Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 59

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A submitted from the listeners! A variety of topics with a five-minute time cap per answer, sometimes. 1. My dad is trying to force a relationship with me after being out of my life for nearly 20 years 2. I'm 43 and having a mid-life crisis, how do I find my passion 3. I'm 18 and am having a hard time expressing to my parents that I want to join the military 4. Thoughts on processing grief after the suicide of a friend Enjoy

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that Silencer Co has to offer. That's it. Full Auto Friday, 59 coming at you. I'm looking at danger close now. Hello, everybody. Here we go. Episode 59, or round 59, I guess both would be the correct way to say it. Four questions for today. Short and simple. Get into the weekend. Fourth of July, just around the corner. Here we go. Hello, Andy. I am Matt from Italy. Hello, Matt. How are you? I'm still learning English, so I apologize for. the shit ton of mistakes that I will make writing this question. So I'm 28 now, and my parents divorced when I was three. The reason they got a divorce is my father cheating on my mother. The whole divorce process lasted about two years, and when it finally ended, my mom got the full custody of

me. The judge stated that he could come and pick me up every two weeks for the weekend, but my mom immediately went up to my dad and said that he didn't have to wait 15 days since we didn't live far from each other. If he wanted to see me, he could whenever he wanted. I'm going to pause here. That's amazing. And I'm really glad to hear that your mom was promoting a healthy relationship between you're and your dad outside of the boundaries of what a court set for you, which I would say is probably not the healthiest foundation for a relationship. Coming back to your email. Since the divorce was final, he started to slowly disappear from my life. On the weekends, he would come and pick me up just to take me to my grandma's house and then taking off until late afternoon where he would come pick me up again

and then take me back home. This was our relationship until I was 16 slash 17. From there, it became even worse because sometimes the weekends I was out with my friends and some weekends he didn't even show up. Fast forward 10 years. Out of the blue, it seems like he realized he now has his son. He called me one day and told me that he wanted to spend time with me, which I'm okay with. but my problem is that I don't, my problem is that right now he wants to force me to spend time with his wife, the same woman who my father cheated on my mother with. And that's where I have a problem. I don't really like her and I don't want any kind of relationship with her. But my father keeps going on telling me that she didn't do anything to me directly, which is true, but I still

don't want to have anything to do with her. Do you think that I am being unreasonable? And if not, How can I tell my father to stop without being a dick? Sorry for the long-asked question and the rubbous English. Actually, your English was great. And thank you for the email. Tough situation. Listeners of the podcast will know that I recently went through a divorce process. It also took me two years.

One thing I will say is that my ex-wife and I, one thing we agreed upon from the get-go, was the importance of our kids and we never had an issue with custody. It was 50-50 down the middle. and I'm very appreciative of that. And I feel that my kids are appreciative of that as well. It's never been a struggle spending time with one or the other. Here's what I'm going to say about your dad. Yes, genetically, he will always be your father.

There's no way that you can avoid that. But to me, family is based much more around how people treat me, as opposed to the DNA that is flowing potentially through our veins. Your dad was not acting like a dad when you were younger. If he was picking you up only to drop you off and go do whatever it is that he wanted to do, he was failing in his role as a father. He may not have seen it like that in that moment, or perhaps he did and he chose his own wants,

desires and selfishness over what he should have been doing with you in that relationship between father and son. coming back into your life and saying that he wants to spend time with you, I'm glad to hear that. I am not glad to hear that it took 10 years. And what I'll say is, at least in my experience and in my opinion, relationships, whether they be the relationship between a father and a son, or maybe it's a husband and a wife, or maybe just in general, you can look at him like a bank account. And I use that analogy because it allows me to say that you can either put equity in or you can, can take equity out. What your dad was doing for the past 18 years or so sounds to me like slow, gradual withdrawals. And just like a bank account, at some point, it's going to hit zero. And at that point, you are probably not going to want to have anything to do with this person.

So your dad, I would hope at some level, realizes the amount of time that has passed and the fact that he has taken consistent withdrawals without putting any deposits in. Now, if he had an extended period of time from now into the near future where he kept putting those deposits in and working on that relationship, I'm sure that it could grow to something that would be very healthy. And I hope that is what happens. But just like a bank account, it takes time to decrease and time to increase unless there's something catastrophic that happens. When it comes to the relationship with his wife. You have every right throughout the course of your life to set boundaries with whomever you may want to. Your dad has a relationship with his new spouse. That is a relationship that

he has with another person, and let's be honest, for the last 18 years, didn't seem like you were part of that arithmetic. There's no reason that he should try to force you into that equation now because he feels like he wants to. You have every right. You are not being unethical. You are not being unreasonable to set those boundaries. And I think the best way to have this conversation with your dad without being a dick is to do so in a direct and honest manner talking about the past, how you have arrived at the feelings that you have now, what your feelings that you have now are, and just be open and honest with him. You can be direct without being a dick. Don't be surprised if he's not very receptive to what it is that you have to say.

