Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Cleared Hot Episode 109 - Stella Davison

Episode Date: January 8, 2020

If you have children, specifically daughters, this podcast is for you.  Actually, this podcast is for anyone who wants to learn more about what it takes to be a high achiever.  At the age of 18, Stella Davison is an Olympic hopeful in the sport of Judo.  She is a purple belt in BJJ, coaches children in BJJ, and has structured her educational load to graduate high school early to focus on her international competition.  Driven, Disciplined, Goal-oriented, and organized, things we can all benefit from, regardless of where you are in the story arc of your life. 

Episode number 109. First episode of 2020. Yes, I know I'm releasing this Wednesday afternoon. Usually I do Mondays. You're going to have to deal with it. I was living my life over the holidays with my friends and family. And now we're back on track. So we have a Wednesday release.

And then what would that be? Five days from now, we're going to have a Monday release. So before we get into the guest on the business side of the house, episode 109 is brought to you by longtime podcast sponsor On It. And if you listen to the podcast, you know what On It is and what they're about. And if you don't, briefly, they're a company that is driven by human optimization. It is a one-stop shop for you. And that one-stop shot is on it, on-n-I-t.com slash hot.

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and I actually focus on, you know, some probiotics or microbiomes, it does seem to get better. So maybe I need to work on that a little bit in 2020. And I enjoy their total gut health product. But that's just a little bit at the very top of the page. There's supplements, nutrition, fitness, apparel, anything you could want. There's written word, videos, audio, apparel, equipment that you can use. And then, of course, the nutrition. So dig in there.

They make awesome products. I love the company. And check it out. Onet.com slash hot. Now my guest for today is the youngest guest that I've ever had, she is the daughter of Travis Nkisa Davison, the owners of SBG, where I live and train here in Calispell and also Whitefish. And then there's actually four in, well, it's not the Flathead Valley, but there is Whitefish, Big Fork, Calispell that makes kind of an L in the Flathead Valley. And there's down in Missoula. So there's four SBGs here in the area of Montana that I live in.

And they have four kids. I have three in my family. All kids are different. I'm sure any parent that hears that would agree. And they all express themselves differently, and they all grow in different directions. So I have two older boys and a little girl. And I am terrified, and I talk about this a little bit in the podcast, about the things that she has access to on social media when it comes to influence. and inspiration.

The Snapchat, the TikTok, the Instagram. I struggle with people portraying a lifestyle that is not accurate, and I have a filter that at least has 42 years behind it. So when it comes to my daughter, I am always thinking of people or things that set a great example. And I can't think of a better example than Stella. And another thing we talk about is I'm trying to find more women guests for the podcast, because right now she is my fourth guest who is female, and I think there need to be more,

because half the world is women and women are inspirational as hell. But back to Stella, and why I think she's such an amazing role model for my daughter. She is 18 years old. She's graduated high school in about, you know, two weeks, because why not graduate early? And she's currently an Olympic hopeful in judo, targeting 2024 or 2028. We talk about that, so I don't need to go into it any deeper. but she's been doing also Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu since probably she could move. I suspect Travis and Kisa were folding her into, you know, arm bars and turtle when she was laying in the crib with her twin brother.

She is a purple belt, but I think that's because of her age. I suspect, and I know almost nothing about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, that her skill level is far above that of a purple belt, but she's limited by her age. But she also teaches Brazilian jiu-situ to kids, which, of course, makes her as same. because I would just want to punt them across the mats. But when it gets to being an inspiration and a role model, the reason I say that is she's created and crafted a life for herself around her goals. She's driven. She's disciplined.

She's goal-oriented. She's organized. And that is an example for my daughter. Not about judo, which is her target, obviously, but just about life in general. And I'll let her explain the rest. And she is joined with, returned guest, Travis and Kisa Davis. Because I thought it would be interesting to have both sides of that coin, the individual perspective and then the parents' perspective of raising that child and helping hopefully shepherd them towards their goals. And that is what, what, wow, double what.

That is what episode number 109 is about with Stella Davison and her parents. Travis and Kesa. Enjoy. It's not perfect. The fact that the lights are dim. Okay, tell me when you press that record button. Oh. It's not on yet.

It's red. It goes green when it goes on. It's armed. It's just armed. It's not going. So. First cuss word out of the bucket. That's fine.

That's sign language. It doesn't count. We're in an audio-only format right now, so that doesn't count. That's the only way I'm going to cuss tonight. What's your guys hang up with that? These guys make me feel bad about my language all the time. That's not true. I have heard both of them say.

absolutely everything that you say many times. Are we just going to sit here and pretend that you two don't cuss? Yeah. Are we just going to sit here and pretend that? I'm not even going to try to prove it. But I'm just saying that I have been around and heard you too. I don't know what words he's talking about. That's fine.

I look at you. Excuse me while I turn off my, what you call it. Your watch. I don't know how to do it. It's your watch. You should be fine. There it is. Oh, do you do it on here?

I thought you did on your phone. It's the same as your phone. You can just hit the. Oh, yeah. It's the bell. Half moon. The no bell. You got it.

Whenever you're ready. Are you ready, ladies? Doesn't this all about Stella? Why can't she look at you? Because it makes me laugh. This is going to be spectacular. So, we can talk about whatever you guys want to talk about, but I was thinking about this in the last day or two.

I have only had two female guests on the podcast. Which is a disservice. Probably a good call, actually. That's not true. I've been on your podcast before as well. Okay, three. You've had four female guests on your podcast. I'm counting.

This is why you shouldn't have your guests on your podcast. Do I need to count them all? Prefer if you didn't. Go ahead. Because it hasn't been four. Actually, I want you to. You've had three. Correct.

She will be the fourth. Yes, but I've also done 108 episodes. Okay. So your point is a valid point. Just be accurate in your data. Okay. Oh, me. Which microphone are you?

We'll just do that. Oh, he actually clicked it. I can, yeah. We'll turn it back on. Point being, it is, obviously, 50% of the population is women. I have a daughter, and I can have different conversations with my sons than I can with my daughter. And I have made the mistake more than once with my daughter of trying to motivate her the

same way that I can motivate my sons. And it's just very different. So I look at my daughter and what I want her to be able to do. do as far as success or planning or motivation. And you, Stella, are an awesome example of that for where you are in your life and where you want to go and how regimented you are. And so it's not just awesome for my daughter. I think it's just awesome for women in general. I'm trying to find more, I think it's important to find more women guests to talk about the awesome stuff that they're doing as well. You bring up a very interesting and valid point. So that's what I want to talk about. How we get there,

It's up to you guys because you're obviously joined with your mom and dad, which is a good call. Because I don't know you as well as I know your mom and dad. And so they can help keep things on the rails, keep us moving in the right direction. How about we start with this? How about we start a question for Travis and Kesa? What do you guys think of when you see your daughter? Be nice. It depends on the time of day, what day it is.

In general, where she's at in her life and where she's going. I'm going to need a glass of wine if we're going to have this deep of a conversation. It's directly in front of you. You actually have one. People don't see that. They do now. Yeah, it's directly in front of you. So when I look at my daughter, it's the same feeling that I had since the day she was born, which is, oh, my God, there are so many possibilities that I can see for her.

Is she going to see those possibilities? Does she see those possibilities? and what can I do to make sure she doesn't mess it up? Yeah, no pressure, though. Travis? Boy, I think I feel a huge amount of pride, you know, when I see her because I realize how awesome she is. And, you know, whether it's valid or not, you know, I think, you know, I think. take some credit for that. And so I mostly I feel just a lot of pride. I take a lot of pride in the

fact that she is so driven and so disciplined and responsible and hardworking. And, you know, she's doing a lot of times the things that I thought that I would do when I was younger, maybe not in judo or or martial arts but like skateboarding or whatever where I thought I would you know become the best in in that field and I never did and then I look at her and I'm like holy shit like she's uh she's actually going to do it you know what I mean and and that's pretty surreal pretty awesome and at the same time um and I'm I'm sure this will come up later when we're talking, but I really haven't done that much to be responsible for that. You know, I don't wake her up in the morning and say, hey, Stella, it's time to train.

Or, hey, you should do this camp. Or, hey, why don't you sign up for this tournament? There hasn't been any of that. I've not ever? Never. Never. Is that true? Yeah.

