Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 53

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A submitted from the listeners! A variety of topics with a five-minute time cap per answer, sometimes. 1. Is it worth pursuing a career that takes from me the things I value the most 2. How do you prepare for the death of a loved one 3. Do you think you could have done your previous job without the ability to "stuff your feelings down" 4. My dad is crazy, how do I have a healthy relationship with him 5. How to know when it is time to hang up the spurs Enjoy

Greetings, everybody. Friday, obviously. You know what time of that is? Before we get into it, let's talk about the sponsor for today's episode. It's Benchmade Knives. Headquartered in Oregon City, Oregon, by the way. Benchmade Knife Company has been manufacturing high-quality cutlery for over 30 years. If you want to do the math yourself, they were established in 1987. They take pride in the fact that they manufacture an heirloom product with the potential of being passed down from generation to generation with proper use and care. emphasis on that last part of the sentence if you're going to pass it down. Each of their knives carries a limited lifetime warranty in free sharpening and maintenance throughout the life of the knife. And this is something I didn't realize most people don't know. I was able to go there and do a factory tour and they have a full section designed for people to send their knives back and retool them to sharpen them and make sure that they are still serviceable. The company puts a strong emphasis on family values and tradition encompassing the people and products that they create. Benchmade has a wide spectrum of products. Maybe you're into hunting, tactical, outdoor,

survival, or, you know, the EDC space, everyday carry. Whatever it is you're into, Benchmade makes it easy for you to dial in the knife that fits your lifestyle. Go to Benchmaid.com and just go down that rabbit hole of sharp, pointy things that have nearly unlimited uses, as long as it's a use for a sharp, pointy thing. Benchmaid.com. That's it. it fallout of Friday 53 basically one year plus one episode that's another way to look at it here we go close now all right everyone here we go 53 also known as a year plus one let's dive right in the subject line crossroads you had me it hooked me i was curious well andy i've been listening to the show for a couple of months now a buddy of mine suggested that i come and check it out you seem to think long

about what you say not really sometimes I am at what could be considered a crossroads in my life. I am 27 years old. I served in the National Guard from 2012 to 2018 and then went and did some contract work overseas. Because of that, I was able to use my skills from my job in the military to the private sector. Here is my question. I seem to meet great resistance in the execution of my job. From struggling physically or perhaps mentally with some tasks, I'm not.

I find myself questioning whether or not to continue on the path I've invested a lot into. I am happily married with a daughter who will be three in September. Congratulations. I found myself wanting to be with them more. I was a UH-60, which is a Black Hawk mechanic, and used that experience to get my A&P, which is an FAA license commonly known as the Airframe and Power Plant. I've come to the conclusion that maybe aviation is not what I'm meant to do, and I'm having difficulty swallowing that pill. Is pursuing a career that takes me from what I value most worth it?

Is the physical pain and discomfort and mental strain worth the amount of dollars in my bank account? Should I be approaching my career from a different viewpoint and am just not seeing what's in front of me? I keep digging deep and I'm just not finding the joy I thought this line of work would bring me. Some days, I wonder if I'm mentally tough enough or resilient enough to be an aircraft. mechanic. It affects me professionally, but it also affects the relationship I have with my family. Do you have any advice or thoughts pertaining to a possible career change? Looking forward to hearing back from you. Well, damn, there's kind of a lot there. Where to begin? There was a sentence in this that stuck out to me. It's pursuing a career that takes me from what I value most worth it.

I'm going to make an assumption here, based on what you said in this email, that what you you value most or what you're coming to value most is your daughter and your wife, your family, not necessarily the amount of dollars in your bank account, because you continued right on. Is the physical pain and discomfort and mental strain worth the amount of dollars in my bank account? I've covered this before. I've struggled with this personally, where I equated happiness to a black and white number in an account. And what I have come to realize through trial and error and making stupid decisions about money and valuing money over what seemed to be just about everything else with this thought. And you know what? Thought's not even a an honest

description with an excuse in my head that if I could just achieve this dollar figure, I would have this level of happiness. And I have found it for me to be completely not true. I'm not saying that to me money now has no worth because it certainly does. I have the same requirements that everybody does from a mortgage to making sure that I have food. I have child support, spousal support, all of those things. I have those things. And of course, if you have those requirements you need to make baseline standards so you can survive. Before you can ever thrive, you have to survive first and figure those things out. But beyond that, I don't derive joy or value from what is in a bank account. I'm not a wealthy person by any stretch of the imagination.

