Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Breakups and Bar Brawls

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

We are diving into listener-submitted questions that cover the gamut of life's toughest challenges: Question 1: Heartbreak and Healing We start with an emotionally charged question about dealing with the aftermath of a breakup after six years of a tumultuous relationship. How do you start the journey of self-improvement, setting boundaries, and finding the strength to move forward. Question 2: SEAL Life Unveiled Ever wondered what a Navy SEAL looks like off-duty? The myth versus reality of SEALs' everyday attire and habits. Plus, the demanding schedule of a BUD/S instructor and how they balance intense training with personal time. Question 3: Black Belt Bliss What's it like being married to a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt? What do you do in the event of a public confrontation, and the dynamics of a relationship where one partner is a martial arts expert.  Question 4: Conflict on the Commute  How to handle encounters with unstable individuals in public spaces. Drawing from a harrowing experience on a Philly train, what strategies to use for staying calm, assessing the situation, and knowing when to step in or step back. The Speed of War Comic Series: https://www.thespeedofwar.com/ Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

Good morning, everybody. It's time for fall out of Friday because it's Friday. Got some questions today. I'm trying to think if there's anything new before I kick it off. I don't think there is. Summer's almost here in Montana. That's a cool thing. If you guys are in the Flathead Valley, come check out the coffee shop. Other than that, kind of business as usual. So let's get into our usual Friday business. Some Q&A. Away we go. All right, we're off and running. I have three emails, and I think five questions contained inside of those. Some heavy, some light, something in between, I suppose, for the other. Let's go. Question one. I know relationships are the last thing you're a professional on, but I'm curious as to what your input is. Apologies, if this is a bit too long. I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of six years. It was completely warranted considering what I put her through. I was verbally and psychologically abusive. I never hit her, but the words I've said and the emotional abuse I laid out finally reached a breaking point. However, she put up with my shit for six years. Last week, I lost my temper and said something I can't even remember. That's how stupid it was. She's made it clear that over time there was building resentment going forward, but if I improved, it would go away. Sadly, she finally reached a boiling point and it ended.

We live together, and it is very uncomfortable. She, on top of ending it, made it clear that she got over me months ago and will be looking to have casual dates and sex. Immediately I imposed a no-contact rule. I felt like I shouldn't feel hurt for her getting over me so fast and immediately start dating, but it hurts. Logically, it makes sense. She is single now, after all. But it still fucking hurts. Living here is fucking hell.

I, in my retardation, made this relationship my entire personality. I'm not sure if I can ever move on. I know what I have to do, but I'm not sure if I can do it and feel the pain that I do every day. Thank you for reading. Well, let's start with the easy. Get out of that environment. How about, if at all, economically possible, and, maybe even if it feels economically impossible, you should change the situation that you are in.

I can't even imagine breaking up but staying in the same house. I don't know how that's going to work. I don't feel like that's going to get better over time, especially with the introduction of other people. And I would hate to see it get worse. Step one. Get out of there. A lot of people would say step one, go find somebody else to date, right? Oh, she wants to have casual relationships and sex. What you need to do is just go out there and smash everything that you can. I'm not so sure that's the answer. Maybe for some people, that's what they would need to move on. And I'm not here to tell anybody how to live their life. So if that's you, that's you, but you'll still be coming back to the same place that you're sharing with this person. So maybe change that. A bigger issue in this is that it sounds like you're a proper asshole. How do you allow yourself to get to a place where you said something that was so verbally abusive and insulting that you don't remember saying it? There's a lot in this email about your girlfriend. And I think you need to take a real long gander in the fucking mirror.

because your words, not mine, verbally and psychologically abusive. Question for you, the fuck is wrong with you. Six years is a really long time to be with somebody. Of course, people have been married for 50 years, so in comparison to that, perhaps a little bit less. Six years, more than half a decade, it's a lot of time shared together. How did you ever get to the place where you felt comfortable being verbal, and psychologically abusive. Although most of this email is about your ex-girlfriend,

my advice to you is, other than get out of the house, is to not go date or see anybody until you write your own ship. Right. You can't complain about somebody else's house being unkempt or untidy when yours is a proper shit show in that same moment. And I don't know you at all. I only know the email that you sent in, but I will say this. I am not a fan of people that act like you.

