Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 57

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A submitted from the listeners! A variety of topics with a five-minute time cap per answer, sometimes. 1. How can I offer someone help if I have not experienced what they are going through 2. I'm having issues with my ex and her "behind the scenes" behavior, what should I do 3. I'm about to become a father, what advice do you have, what would you do differently if you could go back, what is your favorite part of being a father 4. My wife keeps lying to me about her smoking, what should I do Enjoy

Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon or morning whenever you're listening to this. It's Friday. It's time for Q&A, but first, the sponsors that help make this episode possible. This episode of Fall Outer Friday is brought to you by Silencer Co. Silencer Co. is the perfect example of a great American story. The company was founded within the walls of a humble garage in 2008 in Utah and quickly became the world's biggest suppressor manufacturer. How do they do that? Well, they believe the key to innovation can be found anywhere ambition dwells. and the kindling of inspiration can be ignited by one simple motivation to do it better.

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We need to do some Q&A. What should they be about? Probably relationships, because that's not what I'm great at or know anything about. But having said that, here we go. I got four of them for you today. Question number one, recent conversation with one of my oldest friends, who is more like a big sister, has me concerned about her marriage and her own mental health. Her husband is 20 plus years in the Navy and has taken a toll on him mentally. Last year, with COVID and being locked down, they both began drinking to excess, no longer social drinking and to the point of masking problems with themselves and each other. I had an idea but didn't understand to what extent until recently.

His drinking started to lead to verbal abuse and was on track to getting physical. Recently, both decided it's time to take a break and reevaluate their choices for their own health, their marriage, and their kids. She has been taking steps to unpack some old trauma and seeking professional help after hitting her rock bottom. He has started to recognize that he has a problem, that the stress of the job and experiences he has faced has scrambled his eggs, as you may say. My issue, he believes because he recognizes that he is now fixed and doesn't need future, future, further help. I'm going to read that sentence again. My issue, he believes because he recognizes this, he is now fixed and doesn't need further help. Hearing stories of what he has done and said to her and his lack of involvement

with their two kids over the last couple of years, compounded with my own experiences of therapy slash anger management, I know you can't just fix yourself overnight by having an introspection conversation. My question, as someone who has not served in the military, not married, and has no kids of my own, I can't start the conversation with the cliche. I understand what you're going through. What is a good way to approach the subject of telling someone active duty or veteran that they need to seek professional help? Individual and maybe marital counseling without being disrespectful. I don't doubt the I'm fine. I don't need help argument will come up.

How do you maneuver around that argument? With my own experience, I had to hit my own rock bottom before getting help, but I was fortunate enough to have friends and family to fall back on for support. I fear in his case, if he continues down this path, he will alienate. those around him that could be a strong support network apologies for the long-winded email hope you have a kick-ass weekend a long-time listener Mondays and Fridays boom here we go man there's a lot here and I think you've identified a lot of important things one your own personal rock bottom what was there for you friends and family having somebody or some buddies a group of people a community of people there's a reason there's a saying it takes a village to be there to help catch you or maybe

pick you up when you fall, I think that is critical. I think one of the most dangerous things about the pandemic, and this has nothing to do with your email. Just my personal thoughts on this is the isolation. I didn't realize how much of a social creature we are as human beings. And some of the people that I have seen that have been hit the hardest by the pandemic are the ones who have been the most isolated. So that support network is huge. If he does push people away, yeah, he's going to limit that support network. But you can do everything you can to help him at the end of the day. That's going to be his choice. I'm glad to hear that he has started to recognize that he has a problem. I don't doubt after 20 plus years in any occupation in the military, there's going to be

lingering stress and residual from the job and experiences. And if they scramble your eggs, I'm not going to say that should be expected. But if you find yourself in that situation, there are tools that you can take to work your way out of it. Let me just tell you right now, from personal experience, alcohol is not one of them. What that is going to be is if you have a shovel right now that you're digging your own hole with, that's going to increase the size of the shovelhead. And you're going to be able to throw even more dirt into a bigger hole that you can then dive yourself into face first.

And it's going to be completely your problem. Recognizing that he is fixed or him coming to the realization that he has a problem and therefore because of that is now fixed, I agree with your assessment. Having an introspective conversation with yourself is great. I recommend that people do that. They are objective, that they have the ability to look in the mirror, and perhaps pick out some deficiencies. That is great.

