Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Episode 141 - Angel Cortes

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Angel Cortes grew up in Orange county to what can only be described as very difficult and challenging circumstances.  By the time he was in high school he was already a gang member, but he chose to pursue a desire to be an Army Ranger and changed the trajectory of his life.  Angel successfully became and Ranger and completed deployments to both Iraq and Afghanistan.   After leaving the military Angel attends school full time with the goal of becoming a registered dietician, as well as creating and hosting military veteran based events.    Manscaped code: clearedhot Better Help Keeps

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Keeps.com slash cleared hot. And lastly, on the business side of the house, let's end on something that I couldn't be more passionate about. And that is mental health and mental hygiene. If there is something interfering with your happiness or something preventing you from achieving your goals, better help will assess your needs and match you with your own. licensed professional therapist. You can start communicating in under 48 hours, but let's be clear this is not a crisis line. This is not self-help. It is a professional counseling done securely online. There is a broad range of expertise available, which may not be locally available, depending on where you are. The service is

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counseling and financial aid is available. BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today. You can visit their website and read the testimonials for yourself. They're posted daily. Betterhelp.com slash reviews if you're interested in doing that. Visit betterhelp.com slash cleared hot. That's BetterHelp Hotel Echo Lima Papa.com slash cleared hot and join the over one million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional special offer for the listeners 10% off your first month at better help.com. Boom, that's it. We're through the business side of the house. My guest today is a young man of 30 by the name of Angel Cortez. We connected over social media. I think I became aware of Angel when either he or somebody else

tagged me on an Instagram post. And I took a look at it. And I took a look at it. And I think, And I found his story, what I could tell of it, to be fascinating. I grew up in Orange County. He does a great job of describing the environment, both from a parental perspective, as well as a geographical perspective, gang life into the army, almost immediately going to Iraq, then to Ranger School, his time in Afghanistan, the deployments to those countries, and then the desire to get out of the military in his pursuits. in life post military service.

He's currently in school to become a registered dietitian. The man drives a limousine around as his daily driver. Fascinating story. And it renews my belief that regardless of who you are and where you come from, the only thing limiting what you can accomplish is what is between your ears. Episode 141 with Angel Cortez. Enjoy. Get to red smoke.

Okay, Kathy, west of the smoke. I'm looking at danger. close now. Is it Angel? Yes. Angel? Yeah, it's funny when professors at school would be like, oh, is it on hell? No, it's just Angel.

Yeah, like, no, man, you don't actually need to church that up. It's awesome enough as it is. Who was I talking to the other day? Somebody had, I can't even remember his name, but it was so much more awesome than Andy. I met a guy one time at an Apple store, his name was Shadow Precious. I made him show me his driver's license. And it said it? Said Shadow Precious.

Or was a precious shadow, one of the two. I was like, you, motherfucker, that is the most awesome name I have ever heard. He's like, oh, what's your name? I was like, Andy. Andy. Yeah. So, anyway, that's a complete divergence. Thanks for making the drive, man.

No, thank you. I mean, I was. Where did you start from? Because I have followed you on Instagram. It looks like it's Cali? Yeah. L.A. area? Yeah, Southern Cup.

in California, specifically Santa Ana, Orange County. Okay. So I was born and raised there. You had an interesting journey, it seems like. I did. It was, and I didn't really see it that way until I got out in 2016,

and I didn't know if I was going to share what I experienced, if I was never going to talk about it, if I was going to talk about it. You mean you're pre-military or in the military? Oh, in the military. And then also pre. And then it turned out to be a pre also, you know, I started sharing and I realized that I can connect with a lot of people that just, you know, they need something.

Yeah. Not only do they need something, I think it helps a lot of other people when they can hear the experiences of others. Yeah. I have been amazed. And I don't think it's a big thing at all, but I see a counselor. once a week. I'm going through a divorce, which sucks, by the way. And you'll have these oscillations of days where it's like, you know what, everything's going to be fine and days where this is like, oh, I understand what people put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger,

because it's horrendous. 100%. I almost got divorced. I was away from my kids from half a year, and it fucking sucked. Yeah. But being able to get that help helps so much. And then people will reach out to me. Every time I talk about counseling or focusing on mental health, people reach out and say, oh, well, thank you for talking about doing that. Because you said that I'm going to go get help. It's amazing to me. So it doesn't surprise me that your story.

Because, again, I'm only Instagram is interesting, right? Yeah. Your life is what you decide to hit post on. Yeah. Yeah, it's super weird. I mean, I'm not sure if anybody really saw this, you know, comment. But, yeah. Yeah, so I was born in a Southern California.

The first one I found me was born in the United States, which made school very difficult because the only time I ever heard English was at school. My parents were split up when super young. They were both super abusive. What brought them to the L.A. area? Why do they land there as opposed to somewhere else? So, yeah, because I asked, my grandpa was like, you know, let's go to the United States for a better life.

Yep. and my mom was just pregnant with my older brother and she was super young. I'm talking about like 14, 15. Oh, shit. Yeah. And he told my dad, you come, what are you going to do here? So they went up there and they first started living with Vietnamese in a mobile home area. And they were bakers.

So one of the first things they were doing is they were baking the French bread and the baguettes for, you know, Vietnamese sandwiches and stuff like that. So growing up, you know, a... You know, I was also within the Vietnamese community. But there were hard. My dad was a hard worker. I'll give him that, you know. And he taught me, you know, to work real hard on matter what. But they were both super abusive, you know, physically, mentally.

And getting your ass beat was, it was, it was, he was an alcoholic. So if, you know, he felt like it and he came home, you know, you were going to get whipped and real good and real bad. And my mother never, she never. she never stopped anything or whatever, you know. I remember one time it was so bad that she had to call the cops. And it wasn't even because she felt bad of what was going on. It was the fact that she couldn't, this time she couldn't hide, you know, the bruises and stuff like that because this time he didn't find his belt and he, you know, those boon boxes that sometimes

you can put like eight of those big batteries and then they're portable and then you can detach the cable. Yeah. And when you got the cable and. Fuck. And, you know, I fucking did a number of my brother and I, and I remember him. My brother was so beat up, and I was beat up. And then, you know, we're crying and we're bleeding and my brother's puking.

And my mom's like, I got to call the cops. You know, and it wasn't even like, because she's a good woman. I mean, she's changed. You know, she's changed. But at the time, it's because she's like, well, I can't make these dudes wear sweaters because it's in their face. You know, it's everywhere. What would your dad be like in the days after that? Because I'm assuming that the abuse would happen when he was drunk.

Yeah. What would it be like when he was in the moments when he wasn't drunk? You know, he was working. I mean, the motherfucker worked. I mean, when I woke up, he was gone. And by the time he came home, you know, if he was gone by, like, 4 or 5 a.m., and then he wouldn't come until, like, 5 or 6 p.m. So, and then he would come and then just eat, you know, dinner and maybe watch some TV,

drink some beers and go back to sleep and do it all over again you know and and we never talked about it it was just like you know is he still alive he's still alive and he's changed and and and i have accepted that that um my kids aren't aren't gonna you know they have a grandpa and he's he is like the dad i wish i mean he's the grandpa i wish the dad i would have yeah you know and he changed which is the only reason i still you know allow him to have a relationship with my kids and with myself same with my mother you know I mean my mom was in her graduation I'm picture I mean for high school my brother and I were there and we could both walk you know I mean she got pregnant at 13 had my brother at 14 and then had me at 16 so so you know you have you have you have

that you know I mean I mean you can I mean we were super poor we didn't really eat or anything like that I slept on the floor you know and And obviously if you're poor, you're going to live in rough neighborhoods. And for the most part, I skated my entire, and I still skate to this day. I skated yesterday. But, I mean, you know, I used skating to get away from all. Escape. Yeah, to escape from everything.

And I would see the gang members, you know, and I would see them. You hear the music. You see them, you know, posts in the front and stuff like that. But I didn't pay much attention to them. You know, I didn't know really hard they were. I knew they looked scary. I need some of them look big and that's about it. but then I got to an age where I wasn't a little kid anymore,

and now they noticed me. And I'll never forget this a day. It was in junior high, seventh grade, and one of them wanted to borrow, you know, I kicked it with a bunch of skaters, so they wanted to borrow one of our skateboards, and I can tell you you didn't want to give it back. And I can tell you that my friend wasn't going to do anything.

And then that's when I realized, like, damn, like, some of my friends aren't really fighters. They're not really, like, down to, like, you know. about to lose the skateboard yeah and and and the way I saw it was like no fuck that like that like that's our skateboard like I may not be a gang member but like dude like this is our shit fucking give it back and then if not then I was wanted to do something and I remember one of them you know looking at me and pointing at me and saying you know look at this guy he doesn't even know referring to like you know because I looked angry and I wanted to

something but I was powerless yeah didn't realize who you were squared off against yeah so and I was like fuck well and then you know I met some guys at school, we were like, oh, we don't like those guys. And I was like, I don't like them either, you know? But literally I know it's because then I started aligning with them, you know, and then what turns out, well, they were gang members of the opposite gang that, you know, they didn't like. Gosh, okay, now it's clicking for me.

So, you know, and I still skated, which, and then a lot of them didn't look, they're like, dude, you can't be skating and, like, kicking it with us. And I still skating and it bugged this shit out of them. They're like, dude, you're like, we're all here, like, they're trying to look tough. And then there I am with the skateboard on the side, trying to do kickflict and stuff like that. flips and all in off the curb. That's awesome. What was the impetus for change for your dad? Why did he change? Honestly, we never even talked. We never talked about it. To this day. To this day, you know, and he's not much of a talker. I mean, you know, my birthday just passed

July 18th and I turned 30 and he gave me a hug, an awkward hug. Like, have you seen him with stepbrothers when they're trying to. Yes. It was like that. First off, I'm so glad that you reference that movie because it's fucking amazing. Yeah. Prestige worldwide. I'm into it. Boats and ho. You know, and so yeah, he gave me one of those weird hugs and he told me he was proud

of me and he told me he loved him. Had he hugged you before that? When he was drunk. Okay. But the fact that he told me that he loved me, I was like, that's like the third time. I've heard those words from you. You know, I'm 30. But, yeah, we never talked about it.

It's just like I joined the military. Terry and then when I would come back he you know he didn't really believe it and he was shocked and he was proud of me I can tell he wouldn't say it but I can tell you know um but then when I would come back I noticed that you know he was different you know and then when I would talk to my sister and my brother he's like yeah you know he's he's changing he's not really I don't know what happened I don't know and maybe one day I'll sit down and and and be like hey so what the fuck man what the fuck man but you know but I see him with my kids and I'm like why would I I mean why would I fucking ask that question that I'm willing to talk about it and sit down but I'm I'm not sure

if he is it well I'm no professional by any stretch but it might be helpful for both of you because if the hug that he gave you was awkward yeah to me from an outside perspective and having known you for like five minutes I would say there's something there for him to You know, there's a reason it was awkward for him as well. There's that disconnect. Yeah. I look at the relationship I have with my father, and I think all, it's interesting. Right now I have a very poor relationship with my oldest son due to, I think, largely

the divorce, but he's getting ready to turn 17. He hasn't talked to me in almost a year. Refuses to spend time with me. And I think about the conversations I want to have with him that I hope that he wants to have with me, but it has to be at a time I think we're both parties are ready. Yeah. And it sounds like at least your dad might be ready for it, but I would say, if you can find it in yourself, I would highly advise and recommend that you have that conversation. And it might be more than one. Don't expect it to be this. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Yes. It's gay that you said that, right? It's not going to be like The Notebook, even though I don't think there was conversations with parents in that movie. But it's, you know what I mean? There's not going to be a symphony of music and it's all going to be resolved. I mean, my dad have had issues.

And it took more than one conversation, but it's that willingness to engage in that conversation. It might, fuck, man, it might change your perspective. I look at the relationship I have with my son now, and, you know, I hope he gets to an age where he can realize that just because I'm his dad doesn't mean that I'm perfect. And that all men are inherently flawed. And he's going to have his own issues too. But I think it'll probably take him getting to the age where he has his own issues. And he fucks up a little bit. And then he'll go, oh, maybe I shouldn't think my dad is going to be perfect.

Yeah. So we'll see. It's a shit show, though. It's rough. It is. But yeah, oh, but, yeah, so then I became a game member. You did. And fast.

Skateboarding game member, you son of a bitch. That's some prestige world wide shit right there, dude. But I would use it to my advantage, you know? It's weird, but, like, you know, I remember one time I had to go sell some, some pistols and I have my hands in my pocket. How old were you at this point? 16. Where did you get these pistols in L.A.?

Orange County. Orange County. Kind of the same thing. L.A. County. Yeah. You know, criminals are going to find ways, you know. How did it start? What was your introduction to the gangs and why did you decide that you wanted to join?

Well, yeah. Well, the incident I brought up. You know, they were trying to take a skateboard. I realized that the people I was hanging out with were. They were happy with getting punked. They were happy with being stepped on and stuff like that. And I wasn't. I was never the biggest.

I mean, I'm 5'6 on a good day. But I was like, no, that's not going to happen to me. I don't want that to happen to me. I mean, it's happening in my house. At least I can maybe stop it out here. Yeah, at least you have a measure of control over you outside of that house. Yeah. So then once I started hanging out with them, you know,

I clearly started hanging out to all the skaters. and the thing is I fucked up overall the whole thing. But, you know, I did it because I wanted to have backup against these guys at my school. But then now I also have beef with everyone that they have outside of the school. You instantly inherited that beef, didn't you? Yes. And I was like, well, I'm already in, you know. So by 16, I had already owned bulletproof vests guns.

Guns, too? Yeah. Where were you hiding this stuff? You know, I mean, friends' houses, and, you know, their parents didn't care, or some of their parents were in that lifestyle, too. So it was all cool. And started selling drugs because my mom kicked me out. And, I mean, I don't justify it, but it's like I was selling drugs and buying food from my brother and sister, buying them clothes, you know, buying myself skateboards, like putting gas in my mom's car. and buying food and taking them out, you know.

I was doing all this and, you know, because of that. And because my fucking dad wasn't going to do it, you know. My mom could barely do it. I was making more money than her. So they split. Yeah. And then you were living with your mom and your mom gave you the boot. Yeah.

Was it because you were involved in the gangs? No, it started even before that. She wanted me out because I started becoming a teenager and then, like, let's say, I would skate all day. and I'd come home and, you know, we're, you know, making noise or whatever. She's got to go to work. And she's like, you know, if you're messing up at school, this and this, this and that, you know, you're not going to listen. But I'm getting older and I'm like, listen to who? Like, you're not even a role model.

Like, growing up, you would say that I ruined your life. Like, you know, that all the time she would say the only reason I still keep you is because I would go to jail if I could just kick you out. You know, so we were always budding heads. And then finally she was just like, if you're not going to change you're out. Yeah, I gave you the boots. And so I'm out. And how old were you at that point? 6-17.

