Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 128

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

Rapid Fire Q and A to finish off the week: 1. My girlfriend was nearly kidnapped right in front of me and I can't get over the thought I could have done more. What would you have done if you were me, what could I have done differently 2. My wife is intimidated to go back to the gym by herself, what can I do to help her feel more comfortable 3. I quit the police academy in the first week, do I have to wear this badge of being a quitter for the rest of my life Enjoy

Hello, everybody. Are you ready for the 128th version? Or I guess it would be iteration of Full Auto Friday. If you are, well, then let's dig in. Let's do this. Full Out of Friday, 128. Here we go. Enjoy. All right, everybody. Good morning. I think I have four questions for you today. Two of them are long, a similar theme. And the first one is a little bit long. So maybe I'll only get to three today. But it ties into a question that I believe I, I, asked, or asked, was asked last week, and it was about the woman jogging by herself. And I discussed situational awareness and the questions were framed around what could be done to enhance safety in that environment. And specifically, I had somebody reach out to me over social media and recommend actually doing even more on that particular topic. And she actually recommended that I get with Mr. Glover, who we usually,

I will rely on for quantitative data for people who know the podcast. Mostly he does my math work, of which there's not actually a lot. And I guess in his off time, he does a little bit of preparedness work. I'm not really familiar with it. But I actually think it would be a really good idea to sit down with him and I will do so the next time that we have an opportunity and discuss. I'll probably bring up that exact question and see if we can go in a little bit more depth. One of the things the woman mentioned on social media is that, there was a pretty high profile kidnapping of a woman. And I don't, I think it terminated in her murder. I hope that it didn't. But I suspect that it did. It was running very early in the morning. And one of the responses that came from that is desire or a desire for more women to run at that time, almost as a movement and in protest of that happening to show that it's possible and that it's okay. And it's, and I want to be very clear, I think it's totally possible.

And I think it's okay. But I also want to caution people against living in the world that they want the world to be, as opposed to living in the world that actually is. And when I answered the question last week, or it might have been the week before, about the woman and the thoughts that must go into a woman's head or what they must think about when it comes to their own protection, I was very clear. Like, it's not something that I have thought about a lot as an adult male. I've never, I just, it's a difference in the world, you know, my version of the world that we live in versus a woman's version of the world that we both live in. There are, I mean, there's no way around it. There are some situations that are less of a threat to me than they are to a woman. And that has to be taken into account.

And you're not going to find somebody who is more supportive of equality, but I am not going to pretend. and make things what they are not in the hopes of arriving at equality. We have to deal with the world that we live in, not the world that we want it to be. We can focus on getting it in that direction. But until it is there, protesting somebody being kidnapped and killed early in the morning by themselves by doing the same behavior, I don't necessarily think is a great idea. And again, I'll dive deeper into that when I can sit down with Mike. I think we might be together in the next two weeks, so hopefully I can do that soon.

But I got another question about, largely I'm going to say situational awareness and questions in what I would call a tactical decision space. This one's a little bit long. It's an email. And because of the length, I literally couldn't shrink it up enough to actually make the writing small enough to just do a screen grab. So I'll do the best that I can. I'm going to read through this and then we'll get into it.

This Saturday, October 8th, 2022, my girlfriend, and I met at a friend's place by campus so that we could walk together to the bars nearby. My girlfriend tends to consume more alcohol than me, and I always watch my consumption when driving is involved. Our plan B for any night that we meet like this is to leave her car and get it in the morning, since I decide to be the designated driver. Great call there, already starting off good. At around 1 a.m., we made our way back to my friend's place alone, and my girlfriend was not intoxicated. Thus, we would drive separately and meet back at my place.

