Classic Audiobook Collection - The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare ~ Full Audiobook [comedy]

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare audiobook. Genre: comedy In The Merry Wives of Windsor, William Shakespeare delivers a lively comedy of small-town pride, romantic mischief, and quick-witted revenge. When the vain and cash-strapped Sir John Falstaff decides to refill his purse by courting two respectable married women of Windsor - Mistress Ford and Mistress Page - he assumes flattery and boldness will win the day. Instead, the two friends compare notes, spot his scheme, and turn the tables with a series of escalating pranks designed to expose his arrogance and protect their households. As Falstaff blunders from one humiliating trap to the next, the town around him buzzes with jealousy, suspicion, and matchmaking. Master Ford grows frantic over imagined betrayal, while a tangle of suitors pursues young Anne Page, each backed by competing parents and allies. Disguises, secret meetings, and misunderstandings pile up as Windsor becomes a stage for comic intrigue. Beneath the farce, the play celebrates female solidarity, social reputation, and the idea that cleverness and community can puncture pretension. For ad-free listening try our premium subscription Chapters (Approximate) (00:00:00) Chapter 1 (00:30:51) Chapter 2 (01:04:41) Chapter 3 (01:41:13) Chapter 4 (02:09:35) Chapter 5 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

act one of the merry wives of windsor by william shakespeare act one scene one windsor before page's house enter shallow slender and sir hugh evans sir hugh persuade me not i will make a sterr chamber matter of it if you were twenty said john false stuffs he shall not abuse robert schello esquire in the county of gwaster justice of peace and quay I, Cousin Slender, on Custallorum. Aye, and Rattleorum too. And a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes himself, Amegro, and any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, Amegiro. Aye, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years. All his successors gone before him hath done't. And all his ancestors that come after him may, they may give the dozen white looses in their coat. an old coat. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well. It agrees well,

Passant. It is a familiar beast to man and signifies love. The loose is the fresh fish, the saltfish is an old coat. I may quarter, cos. You may, by Marion. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. Not a wit. Yes, Pire Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, There is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures, but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compromises between you. The council shall bear it. It is a riot. It is not meet the council hear a riot.

There is no fear of got in a riot. The council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of God. not to hear a riot. Take your visiments in that. Oh, oh my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. It is better that friends is the sword and end it. And there is also another device in my prane, which, peradventure, brings good discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.

Mistress Anne Page, she has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. It is that fairy person for all the world. As just as you will desire, and seven hundred pounds of monies, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death's bed, got delivered to a joyful resurrections, give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a good motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pounds?

I, and her father is make her a petterpenny. I know the young gentlewoman. She has good gifts. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is good gifts. Well, let us see on a smash the page. Is full stuff there? Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there. And I beseech you, be ruled, by your well-wilers. I will peat the door for Master Page.

Knox. What ho! God bless your house here. Within. Who's there? Enter Page. Here is God's blessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and hear young Master Slender, that, per adventures, shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings. I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good do it, your good heart. I wish you of anything better. It was ill killed. How doth good Mistress, Paige, and I thank you always with my heart. La with my heart. Sir, I thank you.

Sir, I thank you. By ye and no, I do. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. How does your follow, Greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun at Cotsall. It could not be judged, sir. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. That he will not, tis your fault, tis your fault, tis a good dog.

A curse, sir. Sir, he's a good dog and a fair dog. Can there be more said? He is good and fair. Is there John Falstaff here? Sir, he is within, and I would, I could, do a good office between you. It is spoke, as a Christian's ought to speak. He hath wronged me, Master Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confesses.

If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is that not so, Master Page? He hath wronged me. Indeed he hath, at a word, he hath, believe me, Robert Schello, Esquire, says, He is wronged. Here come, Sir John. Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pist. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king.

C'night, you have beaten my men, killed my dear, and broke open my lodge. But not kissed your keeper's daughter. Toot, the pin, this shall be answered. I will answer it straight. I have done all this. That is now answered. The council shall know this. T'were better for you if it were known in council.

You'll be laughed at. Pauca verba, Sir John. Good warts. Good warts. Good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me? Mary, sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nim, and Pistol. You bambri cheese? I, tis no matter. How now, Mephistophilus? I, tis no matter.

Slice, I say. Pauca, palka, slice. That's my humor. "'Where's simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?' "'Peace, I pray you. Now, let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand. That is, Master Page, Fidelisit Master Page, and there is myself, Fidelisit myself. And the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the garter. "'We three, to hear it and end it between them.' "'Very good. I will make a brief of it in my notebook. and we will afterwards irk upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

Pistol! He hears with ears. The Tevel and his tam. What phrase is this? He hears with ear. Why, it is affectations. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? Aye, by these gloves, did he?

Or I would I might never come in my own great chamber again else. Of seven grotes in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shillings, and two pence apiece of yead Miller, by these gloves. Is this true, pistol? No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse. Ha, thou mountain foreigner, Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this Latin bilbo.

Word of denial in thy labrace here. Word of denial, froth and scum thou liest. By these gloves, then, twas he. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say Merry Trap with you if you run the Nut Hook's humor on me. That is the very note of it. By this hat then, he and the red face had it, for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. What say you, Scarlett and John? Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

It is his five senses. Fye, what the ignorance is. and being fat sir was as they say cashiered and so conclusions pass the careers aye you spake in latin then too but tis no matter i'll ne'er be drunk whilst i live again but an honest civil godly company for this trick if i be drunk i'll be drunk with those that have the fear of god and not with drunken knaves So got Ujmi. That is a virtuous mind. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen. You hear it. Enter Anne Page with wine.

Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, following. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in. We'll drink within. Exit Anne Page. Oh, heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page. How now, Mistress Ford? Mistress Ford, buy my troth. You are very well met.

Buy your leave, good mistress. kisses her wife bid these gentlemen welcome come we have a hot venison pasty to dinner come gentlemen i hope we shall drink down all unkindness exeunt all except shallow slender and sir hugh ebens i had rather than forty shillings i had my book of songs and sonnets here enter simple how now simple where have you been i must wait in myself must i you have not the book of riddles about you have you book of riddles about you have you book of riddles why Why, did you not lend it to Alice shortcake upon a hollowness last, a fortnight before Michael must? Come, cause, come, cause, we stay for you. A word with you, cause, marry this, cause, there is, as twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made a far off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me? I, sir, you shall find ye reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that, that is reason.

Nay, but understand me. So I do, sir. "'Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. "'I will description the matter to you, "'if you be capacity of it. "'Nay, I will do as my cousin, Shallow says. "'I pray you, pardon me. "'He's a justice of peace in his country,

"'simple though I stand here.' "'But that is not the question. "'The question is concerning your marriage. "'Ay, there's the point, sir.' "'Mary is it, the very point of it. "'To Mistress Anne Page. "'Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.

But can you affection the omen? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips, for diverse philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Cousin' Abraham slender? Can you love her? I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one

that would do reason. Nay, Gaut's lords and his ladies. You must speak positable. If you can carry her your desires towards her. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? I would do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet cause. What I do is to pleasure you, cause, can you love the maid? I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance. When we are married,

have more occasion to know one another. I hope upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and disillutely. It is a fairy discretion answer. Save the fall is in the earth, disillutely. The earth is, according to our meaning, resolutely. His meaning is good. Aye, I think my cousin meant well. I, or else I would I might be hanged, wha. Here comes fair, mistress, Anne. Re-enter and page.

What do I were young for your sake, Mr. San? The dinner is on the table. My father desires your worship's company. I will wait on him, fair, mistress, son. Od's blessed will. I will not be absence at the grace. Excient, Shallow, and Sir Hugh Evans. Will it please your worship to come in, sir?

No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very well. The dinner attends you, sir. I am not a hungry. I thank you for sooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man. Go wait upon my cousin's shallow. Exit, simple. A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what, though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.

I may not go in without your worship. They will not sit till you come. In faith, I'll eat nothing. I thank you as much as though I did. I pray you, sir. Walk in. I had rather walk here. I thank you. I bruised my shin the other day, with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence. Three venys for a dish of stewed prunes. And by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so?

be there bears in the town? I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of. I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not?

I, indeed, sir. That's meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and I have taken him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed, cannot abide them.

They are very ill-favored, rough things. Re-enter Page. Come, gentle master slender, come, we stay for you. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir. Come, come. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Come on, sir.

Mistress Anne, you yourself shall go first. Not I, sir, pray you, keep on. I'd rather be unmanorily than troublesome. You do yourself wrong indeed, la. Excient. Act one scene two. The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and simple.

Go your ways, and ask of Dr. Caius's house, which is the way? And there dwells one mistress quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his ringer. Well, sir. Nay, it is better yet. Give her this letter, for it is a woman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page, and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone. I will make an end of my dinner. There's pippins and cheese to come. Excient. Act one, scene three. A room in the garter inn. Enter Falstaff, host, Bardolph, Nim, Pistol, and Robin.

Mine host of the garter. What says my bully rook, speak scholarly and wisely? Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Discard bully Hercules. Cashier, let them wag. Trot, trot. I sit at ten pounds a week. Thou art an emperor, Caesar, Kaiser, and Feaser. I will entertain Bardolph, he shall draw, he shall tap. Said I well, bully Hector? Do so, mine good host. I have spoke. Let him follow. To Bardolph. Let me see the frothen lime.

I am at a word, follow. Exit. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade. An old cloak makes a new jerkin, a withered serving man, a fresh tapster. Go, adieu. It is a large that I have desired, I will thrive. O base, Hungarian, White, wilt thou the spigot-wheeled? Exit Bargolf. He was gotten and drink, is not the humor conceited. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox. His thefts were too open.

