Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 145

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Rapid Fire Q and A to finish off the week: 1.  What do you do when the people that helped you find meaning in your own life take their life?  2.  My state is about to ban AR platform rifles, I haven't considered buying one before, should I buy one now? 3.  Does it take a "special kind of woman" to marry a police officer? Enjoy Sign up for the new G14 newsletter here: https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com/exclusive Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

What's going on, everybody? It's Friday, which means we're going to do another episode of Full Out of Friday. This one is number 145. I apologize for the nasal voice up front. I have a head cold. It's currently kicking my ass, but we're going to do what we can. So let's just get into this. Full out of Friday, 145, away we go. What's up, everybody? We're here. It's Friday. Like I said, I'm sick. Feeling like shit. We're going to. to do this though welcome to the new studio where is it behind me i have half cleared hot half change agents because i'll let you in on a little secret and maybe i'm not supposed to do this i record both of them in the same place um one's a painted wall one's a curtain it really saves time on the commute though um so here we are i just was too lazy to get up and close the curtains i figured to be a

half and half show so maybe this is cleared agents i'm not sure um but we got some q and a Today, before I begin, this shirt, the red dawnish, by far the single most, the single most, by far my favorite shirt, I think, that I've created so far. And it actually sold out really fast. But by the time this episode comes out on Monday, I actually had some more made. Even though I said they were going to be limited edition, they still kind of are. I'm doing very small runs this year for the apparel and stuff like that just because I don't like to hold inventory.

But if you didn't get the chance to get one of these, they're live right now on the website. I think there's going to be a link, unless I forget, in the written description of this podcast, that'll send you right to the store. And I think next week I'm going to do a little bit of spring cleaning. I'm going to be heading out to the lakehouse where I keep a lot of the older product. I'm going to kind of go through and select some stuff that's just been sitting on the shelves for a while. I don't even know why I took it off the website. But yeah, I'll deal with that next week. Never mind.

Shall we get into Fallout Friday? I think we should. So here we go. again please excuse the very nasly voice and i might have to blow my nose from time to time but maybe that's the beauty of editing i can cut that out question one i just recently found out that mike day the author of perfectly wounded killed himself what do you do when people who helped you find meaning in life take their own life well kind of a heavy question to begin with um I suspect a lot of people, at least if you're not from the SEAL community, may not know who Mike Day is.

I'm going to read an award citation for the night, his book, Perfectly Wounded, and the situation surrounding him getting wounded was unbelievable. He was shot 27 times and walked to the helicopter for extract. I have in front of me his Silver Star citation, which I believe was upgraded. I'm not almost positive. It was upgraded to a Navy Cross. But I wanted to read this just in case people don't know who this person is. So you have a better understanding of who he was because unfortunately he did take his life not too long ago. So because this is what I have in front of me, Silver Star Citation awarded for actions during the global war on terror.

President of the United States of America takes pleasure in presenting the Silver Star to Senior Chief Special Warfare Operator Seal Douglas M. Day. United States Navy for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action against the enemy while serving as an assault force commander for naval special warfare task unit Fallujah and direct support of Operation Iraqi Freedom from 5 to 6 April 2007. Chief Petty Officer Day's exceptional leadership was essential to mission success during a combined helly-born direct action mission to capture a high-ranking member of an insurgent network. following a two-kilometer tactical foot patrol to the target, his team encountered heavy automatic weapons fire from enemy personnel within the residence,

demonstrating superb leadership and courage. Chief Petty Officer Day was the first to enter the room from which the enemy fire was emerging. Despite multiple gunshot wounds, he continued to engage the enemy, transitioning to his pistol after the loss of his primary weapon, eliminating three enemy personnel without injury to the women and children in close proximity to the enemy personnel. Additionally, his decisive leadership and mental clarity in the face of his injuries ensured the success of the mission, which resulted in the destruction of four enemy personnel and the recovery of sensitive United States military equipment and valuable intelligence concerning enemy activity in the area. By his bold initiative, undaunted courage, and complete dedication to duty, Chief Petty Officer Day reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the United States Naval Service. It's a pretty incredible award citation.

As with all citations, you get a few paragraphs to describe what happened. There's a narrative summary that is required when you are writing an award for somebody, and it goes into much more detail. I wasn't there that night. I didn't personally know Mike Day. I don't think we ever actually even crossed paths, so I don't want to go into an incredible amount of detail what happened beyond that citation. I do know he was shot 27 times.