Yeah. I think if you said those things, I probably wouldn't want to do. I've never. That's fair, though. I think because there's different ways to motivate people and that approach. No, the motivation has to come from me. So where did you find it? When did you?

So trying to think of the best way, would it be better for you to introduce your daughter or for her? I was going to say, back up. Does anybody even know who she is? Well, that's what I was going to go to next. I was talking to you guys at cheese. Usually just assume that you're no one. then you have to prove yourself. It's a good rule.

Hi, I'm Stella. Indeed. Would it be better for Stella to introduce herself or you guys to introduce her? I think you should introduce yourself. Stella, it's all yours. Well, I already said my name, so. Stella Davis. Yeah.

You can work yourself backwards from what your goals are or start at the beginning. Your choice. That's pretty broad. I've only been alive 18 years, but it doesn't seem like, What are you training for right now? Judo. Specifically what? Well, one day, the Olympics.

I'm not nearly as far as I need to go right now. I've just barely scratched the surface as a competitor. How long have you been competing for, though? I've been doing judo for five years now. I started in the fall of 2014, so I guess a little bit over five. Yeah, but back up. Well, that's not really fair to only say five years because what a lot of the judo players don't know

is that I've done jiu-jitsu since I was five. Oh, now they all know, Stella. Well, what I was going to ask you is how long of most of the people you are competing with and against been doing judo? That kind of... It can probably vary based on their background as well. It definitely varies based on

if we're looking at a national level versus the world. because in the world, a lot of the high-level athletes, like especially coming from different countries where they're, like, forced to start these sports at a young age, they've been doing judo competitively since they were, like, five or four. I've been doing jujitsu that long, but it's a lot different.

It's not nearly as rigorous or intense. Like, jiu-jitsu is pretty laid back, if I'm being honest. She's not wrong. No, judo is violent. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I don't participate in it. I see the practices. I'm good.

I don't need to do any of that. All this talk of hitting somebody with the earth. Like, how about I just sit down? It's not even just the throws or the big takedowns, but like the grip fighting and just being like shaken around. Which you probably got a lot of exposure to the grip fighting, though, and I would say the competition and probably the performance anxiety that comes from that. in your jiu-jitsu career leading up to that.

Yeah. Which has got to be a huge advantage. Yeah, the other big advantage of growing up doing jiu-jitsu is that a lot of the girls I fight don't have a lot of ground game. And that's a big part of the sport that's left out in the U.S. in particular. Other countries are a little bit better with, like, pins and turnovers and being able to do submissions. But in the U.S., like, they're lacking a lot.

We should probably describe judo a little bit because I think most people would have an understanding of jujitsu just from the podcast that we have done. I want to take a stab at just describing judo. If we're comparing it to jujitsu, then it's just the takedowns. However, the takedowns that you're doing, you can't grab the legs with your hands. You can trip and you can do like hip tosses. and then once it gets to the ground, somehow there's a limited time. There's a sense of urgency to either pin your opponent or submit them with like a choke or an arm lock. You technically can't do shoulder locks, but if you're doing it as like a turnover to pin them, there's like a little bit of a, the lines are a little bit blurred.

Can you do lower body stuff in Guto? No. So waist down is completely off one. It's no ankles, knees, hip locks. You can grab them, but you can't, like, threaten to submit them. Interesting. But you can't grab their legs when they're standing. Correct.

It would be more like Greco-Roman wrestling with the kimono. And it was also, at least in Japan, the origin of Jiu-Jitsu, correct? Yeah, I mean, the two were indistinguishable in the beginning. To begin, all right. Right. So the Nuwaza, the groundwork that Stella's talking. about. The difference was is the rule set as it changed, kind of led judo in the direction of putting more of an emphasis on big throws. And in jiu-jitsu, it put more of an emphasis on the submission.

Okay. So I think this is an interesting question. Not that it's my podcast that I would like to ask her this question. That's exactly why you guys are here. What is it? I mean, you grew up doing jiu-jitsu. Well, first of all, even before a jiu-tizu... I was going to say, we're like halfway into the origin story. We're not even... You grew up basically wrestling your brothers. Yeah. Three brothers.

And we are a competitive family. Let's be honest. That's not true. I mean, if we were to compare ourselves to other families, like we're the most competitive. And they're trying to fight me on. Don't you think that's grounds for being... I'm going to stay out of this one. Good call.

So, but then when you started doing jiu-jitsu, You loved Jiu Jiu Jitsu for so long. I still do. Did you love it initially? Even before she did it, she loved it. I was really upset when they let Ricky, my twin brothers, start Jiu Jitsu before me. Because I'd imagine as gym owners you see kids who love it, kind of in the middle like, blah, and then kids like, I don't want to do this, but their parents are just like, go to class.

Oh, yeah. It's like that with everything, right? I mean. But honestly, there's very few people who actually push their kids into it. Yeah, unfortunately, there's too many parents who take the approach of, oh, well, my kid doesn't like this, therefore, we should try something else. Yeah. I'm all for, you know, your children should definitely pursue what they're passionate about. But we've talked about on another podcast.

There are just certain things as parents where we know that something. is good for our kids, regardless of whether they want to eat their broccoli or brush their teeth or wash their hair or go to school, we're going to make them do them. Yeah, their wants and desires have to be overridden by the experience that we have. Correct. Because you can see the negative outcome that comes from it. Yeah. And how do they even know what they are interested in if they don't have exposure?

And we also know as human beings that doing something for the first time, anything, even as adults, change is hard and there's a lot of anxiety associated with doing something new. So sometimes you need somebody who's going to say, hey, you know what? I get it. It's scary. You're going to do this for at least six months, 12 months, whatever. And then we'll reevaluate after. So my question is, because I've actually never asked you this,

what was it when you started doing judo? What was it about judo that hooked you? it was hard jiu-jitsu although there's some sorry andy I know you do jiu-s-s-s-go-it-su it's good jiu-jitsu is difficult too but

when I started judo I'm just thinking of who I could pay to make stuff from Matt because it's not going to be me it was a new challenge and it was really difficult like much harder

and then especially when I tried physically harder yeah what about it was harder You have to stand up almost the whole time. Yeah. So I would compare judo to like sprinting for four minutes. And then if you go into overtime. 100%.

You've seen golden score matches go for 30 minutes. What did you call it? Golden score. That's when you go into overtime. If there's no score, then you just keep going until someone scores. 30. At our last sprinting. It's like a sudden death sort of overtime.

At our last competition, they had a 30 minute match. No exaggeration. And it could have gone for three hours if it needed to. Three days. Wow. I would like to see that. Three days. That was kind of an exaggeration.

I've never heard of a match going three days, but somebody would have to take it. Who was that? Somebody would need a pee break. That was Shoddy and that was. Kencella. Okay, so more intense. It has to start on the feet.

I guess you get two matches have to start on the feet too, right? Correct, but there's no guard pull option in judo. Okay. Unless you're going to Tomonagi. But that's not a guard pool. So that's. Pretend. Like you're going to.

You can pretend like you're going to sacrifice throw them and then, oh, my gosh, you're in the card. And then you can, okay. Hip-up sweep. To mount. Yeah, but there's also false attacks as well. So, like, if you pull guard per se, and it doesn't look like you're actually attempting to, you know, Tomonagi or Yoko Tomonagi or some form of a Sumiga-A-H or sacrifice throw. I know Japanese. I know zero of the words he just said.

Domo Arikato. Mr. Roboto. I mean, I can finish that one off. He teaches in class. He'll be like, we're going to do something is he. I'm just like, I look over. I'm like, the same way, I know what he's talking about.

I do it to look cool. Yeah. But so if you don't actually attempt to sweep them with your sacrifice throw, you'll be penalized. Shito for, you know, false attack or whatever. So there's not a guard pull option. There are strategies. where you can main feints, if you will.

Yeah. Okay. And it's point in submission based, which is the same as a Jiu-Tit's tournament, correct? Or a Jiu-Jitsu match. Yeah. A Judo match could end if you hit like a perfect throw and they land flat on their back, then that's E-Pon. Okay. And you would win.

So there's no need to try to pin them. Oh, shoulder blades flat on the ground? Right. Okay. And that happens. But if you throw them and they land like on their side, then you'll get a Wazari. And then if you get two of those, then that's also one. win. Okay. It's a half point. Yeah.

