Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Episode 405 - Eric Tansey - Police Officer and Author of Pig Latin

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Eric Tansey, a former Army scout and Special Operations military veteran, joined the police force with a ton of unrealistic expectations. The reality of the job knocked him down and changed his perspective on everything. Always a magnet for uncanny, wild situations, Tansey reveals exactly what it's like to deal with everyday life as a police officer—from trying to tackle naked suspects to pepper-spraying yourself in the face, from dealing with an angry mob to coaxing suicidal subjects off a bridge, an uncut version of everything is included. Going behind the badge to bring the public a real understanding of the job, Pig Latin hopes to help inspire sympathy rather than condemnation and to encourage current law enforcement with the knowledge that they are not alone in their mistakes, their fear, and their experience on the job. Pig Latin: https://www.amazon.com/Pig-Latin-Seriously-Former-Officer/dp/1668067951   Today's Sponsors: Montana Knife Company: https://www.montanaknifecompany.com Drink LMNT: https://www.drinklmnt.com/clearedhot  

Okay, got the red smoke. Oh, west of the smoke. Okay, Kathy, west of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Oh, one minute, baby. Was it weird sitting there listening to Austin and I, Austin Von Lick the Hole yesterday as we did a... I've never sat through and watched somebody do a podcast.

I don't think I have either. Because it's easy to sit across and have a conversation. You were just, I mean, literally, I guess, a fly on the wall. Yeah. Can I say cuck? Yeah. I was like a podcast cuck. Well, what's Michael then?

A producer. I'm like, the videographer. The videographer is not really a cock in that stage. Pornographer. Huh? Pornographer. What? Pornographer.

No, hold on. Let's get the rules straight through, okay? So clearly Austin and I were the stars. So we were the talent, if you will, performers. Yeah. So you guys were behind the camera. Well, let's open with this. I don't know how gay porn's are filmed.

I assume there's a cameraman. Me. Is this you? Slash producer? Kind of have to be, yeah. Okay. Would you then be the director, though? Is there a director on porn sets?

Are there cucks on porn sites? Porn sites? Sets. Porn sets. I feel like there are people that are there just watching. Is it just voyeurism at that point? Like if I'm not. I feel like everybody has a job there.

Are there directors? Sure. There's got to be. Who is the fluffer in this instance? Well, we don't have enough people for all of that. If we had to dual hat somebody, that would be you, obviously. Of course. Yeah.

Who else is it going to be? I've got the most experience. Yeah. And appetite, if you will. You know what I mean? Sure. It's not my fault. You eat hot dogs without chewing.

I can't help you. You eat corn the long way. It's a talent. You should try it sometime. Yeah. You ever eat a Snickers bar upside down just for the texture? Today's episode is brought to you by Montana Knife Company. If you're a fan of the podcast or a listener to the podcast, you're going to know this brand.

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All right. Because I've known Austin for a little while now and I've worked with him in a couple of different settings. So it was actually cool to hear his story, I guess, per se, because like that's not the conversations that he and I have. So it was cool to like learn. Because like for example, I've always given him a hard time about his ADHD medicine. Yeah. Because I think you're, I think ADHD is a superpower. And then when you start taking the medicine, but then after I listened to him articulated to you, I was like, man, maybe you know. I think like many things, there's a dial. I think depending on where you're out on the dial, maybe the lower end where you can

manage it and control it. It could be a superpower. Man, at the top end where it's controlling and managing you, I don't know if that would be a superpower. Yeah. I mean, I love. I love it. I love it. I mean, I love it I love my ADHD. Do you actually have it? Oh, yes. Have you been diagnosed by a doctor? Yes. Oh, yeah.

Okay. It's actually a really, it was probably the beginning of my life was the moment I got. I was in seventh grade and then that's like pretty much changed my life. It changed the entire trajectory of my entire life. ADHD has been the biggest battle in my life. No. Well, to get into that story, I don't think I've ever really told that story, but I was, ADHD was brand new because it was in the 90s.

Okay. heard the term. What did they call it before that? Just a hyperactive child? Just a hyper child, I would guess. And then what would they do for that? Spank you. Or hit you in the hand with a ruler? No, that's just Catholic school, of which I didn't go to, so I don't know if that actually had public school and they had capital punishment there. They hit you with the ruler? Isn't capital punishment? Not the ruler. I don't know, but I thought they called it capital punishment. Where they, they? I believe capital punishment is if you're convicted. You should have known this as a cop. You're about to learn how capital punishment. A cop meets. Is it is, is it is, is

Is there capital punishment in public schools? Or is that corporal punishment. Or that could be it. Yeah. Capital punishment is the death. What is that? State sanction killing of a person. Okay.

So it might be court. Middle school is a little early for that. Here's a question. We did get spanking. Let's say you identify Jeffrey Dahmer as a middle schooler. At what point do you step in? I don't know. Because that's got almost like my Norder report style.

Like you can't really like. Kind of, but like maybe you can travel back in time. I don't know. If you could, I mean, I would go back and tell myself to probably invest in Bitcoin. I don't think I'd be tracking down Jeffrey Dahmer. But if you could and you went back, and again, there's no right or wrong to this. These are just fun thought exercises. Sure.

What do you do? Do you try to change the kid? Do you try to interrupt whatever it was that turned him into that? Did he come out of the box broken? Or do you just meet him in the hallway one day and look? I think I would, for me, I think I would try the, I would try to change him. I would try to reach after. If I knew.

You only have 24 hours. Do you sit him down, though, and say, hey. No. Just make it quick. Get it over with. No, me like, explain to him what he turned into. Maybe because maybe they already know at that point they're broken. It's already going to be traumatic enough. He's dying.

He's about to die. You have to tell him that part. You can surprise him with that. You don't have to tell him that part. Yeah, but then he's going to be like, man, I'm a huge piece of shit. And then all of a sudden, shank. And then he gets to die a piece of shit. But he wasn't a piece of shit yet.

So it's like double punishment. That's like too much punishment. Or was. he and he just hadn't been able to express it. I am fascinated. So he ended up killing and eating people. Right. But didn't he mess with animals prior to that, possibly?

Of the, you know, there is kind of like the trifecta of behaviors. I think he exhibited some, but then some people do that and they don't turn into serial killers that just. Right. But I mean, like, it would be easier to kill him knowing that he just like tortured an animal. Yeah. I just wonder. I had fascinated by that type of purpose. person. Do they come out of the box broken?

It's weird when you meet people that have like murdered somebody. Yeah. It's it's it's weird like because they all have a story. They all got there somehow and you know it's not what you think sometimes like sometimes you think that like they're just a bad person. I mean and they are but like when they when you know a lot of the murderers that I've talked to a matter of fact one of them in the book I drove around and help him get rid get rid of the evidence on accident.

I didn't know he just murdered somebody but he got to in my cop car with a gun and we drove around and got rid of the gun and the cell phone. Did you know you were getting rid of it? Nope. Okay. It was an embarrassing story. It's in the book. It's a very funny story.

I mean, it's unfortunate story. It's an unfortunate story. But that's like my whole life too. But anyway, yeah, it's usually not what you think. Like, you know, they usually are really calm and polite and respectful. And some of them just had a really bad day. I get it. There are legitimately evil people.

and I have known some people that I've considered to be very good who make a mistake. They don't intentionally do something bad. And I also know people who I thought were to be very good, who had a side of them I didn't know and did do things that were bad. And then I know some people who probably couldn't find it in themselves to do something evil. And I think that lives in all of us to a degree. And I don't know if there's a perfect person out there. ADHD, though. Go back to that. I'm curious how it was such a formative moment in your life.

So I was in seventh grade. And at that point, so to really understand the story, I lived near the river. And where I grew up in St. Augustine, Florida, there was the beach. That's where the rich kids lived. Then there was the intercoastal, which is where the upper middle class lived. And then there was the river where the lower middle class live. And then across the rivers where all the peasants lived. But there wasn't a lot of lower middle class on my side of the river.

So I was lumped into the school with all the upper middle class and the upper class. So I didn't have a lot of friends because I lived basically in the school. swamp, really, let's face it. And it was too far to drive to have friends. So I grew up very, like, sheltered. My mom was my best friend type deal. And then when I got to middle school, I found surfing. I found a guy who was really into surfing a friend.

And he got me into surfing. And so in sixth grade, all I could think about was surfing. I could not sit in school and not think, like, oh, my God, what are the waves doing? And this is pre-internet. So, like, there was a thing called the surf report. And you would, like, call it. And they would be like, you know, do the waves or two, three feet? I actually remember the surf report.

That's a blast from the past. Yeah. And so it was dope. So like all I could think about was like, oh my gosh, the winds are like switching off shore right now. Like I should be out there. And that was in like sixth grade. So I didn't really even have friends in middle school because nobody really like surfed in my middle school. So then I get to seventh grade.

And all of a sudden they're like, you're not going to go to seventh grade with the rest of the kids. You're going to go to this new program for kids with learning disabilities. And I didn't see myself as having a learning disability. I just, I didn't see myself as anything. I just was like, loved life, loved my mom, love surfing. That was it. And so now I'm stuck in this room with like bad kids, like gnarly bad kids, kids that are like 15 years old because they've failed so many times.

And they just, they're unruly and they're disrespectful. And I'm just like, whoa, if I ever did that, my dad would murder me. Now I'm stuck in this class with these guys. And I get really, really quiet and just stay quiet. Don't really talk or anything like that. And I end up, the guidance counselor calls me in, never seen a guidance counselor before my life. They're like, what's up? What's going on with you? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, what's going on with me? And so they recommend I go to a psychologist. And I don't know why. I'm in seventh grade. I really didn't, I wasn't able to look inside and say, like, what am I doing wrong or what? I wasn't in trouble.

I don't think you're supposed to be able to. It's in seventh grade. Right. So I end up in front of this, this psychologist. And I'm really, upset and embarrassed that I have to go. And they're like, we're going to give you this riddlin. Now, I've never heard of Ritalin. I've never heard of prescription drugs. Again, my parents were lower middle class. My dad was a mailman. My mom clean houses for a living. I wasn't all that educated in politics or anything like that growing up. And so, but they offer me this drug called Ritalin, and it's going to alter my mind. And I don't, I think that was the exact words, if I can remember, but something that he said, it didn't sit right with me. And I immediately, said, no, I'm not doing that.

My dad was like, and my dad was a very strict father, too. And he was like, excuse me. He's like, you listen to this doctor and you'll take whatever he tells you to take. And I was like, no, I will not. I will not do it. And it got to the point where my dad was like forcing me to take this medicine. I was sticking my finger down my throat. Didn't know about bulimia or whatever that anterex.

I don't know which. Belemia. But like instinctually, I knew somehow to put my hand down my throat and regurgitate this drug. Anything I could do to not take it. And it changed my life because now I became this kid that was like, yo, I'm not, I'm not doing what you say. So we end up going to from the psychologist to a psychiatrist because it's getting out of hand. Like I'm now I'm like, I hate my parents at this point. And now I'm really like I'm going out to the woods.

I read a book called Darrell Young. The author was Darrell Young. It was the first book I ever read. And it was, or that I remember reading. And it was a element of surprise. Okay. And it was a Navy Seal book. I never heard of Navy Seals or anything.

And so I'm reading this book. And so now I want to go out in the woods and read. That's all I want to do is just read Navy SEAL books. And so I go out to the woods and read these Navy SEAL books. And I think there's no way I could ever be that. You know, but I got immersed into the reading. And this teacher saw me with the book and she opened it up. And of course there's this, you know, the Navy SEAL lingo.

If I shot the guy in the face or something crazy, you know. And so that was, you know, so they make me go to a psychiatrist now because now they're like, there might be something wrong with him. He's reading these devil books, you know, which were not devil books. They were Navy SEAL books. And the psychiatrist ends up having a conversation with me. And then he says, let's make a deal. My dad's sitting there.

And he says, if you take, if you, not this nine weeks, because it's almost over, but the following nine weeks, if you can make all Cs on a report card, I will not make you, or then we won't, we won't make you take the drug at all. And if you, but if you make a D or an F on your report card, you're going to try the next nine week with the drugs and see if it helps you. And then I was like, well, if I want to, I'll make A, B. I don't know, I'll make straight A's. My dad was like, well, if you did that, I'd buy you that dirt bike that you really want. And this is the seventh grade. And I was like, be careful what you say, dad. Game on. So I make all A's and one B. I'm a report card. I get the

I get the dirt bike. And I was so mad that I was put in that situation that I said to my father, I don't, I really was thankful for the dirt bike. But I said, thank you for the dirt bike, of I was crying. It was like beautiful moment. But I will never, ever make another A or B the rest of my life. And from from seventh grade on, I would wear two different socks to P.E. To get five points off every day to get a D. And I have a report card. Why? I just felt like that was my way of getting back at everybody for making me do something that I didn't want to do in the first place. And it was my way of control. But didn't you end up not doing it? What? You didn't take the meds, right?

No, I never did. So what did they make you do? Nothing. I got the dirt bike and I made, I made, I made C's. What are you paying them back for? I was in seventh grade, man. I was like 13. Of course, it's like a...

All right, I'm just checking. Make sure I didn't miss a part of the story. I felt like, I just, I don't know, like I felt like the whole world. I was in a small town, so I felt like everybody was judging me and thought that I was a bad kid and I wasn't. I never really got in any trouble. And then I started to act out in high school and funny ways. Like, the window was open one time. and I walked out onto the roof.

And all the teachers were like, oh, my God. And they called the fire department. And they were like, sit down. Don't get, you know, do, no, no. I was like, what? I'm just going to come back in there. Like, please sit down, you know. And just stupid stuff like that.

There was an air-conditioned vent left open. And so there was like a fire ladder up there in the TV production room. So I climbed up and got in the air-conditioned ducts. And I would go through the classrooms and like try to knock on the little vents and get the kids to look up. And I got in a lot of trouble for that. Okay. Just dumb stuff that I did. But yeah, you know, my wife is extremely smart and my mom gave me a hope box when I turned 30,

which is like all these member billions that she collected growing up. And on my 30th birthday, she gave it to me. One of the things was a report card and had straight D's. And my wife was like, is this a joke? Like, what is this? And I said, oh, that was that report. This was the report card that I told them. I made the straight A's in 1B.

And now I'm going to make straight these just to be an asshole. And, you know, the teacher was really difficult, my seventh grade teacher. That's why I named my media company C-minus media because she said I would be nothing but a C-minus student the rest of my life. And it was just a really traumatic. It was a really traumatic child. It was traumatic for me. And I was just- Who talks to kids like that?

As a teacher, like, come on. Be better. I found out that she's still doing it. Which is funny because I wrote this book now. And so a lot of the people that were teachers and stuff back where I lived have actually reached out to me. And I asked, I had a curiosity, I was like, hey, is this? She's still around? She's like, oh, yeah.

Her husband's a principal. and she probably doesn't remember saying that. Probably not. That doesn't excuse the impact it has on it. Yeah. I mean, it stuck with me for a very long time. And then I got out and then I graduated.

And when I graduated high school, I had two best friends. We lived in an apartment on the beach in St. Augustina. And we worked on a deep sea fishing boat. And it was perfect. So the girlfriend worked on the dock. Me and the other dude worked on the boat. It was epic.

And I mean, every day, 530 at the boat, heading out to sea. getting back late, flamed fish until 6 or 7 p.m., swimming off the end of the dock and, you know, surfing whenever. And it was perfect. I had really long hair and really just enjoyed it. I got up to like second mate on the boat and I'm driving to work one morning. And I think I was 19 at the time or I was 18 just about to turn 19. And I'm driving to the boat and the War of Fallujah was on the radio,

5.30 in the morning. And then I'd never thought about being in the military. At 7th grade, I read those books, but I never read any more of those same-y-sale books. It was out of the question. I was super skinny, 114 pounds, you know, like just scrawny little kid. Now, it was probably like 130, but I was a small kid. And I weighed 150 when I graduated, buts. 150. Yeah.

Yeah, I was like one, I didn't get 150 until I was like 24. Six foot 150 when I graduated high school. I wish I still had my original driver's license. Gosh, that's epic. I wish I had like a physique like that. It's, well, it proves that you can't judge a book by its cover. I'm sure the instructors look to me and were like, are you sure? Are you sure?

So I don't know. Like I was driving though and I heard this war and I instantly felt like a pile of shit. I was like, here I am, long hair getting on this boat and my friends that I just graduated with are in this war. And I don't know anything about it. And I just, that whole day on the boat, I was like, yo, I should be. I got to do something. I got to do my part.

I got to join the military. So I got off the boat that afternoon around like three. And I went straight to the recruiting office. And I was covered in like fish guts and board shorts. I didn't know what the National Guard was. I didn't know the difference between the Army, Navy, and the Coast Guard at that point. And I walk into this armory because it's a recruiting station. And I don't know if you've been in a National Guard armory,

but it's just like a wide open space. So I walk in there. And like the echoes of the door, you know. And I'm just standing there in Fish Gut. and this guy, this soldier, you know, was like, what are you doing? I was like, uh, I saw a sign outside, this recruiting. I was like, I just want to join this. I want to get information.

And he, like, looked at me like, because I mean, I was covered in guts and I probably stank. He sent me down the recruiter's office. I went in there. I sat down and it was a female name was Nicole Torres. And I said, I want to, I want to go to war. I don't want to be in the military, but I want to go to war. So, like, what's the shortest enlistment?

It's a conundrum. And how fast can I go? But, like, I don't want to be, like, garrison. I don't want to do the haircut forever. I don't, I just want to go do my part and then get out. She's going to first have to describe to you how the military works. Yeah. Because that's not an option.

That's not an option. So she was like, well, we could do this two-year enlistment. And, you know, you're not going to get any benefits. You're not going to get GI Bill or anything like this. So this was through the National Guard. Yeah. This was like in the National Guard Army. Man, I, yeah.

This has been like 2003. My understanding of the National Guard and the way the time accrues, I think I know what they do a little bit, but people's different pipelines in and how they'll hop back and forth on act. That is a foreign language to me. Yeah. It still is to me in the story. Like, um, but she's like, well, there's this thing. Let me show a couple recruiting videos and she showed me his video.

This guy's on a dirt bike, you know, in a gilly suit. And I'm like, what is that? She's like, oh, that's a Cav Scout. And I was like, are there those and are they going to war? She was like, actually they're deploying. I don't think we can get you to basic training in AIT and then over there fast enough. And I was like, well, what if we could? You know, like, what would it take?