His filching was like an unskilful singer. He kept not time. The good humor is to steal at a minute's rest. Convey the wise it call, Steel? Foe. A fickle for the phrase. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Why, then, let Kibes ensue. There is no remedy. I must coney-catch. I must shift.

Young ravens must have food. Which of you know ford of this town? I can the white. He is of substance good. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Two yards and more. No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waste two yards about, but I am now about no waste. I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of her familiar style, and the hardest voice of her behavior, to be English rightly, is, I am

Sir John Falstaffes. He hath studied her will, and translated her will, out of honesty, into English. Oh, the anchor is deep. Will that humour pass? Now, the report goes, she is all the rule of her husband's purse. He hath a legion of angels. As many devils entertain, and, to her boy, say I. The humour rises, it is good.

Humour me the angels. I have writ me here a letter to her, and here, I'm a-rector to her. And here, another two-page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes, too. Examine my parts with most judicious wiyadhs. Sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Then did the sun on the dunghill shine. I thank thee for that humor. Oh, she did so coarse o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention

that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass. Here's another letter to her. She bears the purse, too. She is a region in Guyana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be ex-checkers to me. They shall be my East and West Indies,

and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page, and thou, this to Mistress Forge, We will thrive, lads. We will thrive. Shall I, Sir Panderus of Troy become, and by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all. I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour letter.

I will keep the behaviour of reputation. To Robin. Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly. Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt. vanish like hailstones Go! Trudge, plot away of the hoof, seek shelter, pack.

Falstaff will learn the humor of the age. French thrift, you rogues, myself, and skirted page. Exeunt, Falstaff, and Robin. Let vultures gripe thy guts, for gourd and fulham holds, and high and low beguiles the rich and poor. Tester, I have in pouch when thou shalt lack. base, Phrygian, Turk.

I have operations which be humours of revenge. Walt thou revenge? By Welkin and her star. With wit or steel? With both the humor as I, I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. And I to Ford shall eke unfold how false stuff Varlet vile.

His dove will prove, his gold will hold, and his soft couch defile. My humour shall not cool. I will incense, Page, to deal with poison. I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous. That is my true humor. Thou art the mars of malcontents. I second thee. Troop on. Exeunt. Act one, scene four. A room in Dr. Kea's's house. Enter Mistress. Quickly, simple, and rugby. What, John Rugby. I pray thee, go to the casement and see. See if you can see my master, Master Dr. Caius, coming. If he do in faith and find anybody in this house,

here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the King's English. I'll go watch. Go and we'll have a posset fort soon at night in faith at the latter end of a sea-cold fire. Exit Rugby. An honest, willing, kind fellow as ever servant shall come in house withal. And I warrant you, no tell-tale, no breed-bait. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer. He is something peevish that way, but nobody but has his fault.

But let that pass. Pete is simple, you say your name is? I, for fault of it better. And Master Slender's your master? I, for sooth. Does he not wear a great round beard like a glover's pairing knife? No, for sooth. He hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a cane-colored beard.

A softly sprighted man, is he not? I, forsooth. But he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warner. How say you? Oh, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strutten his gate? Yes, indeed, does he? Well, heaven, send Anne Page, no worse fortune.

Tell Master Pass and Evans, I will do what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish. Re-enter Rugby. Out, alas! Here comes my master. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man, go into this closet. He will not stay long. Shut simple in the closet.

What John Rugby, John, what John, I say. Go John, go inquire for my master. I doubt he be not well that he comes not home. And down, dunna down, down. Enter Dr. Chaos. What does you sing? I do not like his toys. Pray you go and fetch me in my closet on what year viet. A box. A green a box. Do you attend what I speak? A green box? Aye, forsooth. I'll fetch it you. Aside. I am glad he went not in himself. If he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

Faye, Fé, Fé, Fé, Fé, my foie Fé-Fashor. I'm ever, la grande affair. Is it this, sir? Yes, me loom my pocket. Te petch, quickly. Where is that knave rugby? What, John Rugby? John.

Yes, sir? You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take your rapierre, and come after my heel to the court. Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. By my trot, I tarry till long. Odsby, Gishopeil, there is some simples in my closet that I will not for the world I shall leave behind. By me, he'll find the young man here and be mad.

Oh, Diablo! Diablo! What is in my closet? Willing, Laron! Pulling simple out. Rugby, my repair. Good master, be content. Wherefore shall I be content?

The young man is an honest man. What shall the honest man do in my closet? There is no honest man that shall come in my closet. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh. Well, I, forsooth, to desire her to...

Peace, I pray you. Pissy your tongue. Speak your tail. To desire this honest gentlewoman, you're made. To speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page from my master in the way of marriage. This is all, indeed, la. But I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not.

Sir Hugh, send a you? Rorkeby, bail me some paper. Tarry you a little a while. Right, aside too simple. I am glad he is so quiet. if he had been thoroughly moved you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy but notwithstanding man i'll do your master what good i can and the very yea and the no is the french doctor my master i may call him my master look you for i keep his house and i wash ring brew bake scour dress meat and drink make the beds and do all myself aside to mistress quickly just a great charge to come under one body's hand a side too simple are you a viour to that. You shall find it a great charge, and to be up early and down late. But notwithstanding,

to tell you in your ear, I would have no words of it. My master himself is in love with Mr. Sandpage. But notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind. That's neither here nor there. You, Jack Knape, give this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a challenge. I will cut his throat in the park, and I will teach a scary Jack-Nip priest to meddle. or make, you may be gone. It is not good you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two stones. By gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.

Exit simple. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. It is no matter of it that. Do not you tell me that I shall have an page for myself? By gar, I will kill these Jacques Priest, and I have appointed mine host of the Jartier to measure our weapon. By God, I will myself have Anpage. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well.

We must give folks leave to prate. What the goodcher? Rugby, come to the court with me. By God, if I have not on page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Hogby. Excient, Dr. Caius, and Rugby. shall have in foolshead of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that. Never a woman in Windsor

knows more of Anne's mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Within. Who's within there? Ho! Who's there, I trow. Come near the house, I pray you. Enter Fenton. How now, good woman, how dost thou? The better that it pleases your good worship to ask. What news? How does pretty mistress Anne?

In truth, sir, and she is pretty and honest, and gentle, and one that But as your friend, I can tell you that, by the way. I praise heaven for it. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Troth, sir, all is in his hands above. But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye. Yes, Mary, have I? What of that? Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good faith it is such another nan. But, I detest, an honest maid has ever broke bread. We had an hour's talk of that ward. I shall

never laugh but in that maid's company. But indeed she is given too much to alcoholian musing. But for you, well, go too. Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there's money for thee. Let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou seest her before me, commend me. Will I, if faith that we will, and I will tell your worship more of the war the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers. Well, farewell, I am in great haste now. Farewell to your worship.

Exit Fenton. Truly an honest gentleman, but Anne loves him not, for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out upon it, what have I forgot? Exit. End of Act 1 Act 2 of the Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare. This is a Libravox recording. All Libravox recordings are in the public domain.

For more information or to volunteer, please visit Libravox.orgs. Act 2, Scene 1. Before Page's House. Enter Mistress Page with a letter. What have I escaped love letters in the holiday time of my beauty? And am I now a subject for them? Let me see. Reads Ask me no reason why I love you. For though love you's reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counselor. You are not young, no more am I.

go to then there's sympathy you are merry so am i ha ha then there's more sympathy you love sack and so do i would you desire better sympathy let it suffice thee mistress page at the least if the love of soldier can suffice that i love thee i will not say pity me tis not a soldier like phrase but i say love me by me by an own true knight by day or night or any kind of light-o'r with all his might for thee to fight, John Falstaff. What a herod of Jewry is this, oh, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant. What an unwaid behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked with the devil's name out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assame me. Well, he have not been thrice in my company. What should I say to him?

I was then frugal of my mirth. Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the Parliament for the pudding down of men. How shall I be revenged on him, for revenge I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings? Enter Mistress Ford. Mistress Paige, trust me I was going to your house. And trust me I was coming to you. You look very ill. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that. I have to show to the contrary. Faith, but you do in my mind. Well, I do, then, yet I say I could show you to the contrary. Oh, Mistress Page, give me some counsel. What's the matter, woman? Oh, woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour. Hang the trifle woman, take the honour. What is it? Dispence with trifles, what is it? If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment to

I could be knighted. What? Thou liest, Sir Alice Ford. These knights will hack, and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. We burn daylight. Here, read, read, Perceive how I might be knighted.

I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking. And yet he would not swear, praised women's modesty, and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncommonliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words. But they do no more adhere and keep place together than the hundredth psalm to the tune of green's-leaves. What tempest I trow through this wail, with so many tons of oil in his belly ashore at Windsor! How shall I be revenged on him?

i think the best way were to entertain him with hope till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease and did you ever hear the like letter for letter but that the name of page and ford differs to thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions here's the twin brother of thy letter but let thine inherit first for i protest mine never shall i warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names sure more and these are of the second edition he will print them out of doubt for he cares not what he puts into the press when he would put us to i had rather be a giantess and lie under mount pelion well i will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man why this is the very same this very hand the very words what doth he think of us nay i know not it makes me all the very same this very hand the very words nay i know not it makes me all almost ready to wrangle with my own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted with all. For sure, unless he knows some strain in me that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Bording, call you it. I'll be sure to keep him above deck. So will I. If he come under my hatches, I'll never to see again. Let's be revenged on him. Let's appoint him a meeting. Give him a show of comfort in his suit and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the garter.

Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. Oh, that my husband saw this letter! It would give eternal food to his jealousy. Why, look where he comes, and my good man, too. He is as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause, and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. You were the happier woman.

Let's consult together against this greasy night. Come hither. They retire. Enter Ford with pistol and Page with Nim. Well, I hope it be not so. Hope is a curdled dog in some affairs. Sir John affects thy wife. Why, sir, my wife is not young.

He woo's both high and low, both rich and poor, both young and old, one with another. Ford, he loves the galley mouth. fry. Ford, perpenned. Love my wife. With liver burning hot, prevent, or go thou, like Sir Action he, with ringwood at thy heels. Oh, odious is the name. What name, sir?

The horn, I say. Farewell. Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night. Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo birds do sing. Away, sir, corporal, Nim. Believe it, Paige, he speaks. sense. Exit, Ford, aside. I will be patient. I will find out this. To page. And this is true, I like not the humor of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors. I should have borne the humored letter to her, but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife. There's the short and long. My name is Corporal Nim. I speak, and I have outched tis true. My name

nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese, and there's the humour of it. Adieu. Exit. The humour of it, Quother. Here's a fellow fried English out of his wits. I will seek out Falstaff. I never heard such a drawling affecting rogue. If I do find it, well. I will not believe such a contayan, though the priest of the town commended him for a true man. It was a good sensible fellow. Well. how now mag mrs page and mistress ford come forward whither go you george hark you how now sweet frank why art thou melancholy i melancholy i am not melancholy get you home go faith thou hast some crotchets in thy head now you go mistress page have with you you'll come to dinner george aside to mistress ford look who comes yonder she shall be our messenger to this pole night. Aside, to Mistress Page.

Trust me, I thought, honour, she'll fit it. Enter Mistress quickly. You are come to see my daughter, Anne. I forsooth, and I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? Go in with us and see, we'll have an hour's talk with you. Exeunt, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly. How now, Master Ford? You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

Yes, and you heard what the other told me? Do you think there is truth in them? Hangham, slaves. I do not think the knight would offer it, but these that accuse him in this intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men very rogues. Now they be out of service. Were they his men? Mary, were they?

I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the garter? Aye. Marry, does he? If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him, and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident. I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied. Ah, look where my ranting host of the garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily. Enter host. How now, mine host?

How now, bully rook, thou are the gentlemen. Cavaliero justice, I say. shallow. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good evening and twenty, good Master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? We have sport in hand. Tell him, Cavaliero, Justice. Tell him, bully rook. Sir, there is a free to be fought between Sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Keyes the French doctor. Good, mine host of the Gata, a word with you. Drawing him aside. What sayest thou, my bully rook? Will you go thus to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons,

and I think hath appointed them contrary places, for, believe me, I hear the person is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what a sport shall be. They converse apart. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest cavalier? None, I protest, but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack, to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brooke. Only for a jest. My hand, bully, thou shalt have egress and regress, said I well, and thy name shall be Brooke. It is a merry knight. Will you go, Anne Harris?

Have with you, mine host. I have heard the Frenchman have good skill in his rape, yeah. Tuts, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes stucados and i know not what tis the heart master page tis the heart tis here i have seen the time with my long sword i would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats here boys here here shall we wag have with you i'd rather hear them to scold and fight hexient host shallow and page Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page's house, and what they made there I know not. Well, I will look further into it, and I have a disguise to sound full staff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour.

If she be otherwise, tis labour well bestowed. Exit. Act 2. Scene 2. A room in the garter inn. Enter Falstaff and pistol. I will not lend thee a penny. Why, then the world's mine oyster, which I with sword will open. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym. or else you had looked through the great like a gemony of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen, my friends.

You were good soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took it upon mine honour, thou hadest it not. Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence? Reason, you rogue, reason? Thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul gratis? Add a word, hang no more about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go, a short knife and a throng. To your manner of pigtatch, go. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue. You stand upon your honor. Why, thou, unconfineable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honor precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the

fear of God on the left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge and to lurch, and yet you rogue, will ensconce your rags, your catamount and looks, your red lattice phrases, and your bold beating oaths, under the shelter of your honor. You will not do it, you. I do relent. What would thou more of man? Enter Robin. Sir, here's a woman with speak with you. Let her approach. Enter mistress quickly. Give your worship good-morrow. Good-morrow, good wife.

Not so, and it please your worship. Good maid, then. I'll be sworn as my mother was the first hour I was born. I do believe the swearer. What with me? Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Two thousand, fair woman, and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. There is one mistress ford, sir.

I pray, come a little nearer this ways, I myself dwell with Master Dr. Caius. Well, on. Mistress Ford, you say? Your worship says very true. I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. I warrant thee, nobody hears. Mine own people, mine own people.

Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants. Well, Mistress Ford, what of her? Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, Lord, your worships are wanton. Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray. Mistress Ford, come, Mistress Ford! Mary, this is the short and the long of it. You have brought her into such a canary's as tis wonderful. The best courtier of the mall, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been

knights and lords and gentlemen with their coaches. I warrant you coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweetly, all musk and so rustling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in such elegant terms, and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart. And I warrant you they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty. And I warrant you, they could never be. never get her so much as sip on a cup, with the proudest of them all, and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more pensioners. But I warrant you, all is one with her.

But what says she to me? Be brief, my good she, Mercury. Mary, she hath received your letter, for the which she thanks you a thousand times, and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Ten and eleven? I foresooth, and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you ought of. Master Ford, her husband will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He's a very jealousy man. She leads a very framp-hold life with him, good heart.

Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her. Why, you say well, but I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you, too, And let me tell you in your ear, she's as far as she's as far as, a civil, modest wife, And one I tell you that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, As any is in Windsor, who e'er be the other,

And she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home, But she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so do'd upon a man. Surely I think you have charms, la, yes, in truth. Not I, I assure thee, setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Blessing on your heart, Fort. But I pray thee, tell me this.

Has Ford's wife and Paige's wife equated each other how they love me? That were a jest indeed. They have not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed. But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page of all loves. Her husband has a marvelous infection to the little page, and truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will, and truly she deserves it, for if there be a kind woman in Windsor,

she is one. You must send her your page, no remedy. Why, I will. Nay, but do so, then. and look you he may come and go between you both, and in any case have a nay word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand anything, for tis not good that children should know any wickedness.

Old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fare thee well, commend me to them both. There's my purse, I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. Hexient, mistress quickly, and Robin. This news distracts me. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers. Clap on more sails.

Pursue, up with your fights. Give fire. She is my prize, or ocean-welm them all. Exit. Sayest thou so, old Jack. Go thy ways. I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Will thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer?

good body i thank thee let them say tis grossly done so it be fairly done no matter enter bardolph sir john there's one master brook below would fain to speak with you and be acquainted with you and the senior worship a morning's draught a sack brook is his name ay sir call him in exit bardolph such brooks are welcome to me that o'er flows such liquor aha mistress ford and mistress page have i I encompassed you? Go too, via... Re-enter Bardolph with Ford, disguised. Bless you, sir. And you, sir, would you speak with me? I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. You're welcome. What's your will?

Give us leave, Drawer. Exit, Bardolph. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much. My name is Brooke. Good Master Brooke, I desire more acquaintance of you. Good Sir John, I sue for yours, not to charge you, for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are. That which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion,

for they say, if money go before, always do lie open. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Troth and I have a bag of money here troubles me. If you will help me to bear it, Sir John, take all or half for easing me of the carriage. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Speak, good master, Brooke. I shall be glad to be your servant. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, I will be brief with you.

and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection, but— Good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own that I may pass with the reproof the easier, sith you know yourself how easy it is to be such an offender. Very well, sir, proceed. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Well, sir.

I have long loved her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with the dotig observance, engrossed opportunities to meet her, feed every slight occasion that could but niggedly give me sight of her not only bought many presents to give her but have given largely to many to know what she would have given briefly I have pursued her as love

hath pursued me which hath been on the wing of all occasions but whatsoever I have merited either in my mind or in my means Mead, I am sure, I have received none, Unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, And that hath taught me to say this, Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues,

pursuing that, that flies, and flying what pursues. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Never. Have you importuned her to such a purpose? Never? Of what quality was your love, then? Like a fair house built on another man's ground, so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it.

To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? When I have told you that I have told you all, some say that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth, so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose. You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse of great admittance, authentic in your place and person,

generally allowed, for your many warlike, court-like, and learned preparations. Oh, sir! Believe it for, you know it. There is money, spend it, spend it, spend more, spend all I have, only give me so much of your time in exchange for it as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife. Use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you. If any man may, you may as soon as any.

Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection that I should, should win what you would enjoy? Me thinks you prescribed to yourself very preposterously. Oh, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour that the folly of my soul dares not present itself. She is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her? With any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves. I could drive her then, from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me. What say you to it, Sir John? Mr. Brooke, I will first make bold with your money.

Next, give me your hand. And last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Oh, good sir. I say you shall. Want no money, Sir John. You shall want none. Want no mistress Ford, Master Brook. You shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment. even as you came into me, her assistant or go-between parted from me. I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night. You shall know how I speed. I am blessed in your acquaintance. Do you know, Ford, sir? Hang him, poor cuckledly knave. I know him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor.

they say the jealous wittily knave hath masses of money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will use her as the key of the cockledly rogue's coffer, and there's my harvest home. I would you knew, ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue. I will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with my cudgel. It shall hang like a meteor or the cockle. horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.

