Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 146

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Today is a special Q and A, I chose to only speak about political and social issues. I dive deep into what is wrong with both sides of the aisle in politics, social issues like women's rights being trampled, and of course, the over-aggressive foreign policy of the United States and how it is ruining the world. Actually, I'm joking. I didn't talk about any of that. I just did my normal Q and A and focused on developing patience, and some advice for someone struggling with substance abuse. Enjoy Sign up for the new G14 newsletter here: https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com/exclusive Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

You ever have one of those days where you're just going to put something off until tomorrow? That's what I was going to do today as I'm recording this full out of Friday. But then I decided I'm not going to do that. So instead we're going to dive in to round number 146, a full out of Friday. Hard to say that we've come this far together. But here we go. Let's have some QA. What's going on, everybody?

here it is Friday back in the studio got some Q&A for today getting ready to go spend the weekend with Mike Glover at a resilience seminar in Salt Lake City with my wife Leah teaching some stuff some things but before that let's do a little bit of Q&A beginning with one that occurred locally my wife and I were in Calaispell a couple of weekends ago for the weekend and we stopped in at the BRCC for coffee on our way out We saw you standing on the corner being berated by an elderly woman holding a sign with a rifle on it. We could tell this lady was highly agitated and was acting in a very animated fashion. She seemed to be quite passionate about her opinion, which, from the little I was able to overhear while walking by, sounded as though it could be classified in the anti-gun category.

My wife said I should stop in and save you. However, I reminded her that you are a grown-ass man and can handle his own issues. You did not appear to be in distress or danger and probably don't need random strangers coming to the rescue from awkward situations or conversations. We got in our vehicle and drove away with my wife concerned for your safety and me giggling that you were stuck talking to what appeared to be a crazy person. Sorry, bud. My question is in relation to patience, you looked as though you were honestly trying to hear out this lady's point and were letting her express her opinions regardless of whether or not you agree. agree with her. I understand owning the business she was protesting in front of likely means you need to act with a level of tact and diplomacy that you may not use elsewhere. Where do you personally

draw the line with people who are unfathomably unfathomably, god, that word's whipping my ass today. Unfathomably irritating. That lady had the right to express her opinions. However, you're not obligated to listen to it. At what point do you stop? being polite. Not just in this situation, but in general with other people you may encounter in life. I've been in law enforcement for well over a decade and have found my patience level and give a damn is lower than ever and often struggle to show empathy towards people whatsoever, particularly when they are complaining about a situation they place themselves in willingly. I, too, have dealt with similar situations while at work in my personal life and in my personal

life and find that the wind-up monkey playing the symbols living in my brain drowns out what is being said to me regardless of how passionately they may be saying it due to this i'm curious to get your take on it thanks for your time uh yeah interesting situation so first thanks for coming to the valley and checking out the coffee shop let's let's unpack this a little bit because what i'm going to say is first you caught me having my second interaction with that woman and i'm going to be the first person to admit to admit it's one of those days people i haven't had enough coffee, I guess, to admit that the first interaction I had with her was far less professional. And I actually got far more emotionally involved than I should have. And I actually used the,

what would the tip? What would it be? Is it a tip? Is it a technique? I use the same structure that I talked to people about when it came to that first interaction. Specifically, I'm talking about like the VCR drill or forcing yourself to view an interaction that you have in your life recently that may be negative and the whole purpose of it is is you have to hit play and sit in a room with somebody that you really respect and you don't get to say anything. They just get to watch you have an interaction that you realize and recognize as subpar and you just kind of have to eat it. You don't get to explain your actions. You don't get to explain the why. And it's a very reflective thought drill. I guess it would be a thing.

thought process. And a little bit more about the situation, I guess. This particular individual lives in the area, and your description of it was relatively correct. Her issue with the coffee shop or with Black Rifle Coffee is that we sell a blend of espresso called AK-47. It's actually kind of the lifeblood of the coffee shop. So if something comes out of our espresso machine or any other espresso machine at a Black Rifle Coffee outpost, it's going to be that AK-47 blend. And I actually don't know why Evan chose that name for the espresso blend. I suspect it's the access to like the black rifle coffee, you know, the weapon that we used. Most Eastern Bloc countries are going to use an AK and we saw it often.

