Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 119

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

Rapid Fire Q and A to finish off the week:   1. My ex-wife is 14k behind on child support and asking me to "wipe the slate clean"   2. Divorce and my daughters, they haven't spoken to me in a year   3. My wife's situational awareness sucks   4. Suicide and making sure someone gets the help they "need"   Enjoy

What's happening? Here we are Friday. Full Auto Friday time. Number 119. Getting up there. Shall we just get into it? I think we shall. So that way we can get into our weekend.

Here we go. Full Auto Friday, 119. Let's let a rip. I'm looking at danger close now. All right. Here we go. Question one. Andy, I have a moral dilemma with my ex-wife.

While I hold the same stance that you do when discussing the divorce, not fair without having the other side there to voice their opinion. I'll stick to the facts as they relate to the shit show known as child support. When we were divorced, I got the house, the kids, the car, and she owes me the state minimums on child support. She is currently $14,000 behind on payment and has the balls or had the balls to call me and ask to see if there was a form. I could fill out to wipe her slate clean. So here's the dilemma. I believe in God and I believe in forgiving others and having mercy. But I also could use that money and I'm owed it. I'm having a hard time not telling her to pack sand and pay up. The state is going to suspend her license and her car

registration and she claims that while she has a boyfriend and she lives where there's an Uber, that she can't get to work if that's what happens. I am failing to see how this is my problem and would love to see her suffer some more. But I'm not sure that that's the right thing to do. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I have some thoughts. First and foremost, although it's very easy, and I'm speaking for my own experience here, to have the desire to see somebody perhaps hypothetically on the other side of the divorce equation suffering,

how that may in your head make you feel good or something that you may want to see happen. Try to ground yourself in the fact that you are going to be connected to this person for the rest of your life through your kids. And I will make the assumption since you didn't really bring it up here and I want to make, and I would like to as a human being, try to look more for better than people. I'll assume that she is, although behind on monetary payments to you, a good parent or she has the ability to co-parent and she's interested in doing so. If that's the case, even if that's not the case, she will still always be the mother of your children.

And I think that that has to be respected and protected at all times. And like I said, I understand exactly how you feel when you write out, you know, I'd like to see somebody suffer more, but that's not going to help. It's not going to help your kids either because if she's suffering, there's a chance that when she's interfacing with your kids that they are going to be suffering as well through her. And I don't want to, and I don't want that to happen to anybody's children because in all of these situations, the children are the one that don't have a say in it. They're stuck in that situation, that tug of war, that battle, however you would describe it. And I think the better the

situation for both parents, the better that they can be parents and then the better for the kids. So maybe try to reorient your head a little bit. And when you have those thoughts about, hey, I really like to see this person suffer. Try to find a little bit more empathy. That's what I'm trying to do when I have those thoughts as well. When it comes to the money, you know, my understanding of child support is that it's a mathematical formula. So they look at what you make. They look at what you have made in the past, in my own experience at least, I think they went back seven years.

And it really is an Excel spreadsheet. This is your earning capacity. This is the earning capacity of your spouse. They break up the marital estate. They try to get as close to 50, 50, assuming that both people have equal employment history, equal employment potential in the future. And if that doesn't work out as 50-50 level playing field, they'll start to tip the scales a little bit to make it that. Maybe somebody will get more of the marital assets. Maybe somebody will get child support in this case.

So I'm going to suspect that you didn't set this payment. the state did and it sounds like the state is getting ready to take action suspending her license and her car registration um you know believing in god being religious that awesome um quite envious actually of some people in their ability to have faith never been that person myself believing in forgiving others and having mercy also awesome uh but there's a reason that child support is calculated and there's a reason that it exists it exists so that your child's a child's children are supported from a financial perspective, right? Because that's not confuse financial support with actually being a parent and being there to support your kids. So this should be the mechanism to

food, shelter, you know, all the things that they need to sustain life in addition to needing a good parent, hopefully at least one, if not on both sides. When I think about child support and people falling behind on their child support. And I look at it from my own perspective. If it was the choice between me eating or going hungry and making sure that my kids would eat, I'm obviously taking the latter. Your kids, like I have said before, are the innocent parties in this, and they have to be protected at all costs.

parents need to prioritize their health and welfare and care. And child support is a portion of that. You mentioned in your email that you could use this for what it's designed for. And she's obligated to pay it. You know, just because some time has gone by since you're divorced and she's moved on. She has a boyfriend. She obviously has a job. That doesn't mean that you get to change the obligations until they are satisfied.