So she's like, well, we can try. And so it was like literally, that was like maybe on Thursday. Like that Monday I went and took the ASVAB passed. And then she was like, okay, like, listen, I can do a four-year enlistment for you. You're going to get the free college. You're going to get a $5,000 bonus. And I was like, oh, well, yeah, let's just do that. Like, give me the four years.

That sounds better. So I do. I go to basic training and I do the AIT thing. And then I deploy pretty much straight after that a few months later, pretty much straight over to Afghanistan. And I get to Afghanistan the minute we get off of the plane in Afghanistan, they're like, you six, you're going over here. And it was a town between Jalalabad and Kabul.

It was a new place. And we didn't know anything about it. It wasn't brief to us beforehand because we all thought we were going to like Kandahar or Bogram or something. So we end up going to this little town into this Ford operating base. And we get there and we spend like, I don't know, like two or three months. And then this Green Beret unit comes through. And they're like, we need two shooters.

And we need the rest of you guys to go to this new firebase that we're going to establish between Gardez and Cobble. And so everybody packs up. And my serge is like, yo, you're going to go with them as a gunner. And that's going to be you. So I end up being on a gun truck with this Green Beret unit. And we go to this fire base, Camp Cobra, but they changed the name Camp Cobra to like Darulamon

or something like that later on. But it was just this very small. I think there was like 30 total people. There wasn't even Hesco walls. It was like Constantina Wider. Damn. But we were never there. We were just out all the time.

This was 2005 at this point. And so we, you know, I'm with these guys. I'm super quiet. They're all bearded out. I didn't know what they were. Like I didn't know what a Green Beret was. And, you know, because Special Operation was pretty new. To the public.

Like there wasn't. I think, I mean, the Green Bray is a bit around since what 60s. No, no, no. Yes, they have. But like, the public didn't know. You're talking about public fake. or public knowledge. Right, public knowledge of it.

Like if you would have said, like, SEAL Team 6, they would have been like, oh, is that like Rogue Warrior? You would have got in trouble probably back in those days. Yeah. So it wasn't like it is now where everybody knows what they are. So I'm just like looking at these guys. Of course, the mission planning is crazy. The op tempo is crazy.

The knowledge is crazy. And I don't know anything. And so I'm just trying to stay super quiet. And one of the guys kind of takes liking to me and I started doing PT with them and we run up these mountains. And we do all these stuff and take me on a lot of operations. We go into Tagob Valley. and do a raid in there and come back and getting really, you know, in my opinion, it was an epic firefight. I don't, and they probably do it all the time. But for me, it was pretty intense.

And we captured some guy and we had to drive them all the way to bogg him and put him on an airplane like that night. And I just, you know, and I was up on the gun and they're like, hey, they're going to be coming for his agency. Keep your eye open. You know what I was just like, it was like, it was wild. So by the end of the deployment, I was like, I can't go back to that conventional sighting. Like this is what I was born. This is what I was born to do. I love this. Like the pressure, the maturity.

Like I do really well there. So I came home and I went to the, I was like, I want to be in the special forces. So I went to selection and got selected. What was that? The SFAS? Yes, special force assessment selection. Yep. But before that, you know, again, didn't have a background in small unit tactics, didn't have ranger

school, didn't have, you know, all I had was. basic training really in AIT. And then what I learned in theater, but the way you do things in theater is not exactly the way that you do things in Smolian tactics per se. So I went to like a pre-selection because, again, the National Guard at the time was spending a lot of money sending people to selection and things like that. So they wanted to make sure that you would pass before you could get there. So you had to go to a pre-selection. It was like two weeks long or something like that. And I failed the first one. And so I had to wait like four months. And then I did the next one and then I passed.

And then they sent me to selection. And so I get to selection and selection was brutal. But it was great. Like I felt like I didn't have the knowledge that everybody had at selection, but like I'm really good carrying heavy things for a really long way and just keeping my mouth shut and just I'm not a leader. I'm absolutely 100% not a leader. But like I'm a great pack meal.

So I kind of just make it as the gray man through selection. but I don't know how much you know about selection but at the end of selection or at least back then you would finish selection and they wouldn't tell you how long it was whether it was like 15 days or 21 days your orders it ends with Robin Sage right? No selection is just like a three weeks I guess

it's just like a three week. Okay. Try out. Gotcha. That's like that's the first phase. It's like really hard. Robin Sage is at the very end of the Q course. The Q course, got you there are two different things.

Okay. Yeah. So I don't know how that is in the SEAL teams but like is buds three weeks? No, Buds is the whole thing. Half a year. Half a year. Okay.

And at the end of that you go to your team, but en route you get the additional training. Is there not like a three week tryout or something to even go to Buds? It has, well, I can't speak to what there is now. And I can't speak to what there is after I went through. I got, you went to boot camp. They showed you this grainy VHS video in like the fourth week. Hey, does anybody want to apply for this? You raise your hand.

You go to the pool. You did a swim, pushups, pull up, situps, run. Then you had to go pick an A-Squist. that was commensurate with what would be accepted at Buds. You go to the 8th school. I picked the shortest one on the list and then you show up at Buds. I don't remember there being a three-week try-up. But there used to be a pre-selection court.

Like I said, there's been changes when I went through. I just showed up after a school. So to get into the Green Beret program, to even go to the school, you have to graduate selection. Okay. And you have to get selected. I mean that makes sense. It's not even if you finish it, you made it. It's like you can finish selection and not get selected for peer evals or maybe you

sandbagged. No, for sure. I get the car soaked, yeah. So I finished selection, and I think our selection was like 17 days or 15 days, which you know, you think it's going to be 21, but, you know, you do the track, which you don't know is the track, and then you end up walking forever, and it's terrible and it's awful, and then you finish, and then they're like, congratulations, you're done. You're like, oh, my God, you know.

And so you made it, whatever. But now you have to wait four or five days to find out if you got selected or not. So we're waiting around and they would, you know, every few hours, six to eight hours, they would take, you know, I think, I don't remember. I know there was like a hundred of us that got selected. I don't know how many finished selection, maybe 150, 175, right? And so all the 175, we'd be together and they would say like, you 25 go over there, and you 25 go over there and you 25 go. And they wouldn't tell you why. And so, you know, you're looking around and you're like, oh, Andy's a fucking stud.

Like, he's badass. So if I'm in his group, like, I must have got it. But then you see like somebody else and you're like, oh shit, but he's kind of fucking sandbagger. Why is he in our group? Maybe I didn't make it. And then eight hours later they would switch you again. So it was like a big mind fuck. And but one day they were like this group go to, you know, this group go over there and this group go to psych.

And psych is like, you know, because when you're really tired at selection like in day two or three, you had to fill out this psych evout. It's like 700 questions. Do you like flowers? It's all yes or no. Do you like kids? Do you like boys? Do you like girls? Do you have a good relationship with your mother? It's all yes or no. And I remember going down the list and I was extremely tired. And I remember the one question it said, have you ever considered being a mercenary? And I remember looking at that being like, some dumbass is going to write yes. Of course we've all thought about it. That's why we're here. But like you don't tell them that you've ever considered it. So like obviously the answer is no. So I wrote no. And I'll never forget that question. But anyway, I'm in the psych line. And I'm thinking, like, what did I do wrong on this psyche vow? And I sit down in front of this psychiatrist. And I'm guessing like I didn't make it because the rumor was if you got pulled out for psych, you're done.

And you're probably going to get a never-to-return as well. Because they're not going to take crazy people. And I sit down with a psychiatrist. And she talks to me for like 30 minutes. She's like, how is your relationship with your mom and your dad and all these things? Like, I love them all there. And then she leans forward. And she's like, well, so this.

The reason we brought you in is because on your psychological eval, you checked yes to consider being a mercenary. Dude, I think I was so tired and I thought about it so hard that I knew the answer was no. But you bubbled yes. But I bubbled yes because I don't know why. But I knew in the moment the answer was no. I don't know why I didn't check no. But I knew, I was like, I looked at her and I was like, I mean, I don't, I mean, I'm not religious. but I feel like if God called me to go around the world and tell people the good the good word, I would do that.

And she was like, excuse me. And I was like, I mean, I'm not. I'm not religious. But like I feel like if I had a calling from God to go to another country and preach the gospel, I would learn that and I would do that. And she goes, are you talking about a missionary? And I was like, oh, my God. What are you talking about? She's like, a mercenary.

It's a hired gun from the government. And I was like, oh, no. Like, I didn't even know what a mercenary. I just played so dumb. And so I got selected. I got selected. I was like, all right, she's like, he's not crazy. He's just stupid. We'll take him. And so I get selected. And I start the Q-Corps. And just as my luck has it, I go to Spawnia Tactics, which is the hardest phase. It's kind of like the Ranger School of the program. It's nine weeks long. It's very, very hard, very difficult. I'm sure you guys use small-neut tactics in the seal. There's all the op orders and, you know, just constant op after mission, mission, mission, mission, mission planning. Again, not my forte. I'm a corporal at this time on E4.

And everybody there's like Ranger qualified, super studs. CrossFit was just coming into the mix because now it's like 2005 or six or something like that. Everybody's doing CrossFit. Like everybody looks like out of the movie 300. I don't. I'm still pretty scrawny at that time. And everybody's got great war stories, right? Like they were in First Armour Division and Ramadi and like, you know, everybody's got these crazy war stories.

I didn't have any of that. So I was like, all right, well, and so my attack. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be a pack meal. I'm going to work hard and just not do any of the leadership shit because that's not what I'm good at. So I go through all this one of your tactics and I peer really high. I think it was like third in the class. And you go to a murder board at the very end if you make it. And the murder board, do you have murder boards in the seals? Describe what you're talking about. It's like it would be like your sergeant major attack like the instructor. And they're discussing your performance. Yes. They were like you stand there like kind of parade rest or whatever and they. basically tell you what you did good in the course and then what you did really bad that exists in different phases yeah if you pass or you failed yeah that exists and they might ask you some questions to like clarify if they're gonna pass or fail you it's kind of stressful so i get in front of the murder board but i'm thinking i did good like i don't think there was anything like i didn't fuck up any missions i didn't have any light uh you know indies on lights

i didn't fall asleep on patrols or anything like so i you know i was pretty confident going in there yeah and so they were you know they say a bunch of good nice things about me and everything and they were like you peered really high You know, they said you peered really high. I think he said, I think they said that I peered like third highest in the class. I was like, oh, that's great. And the tack goes, you know why you peered so high? And I was like, no, Sergeant, I don't.

I don't know why. He goes, because you're a fucking pack mule. That's why. And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. Like, that's what I was going for. Like, that's what I'm good at. You know, so I'm like, all right, cool. And he's like, we're not looking for pack meals.

We're looking for leaders. And every time we try to put you in a leadership position, you pass it off. Why do you think we gave you so many opportunities, just so you could fucking hand it to somebody else? And I was like, well, I mean, they're just better than me. You know, they're more qualified to be the leader. And they were like, well, that's not what we're looking for here.

I was like, all right. And then the sergeant major, maybe it was the lieutenant colonel, whoever it was like, TNZ, if we were to say you could come back and start from day one on Monday, would you show back up? And I was like, of course. Thinking of my brain, there's no way I would because I'm beat. That's the correct answer to the question. Yeah.

Right. But it's, yeah. Like, great, we'll see you on Monday. And so it was like, and I was like, well, which tent do I go? Because there's a failure tent and there's a non-failure tent. He's like, go to the non-failure tent. So I go in there and of course, everybody's like, yeah, dude, you made it. And I'm like, I didn't make it.

I didn't make it. And they're like, of course you made it. You're here. And I was like, no, no. They, like, fucking said, I got to start over next week. And they're like, dude, they're fucking with you. They just wanted to see if you're going to quit. Like, they wouldn't have sent you here to this tent.

So I'm like, oh, okay. And he's like, dude, I bet you like on Sunday they're going to hit you up and you're going to be good. You know, so of course we go back to brag. Everybody goes out and celebrates at Logan's Roadhouse or whatever it was, you know. And so, but I'm like, I know I didn't make it. And so it's like really hard for me to like celebrate. And, you know, of course you've been out in the woods for so long. And the steak didn't even taste good to me or anything.

And Sunday came and there was, there was no word. And so I was like, I guess I'm fucking going back to this thing. So I started the process of packing and getting the packing list. And it was, it was so, man, I called my best friend who was a SWAT team down in Florida. And he was kind of my mentor when I was overseas. And he was much older than me, like 12 years older than me. And so, you know, I was like, I was like basically crying. I was like, dude, I don't think I have it.

I don't have another nine weeks. Like physically, my body will not matter. If I jump out of the airplane with 110 pounds again, like both my ankles are going to explode. Like, I'm fucked. I got shin splints. Like, I've got no toenails at this point. And, you know, I've like, basically would lace my boots, like one lace, and then I would skip like three holes.

And then lace it because my feet would swell and the laces were like cracking the little bones on the top of my foot. And it was just really painful. So, you know, I was like, dude, my body's not going to be able to do this. And he was like, listen, you know you're going. And you're just going to go and you'll just go until those break. So there's no reason to sit here and cry on the phone about it. Like just fucking, you know that you're going to wake up at zero 400 and you're going to get on that fucking bus. And that's it.

That's all you can do. So shut the fuck up. and go get on the goddamn bus. Like, that's it. Like, there's no reason to even talk about it. So I was like, okay. And I didn't. And I showed back up, and they were like,

their class leader, which is always the captain, is going to be corporal, Tansy. And they made me the class leader. The whole SUT didn't give me a break. And I fucked everything up. Because I was having to get jump masters, trying to organize getting birds for jumps,

getting demo, getting training rounds. I mean, anything and everything. Plus briefing op orders. you know, at that time we went from a tent city to these like brick buildings and that had to be mopped and swept every night. And we had they had skiffs that they had set up like mock skiffs that you had to manage that and pat people down before they go in and out. All the stuff. And I'm in charge of all of it as a corporal. And I've got, you know, there were dudes there that are, you know, purple heart veterans, real Bronze Star with Valor veterans, like real, real fucking good guys, you know.

And I mean, I was fucking it up for it. And everybody was getting punished for it. You know, like we were missing. infills so then you wouldn't get an infill platform so they would just make you walk like nine miles in and of course everybody just fucking hates me you know and I peer dog shit like it wasn't last but it was pretty fucking close but I make it the whole nine weeks and I think what saved me was the last final exercise I was so fed up and I knew that the final exercise they wanted to see like motivation and shit and I was like everybody were all going to paint our faces the same and everybody was like what

and I was like everybody paint your face solid green and then have your butt trace a fucking handprint and we're going to be like native we're going to be like savages oh can I say that is that racist um like old days the internet will decide yeah probably shouldn't say that but anyway we're going to go fucking savage that's what we're going to do we're going to go savage and we're going to do these black handprints and we're just going to fucking be animals and because you're going to lose the final exercise you i mean it's set for failure but i was like at least we'll fucking be will look badass and we'll be motivated and matter of fact i go to the murder board after the whole thing was over.

And it did come up about the face pain. There was like, whose idea was it for the face paint on that final operation? I was like, it was mine. He was like, it was pretty fucking badass. And I was like, oh, thank God. And they were like, well, you know, when you weren't in charge, you peered really high.

When you were in charge, you peered really low. What do you have to say about it? And I was like, I have learned so much from even being here. Thank you. This is obviously not for me. I'm not cut out to do this. But man, I wouldn't have traded the last, you know, however many months it was for any of it.

So thank you, you know. And they were like, well, hold on, hold on. If we sent you to Sear, do you think you could dial it in? Get somewhere in the middle? And I was like, yeah, yeah, of course. I was like, are you serious? Did I pass? And they're like, oh, my God.

And then one guy was like, man, I think you're the first guy to be that excited to go to Sear. I was like, I won't let you down, you know? And so I go to Sear, pass, everything's great, go to all these other little courses and schools. I find myself in language school. And at the time, where Bragg didn't have on post housing. And so there was this thing and you can look it up. It's pretty, it was a big deal back then. But basically, guys were renting apartments and then subletting the rooms out for full BAH.

Yeah. And I was paying it, the full BAAH. I wasn't one of the guys renting the rooms out. But they got caught up in an investigation. I just graduated Sear and the guys that were putting this thing together they were all like E6s you know much higher rank than I am

and I think one was a captain and so I the CID or whatever wanted to you know question me and I wouldn't I was like I was focused on my ear of responsibility and like dude we have a check like you wrote checks to these guys like all we're asking you to do is like initial year and tell us

you know how long you were doing it and da da da da they already know like they already have all the information we didn't hide anything that we were doing you know what I mean So I was just refusing. I was like, I'm not going to do that. And they're like, hey, you're not in trouble.

Like, they are in trouble. But you have to cooperate or you're going to be in trouble. And I was like, I'm not. So then I have to go to the sergeant major of SWIC. And he's like, what are you doing? You know? And he calls my unit. And my unit calls me back and they're like, what the fuck are you doing up there?

And I'm like, I'm not doing anything. Like, I fucking paid my rent. I paid it on time. And I don't know what the fuck those guys are doing. That ain't on me. And so since I wouldn't cooperate, I was removed from the course with a general letter of reprimand from the training house with a return date. So I didn't get an NTR. And I got sent back to a group on probation. So I got sent back to 20th group on probation.

And that was really hard because I'm a corporal and I'm kind of like the National Guard is not very happy about this whole situation. And they make me go to everything. Man, they send me to waterborne operations. A little course that they put on is two weeks. it sucks. Like you're in a zodiac boat in the swamps of Florida. It blows. I do that.

They send me to RASP, Ranger Inductionation Program. I come back from that, but I don't go to Ranger School. Then I got to go to, they sent me to California. We did like link up operations with a SEAL team,

like doing linkups between an ODA and a SEAL team out in the field type scenarios. And basically just anything that came up, I had to do. And my team went to Nicaragua. I didn't go because I was supposed to have a, Q-Corp State back at language school.

I go back to language school. The slots were full. They send me back. I come back. By my time, I think they put me on funeral detail at that point. So now I'm working honor guard, which is also sucks because I have the paratrooper boots and the red beret. And so nobody else has that.

And there's a lot of expectation when you're the only guy that has all the ribbons and the wings and the combat action badge in the boots. And so everybody thinks that you're like this really squared away guy, but you're really not. And so I become like the squad leader. at the Sarasota National Cemetery. You know, that was fun. It was great, but that was where I get to start practicing being a leader.

