Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Facing the Future & Bridging Political Divides

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

In this episode, I tackle two listener-submitted questions that dig into the heart of our personal and societal struggles. The first question is from a high school student looking ahead to the daunting uncertainties of the future and seeking advice on how to make the right choices. The second question comes from a member of the SOF community who is grappling with a changing perspective on American politics and feeling increasingly disconnected from his father's liberal views. Whether you're stepping into adulthood and worried about the path ahead, or finding it difficult to bridge the gap between you and a loved one due to differing political beliefs, hopefully, this episode can provide thoughtful insights to help you navigate these issues. Sign up for the new G14 newsletter here: https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com/exclusive Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

What's going on, everybody. It's Friday. It's Q&A time. I got two for today. Let's get into it. So we can get out of it and go enjoy our weekend. Here we go. To the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Come on. What's going on? Like I said, as you know, it's Friday. It's Q&A. I got two questions for you. Let's go. Let's get into it. And then let's go enjoy our weekend. Question number one. I am a longtime listener, first-time writer, and I immensely enjoy your content. Shout out to my dad who introduced me to your podcast and also regularly listens. I live in North Carolina, and I'm entering my third year in high school. I play soccer and lift weights nearly daily as well. I have an amazing family, friends, girlfriend, and environment that I am grateful for every day.

I write to you in the hopes of receiving some much-needed insight and advice on the future. oftentimes when listening to your episodes or that of other shows many of the questions reflect upon past events and request your thoughts many of these questions and inquiries reflect on what has already happened what has already occurred while i have much to learn from these types of questions and so and more so from your response to them i find myself desiring the other side of that coin i still have much of my life ahead of me And though from a certain point of view, I live in a perfectly comfortable life. Oftentimes, the future can be daunting. I fear that the reality I live in now can easily crumble if I don't take the best steps, opportunities and roads to preserve it. Many of your questions sent in future people glancing back and requesting your input on things they cannot change, but only reflect on.

Again, I still have much of my life to live and much to experience, yet I fear that I may mess up the opportunities. I have ahead of me. Rather than many of the past listeners who have emailed, I fear the choices I may choose. I fear of the decisions I have not made and what those decisions may bring. My question to you is this. How do you face the unknown of the future? How do you know what is right for you and what isn't? What advice and lessons can you offer to those just starting their journey down life's winding road? you didn't have yourself. How do you live without the fear of what is to come? This could be my all-time favorite question. So to the young man or woman who wrote in on this, thank you for taking the time and highlighting something I didn't even actually realize. And that is I probably do spend most of the time looking into the past because that is the framing of most of the questions that come in. But I love this question. I love the forward thinking. I love that you're thinking about the future. Yeah, one of my all-time favorites, if not my all-time favorite question.

So how do you face the unknown of the future? How do you live without the fear of what is to come? I don't know if that's possible. I don't know if it's possible to truly live without fear. I'm sure that it is and I'm sure that somebody can correct me, but I think if you don't actually fear anything, and maybe it would be an issue of vernacular, people would perhaps want to argue about what fear is or what the emotion is to them. But I think other than being a sociopath and being devoid of the ability to have emotions, there's no way to actually live your life without the fear of what potentially is to come. And I think one of the main lessons that I have learned in my life is that that fear is okay. It's actually incredibly natural. And it's a good thing that you're feeling like that because it means you're paying attention. And it means that you care.

Now, what I'll say is this. It doesn't matter how much you are afraid of something or how much fear you may have. that won't actually impact outcome unless you let that fear invade your decision-making process. So it doesn't matter how afraid anybody on this planet is of their death. It's still going to come. And there's nothing that you can do, given modern technology, of course, that is actually going to be able to stop that. But you can make decisions in your life because of that fear, or you can make decisions in your life because of that fear, or you can allow that fear of making a mistake, of making a bad decision, of going down the wrong path.

You could let that fear paralyze you and actually be unable to make a choice of any kind. And I think that's how you rob yourself of what I would consider, at least, to be a full life. So I think the first step is to accept the fact that there are more unknowns and more. more variables in life than there are knowns and things that you can control. I remember, so let's say you're a junior in high school, so that's probably going to put you at about 17 years old. I remember my own personal headspace at that time, and man, I thought I had it figured out. I thought I had the answers to just about everything. And I thought, unknowingly at the time that I had an incredible amount of control.

And I didn't because nobody does. You just can't have control over much of your life, really at any time, but especially at a point in time in your life that you aptly describe, that you have much of your life ahead of you. You get more runway, hopefully, in front of you than you do behind you. So I remember that headspace really, really well. And like I said, I think the biggest lesson that I have learned is just, the acceptance of what I can control in life and what I can't control in life. If you boil it all down,

the only thing that you can control in life is yourself. You can control the decisions that you make, the choices that you take. You can control the way that you talk to yourself. You can control your thoughts. You can control how you set your goals and you can control how you approach your goals. You can control the actions that you take, but you cannot control the actions that other people take. You cannot control anything that the world may throw at you. So the earlier you can realize that, I think, the better off that you will be. And the reality is, you are going to mess up. I'll use your words again.

