely is nothing whatever to the old and new. Fidipides, he therefore made the summons for two days, for the old and new, that the deposits might be made on the first of the month. Strepsiades, why, pray, did he add the old day? Vydipides, in order, my good sir, that the defendants being present a day before, might compromise the matter of their own accord, but if not, that they might be worried on the morning of the new moon.

Strepsiades, why then do the magistrates not receive the deposits on the new moon, but on the old and new? by Dipides they seem to me to do what the four stallers do in order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as possible on this account they have the first pick by one day Strepsiades turning to the audience bravo ye wretches why do you sit senseless the gain of us wise men being blocks ciphers mere sheep jars heaped together wherefore i must sing an encomium upon myself and this my son on account of our good fortune. Oh, happy Strepsiades, how wise you are yourself, and how excellent is a son whom you are rearing. My friends and fellow tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when you prove victorious and arguing causes, but first I wish to lead you in and entertain you. Exaunt Strepsiades and phidipides. Paseus, entering with his summons witness, then ought a man to throw away any part of his

own property never but it were better than at once to put away blushes rather than now to have trouble since i am now dragging you to be a witness for the sake of my own money and further in addition to this i shall become an enemy to my fellow tribesmen but never while i live will i disgrace my country but will summon strepsiades strepsiades from within who's there pacias for the old and new strepsiades i call you to witness that he is named it for two days. For what matter do you summon me? Pasius, for the twelve minai which you received when you were buying the dapple-gray horse. Strepsiades, a horse! Do you not hear? I, whom you all know

to hate horsemanship. Passeas, and by Jupiter, you swore by the gods too, that you would repay it. Strepsiades, I, by Jove, for then my phidipides did not yet know the irrefragable argument. Paseas, and do you, you now intend on this account to deny the debt?

Strepsiades. Why, what good should I get else from his instruction? Passeus, and will you be willing to deny these upon oath of the gods? Strepsiades, what gods? Passeh, Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune. Strupsiades, yes, by Jupiter, and would pay down two a three obol piece besides to swear. Passeas, then may you perish someday for your impasseh, impudence. Strepsiades, this man would be the better for it if he were cleansed by rubbing with salt.

Pasias, ah, me, how you deride me! Strepsiades, he will contain six co-eye. Pacias, by great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall not do this to me with impunity. Strepsiades, I like your gods amazingly, and Jupiter, sworn by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones. Pacias, you will assuredly suffer punishment. some time or other for this, but answer and dismiss me whether you are going to repay me my money or not. Strepsiades, keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you distinctly. Runs into the house.

Passias to his summons witness. What do you think he will do? Witness, I think he will pay you. Reenter Strepsiades with a kneading trough. Strepsiades, where is this man who asked me for his money? Tell me, what is this? Passias, what is this? A cardapas. strepsiades and do you then ask me for your money being such an ignorant person i would not pay not even an obulus to any one who called the cardoppa a cardopas then won't you pay me strepsiades not as far as i know will you not then pack off as fast as possible from my door passias i will depart and be assured of this that i will make deposit against you or may i live no longer strepsiades then you will lose it besides in addition to your twelve minai and yet i do not wish you to suffer this because you named the cardaphas foolishly exeune passias and witness and enter amnius amnius ah me ah me

strepsiades ha whoever is this who is lamenting surely it was not one of carcinus's deities that spoke aminius but why do you wish to know this who i am a miserable man strepsiades then follow your own path aminius oh harsh fortune o fates breaking the wheels of my horses o palace how you have destroyed me strepsiades what evil pray has tepollumus ever done you aminias do not jeer me my friend but order your son to pay me the money which he received especially as i have been unfortunate trepsiades what money is this aminius that which he borrowed strepsiades then you were really unlucky as i think aminius by the gods i fell while driving my horses strepsiades why pray do you talk nonsense as if you had fallen from an ass aminius do i talk nonsense if i wish to recover my money Strupsiades, you can't be in your senses yourself. Aminias, why pray? Strupsiades, you appear to me to have had your brains shaken, as it were. Aminius, and you appear to me, by Hermes,

to be going to be summoned if you will not pay me the money. Strupsiades, tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the sun draws from below the same water back again. Amenius, I know not which, nor do I care. Strepsiades. How, then, is it just that you should recover your money if you know nothing of meteorological matters? Aminius, well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of my money.