I don't make a lot of money. The podcast doesn't make money, yes, but it also costs money to actually do what I do, whether it be from purchasing the merchandise or hosting or cameras or fill in the blank, airplane tickets for people who want to come out here. There's a cost that's associated with it. So there is a potential to make money from the podcast, but what I find to be wildly rewarding and enriching to me is sitting across from people that I am fascinated by and learning about them and learning about their experiences.

There is no dollar figure associated with a bank account that is comparable to those two things to me. Now, having said that, I've never been like extremely independently wealthy, not even close, so I don't know necessarily what that would look like. But what I can say is this. I know some people who are very wealthy. Most of them are in a pursuit of continuing that wealth. and I would describe how they at least seem to me the happiness scale. They're more on the lower end.

Hopefully that made sense. So again, detach yourself from hopefully, if you can, money, value, and happiness. They're very, very different things. To me, the most valuable thing I have now is my time and my experiences. Obviously, I need money to do those things, but it's not the key focus in my life. you feel like you're at a crossroads. And a few full auto Fridays ago, I was talking about the sunken cost fallacy. And it was, I believe, the individual who asked me that original question, they were in a law enforcement profession. And it's not uncommon to hear from people in that profession, especially if there is a pension tied to X number of years of service. And as they cross that middle threshold, so let's say it's 20 years, they get past 10 years, and then 11, and then 12, and then 13. And they feel like that they have to continue on, regardless of the fact, that they may be feeling no job satisfaction whatsoever and very severe and consequential negative life impact because they're so close to the end. And that is in and of itself that sunken cost

fallacy. Just because you have that time in doesn't mean that you should limit yourself from other options. I know people who have gotten out at the 17 year and 18 year mark in the military and they are so far beyond where they would have been if they had stuck it out for those additional years. just to get to that military retirement slash pension level. They have had opportunities put in front of them. They've had choices put in front of them that they've either taken or not taken and roads that they've gone down and offshoots that they've taken that has led them to places that they didn't think possible.

But what they first had to do was detach themselves from that feeling that they've invested so much to get to where that they are that they can't change their course because of that. I have redefined myself in my own personal life quite a few times. times from being in the military to throw in my hat in the arena for being a sponsored skydiver and base jumper and then public speaking and then teaching on the military side of the house when it comes to free fall or shooting, you know, pistol carbine courses to hosting a podcast, dove into jiu-jitsu. That's more of a hobby. It's never going to be something professional for me.

But there are opportunities that are going to present yourself. The best advice that I can give you is that if you realize what I think you may already have, because I'm going to use your words, it affects your relationship that you have with your family, it affects you affects you professionally, you're not getting the joy that you thought that you would. I think you've already arrived at a point where you feel you need to make a decision. Don't be afraid to do so. On the joy part, I'm going to see if I can find it. I feel like aviation is not what I meant to do.

I'm having difficulty swallowing that pill. it's not providing you the happiness that you thought that it wanted to. Here's what I'll say. I've worked a lot of jobs that didn't provide for me happiness, but they provided for me the ability to at least survive. And I've given this advice before and I'll give it again. If you're at this decision-making point right now, you have a job. Awesome.

Stick with that job until you identify what it is you want to do next. I have done the ready-fire aim where I just quit and then tried to figure it out. not awesome at all. Survivable, of course. Is it unnecessarily problematic and stressful? Yes, it absolutely is. So avoid that if you can and try to find something else that perhaps provides you more joy or value or enrichment or empowerment while you're able to maintain those baseline things that you actually need. I think you've done a great job in defining what it is you get the most value from, which is your relationship with your family, your wife, and your daughter. That is amazing and I would recommend do everything that you can to hold that near and dear to your heart

and make decisions using that as your metric of value, not what's in a bank account. Question number two. Sip of water first. I'm a little bit sick today. If you guys can hear, I'm probably going to be okay, though. Question two. The day after Christmas, me and my family found out that my grandfather was diagnosed with a rare type of blood cancer. Thank you, Santa.

The tumors only grow in one spot, but they chose to grow in his brain. Now, after brain surgery and six-ish rounds of chemo, the prognosis is not looking any better. I try to stay hopeful, but I fear the worst. Is there any advice on how to prepare for the death of a loved one after going through what you went through with your mom? Thanks for all that you do. Have a great day. Man, tough situation. I'm sorry to hear that you are in this.