I was like, oh, wait, hold on. I got this. Like, this is what we're going to be? What time we're going to be here? I get through it. I get a course back to the Q course. I go back up there and I don't have an updated physical. So not a problem.

Do the physical on Wednesday. Class starts on Monday. Thursday comes around. And I do the HIV test, but it's a three-day weekend. And so the HIV test doesn't come back. But for SWIC, it wasn't a three-day weekend. We started language school on Monday in SWIC, which is not the Navy SWIC. Correct.

It's a special warfare center. Yeah. You can miss 5% of training with a waiver, but you can never miss the first day. Oh. I didn't get my HIV test back. Wouldn't it be just a classroom day anyway, essentially? It was, it was bullshit. It was language school.

And I've already did like six weeks of language school. So it was like, whatever. But they didn't have my, my packet wasn't done. So I didn't get to go back. I didn't get to go to language school that time either. And it sucks because every time you're moving, you're moving your whole ass up there with all your shit because you're going to be up there for months,

only to turn around and have to go right back home. It was just, it was tough. And I was married at the time to my high school sweetheart. She wasn't having any of this. So she was cheating on me and doing all this other stuff. So it was just wasn't working out. And I get back. She left me with my best friend that I lived in that apartment with.

And they end up having kids together and everything. And so now I got no friends. I'm not a Green Beret. And I end up going to this wedding, meet my now wife. And she's like, yo, I had a Green Beret wedding. I meet her. I was a croomsman and she was a bridesmaid. And so everybody there's a Green Beret but me, you know.

It's like a Hallmark movie. It's terrible. You're staring at each other across the aisle, a little winking. Yeah. Also, you might want to recategorize the guy you described as your best friend who was banging your wife. He's not my best friend. I was going to say, I don't know if you ever was.

At the time. Was he? Was he? Well, I think it was. At the point that he starts porking your wife, he's no longer your best friend. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can have.

I've never talked to him again since. You can have your own go-no-go criteria, but for me, I'm going to draw a line in the sand on that. It's been 20 years. It's been 20 years. So I meet this girl. She's beautiful. She's wonderful. She's from France.

Totally the opposite of me. Really smart chick. We hit it off pretty well. I was kind of just getting into wine at the time. And so she was kind of impressed by that and my general, my very basic wine knowledge. And anyway, she's flying back from France to St. Augustine for Christmas. I'm like, holy shit. I live in St. Augustine. That's where I'm going to go for Christmas. So we meet up, whatever.

But she's like, I'll never date a Green Beret. Like, that's just, I would never drait somebody in the army. Like, that's not the life I want. I want a lot of kids. How did she even know what that life would mean? Because her best friend married. Yeah, but they were just starting the journey together. Give it a few years to fall apart. Yeah. She knew. She knew. She knew she wasn't going to have it. Before you move on about, you know, because I know that you made the decision to marry her, if you could go back in time and cooperate with the CID when they were asking you, would you cooperate? I would have done everything different back then, yes. Yes, I would have.

I mean, I was wildly immature, wildly immature. I had a very grandiose vision of my military life because I think I'd read those books. And I thought, you know, I thought it was going to be something much different than it was. What do you think it was going to be? Well, I mean, it was what I thought. it was going to be, but like I just pictured myself as like being the Charlie Sheen character, the goofball. Like the guy that just kind of like carries heavy shit and he's there when like I'm the guy

that just shoots straight, does really good PT, but I don't need to be a part of like the mission planning and all that other stuff. I thought I was going to skate through. Yeah, but how are you ever going to get good at that stuff unless you practice? Leadership is a skill. Yeah, I mean, I was a great shooter. Yeah. You know, I actually qualified the highest in my unit, not the 20th group, but I get it.

But you kept telling everybody that you're not a leader. but how you ever become one unless you practice? You know, I think at the time, well, I know at the time, I thought that you were born a leader or you were born a pack meal or a follower. Oh, definitely not. And you know, people tell you, you know, to be a good leader, you have to be a good follower. And I just thought, well, like, I'm a great follower.

Like, I'm really great. If you tell me to go bang rocks, I'll be the best rock banger you've ever met. You're leaving out half that equation, though. Yeah. Like if you're going to master the followership, it should be in the pursuit of being a good leader. I get that now. I was 24. You know what I'm saying?

And like, it just didn't register to me. It just didn't, like I said, I was wildly immature. And I thought I could just snake by as just not having to take the responsibilities of being a leader and fucking things up and being the bad guy. Like, that's what it was, really.

I didn't want to be the bad guy. I want to be the guy that everybody liked. I didn't, you know, in my mind, the leader was the fucking guy that nobody likes and it's an asshole, you know. Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. Shitty leaders are.

All right, so fast for it. So anyway, the funniest part of this whole story is that I ended up getting out, like six months later, I figure out a way to ETS. They want me to reenlist to go back to the Q course. And I was like, I'll reenlist, but you have to guarantee me a slot back. Like, we're not guarantee you shit. Yeah.

We're not guaranteeing you shit. And I was like, okay, great. Well, when my ETSA comes up in August, I'm going to bounce. So August comes for where I bounce. The Sergeant Major calls me in. He yells at me. And he was like, you're going to spend the rest of your life fucking telling your, you know, your kids, your future kids that you're, you know, never a green beret.

you're making the business, you're pissing away all this money. We spent all this investment on you. And I was just sit there and took it. And I was like, yes, our major. And then I left. And that was the end of it. And so then I travel up to, I call her. And I'm like, yo, I'm out of the military.

Where are you at? And she's like, oh my gosh, that's crazy. I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina. I'm starting my master's degree in NC State. And I was like, rad. You know, we talked for a little bit. So I was like, dude, I'm going to surprise her in a few months. I'm going to move up there and like, chase this girl.

So I wait a few months. I take to get my shit in order and then I show up at her door in Raleigh. I got my own little apartment up there and everything. And I got myself settled and I went and met up with her. And she's like, so I got some bad news. Like, I've got a boyfriend now. I was like, oh my God. Like, do you like me or do you like him?

Or like how does it? She's like, I mean, if I would have known, maybe I was like, well, I'll take care of the boyfriend. She's like, well, what does that mean? I was like, I got this. Like, keep your phone on. So I drive to this guy's work. He was at a restaurant. and I'm like, can I talk with a general manager?

You know, because that's what he was. And so he steps outside and I just go, hey, man, listen, like, I just got out of the military. I just moved up here. I know that you're dating this girl. Two things are going to happen. Either I can cheat on her with, you know, sleep with her or date her or do whatever I want, and it'll be cheating on you. Or you can just, like, break up with her or she can break up with you.

But like, what I'm saying is like, I'm here now. And like, that's going to happen. He was like, what are you talking about? And I was like, so he calls her and she's like, so I'm so sorry. He's like, this is the most fucked up way to be broken up with on the planet. It's top three for sure. They don't even dating for like a month or something like that. So it wasn't that big of a deal.

To you? To me. But yeah, so then I got her and then we got married. And so I needed a job. And I thought I was going to be a wine salesman. So I tried to be a wine salesman. I'm shitty salesman, by the way. That's not going to work.

So I become a cop. And that's where life gets really fucked up. I mean, yeah, if you struggle at wine sale, it's definitely just become a cop. That's just a terrible, total normal trajectory. Like, what else did I have? So I become this cop. How much so we could go alphabetically, numerically. You could have been a mailman like your dad.

Yeah. Well, sure. I just felt like this was a, this would be a good idea, good fit for me. And it was. What made you think that that would be? So what I'm getting is, is that you don't like to be told what to do. And then you want to go to a police academy. problem being told what to do.

The story that you just told would be indicative of perhaps being resistant to rules or especially with like the C. I mean, am I going to live in an HOA? No. But if you told me to take your trash out right now, I would happily take your trash out. Yeah, but that's not it. I'm talking like CID saying, hey, you need to work with us. You know, like how about you take a step back and, you know, piss into the wind and see how

wet you get. Right. And I'm not saying it negatively because some people are inherently kind of like that. it's just wild, then you're going to go into an occupation where you enforce the rules on others. Well, let's go back to the CID thing. Like, I didn't even know what CID was back then, basically. And I didn't really, like, I thought it was all like kind of a joke. Like, I was like, dude, I didn't do anything fucking wrong.

Like, fuck these guys. Like, who are they? They don't know me. Like, they don't know me. Like, I didn't do anything wrong. I get it. You know what I mean? Just like I'm going to get D's for the remainder of the year.

You're anti-authority. I get it. There's nothing wrong with it. But then you became the authority. I was stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's why I have this book because I was a terrible cop. So, which is, that's it. So I become a cop. And the Academy was nuts because there was this like Navy seal that was actually kind of a stolen valor thing. But it hadn't come out yet that he was a stolen valor seal. Kim Tenity? No. Was he a seal?

I don't know if Kim was. I said Kim Tenedy. Hey, you'd say whatever you want. I don't even know the guy. But um, so this guy, he says he's a seal and he's this, uh, you know, bigger than life. Yeah, who knows. There is a chance that he was full of shit, but also a chance not. Who knows?

But so this big old black guy. And so, you know, you know, day one of any training, right? It's, you know, you line up, everybody yells at you the same shit, you know, I've been through this a million times. I'm good. So we stand out there and I'm like, dude, I'm going to be the gray man at this course. It's going to be so easy for me. Like, this is going to, like, I'm going to, I'm born to do this shit.

Like, let's go. Like, I've got the best tie on, the best suit. Like, I had a tape. I look fucking awesome, but not too awesome, but not, yeah, but I'm not too awesome, but I'm like, CIA awesome. You know what I mean? Like, I'm going to be the perfect gray guy. Like I even picked out shoes that were like not shiny but not dull. Like I planned this out to a T and I was like, dude, I'm going to war game this whole fucking academy and this is going to be a breeze. And like all the things that I learned and I fucked up at the course. I'm going to dial it in here. I'm going to be the leader. I'm going to do all the things. First day, lined up. You know, they're yelling, doing all the things. And the fake seal was like big black guy. You know, he was like, which one of you? Where's my SF guy at? Where's my Green Beret?

And I was like, oh, shit, that's a green bray in the class. That's cool. Like, wonder if I know him. You know, nobody raises their hand. He was like, oh, come on now. You don't think we've seen your DD-214s. I know you in here. You better speak up.

I know what you're trying to do. Where's my Green Beret at? Somebody needs to learn how to read a DD-214. It doesn't speak up. And I'm like, man, why won't this fucking guy just, I can say something. And all of a sudden he gets right in my face. And he was like, why are you saying you're going to hide from me?

Cadet Tansy? And I was like, I'm not a green brazier. And he's like, oh, oh, so now we're going to play with words. Oh, we, S.F. We're going to play with words over here. Words matter. So he was like, drop down. And I was like, fuck.

So now I'm doing punishment. And so this guy calls me SF, the whole class. And I'm telling everybody in the class, I'm not SF. I was in an SF unit, but I'm not SF. You know, I'm like, you know, I'm being extremely transparent. And it was like, dude, you know, because I was on the honor guard. So now I'm in charge of the flag folding shit. Now I'm the class leader or squad leader, whatever.

You know, it was just like all these. And I was fucking everything up to that. And it was awful. And I just had a rough. Like I was getting smoked constantly because none of these guys are former military. They're all college kids. So they can't do anything, right? So we're just getting smoked for everything.

And of course, they're putting it on the military guys. There's like three of us. And they're like, why? You know, why can't you guys, you know, get these guys in line? And we need y'all to step up. It was just fucking sucked, man. It was just like, you go to the shooting course and you're like, come on, S.F. Why don't you go first?

Let's see what you go. Let's show them how to do it. You know, so then there's a lot of pressure because, like, you know, these guys have never shot before. And now you're forced to do it good. And, you know, the driving, you're the first one to go. And it was, it was what it was. But it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. So then I get, then I become a rookie.

And they moved me in the Southeast District Station right off the bat, which is the hardest district in the city. through all the gang members are. This is in North Carolina still? Yeah. Okay. And so I show up and my training off, you know, I get, it starts at 6 p.m. shift. I get there like 4.30.

And because you have so much shit. You've got, you got your gun, your gun belt. You got all the belt keepers, which I think there was like six of them. You got your pepper spray and you got all your riot gear. You got shotgun. You've got road guard vest, flashlight, flashlight cone. Flair pieces. Flare pieces.

clipboard. All this stuff you had to have at the academy. So I'm thinking you got to have it for shift. So I've got, I mean, it's a lot. The packing list is a lot. So I wake up at like three to like check it off as I'm putting everything into the car because I don't want to be the guy that shows up without a ship. Totally. So I get there at 4.30 just in case I forget something, I can run home, come back and get it. So 430. So it's all right. I sit in the parking lot at 5.30 rolls around. I'm like, I'm going to go into the locker room and try to find my locker and stuff because shift starts at 6. I walk in the door and there's a cop, a real cop. And he's like, are you Eric?

And I hadn't heard my first name. And, you know, for a while at that point. And I was like, I am Eric. And he was like, great, we have a call. Go get in the car. And I was like, oh, shit. I'm supposed to be in roll call at six. So if I leave now and I don't make it to roll call, like, I'm going to be fucked.

Because in the academy, it's a big deal. Yeah. So I was like, but I want to argue with this guy that I don't know. Plus, I've heard all the rookie hazing shits. I don't know if that's hazing or whatever. So I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, so I go out there and just see you fucking cop cars, you know, and I don't know which ones. I'm just standing there and I was like, hey, uh, which cars are?

He's like the one that's running that's sitting right here. And I was like, fuck. So you're not ready to be a detective yet. Right, yeah. So I go to that car and I put all my shit in there and I go to the passenger scene. He's like, you're driving. At this point, I've never driven a cop car. Like the ones that you're driving the academy are like these beater crown vicks that like have nothing in them.

So now I get into this thing. It's like a fucking cockpit. radar, radio, multiple radios, AR-15, shotgun, laptop, all the things, like lights everywhere. It was like being in the cockpit of like a C-130 at that time. At that ground victim, he was like an aircraft carrier that morning. I feel like it's largely responsible for them to not explain to you how to use that stuff before driving it as well. Right.

Like what if you guys had actually needed the AR and you, because I'm assuming they're locked? Well, that would have been his AR, not mine. Yeah, but what if he's incapacitated? Sure. You know what I mean? Like maybe just give me a once-over how to get the thing out of the rack. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that didn't happen. Yeah. That didn't happen. So we get in the car and I'm not from Raleigh. I've only been in Raleigh for like at this point maybe like seven months. And out of that seven months I've been in the academy the whole time. So I've literally just gone back and forth.

I don't know any of Southeast Raleigh. Never been there in my life. So we get this call and I'm like, hey man, I don't know where I'm going. You're going to have to help me. And he's like, I got you. So we go, it's like 10 minutes down the road, maybe not even that. We pull up this house and there's this kid standing in the front yard.

And now it's like 540 in the morning. And the kid comes to the driver's side where I'm sitting and he was like, my mom is off of her meds and she needs help. And I look over at my training officer and he's like, what are you looking at me for? He's like, go help her. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay, great. Like, I've been a cop now for like 10 minutes. Sure.

So I'm like, I mean, where's your mom? And she's like, she's right up there. So I get out of the car and there's this 400 pound lady. Like I'm, dude, I'm not joking. Like four, like huge. Standing at the top of a set of stairs. Big old black lady with a sun dress on. You know, the Jamaicans wear like a thing on their head.

It was an American flag thing on her head. And I'm like, I walk up there and I steeple my fingers, you know? Like, and I'm like, hi, ma'am. I'm Officer Tansi with the Riley Police Department. How can I be of service to you today? Because I think that's what I learned in the academy. And she just sits there and she goes. And she gets up on her tubes.

And she starts like, like a short. Street Fighter, like in the game Street Fighter, she just starts rocking back and forth with their fist up, elbows in, and I'm just taking it all in. I'm like, damn, that's a good form actually. And I was like, man, what are you doing? What's going on? Why did you just come down here and talk to me? She looks me dead in the eyes, takes her teeth out, sets him down on the railing.

And I'm like, what the fuck. Like I'm-Taser. I'm about to fight. I didn't have one. What? Didn't have one yet. Pepper spray. Yeah, but I'm like, I don't know what to do.

I'm like, dude, this bitch is gonna murder me. So I look back at my training officer and he's standing back by the car. Like this. Hand on his face. Like, just chill. For clarity, I don't think he was living up to his role as a trading officer at this point. At this point, no. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know this person at all. I've never been a cop. He's actually really great. I'm assuming he's fantastic, but I'm assuming at this point, he is like maybe had a bad day and it's just entertaining himself. I think that he thought because everybody had called me SF and everybody was hyping me up to be something that I absolutely was not. It didn't matter how hard I try to tell people.

Like, I feel like when they told me I was going to Southeast District, I was like, okay, like, I mean, I kind of wanted to go there. But, like, now I feel like there's an expectation of me to be there. And maybe, I don't know. I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I look at him and then I look back and here she comes running down the stairs right for me. And I'm like, shit. So like a bull in the arena, you know, like a Matador.

She's the bull. I move out of the way and she runs by me out under the yard. And I'm like, what the frick is going on, dude? And so she's like, she lays down. She takes the flag off of her head, fluffs it out, lays it like a sheet out onto the ground, and she lays on it, this American flag. Now, at this point, a school bus shows up. Homeboy goes and gets on the school bus and leaves.

The most fucked up part of this story that sticks with me, and the reason why it's in the book and I've never forgotten it, is because I'm like, that kid just went to school all day and has no idea what happened next, which is fucking crazy. Because this is a crazy story. So she's laying on this flag and she's like, you want to arrest me, big boy? And I'm like, no, not really. I don't really want to do that.

Why don't you just talk to me? And so she gets up on one arm, huge. This is like a manatee. Reaches back, grabs a sundress and starts shimming it up her body. That's what I'm talking about. She frees these big giant boobs, gets it overhead. Now she's naked. And she's like, now you're going to arrest me?

Just get back in your car and drive off, dude. Yes. Yeah, I know, right? I mean, now, like fast forward five years. I would have done. I would have just been like, yep. And what's the training officer doing at this point? Still standing at the car.

Is he at least laughing? No, he's still got the, still doing this. So, and at this point, another cop car had pulled up. And like, now there's a conversation going. And I'm like, neither of them are assisting you to any. And nor do they give a fuck. Okay. And so I'm like, yeah, I'm arresting you now.

