Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 67 with Vaughn Stumpf

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A submitted from the listeners! A variety of topics with a five-minute time cap per answer, sometimes. Co-hosted with my father, Vaughn 1. Thoughts on Afghanistan and Vietnam 2. Rugby. Where did he find his passion for the sport, what positions did he play, and the life lessons and support one can find through physical activity 3. Teaching and encountering children that you may want to give up on 4. Mentorship, who have they been and how did you find them 5. Dating after death and divorce 6. What is one thing every man should know how to do  Enjoy

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Are you ready? Ready? Back by popular demand. You were saying that you needed an agent and your own logo this morning, which we won't be discussing. So I picked, what do we got here? Six. And I try to pick different ones than we have talked about before. Before we get into the questions, the number one overwhelming question was,

what are your thoughts on what's happening in Afghanistan through the lens of your generation's war in Vietnam? And we would be remiss to not discuss that because quite a few people have reached out. What are your thoughts? It's distressing on many levels. Being a veteran of a war that ended up in a similar fashion, we've continued to make the same mistakes over and over. What do you think it would take for us to stop making those mistakes? Well, there was a, I forget the gentleman's first name, his last name was Weinberger. he came up with a, I forget who's president, what president he was an advisor to or a cabinet member.

He came up with a set of things that we should always follow if we're going to go into a conflict. One, there is a goal. Two, there's a way out. There's a way you're going to do it. Costs and all the time. And it was never, never followed. Has it ever been followed? Again, I would say no.

I mean, it's like Afghanistan. We really didn't go in there to liberate Afghanistan. Well, that's an important point that you bring up. And I think at least from a conceptual perspective, people should take a moment to perhaps realize that it actually never was about Afghanistan. We never went to Afghanistan to save Afghanistan. I don't think we ever went there with the intent of building up Afghanistan or probably, with any idea of the length of the occupation. If you go back to what we originally went there for, it was to seek those who had plans 9-11 and those safe havens, deny them those safe havens,

took longer than we probably thought it was going to. But at the end of the day, it was never actually about Afghanistan. And I also think it's important for people to realize, and again, I'm not an expert on the region, much like I put up in my Instagram post, I can tell you about the topography and geography, the different provinces that I saw. I can tell you a little bit about the people. I can tell you about the Afghan National Army people that I work with, the Afghan National Police. I'll tell you a little bit about their culture. I'm not an expert on the region. But what I can tell you based on my experience is that I don't think Afghanistan ever in its history has been what the West would probably want it to be, and I don't think it ever will be in

the future. Well, we went in there with a special forces group at the end of the Russian conflict, 12 soldiers, special forces who trained, armed. through various means we got Stinger missiles in there because the helicopters were such a problem with the jets and ended that war just ended just put the Russians right back on their ass we should have left said this is yours you know but for a personal i think we did leave and i think we did but we should have just but my thing my whole thing is the personal part of it for the families that sacrifice so much for the men and women uh that have come home with obvious wounds, those that are not obvious, mothers and fathers that lost a son or a daughter, that feeling has to be just horrendous. I know it was 1973, I think it was, I was getting ready to go to Australia, and it was when they were releasing the POWs from Hanoi. And I was laying on the couch one night, and they were releasing them.

and many of those prisoners were there at the same time I was, and I'd been home from that war since 1967. It was shocking in so many different ways. I'm involved in a veterans group right now. I see what that cost is on so many people that, for whatever reason, have had experiences they just can't manage. And they're managing them, but they are, it affects every part of their life.

You know, with me, I was very fortunate. I married your mom. She knew who I was. She knew the person I was before I went over there. So many veterans came home from my war, your wars, and get married to someone who really didn't know who you were before. So there was a grounding effect there that mom always kept me, she kept checks on me, you know, and it took her a long time to get me into counseling,

but she would remind me when I was getting off rail. Objectively, I feel like you resisted mom's checks at many times throughout your life and pushed back against the advice that she may have kept. Well, you know, that's probably pretty typical for me, but I also listen, you know, and I could tell when I was spiraling out of control. I dealt with something improperly. So you've got all this stuff that's happening now again. You know, you can't blame Biden.