I hate bullies. I hate people that prey upon others, especially if there is a size and strength difference, especially if there is an empower balance that would allow you to treat somebody like shit, would allow you to say things to somebody knowing they can't do anything about. it, perhaps even knowing that they don't have an escape. I despise people who do things like that. So I'm sorry if my response comes off with a little bit of an edge, but I'm not a fan of your behavior. And if you were sitting right here across the table for me, I would say exactly these things. So you reached out to me, so you're going to get my thoughts. And that's what I think.

I think other than changing the geography of where you put your head down, until you even consider being with somebody else, you need to work through your own shit. It sounds like you have a minefield upstairs between the ears, and you're probably going to need to clear that thing before you drag somebody else into it. And I don't even know why you would. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you're sad. And maybe you should go deal with those things before ruining somebody else's life. Tough love, perhaps, a little bit.

But it's the truth. If you want to be a good partner, you need to be a good person. if you get to a place where you're losing time, you're getting to such an emotionally escalated level that you're losing time, not remembering what it is that you said, that is a problem. I mean, that's basically code black. And you should never be in code black. I am sure there are warning signs that lead up to that along the way, perhaps ways that you could check him with yourself, maybe recognize that a situation is escalating. Maybe recognize that things are getting out of control before you lose control and say things that you don't actually remember.

All of those things can be learned. The behavior that you are expressing to me now isn't normal. And no other person on earth deserves to deal with your bullshit. So fix it before you drag somebody else into this fucking nightmare. I don't even want to talk about your ex-girlfriend because I don't care what it is that she's doing. It doesn't surprise me at all that she got over you months ago because when you keep shitting on people, most of the time what they're going to do is figure out a place to be where the shit is no longer raining down on top of their head. Can you really blame her? And ask yourself, if you had a daughter that was in the situation or relationship that you have done,

described to me that this your ex-girlfriend was in and it was with another man. What advice would you give her? My suspicion is you'd probably beat the shit out of that other guy. But if she said, what should I do, Dad? Should I stay or should I leave? And she was honest with you about what was happening. The verbal and psychological abuse, your words, not mine, what advice would you give her? You'd tell her to get the hell out of there. You'd tell her to go find somebody else. You'd tell her to move out of the house that she's in right now. Well, guess what? That's exactly what she's doing. maybe she's got a dad that cares. Maybe she has a social circle or family that care about her and gave her that exact advice.

Whose fault is that? If you're unsure about the answer to that question for the author of this email, please go into the bathroom and turn on the light switch. And let me know who you see in the mirror because you've determined who is at fault for those things. You need to put some time into yourself before you put time into anybody else. You need to go find a professional. You need to go find somebody who can help you develop TTPs, tactics, techniques, and procedures to bleed off stress, energy, frustration, emotion, whatever word suits you that doesn't allow you to get to that place where you explode and lose track of time. Because that's a really dangerous place to be and nobody should be there at any time.

there are some extraordinary circumstances that people we put to in their life. And even the most extraordinary circumstances that I have ever been put into, I was aware of my faculties. I was aware of what I was doing. I was aware of what I was saying. And I was trying to be cognizant and aware enough of how I was presenting myself in those moments because of the impact that that presentation can have on others, whether it's escalating or de-escalating their emotional state, whether it's helping them or hindering them from making good decisions in that critical. situation. It's 100% possible. It can be learned. It should be practiced. It should be refined

over a lifetime because nobody deserves to be treated like this. Get out of that house. Spend some time on yourself. Maybe get a plant next. Yeah. Get like an orchid or something like that. Pour some love into that orchid. When you can get the orchid to survive without screaming out at the top of your lungs, maybe then you're ready to go have like a coffee date with somebody, a coffee friend. Ease your way back into this. I'd spend two to one ratio, two X the amount of time on yourself, one X the amount of time looking external. I promise you that your life will be better for it.