Doing something about them is a completely different story. So my question back to you would be, is his behavior changing at all? The introspective conversation, I think, is the beginning of that. If his behavior hasn't changed at all, I don't really think there's any value in having that conversation, right? You can be given a winning lottery ticket if you want to. If you don't go and cash it in, it doesn't really have that much value. To your question, though, as someone who has not served in the military and you're not married

and you don't have kids on your own, how do you start this conversation? Sure, you can't go to this person and say, I understand what you're going through. but I don't think you have to have gone through situations that people are struggling with to tell somebody that you love them, that you care about them and that you're worried about them. I have friends who are alcoholics, which I drink, but I don't feel as if alcohol has control over me. I can turn it off and on whenever I want to. I could literally go years without drinking and I've done that as an exercise for myself and there was no residual. do enjoy going out and being social with alcohol, but I have friends who are not in control

and the substance is in control of them. I can't go to that person and say, hey, man, I know what it feels like to be an alcoholic, but what I can say is, hey, man, I'm really worried about you. I care about you and what I'm seeing from you is concerning to me. You can always go into these situations as a very loving and empathetic human being with the desire to express that to somebody else in the hopes of helping them. And by helping them, the best you may be able to do is to get them to realize that other people out there, they care, they see what's happening, and they're worried. You're not going to be able to fix this person, right? Let's agree on that. This person has got to fix themselves, but you can tell them that you're concerned. The same thing,

What if this person had a gambling addiction? I know personally, I actually know people who have gambling addictions. I can't speak from any level of experience from that. So I'm going to go directly back to being that loving, caring, empathetic person. You have identified that this person may push you away. And you should prepare yourself for that. Like I just said, you cannot fix this individual. This individual is going to have to take the steps.

necessary to fix themselves. They might shove you away. And if they do so, that doesn't mean you have to disappear from this individual's life. You can still be part of that support network that is there to pick them up if they fall. I think in those instances, you know, when these people are, I'll give you an example that I was peripheral too. An individual had a very hard problem with alcohol and they were shoving every single person away that they could. Everybody who wanted to help, they were shoving away. And in the end, what that terminated in was an isolated person who was drinking far too much. So there was an intervention. The intervention came from family and that person got scooped up by their family and taken somewhere under the care of professionals who actually knew

directly how to deal with these type of things. That individual, before they were scooped up with that intervention, said some of the gnarliest, most hurtful things to their closest friends. And I think it would be very easy if you're on the receiving end of that, to take that incredibly personally, and to want to have nothing to do with the individual that said those things to you. That's a choice that you can make on your own, or you could realize that maybe in that moment, that person really wasn't in control of what was going on, and maybe they weren't the person that you hoped that they could be in that moment. Give them a little bit of grace. And what I saw is after this person went to rehab, for lack of a better term, they came back and those people that they had pushed away,

they were still there to support them, to check in, to keep them on the path, to be there for a phone call or when they got the urge to drink to go do something physical that was beneficial to their health instead of leaving them isolated. So they might push you away initially. I would say if it goes that path, if hurtful things are said, if hurtful things are done, do you best that you can to not take. it personally. However, if you continue to try to engage with this person and continue to try to to throw rope to this person and they keep doing those things, if they do that multiple times and you continue to choose to engage with that, that's more on you because you are willingly choosing

to engage in that. And you have a choice. You can take a step back and still be there if they ever ask you for it. But try to take that step back before you get to the point where you want nothing to do with this person because then they don't have that village to help lift them up. Bottom line, though, the best I can do to answer your question is don't worry about whether or not you have that experience. You don't need to have been in the military to tell somebody that you love them. You don't need to have been married to tell somebody that you are concerned about the things that you are hearing them say to somebody that they are supposed to love. You don't have to have kids to walk up to somebody and give them a hug and say, you are scaring me with how you are behaving. I care about you.

I don't want anything bad to happen. and I am here to help you in any way that I can. And maybe that's just me listening to you. Do the best that you can. Try to do it through the lens of love and not the lens of judgment. And trying to take a personal if they do push you away. Because they probably, if they are going to do the work, are going to need you in the long run.