She had parked across the street, and I had parked in my friend's apartment complex. I walked her to her car, and we joked about who would beat who back to the house. As I walked away, I had only made it about 10 to 15 yards next to my driver's side door when I heard the approaching of a car coming down the road she was parked on, in parentheses, currently perpendicular to my truck. I turned to see that there was indeed headlights illuminating her, but they were slow down. My girlfriend waved at them, typical response in the south to let someone know that you're okay, and the truck stopped blocking my view to her. In the area we were in, which is incredibly

close to campus, there have been many instances of attempted kidnappings, multiple armed assaults, and not a thing has been done about them. The truck had tint so thick that I couldn't see into the vehicle even when the truck driver and passenger section was directly under a street light. My heart sank, and the first thought in my mind was that I had no gun in my car. I heard the door of the truck open, closest to my girlfriend, and could now see that she wasn't paying attention to what was happening at all, because I was running towards her and trying to get a visual on her. The passenger of the truck must have seen me in a full sprint at them because the door slammed and they drove down the hill to where they stopped. At this point, my knife is out, and I'm ready

to go mid-eval on them. Well, I stood next to my very confused girlfriend and maintained visual of the truck. I told my girlfriend to get in her car immediately, to which she said she was having trouble finding her keys. When she said this, the truck windows were down. The head of the passenger was slightly out, and they quickly turned left on a one-way road, and raced down the street to loop around the block. They had heard her say she couldn't find her keys because she had said it rather loudly. I knew the clock was ticking now, and it was ticking very fast. I knew exactly what roads they would take and how long it would be until they were at the top of the hill we were on, now armed with a better plan to attack us. I quickly got her keys, got her in the car,

and told her the route to take so that the truck wouldn't see her car and follow her. The route she would have taken would have put her directly in front of the truck as it was circling back around and told her to leave immediately. She did. I made sure she was gone before sprinting to my car so that I could make my alternate route so that we could meet up and I could follow her back to my place. As I reversed out of my parking space, I saw the truck drive by where my girlfriend's car was parked just moments ago and speed off after realizing they had lost her. This entire interaction took less than two minutes. I'm riding you because all, in all caps, I had to defend the love of my life from at least two possibly more and possibly ironed kinnappers was a shitty, slightly sharp

folding knife that spans four inches on a hot day. I know I got her to safety. I know it could have gone worse, but I cannot shake the feeling that I failed her. I could have had her park in the apartment parking lot, which is not gated. I could have left a gun in my car, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't. This was a moment of either divine intervention or pure luck. What if they hadn't seen me as a threat. What if I was left to use this butter knife of a defense weapon to seriously defend her? The reason I didn't have a gun was because you cannot carry in buildings that derive more than 51% of their revenue from alcohol, even if you do not consume alcohol. Leaving a firearm in a vehicle is asking for it to get stolen, and bringing a firearm to a bar

is asking for a felony and a loss of gun ownership rights. It's a double-edged sword that I was immediately made aware of when seconds counted. Now that my novel is over, and you have the information at your disposal. The questions. What would you, a broke college student without access to expensive knives or guns or a gun storage system in the car have done? I think my girlfriend displayed incredible situational awareness to heed my directions and to act as quickly as I told her to. Though she expresses her understanding of the situation, when we talked about it later, she tends to have the mindset of it didn't happen, so let's not worry about it anymore. The problem is our area is the epicenter of human trafficking.

Of the instances that have put my guard up, and there have been many, this is the closest one. I was generally ready to fight to the death because I knew it would happen if we didn't leave immediately. I trained as much as I can with my firearm, and I feel comfortable defending my life with it. But that doesn't matter if it's not with you. What can I do to better prepare in case this does happen again? Is there a setup I could rig for my car to safely store my firearm? which is a four-door Kia Forte from 2010. I'm going to stop right here and tell you I have no idea what kind of car that is,

but I love the fact that you put it in the description. I apologize if this is all over the place. Rewriding, this has caused my adrenaline to spike. I hope I was concise enough to comprehend. Thank you for the time you've taken out of your day to read this email. Wow. So obviously a long one. Thank you for bearing with me as I read through this for the people watching and listening.