You can either correct this behavior now or spend the rest of your life writing in emails like this and wondering why people were able to move on so quickly. The choice in all of that is yours. question two three questions for fall out of friday i'm hoping they are not duplicates and therefore a waste of time thank you for putting out the podcast it helps a lot of us get through the work week question one i grew up reading all of the navy seal books in the first few pages of almost every one of those novels the author or ghostwriter will spend two to three pages describing what it looks like if you run into a navy seal on the street i.e. in a bar at the grocery store etc

they usually get the description pretty accurate Good looks, good hair, board shorts, a shirt that shows off the guns, Smith and Wesson. Flip-flops, most authors describe the brand like Teva, or is it Teva? I don't know. Pocket knife, again, with the branding. Spider-Crow used to be the seal favorite. The list goes on. Here's my question.

If I would have run into you in Virginia Beach at Buffalo Wild Wings or whatever classy establishment you used to take your ex-wife to, what would you be wearing? Don't give me the bullshit EDC pocket dump response. What kind of shorts did you wear? Did you carry a knife, a firearm? What was your schedule like when not on deployment? Okay. Most of the description is accurate.

I'm going to leave the good looks and hair. But the board shorts and t-shirt and flip-flops, my God. That is uncannily accurate. I'll add a few things to that. Baseball hat. Gators sunglasses, probably magnums or raptors back in the day that I was in. Probably visible tattoos, but board shorts, flip-flops. T-shirt, hat, sunglasses, and probably a G-shock watch.

That is your team guy starter kit for sure. In my case, I grew up in Santa Cruz. I don't think I wore shoes my entire time in high school. I wore flip-lops. I was also swimming in the mornings playing water polo and like doing junior lifeguards in the summer and stuff like that. So I was always at the beach, and it was a beach town. So I've been wearing board shorts for kind of as long as I can remember. Let's also remember that the two duty stations, well, there's quite a few.

But if you're going to be at an operational seal team, you have San Diego, Virginia Beach, and I'm including in that the Damneck Annex, which is where our development group is. And then there's Hawaii, too, the SDV team, which I know almost nothing about. Those are all beach locations. And beachwear is pretty awesome. There's nothing a lot more comfortable for a guy than board shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt with a hat to a course block the sun. And if you don't have that, or in addition to that, sunglasses. And then of course, you need to know what time it is. So yeah, I mean,

that's pretty much what I wore. But the seal community didn't impart that into me. I kind of just brought the beach mentality that I grew up in and found a job, which I didn't know that that was the case at the time before joining. I had no idea that that was the unofficial uniform of the day most often. But when I found out that it was pretty amazing. So I, I never really did the EDC. I'm not going to give you the EDC pocket dump because I never really thought about it in those terms. I did not carry a knife. The only thing I've ever used a knife for, one, was to lose my trident the first time.

And two is to open boxes or break the tip off twisting in Phillips head or flathead screws with it because I didn't have anything else. Or playing with it and cutting myself. Generally a small cut along the webbing of my fingers. Did I carry a firearm on Virginia Beach? I don't think I ever went and got a concealed carry permit. So no, I wasn't carrying concealed much at that time. And my schedule when not on deployment, there was deployment, workup, standby, deployment. So you lived in basically 90-day increments.

When you were doing the workup, you would do trailing, kind of wherever you needed to go to hit the check the box of things that we needed to do, whether that would be, as an example, going out to Nevada and doing stuff in high desert. or working with the 160th in the Little Bird Black Hawk Chinook platform. Maybe we would do a week of training clearances using the helicopters to get to target. And then maybe a week of VI or vehicle interdiction. And we would use them to stop vehicles and all the things that can happen after that. Where you'd hit some of your administrative calls, maybe you would go to the pool and try to remember how to put together a dragger. Maybe you'd go on a jump trip. All of those things.

all the training you couldn't do locally. Then you were on standby. One hour notice, you had legitimately had a pager, and most of that is just going to be local training, focusing on what you can do either at the compound or within an hour from the compound, and then deployment is that. It was a rinse wash repeat from when I got to the squadron

until when I left. That is not what it's going to look like at a conventional team, but that's the experience that I had. You asked me about Virginia Beach. That's where I was when I was there, and that's what it was like. It was pretty awesome. 90 days is pretty easy.