The reason he had to transition to his pistol is that essentially his primary weapon system was shot out of his hands and destroyed by enemy fire. Bottom line, an incredibly courageous and valorous act. And I can understand where this person is coming from. What do you do when people who helped you find meaning in life take their own life? A few years ago, which is wild to say that it was a few years ago, the man who I would describe as one of the, if not the most impactful mentors in my SEAL career, who was a member of the first operational platoon that I was a part of, took his own life.

And I wouldn't say that he helped me find meaning in life. He helped me determine who I wanted to be in life and the trajectory that I wanted to take. inside of the SEAL community. And his loss, I don't really have the words to describe. I think that we have to be careful putting people on a pedestal. And that's not to say that there aren't people who should be put on a pedestal because there are some amazing people that we walk the earth with that I think should be put on a pedestal and fucking studied and an attempted to be replicated because of who they are and their

character and their purpose and their integrity. But I think the danger in putting somebody on that pedestal, and I'm not saying that that is what the person who wrote this email was doing, but obviously you looked at this person as somebody who was very inspirational and aspirational, much like I viewed my mentor. If you're not careful, you can forget that they are people too. And all people have problems that they are dealing with. I have never met anybody in my life, whether they are fantastically wealthy, whether they are fantastically famous, dirt poor living on the street and everything in between.

I have never met somebody who isn't dealing with. with or struggling with problems and their own demons. So I think more than anything when something like this happens and it's tragic and I wish that it didn't happen, especially to anybody, but especially to people like this who gave so much of themselves and in the end arrived at a place where they felt that the only answer was to take their own life is an opportunity to remind ourselves. that we're all people and that we're all flawed and that we are all dealing with things. God, the number of mistakes that I have made in my life are numerous.

And I actually think this podcast has helped me in many ways. It's been very cathartic for me to be as open and honest as possible, obviously leaving out certain details of certain things for the protection, not of myself, but for the protection of other people that are involved. But to work my way through publicly, and it's not even an attempt to work through it publicly. The fact that I have a microphone in front of me, and this is kind of what I do for living,

still to this day it baffles me. Because if you would ask me 10 years ago what I would do for living, if having a podcast and answering questions from people, was a possibility of the answer to that would have been absolutely not. I just never thought that I would arrive at a place like this. But I have found by talking openly and honestly about myself and the mistakes that I have made and the struggles that I have in life, it has helped me

worked through them. And I would hope to some degree, and I don't know whether or not this is true, that for anybody who watches or listens, if they can hear me talk about the things that I struggle with, that it can remind them that they're not alone in what it is that they are struggling with. You know, Mike got shot 27 times. and survived. And the military is great for providing examples of people who appear to be superhuman in many ways, but they're not. They're exceptionally common people who are asked to do exceptionally uncommon things. But at the end of all of that, the factor that remains the same throughout every one of those occupations is that they are people. And everybody is struggling whether they

wear it on their sleeve or not and whether or not they talk about it or not. And for me, when things like this happen, again, I didn't know Mike. I don't think we ever crossed past. I think his story is amazing. And to me, it is very inspirational and aspirational as a person. When things like this happen, it reminds me that I need to be more empathetic to every single person that I meet in life. Because I don't know what's going on between their ears, and I don't know what their demons are and where they are in their journey, their hopeful journey through working their way through it.

You know, it can't be undone. There's nothing that we can do that could bring Mike back. And the harder statement is, the rougher statement is, there may be nothing that we could have done to prevent him from making the choice that he did. And the only thing that we have is our ability to change what happens going forward. So for the person that wrote this email, I'm glad that Mike helped you find meaning in life. And I would hope that his tragic decision can remind you of the indescribable. value in meaning that your life can have. And I hope that it in some way helps you be more

empathetic to the people around you. Because if the people that you put on a pedestal can make this decision, imagine what everybody else that you encounter in everyday life is possibly dealing with. And that's the way that I look at this. You know, for for my mentor Dave, you know, his decision to take his own life, I had no idea. I had no idea. what he was battling, what he was struggling with, and how heavy that burden was on him. I would have done anything humanly possible to try to remove that burden. But guess what? Too fucking late.

Saying it now. It doesn't change anything. I just hope that it can change who I am going forward and that I can be more understanding of people and a little bit more. receptive and edgy because you never really know. You just never really know what it is the people are dealing with. And that's what I get out of it. And hopefully that can help you come to at least a little bit of peace with what happened with Mike. Question number two. Dear Andy, looking for a little bit of advice. There's an active bill in Colorado legislature to ban assault rifles. It is the

judiciary committee at the moment, but with sweeping Democratic numbers, in both Senate and House, I can guarantee it will make it to the floor and likely pass this year. I'm a veteran who has been through several security classes and was VBSS trained. Visit, board, search, and seizure. Think boarding a ship and clearing it. So I have enough knowledge to handle and be safe with an AR-15. That being said, my gun ownership has always been more utilitarian. All of my guns have a purpose, be it hunting, conceal carrying, or pistol competitions. I don't really know if I want an AR.

