Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Cleared Hot Episode 61 - Q and A clean up

Episode Date: November 6, 2018

I am never able to answer all of the questions received, but I do my best to get to most of them.  This week was going to be an interview, but sometimes life gets in the way, so I called an audible and dove back in to some unanswered questions.  Advice for your members of the military, or young men and women in general when it comes to "Paying your dues," Forgiveness vs. Revenge, How to find your purpose post military, struggling with how to deal with those who "thank you" for your military service, accepting big changes in life without becoming overwhelmed. 

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And thanks again to Bluatu for supporting this episode of the podcast. Episode 61. Last minute audible, I had something else lined up for yesterday, and it didn't work itself out. So it gives me the opportunity, actually, to do a little bit of cleanup on Q&A. Because every time I submit for Q&A questions, I end up with a. about 60, and I'm probably able to answer somewhere between 7 to 10 on every episode before I get sick and tired of hearing my own voice. So here we go. Episode 61, Q&A, cleanup from the internet coming at you.

Okay, I got the red smoke. Smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Come on weather, baby. Give it to me. I need it. You're clear it hot. The first question for today is one that I am asked often and in a variety of different ways, and it is my experience with foreign units. Most of the time, it's specifically asked in terms of have I worked with the SAS, and that's Australian or British, the SBS, the Polish, Grom, fill in the blank. I am obviously not familiar with every Special Operations Force in every military,

throughout the world. And unfortunately, I have only had peripheral exposure to really any other military special operations force. And all of those interactions have actually been in training environments only. There obviously were allied nations in all of the locations that I deployed post-9-11. And I would interact with the people. Most of the time when we were eating or occasionally we would go on to. their compound, but what is never at an operational level. But what I can't say is, hands down,

all of my interactions actually have been great, both pre-9-11 and post-in-11. When it comes to talking about spec-op units worldwide, much like every spec-ops unit or element in the United States military, I always seem to feel the same flavor of individual or personality when I am around, it doesn't even matter. Army, Air Force, Marine Corps, it's those type of units, specifically like I'm saying, the special operations. They're full of people who have volunteered for additional selection where the odds are generally against them. So it's an individual that sees those odds and says, you know what, I look at that as a challenge, as opposed to a roadblock. And they don't shy away from difficulty or discomfort. And the vast

majority of the time I have found that they are populated with critical thinkers and problem solvers. Specifically in the U.S., I can talk about that from firsthand experience, but I also get that impression every time I've interacted with a foreign military special operation unit as well. And because of that, the similarities make it really, really easy to get along. I'm sure that at an operational level, there would be, I wouldn't say difficulty, but if there's a language barrier or an equipment difference. There might be some hiccups that you'd have to deal with, but I think we could probably make it work at any time.

I know for a fact, every time I've hung out with them in a bar, it's phenomenal. And like I said, all those shared character traits come to the surface, and it's a very easy relationship to navigate. So nothing but positive things to say about every foreign military unit that I've ever worked with. I just can't speak a lot to having work with him actually in a war zone. Second question today. Comes from Michael underscore Archangel 72 from Instagram. And his question reads, how do you deal with forgiveness instead of feelings of revenge? Sometimes, very poorly is the honest answer that I'll give you Michael.

I do my best not to hold grudges and sharpen axes behind people's backs, but it doesn't always work. So I'm certainly not perfect when it comes to this, but I definitely do my best. So what I have found when it comes to the choice between forgiving somebody or doing something to elicit what I would consider to be revenge, the vast majority of the time when I'm sitting back and just stewing or grinding that axe against the sharpening stone, the individual that I wanted revenge towards or against was completely oblivious to how I actually felt. And nine out of ten times, it was my feelings were driven by an unintentional act that the individual again was not aware of. And they were certainly not aware of the impact that act had on me and how I felt about it. Or it was a misunderstanding.