for me, for myself, when it comes to the monetary requirements that I have for my divorce, that shit is scheduled out and the money is allocated. And the last thing that I will ever do is be short a penny because that is what I agree to and that is what I am going to live up to. And that's what I expect from other people. So it sounds like she's playing on your heartstrings a little bit here. Oh, you know, I'm not going to be able to work. I'm going to get my license and your car registration suspended.

and none of those things are your problem, as you mentioned. So what I would do, what I would recommend is that you hold her to this. Now, instead of giving her an ultimatum, maybe perhaps there's a way that you could round the edges on what she owes. 14 grand is not a small chunk of money at all. That's a shit ton of money, but work with her. Take that desire that you have to maybe see her suffer a little bit more and reframe that, thinking about it through the lens of how much better off your kids will be if you have a portion of this money or all of this money and what you'll be able to do with it for them and maybe communicate

about a way that she can get herself on a path to making this whole again without her license getting suspended and her car registration being revoked and at the end of the day like you said not your problem i would not fill out a piece of paper or a form that says that you could wipe this slate clean. She needs to hold herself up to that obligation. And it should be, in my mind, at least, a really easy thing for her to do because she needs to be prioritizing. And it sounds like in this situation, if she still has a job, she obviously still has a car and she still has a license, she needs to reorient her shit and make good on what she agreed to do when it came to that divorce. There are ways that you could get there, I think, without the guillotine being over the head. And that's what I would suggest. I would leave the guillotine.

as an option, but really far down the road. Try to work with her first. Extend the olive branch. And maybe she'll snap it because maybe she's a cunt. And that's okay, because if she snaps the olive branch, guess what she got? The guillotine. If that makes her life difficult and she loses her car and her license and her registration, you know, TFB, too fucking bad. You wrote that check and now it's time to cash it. So that's the advice that I would give you. Explore some other options, think about it from the lens of being there and providing for your kids, not the lens of enabling suffering. Question two, and I kind of randomly pull these off, but this one is also about divorce. I think I heard you mention that your kids didn't speak to you for a while

after your divorce. I am in the process of a long divorce, and my kids, girls of 11 and 13 haven't spoken to me in one year. I used to dream. I used to drink. but I had been sober for two years, never any incidents of abuse. They are very angry about the divorce. Do you have any advice or more information on how it recovered for you? This is very painful for me. So I did, I had, I have three children and we're in the middle of birthday season now. Two of the three have had their birthdays. So I've got all teenagers, which is mind-boggling to me. I have a 14-year-old girl, a 17-year-old boy just turned seven. 17, actually this month in August. And then my oldest son is getting ready to turn 19 in October. All three of my kids are very different. And they all processed and dealt with the divorce between

their mom and I in an extremely different fashion, which should be expected, not only a difference in female and male, but also in their ages. So let me see here. They were 11, 13, and 15 when the divorce when the divorce initiated. So two of them were the age of your girls. My oldest for about 18 months did not communicate with me. And I tried every mechanism that I knew of to try to establish communication. I would reach out via phone. I would reach out via text. I sat down and I wrote letters. He didn't have an email address at the time. I would have sent emails if he did. But I did everything that I could to try to communicate. And it was, to use radio terminology, 18 months of transmit only with very, very infrequent information received. And oftentimes the information

that was received was contentious. Or it was in the form of him needing something. And as soon as he was able to get what he needed, the communication was shut down again. Fast forward, my middle son and my oldest son now live with me and my fiance. By the time this comes out, this will be out tomorrow. This is Thursday. I'm doing this. I get married on Saturday. So my soon-to-be wife as of Saturday.

And that is obviously a drastic change from where the situation was when the divorce initiated. Now, as to your email, I was just trying to give you a little bit more context as to where I was, kind of what happened along the way and where we are now. You used to drink, but you've been sober for two years, never any incidents of abuse. Be very careful how you describe your drinking and try to whitewash this. Just because you say there were never any instances of abuse, that doesn't mean that your daughters actually feel the same way. And I'm not saying that you were abusive, but perhaps you're drinking and the demise of your marriage was a toxic environment. And I wish kids weren't sponges, but I think any parents can agree that they absolutely are.

