Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Bridging The Gap - Prepared vs. Paranoid

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

-A young father grapples with financial infidelity, strained family relationships, and battling personal demons. Andy explores the pathways toward self-forgiveness, financial recovery, and rebuilding trust with loved ones. -The complexity of a family coming to terms with a patriarch's serious illness unfolds, as Andy sheds light on approaching delicate situations with understanding, respect, and unity. -Lastly, the seemingly controversial topic of concealed carry in a world perceived as increasingly safe. What is the balance, or is it possible to achieve a balance between personal security, social perceptions, and the influence of online echo chambers on our beliefs and actions. Explore and sign up for Starlink Service here: https://www.starlink.com/residential?referral=RC-14303-34690-52&utm_source=Starlink2MoAndy⁠ **The 2-month free offer will only show in your account after you fully complete your account and activate the service**  This offer expires 12/1/23.   The Speed of War Comic Series: ⁠https://www.thespeedofwar.com/⁠ Sign up for the new G14 newsletter here: ⁠https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com/exclusive⁠ Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: ⁠https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/

All right, here we go, everybody. Welcome to the studio for this Friday's episode. Some of you are going to say it's fake. Some of you are going to say it's a green screen, and that's okay. I'm actually, though, just outside of Bozeman, Montana, which brings me to the sponsor for today's episode. Today's episode is brought to you by Starlink. And if you've been living under a rock, Starlink is a satellite-based internet service. Satellites that are launched by SpaceX, The goal is for global coverage. And I have been a paying customer of Starlink for, I think, going on two years. And I just got back from a trip to Ireland where I picked up a lovely case of bronchitis,

which I'm still dealing with right now. Cough that's been kicking my ass. And I kicked myself for not bringing my mobile Starlink kit when we were over there. There was Wi-Fi where we were staying, but it was unreliable at, best. And for me, the most important thing when it comes to connectivity is reliability. And that's how I feel about these Starlink kits. I have a stationary kit for my house and you have a stationary option for residential for business and you have a mobile option, whether you're a glamper, whether you're an RV person, whether you're an Overlander, whatever it may be, they have a mobile

solution for you, which is actually, if you watched Monday's episode from this week, the whole thing was uploaded from my mobile kit, as this episode is going to be as well. It's life untethered. It is the ability to have reliable internet anywhere that you want to go. And I came back from that Ireland trip, wishing that I had brought it. I ended up having to post an episode. We went to Belfast, and I went into hotels until I could find good Wi-Fi. Never again. I'm traveling with that thing everywhere we go. I bought a Pelican case. It goes in the back of the vehicle, badass, reliable internet anywhere that you would possibly want to go. So I'm hoping, you know, we're doing a little bit of a test sponsorship and hopefully to develop into something

awesome. If you're interested, there is an upfront equipment cost and then beyond that, you can turn it on and off as you need be. So when you're traveling, you can turn it on. And all I can say is over the last two years, I have nothing but fantastic things to say about it. So if you're interested in a life that's untethered but connected when you want it to be, go to the link down below in the show notes and check it out. And what you're going to get from that link if you choose to sign up is two free months credited to your account. And that way they can track the people who find it obviously through the podcast. On to the podcast.

Three questions for today. Let us begin. All right. Here we go. Three questions. Sometimes, and I don't know why. Maybe it's the change of season. maybe it's just the time of year, maybe it's the approaching holidays. Sometimes I get messages

that I would describe as being very thematic. And this is one in the past week I've received a few like this. It's a little bit of review of something that I've covered previously, but I think because of the fact that so many people have sent something to me that it is worth diving back into. So here we go. I'm a 23-year-old husband and a father to an amazing little boy. I've caused problems in my relationship, not adultery or drugs, but financial infidelity. My wife found out about the debt I had with my business. She had found out small things about my job that had either gone wrong or had lied about to try not to stress her out as she is an anxiety-prone person. I'm not justifying my dishonesty. I know I've been wrong and dumb and my excuses generally suck.

I know. I just never want to let her down because of how amazing she is as a person, mom, and spouse. I've struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide from childhood trauma, caused by bad bullying. Currently, she isn't really speaking to me, and I'm working extremely long days to try to make money to throw towards this debt. I don't see her or my boy all day, and I often think about how happy they'd be with someone better than myself and how removing myself from this life is the only way she'd really leave me. I love them very much more than anything. I want to value myself more. I want to be better, but can't shake this feeling of wanting to be gone. advice would be appreciated. And of course, as I start this, it starts drizzling a little bit.