And she's like, and I was like for lewd and lascivious acts? Because I didn't know what the rule was. It's like I was like asking her what I'm arresting her for. And she jumps up. like a half burpee. And I'm thinking, in that moment, I remember going, how is she that fucking athletic?

Like, this is the biggest chick in the world. Like, how did she just half burpee all the way to her feet like that? She gets up, and at this point, my mind, because that's how my mind works, I process things in my brain, but my brain goes faster than my body reacts. Probably notice that in my tchitsu.

That's why I'm like super slow and suck. So I'm like trying to process everything. And it is like, she's starting to grow on. She's like, and I was like, why is she grunting? And she's like, oh. And then my body catches up to my brain and her butthole is opening up and a turtle head is poking out. And then when she stops grunting, the turtle head goes back into her ass.

Why are you behind her watching this? Because she did have burpity and it's like this. Oh, yeah, that's definitely that's your cue to get back in the car. Yeah. So once my brain processes that she's trying to shit on me, I turn around. I look at my train office. I was like, I turn around like in panic. and he goes, put her in cuffs.

And I go, she's trying to shit on me. At this point, she's now chasing me with her butt. She's running backwards, and I'm doing one of these. And she's like... Did you guys have body cams on? No. Damn it. I didn't have it yet.

So I'm trying to outmaneuver this 400-pound lady trying to shit on me. And then she takes off running, back up the stairs. And I look back at him and he goes, now he's mad. Like now he's inched closer, and he goes, go get her. And I'm like, okay. So I run to the stairs. I go like halfway up in the military. We don't go in anywhere by yourself.

Yeah. So I get halfway up the stairs. I turn around. Look, those two cops. One was a SWAT guy. I didn't know at the time, but I knew now, but they're just staying. He's big as fuck. They're just standing there.

And I'm like, he goes, go get her. And I was like, oh shit. So now I'm kind of mad. Like, I'm pretty disappointed in myself. The whole situation, like I just wanted to. be over. So I run like three more steps up the stairs. She comes out of the house and she's like, my president's black motherfucker. And she smashes something over my head. Now I'm wearing a picture frame of President Barack Obama over my fucking neck. And I'm like just standing there. And then

both the other cops come pull and side me, almost fall. Like I like get up against the railing. They run up. One dude like smacks her in the face, hangs her over the railing, pulls out his pepper spray, sticks it up to her nose. He's like, you want to get sprayed, bitch? And she was like, no. And he goes, and put your hands behind your back. She's like, okay, Dan, geez. And he cussed her up and he looks at the SWAT guy looks over me. He's like, was it that hard? Yeah.

And I was like, uh, I didn't know we could just smack them. I don't think you can. It's so, uh, um, yeah, we can't because she smashed a painting over my head. So yeah, it's game on from there. Is it though? Yes, 100%. 100. If I hit you in the head with something and you're a cop, you can beat the

shit out of me after that. I feel like there's a limit to what you can do. I mean, there's a limit, but like, it's definitely hands-on. She's already putting her fist up. She's already taking her teeth out. Like, she's in for a fight. I guess. She's in for the fight. I mean, they didn't hit her heart. It's not like they fucking broke her face or anything, but we'd get her down. We

get her in the cop car, and that's the whole thing that I'm trying to do, because it's a small car, and she's a huge lady. So I'm having to, like, run around one side of the car, open it up, try to pull her back, and then she would try to run around the other thing. Now it's like 601. I'm missing roll call. And I don't know if that's going to be a big deal or not.

But anyway, you know, I get the door closed and I'm good, right? And he's like, you're just going to take her to the jail naked? And I was like, oh, my God. So now I got to go get this dress. Open the door, start the whole fucking thing over. Throw this thing on there. So anyway, we get her down to the jail, which is a whole other fiasco down to the jail. She gets butt naked and getting into the jail.

She's all over the floor. And it was awful. And, you know, that was my first day. And it really never got better. I was a bad rookie I mean I was a good rookie my training officer went on paternity leave

and so I got thrown in with these other three guys who eventually would go on to form their own squad they were so good at their job that they formed their own squad it was called the flex team and they had a very unique way it's all in the book it's a very unique way of policing and they were just badass like the one dude

he has a story bigger life he looks like a Western he was like 35 or 36 years I don't know Like a Wyatt Earp Stash? Wyatt Earp Stash, you know. And he was lean and just super cut. And the other guy, Ralph, he's just jacked and it looks like Rickett Ralph. That's why I call him Ralph in the book.

The other kids at college wrestlers. His name was Spoon. And they ruled the gangland. Like they would stop a car. They would know the guy's name instantly. And Sirius got into policing because he owned this like landscaping business. And his one of his workers was on lunch break and gets murdered on lunch break. break. And so he gives up his

like really successful landscape business, which he now has again. But he gave it up to become a cop to like avenge this guy. And so he's like a man on a mission. He was like a man on fire type guy. And so he would make arrests over a small amount of dope and they would take him back at the station and question them and then

spooned the wrestler. He knew he had like a photographic memory. He's a lawyer now. But he would know like every gang member. And so they would just wreak havoc in the district. They knew every player and it was fascinating to watch them work. Like they were getting foot chases all the time. But the three of them were just, you know, on point.

They worked out together every day. And so he goes on fraternity leave and I get sent with them. And I show up to them and it's just they don't want me. Like they're like, we've got our own thing going. And so now I'm trying to fit in with them and it wasn't working out for me. I was just everything I would try to do good would be an epic failure. Just catastrophic failure. And then it got to the point.

and those are all in the book. But it got to the one point where we have a new sergeant. And so it was Sunday. We got to serve warrants on Sundays. It's normally what we do on Sundays during the day. Just try to clear the beat bags of warrants. Why Sundays? Because in the hood, everybody goes home to Mama's house for after church lunch and dinner.

Or they go to church. But they're not out partying. They're not. You're likely to actually encounter them or know where they are. Yeah. Yeah, so it's a good time to serve those warrants. And they're all like hungover from partying over the weekend and stuff. So they have a really high value warrant.

And it's a violent warrant. Guy had a big rap sheet, gun violence, the whole nine yards. And so they're going to go to morning breakfast. And normally the way it works is we would all go to breakfast. And then we would come back to the station and we would spend like four hours, like coming up with a strategy. Like they would bring up the, you know, we had a big board like this. And they would try to say, like, we're going to go with this guy first.

and we're going to call him, you're going to call this person, you're going to start working this, this, and this. So it's a big word to you. But I knew they wanted this one guy. And we have this new sergeant, and the new sergeant was having breakfast with them. I didn't want to be there for it because I just felt like I was a rookie, and it would be awkward if I was there,

because I'm sure he wanted to talk to them about all their amazing work. So I was like, what I'm going to tell is I'm going to find everywhere this guy's not. And I'm going to get to go ahead and check it off the block and like have a whole bunch of intel. So when they get back to the office, Eric's got it all laid out for them. And I'm like, I've already talked to mom. I've done this. I've done that.

I called, you know, these detectives. And I've done all this work. So the first thing I'm going to do is make sure that he's not at mom's house early in the morning. Because now it's like 645 in the morning, right? So I drive down to mom's house. And there's no car there. No car in the driveway or anything like that. So I'm like, all right, cool.

I'm going to go talk to mom. I'd already seen all the notes that mom was very cooperative. And mom doesn't really support what her son does. So good, good to go. right so I'll get that check all the box I go up to the door I knock on the door and it's like 25 year old chick opens the door and I'm like hey I'll just call him Marcus for the story but I says Marcus here yeah and she's like no what what's that what's that what's up with Marcus? And I said are you Marcus's mother knowing there's no way that she's Marcus's mother because he's like 22 and she was like I am so my heart starts beating because now I know she's lying and I'm like oh shit she's lying to me and this is not his mom. And so I said, so Marcus isn't here. And she's like, what my baby do? I said, oh, nothing. It's just a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's just a, it's a, it's just a, order for arrest because of a traffic violation. And matter of fact, it's going to be a no bond.

I don't even need to take him down to the jail. He can go down, he can just go to the magistrate's office and take care of the ticket and everything. And he's kind of be done with it. Um, but can you let him know, since he's not here. Can you just let him know that it, you know, I'll give you my number and you can call me. And she was like, yeah, I can do that. And I was like, okay, great. I don't know why, to this day, I don't know why I said this. But I said, hey, listen, I've got a bunch of notes here from you, the mom, from you,

that says, you know, he's not here and that you haven't seen him, you haven't spoke with him. And I feel bad that all these cops keep having to come to your house, you know, every week. So if you just let me walk around the house and verify that he's not here, I will mark this off the list and no cops will come back. since you're so cooperative with us. And she was like, she looks back into the house. She looks back at me. And I know she's going to say no, which is great, because then I'm going to call the guys,

and I'm going to say he's here, and I'm watching the back door, and the front door, you all pull around the side of the house so I can see both. And like, we're going to get this guy. It's going to work out. She goes, yeah, come on in. Now, I haven't told anybody what I'm doing.

I haven't got out on the radio. Nobody knows I'm there. And now I'm going into this house by myself. So I go in, and I don't have my gun out because I've told this lie, essentially, that it's an OFA, and I don't want to, like, come in for no reason with my gun out at this point, which I should have. Didn't. And I go to the first door, and I open it, and I don't want to see them.

So I just, like, open the door and, like, close it. Like, I just want to get the fuck out of here. I know the whole time I'm telling myself, like, you're an idiot. You're so fucking stupid. Like, just turn around and leave. And I'm like, I'm going to do it. I'm just going to get in and get out. And I'm going to call the guys.

And then I'll never do this again. I open the next door and there he is, trying to get out the window. And so I run into the room and I grab him by the hair, pull him back from the window. I tell him that he's under arrest. He turns around and starts fighting me. There was bunk beds. So I pushed him over to the bunk bed and like a child,

he kind of like crawled to the other side of the bunk bed. And so like I ran around the bunk bed to come get him and he went under and try to come back out. It's like chasing a three-year-old at this point. So he goes back to the window to try to get this window open. And, you know, I grab him by the dreads and I yank him back into the room and I get on the mount position. But as I mount him, I go to start punching him, I look up and there's girlfriend with a coffee mug launching it at my face. So I'm like deflecting this coffee mug rolling off of him. I pull out my pepper spray.

I hose her down. He's managed to crawl his ass back up underneath the bed. I grab him by the ankles pulling back out of the bed, grabbing by the dreadlocks, which makes him scream. I put the pepper spray right in his mouth unintentionally. I'm really, it was not intentional, but I fill his mouth up with Capscomb spray. Mom shows up. I don't know which

room she was in, but she's in there, and now she's slapping me on the back of the head, grabbing my vest trying to yank me off. So I grab mom. Of course, I don't know it's mom at the time. And I sling her down to the ground. I'm pushing her face into the ground while trying to cuff him. The girlfriend, she's running around like, oh my motherfucker I can't see, you know.

So I get it on the radio. I'm like, Raleigh, I need help. Send everybody down. to the bubble bowling apartments you know and i hang up and it said bat bad yeah like fucking send everybody the national guard and um yeah so i end up getting all three of them so i got two i only have two handcuffs handcuff girlfriend and homeboy and i got mom kind of like by the shirt she ain't going to go nowhere she's too old anyway um and so i'm walking out of the house and the door flies open and it's the it's the three guys the flex team and i'm like i got them you know and they

were like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, what the fuck are you even thinking? Like, you're so goddamn retard. Like, dude, this is fucking done. Like, we're so tired of this shit, dude. Like, you're fucking, you're so done. And then this other guy that just kind of, like, loved me was like, Leroy Jenkins.

And so I'm like, dude, I'm fucked, man. This is it. This is like, because, I mean, I've lost foot chases up to this point. And it's just like, you know, the book is really funny. All my mishaps, you know, getting lost and car chases. all sorts of just bad moments. And so I'm pretty much off the squad at this point. I'm pretty fucked, I think.

I'm pretty sure. And then I get a call from Sirius. And he's like, hey, I want you to meet me at Habachi, this Habachi place. And I was like, fuck, man. Like, I just don't want to go. I'm already getting braided in the gym. Like, everybody makes fun of me.

Like, they hide my shoes in the ceiling tiles now. Like, I am the fucking, I'm the lowest. Like, I went from being in the Q course, like, doing some really badass shit. jumping out of planes. And now I am that guy. Like I am the guy that everybody fucking is picking on. And I know it.

Like I internally know that I am fucking this all up. And no matter what I do to try to be better, it just keeps getting worse. So I show up and then there's the K-9, the K-9 officer. And in the police department, the K-9 officer is kind of like the coolest guy in the school. Like he's the popular one.

And Bruno was no different. Big, large-in-life, Boston Irish guy, fucking louder than fucking life, you know. And he's there sitting at the table and I know what's coming and I just sit down and they're like, what's up, man? And I was like, all that what's up with you guys? And he's like, how's the wife and kids? And I was like, dude, you don't need to ask me about my wife and kids. Like, you guys, if you're telling me that I'm moving the district, that's fine.

Just fucking let Sarge do it. Like, what do you, what's your angle? And Bruno's like, yeah, it is no angle. We just want to have dinner with you, bro. And I was like, no, no, no, you don't. You're going to fucking shit on me. You know, tell me how bad I said. Like, I fucking know.

dude, I know I suck. And he was like, yo, listen, you're here every day for workout. You work out just as hard, if not harder than everybody else. You do your dry fires. You're always shooting. Like, you give a shit. You care. You're always trying. You just need to be, like, you just need help. And I was like, yeah, that's what I need. I need. Like, I fucking need help. This sucks. Like, this sucks. And he's like, tell you what, you're not going to be, you're not going to be your training officer for now on. We're going to help you. You're going to ride with me. The Canaan officer says this. That's the coolest thing in the whole department. And I was like, what?

He was like, you're going to write with me, we're going to team up. We're going to fuck shit up. Me and you and serious. How many times did you ask for help before this? None. Why? It just didn't, it didn't really apply. It didn't occur to me to do that.

I don't know. How? If you are self-aware enough to realize that you were, you, your words not mine, fucking up. It just wasn't the culture. It's never the culture. The culture was. If you're talking about a group of men, largely, it's never the culture to ask for help.

Right. I mean, I already felt like I was in everybody's way. And that's why you ask for help. Yeah. No, you're 100% right. Like, I know all this now. But, like, of course, back then, it was, you know, I was, it was dumb. And Bruno adopted me in Sirius.

And, you know, I looked up to Sears more than anybody. I still do. Still think he's, you know, probably one of the best cops, you know, nationwide. He's amazing. I'm an excellent cop. He's good with words. He's professional. And he never fucks up.

And so I started writing with these guys, man. And it instantly got better. Like, they became my best friends. And it was cool because, like, now I'm, like, friends with the coolest guys in the school. And we're starting to, and it just immensely, it got better. And we just started taking down cases. And life was going really, really good. And, you know, I learned so much for those guys.

And then I end up having a rookie of my own one day. but like these still these small little funny details come up but to get to where the book comes in at the time hold on all right how did you treat your rookie it's in the book and uh well i treat him very well i mean different than the rookie treatment you got well i his first night his first shift his first one hour less than one hour his first 20 minutes foot chase gun stolen gun guys wanted for murder and a use of force in his first 20 minutes. One person, one case. Did you help him during that time?

100%. Okay, good. 100%. And he was, he was a lieutenant. And I think he was like the honor grad of the academy. I'm not quite sure. I knew he did really well in the academy. And that's part of the joke that's in the book.

And he's a detective now. And he actually just got this book like three days ago. And he's on the SWAT. He just made the SWAT team like a week ago. And so he went from the detective to SWAT. And the SWAT team has a joke because he has a copy of the book. they made him read his chapter. And I'm really good friends with all the SWAT guys now.

And my best friend, who you should have on the show, like he's been at a shooting, but he's an incredible cop too. Very interesting character. I don't know if he'd ever come on a PISA, into social media or anything, but he's... It can be tough for them while they're still active. He's not anymore.

He's out now. That makes it a touch easier. He's got an incredible... Matter of fact, the guy he killed Dion Sanders' War on his Hall of Fame tie during his induction to the Hall of Fame. But the guy was a complete piece of shit. Okay, I was going to hold it. So the man that was killed Dion Sanders wore on his tie.

Yes. Okay. During the Black Lives Matter stuff. Okay. But this guy was like multiple time felon. And my buddy shot him in the gun first and then walked the rounds up, killing him. But like it was a fight within, but he's a big CrossFit champion, Purple Belt, Jiu-Jitsu guy, you know, competed at Worlds. Really great human being.

And just gets in this insanely, you know, it's a great story. It's in the book too. But so they make him read the story. And it was really cool. because they said, like, you know, was that how you're, is that how you portrayed your rookie time with Tanzania? He said, really was. And so the guys at the jujitsu gym, because most of the guys that are on that SWAT team trained at the Jiu Jitsu gym, I didn't. He said, dude, we thought, we, we thought there's no way you wrote a good book. And he's like, we actually, like, now we're all

reading a chapter, like, in our roll call. Like, we end up rolling like two chapters where you've already read out loud to the team. And he's like, dude, it's actually really good. And that was funny because and if I have time to tell you about how I got the book, that would be a fun Well, and I do want to talk about the book because I ask every author, this just out of curiosity, what was the route you took to write it? Like your method. Some people have a full architecture, what they wanted to. And I only ask out of personal curiosity because I, shockingly enough, was tricked, legitimately tricked into writing. Oh, yeah.

So I have the way that I did it, which was a living word document. Did you do it? Did you find it hard? Did you do it? Well, no. I mean, so the way the book came about was I wrote a homicide report as a supplement. And the supplement ended up being a much bigger deal in the trial than I thought it was. And so...

Explain what a homicide report with the supplement? What does that mean? Okay. So you go to a murder, which I work a lot of murders in my district. Somebody got stabbed or shot every night. Yeah. Not they didn't die every night, but like every night... It wasn't on an uncommon occurrence.

Every night I worked somebody... You know, I had blood on my uniform just about every single night. And I at that time was a terrible report writer, but it didn't matter because my reports were always usually supplements because I was usually... like working with other guys and they would write the main report and then I would just be like I was there I did this evidence got put into this and it's really short where is like amplifying information perhaps yeah so like you if you were the main guy on the report you would say like I own the report yeah like on July 18th you know 2025 at 1500 we were patrolling the 300 block

of Eastland North Street when we came across three gang members that were wearing this is like really long and detailed and then what I will do is say like you know on July 25th 2018, I was with Andy Stumpf. We encountered this gang member. I placed cuffs on them during the arrest. Please see report for details. Okay. And so it can add other people or attach people to the-

Yeah, and it's just attached to the report. And it's just, so it's like not everybody's writing the same long fucking thing. Unless there's a big use of force, then everybody is. Okay. Everybody's got to write their perspective of the fort. But, you know, and just generally, it's a supplement.