And there is a lot here to unpacking. I think one of the most dangerous things in this email is your girlfriend's attitude of it didn't happen, so let's not worry about it anymore. You are describing this situation occurring in an area that you have identified as previously being threatening or dangerous. And the attitude of, well, it didn't happen, so we shouldn't worry about it anymore is not the attitude that I would recommend taking into an environment like that. So I'm going to work backwards, I think, and I'm going to address some of the things that you brought up. One, the inability to have a firearm in a venue or a revenue that serves alcohol. That's not uncommon, and that is what it is. It's left up to the individual as to whether or not they want to have a coin toss and potentially feel the justice that may be involved with that.

if you are finding yourself on the wrong side of the law in that situation, and I'm not advocating for either. That's something that every individual is going to have to decide for themselves, but these situations do exist, and I agree with you. Leaving a weapon in a car that isn't secured is a recipe for disaster when it comes to getting it stolen. So unless you have a lockbox, and they are, there are a variety, and I'm just going to recommend a Google search for this, and they come in everything from I've seen Glovebox to center console to under the seat, to probably, I think trunks as well too. You know, solve that problem if you have the economic means to and there's something that fits your vehicle.

And if you can't, you know, I think it's probably a better call to not leave an unattended weapon in your vehicle. Again, I've said this many times on the podcast, probably repetitive. But if people would heed this advice, maybe it would be less repetitive. When I talk to my friends who work law enforcement here in the Flathead Valley, what are they dealing with constantly and consistently? Stolen weapons. Why? because they can be traded upstream for drugs. It becomes, you know, it's an item of monetary value that they can steal and then get their fix or however they enter into that criminal ecosystem.

It's a problem. It's one of the main things that they deal with. So, you know, maybe don't do that. A knife. You know, you feel proficient with your gun. That's an awesome thing. So you're running full speed with your knife. I don't train fighting with knives.

I have a super limited amount of training that I probably need to do much more of when it comes to dealing with somebody with an edged weapon. I occasionally will have a knife on me. The most common thing I'm going to do with a knife is open a box or an envelope. If you feel capable and competent defending yourself with your gun, there's probably a reason for that because you practice with it. if you think that you are going to pull a knife out and all of a sudden become Jason Bourne and you are going to be current and competent in how to fight with an edged weapon, I'm here to tell you it may not net itself out the way that you want it to. So if you are going to ever rely on that as a tool for self-defense,

what I would recommend is you devote and invest time and training in that as well. It might be a deterrent. somebody might see a knife in your hand and be deterred from their behavior. But as you mentioned, this could have been a car full of two people, three people, four people. And I'm just not so sure how much of a deterrent one person is with a knife when it's one v4. So just food for thought. I'm not saying that what you did is wrong. But people seem to recognize, yeah, you know, I need to train with my gun to be current and competent.

And then they'll pull out a knife and they'll never actually even thought about training with how to, A, defend yourself. in a defensive manner, let alone being offensive. So just food for thought in that. Let's talk about the situation itself. What I will say is, you know, maybe it was luck. Maybe it was divine intervention. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that you have an incredible opportunity to learn from what happened.

It seems like you have your head on your shoulders when it comes to monitoring your alcohol consumption, picking a designated driver. I have definitely been an idiot more times than I would like to admit when it comes to those things. And I feel like I'm doing much better in my later years of life with that. Still not perfect, by the way. So that's good. What sticks out to me the most with this and then, you know, food for thought, you've identified that the area that you were going to go out in is one that contains threats. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't go out. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a social life.

but it might be worth your time to go somewhere that has a lower threat, maybe somewhere that is a little bit farther from campus. Can that complicate things? You know, getting yourself home or recovering vehicles? Yes, it absolutely can. But could it reduce the risk of something like this happen? I think it potentially could. So, again, I don't want anybody to feel like the world is so dangerous that they have to

lock and barricade all of their doors and they're never going to go out and they're never going to have a social life and you're never going to get to do the things that people do when they're in college. But instead of saying there are wrong decisions and right ones, maybe there are ones with more risk and then there are ones with less risk. So bigger picture, you could choose to go somewhere else. Getting your girlfriend back to her car and walking with her, I think was a very good step. The only thing that I would say that I would add to this or that I might have done differently, two things actually. One, if I had identified a risk like this, I would probably never go anywhere with less than four people. You know, the, when it comes to, and I think I talked