They hear and they see more than you would ever want them to, and they retain it. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that they can process it. And I think that's why your girls, 11 and 13, and my daughter and my sons, they process these. things differently. They have an ability to do so because of their age. And, you know, my daughter's like 40 going on 14. My middle son is like 40 going on 17. And they all have a different way that they feel about it based off of their own experience. So you may feel like there were never any instances of abuse. Your daughters may not feel the same way. Let's just all be honest. The more you drink, the less you remember about what actually happened. And I would suspect,

and I say this based on my own behavior, that when you are drinking, you are probably not exhibiting the best version of yourself. Your girls probably saw that. They may not judge you for the rest of your life because of that, but those instances are fingerprints that stay on them. And I think some of them you can clean off, and I think some of them stay. Now, and again, these are just, I'm talking very broadly. anything about you other than the four sentences that you sent me. But I wouldn't be surprised that they feel the way that they do. They're angry about the divorce. Yes, of course they're angry. At the age of 11 and 13, I think it's probably really difficult. And I say that having been an 11 year old and a 13 year old and you have been as well. So let's look at it from their perspective.

It's probably really hard to understand the why to put everything in context of what's happening. to feel like you have a stable foundation when the two people who had built your foundation in the past are now crumbling it and moving in two different directions. I don't think divorce is easy on anybody, but I do believe it is hardest on the kids, especially based off of the behavior of the parents. I've heard a lot of people talk about having amicable divorces. I've never really met anybody where that was the case. It gets contentions. It gets contentious, and it gets shitty. because you're in a sword fight to a degree. You're carving things up that you had built together.

You are probably dealing with each other based in emotions that start with A. Anger would be the number one or frustration. And I think it's very easy to fall into a place where you start hoarding what you think is yours and shoving the other person away. And again, like I said, kids hear and see and are exposed. to far more than most parents would ever want them to be. I was having a conversation with my son in the car yesterday, my middle son, and it is heartbreaking. I am ashamed as a person about some of the things my kids saw and heard when it came to the interactions between myself and my ex-wife. And I say that without judgment or trying to put blame on either party. We're both equally responsible for that.

And I wish that I could just go with bleach into their memory and bleach it out. But I can't. The only thing that I can do is to try to never repeat that behavior and show them a better version of who I am every single day. And that's what my goal is with my kids. As far as advice that I have for how it recovered for me, I think more than anything, it was about time. And the time was different for all three of my kids.

the only thing that you can control in this situation is yourself you can't control your daughters you also can't control the things that are said to them by your ex-wife and i'm not saying that she is out there trying to open the trap door on you informationally and paint you in a bad light but it is possible and it absolutely does happen and what i would recommend is not necessarily taking the high road i think if people are being told something that is untrue that you should absolutely at the very least tell them that the information that they're receiving is untrue. But I wouldn't try to go back and forth in a cannon battle. If somebody paints you with one brush, you try to paint them with another. I think it's important to tell them, listen, what you were

just told, that's not the truth. And maybe tell them what the truth of that particular situation is in age-appropriate terms and don't get too deep. But then the best thing that you can do is show them who you are as a person. Be the absolute best. example of who you can be as a human being going forward. Because if there's a divergence between what they're being told about you and how they are actually seeing you and the things that you say and the things that you do, I'm going to tell you right now, like a magnet, they are going to be drawn to you as a person, living up to your word and being the best version of yourself. You don't have to tell them that what they're being told is necessarily a lie. They are going to figure these things

out on their own, especially as they have more time and their processing ability continues to increase. Like I said, don't be a canvas on the wall and just let somebody throw shit against you, but be careful with how you go back and forth. My rule in the sand or line in the sand that I will never cross is I do not and will not say anything negative about my ex-wife in front of my children, and I do my absolute best to just in general hold that. I'm not a perfect person. I've never deviated from that with my kids and I never will because like I said in the previous question it's their mom it's going to be their mom for the rest of their life and I want them to have a very healthy and happy relationship and a close relationship with her and I also want them to have a great

relationship with me and so I have worked on myself as hard as I possibly can to be the best version of myself so I can be in a better place so I can be a better parent the last thing you said your email this is very painful for me yeah no shit Imagine how it feels for them. Flip how you look at this. I know this hurts. I know that this is frustrating. I know that you want things to change for your girls because you reached out for advice on this.

