Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Episode 278 - Kelsi Sheren

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Fresh out of high school, Kelsi Sheren, a nineteen-year-old woman, sought to join the military to help liberate those oppressed by the Taliban in Afghanistan. While she was often the smallest person in basic training, she proved she had the biggest heart and often the most energy. She made it to Afghanistan and joined a British military unit for house-to-house insurgent patrol. What she saw there was unimaginable death and destruction—including the killing of a brother-in-arms. Devastated, Kelsi was sent home to get her head straight, but even therapy and medication couldn't clear her mind—or let her sleep. When two others who served with her later took their own lives, she feared that was the only way out. Clinging to life and the love of her husband and child, she knew she wasn't ready to give in. Finding respite in a jewelry business that utilized spent shell casings, and with the help of innovative grief therapy, Kelsi not only survived but continues to thrive—and works tirelessly to spread the word and help others. Sign up for the new G14 newsletter here: https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com/exclusive Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Black Rifle Coffee. Guess what's coming on April 1st? Well, I'm not going to make you guess. I'm going to tell you because you probably have no idea. It's the Roast Warrior. That's the newest blend of coffee that's going to be coming out. If you go to Black Riflecoffee.com right now, the rotating banner up top, you're going to find that coming April 1st.

Roast Warrior. You can sign up to get notified. Let's say you just scroll through the banner. What else do you have to choose from? You can join a coffee club so you can have coffee delivered to your house as often as you want to, as much as you want to, right? The Fool's Gold Coffee is still on there right now. That's the Irish cream flavored coffee for the leprechaun in you. And I mentioned this last week, and I think it's still worthy of being mentioned because I think it's amazing, is the 2023 Women's Warrior Retreat Sweepstakes.

All of these things can be found on the rotating banner at black rifle coffee.com. And you can choose to either get involved with them or not get involved with them. It's up to you. But life's about the choices you make. So make good ones. My guest today is a repeat guest, Kelsey Sharon. She is a tiny thing, but quite powerful, I would say. Her book, Brass and Unity, is getting ready to come out full force.

She's beginning her press tour. and I'm super stoked that she started it with me. It talks about her time in Afghanistan, but I think most even importantly is what, you know, she struggled with post-Afghanistan and exiting military service. And we get into it quite a bit on the podcast, actually, and it speaks for herself. Or it speaks for itself and she speaks for herself. And she's had a hell of a year. I'd say a hell of probably of a two-year time period.

And she gets into that as well. So how about I just shut up, right? And we'll get into this. episode number 278 with Kelsey Sharon. Enjoy. Close now. So what's this shit you're saying at the coffee shop? You're on mushrooms right now. Learn to microdose. What does it do for you?

So before you answer, understand I have zero experience with anything that would be considered psychedelic. Okay. Why is that? That's a good question. I think my biggest hesitation is, fear of using them. And I don't know that it's necessarily founded in anything. I'm a fan of reality. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. It is just something that I have no exposure or experience to. And I worry that it would somehow alter my sense of reality. And I'll be the first person to say that that's probably a very naive way to look at it. But I'm just answering honestly.

Okay, so in terms of psilocybin, because when you're talking about like psychedelics in general, there is a, you're, you're talking about anything from cannabis to ayahuasca 5MEO DMT. Cannabis is considered a psychedelic? Can I turn me up a little? I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm like, I can't hear. How's that? Oh, that's.

Oh, there we go. All right. Thanks, Brand. So psychedelics, they, you know, I'm not an expert in them and so I don't, you know, try to pretend to be. but I know which ones I use. I understand the ones I use, and I use them in a really respectful manner. And when I use psychedelics,

it's never about just like, oh, I want to get it of reality. It's like an integration and an intention and then a plan, and then I use them and then an integration afterwards. So for me, yeah, I use psilocybin quite often.

It alleviates depression. So for me, getting through the whole PTSD stuff, the last time I was on here, I was still kind of working through it. I was still working through it. We were still got some issues. You were in the trenches?

We were. Yeah. And then up until about 2020. And then I started using psilocybin as replacement for an antidepressant. And so it alleviates the depressive state for me because I have MDD, which is major depressive disorder. So for me, depression, especially living where I live with the constant rain and the constant gray, it really, it really hits me really, really hard.

Even though I work out, even though I eat right, I drink enough water, I do treatment, I do whatever, there's still that underlying tone where I can feel it's coming. And so for me, psilocybin microdosing on a pretty good regimen about six weeks at a time and then I take a subset of time off and integrate, you know, kind of what I'm trying to work on there. It makes a huge difference. So it just kind of, if I take a microdose level, my microdose level will be significantly different than yours. It's personal preference and it's also depending on the level that you want to feel. For me, it just kind of does that. And then colors are a little brighter.

It takes that edge off of where I know I'm going to drop down into that depression where I can't get myself out. And it allows me to live in a state where it's like, okay, I know it's a little there, but that's life. Life is hard. Life is difficult. And you're always going to have parts that are going to not be fun. But it takes the part where I'm not going to drop into that like I'm in bed for a week situation. We have a problem. So I use mushrooms psilocybin to do that.

I do it four to five days a week. My dosage varies depending on the activity I'm doing. I do use a higher dose than most. It could just be because of my tolerance. It could be because that's just what works best with my body. But I work with mindful meds. And mindful meds is from Vernon in Canada. And they have stacks.

So they have functional mushrooms that are non-psychoactive. And then they have psychoactive stacks. And so for me, there's some that are 50 milligrams all the way up to 350. I sit in the 250 to 350. Okay. Fairly high for some people. If some people take one of those, they're a little, we're vibing in space a little. For me, it's like I can hyper focus on what I'm doing.

I feel really good. I can go for a good 10, 15 kilometer run with that. And I'm in it. And I'm not in reality. I'm in reality more than I am when I'm not on it. Would it be a replacement for like an SSRI? 100%. For me, that's how I use it.

I was on, before I started using psychedelics in 2020, I was on an SSRI for 10 years. How did that feel? So I also have no experience with that either. I was diagnosed. Right. I'm sorry, I was prescribed an SSRI one time. I never took it because of the impact it would have. I was flying a bunch at the time.

Right. It would have instantly disqualified me from my pilot ability. Oh, 100%. I think that was a smart decision. for a multitude of reasons. Well, I also didn't agree with the diagnosis or prescription. Yeah. But we understand now that, especially after the 20-year war, that we understand that the amount

of people that have been over-prescribed and used as vending machines for Veterans Affairs and for the government is significant. I think it goes beyond veterans. Oh, 100%. But they definitely were for 20 years, the easy one. They were the ones that we, okay, we'll diagnose them. We'll give them 10 to 30. I knew a guy that was on 30 meds a day.

Couldn't walk, couldn't do anything. 30 different types of meds? 30 different types of medications a day. That's a part-time job just eating pills. Exactly. And then try to function on that. Try to live. Try to have a family.

You can't. Holy shit. I can't even imagine what your baseline of reality would be like. Well, you don't. You're like that's what they wanted you, right? Like numb so you don't feel. Because if you feel, then you struggle. And then they just do the cyclical thing that happens.

Do you think doctors actually want you to feel that way? I don't think doctors cared. I think they liked the money and the kickbacks that came from it. I mean, I guess I could see that as being a motivating factor, but I mean... You underestimate people's want for greed, my friend. Maybe. I mean, you know, I know all doctors take a Hippocratic oath, right? First, I'll do no harm.

I don't think a doctor would want you to be a vegetable, but... It's not that they want you to be a vegetable, but they want you... If you're diagnosed with something, normally the way that they would treat us is first would be pharmaceutical intervention. The second I got hurt within three days, I was on 10 different drugs in country, running a machine gun. Tell me how that is safe.

I cannot. Right? Yeah. Yeah, smart decision. My point is it took until the end of 19 to get all the way off of those, and I used cannabis to start because I couldn't be pregnant with a lot of those medications,

use cannabis to start, weaned myself off with treatment and support with my doctors, and then got to December of 19 going into 20. And that's when the last SSRI I decided I wasn't taking anymore because that's when I was about to go do ayahuasca. And you can't be on an SSRI when you do ayahuasca. It can cause serotonary re-uptake syndrome, which then can put you in a psychosis and keep you there.

And it's happened. It's quite dangerous. What does that mean put you into psychosis and keep you there? Well, just think about when somebody goes into a psychosis. Meaning you basically snap and you are stuck being crazy? it's not that you're crazy. It's that something's wrong. And you can't get yourself out. So you're detached from reality in a sense. I believe so. I'm not a doctor. So don't quote me on this. But yeah, I believe so. That's what I've seen. I mean, it's when they say, hey, if you're going to do, like,

I go with Heroic Hearts Project. So Jesse Gould is a great friend and has been an amazing human being to me and been like, Heroic Arts has always helped to me. If I need help, I call him within whenever I need it, they're there for me. So when he says like, hey, you cannot be on these medications for your own safety. This is nothing. to do with us saying, no, you can't be on meds. This is a safety issue. And then you talk to your doctor and they go, oh, yeah, that's serotonin reuptics. And that can be a real problem. It can put somebody into a psychosis.

You just go, okay, I don't need to know more. I don't need to know what that entails. I just don't want it. So then you're smart about it. And then I got off of it. That's when I went set with ayahuasca then after that. How was your on ramp onto SSRIs and then the off ramp? Okay.

So the on ramp was within three days. It was a very quick like you're on this now. How did it feel? it's hard to describe what one individual drug felt like because I was on a multitude of them all at one time um an SSRI though for me over a long time over a long period uh especially in my 20s it killed emotion it killed happiness it killed sadness it killed sex drive it killed everything so just flatline flatline hard flatline it's a great that's a great descriptor of it i've never i've never thought of it it was like flatling completely emotions everything my husband loved it like

you met Brady last time we were here. And like you said, and everyone has said since, like, he deserves a medal just for putting up with what he had to. And it's true because. All husbands do. Yeah, they really. Yeah. I mean, you're newly married again. So.

And I think your wife would choke you out if she heard you say that, but that's fine. I'm a handful for her at this point. Okay. You know what I've determined? What's this? Even if I can win, I should not. You probably should never win. That is correct.

Yeah, if you want to enjoy living at home, having meals cooked. Do you know how I determined that? You found out the hard. It's like, so that's not worth it. No, it's not. Just the one-time win and it's life is over. 100%. It took one time.

Really, how long was this before the wedding? It was before the wedding. Did you draw, were you trying to, like, test whether she would continue going down the aisle with you? No, I wasn't thinking about it. We were just rolling. She's a fucking savage. I know she is. I was really excited to meet her today.

But then, like I said, her schedule is. She's a beast. She is. She's going to literally be at the gym until like 8 o'clock tonight because we're going out of town. But she is a beast, but this shit isn't magic. Everybody makes mistakes. I forget what I caught her in. And I immediately, immediately recognized that I had made a mistake.

But that's because isn't it supposed to be, isn't jihitsu supposed to be muscle memory without thought? You're supposed to be able to just somebody does this. You counter with this. Yeah, but supposed to be in the reality of are sometimes different. Being married to someone who is as nasty sure. immediately could tell and the change in body language and facial expression that I had

fucked up and yeah, and that is that. What did you do to her? I want to know what the move was. I forget what it was. I have no idea. I don't remember what it was. I don't. People make a big deal about winning or losing on a jujitsu mat and some people I think care about it a lot. Honestly, like Michael

and I rolled for 40 minutes before this day. I honestly couldn't tell you like how the role terminated. I was working on some stuff, but like I could care less. It's just about learning and getting better. So you say that now, but when I walked in, you were talking about how you waxed him. So it's like, oh, I would have to remind him that because he has to go. I got smashed.

It's because you're a redhead. There's something about the need to just destroy you. My point in that is, is I don't, I'm not keeping score. Fair enough. Like I could give two shits if he beats me, which he will. Okay. At some point in time. Right.

10 years from now Yeah, very far point in the future But it's like I don't go home and be like Hash marks I was like in the shower changing I fucking couldn't have tell you

what happened in the rolls At that point of right I just don't care But she could remember I think it was more a relationship thing than a jujitsu thing In that moment Where I realized I had made

A catastrophic error Okay But you're married again So that you got to the green line Yeah we're fine Okay She got over it I'm not saying

I mean I mean it's it's there. Oh, it's there. It's there. But I'm not going to make that mistake again. Okay. I'm really proud that you learned early. Yeah. Good. Mistakes have been made. Okay. Mistakes have been made. There's been a brief. Yeah. We've learned. So you're a flatline. The on ramp, and how fast did you recognize that flatline? Oh, for God's sick. Like I, like, again, because I was on all the other ones, I'd noticed the next day. That quickly. Well, I was on sleep meds. I was on like antipsychotics. I was on antidepressants. Like, so it might not have been.

just the SSRI noticed. It could have been everything else. But the off ramp was hell. Yeah. Flat out hell. But 10 years is a long time to be on that. It's an extreme amount of time. So part of the problem we found out last year was I had an undiagnosed TBI. Okay. So a lot of the issues. And so Defenders of Freedom does a really good job of this. They send people financially fund them to go to Resiliency Brain Center in Texas and Coppell. And then they run you threw like a two-week intensive for the TBI. So what we found, though, was very often, we're putting the cart before the horse

when we're treating PTSD. So most of the time, PTSD and TBI symptoms overlap each other. Yeah, they share 11 of 13. Is that how many it is exactly? Yeah. So whether or not I was put on all these meds and it made, like, like, Jocko asked me this. And it was one of the only questions I remember that he asked me.

But it was very clear. He goes, listen, if somebody sat you down after what happened on that operation and said, hey, what you're feeling is normal, what you're experiencing is normal, how you're thinking is normal, just work through this, we're here to help you, and it'll be fine, I probably would have been okay. Like, I probably would have been okay. But instead, the intervention was heavy medication, diagnosis, kicked out of country like that. So I didn't have a chance to decompress from that, if you will. Yeah. So the off ramp, though, was severe, and it caused a lot of long

term damage. I went probably, man, from the age of like 21 until, I mean, I'm going to be 34. So to 30 with no sex drive. Zero. Zip, nada, nothing. And it's like I've been with my husband so I've been 19. Yeah. I'm attracted to him. I love him. I think he's amazing. I still do to this day. Drives me nuts. Greatest person I've ever met. But it's never been like that. I've never been like, I've heard other people be like, I just, I need to. have sex. I'm like, I can go a hot minute. Like, I can go head down months, like, whatever, it's life. But doctors are like, you know, that's not normal, right? I'm like, but what do you mean? Like, I've been on this medication since I've been so young. How am I supposed to even

know what my body is supposed to feel like, right? I didn't have a baseline. I was 1934 now, been off of it now. And because of the TBI treatment they put me through, which by the way, they had to get special permission because I'm Canadian and Canada would not fund treatment for a TBI. Number one, this week told me that they turned me down. They said that my TBI is not service-related. So I had to go to America. I had to get American support to get help. What did they think it was from?

On the documentation, one of the points said in 1989, there was a traumatic incident. I was born in 1989. That would be considered traumatic, probably. You think? How would they know? I have no good answer to that. Exactly, right? It's a ridiculous statement.

It makes no goddamn. sense. So the points that they put out were that it was number one, it was, it was not service related. So then my doctors have come back and, you know, provided all the documentation of what a triple seven when you stand beside it does to the brain and what a concussive blast does every time you pull a trigger. Like all of those things, we now understand have long-term repercussions when you just have a handgun to a C-7 or M-16, sorry. Is that what you guys call them, C-7? Yeah. Interesting. Is it the same thing? Pretty much.

Canadian 7. Is that what a stands for? Fuck, please tell me it means Canadian 7. I'm kind of hoping now, and if it doesn't, it should at a bare minimum. Also, what am I drinking? That's Mike Glover's fieldcraft survival water. I didn't know. You're going to be 2% harder to kill now. Oh my God, I'm so excited.

Thanks, Mike. I'm going to have to call him after this and thank you for my... I'm not sure about that statement that I just made, but, you know, I'm going to go ahead and throw that out there. Can you not do that next time? I'm not saying that he's claiming that. I'm just making shit up on the spot. Okay, well, I like it.

And it looks like the beer I used to put out. The whole can is very similar. I support this. Okay. I support this. Yeah. Anyway. He's quite the entrepreneur.

