Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 104

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

Rapid Fire Q and A to finish off the week: 1. I'm 41 and living in my father's house, how can I find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning 2. Therapy and friends, how can you get one that you care about to seek help 3. I have been prescribed Adderall for weight loss, and now I am craving the energy it gives me. How do I get off of this shit 4. How do I talk to my father about wanting to join the military Enjoy

Who, glad it is Friday. You know why? This week has been real kicking the old dick. I don't know why. Sometimes they drag on, and I bet everybody listening to this has had that experience from time to time. So let's do a quick, full out of Friday. A quick Q&A, full of Friday number 104. Here we go.

I'm looking at danger close now. All right, everybody, here we go. I think I have four questions for today. Maybe five, hard to say. Question number one. First off, I would like to say I'm a huge fan of the motivational messages your podcast produces. I started listening to you through your first JRE interview as well as Jocko. I personally appreciate the motivation you try to bring with your podcast and the amazing guests that you have on.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Full disclosure to the person writing this. I'm not trying to motivate anybody. I just try to be honest. If people get motivation from that, I think that's an amazing thing. But I don't consider myself to be a motivational person, meaning I guess it would be. other people looking at me in drawing motivation or inspiration, but if that's what you're getting

from that, glad to hear it. Now to your question. Since the start of the pandemic has started, or let me back up a little bit. However recently, since the start of the pandemic had started, I was working as an armed security guard in the cannabis sector in California, but I had to leave due to some medical issues. I spent three years with the company, I worked for which was founded by two Green Berets. I miss it and my co-workers horribly. But now I live in my work Oregon and work at a big box retailer. I fucking hate the place, but the town I live in is so small that there are no many employment options. I want to go back to school for gunsmithing, but the pandemic really fucked me. Financial, I do not believe it's even possible.

I'm so depressed because of this that I do not really have anyone to talk to about it. None of my friends live here. Here I am, a 41-year-old man who feels like he has hit rock bottom and currently had to move back in with his father. I have many things I want to do, but I always feel like I do not have the mental energy to pick myself up off the deck and push through. Please choke me out with some of that impressive life knowledge. Well, let's talk about that last sentence.

I don't have any impressive life knowledge. What I have is a series of mistakes that I have stacked on top of one another that has led me to where I am in my life today. Yes, I've had some successes, but I'm not joking when I say that I have had many failures, professionally. And I've also had very, what should I say? Very, I've had very high and very low peaks and valleys. And right now it sounds to me like you're in a valley. And I can totally understand that. It sucks to be in that place. And my advice to you is this, make your world

as small as humanly possible. And I've talked about this when I talk about this when I talk. about things like trust or motivation. It's about momentum. You need to get things moving in the right direction. Because let's say that during the pandemic, everything had gone your way. And you had been able to stay with that job and you were living by yourself and you were around a social circle and financially you were sound. And every day you were layering what appeared to be a success on top of the success on top of the success. You're building momentum in that positive direction and oftentimes it can feel like you're unstoppable. Now let's go the other way though, which it sounds like it's kind of been what's happening to you. You were building and have built momentum in the

opposite direction, which can net you at a place where you feel like you can't get off the couch. And let me just tell you, like I said, I've had some highs in my life and I've had some lows in my life. And I know exactly what you're talking about. That place where when you wake up, you question why you should even get out of bed. And then when you're trying to get out of bed, for whatever reason, it feels like the Earth's gravity is about 4x what it should actually be. And that leads me back to getting your world as small as humanly possible. The first thing that you need to do is get yourself to a place where you don't feel like everything is crashing down on you. So set incredibly microscopic goals. Chunk your day into small pieces so you can start

building momentum in the right direction. There's a couple things here that you mentioned. You know, none of your friends live where you are, which sucks, but there's a way around that, right? It's not optimal, but if you have a smartphone, there's things like FaceTime where you can do video calls. We are connected through social media. I would say that's one of the positive aspects, regular telephone calls and text messages. So you might be isolated, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you are alone. So you can use those tools to help you with that. And right now, you're a 41-year-old man, who's living with your father. You can either look at that as if you are a failure or if you have a good relationship with

your dad, you could look at it as an amazing opportunity to spend time with somebody who really loves you. And I bet you really appreciates that time. And if you don't have a great relationship, perhaps you could look at it as an opportunity to improve that relationship. There's definitely a way to view where you are through a glass half full lens. And that brings up a good point. there's a third option to this glass half full or glass half empty.