So a murder happens, and a detective or like the lead cop that is working the homicide is going to write all the shit. but maybe you were just the crime scene reporter, which just means like you're letting people in the crime scene tape and out. So your supplement might look like Andy Stumpf came into the crime scene at 4.30 p.m. You know, Austin von Lechman came in at 5.30. Andy Stumpf left at 630, you know, blah, blah, blah. So that kind of that way.

And I don't remember what the supplement really was that I wrote. I figured it was pretty insignificant at the time, but the homicide went to trial and the jury got a copy of it. And it was so horrendous. Like the wording was terrible. punctuation was bad, didn't know they're there and there. And so, like, people were really upset. They were like, this is super unprofessional.

This is like the worst supplement. Who's your supervisor? Who didn't check this? Like, and the supervisor, like, they usually do a great job. But since this one had so many supplements, probably just saw that mine was super short and was like, it doesn't, you know, he fucked up. He didn't, you know. So this kind of sergeant was like, look, what you're going to do is you're going to go home

and you're going to practice writing. I don't care what you write, but like you need to like, oh no. Now, at this time, they just shame the shit out of me. So the funnier part of the story is they shamed me for a little bit for being such a bad writer. Tell me it's a big deal and I got to fix it. So I started emailing my wife reports and having her edit them. She sends them back. Six months go by.

Is that legal? No. Didn't know what it was done. Didn't care. Six months later, detectives like, yo, Tansy, what up? Dude, they're like, yo, did you start taking writing classes after that fucking homicide report? Kind of. And I was like, well, I was like, what I do is I just like, I write the report.

I said into my wife and then like she helps me edit it. Did they just go white? Yeah, right, dude. Seriously. What are you doing on like wait tech or something? And I was like, no, I email it to my wife. And he's like, bro, what? No, you're joking.

And I was like, no, I'm fucking. To real serious real fast. Dude, dude, why did you tell me that? Like, what the fuck? So then it goes before. Now he's in trouble. Oh, dude. So we had to go like, the DAs were like trying to get involved.

And they're like, well, which reports did you have her edit? Oh, just all of them since this date. And they're like, yeah, they're like, how long? I'm like, months. And they're like, how many? I'm like, hundreds. So then they'd go figure out, like, which ones were going to try. It was a big deal.

It was a lot bigger deal that I thought it was going to be. And now I'm in, like, kind of the hot water. I get away with it with like a verbal, like, don't you ever, ever do this again. And we're going to make him right. We're going to give him, we're going to give him, like, writing exercises and shit. So now I've got to go home and write. So I live these traumatic incidents at work, foot chases,

you know, weekly punching, people getting kicked. I broke my leg fighting a guy once. I had my teeth shattered in the back of my mouth and break my arm fighting another guy. I mean, a lot of, a lot of really crazy fights. I mean, my nose gets busted a few times. Yeah, there's tons of him in the book. So I write the report to these traumatic incidents and then I got to go home and I got to fucking write it again. And then it was like, dude, after like a year of doing this or two years of doing this, at this point, like I'm on night shift, you know, it's pretty to, and I'm starting to drink more and more.

I'm enjoying writing. I love it. I fall in love with writing. Like it becomes like a jujitsu for me. I want to get better. You know what I mean? So I'm writing every night. You know, I'm working with people to edit these things. And I'm thoroughly enjoying it two years in.

I'm writing almost every night. And but I was like, I was starting to get into a pretty bad place where I was just like, this isn't healthy. Like, like, this sucks. And so I was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to start writing the funny shit that happens at work. And so I started writing funny stories and like goof, like, you know, some of the funnier stuff. And anyway, I become officer of the year from an incident in the book where, again, another crazy story, but become officer of the year, completely unexpected.

It's kind of a joke. I don't want to be officer of the year. I didn't want an award for what I did. I still think it's, I was a wrong person to give the award to. but the department really wanted to make a big deal out of it. And so they give me all these awards. And I go to all these award ceremonies all over the state. Like they're parading me around.

And I didn't wear my uniform to the officer of the year thing. Or to the thing. Again, the authority, like, fuck you. I didn't want this. You're making me have it. I was the only one, the only officer that didn't give a speech either. They gave me my award. And I didn't stay for the picture.

I just got the award and walked away from the podium. It's kind of like my fuck you to them. That's a rough look if you're a member of a team, man. Oh. Today's episode is brought to you by Element. Sometimes you see it as LM&T, and you can say that if you want to, or you can just say Element. I've talked about this brand quite a bit. It is an electrolyte drink.

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i didn't i didn't think i deserved i thought no i don't i don't think that i would They were, they did it for the wrong reasons. They politicized an event that did not need to be. It was this, well, the story is that there was a deaf girl. And I'm the only person that knew sign language. And that's a funny story how I learned sign language, but I had to do it in school. And I learned, I learned quite a bit of, and then Billy Graham came to town. And there was an opportunity to get paid to do an, and be an interpreter in high school.

It was like 50 bucks. And you had to memorize a paragraph. And then you would get on this podium and sign and then swap out. And so it was like a three month train up for that. So I was pretty proficient in sign language 20 years ago. But I wrote that on my application that I, in foreign language, I put American Sign Language because. Yeah, but that's fair, though.

That's fair. I could do it. Yeah. So there's a deaf girl on a bridge going to jump, and the only person that knows sign language anywhere is me. And so they call me, and now I have to go work with, you know, I show up to this bridge. It's cleared. And the hostage negotiator is like, we can't get anywhere near.

She's like, she was hanging off the bridge like this. Like on the other side of the rail. Yeah, but like ass off, like ass off the railing, like barely holding on. And they're like, dude, like she's going to go any second. So like, you know sign language? Good luck. Like do what you can. And I was like, do what I can.

Like you don't got any other words? And he's like, this guy has no idea who I am. He just knows that I'm the guy that shows up the no sign language. And I go, that's it. That's all your advice. You're a hostage negotiator. And you're just like, good luck. And he goes, TNZ, you're one of the best.

cops I know. I've heard so many great things about you and and you're the right man for this job and I totally believe in you. Is that better? And I was like, fuck you, dude. And I walk out onto this bridge and it was bad like she tried to sign to me because I started signing to her very quickly because she was inching as I was walking out. So I'm trying to sign as quickly as I can. That's going to be tough for her to do and maintain a grip. Yes. So she goes to try and she loses her grip and all those falls and like that's when it really got real. Like I wanted to throw up. It was like, I was like, I was like, holy fuck, this is real shit. Like, oh my God.

And like the highway is stopped. There's now a helicopter flying over and I'm the only one out there. And I'm like, dude, if she jumps, like, I'm fucked. Like, not by the department. I'm fucked because I fucked up, you know. And so it became very, very scary. And it ended up, like, in the book, it ends up getting to a point where I just tell her, like, I basically just get really honest with her really quick.

And I was like, look, stop. I'm dumb. I don't know how to do this. You're signing way too fast. Can we write on a new, I'm not. on piece of paper, but like, I fucking need you not to jump. Of course, I didn't cuss, but like, I'm like, I need you to like not do this for me. Like, please help me. And so she was like, go ahead, write it. So I write this whole like note. And I was very honest. I said, like, look,

I'm not good at this. I'm not a hostage negotiator. I don't know you. I'm not that graded sign language. You know, blah, blah, blah. And I throw it to her. And she like looks at it up. And I put at the end, I was like, if you jump, this will ruin my life. And I know that your life sucks. but like, please don't do this for me. And so she ends up coming off the bridge and we end up having this great conversation. She goes really slow. And by the end of it, it was, it was a really great moment for her and I.

But she was in that moment because she was deaf. And she lived at a deaf school away from her family, which her mother was an enormous piece of work. Crack had, we'd been over to the house for her hearing kids knocking on other doors, asking for food. she was a very mean lady the dad I think was already in prison but she gets moved back to this house

because when they're teenagers they can't live at the deaf school anymore they have to go integrate into regular public school because they don't do teenagers on campus at this school and I guess it was like probably in Charlotte or something but now she's like back at home and nobody in the family speaks sign language

so she has no way of communicating she doesn't want to wear a cochlear implant because it makes her look ugly so she was on the phone texting boys but like she was lying to them saying that she's beautiful, she had a fake profile and all this other stuff

and knowing that she can never meet them because they would find out that she's deaf or whatever and the mom took the phone away which was her only form of communication for anything. Matter of fact, fast forward, I asked the mom why she doesn't know sign language and she looked me dead in the face and she said I have three hearing kids. I don't need to waste my time

learning sound language for the one that can't hear. That was her words to me. Later I would find out that she was probably... Well, later I would go to a call on a felony for a pedophile. And she would have been in the room watching Nick, Nick at night in her panties with this 39-year-old pedophile that her mom was probably working on.

But anyway, at this moment, she's going to jump off of the bridge and we get her off of the bridge. And it was the worst moment of her life. And I had her friend come up and the story is actually really funny from that point forward. But this was the worst day of her life.

And she was more concerned about being embarrassed and the reason why she wanted to jump was because she could not go back to school. if she didn't jump. She was like, listen, I have to jump. Like, I can't go back to school, not having jumped. And I was like, no, that's like, fucking, that's the wrong answer. Like, I promise, we'll get through this.

Like, I'm going to, you know, blah, blah, blah. Well, now the police department wants to tell that story. And so they want me to do a press conference. I refuse. They want me to give my name to the press. I refuse. The PR person from the department calls me. I never met these people before in my life.

And he's like, hey, man, like, we really want to tell the story. It's already viral. And you can Google it. It is viral. And but I was, you know, there's videos of me doing this. And I said, no, I'm not going to give you my name. And it would be better if you didn't run the story. Like this is like the one thing she doesn't want is if you really care about somebody,

then put away the ratings, put away how good this looks for the department and let this, like, let this die. Like she needs this to go away. Please don't do this to her. And he was like, okay, we'll do what you can. They run the story. They put it all over the fucking news because that's what they're going to do. And I'm fine.

with that, whatever. I know that's, you're not, I'm not going to stop that. But now they want to make me officer the year and parade me around the state and tell the story over and over and over and over, like, you know, and at the time I was like, I asked you guys to make this go away, and now you're perpetuating the story because when they make you officer of the year, they put out the whole blurb to the newspaper of what happened. You know what I mean? Where it happened, now it happened. And so it's like, this bitch can never, I shouldn't say that, but like this victim is now having to, you know, see this shit pop up in the newspaper five months after it already happened.

And it just keeps going on. And I just thought that was disgusting. And especially after, there you go, yeah. That's it. Let's be on the bridge. Like, probably one of the craziest days of my life. But yeah, so I was really bitter.

I was really upset about that. And that would be the beginning of the end for me. I understand the bitterness. And I understand being upset. I understand the potential of re-traumatizing her. Or she could actually depending on how hopefully she was able to talk with somebody in whatever mean or mode that she was able to communicate. There's also another way to look at it and she could really develop a lot of resilience by having to face that from time to time.

So I'm going to put this through the lens since we both do jujitsu. Your four-stripe white belt, which is awesome. Thank you. Brigitzu is great. Should you get to go to your instructor and say, I am ready for my blue belt? No. then using that same analogy, right? It is your leadership's role to determine for you

when you are ready for your belt. Should you be able to turn that belt down? No. Okay. Apply that same analogy to the award that you received. The police department is extremely political, and those people that apply in the political letter aren't real cops.

Doesn't matter. And they don't understand the impact that they're having on the community. And I write a lot about that in this book. Like, they do more. to keep the hood the hood than they do to try to help the hood. And that's why we're having a lot of cultural words that we're having. Two things can be true at once.

What I'm trying to say is, like, you don't have to diminish your actions that day because an entity outside of your control tried to do something about it. Like, it's tough to sit here and listen to you, say, like, I'm the only guy who didn't give a speech and didn't wear a uniform because I didn't deserve this award. But the reality is you don't get to choose that. you did the best you could in the moment

and that's all you can do I, the more to the story is that I ask specifically not to not make me go to this. Yeah, try that with your blue belt. And they made me go. And so I was like, well, if you're going to make me go, then I'm just going to take the award mark

right back to my seat. And I'm going to not be in my uniform. Shelt for your blue belt in shorts and a t-shirt. Take the same analogy, see what happens. It would be awful. Yeah, for sure. But I respect. I have respect for my coach.

lives. Yeah. I didn't respect those people. You don't have to respect them. And I didn't want them to get clout for... It's even hard for me to talk about it now because I feel like... Can you control the story happened long enough ago? No.

I guess no. You could control your actions. You saved a woman's life. You can't handle... You can't handle. You can't control anything that happens downstream of that or actually upstream of that. I think a big part of it too is that the guys I worked with Bruno. No, serious rough.

They all deserve to be officer of the year at some point. They'll never get, they don't make Southeast District cops officer of the year because they're Southeast District cops, which is such. Same with life saving awards. Like every Southeast Raleigh cop has saved a life. But they don't get the life saving award because of your choice. Well, yeah, but when you're on a team like that, you, the team did respect it. The team was like, you know. Have you ever considered they respected it because it was actually deserved?

No, they respected the fact that I didn't take it. I think they know that it probably wasn't deserved. They knew it was a political move. I didn't really get officer of the year. I didn't have a great year. I didn't have a great year to deserve this. I had one incident, which every cop has in the Southeast District multiple times. Do you think every officer that got it before after you had a stellar year that never made a single mistake?

Sirius did. Oh really? You think Sirius never had a down day, never fucked up? Not as many as I did. Why do you constantly compare yourself to others? I don't. It's just there are people who deserve their belt and there are people who don't deserve their belt.

And that's okay. And guess what? And that would be shitty too. It's not that person that gives them the belt. It's their coach. Yeah. You're right. And as a participant in the sport, what I'll say is this.

Be cautious saying there are people that deserve their belt and those that don't because it's not your call to give the two. Well, yeah, that's true. I mean, like, I've never, I mean, everybody's better than me in my gym. So it's like, and like, because we're next to a NC State. So like everybody's wrestlers and way younger. They're great. I'm trying to the wood chipper.

They're so good. So, like, there's definitely nobody at my gym that doesn't deserve it. But, like, you know, my point is it's the coach that gives it to them. Yeah. And oftentimes the coach will see something that you don't see. Right. Because it's not your job to be the coach. Yeah.

It's, uh, again, like, it's obviously there's no time machine in going back, but. Yeah. And that's the thing, too. It's like, I'm a lot more mature now. You know, now I'm 41 with five kids. Yeah. These are around I was 28, you know, 29. Yeah.

And there's a lot slower than a lot of people. And I, you know, you know, And that's one of the things that, you know, I live with that. I don't use that as an excuse or anything. But my growth in life, I would like to explain it like if there is a linear line, everybody starts at this line. And then they climb their ladder to success is like this. Well, I start here. Where are you getting this data from?

Years of being terrible in school, not being able to make good good grades. So you have a data point of one, but you're trying to define everybody else's ladder to success. And all the failures, right? feeling exploding at tactics and feeling like you're really bad there failing it you know you think in your brain that well i had convinced myself and and the funny thing is i i had a conversation with nick recently that now i get it like now i understand but back then i didn't i i finally figured out like not life but i when i held this for my first time this hard book so many things changed for me um especially like with my kids and my kids you're incredible and i'm a great father and a great husband

And when I held this book, I realized like, oh my God, like none of that shit mattered. Because it all mattered. Because like now, like now I am where I need to be and I'm succeeding at that as a husband and a father. So nothing else really matters to me right now. Or you could look at it as you had to go through those things to make you the man, husband, and father you are. Exactly. And I'm appreciated for all these things. But the point still remains that I felt in those moments and I started down here.

But I was able to learn like this. And so I started out as the worst rookie. And then I became a great training officer, I think, to multiple rookies. And you'll see in the book where I got to do a lot of really great things because I became a really good cop. I became a good cop. But it was a long road of fucking shit up. And I was harder on myself back then. So I don't think I could have done jiu-jitsu back then.

Because I would overthink it. I would have felt like. it would just been too much of a failure in it. Like it would have mattered to me too much that I wasn't getting better. Or that I would have perceived myself as not getting better. And it wouldn't have worked for me. So like now, like now that I'm 41,

my maturity level is like, it really is like, I just don't care. Like I'm gonna go and do my best and that's okay. Like I walked on a run for the first time in 41 years. I have never started a run that I ever walked on. Never, never done. I will run into like fucking do. I went running. I did like six miles at like two in the afternoon because the one time I could fit my run in and my brain was cooking and I just I said no.

He's like you got away from five like who cares who fucking care you will die here if you keep going like this sucks. I'm fucking gonna walk you gotta stay hard and I don't care. I walk. I was like yeah I feel fine like I'm like I'm good because like I'm at the point of my life where it's like I you know I get it now I get it and it's it's it's a lot to this book and And it was a very fun journey. And I think so when the stories got compiled, I ended up leaving law enforcement because I opened up a distillery. I got my sommelier certification. I broke my leg and I was out for like five months. Master sommelier? No.

Fuck, no. I thought I was going to. It's Bush. I was like, yo, not doing that. I love that series. Sam. Yeah. Oh, that was a good one.

Yeah. So I started my Somalia like before that documentary. But I got my certified specials to wine, which is like a level two, song, I guess, if you were to. Yeah. It was, it was my certified specials of wine was harder than my level one song, the beginner level saw him. Both of them were difficult. Don't get me wrong. Dude, that program is insane. It's nuts. But it's so fun. I was fascinated by that process. It's the blind tastings and people being able to just the whole these obscure vintage and

that's why I got into it. Yeah, for sure. I got into it way, like when I got into it, I remember just being like, wait, this is, like there's no end. It was what you think you know something about it. Oh, for sure. You know nothing about it. You know nothing about it. it. So when I broke my leg, I was high on Kota Kane. That's what I called Kodine. And then my wife went out and she was like, look, I'm going out to the grocery store and I need you to like do something other than just sit here and watch porn and take fucking pain meds. And I was like, message received. So just heavy on the porn? Yeah. I'll back on the. I said, I'm going to, I'm going to sign up for the certified

specialist of wine course. And she was like, no, honey, that's like, that's very ambitious of you. But like, it's not just something you just, that's not something you just, that's not something you just start and then like you're only out for five months. You're like you're only you're only for like five months. You're, you're, you're going to be fine. Like you're going to go back to work and you're, you're going to go away. Like you're good because I was going nuts like laid up with this shattered legs.