He's peonouring quite a few things. Yeah. He's got a few panours going on for sure. So you decided to get off from though because you wanted to have a kid. I didn't have a choice. I didn't, how it worked is like certain medications we met with one of, we met with children's in Vancouver. I was considered a high risk.

So I met with them and they said, look, these are the meds that we, we, We can now say that the FDA is kind of tested. We kind of know the repercussions. We know you shouldn't be on. But we understand that there's a subset of individuals that do need to be on these just because of like the risk factor outweighs what it could potentially do to the fetus. So we got to the point where there were certain ones where I was just, I was waking up in the middle of the night, like making food, having no recollection of it.

Like it got dangerous to the point where these, some of these drugs were so severe that I couldn't remember a goddamn thing for like a 12-hour span of the day. Damn. Yeah. So then they said, you know, wean off of these and then I integrated cannabis instead. And that really helped a lot. And I know people are like, cannabis when you're pregnant is abuse. It's like, okay, back up.

It's the type of cannabis. It's how it's ingested. If it's more CBD and not THC, like there's a ton of different nuances to get into that. So that's a whole other three-hour conversation. But I, so I got onto the cannabis. And then at that point, I started to slowly wean off of them because of the cannabis. I was able to go, okay, I don't need this now because this is helping me sleep. I know that if I do a good, even indica, you know, THC and CBD level at an even amount and I do it right before bed,

I know I'm going to be able to get to sleep and stay asleep to about 3 o'clock in the morning. Okay, once I hit 3 o'clock, if I need to wake up, do a breathing exercise, bring myself back down, and try and get myself back down into a calm enough state to get back to sleep. It doesn't always happen, but, you know, it's a chunk of sleep. That's not from a medication. Yeah. So it's a win, a huge win. So it took a little bit.

Definitely took a little bit. And then the last straw was right before ayahuasca, because I wasn't going to risk that. How did it feel when you finally got off of the SSRIs? So I did it, and I will state this like a disclaimer. I did it wrong. I did it not the proper way. I don't recommend it. I think it's dangerous to do it the way I did it.

But I made a point of saying to my doctor, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, this is what I'm doing. and this is why. My doctor is an old Bosnia, Rwanda, you know, lieutenant colonel, kind of like medic, badass dude. He understood like I'm not going to be able to get her to do what I want. This is this path she's going to have to take. All you need to know is that if I call you or my husband calls you in the next four weeks, you know why. So I went off of it cold turkey, 150 milligrams a day to nothing, which is super dangerous.

How did that feel? I'm not going to do what it felt like right now because it would be hilarious. and also weird, but basically if you could picture my head slamming up and down, going up and down, it felt like sitting here. My head was doing that while we were sitting still. I was having withdrawal symptoms. It got to the point where I was going, I was getting so manic. I would be in the laundry room just screaming at the top of my lungs because I was in so much physical pain because I couldn't, my brain was going through such withdrawal. And so it was so excruciating. And I just would hide in the laundry room and scream so Jack wouldn't hear and think that mummy's

losing her mind. But it was really bad. It was really bad up until the point that I left to go do it. We knew I had to do it. It was more of like, what do we do to make sure that nothing goes super sideways in this time frame that she's doing it. So is it, I mean, you had physical pain, but is it more of just a brain withdrawal from that medical? My whole body went through it, man. My whole body went through it. The shakes to like muscle fatigue, to couldn't sleep, to just like manic behavior to like my head like I said it felt like my head was just like up and down like it was boom boom it was just constant and it didn't stop for like a good three and a half weeks and then you went straight down and did ayahuasca fucking hell yeah talk about some yo-yo action well it was I was at the

point where I didn't have choice like I knew this was the last straw for me this was like the this is the last kick at the can this doesn't work I'm checking out and I'm cool with saying that now because I've I'm way past that point um although two years ago um that definitely kicked me back into that state. I won't lie. You've had a wild two years since the first time we sat down. It's been a hot minute, and I've got to tell you, like, I've said this to you privately, and I'll say it to you on air.

You were such a fucking help to me. I didn't do anything. You don't think you did. But the stuff that you did do made the difference. Don't get all gay. Shut up. I'm getting gay. Give me long. Shut up over there with the red hair.

Nobody wants to see that. That's why he doesn't have a camera on him. I know. He's so lucky. He's so lucky. You were the only one that called. Really? You were the first one to call.

And then once I, it wasn't actually me who made it known. Like, Brady had to make some calls to some other people in our community and be like, somebody needs to call her right now. And that weekend, everything happened. My mother-in-law had to come take my son for a few days. while I just managed. And then a couple people called, and then it flooded.

It was basically the people I trusted called, but you were the catalyst point. Do you want to talk about what happened? Or do you want to, I mean, do you want to talk about it broadly? It's up to you want. Yeah, I mean, whatever terms you want. No, it's fine.

I'll just be, I'll brush over it. Like, look, it's going to, this is going to, it's been out there. So I did a podcast tour. And your show was the first one I did. I did a couple other shows. I think I don't know if I was the first. have released the episode first, but I think you hit other people before me.

I did Brian Bishop's show before, and then I came to you right after. Gotcha. But yours came out first, and then bishops, and then Jocco's, and then Lexus. So I did all of that. I kind of gave my, I walked into this really naively. Like, I started my podcast that year, and I walked into this space really naively in the idea of, like, I've always been the person who gives everything, and I will, like, give anyone the shirt off my back.

I don't do this for money. I don't fucking care. I just want to see people in the truest sense thrive, and especially from our community. Just because I did the 10 years of this, it's like if I can figure out how to get myself out with little support, the least I can do is just kind of show up the best I can.

So that's what started the podcast was like, I enjoy talking to people. I enjoy listening to their stories. Like you've been on the show. It's the best. What we do is the best. It's everything and more to me, and it is what fills my cup.

Like, tear said it best. I had tear from Black Rifle, on the show recently. He's a really, really great friend. I know him through something, and him and him and I had a great connection, and we've been friends a long time. And we sat down at Shachau this year, and he said, you know what I think it is for you? It's like the professional, like putting your phone away at the dinner table. I don't get to sit still ever unless I'm doing this. Okay. This fills my cup. This is what I want to do until the day I die. I don't care if anybody listens, but this makes me feel good.

meaning if I'm able to show up as the best version of myself, then hopefully others who sit across to me will feel that openness and that vulnerability and be like, and just be open. And that's what has happened. So I walked into this space very naively in the idea of that, like, I've always been like, who needs the connect? I'll help you here, I'll help you here, I'll help you here,

I'll help you here, I'll help you here, who can I connect you with? And I think I was too trusting. And I think I gave, I know I gave myself over in the most truest sense to a lot of shows. and it didn't end up going my way on some of them and it ended up being a cancellation essentially. You want to talk about what caused them to make that decision?

I don't know if there's any legal shit going on. No, totally no legal. Not from the podcast world, but from the individual. The individual, no, I threatened the individual with a defamation lawsuit and they walked it back fucking fast. So on my end, after we had sat down, I think it was a day or two after the the episode came out. I did receive an email. Yes. Which is probably in my inbox somewhere. Yeah. And I'm not even going to attempt to try to remember exactly what it said. But my response back to the person was, you know, hey, thanks for your email. But I also need you to corroborate the things

that you're saying. And they couldn't. I don't know if I heard back actually. Yeah, they couldn't. So I've been so. And I was not the only a podcaster to receive that, which is what I think not to speak for you. One of the episodes got to be. pulled down. Yes. And it never had happened in almost 300 episodes. So it stood out. Yeah. And it was, I was also the only vagina I'd ever happen to too. Uh, that had been pulled down. I'm not so sure you should refer to yourself particularly in that term. Well, let's be honest. I mean, those are your words, not anybody else. So let's be very careful. That's okay. It's my words. I was the one in the room with the vagina at the time. Okay. I'm aware of it. Okay. But that happens.

I don't know if it would happen because of that. It definitely had a condentation from it. And I'll tell you, Why? Because when I spoke to that individual who wrote that letter afterwards, there was a nice chunk towards that. Little sexist tint. Yeah. A little salty. That's what happens when the women get the attention. Some people can't handle that. It hurts their little egos a little bit.

That's never made any sense to me. I don't understand why that matters to people. Well, because maybe you've never been that person so you can't put yourself in those shoes. Been one person. Been the person who feel salty towards somebody else because of that. Oh, I felt salty towards people like all towards my life for certain things. but I've never given a shit but man or woman.

Yeah, but you got to understand is I was the only female in that situation and I happened to be the only one who got a book deal. Oh, I think you were talking about in the podcasting space. You're talking about the military world. I'm talking about the military world.

So that person that made that ultimate decision to write that email was very salty because I was the only female in the room and I was on your show and I was on that show and I was on that show and I was telling those stories. It sucks that that.

that it had the effect on you that it did. I can't fucking believe I allowed that. Now, now, looking back two years later, I hate to my core that I allowed trolls to affect me to the point where I physically had to go somewhere to deal with it. What would you have done differently? Not read the fucking comments.

That's a good policy. God damn it. Why don't we do? Listen, I know people in the space who are avid, big, big people we know who are like, I don't read the comments. They do, though. When they call you and go, I read these for the first 30 minutes and this is what I saw. And I go, but I thought you said on air you don't read the comments, bro. Like, I don't like that.

They may well have somebody who reads them for them and, like, reports back if something is trending in a certain direction. But I feel like the ones, even the ones who claim that they never do. They always do. I think I could, I think they get a looksy. Every once in a while. It's human behavior. It's curiosity. It's natural.

So anyway, but what that allowed me to do, which I was really grateful was, we ultimately pulled the book, pulled it, which was the best decision I made, and said, okay, well, if I'm going to come out with this thing, I'm going to come out with so much fucking proof and evidence that if anybody even looks in my direction the wrong way, I will slap them with this fucking book because I have now some of the baddest dudes in the world who reviewed this book. You so graciously gave me a review for this book, which when I made that ask, I didn't know what I was going to be met with. So when you were like, yeah, no problem, whatever you want.

What the hell else do you think I was going to say? You know, I got to the point where I allowed my mindset to deteriorate to the point where I was like, no one is going to want to be associated with me. Like when I say it ate me alive, I mean on the floor, in a ball, hysterical for weeks. Like it fucked me up. And that's why I'm so, like, why? Why? So I was able then to do something that I wouldn't have done, which was really great, which was I reached out to the platoon that I served with.

And I went not to the grunts. I went to my platoon sergeants and I said, this is what I got. And the response I got back was, I should have just expected it was, the fuck is that person's problem. I put you on that roof. I watched you do that. You handed the body bags to me. So then that person showed up for me and it's Stephen Noble. He's on the back.

He fucking from the third Scott Battalion, you know, he stood up for me and so did five other guys. And I wrote about them in the book. And ultimately what I said is I'm going to change the names of a couple of the people. And then that way there can be no back and forth. I did that. And then the people's names I changed, they were actually like, don't change my name. No, no, no, no, no. Keep my name.

And I was like, okay. And then I got 13 pages of written statements. I got, I think it was two albums with the photos and videos. And then I got, this was the kicker in the email, the families. The families of the guys I talked about, I called them. And they actually wrote me letters on Instagram and like privately in DMs and stuff. And we're like, thank you so much for keeping his name alive. And so that was contrary to everything that was in that letter.

And so I was able to then come out and go, okay, you know what, I'm going to come out swinging with this. And I waited until I had everything I needed. And then I went and put the book back out on sale in the U.S. And you added three chapters too. It's not gloss over that. Yeah, I added some very significant chapters. And everyone knows like the pullout happened in 21. And I didn't plan on being involved in that at all.

I had no business. Super weird term to describe the withdrawal from Afghanistan. You mean the abortion of that? That's also very odd. These are, this is Kelsey speaking. That's fine. I can say those things. I'm a woman.

I can say those things. I'm not sure. That's how that works. It says woman on my book. Yeah. What does that mean, though? Not she or her. It's woman.

What does that mean? What does it mean to be a woman? It means that I can have children. What if I say I want to be a woman? Good for you. Go live your life, homie. But am I a woman? No.

You're done. You're canceled. No, it's okay. I had Dr. Deborah Soe on the show. It's coming out in two weeks. No, it's fake news. That's flawed science. You know what it is?

I've gotten to the point where I realized like, I was a female athlete. Hold on. You live in the great top hat of America, also known as Canada. The great top hat? We're calling it that. You mean the great Daisy May top hat? Sure.

It's the 51st state is the way I love for it. Okay. You guys are 60 miles away. I mean, for two years, I couldn't go to visit. Yeah, Alberta is Canada. You've got to stop when I'm swallowing things. You've got to stop. You're planning this now.

I'm not. I am not. Okay. Isn't Canada very restrictive on the words that you use when it comes to the pronoun issue? There's a new law. There's a bill in place. What's the law? Basically, it's like affirmation.

So you can get in trouble if you don't call somebody by the preferred pronoun. Like what kind of trouble? I don't know. I mean, look it up. Michael can look it up. Bill C-16. There he is. What do you got, Michael?

Throw that shit up on the screen, man. I want to see this. I really am digging this new studio setup. I'm super Jelly Clarkson right now. I'm not going to lie. Jelly Clarkson. That's what I'm going to call Michael from hearing out. Listen, we could start calling him the ship pump, but I mean, that's, yeah.

Because we don't have freedom of speech, right? You do not? We don't have like a... You don't have a First Amendment? No. Okay. So I think this is the one that got Jordan Peterson. Yeah.

That of the words, gender identity or expression to three different places. Oh, so it was added to the human rights. Act, the Canadian Human Rights Act, added to a section of the criminal code that targets HBs. Yeah. Holy shit. Yes. And then added to a section of the criminal code dealing with sentencing for hate crimes.

Oh, Daddy. Yeah. Canada's awesome right now. So basically you don't have free speech. No, I told you that. I wasn't joking. Everyone thinks I joke. I'm not that funny.

I don't make jokes. Compelling people to say things or do things is a really, really interesting topic. And I don't... Want to talk about it? talk about it? We can. Oh, you want,

and everything we're about to say where I'm going to speak for myself here. I'm not a fucking expert in any of this. No, either am I. And I, it's an issue in the, well,

probably it's, I would say globally, but it's not globally. It's an issue in places where, in my opinion, life is so fucking easy that we have things that we need to create issues around. I want people to live

the most fantastic life, humanly possible. I don't give a shit. Like, I know so many people who are like, ultra religious. Yeah. Fucking great people.

I don't care. Yeah. And I don't care if you think that those people are idiots because you're, well, be not agnostic, but whatever. You're the opposite of being incredibly religious, which I can't think of right now. Atheist. Atheist. There you go. Like, I don't care what you believe.

No. No, I'm sure. But if you try to force me to participate in what you believe, I do have an issue with that. And I don't think you'd be able to force me to participate in any. belief system that I don't believe it. I don't care. If you want to say that you are identifies whatever you want to, cool. Go for it. Yeah. But that doesn't mean I have to believe at a human level with what you're doing. And I think we can coexist without it being contentious. I think a lot of people who are wrapped up in this, they want it to be antagonistic. They're looking

for an issue. And I just don't know if it necessarily has to be one. It doesn't. And that's part of the problem was we've politicized and we've made this an us or them situation. And in Canada, like I said, I talked to Dr. Debra, so she was on the show. It's out next week, not next week the week after. I'm a little nervous about it because she is such a prominent figure in, and her book is called The End of Gender. She lands on there are probably two genders, male, female. Well, yeah, she was a sex neuroscientist. So she specializes in this, right? And we talked very openly about this, you know, the difference between sex and gender gametes and how this all works. I mean, she was on, she was canceled in Canada pretty much,

and then she became an investigative journalist. She's been on Joe's show with the book itself, and that's where I first found her. Yeah. I reached out to Dan Holloway, and I said, hey, I know you've had her on it. I don't ask for, I never ask for much, but like, can I talk to her? And we got in contact.

We had a great episode. She's an incredibly brilliant human being, most even, like, kiltered guests I've ever had. but the intelligence in that woman is next to, I was terrified to talk to her. I didn't think I could hold my own at all. But I just had a lot of questions. A ton of questions because she is Canadian.

She does live in Canada. She understands things like these laws. And she also understands where the lines are and what's kind of going on in like the women's prisons and women's sports. And so being like in a combat sport for most of my life, I don't agree with what's happening.