That would be my guess. Actually, hopefully I'm going to see Evan this weekend and I'm going to ask him that one. But her issue was, is that we sell a blend of coffee called AK-47 and she wants to protest the business because she feels like we are glorifying that weapon. then also violence that has occurred in the past because of that weapon. Now, my first interaction with her, like I said, was less professional than I wanted it to be. It was not something that I was proud of. And I don't want anybody ever to think that I am perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I fall short in my personal and professional life more than I care to admit. It happens often. I try to be very open and honest about it, and I try to learn from my mistakes. And what I did,

did after that interaction, after I calmed down a little bit the first time, was I actually thought about the interaction itself. What happened? Why did I respond that way? Why was I so emotionally involved? And what could I do in the future if that situation presented itself again, which leads me to your question. You caught me on the second iteration. Now, what I realized is this. I am never going to change that woman's opinion. I don't want to change her opinion, actually, or her beliefs, because they are hers. And I respect the fact that she has them. She was not actually making an attempt to change my opinion or beliefs either.

She was very staunch in what she believes. And the beliefs that I have, specifically when it comes to weapons and what they can actually do, because we had a very large distance, shall we say, in between what her belief and what weapons are capable of and the reality of what I have seen with hundreds of bodies and what weapons are capable of doing, but what they more commonly actually do. There's no way that I'm going to change her opinion on that. There's no way that I can present her or give her the experience that I have in my own hard drive that I'll carry with me. But I realized what I need to do to improve that situation going forward. Or I should say is what I wanted to do. Because I,

I do have a choice, even though I'm a half owner of the coffee shop, I don't have to interact with this particular person. She has every right to protest whatever she wants to on public property, which is exactly what she was doing. I can engage with that or I cannot engage with it. And there's, I guess, pros or cons to either. By engaging with her, I guess I could make it a little bit more high profile, not intentionally so, but just draw more attention to it.

Or I could just let it be and let the person assess. you know, espouse their beliefs, whatever that they may be, whether or not I agree. But what I realized is we're probably going to see that individual again, because they live in the area. So instead of making it confrontational, I decided that what I wanted to do in that situation is actually make it less confrontational. So I made sure that the staff knew that she had every right to be there, that I didn't want her to be pestered in any way, shape, or form. I didn't want any of the staff to approach her. I can't control what any of the patrons of the coffee shop may want to do, and I'm not going to put a banner up in the store and say, hey, go out there or do this, or don't go

out there and do this. People can make their own choices. But what I wanted to do was at least have a professional conversation and let her know that I had made that message clear to the staff, that it's not a matter of her being welcome at this store, but it is a matter of her having the constitutionally protected right to do what she wants to do and to hold whatever belief she wants to and talk to people about that or present those beliefs in whatever way that she wants to. And that even though I may disagree with what she is saying, I support her right to do so. So the second conversation was actually much different. I just actually said, hey, you know, if you had a few minutes, I just wanted to talk to you,

I realized that I am not going to be able to change your opinion. I don't want to try to. What I'd actually like to do is talk with you about your beliefs. so I can have a better understanding of where you're coming from. And that is actually what I enjoy doing. I don't enjoy arguments. I don't enjoy getting emotionally involved with people that I don't know over issues where there's two different islands and they're not going to come together.

But I do enjoy a conversation. And I do legitimately try to see the world through the eyes of somebody else. I have my experiences. I have my beliefs. And they're just mine. I don't expect everybody to share them. And I am interested in what it is. that people believe and how those beliefs or why they believe them so much could lead them to creating a sign to protesting in front of a coffee shop where, yes, we sell a blend of coffee that says AK-47, but where I live in Montana, there are multiple stores where if you want to, you can go buy an AK-47. And so I was curious. I mean, that was actually the kind of the origin of why I wanted to talk to her again, because I was thinking after our first interaction.

why would you protested a coffee shop about an AK when there are actual places that you can go and buy an AK? And I knew I was never going to get an answer to that question and not like it's a critical question, but it was one that got me thinking about the interaction. I'd never get an answer if I went out there and got into a shouting match or a yelling match, which gets nobody anywhere. So I approached it from a different perspective. And that perspective was, I just wanted to have a conversation. I asked her specifically if I could ask a few questions so I could develop a better understanding. standing of her belief system. And we took it from there. It was professional. I made sure she had water, let her know that she needed to use the bathrooms, like, go ahead. And let it be. You know,