Okay. Yeah. I was out. But even when I was 16, I was like barely home. So I just dove into it and, and, you know. Sounds like you were raised by the streets to a degree. Yeah. You know, I mean, a bunch of families would take me in all the time, feed me, clothes me.

So that was I didn't know Like I knew like yo this isn't going to be forever I don't want to do this forever I would look up around the game members around me And I'd be like dude like you're retarded You know you're not You're not gonna do anything in life

Yeah this is a fucking dead end street Yes And like some of them would see it And a lot of them wouldn't They're like dude you're fucking stuck in this And then some of them They would get whatever it is that caught their attention and that gripped them, that would be it.

Like, it just happened to be the gang life for them because they're that type of person where if it was a cult, they would have just joined it. If it was whatever it was, you know. But I knew I was going to join the military. I mean, I've always looked up to service members since I was little, you know. Even early on. Yeah. Where did you first hear about the military?

And why do you think that is? I would watch movies and then I would see, you know, I knew. Chuck Norris, God damn. Well, you know, Van Damme, at that time... J.V.D. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah. I saw a picture of him doing a high kick and a Speedo the other day.

Why I'm bringing that up, I have no idea, but it was... I was like, fuck, that is not a lot of clothing that you're wearing. But whatever, you're in your heyday. Yeah. Let him do his thing. It's a little JVD. All right. Who else did you have?

Well, you know, you got Arnold Schwarzenegger. You got, you know, I hate to say it, you know, but fucking Steve's the gall, you know? I mean, all these people. but we're badass. How dare you? I believed him. Back in the day, I believe. Here's the problem.

We all kind of did because his movies were kind of bitching. I have a guy staying with me at the house right now who's worked directly with him for like three months. Yeah. Fuck me. The stories he's willing to say when the cameras are not rolling.

He talked a little bit about it, had it on the podcast. He was a Marine, Brian Bishop. And we'll just leave it at that. Okay. Stephen Seagull. So a lot of people, I think, were exposed to the military in that way, which is crazy because everything you just mentioned, they weren't actually military members. They were just portraying military, no military service whatsoever.

Yep. And then I can't imagine you would see anybody or did you know anybody who was in the military? No. I was going to say, because I just, I'm sure there's military installations there. I think Moffat Field is east over by Temecula. But yeah, not a lot of opportunity, I would imagine, for you to rub shoulders with somebody actually in the military. No, no. And I didn't see any of it actually until high school. Or the recruiter's office. I was going to bet was the first military member you met.

Yeah, high school, they would sometimes come by. You know, so I'm already, I'm fucking neck deep in the gang life, but I would see them come. And I would talk to the seniors and I'd be like, man, one day I know I'm going to talk to them. It's going to be my time. And I joined. How was that experience? I mean, academically, how were you doing in high school? Did you give two shits about it?

No, I didn't because So Turns out that I need glasses So sometimes in elementary When if I was placed far away from the board And I couldn't see the board I was just so used to You know, getting shit on that

When I couldn't see the board I would never even raise my hand And tell the teacher like, I can't see the board I would just be like Well, now I can't see the board This is just life So, you know I mean by

You know I would never hear English at home So I remember being taken out in third grade, you know, during English, you know, English, like, period. Yeah. So I can read kindergarten books, you know, like Sam likes, you know. Green eggs and ham. Yeah, stuff like that.

And I sucked at school. So when they recruited at the time, he was like, yo, you just need your GED to pass and you're good. And took the GED. And I was 17 and a half, so my mom had assigned it. So then I had to, you know, call my seat. sister like hey where are you guys living now so she told me i i i take the recruiter my mom started crying she's like are you sure and i was like yeah like i've been i've been talking about this since i was little like you know you got i got a picture of when i was seven you know dudes got like superman cakes or

whatever and you know i told my grandma gave me one with toy soldiers on it so yeah the green guys yeah yeah the 99-cent store plastic dudes yep or the shitty one the guy guy on the radio like you suck you don't deserve a goddamn yeah green army man character you fucking suck the guy on the radio grenade tosser nobody wants to play with the with the radio guy not when there's a flamethrower and a bazooka option yeah it's interesting your mom would show concern then considering you'd basically been raising yourself for so long yeah and I was super shocked and at the time she was changing but like I didn't care you know yeah I didn't care that that that she was like you know starting going to church

and reading on books and stuff like that and going to classes to help her at the time i didn't care about any of that um so i joined and uh joined in 2008 and i didn't know any better so i but i would at my friend's house he would have cable and there was uh the military military channel so you know they would always show iEDs getting killed and the discovery channel would have you know the documentaries are like special insights on special forces navy seals and rangers and stuff like that that and I was like okay well these things IEDs are killing a bunch of you know you know service members and so I walked in was 2008 yeah oh yeah that was the peak of IED activity yeah and that's oh six to oh eight that's all they ever showed on on the Discovery channel and and you know and National

Geographic so I was like okay with my little spiel that I I walked in and I was like my name's Andrew Cortez, I see that there's IDs, and I want to do something about them, you know, go after the people or find them or whatever. And they're like, you can either be EOD or a combat engineer. And then I was like, so tell me about both paths. And he told me about EOD's got a bunch of schooling. And at the time, I was like, well, besides math and P.E, I fucking failed everything. That's an interesting pairing, by the way. I was like, so fucking EOD is out.

Yeah, I think it's at least a 12-month course. I know EOD guys, but I don't know a lot about their pipeline, but it's a lot. Yeah. And it continues on and on because they get specialists. I mean, there's people who can, from my understanding, they have the capability to individually disarm like nuclear devices. That's a lot of schooling. Yeah. On top of your basic score.

So you probably chose the right path if the textbooks weren't treating you so hot. Yeah. And it paid off because, I mean, immediately I went to Iraq within like four months. Of joining the Army. Yeah. And then obviously completing basic training. Yeah. I was in Iraq.

So hold on. So you went to the recruiter. Recruiter went to your mom's house. How long from mom signing paper until you were... Where did you go to Basic? Fort Leonardwood. So how long from mom signing paper until you were off and running? Seven weeks.

Damn. Okay. And then boot camp. And then how did they get you overseas so fast? Did you get any occupational training? I don't actually know how it works in the Army. Well, you know, you do AIT and basic training, and then that's about it, you know, for the regular army. And then, yeah, I went to Iraq, and then I was blessed enough to be under great leadership.

Not directly, but this, he's my mentor. His name's Hugh of VanderWall, and he's still in right now. He's a lifer. Officer enlisted. He's enlisted. And now he's trying to be a warrant officer. Which is smart, tail end of the career. You can change your retirement.

retirement pay drastically. Yeah. Yeah. It's a smart move. And he, you know, he saw something in me that I wanted to learn. I wanted guidance, but I was still, you know, I was a knucklehead, you know. But I wanted it. And he saw it. So he put a lot of his time in. And, and he saw he's like, you have a drive, man. And then that's now I knew that, oh, you need a selection process for SF or for CEOs or for Rangers. So now I knew better, you know. How old were you when you got to Iraq? 18. 18. Wow. And what do they have you doing? Looking for bombs on the roads. So you were doing presence patrol type stuff?

Yeah. Dismounted or mounted? Both. I remember one of our first ones, they're like, hey, our partner forces hit landmines. We got to go, you know, hop clear the rest of the path. And I was like, okay, and then we're going and we're going past this hill. And then there's one of the Toyota trucks blown up. body parts everywhere

you know and that was like one of my first experiences of instantly just being there and be like oh this is real okay where'd they put you in the country uh Dalala province Dalala province interesting okay and so yeah so we did that

and and he's developed me as a not just a soldier but as a human being and he's like dude if you want to go be a ranger or something you should go for it and spend some more time in the regular army and then I dropped my packet and I made it you know and then me

being private service I like hey man it's not nothing personal but this is a one shot one try thing okay if you if you don't make it you're going back because you had spent time in a conventional unit they were only going to give you one stab at it yeah because they have had like issues or maybe like unwanted even just minor little things from regular army dudes so they're like yo man If you get her, then you got to put you on layover or you guys aren't making it. You're wasting time or whatever. And, you know, the attitude of it. Like, yo, make it now.

We're fucking don't get out of here. Okay. So, and then also because of based on my rank, so for me, it was I had a complete rasp than airborne school. Then I did Master Breacher. So Regimental Master Breacher course, cert and then Ranger School all in the year. And then. That's a PAC calendar.

it is and I did I did I was so so into it I was so I wanted it so bad that I remember when I graduated and I went they're like okay go pick up your you know your diploma for I mean your yeah the certificate for Ranger School and it's like October I was like October my rasp once at October I was like in a year it's been a year I was like oh man time flies yeah well you weren't exactly probably paying attention to the days on the calendar yeah you were you had some steps in front so you were at that point I'm going to guess 20-21-ish. 22. Okay.

Yeah. And probably what, E-4? E-5. I just made E-5. Okay. Yeah, I'd imagine as your rank starts to increase, they're going to give you less options for sure. How did you like that master breach your course?

I loved it. How bitching is explosive breaching? You know, like I had done breacher courses, you know, regular army ones and ranges and stuff like that but that right there that there's two weeks of the most high level high quality um you know explosive I saw explosives in devices that I've never even seen and I was like oh man yeah this this this is why it's special operations um and you know sometimes so I went there actually twice once as a student and once as an assistant instructor oh killer so both times you know one one time we had you know Marsalk dudes with us and they were nothing but

professionals and I was like man that's super cool and then we had special forces from another country just come in and it was great and regiment was everything that I I thought the regular army was going to be yeah I think that people look at the military like if you are raised on the movies that you're talking about yeah your perception of what you're going to sign up for in the regular military is a little bit skewed yeah yeah yeah because you're not going to get unless you have a, from my understanding, an incredibly insane career in the conventional military, you're not going to touch a lot of that stuff that most of the movies focuses on. 100%.

100%. How was Ranger's School? Ranger School was, at that point, I'd already been deployed. You know, I'd already been in gun fights and stuff like that. And I get the purpose of Ranger School. You know, how do you test somebody who's brand new without purposely killing them? you know and I think Ranger School is the best way but for for me personally

I had already done all the other stuff that when I went to a range school yeah I kicked my ass of course it did you know they take your food take your sleep oh the curriculum works in those selection courses yeah and but at the end of it I was just like fuck this sucked but I was like this is what you know the dudes that because you know I would get clown on because I didn't have my tab when I first got to regiment so that's a fucking huge in there

you know and if you don't get we should explain that because most people won't understand the tab yeah so you have you have your your 75th Ranger Regiment scroll, and that's what you earn once you pass Rasp, and then you have... And that means you're attached to the 75th Ranger Regiment, that scroll does. Yeah, you're a Ranger. Okay. You know, and then... Are you a Ranger? Because you have the scroll, and this is where I get lost, too.

I know there's a scroll and there's a tab, and then you switch shoulders, right, once you're in a combat deployment with Denver. God damn it. I know. You got to unpack the shit, man. So if you get your scroll, but you're walking around without a Ranger tab on top, and then in the tab, it's not official, but you need to get it. And if you don't get it, you're not going to last long. You're going to get kicked out, you know. Can you call yourself a Ranger without your Ranger tab, but if you have a scroll? That right, yeah, I say yes, but that right there is, is an argument

that social media does all the fucking time. Okay. But I got it, so I got both. Okay. So yeah, I kicked my ass and I remember being like, man, some of these guys that would say shit, I'm like, this is what it was, this is what you were high, we holding in such high regard. I'm like, You motherfuckers. You know, but anyways. So that happened. And things started slowing down. And I joined to go fight.

You know, I had a bunch of friends killed. I've seen a bunch of people die. Things were slowing down. And I was like, I'm not trying to be in the regular, I mean, not a regular arm, but in just the military. A peace-time military. Yeah. I don't want to do that.

And then at the same time, I told my wife something that I honestly didn't think I was going to have to do or pay the price, but I told her I was like, when, because I missed the birth of my first son. I missed the birth of my second child. I was gone, you know, in Afghanistan. So we should back up. When did you get married in this process? Like six months into being in the military. But that's a poor decision. It is. It is. And if you, and because most of them ended divorces and it never works. But her and I, we had known each other since we were seven. Okay. So, um, that does help for sure. Yeah. So it was great, you know, um, I married her and she was super supportive the entire time. And she never told me

no on everything that I said I wanted to do and that I would be gone and this and that. But I had told her because I had missed so much. I was like, when, when my, my son, AJ, I was like, when AJ goes to school, I'm going to be there on the first day of school. I promise. But, you know, So things are slowing down. My son's four, you know, kindergarten is just about to start. It's time to pay that. And I told her, I was like, she's like, are you going to get out? And then on top of that, I was just so into the life of being a rangered

that I totally even missed my exit day, my ETS day. Yeah. Your list met expired and you forgot. Well, it almost did. And what they were trying to do is that they were trying to get service. service members to start processing out six months till a year so you can set you up for success a transition time yeah that makes sense and i was if i remember right i was under 90 days and then i was at the master breacher course as an assistant instructor and they're like hey man you like less than 90 days out you either

got a re-up or or start you know it happened and i was like fuck really they're like yeah and i was like oh well you know fucking it's almost eight years then time flies um so we talked to it over and and she's like, sign up for like two or three more if you really want. And then I was like, and I appreciated that. But I was like, but she's like, but then you're out, right? But see, that's a tough one because then you're halfway. Yeah. And that is, yeah, that's the decision point that's tough for a lot of guys.

I've seen a bunch of guys get out at eight, fewer get out at 10. And then I've actually seen some get out at like 16 or 17. Yeah. They had a better job offer. But other than it's, if you go past 10, the odds of you making it. for the 20. I mean, every day you're closer to the, you know, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if you wanted to call it that. Yeah. Tiny little pot. It's enticing, yeah. So the 75th Ranger Regiment is, where is that located? Well, I was stationed in Savannah, Georgia. Oh, my God,

it's not cold there in the summer. No, it's horrendous. Well, for us, I guess it was cold because you get used to it over there. And then you have some dudes up at JBLM in Washington. Yep. I've actually spent a good amount of time there. Okay. Yeah. So I love it there. And then you have headquarters, you know, which is in Benning, still Georgia. Yeah. And everyone who's fucking station, there's hates their life and they're always angry. I describe it as being close to the flagpole. Wherever the HQ flagpole is, the closer you are via physical proximity, your quality of life is on a descending curve. 100%. For most people, except for those who really like being that close, and then I don't trust that person.

Yeah. Yes. I'm so glad you said that. It's like, why are you pursuing that particular job? Okay, you're no longer in the circle of trust. You're definitely not on the prestigious worldwide tour bus at all, ever. So how were your deployments with the Rangerbat? So where'd you go in what years? So I got deployed 2009, 10, 11, 12, and then the beginning of 13.