Come to me soon at night. Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckled. Come to me soon at night. Exit. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this. My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is impatients? Who says this is impruchery. provident jealousy. My wife hath sent to him. The hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman. My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawain at. And I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms, names. A me

Simon sounds well, Lucifer well, Barbason well, yet they are devil's additions, the names of fiends, but, cuckold, wittal, cuckold, the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will not be jealous. I will rather trust a flebbing with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aquavita bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding than my wife with herself, then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises, and what they think in their hearts they may effect. They will break their hearts, but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour, I will prevent this.

Detect my wife. Be revenged on my wife. full stuff and laugh at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie! Fie! Fie! Fie! Cuckold! Cuckold! Cuckold! Exit. At two, scene three.

A field near Windsor. Enter Dr. Cairus and Rugby. Jack Rugby! Sir? What is the clock, Jack? It is past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. By God, he has saved his soul that he is no come. He has pray his Bible well that he is no come. By God, Jacko Gubby, he is dead already if he become. He is wise, sir. He knew your worship would kill him if he came. By God, the herring is no dead so as I will kill him. Take a repier, Jack.

I will tell you how I will kill him. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. take your rapierre forbear his company enter host shallow slender and page bless thee bully doctor good save you master dr geese give you good morrow sir what be all of you one two three four come for to see thee fight to see the foine to see the traverse to see thee here to see thee there to see thee pass thy po'n thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montaunt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my Aeschalopias?

My Galen, my heart of elder. Ha, is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead? By God, he is the coward Jack priest of the world! He is not show his face. Thou art a Castellian king urinal. Hector of Greece, my bull. my boy. I pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or seven, two, three hours for him, and he is no come.

He is the wiser man, master doctor. He is a cure of souls, a new, a cure of buddies. If you should fight, you'll go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page? Master Shallow, you have yourself being a great fighter, though now a man of peace. "'Buddikins, Master Page, "'though I now be old and of the peace, "'if I see a sort out, "'my finger itches to make one. "'Though we are justices and doctors

"'and churchmen, Master Page, "'we have some salt of our youth in us. "'We are the sons of woman, Master Page.' "'Tis true, Master Shallow. "'It will be found so, Master Page. "'Master Doctor Keyes, "'I am come to fetch you home. "'I am sworn of the peace.

"'You have showed yourself a wise for and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a ways and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor. Pardon, guest justice. A word, Monsieur Mach water. Mock water. What is that? Mockwater in our English tongue is Valor Bully.

By God, then I have as much mock water as the Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest, by God, me will cut his ears. He will clapper. claw the tightly bully. Clapety claw, what is that? That is, he will make the amends. By God, me do look he shall clap at the claw me, for by God me will have it.

And I will provoke him to it, or let him wag. Me thank you for that. And moreover, bully, but first, Master Gast and Master Page and Eke Cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. Aside to them. Sir Hugh is there, is he?

He is there. See what humor he is in. And I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? We will do it. Adieu, good master, doctor. Excient, page, shallow and slender. By God, me will kill the priest, for he speak for a jack-in-hap to unpage.

Let him die. Sheat thy impatience, throw cold water on thy collar. Go about the fields with me through Frogmore. I will bring thee where mistress Anne Page is at a farmhouse a feasting, and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim, said I well. By God, me thank you for that. By God, I love you, and I shall procure you the good guest, the ear, the knight, the lords, the gentlemen, my patience. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page, said I well.

By gah, tis good. Well said. Let us wag then. Come at my heels, Jack Rogby. Excient. And of Act two. Act three of the Mary Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare. This is a Libravox recording. All Libravox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Libravox.org. act three scene one a field near frogmore enter sir hugh evans and simple i pray you now good master slender's serving man and friend simple by your name which way have you looked for master caius that calls himself doctor of physic mary sir the piti word the park word every way old windsor way and every way but the town way i most vehemently desire you you will also look that way I will, sir. Exit.

Bless my soul. How full of collars I am, and trembling of mind. I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholys I am. I will gnaug his urnals about his knaves costred when I have good opportunities for the urch. Bless my soul. To shallow rivers to whose falls,

Melodious birds sing madrigals. There we will make our pets of roses. And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow, mercy on me. I have a great dispositions to cry. Melodious birds sing madrigals, When as I sat in Pabillon, And a thousand vagrant posies to shallow, etc.

Re-enter simple. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. He's welcome. To shallow rivers, too, who's welcome. To shallow rivers, too, who's, falls. Heaven prosper the right. What weapons is he? No weapons, sir. There

comes my master, Master's Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the style this way. Pray you, give me my gown, or else keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and slender. Oh, no, Master Parson, good-morrow, good, so, Hugh. Keep a

a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Aside. Ah, sweet Anne Page. Save you, good sir Hugh. Plus you, from his mercy's sake, all of you. What, the sword and the word? Do you study them both, Master Pearson?

And youthful still, in your doublet and hose this raw rheumatic day, There is reasons and causes for it. We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson. Very well. What is it? Yonder is a most reverend gentleman who, but like having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.

I have lived fourscore years and upward. I never heard a man of his place, gravity a learning, so why do his own respect? What is he? I think you know him, Master Dr. Caius, the renowned French physician. Gott's will and his passion of my heart. I had his leaf you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Why?

He has no more knowledge in Hippocrates and Galen. and he is a knave besides, a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted with all. I warrant you he's the man should fight with him. Aside. Oh, sweet Anne Page. It appears so obey his weapons. Keep them asunder. Here comes Dr. Keys. Enter host, Dr. Caius, and rugby.

Naked Master Parson, keeping your weapon. So do you, good master, doctor? Disarm them and let them question. Let them keep. their limbs whole and hack our English. I pray you, let me speak a word with your ear. Wherefore will you not meet me? Aside to Dr. Cias. Pray you, use your patience, in good time.

By gar! You are the coward, the jack-dog, Jean-Ape. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks to other men's humors. I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other, make you amends. Aloud. I will gnaug your urinals about your knave's coxcomb for missing your meetings and appointments.

Diablo, Jacques Rubie, mine host de Jartier, have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not at the place I did appoint? As I am a Christian soul now, look you, this is the place appointed. I'll be judgment by mine host of the garter. Peace, I say, Galia and Gaul, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer.

Aye, that is very good. Excellent. Peace, I say. Hear mine host of the garter. Am I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No.

He gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No, he gives me the proverbs and the no verbs. Give me thy hand terrestrial, so. Give me thy hand, Celestial, so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both. I have directed you to wrong places. Your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole,

and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace. Follow, follow, follow. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow. Aside. Oh, sweet Anne Page.

Excient. shallow, slender, page, and host. Ha! Do I perceive that? Have you not make a desort of us? Ha! ha! This is well. He has made us his flouting-stog.

I desire you that we may be friends. And let us knock our brains together to be revenge on this same skull, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the garter. By God, with all my heart! He promised to bring me where's an... page by gah he deceived me too well i will smite his nautils pray you follow xient act three scene two a street enter mistress page and robin nay keep your way little gallant you were wont to be a follower but now you are a leader whether had you rather lead mine eyes or i your master's heels i had rather forsooth go before you like a man than

follow him like a dwarf. Oh, you are a flattering boy. Now I see you'll be a courtier. Enter Ford. Well met, Mistress Page, with a go-you. Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home? I and as idle as she may hang together for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Be sure of that. Two other husbands.

Where had you this pretty weathercock? I cannot tell what the Dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight's name, Sera? Sir John Falstaff. Sir John Falstaff? He, he, I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he. Is your wife at home indeed?

Indeed she is. By your leave, sir, I am sick till I see her. Excient, Mistress Page, and Robin. Has Paige any brains? Have he any eyes? Have he any thinking? Sure, they sleep. He hath no use of them.

Why this boy will carry a letter twenty mile as easy as a cannon, will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inclination. He gives her fully motion and advantage, and now she's going to my wife and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And full-staff's boy with her. Good plots they are laid,

and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself from a secure and willful actaeon, and, to these violent proceedings, all my neighbours shall cry aim. Clock heard.

The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me, search, there I shall find Fullstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked, for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Fullstaff is there. I will go.

Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, host, Sir Hugh Evans, Dr. Caius, and Rugby. Will mit, Masterford. Trust me, a good not. I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. And so must I, sir.

We have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender. On this day we shall have our answer. I hope I have your good will, Father Page. You have Master Slender. I stand holy for you, but my wife, Master Doctor, is for you altogether.

I begar, and the maid is a love of me, my nurse, quickly tell me so much. What say you to young master Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday,

he smells April and May. He will carry it, he will carry it, tis in his buttons, he will carry it. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of, no having. He kept company with the wild print and points. He is of too high a region. He knows too much. No, he shall not knit and not in his fortunes with a finger of my substance. If he take her, let him take her simply, the wealth I have weight on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

I beseech you heartily. Some of you go home with me to dinner. Besides your cheer, you shall have sport. I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go. go, so shall you, Master Page. And you, Sir Hugh. Well, fair you will, we shall have the free of wooing at Master Pages. Exeunt, shallow, and slender. Go home, Jean-Rogby, I come and on. Exit Rugby. Farewell, my hearts, I will to my honest night foul staff and drink Canary with him.

Exit. Aside. I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him. I'll make him. Dance. Will you go, gentles? Have we to see this monster? Xient. Act three. Scene three. A room in Ford's house. Enter, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.