But we don't need to go into like, I'm just curious. I'm trying to. But we kind of do because the listeners probably have no about judo. The other thing that still is forgetting to talk about is Saikomi, which does not exist in Jiu-Jitsu,

which is more like Western style wrestling where you actually get rewarded for pinning people, which you don't get rewarded for pinning in Jiu-Zitsu. So you can actually win a match by holding an opponent down for 20 seconds. Yeah, they are long pins. I was going to say that seems like an excessive amount of time.

10 seconds if it's off a wazari. So if you already have a wazari, then you only have to pin for 10 seconds. If you don't have any score and somehow you're on the ground, then you have to pin for 20. So you loved it right away because it was difficult. It was really hard. Let me ask you

this. Did you have success in it right away? No. I was going to say don't like because I was at your first tournament. You never know, right? Because she did come from a background of competition at least you know yeah i mean somewhat um definitely not the first year uh the couple after that i started to realize this is just jujitsu and so we kind of figure out a way to work around the rules where my judo was a little bit behind still but if i could get them to the ground then i could pin them

and use my jiu jitsu and really it wasn't until this last like year and a half maybe two years that my judo has actually really grown. And now I'm able to beat people with judo and jujitsu in these judo matches. I think it's an important point that she says she's not successful, like, immediately. Because I think, or I have seen at least, it's fun. I see it all the time where people see somebody who is on a trajectory that you're on. They're like, oh, they're just a natural. Like, it must have just come easy to them because they see how they're performing in that moment.

and they don't see the, how many years of Jiu-Jitsu was it before you found Judo? 12? 13. She's doing math. Oh, my God. She's not good at the math. We need Ricky for the math. She's good at math.

I had been doing Jiu-Jitsu for about eight years before I started judo. Yeah, it is. Five plus eight. It was 13. I started judo right before my 13th birthday. Okay. All right. Pat on the back.

Nice work. That's still a robust amount of experience to bring into a new competitive sport. And I think, like I said, I see people all the time equating success with either either a natural or, oh, it was the jujitsu. That's what made you so good at it. And you still, though, had to struggle your ass off. The first year of losing or struggling for people who haven't experienced that, not awesome. Nobody signs up for that, I think up front. It probably will feel the value in it later.

But nobody comes in and says, hey, I'd like to suck for the next year. You know what else I like to about judo? This goes back to your initial question, Mom, where you were like, why did you like judo? Why did you stick with it? I like it when you call me, Mom. She usually calls me Kesa. Well, that's your name. It was something for me.

Having three brothers, we all did Jiu-Jitsu, but I found Judo, and I was doing it, and they weren't. Who's better at Jiu-Jitsu between you and your three brothers? Are they going to listen to this podcast? I have no idea, but they're not here. Um, it's not really fair to compare me to all of them because... Let's just start with Joe. Well, Joe doesn't do Jiu-Jitsu anymore. So, okay, you win. Next.

Ricky? Ricky and I have really competitive matches. I can see that. If we both start on our feet, then I'm going to get the takedown before he pulls guard. And then from there, it's a fight. Because he's going to try to attack my ankles because he likes to ankle outlock. Goet lock me. but if I can get on top and stay on top,

then I can probably win. Okay, so say call it 50-50 then. Yeah. Ted. I'm not going to fight Ted. I don't want to fight Ted either. He's a madman. Sometimes I like to really like push his buttons and try to get him to,

and then mom usually stops in. I can't wait until he listens to this podcast. He'll be like, oh my God, Stella. Yeah. Oh, and he'll listen to it for sure. Yeah, I like to. So you can hold your own against all three at least. Yeah.

All right. Perfect. Fair enough. Especially if there's food involved. So you found it for you, and you made it yours. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point.

Perfect World. It's January 2020 right now. What's the target that you have on the wall that you're aiming for? This year. Well, let's go farther than this year. What would you, I mean, what's the pie in the sky goal that you have? I've never heard of that saying, but I like it. It's not I'm thinking of pie.

I'm trying to think of another metaphor. Um, kicking like kids today. I thought that was relatively, uh, known. Um, what's the long term goal that you have set for yourself? Yeah. My long term goal would definitely be the Olympics. Um, 20, 24 is kind of close, believe it or not. Four years.

That means I would need to be like this year making, um, those international tournaments and starting to win and improve my international rank. but it's just not realistic for me to qualify. I mean, maybe in four years, who knows, I've only done one international tournament so far. So maybe 2028 for the Olympics? 2028 is definitely realistic. 2024, I think I would be on the international circuit,

like competing hopefully throughout the year at a variety of different Grand Prix and Grand Slams. I would really prefer to go to pay. Paris, France for the Olympics, and that's 2024. But no pressure. I'm just saying, like, you're going to go to Paris with your mom. Have they declared 28 yet? We don't like France. We went to Paris. I've never been. How can I know if I like it or not? We went to Paris without you. I know. Just for the love of God, do not go through the Charles de Gaul airport. They will lose your bags. They didn't lose our bags. Did you land in Paris and stay there for a while? For 23 hours. Three times I've been through Charles

de Gaul where I got to where I was going and then the conveyor belt just go. goes around and around and around. It's actually never happened to me at CDG. Cidige. Well, I hope that it does, and I hope that you never find your luggage. And I hope that you need something in that luggage really badly, and that it ruins your trip. I also don't pack like that.

I keep my chocolate with me when I travel so that that doesn't happen. The good news is that Stella will be 22 years old in 2024. Well, I was going to ask about that through the age, too. I mean, what is peak competitive age for a female judo athlete, Olympic hopeful? The term is judoka. Judoka, okay. Yeah, I don't say that too often. It kind of sounds weird when I say it, so.

Judoka, I like it. What's the term for jiu-jitsu? Jiu-Jitsuera. J-Jitsu-Rua. A dude. Yeah. Basically. So 26.

Is that early on in your competitive career, or would that be tail-end? It's 22. She was 22. No, like say she were talking about the four years after that, 2028. It really depends. Like, because Rhonda Rousey was in the Olympics when she was like 16. But also Ronda Rousey's mother was a substantial judo influence. Probably, I'm assuming, she was probably doing judo as you were at the same age you were doing jujitsu.

But there's also women who are in their 30s. Yep, there's some women in their 30s who are still kicking it. Like, ass? Yeah, we say bottom. These are hilarious. We say buns. We say buns. Yeah.

Kicking bum. Kicking bum. Yeah, just is very aggressive. So, I wonder. It's really across the board. Like, there's also a player from Ukraine, and she just turned 19. She has beat everyone, like, at every single. Is that that tall thing?

Daria Billeted. Yep. Good old Daria. She's, like, 5, 7, and is. two weight classes below me. I don't know how. That's 48 kilos. Sela-fights at 57. Yeah. So you have a strategy, though, at least a road print for yourself going forward. Yeah. A blueprint, I should say. I want to spend some time talking about what you had to do

to get to where you are now, because you are a senior in high school, correct? Yep. But you're graduating early. I'm graduating in 19 days. Which is no small feat. That's not. She's also a small school. where I was when I was 18. Do you get a B last semester? No. Is she, mom, are you still 4.0? I'm a 3.8 right now.

That sucks. It's okay. It's kicked out. No, it's fine. Which is also something we've never pushed her on at all. Well, that's what I'm saying. I think it is. That's what I'm not concerned.

Like 3.8 is still good and I'm sleeping and training and happy. But you're also doing a lot of things differently than I think young women are at your age, the vast majority. And I think it's important to talk about. how you got to where you are and the things that you're going to be able to do. People oftentimes overlook the hard work and the grind and the things you have to do on a day-to-day level. And I think what Travis said is the beginning is correct. Sometimes, especially recently, I wonder how much influence parents have on kids.

How much is out-of-the-box programming and how much you're able to mold? I think it's a combination of both. You need something to write with. I want to draw me a picture. I want to let her talk, but I need to remember my thoughts. I'll go ahead and I'll feel the gap since you're looking for paper and a pen and he just wants to talk again I like to hear myself talk sometimes but actually true um no what I was gonna I was just going to say what

kind of dovetail off of what Andy was saying about parents and influence and so on and so forth but I think you know the hard reality is that most parents don't want to accept the fact that their children are influenced far more by their circle of friends than they are by their parents. And we all know this is true if we go back and we look at our own childhood and we think about like the impact that our parents had on us in terms of influence versus our friends and the people that we were trying to impress and please. And the reality is as parents, the best thing we could do is try to control.

our children's environment because we as parents are going to have very little influence on our children. Well, the older they get, the less time we have with them. Correct. No, the most time we're going to spend with our kids is when they're babies. And the older they get, the less time we get to spend with them. Except that we're lifting buddies. Well, yeah.