I let it be. Now, your question about patience, why do I have that level of patience now? Let me just tell you, this is an easy answer. Because I have had so many circumstances and examples of my life of where I didn't have that. And it just is a galactic failure. On my part, that's how I would describe it. You get nowhere, you leave pissed off, you have no better understanding, you're just farther away from the person that you might have been arguing with. It's just not the way to go about it. It really isn't. Personally, where do I draw the line with people who are unfathomably irritating? You know, when do I decide, at what point do I stop being polite? The answer to that is never. I am never going to stop being polite. I can't control what people believe. I can't control

what people say. I can't control their actions, but I can control how I receive it. Now, I just, I literally just said, I'm not going to ever stop being polite. The first interaction that I had with this woman, I was not polite. I wasn't there motherfucking her up and down. I might have used a little bit of colorful language. I'd have to ask one of the employees that was out there with me. I don't think it got that far. It just wasn't. I looked back at it and it's not who I wanted to be. That's not how I want to represent myself. That's not how I want to represent my business. And I was actually hoping that she would come back so I could have a second interaction and be a better representation of who I wanted to be. But the answer to when you stop being polite is, I mean, the reality is is never. You should,

right, and this is like pie in the sky, perfect world. You should never stop being polite. You should never stop being polite. If somebody comes up at you and just motherfucks you up and down, do you have to respond to that with the same level of verbiage? No, you don't have to. You have control over how you act. Now, there is a point in time where somebody talking at you and maybe be very clear on my personal thoughts on this, and this is all that it counts for. Words are not violence. I actually, I don't know if I have ever met somebody who has really been around and entrenched in violence who believes that words are violent. Words can lead to violence. Words can hurt your feelings. In my mind, there is a grand canyon of difference between words and physical actions. So although I don't believe words are

violent and they're not violence regardless of what somebody is saying to you, there is a difference in my mind. You know, when do I stop being polite when somebody puts their hands on me? That is the answer for me personally, or when I feel a threat to my life or a threat to my loved one's life or somewhere where I need to physically respond. At that point, I am going to stop being polite. And what I mean by that is I probably will take physical action. And that is the absolute last thing on earth that I want to do. Violence very often hurts, even when you win. And I am old enough now that most days that I wake up, something hurts. And I am not looking to add anything to that. I also don't want to add legality to that. I don't want to go to civil court. I don't want to go to criminal court. I just

don't want to be involved in that. So I will be as polite, as humanly possible, up until the point where I have to switch over from being verbally polite to physically violent. And just for clarity, 99.99% of violent interactions can be avoided. They really can be. Could you potentially be viewed as somebody who was backing down and walking away? Yeah, you totally could. And you know what? Who gives a fuck?

Because you don't have to worry about any of those other consequences. I don't know how I got off on this tangent. But it's like, you know, again, where do you stop being polite? The interaction itself, right, where do I draw the line with people who are being unfathomably irritating? If I'm not handcuffed to the person, if I'm not like anchored in place, I can choose at any point in time to leave. So I'm in complete control, even in front of my own business as to how much I want to interface with this person. How much do I want to interact? I could have interacted none at all.

So I could have completely avoided this, but I did want to get a better understanding of who she was and what her beliefs were. And to do that, I'm going to need to listen to what she is saying. And that is hard for a lot of people, especially what somebody else is saying is in opposition to your beliefs. It's really hard for a lot of people to listen to that. the next hardest step and which is it which which seems to be unachievable for many and to include myself sometimes is once you receive that information that is in conflict with what you believe what you want to do is go back right on top of it and either try to convince the person show them that they're wrong or just win the conversation I was not trying to do any of that while I was

out there with her because again I was trying to understand who she was where she came from It got to a point where I realized I understood what her beliefs were. I understood why she was there. And there's nothing that I'm going to be able to do about that. She's on public property executing her constitutionally protected rights. Who the fuck am I to tell anybody what they should believe and how they should express those beliefs? So if they're staying inside of the boundaries that are protected in the founding documents of this country, I'm actually going to support that. And if people were to go out there and get into this person's face and create an environment that is unsafe for her, her, I'm actually going to go and tell those people to get lost because that's the way that it works. The First Amendment is not about me only listening and saying the things that I believe. It's about somebody else's ability to say whatever they want to, regardless of what your reaction to it may be. That's how rights work. So when I got to that point, though, with this conversation to kind of get back to the question here, when I got to that point with this person and I realized what the belief system was and why they were out there, whether or not I agree.

with either of them, I went back to work. I went inside, whipped up my computer, and got back to work. Because if I would have stayed, I probably would have gotten irritated because it becomes oftentimes a merry-go-round where the same conversation happens again. It's very circular. And again, I asked the questions that I was curious about, had a better interaction, made sure that she understood kind of the chess board. the way that it laid out and that she was welcome there and then continued on.