I do have a little bit of advice for you. A lot of people, I'm not going to say a lot, people will reach out to me and they will reach out in two different buckets. One is I'm worried and I don't know what to do. And the other one is I am worried for somebody and I don't know what to do to help them. One being, the first bucket being, I don't know if I can deal with this. The second bucket being, you know, what can I do to help this other person deal with this? And I'm talking about this from the perspective of generally a terminal diagnosis. I'll start with talking about what I went through with my mom.

And if you've listened to the episode that I did with my dad, the full auto Friday, I believe it was 51. We talk a little bit about my mom. She passed from cancer back in 2010. And I just, for me, the biggest failure, maybe failure is not a good word. The biggest change that I wish I could make was that I could. go back and be more supportive of her. You mentioned in your email. You fear the worst. To me, the worst wasn't the idea that my mom was going to pass. By the time that that second cancer diagnosis came around, my initial thoughts were that the odds were likely pretty low that she

was not going to be able to survive. That wasn't the worst case scenario for me. The worst case scenario for me, what I worried about more is that my mom would suffer. So your grandfather, you know, I'm sorry the prognosis is what it is, but if you have to categorize things, you know, and things that you are fearing, would you rather want for your grandfather a death that is peaceful and comes on more swiftly or protracted and very, very painful. For me, the latter is far, far worse. And I also think that your grandfather, and probably my mother as well, they know better than anybody else, how they feel. And I think my mom knew. And if your grandfather, if the prognosis is not looking any better, your grandfather probably knows that the end is coming

sooner rather than later. And I think that the person who has that realization, the person that is in that situation, it might be easier for them to come to peace and grips with that. And my mom was in a lot of pain in the end. And I hope that that's not the same situation for your grandfather. I can't imagine that my mom wanted that pain to continue any longer. So what I wish in saying all of this that I could have changed by going back, I wish that I could have been a better support to my mom. I wish I could have done a better job of letting her know how much I cared about her, how much of an impact that she had on my life. And I wish the last conversation that I had with my mother had been more around being thankful and letting her know that I am going to be okay, that I know that she is also

going to be okay, wherever she may go next, whatever you may believe in. But I wanted her to know that I listened when she probably didn't think I was. I watched when she probably didn't think I was paying attention and that the impact on my life will never be forgotten. And I will do everything that I can to try to pay that impact forward for the rest of my life and that I'm going to be okay. I worry more about my kids than I do myself. If I get into a car accident on the way into the studio tomorrow, that's not something that I spend a lot of time thinking about. I spend a lot of time worried about, thinking about, having nightmares about my kids in that same situation and me not being able to do anything. And I just wish I would have been able to have a more

closing conversation with my mom to make sure that she knew that I'm going to be okay. And I was there to support her. So preparing for the death of your loved one, have those conversations. Sit down and make sure that nothing is left unsaid because when that day comes, you'll never have the opportunity to say something that you wanted to. And like I have just said over the last few minutes, Those are the things that I wish I could have said. I didn't have the chance to because I personally was not in a headspace where I could be as supportive as I wanted to be. I was in this very weird, transitional, black and white, death occurs all around. Okay, fuck it.

Death is happening. Let's move on and move forward. And I regret it. I regret it every single day of my life going forward. I'm trying to put that down because I do think my mom knew those things, even though I didn't have the chance to say them to her. but that's a tough fucking suitcase to put down, but I'm working on it, or at least, you know, throwing some t-shirts out of the box or suitcase or bag to make it a little bit lighter. Have those conversations. Be the strongest person that you can be to support the person who is going through this next journey or phase in their life. It's coming for us all. It's something that human beings, I think we tend to ignore because maybe it throws our mortality into our face.

But it's coming for us all. And like I said before, I do think the people who are starting to knock on the door, of that journey, they might have an easier time accepting it than others. Not saying open the door for them, not saying kick them through. I'm saying, stand there with them as supportive as you can be. Let them know what they meant to you. Let them know that you're going to be okay. And then the last thing I'll say is do the best you can, be the strongest you can to support those that are left behind. Because grief and death, it's going to impact people very differently. Some can handle it. Some are stronger than others when it comes to dealing with that and if you fall onto that side of the spectrum, do everything you can to help everybody else. And then honor your grandfather's message,