You need time. And I think the most powerful tool that you have when they start talking to you, because they will start talking to you again, is to listen. You need to be on receive only for a really long time. And they may tell you things about how they feel that you don't agree with and you shouldn't argue with them. And they may say things about you that aren't necessarily true. And you shouldn't argue with them. You need to listen and you need to sit on what they say and then think about if you want to or need to change the narrative or change your behavior. You need to think very clearly and calculated about how you're going to do that. And then you need to take action. But it has to start

with you actually listening. I think it's very easy, and I say this as a parent, to only see your kids. Like my son, my oldest son is getting ready to be 19, and I remember the day that I gave him his first bath with a sponge in the hospital. And it's hard for me not to see him like that, even though he has a full beard. And, you know, I call him Osama bin Riley, because he's got a buzzed haircut and a full beard and he's damn near as tall as me. I can still take that little fucker though for right now who knows in the future but i it's so hard for me to not see him as a little kid and same thing with my middle son and the same thing with my daughter but they're not little kids anymore and they have their own thoughts and opinions about everything that happens in the

world and the the reality is this for my son who is almost 19 he knows what i think about almost fucking everything because we've had so many conversations in those 18 years i've he's asked questions He's just been there and listened and watched for a variety of life circumstances. He knows me pretty well. He knows what I think about things. The best thing I can do is to try to be there for him as a mentor, as a parent, as somebody that he can bounce ideas off of so he can develop his own thoughts, feelings, and opinions on things.

And like I said, that's all predicated on being able to listen. They're not as little as you think. they have more processing power than you probably realize. So you need to listen and you need to give it time. It might take two years. It might take more than that. If you try to force it, my suspicion is that we'll push it out even farther. And look at this from the perspective of the rest of your life.

This pain right now, let me just tell you, is worth it if you can develop a very healthy relationship with your daughters for the remainder of their life. This will pass, and this is one thing that I really appreciate about having the podcast and being able to ask or be asked these questions and answer them, is that when I was going through my divorce and I was talking about my experience with my kids, and I tried to tread on it very lightly, and I still tried to. I talk on the broadest of terms. There were a lot of people that reached out to me and talked to me about their experiences

or wrote to me in their experiences with their parents when they were going through divorce. There was one narrative that was a through line through all of those. And it was, as long as you're not a ferocious, like, pedophile piece of shit, they're going to find their way back to you. But if you try to force it, it's going to make it even longer, and you may push them away forever. So while this is painful for you, imagine the pain that they are going through. and the best thing that you can probably do to relieve that has become the absolute best version of

yourself and then keep reaching out to them. Don't expect a response. Let them know that you are there all the time. Reach out, let them know that you're feeling about, or feeling about them, that you're thinking about them, how you feel about them. Let them know that you love them and that you will always be there when they are ready to talk. That's the best advice I can give you. Question three. I'd love to hear how you approach discussions on situational awareness with people who have never really had to think about it. Excuse me. God, I'm still trying to get over this goddamn cold. I work as a paramedic, and my time as a first responder has taught me some good, but at times incredibly uncomfortable and stressful lessons about staying aware of what's around me. Everything from having a knife pulled on me in the back of an ambulance to getting bitch slapped by drunk people.

My wife is a pharmacist. and despite having had her pharmacy broken into twice after hours, she has some pretty terrible habits. For example, she walks to her car at night with headphones on. Almost never locks our house or doors at night and in general lacks the ability to orient herself to her surroundings. I find it difficult to get my point across when I suggest ways to stay safer and prevent finding herself in a bad situation. But we typically end at the point where she says I worry too much and that if she needs it, she'll just use her pepper spray, and call 911. Bottom line, my question is, how would you approach this discussion?

I appreciate any insight you can give on this, and thanks for the content and conversations you let us be a part of. All right, my first initial thought, and I'm not recommending that you do this, is to ambush your wife in the parking lot and come up from behind her and bear hug her as she's starting to get into her vehicle. Because if you do that and you bear hug her like that,

but she's going to realize, hopefully, really quick, is she has no access to her pepper spray, and she's not calling 911. Why? Because tools are amazing, but only if you can access them. Now, why should you not do that? Well, because maybe she'll get through her bear spray and you're going to catch some in the face, even though I don't think that's likely. But I just think that that should be a measure of last resort. So we'll leave that on the far extreme end. The other extreme end would be doing nothing. I would agree with you that your wife has, is choosing to have very low situational awareness.