And I was much happier with myself after that interaction. I actually think it diffused her a little bit or at least reduced the anxiety of her being out front of the coffee shop. I am not the type of person that would take that action, but she is and who am I to say anything about that? And that's kind of my default position when it comes to, from a broader perspective, backing up one step from this, like just in general. I already mentioned it briefly.

You know, where do I have the desire to be patient like that with people from? It's from being really short, from being an asshole to people when I was younger, and to having multiple interactions where I looked back on and I was just completely and utterly embarrassed. And I don't want to be that person. I do want to understand why people believe what they believe. I do try to see the world through the lens of their experience and try to view their belief system through who they are. that doesn't always mean that I agree with them. Oftentimes, it doesn't change my opinion of them at all. But it gives me a better understanding of who they are as a person. It allows me to be more empathetic,

maybe not even necessarily to their cause, but it's like, you know, okay, I understand why you may want to do that. It's not my cup of tea, but you know what? Go drink your own cup of tea. Like make your cup of tea, go drink it. And it just, it's the way I think that we're supposed to interact. It's the way that, the way that our society is supposed to work. We could have two people on the side of, you know, on opposite sides of the street, they could yell back and forth at each other and achieve nothing, or they could walk to the middle at a crosswalk, of course, because you wouldn't want to break the law, have a conversation about what they believe and who they are. And the other person says who they are and what they believe. And guess what? They go back and they're not enemies.

They're both still Americans. And it's okay to not believe exactly what somebody else believes. It's one of the things that I don't understand about where we are at as a country right now. We are the most divided that I've ever seen in my life. Now, I also haven't been paying attention to it to this level that I have been recently, probably the last election cycle and a little bit before that. But it sucks because at the end of the day, people are screaming at each other and calling each other enemies, but they're both Americans. And we're being divided.

I honestly, the more I look at it, I'm landing at the weapon. of information and almost any topic. If you go, depending on where you get your source from, it's not even good information anymore. It's all editorialized opinion that is designed to be weaponized to drive people farther apart as opposed to closer together. And I don't know how we fix that, but I am worried about it. But I think if people were a little bit more patient and had the ability to try to view the world through the eyes of somebody else. And that doesn't mean you have to believe what they believe or accept their ideology. But just take a moment and ask yourself, why does that person feel that way? Let's start with the baseline. This is probably a reasonable

person. They're probably reasonably intelligent and they're not out there trying to harm others. They have a really different opinion than I do. How did they get there? And maybe it changes your mind. Maybe it doesn't. But it rounds the edges on interactions. And I think we need far more of that than people standing on the sides of the street and just yelling at each other back and forth. So I think I answered your question.

I don't know if I answered a single portion of that question. But you know what? That's my answer. So there we go. Question number two. This one, the subject line got me. Hey there, you fellow fuckface. I'm like, of course I'm going to read that.

All right. I'm struggling and I feel like I shouldn't be, which just makes me struggle more. But by almost anyone's standard, I have a good life. I have a job that pays $150K plus a year, a beautiful wife, a daughter with another one due in less than a week. Congratulations. A four-bedroom house that I own. Two dogs, a Tacoma. I'm not going to hold that against you, but we'll continue on.

And some bourbon. Hopefully you don't use those things in. combination. But also, no real goals, no hobbies, no passion, no purpose. Rewind back a couple of years ago. I was in the best shape of my life. My daughter was still a baby. I never loved my job, but I did the work and happily collected the paycheck. I'm not entirely sure what changed. Some typical life hardships, but nothing super crazy. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia. She was 57 at the time and came to live with us. That's a rough one right there. I've been around a few people with dementia, and I don't wish that upon anybody.