My wife is very opposed to them for a few reasons, and that's her right. Even if I own one, it would likely sit in the safe and only get shot once a year because I really just enjoy pistols, clays, and bolt guns more. I'm struggling with the fact that I don't really want one, but they're going to be banned. I don't even think I see value in keeping it as a truck gun. Police here have killed two good Samaritans in separate instances when they defecutive. defeated mass shooters and went to unload or take control of the murderer's weapon. Thus, having one ready to dawn, thus having one ready to dawn to me is a recipe to be killed by incompetence.

I'm not really understanding that sentence, but we're going to skip it. What would you suggest I do? I stay very proficient with my pistol and conceal more often than not. I just don't know if because they're going to be banned is a good reason to buy a gun. Thanks for everything that you do. I don't know if that's a good reason to buy one either. You described in your email that your weapon choices are utilitarian in nature, so you recognize that they are a tool. You look at the life around you, the things that you enjoy, your hobbies, your pastimes, and you select and source the tools that fit inside of those well.

It doesn't sound to me like you have a need or really even a desire to own an AR, and my answer to you would be, then don't own one. I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer when it comes to this. Some people love AR platform rifles. Some people don't. Is one more right than the other? I don't think so. I don't think there's any level of judgment that should be placed upon somebody, depending on what type of weapon that they particularly want to own or they feel that they need. You know, it's interesting that you brought up, police have killed two good Samaritans in separate instances when they defeated a mass shooter and went to unload or take control of the murderous weapon. That sucks because that person went above and beyond what would likely be experienced. of a citizen and engaged a mass shooter, ended it, and then in an attempt to clear and save the weapon were shot themselves. There is a lesson in that, though. And for somebody listening to this, like, first, let's start with this. I wish that there were no instances like this. The number of people that I would like to be killed by guns is actually zero. We don't live in that world,

and we do live in a world where you may be involved in a situation like this. So if you ever are in that position where you engage and kill a mass shooter, understand the number of, phone calls and reports that have likely gone out to police organizations, that there is an active shooter and the velocity with which they are responding, the last thing that you want to do when the police show up is present yourself with a weapon in your hands. So I am not saying that those people did anything wrong by taking the actions that they did. But if I were in that situation and I engaged and neutralized a mass shooter, if I could hear sirens or see reporting officers, I am going nowhere near the person or the weapon on the ground. I am going to probably

at least separate myself from a weapon or reholster it into a concealed carry position, hands up in the air, completely non-threatening because I don't want to end up on the other side of the equation that you described. It really sucks, but you have to recognize what is being reported to the officers that are responding, the headspace that they are in. They are looking for somebody with a weapon who is actively shooting. If you are the first thing that they see responding to an active shooting situation, and they have not had it reported to them that the active shooter has been killed and the situation has been neutralized, I'm telling you right now, you don't want to be the first

person that they see with a weapon in your hands. So just take that with a grain of salt. If I was in that situation, I would distance myself. I would make sure that I was not viewed as a threat. I'm not. I don't think I would clear and safe my own gun. separate it from me because just again, and this is a bias that I have in the world that I came from, if there was one shooter, how do I know that there's not another one? Like, I'm not going to

completely disarm myself in that situation, but I am going to detach myself from being anywhere viewed as a threat of any kind. Again, I recognize the bias in that from my previous career. So, that's not really your question, though. You know, keeping an AR as a truck gun. Is it a good idea or a bad idea. I don't know. It depends on where you live. And I'm also going to say it depends on how you're going to store it. If you mean a truck gun, it's just shoved underneath the seat and if somebody were to break into your vehicle that they could take it, then no. That's a really horrible idea for a truck gun. If you have a way to securely store it that nobody can access either biometric or with a key, excuse me, then I would say that's a different situation. That is a different situation.

What are you going to use a truck gun for? This is a question that I have for people. And again, there's no right or wrong answer. I'm just curious as to why they would want to carry a truck gun. I know a lot of the plausible answers that I have received in the past. Some of them are a little bit out there out there in the atmosphere a bit. And I ask people that question just because I'm curious about their headspace about why they choose to carry. and what it is they think they would be using with the truck gun.