If that's the case, and he doesn't want to deal with that, that's on him and that's not on you. And he may go back to not having a very large portion of interaction in your life. If he makes that choice, then fuck him. I would say move on with your life and find and seek and pour your energy into healthy relationships that are actually going to give something back to you, regardless if you share the same genetics flowing through your veins. I have an issue. I don't have an issue. I have a situation right now where I am divorced, and I am dating an amazing woman, and two of my three children have been willing to meet her, and it's gone really well. I haven't yet had the opportunity or a chance

to really discuss with my daughter at a deep level, the integration or meeting my girlfriend. but I'm in this situation to a degree a little earlier on when it comes to how old my kids are. And constantly in the back of my mind, I am thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend and my relationship with my children. A perfect world for me would be a triangle where we can all, I don't know, an equilateral triangle where it fits, you know, together perfectly. Will it ever be that case? I don't think so, especially with three different kids. The triangle is going to look differently. but my kids have a they need to have a choice and my theory is that I will always be their dad.

I'll always be there for them. And with that, I have to have the opportunity to move on in my life as well. What I'm trying to do is what I'm recommending you do with your dad. Be open, be honest, talk to my children about who my girlfriend is, what she means to me, how much I care about her, what I see the future look at. like and involving them in that decision. And that decision is where they feel comfortable and I'm open right now to it not being comfortable at all because this is a new concept. Point of all that is it's a conversation. And at no point in time have I ever detached from my kids in the pursuit of spending time with my girlfriend. I've had to live separately to a degree

because I understand how it is new and I understand that there could be issues and there will be issues that we will have to work through. So I have kept it separate. I have tried to give it time. I have tried to introduce it gradually. But in the back of my mind, I know that they have a choice in this. And I want to respect that choice, just like your father needs to respect yours as well. I would have a conversation directly with your dad. The worst case scenario that's going to happen is he's going to exit himself from your life again, which he has already done. And I have hate to say this, but your life, it might be, it might be better for that. I would rather see that than a fake relationship based on things that were unsaid and having that fester and then potentially

explode later on down the line. So that's my advice. Thanks for the email. Hopefully it helps. Question two, midlife crisis. Hello, the doctor's in the room. When I started my career, O&G, oil and gas. At 23, it was my dream job. I traveled the world, worked on and offshore, did the work I loved doing and felt I was a valued asset to the teams I worked with. Fast forward about 15 years and the job started to feel like work rather than the dream job. Not being able to put my finger on the cause of this feeling, I have thought of it as a midlife crisis. I'm 43 at the moment. And that the motivation would eventually return. Other thoughts have led me to believe that I want to change in.

industry as the ONG will, at a not so distant point in the future, have run its course and now may be the right time to make a career switch. My main problem is, I know what I don't want to do, but I have no idea what I want to do. I'm a husband and a father of two, currently the sole provider for the family, hence simply changing jobs holds a certain risk. I also tend to analyze my situation endlessly before taking a decision one way or the other. In short, I feel kind of stuck and have felt that way for a long time. Listening to your podcast, you spoke regularly about your challenges, getting out of the military, and finding your way into civilian life. In doing so, you have gone from CrossFit piloting, public speaker, breaking records, a podcast, and so on. What struck me the most in those stories is how you got into these different jobs, tried it, kept it, and or moved on.

It seems to be a trait of more people with your type of background, which leads me to believe it is a mindset. Here's my question. What advice would you have for a 43-year-old trying to figure out what he wants to do for the remainder of his life? What mental tools have you used, if any, and how did you figure out what it is that you like doing? I found what it is that I like doing by experimenting. And I'm going to go back to the examples that you gave. I went to the military, then to CrossFit, then piloting and public speaking. I attempted a record-breaking jump one time.