Hopefully that helped you. Question two. Looking to get a little parenting advice. Welcome to the right place. Just kidding. I am stumbling my way. through my life with my kids. Long story as short as I can make it. I'm married into two kids. My wife and I also had two. We have 50-50 custody with her ex and his wife. For the most part, we get along

great as a family unit. We hang out at sporting events, we go to dinner as a unit, and are even considering a family vacation with all nine of us. Her ex and his wife also have one child together. my wife coaches two of our kids and his wife coaches one of them recently we've gotten wind of her ex's wife trying to oust my wife from her coaching position she has gone as far as having her friends make complaints against my wife all lies the people making complaints haven't even been to any of my wife's games so you know not much there for accusations she and i'm assuming this means the X doesn't know, we know any of this. So she thinks she's doing all of it under the cover of anonymity. So my question is, how do I handle this without flipping shit on her?

I worry about bringing it to the forefront and jeopardizing the progress of our family that took us years to build. I'm at a point where I want to say something because it's really hurting my wife. My kids are everything and I'd never do anything to deliberately hurt them. I'm just at a loss at this point. Love your show and everything you stand for. Man, you guys have got a very interwoven in what sounds to me like a complicated situation. Having said that, though, there's some beauty in this as well, too.

So you share 50-50 custody, which is great. Both parties have moved on. They found other significant others, and they also had other children with those new partners. So I'd like to believe that there's an essence of each one of those parties when they split from that original nucleus that everybody has had an ability to kind of move on with their life.

And hopefully they left a lot of the grudges if there were any in the rearview mirror. Sounds like you spent a lot of time together, which is great. I don't think all family units when they go through this type of thing are able to do so. I think that's a great thing.

However, what you're describing is pretty concerning, especially if they are putting on a good face or this woman is putting on a good face in front of you and then doing these things behind your back. I think the best thing that you can do is find a way to address this. And the way I would not address this is what you already mentioned. How do I handle this without flipping my shit on her? Definitely, definitely don't do that.

I'm not saying that there's not a time in place for that, but maybe proportional escalation would be in order. I would certainly start this with a conversation. I would recommend having you and your new wife. and her and her new husband get together and I would discuss this with those people there. The reason I say that is, is if you just have a discussion with your wife about this, and it becomes contentious, I think it would be better if there were other people there to hear the conversation. There's value, and I'm not saying,

saying that if you brought your significant others, that they would be neutral. Of course, they will bring their own bias to the conversation and situation. But I think that there's value in having another set of ears and eyes there. One for each of you. Each of you bring a support network to this conversation. Maybe have it over coffee and maybe do it in a public place. So if it is going to get out of order or escalate, there is a soft governor or limiter on how much people would feel appropriate doing so in a public environment. I would also recommend that if it's trending towards escalation, end the conversation and come back to it at a different time when everybody has de-escalated emotionally. But if you're looking at doing things in the future,

like if you're considering going on a family vacation with all nine of you and you don't address this and you make the decision to do that, I don't know, I mean, I know that you express that there has been great progress made that took you years to build. I don't want that to unwind, but I don't know if making progress on a foundation that is unsteady and that builds resentment is actually the path that you want to take for long-term success and health. So if you're going to spend time together, a vacation with all nine of you and one side of the family is harboring resentment about an issue that hasn't been brought to the surface, I absolutely would address it before you do that. and it may take you backwards a little bit. I wouldn't be surprised if this conversation, which isn't going to be an easy conversation, but I would stick to facts, not emotions.

I would leave emotions as far out of this conversation as possible, even though, of course, this is a very emotional thing. Stick to the facts and be prepared that it might take you backwards a few steps. I would rather have you go backwards a few steps and have to work through some uncomfortable things as a family unit, which would lead you to true actual health and more unity, as opposed to bullshitting your way through this, putting on a face in front of each other, when at the end of the day or in private, you have nothing but negative things to say if it builds to that. You know, the two choices are go back initially to go forward to health or just continue to

go forward towards fake health or bullshit, and it eventually implodes. I mean, I think you can guess which one I'm going to recommend. take the hard steps now, do the work now so the future is brighter and you can actually build what I'm going to assume you want your family unit to be. Because to me, this sounds awesome. This is what I hope it looks like for most people, when they have maybe not even necessarily an equitable split, but the adults can be that, fucking adults, and move on with your life, focus on the kids, and work through the adult issues like you need to and then move on and forward. That's my advice. Address it. Don't let it fester. Try to address it as early as possible so it doesn't