They said or did something that I took in the absolute worst possible way, where the individual did not mean it in the absolute worst possible way. They might have meant it in a good way. And me being me, you know, spun out into left field and took it as something that was negative that shouldn't have been considered that. So while those people were blissfully oblivious to how I was feeling, I was wasting an inordinate amount of time, effort, energy, all consumed with thoughts of revenge. And every time that I've done this, and it's happened more times than I would like to admit,

it's had an impact on every single area of my life. I'm pissed or I'm grumpy or it reduces my ability to think through things, which that touches everything that I do. And the times that I have chosen to actually take action and perhaps seek revenge, to this day, every single time I have regretted my actions. The reality is for me as a person, especially at this point of my life, I don't want to hurt anybody. because I realize it's not worth it, regardless of how angry I get in the moment and how good of an idea it might feel like in my bones in that moment. Every time that I've taken action on that,

I regret it to this day. And I end up feeling like the asshole, as opposed to feeling like the individual that did the right thing. So the conclusion I've come to is that it's a lose-lose. And by that I mean seeking revenge is a lose-lose, because you're going to hurt the person, and then in the end of the day, you're going to end up hurting yourself. For me, what I do now or what I try to do now when I find myself slipping down this rabbit hole is I try to focus on and recognize the impact of the feelings that I'm having. And by that I mean my attitude, my thought process, my emotional state, and then specifically try to focus on and realize the impact that those things are having on the people that are in my life.

my kids don't deserve to get snapped at because I'm pissed at somebody who said something or did something to me. Well, not that anybody could do anything to me online, but, you know, we live in a digital world, right? So a good place where I see people often trying to elicit their revenge is online. And let's say somebody writes something about you and you take it incredibly personally and negatively and you walk away from your computer and the first thing you encounter is your kids

and instead of having a loving and open interaction relationship, you're still pissed so you snap at your kids and the reality is they don't deserve that. Neither does your spouse, neither does your boss, neither does your co-workers, regardless of what was driving that negative emotional state. So you got to drop it. You have to move on.

You can take the high road, however you want to look at it, take the high ground, take the high road. But whatever it is, the biggest piece of advice that I can give, having gone the wrong direction multiple times, is that it's just not worth it. Try to focus on moving on. Smashing somebody, and you can take that however you want to, verbally, physically, anywhere in between.

Smashing somebody because you know that you can is not really a sign of toughness. it's, I would say, a sign of weakness. Not smashing somebody, even though you know you could, is what makes you a man or a woman. That is a sign of toughness. You know you could just crumble this person, but you choose not to because you know it's not worth it. I suspect that nobody ends up laying on their deathbed

recounting the revenge that they never got. I just think that at the end of your life or at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I don't foresee anybody. I've never heard of anybody listing off all of the people that they wish they had gotten revenge on in their final moments. So why would you waste your living moments on them either? It just seems like a transaction that's not worth it. The last thing I'll say is, and I found myself in this situation many times, where I wanted to get revenge, I realized it wasn't worth it, but I still have to deal with or tolerate the individual that has pissed me off multiple times.

So what do I do? What can you do if you're in that situation? You realize that the revenge isn't worth it, but you're still forced to interact with this individual. Make a game out of it with yourself. This is 100% what I do. I play a game with myself of how much can I take and how much can I tolerate. and I never underestimate the superpower that is ignoring somebody. Once you turn it into a game and you can kind of detach yourself, or at least I have found this for me, once I can turn it into a game, their ability to truly irritate me and to truly infuriate me, it really kind of goes away.

Because instead of allowing them to intercept my thought process, I'm in total control. And I've turned it into a challenge instead of, something that I'm dreading. So that works for me. And seriously, the ability to ignore people or to ignore a particular individual that drives you crazy, it's a superpower. If it was available a choice between being able to fly or being able to ignore somebody, I would go with being able to fly. But being able to ignore somebody is pretty cool too. Next question comes from Eddie Scheidler. Hopefully I said your last name right, buddy. How did you figure out what to do

post-military. Everybody says, do what you're passionate about. But how do you figure that part out, then actually put it into action? All I know is that I want to live in Wyoming where there's no traffic, no people, just mountains and snow. I'll tell you what, on that last part, I feel you there for sure. I get this question pretty often from people towards the tail end of their military career. Actually, you know, it's not even necessarily always military people.