I do have a podcast, yes. The only thing that I really bailed on from everything listed was CrossFit. And I did so for reasons that I've already spoken about before, so I'm not going to belabor that. I stuck around for CrossFit because of the money. And it was one of the most important lessons that I've learned in my life. And it was not only in the fact that I realized the money is not the most valuable asset to me, but I also realized that no amount of money is going to make a job that I hate worthwhile at the end of the day. Because when your stomach feels like it's consuming itself from the inside, regardless of what you're being paid,

have fun trying to enjoy that. So I experimented and I did leave CrossFit what I would describe as irresponsibly. I didn't have much foresight into the future. And everything else that you listed, I was doing a little bit of public speaking at the time. I was doing some piloting at the time. I was not doing a podcast at the time. What I did was I experimented with the things that I was doing. Piloting, public speaking, skydiving.

I enjoy doing all those things. And what I did after leaving CrossFit was found a way to create the things that I enjoy. doing and force them, which is largely what I did, I forced them into an occupation of sorts. But it's much like, you know, the stereo board or an equalizer board where I would slide some up to an eight and another one down to two, or the world would kind of create those for me, public speaking being a good example. Sometimes there's high demand, sometimes there's low. It's not really in my control.

Piloting is actually the same way when I was doing the Part 135 charter operations. People would call or they didn't, and there's nothing that I could really do about that. But in the lesson that I learned in having a little bit more foresight after leaving CrossFit, before I would branch out and do something new, I would make sure that I had a stable foundation to work from. So my best advice to you at 43 is experiment and find out what it is that you want to do through trial and error. But of course, because of your position as a father and a sole provider for three or a family of four, if you include yourself, is to be smart about it. it. Make sure you have your minimum essentials met. Don't stop what you're doing now and then be worried about the mortgage in the future. You have an opportunity right now to explore with your

time off. And I'm absolutely not saying reduce your work, your effort at work, maintain your job, you know, meet every expectation that your employer may have of you, but then use your off time to figure it out what it is you may like doing. Now, you said you're originally, you thought that the O&G industry was your dream job, and it was for a while. And you say fast forward about 15 years and the job started to feel like work. That's okay. And I think it's an unrealistic expectation for people to think they're going to find an occupation that is always going to feel like a dream job and will never feel like work. I'm sitting in the podcast studio right now. I love doing the podcast. I just finished recording a three-hour podcast with two of my favorite

people on the face of the planet. Today, it didn't feel like work. Are there days where it does feel like work? Absolutely. And it's still the most enriching and rewarding thing that I do. And it's incredibly cathartic to sit down and have these conversations, but it doesn't always feel like a dream job. And that's okay, because I don't expect it to. So maybe get the eraser out and maybe just lighten that one a little bit, that you think it's always going to feel like a dream job. Trial and error for me was the biggest thing. And what I would say is if you start, down a path and pretty rapidly you're finding signs or indicators that you are not enjoying what it is that you are doing, your new pursuit or hobby, I'd cut it off early and find a new

one. It's better, I think, than to slog it out and get two years down the road, fighting it tooth and nail the entire way and just realizing that, okay, this isn't for me, but now I feel kind of committed because I've been at this for two years. I've talked about that before, too, the classic sunken cost fallacy. Get rid of that. If it's not working, cut it out and move on to the next.

And also, you know, potentially, instead of looking for the fulfillment when it comes to occupationally, shift that lens a little bit and look at the fulfillment that comes from being able to be that sole provider. And maybe instead of enjoying, not enjoying, but exploring other avenues

when it comes to just purely your occupation, perhaps explore some of the avenues when it comes to being that father of two. And put a little bit more time or pour a little bit more time into that. And you might be shocked, startled and surprised at the happiness that comes from that as well. And you might actually forget completely

about changing industries. I don't know much about the oil and gas world. I think you're alluding to that oil and gas is on the way out. If you're 43 now, I think you'll still... I think you're in your lifespan. You're probably going to be okay. It'll probably be the next generation that sees oil and gas really taper off. Total, total wild-ass guess from my part.

I watched a movie one time about an oil rig that caught fire. So obviously I'm an expert on the oil and gas world. But I think you got time. So I don't think you're having a midlife crisis. I think maybe you're just in the middle of your life. And it doesn't have to be a crisis. Question three. Hey, Andy, I'm 18 years old.

Just graduated high school. And I have just told my parents that I think I want to join the military, the Army, to be more specific. I've been thinking about this for almost 10 months now, but only decided now to tell them. I waited so long because I am wanting to become a ranger. I know how damn hard it is to become part of such a community, so I let my brain sit on it and really think if this is really what I want to do. I ultimately have decided that I do want to pursue this, and that is why I am just now telling my parents. My dad did not take it very well. It was the last thing he was expecting me to say, and he feels really hurt.

that I didn't talk to him or my mom sooner. I realized that I am an idiot for not involving them in my decision process earlier. But at that time, I thought I was making a good decision by letting myself think if this is what I really wanted and whether or not I am willing to put everything I have to succeed. I have put so much thought into joining the army that I don't think my mind can be changed. but I feel so terrible because my dad really wants me to think about my life, the future, aka family and stuff. We live on the West Coast, and he really is concerned about me getting disconnected from everyone.