escalate rapidly. If it escalates, get the fuck out of there. Come back and re-address it again at a point in time where everybody can sit down and have a conversation about it. Be prepared to do the work. And remember, at the end of the day, your kids, the family unit that you are raising together, they are absolutely worth it. Question three. My wife is 7.5 months pregnant with our first kid and I am beyond excited to be a dad. Growing up, my dad was an amazing role model and continues to be a guiding light as I step into the world of fatherhood. When I was a kid, he coached every sports team, took me hunting and fishing, and instilled in me the importance of being a good person. I aspire to be as much like him as I can as I begin to raise my son. Big shoes to fill, but I'm up to the challenge. I'm going to stop right

hear and say, that is awesome. I don't think fathers end up or start out saying, you know what, I'm going to be a piece of shit. I'm going to be an absentee dad. But more often than not, more often than I care to hear about, it ends up going down that path. And again, I'll try to give those people some grace. I'm sure they didn't feel like that was what it was going to be like. And I'm sure that's not what they wanted it to be like. What I'm saying is your situation, this is awesome. And I hope one day, like success for me in my life would be my children saying to somebody else exactly what you just said about your father. It's amazing. With that being said, I want to temper action with wisdom as I embark on this journey. So I'm asking everyone I can for advice,

hence my email. Three part question. Part one. What are the most important things that you would tell a new dad? Good question. I think I would start with, hey man, stand. Stand, by you're going to make some mistakes and that is okay you do not need to know everything as a new parent it's okay if you're confused it's okay if you're scared it's okay if you don't know what to do do the best that you can for the right reasons and to me the right reason to do the best that you can for your children is because you love them and you would lay down your life for them in fucking traffic to make sure that they have a better life than you did or at least the opportunity to do so so that's the best advice I can give to new dad is just give yourself a little bit of space

give yourself a little bit of grace it's going to be harder than you thought it could ever be in some moments and it's going to be more rewarding than you ever thought it could be in some moments and everything in between you're never going to have all the answers I wish there was a book on parenting where you could go chapter and verse verse like holy shit i have no idea how to address this with my kids where can i find this resource it doesn't exist oftentimes you're going to have to do the best that you can but i tell you what you got a great resource and an individual that you can bounce information off of and that is your dad so lean on him as well uh part two of the question if you could go back what would you do differently as a father man this is a tough question and

I can very easily point to situations where I wish I had control my emotions better or left my frustration from work at work. You know, fill in the blank, ad nauseum on situations like that, where I was too short with my temper or I elevated my voice or I made an ass out of myself. I've done all of those things. Fuck, countless times. But that kind of ties in a little bit to, you know, part one. You do the best you can.

You're not going to be perfect. You're going to make mistakes. I think the main thing that I would do differently as a father, that I would focus on and make more of an effort. And it's not that I didn't focus on this when I was in the moment. What I realized now is I could have done a better job. I did a really shitty job when I was in the military when my kids were very young of focusing on being there in the moment. I was physically there, but oftentimes I was mentally somewhere else. And it's easy to say, well, that's the demands of your job required that.

It was so dangerous and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's easy to say that. You know what? I could have done better and I should have done better and I wish I would have done better. That is what I would do differently as a father. Recognize and realize that there is a difference between physically being there and actually being there for your kids. Yeah, it's great to show up to a baseball game where your kids playing. But if you show up at a baseball game where your kids playing and you spend your time on your phone,

checking in with your friend or worried about stuff that's happening, that has nothing to do with what your kids are up to. Guess what? You're not actually there. Now, spoiler alert, your kids sporting events when they are young, pack a lunch, and in that lunch, you need to have a patience sandwich. All right? It's going to need to be about eight feet long with extra mayonnaise because it's a tough one to get down your throat. kids sporting events when they're super young are so fucking boring doesn't matter you're not there for you you're there for them and I look back now at those moments where I was physically there but emotionally or mentally detached and I wish I could get that time back doesn't I mean I love my kids unconditionally obviously but it's just amazing how fast those moments can get lost and how easy it is for you to lie to yourself and say yeah I'm here I'm good I'm at the kids game yeah well be at the kids game

every aspect of that. And that's what I would do differently as a father. I would really try to shut out any and all distractions and just tractor beam lock in on what it is my kids were doing. Part three. What has been your favorite part of being a dad? I don't even know how to answer this because there are so, like I said earlier, there are so many challenges. It'll be more challenging than you ever thought it could be. And so rewarding. So incredibly rewarding. more rewarding than you ever thought it could be as well. When you see your child stand up for another child to get in the way of somebody who is being bullied or literally run across the street and help an elderly person with their grocery bags or run to get in front of somebody