I got 12 screws, two pins of plate and a rod in my leg and my knee got all fucked up in the incident and everything fighting a murder suspect, which got him though. Get him. But he did beat the brakes off of all of us. My partner read in the book. She got her neck cut open slit real bad. And my other partner broke his arm on this guy. This guy was just a bull.

I mean, he just did 14 years. in prison, got out and went and tried to murder the same chick. He tried to murder that landed in the 14 years. Nobody likes it on the news. And he wasn't going back. He wasn't going. Yeah, exactly. But he fucked it up.

He didn't even kill her. I'm not saying they're smart. I'm glad that he did. He bludgeoned her. Then he jumped off the balcony at the jail and that was the end of that. Interesting. You took that path out, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Maxwell Mitchell, you can look him up and put him on there. It's a good picture to always share. But, um, yeah. We do it, Michael, we don't need to look him up. Don't look him. Don't look him up. Let's not highlight pieces of shit.

Yes, so she leaves. She's like, I'm going to get you a wine book and we'll just leave it at that. So she leaves and like, nah, fuck that. Like I'm signing up for this bitch. So I spend like $1,200 to take the test, another $250 to do the Gallo Wine Academy. And then I get the $250 fucking work book and, you know, a couple other books. So I think at the end of the day was like maybe $1,100 or something like that. And so she comes home and she's, you know, she's like, I got a surprise for you.

You know, it's like a wine book. It was called Wine and War. Great book, by the way. A really short, easy read, but fascinating book about wine and war. Really cool book. And so I was like, hey, well, I got a surprise too. I spent $1,100 and I'm going to do this. She was like, no, please.

And so I was like, I promise you, I'll pass this test. Like, I promise you. And so, yeah, I spent like a year and a half, two years studying. You know, and I volunteered for every homicide scene, every suicide scene. It got to the point that I was sitting on all these scenes so much that a detective was like, yo, dude, what's up with you? I was like, why, what's up? He's like, why?

Do you just, like, love dead people or something? He's like, why do you always volunteer to sit on these scenes? And I was like, well, because I don't have to take any calls. And they're not going to fucking go anywhere because they're dead. And you guys are doing all the work. And I can study my wine shit. And I would sit there and study all night long, man. I would just sit next to some headless dude or, you know, some poor suicide thing.

And I would, so when I took the test, it was really funny because I would be taking the test. And it would be like, you know, what is the leading red wine grape of, you know, such and such grease, you know? And I would be like, grease, grease. I was like, all right, that was Corey Street, you know, dead guy, blah, blah, blah, half a brain hanging out, like doing a lot of twitching. Muscoffalero, got it. I mean, as long as however your brain rolladex is information, you might as well leaned into it. I didn't know it was going to roll a deck like that.

It just so happened when I was taking the test that that's how I was able to roll the X and worked out of my favor. But yeah, I took the test and I passed and I started teaching wine classes. I felt convicted that I was teaching a lot of wine classes and I became a wine buyer for a lot of wine shops. and then I got into rating and reviewing and some like Aldi and Liddle was new to the United States

and they were sending me cases of wine to write and review for them. That sounds dangerous. Professionally, it was great. We'll just take a sip and sample. Like, go, gong, gung, gung. Send me another case. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I would like a second and third opinion.

Yep. I just started teaching these classes and I felt convicted. Like I'm writing these reviews on these people's hard work that I've never done. Like, who am I to tell like, some winemaker, you know, that worked his ass off, like, that he's, you know, a bad winemaker, you know, if I've never done it myself. So I really wanted to get in there and I met a lawyer

and my buddy was a combat controller, a tier one combat controller at the time. He just retired, doesn't have social media or anything like that, but a great guy. And he and I were on this wine journey together and really close friends. Still at this day, we're really, really close friends. And I got with him and this lawyer and was like, dude, I want to love to like, let's let's try to like let's open up something so we thought you know winery was too expensive and almost had that kind of money so we opened up a distillery and we made rum and then uh the department found out that I was about well they knew for it took me two years to build the distillery had to get

all the permits it takes forever and you our building was built like 1890 something um that could be cool and it was really but it took a lot of work to you know gut it out and do all this stuff so I mean it was a lot and my sergeants and captains everybody was helping me do it it was a great team effort and serious did all the the landscaping for it it was a big you know some of the detectives built the bar for me. It was a great team effort. It was incredible. And just so thankful for those guys. And then the department, the city manager of Raleigh, and not really the department, but the city manager felt that it was unbecoming of an officer to own a distillery. Why do they care? The values of a distillery owner do not coincide with the values. And it was in a

different county. It's a different county. Yeah. And the way the ABC laws in North Carolina are, I wouldn't have sold it or distributed it. The state does that. So really, I'm just a manufacturer. of spirits legally. They had a problem with it. That's a weird one to me. Yeah, it was... Huh. And so, yeah, I mean, it was a weird one to everybody.

And it made national news, which is the next part of that story because that's how I got into podcasting because Trinking Bros. Ross Patterson, the, you know, this was the 2018, 2019, maybe something like that.

Yeah, earlier on, yeah. And they were like, hey, we just saw on the news that there's this officer that was officer of the year and fired the same year for opening up a distillery, is that true? So that's what they fired you for was the distillery.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm becoming an officer. Yeah. And in subordination, because I would not, I wouldn't, I would refuse to stop going to my own distillery. Oh, that's just a shot. Well, you do so good with authority. But, oh, well, that was the best part, though, because everybody was like, even my sergeants were like, dude, fuck these people.

Like, you're fine. I mean, you weren't going there in your patrol car, right? No, it's a different county. That's what I'm saying. And nobody even knew it until like, you know. Well, what kind of shifts did you guys work? Like a couple on, couple off? Yes, 12-hour shifts.

So Monday, Tuesday, off Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, the next week. You only work 14 days a month. Why do they care? They should not have cared. I mean, and a councilman, a city councilman and Raleigh owned a brewery at the time. So it's like a councilman can own a brewery in the city of Raleigh, but a cop can't own a distillery in another county. Was it in their doctrine anywhere? I mean, I said you could not sell or distribute alcohol.

But in the state of North Carolina, which I get, right? Because I don't want to sell you alcohol and then have my friend give you a DUI. You know what I mean? that would, I could see that. That is an interesting business model. I could see. Right. So, but in a different county and the state sells and distribute.

So I wouldn't have any, you know, and I couldn't sell to a 19 year old versus a 21 year old, which was another. Because the state sells it. It's a state controlled ABC board. You don't have that here in Montana. In the state of North Carolina, they're state employees. They work for the state. They don't know anything about liquor. That's just their job.

And they're not even allowed to, like, help you. Man, that's wild. It's a state ran. It's called that. All right. alcohol beverage commission. Yeah. But they handle all the distribution.

They handle all the sales of the like you. So all I had to do with manufacturing, but they didn't want to do it. And so it was great though because, you know, it was the first time that I really, like when I went to Internal Affairs, I went in there with like an open hand of kindness and he started out the,

and I never met this internal affairs person either ever in my life. And he started out the conversation with what were you told on March da-da-da-da-da-da, which was like two days prior to me coming in there, which was not to go back to that distillery and that I was done, that I had an I-A investigation pending for unbecoming of an officer.

And so I could not go back to my distillery until the IA thing was complete. And I was like, that's not going to fucking happen because I just opened up the business. And like, do they even have the authority to restrict you from doing that? They thought they did. I mean, well, their authority would derive

from their ability to, eject you from the job. But last I checked, you weren't on duty or shift. That'd be weird. Be like, how dare you eat pancakes for breakfast? You need to eat what we? Like, no, they're not on. I mean, but the police department has a really good way of trying to, like,

control your life, really. They do a, like, I mean, they'll force you to work off duty. They'll be like, we didn't have enough off duty people. So you got to work off duty. And you're like, fuck, I don't want to go work a concert. You know, like, well, we don't have enough people. Go work it. Yeah.

Aspect of being voluntoed. Yeah. And it's like you're you're not insured the same way. I mean, it's just, you know, they have a way of doing things. So when he, when he did the knife hand, it, it, it, it, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to play this whole game. And like I, like, yeah, so I was a real asshole after that. And it was great.

I had a lot of fun being an asshole. I got to play that out. And, yeah, they fired me. I mean, they gave me an opportunity to resign. I said, no, fire me. Like, I want to do this. I've never been fired before. Let's go.

Like, fire me. And, yeah, it was a, it was, it was. It was a unique journey and then I got fired and I owned the distillery and then I got to have the podcast with the drinking bros and I came on there and I told funny cop stories really that I had written but I didn't know like I didn't tell anybody had written cop stories but I yeah yeah and they were like dude you're hilarious and they were like would you ever want a podcast for a living and I was like not really I don't know anything about it four months later they called me and had me fly to Austin and they gave me a job doing a tailgate legend show which I don't know anything about sports and that was fun and then COVID hit and And that kind of took the wind out of those sales, but they got with Mike the cop, who was a big cop influencer at the time. And we did a show called Failure to Stop is right after George Floyd.

And it was a police breakdown, and we hit it off huge. Mike, the cop, and the show went bonkers. It was great, had big numbers. And then YouTube demonetized us two weeks before that election and whatever, that was the first violent Trump one.

Did they give you any indication that they were about to do that? No. No. No. No. You just like, hey. Two weeks before the election,

there was the first. And it was just a pro cop. Like we weren't political. It was a pro cop, but you know, and that was so big for Mike the cop that he never went back. Like he got rid of his social media. He sold his YouTube channel. He became a preacher. He was done.

He'd been done fighting YouTube forever. But it was a huge chunk of change. And so I went back down to ground zero. Like, so when I opened up my distillery, COVID hit, I'd emptied out my 401k. Lee, my combat controller guy who was supposed to be getting out and helping me with the distillery gets deployed to Syria, which I think is when Brent Tucker got shot, if I'm not mistaken on that rotation.

Who knows? Because he was there with Brent when Brett got shot, and that's kind of how I know Brent. Brent and I've talked about it. And then I ended up working with Brent for a little bit too. Very short period of time, but it was fun. He's a good person, I think.

And so we end up, so he gets deployed to Syria, which sucks, and then he gets moved on to Florida because he wouldn't get the vaccine. They were going to process him out. And I think he was at an EA'd at the time. or E7. So he had, it was like a congressional thing at that point

because he was high enough rank. And that was a big deal, but he never did. He never got the COVID vaccine. But they moved him to Florida as kind of a punishment, made him the commandant of the dive school down there. So I didn't have him helping me. And then the lawyer had a massive stroke and was like out for six months to a year.

Or he was out for six months. And then after that, he was still not, you know, because he was elderly. You're lucky it was, I mean, a massive stroke. You're lucky if it was not more than multiple years. Yeah, he was on life support for months. And he had to learn how to talk. Yeah, that's no joke.

And it was bad. And so, like, now I'm stuck just doing everything, which, you know, is fine. But now I was working 17, 18 hour days. My wife's pregnant with, or then fourth child. I'm not getting unemployment because I couldn't get unemployment from the department because I was fired. Also, I had, like, I never took in a sick day at that point. Like, I had all these sick days. So I had none, they wouldn't let me, they don't pay that out when you get fired.

So then I had vacation days, but I had been burning, or I guess it was vice versa. I had all these, either way, I couldn't get paid. They didn't pay me for the sick. You got your vacation, but you didn't get the sick. So because every time I wanted to take a day off, I would burn vacation and not sick. So I didn't have any vacation, but I had like 300 or 400 hours of sick, but they didn't give them to me because I got fired. And I didn't know that. I didn't know that you lose it.

Should have known it. Didn't because, again, not the brightest person, not the most best business person. I don't read between the lines very well. So anyway, so now we're broke. and I'm running this assillery. COVID hits. Everything is shutting down. I've got all this money,

all this, you know, 1,000 pounds of jaggery and, you know, yeast and all this stuff. And no way of, you know, none of the bars are open. And that was terrible. So, you know, now I have no money, none, about to lose my house,

four months behind on the payment. I've gone from never being laid on a payment ever for anything. Paying everything on time, you know, my whole life to, now I'm going to lose my house because I'm four months behind. Luckily, the government did that, you know, they pushed it out.

Yes. So that saves us by the skin of our teeth. My wife is extremely scared and unhappy, you know, pregnant with our fourth child. It's just like sucks. We homeschool, home birth through all this shit. That Christmas, we end up having to take back the, we bought a Christmas dinner.

I get hit with a wastewater allocation fee from the city. I have to take back gifts and all this stuff to pay this, this wastewater allocation fee because I couldn't get a hold of my business partner because he's got the stroke thing so I couldn't get any money from him so it was all on me

which I'm not complaining about I totally understand that so now we have to go garage sailing two weeks before Christmas to buy gifts we end up having spaghetti and meatballs couldn't do steak or anything because we just had no money and it was awful and then then I get this dream opportunity randomly from the drinking bros to come work for them and they offer me

enough money that I'm able to get all my payments back on track and get, you know, get caught up. Luckily, I have a, my mortgage was like $700 a month. I have three acres and a 1,400 square foot house, you know. And so then, you know, that's great. And then, you know, it's a year of doing pretty good. Everything's going great.

Babies are healthy. Everything's great. And then we lose that YouTube channel. And I go back down to square zero. What am I going to do for a job? The distillery is like really kicking my ass because it was, we never really could catch up after COVID. And, and it was just.

really rough man and then um i was still writing because i would watch the stills for 10 hours and write and watch the stills and it just like through like some weird friend friend person that knew nick palmesiano um i had told this guy that i wrote a comedy and my wife read it and she said it was the funniest thing she'd ever read and my wife reads like three or four books a a week she's obsessed with reading her degree is in french francophonics which is interpreting french books into english oh wow and that's what she loves she she she doesn't do social media she doesn't do a phone Her phone's gone like three days before she'll turn it back on. And but she's just a very, very quiet and she reads constantly.

And so she thought it was great and she was like, you should try to get this in front of somebody. So Nick Pomashana was like, I'll give you five paragraphs, you know. I was like, man, that would be great. Thank you. And he called me back like three days later and he was like, I've given you five chapters and then I made my wife read it. freed it. And he was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever read. Like, what are you doing with this book? And I said, I don't know. Nothing. I've seen if it was any good for you. And he's like, man, I really think you have something here. Like, let's work on this. And, and it was great. He helped me restructure some of the chapters. Like, help me polish it up. Pash it up, make it make it sense.

And, you know, the good thing about my book is that there's a police report for every story. So it's like, and I wrote them in the moment, not thinking they would have read a book. So there's What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say some people write books that have other than documented backstories? Yeah. Yeah. What I'd say is like, when you read this book, you might be like, that's not true. It's 100% true.

It's really true. Who did you publish through? Simon Schuster. Okay, sweet. And it was a great opportunity. And they offered me quite a bit of money, which saved my family. You know, it made life a lot easier. Advances are a bastard, though, because it stands for advance on future sales.

I mean, they paid me a lot of money. No, I'm saying it's great. So that means the investment, like the risk is more on their side. Yes. I'm sure it'll do fantastic. But if it doesn't, your check's good. Yeah. And then another opportunity came up when I'm working with Tyler Gray and AJ Buckley from the TV series.

Sealtyman Robert Munich. He's a great writer, director. And those guys approached me with another thing. So I've been working with them for about two or three months now on some stuff. I'm doing a celebrity golf tournament with them. Obviously, I got onto the year show, which is really crazy. And, you know, it's everything just kind of happened. Everything happened for a reason.

And I know that now. And it was like, man, it's in the moment I thought all the time for 25 years, dude, I thought, like, I just belong at the bottom. Like, Eric Tansy was never meant to be stable or like, good. My mental health has always been stable. My relationship with my wife has always been stable. My family relationships. Everything, like on paper was stable. But I've always just been working for nothing.

Like, I've never going to make more than $45,000 a year. year type mentality you know um i live very small i've never i don't have a motorcycle i have one we've always had one car you know um we do a lot of traveling my kids are phenomenal skateboarders if you is what you're saying i mean phenomenal like insanely good did they fall into that on their own yes yeah and and look dude my 12 year old and my 10 year old that like survivalists they make snares they eat their own squirrels they cook that sounds a little bit weird dude they're so fun they're the most entertaining. They're going to go. They're going to be, they're going to be great. His Instagram channel they make content on, it's hilarious. And they do like millions of view. They get

like, they'll, they have multiple videos that have over a million views. That's amazing. On their Instagram. Yeah, they do. And they come up with that content generally on the own. They, they will scroll for ideas and things. And then they'll, they'll say like, it's okay to find inspiration elsewhere. Yeah. They're like, dad, can we do this? Like, dad can I mean, they made a cooking video the other day that was so freaking. My wife and I were gone and they were babysitting. And they called and they were like, Dad, can we bake something? And it was, I mean, it was incredible.

And the video, like, so one son was, like, doing all the video, the 10-year-old was doing the video and the 12-year-old was, and it was really good. And it's, but, you know, they got, they get free stuff all the time from, like, liquid death, heritos, the sodas just sent a semi-truck to our house with, like, loads of it. They're incredible. They're fine.

Like, they get to travel. All their stuff's paid for. They're going to be okay. They're great. So, you know, on paper, everything has been good at it. But now, everything just seems to be kind of working out. But the funny thing I was telling Nick. So you're an overnight 10-year success.

Funny how that works. Funny how that works. I said, dude, you know, because I was very stressed out about your show. Why? Extremely stressed out. Well, you know, because Nick's name is on the book, so Nick's going through a lot of stress. That whole Tim Kinney thing.

There's people starting to filter into my comments about it. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't heard much. You know, he's, there's, it's another Navy SEAL book, basically. Kim Kennedy is a legendary seal. So, you know, it's like being on the Epstein list.

Like, I almost would rather be on the Epstein list. Like, I think I could, like, articulate. Let's not get too crazy. Oh, I met that guy one time. And, like, that's why I'm on the list. Whereas, like, Tim Kennedy, I've never even met him. And I'm already getting shit. My DM's like, go fuck yourself, burn your book, you know, blah.

I'm like, dude, you guys don't even know me. Is it out? No, it comes out next week. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So, but. Oh, so you're deep into, like, the pre-sale.