I get it sometimes from people who are just in a job and they are unhappy with their current station in life, which I will say I think is completely normal. And I'm sure I'll cover this again as I'm going through this, but I don't think that's something that you should worry about. If you're in a job right now that you are not passionate about and you don't feel purposeful in, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's okay if you're not sure exactly what you want to do with your life because you have time. So I wish I had a really solid answer for you, Eddie.

But I will say using myself as an example, I've been out of the military now for just over five years. And I think I'm on my fifth or sixth iteration of trying to figure out what my purpose is or which direction I'm going to spend the majority of my effort going in for my own personal satisfaction. And like I said, first and foremost, I don't sweat it if you're unsure or you're uncertain where you are right now looking at getting out of the military and not knowing exactly what it is that you want to do. That describes and defines exactly where I was and to a small degree where I still am.

I'm in a better spot now than I was when I first got out, but it took me time and mistakes to figure that out along the way. I mean, let's be honest, not everybody is pursuing their passion. And although I have absolutely nothing against McDonald's or people who work at McDonald's, I'm going to use somebody who works at a cash register at McDonald's as an example, not as a negative example, just as an example in general. I suspect, and it is my assumption, that people who are working at McDonald's are not there pursuing their passion. What they're there doing is paying their bills,

which also has to happen before you're going to be able to pursue your passion. Hopefully it can happen concurrently. I haven't always found that to be the case. Actually, it's probably more the anomaly than the norm. But first and foremost, I would recommend, if you were looking at making that move, and you mentioned Wyoming as an example, I would focus on the next financial step that you are going to make. I don't know anybody who is bankrupt are totally broke and also wildly happy because they're pursuing their passion.

So just given the demands of real life, I would say figure out a way to pay your bills first and then you can build from there. So determine that next financial step. Probably not going to be your passion. Maybe it will be, but be open to the fact that it is what it is. It's a transitional step for you. You mentioned Wyoming. What I would recommend is logistically figuring out first how you're going to make that happen as opposed to blindly jumping in and landing there and then fighting your way out of that hole.

If your work schedule allows you to do it, go to Wyoming and figure out where it is you would want to live. I would start there. Find the place where your pin is going to hit the ground and then figure out how you're going to pay for, you know, know, the basic needs and necessities that you have for life. And then once you get there, this probably for me was or has been and continues to be the one thing that allows me to continue to move forward. And I'm not sure of the velocity that I'm moving forward, but I know for a fact that I'm at least moving in the right direction. And it's the willingness and openness to opportunity. And with that, you have to be willing and open to taking a risk.

and getting outside of your comfort zone. Nearly everything that I do right now, the podcast you're listening to is a good example of this. Was not my idea? Never thought in a million years that I would have a podcast. I took the advice from somebody else. I listened to suggestions for other people from a variety of fields and recognized it for what it was.

It was an opportunity. And I could have ignored that opportunity, and obviously I took the opportunity. And in doing so, it was not, something that I was comfortable with. It was not something that I ever thought that I would do. It was not a platform that I thought I would ever engage with. But because I did, the number of opportunities that have come to me from that have been unbelievable. And I never would have had them had I shunned the opportunity because I was either uncertain, were unsure, or unwilling

to take a risk. So you have to be open to the opportunities that are around you. Keep your head up and out and looking around. Another piece of advice I'll give you. Try to determine what you don't want to do. But for me, I actually don't know the exact trajectory that my life is on, but I have some very concrete examples of things that I don't think I would be good at doing, and I just don't want to do. For me, probably the number one, and again, nothing against,