I was going to say message, but not message, memory and legacy with your behaviors and your actions going forward every single day. I can't think of anything that I would want more as a parent or somebody if the situations were reversed. Hopefully that helps. Number three, Andy, thank you for bringing mental health to the forefront. I'm a firefighter and definitely understand the idea of stuffing feelings down to not, in all caps, not deal with it later, which I joke about because it's easier to joke about that than being honest and saying, yeah, I just completely moved past this situation instead of dealing with it. It's not the right thing to do. I'm not a mental health professional, but I'm pretty sure a counselor or a therapist of any type would tell you that

not dealing with things is not a very good long-term solution. Back to the email. But unlike people who go through trauma for short periods of time, I have stayed in this space for coming up on 20 years. My question is, do you think that you could have done your previous job without the ability to stuff feelings down in the moment? And what was it that led you to realize that it was time to unpack that suitcase, or in parentheses, cargo container of unresolved emotions? Man, this is a broad one. And again, I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination when it comes to mental health. However, I'm never going to start, stop. I'm never going to start. I'm never going to stop shutting the fuck up about it. Somewhere in there, I put this sentence together correctly.

So I'm never going to stop because I've seen the impact that it has had on me and I see the impact that it has on people around me. Do you think that you could have done your previous job without the ability to stuff feelings down in the moment? Yes, I do. Do I think I would have been able to do my job for a career? No, I do. do not because much like a kettle when it boils, if you turn the heat off, it still stays really hot for a long period of time and it takes a little bit of time for that stuff to simmer down and get back to a more reasonable temperature. I think that if you are not taught how to control your emotions and work through your emotions, not around them, but to be able to prioritize

things outside of your emotions because like I have said, emotions are terrible leaders, but they're great followers. We have to have them and you still need to, you still need to recognize the impact that they can have, but they cannot lead your decision-making process or your actions. Without being taught that, I think that a career would have been much more difficult because you would need more time for the kettle to boil

and then simmer back down, boil and simmer back down. And quite frankly, the occupation didn't provide for that time often. There would be days, if not stretches of weeks where we were out banging targets every single night. from sundown until sunup. And the things that happen on target, oftentimes nothing happens on target for full clarity, but things that happen on target, they impact people very differently. And you do need some time to decompress. And one advantage that we had, and I think one advantage that you have as well, coming from a firefighter community, based on the small knowledge I have

of having family in that community, is that you spend a lot of time together. And what I think is important about that is that you have the time to discuss what it is that you experienced as a group and then also individually. So we would do a debrief after every operation, an AAR, if you will, an after action report or review. And we would go through sequentially what happened. And then after that, we would all go basically back to the same room and start working on our gear and getting ready for the next cycle of darkness. And what do you think we're talking about? What happened on target? And it gives you an ability or it gave me an ability and the people that I worked with. in a very non-threatening environment to talk about everything that they experience.

So I equate that as like the steam relief valve on that kettle, or maybe it's putting in a little bit of cold water, whatever analogy works for you. But it allows for that decompression. Now you guys are back at the firehouse. You have, my understanding is most firehouses work on at least a 24-hour shift. So you're going to be with the same people for 24 hours. You're going to go back to that firehouse. You guys cook together.

You ride the truck together. You're working out together. you're spending a lot of time together and it gives you that opportunity to let some of that steam off by talking. And also, don't be surprised that after 20 years, you don't have to expect that you're going to have issues. Because maybe that time is a group where you're unpacking these things mentally in small pieces. That might be enough for you. It might not be enough for somebody else who has the exact same level of experience than you do or as you do. do or as you do, but it might be enough for you. So I know plenty of people that worked in the

SEAL community for 20 plus years saw far more combat than I did. And they are, at least the way that they talk and express to me. They're functionally doing very, very well. They're not haunted. They don't spend a lot of time looking in the rearview mirror as opposed to what's in front of them. And they've dealt with whatever it is that may have bothered them successfully and efficiently throughout that career. And again, maybe it's the small bite at a time. Maybe they went out and got some therapy of counseling along the way. But whatever it is, they were able to make it through that career without any stain or mark on them that they're going to have to deal with for the rest of their life. I mean, maybe it'll come back up later in their life. I'm not sure. Like I said, I'm not an

expert. But it's okay to work in these worlds and not have an impact that is catastrophic. Actually, I would say hopefully that is the goal. I would say that is a very high. healthy pursuit to aim for. Now, as far as me, what led me to realize that it was time to unpack the suitcase or cargo container? I let other people determine or judge which one of those it was. It was the realization for me that I was having an atypical reaction in comparison to most people. People were getting upset at things that didn't even hit my radar, and I was getting upset at things that didn't hit other people's radar. So it was just this, it was a response that seemed it was just off. And a general sense of trying to think of the best term here, perhaps apathy,