Are you calling Taekwondo a combat sport? I mean, it was when I was constantly getting kicked in the face and breaking other people faces so I feel like it was a combat sport. I don't feel like you were doing any of that in Taekwondo? No? Because there's like Taekwondo studios in town here and I don't see them doing that. Well, I don't think you're at the right Taekwondo

studios, but that's, I mean... Were you practicing bullshit, too? I think that's what you were doing. Not quite. It's not real. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Having said that, I don't know shit about Taekwondo. That's totally fine. Other than I had my kids enrolled in Taekwondo for a long time and it was one of the most expensive ventures I've ever done. It is. I got a new belt every seven minutes

that I got to pay for and the fucking testing you know, it's like, here is your fucking brown and white striped belt. It's Thursday. Now it's time for your yellow and purple striped belt. Also, they're $50 each and you have three kids and you need to pay for the testing as well. It's like, holy shit.

Yeah, it wasn't a cheap sport. That's why only one of, my brother didn't do it and I did it. Yeah. At least you found Jiu-Jitsu now. I did. Listen, my son started it. He's taking a year off to do parkour because he's a little bit wound. So we're going to let him run that out. He's only sick.

We're letting me. Yeah, he's gnarly, man. Now the whole house is a jungle gym, so that's great. Let him do it while he's made out of rubber. I don't think you should pick it up in your 40s because you'll die. Right. I have plenty of videos in my stories to prove this. You need to stop with your stories.

You know what tells me that too? My wife. I can hear her out in another room. She'll be like, God damn it! Do you know how many times? Okay, it is, first off, you're a hard person to get a hold of because you're busy, and I get that. Whatever.

I'll harass you for the rest of days. I don't care. I'll just change my number. I don't care. I'll find you. So here's the thing. Every time I watch these stories, I just see people's heads. Like the last one you did like a couple days ago.

Guy jumps off, he's on his bike, like jumps over a curb and just eats shit onto his face. And you just hear his head just a pop. I can't. One of my personal recent favorites was the guy on the skateboard. He got speedwobbles and he went over and somehow, did you see this one, Michael? He was surfing on the top of his head. What? Oh, for like 20 yards.

And as he rolled over, you could hear him. He's just like, ah. And he's reaching for his head. I think he just abraded that shit right off. I'm so here for it. It was awesome. I can't watch them because the parts of my body that are broken, feel it. It's like a physical reaction.

Who am I to deny people the pleasure of watching these videos? Well, whatever. You live your life. I'll just keep watching it. I do. It's fine. So the expert, the actual expert that you spoke to, what were her thoughts? About?

Sex, gender, like the pronoun. Well, there's two sexes. Yeah. You know what's interesting is that we live in a world where if you spend enough time online, you can find people with the same credentials that will take opposing sides of each argument. Yeah, of course. And then you're like, okay, well, which one's telling the truth? You have people who, you know, this is a doctor that says this, this is a doctor that says that.

How the hell do we find a truth? I'm going to lean on the one who has been studying sex neuroscience for probably almost two decades now, who specializes in kink and who specializes in gender and specializes in. Specializes in kink? That's her thing. We talk about like feet shit? Oh, like kink. Like all the shit you can think of.

It's funny because she's a tiny little petite thing who's fairly quiet. It's always the quiet ones. Okay. It's always the quiet ones. Yeah, she's got some great stories. What are we talking about? Like people beating each other with like shit-filled socks? I mean.

Yeah, whatever somebody gets off on. Jesus, Michael, control yourself. It's a normal question. Well, listen, the redhead always. He, you know he's got some kinks. He's got some weird shit. He's into feet. No soul.

Yeah, well. So I can't go to the hell. Well, okay. What do you think the odds are Michael owns a chokeball? For sure, 100%. Oh, yeah, for sure. On himself, though, for himself, though. I was going to say the question is, is it his or somebody else's?

It's his, for sure. A hundred percent. That's the reddest I've ever seen his face. Matches my hair. I know. I'm concerned he might catch on fire if we continue with this harassment. That's what he's here for. I do appreciate him, though.

This is different dynamic. Isn't it awesome, though, that you can actually pull things up as opposed to trying to remember? Like, when I leave this podcast and I go home to my studio, I'm going to cry a lot. Well, the beauty, so he used to take the two camera angles. And as we were talking, he would have to, so if it was a two-hour episode, it's two hours of him watching. Right. Now by the time when we're done here, all I have to do is connect the audio. Do you feel like living in Canada?

He could actually do it remotely. We're going to talk after my friend. But no, this is amazing. This is five and a half years, though. Like it's slow incremental improvement. This is an improvement and it is a substantial one that I would say like, well done. Well fucking done, man. Well deserved.

It's made a difference. Having somebody in the room who can actually reference information. So later on you're like, wow, I am one of the fucking dumbest people that I know. Because you say things. You're like, that was completely wrong. I base my entire argument of something that was not true. Oh, for sure. Which has kind of been my standard in life so far.

But I think that's what makes your show. show so great sometimes. I don't know. It's your dynamic. I know the things I know and I don't know many things. So everything else's hypothesis. Okay, that's fine. Pure conjecture.

That's all right. You have a fact checker. That's what you have. So what are you worried about on that episode? Well, it's just the fact that I had the episode at all. It's not at all anything I said because everything I say, I've, since doing the show, I've learned where my lines are, meaning like where I'm pushing from a stance of like, um, of like, this is what I truly feel.

And this is outrage. Right? So like, where do I stand? Like the best thing that this podcast or Brassanini is ever done for me has given me a point of pause to look at what do I really believe. Yeah, it's exercise in self-exploration. I'm obsessed with it. Yeah. I have learned so much more about myself and really where my values and wear my stances on things rather than just like what I thought it was because I've never truly sat down

with myself and gone, how do I feel about transgender and sports? How do I feel about guns in Canada? Like I've never really, it's always been like, oh, these are what I thought I felt. But then I've sat down and really did a lot of self-exploration and gone, okay, no, this is where my stances. This is where my hard lines are. This is where my, I'm willing to, number one, I'm always willing to hear the other side. 100%. I don't care if you don't like me at all, but I'll hear your side. because I think that's the other thing too and something I've learned

over the past couple years is like and that was something that you did for me is like you gave me the time of day you didn't pretend

like I did not exist you did not pretend like I was you met me you know I exist but you kept answering the phone and so that's a big thing

for me it's like I will always give you the time of day until you show me a reason why I shouldn't that's fair yeah

I tell you what the women's sports stuff with transgender athletes. And again, I'm not an expert in women's sports or transgender issues. But I think if women are not careful, women's sports is going to be destroyed. And it's not men who can solve this issue. Women are going to have to stand. And because it's not as if they haven't fought for their own level playing field. Right.

But the issue is not going to be solved by dudes. No, 100%. It's going to have to be solved by women. If they're not fucking careful, they're going to lose women. in sports. Well, we already are. So like, look at this, look at this right over, like, from the moment of when Leah Thomas, right, the swimmer. So we saw what happened there. We saw the lengths of the pool that that individual was swimming faster. And so yesterday there was a track meet in Canada as well. And there was another individual that beat them by, I think it was like 70 seconds. I don't understand

how any reasonable person can objectively look in that and say it's a level playing field. It's all the same. Because they're not looking at an objective. They're looking at it from a fear-based standpoint of like, if we do not agree, we will be canceled and silence and the mob will come. Man, I'm not down with that. And I'm not either because I've been on the receiving end of the fucking mob. I've seen what Reddit can do, that cesspool. I've seen what YouTube can do. What are you doing on Reddit? Have we learned nothing?

No, I wasn't on Reddit. You were looking at Reddit, though. That time that had happened and somebody sent me the chain. Oh, yeah. But you didn't have to click on it. No, we didn't. but I was in a really bad state. Oh, so definitely getting on Reddit's going to help you in a bad state.

I never heard of Reddit until that. That's what Reddit is for is actually pulling people out of really bad emotional states. I'm so glad that I'm learning. I'm learning so much from you. I'm learning everything from you right now from Reddit to how to set up a studio properly to hiring only redheads. Is that your new criteria? Well, he's the only person I've ever hired on the show.

So I have a data point of one. Okay. Well, I give his performance to C-minus. You know, it's average a little bit below. 100% redhead hire rate. That's true. Yeah. There's like a you is I think every, I think every year certain amount of redheads have to be hired or it's like discrimination or some shit.

I don't know about any of that. I mean, why not? You should look, Google it. Give it a Google. I mean, don't use Google. You should look into that, Michael. It makes about as much sense. You know where you should go to find answers on that?

Reddit. I'm going to punch you right in the teeth. I just found this, by the way. You guys are going to be pissed at this. Yeah, let's start more First off, don't open with something like that Okay This is from the ACLU

Yeah Fact Trans athletes do not have an unfair advantage in sports Oh, go fuck yourself You cannot sit here and tell me Somebody who has literally gone through puberty So Andy, look at me, Andy Hold on, I'm reading this

That's disgusting I know I'm gonna cancel that for this Shit Thanks guys Isn't that ridiculous I don't You know what I don't understand is the end state

Like where does this take us? It takes us to women's achievements Being wiped off the face of the earth Women will Women will no longer Fuck that's wild We will you will never see In any of these categories

With a professional athlete You will never see somebody beat that person I don't care what you say Yeah well you see That's like you Going like hey Kells We're gonna go So, I mean, I don't think you're a good runner.

I can tell by your body shape. I'll fucking outrun you. When you stand up, you're barely as tall as this table. But I run like 30, 40 kilometers a week. All right. That's just a sign of mental health problems, but. Yeah, 100%. But my point is, you could off the couch me and still fucking beat me because of the way

your body is shaped and how your body works. But you'd have to ignore all of those things to say it's a level playing field. But we are ignoring those because we are fearful of what happens when you don't. That's the, listen. I'm not here for that shit. I'm like, I don't support that shit at all. No, it's really hard to watch because, so then there was also a couple of weeks ago, I believe, Bethany, shark girl who had her arm bitten off.

She has the movie about her when she was surfing. Super racist to describe her that way. Well, she's a, I'm trying to. Shark girl that had her arm bitten off. What a bigot? Listen, I described Paul DeGelder that way. Bethany Hamilton. There it is.

By the way, that's exactly what I looked up. Thank you. And her name was at the top of that list. You're welcome. She came out against, I remember seeing this. She was talking about men, trans women competing in women surfing. And she said that she will no longer compete with them if they are allowed to. Because it will quite literally wipe women off the face of the earth.

Is that the only way to stop it, you think? Is if there's no participation? You're not going to get that, though. because you're always good because here's the thing if you choose to stand up and not participate you're going to be a bigot which nobody wants to hear anything else from you after that but if you there's a thing though like those aren't magic words you know and people have said that you know I've had these conversations with people and ideologically sometimes when you when you dig in on people and you ask questions like why or what do you mean by that they don't have a follow-up answer

well when they don't have a follow-up answer what I found broadly but not for every person when you push to a level where they don't have a good answer, they will resort to things like, well, you're a fascist. Yeah, that's what a name calling. And to me, like, somebody can say that to me and I'll say, okay, like, your words aren't magic. I'm none of those things. It might have a meaning to you to say that, but I really don't give a shit if you say

that because you're wrong. So back to the question, why, what, the things that I was going back to. It's a magic word that has no meaning if people. people don't give it power. But having said that, I don't fucking agree with being a bigot at all. Like there's a time and place for it. But if you start using it as a machine gun that just sprays indiscriminately, all you're actually doing is weakening both arguments.

Well, so look at a great example is Jordan Peterson. So Jordan lives in fellow Canadian. Fellow Canadian. Jordan has come out and been very open about the way he feels about things. And because he is a psychiatrist and he has the data behind it. he speaks from an educated standpoint. And that's why I completely stand behind everything that guy fucking says. A clinical standpoint of decades?

Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant guy. And not only that is my doctor of 42 years feels the exact same way. And when we've had these conversations, he always goes, yeah, this. Why are we even having a conversation like this? This is not reality. We are living in a in a world of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, and everyone else can go fuck themselves if you don't agree with me.

And that is not a world I want to live in. That is not a place that I feel is accepting. It is not about not being inclusive. It's not about saying hateful things. It's not about being discriminatory towards a specific individual. It's about looking from a realistic, logical standpoint and going, well, this doesn't make sense because of X, Y, and Z, and then you point to the science. This doesn't make sense in sports because of, well, if you have X amount of testosterone and

X amount of time after transition. When you look at the data, none of what's happening is acceptable. And I preface that with everybody should feel safe in this fucking world. But guess what? That's also not reality. We've seen it with Ukraine. We've seen it with Afghanistan.

We've seen it with Vietnam. We've seen it with every fucking war. Not everything is going to feel safe. Not everything is going to be what the way you want it. And you can't just sit there and say I feel your words are hurting me because you didn't call me the pronoun. Well, Guess what, motherfucker? When I came home from Afghanistan and I physically attacked a family from the Middle East because I was in a flashback state, they didn't go, oh, it's no big deal.

It's no big deal because that's your truth. No, I had to go fix my shit because that behavior is unacceptable. You do not get to do shit that is harmful to others just because it makes you feel good. And the reality is, statistically, the amount of individuals that we're seeing transition in groups of 10, 20, and 30, it is not statistically possible. This is not me saying this. This is literally from the end of gender. These are from books I've read. These are from science and peer-reviewed papers I've read.

This is from listening to Jordan Peterson. This is from listening to Michaela. This is literally from listening to anybody who has any sort of education on this at all. None of these things are like, oh, things I've made up. It's like, no, if I'm going to look at something and like why I believe it, why do I feel that way? Then you need to reach out, look at the research and understand why you're feeling that way. And is it that you're feeling that way for because you feel threatened in some type of way? Or is it because what you're reading is, hey, this is the science.

And all of a sudden, science doesn't matter anymore, right? Science doesn't matter anymore. I don't know if you know what it does. It does if it supports a particular argument or narrative. Exactly. And so the argument and narrative in Canada at this standpoint, is directly dictated by the liberal government, period, and the NDP. That is how it works.

The only individual that's been standing up in Canada has been Danielle from Alberta. She has stood up against a lot of the things that the current administration is trying to implement in Canada, whether it's taking our guns or hunting rifles and things like that all the way down to the way that we're spending our money. And so she's the only person who stood up and said, like, this is unacceptable. I believe she was on Peterson not that long ago. Great interview where she talked about a lot of these things. And the thing that drives me nuts is like, we live in a world where there's real things happening. Yeah.

Real things. Right now, as we sit here, I was talking right before I came, I was talking to Mark Turner from the Overwatch Foundation. And they just came back from Ukraine, right? They just came back from training and doing amazing things and helping a lot of individuals who are quite literally living in trenches like it's World War I and fighting the Russians. So like between proxy wars and spending money and doing all this bullshit, you've got real people who fucking care. You have people who are putting their lives on the line for no other reason other than they think it's the right thing to do. And then in North America in particular, you've got people that are complaining because the bathroom isn't the way they wanted.

They have people that are complaining because I'm not calling them a they or a them. I'm sorry, that doesn't make sense to me. Last time, if I went to the doctor 10 years ago and said, I'm a they, they would start to look at me and go, let's have a deeper conversation. But in Canada, you can't have a deeper conversation because the law states you have to affirm, affirm, affirm, affirm. And then the conversation like Dr. Debra Soe said, it's very simple. Would you rather a dead daughter or an alive son or an alive son or a dead daughter?

That's how they're broaching this. So of course parents are terrified and giving into this. Fuck, that's a very, that's a very stark way to put it. That's exactly. Like she, I want, like, I don't know that you listen to my show, but I want you to listen to that episode. I barely talk, so you'll love it. But I'm telling you it is something that...

I would consider listening to that one. I would too. It's great. You know, that is the only episode of mine that I've ever listened all the way through during editing because I was like, I need to make sure that I didn't pop off in some irrational way.

And I didn't. I was actually quite proud of myself. So how is she surviving in the Canadian climate with the beliefs that she has? Well, especially with that bill that Michael pulled up. Isn't she in, you know, adverse to what that bill is saying? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, she's, I'm not going to speak for her.

I don't know her life. But I know that she lives in Canada. I know that she's an author. She's an investigative journalist. She gets published quite often. She's with Simon and Schuster, and they're back in the book. She's got columns left, right and center. She was just on Dr. Phil, like last week.