And all of them were with the regular army, except. my last few ones. I got attached to third group. And so it was weird because I did everything backwards. I deployed first with third group with the whole village stability operations. Yeah, VSO stuff. Yeah. And I was with the sister team of Major Jim Gant.

And then within the SF community. And then outside of he's really famous. And then, you know, the whole scandal that was... No, fill me in. So there was a book written about it. it, my mentor actually was with that team and then we were with their sister team. And I talked to him overseas right before, you know, he got sent back and they tried to kick him out.

Well, they did kick him out or whatever. What was the scandal? Well, he, well, Major Jim Ganniff, I hope I don't butcher this, but he wrote a book called One Tribe at a Time. Okay. And it outlined basically Village Stability Operations, but they didn't call it one tribe at a time. They called it, you know, VSO. Yeah.

And he was doing great things. And it was, instead of just living in big bases and fighting out, you live with the locals, you, you know, fight and you sleep and, and live with them.

It's part of the larger counter, you know, people hear the term coin, counter insurgency. The first thing you have to do in that is provide security. And you can do that by actually living with people that you're trying to provide security for. Yes.

And it's challenging, though. And it's a very, very long-term strategy. It is not, it's something that'll be measured in days or weeks. That's something that's months, quarters, years. Yes. Probably not decades. Hopefully not decades because that's a long goddamn time. But yeah, it's a tough one. But yeah, you're living out amongst the local populace. Yeah. And he was doing great things. And, you know, higher ups, you know, above his higher ups, were seeing that and they were loving it. And some of those higher ups in between didn't like it. You know, and they were waiting for a chance for him to fuck up, in my opinion.

And, you know, was he doing something? You know, so he, what he was doing, and this is what people were said, that he was using money to buy weapons and stuff like that, instead of, you know, for projects to build a bridge or whatever, he was using to equip, which, what they called his own personal little militia. So they were saying he was using his op fund. Yeah. to fund a personal militia.

Yeah. But what it is, well, you know, if you're trying to fight the Taliban, and then not just the Taliban, but foreign fighters that, you know, when it comes to special operations, they're going to send their best of the best, you know, to go fight them, you know, his counterparts need to be well equipped. And the government is corrupt and not giving the Afghan's, you know, proper equipment. Well, he took it into his own hands to find a way to make it happen and complete the mission. So there was that.

And then, you know, he, he, you know, he, he, you know, He found love with the reporter, and the reporter started living with him. Overseas? Yeah. Balsy move. Yep. And, you know, when you get hurt, you have pain, but if you want to continue, then you got to find a way. And sometimes it might be alcohol or sometimes it might be painkillers, and then you put them together, and it's a, you know, recipe for disaster.

Yeah, it's your plan, Russian roulette. Yep. And, you know, but I know a bunch of dudes who take a bunch of stuff so they can keep going, but unfortunately, So what did they end up prosecuting him for or kicking him out for? Kind of all of that came unraveled? All of it, yeah, all of it. Because some lieutenant, you know, some brand spanking new lieutenant saw what was happening and he didn't like it. Ran it up the chain of command.

Yep. And then people that were waiting for him to fuck up, like, boom, we got you. You know, because he's got, he's friends with generals, you know, and people didn't like that. you know so but but we were we were doing great things and we were fighting you know when you live in the valley you know there's no big base around you you're you live in a in a collat with with the afghans with the and you're fighting where were you at in afghanistan war deck okay and it was i remember when we got there um and it was with their group when we got there they had just lost three guys.

They took us to where they lost the three guys, and you can still see parts of the vehicles, you know? Yeah. And they're like, this is what, because we got there in the winter, they're like springtime, this is what's going to be. Yeah, springtime's game time. Yeah. And as soon as spring came, like, it was everything that I said I wanted plus more.

And then once you really get it, you're like, fuck. Like, then when I see you guys saying like, I want this, I want that. I'm like this thing that you want, you don't want. You think you do. Yeah, I think that is probably probably the most common tale of warfare in the history of warfare. The idea of I'm going to go out and be a warrior and come back on your shield or with it.

Yeah. And the reality of going out there and doing that and watching people get fucked up. Yeah. And what it does to the geometry between your ears and the market leaves on your life. Yeah. I think it's one of the most common narratives

of warfare. Yeah, and I mean, I get it. Like, you know, there's some dudes, I mean, why a lot of us join. It's like you want to get tested. You want to see what you're mad at of. And you see yourself as a warrior, so you hope you're right.

But unfortunately, there's only one way to find out. And that's, you know, to get it. And so when you live and fight out of a house, you know, the Taliban bring, bring everything because you're not in a big base. You're providing your own security. At one point, you know, they tried to overrun our Kalat,

and they got as close as, you know, being on the side of the wall. Oh, no shit. Grenades are being thrown, you know, IEDs with, and you hear that the other local teams, because if we're in one valley, the sister team is in the other and so on, so on, you know, and then you hear that,

you know, they, they did a liquid ID type thing where it was almost basically like napalm. No shit. They got, so they got my, you know, my friend was like 80% burnt. The other two from what I hear, so my friend was, I heard from

they're like Oh he got he got off pretty well Really And he's the one with 80% burns You know You got You know The phone rings

They're like hey man it's for you And overseas you don't get phone calls You know So I was like oh and then it's my mentor And he's like hey Pinnett got killed And then three days later You get a phone call

Literally died And you know like fucking Fuck you know And then dudes getting hurt um left and ride and and and and you're fighting and every single fucking day it's something and we made the news like three times that year um one of them was being a an uh uh we had two suicide bombers and one of them being a truck a dump truck like there was this small cop nearby we would get our our supplies you know we'd get our mail and all that stuff and then and the cop stands

for uh combat outpost yeah small tiny base and um we were there and it was like almost five in the morning and an explosion happens and then where the SF compound was at it was almost like on the top of this little hill and I'm pointing down I remember like yo man that's at the fucking gate dude like that's at the gate and as I turn around to tell my guy it's like yo that's at the gate the most powerful force I've ever felt I was on top of a truck next to you know my dirt's in the face and I'm waiting for everything to to like focus again, you know. I don't know what the fuck that was,

but I knew I was alive, so I just ran to grab my gear, and then, you know, a handful of us ran down there. And because we're like, well, there's an earlier that year, they had at this other base, they had done a talk like that. They do suicide bomber at the gate, and then a dump truck,

and then they sent dudes in. Did they offset that? So suicide bomber guy, draw people in, dump truck comes, vaporize and then attack with the fallen force staggered yep yes that actually makes sense yeah and so we were like that's what we all thought and we as when when we go down there it's just like i remember the report was something like 90 americans were wounded and when you get when you go down there you see everything you know people dying slowly because the pressure and they're moaning you know real low

last. Yeah, they're, you know, moaning real low, real soft, and they're just dying slowly. And you're 23. Yeah. You know, body parts everywhere, and then, you know, so we're waiting for this fucking force to come. And it never came. And then what turned out to be, if I remember right, the combat controller was saying that as he was talking to the other birds that finally made it, you know, some people were

surrounding this other truck. And it wasn't a force that was coming. It was another truck. Oh, shit. Yeah, and the only reason they knew is that the locals got pissed off because it was right next to a little bizarre, that cop. Probably vaporized that bizarre too. Yeah, and they got pissed off,

and they started surrounding this truck saying, you can't go in there. Oh, so is locals surrounding the truck? Yeah, locals were telling, tell them, get the fuck out, you know, or whatever. And then it was made it obvious when the driver pulled out an AK and started shooting in the air. And then that's when they're like, oh, that's another truck.

Yeah. And then the combat controller took out that truck. Yeah, which he should have, yeah. J-DAM is a perfect solution for that. Yep. Directly through the driver's side window, please. Yeah. So the reason why I got to be, and this confuses a lot of people,

because they know what SF looks like, and they're like, dude, I thought you were a ranger. This is like SF footage. Well, what the Special Forces guys were doing, Instead of putting two teams together, they were supplemented with infantry, regular army guys, you know? So that's how I got to be with them. And then that was my,

because, you know, we were a regular army, so we did a 12-month-there. So I got attached with three different teams, all from third group, all super good dudes. They would probably rotate into place and you just would stay there. Yep. Which is actually nice because then you can impart some of that local knowledge, the isometrics of what's going on,

patterns of life, all that stuff. That's actually good that you guys were there for that long as they rotated in. Yeah, and some, and you know, let's call it what it is. Some would listen and some wouldn't because you're like, well, you're a fucking regular army guys or whatever. And that just means the person who won't listen is a piece of shit because knowledge is knowledge. And it shouldn't matter whether it's coming from a dude who doesn't have a tab. Yeah. The guys lived on the ground for, you know, two, four, eight, ten months.

Yeah. Pay attention. And it's just ego is all it is. Yeah. And, you know, unfortunately, I was right, and this isn't even one of those things where I'm happy or proud or whatever, but, you know, and then people can probably already know who I'm talking about, but, you know, there's somebody's super famous with a missing leg that's still operational, you know, and he lost it. You know, he was brave and fought that day, but I called what the world was going to happen that day. you know as we left at the time

we would have the local we would fight with and live with Afghan Special Forces dudes which were they were solid but then we would also also have to work with the Afghan police which were super crooked

yeah the ANP yeah and when they would come in I would always have my grenade launcher with me and my in four but at minimum my grenade launcher and they would come into like our parking lot area right what were you rolling with

tell me it was an M79 fucking pirate gun. Oh. Is it a standalone 40 mic mic? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yes. No, well, it wasn't the pirate one.

It was the 320. Okay. But I stripped it all off. I stripped everything and I put a buckle hook. And then I've had it right here. So I all had to do a slip up and shoot. That's what I'm talking about. M79s are bitching.

I mean, it's Civil War technology, but I love it. It works. Yeah, you can shave those fuckers down to literally a little pirate gun. Yeah. They're awesome. But I felt like as they were coming in, because some of them would stay on their trucks, and they have machine guns mounted on the back of trucks. I'm like, this dude's sitting in the back of the truck standing here. Like, what the fuck?

Like, he's going to, waiting to shoot us all or whatever. And so I would always keep my, a minimum, my grenade launcher in our truck. Because, yes, we have guns mounted on our vehicles, but you got to turn that motherfucker on. You got to turn the crow system. And that takes forever. And then, you know, it might be a minute or two, but that's forever in a gunfight. Yeah. So I'll describe the Crow system.

I mean, it's a remote firing system. What does Crow stand for? Crew. I think control remote. But it's basically a joystick. Yeah. Yeah. So the person's shooting it.

Imagine a, I would see him on the top of MRAPs. So imagine a 50, a 50 kill on top of an MRAP or two. And in the, I remember it was the, not. the driver's seat, not the vehicle commander seat, but basically one right behind that was the little station where they had the joystick. Yep. Basically a joystick, zoom in and out, pan left and right, and then go to town. Yeah. Fire away. I mean, so that's what you're talking about. Yes, that doesn't, just imagine firing up. I mean, it's 2020, so you better be firing up a Mac.

But imagine firing up a Mac. You know, you've got to wait for the scroll wheel to finish. And imagine waiting for that while your life is being threatened and you have incoming rounds. Yeah. That's what it means to have to wait for the correct. system. So I would keep my grenade launcher in there. Mission was over and I would just leave it there. And I remember something would have a problem with that. And I, and I voiced why I would do it because like, well, we also have our shitters there. So if you're taking a shit, you know, or you're at the conixes, you have nothing, you know? And then some people didn't like it, but then we left and then like four weeks later, it happened. Really? And two dudes died.

Did the guy just stay up on top of the truck and go to town? Yeah. Really? Just fucking fired away. Killed the two dudes. And I think he also killed some of our Afghan counterparts, the good ones. And yeah, so that was my whole special operations deployments. But then when I got to regiment, I missed them all.

So by the time I got to first, like, hey, man, everyone's just about to leave. I mean, everyone's already leaving, like, might as well just stay here. It's already halfway. We're not going to send you. And then when I went to Ranger School, they got deployed. And then when I came, when I was actually out and had a chance, they're like, things are slowing down. We're only going to deploy half. Yeah.

And at this point, I was like, what I mean half? They didn't have jobs for everybody. Yeah. It went over the kinetic-wise. It went over the top of the hill, I would say, 2010, 2010, 2011, the die was cast on that one. It was slowing down. Yeah. And so I was like, well, well, I'm getting out. So I did. Do you notice a lot of guys were making that decision as well? Yes. A bunch of the dudes who I had to play with from third group, they were like, fuck this. I'm out.

You know, they lost a lot, a lot of experience. And I'm pretty sure it's the same for you guys as well. For sure. Well, it's really difficult. I actually think that it was beneficial for me to serve pre-9-11. because I experienced the military and the SEAL community prior to anything even having the opportunity to be kinetic. My first deployment was to Japan. And then my second deployment was to Guam. And then it kicked off. And I went through selection on the East Coast and deployed there and then went to a conventional West Coast team deployed one time. We were in the Navajar province in 2010, so down east, southeast.

And you could do in VSO. We built the firebase. I mean, literally there, we were living inside of the A&A compound when we first got there. That was a fucking experience, FYI. And then built a firebase, a cop outside of that. And it was interesting because the guys did great. But you could also tell some of them were thinking, like, this isn't what I signed up for. This isn't exactly G.I. Joe.

because like we've said, counterinsurgency and specifically the VSO, they probably have changed the name for it now. It's a long-term strategy. You're not patrol into contact. Some people would do that. They would want to patrol to contact to get their jihad on,

but again, that goes back to the classic tale of this is what I want, and then you get it, and you're like, oh, this sucks, more than I thought it was going to suck. But yeah, guys, because I saw the seal community and experienced the seal community

when there was nothing, and the only thing that we would fight about was budget and who was better. Seal Team 1 or Seal Team 5. It was so funny. They used to have regionally specific, like each team had their area of the world that they were responsible for.

Horrendous idea when you all end up in the same place. Yeah. And you have different camo and different gear and different call assigned patches and everybody's like, so how do you guys do business? Terrible idea. But I was at Team 5, so we were doing cold weather.

And we had, my buddies were at Team 3, and they were doing desert. So they'd get desert chocolate chip camis, old school shit, no digital stuff back then. Yeah. And I'm getting green, Vietnam era camo. And they're just like, though, those are awesome. Like, I know, but I like your tan ones,

but I wouldn't fucking give them any greens because they wouldn't give me any deserts. Yeah. Because we had no enemy, we just fought each other. Yeah. But we would work out. And at the same time, it was amazing because it was still everything I thought

the SEAL teams were going to be. I remember being out at our desert training facilities. you know, here's the pallet of ammunition in Law Rockets. You guys can have lunch when it's gone. Oh, I like this. Boom, boom, yo. It was just amazing training. And the camaraderie was awesome.