How are going to bump to that? Yeah. But that's incredibly atypical in and of itself, I think. Yeah, for sure. It is 100%. Like, I mean, this is about Stella, so she should talk about it. But the reality is, you asked me like, what do I think when I see Stella? And I'm like, I think, man, it's pretty awesome.

There's a lot of mornings because, you know, we have a personal trainer and we work out as a family and as a team, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday mornings, and we power lift. And I can pretty much always count on at least one person. being there. And that'll be Stella. Yeah, because Hank's a dog. I can always count on Hank because he has to do what I tell him. But so Hank's always there. I thought Travis does what Hank.

Oh, no, my. But I think it was a couple weeks ago. It was basically just me and Stella. Like the whole week, we'd show up and I'd be like, where is everybody? And it was funny because it was like my 18-year-old daughter is the one person who doesn't miss lifting. Is he telling you to come to lifting? Are you making that call? No. Well, most mornings I'm already at the gym because like tomorrow morning, for example, I have an hour of cardio before we lift. So what time does your cardio start? Walk me through an average day, like a training day in

your life. I was just telling mom how excited I am for tomorrow. I don't have judo tomorrow, so that's unfortunate. That's like one of the only days of the week that I don't get to train judo and the ghee. But tomorrow morning I'll wake up at 5. Do you want my whole routine, Annie? Okay, so I'll wake up at 5 and I'll meditate. And I listen to those headspaces. So you're guided meditation?

Yeah, I love those. Is Headspace an app or? Yep, okay. It's an app that I like to use because then I can pick certain, like, I don't remember what they're called, but different like units. Like some are managing with, some are managing change or like if you're feeling really anxious. If you have a competition coming up, I've listened to all of the competition. So you can tailor it towards your headspace or what you're trying to shoot for. Okay.

So I like to start every morning with that while my espresso is brewing. Thank you, Mima. Shout out to Mima. Yeah, Mima gave me her espresso maker and I use it every morning. Anyways, so then I'll have my protein and espresso. Then I go to cardio from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m., which goes right into lifting. like I'll go and grab a... When you say cardio, are you doing that by yourself or do you have a coach? No. My judo coach is...

Shout out to coach. Yeah. He is very committed to me. And if I tell him that I want to do cardio in the morning, I want to win, I want to go to these competitions, he'll be there. That's the rule that we have with each other. We should apologize to Sean real quick before you go on. Why?

For killing his general. Killing him. Why you got to bring up politics? Because he's Iranian. You should say. Sorry. Okay, but he's American. Damn.

You're historical. Anyways, go ahead. He's not even getting it right. Sean, we're sorry. He's not even getting it right. So you're at Cardio at 6. Yep. And he's there with me.

And he also has gnarly playlists. Yeah. He knows exactly what music to play to make me run through the ladders really fast. Or if it's like a more calm part, then he'll put on walking on sunshine because that's my favorite playlist. after cardio will lift and then tomorrow right after lifting I have to run home not actually run this is where I cool down a little bit hustle to get all my stuff together and go to school this year I have a gym class I know it's kind of funny but I need the credit but I'll just run

during my gym class while they do their guided workout or sometimes it's just a game day but I've talked to all my teachers they know what I'm doing with my life and so I'll just go run. After school, I'll go teach jujitsu to the cutest human beings who exist, the four-year-olds, and then the teenagers, a little bit more difficult. The worst. Maybe not the cutest human beings. What do you say worse, Travis?

Are you referring to the four-year-olds or the teenagers? The teenagers. I will take three and four-year-olds all day. All day. I was going to say I concur with that. I don't even teach them, but I concur with it. I disagree. I like all the age groups.

You're sweet. Yeah, and you lie very well. I don't hate the teenagers. I like the teenagers. So you're at? I don't like the chips. So tomorrow I teach for just two hours. And then I'll go home and get some food before I go up to white fish to do jujitsu from seven to eight.

To teach or to participate? Participate. Okay. And then I get to go home. Does that mean participate? Is that a euphemism for beat up Michael? That's not Michael. That's Daniel.

Yeah, that's Michael's in that class. Okay, euphemism for beating up Daniel. Daniel's the coach. No, he's the coach. But we roll afterwards. So I guess it's more like I go home at like 8.30. I was going to say, you know there's open mat right after that class. So you probably participate in that.

So you're five to probably home if you're leaving Whitefish in the door at nine. Your day is not over. You got homework, I'm assuming. I'll meal prep all my stuff for the next day and then. That's fun. Oh, we're going to talk about that too. It is really fun. What time is your normal day end?

Hold on, we've got to get it through her day. Do you mean like what time do I go to sleep? Yeah. It depends on what time I want to wake up because I've been really, really adamant about getting sleep. I think sophomore and junior year, I would just sacrifice my sleep. I was trying to be a 4.0 student, a good coach, and try to be an athlete. And I was just like, okay, I just need to. not sleep, like that's fine.

And I would get like four hours of sleep or five and just keep going. But I realized that I was... Then you got pneumonia. Yeah. Okay. So then I got pneumonia and missed a bunch of competitions. A month. She was out for a month.

Oh, yeah, I don't doubt it. No, it was really bad. Yeah, four or five hours is not enough. Well, with the workload like that, what you're describing, you're opening with physical activity. And then the middle of the day is physical activity. And later in the day is physical activity. Yeah. And I thought it was fine because I was.

I was like, cool. Now I just have more time to do all of the things that I want to do. But then I was like, I'm actually doing myself a disservice because now I'm not performing as well as I could had I been getting like all the sleep that I needed. My body's clearly not going to recover in four or five hours. What do you shoot for now? Seven. Seven minimum. Okay.

And on weekends is you do a lot of catch up sleep on weekends. Yeah. So usually during the week is like seven days. So what time you get to bed, I guess? Ten. Ten. Ten. Tonight will be ten?

Yeah. Okay, cool. I might have to sleep in the car. No, we're good. We can get you guys out of here before then to make it. We'll be good. The decision to pursue graduating high school early, where did that come from? Because you're going to graduate a semester early?

Yeah. Okay. Well. Hold on. I'll push this button. What was it? Your mom. Oh, your mom's mom?

Wait, it's my mom. My bad. My bad. I can't risk myself. No, your mom. I don't, I was really passionate about school for a while because I was excelling and I was a good student. And I don't know when you're doing, when you're doing well at something, you want to keep doing well. It's basically like you're just getting high fives and pats on the back all the time because you're doing a good job at school.

But I became really demotivated, I guess, by the school last year when they started an attempt. attendance policy. And that's when I realized that they were grading us on being at school versus the work we are actually doing. I was like, okay, so I'm gone because I'm doing these judo competitions or because I'm traveling for them. And then things just weren't balancing out. I felt like the school wasn't supporting me and what I wanted to do.

And so I'm like, okay, I just need to finish school and go do what I need to do, what I want to do. Do they get paid by attendance? Yes. It's a complicated equation. There's somehow that they're connected, correct? Correct. Okay.

For me, it just felt unfair because I wasn't being valued as a student. Well, there are other kids who are missing just as much school as me for school-sponsored activities, such as football. Traveling soccer. Right. And they get school sponsored for doing physical activities. I'm doing physical activities too, but it's just not school sanctioned. I thought you're going to say school shit. She doesn't use those words we discusses.

She doesn't cuss. Yeah, I don't. The meal prepping. I love meal prepping. So do we love it when you meal prep because you're so quiet about it. Maybe at this point your parents can talk a little bit about you and what it takes for you to be able to do the things that you do. I already know they're going to be mean to me about it. I don't think they're going to be.

Can I tell you why a meal prep and why I, like, follow the plans that I'm given from. Lockhartton Leith nutrition. Yes. Oh, shout out to Lockhart and Leith. Yeah. Good, because Headspace doesn't pay you. Well? Not yet.

Hmm. Headspace. Headspace. No, no, no. Anyways. I figure do everything in my power to be the best athlete I can. So if that means dialing in my nutrition and making weight precisely or even just slightly under, why wouldn't I do that?