You're going to have to do a bunch. Yeah. But I was, yeah, we were real nervous coming on this show. And then. Why, though? Well, I, you know, do you want to be honest with you? Yeah. Or do you want you to be Tim Kennedy on you?

I thought this was going to be a gotcha moment. I thought you were going to bring me in here and just like roast, roast Nick or, or roast me for like not doing my due diligence or like, I don't know. I just, in my brain, the way my brain works, I was like, and this guy's going to gotcha me. So you actually watch zero percent of my content. No, I watched the show that you did with Austin and I don't consume content. And that sucks too. If you couldn't tell it the first sentence of that show that I was completely joking.

I believe but you so like if you were to joke like that with me and I don't know Tim or anything I wouldn't have anything to say because I'm like well I don't know I don't know him I don't know like I'm not a Navy SEAL and I'm not a green brace so it's like but I couldn't joke with you like that because it's it's different context yeah exactly that's how I felt yeah that's what I'm saying so I could never I wouldn't do that but I didn't know you wouldn't do that so like I thought so I was like all night last night I was like man like my war game was like okay when he brings up this how am I going to answer that if he if he says this well how am I and I thought I was going to be playing defense the whole time.

And so, like, you know, I was telling Nick, I was like, and I wasn't nervous that I would fuck up. I was nervous that, well, like, I'm going to get through it. But I told Nick, I said, I didn't want to get this far to look like a fool for this guy. And if he starts joking with me, I'm not going to have any answers. And I'm going to look like a complete idiot. I would never put you on this podcast called Angry Me podcast.

And the guy was a really good guy, but he caught me off guard. he brought up the Nick stuff, or he brought up the Nick Pomichano stuff. And I got really defensive. And for clear what we're talking about. Nick is the co-author of Tim's book, which is a book of fantasy essentially. I can't speak with any level of definity on that, but I can say there are other people out there doing research. And it, I met him once. So I met Tim Kennedy once.

I got my picture with him. I was actually in a TV series with him, but I didn't actually meet him. Even though I had a scene with him, they didn't use him for the scene. Oh, was it like a shot of you in like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't actually talking to him. But I mean, I don't, when I did meet him the one time, he was an extremely nice guy. And then during the hurricane, Helene thing, it was really bad for us.

And it was a huge team effort. And Sentinel Foundation. And I think they're called Mighty Oak, which is like, that's Robichos. Robeshaw's. They and then save our allies. Like, we all work together in such a phenomenal capacity that like, and, you know, I was so proud of all the hard work that everybody did there. that, you know, that again, I was like, man, Tim Kennedy is a great, all these guys. Chad Roshal, Tim Kennedy.

The data points you have or the data points you have? That's all you have, yeah. And I thought like this was handled really well. We did better than the government did. You know, it was so professional. You know, it was, I mean, they set up like a talk, you know, it was perfect. They did so. It's the greatest war story never told, to be honest with you.

And it's funny because another one of my buddies is a Delta operator that I was in the course with, haven't seen him in 20 years. we end up in this hangar together and now we're reconnected and we're really close. He's in Israel right now. But he was, he told me at the end of this, he said, dude,

because I think we were there for like eight weeks total in Western North Carolina. And he said, I don't know how I'm going to leave here. He's like, I've been to Fallujah, Ramadi, you know, Syria, Iraq. And he's like, this is the one thing that I will take on me. He said, I've never prayed as much as I prayed than on this mission.

He said, I've never cried more than I've ever cried on this mission. And it was just a, it was, it was such a cool thing to see all those guys work together. And there was no hate. You know, there was no, I know there's some drama now that I hear about. But in that moment, man, everybody worked perfectly. And they did great. And, and, and I was really proud to be a part of it, frankly.

So that's my only, that's all I knew about Tim Kennedy. So when I came here, I told Nick, I said, I said, look, man, I'm at the point in my life where it's like if I go, even if I go in here and I fuck this whole thing up, I don't care. Like, I don't care anymore. Like, all that matters to me is my wife's still going to love me, my five kids are still going to love me. And it's all I fucking care about. So it's like, you want to DM me guys about like, you know, because some of these guys got like Tim Kennedy derangement syndrome at this point. Like they are like, the fact that you would message me, not knowing who I am. Just remember reading the DMs is optional. Yeah, well, I've, I've figured

that out, sure. But yeah, it's silly. But, um, yeah, it was, it's been a fun project. and Nick Pomashano is giving me an opportunity. And said with Ross Patterson and the Dringer Bros. guys, I mean, all these guys have been so great to me. And, you know, I always say that I've done a lot in this industry now since working with the Drinking Bros and being on the road with them, especially for a year and doing all the things, you know, going to a different sporting event every weekend

or nearly every weekend and most of them with them. I've seen a lot of the industry. There's two people in the industry. I would let babysit my children, and that's Nick Pomashano and Mike the cop. Those are like the two people that I would trust with my family. So, you know, if people want to hate on Nick Pomashano, I would only say it's because you don't know him. I mean, he is a, he has done more to help others and he does it for no clout.

He doesn't have a social media following. He's not an influencer. He works behind the camera. And all he cares about is one, your mental health, your physical health. And he just, I've never met a guy more caring that's a celebrity-ish. But he doesn't act like, I mean, he just wants to help you be successful. Like, he doesn't want you to tag him in anything. I'll be like, hey dude, how do I tag you in this?

And he'll be like, it's not about me, it's about you. And it's just, I think he's a selfless guy from what I know. So I've always appreciated him. I have a gift for you though before you hang this up. Is it a dildo? Yes, a green one from the WNBA. From the, would you take it if it was from the court of a DEMB? Like if it was one of those green deals that was thrown onto the court, would you take it?

If it had a suction cup, it would go on the TV forever. Because it would be badass, wouldn't it? Don't you think Michael? Don't you think it's funny? Or would you want to find you on the flag so you could like reach back and like give a swat. No, you'd have to go behind the head, like, it just thwap and just blop-p-p-p-h. I think the reason why they're so upset about the green dildo thing is that they've made,

like somebody made more money on dildos than the WMBA has made on merch. Here's an interesting stat. More people have been arrested for throwing dildos than being on the Epstein list. Well, that's, yeah. So this is, uh, what she got there. This is, um, this is a cop and he's from sheepdog holsters. Oh, no. And we wanted to customize you a holster because that's what he does.

He's just a cop, cool guy cop. Hand that thing over. Let's listen. And so Berserker, which is a guy you worked with before, I think. Maybe. You just had operation. I'm blanking out now because I'm nervous. But Berserker makes skateboards.

He's like, I don't know if he was a seal or some kind of special ops guy. But he makes these like decorative seal, Navy SEAL and special operation skateboards that hang on walls and he gives them out his gifts and everything. That's awesome. It's called Berserker. And they collaborated these guys. I didn't know them. They saw a picture of my son skateboarding. And they found out that I was a cop through his social media.

and they were like, dude, can we send your kid a custom deck and you a holster? And that's how I met him. And so anyway, this is a fully custom holster for you. And I think it's for a Glock 19 because I just assumed you would own a Glock 19. I do own a Glock 19. And this is a Cousin. I prefer a 320 though. Yeah, sick 320, which, hey, I said, I called this.

I said, I bet you there's more to that story. And now I've heard that they've made some arrests in that case. And I also heard that. Because I've been around the 320 a lot. And I've, is it fair to. I'm going to assume perhaps that somebody might have shot somebody else and then blamed it on the gun? Yes, I think so. That backstory there?

I mean, I've seen 320s fall off of roofs of cop cars. Cops will carry this thing all the time and tackle people on concrete things and they don't have to go off. I've also seen videos of cops having them go off in lobbies. Oh, well. You know what? I'm also not an expert on the internal mechanics. And guess what? There are people out there that can weigh in on that.

I just like sometimes to make irresponsible 320 jokes. I think they're great. I just, yeah. It doesn't be an expert on the platform. This is really cool. This is a holster that they sent you. I mean, not a holster, a coozy. Oh, nice.

Anything. So it's like, it's like a, like it would even fit on one of these little guys, you know. Ooh, interesting design there. Yeah, it's really cool. Well, thank you guys for sending me this. I appreciate that. I guess it gave you some stickers too. Yeah, if you don't own a Glock, do you even own guns?

Right. And that's what I have with me. It was a Glock 19. So I was like, yeah, give me. And so we, we didn't know how does that work for you? How does that work for you? Does H. Not anymore.

No, it doesn't. I mean, in Montana is a constitutional care. This is really shit in me. Like, I don't care. Like, I will carry all the time. Like, I carry everywhere. Is that bad? I am not the, well, here's what I can say.

I'll go to jail happily for it. Well, and that's the thing. People's decision to either obey the law or not obey the law is their call. The cascading consequences that can come from that or in line with the decision that you make. What I'll say is, I'm not going to tell anybody how to live their life. Make the choices you want. Just understand the potential consequences. I choose to be prepared.

I want to be prepared to. I'm fit to be prepared. I'm the guy that I want to trust with my life when shit goes down. I want there to be a guy like me when it goes down. Be careful caring in California. Yeah, I'm trying to say we're from California anyway. No, I won't. There are some states that will treat it like D.C.

Probably not a good idea. Not going to say I've done it or not, but it's pretty bad. Use with caution. Sometimes I even forget. That sucks because that retired. Well, like I forget that I have it on. Because it was a big part of my life for so long. Well, the entire credentials would have covered you.

Yeah. Because HR2A18 allows people to carry more 50. Yeah. Forever. Well, as long as they keep reestablishing that federal law, you'll be good. Yeah. Because I think they have to like every four or eight years, but it seems like something there. But in Montana, this is like a free state anyway.

Constitutional carry state. Yeah. Is it concealed too? Yes. You've not any concealed weapons permit here anymore. If you get one, it'll shorten your time purchasing a weapon by 60 seconds. That's about the only benefit. Because they'll do that in lieu of a looking up in the background check system, the CCW covers that.

Yeah. Yeah. But out of respect for you, I lifted in the pack and carried on my hip because I didn't know, like, I didn't know what your rules were in your establishment, but I felt like really safe. But I was like, I'm not going to not bring one. There's several guns in this studio. There's one in the fanny pack. Great.

That's perfect. It's like, and I figured it was like, yeah. You know our jiu jitsu gym. Sometimes people get a little wild and it's like, oh, there you go. Yeah. I think ahead. Like I like you, when I was a cop and I would run into. People that they would be like, I have a gun in the car.

I'm like, awesome. Like, I didn't even ask. Like, if you're going to tell me that you have a gun on the car, we're good. Yeah. Got one in the chamber. How do you roll? You're 16 plus one? Yeah.

Like, good for you, buddy. Like, that's the way I like it, you know. I was going to give you a ticket. Now we're going to have a talk. Like, now we're going to chat about these guns. What else? So, I mean, I think there's a lot of runway for you, obviously, in the spaces that you're doing.

What else do you want to do with your life, though? I mean, you've obviously lived quite a few of a diverse experiences up to this point. But I mean, we got some time. None of us know how much time we have left, obviously, but I think staff are probably in your favor. What else you want to do? Like outside of the stuff you're doing now, what else interests you? I do like seeing up comedy a lot.

I really enjoy doing it. I've been doing it for a couple years now. And it's been a lot of fun. But, you know, mainly having five kids, it's really all about my kids. It's a full-time J-O-B. They're awesome, man. Like I said, they're just so cool. Like, I sit back and look at it.

I'm just like, dude, I'm the luckiest guy in the world because, I mean, they just do crazy stuff. And, you know, it's amazing what happens when you don't give kids screens. Like, it's just, it's insane, like, how creative they get. And it's cool. So I know that they have a professional, they're already skating at a professional level. Like, they do events where they make them skate in the pro division. And they're skating with 25-year-olds, you know.

And they skate a jackalope three years in a row where VIP is a jackalope. You know, I don't know if you know who Bob Burnquest was. I do actually, yeah. Like my son in May was like on the vert ramp and he was up there with Bob Burnquest and Bob was talking to him and giving him some pointers on the vert ramp. Well, you know, a vert ramp's huge, right? Yeah. And it's even huge for my little, my 10 year old and my 12 year old.

I and my 7 year old to be up there. And so my son, you know, they talk and I think Beaver Fleming was up there too and he's a big name right now. And he comes off the ramp and I was like, yo, what did Bob say to you? And he was like, who's like, who's like, I don't know who is. The dude standing next to you talking. And I was like, you don't know who Bob. I was like, I have failed. I don't know if you know who Tim Poole is, but he's a big skateboarder and podcaster,

Tim Pool. And he's got a, he's got a facility that he invites pros to. And he invited my kids. And this other kid named Summer of Cam on Instagram, but he was like 11 or 10. But he invited my three kids and him to this pro thing that was private at his facility. And it was cool. He gave my kids money to like do these like, or my kids were like landing tricks. And he was like, if you land that, I'll give you $200.

You land that. It was really fun. And they had a really great time. But they were interviewing. because my son had a podcast too and like Rob Machado the pro surfer was on it. Ryan Shekler was on it and then he took my kids to Woodward

for a week in Pennsylvania paid for it it was cool or my son Duke and so the podcast was really cool and so the Booneys HQ they did a video like one of their first YouTube videos is actually with my children and so he's interviewing my son Duke and they're asking him about like Bamargera

they're like have you skated Bam's place yet and my son goes is that the fat sweaty guy and so they just like lost it And I think BAM somewhere left a message or somebody made a comment one of his team. It's on their social media was a while ago. But it was like fat, sweaty guy, really? We're all fading to oblivion at some point. And I said, I failed as a father.

The icons are people that are memorable to us. It just mean absolutely nothing to our. Like I said, we're all twisting off out into orbit at some point, fade just into obscurity. Yeah. Yeah. But it's been fun, man. And I'm so stoked that you gave me this opportunity. Oh, I'm happy to have you, man.

I'm glad you got to come. Thanks for rolling with me today too. That was like, why did I not roll with you? Like, that's insane. You got to come to you. Have you ever met celebrities? I'm not a celebrity.

Like, they are pretty weird. I am not a celebrity. I mean, is. I mean, is. You know who is? Who's recognizable? He sits right over there. Dang.

And he's super good at Jiu-Too too. No, not a celebrity. He used to work with you. Listen, can you like next time, if I ever get to roll with you again? Like, if you mount me, can you just like act like you care that you mount on me? Like, can you not act so nonchalant about, like, sitting on top of me?

Like, that's pretty... Why did you let him mount you? Yeah. Pussy shit. Why were you on top? Like, he looked so bored. I don't even know what you guys are talking about. Why was Michael looking down instead of...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just kind of like... He's good. I met him as a white belt. Really? He was, what, 30 pounds lighter maybe? Uh, 40. I don't believe that's actually true.

That'd be a startling amount of weight you've gained. Yeah. Well, I did. No. You look great. I'm 188 right now. You weighed 148 when I met you? No, I weighed 150.

That's 38 pounds, so I just rounded up and said 40. God, I'm so fat. I have to give one shout out to you, though. This guy's name is Tom Webb, and he's a SWAT operable. What? Just retired. Just retired. Just got in a really bad shooting, too.

Another one. Is he going to be okay with you using his name? Yeah, he's fine. I don't know if that was his first shooting. Anyway, he just got in a shooting. And our coach gave him two stripes for it. But anyway, this guy's, uh, Slightly non sequitur, but I'm here for that.

I was pretty pumped. I was like, dude, that's fucking cool. But it was, so he got in the shooting and it was like, I don't know if it was like two or three o'clock in the morning that he gets in the shooting. And like the next day at noon he was in class. But no, but there's more to the story. So he's on the SWAT team and he's the nerd of the SWAT team. He's got a lot of TISO.

He's got his children like full-blown autistic. And his, he's like in charge of all the equipment. Yeah. I mean, he's an operator, but he's also, he buys all the equipment, test all the equipment and does it. He's got a very vast job on the SWAT team, and he's extremely intelligent when it comes to all this stuff. Gets crazy cancer, beats this crazy cancer.

It comes back. His testosterone got knocked down to like two, I think is what they said. Like they needed to get as close as zero as they could for this treatment. Really? He was still coming back to Jiu-Jitsu and still giving it like pasty, white, just, like you could just, like, and it sucked. Like, it sucked because you just like in that moment, it's like, you don't want to go so easy on him that he's like offended. But you all like obviously you're not going to like, but you know, and he's a much higher, he's a higher belt rank than I am.

And it's like, but when he was in that moment, like, no, you get him to choke at the fuck. I know. I couldn't do it. But he said, I didn't even know he knew you, but I told him I wasn't going to be in training and I was going on cleared hot. He says, it's his favorite show. Sweet. And he said that you are the reason that he started jiu-jitsu. And I think that's important because.

One, Tom's kind of a quiet, nerdy guy. But he has overcome so much in his life and his career as a cop. And he's a perfect cop. I don't know that he's ever had an IA investigation ever. He just retired. But phenomenal dude. Phenomenal guy. And then gets in this shooting.

And like right after it, to break it down, he's like, yeah, maybe, you know, he breaks it down in a very, like, scientific. Like, it didn't even, like, effective, you know. And he was like, yeah. You know, he's great. But so when he texted me, I was like, dude, there's no way I'm not going to like shout out Tom Webb on your show. So really great, Raleigh, Swat guy. I'm glad he found it.

I don't understand how police can do a job where they're required to touch people and they don't train grappling of some kind. That is insanity. That is insanity. I will tell you from my perspective, being a comp. Yeah. I got into a hand. This was, again, wrong. Yeah.

Right? We do have grappling. We do a lot of grappling in the police part. It's not jiu-jitsu level grappling. but we do a lot of control techniques. And Raleigh has a phenomenal training program. We have a reality-based training team, which makes you do lots of training all your reality-based.

I mean, we shoot from windows, we shoot from undercars, over-cars. We do sim rounds constantly. They've got so many ways to stress you out and make you shoot, and they are so scientific about it. They have videos, and they break it down. A lot of these guys are ex-military, ex-green berets,

Marsa, whatnots. And they're so great about working with all of the office. officers. The guy that's running it now, Eric Scott, he's a brown belt. He's a brown belt. And he is like writing some doctrine on grappling. But he works like they'll pull people off the street. They off the out of their cop cars and say like, hey, come down to the station. We just watch one of your videos. This control technique would have worked better. And this scenario, like let's go ahead and run that scenario back with you. And let's replay it. They do a great. They do a phenomenal job. But obviously you need more.