She's been on Pierce Morgan. Like, she's stood up the way that Jordan has stood up, right? And that's, it's not that this is my fight. but when you start to get into my area, which is sports, and you start to get into females losing opportunities and universities or female bathrooms or vulnerable spaces where young girls are, you're now you're scratching at my door,

and that's when I'm going to go, okay, like, this interview right now, I will get slammed for. And I'm comfortable with, and I'll tell you what. It's fine. We'll find out. Don't read the comments. I'm not going to. But I'm saying, no, I won't. No, I won't. You're going to take a look like two.

Nope. I haven't read anything. I'll send you some. I'm not going to read them. I'm going to blatantly ignore your text messages. That's fine. I've never done that before. I'll wait until a time where you're not and I'll be like, oh, I got you.

That's okay. But my point in saying that is eventually you have to stand up for what you believe in. The repercussions are often quite serious. Like for you, you have the new black rifle location, which is amazing here, by the way. Huge congratulations on that. you've got what you do with Fieldcraft, you've got with the new podcast. So you're not necessarily selling a product online as much as you are. You're a community and of what you do.

You're involved in all these different things. So you have revenue streams, left, right and center, right? So for me and for Brass and Unity, we have an online business where we sell online products, right? And so that's where I'm going to see it. Yeah, you're a button push away from that potentially getting shut down. You said when you're at the coffee shop, you were talking. that six of your episodes got demonetized. Now let me ask you this.

So it was on YouTube, right? Yeah, yeah. The Canadian government was able to demonetize them? So there's a bill. Like, well, they have gotten demonetized if you had hosted in the United States. I'm curious how this works. Because obviously...

I don't think so. Because the internet goes everywhere, right? But not anymore. I think it's Bill C-11. And then there's another one that just went through the Senate. And it covers the internet waves in Canada. And Google has partnered with the Canadian government. to, there was an article about it where Google was partnering with the Canadian government to test out, they block.

So Bill C-11 basically covers the internet waves and it can censor. And I was talking about this two years ago and people were like, that doesn't fucking exist. I did Mike Ritalin show. They're like, that's not a real thing. I said, yes, it is. It's gone through the Senate of Canada. And basically it can censor the internet waves. So what if, though, you uploaded your episode to like Dropbox to somebody in the U.S.

and they were to upload it to YouTube from the U.S. Would they still be able to do that? No, because even we run a VPN in Canada, it still doesn't work. But I've noticed, here's the difference. When I came down to shot show, right? Which you should never go to, by the way. Okay, but I got...

The shit show is what it's called. Okay, but then I wouldn't have met Brandon from Montana Knife. And I wouldn't have met... He's at the coffee shop all the time. Yeah, but I don't live here. You can come visit, though. I know. And, well, he's having a baby to live in his life.

You're thrown in jail in Canada for violating some bill of some kind. Well, I mean, it's no different than a lot of things that are going on with Sean Ryan's show and Dallas Alexander, my buddy that was just on, who was on here, right? So Dallas is a friend, and I warned him. I was like, you're going to walk into the Hornets Nest with what you're going to say. They, in my opinion, which counts for absolutely nothing.

Well, don't say that. Well, it counts for what I think and only what I think. Fair enough. I would have advised both of them that putting the videos up was a step too far. That's kicking the Hornets Nest. Talking about it is one thing. It's a little different. It's a little bit different.

And I would be very curious the particular rules of that unit or the Canadian military in general, filming battlefield activities and then maintaining personal possession of it. They may have an argument when it comes to that. Whatever they did is totally their choice. Like I was aware that those videos existed. I never asked them for the videos. I don't want to see them. We can talk about it as specifically or as broadly as they want.

Yep. That's probably what drew the attention of the Canadian government. Well, my only response to that is, well, then they should. shouldn't have released it in 2017 in the Globe and Mail. They didn't release it in its totality. Other news ones did on air. They may have, but if they got that from the Canadian government, that is much different than an individual soldier maintaining possession of that material and then releasing

it privately. But the idea that there are not war porn videos from everybody's fucking GoPro. Yep. I'm not saying that they're not. That doesn't necessarily make it correct. No, I'm saying. But the idea that the possession is the Canadian militaries or, or. whomever, then you better start going to every soldier that's ever deployed at all times and start,

you know, grabbing data. But a guy from JTF2 who's going to put that stuff, it's going to get more attention. Of course it is. I'm not critiquing either Sean or Dallas. When I looked at what happened, what I'm saying is in my assessment, that's probably what kicked it. Flipped it over the top. Yeah, I wouldn't doubt it.

I mean, it was a great interview. And I think Dallas is a very, very similar to, yeah. He's a handsome man. He's a great dude. His wife is gorgeous. I'd consider being gay for Dallas. Well, we talked about this before. You are into sweaty dudes.

We've had this conversation before. I mean, I don't know about the sweaty part. Oh, yes, you are. What do we got here, Michael? Bill C-11. Digital Charter Implementation Act of 2020. Yeah. This is from the Canadian government, so my biased, I would say.

Yeah, no, this is the just at gc.c.c.a. So, yeah. So this is one of them. There's another one. I don't know the exact thing. But there's a censorship law that covers the wave, like the internet waves now. So it's to do with news outlets, meaning like what you can see and what you can't see, i.e. we have control over what you can and cannot see.

I mean, it sounds to me like a broad way of talking about censorship. Yeah. Which I still am yet to have an example presented to me by somebody where censorship worked out in a positive way. Like, show me where censorship was the right move. It's never been the right move. I haven't had somebody present to me an example yet where it has been. I'm open to having my mind changed. However, I've said that for many years now and I'm still waiting for an example.

You know, the thing that troubled me the most was the episodes that got demonetized were very obviously against the administration in Canada and against what that kind of stands for. I would be fascinated to know what would happen if you exported that stuff out of Canada and uploaded it in the U.S. So we're finally at the stage with the podcast now where I am going to be hiring a producer and I'm no longer going to be producing my own content. this show is something that I'm taking very, very seriously, and I'm trying to get myself out of the state of where the brand is everything I do. The brand will always, brassinia will always exist in its truest form from suicide prevention and a product to put the product, you know, the money in the hands of the people, and those organizations that we support, but there needs to be more for me.

And this podcast world is something that I'm not going to stop doing. It's not like, oh, I put out a couple episodes now where I've got up to 130, 75 episodes now out and I don't want to stop anytime soon. We've got a lot of sponsors that have come on that have really kind of come forward and been like, hey, we like what you're saying, we like what you're doing. We like the way you do it. It's a little different than a lot of the men that are doing it. And I think it's just because the one thing I've seen in this space, whether it's the psychedelic world or this. When I walk into a room very often, it softens sometimes how certain men feel. Most of my show is listened to by, it's 86% men and 72%

American listeners. Yeah, I don't, yeah. And so that's why I have the guests that I have because that's what resonates with my listeners. And for whatever reason, those people seem to sit across from me and be willing to tell me deeper things that they might not have necessarily told others.

Maybe it could just be, you know, you sit across from another guy. You might not be as willing to open up about the emotional stuff. Depends on the guy. 100%. It completely depends on the guy. I've seen some of the interviews you've done.

You just put out one. I think it was this week. With George Monsour, fuck, that was tough. I saw Michael over there fighting off tears on that particular episode. Yeah, but that's my point is you have a, people trust you with their stories. That's why when I, this book came out, I called you. That's why when I, you showed up for me, period. So you only had to do that one time.

And then I knew exactly who you were to me. That was it. And so that's why when I said, hey, I want to do your show. I want to do it first. It's because you gave me the time, I'm going to show up for you. even if that means canceled and delays flights and all of the shit I'm going to show up. That's what I actually called you about yesterday. Have they harassed you at the border yet?

Not yet. I have gotten the conversations though of because I come through so often now through customs. I get a lot of the same guys. And they're like who we, the response I got yesterday was what show are you going to do? I'm not. From a Canadian or American border? So it's American because you have to go through American customs when you're in the Vancouver airport. Oh yeah.

Okay. I've actually done that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you go through. the security and then you go through and you go through customs and you go in, right? So the legitimate, I had the same guy I had a shot show and he goes, what show are you going to do this time? Because

the last time I had come through when I did your show, when I did Jocko, when I went through customs, I had like a bunch of stuff with me and Brady and they're like, what were you doing? And I literally all I had to say was your two names and I got walked right through because the security world, the border security, military, whatever, they all know who you guys are. That's a very broad statement maybe some of them do well I would think I think it's more than you realize maybe no personal experience traveling around at least in Canada these border security people I go through I don't I only nine people in Canada though I know the last study that I did that I completely made up to support my point there's like 13 total people I feel like you are

responsible for what comes out of his mouth and on some level you have to take responsibility that is a huge responsibility I know the liability that you have it's it's scary He sleeps just fine. It's because of the water. It's whatever's in the water. It's tasty. It's not bad. I thought I was going to be carbonated, though, for a second.

When it popped, I was like, is this like fizzy water? I don't know. It's not. Maybe fizzy water is not good for survival. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure it's not great for survival. Is this what the whole point of this is, is the can of survival water? I think it's just water.

Okay. All right. Like liquid death. It's not going to kill you. What's liquid death? I keep seeing this on. It's an American, well, I'm sorry. I don't believe it's not.

American brand. It's a brand of water. So that's water. Yeah. I thought it was an energy drink. I actually thought that's what it was for a long time too until I heard people talking about. I actually picked one up and it was it was straight up water. Oh, I mean, that's an interesting name for water. It is. It's actually going to keep you alive if you drink enough of it. I guess if you drank a table full, you could probably drink too much water. You can actually kill yourself by drinking too much water. I feel like that would take a really long time and be super painful. I'd be curious to watch that happen. I'd want to know where the line is. I would not be curious to watch it happen at all.

Well, I want to know where the line is. I don't. See, I like to know where the line is on a lot of things. And then I like to tiptoe across it. All right. Where's your line on psychedelics? You said you've gone back and done, what was it, ayahuasca, nine times? Yeah.

How do you know when it's too much? For me, I found faith in psychedelics again. You found faith in psychedelics. Like religious faith? If you want to call it that, spirituality, really. Something connected to something bigger. I was born and raised Catholic. Did Catholic school, did the whole fucking thing, had a shove,

on my throat, you know, just never clicked, never resonated, never anything. And I think that's one of the things that's happening in society is we're losing a lot of connection to things. We're overlooking like the importance of like family. We're overlooking the importance of like some type of connection to something greater than ourselves. So I think that's what gets people to attach to things that might be considered abstract or bizarre. So I was watching recently it was a documentary on flat earth believers. Okay. But so stripped if, I mean, the, the, the, the easy thing to say or the lazy thing to say is,

you guys and gals, the more that I watched it, they did, they had a convention. And it was the scene with the convention that actually changed the way that I was thinking about it. I actually don't think that a lot of those people believe the earth is flat. I would agree. I think they really like the group. They're missing community. So that I can understand. Do I think that the belief is really bizarre?

I do. But I don't give a shit largely what people believe. And I don't want to take that same example and overlay it on top of a or the transgender issue. But to go back to what you're saying, how statistically we are at a highly anomalous place where 10, 20, 30 people at the same time, it is viewed through one lens, another opportunity to connect with a like-minded group of people or develop community. And I'm not saying that that transgenderism is not real, but I have looked at the same numbers and I don't understand how it could be. Basically, it went from a very stable mathematical percentage for a long period of time to, in comparison to that very stable percentage looks like a rocket taking off. Absolutely.

And I, again, not to make a comparison between transgenderism and flat earth communities, but take away both of those labels in which you have as a community. You do, 100%. And that's, that couldn't be, that's so accurate. I think when you're looking at anything in the world, we have lost touch with ourselves and we've lost touch with community. And it's always been me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. When I got out of the military, how I got out with the medical release and the way I was

ripped out of the unit, I lost my community, right? I did. And that's why you see a lot of people, like when they get out, especially in America, what I'm seeing is a lot of people gravitate towards companies that are run by vets, if they are vets, because there's an understanding within that. So like, for like Black Rifle, for example, there is an understanding in that company when you're a veteran. There's a conversation that doesn't need to be verbally had, right? It is a community. There is a... It can be insidious. Oh, 150%. I don't disagree. Because, well, what will happen is if companies aren't careful, what will happen is they'll have a subculture of veterans inside of your company and it can create problems because it can make people feel excluded.

Oh, yeah. And I'll be honest, like we have a, we have vets on staff at our shop. You know, Black Rifle as an organization, I say that I mean the publicly traded company, Evan is stated there is trying to hire 10,000 veterans, which I think is amazing. We have no ability to have 10,000 fucking people on staff, obviously at a coffee shop. But we do have vets on staff. And I hold them to a higher standard and they get no free pass from me. And the one thing that I will not tolerate is them trying to create a click inside of the team because the culture to me is the most important. And there is no vet versus non-vete. Like if that path gets taken down, that to me, is going to be the fastest way towards not working at the coffee shop anymore.

100%. And I think that does happen. And I think it's a real thing and I've seen it. Like, So when I stepped into psychedelics, I got brought in from a ranger. So Griff from combat flip flops was who I was doing the show because he sponsors the podcast. And they were my first sponsor and they've stuck with me. I don't, I don't he tolerates me. We all do. That's fun. I know.

I know. I'm just, it's because I'm not going to not show the fuck up. So it's like you either just accept me or you just get annoyed. Be either where I'm going to be there. I'm not going anywhere. And so it got to a point where he brought me in through her. heroic hearts and I went and sat in a group of I had never been exposed to special operators before I'd never been exposed to blackwater I'd never been exposed to contractors I had never been exposed to

any of this world and I had been missing when I look back from 2011 to probably I mean when I even when I started brass in unity we were in the fashion world we were in the civilian world we would do the fashion trade shows we were in we were in we were in L we were in fashion magazines we were in nominated for a CAFA for which is Canadian art and fashion and you know I was in that world and I was trying to sell to the masses to take the funds to put to the vets and it was the wrong way of going about it because it was constant education constant education about what a veteran a first responder any of those kind of people go through and it got to the point where I was at a trade show at the Javitt Center in New York and a lady spit on me and so because I

showed her a bullet bracelet and she was disgusted she asked me if it killed somebody I said well casings don't kill people that's not how this works it was my point point was I was in the wrong space for me. And so when I got so fortunately brought into this world, this veteran world, in the truest sense of being brought into it, like had my hand held by somebody was very trusted in what you guys call greenlit. That changed my life. Greenlit? Somebody, meaning you'd been okayed by somebody. So like remember how you said that in the, in the veteran world, there's clicks. Yeah. There are. That's just the reality of how for sure and so in order for somebody to trust somebody somebody of somewhat stature or that friend

would greenlight me to the next person vouched for essentially vouched for okay right and so that's what happened when this person brought me in when griff brought me in people trust griff and they have every right to the guy's fucking he's a good human being he's always showed up for his friends and so he brought me in this complete weird five-foot thing from Canada to a group of guys that he trusted and they didn't know me from a hole in the wall Are you still claiming your five foot tall? I am five foot when I fucking roll it out. You're like 4.11 tops.

I'm not. I'm wearing boots right now that show five foot. The boot has nothing to do with your height. Well, they're docks. They're a little taller. Yeah, but your height is measured barefoot. No, it's not. The fuck it's not.

Whatever, man. Listen to me. Shush. Just checking. So when you brought into that, though, in that way, it, I don't say it, this sounds terrible, but it elevated. It opens doors. and it fucking did. I mean, I'm sitting here.

Yeah. And because I was in that circle the first time, one of those people that was in that circle made a call to you. And then you agreed to have me on. And then another special operator named Dean Stott, Green lit me to Jocko, right? And then after Jocko, I went and did, actually the Lex thing had nothing to do with anybody.

I just put a, I have a habit of like, when I this sounds really silly if I'm on Instagram and I'm doing something because I do our socials for Brass and Unity for me

so I'm always on it and I hate it so much if I feel like I want to talk to someone I'll just do a story and I'll be like I want to talk to so and so and I'll tag that person

I'm not exaggerating that's all I did to Lex I put it was a lot I still have it saved it was a lime green story and it said I want to talk to and I meant this for my show I didn't mean like put me on your show

I meant it for like Brass and Unity's podcast And I said, I want to talk to Lex Friedman and Russell Brand. Russell Brand is somebody I've always wanted to have a conversation with. Did he answer you? No. Bastard. His team did.