What, John? What, Robert? Quickly, quickly, is the buck basket. I warrant. What Robin, I say? Enter servants with a basket. Come, come, come. Here, set it down. Give your men the charge. We must. be brief. Mary, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house, and

when I suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders. That done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the witsters in datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thameside. You will do it. I had told them over and over. They lack no direction. Be gone and come when you are called.

exeant servants here comes little robin enter robin how now my ayas musket what news with you my master sir john is come in at your back door mistress ford and requests your company you little jackalent have you been true to us ay i'll be sworn my master knows not of your being here and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty if i tell you of it for he swears he'll turn me away thou'rt a good boy this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me. Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone. Exit, Robin. Mistress Page, remember you, your cue. I warrant thee. If I do not act it, hiss me. Exit. Go too, then. We'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross, watery pumpion. We'll teach him how to know turtles from J's.

Enter Falstaff. Have I caught thee, my heavenly... Jewel. Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough. This is the period of my ambition. Oh, this blessed hour. Oh, sweet, Sir John. Mrs. Ford, I cannot cog. I cannot pray, Mrs. Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish. I would thy husband were dead. I'll speak it before the best Lord. I would make thee my lady. I, your lady, Sir John. Alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Let the court of France show me such another.

I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond. Thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. A plain kerchief, Sir John. My brows become nothing else, nor that well neither. By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so. thou wouldst make an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gate in a semicircled farthingale.

I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not, nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it. Believe me, there is no such thing in me. What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog and say, Thou art this and that, Like many of these lisping hawthorn buds That come like women in men's apparel,

And smell like Bucklersbury and simple time, I cannot. But I love thee, none but thee, And thou deservest it. Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love, Mistress Page. Thou might as well say I love to walk by the countergate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime kiln.

Well, heaven knows how I love you, and you shall one day find it. Keep that in mind, I'll deserve it. Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else I could not be in that mind. Within. Mrs. Ford, Mrs. Ford, Here's Mistress Page at the door,

sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would need speak with you presently. She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind the heiress. I'll pray you do so. She's a very tattling woman. Falstaff hides himself. Re-enter Mistress Page and Robin.

What's the matter? How now? Oh, Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you're overthrown, you're undone, forever. What's the matter, good Mistress Page? Oh, well a day, Mistress Ford, having an honest man to your husband to give him such cause of suspicion. What cause of suspicion? What cause of suspicion outpond you? How am I mistook in you?

Why, alas, what's the matter? Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are undone. Tis not so, I hope. Pray heaven it be not so that you have such a man here, but tis most certain your husband's coming with half-winser at his heels to search for such a one.

I come before to tell you, if you know yourself clear why, I am glad of it, but if you have a friend here, convey him out! Be not amazed! Call all your senses to you! Defend your reputation or bid farewell to your good life forever! What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my dear friend, and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril.

I had rather a thousand pound he were out of the house. For shame, never stand you had rather and you had rather. Your husband's here at hand, bethink you have some conveyance in the house you cannot hide him. Oh, how have you deceived me? Look, here is a basket. If he be of any reasonable stature he may creep in here, and throw foul linen upon him as if it were going to bucking, or—

It is whiting time. Send him by your two men to datch at mead.' He's too big to go in there. What shall I do? Coming forward. Let me see it. Let me see it. Oh, let me see it. I'll in. I'll in. Follow your friend's counsel. I'll in. What? Sir John Falstaff? Are these your letters, knight? I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here. I'll never. Gets into the basket. They cover him with foul linen.

Help to cover your master boy. Call your men, Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight! What John? What Robert? John! Exit Robin. Re-enter servants. Go take up these clothes here quickly.

Where's the cow staff? Look how you drumble. Carry them to the laundress and datchet meat. Quickly come. Enter Ford, Page, Dr. Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Pray you come near. If I suspect without cause, why then make sport of me? Then let me be your jest.

I deserve it. How now? Whither bear you this? To the laundress forsooth. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Buck. I would I could wash myself of the buck.

Buck, buck, I buck, I'll warrant you, Buck. And of the season too it shall appear. Excient, Servants, with the basket. Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight. I'll tell you my dream. Here. Here. Here be my keys. Ascend to my chambers. Search, seek, and find out, I'll warrant. We'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. Locking the door. So now, uncape. Good Master Ford. Be contended. You wrong yourself too much. True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen. You shall see Sportin on. Follow me, gentlemen. This is fairy fantastical humours and jealousies.

By ga, tis no the fashion of France. It is not jealous in France. Nay, follow him, gentlemen. See the issue of his search. Exeunt, Page, Dr. Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Is there not a double excellency in this? I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived or Sir John. What a taking was he in when you are half? husband asked who was in the basket. I am half afraid he will have need of washing, so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Hang him, dishonest rascal. I would all of the same

strain were in the same distress. I think my husband hath some special suspicion of false staffs being here, for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. I will lay a plot to try that, and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and give him another hope to betray him to another punishment? We will do it. Let him be sent for tomorrow, eight o'clock to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, Dr. Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of that he could not compass.

Aside, to Mistress Ford. Heard you that. You use me well, Master Ford, do you? I, I do so. Heaven make you better than your thoughts. Amen. You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford. I?

I, I must bear it. If there be any party in the house, and in the chambers and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment. My gar, no I too. There's no bodies. Fy, Fy, Master Ford, are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not hire your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Winter Castle.

Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it. You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is as honest a omens, as I will desire as among 5,000 and 5002. My God, I see it is an honest woman. well i promised you a dinner come come walk in the park i pray you pardon me i will hereafter make known to you why have done this come wife come mistress page i pray you pardon me pray heartily pardon me let's go in gentlemen but trust me we'll mock him i do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast after we're a birding together i have a fine hawk with a bush shall we so anything if there is one i shall make two in the company If there be one or two, I shall make a third.

Pray you, go, Master Page. I pray you now. Remembrance tomorrow on the lousy knave, mine host. That is good! By God, with all my heart! A lousy knave to have his gibes and his mockeries. Exeunt. Act 3. Scene 4. A room in Page's house. Enter Fempton and Anne Page. and page. I see I cannot get thy father's love, therefore no more turn me to him, sweet nan. Alas, how then? Why, thou must be thyself. He doth object I am too great of birth,

and that, my stake being galled with my expense, I seek to heal it only by his wealth. Besides these, other bars he lays before me. My riots passed, my wild societies, and tells me tis a thing impossible I should love thee but as a property. Maybe he tells you true. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come. Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne. Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more value

than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags, and tis the very riches of thyself that I now aim at. Gentle Master Fenton, yet seek my father's love, still seek it sir if opportunity and humblest suit cannot attain it why then hark you hither they converse apart enter shallow slender and mistress quickly break that talk mistress quickly my kinsman shall speak for himself i'll make a shaft or bolt-aunt slid tis but venturing be not dismayed no she shall not dismay me i care not for that, but that I am afeard. Hark ye, Master Slender would speak a word with you. I come to him.

Aside. This is my father's choice. Oh, what a world of vile, ill-favoured faults looks handsome and three hundred pounds a year. And how does, good Master Fenton, pray you a word with you? She's coming, to her cause, Oh boy, thou had'st a feather. I had a father, mistress, Anne.

My uncle can tell you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress Anne the jest How my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Aye, that I do, as well as I love any woman in Gloucester. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Aye, that I will. Come cut and long tail, under the degree of a squire.

He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds joint-chew. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Mary, I thank you for it. I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, cause, I'll leave you. Now, Master Slender. Now, good Mistress Anne. What is your will?

My will? Odd's heartlings. That's a pretty just indeed. I ne'er made my will yet. I thank heaven. I am not such a sickly creature. I give heaven praise. Mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?

Truly, for my own part, I would little or nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions. If it be my luck, so. If not, happy man be his doll. They can tell you how things go better than I can. You may ask your father, here he comes. Enter Page and Mistress Page. Now, Master Slender, I love him, daughter Anne.

Why how now, what is Master Fenton here? You wrong me, sir, that's still to haunt my house. I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of. Nay, Master Page, be not impatient. Good Master Fenton, come not to my child. She is no match for you. Sir, will you hear me? No, good Master Fenton. Come Master Shallow, come Slender, in. Know my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

Excient, Page, Shallow and Slender. Speak to Mistress Page. Good Mistress Paige. For that I love your daughter in such a righteous fashion as I do, perforce against all checks, rebukes and manners, I must advance the colours of my love and not retire. Let me have your goodwill. Good mother, do not marry me to yonned fool.

I mean it not. I seek you a better husband. That's my master, master doctor. Alas, I'd rather be set quick of the earth and bowled to death with turnips. come trouble not yourself good master fenton i will not be your friend nor enemy my daughter will i question how she loves you and as i find her so am i affected till then farewell sir she must needs go in her father will be angry farewell gentle mistress farewell nan exeunt mistress page and anne page this is my doing now nay said i will you cast away your child on a fool and a physician look on master fenton this is my doing i thank thee and i pray thee once to-night give my sweet nan this ring theirs for thy pains now heaven send thee good fortune exit a kind heart he hath a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart but yet i would my master had mistress anne or i would master slender had her or in sooth i would master fenton had her i will do what i can for them all three

for so i have promised and i'll be as good as my word but speciously for master fenton well i must have another errand to sir john faustaff for my two mistresses what a beast am i to slack it exit act three scene five a room in the garter inn enter falstaff and bardolf bardolph i say yes sir go fetch me a quart of sack put a toast in it exit Bardolph. Have I lived to be carried in a basket like a barrow of butcher's awful, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if I beserved such another trick, I'll have my brains taken out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a New Year's gift. The rogue slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a blind bitch's puppies, 15 in the litter. And you may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking. If the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvey and shallow.