to tolerate, regardless of what it is that you're doing. And even overseas, there's a nice sweet spot there. It takes you a little bit to get the pace of what's going on. You can really dump it into fifth gear. And before you get burned out, that 90-day window is coming to an end. And I think it keeps that churn and rotation humming along quite nicely. The longest deployment I've ever done was 10 months. And there's some times in there that drag. And I don't know if that's safe for anybody. Number two, Bud's instructor. These stories are always ripe, but I'm assuming you go back to the books with exciting subplots. My question is about your schedule.

Did you get a lot of sleep while you were an instructor? I would imagine during the first six months while you were getting your private pilots license, you were probably on a gentleman's schedule. I absolutely was. So when I checked in late, mid, I don't know, sometime in 2006, they were messing around with getting rid of winter hellweek. And I caught it at a phase, meaning not a phase. of training, but a phase of classes going through training where they didn't have anybody coming into the second phase of training, which is where I was going to teach for quite some

time. So I definitely had some gentlemen hours. I didn't have anything to do. And they weren't running any Helwicks, which is augmented by all the other phases staff. So yeah, that's when I was driving home one day and I looked up and saw a Cessna that literally looked like it was about to crash land, made a left-hand turn to Gillespie Field. That is where I got my private pilots license out in eastern San Diego in a subdivision called Santi or San Diego. Kentucky, depending on how familiar you are with it. And then I started working once the phase, meaning people going through, we got to a phase of training where second phase was required on the schedule. How did your schedule change when a buds class classed up? It was, I think we taught eight weeks.

God, I'm trying to remember. Yeah, 10, 8 and 8, I believe it was. So 10 for first phase, eight and eight for second and third. Office hours. There's occasionally night dives later on during Drager diving, so you would rotate through the staff. There's always going to be a corpsman, there's always going to be a diving supervisor, an officer in charge. So you have a minimum amount of staff, but more instructors than is needed. So you'd kind of rotate through. We'd do our schedule, I think, a week or two at a time, but office hours as an instructor. I slept well because I wasn't going through training. I wasn't really stressed out. Even the test that we gave in the pool that we applied in the water, I wasn't stressed out there because the safety net for the students

which is in support of the instructor staff applying the training, it's pretty robust. The students don't know that, and they don't need to know that. It's probably better that they are scared shitless. I think the training has a little bit more of an edge and bite to it, if that's the way. So I slept great as a student, a lot more than, I'm sorry, as an instructor, I was going to say a lot more than the students did. Number three, please describe what it's like to be married to a Brazilian jiu jitzy black belt. Have you ever been in public and seen your wife handle a belligerent drunk guy? Have you ever wanted to step in and decided not to?

My better half is a former MP, which means military police, and she can handle herself better than I ever could. You have discussed this topic before, but I was always left wanting more detail. Well, guess what, buddy? I don't have any detail to give you, because no. I have never been in public and seen my wife handle a belligerent drunk guy, mostly because we don't really go where belligerent drunk people are. And if there are belligerent drunk people there, we're probably going to leave, especially if we don't know them.

If they are people that we know and somebody that I care about, I'm going to go make better decisions for that person before it gets out of control. That doesn't really answer your question, though. What is it like to be married to a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt? When I look at my wife, I do not see a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black weld. Wow. Tough day with the words day. Black Belt. I see an amazing woman and out of all the things that I love about her. None of them have anything to do with the fabric that she puts around her waist when she goes to the gym and coaches or trains. I like a lot of the things or love a lot of the things that she needed to have to achieve that black belt, dedication, discipline, the ability. to work hard, the ability to grind, the ability to set a goal, her willingness and ability to be

competitive, her willingness and ability to go out in a public stage and compete at a national and global level. A lot of people are not interested in doing that. Like, I don't have performance anxiety. I just don't have any desire to put in the effort to be able to do those things. But she has. And she has done those things for years. She taught for years. I love her compassion. I love for empathy. She has an amazing ability that I struggle with to see the best in people where I might take what could be described as a more pessimistic approach. I like to call it being a more realistic approach, but opinions may vary on that one. But if I'm out in public with my wife and you think I'm going to let my wife put hands on somebody or handle a situation before I get in there,