There was no work-life balance. It was just work because work was my life. I was in my early 20s. Made some great friends. And then when it tapered off a decade and a half later, it was okay because I understood what it had been before. I can't imagine. And I put people through buds in 06 to 08.

And these kids, and that's what they were, were young kids, but they were volunteering in a time of war. When I came in, I had watched Navy Seals with Charlie Sheen. Yeah. And, you know, everybody was the same thing. Like, oh, man, I hope we get to get it on. I hope, you know, that there's going to be a war so we can test ourselves. And it was all hypothetical. And these kids are coming in, you know, and it's, they know exactly because they're watching the IEDs.

They're watching all of that stuff. I had the utmost respect for those students who came in in a time of Warren. It was interesting because some of the instructors still wanted to hate him. Like, fuck these pieces of shit. These fucking new guys. Like, hey, guys, by the way, if these guys make it through training, you're going to be deploying with them. So maybe take a fucking wrap off. Yeah.

But that, I get it. I get coming in mid-2000s, get through training, hearing these stories. Your instructors are all combat vets at that point. So we'd sit down and they would be like a week. weekly Q&A. And of course the students wanted to hear about that stuff. And then they get to their first SEAL team and they're to get through their first training rotation and they get to the Philippines for six months because that was going to be their first deployment. And they're like, this isn't what I signed up for. Yep. And then they come back and they do a deployment to

Afghanistan where they are extremely limited with kinetic abilities. They're not allowed to do any drops from aircraft. And they punch. They punch at six to eight years. And man, the time, energy and effort, the investment to get somebody to that six to eight year mark is unbelievable, but I get it. Yeah. I get it for sure. And I don't know the solution to that either. I would say I would describe that as a leadership challenge and maybe managing expectations

a little bit early, earlier in the career. Like, hey, maybe the books and movies, those things are great for entertainment. However, comma, let's start talking about early on a reasonable approach to what you should expect from your career because it's not call a duty. Even in the heyday, it wasn't called the duty. Yeah. Not every day, not every second. No.

Yeah. You know, but yes, I mean. Were you talking to your parents still? During the, how much interaction did you have with your mom and dad while you were active military and deploying? I would have more conversations with them when I would visit. But when I was gone, I mean, if it weren't for R&R, you know, like some leave time, never really talked to them. More to my brother and my sister. and I told yes I was married but my wife knew that everything I was doing was going to be for my family

because I mean she knew she knew I would go to her house when we were you know teenagers and that's when I had dinner you know or in high school I would on the way home stop by her house and have dinner there because I knew there was going to be any food so she knew the deal so like for example my first deployment I used the money to pay for my sister's uh clenry art school I bought my mom, a car, not a brand new car, but like her bucket, you know. And I came back with a check that I got a few days before I got on the bird to come home, you know. And my wife was leaving, she went back home, you know, so she didn't need any money. She'd be back in L.A. when you were deployed, okay? Yeah, so, I mean, you know, everything was for my brother and sisters.

So I would talk to them a lot. And then just by chance, then talk to my mom and my dad. And it was just the same shit. like how things, you know, oh, it's good. Okay, it's good. Yeah, everything's good. You know, they don't want to tell me what's wrong. Yeah.

And I don't want to tell them they will, you know, my friends are dying and, you know. Absent them having served in the military, that's a tough, even if they had served in the military, that's a tough conversation to have for sure. And if they had served in the military, it'd probably be the last thing that they wanted to hear anyway. It might be better to have those conversations if they had no personal context. Yeah. or their own paintbrush to or paintings that they had seen themselves. How is your relationship with your mom now? We rarely talk and the reason was, you know, it was funny.

My dad was the one who gave me all the beatings and my mom just stood there. She would hit us too, but like she was just, but she was more verbal, abusive, like saying that we, you know, you were going to ruin her life and stuff like that. Which I would actually. argue is equally if not more damaging than physical abuse and I agree because I have a tougher relationship with her she's like you know you you never come you know to my house and I'm like no shit yeah and and when we meet up at big events but when she was changing she used church and you know and I remember I remember I was me being angry and be like you can't just do that you can't just say now you're going to church and God forgives everything like that's not how that

works you know you've fucked us all over and then just because you went to church and you said well and she on her forget she's like god forgives me and that's all i need and and whew that'd be a tough pill to swallow given what you have described that you experienced yeah so i was like you know and she's still at church and stuff like that and then when i would talk to my brother and sisters and i'd be like what are you guys doing like oh you know we're at school she got involved at school i mean at church you know and and she was doing great things over there, but I was just like, and I would hear that she's, you know, takes care of the little kids and while all the parents are in church.

Yeah. And, you know, we would joke like, oh, how about you fucking do that when we were small? Yeah. They may not have been the, they may not have been capable of it. Yeah. Not to give, I don't want to give either your mom or dad any avenues to avoid the responsibility of how they treated you growing up. But they also, it's possible that they weren't ready as a human being to be able to do that. And that doesn't excuse it by any stretch. I agree. I agree.

That's what it is. And they still, you know, the thing comes with forgiveness, I am not a religious person at all. So, and I, but I fully support people being religious and having whatever relationship with whatever high power that makes them feel better. And I also don't think that attendance at a structure that other people consider to be something holy is how you determine, whether or not you're religious person. Yeah. I disagree with, well, if you didn't go to church, you're not like, that's fucking stupid to me. But even in that setting, you know, God forgives me and that's all that I need.

I still believe that you need to work through issues as opposed to going around them. Because I would, I personally take that as, well, it's an excuse. You know what? That's the easiest way for me to say. It's an excuse to not work your way through those issues. And it would suck for you and your mom to work through those issues, I bet. But it might, you guys might have a phenomenal relationship at the end of that. Yeah.

And I agree. I think, because I've been out now going for four years. So, you know, we're getting used to all of it. And I think it's, you know. Do you live close to them now? Yeah. Okay. It's my father lives with me.

Okay. You know, the whole coronavirus was fucking everything. The Chinese year of the dumpster fire? It's not over yet, buddy. It's not. We're just halfway. We went up and then down and then Elon Musk hit the red button and now we're off to Saturn. It's not over yet.

So he lives with me, but he's, you know, so I see him a lot. But my mom lives just like four blocks away. And we do see each other, but like it's got to be a birthday or whatever. But then again, fuck, there's a birthday almost every month. So like, yeah, I guess, yeah, I do see her a lot. Yeah. But she's mostly spends times with my kids. because I'm at school, you know, I'm going to school to become a registered dietitian

or I'm training for, you know, at the time when I was competing in martial arts, you know, for multi-fights or now marathons and stuff like that. I'm doing stuff. So like if she comes over, usually sometimes I just catch the end of her. It's like, oh, you just get home. I've been here, you know, a couple hours, I'm going to leave. I'm like, okay. And then she'll give me, she says, she's like, oh, I know you don't like it.

I mean, I don't mind it. And right before she leaves every time she gives me her blessing and she does her thing. Yeah. I'm glad to hear that she's trying. Trying doesn't, again, erase responsibility or accountability. And I hope that you guys can come to a place where you can have that conversation. I think it would be meaningful for both parties. But, I mean, at least she's having a positive impact on your kid's life or she's there to support you as you're trying to pursue your education.

That's huge. A lot of people don't even have that. Yeah. So I do see more of a cup. The cup is half full type of guy. So I do see that. So they're you know I mean things are things are all right They'll get better with them but

Family's not easy man It's not you know and I'm learning it you know and once I had my son You know yeah I wasn't an alcoholic or whatever But I did have things where you know I realized that I was so into my military career I was missing things and my wife was so supportive And she sometimes says like I was an enabler you know like yeah it might have been for the military but i never told you know you know you were

always gone and so when i got out and when i did the math i was like i've literally been away more for my son than i have so i get out my my son's five and and i'm looking at him i'm like he was five when you got out yeah i was like dude i don't i don't even know you like what what do you like what do you what's your favorite color what's what's this and that and the question to the five-year-old what you like to eat is whatever has the highest sugar content in a five-mile radius. Yeah. Dad, I like to eat frosting. Oh, okay, you little son of a bitch.

Oh, they found out real quick that with me, they're like, he's the one who gives us everything. Yeah. You know. Don't go too far with that. It's an attempt to make up on lost time. Yeah, no. Because it doesn't, and what you risk doing is spoiling your kids. You've got to let them learn their lessons on their own, too.

Yeah, 100%. And I had to learn that real. We all do. But, I mean, yeah, I got out and I didn't know. So you were in Georgia. Yep. Your wife was living with you there. Your son was approaching five.

Yep. Do you have one kid or two? Now I have three. I have an eight-year-old, my son, my daughter's six, and then I have a one-year-old. Awesome. Is it, what do you have, boy, girl, girl? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Your life's over. In 10 years. It's over now. I know. Okay, so you guys, you were making your decision to get out. Was there any question that you were going to move back to L.A.? No. Okay.

We're her family's there, my family's there. Slam dunk, yeah. Washington was cool. The time that I spent there, Savannah, Georgia was cool. The time was, you know. But at the end of the day, these places there are beautiful and they have things to offer. If it doesn't have family, it loses its, you know. Yeah, isolation's a bitch.

Yep. So at the time, you know, I was in terms of, you know, I'm, I was in. the military since I was a kid and I was into martial arts as I was a kid so I was competing I was training Muay Thai and kickboxing and boxing and then I was competing for once I got in my last two years in the military I was competing so you know and by that do you mean you're basically just doing fights yeah you know I would I was being a ranger and then if you you know asked dudes when I was in that they'd be like yeah he's the dude who was using the bags during you know PT

time in the morning or after work. It's an appropriate time to use the bags. Yeah. It's also why the bags are there. Yeah. Nobody wants to fucking use them. People don't know how. No, that's exactly.

That's actually what it comes down to. They don't know what the fuck to do with it. Yeah. So, you know, you would see some dudes on the mats mostly rolling. Yep. So it was easy because I was diving into it and I knew, once again, I've just been super fortunate to be under great leadership and mentors and all this and that because somebody told me one of the third group guys,

he's like, when I called them, and I was like, what advice do you have for me? And he'd gone out a year before me. And he's like, be ready for the storm. So when he told me that, I was like, okay, I hear all these stories, you know, all these horror stories about when dudes get out. I was like, I've got to cover my bases. Like, okay, the military was my career.

The military was my life. That's, in my opinion, when I became a man. Very formative years of your young life. Yeah. As a man, those 20, I was called the, the sweet spot of the 20s, and you spent that whole time in the military, so. Yep. So I was like, okay, well,

SoCal, Southern California is the mecca of all these martial arts gyms. Yeah, that is. I was like, and our family's there? Hell yeah. So I looked up a place to go train at and... Got a Google of a hundred names that came up. Yeah, it was... SoCal is a mecca of jujitsu, boxing,

like, it's crazy. Yeah. And it was funny because I looked at a bunch of good gyms, and I remember my aunt telling me because she's like oh my dinosaur neighbors he trains and my aunt's like she's sometimes goes at the gym but she's not someone to take advice

I remember I just I just rolled my eyes I was like I was like yeah yeah yeah I'll talk yeah I'll talk to you about it I'll talk to your neighbor yeah whatever and then so it's I got out right before Christmas so we're there and then her downstream neighbors

comes up and he's like yeah I train you know Jitsu mostly you know at 10 planet I was like oh cool and he's like, but I do striking as well at this place called a classic fight team. And just by looking at him, I'm like, oh, this dude, he does train. He does that a bang. Yeah. And he's like, come train.

And I was like, dude, I was actually going to try out Keynes MMA, but I'll go to your place. So I went to Classic Fight Team and I trained, you know, with the head coach, Tyler in the first session. I looked at my brother and I was like, this is a spot. and which by the way my my smaller brother so I paid for my sisters calling art school but my brother was too young to do anything for him so the entire time I was just paying for um clothes and food and giving him money which wasn't really helping him and I would and then I and I begged my brother was like dude just come fucking live with me so the last he finally said yes to the last year of when I was in military and I was like you have one rule in this house you you have to train. That's it. That's a good rule, man. I was like, you don't have to pay bills. You don't have to do anything.

It's just common sense stuff. You know, clean up with yourself. But you have to train. And he's like, okay. And when he got to me, he was my childhood. So like when he got to me, he looked, he was malnourish. You know, he was nothing but bones. And I started, I remember I was feeding him.

I feed him breakfast. Like, man, that was a lot of food. And I remember thinking like, that's normal breakfast food. and then it was lunchtime he was like we're gonna eat again and i was like damn and you know that was his yard stick yeah his measuring stick for quality of life yeah and because i was gone you know i'm i'm yeah i'm sending money and stuff like that but i'm not was he still living with your mom yeah um and i was like well fuck so so i'm building him up and at the same time because i'm training you know we have the one the great thing about special operations is that not just the cool guy gear but you have

so many resources. So I'm using, because I'm getting ready for a fight, I'm using the strength to condition coach, the registered dietitian, the athletic trainer, and I even use a sports psychologist because I was having a tough time being like, I'd have been a war, and I want to compete, but I don't want to kill these people. How do I find a place to exist between zero and 100 miles an hour? Yeah, because like my coach is the place I was training there by Savannah, Georgia, because a champions training center great dudes um there but he'd be like you know

fucking get angry and and and and this and that and you know we when you know to get hyped and i'm just like when i do get really angry well not even angry but when i do put myself there like that's war it's it's take all it's all or nothing it's and it probably wouldn't help your performance it wouldn't because you know the classic tunnel vision right you start you're so focused on one thing that all the rest of this shit starts getting blurry. You're looking through a tube instead of seeing everything. Yeah, you don't want to get, I would imagine having zero background in fighting, get the other dude angry and exploit the seams in his ability, exploit the fact that he has tunnel vision. Yeah. That's what I would recommend.

And it's funny. Me personally, if I, I, we all have the ability to flip to fucking 12. I get nothing positive done if I do that. And whatever it is that I'm pissed, pissed about when that happens. It takes me five times as long to unwind the damage that I did by flipping to 12. And I'm not talking about beating the shit out of somebody. I'm talking about like an emotional state where I get that angry. I just make stupid decisions and then have to spend so much more time unwinding that stupid decision.

Every fucking time. Yeah. So like I would even use the, you know, sports psychologist. But the rest of your dietitian is the one who changed my mind because, I mean, my life, because, you know, I'm going to school to become a rest your dietitian because her, I thought, you know, because I was like, oh, I'm a Ranger, I know everything. So when she was like, you know, this is what you eat, this is what her, you know, I remember being like, I got to hear this is, you know, special operations is the top of the top, in my opinion of the food chain of the world. So what are you going to tell me that I don't know?

Well, I didn't know a lot. Yeah. You know, now all of a sudden I'm recovering faster. I'm, you know, I'm sleeping better. I'm going to the bathroom better. I'm like everything. My mood, my energy. I used to crash in the middle of the day in, you know, pound coffee or an energy drink.