to open the door, say please and thank you. And everything I just mentioned, they're super small things. But it's so rewarding for me as a dad to see my children do those things because it's important for me that at a moral level, that is who they are. And in addition to those things, my favorite part of being a dad is watching all three of my kids. So all of my kids are now teenagers, which is crazy bizarre for me to say. 13, almost 16, almost 18. They're incredibly different. And one of my favorite things is to really appreciate and celebrate the differences. My middle son, his mind is just fascinating to me. He, full disclosure, has been fucking smarter than me since he was three years old.

The dude's a genius. He could probably change the world if he wants to, but it sounds like right now he just wants to skateboard. And I'm totally good with that because he just went into summer. But the conversations I have with him, whether it like on engineering or computer design or his thoughts on politics, the world that we are living in are fascinating to me. One of my favorite parts of being his dad is just having. conversations and listening to what he thinks about things. My oldest son, man, we went through a hard, hard, hard, hard patch.

18 plus months of not talking to each other. Of him, I don't know, I don't want to describe it in a manner that he wouldn't appreciate, but he isolated me from just about everything that it was that he was doing. And at this point in time, now he's lived with me for almost two months. And I haven't for a single, second yet addressed with him the why of why he made those choices. What I'm focusing on is where he is now and what I can do to best facilitate and set the foundation for him so he can be successful. Whether we're talking about budgets or goals or work ethic, I'm so interested in his take on life and what it is that he is interested in what it is that he wants to do. And the same with my daughter on the other end of the spectrum. 13 years old, we spent her

birthday morning together. We want to hike up to a waterfall here in Montana. If you've ever been to a place called Holland Lake, I highly recommend you check it out. They have a lodge there and a waterfall you can easily hike to. Not an advertised for the Holland Lake Lodge, if that's even what it's called. What I'm saying is, if you're in the area, check it out. The conversations I have with her, the things that she is interested in, they're so different. And it's amazing to genetically, you know, they're, I mean, they come from the same two people, but the expression of those genetics, God, it's fascinating. And I just as a dad want to be able to create for them an environment where they have choices.

I can't take the choice for them or make the choice for them. And when they make that choice, they have to do the work. But I want to expose them to everything that I have been exposed to. I like to ask them questions like, why? That's one of my favorite things as well. They'll tell me how they feel. That's awesome. I love the passion.

Why do you feel that way? What is it about this particular thing that makes you feel that way? and just listening and seeing and hearing how their minds work. God, it is, it's amazing. And I have a feeling it's only going to get better as they continue to age. So that's my favorite part of being a dad. Final question. How do you go about raising your sons?

And I'm going to put daughter in this crazy world. Specifically, I want to make sure manners are second nature, ensure that he is respectful, gentlemen, and teach him how to be patriotic in a world that seems to look down on country pride. Parentheses, normal level of patriotism, not hanging 2A flags or fuck Biden Biden flags from his F350. How presumptuous of you, you asshole, that he's going to get an F350. Maybe he's going to be a Dodge fan.

Maybe he's going to be a Chevy fan, right? Let's not put him in a box. It's not even born yet. With social media and other distractions, I am nervous that all these elements will make it difficult to raise his son. It's going to be difficult. He's going to have an example of shit behavior all around him. But you know what the most powerful example of positive behavior that he could have? You.

go back to the first paragraph that you wrote me the description you had of your own father the impact that that has had on your life to this day it's why you described it the way that you did be that for your son and you don't have anything to worry about question three really love the podcast i'm also purple belt and jiu jitsu congrats on your promotion and welcome to the club quick rundown i am 42 and she is about to turn 40 we've been married for eight years this year and from the time shortly after our wedding my wife was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and carpal tunnel and tendinitis in both her hands. It was work-related and she has had the surgery for both hands, but still it gives her constant issues. We have held off trying for a child because of this and also she had gone

into early menopause in her early 20s, damn, which has forced us to go down the IVF route. She has always been a smoker, but since we have been talking about starting a family, she has quit several times. I also successfully quit about 10 years ago through hypnosis. Currently, she has switched to vaping as a substitute, but I have busted her many times still smoking. I've tried talking calmly, not so calmly, and everything in between, even telling her that I don't trust her as she keeps lying to my face. I don't want to resent her in the future if we can't have a child or if something goes wrong because of her decisions. I have expressed this to her, but she just keeps lying to me, saying she has quit. Sorry to carry on, but it's doing my head in. I'm trying to lead by example