I mean, I mean, I guess to some extent you can. Well, you can blame him for his actions and the actions that he has taken since taking office. But again, I'll reference back to what I'm limited to write on Instagram due to the number of characters that you're held to. people really have to grow the fuck up with their optic and realize that four administrations had involvement directly in Afghanistan. It's not all his fault. Do I think that what they're doing right now? Did I think that his administration executed a flawless job?

No, the exact opposite of that. But I personally think we should have been out of that country a decade ago. And, you know, it wouldn't have been Biden who was in office. Actually, who would it have been a decade ago? in 2011. Was that Obama? Very beginning, I believe. And here's the thing.

It doesn't matter who it was. What's happening now would have happened then as well too. It's very easy to point at the person who is in the seat right now and say this is your fault. That's a very myopic view. And it's an unfair view. And again, I'm not saying that I think he's doing a good job at all. However, some of what he's dealing with was inherited, like his predecessor inherited it. like his predecessor inherited it.

And then like his predecessor initiated it. It involves all four of them. People, I'm so sick and tired of the left, the right. It's like this pointing fingers. The reality is we look like right now a bunch of assholes to the world. We're leaving a lot of people behind that it's really hard to describe the level of risk that, and I can only speak directly to interpreters or contractors that we would work with. I'd go on deployment.

I'd come home. And I'd come back a year later, two years later, They're still there. They just rotate through the different units as the units come in and they go out. They don't get to go home. They live in that country under risk and threat the entire time. I would say that their risk tolerance and threat tolerance exceeded what I had. And then we leave them behind.

There's a great movie, Charlie Wilson's War, is how they funded that operation to, you know, taking care of the Russians. and when the war was all over, Charlie Wilson was a senator or congressman, I forget what he was. And graphically, he said, I need more of a budget because we've got to take, we got to build schools, we've got to do this, this, this, this, this, and this. And everybody just said, no, it's over. We're not even talking about this anymore. And it's people, they look through this small prism and try to evaluate something that is enormous. There's so many facets to it. You know, there's so many facets to it. You were on car size watch. You saw it intimately. You know, what was going on, how it was being administered, or it wasn't being administered. It was in its infancy at that point. I mean, we're talking months into him being put into that position. So, I mean, in the years afterwards, it grew to what it would become. My literal job, I mean, was to stand outside of the office that he was in. I didn't see too much of the mechanisms being built.

Well, when we went into either Iraq or Afghanistan, I mean, we opened up a Pandora's box of, it just completely disrupted the whole Middle East. I mean, you just look at the refugee problem, millions upon millions of people without a home. Just it's a frightening scenario. We don't see it. It doesn't affect us. You know, why are people as outraged about that? You know, it's, again, how do we fix it? You said they're looking at a very complex broad issue through a pinhole.

Yeah, it's unfortunate. Again, it's, I just on a personal level, I feel so sad for the families. Veterans that lost friends, you know, do you question yourself whether it was worth it or what have you? You went over and did what you thought you had to do. You're defending your country. You know, you're serving under the flag of the United States. and you know you look at those pictures of those people trying to escape Afghanistan, as you pointed out, falling off the plane. You know, it's, it's, it's a tough headspace and what I would recommend to people because I had to go through this personal journey myself of thoughts because frustration doesn't even begin to describe it, let alone the economic cost, but the manpower cost, the literal blood sweat and

tears, but the missed birthdays, the missed first steps, the missed holidays, the mist, all of those things that the tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands of troops experienced over there, if you view, again, what is happening in Afghanistan right now, as we failed, I would recommend to the veterans who feel that way to change your optic. And I'll go back to what I opened with is that it was never actually about Afghanistan. What we were trying to do was to try to pursue and push the evil that attacked us on 9-11 as hard and as fast as possible to prevent it from happening again. It was never about Afghanistan, and we haven't had a 9-11 since 9-11.