a general sense of detachment, a general sense of not caring that I realized over time, and I can't, I cannot point to one specific thing like this happened and then I just realized it. It was over time. I noticed it over time. It was a variety of small things. And to this day, I still don't have a normal reaction to some things, not all things. I'll give you an example. Violence. I am not really bothered by violence. I don't want to be a violent person. I want to be very proficient in the execution of violence, but I have no desire to try to go out and get into fights with people. Like, it's just not my thing. When I see violence or, when violence occurs around me, it's not that big of a deal. And for many people, the first few times they're exposed to it, or if they're ever exposed to it, it unrattles them a little bit. They'll actually go into shock by watching something very violent occur. Or another one, honestly, is death. It has less of an impact on me. And realizing those things, I don't know if that'll ever go back, because I do feel like that that might be a little bit of a mark on me from my old job.

I realized that maybe they're not necessarily normal. So that was probably an example of something that I did realize that led me towards at least verbalizing and talking about those things. I started by talking with people that I worked with. I started by talking with my friends. I didn't dive deep into traditional counseling until I started the divorce process. And since then, it's every Wednesday at 8 o'clock in the morning. I'm sitting there talking to my counselor. And I cannot, I don't have the vocabulary to describe the impact that it has had on my life. but it's been huge. And what do we do during those time periods?

We talk. I bring up things that bother me. I bring up things and I'll say, hey, is this a normal reaction? Is this an abnormal reaction? And that's the back and forth. And that is the help that I have received from it. I feel like a different person now than I did two years ago, but also four years ago, I felt like a different person than I did, you know, two years after that.

So it's a continuous process and I don't think that there is an end state. My goal is to continue working on myself until it's not physically possible for me. me to work on myself, which means until I die. And I think, I think I answer your question. Hopefully that helped. Two more. Throughout my life, which you add in parentheses, is not long at all. I've been very close to my father and have emulated many of his behaviors and attitudes, oftentimes without questioning or thinking through them first. Since I can remember, he has been a believer of narratives outside of the mainstream. I think he might be saying conspiracy theorist. On many of these topics, I agree with him. And even when I personally disagree,

I try to find common ground with him. However, since Ms. Rona and our beloved lockdowns came into full swing last March, I have become somewhat disillusioned with my old man. He believes that we are all in the middle of a global war against a group of Satanist elites, his words. He has told me many times that COVID itself and the response of many governments to COVID has been a part of a plan to call the population and take control over society. His words. I strongly believe in his right to think and vocalize whatever he wants, but I do not align with these views. More recently, he has become very adamant that my family should not take any COVID vaccine because he believes is designed to seriously harm or kill them. As of now, I do not feel comfortable taking a COVID

vaccine until it has been tested at length and proven to be safe. The point of friction is that he pushes these views against our family and it seems to be isolating him from them. It seems like we are approaching some sort of critical point because my mother, they are divorced, is going to sign up for the vaccine and he wants me to try to stop her. He has explicitly told me to do my research and get into the fight against the evil people behind the vaccine. I love my father dearly and would love to have a healthy relationship with him because he is a very honest person and truly wants the best for me. However, this theme of COVID, vaccine, etc., is really dividing us. Sorry for putting the shitstorm of you, but don't have any, but do you have any advice that could

help me mend my relationship with my father? Damn, man. First off, I was joking when I said he could be a potential conspiracy theorist. So we'll leave all the rest of that stuff on the sideline and talk specifically about this. I'm glad to hear you say that you love your father dearly. I love my father dearly and unconditionally as well, and we do not agree on many topics. One thing that I think may help is for you to realize that your father or anybody else that you love dearly or unconditionally, they're just a human being at the end of the day. If you're able to find a perfect human being, please contact me immediately because I want to meet this individual, and I have yet to be able to find this person, especially when I look in the fucking mirror. That is where I find the most