Not my worst enemy. That's a rough one. I'm sorry that you had that experience with somebody super close in your family. My grandmother, who I was extremely close with, died, but not my first exposure with personal loss. I had to find a different job than the one I was extremely comfortable at and ended up at the one that has made me question my career path. When my daughter was still an infant and made us both, let me see here, when my daughter was still an infant and made us both hardly get any sleep, I started taking, I saw, substance called Kratom. Now, this individual references this a little bit more. I don't know if this is called Kratom. I don't know if it's called Kratom. I don't know how to say this. I know very

little about it. I'm going to call it Kratom. And if that is incorrect, then just forgive me, because I don't know. I've seen this stuff around. I don't know how to say it. Like a lot of natural stuff, it was touted as having zero negative side effects. Turns out that shit is addictive. mentally and physically for anyone listening. Those endless consecutive nights where I'd get two hours of sleep before my daughter woke me up for the day, I'd take a few grams of Kratom, and it made me feel like I was still good to push through. And I was for a long time, until the other shit happened. I started taking more and more to get through the day to be able to push myself without feeling like I was exhausted.

I was exhausted every bit of energy that I had. I got up to about 35 grams. I don't know how much this is. This is an exceptional amount. I don't know. That number seems high, but what do I know? A day, which caused a mind fuck as well as other physical symptoms like chronic constipation and serious fatigue withdrawals. If I tried to quit, just lifting my chest to breathe, felt as though I was waded down with a 10-pal dumbbell sitting on my sternum.

I couldn't cut cold turkey with a toddler. I couldn't and still cannot have a single bad day. With some come to Jesus talks with myself, I've managed to wean myself down to nine grams a day, at which point I probably can just cut it out altogether if I know I'll have an easy day at work. However, I'm not out of the woods, and I'm concerned about the future. Being a father to a toddler, now almost three with that second one do any day. I have no downtime. I have no hobbies, no serious interests, no goal.

and no time to really find those things. On top of that, I've always been very keenly aware of mortality, and it's been giving me some serious anxiety as my daughter continues to grow up. I know I can't completely control things like if my daughter were to get cancer, but I feel like I have to at least give it some thought. She deserves it. All that said, I don't know what to do. I'm consistently short-tempered now when I've always been known as an extremely laid-back guy. My wife has 100% noticed a difference in me. I feel like since I don't have anything that I'm excited about on a personal level, I'm just a drift in an endless ocean, barely hanging on enough to make sure my girls are safe and happy with no land in sight to find passion again. I'm not even close to being suicidal, but I'm also just unhappy with what I've done with my life every day and the future looks the same.

I need a personal purpose but have no time to find one. I suspect there are countless that feel similar to myself. I know a lot of ex-military guys say similar to things, but there's no community to engage in for people outside of that. Any advice? Wow. Okay. I don't have experience with substance abuse.

I don't think I have an addictive personality. There are times in my life where I've enjoyed drinking alcohol, and there have been years in my life where I haven't touched alcohol. I don't have a crazy history with recreational drugs. I have no idea what Kratum or Kratom actually does. But let's start with this. It was touted as having zero negative side effects. Are we really going to sit here and believe that there is anything on Earth that has zero negative side effects?

or can we just be honest for a minute and admit that these are the stories that we tell ourselves. Water seems like one of the safest things. I'm talking about like bottled water. One of the safest things you could possibly have ever, right? You actually need it to stay alive. You need to be hydrated. Do a little research into what happens if you drink far too much water. Even water has negative side effects if misused.

So let's cut the bullshit and just really. realize that something touted as having zero side effects, zero negative side effects, everybody is smart enough to realize that that's bullshit. So that's the story that you told yourself. And maybe that is what you needed to tell yourself to get started on this path. I don't know. But don't blow smoke up my ass. And nobody else should be blowing smoke up their ass either.

If you ever encounter something that seems to have only positive benefit and there can't be any negative benefit associated with it, you've just found bullshit. Okay. Sorry. There's no magic recipe. There's no secret sauce. And people who tell you that they have just now discovered in 23 to secret to fill in the blank, which this is not necessarily about Kratum or Kratom. Yeah, they're fucking liars. So use with caution and be careful the lies that you tell yourself. Mortality. See if I can find it here. I've always been keenly aware of mortality. I've always been keenly aware of mortality, and it's been giving me some serious anxiety. So you say that you think about how much time you have left on Earth, but you're not doing anything to improve the situation that you have,

knowing that time is slipping through your fingers like sand. So your statement about being keenly aware of mortality, followed by multiple statements of, well, I just don't know what to do and the future doesn't look bright. They don't intersect. They're actually going in opposite directions. I would think somebody who, for whatever reason, thinks a lot about their mortality or is keenly aware of it, would realize that there's nothing that you can do to change about your past. So let's focus on the limited time that we all have left and making it the most impactful, beneficial, healthy, rewarding whatever word that you would want to use. Nobody can do that for you, though.