Walking your car after hours is going to be a reality for some people, doing so with earbuds in or headphones on. Not a great deal because you're stealing one of your senses right there. You're not going to hear somebody if they open a car door or their feet shuffling around on the asphalt. And there are ways that you could be safer about that, just in general. She can make sure that she parks your car in a well-lit area that is in view of somebody else who is working in the store. So when she leaves a store and goes directly to her vehicle,

it is lit the entire time. It's a direct path. And if something happens, somebody inside of the store, hopefully would see it. And she could also communicate with somebody every single day. Like, hey, make sure, can you just make sure that I get to my car? Okay. If somebody were to ask me that, what do you think I'm going to say? Fuck, of course. I'll do everything I can to help you. And then you're going to have, you know, two sets of eyeballs, two sets of ears and two people that can respond. We'll say none of that's possible. And you are worried that. You are worried that she, or she is worried that she is working or living in a sketchy area, you know, I'd put the pepper spray in your hand before you actually leave the building and go to your car. I'm not saying you need

to, like, walk around, looking for a, you know, like a bear spray, looking for a grizzly jumping out of the car. There's nothing wrong with having it actually in your hand. To have your phone in your purse, I would recommend, you know, having your phone in your purse or in your pocket, having the earbuds or headphones off. And you don't need to like be out there doing. ninja moves, but the cool thing about your eyeballs is it allows you to clear space. And you can see and look and observe and make sure that you have no obstacles or somebody in your way from where you are and where you need to go. It really gives you that buffer and can increase your situational awareness, especially if you have that light and you can see everything. So she really has the

ability to drastically reduce what I would consider to be the large percentage of the dangerous here, and it wouldn't change necessarily much about her life. It'd be very, very simple things that she could do. The reality is that most people, from a statistical perspective, never actually encounter a situation where they are on the other side of an equation. Somebody wants to do them harm. You know, most people in their life, again, from a statistical perspective, they don't never actually encounter violence or evil people. And I think that's a great thing. I think it's very easy, especially given social media and modern media, where if it bleeds, it leads. And it seems like the most horrendous negative stories are the ones that

they bombard with, because let's be honest, it's an advertising-based model where the more people that they click. And the commodity of the day is our attention. So the more people that they can get to click and pay attention to something, the more they are going to be rewarded monetarily. the way to do that is probably not by telling the best of stories because as human beings were fucking dumb-dums and we seem to look at, you know, we can't avoid the car wreck happening in front of us. So it's negativity after negativity after negativity. And it can paint this picture that that's all that the world is, is negativity and danger

and violence. And like I said, most people statistically never find themselves in those situations, which is great until you tell yourself that it's never going to happen to me and then you're on the wrong side of the stats. You know, people say, you know, the odds up getting bitten by a shark are the same as winning the lottery, you know, two times in a row the same day. Like, shit, that sounds awesome. I'm going swimming. And then if you end up on the other end of those stats and you find yourself in the jaws of a fucking great white, you're proper fucked. And it doesn't matter what the math shows. So stats are great until you're on the wrong side of them. And if you haven't

thought about it and you don't expose yourself to violence and form of training that whatever type of training that you would actually want to do, when you find yourself in a situation that you haven't trained and prepared for, you should expect the result to be exactly that. Something that you haven't trained and prepared for, so it's probably not going to go your way. I would do the best that you can to just talk openly about what your concerns are. Maybe use the examples that I've already given you and say, hey, and frame this all, I think the best way that you can frame this is in your love and concern for her. Hey, I love you. My worst nightmare is for something to happen to you.

And I am worried about where you live and the time that you get off of work. So I would like to have a conversation about maybe some really passive things that we could do to increase your safety. because you may not think that this is a danger, but it's keeping me up at night. It's worrying me. And like I said, my worst case scenario is that something where it happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with that. So hopefully that would get hurt to be a little bit more receptive. And then maybe just pitch some of the things that I talked about, choosing somewhere else

to park, talking with a coworker, pulling the earbuds or headphones out of the ears, clearing the space a little bit visually, really just give yourself that buffer because that's where, you know, and the reason I'll fall back on that, you know, the pepper spray, even a gun, right? They're just tools. They each have a range. And to include your hands, you know, that's why, you know, training yourself and exposing yourself to violence, it's really going to help you control those ranges and distances. Guns are great at far distance, bear spray, I guess bear spray and pepper spray. I'm going to call them largely the same thing because I think they do the same thing. That has an effective range as well. But then all of those can be defeated if somebody can get