And now it's going to start dumping, so we're going to put this on pause. So I've talked about this before, and I've talked about it through the lens of the way that I speak to myself. But the things that we say to ourselves, whether it's externally or internally in our own head, are so incredibly powerful. And you have to be careful in the way that you talk to yourself and about yourself. I was just having a text conversation recently with a friend about how I would not describe myself as somebody who is filled with self-confidence. And a lot of that, and I don't think this is unique to me at all, is probably due to the battle that I have with my internal monologue or my internal dialogue, whether or not I'm good enough, whether or not I'm strong enough, fast enough,

smart enough, just fill in the blank of a way that I could potentially judge myself, view it through the lens of it being negatively, and that's where I'm my own worst enemy. And I say all of that to lead into my answer to this question, because it sounds to me like you right now are being your own worst enemy. And I think the most important thing that you have to recognize and realize immediately and hopefully get a handle on is the fact that the only person who is saying that your spouse and your son's life would be better without you is you. Nobody else is telling you that. And you need to remember that because you are stuck in this negative feedback loop or cycle, which it's not uncommon,

but that doesn't mean that it's healthy. And you're going to have to find a way to interrupt that. I've lost far too many friends to suicide and the ones that have left any level of indication behind oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes have left indications of feeling exactly the same way that you have expressed how you feel. Their life would be better off without me. They need to be, I'm not good enough. They need to find somebody who is better than me. And that's not your choice. and that's not your call. If your wife were to say these things to you and she were to say my life would be better off without you, then I would say, hey, you know what?

Maybe you should go off and process through a divorce. And that way you guys could be the best versions of yourself so you could co-parent effectively. But she's not saying that. The only person saying that is you and you need to figure out a way to stop talking to yourself in that manner because it can be destructive and it can lead to actions that have consequences that will ripple through the remainder of your spouse and your child's life if you were to action those things. Maybe people are, you know, tired of hearing me talk about this. I don't really give a shit.

I'm not going to ever stop talking about the pursuit of mental health. Find somebody that you can talk to. Maybe you don't feel comfortable going to a therapist. Talk to a family member. Find a friend. Have a conversation with somebody about the way you are actually talking about yourself and work towards interrupting that cycle. I have not become an expert at this.

I certainly will catch myself in negative feedback loops. In working with professionals over the years, for me, it's an issue of one, recognizing that I am going down this pathway, catching it as early as possible, and then reorienting myself. That has taken practice over time, and I'm not perfect at it. But it will prevent you from digging this ditch in your own head that, nobody knows about until it's till late. Now, let's talk about what's going on in the rest of your life. All right. First and foremost, my relationship advice to you is don't lie to your significant other. If you want somebody to truly love you for who you are, then you need to share with them the good,

the bad, and the ugly. And if they're the right person for you, they're going to accept you for those things. So I don't know of a single business that has been perfect, that hasn't had times where they've stumbled, that hasn't had ideas that didn't come to fruition, that didn't have a financial plan that played itself out perfectly. Nothing that you're talking about is really unique to your situation, but keeping it from somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with is not something that I would advocate or recommend that anybody do, because then you're to a degree living two different portions of your life. And if your significant other spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever it may be, if they find out that you have been lying to them or being

dishonest, and let's be clear, not sharing information is just lying by omission. And again, this is how we talk to ourselves, right? Excuse me. This is how we talk to ourselves. Well, I don't want them to see this side of me. And, oh, well, I'm going to be able to fix it, so I just won't bring it up right now. We self-justify. We self-rationalize. And then we find herself in a situation like this where now you and your wife are in a little bit of rough patch because she found out about something that she didn't know about. You probably could have been honest and upfront with her to begin with. I don't think she expects you to be perfect. Hopefully nobody out there expects another human being to be perfect unless, of course,

they can live up to that themselves. And you probably could have used her as a resource or somebody that she could or somebody that you could have bounced ideas off of. I understand she is an anxiety prone person. I'd be curious as to whether or not she would describe herself that way, because that's again another, that's another way that you can self-justify and rationalize not sharing with her. Oh, I don't want to stress her out. Again, language that you're using on yourself. it's okay to talk about things that aren't necessarily going well or what you would consider to be right. It doesn't have to drive anxiety. I think what can really drive anxiety is finding out about something you had no idea about and then having to deal with that all at once as