Right. So you're in a weird space where you realize you don't have much time left, but you've found yourself in a place where you don't think you can do anything about it. And I'll be honest with you, again, I don't have a history of substance abuse issues. I think you need to find a baseline for yourself. You need to return to actually who you are, not who you are. not who you are when you're down to nine grams of day of cratum. You need to get off this shit.

I, again, I don't judge people, like for people who do enjoy recreational use of drugs. We could have a whole fuck. We could have a podcast with a psychiatrist and a psychologist and a doctor and they could talk about all the negative side effects and potential positive side effects. whatever it may be. I try very hard not to judge people how they want to live their life until it starts having a negative impact on those around you. You have described that my wife has 100% notice a difference in you. Let me ask you this. Do you want to wait years down the road to change your behavior in who you are until your daughter is old enough to realize that you are fucked up as her father and that is the example that you are going to set for her. I don't think that the answer to that

is going to be yes for anybody. How do we make that not happen? You go back to who you were before you started taking this shit. I, again, don't judge people for the decisions that they want to make and how they want to live their life, but your life is going to be shaped by the choices that you make. by choosing to continue down the path that you are on, it seems to me that even though you're painting with a broom a little bit, because we don't know, we can't really tell the future, the painting, the landscape that you have painted, it doesn't sound awesome.

And it doesn't sound like it's awesome to you. It doesn't sound like you wanted either. I think you should probably do something about it. And I think you should do something about it right now. Step one for me that I would recommend for you is get off this shit. I just don't think people really know who they are until they can get clean and sober. Is that possible for everybody? I don't know.

I'm not an expert. And this is where I would default to people who are an expert. I don't know if nine grams is a lot. I don't know if this is something that you should titrate yourself off of or you should just stop. But I think you should get yourself off of it. because at least then you're going to be dealing with who you are when you look at yourself in the mirror, not who you are on this particular substance. You're unhappy with what you've done in your life every day and the future looks the same.

Okay. Are you waiting for somebody to change that? Or are you willing to step up and change it yourself? The first one's not going to happen. The second one's going to be really, really hard. If you want to be a good partner, if you want to be there, like physically and mentally for your partner, if you want to be a good parent, if you want to be physically and mentally present for your child, actively involved in their life, you need to become the best version of yourself possible. It sounds like you have, I don't know where you live, right? And it's, you know, people, it's interesting to say, oh, 150K a year.

It's not about what you make in life. It's about what you spend. You know, if somebody makes 150K plus a year and spends 175, their quality of life might actually be shit. But it sounds to me, I'm going to make the assumption that you have the economic minimums handled for your situation. Again, I don't know where you live. If you live in fucking Hollywood, that's, you know, you're underwater, for sure.

But let's hope and assume that you live in a place where that's enough, okay? you mentioned a few times that you don't have enough time, not enough time to have real goals, real hobbies, no passion or purpose. Why? What do you do for a living? Have you ever sat down and actually structured your day? We all get the same 24 hours, right? The only difference is what you decide to do with the time that you have. I completely and utterly understand the struggle of having young children disorganized sleep. the ability to not sleep or not the ability the situation that arises where you're not even going to get the chance to sleep a little bit depending on where they are and you're about to dive back into the trenches right because you're going to have one probably still in diapers and another one boom right out of the gate it's going to be rough you still have complete and utter control of your time so you didn't say what you do for living um but regardless of what your job is what the first step that I recommend for you other than addressing immediately the substance is get out a piece of paper and write out your day. And in doing so, like write out very specifically everything that you do from when you wake up

to when you go to bed at night. Do that on like, this is what my life actually looks like. Flip the page and do another one like what an optimal day would look like. You are going to need to invest in yourself a little. bit, at least to become a better version of yourself. And if you can become a better version of yourself, you're going to be a better partner. You are going to be a better parent. And it's really easy for people to get lost in. I just don't have time because my job and my kids don't allow me any of that time. And it's just you are slowly with a gardening trowel, digging a hole and digging a hole and digging a hole. And before you know it, you are going to be over your head.