about this very recently on a podcast, actually, when you talk to predators and how they select their prey, I'm talking about human predators here, it's not, they're not looking for the most hardened target. They're not looking for difficulty. They're looking for ease of access. And they're looking for those who seem to be the most at risk. So the larger the group of people that you're with, the less you are going to stand out when it comes to being a flashing billboard of the individual walking home alone, obviously intoxicated, easy target, right? That's not who you were, but that would probably be the extreme example of a target-rich environment. The other side of that would be, you know, 15 people walking back together, obviously sober. Somebody's just going to drive right

by that and completely avoid that, looking for the soft target. So you were with her, and that's great. My suggestion to you would be don't separate from her. You know, if the worst case scenario here is you have to come back and recover a vehicle the next day, what I would say to you is, instead of leaving your girlfriend at the car, just drive her back every single time, stay with her and never allow for that separation. Or if you don't want to do that, and it's too logistic complicated for whatever reason to come back the next day and get the car. Instead of leaving before she gets into her car, make sure that you are standing there and that way you can have your head up and out being situationally aware while she finds her keys. And I'll take it a little

bit farther down the rabbit hole than that. Find your keys for those of you who have to or feel uncomfortable in a parking lot or somewhere where you're going to be needing to get into a vehicle, which I would describe as a point of vulnerability, instead of standing at the door with your head down in a purse or a pocket or a jacket looking for the keys, what I would recommend is having them in your non-dominate hand if you have a tool that you can access to pretend yourself, protect yourself,

but get the item ready that you're going to need to access your vehicle before you actually get up to it. So as you're walking, it doesn't have to be, you know, if you're walking a half a mile to the car or whatever it may be, You don't need to be like jumping from shadow to shadow and tactically moving. But as you're approaching the vehicle, maybe say when you're 100 yards out or a minute out or something like that, maybe say to your girlfriend, hey, why don't you go ahead and get your keys ready, right? So that way she's not head down standing at the car. And hopefully after listening to this, you'll realize it's a better move for you to stay there.

It's still a greater deterrent. If the choice is your girlfriend's standing there with her head down looking for her keys by herself and a event. vehicle full of people with malicious intent, see that, versus your girlfriend standing there with her head down looking for her keys and you standing right next to her, paying attention to what's going on, you are still putting yourself in a more advantageous tactical position. So take that. And like I said, you can bump that even further back and give yourself space and time and distance by getting the keys ready before. So if you're for whatever reason, unwilling to drive her every single time and stay together, what I would recommend is stay with her at the driver's side door until she is in the car.

The car door is locked. The car is started and she drives away. That's the best thing that you can probably do if that is going to be what she demands for whatever reason. Or that's what you as a pair are going to demand for whatever reason. Then you can go to your vehicle with your butter knife, right? And guess what you should do before you get to your vehicle? Because now you're a fighting element of one. Maybe get your keys ready to go as well.

You know, I feel like, and I have absolutely no data to support this, that more women are preyed upon in these situations, but that's not a free pass. You know, I think there's still a threat to just people alone at 1 a.m. in general. So that's about all that I would change. You know, look at do the risk versus reward matrix. Is it worth it going to where we want to go given the potential risk of the area? If the answer is yes, okay, well, let's make sure we're always going with people and we can all watch our back. Have that designated driver. We're not going to split up.

If we have to absolutely split up, you're going to stay there with the people that you care about until they're into a secure vehicle and they're driving away. And then you will absorb the risk on your own. Get to your vehicle and you will meet them there. Absent having a secure storage, not facility, secure storage location. in your car. I think you're making the correct decision to not carry in those environments. It's just, it's not worth it. Having something in your car like that, you can have a window broken, and I can't even imagine the pit in the feeling or the pit in the stomach feeling if you come back and all of a sudden, it's like, well, sweet, I had an awesome pistol and now it's gone

and who knows what's being done with that thing. So all in all, I think this is a tremendous opportunity for you to learn. And I really hope that your girlfriend can pay attention. You know, being situationally aware I've talked about this. It's an awareness of your environment, but it's also an awareness of yourself. And a lot of times people focus on, you know, pay attention to the environment. Pay attention to the environment. Well, pay attention to yourself too. Train as much as you can.