opposed to taking a small bite of that slice of cake. So currently, you said she's not speaking to you, and that sucks. Relationships are a little bit like sine waves, right? They have ups and downs. And I think you can't control that. You can control the amplitude and frequency of those things. But if you give it some time and you are open to working, I would say, first through your own situation and the things that you are dealing with and then working with your wife going forward and laying a foundation of honesty and transparency, it's going to work itself out. And I'll close with, there are no problems that do not. have solutions unless you give up, unless you make a decision because you talk yourself into a

place where you feel like you have no other escape and you give up. I'm not saying the solutions are going to be easy. I'm not saying that they're going to be short. I'm not saying that they're not going to be complex or that they won't be difficult or arduous, but I actually think the things that are worth the most are at the end of a journey that is like that. But they are all solvable. As long as you can commit to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not giving up primarily on yourself so that your wife and child don't have to deal with those consequences as well. So hopefully that helps. Question number two. I've been listening for a couple of years and I wrote in a few times, but never got an answer on your full out of Friday. Maybe my questions have always sucked,

but hopefully this one makes the cut. I apologize for not answering your questions earlier. I do the best that I can. I have three brothers, and we recently found out from my dad's wife, my stepmom, that our dad may be sick. He doesn't know that she's been telling us about his health issues because he is the type of guy that never goes to the doctor and would rather pass peacefully in his sleep and not know it was coming than spend the last few months trying to fight something with no chance of beating it. If he found out she was sharing this stuff with us, he would lose trust in her and probably stop sharing the information with her altogether. He was at my daughter's first birthday birthday recently and did not look very well. Very distended stomach, swollen ankles, skinny face.

Doctors may be admitting him to the hospital to have his stomach drained due to fluid buildup, and they're running more test to find out if something more serious like pancreatic cancer is on the menu. My question to you is how should my brothers and I approach this situation? How do we address the information we have without throwing his wife under the bus and him losing trust in her? Tough situation. Great question. I know the type of person that you're talking about. The type of individual that, I mean, what's the best way to describe this on your dad's, on your dad's side?

Baring your head in the sand? I mean, internally, I bet you your father, if there's something going on, which it sounds like there is, I bet you that there is a level of understanding that something isn't right. Now, an individual's choice to bury their head in the sand is, of course, their choice to make. Not what I would advocate or recommend, but their choice to make. The issue is the impact that it could have on your brothers and your family and even more importantly the time that you have left. You can't control what your father's going to do. So let's just take that off of the table.

But you have complete control in what you can do. And I can respect not wanting to throw your stepmother under the bus to allow that flow of information. So what I would recommend is since you have already identified things, a distended stomach, swollen ankles, a skinny face. these are things that anybody with a vision of any kind would be able to notice a change over time what i would recommend for your brothers is to just sit down and have a conversation with your dad and be like dad um this is what we see and we're worried about you and don't try to force anything but we don't know how much time we have left nobody knows how much time they have left i know we all like to think especially younger in life that we have this unlimited hourglass

and there's always going to be more sand in the top than in the bottom. And maybe at middle age, that shifts. And at the end of life or the later years in life, I don't know what that optic or perspective looks like. But we don't have any control and we don't actually know how much sand. So the question is, how do you want to treat this with the unknown amount of time that you have left with your father? So I'm going to assume he's an important figure in your life that you love and care for him. And you want to value that time.

the approach that I would recommend because you don't know how serious this is and you don't know how much time you have left is to take the direct approach. Sit them down and start with this. Dad, I love you to death. But I got to tell you because I have respect for you and I want to be honest about the things that I'm seeing and the things that I am seeing are worrying me and they are concerning me. And if there is something going on, I want to be here for you to help you to the best of our ability. And if we have limited time left, I want to be. to maximize that time. And you don't have to necessarily say what I'm about to say in that conversation,

but my advice to you would be as somebody who is concerned about the amount of time you may have left is just make sure that you say everything that you would ever want to say. Leave nothing left unsaid because at some point in time and it'll be sooner than you want it to be and it'll be far more permanent that you would ever hoped that it couldn't be. you won't have that opportunity. So be direct, come at it from a level of compassion and love and the desire to be helpful. And if you do it through what it is that you are seeing, you don't have to violate that trust from your stepmom. And then hopefully you can keep that level of communication going on the back end. And then you can be working together simultaneously. And your father won't know