I fear that I may mess up the opportunities I have ahead of me. You fear the decisions you have not made and what those decisions may bring. And that's a good thing, but don't be paralyzed by that fear to a place where you're unwilling to make them. You are going to mess up opportunities. You're going to mess up everything in your life. And that's okay. As long as you never give up. As long as regardless of the size of the setback that you may face.

in your life personally and professionally, you commit to yourself that you are going to always continue forward progress. And it might feel like at times where you're going backwards. Like Andy, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm taking loss after loss after loss. What do you mean that while I'm taking a loss, I need to be taking a small step forward? And what I mean is regardless of the size of the loss, whether it's a micro loss or a macro loss, You put your toes back up up in line. You get back into the arena and you keep trying. My life has been full of, I would say, to some degree, micro losses, which are easier to deal with.

And then some macro losses as well, which can absolutely feel like you have been hobbled at the knees, followed by a trapdoor pulling out from underneath you with a new surround your neck. And those are some of the hardest moments to find anywhere in your being. the desire to actually keep trying anything. You'll get to this place where it's like, you know what? Everything I do, the world is crashing in on me. There doesn't seem to be anything that I can do that is correct at this point and time of my life. So I don't want to do anything because I can't take any more of this type of failure. You're not going to be the only person that's ever experienced that.

I don't feel like I'm the only person that's ever experienced that. I think what separates people, though, is what they are willing to do in that moment. Some people are unwilling to do anything and they become the victim of their life as opposed to becoming the author of their life. If you want to be the author of your life, regardless of what is happening, regardless of these opportunities that you are going to mess up, regardless of the decisions that you are going to make that are going to be a mistake, commit yourself to never giving up. And regardless of how shitty you feel and how much you don't want to do it, just get back on the arena and keep fighting pick a small victory pick a small goal that you know that you can achieve and get yourself going with some momentum the impact that that can have exceeds my vocabulary to describe it um god i wish i could go back i wish i could go back to being your

age because what I would try to focus on more is enjoying my life at that time. What I don't like about some people, and this isn't true of everybody, but it seems to be, there's a societal pressure there as well, is this ungodly, unbearing weight that seems to be placed on people at your age to know exactly what they want to do with their life. what are you going to do? What do you want to become? What do you want to be when you grow up? What if your legitimate answer is, I don't know. Should you know what you want to do and what you want to be at 17 years old? I mean, maybe. Maybe for some people that works great. But what about for people who don't actually know? You know, I think that you should take as many opportunities

as possible at your age. I think you should make as many decisions as possible at your age. Why? Because you're at the time in your life where you can be the most risky. You can gamble to a degree that later in life where, let's say, 10 years from now, maybe you have a family. Maybe you have a business that is your own. Maybe you have a partner in a firm of some kind. Financial obligations, social obligations. whether real or perceived, you will be likely far less willing to gamble with opportunity and choices at that point in your life because you have more to lose. I would say to you, accept the fact that you are going to fuck it all up. You're going to have relationships that maybe on the surface it's all that you wanted and perhaps it becomes something that you would never want it to be. And maybe that's the other person's fault, and maybe it's your fault, and maybe your fault,

and maybe it's a mix of the two. And it doesn't really matter if you commit yourself to trying not to repeat mistakes time and time again. If you can learn from situations that don't go the way that you want them to, you can apply that as knowledge going forward, and your probability of making the correct choice and take, taking the correct path is going to go up and up and up. Take a gamble. Risk it all. I mean, I'm not talking about your life.

Like, don't risk your life. But maybe risk everything up to that point. Explore a new social circle. Take a job opportunity. Take a trip, if given the opportunity, somewhere that you would never think that you would want to go. Explore the world that you are living in as far and wide as possible. until the realities of life as you age and the responsibilities of life as you age for most people

are limiting your ability to do so. I wish I wish I could tell you that there is a way to navigate through life where you can face the unknown of the future. And you can't. You cannot face, well, let me take that back. You can face the unknown of the future. You can face the unknown of the future. but it's not it's not faced through your attempt to control it my best advice to you and this and this ties into taking the chances take the opportunities risk at all is my best advice for you and anybody who is young or in your age bracket is to develop a level of resilience that is uncrackable. And the way that you do that is by exploring failure. It is by exploring fear. It is by exploring the unknown, not by avoiding those things. There is a lot of value in life to doing

things that are difficult. There is a lot of value in life to doing things that you're relatively sure may result in your failure. And again, I'm not talking about risking your life. So everybody ratcheted down here. What happens when you fail? Well, it sucks. Sometimes it physically sucks. Sometimes it emotionally sucks. Sometimes it financially sucks.

Sometimes all of those things get to pile in together. And that hurts. It's like getting kicked right in the balls when you get throw punched. Not that this ever happened to me, but I feel like that would be a really shitty combo. But if you can rebuild yourself from that, if you can accept any swift kick in the nuts that life could potentially throw at you because you are a resilient person, what is there left to fear? And I think the answer is probably nothing. If you early on in your life can wrap your head around the concept that you can only control yourself,

but since you have total and complete control over yourself, that you have total and complete control over yourself, that you are going to build yourself into an indestructible weapon of resilience and hard work. And I'm going to add to that empathy for people that are around you as well. What does it really matter as far as what the earth or the world or the business world or the societal pressures? What does it matter what they throw at you? I think the answer is nothing. So that's my advice.

to you, don't worry about the fear, except the fact that there is going to be fear in your life for your entire life. And that's okay. It's not a matter about a matter of whether or not you are afraid. And I think oftentimes fear is a great feedback loop or mechanism for people. If you reach a place in your life where let's say you're going to make a large financial decision, if you're afraid of the potential outcome, I actually think that's good. That fear is making you pay attention. It's giving you pause to give you the time to maybe think your way through the options that you have in front of you. If you didn't have any fear and you just jumped into these things and you didn't really think it through, then the outcome is going to be what the outcome is.

So I actually think fear is a very healthy emotional response because sometimes we really do need to pay attention because maybe what we're doing is risky. Maybe what we're doing is really dangerous. You need to pay attention to that. Don't. it, but don't let it control you. Use it for what it is, a tool that can switch that lever in your head to like, you know what? I need to actually spend a little bit more time on this because there's the gravity of the decision that I'm about to make. Make your decision and dive into it headlong. God, if I could go back and be 17 years old again and just commit to as many things as possible and explore and learn about myself and what I like and what I want.

want to become. That's what I would do. And that's what you have the opportunity to do right now. Focus on yourself. It's the only thing that you can control. Develop that resiliency and take fear for what it is. It's an emotional response that does not have to govern your behavior. You should pay attention to it, but you don't have to be led by it. And that's what I'll leave you with. Question number two. And then let's get the hell out of here and enjoy our weekend. That's my plans. All right.

Question number two, totally shifting gears here to crazy family members. Andy, my father is my best friend. I'm going to stop right there. That's awesome. I wish more people had a relationship like that with their parents and just family in general. I think that would do a lot to heal some of the divide in our country. He's been there through his toughest years as a self-employed contractor and made sure my brother and I had the childhood some can only wish to have. For that, I am grateful every day.

With that being said, ever since I've joined the soft community, my outlook on American politics has drastically shifted. I would say I land in the what the hell is going on mindset at this point. I don't think you're the only person who lands at that place. I think most people actually are probably there. I don't have a clue in the world who to vote for, like it really matters in presence, seizure, words not mine. My dad is a hardcore liberal, and although I respect everyone's political ideologies, I can't help but feel disconnected from my father more than ever, knowing he's so far down the mainstream rabbit hole. It's tough to have a normal daily phone call without him regurgitating CNN off the cusp. I was hoping by reaching out to you, you would have some experience or insight on this issue.

I can't just sit here and say, mm-hmm, every time he rants about the radical right, when he himself is radically left. I look forward to every podcast you put out and can't wait for the tip to tip trip. Take care. Man, this sucks. Your opening was great. Well, what you described in the opening was great. And what you're talking about is something I actually think is really common, probably right now in this country. Not even just between like family members, but I would say neighbors.

I've seen it even where I live here where you'll have two opposing ideologies that represent themselves through two different posters that are in somebody's front yard and people getting into. fights over it, forgetting the fact that they're neighbors, you know, and then if shit hits the fan, those are the people that you're going to need to rely upon. Families are tough. You know, the last thing I would want you to do is lose your relationship with your father, because I think it's one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful mother being equally as powerful, of course, relationship that you can have in your life. But how do you have? How do you have? manage political conversations with those you care about the most. The simplest advice that I have for you is to not engage in it.

I would at least have a conversation with your dad, not about politics, but about your feeling on the conversations that you have about politics. And I would just tell him very clearly in a non-confrontational way, I don't want to have any more political conversations with you. This is a topic where it seems like over time, we are budding heads and we're budding heads to a degree that it maybe is impacting our relationship. And I love you for who you are. I love you for what you have done for me. And it is not worth it when we have these communication or when we have these conversations for it to get to this point. And I would set some hard boundaries for yourself. Because again, just like I answered

the previous question. You cannot control what your dad is going to say. You cannot control how your dad is going to want to have conversations with you, but you do have control over whether or not you engage in those conversations. And I'm not saying you need to hang up, but I am saying you don't need to argue. So there are people who I know in my life as well that I have diametrically opposed political beliefs with. And I say the following, without just, judgment because I think people should be able to live their life however they want to. But to me, it is sad to see people who are living their life and the only lens they view the world through is their own political belief. Every conversation in some way, shape, or form is tied back to

their political belief or the other side if they want to, you know, villainize or antagonize, depending on what it is. And again, live your life however you want to, but there is so much more to life than the political environment that we are living through right now. Let me just tell you, I am not looking forward to the 2024 election cycle. I don't know if our country is necessarily ready for it. I have my concerns. I'll leave it at that. With those people in my own life who I see them literally, like before they do anything, anything in the morning, they're just like, okay, let me get my ideological sunglasses on or my ideological eyeglasses on because that is how they are going to view the world. I still have them as part of my life, but I set boundaries on

what I'm willing to engage in. And I'll straight up tell them. I'm like, listen, like, I completely respect your belief. I know that I'm not going to change your mind. And I'm not actually, I don't even want to engage in a conversation about your belief or changing your mind. Like, I don't want to talk about this with you. If it's a phone call, it's a lot of easier. You know, if a phone call starts going down that path, it's like, hey, you know, I'd rather, like, let's talk about our life and what's going on in our life. I don't want to talk about politics. If you want to keep talking about politics, let's just reconnect at some other time. So I set a hard boundary and I don't participate in that conversation. And I think because this is your dad, in this

particular situation, like we all have varying degrees of a social circle and like an outlier friend, if you say that to them, maybe they're not going to want to talk to you anymore. And maybe your life would actually be better if they chose not to, right? Maybe it would be a, the overall net worth of that friendship could be negative as opposed to positive. But with somebody like your father, I'm going to guess that your father would feel the same way about your relationship that you described it in your first sentence. And if you communicate less with your father because of how he is communicating and what he wants to communicate about, let's give him some credit and probably say he can recognize that communication is decreasing, especially if you have the conversation

with him up front and be like, listen, I don't want to talk about politics anymore. This is a strain on our relationship that our relationship doesn't need. And then communication, you hold your boundaries and you hold your line and the communication stops at that point. Your dad is smart enough to recognize and realize what is happening and to change the type of conversation that you're going to have. So I'm not saying avoid the topic altogether. But if you can't be healthy, set boundaries on it. Explain the boundaries to your father or to anybody listening to this to whoever you may be having these conversations with and then just hold your line and don't participate in it. Political beliefs, I understand how devoutly people can feel

about those things. But as Americans, I feel like we are defined by our similarities and not by our differences. And oftentimes, these ideological political beliefs highlight only the differences. and all of the similarities can get lost in the detritus in between. And I hate that. I have friends who are incredibly liberal. And I have friends that are incredibly conservative. And I don't care either way because I'm not interested necessarily in their political beliefs. I'm interested in them as a person.

What makes them tick? What do they like? And like when we're out hiking, I don't go hiking that much. I don't know why the fuck I just use that as an example. When we're out doing whatever it is, when we're on the mats doing jiu-jitsu, I don't give a shit what you politically believe. I am interested in being your friend, but my willingness to be friends or engage in a relationship with somebody goes much deeper than their political beliefs. If you allow it to get out of control, it can absolutely do that and it can

destroy these types of relationships. So set boundaries, have clear communication as those boundaries are set so both sides understand what is happening. And if you care deeply enough about somebody, let's say you're on the receiving end of a conversation like this. I'll step into the role of your dad for a second here. And you know, if one of my sons came to me as like, hey, dad, like, I love you to death. But if you're going to keep talking about politics, I can't communicate with you anymore and I'm going to limit, I need to limit how much time I have spent with you or I'm going to spend with you in the future. That would be really hard for me to hear. here, but what would be harder is not getting any time with my kids. So I would change what it is

that we talked about. I would focus on what it is that we were doing and being more present and enjoying the time together as opposed to hashing out ideological ideas over politics. It's totally possible to be friends with people on every slice of the political spectrum pie. are the times where you should stand up for what you believe in and voice what you believe and hold the line yeah absolutely does it need to be every single conversation every time in every topic that comes up no it's exhausting we are way more similar than we are different and I would hate to see anybody's family destroyed by something like this I think the key is set boundaries and hold yourself to those boundaries.

If the other people cannot, you can control how much they interface with you. And that's it. I'll see everybody Monday. Stand by. Got a banger of an episode. See you guys then.