And then never responded afterwards. And I just don't think they thought I was fit or I wasn't really. I'm still not anybody in that world. But I wasn't like, I didn't have enough shows. I wasn't like, you could check out my brand. But like nobody wants to talk about jewelry. Like nobody wants to have like, I own a jewelry company. What the fuck are you and I going to have in common about jewelry?

I mean, other than the fact that you like sweaty dude. dudes and not sure what that has to do with jewelry. It does because it leads to the propensity of like you like sweaty men,

you like to wrestle with sweaty men, you like to grope sweaty men, you like to hang out with sweaty men, you kind of like to hold sweaty man's hands. Like there's a line

that goes down. The redhead gets it. That leads to jewelry? I mean it could, a little more feminine. Just because Michael gets it doesn't mean shit. Listen, Michael and I

are friends now? He's like 17 years old. Don't judge him. You can't be 17 with a beard like that? He has like a different vernacular. He's over there sitting like,

yeah, that no cap. That's for real. Oh, no, no, no, cap. He's over there stuffing a glissie down. Oh, you're a baby. Yeah. Oh, I have a decade on you. He's over there.

That little satchels full of glizzies. Listen, don't judge satchels. I have a satchel. The satchels are the shit. Yeah, but that's a glizzy satchel. It's a fanny pack, actually. Listen, Matt Best said to me when I was down a black rifle, I had a fanny pack on, and he came over and he said, can I try that on? He put it on and he goes, I could put all my guns in here.

And I said, fanny packs are the shit. Do you have a fanny? I didn't know you had a Black Rifle makes fannies. Yeah. Andy gave me shit for having a fanny pack. Yeah, yours is gay. And then I walked in. You got to get a boogie fanny like mine though.

I'm going to get you a bag. Yours is a padagooch fanny. No, it's not. They can hold probably your thin wallet in a chokeball. Which is what I assume. Which is all he needs. Which is I assume what you had in there to bring it full circle. Mikhail.

You'll never know. Well, fuck, I don't want to. I mean, what's really in his fanny is, is scary. Whatever only fans would be. for Michael with a chokeball, you know he's got a count. I would really like to see that. I feel like he'd be making bank. I hope so.

I do make bank. Good on you, sir. Good on you for being. That's your latest panour. See, whatever gets the bills paid, but fanny packs. Really, though? Like, is it really whatever gets the bill to pay it? Let's have lines.

Let's be fucking not heathens. Listen, I had a friend of mine reach out to me, Zach Bell, veteran with a sign, and he goes to me, can you do me one favor? and I don't know what your favor is. I don't know what you're asking. So I can't say I'll do it? And he goes, can you just never have a fucking only fans, please?

And I was like, why? He goes, do you understand how many female, like, ex-military women have only fans? Do they? Oh, my God. I've never once logged onto that website. No, either of mine. No interest whatsoever. My husband thinks my feet are really cute.

He's like, you should just do an only fans for your feet. You could call it, you could call it service dogs. But like, is it? I feel like it would start with feet. and then from what I have heard about OnlyFans, it just progresses from there. Listen, I have too many tattoos. I'd be noticed. I can't even try to pull that off.

I wouldn't try to pull that off. I have too much respect for my body. Hey, again, people like, my line on the sand on that stuff is consent. Like if you are a consensual adult and you are doing that. Go for it. All the power to you. Yeah. Not my jam, but I'm not going to judge you.

If you are ever fucking forcing somebody to do that, that's a different thing. That's when I want to get your address and kill you with a potato peeler. Well, and that's totally fine. You can use my knife. from Montana. That would be too quick. Well, listen. I'm like more slow, long, protracted layers of skin at a time for predators. I'm not a huge fan of predators. I like that. I'd like to

dive into that a little bit. Well, first, I need to understand how do you know when you've done too many psychedelics? Because here's what I've noticed about the veteran psychedelic world. Okay, go. One, it's been hugely positively impactful to the vast majority of people that I know. I know of only one person who didn't have profound effects. and that person later on ended up taking their own life. I'm very sorry to hear that.

It's not a new story, unfortunately. I feel like for some people, it becomes about the psychedelic as opposed to the work before, during, and after. I've seen the same thing. They become a psychedelic cosmonaut, a journeyer through space and time, and I think they get lost in what it is they were trying to do in the first place. So how do you know when it's too much? I am, okay, so let me just state with,

I'm not a professional in this space. I don't do this for a living. This has been the tool that has saved me. And how I know when it would become too much is what is the purpose that I am going to do it for. So for me, with ayahuasca the first time was we understood that I had exhausted every option. And I mean it.

I mean working out every single day, eating incredibly healthy, water, no alcohol, no bullshit, fucking turning the news off, going to therapy twice a week, like legitimately, doing the work there. And it was, I got into the point where I'd done EMDR, I had done the medication, I had done everything I was asked to do. Exposure therapy, you fucking name it, I've tried it all, right? And it wasn't enough. Like it got to the point where why was I like,

10 years into this shit and still sitting on the stairs crying every day. Why was I still not able to go out and not feel anxious? Why was I still shaking every time something happened or a car backfired? Like, enough. Enough. I'm not living my whole life like this. It's not fair to my son. It's not fair to my family. And it's not fair that I'm an asshole to everyone around me, because I can't control my temper. So what we found out, though, was the first set of psychedale, the first time I sat with ayahuasca, which is so you do it one time it's, and you You do it three times. So one sitting is Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

You do it each night, right? There's an integration prep. Any of these people that are like, I'm just going to go do psychedelics, if you don't have an intention, if you have not done a minimum of like three weeks integration, your ass should not be anywhere near that, period. It is not my place to judge why you're doing it. It's not my place to decide if that's right for you. You have to be the grown adult in the room and go, I'm doing this for this reason and this is why.

For me, that's what it got to the point where I had no other option. Nothing was working. So I did integration. I did the work. I had the intention. I went through. I came out. I did the integration work.

And it was helping a lot. What I found in that first time was a connection to something deeper and an understanding that this is not it. This is not everything. This is a sliver in time. We are humans going through a human experience. And it is very silly of us to sit around and think that this is everything. and more. You're talking about us sitting here right now, just the lives we leave? Yeah. Yeah. Like this, this is a blip, right? I could walk down the street and get hit by a bus. It just happens.

Like, there's no rhyme or reason. It's like we don't know when the time's up. There's not a lot of buses here. Fair enough. Okay, probably a truck then. I don't know. Michael, do we have buses here? We have that shuttle. It's like a minibus. Right. So if I got hit by the minibus, which would make sense for my size, then I don't get to, like, I don't get to dictate what happens next. It would be oddly ironic, actually. It would be fucking hilarious. I mean, it would be a good story for like 30 seconds that people pay attention. It would be on to the next thing.

So for me, I needed to know, number one, a few things in order for me to move on in my life, meaning like I needed to know, like as silly as it may sound as some individuals, like, when I went in that ceremony and I went over to the other side, I had conversations that I needed to have had. With yourself? Nope. Who are you talking to? Friends that are gone. Okay.

Right? So when you sat down and I had those conversations, there was an understanding there. Right? And the conversation was very, I've said this before. I'd set it on Lex. He's got it up somewhere. But basically it was like I got sucked into the other side in this very weird way. And when I came to, I was in this huge field.

Excuse me. That was green. And it almost looked like a massive like Montana chalet, like huge wood beams kind of situation. And sitting out front was all of the guys that I lost. Right? And then some that had taken their own lives, some that had been died overseas. And then a good friend of mine that died on his last tour. And I had always held a lot of guilt for some of these people because I was involved in one of the situations.

I had become friends with them, you know, that kind of thing. There was a lot of survivors' guilt. That was something that I dealt with. That was one of my big bugaboos, if you will, that I needed to be able to work through. And so I had a conversation with these guys. And the one thing that was said to me, whether it's your subcontact, something greater, whatever the fuck you want to call it. Chris looked at me and said, you need to knock it off with the suicide shit.

And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, you don't get to see, but there's this lovely little, like, think of it like plexy, right? You pull that shit. You're not coming in here. You're sitting on the outside and you're watching in. You don't get to come in here. And that shook me to my core. Who do you think you're actually talking to in that state?

Do you think that that, that, that, that, that, you think that, that, you know, that, you know, that, you the drug allows you to have a deeper conversation with yourself? Or do you think having gone through this a bunch of times now, you're actually communicating with the essence of the person that you were having that conversation with? I understand how this makes me sound. So, like, I'm aware of what I'm about to say is going to maybe be off-putting for some people or for you.

But it wasn't me. I don't think that's crazy. I mean, I think one of the craziest things that humans do is try to pretend that they know everything. We don't know anything. I don't know if I would go that far. We know how to put fucking water in cans. You know what I'm saying.

You know how to write books. But we don't know anything when it comes to the greater, the greater. Like, no, it's unknown. That's why there's so much discussion and, you know, debate about, well, what happens after, like, can somebody please come forward and tell us what happens after you die? No, you cannot. No, you can't. Exactly.

And so there was this conversation, though, and it was this understanding. And I don't believe I was talking with myself. So you think it's something greater than yourself? A thousand percent. A mechanism to connect with whatever the fuck it may be. I know on my trip to Peru last year that when I sat in that ceremony, there was something that happened from the progression of when I started using ayahuasca to where I'm at now. And it was if you were to draw like a line and it would be your past on the bottom and your future on the top. The first three ceremonies I sat with dealt with a subset of that trauma.

Really, really heavy shit. Past. Yep. Passed. Second set of ceremonies. Past. But getting, you could see like a leveling up, if you will. Like there was something else going up.

And then Peru, I danced into the future of it. So it's like I dealt with some of the trauma that was holding me back and keeping me in this perpetual state. and I had one foot in the future. Like what, because what I went there to Peru for and I made the call for was what ultimately sparked two years ago. So like I got to the point where I could not for the life of me move on. The anger that was built inside of me was so significant and so noticeable that I would walk into the kitchen and I'd have a smile on my face and my husband would be like,

what the fuck is your problem today? like, what are you talking about? He's like, you're so angry. I said, I'm not angry. He goes, hon, you've got to go deal with this. You have got to go deal with this. It was becoming a problem. So I made the call.

I said, Jesse, I need to go sit. And he said, okay, let's go to Peru. So Heroic Heart sent me to Peru. And I did, again, I did my three weeks of integration. I had my intention. I did then my other group chats, because you talk in advance. that's with the group you're going with. So it's not like a,

yeah. I did all of that. I went to Peru. I sat with the medicine. I sat in the ceremonies. I spoke with the healers, the maestros and the Mithras that are the Shepibo tribe. And I told them like,

this is what's going on. Because meanwhile, what people don't, I started to talk about this. When all this happened, my husband also collapsed. And we almost lost him from an undiagnosed TB. And it got so bad that Brady couldn't function.

and no one in Canada would help us. This was during COVID, so no doctors would see us, no hospitals would take us. And when we took him into the emergency room, they deemed him a drug addict and they wouldn't provide care because he had used cannabis

the day he collapsed. Criminal. It was, the, it was. How dare he? Yeah, I mean, how dare he have something that's legal in Canada? How dare he, right? So they wouldn't, and provide care.

So it got to the point where, I was dealing with this while trying to be a mom and try not to show that to my son which every tiny human they feel everything Oh they're sponges They're oh my God People don't understand that

When you act a certain way And you wonder why your kids replicating it You don't have to say it They can feel it There's an energy exchange You want to hear a good story That highlights this for people All right so we're back in San Diego

Many years ago I get a call From my daughter's teacher Mr. Stumpf we need you to come into the school. And of course, I realize immediately this is not because she won Citizen of the Year award. Oh, dear. So I go in there, and we're talking like they're learning to read, and they're in a reading circle. And they are going around the circle, and they're each reading called a paragraph. I don't remember exactly what it was. And it got to my daughter's turn,

and she said, no, I don't want to read this. And at that point, the teacher said, well, why not? and she goes because this book is shit and at that point I started dying laughing because although I have never sat down and taught my daughter the usage of that word I have no doubt where she got it from

I can bet or the appropriate usage at this point the teacher and I were fucking dying laughing like it was like I think required for them to do but yeah it's their sponges you don't have to sit your kids down and teach them how to have an incredible four-letter word vocabulary they just listen to

you. You also don't have to sit them down and teach them, hey, you should yell at your spouse. You just have to model that behavior. You got to be really careful the things that you do and say, especially around your kids because they see it all. And they'll mimic you later in life. A hundred percent. How you treat your wife is how your son will then decide how he's going to treat his wife. Well, you're modeling, yeah, you're modeling for them what a relationship, maybe not what it should look like, but what it does look like inside of the confines of that household. Right. And so that is no different than what Jack was kind of going through. So he saw Mommy struggling with something that I couldn't articulate to him.

And then Daddy now couldn't get out of bed. And Daddy was withering away. Daddy was dropping weight. Daddy was great. Daddy couldn't. Why can't Daddy play with me? Why can't Daddy pick me up from school? And so while all this is happening, Brady is collapsing.

And I had no way to help him. So I made a call to another Ranger, Ron O'Farrell, and I left a voice message. as I do. Most people hate it. That's the way I communicate. And I just started crying. Oh, you mean the text voice messages? Yeah. Yeah. Why do you do that shit? Because I'm not good at articulating by typing. All right.

I really struggle with it because I come off real harsh and short. Only if people read it and detect. That is actually one of the negatives of written-only communication. You can imply a lot of text and tone and, yeah, tone, for lack of a better term. not there. That's why I don't do it though. I know it drives people nuts, but I would rather you know exactly what I meant and how I meant it and drive you nuts. I'm just curious. Yeah, no, it's, it's, I don't articulate well when I'm typing. Fair? Yeah, so I do that. So anyway, send the message and he asked if he could send it, if I could share it. And he did.

That was a Wednesday. Brady was down in Texas at Resilience Brain Center on Sunday. And they took my husband in and they treat military and they treat veterans and civilians, but they do them at different times in the day, so there's no overlap. And they took Brady in and they were able to get him function again. And then he got diagnosed with a TBI that had gone, like they hadn't seen it. And then they got everything sorted out. And that's why, like, I've gotten such, so vocal about TBIs because for men in particular in our community, they don't understand why they don't have a sex drive. They don't understand why depression kicks in it. It's because their testosterone is bottoming out and it's gone undiagnosed. And people are like, well, I was never near a bomb or I never

had a blast or did a fucking if you shot a gun there is a concussive blast that comes off period it's they've been able to prove it now and they call it in canada now they call it operator syndrome so it's an all encompassing tbi PTSD kind of situation um but anyway and so that's why i talk about it a lot because it's like there's this nobody seems to understand like everyone wants to drink water move their body go to the gym do whatever but they're not looking under the hood they'll take a bunch of supplements but they don't know what their levels are so it's like get your blood work checked. It's not that difficult to do. We did it with Inside Tracker. We went, got a blood wreck and we took it in and then we uploaded it on to Inside Tracker. And that's how we started our

baselines. What were they able to, how did they pull Brady out of that down in Texas? Oh man. So hormones, getting hormones leveled out. He got to the point where he was so weak that like he couldn't, he couldn't look at a screen anymore. His, he would just, it's really hard when I look back because everything fell apart. Like everything, you couldn't work, he couldn't function, you couldn't do a goddamn thing. If he drove, he would have such disautonomia symptoms kick off that he would have to stop driving.

There was times where he would be taking Jack to the grocery store and I get a phone call. Honey, I'm pulled over on the road. I can't see. I can't move. You need to come now and you need to take me to the hospital. You need to grab Jack. Like this was happening all in this time.

So my whole world was collapsing around me and the person that I needed was also collapsing. Yeah, that's rough. And so when we were able to, so they did a ton of different things. So they worked on as disautonomia, which, which is often pots. So it's like, it's hard to explain. I'm not a doctor. So I'm sorry, I'm not very great at this.

But disautonomia, for me, it's like I get car sick really easy, right? I can't watch a train go by because I'll do it and I'll go into a full episode. For real? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like that. And that's why screens are so bad because you're constantly scrolling up. so it's this motion and it can kind of kick it off.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a great feeling. For me, what they found out, because they put you in these, I call them like the space chairs where they flip you upside down and do all that.