Your time as a cop is stretched so thin. You're always shooting on the range. Believe it or not, if you're a big city cop. Yeah. Not in New York. That doesn't count. But like, no, most big city cops, you're going to the range a lot. You have court a lot. You have off duty.

I mean, yeah, it's only 14 days a week that you're working on paper. That's not reality. The reality is you're constantly going. And you never sleep because you work 12 hours all night. And then you've got to be at court at 8 a.m. You're falling asleep in court. And then you've got to be right back on shift. It's gnarly.

But I was putting my hands on somebody every single, every single night I put my hands on somebody. So I felt like, why do I need Jujitsu? I do this every day and I'm good at it. I mean, I'm not good at it because I got my shit blasted so many times. And I think now I'm like, unless you and I. I would have fucking known Jiu Jitsu. I wouldn't have got my fucking face pushed in.

Well, you never know. It's like you don't know what you don't know. I am an absolute nobody, but I would kind of be a handful for a cop. Fuck every cop. I would be a handful. I tell her on my show, failure to stop, on my podcast. I tell cops like now I'm like that guy like have you heard about my lord and savior Brazilian jiu-jitsu for cops because it's like you have to you have to train you have to and my um cousin-in-law

no my brother-in-law shit my brother-in-law um depending on the state you can be the same person but he's he's like I'm gonna do moitai or he's a cop in Orlando that's actually legit though too because strike I do moitai I was gonna say jiu-jitsu I say this every time it's not a complete self-defense martial art you have to to be able to get through striking ranges or use striking because if you get knocked out on the ground and you have a black belt, it's like cool black belt, dude. Yeah. But also if you're a great striker and somebody is able to get their hands around you and you are just completely screwed, it's like cool striking. Yeah, I would say like, I told him that I would do jujitsu. I do

moitai too. Yeah. I train moit Thai at Gracie Riley. Um, and jujitsu at Gracie Raleigh. Um, and uh, and, uh, I would, I told him. I was like, look, if my, from my point of view, I would do Jiu-jitsu and not Muay Thai because you're going to put your hands on somebody every single day. You're not going to punch somebody in the face every fucking day. And you're honestly, when you guys are touching them, you're already really, really close to grappling distance, if not in it. It's perfect. Yeah.

I mean, like, every one of my fights as a cop and they're in this book and like, there's some like really bad ones. But like every one of them went to the ground. Every one of them. And I get my shit kicked in on the ground quite a few times in that book. That's what I'm talking about. Learn the hard way. Yeah.

I mean, when your head's like bouncing off the concrete, like, I will say like, I remember like one time. Like, the guy that broke my leg, like when I was on the ground, I kept seeing like a flash of white, white, white, white. And I was like, why is everything flashing white? And he was stomping on my head. My head was hitting the concrete. But like, like, you know, your flash.

It was like, you know, into the white concrete. So yeah, but I would say that you got it. If you're a cop man and you're not training jujitsu, you know, you're going to be a better shooter from jujitsu. You're going to be a better husband, frankly. You can solve problems better. So much better. you're going to be less stressed.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't, yeah, you're, I don't know how cops. I do know because I was there. Yeah. And I know your mentality. It's like, oh, I don't fucking need that. I'm like, because CrossFit kind of like ruined that for cops. Like, oh, a lot of, like, especially our department built CrossFit gyms in every precinct and had coaches.

It's a legit modality to train in. But you're not going to burpee your way out of a triangle. No. Or you're not going to burpity your way out of somebody being on top of you who knows how to grapple. If they don't want you to get up. Yeah. You're not getting up.

Yeah, you're done. Yeah. And I, you know, like, so when I got into my jujitsu journey, it was really funny because that same guy, Twitty, he'd been trying to get, he was a CrossFit champion state, I guess those people are a nightmare if they learn judicis because the engine behind it. He's so, he never died. You know, like, never. And now, now he's like on PEDs and all the other shit.

That's what I'm talking about. Probably. He's so jacked, dude. He's fucking animal. It's just, it's a animal. And mostly chicken bread. But he's so quiet. And like, he's, out of all the guys that are on testosterone,

and stuff, like he is the only one I've ever met that's like extremely like legit humble, like a very soft, gentle, so beautiful father. He's probably on the correct dosage. Husband does great, dude. He's such a solid guy. He's like, he's not running around like that's a, fucking thing is a therapeutic dosage and a performance enhancing. But he is a, but I mean, he is a monster.

And so he's been trying to give me to jiu jiu jitsu forever. And I just kind of like on life, not like on life, but like, I'm not a competitive person. And I was like, I do cross with him with him wasn't very fun. because it was like just a murder session every time we did it together. So I enjoyed training with other people that weren't gonna murder me. But even trying, dude, you gotta do,

you gotta do, you gotta do, I'm like, I'm not doing that shit dude. And I was getting kind of fat, run the distillery and everything. And he was like, hey dude, you're a disabled veteran, right? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, there's this thing called We Defy Foundation.

I'm familiar. And he's like, I wanna put you in for a scholarship. And if I get, if I put you in for it and you get it, would you train with me? And I was like, I mean, if it's free, I'll fucking try it. And so he puts me in for it. I ended up getting the scholarship and I, again,

wasn't really paying that much attention. I get this package in the mail with this ghee. I call him, I'm like, dude, what are these fucking pajamas? I'm not wearing these fucking, like, I'm not wearing this shit, dude. He's like, you're gonna fucking wear it. You're gonna wear the cult clothing to the cult place. He's like, you're gonna wear it

and you're gonna drink the juice, you know, which is, you know, your electrolytes stuff. So anyway, like, I was like, man, this sucks. And I guess we defy you have to train at least two days a week to maintain this system. So I was like, so I was like being that anti-authoritarian. I was like,

I'm going to do it, but I'm only going to do two days. Only going to do two days. Yeah, until you fall in love with it. No, no, no. Yeah,

and then I got there, and I thought, I thought it was going to be a lot better than I was. I was like, dude, I put my hands on people all the time. That first day is rough.

Here's the thing, too. But I loved it. There is, I mean, it's, you just two people say it's exploding, but that's because there's like eight people who love it

and pay attention to it. So when there's nine people, they're like, yes, we grew by 10%, which is slightly tongue-in-cheek. I've talked with Pete from origin. I've asked him, you know, because they sell geese. I'm like, what do you think?

How many total people? He's like, I don't know. A couple million. So criminals can learn this stuff too. Can you imagine being on the wrong side of that? So, yeah, we've arrested a UFC fighter before. That is going to be a taser right. Dude, he would say, like, he would legit tell you, like, because we mess.

We, he was mentally, like, just off his rocker. And the stuff he wasn't. I mean, the domestic violence stuff was kind of serious. But I mean, he could kill that bitch if he wanted to, but he didn't. You know, so, but every time we were doing him, he would, he would, like, articulate it to you. He'd be like, I would fuck you up this way, this way, but I'm going to let you take me. But you just know that I will fuck you up if I want to. And you're like, yeah, that's, I know.

Throw the cuffs at the guy at that point and be like, hey, you figure out how to get these on behind your back. I have done that. I have 100% deal. I have looked a dude in the eye and I go, dude, you are big as fuck. You can either cuff yourself or I will fucking tase you. If that doesn't work, I will shoot you. And the guy would like, and I'd hand him those handcuffs and I'd have my taser right out. Yeah.

And they would cuff themselves. I have done it a few times. I have done that a few times. I ran from a guy. This guy chased me, big ass guy. And we were running around this car and he was chasing me around the car. And he came around the car and I sprayed him. Like I tricked him.

I juked him. And I sprayed him. And I was like, I'm going to throw this canister and I'll pull my gun out. Because if he gets a hold of me, like he's going to kill me. And he was jacked up on all the drugs too. And as soon as I sprained. He fell to his knees and he was like, why? Why?

I was like, gotcha. And then, of course, I'm a big man after that. I'm like, yeah, bitch, you know, take that, you know. That's what worries me is that there are enough people training. I don't want cops to end up on the wrong side of that. But I feel like if you're training jiu-jitsu, you're probably in a better headspace. You're probably not committing crimes. You probably are, but what I'll say, I'll speak super broadly.

I have now encountered a couple people that have been ejected from jiu-jitsu gyms because they were learning a skill that weaponized a predator and not somebody who would utilize it for what I think are altruistic purposes. Yeah, I've dropped into a lot of gyms around the country. I try to drop in everywhere I go, which, by the way, is, I was telling him, like, it's very hard to drop into a gem. Because you go in there, nobody knows you. I'm a white belt, which is kind of good because I don't have any expectation.

So I don't have to, like, defend a blue belt or any of that bullshit. But, like, you're walking in there. Nobody knows who you are. You have to learn the stretches. You have to learn the etiquette. You're meeting new people to roll with. You don't have a body. Oh, it was perfect.

I've been to some weird ones, man. But like I have been to, like, I went to this one in particular. And I was like, that motherfucker is going to rape one of these chicks. Like, every girl that was like there, he was like over there just staring. And I was like, how? I've never even been here. And they have fucking dudes creeping me out. Like, how does nobody see this guy be creepy as fuck?

You have a more tuned radar to looking for that. So, and again, I got to speak about it super broadly. I there was somebody that I rolled with relatively often and I always knew that there was something weird. You could feel it. And yeah, eventually booted for reasons that would make you want to get a wood chipper out.

Yeah. Oh, I imagine. I mean, that's, that's... But let's say somebody does that and they get to like Purple Belt or Brown Belt level, you have completely weaponized. They will be able to control... But I mean, don't you think it would be good?

Do you think it would... Because now you got me... questioning my philosophy. What I wanted to do was get pretty successful in life and then use my money to start a BJJ scholarship for people in the hood. I think it could change. Well, here's the thing. I think it could, I don't, you know, if you associate the hood with people who, for whatever

reason, they have to be on a bad path. If you're that type of person, then it may not work. But I don't believe that people, just because they grow up in the hood, have to be on a bad path. I think it could change the trajectory of their life. Yeah. I'm talking about broken people who find it, who are legit predators. they exist in the hood, but they exist in gated communities too.

Yeah. The people that I'm talking about specifically, upper middle class for sure. Yeah. The ones that I've had direct experience with. And we started putting like testosterone on those guys and PEDs on them. Like it gets them like hornier and shit. Like you know what I mean? Like it can.

You need there's a difference again. I would say like I would say I know more people that have taken test cheated on their wives and fucked up their whole lives. Yeah. Then I know dudes that are still on the straight in there. It depends on a, are you actually managing it from a therapeutic dose? Are you trying? I mean, will it make you feel different for sure? But does taking more of it mean it's going to make you feel different even better and better and better?

Like testosterone doesn't make you do anything crazy. No. In my experience. But I've also never been on a massive dose. I've been on TRT for a year and a half. Yeah, I'm not anti. I'm not anti. But like I know.

Like I'm not more aggressive. I'm not going to cheat on my wife. It doesn't change my behavior. It hasn't changed my outlook on anything other than, like, wow, I actually do. Have you noticed other guys that I get on it and immediately start making bad decisions? Sure. But then you talk to him, like, what dose are you on there? Like, oh, I'm taking an entire vial this week.

I'm like, dude, that's not. Again, TRT is testosterone replacement therapy. If your test is up at like 1800 to 2000, you're just on juice, dude. You know what I mean? Like if you, and again, I don't care how people choose to live their life. as long as they're not victimizing other people largely. If you want to be on that dose, accept the consequences.

Right. And don't blame it on the juice because you chose to get to that level. Also, work with a doctor, get your blood drawn, check all your other hormones as well. If you want to have a positive impact on your life and work with a therapist or a doctor and manage the shit and not have to worry about that, just be on a therapeutic dose. My God.

You know what I mean? It's like it's totally possible. That is scary, though, to think that like, you know, the weaponization of jiu-jitsu. That's why you have to train. Like, you've got to be better than them. Do guns kill people or do people kill people with guns? You know what I mean?

It's just a tool. You could save lives with a gun or you can take somebody who is broken that wants to do damage to others and it multiplies their ability to do that. When you're a cop and you, like, I feel like, one, I was always good at making good decisions. I do case breakdowns and I have for years now. That's what I do. Podcasting every week, I break down these cases. And I think I do a pretty good.

objective job of it. Because I've been in a lot of the scenarios that they've been in. And so I'm able to look at it and say like, this is what he was thinking. Probably not the best decision he made, but this is why he made it. You know, it's like I want to quarterback practice the same thing over and over again for weeks and weeks and weeks. And he draws back and he still throws an interception. Like there's a reason why he didn't just say like, oh, fuck it. Today I'm throwing an interception.

Like there was a buildup of mistakes that were made along the way that he, he inevitably has to own. But like there's a reason why. I'm not defending his actions. I'm just giving you the why it led up to where it has. And this is where we dropped the ball. And so, you know, for me, though, because of my experience, being in special operations and being in the amount of stress that I was always under, I do very well when shit's not going good.

I can turn things off. It's a practice. It's a practice skill. A lot of cops can't do that. And they get into repetitive repetition really quickly. And a lot of things go south. And I think one of the things that Jiu-Jitsu does for you is it's going to change all of that. You're not going to, because when you know and you're confident, like, I'm a confident shooter.

Like, I know if a bad guy is going to look at me through that window approaching this house and I get a, he doesn't hit me on that first round, like, I'm good and I'm staring at the window. So if he comes out there, like, I'm not scared to walk up on that house because I know where he's going to shoot me from, probably. And I'm probably going to get him first. So I don't mind walking up on a house in the middle of the night. It's, you know, but for some people, they're like really slow and they're, you know, they're very hyper paranoid because they're not

super confident in their ability to win that fight. They have less reps and less experience. Less reps and less experience. So when you're not afraid to put your hands on somebody, and I guess back then I wasn't afraid to get my asswhip. Like it's just like, I was perfectly fine getting hit in the face. So like for me, I'm like, oh, suck it. Like, Leroy Jenkins.

That's what they call me in the book, the whole book, Lee Roy Jenkins. If you know Jiu-Jitsu and you have that confidence that when I put my hands, you know, hand on you, you're going to jail. Like there's nothing you can do. Once I grab your wrist, there's nothing you can do to not go to jail. You're going to be a much better cop because what we're seeing right now is these cops get in front of a person. They don't, the cop doesn't know how to fight.

He thinks he knows how to fight. He doesn't know how to fight. And then he finds out in that moment when the guy says, I'm not put my hands behind our back. They go, sir, put your hands behind your back. I'm not put my hands on your back. I'm not put your hands behind. Sir, put your hands behind. Sir, I'm not going to tell you again.

And it's just like, because he doesn't. have the confidence that if he puts his hand on him, they'll win. And I think now, if I was a cop, you had a four-stripe white belt, is what I tell the cops. Like, if I could go back to the street. Oh, you know, people. I would be like, bro, like, don't, I would talk to you like this. I'd be like, bro, don't even like, if you're going to jail, like, you can run.

That's fine. Maybe you're going to get away. But like, you're not going to stand here and fight me. I'm telling you right now. It's just not going to work out for you. And then I would touch them and then I would take them to jail. And that's the way it would go. That's odd sentence.

Then I would touch them. I know we'd murder them. I'm just kidding. Where can people find your book? Everywhere. Barnes & Noble. Comes out. The book will be live.

Oh, I just got a cramp. Amstrian, cramp. Well, you need to drink Element. Go to drink element. com slash cleared hot. It's not a big deal. Good.

Glover. It's glovers. I don't even think he sells it anymore. I'm convinced he fills it up with his garden hose in his backyard. Just like, here you go. No, it's everywhere. I mean, Barnes & Noble, Hudson's,

books a million, Amazon's the easiest. Anywhere you can find books. I got service everywhere. And then. And your socials. Where can people find you to send you mean DMs? Just Instagram, Eric Tansy official, which is kind of a joke. It's Eric Tansy official because I was being a smart ass when I made it. But it's funny how many people think it's real that like I think I'm official. But if you look at my content, it's very silly. It's very stupid. I get it. I reposted your picture from yesterday.

That was a good picture actually, though. You know what's funny is I hit the repost button and then I had to Google where do pictures show up when you repost them? What is the repost thing? It's just popped up. I just got a brand new phone and it just popped up. I don't know the yet. So there's a, you know, on the top of your grid, it'll be like the pictures and then there's a reels. And now there's another one for repost. Because I hit the repost and I assumed it would show up when I could see it in my feed. And I'm like, and it did. And I was like, where did I just push this? That's smart because like I hate when people get a picture with me or do something with me, like on a comedy show.

And then they want me to collaborate on it. And I'm like, I don't really want this comedy show to pop up on my feed. And when you hit the collab button, it pops up on your feed. co-owner of it essentially. Right. And I don't want to do that, but a repost is great. Like, I would rather repost something that doesn't go on my grid. Listen, I got a add to one based off of your post. So I don't know. Maybe it's awesome. Maybe it's not. Yeah. I mean, I just used it for the first time on mandatory fund aid. We did a video. Which is super funny. Like how many people hate that. I mean, everybody loves it. Like, there's 400 or something comments already. And they're like, oh, that's the

funniest thing. It's very dark. It's very dark. But bro, I got this message last night, this deal. It was from a doctor. It's like doctor some lady and it's like super long and they're like I actually live near that town and there was a suicide that this town is grieving and you know blah blah blah and I also think that you need help and there wasn't that suicide in calispell yesterday I believe it I believe I didn't respond because I was like but it like it is crazy like when you do I mean but I've been doing comedy for a while so I get it like people are going to just not but it was funny that she was like do you know you do you do you want to talk do you need to talk I made a joke about putting a gun in my mouth dark gallows humor comedy so I don't have to talk to a professional.

This is how I offload my stress. The reason why I'm not putting my gun in my mouth is because I'm making this ridiculously dark real. But it was a fun way. So I used the repost for that one. Yeah. It shows up in your repost feed for those of you. Again, data point of one, take that sucker with a grain.

Let's get out of here. Let's go. Sorry about that. Oh, no. It's fun. It was fantastic. Yeah. Off to Origin Camp next.

Thank you for the sheepdog holster guys. I do have a 19 and I will. They wanted to send that to you. That's awesome. If I would, if they mailed it to me, if I would give it to you and I said I would. And we redesigned it ourselves. We didn't know what you would be into. And I don't know where he got that design, but he made three and made me pick one.

I picked that one. I think it's awesome. Obviously because I'm so anti-authorian. Totally.