When did that start for you? Well, I had a really bad weight cut when I was still at 52 kilos. For judo or ju-jitsu? For judo. So this was... Is that the one that I was with you? No, this was in Fort Lauderdale. That was when you...

This was at the U.S. Open. That was your previous nutritionist. We won't mention by name. What do you mean by a bad weight cut? Well, first of all, I didn't make weight. I missed by 0.2. Which pounds or kilos? It

kilos 2 kilos Which is 0.2 kilos 0.8 What is that 0.8 pounds 2.2 times

What is a pound It's really close It sounds like 17 pounds I'm not sure On the math on that But No it's like half a pound No no

It was you missed by 0.5 kilos No I didn't You missed by one pound No I missed by half a pound Because I remember looking at the scale And it said 52.2 And then that was the worst feeling

I've ever felt It was awful I was in Washington with you in the missed weight, too, after we did like three or four baths. What? No, I've only missed weight in Fort Worth. Well, off the record, she may have missed weight, but they counted it. No, we still competed, but I'm just saying it was a hard weight cut. By hard, do you mean it is the volume of weight that you have to lose prior to the way in?

Or the difficulty of just getting it off, or the combination of the two, I guess. Yeah. It was a combination and then it wasn't a whole lot of weight had I started earlier or done the water loading process a little bit better because I don't know. Have you done a weight cut before? I actually know almost nothing about weight cutting. To me it seems like from the outside one of the most horrendous things that you could try to do. it depends it depends on how you prepare for it

who you have telling you what to do I just think in general it can't be good for your body you look at the people actually there's a lot of I read this article from George Lockhart again he is a genius he yeah no he is

I know and the article was adorable was all about how not only do you cut weight to be like competitive and like if you're the only one not cutting weight but everyone else is, then you're at a disadvantage. So we talked a little bit about that. But it was also about what happens within your body

when, like, you do a sauna, for example, and you'll get certain... The heat shock proteins? Yeah. And that your body will just be at its peak performance. I mean, it might not feel like it when you're in that hot bath. I just see people at, like, the UFC weigh in, and it looks like they're one foot inside of a coffin.

So let's be clear about this. That's probably much more extreme. And this is where I feel like I need to say something as Stella's mother because I struggled with eating disorders all my teenage years and into my college years. And so then to have my one and only daughter being in a sport that was very weight-based, there are weight classes, you have to make these weight classes, and your value as a human being has a lot to do with how you perform. And if you can't even get off the scale and step into the ring, so to speak, then where is that for you? So bringing my own kind of back. And,

baggage into this, it was really important to me that Stella had a overall healthy weight to begin with, which had very little to do with her weight. It had more to do with just who she is. And her body type has definitely changed as she's matured and gone through puberty. And now she's 18. But now she's thick with two Cs. We're metamorphs. Yeah, these two. That's why we squat a lot of weight, though. They got ass for days. And they do.

They squat a lot of weight, but that's their body type. Ghetto booty is the politically correct term for that. I can rest my beer can on both of their butts. Damn right. I actually know what to say to that. Just say yes. Okay. Back up.

So it was important for me that there was never an issue, particularly when she's going through puberty about weight. Like just be healthy, sleep, eat well. I feel like those competitive sports that are tied to the scale could hide eating disorders really, really efficiently because it would give you an opportunity to actually be rewarded for that behavior. Have you read Rondarousie's book? I have not.

My Fight Your Fight. I have not. Shout out to Ronda. Yeah. Well, that's how I read it. She struggled with bulimia when she was doing judo. Was she because of the weight cut? Yep.

When she was about 16, I think she was trying to make my weight. Or maybe it was. 57. Yeah. She was trying to make. 57. That's ridiculous. Something like that. She's definitely not 57.

And then she. Well, I'm still used to compete lighter too. Yeah. We moved her up. Because we were told. Why do you say we moved her up? It's cute when he does that though. I hate you guys.

What year was it that they moved up your weight class? It was after I missed weight at the U.S. Open. What year was it though? Last year. It was a year and a half ago. Were you 17 or 18? Seven. Sixteen. Almost 17.

Then I'm going to have to say it was they and we combined. I'm confused. You said a lot. You said a lot. lot of numbers in there. Maybe I shouldn't graduate in 19 days. If you are under 18, you're a minor. So they were assisting you'd making the decision. Yeah, but if they were like, you're moving up a weight class and I was like, no, I'm not, then I would just. They would just hold you down and feed you ice cream. Yep. Okay. I think I could have like just said, no, I'm not moving up.

Then I'm like, I think, I feel like this is actually, I don't know, maybe I'm only interested in this. We haven't really talked about this at length, but going. into U.S. Open, right? It was U.S. Open in Fort Lauderdale. So it came off of her having pneumonia. So she's already stressed. Yeah, that was my first, wasn't my first tournament back? I really don't know. Because I had pneumonia in May. Did we go to June. No, I think you went to J-O's. Yeah. Because I think J-O's were in Spokanex. I had a junior Olympics. I had two inhalers. At junior Olympics, all stuff. And then she went to, you. U.S. Open. And after J.O's, she was clearly stressed. She wasn't happy with her performance. She also

was out of school, so she didn't have all those high fives and pats on the back that she was getting before. And what I'm watching is her trying to figure out how to control what feels out of control. And so she was not following any food plan whatsoever. She wasn't trusting what her current nutritionist at the time was giving her. I was doing it, but like. She basically had six weeks of an eating disorder, all of six weeks. I just, okay, you're giving me flashbacks now, actually. I remember coming home and sitting on that chair and then falling asleep because I was, I couldn't stay awake.

Yeah, because she didn't, it was during the summer. Yeah. And it was light outside and I would fall asleep. And she wasn't eating enough calories. And then I would wake up and be super grumpy, like I could have killed some. one that summer probably. And then she would melt down in the bathroom and a pile of tears. Like I'm watching all this and it feels very familiar because...

You experienced it yourself probably. I was never a high level athlete like she was, but I experienced that level of emotion and looking for value in something. And, you know, where are my high fives and pats on the back? And how am I going to get accolades from people if I'm not a performing or be, at least looking like I'm performing? So it was all very familiar. And so I'm watching it, but I know I can't intervene or interfere because I also know this is something that she needs to kind of sort out herself.

So it's just kind of like herding kittens, right? You don't want anybody. And this is actually my analogy. Well, it's my analogy for parenthood in general. That's what I was thinking. You can't put a cat on a leash. I mean, you can, but it's weird. You 100% can.

I've seen it. I've definitely seen my nephew. Who's a cat, by the way. No, I mean, I think that's pretty... He's been on a leash. Basil Beantose has been on a leash. Oh, you can put a cat on a leash. But it's weird.

And people who put cats on leashes are weird. You can put a kid on a leash, but it's not effective. Yeah, but so you kind of just do this like, okay, don't fall off the cliff. I'm going to be there to snatch your fat little wrist before you actually tumble to your death. Ouch. But you have to as a parent, though, also let them get dinged up along the way because they have to respect the cliff if you're not there. So I knew... Burnt baby avoids fire.

Shout out to Salome. But no, you just have to keep them in the lines, right? I mean, you have to keep them in the lines, but... I knew going to Florida that she was going to miss weight. Dude. That's messed up. You were trying to cut eight pounds. So I was 122 when we left?

No. Trying to make 114. I can't do the math. Yeah. That would be correct if she was trying to make 114. She's pretty good at the math. Okay. That was good, huh?

No, I think that's another fist bump. And I just, I, not only did I not think it was physically possible for her to do that, but I also didn't want to see her do that because, I mean, that's suicide. But we cut seven and a half. Yeah, and I was there every step of the way. And it was painful. And then when she missed, it was even more painful because no one likes to see their kid disappointed. Yeah.

And that heart wrenching. But I thought, all right. And then thank God. It's more than disappointed, actually. They said, okay, well, you can fight up a weight class. Which they don't do, by the way. They never do that. World tournaments, absolutely not.

It would be just a hard pass. You were done right there at the scale. Oh, you flew to Morocco and you miss weight. Sucks to suck. Enjoy the espresso out in the market. National tournaments. And the Cobras. Also, it's normally not allowed.