They don't do that to everyone. But for me, they had to find my degree point where it would kick. So my cerebellum, when you get to a certain degree, thinks that my head's flipping upside down. When I tip even just like a couple degrees backwards,

my brain thinks it's fucking, and so, So that's all from TBI stuff. I'm just like blasts, like concussive blasts or like constant head hits or the other thing we know now too is like you don't need to have a concussion. Like you don't have to be knocked out. Yeah, it's cumulative. Oh my God.

Is it ever? So with Brady in the Supercross world, you know, every time he crashed, every time he broke a bone. I don't even think you need to crash. I mean, I have very limited. Don't give me wrong. Like I've rid motorcycles for a long time and let's just say the jumps that I have done are small in comparison.

It's still jarring. Yeah. And especially if you're up on the pegs, the last portion of the whip is your head. Absolutely. And then you've got like, so they also see a lot of TBIs with like guys that ride C2s. Oh, of course. It's, it's, you don't need to hit something. Your brain smashing your skull is enough, right?

And so what was happening is his frontal lobe, his prefrontal cortex was not working. And that's what was happening to me. And so that controls your executive functions. Your ability to handle anger, your ability to control your emotions, your cortisol, right? And so for me, when I'm in a stressful situation or when something I know is going to set me off, I have a subset of tools that I use now that seem really silly to some people,

but they really work to bring me back down. One is like humming really loud or singing really loud because it vibrates the vagal and then that'll bring you down or gargling water really aggressively. What song do you sing? I don't normally sing. I hum real loud.

What do you hum? I just hum. Just hum. I would sing. probably Katie Perry Roar. I mean, I'm not a great singer, so I try not to subject others to that kind of trauma. It would just be your child. And if you're not a, you know.

Oh, he doesn't let me sing. How can he stop you? Is he already taller than you? Is that the issue? He's actually up to about here now. He's two? He's seven. We're working on it.

Such an asshole. You're really tiny. I am a pocket human. Actually, Dean Stott used to call me a pocket rocket until Alana started to tell him. You know, that's like a sex toy. I probably don't call her that anymore. Okay. I don't know what to do with that info. It's fine. It's for you. That's for you. That you know what? That's a gift for you.

I like it. Yeah. I mean, it's not bad. I am tiny, but... Are you going to use psychedelics for the rest of your life? I don't know. I might not need to. But I do... How do you know when it's time to sit down and do another one? I think it's... Oh, for me? Well, I think number one, it is complete personal. It's individualized. No, for you. I'm saying, how do you personally like, okay, it's time to go again? I kind of

I hear a calling Yeah I'm not as weird as you might think of I know but I I've said this stuff to other people before and it's been fine But I've never said it to you And I didn't know

Because you don't never use them So it's like sometimes there's jargon Or like the I hear a calling If you've never done it It's hard to express that to like to someone else Yeah but explain to somebody Why your favorite ice cream flavor Is your favorite ice cream flavor

Yeah no fair enough I totally understand You know what I mean like I don't know I like chocolate chip cookie dough For one it's the fucking best Obviously It's too sweet

For somebody like yourself But I mean for people who are connoisseurs Oh We can tell your connoisseurs But everything totally Yeah I get it But everybody has their own favorite flavor And yeah

Or like describe to somebody Why you love your significant other And why you don't feel that way about somebody You know what I mean? Like what you're describing It's not that uncommon For me it's just a call If I don't hear it, I don't go.

It's not like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to go do it whenever I feel like it. I treat psychedelics very much. Like, I hold them in a very high regard, and I don't fuck with them because they will fuck with you back. And it's like there's a line and a limit. And I really listen to my intuition now. I'm really tapped in on myself in that. So it's like some days where I'm like, oh, I go take my vitamins and then I go to take

my microdose. And I will literally have a moment of pause and go, no, not today. not today. I feel like that's healthy. Yeah, because it's not a, this is not a quick fix. This is not a cure all, right? This is legitimate work. This is a lot of fucking effort.

And most of the time, it's painful as hell. It is not something that is for like, there's so many people now, there's psychedelic tourism, right? So many people want to go sit with medicine and they want to go experience, you know, the fantastical things that happen. But I'm always going to be the first person to be like, if it's, if you're not searching this out, you're not doing this because you're trying to heal from something. Like, don't, don't play. That stuff isn't a joke.

Or do play and just know what you're getting into. Again, people are like making educational choices. Well, that's what it is. It's like if you're going to go play, you damn well better have a good safe set and setting. Yeah. Because I've seen, I've been in ceremonies where everything's gone real, real, real smooth, right? I mean, I jet off to space. I come back.

I've vomited all over myself for hours. Oh, that sounds great. Oh, it's super fun. It's not fun. Like none of the shit is fun, right? It's not a great experience. Until you're in the medicine, you come out and you learn something from it. But my last ceremony is in Peru.

We had an individual who big dude, like six foot, two to five, really big guy, really, really big guy. And amazing, real quiet guy, just super, super, super quiet. We went into ceremony. First night was fine. night, it was terrifying. I got up. I had, I was the first to drink that night. And the healers choose who goes for, you don't get to choose, right? How long does it take to kick in? For some people, I think it's like, for me, I notice I'm about 20 to 35 minutes. Some people take 45 minutes. Depends on like your diet. Like, so you have to follow a diet before. So like eating a

certain way, not having certain things. And I follow that. Like some people don't. They fuck around. And then they find out when they're in ceremony why you're supposed to do certain things. So for me, I was the first to drink that night, so I shot off in the space first. Like before everybody, everyone else was just finished, like the last person was being served. And I, they hadn't even start singing. Like the healers were sitting in the middle and they drank. And then they wait for the medicine to start speaking to them. And they start singing the icros, right?

And these prayers. And I started to feel the medicine. And for people like us, I mean A-type individuals. Control is a real thing. We always need to have control. And I was going to say that to you at the beginning when you were like, I've never dabbled. I don't know why.

It's a control thing because you lose all sense of control. Could be. For me, at least it was, right? And so when the medicine started to kick in, I had to start very quickly having that conversation because it started to go heavy really fast. And they hadn't even start singing yet. And I was like, oh, no.

Because I know what that means. when they start singing, they start moving the medicine. And when they start moving the medicine, shit gets real. Visuals get out of control. And that's when it can get really, really hard and you can get scared really fast, right? And so for me, I knew they hadn't even start singing yet. And I was already going to space. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, too far, too far, too far.

And then that was just the control inside, right? Going, nope, you're going to try to fight it. You can't fight that medicine. That medicine will always win. And so for me, they started singing. and I just started vomiting uncontrollably and I couldn't breathe and I'm sitting there and I'm trying to smoke my ma-pacho to kind of bring myself down

and I'm and I've got to the point where I'm like okay now I can't even control my hand so I put it down and I just I collapsed down onto my mat and I just put my bucket beside my head and I just like just can't stop right just trying to breathe in between and then I just kept saying though like I trust you I trust you I trust you I trust you I trust you I trust you and I'm fucking gone

and I'm in it and I just start hearing this like this moan like from a horror movie you know you hear those like characters that's like ah and I hear this coming from the right side and it's pitch black and you're in the middle of the jungle and it's an open air you know um maloka so there's screens but there's open air and it's funny because when somebody starts to really go in it the animals start to pop off they start screaming the monkeys everything starts going and you're like it gets intense there's there's a connection to something deeper happening and they know it. And so I hear this noise and it starts getting loud.

And I just start hearing like, smash, smash, smash. And I'm going, oh, fuck me, what's happening here? Because am I hearing it? Is everyone else hearing it? And then I start hearing this slamming up against the side of the Maloka. Just like a pop, pop, pop. And I'm going, and they give you a red flashlight to help you find your way to the bathroom or if you need help.

And if you need help, you pointed out your chest and the facilitator will come over and help you. And I just knew I had to pee so fucking bad. And there's different ways of purging, right? There's energy purging, which is like the big yawn, your jaw will hurt. It'll feel like your jaw is like broke the next day. And I've had that where you're just like yawning like a huge lion. And it's just this energy that you're moving. Or you'll purge, like you'll vomit. Or like I know some dudes have like straight shit their pants and how to be put into a shower and like cold water on them. That's what I'm talking about. Oh yeah. You get hardcore shit. Michael's into that shit.

I know he is with the ball gag though, right? I was going to say it pairs nicely. It does. He takes the bag and then he throws it, right? No, he beats people. Well, he's got to put it in a sock first. You need to have a sock. Okay, so he needs help with that.

He's probably wearing a dive mask too. Oh, oh, no, that's so much worse. You took it to do. Amateurs. Amateurs over here. We don't want to get anything in your eyes. It's gross. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That would be gross. I mean, maybe not for some people, though. That's where I draw the line. Okay, like super sidebar, tangent here. I've heard of some like Only fans people who have been requested to

shit into a container and send it to people and they pay thousands of dollars and then they send that person a video of them like eating it and like see you know what's up right how do you know that's true Michael I've just heard about it it's just on the internet I don't like the delay that you had when you were like

so let's dig into this a little bit how the fuck do you know that's a real thing first of all you're not a premium subscribers so I'm not just give away this information for free. We are going to need to take a look at your browsing history. All right? I don't know what you're looking at on the screen over there while we're sitting here talking. I have concerns. That's okay. You should be concerned for his well-being, but nothing else. Because you do not get to judge him, okay? Oh, I can judge him. Okay. That's fine. Then I guess you pay him. I can't do anything about the judgment, but I can judge. Okay. That's fine. That's fine with me. As long as you're judging from like a place of love. No. Oh, no. I'm sorry for your loss. My friend. It's just a place. It's just a super judgey place. Yeah, that's totally fine. So there's people that go, like, it just depends, right, where the medicine takes you. So for me, I just had to pee. And so I put it there.

He helped carry me over because I couldn't walk. Yeah. And I was convinced I was just like peeing all over myself. And I sat down in the toilet and like I could not stop peeing. I felt like I'd peed for hours and hours. And I just, I was purging, right? Anyway, when I'm in there, it sounds like war is happening in that Maloka when I'm in the bathroom. And I'm now freaking the fuck out.

Because I'm in the medicine fully. I look down at my hands and my hands are moving and changing and colors are popping. And I'm going, and I just remember looking at myself. I'm on the toilet and I just go, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I trust you.

It's fine. I'm just trying to work my way through this. And then next thing you know, in comes another guy. And then in comes another guy. And then another one. And we're all in the bathroom. And I'm sitting there on the toilet, right? And one of the guys that actually was in the ceremony was in another ceremony with me somewhere else.

So he comes in and I'm like, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. But I need you to sit right beside me or hold my hand. He's like, are you okay that you're, like, I said, Sam, I don't give a shit right now. Sam, I just need you to hold my hand. Tell me I'm safe. Tell me I'm safe. Because what was happening was that individual was in the medicine so deep that he was taking his hands and he was beating the shit out of himself. What do they do when that happens?

The maestros go over. They start to work on him. And like literally everyone at that point, all the attention went to this guy. So one of the other Marines that was with me, he, Ryan Culberson, he full on Marine immediately. Snaped up. He's like, what do you need? What do you need? The facilitator is like, I need your help.

Meaning like, I need you to go hold his legs. And I'm going to go hold his arms because he's going to keep hurting himself. And he was. His eyes were black and blue. He had scratched himself. His hands were like, looked like he had broken his hands the next morning. and because he was just slamming up against everything, right? And so, but in my mind, that is him doing that.

Right? That's logical. What I'm hearing and what I'm seeing, what was coming out of him was a manifestation in my mind of my anger. Interesting. Because I feel, one of my things is I feel people. It's like to a detriment. Like when I hug someone, it like, if there's something going on with them, I'll walk away

go that's a lot that's a lot I don't know what that is there's a lot there's a lot there's like a hard I think I've had to work on I just I've opened myself up so much that now when I have contact with others I can touch them and I'm oh okay that's oh that's a lot we got to go go get that out and I had to one of the things I went into that ceremony was I need to learn to let go I need to let go of this anger and I need to learn how to move through these emotions so I'm not holding it so he was slamming up against everything. And all the other people were hiding in the bathroom with us because we're like, what the fuck is happening? Because now it's like, how safe do you feel? What's going to happen? So all these guys are in there with me and we're all just kind of sorted out. And it got to the

point where I saw and heard this thing come out of him. And when I looked up, it was coming through, it looked like the Maloka was ripped to shreds. There was nothing left. When I went back out, it didn't exist. The walls were gone. The ceiling was off. I could see. see the stars. This thing had crawled its way all along the walls and on the ceiling, the Malocca, and we're just fucking ripping. So it just sounded like this horrific. And I could hear this voice. And it was crawling and trying to get into the bathroom. And I spoke to the other guys after. And I said, are you guys, did you guys hear that? Did you guys see that? And they're like, no. So it's like, how was that guy's experience? He's doing great now.

No, I mean, like after that, like, what the fuck was that journey like for him? He was in the medicine until the next morning. Is that common? It can be. I know guys. So, like, Phil Susson from American Yogi, he talked about it on my show, his experience, where, like, he was in the medicine so deep they had to put him into a cold shower to try to break it. Damn. Yeah.

And because he couldn't get out of it. And it was like, and eventually the medicine will let go, but it will let go when you, when it's done with what it needs to teach you. not when you're done when it's done and so i i just saw this thing trying to get to me and i was terrified i have never been that scared in my entire life and i just kept saying like no one you can't leave me someone has to stay with me and i've never done that before um and then when we were done ceremony and ceremony closed we went back to our our houses or our spaces i struggled that night to sleep because i felt like i was being watched by that energy and i felt like that energy was going to to come into me. Like that thing was so real that I didn't sleep. So the person that was in the

room with me, like every half an hour, I'd be like, tell me I'm safe. Tell me I'm safe. I need someone tell me I'm safe. And I'm out of the medicine at this point. And so through the next day, we had all conversations about it. We were just there for that guy. Like, are you okay? Like how you feeling? Like he's like, that was a lot. Like that was. And in all fairness, this guy is from New Zealand. And he's, um, fucking Kiwis. Some of my favorite people actually. They, he's one of my favorite humans. Single most beautiful country I've ever been to. I've never been yet.

You should go. I really would like to. But it was like this ancestral thing that came out of him. This like it looked, when I look at photos now and I recognize what that thing that came out was, it very much looked like one of those old warriors with the big green tongues. You see on those big. Yeah. And that's what it was that came out.

Because I remember I was sitting on my mat and I was looking because I was right in front of the maestro and I'm sitting there. And he was two mats over. And I remember the medicine being like, turn your head. And I was like, nope, nope, not doing it. Not looking. No one can make me. And it was like, turn your head.

And I looked and I saw this thing come up. And it came up and its tongue came out and it looked at me. And I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, bathroom, bathroom. And I fucking hid in that bathroom because I could not cope. I mean, everything you've described is an excellent reason for me never to do this. But you know what it showed me though? You know what we should do? What?

We'll send Michael and report back on his experiences. And based off of that, I'll make my decision. But it's not always been like that, though. The last night, I didn't even need to drink. So the message I got when I was sitting that night on the toilet, couldn't stop peeing, was you don't need to drink tomorrow. We're going to give you what you need. Trust.

And I was like, okay. So I went into that last ceremony and I had said to them, I was like, hey, the kind of what I'm hearing and I don't know what to do. with this is like I'm not supposed to drink tonight but I'm still going to receive what I need I was like trust it then so I went in everyone drank we sat there it girl started and my fucking eyes rolled back and I have a tendency to rock when I'm in medicine so like I kind of go like this and so like my core hurts so much when I'm done I'm exhausted right because I'm physically moving constantly and when they when the maestro's because they come around and

give you prayers individually so there's two of them right and then they circle the room kind of like this and you each get one from them. There's a female and a male, right? So the male is known as like the surgeon who comes in and cuts you open and takes out the nasty shit. And then the female comes in with love and packs you and stitches you up and bandages you and holds you, you know, and keeps you safe. It's super sexist, but okay. It's fine. It's okay. That's you saying it, not me. And so that's what happened, right? So he came over to me and he did his prayer over and he did this thing where he got on top of my head and they have this, it's like their own, it's like a perfume, but it's like the healer's specific to that individual. It's like that's their thing. And they let you know, like,

these people get real physical real quick if they have to. Don't be thrown off by it. Don't be weird. Sometimes they just do. And so we were prepared for that. So he gets on top of, he stands up over top of me and puts his hand on my head and he starts into my head. And I could feel your aura or whatever you want to call it, the energy that comes off your body. I just felt this. like heaviness release. I've never felt anything like it. It's so hard to describe, but it was like the energy field fucking changed, the darkness that was there.