And that third option is, is that who gives a shit if it's full or it's empty? Glasses are refillable. So right now, if it feels like yours is a little bit empty, no problem. Let's start putting some fluid back in it. So the next time you take a look at it, it's going to have a little bit more and a little bit more. And then the next thing you know, well, probably not the next thing you know. After some very difficult time, energy and effort, you'll look at it and they'll say, shit. Things are swinging back in my favor.

But they're doing so because of these micro successes that you have had. Get out of the big picture. Stop thinking about or even talking about I'm 41. I'm living with my dad. I'm depressed. None of my friends are here. I get that. And I know how shitty that can be.

What I want you to do is think of your day. And literally as ridiculous as this may sounds, it'll make a huge difference. Hold on. I'm going to sneeze here. Excuse me. As ridiculous as that may sound, if you can just start knocking over some tasks, that may seem totally menial right now and meaningless. It's going to build momentum and build you towards knocking over some bigger targets.

So right now, maybe they're the size of a domino. But you'll work up to a goal that's the size of a playing card. And then like the size of the notebook that's in front of me, then the size of a door, then the size of a mountain. And you can get there. But you're going to get there one step at a time. I would really focus on, you mentioned that you are depressed. physical activity every day. This is something that regardless of what's going on in your life, you absolutely can carve out time for. And this may start with getting off the couch,

literally getting off the couch and going for a walk, working out, start with 15 minutes. That's all you can do. And build to 30 to 45. And I would say an hour is a great sweet spot of physical activity. Get outside, get some vitamin D. Those are two goals for you right now that you can absolutely control a knockout of the park every single day. Focus on your sleep. Focus on your diet. There's two more things. There's four victories that you can put in the win column every single day. And then you can look at things from a professional setting.

Actually, let's go back to personal. Make a new social group. I know you're living in a small town. That's cool. But you are probably talking with people at the big box retailer that you are working out. You're seeing new people. Get to know them. Set a goal for yourself that once a week you're going to have a conversation with somebody that you don't know and develop and work on developing a new social circle.

where you live. You may not be the only person who's feeling like you are feeling and you might be able to buoy each other with that. Professionally, break your day up professionally into things that you can, you know, break it into quarters or eighths, whatever you need to do, but determine something that you want to accomplish at the end of each of those periods, start lining them up and start knocking them down. So it's easy for me to sit here and tell you, or I'm not telling you to do anything, to give you my advice and say, hey, this is something that you should look at. It's going to be really hard for you to actually do it, especially in the beginning. But I guarantee you if you can build momentum, it's going to change the lens with which you are viewing the world right now.

And hopefully, by doing that, your small successes will beget larger successes. And you'll look back on this in three months to six months to a year. And you'll be in a substantially better place than you are right. now. If you don't change anything about what you are doing, you can expect the momentum to continue heading in a negative direction. So that is the advice that I would give you. Question number two. Long time listener, first time writer. To start, at the end, I have a dear friend who I'm trying to voluntarily start therapy. They had a very poor experience when they were forced to go as a kid. I think it has left them with reluctance to pursue

therapy again as an adult. In the last few years, they've had shit luck, but I really feel if they got into professional counseling, not even using psychiatric medications, that they could have turned some of those events around and let go of their guilt. They are strong as hell, but equally stubborn. Always to put others first. I literally heard them say they didn't want to use a resource because he doesn't want to clog up the system. Others need it more than me. He's that kind of guy. I have been in therapy for years and expressed to him, it's not a quick fix, but it's another tool in your tool belt. But I can't get him to commit to therapy. And I'm concerned that if he doesn't get professional help, he's going to make a permanent decision to a temporary problem.

Any advice you have, I would appreciate. He's also a fan if you happen to read this. Well, interesting question. And I'll start with, I know exactly what they're talking about when they have a negative experience when they were, younger and how it could taint something in their adult life. I used to think salad dressing was disgusting when I was younger, and the only one that I would eat was ranch. And then much, much later in my adult life, and I'm talking into my 30s when I actually tried other salad dressings, I realized that my perception when I was younger was completely and utterly incorrect.