I'm not really sure why they did that at this one. I don't know. But they let her move up to 57. And then she kicked ass at 57. Silver at the U. US Open. I was way smaller than them because I had cut that. Can we say how loud who you be? Why? Okay, never mind. Can you look it up on the internet? Yeah. You might as well say it then. Yeah. Well,

it was just a big deal because the US Open is such a high level US tournament. Say her name. Or don't. Anyway. Yeah, people can look it up on the internet. Yeah, they can look. So big cissies. I would say it. I don't know it. That was, that's when we decided to move up though because I realized, well, for me, I was like, okay, I'm smaller than them and I still beat them. Why am I not in this weight class? And you can be stronger. And this is what I weigh anyways.

So whatever. Enjoy your big butt and your boobs and be at 57. Have you always been this driven? Yeah, I think so. What advice would you give to young women your age? Like I said, when we started, my daughter's 11. And I think

I just spent the holidays with her and she's got all the same social stuff that every other young woman has. She's got, or I don't know every other, that's a broad term. She's on... You know what it's like to be an 11-year-old. Well, she's on TikTok, and she's on Instagram, and she's on Snapchat.

And I will say that, yes, it probably is funny, but I'm terrified more often than not of the example that I see set for people on any of those social media platforms. I don't know the generous way to say it, but, I mean, maybe let's just say sometimes the world that those people are portraying as artificial as opposed to real life. Yeah.

And you are in the middle of a journey that you're looking out potentially eight years from now. Yep. What advice would you give to an 11-year-old little girl who wants to put a target eight years down the road on their life to get to the place where you are where it's at least achievable? Because obviously, you got a lot left you got to do, right? There's a lot of road in front of you, but you also put a lot of mileage on the road behind you as well. And to do that, you did some things that I don't see a lot of young people, and quite frankly, a lot of adults willing to do. It's a meal prep.

I'm going to guess that you probably sacrificed some experiential things as a young woman in high school because pursuit of your goals. Yeah, but they don't seem like a big deal when you have something that you love and something you're working towards. Like I missed homecoming freshman year to do a super fight in Portland. My friends were a little bit upset with me for that, but I went to prom. junior year.

Like, I'm getting the experiences just... You missed that party last night where all those kids got a minor in possession. I'm not upset about it. So instead of referencing this to my 11-year-old daughter, what would you say to your 11-year-old self? I think... I think 11-year-old Stella definitely didn't know. I didn't know that I wanted to be in the Olympics.

I don't think I had eight-year goals. I think you were driven at that point, though. I was driven for sure to find something that I was good at and something that I loved. I think a lot of people say, like, oh, find something you love. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that usually the things you're drawn towards are the things you're good at. Yeah, I loved video games when I was 11. It's dangerous advice, I think, to just, oh, just go do something you love. Well, I love doing heroin.

So that was not actually a statement of what I love. I'm just saying some people could say, I love. I love sitting on my ass and shooting heroin. So that's probably not the best broad advice. But does that make you feel like the best version of yourself? Well, having never done heroin, for clarity, I was not actually talking about myself. I can't imagine that that would.

I would have to suspect that those people are just in a living hell physically and mentally. Probably. I also would not know from experience, but... Good. I hope you never do. 11 is a tough age because that's... Fifth grade. right before middle school six grade

that's six yeah I might have still been playing soccer at that point you were in fact that was the year oh yeah so I actually started soccer

before I started jujitsu that's not true you started soccer before judo you started I started soccer when I was four we did indoor soccer oh that's right you guys were so cute

and then I started jujitsu when I was five so sorry this is going backwards a little bit it's fun um but

I was doing both of those and that wasn't an issue like the schedule's never really conflicted. We moved to Montana. I continued doing soccer and jiu-jitsu. Oh, I was also doing Girl Scouts. I was on a lot of activities at one point. You're welcome. Well, that's also the way that parents can help kids find what they love, a diversity

of experiences. And then when I was 11, that's when soccer starts getting more competitive and it started to conflict with my jujitsu schedule. And you and I sat down, mom, and you said, okay, you can continue doing soccer and Jiu-Jitsu, but you can only go to one Jiu-Jitsu class a week. I was like, okay, I'm quitting. Everyone is starting to be kind of babies anyways and flop on the ground. So why don't I, like, take people down onto the ground instead full-time?

That was the tough, the really difficult part of that for you. I mean, I'm guessing. It was hard for me because I'm a big soccer fan. I can tell you are. You have that Manchester United Jersey. It's really fun, actually. I'm a huge fan. Your favorite rash guard is that Manchester United

under the Ghee on Fridays. Kami ball was my first love before Jiu-Jitsu. The tough part for her was that she was invited a year early to be part of the traveling team. The soccer traveling team. I'm familiar with it. So back to pass on the back and high fives, you know, here's something that she's not only good at,

but people are acknowledging how good she is and no one other than our family was really acknowledging her greatness in jiu jitzu and so i remember having that conversation with you in the office and that was really tough because i knew you didn't love jiu jutsu i mean sorry i knew you didn't love soccer i knew you loved the accolade you got from soccer um i don't know about that i love soccer it's a lot of fun like I would still go play it right now, honestly. Shut your mouth. I didn't say competitively. Or, like, join a soccer team.

It's not even, you couldn't even do it right. Oh my, that would be even more fun. It's a mountain. Anyways. There's no money in soccer. All the money is in Jiu-Jitsu. I think there's money in soccer for like 100 people. Do you think he's going to say anything like sincere?

No, probably not. Yeah. It's a lot of sarcasm. It's okay. Yeah, I guess 11 was the age. that I decided Jiu-Jitsu over soccer. How about freshman year in high school? What would you tell your freshman self?

Ooh, freshman year. I had still been pretty new at judo, but I was invited to go train in Boston. And we never took them up on that opportunity. Who invited your training? Jimmy Pedro. Oh. Do you remember that?

I think they were just trying to get in your dad's pants. That's really good to say. I mean, from a business standpoint, not from an actual. Oh, maybe, because you had like done the partnership with Fuji, right? Maybe. I don't know. Let's not give shout-outs to people for people.

Please stop with that. I'm not trying to. We're good. They're just, I don't know. You told me to be myself. Yourself and whatever comes out of your mouth is fine. Don't worry about it. I don't tell my freshman self.

I don't know. So anyways, you were going to... Instead of your freshmen, what did you tell a freshman young woman who has a fill in the blank goal? It doesn't have to be judo or jiu-jitsu or somebody that you see who has a goal, but they don't know how to get there.

Okay. They have a goal. They have a goal. They have a long-term goal. That's awesome, first of all. Then you'd need to break it down. So we talked, my goal is the Olympics one day. Obviously, I'm not just going to have that goal and let it sit there.

There's a plan that needs to be in place. And so, like, you have to break it down further to your, not long-term, but, like, mid-term goals, can call it that. And then short-term. Stages. Yeah. And then how to get that. they're what things you need to improve and look at it and not just in that one area of life because this okay this is something you actually taught me um you need to work on make sure that all of these

are balanced while you're working towards that goal i'm kind of all over the place but to be clear while i'm striving for the olympics i need to make sure that i check up on my mental health emotional health and physical. So if I'm trying to cut weight and it's not working and I'm starting to hate myself, then this goal isn't working. It needs to be adjusted. If I'm working towards the Olympics and I'm not sleeping

and I get pneumonia, then my physical health is also poor. So my goal needs to be revised. And for me, I'm very goal-oriented person. And so I have daily things and weekly things. I have this big board that I just painted because it didn't match my room. I redecorated my room this summer. And I needed my goal board to match.

But it has weekly. I appreciate that. And then daily. And usually I try to have a variety. So maybe I know that my weekly goal is going to be to, I don't know, make sure all my assignments are turned in. I would say that that's obviously not a physical goal. it's not really emotional. Maybe it's just mental so I can make sure that still getting good grades, still

learning new skills. So I would try to have a variety of goals. Even if I know that I want that to me my main one, I need to throw one in there as well as like stay hydrated. Just little things to make sure that I'm balanced. The important part about that too that I've seen in you is that then when you start to, when you feel like you start to fall behind in one area, you're usually pointing to the other areas like, well, at least I'm doing this or at least I'm doing that. So, okay, I'll continue working on this. Rather than if you only have one singular focus and you start to falter, then it's overwhelming. Yeah, all hell breaks loose and your pile of tears in the bathroom. I hate it when that happens to me. I always remember to hydrate because I see the post-it note that says,

yeah, here you have some interesting notes for yourself. That was on my whiteboard because I have a whiteboard too. My whiteboard is where I like to do my like to-do list. So if I get home, I know I need to do laundry, meal prep, shower, lay out my clothes. I like the satisfaction. You have that stuff written out? Well, I like to check them off on my whiteboard. Fair. No, I'm asking. I'm not, Jesus. What's wrong with that? There's no judgment. I'm curious of how far out she actually structures it. We like check. We like check our top. I love checklists. And on the whiteboard, because then you it actually does feel good to just check stuff off. It's so nice. Sometimes I'll write a checklist with things I've already done. I'm just like,

Chach, that's cheating. Andy, I do that sometimes too. It feels good, though. It feels good. What do I need to do to wait a minute. What have I already done today?