imperfect person that I've ever seen in my life. And I say that because it's okay to love your dad for the bumps and bruises and blemishes as well as the shiny parts too. So you've got to take the person as a whole and remember at the end of the day, he's just a man. As far as his beliefs on COVID, I'm pretty sure the title of this email, which I cut and paste it out, and I'm very cautious to do that and I only grab the body of the message because I don't want to accidentally use people's names, but I'm pretty sure yours was tinfoil hat and three-piece suit, which of course I'm going to read that. COVID is, for lack of a better term, really fucking people up between the ears. I think it's putting people into a position where they're feeling stress that they've never

felt. They're being isolated in a way that they've never been isolated, and they're just being pushed on, and it's getting some bizarre expressions in behavior. The global war against a group of Satanist elites. I don't even know where to start with that other than to say he may be wearing a tinfoil hat on that one. And I'm not saying that with judgment. But to me, I've heard these before. It's the talk of fucking crazy people. So I would actually give you the advice that he gave you. Do your research. But I'm going to end. I'm going to cut it off there and not say get into the fight. Asterisks, unless you want to. I would say do your own research, like legitimately do your own research. And then go sit down and have a conversation

with your father. If you do objective critical research, and I'm not necessarily saying on COVID itself, but like these Satanist elites and the desires for government to take over society and cold the population, if you do some objective research on this, you're probably going to have some data that does not align with your father's views. But I would take that data and say, this is the research that I did. And what I determined is you're out of your fucking mind. Now, you can choose whatever words that you want to use. With my dad, I actually might use those particular words,

but it depends on where you guys are at with your relationship. Because what you said is correct. He does have the right to express himself in any way, but he doesn't have the right to try to mold your behavior and stop other people from doing things that they consider to be healthy based on their own research and beliefs. Right? You can say what you want.

But that First Amendment expression, I actually think you guys might be north of the border, so I'm not sure how it works in Canada land. But, you know, let's say the U.S. First Amendment right to express yourself? Absolutely. It ends, though, with that expression. You don't get to force people to do things that you believe in. I highly recommend that people do their own research.

I highly recommend you do your own research. I highly recommend that people do what they feel is right. absent the influence of other people as much as possible. If you go down and you do this research and you have a conversation with your dad because you determine that what you found doesn't align with what he thinks, it may not help your relationship. I'll be honest with you. It may actually push you guys farther apart.

And you may not want to hear what I'm about to say, but quite frankly, it doesn't sound like your father is in a very healthy headspace right now. And I'm not saying your father is unhealthy. But I think he might be struggling with a little bit of, I don't want to say mental illness, because I don't know if that's correct, but he might be in the throes of a mental health crisis. And I say that based off of the verbiage that you have provided for me that he is using. Again, not an expert, but it may not be possible for you to have a healthy relationship with someone that you love dearly when they are being unhealthy. and it may take the threat of losing your relationship with your father or maybe from his eyes the threat of him losing his relationship with you to get his head screwed on a little bit straighter

and perhaps he can go and seek some guidance and help of his own because I suspect you're not going to be able to change his mind as is the case with most crazy people they have to come to the realization on their own and if they're unable to do so And if the pressure and stress continues, I feel like this thought process that your dad is stuck in will probably get worse. It just truly may not be possible to have a healthy relationship with him on a day-to-day level. Does that mean that you can't love him dearly? No, it doesn't. Does that mean that you can't be there to support him to the best of your ability?

No, it doesn't. But do not light yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm. You don't have to participate in this. And I think probably the best thing you can do is have a conversation with your mom offline. Talk about the things that your dad is saying and how he's trying to get you to stop her from doing that and just say, listen, this is where dad's at right now. I am not going to be party to any of that bullshit. What I want you guys to do is make the decision on your own because that's exactly what it is, a decision for you to make on your own. Be open and honest.

And hopefully you can come to a place where you can communicate with your dad and nudge him a little bit towards maybe making the decision of getting that help that it sounds like he needs. until that time though be cautious you know he might want to pour gasoline on you to keep himself warm and you need to protect yourself against that at all times last question i'm a police sergeant with 20 plus years i've been on swat for 14 years and currently a team leader i have held most positions on the team and through the past few years most of the guys i came up with have retired or otherwise moved on with time the team is younger and my personality is less like the new generation. My generation was quiet and humble. The new generation is Instagram, me guys, with the bro attitude. It has been a big team personality change. I love the position I'm in. I'm still

committed and I think I'm relevant, but with the possibility of a promotion coming, when is it time to put aside your current love and move on? I didn't get into this job to be an administrator, and I still want to be in the mix, but I know I cannot go on forever. I feel like SWAT is a huge part of me and that the things that keep me going, the calm of the approach. The calm of the approach. knock and announce breach and all those things that we love. But everyone has to hang it up someday and when do I know the time is right? Well, I feel like you've already identified the key thing here. And that is that every single person and every single occupation from the perspective of executing the occupation has an expiration date.