What was your, yeah, let's talk about diet before, meeting this woman and diet after. Yeah, so the diet before was, you know, there's a whole carb up and then protein. I used to eat a whole chicken breast for dinner, you know. Which, well, you're we, so you're we, man. Yeah. Chicken breast for me, it's like, that's about right. Well, for me, I got a couple pounds on you, though. Yeah.

to me that was like way too much especially since you know for competing you have to be at a certain weight you know me being a small guy but I'd have to be at a low weight so you'd be carbon in the morning

yep protein like a motherfucker probably you were probably doing I mean guess two grams per pound of body weight something like that probably yep and you know I was like fuck

barely if I would eat a fruit or a vegetable in a week I was like well that's done I'm done for the week did my part Got my greens in. Yeah.

And I was so wrong. But she was teaching me everything. So my brother was like my little guinea pig because I was like, well, let's see what I know. So I just applied everything with him. And then he's trained in in the gym with me. And dudes would like see him. And they'd be like, is he a fucking, there's no way that dude's a ranger. He's a fucking tiny stick guy.

And then, Nick, you know, when you feed him properly, I call him a big little brother because he's bigger than me. Because he's bigger than me, because I'm a younger brother. Yep. You know, he's putting mass on him, and I would test him on the Ranger standards. So if we had a Ranger PD test or whatever, the R-pad or whatever, I would make him do it, and he would fucking kill it. And I'm like, hell yeah. I was like, I know what I'm doing. Twisting your mustache, just crafting this beast.

Yeah. So, yeah, so when I got out, and that one day I told my brother, I was like, dude, you want to train here? We had already been training together, and we'd already fought on the same car together. So he was like, yeah. So when he gave me the nod, I was like, this is perfect. So I started training. I started going to school. And then.

And you picked registered dietitian based off your experience with that woman? Yes. Oh, we never covered your diet post. So we did the diet before. Oh, yeah. So right away, I'll never forget. She's like, the way, she knew how to talk to your Rangers because she's like, what would you say if I could make you 5% or 10% faster and stronger?

And that's when I was like, okay, you got my attention? Yep. And she's like, okay, what do you do? what's your lifestyle this and this ask me a bunch of questions and then she made me a meal plan and she's like to eat this uh and call me two weeks and remember i got home for dinner i told my wife okay can you make this for dinner she's like yeah we have everything here and she brought me the plate and i was disgusted with the amount of protein that was on there i was like portion size yeah yeah i was like there's there's no way this is three ounces she's like look on the scale

she put her on the scale and i was like that's three ounces of a lean meat? It's about. Yeah. That much. Yeah. And then immediately I noticed that my carbs were so much lower. And then on the plate was, you know, a mixed green salad.

I was going to say probably a shit ton of green. Yep. And then on the side, you know, I had an apple. And I ate that. And in the two weeks came, I told her, I was like, everything's improved, you know. I'm not crashing. in the middle of the day. I'm killing my workouts. I'm recovering faster. Did she have you eating more frequently as well? Yes. Smaller meals more frequently throughout the day. Yeah, I used to

have maybe two big meals. And then of course, after those, coffee. Yeah. Because you're freaking from all of the, you just, gah, and then all the blood is like, you're just, huh, what's happening? And I leaned out because I was eating way too many carbs, way too many protein. And And when you eat too much protein, you know, you just get turns into, you know, fat. And I leaned out. And I was like, this is what I want to do. Because when I made the decision to get out, you know, I had an uncle, which at this point, by marriage, he became my uncle. He was in the Marines, he got out.

And then he became swan. He was like, dude, come, you know. Oh, in L.A. Yeah. Yeah. In Sanana. And he was like, dude, be swan with me. And I was like, it sounds so cool.

But then, you know, I'm starting to be swan with me. realize things like do you miss so much of your kids you got a daughter you know your wife you know you miss so much like if you're gonna get out and just go into the same you know type of environment you're trading one uniform for a different color 100 percent so i was like you know what i owe it to them i'm gonna go to school and i fucking failed everything in high school um i was a terrible student but you have issues getting into college because of that because of your GPA um yeah i had to go to community college first and then my placement test um you know so i had to start low like whatever college work your way into it yeah and i was like i owe it to them and i owe it to myself and and to my family

because no one in my family at that point had ever been to college no one has a degree so i was like i'm gonna i've done all this stuff what were you doing for work during that time while you were going to school so you the GI bill gives you stipend yeah that's right forgot about that but it's fine print it's only when you're at school, which I didn't know. Because in between spring and summer, you have to figure something out. So I would have to work at yogurt shops, you know, assaye shops, do these odd jobs. And I hated my life because, you know, I went from having a house on base and having money to the point where our only issue was how many times can we go out this weekend? You know?

Yeah. It was dark times because I remember, you know, the GI Bill doesn't kick in and when it's over. And I'm working at these yogurt shops in California is expensive. And I remember at one point I'm, I don't even have my own place. I'm living in my sister's house with, to be honest, at the time I didn't really know her fiance. I was like, I'm in this stranger's house. My family and my kids, we live in one room. Like, what the fuck am I doing?

Like, I was a fucking Army Ranger. I had money. I had a house. now I live in a room and I have 15 bucks to my name and tomorrow I gotta go to a yogurt shop

that I have teenagers in Newport Beach yelling at me because you know their fucking bowl isn't done right away when I'm literally cutting fresh food in front of them

like this is fresh food not fast food yeah you know so I was doing that for the longest time but at the same time I wasn't really

into social media until like how I am now and I started sharing pictures and then because the dudes from third group didn't really care if I had a GoPro you know I started to share combat footage as much as I could yeah because a lot of have to be deleted because even I didn't want that probably best that it was for all involved yeah and then dudes would message me like hey man like and it always start the same at the at in the beginning it'd be like hey man like no offense but like you're small how did you

become a ranger. The response to that is, go fuck yourself, but also this is how I did it. Yeah. And what I realize is that, you know, a lot of people think that you have to be, you have to look like Thor or Captain America to make it. It's better off being your size. I am abnormally, well, I'm not abnormally tall. I'm six foot tall, usually floated around 205.

I am big for most seals. Yeah, I mean, well, to be honest, everyone's bigger than me. So you guys are all big. But I oftentimes would look at how nimble and how fast guys your size could move. God damn, I wish I could move like that. And, well, there's pros and cons. Pros and cons. But then I started thinking, you know, like, okay, well, well, the famous ones, you know, like famous special operations dudes, they're all fucking monsters.

You know, you got Jocko. Yeah. You know, you got, you know, Tim Candy. Jocko is only 5-3, though. Really? No, that's a total joke. Okay, I was going to say he looks 6-3. No, I think he's 5-11.

I'm about an inch taller in Jocko. Oh, see, David Gagins, there's you. Tim Kennedy is maybe 5-6. You know, but he's got... That's also not true. Okay. No, Tim's a beast. Yeah.

Gaggans is tall, but lean. Yeah. So everyone's big, and they see me, and they're like, so they ask me, and then I would tell... And then right away, and then I would click on their profile. follow and it'd be like a college kid or a high school kid and then it'll be like I'm only 190 pounds and I'm like dude I never made 190 pounds while I was in yeah sucker I've never seen the one nine zero rigging on the scale so yeah maybe with with kit on that's what's saying

maybe kit fully loaded and water um so I knew right away that it was a mental thing so I would tell them I'm like dude it's it's gonna sound corny or lame but it's it's everything is more mental than anything. Yes, you have to meet the physical requirements, but it's mental strength over everything. And I had, at that point, I'd already known that, but I had never had civilians come on me that way because everywhere that I went, dudes that looked like Captain America were fucking quitting. You know, if it was Ranger's School, uh, Rasp. The only, I tell people this, the only muscle that matters in any of these courses is the one between your ears. Yes. That is it. Show muscles mean fuck all in these selection courses. And I would,

if I'm being totally honest, take great pleasure in watching these show muscle, show pony fuck boys come into training because they thought they were going to get an IG profile out of it or they were going to have, you know, whatever that, they wanted things for, what would be the best way to describe it, ulterior motives. Yeah. They were not there for the right reason, but they sure looked like a guy had chiseled them out of stone. Yeah. And I would hear the symphony of the bell ringing when they quit. Like, you can place your helmet here and fuck off. I remember a pre-rasp. Right before we classed up, there was this huge dude

and his brother and his friend. And he tapped his friend. And he's like, look at these two. And he was talking about me and some other guy. I mean, he laughed. He's like, they think they got a chance. And two weeks later, both those dudes quit. Yeah.

The fastest runner in my Buds class quit. The fastest swimmer quit. and I believe they quit on alternating events. So the runner quit on a swim, the swimmer quit on a run because they had come there so conditioned from a collegiate background of success, success, success,

you're not developing mental toughness when you get success after success and you have the training department fawning all over you. I weighed 165 in buds. I didn't hit 200 pounds until I was my mid-20s. And then it takes a heroic effort

for me to get under that now. But I grew into, I grew into myself. I was 150 pounds when I graduated high school. I was six foot tall 150. So strapped 55 pounds off me right now. I was a beanpole. People are like, yeah, you're going to be a seal.

You know? Yeah. And I was completely fine with them thinking that. Because in between my ears, I knew that that was the path that I was going to go. And the show muscles, they just, that's what they're for. But nobody knows that, but us, you know, the outside world doesn't know that. They don't see that Hollywood. and I blame mostly Hollywood, you know, for that because that's not who they, you know, call to be the lead actors.

That's correct. So, and even in war, because I remember third group, they, you know, their support, they needed a mechanic. And we just picked him up. And he was this massive fucking dude. And, you know, and we started taking contact and got out. And I remember getting out the truck, seeing him. And then when the firefight was over, you know, and, you know. You know, somebody had to get medevacked out.

You know, after it was all over, I went back into the truck and he was still in there. He never got out. Yeah. And then when we got back, you know, the fucking alpha was like, get him the fuck out of here today. Yeah. And he was fucking gone. And he never even fix the generator that was supposed to fix her, whatever the fuck it was, the razor. Another thing people forget, too, is big dudes, when they go down, it is not like picking up a barbell.

No. A human body that is. Dead weight. Oh, my God. God, it's, but a 200-pound person, we're talking three people to move that. Yeah. When a wee man goes down, it's a little easier. Oh, yeah.

But it would take four guys your size to move me if I was in full combat gear and I'm face down and I'm just literally trying to play a sack of potatoes. It's not this run over, hey, buddy, jump on my shoulder as you're sprinting through gunfire. Yeah. It is the ugliest, most heinous evolution of dragging those fuckers inch by inch by inch. inch by inch, gear is flying off. Yeah. It's not good.

Yeah, that doesn't show up in Hollywood movies. So I would have these dudes ask me that and I would talk to them and then, you know,

obviously the cool guy pictures in the video started getting attention and then me telling them. And for the longest time, I didn't know if it was helping, you know?

I didn't know if the advice was going to go anywhere and then like six months into it. And also because it gave me purpose. I got to mention this that part of the storm that the dude from third group hit To tell me it didn't hit until three months out

You know I call it the honeymoon face Everything was great and I remember time my wife like I'm all it's awesome I'm out Yeah I was like I even told her I'll never forget in the shower I was like storm what storm like things are great and it all fucking hits and then one of them it being like I lost my lack of purpose my sense of purpose and then me helping was fulfilling some of it you know, and then eight months into it, into me doing this, you know, somebody's like,

dude, hey, I'm not sure you remember me, but like, I'm on the way to rasp. And then, you know, a couple months after that, you know, like, hey, dude, here's me with my tambouret. And then at this point, it's been, you know, dozens. That's an amazing thing. No, of dudes, yeah, with tambray. And then so, like, I started,

it got to the point where there were so many people, started making videos because I was like I was like my wife would be like hey we're at the park be with us I'm like yeah but I just got to tell this guy you know I'm trying to help him out and then I would record the videos so they asked me the same question to someone else did yeah watch the video and if you have more specific questions come up come back at me yeah and then you know sometimes it wouldn't even sometimes it wouldn't even be that I would talk to them and then be like hey man we talked a while ago if I wanted to be a firefighter or enter the military and like, hey, man, talk to you,

helped and now I'm a firefighter. And I was like, dope, dude. Yeah. And then bigger Instagram pages would take my combat footage and obviously, and then I would get more followers. And then by that, it would, you know, spread my story. And then dudes would hit me up and be like, hey, man, I'm from the same area. you like but now it's not college kids who are athletic you know want to be in special operations it's dudes who are like dude i grew up in alley like my parents you know it's the same

thing and like in seeing it that somebody made it out like it gives me hope i can only imagine the hope that that can give people coming from that situation and and that i i like doing the whole helping dudes who didn't live that but now the fact that those people were messaging me that's when i realized like this thing was way bigger than me and they're like dude you give hope and to people like me and that's every single day almost every single day and I realized like how many of small dudes who are first born generation who are fucking beat and malnourish making into special operations and then get a college degree and then now you're doing this and you're doing that and even other people see it it means a lot well

And then I think about when I was small, I didn't see any of it. The only thing I saw was the dudes on TV, and I'm like, that'd be nice. You know? Be nice to be 6-2. Yeah, you know, I want to be in the military and stuff like that. And so that's happening. And it became bigger than me. And at the same time, and also doing things on Instagram, I started doing things in person.

Really? And what helped me was, and it shouldn't be like this, but just the fact that you're a special operations guy, people will listen. And if it's good advice, and let's just say a mechanic said it, it doesn't change the fact that the advice is right, but unfortunately people are more willing to listen because of who you are. Which is it creates a dangerous ecosystem because snake oil salesman can manipulate that. Yes. And not everybody with a tan barrette or a trident is a good person. A hundred percent. And I say that all the time.

Just because you're a service member and special operations does not. make you a good person. I'm dying. I went down the wrong pipe. Even though there's only one pipe, it went down the wrong one. No, it's something I cautioned people against often. Yes. And what helped me to seal a deal to make things, to do things in person more, was my buddy, Ryan.

He was a former Ranger 2 in a minimum of community college. And I remember some of a veteran. At the veteran resource centers, somebody, a veteran was saying like, hey, man, I'm having trouble sleeping and can't focus and stuff like that. Not an uncommon statement. Yeah. And my friend Ryan was like, hey, man, you should get that checked out. And he's like, no, seriously. Like, go to the VA.

You know, there's information here, here. You should do that. You know, get yourself checked out. And I remember, I'll never forget. Like, some Marine was like, he's like, he's like, what did you do in the military? And he's like, I was, I was Ryan Ranger. And he's like, oh, oh, and then all of a sudden they made it okay. What he had just said made it okay.