Always put at the top of your list, put, wake up. That's what I do. I do that. Make a list. Okay, I actually do it too.

Yeah, I do it too. I even check off shower. The important part of that, the important part of that, though, is that you should celebrate the little victories. Yeah.

Make your bed. and brush your teeth. Wake up. Oh, that's part of my reading too, Andy. Lift. I don't doubt it. Yeah. We just, at the same time, that's awkward.

So as her parents. Oh, wait. Okay. I feel like I'm going to talk about what's on my whiteboard. No, no, no, no. I have to say what's on your right board because if there's a cuss word in it

and you guys can't say cuss words, remember? Just wait. But I can. I was, we talked about lists because on my whiteboard, I like to do lists, but if there's something really important

that I need to do or remember, then it also goes next to the list on my whiteboard in like some sort of cute cloud or like circled in a different color so that I look at that. Okay. So important things go on that. Oh, you want me to read that? Yeah. This is one of the labels for Stella to herself.

For some reason, I was not drinking as much water as I needed to. It's not like I was like dehydrated, but I knew that I wasn't like I need to drink four of my 32 ounce water bottles a day. That's what it looked like when I walked into the room. So this was a note to Stella. Note to Stella from Stella. Drink water, you dehydrated. In her own words.

Yeah. And that did the trick. I believe there was an exclamation point as well. I think so. Or maybe something was underlined. So that, my favorite part was that there was like a puffy cloud. Yeah. And it was like.

Just around the edges. Yeah. And a hot pink. So then as I'm going through my checklist, I'll take a drink from my water bottle because I'm like, okay. Stay hydrated. Weird. It's kind of like when I go to my refrigerator and there's a bunch of Tupperware in there,

my Tupperware that I paid for. That's not entirely true. That's actually not true. She pays for a lot of that stuff. I buy Tupperware. You wouldn't know because you don't actually. You give Hank my Tupperware all the time. And you put disgusting.

And you actually ground up organ meat. That's because Hank listens to me. And you also give Hank her yogurt. That's actually arguable at times. Well, he sometimes listens. Like that time you told him to eat that baby. Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

But he tried to, didn't he? He tries to eat. We can't talk about. We'll bring Hank on for the next episode. Let's talk about those Tupperwares and threats of cutting people. Oh, my God. What? You said, I will cut you.

That was written on a Tupperware. Correct. If you touched this, I'll cut you. It was on a sticky. What was in that actual Tupperware? I think it was probably chicken. Is that your go-to? I really like chicken, actually.

Yeah, and again, I'm not asking for judgment. To her credit, she puts time and effort into preparing. chicken and I don't want someone to open the fridge and be like, and she measures it out, look, chicken. Seasons it. I don't want. But if you were to like put Stella on a Tupper word. Oh, no.

Oh, that will not be respected. Ricky would just go in there and just like pop that sucker or which one of your brothers would open it? Well, no. If not, potentially all three. Well, now it's really weird because living in our house right now is only me and my younger brother Joe. Ricky's pretty close by.

Yeah. But he's in, he's in the apartment. If we, okay, so like a year ago when we were all. in the house, Ted would probably eat it. Yeah, because he would see just Stella and he'd be like, oh, really Stella?

Didn't he eat your toblerone? He eats all my stuff, yeah. Yeah. When does he go home from college? He went home tonight. He went home tonight. He went home. He's not home.

He's at the dorm. What? When did you guys as parents notice the drive? Because you have... In Stella? Well, you have four kids. And, I mean, I have three.

So between a seven, is it safe to say that there's seven wildly and completely different personalities. Some shared traits, but others obviously incredibly different. You answer first. When did you notice or see, so two-part question, notice and see the drive and then as a parent, what did you do to help facilitate that

without becoming the helicopter parent, without, you know what I mean, empowering and enabling her as opposed to driving her as a parent? The drive didn't happen right away. So in Jiu-Jitsu, there was a lot of kicking and screaming and dragging people onto the mat. Are you talking about me? Yeah, I had to bribe you with like iPads. Oh, my God.

Your understanding of history is so warped. Okay, fine. Remember when I bought my own iPad? Remember when I saved my own money and bought my own iPad? Is that what you're referring to? Is that it? Or when she bought her own AirPods that you're talking? I was talking about being at tournaments where it was her turn to compete.

That wasn't drive. That's different. That's anxiety. Yeah, that's completely different. That's not going to the gym, going to your class. Sorry, I didn't realize this was the Martha Stewart podcast. Kesa, perhaps you'd like to answer. I don't really understand what his joke was about.

I don't know either. but Kesa Stella had drive since day one when she was a baby first of all she and her brother

were born at 30 and a half weeks so I was the alpha twin that's true and it's all because of her how do you guys know that well first of all I was bigger I decided that

like this is an objective thing or you just say that because you want to make lady she was bigger because she was closer to the birth canal I was the alpha twin I decided it was time to be born 100%

She was locked and loaded and ready to go at 30 weeks. Yeah. Actually, at 25 weeks, and then I was on bed rest for five weeks. And then Ricky was 15 minutes later. So Alpha twin. Alpha mom, because I actually gave birth to both of you. For the love of God, get back on track. Anyway, so day one, Stella just liked things a certain way.

So she, you know how you're not supposed to put the babies on the back with nothing around them so they don't die of SIDS? Well, Stella needed to sleep on a pillow, and she couldn't be swaddled. She had to have their hands. Is that really that needy? Oh, my God, yes. She had to have her hands like this, and everything had to be a certain way, and she didn't want anyone except me and her grandma. Wait, why is this, why is this my drive, though?

That just sounds like I'm really picky and that you allowed me to be picky. It's the way it expresses itself when you're that, yeah. Yeah, 100%. It's the, you knew how you wanted things, and you just made sure that they happened that way since the day you were born. Okay, I see. She wanted to crawl, but I, she was my only daughter, so I put her in dresses all the time.

And so she just bare crawled on her toes and hands so that she wouldn't put her knees on her dresses all the time. It was cute. Problem solving, nonlinear problem solving. I like it. She looked like a stink bug. She did. And she also, I got to tell you guys.

I, yeah. Too far. Too far. It doesn't count when you're an infant. Nobody's just didn't care if you're an infant. Well, she still farts a lot. I don't think that's true. Your dog farts way more.

That's true. One more thing I'll say. All four of those kids, my kids, our kids, are driven. They're just driven in different ways. And I think the hardest part as a parent is putting ourselves aside to be able to see who they are and what it is that drives them. And I'm not anywhere near being perfect at it. It's something that I feel like I've committed the better part of the last 20 years doing, trying to figure out how to do. And it was just easy with Stella because the things that drove her were very similar to what drove Travis and I.

And so it was easier than it was, say, for example, for Joe. Yeah. Or Ted even, or Ricky even. So I would like to take a lot of credit for Stella, but the reality is that, just luck of the draw. I think that's the case sometimes with high achievers, but I also think that there's a lot of lessons that can be learned with the way that they structure their life that enables people who

maybe don't have that in their software, for lack of a better term, when they start day one, there's some stuff that you can do to enhance for sure. What would you, this is a tough one, only be in 18, but in the last, you know, four years in high school, is there anything that you would have changed? Do you think that you could have, enhanced where you are even more by making a change looking back? I think I could have had a little bit better of a relationship with the school.

I think that they probably could have helped me out a little bit more with like attendance. So I'm going to go out and do these judo tournaments and then I'll come back and catch up on my work or do as much as I can beforehand. And I would communicate individually with my teachers. But I think I should have had a little bit of a better relationship with, like our activities director, like the principal, and maybe we would have been able to work something out. But instead, what needed to happen is that I am kind of on my own.