Strepsiades, what sort of animal is this interest? Aminius, most assuredly the money is always becoming more and more every month and every day as the time slips away. Strepsiades, you say well. What then? Is it possible that you consider the sea to be greater now than formerly? Aminius. No, by Jupiter, but equal, for it is not fitting that it should be greater. Strepsiades. And how, then, you wretch, does this become no way greater, though the rivers flow into it while you seek to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off from my house? Bring me the goad. Enter servant with a goad. Aminias, I call you to you to, witness these things. Strepsiades beating him. Go! Why do you delay? Won't you march, Mr. Blood Horse? Aminias, is not this an insult, prey? Strepsiades, will you move quickly? Pricks him behind with a goad. I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger. Do you fly? Aminius runs off. I thought I should stir you together with your wheels and your two-horse chariots. Exit Strepsiades.

Chorus, what a thing it is to love evil courses, for this old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money that he borrowed, and he will certainly meet with something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the knavers he has begun, for I think that he will presently find what has been long boiling up, that his son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse, even if he advanced most villainous doctrines. And perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even speechless. Strepsiades running out of the house pursued by his son. Hello, hello! Oh, neighbors and kinsfolk and fellow tribesmen!

Defend me by all means who am being beaten. Ah, me, unhappy man, from my head and jaw. Wretch, do you beat your father? Fidipides. Yes, father. Strepsiades. You see him owning that he beats me. Vydipides. Strepsiades. Oh, wretch and parasite and housebreaker! Vydipides, say the same things of me again and more.

You know that I take pleasure in being much abused? Strepsiades, you blaggard! Fidipides, sprinkle me with roses and abundance. Strepsiades, do you beat your father? Fidipides, and will prove too by Jupiter that I beat you with justice. Strepsiades, oh, thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to beat a father? Fidipides, I will demonstrate it,

and will overcome you in argument. Strepsiades, will you overcome me in this? Phiidipides, yea, by much and easily, but choose which of the two causes you wish to speak. Strepsiades, of what two causes? Fidipides, the better or the worse. Strepsiades, Mary, I did get you taught to speak against justice by Jupiter, my friend,

if you are going to persuade me of this that it is just an honourable for a father to be beaten by his sons. By Dipides, I think I shall certainly persuade you, so that when you have heard, not even you yourself will say anything against it. Strepsiades, well now, I am willing to hear what you have to say.

Chorus, it is your business, old man, to consider in what way you shall conquer the man, for if he were not relying upon something, he would not be so licentious. But he is emboldened by something, the boldness of the man is evident. Now you want to tell to the chorus from what the contention first arose, and this you must do by all means.

Strepsiades. Well now, I will tell you from what we first began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as you know, I first bade him take a liar and sing a song of Simonides, the shearing of the ram. But he immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the liar and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding parched barley. Vydipides, for oughtn't you not the,

then immediately to be beaten and trampled on bidding me sing just as if he were entertaining cicadai shrepsiades he expressed however such opinions then too within as he does now and he asserted that simonades was a bad poet i bore it at first with difficulty indeed yet nevertheless i bore it and then i bade him at least take a myrtle wreath and recite to me some portion of ischalus and then he immediately said shall i consider ischalus the first among the poets full of empty sound unpolished bombastic using rugged words and hereupon you can't think how my heart panted but nevertheless i restrained my passion and said at least recite some passage of the more modern poets of whatever kind these clever things be and he immediately sang a passage of euripides how a brother o averter of ill debauched his uterine's sister and i bore it no longer but immediately assailed him with many abusive reproaches and then after that as was natural we hurled word upon word then he springs upon me and then he was wounding me and beating me and throttling me phidipides were you not therefore justly beaten who do not praise euripides the wisest of poets strepsiades he the wisest oh what shall i call you but i shall be beaten again by dipides yes by jupiter with justice strepsiades why how with justice who o shameless fellow reared you understanding all your wishes when you list what you meant if you said brin i understanding it used to give you to drink and when you asked for a mammon i used to come to you with bread and you used no longer to say cacan that i used to take and carry you out of doors and hold you before me but you now throttling me who was bawling and crying out because i wanted to ease myself had not the heart to carry me forth out of doors you wretch but i did it there while i was being throttled chorus i fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to hear what he will say for if after having done such things he shall persuade him by speaking i would not take the hide of the old folks even at the price of a chickpea it is thy business thou author and upheaver of new words to seek some means of persuasion so that you shall seem to speak justly