It sounds like your children have two loving parents, work together as a team. Not only do you need to be the best version of yourself, you need to become a good enough version of yourself so you can check in with your wife and make sure that she's doing okay as well. Everything in this email was about you. You're 50% of this equation with your kids. You need to check in with your wife. How is she doing?

How are her energy levels doing? How is her passion? How is her goals? hobbies purpose. Does she have any? She might feel exactly like you do. And the reason I say you need to check in is because right now you're a part of a team. I mean, the way that you can make this situation immediately worse is for the family unit to fall apart. And now you're going to be individuals, hopefully collaboratively working together, but from a distance. Right now you have the opportunity to do it together. And my recommendation is to wrap your arms around that as much as

possible. She needs to be the best version of herself too. And what that might look like is you stepping up even more once you reallocate some of your time. Because I'm going to tell you right now, you have fucking time, all right? It's what you're doing with your time that's robbing you of the ability to be the best version of yourself. That and the choice that you are making to live your life in a modified state. She may need some time for herself too. But if you can both work on yourself and you are slowly and just propping each other up and elevating each other small step at a time, becoming better versions of yourself, do you know who's going to benefit from that? Yeah, everybody. Every single person in this situation is actually going to benefit from that, which should be the goal because the better parents that you are, the better off your kids are going to be. Again, it sounds like you have the economics figured out. You have no idea how many people I've met in my life who have the economics figured out and they're fucking miserable because their entire life is about economics and they have lost sight of who they want to be and what they want to do. I would put what you want to do, your passion and purpose.

secondary right now. Not that it's not important. It's wildly important. And once you have been able to get yourself to being a better version of yourself and actually getting healthy and actually getting clean, being there for your partner, being the foundation of a family working together in time, especially if you can get a better control of your calendar and schedule and time allocation, you're going to find opportunities to explore things that you might have an interest in. There is a point in your life, and for all people who are prospective parents are looking at having a family, if you think that you are going to have children and it's not going to change your life, you are lying to yourself. If you think that you were to write down a list of goals

or things that you want to accomplish in life, if you think that having, you're going to, children isn't going to adjust the timeline with which you can likely accomplish those things. You're lying to yourself. There is a point in time in raising kids where it's about raising the kids. That's the way that it should be. As they age, get older, you're going to be able to do more and involve them in more and elevate them more and allow them to explore passion and purpose more. And you might be shocked, actually, to find out that the things that they're interested in, you might be really interested in as well. My point at all that is, expect for a portion of time when you have young children that you're not going to be able to

really pursue your goals and dreams the way that you want to. And that's okay. You don't have to view that negatively. I would just say, view it as that phase of your life that you are in when kids are at that young, and I mean like five and under age. Can that be frustrating? Yeah, it can be really frustrating. But would you rather be in the trenches for three to five years and come out of that on the other side as healthy as possible, knowing that you have time left to pursue your goals, or be a shit show during that time period, surviving on a substance that you have to take to make it through a difficult day to use your words, and end up on the other side of that a piece of shit human being who is a bad partner and a bad parent.

And nobody's going to pick the ladder, right? But guess what? You are taking steps down the path to lead you towards that. Nobody can fix it except for you. So I get it. Everybody wants to have a passion and a purpose. But you know what? Put that shit aside for a little bit and get back to actually being the person that I'm

sure that you can be. Get off of this shit. reground yourself, partner up with your partner, lean on her for support, make sure she can lean on you for support, be the best parent that you can be, and slowly, once you actually allocate your time more effectively, figure out a way to start worrying about or thinking about, what am I passionate about, what am I purposeable about? What I would suggest in this journey, you know, you talked about being in the best shape of your life, to just start going on walks. Start something small. make sure you are doing something every single day that is allowing you to at least achieve a greater

level of fitness put your kid in a stroller and take him for a walk put them in a backpack take him for a walk or a baby bajard whatever whatever you're into there's every version of that possible and involve them and take them with you it'll have more of an impact that you could possibly imagine and i actually think it would help you get off that stuff so i did have another question for today But you know what? I'm going to end it on that. We're going to end it on those two. Sometimes you get two questions. Sometimes you get three. I'm looking into right now. I think I've been running my mouth for over half an hour. And that's what I try to limit myself to on Fridays. So I guess what? I'll see you on Monday. We'll be back.