I do not believe that jiu-jitsu is magic, and I don't think that it is the only martial art that you should practice. You need to be able to manage all distances. You need to be able to strike. Jiu-jitsu is amazing if something ends up on the ground. But I'm not so sure it's amazing if it's for. V1. So all food for thought, make yourself as capable and dangerous as possible on the hopes that you don't ever have to use it. And then just remember the most valuable tool that you can pack for yourself and for your loved ones is actually your brain. So that is how I would answer your

question. And hopefully that helps. Moving on. Slight change of gears. I'm a 27 year old and my significant other is a 25 year old. We were both athletes all through high school. and I even continue my athletic career into college playing football. Recently, my girlfriend has wanted to get back into the gym and get healthier. She recently graduated Physicians Assistant School and has had a lot on her plate and a lot of things eating up her schedule. She finally has some more freedom in her schedule, and I have invited her to join me at the gym every time that I go.

But most days, our schedules do not align, so she ends up missing a gym session. The problem. She says she feels very intimidated to go to the gym. by herself. Since she's not as in shape as she was a few years ago, she feels embarrassed and like everyone is watching her to make fun of her while she tries to work out. This is resulting in her missing more gym sessions than she attends because our schedules usually don't line up for us to go together, as you previously mentioned. My question, I can't really understand her intimidation because I have a pretty high comfort slash confidence level at the gym. What's

the best way to make her feel supported while also working towards building her up, to be able to work out by herself. Interesting question. I'm trying to think back. I have not spent a lot of time working out at a traditional gym, like a 24-hour fitness or whatever the hell they're called anymore. But I can't think of a single time where I actually spent more than a second paying attention to anybody else because I was there to work on my own shit.

And I suspect that most people are at the gym to do exactly that. They're there to work on their own shit. And if they see something funny, I guess they might laugh at it. But to me, there's nothing funny about somebody working hard to be an optimal physical condition. So I would not worry so much about the external judgment. The only thing that actually matters in this situation, and this might be difficult to get across to your significant other, is how she feels about herself. my first pass at this email i have i have empathy for how she feels but it sounds to me like an excuse um i really don't think there is a collection a large collection of people out there who spend their time at the gym with the intent of making fun of others especially when those people regardless of the physical conditioning that they are in or in there busting their ass it's actually and maybe this, I don't think this is a unique experience to me, but I've been in some gyms before

where you see people who have really let it slide from a physical perspective. They are struggling. They are working hard. They're doing what they need to do. They're putting the work in. And it's not funny to me. It's fucking motivating because you can guess and hypothesize how they feel about where they are and how difficult it is. And perhaps they are insecure. And perhaps they are, here about how they look and what it is that they're trying to do. But to me, externally, looking at that and watching that, I have zero judgment whatsoever. Actually, I take that back. I have a ton of judgment. And it's all in the positive direction. Like, fuck yeah. Like, that's exactly what you're supposed to be doing. If you let yourself slide, you don't get there

overnight. And it seems like it takes you twice as long to get back. But I have nothing but respect for somebody willing to put that in, regardless of where they are starting from. And the first few steps are going to be the hardest. And this is going to be true of your girlfriend as well. So maybe remove that excuse from her if you can. You know, it's resulting in her missing more gym sessions than she attends because your schedules usually don't line up for a little bit of time to get momentum going in a positive direction. Perhaps consider modifying your schedule however you need to so you can go with her and she can get past that phase. Another recommendation is maybe help her find someone and maybe she could do. do this when you are going together, or maybe you could do this by talking about your social

network, but find somebody who has some goals that are aligned and maybe a schedule that would work better for her, one of her girlfriends, who has the same goal, and they can then work with each other and motivate each other and one can pull one up the ladder when the other one doesn't want to go, and they can make it, it can be social as well, basically just trying to find ways, right, to gradually reduce reasons that people don't want to go and work out. And I know exactly why people don't want to go and work out, because it's the same reasons that I don't want to go and work out sometimes. It's fucking hard.

And you'll sit there and be like, no, I can't. I don't have enough time. You have to make time. You might have to prioritize something like not scrolling Instagram for 25 minutes, right? Do a little bit of screen time. For anybody who tells you, they don't have time to go to the gym. Here's a fun game. ask them to pull up their screen time if they use an iPhone because they're a normal person, right?