I know he is right, but I have already set my eyes on the end goal, and I don't think anything can pull me away. How should I go about this situation? I figure you may be a good person to contact in regards to this, because you also have a son that is near my age and can think from my dad's perspective. I realize now that I am a jackass for not talking to them sooner. But hindsight being 2020, I cannot fix that. What should I be talking with my dad about and how should I express how serious I am on my goal?

Any advice would help and thank you for the podcast. Well, I'm going to start with this. You thought about this for 10 months and you took a while to come to the conclusion that you did. And you need to realize you just drop this on your parents. So maybe give them a little while too and take a little bit of the pressure off and the burden off your shoulders. You didn't do anything wrong. What I would say, since you brought up my son, who is about your age, and I can answer this from the perspective of what I want to be for my son. What I want to be for my son is somebody that he feels comfortable coming to and saying, hey, dad, what do you think about this?

And that this could be anything. military service, even though he's expressed, he has no desire in that whatsoever, but an occupation, a relationship, a financial transaction, whatever it would be. I want to be somebody, and not just my son's life, but all three of my kids' life, that they feel comfortable coming to me, regardless of the situation, good or bad, and they feel comfortable being vulnerable and asking my opinion. And in addition to that, I want to be somebody that whose opinion they value. So if my son came to me and said, hey, I have been thinking about this for the past 10 months, and this is the decision that I want to make, I initially too would probably be a little bit upset. Not necessarily about the decision, but probably I would be upset not at my son, but at myself. because the first thing that I would do is try to take a very critical look in the mirror

to see if there was something that I had done that would have put him into a place where he didn't feel comfortable asking me this question. So your dad is probably going through a very, there's a lot of geometry going on between your dad's ears right now. And it's going to take some time for it to sort out. He hasn't had the 10 months that you have had. I guarantee you that your father only wants the best for you. And I'm not going to say I guarantee you, but I suspect,

that things will get better between the two of you on this topic as the days go on. Now, living on the West Coast and he's really concerned about you getting disconnected from everybody, that doesn't have anything to do with the military. You know, there's no guarantee that you would necessarily have to get disconnected. Are you going to be able to stay on the West Coast? I don't know. I mean, there's Army components up in Washington. Actually, I'm terrible at where the Army components are and how they break out.

But there's no guarantee that you're going to have to disconnect from everybody. And also, if you pursued a higher education or a college somewhere else and a job somewhere else, the exact same thing could have happened. So that to me seems like a little bit of a knee jerk and a not well thought out necessarily comment. But I can understand that. I mean, I have conversations with my children about where they want to grow as their wings start to spread and end up flying on their own. What do I want? I want to grab them and not let them go anywhere. But I can't do that because that's not actually my job as their dad.

I want them to live their own fulfilled life. And to do that, I have to be able to disconnect or allow them to disconnect and pursue their dreams. You know, your parents, they might be concerned about your safety. I mean, I don't know how your family views military service. I don't know how much they pay attention to what's going on in the world. So there could be that aspect of it. Who knows what's going on between the years. But I guarantee you right now there's a lot of thoughts going on.

And I don't think you need to apologize to your dad. I don't think you need to be hard on yourself. I don't think that you need to feel like you have done anything wrong. You took some time to a good amount of time, an inappropriate amount of time, 10 months to think through who you are, who you want to become, what path, what that path is going to look like. Would your parents have had some input along the way if you had positioned this earlier on? Yes, they would have. But what if they had tried to talk you out of it?

But what if they had been able to talk you out of it? In 20 years down the road, you didn't pursue this path. And then you send me a different email that I get pretty often, which is I wanted to serve earlier in my life and I never did or had the chance to. And I regret it. So balance both of those things. Again, I don't think you did anything wrong. What I would say is sit your dad down, look him in the eyes and say, dad, I love you. I respect your opinion.

I respect what you think of me. I respect your thought process. And don't repeat these things verbatim. I'm just thinking out loud of how I would approach my dad. I would say, you know, I would lay the foundation for the conversation and those things. And then just explain why it is you chose to remain quiet. You were trying to figure yourself out first. And I think one of the best ways to do that is oftentimes by your.

yourself absent outside influence. Also, unless you have enlisted, which you didn't say you had in the email, you still have time. So if your dad is passionate about trying to talk you out of this, until you sign on that dotted line, raise your hand and go off to boot camp, you have time to continue to make your decision and to have these conversations with your dad. So don't forget to explain that to him as well. This is the decision that you have arrived at, but it's not something that's going to action overnight. But based the conversation in love, and don't be so hard on yourself.