It was validated through a job title. Yeah. And then the next semester he's like, whether he did this on purpose or not, but the way I saw it was like, well, he wanted to step up. And then he's like, well, I'm going to be the president of the veterans club here. And then the mood, the energy and everything shifted from that semester, you know, things were, things were. dudes I would hear dudes who unfortunately veterans would be like man Cs get degrees why are you studying

you know or I'm just doing this to get the GI Bill and it's not a good mentality CES get to yeah it's not it's not and he changed that it's like dude we should deserve to be the best we should we know after everything that we've done we have the resources of tools to do great things out here

and I do believe it and and I started doing that and then I would host the UFC fights on my house and I would have my dad cook and he's a great cook. He's actually done like huge events for the veteran community now. He just did the last Ranger Panies at the beach and there was like 50 of us. He's a great cook.

So I would have him do that and then I would host a little advance at my boxing gym because the boxing coach I train at Rottenam boxing. You know, he was like, dude, I was saying I need a place to like have people, you know, hang out because I just don't want like random people at my house. Yeah. Because the thing's getting bigger. And he's like, use my boxing gym. I was like, perfect.

But then I realized a bunch of dudes don't really like fights. You know, they're not really into the UFC and stuff like that. And not just that, but what I realized is that, well, we're all watching the fights. There's not much interaction going on. Yeah, we might be like, dude, that was crazy. Yeah. But then, so then I started doing shooting courses. I would buy vehicles and we shoot two and from vehicles and talk.

Is this where the limousine comes into play? Yeah. It's hard to miss that massive white limousine that you roll around in. So you're going to have to explain that a touch. Please tell me it's your daily driver. It is my daily driver. Fuck yes. I take that thing everywhere.

So I bought the limousine because I spent a big family-oriented. So in the eight years I was in, all the money I made, I gave it to my brother, my sister, my mom. and when I got out of the military before I got out I was like I want to to get out I don't have anything to be like I bought this while I was in like this is mine

so and I always wanted a box looking car so I got myself a 1990 BMW it was a piece of shit when I bought it and I tried to fix it up and then I've been fixing it up

but it has so much there's so much wrong with it because The guy told me that there was a few issues, and then I had my buddy, my other Ranger buddy, we drove to South Carolina, and they get there. And then the guy's like,

oh, by the way, I forgot to mention this, this, this, this, this and that. I forgot to mention these other few issues. Yeah. So none of the lights even worked. Fuck. So I was like, I was like,

do we got to make it back before dark? Dark. And then the, you know how straight is the stern, you know, for the steering wheel? No, this was. Yeah.

So. That's normal. Like a 20 degree list. is totally normal. Yeah. Straight down the road. The seat was broken. Like,

all this thing. So I've been fixing it. And then they took a dump on me. And my wife was like, enough with the BMW. Like, this is, I get it.

But like, so we're like, okay, well, I'm about to, we're about eight months away from paying off the exterior. You know,

they're like, so do I buy something brand new for me? And she's like, well, then we'll just add another car payment. Like, how about no more car payments? You buy something up.

Outright. All right. Oh, right. And I was like, and I've always wanted a limo because of Viva Labam. For people who don't know that, it's a show of a skateboarder and a pro skater and his friends. Are we talking about Bamarra? Yep. Yeah.

And done, Ryan Dunn would drive a fucking limo. And that was his daily. And I was like, yo, that is the coolest shit. When I was a teenager and I would watch that. So I was like, okay, I need to find a limo. And sure shit, I found one. And it being, since it was, you know, the, the, the, the. getting of COVID, you know, people were losing their jobs. And this dude, he was a Toyota mechanic,

you know, dude, specialized in that in Toyota trucks. And obviously, people aren't trying to take their trucks to get fixed. And he's like, I got to start selling stuff. And then he had a couple of cars on his lot, one of them being a 1990 Lincoln Town car limo. Pure white. Pure white. Pure white. On 22s. Of course it is. So I went to go drive it. And I, fucking found love with it. First of all, I had had AC. The entire time I've had that BMW when I bought it. So now I was going with five years. I never had AC. So in Southern California, I never had AC. The seats worked. What kind of MPG are you getting on that limo?

Probably not worse than a truck. Well, it depends. What kind of truck? Were you getting about 15 to 20 on that? City, I think it's 17. I might have to look at getting a limo. It's not bad. But then again, my lifestyle is super basic. It's the gym, you know, because I still train. School.

And that's it. You drive the limo to school? Yeah. Fuck. Yes. But since COVID started, I haven't been going. Online school. Yeah.

What was your experience like, how old were you when you started school? College. 26. 26 with a dossier of combat experience under your belt. What was the experience like sitting in class? with 18, 19 year old kids? I'll tell you what, my, so I was a little nervous about school, but I knew I was a different individual.

I was molded because of the great leadership I was under into something different. So I knew if I just applied myself, I could pass the classes. I was getting A's and B's, but I wasn't very social. And I was, I was, it was funny, I'd been a war, I'd done all this and that, jumped out of airplanes, but I was pretty nervous and afraid to just turn to my peer and be like, my name is Angel, hi.

And then Ryan changed that, you know, so for my first semester, I didn't really make any friends. My first friend was actually a Marine. Her name was, is Yardira. So she was my first friend, and then she introduced me to Ryan. She's like, oh, there's another ranger here, you know that, right? And then I was like, make friends with him. And then, but making friends. And obviously, you go into school to get the full experience, you have to give it a shot.

You have to learn from them. And then I quickly realized once I did is that they want to learn from us as in veterans. And we and they have a lot to teach us as well. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And once I would voice. And then I realized that I have a lot of experience, life experience that these guys don't. And they would say things. And then I would raise my hand and, you know, say what I would.

experienced and they were you know like oh they want to listen you know um and unfortunately you know veterans have made you know some shitty ones have made a reputation for you know us in school you know and and i remember one day appears like he's like hey you you have you you you make great points you you you i like when you speak in in class and it's you know history class and um Like in the beginning, I don't really want to listen to what you were saying because I thought you were like other veterans in my other class They're like, but You know, I've never met someone a veteran like that and then they would You know, they would see me and they're like

How come you're not like angry and like? Do you have the PTSD and So would they saw me my work ethic my performance and it may be an open to be like Can you help me with this? Like I don't know it help me like yeah um and i dove into the whole experience of school so in the beginning it was kind of scary but then once i got into it and you know the professors would be like hey you're one of the best students i've had um but obviously because i'm all tatted up so like when it's summer and it's tank top and i walk into a classroom sometimes some professors don't judge they're judging a book by it's covered yeah you know like in my microbiology class first of all so to become

a registered dietitian, the vast majority of them are females. So some of my classes are only full of females. And I'll never forget, my microbiology professor was like, he looked at me. And he's like, this is a serious course. And if you're not in here for the right reasons. He thought you were there to pick up chicks. Yeah. He's like, and if you're not in here for the right reasons, you know, you're not, you're wasting

your time. And then at the end, he was like, it was a pleasure to have you in my class. So I'm still in school You know How much more do you have? Ten months So you're almost there And then I do my internship

Where are you going to do that? I want to do at the VA Long Beach Hospital Do my internship, take the national exams And then I'm a registered dictation What are you going to do with it? Long-term goals I want to work for

Because I realize that For special operations guys and the regular army guys, is that they all think they know how to eat, but they don't. They don't get taught to either. And that's, yeah,

that's the thing, the biggest thing, they don't get taught. But then when you look at the prices for a registered dietitian, you know, like for example, when I went to go see one,

because I wanted to continue seeing one, because I kept competing when I got outside of the military, and obviously not that I'm not in the military, I don't have that resources. So I had to go pay for one. Her initial hour was $120. It's going to turn a lot of people away at the door.

Yeah. So what I want, to do and I want to do that I want to give because for me besides because I with the way I was raised anything past having rice and beans in my house it's extra so I don't plan on charging veterans or military anywhere near the $120 or or law enforcement you know I was going to say you might want to look at the even the EMS first responder world firefighters ambulance EMT police yeah they're in need of the two I mean I have friends here who are on the LEO side of the house

and they age in dog years. They're up on the opposite side of the clock. Their circadian rhythm is jacked there. And, you know, they'll go from, and they're shifting it now, and if any of them are listening, and I miss speak about this, but it used to be, I think,

four days on, one shift, like called a swing shift a week off or how many days they would get on. And then it would shift to a different time of the day, days, four or five days off, different time of the day. So I guarantee you

they're leveraging caffeine heavy to try to stay awake during those circadian rhythm shifts. It's going to fuck with your appetite, your digestion, your absorption of all that stuff. Those communities need it as well. Yeah.

Because in the beginning, I was like, well, I train at these gyms and the gyms I train out. They got professional fighters. I'm like, man, it'd be dubbed to one of the fighters. But I realized like, because, you know,

the whole purpose thing where I was losing the purpose, I was like, am I really going to feel fulfilled working with and it would be nice to work with professional athletes you know don't get me wrong but you can do both though too yeah i could do both but i was like if if you're a pro athlete and you need a registered dietitian for the most part in life you're okay you're just trying to be peak meanwhile you know dudes in the military were in law enforcement like they're in dangerous jobs and they

should you know be optimized to the best of their ability to do these these jobs so they can come home and and be safe and and you know so i was like okay and then we would have registered dieticians come and speak with us and then also they're like we need some in the land community because you know Hispanic community there's there's obesity is a big issue because mexican food is fucking delicious but when when you see how it's made i'm like well fuck no wonder it's delicious yeah you know i agree with you on that one mexican delightful yeah so I was like and then like you know we need people here to to work in these low-income communities and I'm like well that's where I came from that's that's that's me you know

I mean that's not me now but that that is yeah are you going to stay in that community or working with that community do you have any desire to move out of soCal as right now no because my family's there her my wife's family's there you know the relationships I have with the martial arts gym. I tell a dudes, like, you know, service a men's where if you get out, join a martial arts gym, you know, try it out. And it is the closest thing to a military community that I've been, you know, maybe that's how it is in law enforcement, but like I'm never been in law enforcement, so I can't speak on that.

But what I mean by it is that in the gym, you will get tested physically and mentally. And you'll have a community of people that are doing exactly the same thing. Yes. On a voluntary basis. Yes. They're seeking that crucible or testing ground in camaraderie is just a combination of shared suffering and humor. A hundred percent. Which is exactly what happens on the mats.

Yes. Like, I'm sorry, I just kicked you in the balls. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Yes. You'll be shaking hands for a dude who, you know, kicked you in the face or whatever. And you'll be closer for it, actually. And I'm not recommending the people kick other people in the balls or face to become closer.

When it accidentally happens, it builds that bond. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of them love the military. and law enforcement, you know. Like, for example, I remember when I was having, when I first got out and when I realized that the GI Bill is cut off when summer hits, you know, I can't pay for my brothers and my membership. And I remember I told the gym, Classic Fight Team, and then the boxing gym, raw talent boxing,

I told them, I was like, hey, you're going to have to cut my brothers and I, membership. I can't afford this. They're like, no, just, dude, keep training. Like, we love you guys. Like, you guys are, you guys bring great energy. Keep training. And then when you get situated, just we'll start it back up. Yeah.

You know, and then I was also training at the CrossFit gym, you know, because, you know, I lost the multimillion dollar gym facilities. But the CrossFit gym, I mean, no offense to CrossFit, but like that gym was like, yeah, man, when you get money, come back, you know. But what I'm saying is like those gyms were like, no. It's a different bond when there's no physical contact. Yeah. Because I owned a CrossFit gym for a while.

And I worked for CrossFit for eight years. But there is a difference between doing thrusters next to somebody and then slapping hands on the mat and going to town. Yeah, and getting choked out. It's completely and utterly different. And the bond is far, far deeper in the non-exercise realm, in the slap and bump. And hey, buddy, let's simulate murder. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Inside of some rules. Which, because there's that huge level of trust. Yeah. So I actually just on my way down here, I was doing a judici class up in Whitefish. And you're doing joint manipulation that could blast joints if you kept going, if you didn't stop at the tap, and chokes it could put people to sleep and then kill them. But you're placing your trust in your training partner. And that is a deep bond.

And yeah. And then what I love about it is, unfortunately, some service members get out and then, you know, they're not being told, go work out. So they get a shape what I lack about the martial arts. gyms is that you're doing all this, which sounds super cool and it is super cool, but low-key you're getting a workout. And at the end, at the end of the session, you're soaked. And you're like, oh, I worked out. And then, you know, nothing against like 24-hour fitness gyms.

But if you're a veteran and you get out and you don't have friends immediately, 24-hour gym, fitness gym, you go in, you further your hour or whatever, you're working out. You're not talking to anybody. You're not building relationships. And then you get out and you go home. Yeah, you're probably hiding in the corner making noises that are making other people uncomfortable.

Yeah. And probably just don't wear your Ranger panties in there either. Yeah, no. We should talk about that. They're unacceptable. People, yeah, I remember the first time I wore some outside, and my family members and my friends were like, dude, what are you wearing?

Are you wearing short shorts? And I'm like, no, dude, you don't get it, man. No, these are the shortest of shorts. Yeah. You don't get it, dude. It's a Ranger thing. It's, well, UDT shorts are a team guy thing, and they have no function other than embarrassing

the individual that is wearing them. It's fucking ridiculous. Do you think what you lived through growing up, did it prepare you better for military service? I used to think so, but then after seeing some individuals who've come from certain backgrounds fail, for me, yes, but it's not a given.

I'm not saying, like, if you grew up in a shitty neighborhood that you're going to kill it because you have to want to. I mean almost beyond the geography of where you grow up. I mean, it sounds to me like you suffered mental and physical abuse, and you grew through that until you achieved a place where you could escape it. And I'm not trying to put any positive aspect on living through those things, but I think it hardens the mind to a degree. Oh, it did because 100%, because while dudes were complaining,

Yeah, in the back of your mind, you're like, bitch. Yeah, this is, I was just, I was so used to just, it sounds fucking weird to say it out loud, but I was just used to getting shit on that in the military, I was just like, I was already like, yeah, this is what, this is what it is. And probably, it sounds like it was already a step better than where the environment you were coming from anyway. So their version of shitting on is probably not a bad day for you. Yeah, I mean, in basic training, I was gaining weight, but dudes were losing weight. I was like, I'm eating three meals here at boot camp, you know. And then also, when it came to war, yeah, I wasn't shooting machine guns on the streets or having RPG sent to me.

But, like, you know, I'd been stabbed, you know. I got stabbed in my head. I'd been shot at, you know, and it goes both ways. So war wasn't the first time me experiencing violence towards me and then me expressing it. Towards others. Yeah. You know, seeing dead bodies wasn't, that wasn't the first time or seeing people get hurt. I mean, obviously, my body looks different when after a blast, you know.

It's actually hard to describe what that looks like. Yeah. Not like what the movies makes it. Yeah, that's for sure. At all. And I would always say my childhood, you know, made me for this. I was made for this. But then I've seen dudes who, like, you know, we're born in similar situations, and they just fuck it all up.

and they're not as successful and stuff like that. And I think a big part of that is because they just, they don't want to buy into the military thing. You know, they don't want to listen. They don't want to be taught. They don't want to admit like, hey,

you don't know everything. You're not that tough. You're going to get your ass hunting to you, but it's going to build you. And, you know, regardless of background, you have a choice when it comes to your experiences.