I don't think it was in vain. Could it have been executed better? I think warfare always could in the rearview mirror. I think at the time you do the best you can. Yeah. Well, again, look at the Weinberg Accord and what he laid out. I don't remember the particulars of what his position was, but what he laid out in steps of what we should check each box before we do that. I mean, obviously, sometimes you got a rack.

Yeah, of course. But again, it's there, and as you accurately said, has it ever been done, you know. Ready for a lighter subject? Lighter. Okay. These actually are mostly about rugby in your teaching career. Oh, nice. And I picked them because we haven't really talked about them much.

Yeah, okay. So the first one actually, I remember this, and it ties into this next one. Where did you develop your passion for rugby? When were you first exposed to it? When I was stationed at Coronado, there was Turner Field, which was the Farr. On the NAB side. Yeah, exactly. And the SEAL teams had a team.

In fact, they were the UDT teams at that time. Hold on a sec. You know what I forgot to do? Turn the AC off. So I saw it. I caught it before it went on. Okay, good. I saw it there and I just got fascinated with it.

We were playing, you know, tackle football between the barracks here at Coronado. And it was a bloodbath, you know, but it was fun. And so I had a brief exposure to it there. I got out at the service in 67. And I met an old friend. I had gone back to Cabrillo College, junior college, and my buddy says, hey, I got this great sport we ought to do. And it was rugby.

So I got involved, went over and played over in the San Jose area. Were you hooked immediately as soon as you started playing it? Yeah, because I got to run with the ball. I never you know I was just knocking things down before I get to run with the ball oh man you know and I finally got to feel what it was like to get tackled and it's a whole other metric you put your body through to get ready and it's such a great team sport 15 people 80 minutes no timeouts you've got eight forwards are like the linemen and football you've got seven backs that are like wide receivers quarterbacks and it's just mixed of strategy, the game has changed dramatically since I started. And it's quicker, it's faster. The rules have been changed. We only had two substitutions when I played, period.

You played short. Now you can sub up to seven. Seven people or seven times? Seven people. Oh, wow. Yes. And the game, the rules have been changed. And it's all about it's, you really develop a community.

community because, I mean, it's a war when you go out. I mean, that's a gross. It's common sporting analogy. Yeah. But you're out there and your buddies have got to have your back because it's vicious. And I went to college of San Diego State, started playing at San Diego State, moved to Australia, played there, came home, played at the University of California, Santa Cruz because in those days, they were very liberal. It was a club sport, so there was, you know, with that, I blew my knee out the year you were born and retired. We moved to Missoula, and I discovered...

Unretired? I was unretired and played with the Missoula maggots, played the Cal's Bell Moose, the Helen Billings, Bowesman. You know, a home game for us was like a two-hour road trip. We played Snake River one year and went down, met them in Sam and Idaho, took over a golf course, two fairways, put up our goalposts, and played the game. I mean, it was bizarre. It was bizarre. And then I started coaching, and I've coached ever since.

I love the passion of the game. I love the people. It's a very social game. You know, it's a game where you play. You go out and literally kick the crap out of each other for 80 minutes. and when it's over, you have a party, you drink way too much beer, you know, goofy songs that are completely inappropriate today. And yeah, I'm almost 75 and I'm still doing it.

So throughout that storied career that you had this morning, Casey, as she does, likes to interject and tell both of us what we should do and how we should do it and what we should talk about on the podcast. Of course. but you did discuss while playing rugby another grown man biting your testicle and I would like to know how in the fuck that happened well as I said it's a very intimate sport

we were up playing in Canada we'd go up to Canada to play and there's a part of the game it's called a ruck when the ball's on the ground and both teams are driving into each other and sometimes you get bound in you can't get out. And this Canadian just reached over and just snapped onto my sack. And I mean, I punched him right in the ear, you know, and the son of a gun, he just laughed at me, you know. It's just, it's so funny. We were playing a tour inside from France up in San Francisco in the polo fields. and they are notorious for being just absolutely horrible. I heard one of my teammates scream,

and this French player walks to the sideline and spits on the ground and is half of the guy's ear. I mean, I never seen on a rugby fan. Well, I got the boys together. I said, he's not walking off the pitch. Well, 10 minutes later, they carried him off the pitch. And it was just understood. That's just, you know.