Again, is it right or wrong? I have no judgment on that. It really depends on who you are, where you live, and what the intended purpose of that truck gun would be. Buying a weapon because you think it's going to be banned, is that a good idea? I don't know. I think some people would say yes,

but there are also people who collect weapons and they would buy 15 because they think the value is going to go up, not because they ever actually plan on using it. Based off of your email and based off what you described about your soul, you seem to be purpose driven. I would say if you haven't had a reason to buy one now and you don't feel like your life is going to be enhanced by buying one, spend the money on something else. Or save the money. You know, do something else with the money.

Again, it might be banned where you live as well, too. But if you move around, you might find yourself at a place later in your life where you're living where they are no longer banned or where they never were banned. And so then things could change. So it's not like a door is going to close on you for the rest of eternity. It sounds like it may be a door that closes on you right now, temporarily, or maybe permanently, wherever it is in the state that you live. But again, things change in life. And it just seems to me right now based off of what you wrote in your own words that your life really wouldn't change either way.

So I'd say, very Matthew McConaughey, just keep on living. Keep doing you. And I don't think it's something that you would necessarily need to spend extra money on. And it sounds like it would avoid an argument with your wife. And I'm always pro avoiding arguments with your wife. Question three. Long time listener and first time emailer. I love the podcast and everything that you do.

My question requires a little backstory. 23-year-old, LEO, law enforcement officer in a busy city in redacted. And it have been so for two years. My girlfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. The city I work in is big enough with a small enough department. that I had been involved in multiple critical incidents, including a shooting. I find the more I work and the farther into my career I get, the less I want to talk about my work with my girlfriend. I kind of shut her out.

I don't do it on purpose. I just don't want to worry or think about work when I'm at home. Excuse me. Now for the true question. My father and grandfather were both officers before me. My dad told me that it takes a special kind of woman to marry a police officer. I imagine that there are some similarities to an LEO wife and that of a seal or other high-level operator as far as independence and what they can tolerate. I guess my question is how do I know that this one is the one?

She talks a lot about marriage and moving in together, and after the recent Nashville shooting, all I am focused on now is training and being the best cop that I can be. I personally don't see marriage as an option anytime soon. But I wonder if that's in general or just with her. I am a very independent person and she isn't. And I fear that in this profession with odd hours and getting called in all the time requires a wife or girlfriend with a large amount of independence. I do love her, but I also think that maybe she doesn't have the ability to be a cop's wife. Sorry for the long question and I hope it's answerable. Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you.

So interesting question. The first and foremost, I'm going to strip everything away from what you do for living. and talk about getting married when you're 23, or thinking about getting married when you're 23. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I get married when I was 23. And anybody who watches the podcast knows that I am also divorced and remarried. I've been remarried for eight months now.

My marriage lasted for 19 years and 11 months. And we were both very young when we got married. And again, I'm stripping out everything that has to do with occupation. I am 45 now and I look back at who I was when I was 23 and I was a fucking mess. My advice to anybody, regardless of what you do for living, is that you should not rush into getting married when you are young. Is this me saying, hey, you're an idiot if you do? Absolutely not. I'm not saying that at all because I do believe at the end of the day, marriage being successful is more about who you are in the person that you choose to marry.

as opposed to the age with which you get married. Now, who I was at 23, and I'm only going to speak about me, I wasn't ready. I look back at who I am now and who I was then. As a person, I needed to grow more. I needed to grow more and have a better understanding of who I was. I needed to develop a better work-life balance, which was not possible for me. given my occupation and that's not my occupation's fault that was my fault that was where I was allocating every ounce of my energy effort and most of my time and I'm just a

different person now I have a different view of the world I have a different view of myself I have a different threshold for what I will tolerate from others from speaking from a relationship perspective and I think I am a much more well-rounded person could I have gotten married when I was at 23 years old and still be married today. Yes, I think it would be possible. I think you have to make sure that you are marrying the right person. I think my ex-wife would agree that we were not right for each other. We did not grow together. We grew apart. And that is not her fault. And I'm not going to say it's even my fault either. It's just the reality of that

particular situation. I don't wish her any ill will. But the decision, for us to not be together was in fact the right one. The age that we got married, I do believe, was corollary to our divorce, not causal. It had something to do with that. I think if we both would have waited, let's say we both would have waited or met later in life, I think we would have been far better suited. But again, you can't change the past, but hopefully somebody can hear me say this and take a breath, especially if you feel pressure from your family. it's the one piece of advice that I would give my younger self and I've answered that before on the podcast just give it a little bit more time so now let's combine it with an occupation okay

being a cop is who you I'm sorry I almost said that wrong being a cop is what you do it's not who you are and actually what I would like for you to start doing every morning before you go to work is look at yourself in the rear of your mirror and I want you to say that I want you to look in the rear of your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say, hey, this is what I do for a living. This is not who I am. And the reason that I want you to say that is I want you to come out the other end of this journey, a normal person who has a sense of who they are outside of wearing a badge, because I don't care who you are and how long you do this. At some point in time, you are going to time out and be unable to do this job. And the community, an occupation is going to move on without you,

and you need to be okay with that. The more that your identity is tied to that badge on your chest, in my opinion, at least, the more trouble you are going to have when it is time for you to move on. This has nothing to do. I love what you're saying, that you're focusing on training and being the best cop that you can be. That is fucking awesome. That is what I want from every single law enforcement first responder, military member on the face of the planet. But I don't want them to confuse it for who they are.