the difference, but he'll be surrounded by people who love him. And hopefully maybe he's just, maybe he's got an allergic reaction that he developed later in his life. I'll tell you right now, I'm not a doctor. I've watched a lot of house, but I don't have enough information to diagnose this, but there are people out there who can, and hopefully it will bring you closer together. You can do more valuable things with your time and him going to get help or trying to figure out what is going on. It'll net you even more time as a family. That would be my advice. Final question for today. My family thinks carrying its concealed firearm isn't active paranoia. They believe the world to be a relatively safe place and find carrying a firearm

to be completely unnecessary stating, I have never felt in so much danger in my day-to-day life that I felt the need to have a firearm. In last week's fallout of Friday, you stated in 2023, it is the safest time there has ever been to be alive, which I largely agree with. However, I still find it necessary to carry the appropriate tools to defend myself, as I have no knowledge in martial arts. On the other hand, in my 29 years of life, I have never been in a fight, nor been in a situation where I came even remotely close to having to defend myself. Maybe my family has a point here. With the connectivity of modern life and popularity of social media, I know it to be true that

you can often find what you are looking for, either good or bad. I assume it is possible that I have simply entered an echo chamber of the internet social media that has led me to believe I face more danger in day-to-day life than I actually do. For instance, I have seen multiple videos in the last two weeks of influencers discussing truck guns and vehicle EDCs or everyday carries, where they display a level of tactical gear that I personally would only see being useful in the event of a mainland invasion of the U.S. I pass no judgment on the actions of those individuals and their belief to always have such gear readily available. However, videos such as those do make me stop and think of the validity of my family's views. So, does my family have a point or do they lack perspective? What are your thoughts on concealed carry truck guns, seemingly wartime loadout EDCs that are preached by some?

This is an interesting question. It's actually, it's pretty layered and in depth. So does your family have a point or do they lack perspective? How about both is true? They have a point and they have a perspective and it differs from yours a little bit. When I was talking about in the previous fallout of Friday, when I was talking about from a statistic, mystical perspective, that it is the safest time for human beings to be alive on planet Earth. My point, well, the point that I was trying to get across is I don't want anybody living

in paranoia. But at no point in time did I say that people shouldn't be prepared. Statistics are a great thing. The odds of being bitten by a great white shark, I think, are the same of being struck by lightning twice and winning the lottery in the same day. And all of that is fine and dandy until you find yourself into the jaws of a great white shark, and as it's dragging you under water and separating your limbs from your torso, you start yelling at it about statistics. So the probability is low, and I don't even know necessarily what you could do to prepare yourself for that other than maybe never go into the water, but again, that's kind of going down a rabbit hole. Being paranoid is not something I want people to be,

but being prepared is something that I want people to be. So when they face things that they may not encounter on a day-to-day level that maybe would be at the fringe of their experience, they are prepared. And maybe not, it is not even something that they are facing. You know, I do definitely subscribe to everyday carry. Of course, following the laws of where you live. But if people, you know, every time I talk to people about concealed carry, I also talk to them about the other tools that they carry. You know, a gun has the ability to make holes in people. and the ability for you to start draining hydraulic fluid from a human being. But do you also carry things that can plug holes or prevent that fluid from leaving the body?

So you have the ability to take life with your EDC tools, but do you have the ability to sustain life? From a statistical perspective, if we want to go back into stats, you're far more likely to need the tools to sustain life than take life. I've never had to pull a gun on anybody in my life outside of the military, but multiple times I have been the first responder on an accident scene or even just on a hike and had the ability to help somebody who wasn't having a medical emergency, but the ability to bandage somebody who had cut themselves accidentally and get them to a higher level of care. Again, I don't carry those tools because I'm paranoid. I carry them because I want to be prepared and the most useful human being that I can be. be. The fact that your family has never encountered violence like that is awesome. I'm incredibly happy and that's the way that most people are. But how are they going to behave if that is forced upon them? And the answer is they're going to fall to the level of their training. And if they have no training or preparation, they're really going to suffer in that environment. And I don't want them to.