And I'll do my work on my own. Then I'll do my judo competitions on my own. I'll do all my training. But there's not really the support that I think could have been received. I mean, maybe the traditional school system, she might just might be a good, may not be a good, fit for it. And there's a lot of competitors out there who are homeschooled or do online school, but I don't think we really saw that as an option because for a while I was still

thinking about college or a different university. Like San Jose State was a big goal of mine for a while until we realized that there's different training out there that I don't have to go to college and do judo. It's still a possibility. Yeah. There's a There's a lot of possibilities out there for me, and that's what this next year is really going to be about, is taking in all of my opportunities, still growing as a competitor. But really, there's a lot out there, and then eventually I'll decide where the best place for me to be is. Maybe it's still San Jose State, and I have good enough grades, high enough scores, that that could happen. Did you take the ACD? Yeah.

I think I got 28. I don't really know what that means, but it's not bad. It's not bad. Is that a newer test? ACD. ACT. What's that? It's the equivalent of SAT.

It's standardized test. You can do both because some colleges. Anyways, San Jose State is an option. Living in some city in the U.S. where they're really good at judo is an option as well. But truthfully, I need to grow internationally. And that's what my judo coach says as well. So living and training in Korea or Japan or France or there's a lot of other.

There's just a lot of opportunities. And so I need to figure out which one that is. And maybe I do one and realize that this isn't working. Maybe I lose my balance with those three areas of my life. And then I'll revisit my goal, revisit where my life is, and maybe I move somewhere else. I think a big realization I've had is that your decisions aren't set in stone. I mean, to an extent they are, I don't think I decided I was going to graduate early until the end of last year.

And then I just went in and talked to my counselor, and I had already done all the hard work. Really, I just needed to double up on an English credit, and then I could be done. So you can decide something, change your mind. Are you yawning? No, it's my beard. It keeps getting in the way. I'm sorry. Okay.

It's not yawning. No, I just, look, I pushed my beard. I'm sorry. I think that's a really big lesson I've learned in this last, not even year. I would say six months. Because there was a lot of anxiety that I induced in myself, like, oh my gosh, I need to decide whether I'm going to San Jose State or not,

whether I'm living in Boston or Florida or Korea right now. Let me let you. I'm a secret. That's not true. I'm 42 years old, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and it's okay. I gave up on it recently, too. It's like, I'm going to do the things that I enjoy, and I'm going to, I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I'll figure it out.

So you're going to be okay. But that realization is it's like a ton of bricks falling off your shoulders. Like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. When did you realize that? Recently. The only big goal I had in my life.

Yeah. Being 18 and having that realization versus being 42. And all the pressure was. It would have been way. better to have that realization at 18 versus 42. I'm really excited for her for that. I mean, a number of reasons, but also that what I see in Stella is that she's so much smarter than I ever was at that age.

I don't know about that. Sorry, go on. You'd be surprised. I see it in my kids too. And so much more evolved and mature. And I mean, whether or not we actually intentionally set it up that way, I feel like our kids don't have to learn from some of the hard mistakes that we learned from. They just are already a step ahead, which is cool.

Stella, where can people, because we had to get you to bed at some point, because you have to get your seven hours of sleep, so I'm going to be respectful of your time. I think you're an awesome role model in general, but I think specifically for young women, there, again, I can't, I don't see everything, but a lot of the things that I do say, see, terrify me, to death when it comes to the example and the things that people follow.

So, where can people find and follow you? On social media. How could somebody, a young woman who says, you know what, this girl has her head in the right place, she's on a path. I want to know more about that. I want to get in touch with this person. How could they get a hold of you? Honestly, if they want to...

Do not give your phone number out. No, why would I do that? I'm just, I didn't know what you were going to say next, but... How's the song go, by the way? What if I started singing that? Do you think anyone would know? A side note, I always hummed that song to myself. Well, to myself means out loud really loud, but I deal all the numbers wrong.

That's okay. I think it's the rhythm and melody that's more important. I think if, which actually this has happened before, if a, if a girl reached out to me on social media or. Which platform would be the best? Instagram, for sure. What is your, what is the username? handle? Yeah.

I have two Instagrams, but I'm... Now I'm down to just one. I'm turning them into one. Okay, well, give that one. Can you merge two Instagram accounts? No, I'm just... You're going to have to shut one down, aren't you? Yeah.

So, which one are you keeping? Stella. Dot Davison, I think. All right. Is that true? Yeah, let's look. Yep. Stella.

Dot Davison. For a while, I would use this account, and then I had, like, an athlete page where I would only post things about jujitsu, judo, lifting, that aspect of my life. But this is the other thing that I realized. This is a lot of realizations. I guess it's last year because it's 2020. It's a new decade. This last decade you had these realizations.

Right. They all kind of happened at once where I realized why would I have two accounts for this same person? Like this, this Stella who does all of these amazing judo and jujitsu things is also the one who wants to post artsy pictures with her latte. And you should. So why don't I just do both? And so that's what I'm doing now. And there's lots of pictures of Sabra too.

There's a lot of pictures of, yeah, our dog Sabra and my friends. I was going to say the same thing as Hank. You know what? Hank, I wish I could say this to you, but it's kind of an inappropriate word and he's not here to listen anyways. Do you want to write it down and I can read it? Yeah. While we're doing this Dudley, this is another podcast. Stella, you can't even write those words. Yeah, I can.

You can't write that about Hank. It's true, though. Stella would like for Hank to know that basically he can go fuck himself. Damn it, Stella. And buy me some new AirPods that you ate, which were not out in the open. It's just a chance for you to get the AirPods. It's not a big deal. Hank is my rival.

He peed on my Gie bath. on my bed. Here's the deal. You're going to have rivals for the rest of your life. You just need to play the long game. You're looking for checkmate. Yeah, but I can't. I can't.

You can walk on two legs and he can't. We can discuss this later when your dad's not around and he can't punish me on the mat. See, I can't do anything to Hank though, except for withhold love because otherwise my dad will get upset. We can talk about long-term strategies afterwards. Yeah, let's strategize. Yeah, no, but seriously, in all serious,

I think you're a phenomenal role model. The things that you have already accomplished and where you're going, I wish more people would structure their, structure their life like that around a goal. So, and I appreciate you taking the time to, you got ink on yourself.

I appreciate you taking the time to come. Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you too for bringing her on. I'll let you two close it out because it's your daughter. Thank you too for having me, period. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no menstruation jokes on the, on the podcast. Jesus. That was not the intent.

I didn't hear you use a single pun in this whole podcast. Oh, yeah, that's a thing that Stella does. You like punts? She's very punny. It's another good thing about Stella. It's not just judo. It's not just jujitsu. But I also really like coffee and puns, coffee mugs.

What else do I like? Vans. Oh, vans. These are all material things, so that doesn't sound good. Oh, that's fine. An espresso. Yeah. You two get to close it out?

I have nothing to say. That is a sad way to close. It's not really. It just means you did an awesome job. It's sad. I just super proud of my daughter. I wish I could take more credit for it, but I'm excited to see what the future has for.

Same. Thanks everybody for tuning in. I appreciate you taking your time to listen to the podcast. Hope you enjoyed it. 2020 is going to have some I don't think they're not changes maybe some updates it'll have some updates for the podcast first thing I'm working on right now

and as I read this I received the email today saying that the new apparel for the podcast is likely going to be ready early next week so by the time next week's episode launches I should have some new offerings and it basically was a refresh of what I had already done some different colorways no different graphics yet but I'm working on that

but definitely some different callaways that I haven't done. And for those of you who enjoy flying the flag out in town and having people ask you, hey, well, it's clear it hot and saying it's a podcast. It sucks. You shouldn't listen to it. That's what I would say. If people ask me, there will be some new offerings for you.

What else beyond that? If anybody who has not written a review for the podcast on iTunes, if you could take two minutes and do so, if you think the podcast sucks, write that down. If you think it's good, write that down or anywhere in between. If you have a suggestion on how you think I could make it better or a suggestion for a guest that you would like to hear, somebody you think is fascinating,

shoot me an email, just hit the contact button on the clearedhotpodcast.com page, and I'll see what I can do. And that is all I have for this week. See you next Monday.