But at the time, I thought I knew everything. Now, this is kind of like an apples and bowling ball comparison. But let me tell you this. My parents sent me to counseling when I was in, I think it was junior high. My dad can correct me if he listens to this, but I think it was in junior high. And I hated it. I didn't want to talk to anybody and I didn't really connect with the person that I was there to talk to. So I did my best to not say anything and wait them out. So they probably got nothing out of it. And I probably got nothing out of it. And it absolutely tainted my impression of what counseling could be later in life. I got to a place where I needed to go sit and talk with somebody and I did and I'm glad that I did. Much like salad dressing. I realize there was a whole other world out there if you kind of just open your palate up a little bit. So I totally get what your friend is coming from. However, it's an excuse. Now, there's another really big excuse in this email. And that's when your friend

says, I don't want to clog up the system. Others need it more than me. What that is is bullshit. That's actually somebody who is trying to portray themselves as being more concerned about others when if they really took hard look in the mirror, what they would actually say is, well, I just don't want to do it. Or I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with what would happen if I did, what I would uncover and what I would have to work through. That's not an uncommon statement. I don't want to clog up this system. Others need it more than me. That's cool. The fact that it's common doesn't mean that it's actually true.

It's bullshit and it's an excuse. Now, I'm not necessarily saying that you should approach your friend and say those things, but to anybody out here, out here, out there in the ether who's watching this or listening to this, if that's your default position, take a real hard look in the mirror and determine whether or not you actually mean what you're saying or you're covering for something else. Because I used to be that guy too. And when I looked in the mirror, yeah. I wasn't actually more concerned about other people.

I was being very selfish and I was being very unwilling to take a hard look and change the things or work on the things that I actually needed to. So with that, you can't force somebody to get help. I mean, I guess you can. I think you can commit somebody. I have no idea how you would do that, nor do I want to know. But I'm not so sure that they would necessarily get help because how are you going to force them to participate? Like you said, in your own experience, it's not a quick fix. It's a tool in your tool belt. And counselors and therapists don't actually fix anything for you. They can provide for you a template or tools that you can fix things for yourself.

I think it's very important for people to realize and recognize that. You don't go one time and leave feeling like you have all of the world's problems solved. If you do, please hit me up because I want to know the number of your therapists. And I have many, many questions about how you got that far, that fast. It's a very long process. It's not, boom, hey, welcome. 60 minutes later, bon voy. and you're fixed.

So you can't fix somebody. I think the best thing that you can do is be honest about what you are doing in your life, the role that talking with somebody, therapy, however you would want to frame it, the help that it has given you, the help it continues to give you. It sounds like you have a desire to continue or an intention to continue, maybe explain those reasons. And I would always frame these conversations through the lens of I care about you and I'm worried about you. What I would not frame them through the lens of is, hey, man, you're

fucked up and you need to go get help. That's certainly an approach. That's not the approach I recommend. So talk with them openly and honestly about your experience, your process, perhaps what you have gotten out of it and the changes that you have seen, maybe a description of some of the tools that they have given you in your belt to use your words. And then at the end of the day, they are going to have to make that decision on their own. But for the person who might be listening to this, like I said, who would say something like, I don't want to clog up a system because other people need it more than me.

Stop with your bullshit. Go look in the mirror. And then from there, make an objective choice. Question three. Andy, long-time listener, I need some advice and help. I'm a 21-year-old male who has just become a real estate agent in the city that I live in. I have a great girlfriend and everything seems to be looking up. The one thing that keeps pulling me down and I fear will stop me from hitting some goals.