And they don't hate themselves. I'm just kidding, Android people. I actually don't know much about that phone other than the fact. It is not as good of a piece of technology. So I'll just leave it at that. But maybe Android has something like this. I'm not even sure. Have them pull up their screen time.

And take a look at how much time they're spending on social media platforms. What I suspect you're going to find and what you would find if you went on my phone was that I got most. than enough time. It's how I allocate my time. So put the phone down for 30 minutes and go into the gym and start there and then turn 30 into 40, 40 into 50, 15 to 60. And the next thing you know, you're going to have great momentum. I'm not saying everybody has time. I know schedules are complex and hectic. People are doing the best that they can with their life and the time allotted. But what I'm saying is, and I'm speaking about myself when I say this just as much as I'm speaking about anybody else. More often than not, it's how you allocate your time, not the total amount of time

that you have available. Remove these excuses from your significant other or help her remove them from herself. I get the insecurity. You're going to need to get past that because the tougher question is, do I want to get past that now and get myself into a healthier place in a year from now? Or do I want to wait a year because I'm insecure and I'm intimidated? And then I'm going to be even deeper into this foxhole that I've dug for myself. It's going to take me even longer to get out of it, and I'm going to be even more insecure and intimidated. It's not going to get better with time unless you start investing your time and making it getting better.

So that is what I'd recommend. And there's just power and numbers. Find people who are like-minded, who have the same goals and aspirations and allow them to buoy each other. So when you hit a little bit of a low, you get pulled right back up, and you're back in the gym. working out. That would be my suggestion. Question number three. In the last year, I was accepted into the police academy where my father works at the largest department in my state. After a week of training, I dropped on request or quit. There are a plethora of excuses I could use for why I made that choice at the time. But the bottom line is, I quit. That happened in January, and now I have

a corporate job with a bank that I absolutely hate. The goal, since the day I quit was to go back in better shape because I started the academy overweight or into the military. I have not gotten in better shape since then and I sulk every day in my decision. My question is, do I have to wear this badge as a quitter for life? Can I write the ship by going back or going into a military career? I don't know how my father or anyone could look at me as a man after I quit because the people I look up to, including you, hold quitters in the worst. regard. I don't know how to make things right from here, and I would appreciate your input. But listen to the show for years, and I'm a huge fan. Well, first, I appreciate the support with the

show and for writing in, because it allows me to answer questions like this. I do not hold quitters in the worst regard. I have met plenty of people who have attempted seal training and have not made it. Actually, statistically, the vast majority of people that attempt to seal training do not make it. What does that say about them as a person? The answer, in my mind, is absolutely nothing. What it may say about them is that they were not suited for that career path. And that is the only metric when it comes to them quitting in that career path that actually matters. Does it make them a bad person? Fuck no. Does it make them less of a person? No. It absolutely doesn't. It means that they had interest in a career path. And let's be honest, not everybody's the

same. We're not all the same psychologically. We're not all the same physiologically. Some people get more in their cup than others. And is that fair? No, it's not fair. I've said this many times on the podcast. If you're looking for the fair, go to Iowa. There's going to be cotton candy and a merry go round and a coin toss. And that is where the fair is. It doesn't exist in real life. So it's not fair that some people psychologically or physiologically or even worse, the combination of both have more than others. But it is the reality of the world that we live in. So there are differences in people. People are better suited for some jobs and not as well suited for others.

And that doesn't mean that they're a bad person. Some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life up into and including this day have never had. have never had any interest in becoming a seal. And would they make it if they tried? I have no idea if they would or wouldn't. But would they still be my friend if they didn't? Would I still care for them as much as I care for them now and do everything that I possibly could to support them?