I don't think you understand the dynamic of at least my marriage. And I honestly, even though your wife may be able to handle herself better than you ever could, I hope you understand that regardless of how capable and competent you may think she is, size and strength is really real. There's no getting around that. So again, in this medium, it's tough to have. a two-way conversation. But please don't ever let your wife handle something that you might be better suited to do just because she has more training and had a job that may be required that.

In my opinion, the role of the man is to handle those situations. It is my job to make sure that my wife doesn't have to in any and every situation that we encounter. Give you a good example. We were just up in British Columbia, and it would appear that they have the same drug issues that we do down here. By that, I mean, sometimes you get around people that are a little bit methy. Walking down the sidewalk, Leo was on my left-hand side, so slightly closer to the road because we had just come out of a business. Looking down the sidewalk, there's a woman clearly in the throes of, is there a polite way to put this? a meth high. I don't know if there's any other way to put that. And she had a piece of wood, and she was just whittling away at it with what appeared to be a pretty sharp knife. The first thing I

did was switch sides with Leah, put her to the inside of where the perceived danger could be, and we kind of just shuttled off to the right-hand side, giving that person more space. And I didn't take my eyes off that person because I don't fucking trust people. And I love my wife more than anything in this world. And there is a zero percent chance that that woman has ever given. getting in between me and my wife. She will never get to a range where she's going to do something with that knife. Throw it, touch her with it, any of those things. That's my job.

I don't care if my wife is a Brazilian jiu jitzy blue because guess who isn't? Me. And that's okay. We're not on the mats in that situation. I have a lot more time looking at people for pre-violence indicators and judging people's potential future behavior based off how they're acting. And it's okay that my wife is better in the jiu-jitsu space than me, which she is, because she's been doing it substantially longer than me.

It is still my job to put myself in between that danger and my wife. So please, please do not let your wife's old job prevent you from doing something like that, all right? You need to step. And let's, and I'm going to put a caveat on this. If you're a midget and she isn't, I might need to reconsider my thoughts on that. Yeah. Yeah, like if you're vertically challenged, if you're a hobbit and you're just designed to go over uneven terrain and carry heavy loads, but that's about it.

And you have just like sausage fingers in a size four shoe. Yeah, maybe you need to let her handle that. And then honestly, if that was the case, I would say right around on your wife's back in a backpack. And if you're super small, I would say do it in a baby bejorn, but facing outward, as opposed to inward, and just experience life that way. And then you guys could go through these situations together and equally, like, disperse that danger. But if that's not the case, you got to step up, okay? I don't even know if they answer the question. B.J.J. Black Belt, it's awesome.

I love watching Leah Teach. I love watching her coach. I am in awe of the time and energy and effort she has put in to get where she is. It's really cool to watch. She doesn't give herself enough credit for her level of knowledge and ability. And I try to remind her often how I feel about her and how awesome I think her accomplishments are. So we'll leave it at that. Hope you're doing well and I hope you actually get a chance to read this email.

I did. We have exchanged an email of two over the years. I was once a Bud's wannabe and boy am I glad that things didn't work out. What a nightmare seal I would have been, even if I had somehow made it. It's an interesting way to end that email. And I tell you what, it's a common sentiment that I hear from people who didn't make it through, whether they got physically injured or they quit. A lot of people have said, you know, I don't think I was ready. And that's okay.

And I think it's a really healthy place to arrive at that. Not everybody's created equal. I do think that a lot of the reason people don't make it through. training is they are arriving there at a time that doesn't suit them well. Would they have a better chance of survival or perhaps thriving if they came at a different time? I think so. But the recognition that you weren't ready and because of that it didn't work itself out and you can let that go is a really healthy thing. It's the ones that haven't been able to let it go over decades that I actually really end up worried about. So last question. We'll get everybody out here to the weekend.