But it's a real gentleman's game. I mean, there's a lot that can be done out there. I don't know if you can follow a tale of somebody's ear being bit off with it's a real gentleman's game. Oh, it is. I mean, those things happen in every, you know, facet of life. There's some crazy. Do they, though? Oh, yeah.

Do they? Yeah. I've seen it in a boxing ring one time by a crazy man. Well, that's the way I taught my rugby players. I said, you know, you get in a group and the guy on the other team won't give you the ball, you know, release the ball. I said, just slowly reach up between his legs and give him a little. tug on the sack and the ball will go right to the ground. And I can't believe they look at me and go, you were right. Yeah. Yeah, it's, you know, these are just, you know, club sports and it's

I forgot how much Casey and I were actually raised around rugby. And quite frankly, what mom tolerated. I mean, it's, you've been on the pages of Playgirl with your rugby team, not a well-known fact. First, we were the first centerfold. We were the first centerfold. We were the first centerfold. We were playing in a rugby tournament in Santa Barbara before We didn't have any money. We were just state college. And we had our team manager drove an X-K-E Jaguar. I mean, it was classic.

And he never played. Ralfo Brinsky was his name. I'm amazed I can even remember that. And he goes to Playgirl and said, Look, for the price of one, give you 30. And Playgirl got right back to him, and said, we're on. You know?

So Playgirl with all their cameras and stuff shows up. And we used to practice in the bowl at San Diego State where they played the football games. Mom was sitting up in the bleachers watching us laughing her fanny off. And, you know, they took pictures of us playing the game and what have you. And then they had a group picture. And the only thing we had on was our socks and cleats. and they falls in the shower. I mean, it was just this whole port.

It was great. Well, the week that that Playgirl magazine came out was the weekend we were playing in Santa Barbara. Well, the girls were on the sideline going, hey, I want to meet this guy here. But it was just a, it was during the streaking craze, my mom called me up. It was on 60 minutes. She called me. She said, son, tell me you weren't in there. I said, mom, you're right.

would never, you know, do anything like that. It was, it was, yeah, well, one of the other crazy things, I had played with the Missoula maggots. They have a tournament that's called the Maggot Fest. It's not a tournament. It's a fest where teams come from all over. And part of it is you have a costume. Saturday night, they have a huge party, which I took you to when you were like 14 years old.

and we had a group, very creative, a bunch of guys, and they made us all Catholic nun habits with the hoods and the full gown and the white collars. And we waited about an hour before the party, after the party started, and we came walking in side by side. It was like the Red Sea opening. And I mean, I don't know how many people I married that weekend in that. I mean, it made the front. front page, it was a hoot. And I had a very good team there. The maggots always presented the best team on the pitch, a trophy, and the best partying team. And we're the only team.

Hold both titles. Both titles. Call that the champ champ. And what was really funny, it was in the days that we had a real prankster on our team and he snuck a megaphone onto the airplane before security and all this. We're flying into Salt Lake. he gets on, this is your captain, please bear with me, this is my first attempt. The stewardesses are going nuts because people are looking and we're going, gee, you know, this is captain's stuff here. We're going to be landing. There's some problem with the runway, but I think I can avoid it. I mean, you go to jail for that shit now.

When we went back and flew back through Salt Lake City, they were waiting for us and put us in an isolated area. Well, we found ways to sneak out. We were sitting at the bar having a beer in our nun's outfit, having a cigar. Mothers and fathers were walking by holding their children so they went and look at us and see us. It was, this is just the crazy stuff you do. You know, you went with us when we went to the Cayman Islands. Yeah. You know, it was.

Yeah, like I said, listening to Casey Talk this morning and last night a little bit. I forgot how much I was actually raised around the sport. Yeah. Yeah, well, that was the time of the bag. And they were such, are, such an incredibly wonderful group of people. I have modeled every team I've coached since then on their structure. It was a family, and I love that. And a lot of participation.

I mean, obviously in a small state like this, and you traveled so much. But I've made every attempt I could to work on making it more than just a team, but a family. It's worked well. It's done well. Ties into the first question. What positions did he play during his rugby career? And what did he learn from it? In South Africa, rugby is almost a religion to us.