I have is my weight. I weigh $2.95 as of this morning, and I am 5 foot 10. I have spoken to a therapist about how my weight has always brought me to a dark headspace. After a few sessions, they had prescribed Adderall to use as an appetite suppressant. They told me I have a binge eating disorder and that this should help. I have been taking it for a little while now, and the rush slash energy it gives me is crazy. It does suppress my appetite, but I can feel myself wanting more and more of that energy. My question is, how do I kick this drug, but also get rid of this weight that I can never seem to keep off of me? Thanks for the long read, and I hope to hear from you soon. Okay, this situation sucks. Before I say anything, let's be very clear. In case

anybody was curious, I don't have an MD. I am not a medical doctor. I'm not an expert on Adderall. I have taken Adderall one time and I was drinking at the time because why would you not do that, right? Why not make a shitty decision and take something that you think is going to keep you up even longer so you can drink even more? Like I have said, I am a man who's likely defined by their failures instead of successes. That is a good example of me not making a great decision. So I have only one data point when it comes to Adderall. Let me tell you, though. The energy slash rush that you're talking about is 100% real. And Adderall is addictive as hell. Could it be used as an appetite suppressant? Sure. But so could cocaine. I don't see a lot of fat people who are taking meth either.

So I'm going to assume that that either burns you so hot on the inside or it also suppresses your appetite. And also caffeine is a natural. It's not. guess it's natural. It's a non-prescribed. Doesn't mean it's any better for you, by the way, people. Is an appetite suppressant. So all of them, sure, they could have a secondary or tertiary effect of doing that, but man, I can't advise you enough to be careful with what you are ingesting to get to that appetite suppressant space. My first piece of advice for you would be go and get a second opinion from a different therapist.

In addition to doing a couple other things. Number two, get your hormones checked. You're young in the grand scheme of things. You're less than, you're more than half my age. I don't know. I'm 44. You're 21. Somebody else can do the math.

Get your hormones checked. As a just a baseline, how is my body right now as a baseline? And it'll also give you the ability. to track it moving forward whether or not things are working or the impact it may be having on your body. So blood work baseline, maybe go instead of seeing a therapist about a binge eating disorder, I would say maybe go talk to a nutritionist. I find that occupations are oftentimes a little bit more designed and maybe better used like a scalpel. So if weight is really concerning to you. I don't know if I would talk to a therapist about an approach to losing weight.

I would probably talk to an MD or somebody who is a professional in the dietary exercise realm as well. Talk to them specifically about the one thing that they focus on. I'm not saying don't stop seeing a therapist. I think that's great as well. But it's, you know, you have issues, between the ears issues. Perfect. Have an expert on that. You have a neck down doctor for, you know, the pump and the veins and all that. That's good. Use them for that expertise. You have the food. You have the exercise, maybe the rest and recovery. Point being, get a broader template of feedback as opposed to just relying on one person because, you know, therapists, they're human beings as well. And again, I don't know about prescribing Adderall as an appetite suppressant. But what you are already describing is, what I would describe, again, from a non-medical perspective, is the onset of addiction.

You are now craving the rush that comes from those pills. It sounds like more than the ability for it to suppress your appetite. And I would be very, very cautious about continuing to do so. If I were you, the advice I would give you, and again, check with a professional first, an actual professional in these things. I would say get off the adoral immediately, which may be really, really hard, but I'd rather get off of it now than a year from now or two years from now or a point in your life where you no longer can function without it. So get off of the atrial and deal with the impact that may have on your body. Get to a doctor, get a blood panel done, talk to a nutritionist and the strength and conditioning expert to work with you on those things and then continue working with your therapist.

I have no doubt that there are other therapists out there that would maybe go for a more holistic approach than prescribing Adderall for weight loss. Or maybe there's something, if it is going to come down to something that's going to be prescribed, maybe there's something that they could give you that is more targeted for appetite suppression, which I have no idea if that even exists, that has far fewer side effects than the old Adderall. The email is concerning to me for exactly what you put in it. You really like that rush and that energy. You want it a little bit more. Kick it now before it becomes too late.

And don't be afraid to go get a second opinion. I don't care what your initials or acronyms are next to your name and the schooling that you've gone to and the profession that you are in. I've yet to mean a human being that is perfect and knows everything. So don't be afraid to go out and get that second opinion. Last question. because I'm going to go and join my weekend like I suspect everybody else does. Long time, listener, first time writing in for Fuller Friday. Big fan of your podcast, and I appreciate the content that you spread out.