Bluff. Bottom line up front. Conflict in a closed environment space. I have no idea what to do and basically got stuck in the fight or flight response with no idea what to do. Here's my scenario. I was waiting for a train late at night, 10 p.m. in Philly. While standing on the platform, there was a guy doing laps around the edge of the platform muttering to himself. It's Philly, so that's pretty much table stakes for public transportation. There was a group of about six men and women at one. end of the platform and apparently lap guy, the guy doing laps, interacted with the group and possibly spit on one of the women. A bit of a kerfuffle, great word hardly ever used. Ensued, and long story short, lap guy ended up jumping down onto the tracks. I told my lady that I had never seen someone simultaneously off the rails and on the rails. She didn't laugh, but I generally use humor to deal with these tense situations. I think it's a fantastic joke. And plus, how many times do you get to use that? There's a dude off the rails while on a set of rails? Yes, of course I'm using that. Lap guy started walking down the tunnel and there was a lot of

yelling. The train came and mercifully was on the other track. So we got on and I was pretty relieved that the situation was resolved. Doors close and lap guy burst into our car from the car in front of us. Wonderful. Also, the group he interacted with was in our car as well. Even better. So he's walking up and down the aisle talking to himself. The one woman he apparently spit on got up against a wall with a finger in his face. Again, this is Philly, so I was 75% sure or knife or gum was coming out real soon. There was about 10 minutes between stops,

so the show was on, like it or not. Thankfully, Lapdude got off at the next stop and everything was done. No harm that I saw. I sat at my seat pretty much frozen by the situation. I am not really big on conflict and definitely avoid unstable people at all costs, probably a good ideology to follow.

My face was extremely hot, and I felt like I needed to do something, but I wasn't sure what something consisted of here. Here's my question. How do you react to situations where you're dealing with an unstable individual where there might be a physical conflict? Man, there's a lot in this email. I'm going to start with the last situation or the last sentence. How do you react to situations where you're dealing with an unstable individual where there might be physical conflict? The answer to this question is that you train.

You learn how to fight. you learn striking you learn grappling you learn how to fight off your back you learn how to fight on your feet you learn how to either close the distance until they can't do something to you and you can control them until a higher level of authority can come or you can get away or you learn how to break space break away and create enough space and distance to get the fuck out of there now this happened in a train car so or subway car obviously limited options to do that but the answer to being prepared for physical conflict is to train. This is not a hard question. The jury is out onto what types of martial arts are the most effective. And instead of me telling you what I think,

people know I participate in jiu-jitsu. The last question was literally about my wife, who was a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, but I'm also the first person to tell you, no one's skill solves all problems. Self-defense, in my opinion, is about ranges and managing them all. If you can only grapple and you have no ability to close through somebody's punching and kicking range because you have ignored that, you may never get to your grappling. You might just wake up on the subway floor or in the back of an ambulance or worst case scenario in a hospital, if at all. Watch the UFC. Listen to the commentators. It's pretty clear. They are almost every weekend testing out the best versions of human beings fighting each other.

They talk about how those people train. That training is available to everybody. Do you need to train to the level that gets them inside of the octagon? No, you don't. Do you need to train to a level that allows for a development of capacity so you can protect yourself and your loved ones? Well, that question or that answer is up to you. My personal answer to that is, yes, you absolutely do. Okay.

Back to this scenario you laid out. I'm going to diffuse this entire scenario in one sentence. Don't take the train. Don't take the train at 10 p.m. in Philly when this type of behavior is the norm or standard. I don't know your economic situation. I don't know how far you were trying to go. But you know where people are not pacing around on subway stations and are hopping into your car and arguing with people and acting with people and acting. a fool inside of a subway car. That's in the back of an Uber or a taxi. And I'm not saying

those places are risk or consequence free, but this situation doesn't play itself out. If you have the economic ability and means to do so, don't put yourself in this situation. Diffuse the situation by not being in the situation in the first place. Now, what would I do if this was me and my wife? Okay. Or maybe me and my kids. First off, if there is a train station and we're standing there and there is clearly somebody in the middle of a mental health crisis and you're worried about their stability and their ability to do something physical, the first thing I'm doing is I'm leaving. I'm going to explore other options. Let's say that's not an option for you, right? So if you can do. If you can't,