We all have a goodbye date and maybe use with caution after this. And that's really, really important to recognize. You will find some anomalies, people who can play professional sports for, I don't know, decade more than their peers or in the military people who physically they can do the job longer than their peers or perhaps somebody in the law enforcement world. But as you identified, at some point in time, you're no longer current, you're no longer relevant, and the key to it is to recognize that before your peers do, to make that decision for yourself before others make that decision for you. Now, to the personality. Yeah, your personality is going to be different

as generations come up and through. The personality of the seal community when I got in is different than the personality of the seal community than I got out of, which I'm sure it's different than it is the modern day and then also the Vietnam era and the era before that. I'm sure it constantly and consistently changes. I don't think that matters at all because societally we change as well. As long as the standard is met, which I'm sure it is on the SWAT team and performance is the currency that matters the most. I'm not worried about that. So don't sweat the personality, even though I'm sure it can provide for some pretty hilarious hiccups and hijinks along the way. What I will say is, you know, the key part of the question I think is I didn't get into this job to be an administrator and I still want to be in the mix, but I know I can't go on forever.

Like I said, you've identified the expiration date. What I would say, and I've talked about this when it comes to my military career, is that the most impactful portion of my career was the time that I actually spent at Buds as an instructor, which was not in the tactical. world at all. And please hear me when I say this. I didn't join the military with the hope of being a seal of being a Bud's instructor. That was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do. I wanted to go out there and get into the mix. But the place where I actually had the most impact on the seal community and then perhaps actually had the ability to impact the global battle space more through the multiple people that you have touch points with was actually as that role in an instructor. Because you could mold and meld and change the course of a career field through the people that execute that job.

You can get a hold of people early and you can instill in them an ethos or a work ethic or a headspace or teach them the value of situational awareness or whatever the lesson that it is that you might want to teach them that could be the foundation of their career moving forward and it could impact hundreds of people as opposed to just the people you work directly with. I would say, like I said earlier, make the decision to leave before somebody makes that decision for you. And I think it might be easier for you to realize, you know, maybe with this promotion, don't think of yourself as an administrator. You know, change that verbiage in your head, if that's what it is that's grading up against you like sandpaper. You're not an administrator.

You're a mentor. You're a strategic advisor. Whatever it may be. Because what you have is all of this knowledge of 20 plus years as a sergeant and the 14-19. years on SWAT. And the higher you go up the food chain, just so you realize, and I'm sure you probably do, the more people you have falling underneath you. If you look at it like a pyramid, the point end at the top has got all of these people underneath them creating the foundation. And the higher you go, the more impact you can actually have. I know you love being a SWAT cop because I loved being a

tactical seal. I never thought in a million years that I would say teaching people was the most rewarding portion of a career that often people frame through the lens of carrying a gun, which that is a large portion of the job. But I truly do think I had more impact on the community as a whole by instilling those nuggets that will sprout and create that fertile field later on for a community. I think you have the chance to do the same. It doesn't mean you have to be completely detached. You could create a craft a role for yourself where you're still involved in the training. You still go to the evolutions. You're still up to speed on the tactics.

You're still helping people select the equipment so you can keep your finger on the pulse, but you can pass the baton to that next generation. And I think when you do that, you'll find that the team will evolve again and they likely will get better. You know, one mistake I see from people in situations like this is they want to hold on to the past because the past is where they came from. And as soon as they let go, they realize that it's not the personality of the new guys that was holding them back. it was their desire to be anchored in the past, that individual's desire to be anchor in the past. And when you let go of the reins, the race car actually accelerated.

And that's what you want for your organization because it's not actually about you. It's about your job. It's about your occupation. And for your job specifically, it's about the people that they serve. So take that next step up and think about how many more people that you can impact. And those people that you directly impact, those people will be the one answer in the 911 one calls and helping out the society and civilians that they are tasked with protecting. And on that, that's all I have for this week.

I'll see you. I'm not going to see anybody, but you guys will hear me again on Monday. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tune in, whether you're listening on an audio-only platform or you're watching on YouTube. I appreciate that you take the time every week to tune in. people ask me a lot what can they do to help me spread the word and the answer is actually

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