Because I told him, I'm having a lot of problems with my hearing, and I'm having a lot of problems with my TBI, and it's causing a lot of physical pain. And I came out of that the next week, and I had no issues. I could hear everything all of a sudden. Like I have hearing loss, a lot of it. That's why I'm so loud.

And it made a difference. And so when she came around, though, to pray over top of me, they don't speak English. So it's a little, when you're in the medicine, they're trying to, and they do hand gestures. So she looks at me and she's grabbing my shirt. And she's like, lift up your shirt. I'm like, it's pitch black. And I don't give a shit. I've had a child.

So everything's always out, whatever. So I lift up my shirt. She lifts it all the way up. So I'm full titties out. And she just takes her hand. So she pours onto here. And she just starts singing super loud. and she goes from the tip of my jaw all the way down my neck, all the way out to my stomach,

and she just keeps going like, bah, like hard, just like, and she keeps sitting and she keeps doing it. And I'm like, I could feel something happening, and I couldn't understand it. And then all of a sudden I got this super sharp pain right under my right rib. And I didn't say a single goddamn thing. And she goes to the bottom and the pain hit. And she's like, it was like, ooh, I fucking got you. And she takes her hands and she starts just pushing two hands on there. Like I'm like, you're going to break a rib.

She's pushing, she's pushing, she's pushing. And the last time she pushes like this, and then she looks over and she just vomits. And so what they do is they're taking that out of you, putting it into themselves and purging it out. And so she's doing this thing. And then afterwards, she's done and she vomits and she goes, and my whole body just collapsed. Like I just fell right forward and she goes, ah, like she's done her job. And it is the most profound thing to ever witness. because it's something that's so fantastical and not tangible and you can't understand it

unless you've been like these people are raised in the medicine for decades they're raised in this medicine and they know how to work with it but in those situations i'm not talking to myself i'm being held by something else and i do this all the time i'll go i'll be in the medicine and i'll be like it's all right you're just you're just it's fine you're just talking to yourself you're talking to yourself it's cool it's cool, just have a conversation with yourself. And then I'll get a voice go, stop it. I thought you trusted us enough now to know this is not you. And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, sure.

They're like, you're not listening. And it gets really stern with me really quickly. Because I'll be like, no, it's just myself. It's just myself. And they're like, stop it. Because it's like you're invalidating what they're trying to teach you because you're trying to rationalize in your monkey brain that, oh, no, this is just my consciousness.

And so when it comes to medicine, I feel a call. and I go when that time is, and not before and not after, but only when it presents itself. I'm going to send Michael seven times. I would like to send him at least once. I feel like that would be a good data point collection. Are you ready? I guess. Have you ever sat with medicine before?

No. No, just the chokeball. You're like, I don't want to now. Yeah. I sit with that chokeball. I know he says, well, he has to, right? Because he's the submissive. Oh, which one would he be?

Semissive. Pitcher or catcher. He's not the dom. He's not the dom. Listen, I started to learn about this stuff. That's super judgy. You're like judging me on my judginess and you're like, he's a submissive. Yeah, I don't, I mean.

That's my point right there. That proves it right there. Top or bottom bunk, Michael. I'm not answering this question. No, my girlfriend is a Dom. And she's a real one. A dominatrix? Yes.

She like steps on dudes ball sacks with like high heel shoes on? For a profession. Yeah. She's on her Instagram. She's the one with the really giant gorgeous boobies. And she does stuff with her jewelry to catch attention. And she does this for a profession. She makes crazy money.

And she teaches other women how to kind of take back that control, whether it's because they've been abused before, whatever it is. But she's a- What is wrong with people? She's a professional Dom. And she is fucking unbelievable. This woman is, she's like six foot two, long black nails. Yeah, she's a-man.

Marie. Hard pass. No, she'll message me. She'll be like, Kelsey, did you like my vizu of the boobies when I did the necklace like this? And I'm like, yes, I, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, yes ma'am. What are you Googling over there, Michael? Sick fuck.

Not that. Jump on, legit. Jump on Brasson Unity's Instagram. If you scroll down like a page or two, Marie's on there. Michael, you're not putting that up on the TV. Oh, my God, you don't have to. That's for him, okay? All right.

This is for him. Yeah. We know how PG-3. 13 your show is. Oh, it's super PG-13. Tell me about the TV show. Is it based off of the book? Yeah.

Because the announcement just came out. Yeah, last week. How did that all come together for you? That's got to be exciting. I'm very excited. I don't know. It's, okay, so I get uncomfortable talking about it yet because it's like, why?

Because we're talking to a bunch of different networks, right? We're talking to a ton of different people. And I understand how. So the announcement is they're going to make the show. Yes. And the conversations you're having now is where the show is, Where is it going to land? Where is it going to land?

Okay. Yeah. So we have the actress who's going to play me. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met. I cannot say her name yet. Okay. But I promise I'll tell you exactly who it is. Sure.

And then Neal and Rubei McDonough, they optioned the rights for the book to turn it into a miniseries or a movie. They're leaning towards a mini series just because there's so much in that book that can be pulled apart and so many different timelines that can really be explored, whether it's from like the taekwendo and like my coach being. you know, assaulting someone, to the military time, to the psychedelics, to the Afghan abortion, to all of those things that happened. There's a lot in there.

And I'm writing a second one right now that's very different than this. And I plan on doing a third that will follow this story. All nonfiction. Yes, the next one we're working on right now is more of a, I don't even want to use the self-help, but it's like the tools to move your life forward from like getting from the bed to walking, walking, to running, to all the way down to blood work, to different types of treatments, to get your life in order, to mental toughness, to psychedelics, to you fucking name it. We just want people to thrive.

And I want to try to show them the way that I did it so that maybe if that helps somebody, that's great. I'm doing it with Rebecca Rouse. She's a good friend of mine and an ambassador. And we're going to co-write this one together because she specializes in fitness and things like that. So she also works with resiliency down in Texas. with Defenders of Freedom and getting veterans moving, whether it's from physical injuries because of the TBI or medication or what have you.

She's really good at getting people on a baseline. And so her and I are writing that one together. What are you going to call it? Left, right, left. Okay. Unconventional ways to move forward. Yeah. It's like a military marching cadence.

Yeah, right? But isn't that every day? You just got to put one foot in front of the other. Like, isn't that the goal, right? It's not. I mean, that's really ablest to say that. Right. What if somebody's in a wheelchair?

Then roll your ass forward. you're going to get canceled. Oh, well, this is your fault, though. I didn't say it. Well, let's think about it, though. All that we are trying to say in life is, like, be 1% better than you were the day before. So, like, brass in unity has kind of spun off into so many things, right? We have this group called, it's called Mental Health Monday.

We do an Instagram live every Monday at 9.45 in the morning. And this group has spun into a signal group. So we have people from all over the world now that come and join the signal group. And we issue challenges every month. We are a support network for people. I mean, I've got people in New Zealand, New Zealand, Italy, Spain, America, Canada, you name it. I've got these people who are just like, I want a community. I'm not a military veteran necessarily.

But I just kind of want someone to hold me accountable. Yeah. And we've gone through some really serious things in this group. We've had somebody who had a family member, had their child kidnapped. and ultimately found we've had suicides happen. We've had, so we've tried to be there. We've tried to create a community with this. And so we have on Signal and we issue challenges every month.

And they're not always physical. They can be psychological. They can be just better ways to help yourself. But the 30-day challenges. So like this month is five minutes of breathwork every day, a three-mile walk, and 10 minutes of reading a book or 10 pages of a book. Every day? Every day.

I'm more in for like I could accomplish that in 30 days. Right? Well, we need to try a little bit harder with you though. So and then last- I'm not part of the group. Well, then come join. You won't. I refuse to participate.

Well, that's, I'm sorry to hear that for you because it works. And then like last month was drinking two liters of water a day. That's actually really fucking hard. It's so much harder than people think. People are chronically dehydrated. To include myself. Yeah. It is terrible for you.

Especially for people who have TBIs and have these things. You need to be up on this. You need to really, really take hydration. Seriously, like Andrew Huberman put out an episode, I think, yesterday or today on hydration. Like, hydration is something that is so overlooked in people's lives. They're like, well, if I'm drinking coffee and I'm drinking this, I'm drink, well, I'm hydrated. It's like, no, you're not. You're chronically dehydrated.

And it's a severe problem that people need to get their shit together with. And so we try to just, what we do is we do three, like three points in that month. And then we say if you can take one of those points and continue it throughout the year, watch what it's going to look like in 12 months. Oh, it would be awesome. They'll have 12 incredibly. If you can take one out of that 30 days, that's it. 12 really powerful tools.

We've been doing it since December and it has been super successful. Very successful. The group is growing very well and we kind of are telling people now like we're switching it over to Patreon soon. So we're like, everyone can be grandfathered in now and then at a certain point

you have to go through Patreon to get access to this group. We'll always do the lives for free on Instagram to create that community. So in saying that it's like brass and unity is kind of spun off all to all these things. And with that was the team. TV series. And so Neil and Rubei met me at a charity event that we did a few years back. And I was kind of rousing him as I do most people. And they're like, hey, if you ever do anything, like if you

ever just let us know we want to help. Rovey and Neal are very selfless individuals. It's kind of, it's hard in Hollywood, as you know, because you've worked in the space before. Like people. A little bit. Yeah. Well, but you understand how ruthless it can be and cutthroat it can be. And how people. It's a business. Exactly. And they came to me and were like, hey, like, like can we read the book? I sent them the book. And the Neil was like, I really want to, you are our passion project. We feel like we met you for a reason and we want your story to be told and we're going to tell it if you trust us with it. And I said, yeah. And so last year when we got the publishing deal, which was very weird because I never thought an American publisher would

want to talk to a Canadian because that, we hear that. Fifty first state. I know. I'm so sorry. the 51st date. They bought this post hill, post hill, and then they distribute through Simon and Schuster, bought the book. And I started saying, like, this is who it's going with.

This is what we're going to do. And they're like, great, we love them. Like, that works for us. And then they read the rest of the three chapters. And we're like, okay, this really rounds it out. This rounds out the story in a pretty significant way. We can do a lot more with this.

And then they said, okay, we're going to sign it. And then they optioned it. And then we found out, I think it was like the end of last year that it was for sure. like we want to option it. And then I got a call on January 1st. And they're like, we want you to meet with so and so. We want to see if she's a good fit for you. We want to see if you guys jive because

you'll need to spend time with her. Her and I hit it off like two peas in a pod. Like I love this woman so much. And I can't imagine somebody else ever playing a like portrayal of me. And so now we're at the point where we're having those discussions. And hopefully we can get it, you know, across the finish line. And at the end of the day, the goal has always been for me, I'm not anybody. I'm just a person who served a very short time who just had an unfortunate situation who just didn't quit. I get told no more times a day than I get told yes. I never get told yes, actually. The only time I get told yes is if I'm so fucking persistent that people find it easier to just give in to me because I'm not going to stop. So like when I told you before

the show, it's like I have certain personal goals. I will show the fuck up until. you say no to me. Until you say no, I'm going to say it's yes. Until I'm told it's not going to happen. I'm going to say yes. And that's kind of how I've lived this. Like this book took almost five years from the time I wrote it or started writing it and I wrote this thing myself. I didn't have a ghostwriter. I had a lot of editors go through it. So there's been a lot of hands in it. So I'm not pretending that I'm some brilliant, fucking brilliant writer. I barely graduated high school. Well, that's the way it goes. I mean, even people who do self-write, they are going to pass it through editor's hands to take a look at it. Yeah, and I've had quite a few. And I've been really fortunate to

have support on that. But when we finally got it to the point where it was like, okay, I can send this to people to get reviews now. That's what shocked me. I sent it out to a subset of people and not one person said no to me. That was the first time I got yeses across the board. People were like, I want to support you and what you're doing because we believe in what you're doing. And what I'm trying to do is just show other people who've just been through normal shit where life has been difficult or you've been kicked in the face legitimately or you've just struggled. You've had family struggle. You've had personal struggle. If you just put one foot in front of the other, this shit can be achieved. It might take you your entire fucking life. But it can be done.

And so for me, getting this to the finish line, I got to be honest, this is the first thing. Because like the business will never be to the finish line. The goal is always growth, right? It's always growth, help more people, put more money in charity's hands. That's always going to be an ongoing thing for me. I definitely have a donation number that is like across the finish line for me. And that's over a million dollars. And we're at half of that.

So that's like a finish line for me. Children, you never get across the finish line. You're a parent. They're an ongoing life project for, you know. The problems just get more complicated. Exactly. And so there was that, you know, your marriage is always something you work to strive and be better and it takes work and you have to show up every day for it. But this, this was something,

I had this discussion with my doctor this week. He goes, why do you think this was such a big deal for you? And I said because I set a goal. I didn't allow people to say no. And when they did say no, I found another avenue. And when that person said no, I found another avenue. And I got it to the fucking finish line. And that's all I wanted. It's not about being a millionaire, about becoming the next jack car. You can't be the next jack car. There is, there is, there is, there is, of those people, right? And so it's like, why even bother comparing yourself? Be the best fucking version you can be.

Be better, 1% better than yesterday. And if you keep doing that, that will stack. And that's what these challenges are about. Stack your shit. Because eventually you're going to stack yourself so high. The right person is going to see you. The right person is going to hear you. And you will get to that goal.

But you can't quit. And that's all this book is. That is just not quitting. If it goes optimally for your, as scheduled, when would you guys start filming? Well, we had an initial conversation with somebody that they wanted it, they did want it, and they end up ultimately passing on it last second. And it had nothing to do with the story, which was great.

It was like they wanted IP or something. They just wanted to own like all of it, right? And ask a little bit too much, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I don't know at this point. Could it potentially be out this year? I don't think it would be out this year.

Okay, so 24. I think so. Yeah, I would believe so. I mean, to do this right, it has to go to a certain person that needs a certain budget, right? Because ultimately, there are a lot of scenes in this book that would be a big budget, like, you know, explosions, that kind of, you know what that's kind of like you. Even if you faked them, it would be a big budget, CGI wise. Oh, 100%. And so I'm not naive to the idea that a lot of people get there. Like I talked to Clint Emerson recently and I, you know, I was telling him about it before it came out. I was kind of giving a few people a heads up. Can you share this for me? Can you guys post this for me? And he's like, yeah, no problem. He's like I said, you know, it got option. He goes, just, you know, things get optioned all the time. So just be conscious of this. Be conscious of who you're working with and all of these things. And I said, you know, I trust Rubei and Neil with my life literally. So I'm going to trust that they're going to do and put it where it should be. And. And. Again, I've never not got something across the finish line and I've never, ever not got what I wanted, whether that's being on a show, whether that's being an author, whether that's being a certain type of mom or being an athlete. It doesn't matter. It may take me all of my existence to get where I want to be in this world, but I'm going to get there. And I'm not going to stop. And that's what annoys people.

That's the approach to take, though, if you want to accomplish things that'll make people scratch their head about it. Yeah, I mean, I got to tell you when Wednesday came and I knew it was coming, right? So deadline was kind of hemming and hawing about putting it out because they're like, I'm not a, I'm not a celebrity, right? When Jack Carr gets something in deadline, it's expected, right? He's a massive author. He had the terminal list. It's like when Jack Carr has put something out, deadline's going to pick it up. That's just the way variety and deadline work, right?

You got to be a somebody for that. And when they, when Kim, my PR went to them and said, it was like, hey, this is my client. This is what da-da-da-da. They were like, we don't really do books. And like, we know that's not true. we know it's because I'm just not anybody. But then they found out who reviewed the book and they found out who's on the cover of the book

and who's optioned the book. And they're like, okay, yeah, we'll put it out. So literally till the 24 hour, like the night before, I was like, is it going to go in deadline? Is it not? Like, because for me, deadline was a goal, right? The announcement in deadline was a serious goal for me. It was a goal that shows that if I work hard enough

because I've been working with Kim for four years. So she's seen, somehow this woman is stuck with me. She works with David Foster. She works with Candace Bushnell. She's a fucking beast. She has no place with me. And she's like, I'm going to stick with you. There's something.