I'm going to use another company as an example, even though I've never been there and have no idea with their work environment, is actually like. But the idea of working at a place like IBM for me, or a better example would be a cubicle environment, a 9 to 5 cubicle environment, I know for a fact for me that that will not work. So I have determined that I am not going to do that

because I just can't do it as a person. So I spend no time and effort even considering jobs that would lead me in that direction. I not only would I not like that job, I can tell you right now personally, I would be miserable at that job. I would be a bad hire for an employer sitting in a cubicle because I would hate my job and I would just spend my time probably updating my Facebook status. I don't know what I would spend my time doing, but I am certain it would not be what they

wanted me to spend my time doing. What I'm saying by that is not everybody is a good fit for all jobs, so spend some time before you get out to figure out what it is that you are not a good fit for. And then I would say don't chase a salary. And I say that because I absolutely have and I was utterly miserable. If I paid you a half a million dollars a year to do a job that you disliked and you're not good at, all I need to do is wait long enough and look at a clock and you will eventually be miserable and you'll find yourself in that situation where you're a bad hire for the company and your mental health is eroding.

And at that point, obviously the two need to separate. So it's very common, and I know this because I've done it more than once. Chasing a salary is not what I would recommend. I would, like I said, ensure that you have enough money to pay for the necessities of your life. Because I can tell you from firsthand experience, money and happiness are two completely different things. Actually, I think money and wealth are two completely different things. I know a few people who are extremely successful from a monetary perspective, but they're not happy.

And I don't think they're wealthy at all because of the environment that they live in. I don't have a lot of money. You know, some days you're like, wow, I don't know how I'm going to make all this happen. But I get an incredibly happy family. We're in the place that we want to be. I mean, my kids are flourishing. They have the opportunities in front of them. They're able to take them.

What defines wealth better than that? I would rather have that than the ability to write a check for something at the end of the day I really don't need. So for everybody else, other than the individual who asks this question looking to move to Wyoming, maybe you're in a job that you realize you need out of. What should you do? What I would recommend is first and foremost do your job, right? So fill your work time hours with work that you're supposed to be doing. and then use your off time and be open to what's out there.

Opportunity is available if you are open and receptive to it. So do your day job and then spend your off time figuring out what is out there. Be willing to be nimble and be willing to be mobile. Some opportunities are not going to be in the same geographic area where you are. Some are going to be scarier than others. And if you let those things govern your behavior, that fear or uncertainty, you're really going to pass up a lot of the opportunities. And, well, I'll kind of close on this one is be willing to ignore people's comments and advice.

Only you know what makes you tick. So follow what makes you tick instead of what other people tell you should make you tick. And then try not to be a rush. Take your time, plan it out as much as you can. I've gone the opposite direction with that where I just blindly dove into it. At the end of the day, it was okay. I worked my way out of it. but it was not enjoyable, and it certainly wasn't fun right when I was in the middle of the trenches.

Next question comes again from Instagram. I actually think all these are from Instagram. Steve in A.Z. 827. Please give advice to kids slash young military. They seem only to see the mountaintop as the goal. They don't see base camp, mid-camp steps as necessary to get into the peak. Therefore they fail. Major lack of patience and get bitter at having to pay their dues.

They think they can just strap on kit and presto, you're an operator. I know that this is an issue well outside of the military, and I'm going to just kind of deconstruct the question here a little bit. So let's talk about the mountaintop. Why do a lot of people only see the mountain top? It is my suspicion that it is due to the images, media, and information that they are consuming, specifically social media. If you look at social media,

and not everybody falls into this category, but most of what you see on social media are mountain tops. Selective posting of accomplishment and success. You look at what I did, look at how awesome it is, look at my success. So it's mountain top after mountain top after mountain top. I would say the one thing that is just blindly missing on most social media posts or personalities

is the work that is done to achieve that mountain top. And I understand that because the picture of the top of the mountain is a better picture and more enticing and entertaining picture than the work you're doing in the valley to get to that mountain top. TV and movies, they're not helping either. This is specifically, now I'm talking about kind of the SEAL community or just the military community in general. TV and movies, so you add social media, which I'm really glad.