You didn't do anything wrong. And again, I can understand how your dad feels as well. Give him a little bit of time. Time will help. Last question for today. Suicide Survivor's guilt. I've always had a deep respect for you as someone who understands the dichotomy

between a strong man in our society and one who understands the value of introspection and understanding the nuance of emotion. I do not know if I would describe myself like that. I describe myself as an idiot. Moving on. A couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of mine committed suicide. During my late teenage years and early 20s,

I worked closely with this person creating and performing music. After a time, my friends at mental health issues created an environment which caused a toxic friendship and working relationship. Due to this, I had to stop our working relationship. However, I was fortunate to retain a friend. friendship. Since the parting of ways, my music career has had some fortunate success. That with continued hard work and dedication will achieve the goals I once shared with my friend. During the grieving process, the wheels have kept turning. But I'm struggling with the fact that myself and the people

around me mourn our loss while the project continues with an upward trajectory. Just wondering about your thoughts on continuing on after losing someone to suicide. Your input is much appreciated. There's actually a lot of layers to this question. And unfortunately, I fall into a category of people that has a astronomically higher than normal level of friends who have chosen to end their lives. And it fucking sucks every single time. I had somebody last year who was one of the earliest mentors in my SEAL career, somebody who I have, some of the dearest memories of my early years in the SEAL teams, memories that I don't even know if this person, it would even have hit their radar as a meaningful memory to them.

But to me, they're rubber stamped on who I am for the rest of my life, decide to end his life. So I understand how jarring and catastrophic that this can be. I can't say that I, I can't say that I have ever been suicidal. What I can say is during the divorce, I certainly had more complex conversations with myself about suicide. And I think I have a slightly better understanding of what may lead people in that direction. Again, I'm not saying that I have ever been suicidal. I don't, I don't feel like I've ever felt that way.

but I do feel like it gave me a better understanding. I would say you have to separate the two here. The project continuing on with an upward trajectory is a metric of the work that you are putting in and probably your talent and skill and a combination of all of that. And it has nothing to do with the individual who chose to end their life.

And I would do everything you can to compartmentalize those two. You should not feel guilt about your success in the future. especially as it relates to the loss of your friend. Take the time. The biggest piece of advice I think I can give on this, and everybody listening should know this without a shadow of a doubt, and that's that I'm not an expert on this at all.

But take the time to mourn, which is not something that I did when I was younger, and all I can tell you is that by not doing that earlier on, all I did was write myself an IOU for later in my life to have to unpack some of those things. And by that, I mean the impact of those decisions by other people on my life. And not that it was their fault. It was my unwillingness to deal with it at the time that created issues. It was not their fault. It was my own for not working through it. Take the time to mourn. And I think the best thing that you can do, and this has helped me tremendously, is to try to celebrate those individuals.

as much as you can as often as you can. And when the opportunity presents itself, share stories about them and talk about them. So at least they can remain in memory, your memory, in the collective memory. It has helped me work through a lot of the struggles that I have had with the losses of my friends. Surprisingly enough, I run into the same group of people at events where we are memorializing their lives. And oftentimes we end up crying because of laughter about all the stories we had and how much we miss that individual and how much we wish we had the opportunity to create more stories with that person. But sharing those things and expressing those things and allowing those things to work through you, it's made an impact on my life. I've seen it had an impact on other people's lives.

And I hope that it can have an impact on yours. I will get slammed with emotions about the loss of my friends at times that I don't expect them. And one thing that I have learned to do is not to try to bottle that up. But if something reminds me of something that I'm happy about that occurred with that individual, or if something comes up that just absolutely floors me and I will break into fucking tears and be unable to do anything for a short period of time, I don't try to stop it either way. I try to allow it to work through me in the hopes that in doing so, I'm somehow processing that and moving on with my life, but I'm moving on with my life with the memory and love of that

individual. So take the time. Don't put an egg timer on your morning. Actually, don't even boundary it at all. And do the best you can to remember who they are, to celebrate who they were, and continue on with your life. Don't let it affect that upward trajectory. The two are not related. And that is all I have for this Friday. See you guys. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tune in, whether you're listening on an audio-only platform or you're watching on YouTube. I appreciate that you take the time every week to tune in.

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