A death that I abhor. For the water swells a man, and what a thing should I have been when I had been swelled? I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter Bardolph with sack. Here's mrs. Quately, sir, to speak with you. Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water, for my bellies as cold as if I had said,

swallowed snowballs for pills to cool the rains. Call her in. Come in, woman. Enter Mistress quickly. By your leave, I cry you mercy. Give your worship good-morrow. Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of sack finally. With a-a-sure. Simple of itself, I'll know pullet sperm in my brewage. Exit, Bardolph. How now? Mary, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford. "'Mrs. Ford? I have had Ford enough. I was thrown into the Ford. I have my belly full of Ford.' "'Alas the day, good heart. That was not her fault. She does so take on with her men. They mistook their erection. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.' Well, she laments her for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning

a birding. She desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine I must carry her word quickly. She'll make you amends, I warrant you. Well, I will visit her. Tell her so. And bidder think what a man is. Let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. I will tell her. Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou? Eight and nine, sir. Well, be gone. I will not miss her. Peace be with you, sir.

Exit. I marvel I hear not of Master Brooke. He sent me word to stay within. I like his money well. Oh, here he comes. Enter Ford. Bless you, sir. Now, Master Brook, you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? That, indeed, sir, John, is my business.

Master Brooke, I will not lie to you. I was at her house the hour she appointed me. And sped you, sir? Very ill-favoredly, Master Brooke. How so, sir, did she change her determination? No, Master Brook. But the peaking Cornuto, her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual alarm of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy,

and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and forsooth to search his house for his wife's love. What, while you were there? While I was there. And did he search for you and could not find you? You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach,

and in her invention and Ford's wife's distraction, they carried me into a buck basket. A buck basket? By the Lord, a buck-basket. Rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy napkins. That, Master Brook, there was the rancous compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril. And how long lay you there? Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.

being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchett Lane. They took me on their shoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it, but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, On went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brook. I suffered the pangs of three several deaths.

First, an intolerable fright to be detected with a jealous rotten bellwether. Next, to be compassed like a good bilbo in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head, and then to be stopped in like a strong distillation, with stinking. thinking clothes that fretted in their own grease. Think of that. A man of my kidney! Think of that.

That am is subject to heat as butter, a man of continual dissolution and thaw. It was a miracle to escape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half-stued in Greece like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames and cooled, glowing hot in that surge, like a horseshoe. Think of that. Hissing hot. Think of that, Master Brook. In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate. You'll undertake her no more? Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus.

Her husband is this morning gone a-burding. I have received from her another embassy of meeting. "'Twixed eight and nine is the hour, Master Brooke.' "'Tis past eight already, sir.' "'Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. "'Come to me at your convenient leisure, "'and you shall know how I speed, "'and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her. "'Adu, you shall have her, Master Brooke.

"'Master Brooke, you shall cuckled Ford.' "'Exit.' "'Hah! "'Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Do I sleep? Master Ford! Awake! Awake, Master Ford! There's a hole in your best coat, Master Ford.

This tis to be married. This is to have linen and buck baskets. Well, I will proclaim myself what I am. I will now take the lecher. He is at my house. He cannot escape me. Tis impossible he should. He cannot creep into a half-bony purse, nor into a pepper-box. but lest the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places.

Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame. If I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me. I'll be horn mad. Exit. End of Act 3. Act 4 of the Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare This is a Libravox recording All Libravox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer

Visit Librevox.org Act 4, scene 1, a street Enter, Mistress Page, Mistress Quickly And William Page Is he at Master Ford's already, thinks thou? Sure he is by this, or will be presently. But truly he is very courageous, mad about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.

I'll be with her by and by. I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look where his master comes. Tis a playing day, I see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, Sir Hugh? No school today? No. Master Slender is Let the boys leave to play. Blessing of his heart.

Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some questions in his accidents. Come hither, William, hold up your head. Come. Come on, Sirah, hold up your head. Answer your master, be not afraid. William, how many numbers is in nouns? Two.

Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say, odds nouns. Peace, your tattlings. What is fair, William? Pulcher. Polkats, there are fairer. things than polecats, sure. You are a very simplicity omen. I pray you peace. What is lapis, William?

A stone. And what is a stone, William? A pebble. No, it is lapis. I pray you, remember, in your prane. Lapis. That is a good William. What is he, William, that does lend articles?

Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus declined, singularita. Nominativo. Hick, hick, hok. Nominitivo, hig, hag, hog. Pray you, mark. Genitivo, who use. Well, what is your accusative case? Accusitivo, hink.

I pray you, have your remembrance, child. Accusative, hung, hang, hog. Hang hog. is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Leave your prabos, omen. What is the focative case, William? Oh, vocativo, oh. Remember, William, vocative is carrot. And that's a good root.

Omen, forbear. Peace. What is your genitive case plural, William? Genitive case? Aye. Genitive. Whorum, harum, horum. Vengeance of Jenny's case, fie on her.

Never name her a child if she'd be a whore. For shame, Omen. You do ill to teach the child such words. He teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do vast enough of themselves, and to call Horm, fie upon you. Omen, art thou lunatics? Hast thou no understandings for thy cases and the numbers of the genders?

Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires. Prithee, hold thy peace. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns. Fusuth, I have forgot. It is quay quad. If you forget your quees, your quays, and your quads, you must be preachers. Go your ways and play. Go. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. Exit Sir Hugh Evans.

Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long. Excient. Act four, scene two. A room in Ford's house. Enter Falstaff and Mistress Ford. Mrs. Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance. I say you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breath. Not only, Mrs. Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, compliment, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now? He's a birding, sweet, Sir John.

Within. What ho gossip forward, what ho? Step into the chamber, Sir John. Exit Falstaff. Enter, Mistress Page. How now, sweetheart? Who's at home besides yourself? Why none but mine own people?

Indeed. No, certainly. Aside to her. Speak louder. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here. Why? Why, woman, your husband is in his old loons again. He so takes on yonder with my husband, so rails against all married mankind, so curses all

Eve's daughters of what complexion soever, and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, peer out, peer out, that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat knight is not here. Why? Does he talk of him? Of none but him, and swears he was carried out, the last. last time he searched for him in a basket. Protests to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport

to make another experiment of his suspicion. But I am glad the knight is not here. Now he shall see his own foolery. How near is he, Mistress Page? Hard by, at street end. He will be here anon. I am undone. The knight is here.

Why, then, you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you! Away with him, away with him! Better shame than murder! Which way should he go? How shall I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again? Re-enter Falstaff. No, I'll come no more in the basket. May I not go out ere he come? Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watched the door with pistols that none shall issue out. Otherwise, you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?

What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. There they always used to discharge their burning pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole. Where is it? He will seek there on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, But he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, And goes to them by his note.

There is no hiding you in the house. I'll go out then. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised. How might we disguise him? Alas, the day I know not, there is no woman's gown big enough for him, otherwise he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape. Good hearts, devise something, any extremity rather than a mischief. My maids aren't. The fat woman of Brentford has a gown above.

On my word, it will serve him. She's as big as he is. And there's her thrummed hat and her muffler, too. Run up, Sir John. Go, go, sweet, Sir John. "'Mrs. Page and I will look some linen for your head.' "'Quick, quick, we'll come dress you straight. Put on the gown the while.' "'Exit, Falstaff.' "'I would my husband would meet him in this shape. He cannot abide, the old woman of Brentford, "'swear she's a witch. Forbade her my house and hath threatened to beat her.' "'Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards.'

"'But is my husband coming?' "'Ah, in good sadness is he. and talks of the basket, too, howsoever he have had intelligence. We'll try that, for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Nay, but he'll be here presently. Let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford.

I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him straight. Exit. Hang him, dishonest Barlet. We cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof by that which we will do. wives may be merry and yet honest too we do not act that often jest and laugh tis old but true still swine eat all the draught exit re-enter mistress ford with two servants go sirs take the basket again on your shoulders your master is hard at door if he bid you set it down obey him quickly dispatch exit

come come take it up pray heaven it be not full of night again i hope not i had a Is leaf bear so much lead? Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Dr. Cairus, and Sir Hugh Evans. Aye, but if it proved true, Master Page, Have you any way then to unfool me again? Sit down the basket, villain. Somebody call my wife,

You thin a basket. Oh, you pandily rascals! There's a knot, a ging, a pack, A conspiracy against me. Now shall the devil be shamed. what wife I say Come, come forth Behold what honest clothes you send forth

To bleaching Why this passes Master Ford You are not to go loose any longer You must be pinioned Why This is lunatics This is mad as a mad dog Indeed Master Ford

This is not well indeed So say I too sir Reenter Mistress Ford Come hither mistress Ford Mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband. I suspect without cause, mistress, do I? Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty. Well said, brazen face. Hold it out. Come forth, Zira.

Pulling clothes out of the basket. This passes. Are you not ashamed? Let the clothes alone. I shall find you an on. "'Tis unreasonable. Will you take up your wife's clothes? "'Come away. "'Empty the basket, I say.' "'Why, man, why?'

"'Master Page, as I am a man, "'there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday "'in this basket. "'Why may not he be there again? "'In my house, I am sure he is. "'My intelligence is true. "'My jealousy is reasonable. "'Pluck me out all the linen.'

"'If you find me, a man there, he shall die a flea's death. Here's no man. By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford. This wrongs you. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart. This is jealousies. Well, he's not here I seek for.

No, nor nowhere else but in your brain. Help to search my house this one time. If I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity. Let me forever be your table sport, Let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, That searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more,

Once more, search with me. What, oh, Mistress Page, Come you and the old woman down. My husband will come into the chamber. Old woman? What old woman's that? Nay, it is my maids' aunt of Brentford. A witch, a queen, an old cousining queen, Have I not forbid her my house?