and take ownership over this situation by doing all the things the doctor has asked without question, cutting down on coffee, et cetera, but it seems to fall in deaf ears. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm going to go backwards here. Trying to lead by example and take ownership over the situation. Well, first off, you can only take ownership over your situation, right? So it sounds like you are doing everything that you can be doing, and that is great. Just remember, you can't take ownership over her situation. She will have to do that, and she may not, at this point in her life, have the desire to lead by example or take ownership over her behavior. So just be aware of that and realize that you are limited to you and your situation, even though you're in this as a

couple, right? There's two sides to this equation, and it sounds like they're going to need to balance for this to work out and right now they are not balanced. Lines a tough one. You know, trust, when it comes to foundational principles of leadership, at least in my opinion in the SEAL community, one of the bedrock principles is trust. And trust is interesting because it's like a bank account. You can put equity in or you can take equity out. Trust requires maintenance because if you keep taking trust out of the account, eventually

you're going to write a check and it's going to bounce. And I'm not a fan of absolutes. So I try to avoid terms like always and never. But for me personally, when I am dealing with somebody who either says or does something that starts to erode that trust, when it hits zero for me, I have not been able to yet in my life put trust back in that individual. If you get there with your wife, I suspect you're going to have a long row to hoe. So maybe try to do something about it, which it sounds like you are before it gets to that point. But maybe frame the conversation in those terms. Like, hey, I'm trying to understand.

I am here to help you. I'm your partner. I'm committed to being your partner. But if we cannot have trust in our relationship, if our relationship is at a foundational level does not have trust, I'm telling you right now, it's a ticking time bomb until things go south. So remember that. it's and anybody listen to this outside of this situation right here that I'm reading the email about you got to monitor your behavior in your actions they need to be commensurate and not divergent because if they're divergent you're taking equity out of that trust bank account and you're

going to hit bankrupt with certain people and then you're going to have a problem on your hands so avoid that at all costs um this might be something where I would recommend you getting a neutral third party in between the two of you. And by that, I mean, not a family member. I'm talking about an actual professional that you're going to pay for their professional time and experience. So you can each sit on a couch or at a chair and angrily stare at each other where you have somebody in between though. And you can express your concern and worry and how her actions are eroding that trust. And then that professional can probably say nearly the same things that you are saying to your wife right now that are not resonating. And I suspect it might have more of an impact.

because they're not hearing it from you. They're hearing it from somebody else. Or at the very least, you're taking the steps necessary in every step possible that you can to suture up the little trickle of trust that is coming out when she is lying to you about smoking. I'd like to say it's not that big of a deal, but it really is. I mean, honesty and lying, I actually find them to be in many people habitual. So it starts with what they'll consider to be a white lie. And then you know what? It just becomes the easiest course of action and the easiest path. And I don't want anything to do with those people. I especially don't want them to be a partner. I'm not asking you to throw away eight years of marriage, nor would I recommend that. But these are things that I would be thinking

about if I were you. So I would recommend go find a professional, realize you can only control yourself. If she is unwilling to do so, well, then you're at a different conversation. But at least exhaust all those options so you know exactly where you're at. And that, ladies and gents, is all I have for this full out of Friday. See you. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tune in, whether you're listening on an audio-only platform or you're watching on YouTube. I appreciate that you take the time every week to tune in. People ask me a lot, what can they do to help me spread the word? And the answer is actually embedded in the question. The biggest thing you guys can do to help me if you enjoy the podcast and you think it would be helpful to others is subscribe and

share it with other people. And if you have the time, go on to Apple Podcasts and leave me a rating and a review. If you think the podcast sucks, tell me it sucks and leave a zero star review or the lowest stars possible. If you have a question, comment or suggestion, you can go to clearedhotpodcast.com. And there is a contact me button right there, which will land in my inbox. And the last thing, if people are interested in helping out, what you can do is fly the old flag. And by that, I don't mean an actual flag because they don't have any of those. I'm talking about t-shirts or sweatshirts or hats, whatever it may be. Again, clear-thodpodcast.com, click on the shop tab and hopefully something in there looks like it would be an item you would

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