It's what you do. it's not who you are. So how do you have a partner when you are focusing that deeply on a job that would require your partner to be highly independent? And this goes back to finding the right person to marry. I don't know your girlfriend and I don't want to influence your decision at all. So your words, though, you describe yourself as a very independent person and your girlfriend is somebody who is not very independent.

Based off of what you wrote, it sounds like you have a good idea of the potential demands of time for your occupation and you recognize how that could actually cause a lot of issues between you and your potential wife. What I would say to you is, I think you are looking at this correctly and I think you are identifying issues that correctly could become problems in the future. And this puts it into the category of, you know, just because you add time to something doesn't mean that the end result is going to get any better. Sometimes the addition of time is only going to make things worse. So if you were to marry this person, let's say you get married at 24 years and you're already recognizing that you are more independent than she is and that your job requires

more time than she may be comfortable with. So it might start off with a little bit of resentment and issue in your relationship. Let me tell you what's going to happen if you add time to that. It's going to get worse. Are the things you could do to mitigate that? Sure. You could really focus on having a work-life balance to the best of your ability. I know a lot of LEOs are on shift work and the shifts can change. Like what they do here in Calispell with the sheriff's office where they go from days to swings to nights. I watch it just crumble people and it really upends the ability to schedule long term, even

though there are some magicians when it comes to trading schedules. If you know what I mean, people like called Nelson. They're really nelsoning the schedule. You could proactively. do couples therapy and I would say I would recommend that because it will give you an opportunity in a neutral environment to deal with any issues before they actually fester. You could have somebody there to help facilitate that and I actually don't think that going to counseling or therapy as a couple is a bad idea at all. I think it's a fantastic idea, especially if it has a positive

impact on your relationship. Another thing I would recommend if you do go down that path is develop a social circle that is outside of the people that you work with so that when you're off of work, you don't spend all of your time talking about work. When I was very young, I spent all of my time hanging out with seals. And let me tell you what we talked about. We talked about seal stuff. There was no work life balance. It was work, work, balance with almost no life outside of that occupation. And I look back on it, and it was so dumb. You know, I probably missed the opportunity to develop amazing relationships and friendships of people that had nothing to do with that community. it's missed and it's gone and now I try to really diversify.

I don't exclude anybody from my social circle, not that it's large by any stretch of the imagination, but the more diverse, the better for sure. And I think it's really healthy for you as a law enforcement officer to have a social group that is outside of the law enforcement community. I'm actually going to go even broader with that, outside of the first responder community. You are going to be interfacing with people on their

worst days, find a friend group that does not interface with humanity at that level and they can help balance you out. You are going to be, if you had a scale, right, you're going to be seeing doom and dread and destruction. Find people whose day-to-day interaction with humanity is the exact opposite of that, so it can help balance you out a little bit. And do everything you can to maintain open and honest lines of communication. I agree with you, you want your wife to worry about you when you're at work and you don't want to think about work when you are at home. And one thing I would recommend for you now early in your career is I would get into a habit and routine of talking to a professional and work on your mental health. And whether you feel like you need to or not, spend time with

somebody who is an expert in dealing with trauma. And maybe just go talk to him like once a month. Talk to him once a quarter. Start that mental hygiene process as early as possible in your career because I don't care who you are, the things that you are expected to deal with in the execution of your job are not easy to deal with. So be proactive instead of reactive when it comes to dealing with that. It's awesome that you love her. Does it take a special person to be a cop's wife? Take the cop out of that. And just does it take a special person to be the wife of an individual that has a typical job?

that has odd time requirements and odd demands of the individual. Yes, it does. And you're not alone in that. And that goes back to taking the time, not rushing, and making sure that you are entering into a long-term relationship with the right person. You have time. Take the time that you need to make sure that that decision is correct up front. So you don't have to take five times the amount of effort on the time.

tail end unwinding that. That would be my advice to you. Maybe she is the right person. Maybe she's not. That's up for you to decide. But hopefully I've at least given you a couple things that you can think about that can help tailor that decision. And that's all I have for this Friday. See you guys on Monday.