So they do have a point that is based on their perspective. Their perspective is based on the experiences that they have had in their life, and it's limited to a degree. And that's okay. If you want to put blinders on and bury your head in the sand, that is a choice. But you have to accept the consequences of that choice. Now, you, on the other hand, the person who wrote this email, you are using the internet a little bit more, the connectivity, you are seeing some of the violence that is out there impossible that you normally would not have been exposed to. absent the internet or the connectivity or the ability to see these things that are happening in the world. And that is changing your perspective. So don't try to, my recommendation would be don't

try to measure your perspective or your point for point with your family. They're just different and that's okay. I hate seeing families argue to a point where they can no longer agree and even spend time together on these things. It's okay to have differing opinions. And here's the thing. If you were with your family and you encounter one of these events, they'd be damn happy that you were there with their tools and I guarantee you their perspective would shift. I'm not saying I hope that that happens, but that is the reality of the situation. So you are not necessarily immersing yourself in these things, but you are encountering these things on the internet so that you therefore realize it's possible and you want to prepare yourself for that. Personally, I think that's awesome. That's the way

that I have chosen to live my life. I have very unique experiences that I wish upon nobody. I am glad that I have them. They have shaped. the lens that I view the world through. But I also have to constantly remind myself that just because I saw something overseas doesn't mean that it's applicable here to the United States. Just because I was around an immense amount of violence in my previous career does not mean that my perspective and lens on violence is valid for everybody. Perfect example would be your family who's never attached that type of violence. I'd be more than happy to talk with them about my experiences, but it may not be directly applicable to them. And that is okay. It is okay to a degree, to a degree, to agree to

disagree and to land in a place where you have separation on some things and you can come right back together. So I am a proponent of EDC. I am a proponent of being able to stop bleeding, just like being able to start it. I am a proponent for carrying firearms for personal protection, and I believe they should be used in a measure of absolute last resort. But if you ever find yourself in a place where you need one and you don't have one, that's going to suck for you and everybody else that's around you. Now, your comments about the truck guns and the seemingly wartime loadout EDCs, just remember that some people make a living, either producing those items,

working with those brands, or creating content in general. and there's nothing wrong with any of those things. But your attention is the commodity on social media and an influencer or a content creator. And I have to put myself in that bucket to a degree. I put out a podcast and it competes with other podcasts that are out there and people either find value from it or not. There are people who make a choice to be a little bit more edgy or fringy or controversial in the delivery of their information. I think some of them are calculated

and some of them have a hard time moving past the person that they used to be and they want to apply their previous perspective to the world in front of them. I don't have a judgment of that. I think personally, though, it makes integration into a normal life in air quotes, whatever that may be, a little bit difficult at times. But there's an audience for that.

And oftentimes when people make videos like that, they are rewarded for it, whether it be through sales or attention or clicks or likes or trending. And in times where people are uncertain, maybe violence for whatever reason is flooding their feed, it can drive people down those rabbit holes. My personal thoughts on an EDC kit that would be more along the lines of what I used to carry overseas for the vast majority of people and for the vast majority of situations, I think it is unnecessary. Am I telling people not to do that?

I am not. I think, though, that it could push you a little bit more towards that place of being paranoid. Is over-prepared being a bad thing? Or is it a bad thing? I don't think so. Do you really need to invest to that level? If you want to, if that's what you're passionate about, go ahead. All I will say is this. If you're going to go into a very robust load out in your vehicle, please make sure that you have a way to obscure what you have in your vehicle from outside eyes.

The stuff that you're talking about, these EDC kits, they're very expensive. It oftentimes involves firearms. You need to have secure storage in your vehicle. I would recommend tinted windows so people can't see in. and just make sure that you're actually trained and current and competent on all the things in the vehicle. If you're just putting them in the vehicle because you want to feel like Rambo and you're really looking for a reason to use them or hoping for a reason to use them, I'm not going to make a judgment of you as a person, but personally, I think you're headed down the wrong path, but that's the path for you to choose. I think for most people, what you carry on you, you know, your first line defense, that's great if you would,

want to have a fallback or a bugout or a go rig. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Make sure you know how to use the things that you need to use. And again, let's go back to statistics. The odds of a red dawn scenario are pretty low. Does that mean that you shouldn't have these things? No, it doesn't. Does it mean that you should be a fanatic and be at a moment's notice ready to live out of your vehicle prepared for an EMP strike and have a bunker dug somewhere? I don't know. I'll let that for everybody to make that own decision in their life. But anything can be taken too far. Fitness can be taken too far. Diet can be taken too far. EDC. The constant sharpening and hypervigilance can be taken too far as well.

And so, again, to not levy judgment on those people, just understand that some people make their living in that arena. And because of that, they make content like that. Is it all applicable? Not in my opinion. But that's all it accounts for, is my opinion and my opinion alone. Hopefully that helps. See everybody on Monday.