She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men. We do not know what's bought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such d'awberry as this is, beyond our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch, you hag you.

Come down, I say. Nay, good, sweet husband. Good gentleman, let him not strike the old woman. Re-enter Falstaff in women's clothes and Mistress Page. Come, Mother Pratt, come, give me your hand. I'll pratt her. Beating him. Out of my door, you witch, you, hag, you baggage, you, pole-cart, you running on.

Out, out, out, I'll conjure you, oh fortune tell you. Exit Falstaff. Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the poor woman. Nay, he will do it. tis a goodly credit for you hang her a witch by the yea and no i think the omen is a witch indeed i like not when a woman has a great peered i spy a great peered under his muffler will you follow gentlemen i beseech you follow see but the issue of my jealousy if i cry out thus upon no trail never trust me when i open again let's obey his humour a little further come gentlemen exeunt ford page shallow dr caius and sir hugh evans trust me he beat him most pitifully nay by the mass that he did not he beat him most unpitifully be thought i'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the altar it hath done meritorious service what think you may we with the warrant of womanhood and the witness of a good conscience pursue him with any further revenge

the spirit of wantonness is sure scared out of him if the devil have him not in fee simple with fine and recovery he will never i think in the way of waste attempt us again shall we tell our husbands how we have served him yes by all means if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains if they can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted we too will still be the ministers I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed, and methinks there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly shamed? Come to the forge with it, then. Shape it, I would not have things cool. Excient.

Act four, scene three. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter, host, and Bardolph. Sir, the Germans desired to have three of your horses. The Duke himself will be tomorrow at court, and they are going to meet him. What Duke should that be come so secret? I hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen. They speak English? Aye, sir. I'll call them to you. They shall have my horses, but I'll make them pay. I'll sauce them.

They have had my house a week at command. I have turned away my other guests. They must come off. I'll sauce them. Come. Xient. Act four, scene four. A room in Ford's house. Enter. page ford mistress page mistress ford and sir hugh evans tis one of the best discretions of an omen as ever i did look upon and did he send you both these letters at an instant within a quarter of an hour pardon me wife henceforth do what thou wilt i rather will suspect the sun with cold than thee with wantonness now doth thy honour stand in him that was of late and heretic as firm as faith tis well tis well no more be not as extreme in submission as an offence but let our plot go forward let our wives yet once again to make us public sport appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow where we may take him and disgrace him for it there is no better way than that they spoke of how to send him word they'll meet him in the park and midnight fie-fire he'll never come you say he has been thrown in the rivers and has been grievously peter as an old woman he thinks there should be terrors in him that he will never come you say he has been thrown in the rivers and has been grievously peedon as an old woman methinks there should be terrors in him that he should not come methinks his flesh is punished he shall have no desires so think i too

devise but how you'll use him when he comes and let us too devise to bring him thither there is an old tale goes that herne the hunter some time a keeper here in windsor forest doth all the winter time at still midnight walk round about in oak with great ragged horns, and there he blasts the tree and takes the cattle, and makes milch-kind yielded blood, and shakes a chain in a most hideous and dreadful manner. You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know, the superstitious, idle-headed eld received and did deliver to our age, this tale of Hearn the hunter for a truth. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear in deep of night to walk, by this Hearn's Oak. But what of this? marry this is our device that full staff at that oak shall meet with us well let it not be doubted but he'll come and in this shape when you have bought him thither what shall we done with him what is your plot

that likewise have we thought upon and thus nan page my daughter and my little son and three or four more of their growth will dress like urchins oofs and fairies green and white with rounds of wax and tapers on their heads and rattles in their hands upon a sudden as fall staff she and I are newly met, let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once with some diffused song. Upon their sight, we two in great amazedness will fly, then let them all encircle him about, and, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight, and ask him why, that hour of fairy revel, in their so sacred paths he dares to tread in shape profane. And till he tell the truth, let the supposed fairies pinch him sound and burn him with their tapers. The truth being known, we'll all present ourselves, dishorn the spirit, and mock him home to Windsor. The children must be practised well to this, but they'll ne'er do it.

I will teach the children their behaviours, and I will be like a jack-and-apef's also, to burn the knight with my taber. That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them visards. My nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, finely attired in a robe of white. That's it will I go by, and in that time shall must say. slender, still my Nanaway, and marry her at Eton. Go send Fullstar straight. Nay, alter him again in the name of Brooke. He'll tell me all his purpose. Sure he'll come. Fear not you that. Go give us properties and tricking for our fairies. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures, and fairy on its neighbouries. Exeunt, Page, Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans. Go, Mistress Ford,

send quickly to Sir John to know his mind. I'll to the doctor. He hath my good will, and none but he to marry with Nan Page. That slender, though well landed, is an idiot, and he my husband, best of all, effects. The doctor is well-moneyed, and his friends potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her, though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. Exit. Act four, scene five, a room in the garter inn. Enter host, and simple. What wouldst thou have, Boer? What, thither, sir? thick skin, speak, breathe, discuss, brief, short, quick, snap. Mary, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstap from Master Slender.

Here's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing bed and truckle bed. Tis painted about with the story of the prodigal fresh and new. Go, knock and call. Hell speak like an anthropophaginian unto thee. Knock, I say. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber. I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down. I come to speak with her indeed.

Ha, a fat woman. The knight may be robbed. I'll call. Bullie knight, bully Sir John, speak from thy lungs military. Aren't thou here? It is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Above. How now, mine host?

Here's a bohemian tartar, Terry's the coming down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully. Let her descend. My chambers are on. FI. Privacy. FI. Enter Falstaff. There was mine host, an old fat woman even now with me, but she's gone. Pray you, sir, was not the wise woman of Brentford?

Aye, merry was it, Muscle Shell. What would you with her? My master, sir, master slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one nymph, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no. I speak with the old woman about it. And what says she, I pray, sir? Mary, she says that the very same man that beguiled master slender of his chain cousined him of it.

I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself. I had other things to have spoken with her too from him. What are they? Let us know. Aye, come quick. I may not conceal them, sir. Conceal them, or thou diest. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress and pay. page, do you know if it will my master's fortune to have her or no?

Tis, tis his fortune. What, sir? To have her, or no? Go, say the woman told me so. May I be bold to say so, sir? Aye, sir, like who more bold? I think, your worship. I shall make my master glad with these tidings.

Exit. Thou art clerkie, thou art clerkie, sir, John. Was there a wise woman with thee? Aye, that there was, mine host. one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life, and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolph. Out, alas, sir, Koznage, mere Koznage.

Where be my horses? Speak well of them, Varletto. Run away with the Kozners, for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of them in a slough of mire, and set spursen away, like three German devils, three Dr. Falsuses. They are gone but to meet the Duke villain. Do not say they be fled. Germans are honest men. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. Where is mine host? What is the matter, sir?

Have a care of your entertainments. There is a friend of mine come to town. Tells me there is three cozen Germans that has cozened all the hosts of Reedens, of Maidenhead, of Colbrook, of horses and money. I tell you, for good will, look you, you are wise and full of jibes and blouting-s, stocks, and tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fair you well. Exit. Enter Dr. Caius. Where is mine host de Jatier? Here, Master Doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

I cannot tell that is that, but it is telling me that you make grand preparation for a Duke de Jaminet. By my trot, there is no Duke that a court is no to come. I tell you for good will. Adieu. Exit. Hugh and cry villain, go. Assist me, knight. I am undone.

Fly, run, Hugh and cry villain, I am undone. Exciant, host, and Bardolph. I would all the world might be cousined, for I have been cousined and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgled,

they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and licker fisherman's boots with me. I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at Primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter mistress quickly. Now, whence come you? From the two parties foresooth. The devil take one party and is damned the other,

and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant, speciously one of them. Mistress Ford, Goodhart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Tellest thou me of black and blue. I was beaten myself into all the colors of the rainbow,

and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford, but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me in the stocks, in the common stocks, for a witch. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber. You shall hear how things go, and I warrant to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good huts, much ado here is to bring you together. Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well that you are so crossed. Come up into my chamber. Exeunt. Act four, scene six. Another room in the garter inn. Enter Fenton and host.

Master Fenton, talk not to me. My mind is heavy. I will give over all. yet hear me speak assist me in my purpose and as i am a gentleman i'll give the a hundred pound in gold more than your loss i will hear you master fenton and i will at the least keep your counsel from time to time i have acquainted you with the dear love i bear to fair anne page who mutually hath answered my affection so far forth as herself might be her chooser even to my wish i have a letter from her of such contents as you will wonder The mirth whereof so lauded with my matter that neither singly can be manifested without the show of both. Fat Falstath hath hath a great scene, the image of the jest. I'll show you here at large, hark, good mine host, tonight at Hearn Oak, just twixt twelve and one. Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen? The purpose why is here in which disguise, while other jests are something rank on foot. Her father hath commanded her to slip away with Slender, and with him at Eton immediately to marry.

She hath consented. Now, sir, her mother, ever strong against that match, and firm for Dr. Caius, has appointed that he shall likewise shuffle her away, while other sports are tasking of their minds, and at the deanery where a priest attends, straight marry her. To this her mother's plot she seemingly obedient likewise hath made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests, her father means she shall be all in white, and in that habit, when Slender sees his time to take her by the hand and bid her go, she shall go with him, her mother hath intended, the better to denote her to the doctor, for they must all be masked and vizarded, that quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed, with ribbons pendant, flaring about her head, and when the doctor spies his vantage ripe to pinch her by the hand, and on that token the maid. hath given consent to go with him. Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

Both, my good host, to go along with me, and here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar to stay for me at church twixt twelve and one, and, in the lawful name of marrying, to give our hearts united ceremony. Well, husband, your device, I'll go to the vicar, bring you the maid you shall not lack a priest. So shall I ever more be bound to thee. Besides, I'll make a present recompense. Excient.