Also, the camaraderie he had with his teammates seemed to carry him through a lot of difficult times. How has taking part in physical sporting activities helped you and your father deal with life in general? So first, what positions did you play? I played either number six, seven or eight, which in my day they were called the wing forwards. when the two groups come together and push, called the scrum, I played on the peripheral side. The end of my career, I ended up playing as a second row, four or five. You've got eight people, 16 guys pushing against each other, and it's a dance.

I mean, it's all about balance. It's all about coordination. It's a lot of work. and it's I mean you're reaching and grabbing in places that you know you've got to have a lot of faith in the guy that you're playing with and it was yeah it's

it was great it's such a passionate sport when I started playing it was very vicious the rules were very far and few between I mean we used to get hurt more in practice than we did in the games and but the game has evolved where there's a lot of, there's a rule in rugby today. I mean, it's always

been that way, that when you tackle, you must wrap your arms around the person. If you would put that rule into football, you would eliminate the greatest majority of your injuries because people are using their body as a torpedoing in people. And you don't drive your head on the front side when you tackle, you wrap your head behind. And Pete Carroll of the Seahawks is started teaching as players how to tackle that way, and they've noticed a dramatic drop in their injuries. What did I learn from it? How about the camaraderie?

I feel like, I mean, most of the dearest friends that I have seen you have through the majority of your life are people that you played rugby with, or Big Tony or Tony Anderson. Yeah, well, Tony Anderson didn't play. I thought he did. No, no, he never played. But Jerry Penny, Mad Dog, Dirty Bill,

all these guys. I just came back from a weekend. We're 10 of us together, and eight of them are off the original team at UC Santa Cruz. It's a brotherhood. It's, again, it's very physical. It takes a lot of work. There's a lot of teamwork.

And the whole game is about not you, but your teammate. You do everything you can to score. It's all about support. Support, support, support, support. One of the issues you bring up a great deal I really stress in mind, it's leadership. Everybody's a leader, not just one person. And through that, you know, it's difficult teaching Americans the game to be successful at it because whether you were a point garden basketball or you played water polo,

Americans don't learn how to make a decision with a ball in hand. So setting somebody up with this quick pass and you're still taking the blunt of the tackle, it just takes a lot of patience in time, especially women. Some of them get it right away. Some of them are real gun-shy. But I've loved watching that progression of them growing. A lot of respect. I mean, the game is over.

You've just, you know, you've broken noses, bloody noses. And you line up and you go down and you shake your opponent's hands. You go have a beer. I mean, it's over. You know, you go out there, you put your jock strap on, and you put a mouthpiece in, and just flat get after it. And it's, there's a lot of identity. You have the South Africans, you've got the Kiwis, the Australians.

It was an English game, and anywhere the English have gone, they've taken that game with them. You can see them pictures of them in the Second World War in North Africa playing in the sand. We'd have, when I was at San Diego, we'd have teams, ships come in from different parts of the world. And we'd host them and they'd have a team, you know, a bunch of guys they'd put together and we'd play.

Yeah. So, and I, you know, I went to France. You know, I, when my women graduate, their senior year, I give them their, excuse me, their jersey. And I also had a high school team and I did the same thing. And I tell them, you can wear this jersey anywhere in the world and you will immediately find a home. And I've had them come back to me and say, Jesus, I didn't believe it, but you were right.

So there is, it's, you know, it's, it's a lifestyle. I tell people all the time that you can learn everything that I learned in the military, maybe to a, a less consequential degree through organized sports. I mean, you really can. The lessons are there. Like you said, leadership, the aggregation of leadership, everybody thinking like they're a leader, being proactive versus reactive, communication, reliance upon the people on your left and right.

Like, they can all be learned. The military, I think, is just a little bit more of a high consequence environment. The tail end, how is taking part in physical sporting activities, helped you in your father deal with life in general? Do you find that your mental state will decline if you're not able to be physically active? Because I absolutely do. I find a great deal of mental buffering and propping up from physical activity and the ability to get out and sweat and test myself. I'm going through that now.