inside of the range that it would take you to access that before they can close the distance. Most of these situations and most violence in general can be completely and utterly avoided. One of the things that you could do is if you recognize a situation by using the senses that you have available clearing the space visually, auditorly, you know, you're listening to try to see if they're, you know, listen and see if anything feels like it's off. and if you ever feel that way, take action on that feeling and avoid those situations, it can save you from having to use those tools, but you've got to use them together. Tools are great, but only as great as A, your current and competent on them,

and B, your ability to access them. And I would talk with her about that. At the end of the day, she might tell you to pack sand. And if it gets to that point, I don't know what to tell you to do, other than maybe pull a panty hoe over your face and park. next to her in a really shady looking 18 black van and when she goes next to her vehicle with her headphones on listening to Justin Bieber you grab her scare the shit out of her that should be your last case last ditch scenario but it is an option go to the other end first and have that

conversation so hopefully that helps base it all in your love and concern for her last question last weekend my fiancee and i were at a concert everything was great we were talking back we were walking back to our camper after the show when we heard a woman scream and run out of her camper. My fiance and I asked her what's wrong and she collapsed to the ground asking for someone to call 911. Turns out her boyfriend had just committed suicide in the camper via self-inflicted gunshot. My soon-to-be father-in-law committed suicide two years ago. My fiancé has been down multiple counseling routes since then and has just recently started to, in parentheses, move on from her father's death. So we have firsthand experience with this situation.

We sat with the woman, blocked off others from coming to the camp until the police arrived and continued to be with the woman for multiple hours that night. My question to you is how do I go about telling my fiancé she needs to go back to counseling? This event has brought back a lot of trauma and has severely affected her. How do I be supportive but firm in getting her the professional help she needs to work through this process again? man, what a shitty situation, but what I'll say is this, I'm really glad that you were there for the woman whose boyfriend made the horrendous decision to kill himself. I'm glad that you were there for her. I'm not happy about the impact that has had on your life and your fiance's life, but hopefully you can realize the impact it might have had on this woman's life, the fact that

you were there for her that you spent the time. She's going to have a whole variety of things that she will likely need to work through, especially after it seems like she witnessed that firsthand. But the landing pad of having you guys there and the empathy that I'm sure that you brought probably not calculatable and what it will be able to do for that woman moving forward. So I'm really glad that at least somebody was there for her. As far as the impact it has on your fiance and how do you become supportive but firm in getting her the professional help that she needs to work through this process again well what I would suggest is don't tell your fiance hey you need to go back to counseling what I would suggest you do is make it seem like it's your

idea I would say to your fiance I would sit her down and I'd talk to her and I'd be like listen I'm having a hard time dealing with this I would like to go down and I would like to see somebody with you. Don't make it about her. Make it about you both. It's easy for guys, I think, to say, ah, man, that sucks. And, you know, it's really fucked up my fiance. She needs to go back to counseling and really ignore any of the damage or impact that that fingerprint may have on them. And that's not the move. These things impact and affect everybody differently. For guys, they seem to like to do the classic suitcase stuffing technique. Let's just really get this to the bottom, and then, of course, it can bubble up later in an opportune moment. But if you see that it's

having an impact on her, I think the best thing that you can do for your fiancé is to at least offer to go with her. You experience this together. Your future father-in-law, I'm assuming that you knew this person, or maybe it was before you met your fiancé, I'm not sure, but it has a deep impact in her life. And if you're going to have a life together moving forward, there's nothing wrong with starting this process together. I think it could be incredibly healthy and it could actually bring you closer together. I don't think that it's possible to force somebody to go get help. I think it's probably the fastest way to get them to run from the help that you think that they actually need. So don't do that. Go down the path of making it your idea and making it

something that you want to do and that you want her to be involved with. And I suspect that you will not only get farther, faster, that it will bring you guys closer together. That would be my hope. Sorry you had to deal with something like this. I'm sorry that this theme is repeating itself in your fiance's life. And I think and believe that this is exactly why mental health professionals exist to help human beings work their way through these really complicated issues. That probably as the person experienced them, experiencing them, and I say this from my own experience, you don't even realize the depth of the damage that it can do deep down inside of your head. Be proactive with that instead of reactive when shit starts falling apart.

And that's all I got for this Friday. Hope everybody has a great weekend. Marketing is hard. But I'll tell you a little secret. It doesn't have to be. Let me point something out. You're listening to a podcast right now and it's great. You love the host.

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