And I didn't live through anything, even remotely at all. in any shape or form like what you described. But even Silver Spoon people, let's go to the extreme other side of the spectrum where they wanted for nothing and they, you know, Ivy League school, whatever. They're flying around fucking Gulf Streams

on their vacations. You could use that as an excuse to like, I don't need to work hard. Or I know a couple people in their boat and they're like, you know what I don't feel like I have earned the way that I, you know what I mean? Yeah. I grew up and they did something completely different

with the same starting point. And I can, and I'm sure it's not across the board. People who live through what you live through find it to be positive. But it seems like you took a situation and used it to the best that you possibly could. And I'm just curious. I mean, it's, I have had very few opportunities to talk to people who have lived through something like that. I mean, I can't even imagine. And I can only imagine that you would never want your own kids to experience anything like that.

Yeah, 100%. You know, and so now that I'm a, you know, I'm a father. and my parents were so shitty. The way I approach fatherhood is like if I just do the complete opposite of what they did, I should be fine. And it's, I have a lot to learn, you know, and I don't know everything. But, you know, I want, I tell my kids, I support them everything they do. I don't, you know, my boy being a boy, a male, I don't force things on him.

Are you affectionate with them? Yeah, yeah, I am. I tell them that I love them. I tell them all the time. And then a big portion of the way I tell him all the time that I love them and I kiss them all the time every single day. It's because I know I have friends that they're kids. They're not going to experience that, you know. And it gets to me every time.

And so I tell them that. But I push them. You know, I have both of them in Jiu-Jitsu. Oh, they're going to be little savages. Yeah. Yeah. I see them. I roll with some people who started when they were like six.

And I'm like, I fucking hate you. Like their timing impeccable. They're just always early. People say like, oh, you can read people's minds. It's not that. Their timing is just so good that they're there. And they're also five steps ahead of what you're already thinking about. And I hate them.

They develop that way. I know. And so I despise them. I hope that they don't suffer a life-altering injury, but they have to sit off the mats for the rest of life. My coach's kids, they're twins too. It's a boy and a girl, savages, utter and complete savages. They just got their brown belts a couple weeks ago.

Yeah, these kids, some of the videos I see, wizards. Dude. It's like a video game. Yeah, it is. And it's going to serve them so well in life later on that, and it's not the jiu-jitsu necessarily. It's the adversity. It's the getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

It's they're driven, or they are driving or pushing themselves. That's what's going to make the difference for them over the course. of life. 100%, which is the reason why I did it, because I feel I don't wish it on anybody, but I came out on top off that situation. So I'm like, how do I give that to my children, but not putting them through that exactly. I think martial arts is the best way. Do your mom and dad see you raising your kids in the opposite manner that they did?

Yeah. And they tell me that I'm doing a great job. and you know my kids same with school the kids smarter than me like I taught my son had a ride a bike

and my daughter too but they want a skateboard because they've seen me skate a lot lately because of the whole COVID thing yeah you got some skating time on your hands

yeah so I taught him how to ride a skateboard and my son ran up to me and he's like oh thank you I know how to ride a skateboard like he went like 10 feet only yeah but he was like a massive victory to him

yes and he was like oh thank you so much he's like I want to want to be like you and I told him I was like you're better than me I'm like at your age I told him and then he looked at me like all confused this was last week I was like at your age I wasn't as brave as smart um you know I didn't know jiu jitsu um you know so you're better than me my kids are the same way and I could point at multiple things on each one of my kids and they are light years ahead of where I am yeah and I think that's how you keep moving the rock forward

that's how we evolve as a society and as a country it's that I think it's the way it's supposed to be. A hundred percent, you know, and of course my childhood has to do a big part of it, but I'm a big believer. And once you put a life in here, your, your main responsibility is for that life to be better than you in every way, you know? Yeah. I think that's really the goal of a parent is to, whereas a man in general, I would like to think that I leave something, anything one percent better than when I arrived here. That would be success for me. And I have no doubt that my kids will be able to do exactly that. 100%.

So I'm doing that. You know, being a father, so now, like I said, when I first got out, I did the math, and I spent less time, you know, more time away from him. But now I'm on the positive side of that. And it's years that he'll remember, you know, the formative years, which is, I mean, it's almost, I don't want to say it's better, but it's, it probably is better that you did that amount of time in years that they will struggle to remember at all. and yeah and and and and I love it and I want them to learn so that's why I'm very

open with him and and you know I tell him they love him but but I'm not perfect and I and when I got out I on the outside it looked like everything was great I'm getting A's and B's but you know things started creeping up and and you know sometimes I would I would raise my voice and then immediately be like no that's not the right way now telling me I'm sorry for for raising my voice. I'm like, you know, you guys, you're not supposed to be playing when you're eating dinner, but I'm like, that's not how you communicate with somebody. The fact that you were able to recognize that and do that, I think, is huge. Yeah. Have your parents ever apologize to you?

No. That's a, it's powerful and it's meaningful. And it might, you know, it might take them doing that to begin the healing process of your guys further the healing process of your guys' relationship, because at least you guys have a relationship. Yeah. Saying you're sorry is a fucking powerful thing. Yeah. And it's not a sign of weakness either. It's a sign of strength.

100%. And unfortunately, it's viewed that it's a weakness thing. Especially in like the masculine side of the house, which is so stupid. Yeah. So stupid. It is. And that's why even more I speak about certain things and stuff like this and then seeking help to go see a therapist or, you know, or, you know, or, or, or, or, or, or, or,

you know my my main purpose of the platform is is to I say to educate and form you know and motivate and uh I'll say stuff that I know it's not you know people don't say like hey go see a therapist you know active duty members are in the in the in the veteran community it's not cool but I know I can get away with it because unfortunately of the fact that I was a special operations guy because like who's going to tell me that I'm not physically mentally tough so then I'll say like hey I started seeing a therapist um you know I I did DMT and then I realized this and that this and that and that and it's helped me and or or you know saying like hey this is my friend you know Eric who I met at school and he's helped me so

much and he's motivated me and push me and he is not a special operations guy he is just a motivated, you know, hard-charging individual that I can learn from too. I think that's a huge step that people from the special operations world can take. And that is to realize it's okay to be motivated by people who don't wear a beret, fill in the blank, right? Whatever stupid object, which is what it is at the end of the day, it's a physical object, whether it be a uniform item, a pin, a beret, an award, whatever it is, that's great and maybe they'll bury you with that because it means something to you

but there is a world full of people that can teach you so many amazing and wonderful things if you can get out of your own fucking way a hundred percent and and you know if and that's why I say those things because because I feel like it needs to be said and people need to hear it and you know like from my friend Eric who I met like first of all to become like I said the vast majority are women right 90 percent of people in that field or women what are the chances of when I enter the senior

being a hard charging Marine and then him being the president of the student dietetic association and then him and I became friends and you know he's a fucking killer you know we ran a marathon together we did the cactus of clouds hike which is like known for

the longest toughest day hike in the United States we did that we're working on an iron man and he's taught me a lot you know, he motivates me. People are like, you know, like, how do you stay motivated and stuff like that? I'll be like him.

Dude, it's all around you. Yeah. Motivation is all around you. If you can get out of your own way. Yes. I think that's what more people stumble on than anything is they, well, I don't want to listen to this person because he doesn't have X, X, X, X, Y, and Z. It's like, no, man, get out of the way.

And with that, take something from the person, the spec ops do, but don't take it in totality. That's another thing. Like I said, the snake oil salesman. Yeah. First off, always take each person as an individual. And if they're doing weird shit, it needs to be addressed. You get no free passes regardless of the uniform that you used to wear.

And the communities are comprised of individuals. So treat people as individuals and be very cautious when people try to start speaking for an entire community. 100%. This is what the Rangers. It's like, uh, alarm, alarm. Yeah. It's, and then no one's perfect. No one is perfect.

There's not one individual who, you know, who's flawless. He's like from when he was a private to got out flawless. No, he probably did stupid shit. Everyone does stupid things. It's okay. But you got to learn from your mistakes so you don't, you know, do them and teach the younger guys so they don't do it and so on and so on. So yeah.

Fuck. Dude, your story is incredible. From before in the military, what you're planning to do afterwards, it's awesome. And I didn't see it that way because, you know, in the military, like, you know, being a ranger, everybody was doing what I was doing.

So it wasn't anything special, you know. I'm going to school, you know, well, people, my peers are going to school too, so it's not a big deal. But then, you know, people who would message me and my wife and friends would be like, hey, man, like,

You know, you have a responsibility that is on you. And I realize that. And, you know, people just need hope. And they need to see something. And I like to use social media for positive things. I don't argue with anybody. I have no argument policy. I don't argue with anybody online.

I don't read any comments that are bad. And if they are bad, I usually I do. Thank you for taking your time to a comment. Have a good day. Which twist people off even more. Yeah. Although stop. Yeah.

You know, there's stop. And then, so I used it for positive ways and to meet people. And at the same time, I'm doing all this. But I was also doing it for my own reasons, as in, you know, I was recruiting because I want to make friends. And then I know it's Southern California. I know there's more. And that's how I've met other Rangers, you know, seals. And that's how I got to shoot with Mike.

Oh, fuck, it's a fucking last name, Odeo. He's a seal guy. Okay. Mike O'Dio. Oh, damn it. Sorry, I forgot your last name. But I did a shooting course with him. Awesome.

And I realized how terrible I was at Pistol, you know. As we all are. Pistol's a bitch. Yeah, and plus people think that you were in the military, you're a master of every single weapon system. It's not true. Baseline, borderline, incompetent on most. Yeah.

Except for a couple. And like, okay, I got this sucker. dialed. Yeah. Everything else. I'm like, I think I can get it to go bang in a safe direction. Yeah. That's basically what it comes down to.

Where can people find you to support you or reach out or connect with you? So, um, I use, you know, I use it to, and I meet people all the time, you know, like some dude. Obviously stop a white limousine driving and that could be angel, but. Well, before that, somebody recognized my BMW because I would take the, the bucket BMW that I still have and I love. I don't know. I got to fix sooner or later, but he saw me on the freeway, or right before you enter the freeway.

On the arm ramp? Yeah, and he stopped on his motorcycle, and he's like, Angel, and I was like, yeah. And he's like, dude, he's like, I messaged to you about your boxing gym like a couple weeks ago. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, come and train. I tell people all the time, come and train. And a few have taken up on me, but I mean it. Come and train. I tell people the same thing all the time, too.

Yeah. Get on the mats. So I do all this and I do shooting courses and stuff like that and I got a fun in it, right? And my wife told me like, hey, what you're doing is great. But like we don't have that type of money. Like you've got to stop. Yeah. You know, like spending so much money.

Don't stop find a different way. Yeah. So, yeah, I did. So I started my own company. It's a clothing company and I'm into Halloween. and in my combat footage and I'm wearing skeleton gloves and I know I'm not the first guy to do it.

What's the deal with Halloween? Why does it have such a hook in you? Because you gave me the stickers. I noticed there's a massive pumpkin on it. Which is the first thing I sold and it's actually my son drew that. So my first design was, I actually got tattooed as well.

I just like Halloween, like Halloween type stuff and I was finding, you know, cool or scary, you know? Yeah. Do you like horror movies? Actually, no. Oh, these are cool, man. So, yeah, so obviously with like the cool guy pictures and stuff like that, companies want to give you stuff. And if the company gives back to the community, I'm willing to help or, you know, however I can.

So, like, dudes would send me a shirt and I'll take a picture and they'll be like, is your shirt? I'm like, no, it's this guy's shirt. Go buy from them. I'm not a businessman. I never saw myself as a businessman, but Ryan, he's like, dude, like, he was one of the dudes like you're you need to make this thing that you're about to create official like you're a businessman I'm like I'm not a business man he's like dude you're about to sell shirt stickers and stuff like that that's a business yeah and he and you'll be a businessman the second you start thinking of yourself like one yeah and he helped me he actually he actually

went to USC for business so I should probably should have listened to him from the beginning um so I I'm not creative and stuff like that so I didn't know what to make and I just didn't want to do like a what people usually do something with the skull and crazy and I'm like it's a ranger buy it because I'm a ranger and my son obviously gets a lot of stuff for me and he would draw a bunch of Halloween stuff and then one day I'm watching the office with my wife and he and he brings that pumpkin he's like I do this for you and I was like I was like oh this is awesome like this is cool and I was like okay how do I fund what I have to fund also not work at fucking yogurt shops because I was hating my life.

I'm like, maybe I should do this business thing. And my first thing is I made 100 stickers of the pumpkin that my son drew. And I was like, let's just see if anybody wants it. And I was like, hey, who wants a free sticker? And that fucking day, all the 100 were spoken. So then I have my wife because I have shitty writing 100 envelopes and sending them to places in the country where I'm like, dude, I didn't even know anybody even fucking cared.

Or even followed or whatever places. France, Spain. So it's called the OG Pumpkin. So you can follow that. OG pumpkin? Oscar golf. Yeah, the OG pumpkin. And then my Instagram is Angel G. Cortez-175.

So I go to school. I run the business and I use the funds to do the shooting ranges and stuff like that. And also, but like it's not just like, I'm fucking some saying, like, it helps me not work at fucking yogurt shops. Yeah. And that's okay. It's okay to actually. You watch guys from the spec ops background. They're often hesitant to talk about ideas to make money or to say, hey, I'm selling this to support my own personal desires and endeavors.

It's totally okay. Yeah. So don't, you know, don't be ashamed of saying, hey, I'm selling this to make a profit so I can do shit that I think is awesome. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. So I do that and then I love the veterans, but I come from shit neighborhood. So like I sometimes would buy target cards and put like $400 and be like, hey, if you need money. And then I would take a picture of the gift card and then be like, yo, the limit is $40.

Buy $40 for this stuff and it works. But it's getting bigger and people are catching up. So like I got to stop doing that because I don't want some shit hit to spend off $400. Yeah. I do that. And I use it to connect people. And I'm not the only one because when I first got out to I met some Rangers and they're like, yo, there's a lot of Rangers here in Seoul Cow and Green Breasts and stuff like that,

but they're too cool to fucking hang out or they're scared to hang out. So I started doing that. And I didn't think I would be the hub for some of the interactions in the meetups, but I have. But then there's also, you know, some dude named Dick Losa and he would fucking throw veteran barbecues. and there's like 50 people. And, you know, dudes who were in the same unit, same fucking time, they would meet there. And they're like, dude, I didn't even know you were here.

Yeah. And that happens to him every single event, you know? So I call myself an active member of the veteran community. That's a good way to describe it. And there's a lot of dudes out there and who I followed and I see what they're doing. So I want to do it because it gives me a sense of purpose. And a man needs purpose. I agree.