It's not being able to be active. It's, I spent a lot of years running into things. And it's, you know, my neck, my back, my knee. my hips. But what I've started to do is I have got myself a Nordic track treadmill. And every other day, I'll do that until I'm ringing wet. And I told Debbie, I said, it's as close as I'll ever get to be an athlete again. I love feeling my body. I love feeling my body get stronger. I love the physical exertion. This, the endorphins that you get off of it. you learn how to adapt.

You know, sports is, it's not always about being the best, but how do I fit into a group, you know, and teaching people that. And I talked to them about that, you know, why we didn't, why weren't we successful? We were better than them. Why weren't we successful? You know, it's just, but not being able to, I still play golf a couple times a week. I don't walk anymore. It's just too hard on my back.

But, yeah, the end. aging processes I'm not impressed with at all. It doesn't look that fun. All right. Question two. This one goes to your teaching days. Mr. Stumpf, senior. When teaching, did you ever want to give up on a kid who appeared beyond teaching? And how did you approach it? And for clarity, you were teaching physical education.

Yeah, you know, I'm embarrassed to say probably I did. But I always went back and looked at myself and would go back and I addressed. it is a challenge. I wasn't always successful. You know, some, as you're teaching, you run into a lot of children that bring problems from home or what have you, you know, lived in an area. I mean, my first teaching job was working in a rehab center lockdown with these kids that didn't do anything. I mean, they just were nasty, they had a lot of problems, and had a little bit of success, you know, just getting them to do stuff. But yeah, you know, it's children, you know, they watch you. You have to develop trust. And once you can get trust, you can do,

you know, just about anything with kids. A lot of people take it the wrong way, you know. But having the kids know that, especially in PE, I developed at the elementary level, I was hired to put together a PE program at a bunch of junior high school's based solely on perceptual motor development and this kindergarten through sixth grade it was all about bipedal actions teaching kids how to jump rope balance beam work I went into the gym and made all kinds of different targets of different sizes where they could hit the bigger target and challenged them to get to the smaller target. How many times could you bounce it off the wall?

Just a lot. And the old elementary teachers, most of them all were women, were very skeptical of me. But where I made the bridge, and again, it was trust, where I started talking about these children, and they started sharing with me their academic problems, and a lot of it was tied into their physical problems. their lack of coordination, their what have you. And to get them past that, they flourished. Yeah. You know, and flourish is different with each student too.

Sometimes you just need to find a little bit of success. Yeah, you know, you get 30 kids that came in. I was teaching my first time I ever taught kindergarten. I mean, and I realized I got a small little chair and sat on it because I just dwarfed, just, you know, dwarfed over the top of them. again, get into their level, you know, finding some way. And that's what's gone on with the rest of my life, you know. I get angry.

I lose my temper and I, you know, I just, you got to back up. And again, it's just, is this really where I want to go with this? And it's, I had to quit teaching because I didn't have to, but it was, it wasn't where I wanted my family to be. I wanted more financial rewards than I could get. So that's when I went back into the masonry. But I only did it because I could maintain my coaching. And so I had the best of both worlds.

Challenging occupation for sure. All right. This ties in a little bit. Mentorship. I know you've both likely had mentors and role models during your military service, which may be different. How did he and you find mentors outside of the military? Well, probably one of my first mentors was a teacher slash coach I had in high school.

And he was such a gentleman, big man, and he treated us all the same, whether we were the best athlete or the worst athlete. I stayed in contact with him. I just went to his memorial service about a year ago. and he was a wonderful man. It just, it was his personality, and it's probably why I ended up doing, being a teacher and a coach. I thought so much of this guy.

You know, it's just, it's always, to me, is how people treat you, you know, and that's the lesson we, you know, you treat other people how you'd want to be treated yourself. Yeah. And it's, it's, I often find that people will,

will look at individuals that are incredibly accomplished. They will put them on a pedestal and assume that they are going to be a good mentor. And in my personal experience, the ability to mentor somebody and the ability to achieve something yourself, they're not always or even often found in the same person. I would rather take somebody who is average or above average in their ability, but incredible in their ability to elevate other people than somebody who is phenomenal, but it can't elevate anybody else. And it goes back to how do they, you know, how do they, how do they, how do they treat you?