I didn't have to deal with this while I was in. I don't know how I would have navigated that water. You add the wavetop or mountaintops of social media to what people see on TV and the movies. And it's the most exciting topics. It's the most exciting scenarios, environments, and situations. Which set a very, very poor expectation of what the actual occupation and life is going to be. on a TV show, an hour-long TV show, if you subtract the commercials,

I think it averages out between 40 to 44 minutes of actual television show. If a TV show producer wants a lot of people to watch the show, they are better off making it an exciting television show than a realistic television show. There has never been in any movie or TV show that I have seen, a scene where individuals are staring at, at Microsoft PowerPoint for up to 72 hours until they're cross-eyed, arguing and fighting over which font to use, which color background to use, which icon of a helicopter, I mean, to the point where you're literally,

figuratively and utterly brain dead, staring at a mission planning slide, and then you submit it up in the hopes that it gets approved. I haven't seen that in any of the TV shows. Why? because it's boring. But the reality is you spend a lot of your time actually doing that. So if people come to these communities from an environment where they're drawing their opinions or impressions,

only from social media, only from TVs and movies. TVs and movies, wow, TV and movies, it makes expectation management extremely difficult. The world that they are entering is going to be vastly different than the world that they think they are entering. You know, the last sentence in your question was, you know, they think they can strap on kit and presto you're an operator. Well, the reality is you are an operator, you just suck. And you're a danger to yourself and you're a danger to everybody around you.

And the reason for that is, is it's not the gear or the kit that you put on that makes you the operator. The gear can enhance it, but the individual wearing it has to have a baseline level of knowledge and capability. There is no hack for experience, period. It requires time in the saddle. Book knowledge and battlefield knowledge are not the same thing. You could read 50 books. It doesn't mean that you're going to necessarily be better on the battlefield. And you can read books pretty rapidly.

It takes time to develop competency, especially in these military occupations. So that's going to become a leadership challenge for those in leadership positions in these military units. for those leaders, you're going to have to focus on and you're going to have to reinforce that expectation management. We do, for better or worse, I mean, at least it seems this way from my own eyes. We are living in a largely instant gratification type of culture, and that has to be combated in an environment like the military. The best way that I think you can do that is to focus on the fundamentals, is to drive that energy and that optic back towards fundamentals.

And as a leader, one of the best things that you can do to set that example is to let your people see you also focusing on those fundamentals. Now paying your dues, another thing you mentioned. Or failure, failure and paying your dues, which I'm just going to put another description of that in of putting in the time. But I'll start with a failure. Micro failures, they're absolutely essential for building your experience. They help you build that knowledge base and the experience. The important thing, though, is make sure that they're micro failures and that they don't actually have macro impact. In the military world, training environment is the best place to do this.

Push your people hard, let them fail. Push them to failure for particular reasons, not just to be a dick and say, hey, ha ha, look at you. You failed because you don't know anything. That's really easy, and it accomplishes nothing. So highlight failures for particular reasons, and just make sure that they don't have a macro impact. For myself, in my own experience, the most concrete lessons that I've ever learned were through failure and setback. So it is essential. Now, for the individual who's trying to rush, the one who doesn't see the value of paying your dues or putting the time in,

if you don't see the importance and value of the time in the saddle or you don't have the patience to focus on the fundamentals and knowledge, you're likely in the wrong occupation. And I think it's a pretty good idea that you sit back and think long and, think, hard about whether or not you are going to or should continue in the line of work that you are in. I say that because most likely you as an individual will be fine, but somebody else is going to suffer or die trying to correct for your mistake. And that is not a burden that you want to have on your shoulders for the rest of your life. It's amazing how little you know until you're put into a situation that it is highlighted.

And if you consistently or constantly are rushing and skipping the fundamentals, you will find yourself in that situation. And somebody else is going to have to step up or step into the breach to try to fix that. It's terrible to say, but I wish, you know, especially when it came to leadership, when it came to leadership or individuals who make mistakes in environments that really matter in the military, I wish it was them that lost their life. I don't wish the loss of life on anybody, but it always seems like the person who loses their life, is not that person. It's the one you would never want that to happen to

because they're such an amazing person and they're willing to accept that additional risk to try to correct for the mistake and a cost in their life. It's just absolutely catastrophic. So don't be that person. And lastly, it's a marathon and it's not a sprint. It can seem like

it's sprinting all of the time and it's not. You're going to spend plenty of time in front of PowerPoint. Just accept it for what it is. It's part of the job. Take the time to understand how maybe your understanding of mission planning and PowerPoint will actually enhance your ability on the battlefield because you'll have a better idea of how the pieces fit together,

the scheme of maneuver, how you're working together with other allied units. And there's a ton to be learned outside of the kinetic world, even though most people focus on the kinetic world. So take the time in all of those aspects. Think of your career as a marathon. Try to finish as hard and as strong as you started, which isn't going to be possible if all you want to do is come out of the gates and just eat. So that's all I have on that.

Next question comes from Gray Dawn TMC Williams. I'm sure I murdered that name. I apologize. Does it irritate anyone else when you hear? Thank you for your service. It's an interesting question because I've heard versions of this recently coming up in Veterans Day is just around the corner. which is often confused for Memorial Day. Veterans Day is a day to celebrate the service of those who are still living

or those who have served and who are still alive. Memorial Day is obviously to remember and recognize the service of those who have passed away, just in case anybody was confused. And this question seemed broader than just to me, because you said, does it irritate anybody else? But I'll answer it from my perspective. and I'm going to answer your question with a question. If it does bother you that people would say thank you for your service,

what is it that you would want them to say, if anything? Right now, the gap between those that have served, or are serving and have served, it couldn't be wider. 0.04% of the U.S. population is currently serving in the military. about 1.4 million people based off the most accurate information I could find this morning. That's a huge gap. And in that gap, there's a ton of room for uncertainty and misunderstanding. But let's start from the place or position that right now today in 2018,

veteran perception is at an all-time high, in my opinion. And veteran treatment is also at an all-time high. And speaking from somebody who has had military service members throughout generations of my family, I feel that we should be very thankful for that because there had been plenty of times in the history of this country where that is absolutely not the case, where veteran perception was at an all-time low, and veteran treatment was an all-time low. And when it comes to vets in general, I'm actually writing something right now. I'll probably put it out, I don't know, Friday or Monday, I don't know, whenever I actually

I finish it if I do, on Vets and Veterans Day in general. I see that there are largely two camps. There are the veterans that wear their service as a billboard, and there are those that do not. And I think it's important to point out, I don't make a moral judgment as to which you choose to do should you be a veteran. Your service, whatever type of service, whatever branch of service it came into, I consider it all to be honorable. There's a lot of differences in services or in, actually, yeah, in the services

and there's a lot of difference in the type of service that people might have, but in my mind, it is all honorable and it is yours to do with what you want to do. If you want to wear it like a billboard or not, that's totally up to you. Now, what do I mean by wearing it like a billboard? Oftentimes, I mean they literally wear it. Military hats, shirts, tattoos, backpacks, call signs, blood type, attitude, behavior. And I see this every time that I travel, which I travel a lot, but every time I have extra time in the airport, I'll just sit down, usually grab a cup of coffee, sit down, and I like to people watch. Now, I have a little bit of an advantage when it comes to picking out of these people because I know what to look for,

but I suspect that they stick out like a flashing Christmas light to everybody else, just like they do to me. They're the type of person who you can't start or stop a conversation without having found out that they served in the military and likely what they did and how awesome their service was while they were doing it. And again, there's no moral judgment there because people can do with what they want to with their experiences. I personally choose not to go that route, but this type of individual certainly exists. and there are absolutely people who want to leverage every ounce of their service. It's earned, yes, but I guess what I'm trying to say is it's okay to have served in the military and not consistently and constantly ask for a military discount while wearing your services hat, while you have your services tattoo down both of your forearms and a t-shirt and a

Mali backpack on. Just something to consider. And then there's the other side of that coin, the other camp. The vets were, at the end of the day, you'd be very surprised to hear after talking with them that they actually were in the military, because they choose just not to wear it on their sleeve. So those are two camps of people that I see. And their reactions, those two camps, their reactions to people saying, thank you for your service, is often very different. And, you know, Actually, I feel like I'm maybe perhaps drifting a little bit here in my answer, but I also think it's important to point out those two camps and the differences in service. Getting back to people saying thank you, like I said, the gap is huge between those that have served and those that have not.

So most people will not experience the demands of military service, specifically in a time of war, which is obviously a good thing. But those same people who will not have that experience, they are aware, at least. least at a peripheral level, that there are demands of military service, and they're grateful to those that bear the cost of that service. And so what they say is, thank you. I don't know necessarily what camp you fall into or why it would irritate you for somebody saying, thank you for your service. I would say most people are doing it because they don't know what else to say, and they're trying to show their appreciation. So I take people at face value when they

say that to me. And my simple response is, you're welcome. It was absolutely my privilege, and that is the response that I give to people, because that is what it was. I was very lucky to serve and experience what I was able to experience. And so were you, if you were a veteran. And, you know, maybe carry that in the back of your mind. You won the lottery. If you had a military career and you came out of it the other side and you are a healthy functioning member of our society, which should be the goal to enter and then leave military service and continue to give back to this country and our society. And we're lucky we had those opportunities.

Allow the people to share their appreciation and be thankful for it. So I don't even know if I answer that appropriately, but it certainly doesn't bother me, I guess, to answer your question directly. It does not bother me when people say thank you for my service because that's all they're trying to do. not trying to make a grand political statement. They're just trying to recognize the fact that it was perhaps atypical or abnormal, and it's something that, you know, they probably didn't get the chance to do,

but they feel grateful that other people were willing to and able to step in and hold that role. And that's it. All right. Last question for today comes from Frankie underscore Homan. How do you handle big life changes without becoming overwhelmed? I'm leaving the family business and moving to Sam Marcos at the end of the month. I'm excited, but also kind of nervous. Well, for one, I think that's totally natural.

But to answer your question, combating, becoming overwhelmed. I think I approach this in a couple of ways. One is how I set my goals. Personally, I try to set my goals, whether it be an individual goal, a fitness goal, I would say academic goal, but I don't know if I've ever had. one of those. Whatever type of goal I'm setting, I try to make it huge. And by huge, I mean big enough that I start getting concerned about whether or not I'm going to be successful. So the fear of failure is starting to flirt in my mind. That's how I know that I have a goal that's

big enough. So once I set that goal, though, I get out of the headspace of only focusing on the goal. And the analogy that I use, especially when talking to children, is I'll talk about dominoes and the power that something very small can have because dominoes are cool. They're about two inches tall, but they contain enough kinetic energy that they can knock over something that's 1.5 times their size. So if you start with something that's two inches, and I don't have it directly in front of me, and it's in my note somewhere, but I think at about the 13th or 14th domino, it actually ends up being about the size of the Empire State Building, and in the high 20s to low 30s, it's taller than Mount Everest. And that to me speaks to

a variety of things, but specifically it's the power of thoughts and where you put your time and energy. Small thoughts can have a huge impact. And when I set my goals, I try to line up all the dominoes from the smallest domino to the next to the next to the next. So I have this layout. It's a huge macro layout. And then I get out of that headspace and I dive just into the micro. So I focus only on the process and not on the end state. And specifically, not on the distance between where I am and where I want to be. If you live in that space and you're constantly judging yourself via where you are and where you want to be, that's actually the recipe to quitting buds. When I was an instructor, to reduce it down to its simplest element, my goal was to get the students to think big. The

students that were the most successful had the ability to shut that off or tune me out and they would think small. So I would try to get the students cold. We'd lay them in the ocean and then I would start trying to invade their mind and talk to them about how long I was going to make them cold, the duration, how far they had to go to complete the evolution or the day or the week. My job was to make them think big. Their job was to think small or to use terms that I've already used, on the process, not the end state. They needed to focus on surviving until I stopped talking to them, surviving through the next five minutes, surviving through the next evolution, through the next day, and then 180 days later, you've graduated from the program. The biggest tool I had, or I should say,

the most successful tool that I had to get students to quit, was to overwhelm them, which ties directly into your question. How did I overwhelm them? I got them to think big, time and time and time again. And it worked time and time and time again. And the number one feeling that I would say they repeated after quitting from almost everybody I've talked to who has unsuccessfully attempted the program is regret. And they regret the fact that they made a poor decision while they are overwhelmed. So think small, not big. So inside of that, or for me, when I start feeling the world getting too big or the task is getting too big for me, I dive out of that headspace as fast as possible and right into the micro.

And I think of only the next small thing that I need to do. I complete that and then I think of the next small thing I need to do. And I repeat that and repeat that until I have some momentum or a better headspace or emotional state to deal with the situation that I'm in. So that's the mentality. And then with that, I would say be as strategic as possible, but be prepared to maneuver. You could spend a year planning, and at the end of that plan, or the end of the year, your plan is not going to be perfect, and your plan is not going to be complete. And I know plenty of people who spend the vast majority of their time in that planning process, also known, sometimes talked about as paralysis by analysis, they just keep planning and keep analyzing and keep planning and keep analyzing. And they never actually do anything because they've lost sight of the fact that no plan's perfect and no plan is complete.

So you're going to have to execute your plan at some point. Just after you do that, when you're in the execution phase, just be prepared to maneuver as you get feedback from the real world. Focus on what you can control, which in that execution phase of your plan, most often, well, at all times you can control yourself. But many times that's the only variable you're going to be able to control. So control exactly that. And like I just mentioned a minute ago, I think the most impactful thing you can control inside of that is how you approach problems, how you approach your goals, and your focus on keeping your world as small as possible. Don't waste any energy on stuff that you can't control. I'm absolutely 100% guilty of this so many more times than I would like to think.

Worrying about stuff that I have no control over and it's wasted time and energy because it doesn't matter how much you worry about something. if it's a variable outside of your control, the world doesn't really care how much you want it or need it or care about it or concern about it. It's going to be what it's going to be. And just focus on winning the battle of big versus small. It's had a huge impact in my life, and it's a philosophy that I use,

I would say almost on a daily basis. Anything seems too big. Reduce it into a digestible chunk. Attack those chunks one at a time, build some momentum and then, you know, lift your head up a little bit. And that's it. That is all I have for today. That's episode 61. Episode 62, for any of you who are still listening, is going to be with my wife. She has finally agreed to at least participate, but it's going to be less her and I interacting. What she would like is for people to submit questions so she can get a chance to look at

them before. So she's going to do a little bit of a Q&A, and I'll be there as well, and I'm going to ask some questions. And hopefully it will lead to her being more involved later on so we can really kind of dig into and dive into what I wanted to talk about, which is her perspective and her side of the military relationship in dynamic. And just her experiences of, you know, living through it on the other side of the coin, even though it's a pretty crappy analogy. It's also relatively accurate. So that's coming up on episode 62. What else? Thanks again to Blue Chew for sponsoring episode 61. And again, for those of you who are curious about Blue Chew, it's a performance enhancement chewable for the bedroom.

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Other than if you feel like leaving a review on iTunes, get bad or ugly, please do so, and I'll see you next week.