Um, so I'm doing that, but, uh, I want to get, I want to become a restoreditation, but I just, uh, just like a lot of people, I see things that are happening on in the world. You know, you got people hating cops and, and, and people want to simplify a lot of things, but the, the world is not that simple. And are there shit cops? Yeah. But there's also good cops. So for someone to be like, all cops are good. And if you don't support cops, then fuck you. And it's like, that's not the case, man. Yeah. So I feel like I'm still young.

I'm healthy. And I feel like I have the ability to do things to help for good. And my wife tells me, like, yo, it's hard for me to let it go, I think, especially because I'm young, you know. And I got to the point where I messaged somebody who I knew was fighting. In Syria, he was with the, was it YPG or YPG? I believe so, yes. And I messaged him like, yo, man, like, I'll go over there. I'll support, you know, and then the next year later, you know,

Rangers were going over there to fight ISIS and stuff like that. But I just feel like I'm not done. Or maybe I do need to just let it go. But I know dude to who we have this thing for, a lot of us and I don't. That's like maybe like the million dollar question is how do we all let it go and just maybe move on? I don't have the answer to that. I don't think you'll ever be able to let it go. You will always probably for the rest of your life be Angel the Ranger to a lot of people who know about you. So whether or not you can completely let it go, that is different than you being able to

completely move away from it. I wouldn't worry about letting it go. I wouldn't worry about letting it go. I would worry about finding a purpose and taking the experiences, both good and bad, from our previous careers, and making somebody's life better because of it. And a perfect example of that is what we're doing right now, talking about our shared experiences and what you've been able to do with that and how you've been able to leverage that for other amazing things in your life. I don't, I have said often before, if you touch war, I think it will touch you back. And you can't escape that touch. And I think maybe it's more than a touch. It might be a clasped fist around your arm or your clothing or something. Yeah. And that'll probably be there for the rest of your life. And that's

okay. I'm not the same person that I was before my military career. And I don't think it would have been possible for me to be because of those experiences. So to me, it's less about letting it go. And more for me, I focus on not letting it define me, moving past it. But not worrying about it. If it's still, I'll have a mark from it for the rest of my life. agree, you know, and I say that war is a drug because... You see it in the guys, you can't let go, and they're deployment after deployment, and they get out in contract and contract and contract, and then they're dead. Yeah, I had somebody who, you know, because I do these linkups,

if people are willing to meet up, I'll meet up, and he wanted to meet up, but it was also a recruiting thing. He's like, hey, oh, so glad that we met up for, you know, had a beer and stuff like that. He's like, you ever thought about contracting? Oh, fuck. And I was like... Not the right venue. And, but I call it that, I say that war is a drug because it is the best drug and not to glorify war,

but like when you see a movie, like let's say blow, you see the cool things at the beginning. But at the end, what I like about it is that, and a lot of people don't want to pay attention to is the downfall, the ugliness. And war. Yeah, the motherfucker's in prison. Yeah. Or has both things. It's, you know, you, it was the best and worst thing I've ever done with my life, you know, but it built bonds and love with these men that I didn't really know, but now I consider it.

brothers you know um never felt so high so alive but the same time never felt so down never so bummed out yeah um and i've been doing all these things but to be honest it's like it's because i'm chasing a high um it's short-lived um little victories and accomplishments i remember when i when i got my first degree uh we're at a party and it's like you know you're the first one of your family to go to college you should be so stoked but it had been two hours since i got the diploma and uh it was funny he was my dad he was like he's like all this is just extra for you isn't it and i was like what he's like you felt you feel like you feel like you should have you know died a long time ago in war or or you miss it because you're not that happy i was like i was like yeah i was like a lot of things

that i do is just to get that or what do you want to call you know i would go fight and, you know, and compete, and, you know, I would lose, but sometimes I would win and you get your hand raised, and by the next day that a sense of accomplishment, for me, is already gone. Same with my diploma, and then same like I went to my last multi-tournament. I made it to the semifinals, broke my foot, and then I was fucking on the couch, and then as soon as the doctor told me I was good to go,

five months later, I ran a marathon for the first time. And then because I wanted, to feel accomplished this. And then I wasn't happy with the time. And then I ran another one three months later. But it was like, people see like, oh, that's all cool. But it's like I'm chasing something that I know I'm never going to get. And this was one of the reasons why I was so happy to sit down with you to ask you, you know, what is the answer?

Fuck, man. I don't have an answer to that question. And I hear some of myself and you describing that. It's people say, oh, you were a seal. And to me, it's not that big of a deal. I'm surrounded by people who could fucking crush me at any skill. You know what I mean? You just, I was average amongst a peer group of a completely unaverage people.

You know, wing suit base jumping for me was pursuing a rush or a challenge. Jiu-jitsu for me is more of a mental game for myself. And, you know, maybe it's even an exercise in losing, not having your hand raised and being able to be okay with that, too. Because I can't live the rest of my life comparatively with other people with a measuring tape. Because, you know, for every, for every, they say you're good with a rifle. There's somebody better.

Yeah. Good with a pistol. There's somebody better. You're good at Mootai. You're going to find somebody who's better. And at some point, you're not going to physically be able to search for anybody else in any other avenue and you're going to be stuck with you. going to be stuck with yourself. And I think, you know, maybe one of the difficult things for people

like us is accepting who you are and what you are for exactly those things and giving up that desire to be more, to always be better than. And I think a lot of that comes from being reinforced in the military, you know, the constant saying, hey, you're only as good as your last target. Hey, you're only as good as your last training evolution. So it didn't matter what you did yesterday because tomorrow is right around the corner. And that leaves a mark if you're constantly being judged and measured on every single thing. But I don't think that's the way to live life. I don't think it's the way.

Let me take that back. I don't think that's the way to live a happy life. I think if you live your life like that, you'll find yourself on your deathbed, looking back, wishing that you hadn't. Because all the other measurements were for outside affirmation. It was a measurement that other people could see and you could hold up and be like, oh, look at this, look at that, look at this, look at that. But I don't know the answer to it.

And saying that doesn't mean that I don't struggle with that because I absolutely do struggle with that. And maybe that's the way it'll be for the rest of my life. But I think at some point you have to let it go. I agree. And I've seeked help, you know. Yeah, I don't have like the Hollywood PTSD where I'm like, I hear a loud noise and I go to the ground or whatever.

but I have things from it. But that's what you just described is that. It's mostly that's Hollywood post-traumatic stress. I hate the portrayal of post-traumatic stress. Like I said, if you touch war and you can test this or not, it touches you back, period. I'm not the same person. My sense of humor is fucked up. Yeah.

I laugh at shit that other people would probably pass out from. Oh, yeah. And all of my friends do too. They're like, that's fucking awesome. Yeah. I have a video of a dude who's. looking down the barrel of an AK because it's between his legs and it shoots the top, it shoots his hat off.

I cry laughing. Most people are like, you are a fucking piece of shit. Like, that's not funny. To me, it's hilarious. I don't think I had that mentality before I went in. It's really hard to offend me. Blood and guts doesn't bother me. Maybe it should.

Killing doesn't bother me. Maybe it should. You know, those aren't portrayed in Hollywood. And maybe because it's too complicated to unpack. But yeah, I have issues. from it too. And I think part of that, maybe moving forward and just putting it down, is being comfortable with that and realizing that as much, even if you seek all the therapy and help in the world, you know, maybe war is more of a birthmark than a tattoo. A tattoo you could laser off.

I don't think you can with a birth mark. A hundred percent. And I quickly realized that your sense of humor, oh, for sure is not in school. Imagine a veteran text thread that were to make a make its way to just Instagram. Yeah. People would have some very serious issues with how most, especially the community I come from, communicate with each other. Oh, yes. It would not be favorable, but probably actually make Fox News.

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I would lose a lot of my friends from school, that's for sure. Yeah. And I knew our sense of humor was different, but not until I experienced it at school. and then also not just at school but just outside.

I remember I went to the comedy store and I saw Rogan perform I picked up my friend from LAX we had gone to Iraq together and I was like dude I'm gonna surprise and take him to the comedy store and then a bunch of comedians were there and one of them was Rogan.

I remember when Rogan started everybody was laughing and as he was progressing less people were laughing and at the end it was only my friend and I and then I look around and people are looking at I was like shaking their heads and disgust.

He probably was testing out some of his new shit. Oh, I fucking loved it. Yeah. You know? And I was like, oh, it's not just school. It's here, too. It touches you, man. And I think it's a lifelong journey.

And I wish I had an answer for you. Yeah. I don't. I struggle with the same stuff. It's, and I think everybody does. Maybe less people are willing to talk about it openly, but that outside affirmation, that outside metric, it's a dangerous. It's, I mean, fuck, I'm 43 years old.

I, you know, how much longer am I going to be able to measure myself against other people before it always doesn't go my way? And then where am I left, you know? Miserable, crotchety dude, like, I mean, probably, but that's not how I want to live. That's not what I want to, that's not what I want to look back on my life. as either. Yeah. And yeah, I've been seeking help for that.

And I'm not like a druggy, but like, you know, I did DMT because I hear a lot of good positive things. Yeah. And which was a great experience, which by the way I did in the back of the limo. Of course. I mean, if you have a limo, why wouldn't you? And good things came out of it. But that didn't get answered.

Maybe there's no answer. Yeah. I mean, I'm not smart enough to give you one. Maybe there's a professional out there that can reach out to both of us and provide some insider guidance. But, I mean, I'll be the first to tell you when I bump up to the boundaries of my experience or knowledge. And I don't have an answer to that one. You know, I'm okay with that. And also, I feel more like, I feel okay the fact that you said that, you know.

Because, like, for example, when I first saw, you know, I told you, sir. Yeah. Well, it's because, like, I. And what did I immediately say? Don't ever call me, sir. Yeah. But, you know, I look up to people. And it's hard for people to say that, and especially when you're, you know, I'm 30. You know, but I look, I still look up to people. And I see, I do too. I see you and other people. And the fact, it makes me feel good because sometimes I'm just like, fuck, is there, you know, not necessarily what's wrong with me, but like, what am I missing?

Like, how is it that I can't get this? But it feels good to hear someone else say that. Yeah, I don't think you're missing anything. I think that's the journey. And some people are more willing to talk about it than others. And I think it's helpful for people to talk about it. I wish more people would. I really don't think that our situation is actually that unique. You know, the human struggle.

We have some really weird and bizarre unique experiences, but at the end of the day, I think 99% of our life will be the typical struggles that everybody else encounters. Maybe we have some better tools to deal with it because of those experiences. But we're all in it together, as far as I can tell. and the more laps around the sun that I get, the more convinced I am of that. Yeah. So if you came here for answers,

I got done. Well, I came here for, you know, to meet you, and honestly, I couldn't believe it. I was. Well, that I reached out to you? Yeah, because, like, it's weird because, like, for podcasts, like, it's like, how does it even work?

Do they reach out or do you reach out? I don't know the answer to that one either. Sometimes it's both. I reach out to people, sometimes people reach out to me. I get asked all the time, how do you pick the guests that you want to sit down and talk with? I'm like, if they're an interesting person,

of course I want to talk about them or talk with them. I don't give the shit about myself. I care about other people's experiences. And I appreciate, you know, you saying, yeah, because, I mean, summer school I just ended, and then I'd been on, by chance, on Mike Glover's podcast, and it was because of a friend, of a friend. And I was like, oh, you know, people are like,

you're like, yo, when's your next podcast? I'm at school, and then I'm at school, and then I'm living life bitch get off the podcast yeah so I was like okay well it's like okay well all right let's see you and then I put the question up like what podcast do you think that is right that's where I saw that somebody tagged me and that and a bunch of people who were like Andy Stump and I was like man I've heard him on Rogan like he ain't I'm not sure of on that level but trust me I'm not actually on the level to deserve being on Rogan either he just happens to be a friend of mine And, you know, you said, yeah.

And I was like, that's super dope. You know, I told my wife I was going to mention this before I forget. So people were like, yo, who said yes? You know? And then I saw it. I was like, oh, hey, things are lined up. I'm going to go to do two podcasts. And then they're like, who.

And I just said, I was like, hint, former soft. And somebody was like, Brian Callen. He is the founder of J-Soc. Yeah. And if a lot of a lot of people don't know, is if Andy decides to be president, Brian Callan will be, you know, defense secretary because of his background and everything that he knows. He's the only living survival of the Civil War. So he's got so much of a robust military experience. Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking Callan, man. God damn it. Are you, because you drove here from Washington, right? I drove here from Southern California. What? Yeah, because so... I thought you were on like a family vacation.

Well, it turned, this podcast turned into it. Oh, okay. Is your family here with you? Yeah. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. So when you said, yeah, I looked into flights and... It's dog shit.

Yeah. Airlines are working at like 5% of capacity. Yeah. It used to be like five, six, seven, ten options a day. Yeah. Not today. I was like, well, fuck. I was like, all right, what do I do?

I was like, I'll just drive there. It's actually a pretty cool drive. It is. It's a beautiful drive. And then my wife was like, well, we have friends of Washington and then I was like I'm not sure how many hours it is from a detour but to be honest I didn't even care I was like and it depends in Washington state whether you're on the eastern side northern you know I mean yeah so what do you guys got planned after this

we're gonna go back to Washington because I have to be at Dallas on the 12th okay um to do a Mike Rilin's podcast there you go nice and so Mike's a good dude you'll have a good time I'm super stoked it couldn't I can't believe it but Yeah, I couldn't believe it. So I was like, that's super stoked. I'm super stoked. And then I was like, let's just see all of our friends that we haven't seen in a long time. Because unfortunately, like your brothers and you will always be brothers, but everyone goes

some different paths. And, you know, you got some guys in Arizona, Nevada, Washington, and in California. Yeah. And I was like, it's a perfect time to see everybody. Yeah, make it. The road trip's an awesome idea. Yeah. Please tell me you brought the limo.

I didn't. I don't want to talk to you. I was, I was trying to give you. Vince my wife like we're we have more room in the limo the kids will have fun but she's like but because we she's like what if it doesn't make it in that um the area between california and Oregon you know with the so here's some legitimate concerns yeah she's making reasonable arguments yep probably best that you didn't bring the limo yeah so i was like okay we won't take the limo fuck we would have driven that fucker down the main street of that well dude let me get you back to your

family. We've been at it for two and a half, almost three hours. Jesus. Thank you for making the trip, man. It's been awesome. And, yeah, let's stay in touch and hopefully we can help, or I can help move what you got going on down the road for you a little bit. I appreciate it. Yeah, man. Thanks for making the time. If you ever in Southern California, I want

to roll or whatever, let me know. Yeah, but I want white belts only that know nothing, not some fucking black belt and a white belt. I'm a white belt. Perfect.