It's how do they treat you? Are they honest? And you can see right through this. You know, kids have a big, wide open filter that stuff goes through. And it's, one of the, one of my biggest challenge teaching was finding a student that I couldn't reach or was really shy and being able to, you know, make, inroads into them so where we could develop a conversation. In the military, I had, you know, it's just, again, it was, it was leadership. You know, you weren't a seaman or a second class or third class. You were a person. And, you know, it gets back to that leadership. It's not something,

it's, you earn it. You know, and it's just, it's just those people stick out. You know, I listen to you on some of your podcasts. I used to go with you sometimes when you were doing the CrossFit stuff. And your demeanor, your approach. I mean, people gravitate to your level of expertise, your enthusiasm, your sense of humor. And those are all things that are there. You know, it's just either have them or you don't. One thing I'll add is for people who are in the military, realize there's a lot.

difference between leadership and rank. Again, sometimes found in the same person. Sometimes not. So be careful who you put on a pestil, and I would worry far less about their personal accomplishments. Well, I'll give you a great example of that when I was overseas, we used to go down to China Beach, and it literally had a barbed war fence that ran from the jungle right out under the water, and the North Vietnamese were on one side of the beach.

It was all recognized as a place you just went and relaxed and did your stuff. And Roger Stauback was a football player? Football player. He was a lieutenant, J.G., out of the Naval Academy. He was a supply officer there, and he would come down and play. He was the nicest, sweetest man. It was just everybody just gravitated to him. I mean, here he was the Heistman trophy winner.

He'd already signed a contract with the Dallas Cowboys. he was going on to be what he became. But his, he was just a wonderful man and it was there. It was just, you know. Rank or no rank. It made no difference. You know, we're all on the beach, a pair of shorts and no bars or stripes. It was just, you know.

All right, changing gears. When my father died of cancer, my folks had been married just shy for 35 years. My mother was quick to date. What are Vaughn's thoughts on dating post-death or divorce? I think it's different with everybody. I felt guilty about dating early after mom died, had a wonderful counselor down in San Diego, and I was seeing him, so I went back and saw him,

and he looked at me, and he says, what's wrong? You never start talking? He says, you're dating, aren't you? And I said, yeah. And he says, don't feel guilty about that. He said, your wife had been dying for years. Subconsciously, you were getting ready to do that.

You were ready, you know. I can't explain it clinically or anything, but it made sense to what he was saying. Again, it's different with everybody. You know, I think you'd be honest with your family, your friends. If they don't understand it, I mean, you respect that level, but it's still your life. know, as long as you're being respectful, it's, yeah, it's, it's tough. Honestly, looking at that question, I think that's the only, what you open with, I think is the only thing that you can say. It depends on the situation. So I can only speak about it

from divorce. And as I was going through my own divorce process, I, you know, other people would reach out who were going through their process. We're wondering whether or not initiating that process was the right thing where they had just finish it. And I had the ability to talk through a lot of situations with people and they were very open with me. And the reality is every relationship is so different. I talked to people who had been so distant from their partner for a decade. We're talking sleeping in different bedrooms. Sure. You know, who gives a shit what the legal document says, you know, and then one of the number one things that people would talk about was the feeling of guilt as well too. And it was almost as if people were judging them. And I have encountered a few

people that are judgmental about that. And of course, they haven't walked a mile in your shoes and they don't understand the situation. So for those people, my advice is like look, find yourself on a map and then look at the distance between where you are and where I am in Calispell and then eat every fucking dick between those two spots. If you're not going to be willing to walk a mile in those shoes, you need to shut the fuck up because it's drastically different. per situation, and I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. And loneliness is a horrible thing. It really is.

And I don't think any spouse would ever want you or anyone to live their life like that. I don't know. I just can't imagine there's some point that, oh, now it's all, it's okay. For me, I lived in a small community with a group of friends, so, you know, and I met people in there that, you know, me, knew me or what have you. And, you know, you meet people, you associate things. And again, it's all about respect. It's all about reaching out to your loved ones.