To get to my question, I've always wanted to join the military. It's been something I have always wanted to do since I've been four years old. And since I was born in 1999. Personally, all I know has been the United States in wartime. For my entire life, I've always wanted to join the military. I'm on my last year of college, and I'm planning on science. an enlisted contract to combat arms position in the army since my GPA is not high enough to go from sieve to officer my father has always been against me going into the military since he

worries about me dearly and I'm afraid of what he may say when I bring it up to him with me going to the service any help with how to talk to him would be helpful especially with you being a father yourself great question and I get a version of this often I don't know if I've actually covered this particular topic but this is the balance that I feel with my own kids and I feel like the balance that my parents felt with me. There is your hopes and dreams and aspirations for what your kids could potentially become. And then there's what your kids want to become. There's the hopes and dreams and aspirations of things that I'm sure my parents would have preferred me to do over joining the military.

And then there was my desire to join the military. And as the person, you know, looking up at my parents and down at my own kids, I would never want to disappoint my parents and do something that they would be wholeheartedly against. But I would also not want to arrive at the end of my life, realizing that I didn't take the path that I wanted to because I was worried about what somebody else may think. Now, looking down to my kids, my biggest fear, and I've mentioned this many times, is that something would be. be to happen to my children, a catastrophic injury or a death that I was not there to try to stop or help in that situation. Beyond that, when it comes to my kids, what I want for them is happiness to find a partner that enriches them and grows with them, an occupation that also enriches them, that gives them a sense of purpose, and that they are able to explore throughout the course of their

life and navigate away from things that they don't like and toward things that they do. Obviously, that's pie in the sky and you got bills and all these things have to happen as well. I'm just talking about my overarching hopes and desires for my kids. Now, what would I do if one of my kids came to me and said, hey, dad, I want to follow you in your old occupation and the Navy. I may just tell you right now, that's a nightmare for me. That's the absolute last thing that I would ever want to hear from my kids. Because I know what that world is.

I know what it could potentially be. I know that the physical and emotional pain that's involved with that occupation, and I would not want that for them. I would want anything else for them but that. Would I try to talk my kids out of it, though? I would not because they have to grow into the person that they want to be, not the person that I want them to be. Obviously, there are some boundaries here, right? Like, correct your kids if they're lying, if they're being dishonest, if they're exhibiting character traits that need to be. to be corrected early on.

I'm not saying let somebody just fucking develop into a psychopath because it's like, well, they have to be who they want to be. Like, no, it's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about like occupationally. It doesn't matter what I would want them to do. What actually matters is what they want to do and what they want to become. So if one of my kids came to me and said, dad, I want to be a seal like you were. I would tell them the truth about my experience.

I would give them as much information as possible. I would help them train and prepare to the best of my. ability and never once would I try to talk them out of it. And I can only imagine being the son of a father who served in wartime and his father did as well. And then on my mom's side, her mother and father were both in the army. I can only imagine that they probably had hopes for me outside of military service. But they never once stood in front of me. They actually signed on the dotted line with me when I was still 17 because I needed their signature. Now, what's the point of me saying all of this?

The point of me saying this is you need to go and you need to talk to your father. And the best piece of advice that I can give you is lay out for your dad what it is that you want to do and why. And then stop talking. And listen to what he has to say. Listen to his concerns. Maybe it will be emotional in this first engagement. maybe plan on having more than one. Maybe it's going to be a blowup for the first one.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't readdress and reevaluate this because you don't want to ruin the relationship with your father, obviously. Tell him what you want to do. Tell him why. Sit back, listen to what he has to say, take it on board, and then make the decision that is best for your life. Just because you may not agree with what your dad has to say

doesn't mean that you should ignore him or not give him the time to speak. I'm sure at the very least he would like to be heard and he would like to think that how he feels will at least be considered. But at the end of the day, you need to make the decision that is the best for you and is the best for your life. Because not only do I want to get to the end of my life and realize that it was a journey of paths not taken for the wrong reasons. I don't want anybody else to be there either. And it might upset your dad to begin with. I completely understand why he would be concerned. But it's not your dad's life.

It is yours. Listen to him, though. Listen to others that may have concern. Spend some time with it, you know, maybe seep in it a little bit to see if it has any impact on how you feel. And then once you make your decision, move forward without looking back. And that's best piece of advice I can give you. See you all on Monday.