you're going to need to mentally draw a line in the sand of what you are going to tolerate, how close you're going to let this person get to you. You need to have. You need to have a line. You're those questions answered before it happens. So let's say this person jumped off the tracks and you get into the car, right? Now, you get into the car before the car starts moving, you see this individual get on the train, even though they might be in another car. At that moment, I'm leaving. I'm getting off that train. I'll wait for another one. And you notice a theme in this. The best way to avoid confrontation is to not be put into a confrontation. So I am removing myself from the situation is my primary option before anything else physical, right? Because

that's the path of least resistance and that keeps everybody out of the hospital. That keeps everybody out of legal trouble. And that's what I want. I don't want anybody fighting to the death or fighting for their life in court. It's not awesome and I don't want anybody to do it. Avoid if at all possible. So, but let's say the train's moving or subway. I'm going to use the term train and subway interchangeably. People can figure it out. It starts moving so now you don't have an exit and this person comes into your car. For me, very similar to what I had said happened with Lee and I in British Columbia. I am immediately putting myself into a place where I am in between this individual and the people that I love and care for. In my mind,

I am going to have a line in the sand, metaphorical, obviously, unless there's sand on the bottom of the train, that if this person crosses it and continues to come towards me with what I consider to be violent intent or just ill intent, I am going to do something about it. Before they cross that, they're going to get a verbal warning for sure. And it's going to start off at a normal tone of voice, and it's going to escalate to the point of probably almost shouting. The reason that I say that is, is if you shout at a normal person, they will stop. If you raise your voice and yell at somebody, it stops them dead in their tracks, unless they're on drugs, unless they're crazy. So if they keep coming and they cross that threshold, I am going to physically take control of that situation.

but it's not going to happen with like my back up against where my friends and family are. I'm going to be a little bit away from them. I'm going to be a little bit, have a little bit of distance to give me some room to maneuver, if need me, that there is a concrete line in the sand. They get warned. They don't stop. They keep coming if they cross that line. And everything I'm about to say is how I would handle this.

I am not recommending or advocating other people to, follow in my footsteps, but you ask me what I would do, and this is what I would do. If they kept coming, before they were able to initiate an attack, I am going to move first. And I don't mean I'm going to try to drive my elbow through their face. We're going to start with a grappling solution. I am going to close the distance and get my hands on this person and control them to the ground as safely as possible. And whatever happens from there, it's shooter's choice.

the person and how they respond, their desire to fight, to impart damage upon me is going to be met with equal, but probably not excessive. One of the things I love about Jiu-Jitsu is you can very passively shut these situations down. There is a lot of information out there that says, you know, a rear naked choke or what is it a card? Of course I can't think of the name of the artery. It starts with the C. carotid, a carotid choke or a carotid strangle is going to end people's lives. I have been strangling my best friends for the better part of six years, and they're all still alive. And they all tap before they go out. In this environment, the tap is not going to get respected.

This person would be put out, but that's it. And you let go. And they're not going to die, and it de-escalates the entire situation. I would maintain control of them until we got to the next stop. A 911 call, of course, would be made. And hopefully law enforcement would be waiting. for them there. Don't put yourself into a situation where you're 75% sure a knife or a gun is going to be coming out real soon. Don't take public transportation if you can avoid it. If you can't avoid it, do it in a larger group. If you can't avoid a larger group, do it in a time of day where the sun is out and people are less likely to act a fool. Now, I realize, because I can go right outside the studio right now and we're coming into the summer for Montana, people are doing crazy shit

outside right now because the summer days are longer and drugs are drugs and crazy people are out doing crazy people shit. So it's not a complete solution, but it puts the odds in your favor. And when we're talking about people that we love and protecting our loved ones, why would you not put all the odds in your favor? Why would you not train? Why would you not make yourself incredibly capable and competent and then avoid violence at all costs? Until it's the only choice that you have and then take action. And that's all I have for this Friday.