There's something. And I know it. We're just going to do this together. I'm going to ride it out with you. And I was like, okay, I love you. Let's do it. And when she's like, I was like, I really want it in deadline. She's like, okay.

Well, I'll do what I can. And literally till I think it was like four or five o'clock that night, I was at a golf town with my husband. And she calls me. And she's like, you got it. Is that like top golf? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I started golfing. So. Why? Because after I did brain treatment, Defenders of Freedom does a golf tournament every May 22nd. They're on their 18th or 19th. And they bring veterans down who have done brain treatment. And I go down to speak sometimes as like an advocate for it.

Because I was also their first combat female they've ever treated. They'd never treated a woman that had been in the service before. So I was a new thing for them. she said hey we have this golf tournament would you come and i was like i don't golf she's like just come we just have a good time i golfed and i was like oh i like this because this is an individual and this is something that i can get better at and that's kind of like when i told you like i'm getting into archery it has nothing to do with necessarily wanting to hunt with archery it has to do with the perfection of i was a single athlete right i was a tycoquo fighter so it's like counting on me

i the only person who can make me better is me and so when i found golf i was like oh i kind of like this. Like, I like that it can get competitive. And the other thing was Brady can't work out yet. So what is happening with his vestibular system, which is his eyes, is his one pupil is dilating three seconds slower than the other. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's super bad. So what happened, what that means, though, for in layman's terms is where his body is in spatial reality doesn't match what his brain thinks of this. Oh, that sounds fun. Yeah. So he's constantly overworking. His brain's overworking to try to level it out. So we can't ride road bikes together anymore.

We can't go on runs together anymore. And him and I have always done activities together. That's one of our things in common. But he could golf. Okay. So we started golfing together. And so we're going through that process. We go down to the Defenders of Freedom Golf Tournament again in May.

And then right after I'm doing a clay shoot with the boot campaign, I don't think I'll shoot because I try not to shoot anymore. I don't want to cause any more damage. but I try to show up for the charities that have showed up for me and that's kind of my mission now right has always been with the jewelry is to get the money there it's just the vehicle that's what this book is going to do that's what this film is going to do

I plan on taking these subset of charities I've always loved and shown up for me and start showing up for them in a really really big way so that's why I talk about them constantly it's because like these people are doing something that if more people knew about them they would never have to apply for grants. Yeah. Right?

And they're doing real work. Real, real, real work. Fundraising is the single hardest thing I've ever done. Talk to me about the sevens, because you did the seven's jump. We visited seven continents. We did a skydive on each one, and it was over. What about the donate? Okay, so talk to me about the fundraising component, though.

Where are you guys at? Actually, I don't know. I never had any insight into the numbers. Okay. And the way that we, so it's four folds of honor, which is they are based around educational scholarships. and it was beginning, in my understanding, was just military, but they opened it up to first responders, which I think is huge.

I think that's great. Yeah, so mill first responders, I believe it's spouses and children. But for me, with fundraising, like, I don't ever want to touch the money. It's it's icky to me. It is. So the way we set it up was through GiveSmart, I think, was the platform. But it was Triple 7.givSmart.com, yeah. So it was on GiveSmart.

But that way, it just, I don't want any hands in, like, actually the transaction. I will do everything I can to raise awareness and attention. and then people do with it what they will. But I think it was well over half a million dollars so far. That's fantastic. What's the end goal? You know, Mike Surrelli, when he wanted to talk about, it was $7 million. Well, I told him right from the beginning.

There's no way we're going to achieve that. It does make the triple seven, right? 777. It ties into that well. It's a lofty goal. I don't think it's plausible. Fundraising is hard. I think people underestimate how difficult fundraising can be.

Yeah. It's a battle for attention in a world where everything is battling for your attention donor fatigue is very real i mean you can barely go on social media platforms and not see some version of it every single day and i'm not saying that they're not incredibly valid because i'm sure they all are in their own way but it you get lost in the sea of everything that's in front of you that's why when uh my mother-in-law asked me a long time ago like before brassinian existed she's like why don't you just start a non-profit like you your goal is to help people right and i said because i i don't know how to ask for money and uh this

There's a million of them. Yeah, you risk getting stuck as a needle in a stack of needles. Well, something that I want to talk about a little bit if we can is like there is almost, I believe last time they did the study was like 46,000 nonprofits for veterans and first responders in America. It's over 40,000, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's some crazy number, right? It's like, well, can you imagine if all of those just started talking and pooling resources? It would be impressive.

It would never happen. It did. For some of them, perhaps. So I just had an individual on the show named Travis Peterson, and he runs the Moral Compass Federation. And it is a conglomerate of these nonprofits that have come together under one umbrella so that they can all use resources and communicate and do these things. Save Our Allies as a part of them. I think Flandersfield. I don't know all the organizations.

But we were having the podcast and we were talking about it. And I said, I just want the powers in this community to go, we'll fucking meet one time a year. someplace and let's go, okay, what do you need? What do you need? How can you facilitate? How can I help this person? You got somebody in this state. Let's move them over here. Like, why can't we do that? We have so many powerful people in the space. And then he goes to me, he goes, oh, we do that. I said, sorry, what? He goes, yeah, we started doing this like recently because it got to the point where it's like, why do I have to call here, here and here and try to find somebody? By the time you get to somebody that needs help, like it might be too late or it might have taken too much. And I saw that

after your show and Jocko, I got inundated, inundated with emails and direct messages of like, I'm suicidal, I want to, I need help, I need this, I need that, first responders, da, da, da, da, da. And I spent, I think, like the next two months just moving people to organizations to getting communications. This person needs this. He's this, this, there's this. And so my goal was like, hey, can we just, can somebody do this? And now they're doing it. So I'm like, okay, well, if we can get them all to talk and communicate. Because you have. powerful for sure. There's no reason why we can't be doing it.

I know egos are one. Egos are one. I mean, 40 some thousand organizations all combing together under one umbrella. Maybe a little bit lofty of a goal, but more that they can get under that umbrella, the better. Yeah, because if you were to take those 40, and even if 10,000 of them were the hitters, right? And even just those 10,000 or 5,000 start talking. Yeah. Like the plots are all over the chart.

start connecting the web. Like, that is the one thing. This is the one thing. My husband hates this. He's like, I don't understand. You don't make any money on this, but you spend a lot of your day doing it. And it's somebody will call and say,

hey, I need to talk to so-and-so. Or, hey, I need, do you know anybody in this space? Do you know anybody in this space? And I just drop what I'm doing, and I pick up the phone. I can network like I'm, like, my buddy Michael Brandt, who owns HVMN, He goes to me on the podcast the other day.

He goes, I networked myself into a situation the other day. I need more words. And he goes, I networked into myself with rolling with Tim Kennedy once. It's very painful. And I don't, he goes, and I don't do Jiu Jitsu. That's going to hurt even worse. I know. He goes, you got to be careful.

Sometimes you can over-network yourself into some situations. Tim is a kind man and he won't hurt him, but he will make sure he remembers that experience. I met him at Chacho this year when we were doing a 5-11 thing. and him and I had some conversation. It was really funny because I had messaged him a while back to be on the show. He's like, I do. I only do in person. And I was like, yes, of course you do.

And so we were going back and forth. And it was the first time a lot of people had met me at Shot Show this year, like in physical form because, you know, communism. And so I stood there and he kind of looked at me funny from afar. And I was like, you know who I am. And he looked at me. He goes, I feel like I've talked to you. I said, you have. And I said, do you want to do the show?

And he's like, when you come to Texas? I say, well, I may. And he goes, he just points to a guy and goes, go talk to that guy. He controls my schedule. I was like, okay. And I met with a bunch of them. And I was like, I'm not even going to pretend or like joke around about rolling. I'm not even going to try.

I'm not even going to bring that on the table. I'm not even going to make it because I'm not going to network myself into breaking something. He's very good. I know. The guy with the big beard guy that he always has there too, that's with sheepdog. He does a lot of the knife stuff. but he's a jiu-jitsu guy, he scares the living shit out of me.

And Tim looked to me and he's like, that's the guy you don't want to roll. Yeah, or either of them. Well, I just, I mean, he's a giant man. He's very thick, wide. He is. He's dense. He's dense.

He's the word. He's a density of like a dying store. He does. When does your book come out? I've got to get out of about 15 minutes. No, it's fine. Book is on pre-sale now. So you can go buy it on Amazon.

Simon Schuster, Barnes & Noble. You can get it from Brassan Unity's page as well. Is there any portal that is more beneficial to you than others? Amazon. Why is that? Amazon goes towards the New York Times bestseller list. None of the other... I believe they do, but we can track Amazon.

It gives you the best metrics. I know where I'm sitting. I know what it's going to look like. And for three days last week, I had trolled Tim and Jocko with it because I hit the bestseller list for Afghan. I hit it for memoirs. I hit it for new releases. And I hit it for war and spies or something. like it's a category on Amazon or whatever. Is it really?

Yeah. And then I hit it for something else. But I had never, oh, and I surpassed like for 30 seconds, Marcus LaTrell's book. And so I screenshot it and sent it to them. I was just like, this book, as much as the podcast has existed for two years, as much as the brand's been around since 2016, like this is my fucking arrival. And I'm going to use it as that. You should. You earned it.

Yeah. Thank you. I think I've earned it. What are you looking forward to the most about? said arrival. I have certain goals, meaning I have certain podcasts I want to do for personal, like personal reasons. I have a certain donation component I want from this.

And I've selfishly, and this may be vain to some people, but if you've ever written a book, you'll understand, like, so many of our friends have been New York Times bestsellers. So many of, like, I can think of 16 people that you and I both know, half of them are authors and hit the New York Times bestseller, but they're all men. So I think I've done enough work. I've networked myself. I've given myself a five-year base. I've showed up every single time I've been asked to show up.

I want this thing to be a fucking New York Times bestseller. And they won't start calculating that, though, until the actual book comes out? No. So pre-sales. Presales and the first week of your sales. Okay. So you're already doing very good with the pre-sales then. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. So I like I said the People that'll talk to me that'll be willing to have me and sit across from me and have a conversation about fucking anything Let's go like this is the goal for me and I'm not this is Literally since 2016 I've been fighting to have a space and I've been fighting for my voice to be heard amongst the men of these like There's a million amazing podcasts in our space yours is one of them Jocko is one of them Rogan is one of them Lex is one of them. Like there are some serious hitters in this space.

For clarity, I don't belong in a category with them. None of us belong in a category with a lot of these people, but we've done the work to be there and we deserve to be there, and we need to acknowledge that. And I think you should too. There's a very large separation and gap between the people that you mentioned to myself. I think that's silly, and I think that is...

I think you're silly. Well, that's fine. You can think I'm silly all you want. I think Michael's silly too. He's a silly little goose with his chokeball. Yeah, that's okay. That's fair. But yeah.

So I think I think I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. And this is just kind of the start. And I'm going to be in everyone's face, whether they like it or not. So get really fucking comfortable with this voice or change the channel because it's going to be everywhere. Not to bombard you further with people reaching out. Go. What's the best way for people to get in touch with you?

Where can they find you? Well, uh, Instagram. It's a double-edged sword. Be careful what you tell people. I know. Yeah. Definitely, you know, Brass and Unity, if you want to buy the Buddy Check Pack. So that's something that's really important to me.

And there's been a big driving force in what I do. And it's a suicide prevention. It's just our rope paracord bracelets. They come in a pack of two. We talked about it in depth on the first episode we did. So people can go back and reference that. Yep. So buddy check.

So you can go to Brassonunit.com. And you can kind of get a hold of us there from an email standpoint. Social media is just if you type in the whole word on Instagram, brass and unity, we will hopefully continue to pop up. And then my stuff's all tagged within that. so you guys can kind of go there and give us a follow and everything like that. You talked about that on the first podcast. You were very smart to nest it all under Brass and Unity.

Everything is Brass and Unity. Well, it's smart unless you get shut down on one of these platforms. Then you might be proper fucked. I think you're only proper fucked if the community stops showing up for you. Well, the issue that I've identified is that third party. We're reliant upon these third parties. I was just having this conversation with Glover of all people, actually. And actually we were talking about it with JT from Black Rifle.

I don't mind the third party platforms that we use because it just kind of is the way that it is. Yeah. But a direct like buy-in from people, and I don't know your thoughts on this, it's something that we were kicking around was almost like a newsletter or relying more on email lists. Yep. Because at least you're directly to the people and they can choose to opt out if they want to. But it is a, it bypasses the third party. We have that as well. So when you go onto the Brassan Unity page, you're going to get a prompt.

And if you put your email address in there, it gives you 30% off for the website. but then it also gets you onto our email lists. And then you can also get into the mental health group on Signal. So we give you, you can't just go in. We give you a code. Then we have to approve you to come through. That pathos a good insurance policy for you in case you get booted off of the platforms. Yeah.

And let's be honest. Like I've had it taken down before. They won't verify us. We tried again this week after deadline. It still won't do it. We don't meet the criteria. What that means. But I think emails.

Probably a height requirement. I mean, it's always a height requirement. Let's be honest with ourselves. But yeah, if you go on the website and you want to get on the email list, it's the prompt. And if you don't get the prompt, if you go to the bottom of the page, you can sign up for the emails. And then we can reach out to you through that as well. It seems old school. I know.

But I think it's the better path. I think it's the safer path. It's the path where you as the individual or the business actually can communicate directly. Right. As opposed to, again, third-party platforms, I don't think the debate is even out anymore as to whether or not there is throttling. And maybe that's based off of whatever ideology may be. A lot of people think it's purely political. But in the U.S., there's a lot of throttling that comes from a two-way conversations.

Right. So it could be for whatever you want. You don't, nobody really knows who's thrown the levers or what lever is attuned that day. But with an email list or a way to communicate directly with people, I think you really take back a lot of that control. I've been a lot of support from JT. And from the guys when I brought up the book, they were really, they've been, you know, really instrumental and kind of just like talking about it for me and just kind of making it aware. Same with Montana Knife was like, yeah, we'll help you with this. Heritage was big fans.

Cryptic was really great. Nauzler's been really amazing. The charities have been amazing. I just want to plug those quickly because I know Fold of Honor is great. But if you're looking for more specific, like you want money to go towards TBIs, you go to Defenders of Freedom. If you want other people like that too that do things like that, a boot campaign.

In Canada, there's an organization called Honor House, which is like a Ronald McDonald, but for first responders and veterans. So Honor House is doing a huge fundraising initiative this year for a million dollars for their ranch, which is 140 acres. Has 10 cabins and it's up there for operational stress injury type stuff. And then you have so you've got Defenders of Freedom, boot campaign, Honor House. And then you've got Heroic Hearts Project, which is obviously really close to me. And then you've got vet solutions that we also support, which is Marcus and Amber Capone. Yeah, in the psychedelic world.

I always tell people, you know, like for me, my DNA ties from the Lerre, like I point people towards the Seal Foundation. But if you come from an Army family, like go dive down the rabbit hole and find something that speaks to you and support them. There's no wrong answer when it comes to supporting organizations like that. Well, the only reason I talk about those specific organizations is I have personal experience with every single one. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like it's just I work with the people I work with because I, number one, if I've seen their books or I see what they do or have experienced it personally, I told them I'll always be, you've shown up for me. Yeah. Just the way you showed up for me. You showed up for me.

I'm going to talk about you. I'm going to continue to bring you along in whatever I do because you made the difference in my life. So you did that too. So whatever weirdo. Thanks for that. You're welcome. Close it out, Kelsey. What do you want to close it out with?

Buy my book. It's fucking good. Jesus. That's super on the nose. I mean, listen, it's good. And you got a quote from Andy Stumpf in it. It's true. If could we insert a picture of Michael into every presale book?

I mean, that's not not something we can do. He could be on a tiger rug, feet up, dive mask on. dive mask. I was thinking more gag ball in mouth. For clarity, when I say dive mask, I'm talking Jacques Cousteau Fishbowl. Full on. But you have to be wearing a buddy check bracelet. Other than that, that's totally fine with me. Oh, he'll be wearing a buddy check bracelet. Oh, he'll be

wearing a buddy check. Ooh. See, that's how you sell buddy check. But yeah, brass and unity everywhere else. Thanks for having me, man. Awesome. Thank you. Appreciate you.