by dipides how pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and clever things and to be able to despise the established laws for i when i applied my mind to horsemanship alone used not to be able to utter three words before I made a mistake. But now, since he himself has made me cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with subtle thoughts and arguments and speculations, I think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise one's father. Strepsiades, ride then by Jupiter, since it is better for me me to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a beating. By Dipides, I will pass over to that part of my discourse where you interrupted me. And first I will ask you this, did you beat me when was a boy strepsiades i did through good will and concern for you phidipides pray tell me is it not just that i also should be well inclined toward you in the same way and beat you since this is to be well inclined to give a beating for why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine not and yet i too was born free the boys weep and do you not think it is right that a father should weep you will say that it is ordained by law that this should be the lot of boys but i would reply that all

men are boys twice over and that it is the more reasonable that the old should weep than the young inasmuch as it is less just that they should err strepsiades it is nowhere ordained by law that a father should suffer this by dipides was it not then a man like you and me who first proposed this law and by speaking persuaded the ancients why then is it less lawful for me also in turn to propose henceforth a new law for the sons that they should beat their fathers in turn but as many blows as we received before the law was made we remit and we concede to them are having been thrashed without return observe the cocks in these other animals how they punish their fathers and yet in what do they differ from us except that they do not write decrees strepsiades why then since you imitate the cocks in all things do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch phidipides it is not the same thing my friend nor would it appear so to socrates strepsiades therefore do not beat me otherwise you will one day blame yourself phidipides why how strepsiades since i am justly entitled to chastise you and you to chastise your son if you should have one phidipides but if i should not have one i shall have wept for nothing and you will die laughing at me strepsiades to me indeed o comrades he seems to speak justly and i think we ought to concede to them what is fitting for it is proper that we should weep if we do not act justly phidipides consider still another maxim strepsiades no for i shall perish if i do phidipides and yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering what you now suffer strepsiades how pray for inform me what good you will do me by this phidipides i will beat my mother just as i have you strepsiades what do you say what do you say this other again is a greater wickedness by dipides but what if having the worst cause i shall conquer you in arguing proving that it is right to beat one's mother strepsiades most assuredly if you do this nothing will hinder you from casting yourself and your worst cause into the pit along with socrates

these evils have i suffered through you o clouds having entrusted all my affairs to you chorus nay rather you are yourself the cause of these things having turned yourself to wicked courses strepsiades why pray did you not tell me this then but excited with hopes a rustic and aged man chorus we always do this to him whom we perceive to be a lover of wicked courses until we precipitate him into misfortune so that he may learn to fear the gods strepsiades ah me it is severe o clouds but it is just for i ought not to have withheld the money which i borrowed now therefore come with me my dearest son that you may destroy the blackguard chirophon and socrates who deceived you and me phidipides i will not injure my teachers strepsiades yes yes reverence paternal jove phidipides paternal jove quothae how antiquated you are why is there any jove strepsiades there is phidipides there is not no for vortex reigns having expelled jupiter strepsiades he has not expelled him but i fancied this on account of this vortex here ah me unhappy man when i even took you who are of earthenware for a god phidipides here rave and babble to yourself exit phidipides strepseides ah me whatman madness. How mad then I was when I ejected the gods an account of Socrates. But, oh, dear Hermes, by no means be wrothed with me, nor destroy me, but pardon me since I have gone crazy through

Prating, and become my advisor, whether I shall bring in action and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as soon as possible to set fire to the house of the Prating fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthius, come forth with a ladder and with a mattock, and then mount upon the thinking-shop and dig down the roof if you love your master, until you tumble the house upon them. Xanthias mounts upon the roof, but let someone bring me a lighted torch, and I'll make some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be ever so much impostors. First disciple from within, hello, hello, strepsiades, it is your business, oh, torch, to send forth abundant flame, mounts upon the roof. First disciple, what are you doing, fellow?

"'Strepsiades. What am I doing? Why what else, then chopping logic with the beams of your house?' sets the house on fire. Second disciple from within. You will destroy us, you will destroy us.' Strepsiades, for I also wish this very thing, unless my manic deceived my hopes, or I should somehow fall first and break my neck. Socrates from within, hello you, what are you doing, pray, you fellow on the roof? Strepsiades, I am walking on air and speculating about the sun. Socrates, ah, me, unhappy, I shall be suffocated, wretched man. Chirophon, and I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death. Strepsiades, for what has come into your heads that you acted insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of the moon, chase, pelt, smite them for many reasons, but especially

because you know that they offended against the gods. The thinking shop. is burned down chorus lead the way out for we have sufficiently acted as chorus for to-day exeunt omnes end of part three end of the clouds by aristophanes