And don't be afraid to talk about it. It doesn't mean you have to agree. But talk about it, you know. And then you might find through that, it's okay, I've, Those feelings, and you have to respect those other people's feelings, too. It's just not all about you. Yeah. And you just, you know, with divorce, I knock on wood, never went through anything like that.

But it's like you see people who are going through a divorce. That marriage ended years before. It's not decades. Yeah. It's, you know, and the human spirit is craving for touch, for affection. Somebody who will listen to you. somebody who will, you know, hold you when you need to be held. Those things are so strong.

And you shouldn't deprive yourself of that. I mean, everybody's got a certain degree how they made your respect. And we have to honor that. But, yeah, it's just be honest. Last question for this Full Auto Friday. What is one thing every man should know how to do? say I'm sorry I almost had that as my answer

and I actually without discussing this with you that was my initial thought too and then I landed on be capable willing and able to stand up and do what is right I think you have to have both of those but both of those interestingly well maybe not interestingly

they're learned you need to see that behavior modeled and I don't know if people come out of the box knowing how to do those things I don't think they do unless it's modeled and taught. Well, they learn it from the time, you know, they're born and their family. You know, you see a lot of people who don't get along or they're horrible. They're usually from families that are just destroyed.

It's, you know, doing what it's right without a doubt. You know, it's, I agree with you. It's just being able to stand up, know when you're wrong and be able to say it. know what's right, even when it's uncomfortable. You know, it's with your children. And it's, they'll see that, you know, it's, I had a situation at the park. You know, your kids were there. And we had buster.

Do you mean a situation where you walked by a variety of signs that said no dogs? Yeah. Yeah. And finally, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, uh, the, the, uh, the deputy come over and he said, you know, and your kids are right there and Casey's kids. And, you know, and I didn't lie to him. I said, yes, officer, I saw him. But I'm with my grandchildren.

And Riley, not Riley, but Carter, you know, he said, Grampy, why didn't he give you that fine? I said, I think. Because you were honest. I said, because I was honest with the guy. I said, I apologize. I said, you know, I thought it was worth more to me to be down here with my grandchildren. then and, yes, you know, life lesson right there. There you go.

Closing thoughts by the senior member of the stump family. What do you got? Good. No closing thoughts? Or do you have closing? Clothing thoughts? Not clothing thoughts. I mean, I guess you could give fashion advice if you want, but closing thoughts.

I got one thing I want to say. The last podcast. The Q&A one we did? Yeah. I was very touched because I, I watched it and then I saw there were comments from people afterwards. I was very touched by the people in their comments. It was very, it was great.

And I think it's a blessing. I still watch that, not so much for all the other stuff, but I love listening to you laugh. I listen, us talking together. And it's something our family will always have. We should go over some basic text stuff, though, because you basically wrote a sentence on your personal Facebook page that said, hey, I was on a podcast, check it out. I could show you how to maybe attach the video, that would allow people to see it. I don't, you know, I'm not, I just ignore the electronics.

I just, you know, maybe it's lazy. It's a whole bunch of stuff, but I, you know, it's new to you. We can get you over that threshold. You know, it's just, I swear to God, I don't know how we ever got anywhere in this world without the computer or the cell phone. I mean, it's just watching these young people today with those things, frightened the dickens out of me. It just, it seems like the more

we communicate, the less we're communicating. Yeah, and it frightens me how this is, it's grabbed our youth, our children, and it literally hypnotizes them. It doesn't have to be bad, but there's just phases of it.

I mean, I'm watching people riding their bicycle talking on their cell phone with Zoom or some damn thing. I'm fine with that, because that usually leads to a head-on collision. And I get a good, hearty belly laugh out of that shit. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah.

No, this is a great medium. I enjoy your other podcasts. I don't get to see them all. But I just wanted to thank everybody for their respect that they showed and their thoughts. It was great. Cool. We'll do it again next time you come up. Let's go get a Huckleberry milkshake.

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