Yes, because it doesn't fucking matter. It's a job. So I do not hold quitters in the worst regard. I think that people quitting seal training is essential and incredibly valuable because it means that the training is difficult enough and it means that we are at the end of that training pipeline selecting for something that has consequence and that is why the pipeline is so difficult now moving on you sulk every day in your decision that sucks but obviously it doesn't suck enough why do i say that because you haven't changed your behavior

So if the goal since the day you quit was to go back in better shape because you started the academy overweight and you sulk about your decision to quit every day, but you haven't changed anything. Going back into that or starting a military career, you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So I'm sorry that you sulk about your decision every day. but until it changes your behavior, what does it really matter? You know, if you really care, I mean, let's be brass tax honest here. If your actual goal since the day you quit was to go back in better shape, every day since that day, you would be taking a step and maybe it would be microscopic on some days and maybe it would be a gigantic leap on others towards being less overweight and more capable and more likely to be successful in those endeavors. So instead of saying that you sulk every day in your decision or instead of sitting there in bathing and loathing in self-pity, do something about it.

You know, you have control over this situation. You don't have control over the particular pipeline or selection process that you may decide to go into, but you have total and complete control over who you are as a person and how prepared you are before beginning it. And that's on you. nobody's going to be able to do that for you. You don't know how your father or anyone else can look at you as a man after you quit. Well, because for one, your father is looking at you as his son. Could he be disappointed in the fact that you quit when you did? Sure.

Does that make you not his son anymore? No. Does that make you love? Does that make him love you any less? I would hope not. He's a fucking asshole, if that's the case. Right? because it shouldn't matter what your children do for living.

That should not change how much you love them. It may not be the easiest thing for him to deal with because of the fact that you were following in his footsteps and were not successful, but that's on him to deal with. Just like it's on you to deal with, if you're going to go back and change what your future is going to be, I mean, right now what you're doing is you are living, looking in the rear view mirror.

And as long as you continue to do, that, you're going to be sulking every day. You're going to be bathing in self-loathing. And you're going to be sitting there saying, I don't know how my father, or every time I go out, people just see a quitter. You have to understand that that's all going on between your ears and you are overlaying a lot of that shit to other people. And you also have complete control over that. How are you going to change that? Well, maybe move the rear view mirror so you can't see out of it anymore and start looking in the driver's seat. Not in, well, you're in the driver's seat, right? So you're in the driver's seat. Instead of looking through the rear view mirror, look through the windshield going forward.

And then your next step is going to be maybe get the vehicle going in that direction. Shouldn't be catastrophic to begin with. I would start small. I would put yourself on a program or a plan. I would work with somebody on the nutritional side of the house. I would work with the strength and conditioning coach. And I would work yourself to where you want to be so you are capable of doing the things that you want to do. You know, people quit things in life.

I don't know. I suppose it's possible, but I cannot fathom a human being that gets to the end of their life that did not give up on something at some point in time in their life. And maybe it was super minor. Maybe it was major after major after major after major, but they used that failure or that decision as motivation as opposed to a roadblock. and they were able to build from it and learn from it and become something else. I just, I think it's impossible. I look at things in my life. I've certainly given up on things in my life.

Did I quit seal training? No. But that's what I did. That's not who I am. Right off the top of head, I mean, here's a good example. I quit my first marriage. I made the decision to leave my marriage. And it was one of the hardest things that I ever did.

and it was told to me that I quit on my kids as well. And that's one that you can sulk in every day and fucking bathe and bask in self-loathing in. But it doesn't define me. And I'm in a better place now because of that decision. Because I made the choice to give up, to throw the towel in, or to use a word that you used, quit. It was time. I just don't know of anybody in their life. who is not going to give up on something at some point in time. The person who that will likely

sting the most is the one who makes that decision, but I wouldn't assume that everybody else that you encounter in life is judging you through that lens. We are our own harshest critic, and what I would recommend for you, in addition to working on the nutrition and strength and conditioning, is I would go and I would find somebody to talk to, a professional that can help you rewire how you are thinking about this, because negative self-talk and the way that you are talking about yourself and the way that you think other people are judging you can actually really damage your performance and your physical health. Find somebody who specializes in that and work on it in the whole picture, right? The big picture, psychologically, physiologically,

and then meld the two and then go find and figure out what it is you actually want to do and kick it right in the dick. And that's all I have. For this, follow out of Friday. See you guys on Monday.