End of Act 4. Act 5. Of the Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare. This is a Librevox recording. All Libravox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, visit Libravocs.org. Act 5. Scene 1

A room in the garter inn. Enter Falstaff and Mistress quickly. Prithy, no more prattling. Go, I'll hold. This is the third time. I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away I go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers,

either in nativity, chance, or death. Away! I'll provide you a chain, and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Away! I say, time wears. Hold up your head and mince. Exit mistress quickly. Enter Ford. How now, Master Brooke? The matter will be known tonight, or never.

Be you in the park about midnight at Hearns Oak, and you shall see wonders. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? I went to her, Master Brooke, as you see, like a poor old man. But I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you, he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman. For in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam,

because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste. Go along with me. I'll tell you all, Master Brooke. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what twas to be beaten till lately. Follow me. I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom tonight I will be revenged,

and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brooke, follow. Excient. Act five, scene two. Windsor Park. Enter page, shallow, and slender. Come, come, we'll couch in the castle ditch till we see the light of our fairies.

Remember, son slender, my daughter. I, forsooth, I have spoke with her, and we have a nay word how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum. She cries, budget, and by that we know one another. That's good, too. But what needs either your mum or her budget, the white, will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o'clock. The nice is dark, lights and spirit will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport.

No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away, follow me. Exeunt. Act five, scene three. A street leading to the park. Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Dr. Caius. Master, Doctor, my daughter is in green. When you see your time, take her by the band, away with her to the deanery and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the park. We two must go together. I know what I have to do.

I do. Fair you well, sir. Exit Dr. Caius. My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctors marrying my daughter, but tis no matter. Better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies

and the Welsh devil Hugh? They are all couched in a pit, hard by Hearn's Oak with obscured lights, which, at the very instant of Falstaffs and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. That cannot choose but amaze him. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked. If he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. We'll betray him finally. Against such lootsters in their lechery, those that betray them do no treachery.

The hour draws on. To the oak! To the oak! Exeunt. Act five, scene four. Windsor Park. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, disguised, with others as fairies. Trib, trib, fairies, come, and remember your parts. Be polled, I pray you, follow me into the pit. And when I give the watchwords, do as I pit you. Come, come, trib, trib.

Exeunt. Act 5, Scene 5. Another part of the park. Enter Falstaff. disguised as herney. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve. The minute draws on. Now the hot-blooded gods assist me.

Remember, Job, thou wast a bull for thy Europa. Love set on thy horns. Oh, powerful love. That, in some respects, makes a beast a man. In some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love! How near the God drew to the complexion of a goose?

A fault done first in the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance of a foul. Think on it, Jove, a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest I think. in the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?

Who comes here? My doe? Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. Sir John, art thou there, my dear, my male dear? My dough with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes! Let it thunder to the tune of green sleeves, Hail kissing comfits and snow eringoes. Let there come a tempest of provocation. I will shelter me here. Mistress Page has come with me, sweetheart.

Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch. I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns, I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman? Ha! Speak I like Hearn the hunter? Why, now is Cupid. a child of conscience, he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome. Noise within.

Alas, what noise? Heaven forgive our sins. What should this be? Away, away, away! They run off. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that's in me should set hell on fire. He would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, disguised that, before. Pistol as Hobgoblin, Mistress Quickly, Anne Page, and others as fairies with tapers. Ferry's black, grey, green and white, you moonshine revellers in shades of night, you orphan airs of fixed destiny, attend your office and your quality. Cry a hobgoblin, make the fairy aoys. Elves, list your names. Silence, you airy toys. Cricket, two Windsorz a chimney's show.

thou leap, where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept. There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry. Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery. They are fairies. He that speaks to them shall die. I'll wink and couch. No man their works must I. Lies down upon his face. Where's bead? Go you, and where you find a maid that ere she sleep has thrice her prayers said, raise up the organs of her fantasy, Sleep she as sound as careless infancy. But those as sleep and think not on their sins, pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.

About, about, search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out, Strew good luck, alf's, on every sacred room, That it may stand till the perpetual doom, And state as wholesome as in state tis fit, worthy the owner and the owner it the several chairs of order look you scour with juice of balm and every precious flower each fair instalment coat in several crest with loyal blazon evermore be blessed and nightly meadow fairies look you sing like to the goddess compass and a ring the expression that it bears green let it be more fertile fresh than all the field to sea and onis walkie malepence wright in emerald tufts flowers purple blue and white let sapphire pearl in rich embroidery buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee fairies use flowers for their character away disperse but till tis one o'clock i dance of custom round about the oak of her and the hunter let us not forget pray you lock hand in hand yourselves in order set and twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be to guide our measure round about the tree.

But stay. I smell a man of middle earth. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese. Vile worm, thou wast looked even in thy birth. Would the trial fire touch me his finger-end? If he be chased, the flame will back descend, and turn him to no pain, but if he start, it is the flesh of a corrupted heart. A trial, come.

Come. Will this wood take fire? They burn him with their tapers. Oh! Oh! Oh! Corrupt, corrupt and tainted in desire. About him fairies, sing a scornful rhyme, and as you trip still pinch him to your time. Fy on sinful fantasy, fie on lust and luxury, Lust is but a bloody fire, kindled with unchaste desire,

fed in heart whose flames aspire, As thoughts do blow them higher and higher, Pinch him fairies mutually. Pinch him for his villainy. Pinch him and burn him and turn him about, till candles and starlight and moonshine be out. During this song, they pinch Falstaff. Dr. Caius comes one way and steals away a boy in green. Slender another way, and takes off a boy in white. And Fenton comes and steals away and page. A noise of hunting is heard within. All the fairs. RELAWRES, run away. Falstaff pulls off his butt's head and rises.

Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, and Mistress Ford. Now, you do not fly. I think we have watched you now. Will none but her and the hunter serve your turn? I pray you come, hold up the jest no higher. Now, good Sir John, how like you winds or wives. See you these, husband.

Do not these fair yokes become the forest better than the town? Now, sir. Who's a cuckold now? Master Brooke. Full staff's a knave, a cuckoldy knave. Here is horns, Master Brook, and Master Brooke, he hath enjoyed nothing of Fords, but his buck basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money,

which must be paid to Master Brook. His horses are arrested for it, Master Brook. Said John, we have had ill luck. We could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you, my dear. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. I, and an ox, too, both the proofs are extant. And these are not fairies?

I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies, and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a jacolent, when tis upon ill-employment. Sir John Falstaff, serve got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pince you.

Well said fairy, Hugh, and leave your jealousies, too, I pray you. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross overreaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat, too? Shall I have a coxcomb of freeze?

Tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Seas is not good to give putter. Your belly is all putter. Cease and putter. I have lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fitters of English. This is enough to be the decay of lust and late walking through the realm. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have the virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

What? A hodge-pudding? A bag of flax? A puffed man? Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? and one that is as slanderous as Satan And as poor as Job And as wicked as his wife And given to fornications And to taverns and sack

And wine and methaglands And to drinkingings and swearings and starrings Pribbles and prabbles Andrabbles Well, I am your theme You have the start of me I am dejected I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel

Ignorance itself is a plummet or me Use me as you will. Mary, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor to one Master Brooke that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander. Over and above that you have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Yet be cheerful night, thou shalt eat a posit tonight at my house, where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife that now laughs at thee.

Tell her Master Slender has married her daughter. Aside. Doctors doubt that. If Anne Page be my daughter, she is by this, Dr. Caius' wife. Enter Slender. Whoa, ho, ho, father, Paige. Son, how now, how now, son? Have you dispatched? Dispatched. I'll make the best and locious here, no-unt. Would I were hanged? H. H. Else.

Of what, son? I came yonder at Etton to marry Mistress Anne Page. And she's a great, lorberry boy? If it had not been in the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir. And tis a postmaster's boy. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong. What need you tell me that?

I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in women's apparel, I would not have had him. Why, this is your own folly? Did not I tell you how you would know my daughter by her garments? I went to her in white and cried, Mom, and she cried Budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy. Good George, be not angry. I knew of your purpose, turned my daughter into green, and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and they're married. Enter Dr. Caius.

Where's, Mistress Paige? By God, I am cozened. I have married a gansom, a boy, an pison, by God, a boy. It is not on page. By God, I am cozened. Why, did you take her in green? Aye, by God, and tis a boy. By God, I'll raise all windsor. Exit. This is strange. Who hath got the right, Anne? My heart misgives me. Here comes Master Fenton. Enter Fenton, and Anne Page. How now, Master Fenton? Pardon, good father. Good, my mother, pardon.

Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender? Why went you not with Master Doctor Maid? You do amaze her. Hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, where there was no proportion. portion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy that she hath committed, and this deceit loses the name of craft, of disobedience, or undutious title. Since therein she doth evitate and shun a thousand irreligious cursed hours, which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

Stand not amazed, here is no remedy. In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state, Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. I am glad, though you have taken a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Whoa, what remedy. Fenton, heaven give thee joy. What cannot be assured must be embraced. When night dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased. Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton, heaven give you many, many merry days. Good husband, let us everyone go home And laugh this sport oar by a country fire, Sir John and all.

Let it be so, Sir John, to Master Brooke, you shall yet hold your word, For tonight he shall lie with Mistress Ford. Exeunt. End of the Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare.