Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Cleared Hot Episode 87 - Letting go of your past, 1776 and our Independance

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Leaving a career that has defined you for years can be difficult.  I struggled with it immensely post-military after a 17-year career, I still stumble occasionally. There is incredible value to be gained by putting down the past and redefining yourself.  I am at the six year point and I have learned a few lessons along the way, hopefully they help.  The 4th of July is upon us....hopefully 1776 and Independence can take on a deeper meaning for you this holiday weekend. 

Episode 87, here we go. We have a new sponsor for the podcast this month, and that sponsor is, if you believe it or not, a video game. Specifically, War Dragons. War Dragons is a 3D, real-time strategy video game. You can play it right on your phone. There's over 150 different dragons to breed and collect in the game. Now, let's hold on a second.

First off, if you don't like dragons, I don't even know who you are. All right. And battling with dragons? I mean, come on. How do I know people like dragons? Game of Thrones, obviously. It was the number one show and the history of shows, I think. I don't know.

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Podcast.orgadrogens.com slash cleared hot. and I have no doubt that that allows them to determine the number of people that funnel through on the podcast episode. So check it out. As for the episode today, I was originally going to do a Q&A. And then I realized that today was my six-year anniversary of getting out of the military. So I made a post about that. And so the post, oftentimes, if I'm being honest, I have no idea why people respond to certain posts and then do not to other. I do not put a lot of time and effort into thinking about that.

I just post things that are important to me. And it was just a picture me from downtown Baghdad, specifically the cross swords and the parade ground that people, if you've watched the news or in the past, it's where Saddam Hussein used to love to have his parades. There's two sections of cross swords. and the speed bumps are all made out of Iranian helmets, each with a single bullet hole in them. It's a lovely little fact. But I digress. So I posted the picture,

and I received a ton of feedback and also direct messages about specifically my transition out of the military. And I'll be the first to tell you that it wasn't the smoothest. I made a lot of mistakes along the way. So I decided instead of a Q&A, I was going to talk a little bit about that, that military transition, specifically the after. And what I have struggled with and what I have seen people struggle with,

fixation on a role or a title, even if it's outside of the military. And then specifically back to the military, people who have expectations based on their service or an accomplishment that they may have in their life, which, spoiler alert, there should be none. There should be absolutely no expectations. And then, of course, the 4th of July is coming up on Thursday. day. So I'm going to chat a little bit about that. So transitions, expectations, and Independence Day, which will be episode 87. Let's roll. Okay, I got the red smoke. Okay, copy. Where's to the smoke? I'm looking at danger close now. I'm all winter, man. They give it to me. I did it.

Can't be clear not. So as I mentioned, six years ago today, I was driving off of Naval Air Station North Island. It was early in the afternoon with my brand new printed and signed DD214. And I'm going to talk about a DD214 here just for a second because I also had a few people reach out to me who were concerned about the legitimacy of individuals' service and how those individuals described their service. It is an environment when you were in the military that is easy to manipulate if you wanted to. It is hard for people to research the things that you say. And I guess it's easy to hide in plain sight if you were to choose to go down that path.

You can say a lot and there's just not a lot of ways for people to check the legitimacy of your claims. Now, the people who did reach out to me, my response to them, is if you really want to get to the brass tax of what somebody did in their career, and you think somebody might be full of it, you need to get a hold of or take a look at their DD-214, which is a pretty simple document. It's, like I said, down to the brass tax. It lists the careers that you had, the duty stations that you were at,

and also the schools that you did or did not finish or complete, and also your awards. So it is a broad overview of your entire military service. If somebody is claiming that they have a valorous award from combat, it will show up on their DD-214. And if somebody served in the military and left the military, they will have a DD-214. If they tell you that they don't, that is an indication right there that they are completely full of it. Everybody who served will get a DD-214. and that is the black and white best source of information for what somebody did or did not do in their career.

So that's a little bit off topic, but for those of you who are curious, that is where I would start. And then you can maybe build from there in your search. So six years ago, I had this document and I was driving off the base, and it was a pretty interesting time in my life, for sure. I had a lot of thoughts going through my head in that moment because it was, For me, the end of a journey that started when I was 11 years old, and it was ending. And I had never thought about the end of the journey. I had spent the vast majority of my early life thinking about the beginning of it.

And then I was very engulfed in the execution of it while I was in. And that journey took a toll on a lot of people outside of just me. There's obviously a physical toll on the body from that occupation. there is an emotional and psychological toll. And then there's the people who are peripheral to your life that are also impacted. There was definitely a strain on my parents when I entered the military and I did a podcast with my dad. And he specifically talked about, or we talked about, you know, growing up in his military service and the military background of his side of the family and the military background of my mom's side of the family, my decision to join, his decision to come to.

down and watch me participating in the lovely evolution called Hell Week, which is the fifth week of Buds or it was when I was going through and his experience with that. All that is to say that there's a burden on somebody other than that individual going through training. And looking back, it probably didn't get any easier as I progressed through my career. The training that I was involved with after Buds, it's not like it was a lot safer or easier than the training I was going through during Buds. It was actually much more complex.

And then, of course, 9-11 happened and constant in back-to-back deployments to either OEF or OIF. I can only imagine the strain on the friends and family, the people that care about you and love you, but they can't do anything about it other than sit back and watch. I'll be honest, I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about that strain and burden when I was in and serving, but I do spend a lot of time thinking about it now. And then, of course, there's your direct family, the strain on wife and kids. And I'm going to put a pin in that one.

That's going to be a topic for another day. But that day, the day I was leaving Naval Air Station, North Island, I felt pretty satisfied. And I actually also felt really sad as I was leaving the base. I was satisfied that I had accomplished a goal that I had had for as long as I really could remember. And I was pretty sad that that chapter of my life was closed And I also had a realization of how lucky I was in that moment because I was actually not supposed to be medically retired.

So my transition out of the military was probably atypical in comparison to most, although it almost was extremely typical. I was less than two weeks from getting out of the military at, I would have been at what, about 16 years in service. And the point that I had arrived at is that I was no longer physically. basically able to do the job that I wanted to do to the level that I felt comfortable doing it. And I had gotten back from a deployment in 2010, and I had talked to the officer detailer, and essentially I would have had to do two more back-to-back deployments in leadership positions that would have allowed me to climb the leadership ladder or the rank ladder on the officer side of the house. And I didn't feel like my body was capable of doing that,

and I didn't want to risk it for myself, and I didn't want to risk it for other people. So I was actually going to walk away with nothing as far as a retirement. And I was going to enter into the VA system and just kind of hash it out. And whatever my VA disability rating was was going to be what it was. So I went in less than two weeks from separation because I really like to plan ahead. And I went in for my discharge physical. And I encountered a doctor that would not sign the paperwork. And instead, he counseled me and advised me that they needed to start.

the P-E-B or M-E-B process, which is, and I might be getting this wrong, but it's the Performance Evaluation Board, medical evaluation board process, and that is how you begin the processing of a medical retirement, which, because he chose to pursue that, I got a one-year extension at the current bill that I was holding, and the military started sending me for additional treatment and, I would say, research to document my military career from a medical, perspective. So they sent me out to Walter Reed and a facility attached to that called

NICO, the National Intrepid Center of Excellence. I'm pretty sure that I have talked about it previously on the podcast. It was a 30-day, all-encompassing medical treatment facility, and it was by far the best medical treatment that I've ever received. Everything was in-house inside of that one building, except for a few radiology issues that I had to go across the street for. And the commute was seconds as opposed to hours or miles. And at the end of that, I had all the people work ready for the P-E-B board. And I got my VA rating out of it concurrently. So I didn't have to wait until I got out to get my rating. It was, I guess, a perfect storm, which is designed to be so. It took six to eight months. I got the results. And then two months later, I was discharged.

And I was discharged with a medical retirement short of 20 years, but I still get a retirement as if I had done 20 because of the medical issues. I was extremely lucky to have the advocates that I did. Otherwise, I probably would have been a drift in the VA system, and I suspect I would have gotten frustrated at some point, and I don't know if I would have necessarily given up, but it would have taken me a really long time to arrive at where I was the day I was driving off base. The cool thing about that additional year,

and why I think it was important to talk about how I ended up getting that year is that it gave me time, obviously. He gave me time to think and it gave me time to plan. And I would have survived without that time, but looking back, I was much less prepared to leave service than I initially thought that I was. And that's the first piece of advice for people when it comes to anybody listen to this podcast who is in the military, who maybe they're getting to the end of their career. You know what? Actually, I don't care if you're thinking, you're at the end of your career

or you're at the beginning of it. You need to take the time to think about the after. And what is going to be next when you leave military service? And I get asked often, what is some advice that I would give my younger self? The advice that I would give would start right there. There are a few things that I would say,

but it would start with keep an eye on the future. You know, the military is great at helping you, and assisting your nose to the grindstone, and it's very easy to lose sight of what's going to happen afterwards. And you'll be much better off, in my opinion, at least, if you pay a little bit of attention to it. So how much time would I recommend? For me, I would say as much as possible.

Like I just said, I don't think it's ever too early to start. And it's also not selfish or self-serving to think about your next steps. Like I just mentioned, the military is really good at a few things, specifically the community that I came from is really good on harping on focusing on the mission and nothing else. And that's great. But it's not going to prepare you for what's next. And you can absolutely dedicate yourself to your job, your role, your position and mission,

and still consider your future. You just have to manage the balance between the two and don't let one impact the other. So I would say at a minimum, one year from when you think you're going to change your occupation, if this is a military person listening to this, at a minimum one year, start thinking about what your next steps are going to be. And then when you do transition, when you do leave service,

what should you expect when you leave? Or perhaps a better way for me to put this would be, what happened to me? And maybe you will experience some of these things too. Because I certainly struggled when I first left the military, and it wasn't a surprise to me that I was going to leave. Like I said, I had that additional year to think about it. and I still encountered some stumbling blocks along the way.

So these are some things that happen to me, perhaps some of them might happen to you. The first thing that I had to come to grips with, first and foremost, the mission that you had and the friends from your previous life, they're going to go on without you, without missing a beat, period. No one's irreplaceable.

If you had amazing mentors that you work with, if you had a hero that you looked up to you that you worked with and especially yourself. No one is irreplaceable. The show is going to go on and you have to get over that. I think we all battle with our ego from time to time and you think, you know what? Things are going to change when I'm gone.

And they are going to change. And the change is going to be that you're gone and nothing is going to happen differently. Nothing's going to skip a beat. So get over yourself a little bit. At least I had to get over myself a bit. The second thing is, for me that I encountered was loneliness.

I don't know the word to use other than that. I missed my friends. And this is going to be worse for individuals if you're geographically isolated. For me, I retired in San Diego and we lived in San Diego for some time, but I had no reason to commute to Coronado, which is where I was working. So even in the same, I don't want to call it a town because it's a town of millions, even though I wasn't that geographically isolated because I wasn't seeing these individuals on a daily basis

I absolutely missed them. There was a sense of loneliness for sure and they were a phone call away but I'm an idiot so I didn't use it and it has an impact. If you retire and then you move away to another state, be prepared, it's going to be an adjustment period. You're going to have a time where you're going to miss a lot of things. You're going to miss your job.

You are going to miss the sense of purpose that came with your job, especially if you're coming from a military background. And you're likely going to be surrounded now by people who don't share your experiences or the ethos of the organization that you came from. And that can be a really difficult transition or sticking point. I hear this very often from people who get out. They find a job and they become wholly unsatisfied with that job,

not because of the job itself, but what they missed more than anything is the people in that sense of purpose. So be prepared for that. So what did I start with? Kind of getting over yourself and the role that you think you played with the organization. Be prepared for the loneliness. Another thing that happened for me is I had a sense of being adrift or unfulfilled. My first job outside of the military, looking back, it served only one purpose, and that was money.

And I ended up hating it because of that. I felt like the job that I had post-military was a set of golden handcuffs. And if you come from a military world, you're going to know that the first and the 15th, they're awesome days. You're going to get paid every first and 15th. And you're not going to get paid that much. I would be the first to tell you it's a great living. You're far above the poverty line and you're going to have a ton of things that you can leverage. I mean, getting a home loan is incredibly easy when you're in the military because of the stability of your income.

But when you get out, there's an aspect of money that you're, you know, that you're, you know, that you're not really used to dealing with, because I don't think most people come into the military with financial gain in mind. So I got a job or had a job before I left, the paid really well. And like I said, I ended up hating it because I felt trapped. I tolerated and I sat quietly way more than I ever should have

for only one reason, the money. And it made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want to lose the paycheck. And I regret, actually, tolerating as much as I did. if you get out and you're lucky, you're going to find a job that matches or exceeds your military pay, but it's likely not going to match the satisfaction. And that's fine. If you understand that going in, it's problematic if you're not prepared for it, which I was not.

I focused on the money and only the money and wasn't prepared for the potential negative consequences. Having said that, you obviously need to pay your bills. So make sure that you can do that. And if you can do that, if you can cover your bills, it's going to give you enough time, thought, and planning to maybe be able to fill a bigger void for you. That may or may not show its head depending on who you are. And the last thing when it comes to things that I experienced, and I often hear people talking about this too,

is a feeling of being misunderstood or having nothing in common with those around you. if you're surrounded after you leave by people who don't share your background, yes, you're going to be misunderstood. And I hope that people can realize that that's not anyone's fault, but your own. And perhaps fault isn't the right term for it. But if people misunderstand you because they don't understand where you come from,

that's not their fault. All right, that's more as the person coming from service, That's the burdens on you if you want to to explain to them, because the reality is 0.05% of our population serves. So you can stop acting like everyone needs to move heaven and earth to understand you and your experiences. Instead of that, spending energy worrying about that,

what I would recommend is taking the time and effort to actually transition from one career to another. The biggest piece of advice I can give is just to let it go. Find common ground with the people that you are now around and work on closing the distance from where you came from and where you want to be. Don't focus on how much distance separates you from everybody else. I see this time and time again. People, it's like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon

and people focus on how much space and distance there is between one ledge and the other. Don't do that. figure out a way to get from one ledge to the other. It'll have a huge impact on yourself, your integration, your transition, and those around you. You're also likely going to have to take it down a notch. Try to find third gear with your intensity. Actually, you know what?

Aim for first gear. Aim for first gear with your intensity, and what will happen is you're actually going to land in third. And it's going to really, it's going to really help. Also consider maybe the way you verbally can, communicate with people. At least in the world that I came from, if I had gone to IBM for a week and communicated with the people in the cubicles, the way that I had communicated with people inside of the SEAL teams, I either would have been fired almost instantaneously or the people

in the neighboring cubicles around me probably would have seriously started considering suicide. Just be aware. The common standards of communication in the military are drastically different and then the civilian world, so be prepared for that. And I'll end with something that kind of ties into letting it go a little bit. Expect nothing from your service. And I don't know how to say it any simpler than that, because that's exactly what I mean. When it comes to your military service and the things that you did or didn't do,

don't expect anything from them. You chose to serve. I chose to serve. Was it in a wartime environment? Yes, it was. And who cares? So what? It doesn't mean you're superior to anybody in any way. And if you do think that you are superior to others in any way, that just means you're an asshole. You might have a different set of experiences, but that doesn't mean that you're superior in any way, shape, or form. So do not expect, and more importantly, don't allow anybody to treat you differently. Don't accept special treatment or positions, especially at a job. What's going to end up happening is people are going to be viewed. you negatively because of that special treatment or position.

So instead, maybe just focus on being gracious. Because I hear this one often. I hate it when people thank me for their service or for my service. And my response to that is, okay, what do you want people to say to you? Fuck you for your service? Or I hate you because you served? I've never understood that mentality. It's an individual that probably doesn't know what to say,

trying to express their gratitude. So let them. And don't forget, also, you actually served them. That was the purpose of your job. You serve them and you serve for them. So your service is over. Don't let it become the only thing that you're known for.

And I actually feel like everything that I just covered, the advice that I just covered, it applies to everyone leaving a career and starting another one. Hopefully it will be easier. due to in the civilian market, if you're changing from one career to the next, that there will be more similarities. But it especially holds true if you're coming from a career that has an inspirational

or aspirational aspect to it, or you're known for an accomplishment of some kind. One of the biggest stumbling blocks that I personally encountered was letting my old job get in the way of what I wanted to do next. And I became much more successful at reinventing myself once I could get past that. And I don't know, hopefully hearing me talk about that can help anybody or somebody that is in that path. All of those things happen to me. Don't be surprised if they happen to you. Just try to be prepared.

And what I'll leave with, I think I've said that three times now. So how about this? Lastly, regardless of what it is that you're choosing to do in your after or the career shift you want to do, whatever it is you want to do, here's the actual secret. You guys ready for this? show up and actually put the work in. That's really the magic sauce from what I can tell. Most people want to tell you about the thing or the person or the obstacle or the situation

that gets in their way and prevents them from achieving what they want to achieve. Very few people are willing to own those things and realize that the only people or the only thing capable of preventing yourself from achieving what you want is yourself. In my experience, those who are willing to own it and those, that are willing to take the time to realize that they are in control of their fate. They're the ones that are capable of doing those amazing things. And it comes down to you have a choice. You can give in and give up, or you can take it one step at a time and you can commit to the grind.

That is the difference between people who say that they want to be a seal and those that spend their career actually as a seal. one individual commits, one individual lives with regret. You're the only person who gets to choose, so you need to choose wisely. Your environment, your situation, they don't get to decide. Only you do. So make the right choice for yourself and for your future. All right, let's end today talking about Thursday, July 4th, Independence Day.

the birth of the United States, the Constitution and the bill of rights followed afterwards, but the Declaration of Independence was signed, even though it was written before the 4th of July. It was signed on July 4th, 1776. And it was the start of an interesting experiment. It's not the first time it has been done, and it's certainly likely not going to be the last time that it is done.

But it was done. July 4th, 1776. If you're listening to this podcast, I suspect that you're going to be okay, that you as an individual are probably listening to this from an environment that you are going to survive and likely have the opportunity to thrive in. Like I said, what happened with the birth of the United States? It's not unique. I did a little bit of research. the UN, and I'm not interested in a debate or argument over the validity of measuring or metrics here, but just for some context, the UN recognizes currently 195 countries in the world.

Plus or minus, I'm going to say somewhere between three to five. And like I said, that's not the point. I'm not interested in the debate about that. What I'm interested in is how many of those would be considered first world countries versus second or third world? So out of the 195, and I wish this is the point where I wish a podcast could be two-way, I'd be curious as to how many of those 195 people would think or consider to be in the first world when it comes to quality of life, standard of living, an opportunity. And I guess you have to describe or define a little bit what First World is.

So I did some research on that too, and I was actually surprised at where the term comes from. I didn't realize it was originally a term associated with countries that are aligned with NATO and they were opponents of the Soviet Union. And it has morphed over time, obviously. And now there are some factors that are taken into play when it comes to that. One of them is, first world countries are considered to have high functioning democracies with little political risk. They have a stable economy, a stable capitalist economy to be specific and high standards of living. they have a gross domestic product and gross national product of their economy.

Those are taken into account and evaluated, as well as life expectancy, literacy rates, and data from the Human Development Index. All of that is taken into consideration when it comes to arraying nations into first, second, third, or fourth world. Of those, 195 countries, 31 are considered to be first world. That is not the majority. which is why I say if you're listening to this podcast, I suspect you're probably coming from one of those countries, which means you're probably going to be okay. And I think that should be recognized and appreciated, especially here in the United States, because there seems to be a vocal portion of our society that is driven to focus only on the negative aspects of who we are as a nation. Is the United States perfect? No, no, it is absolutely not perfect. Do we have a past that's littered with poor decisions, abuses, examples of individuals choosing their own wants and desires and needs and pursuits over the greater good? Yes, I think it's fair to say that we do. Are all of those things that I just mentioned who we actually are?

No, I don't think so at all. I'll be the first event that my optic when it comes to the U.S. might be a little bit skewed. but I view this country through the lens of what I've seen throughout the rest of the world. And I'm on my third passport, passport at this point. And I've spent years abroad, mostly in second and third world, if not farther down the latter countries. And what I've developed from that is a deep appreciation for what it is that we have. And in the same breath, I have an understanding and appreciation for the complaints that people have about our country as well. I consistently get hit up.

People asking me about how I feel about, what's the, it's not celebrities, professional athletes, kneeling for the national anthem. And what that means to me is somebody who's in the military or does that irritate me in my thoughts about it? Or people asking me about Antifa or other protest groups. in the United States that are, even though I actually don't think that it's as big of an issue as most people believe. I think the media blows it out of proportion a little bit. I think it's happening in very geographically isolated areas, regardless. People ask me all the time about what I think about those protests and riots,

especially as they increase in their frequency and seem to increase in their propensity for violence. As well as what it seems to be, individuals who want to ignore all of the operations. opportunities that we have and the good things that this country has done to focus on the negative message and the shortcomings from this country, of which there are many. I'll be the first to admit there are many. And the optic that I have when it comes to those negative things is that I am so grateful that they exist. I don't like that they exist, but I am grateful that we have an environment where those people have a voice and they can choose to believe what they want. to say what they want and to be whatever it is that they want. And you can judge them however you want, but I don't think that they should be limited in their ability to express who they want to be. I am extremely appreciative for what we have.

What I hope for when people are taking the fourth off, and I'm assuming they're probably going to get Friday off, right, four-day weekend. Who doesn't like that? What I would hope is that it's more than just a four-day weekend for people. I hope that people would take a little bit of time to reflect and think about and celebrate the independence that we do have, the opportunities that we do have, and then take the opportunity to try to make the world around them or around you slightly better. That's what I would like to think happened in 1776, right? I wasn't there, but I would like to think that the individuals who sat down to write the Declaration of Independence, they realized that it could be done better and it still can be in 2019. So perhaps we should just never stop trying. And also, what I'll close with is, for the love of God,

please be careful with fireworks. Life is way better with two eyes and ten fingers. I've almost lost a little bit of both. Maybe as recently as last year, being done with fireworks, so please don't follow my example. Be safe, have fun, and let's not lose some appreciation for who we have. And that's all I have for this week. Thanks again to War Dragons for sponsoring this episode of the cleared hot podcast.

you can download War Dragons at Podcast.wardrogens.com slash cleared hot on your phone or tablet. Remember for the month of July, War Dragons is partnering with StackUp, an organization dedicated to bringing military personnel, veterans, and civilian supporters together through a shared love of video games.

Download War Dragons at podcast.wardragons.com slash clearedhot on your phone or tablet. Thank you to everybody. who takes the time to listen to this podcast. Do me a favor. If you haven't done it, go on to iTunes, write me a review. If you think the podcast sucks, write down. I think your podcast sucks.

And if you think it's good, write whatever you want. I guess write whatever you want regardless. Go on there and rate the podcast. If you think I can do something better, tell me. And if you want to reach out to me directly with feedback, the podcast website has a contact me button. Click on that thing. I'll get the email.

I do the best I can to respond to his. any emails as I possibly can. I'm behind right now. Like I said, that's a topic for another day. At some point in time, I'll actually pull my head out of my ass and get back up to speed. But until then, I will do the absolute best that I can. And that is all that I have for this week. See you guys next Monday. Enjoy your four-day weekend.