Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 99

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

Rapid Fire Q and A to finish off the week: 1. What advice and action steps should someone take who has damaged their professional reputation 2. My husband claims he is a "game-time player" when it comes to violence, how can I get him to actually train 3. My wife does not love me anymore and we have 4 kids, what should I do 4. Officer or Enlisted in the SEAL Teams, which is better and why Enjoy

Full out of Friday, number 99. One away from the big number. Spoiler alert. I'm not doing anything fancy or special for number 100. So let's just dig in. Let's do a little Friday, Q&A. Number 99. We're 100 minus 1 on the way.

Here we go. I'm looking at danger close now. All right. Let's get into this so we can get into our weekend. Question one. As you had a prior profession where a person's reputation was everything, I would like to get your opinion on the other side of the coin. You have likely encountered teammates who have done something stupid and ruined their professional reputation. Nothing criminal, just stupid and unprofessional.

Imagine you are a team leader. What advice and action steps would you advise that young fuckwad to take to restore his reputation? Asking for a friend. Great question. And let me just tell you. I did encounter teammates who did stupid things and dinged their professional reputation. I don't know if I'd say ruined their professional reputation. And guess what?

That was me as well, both as a younger enlisted seal and then also as an officer. The ability to step on one's dick is not directly tied to your rank. Now, to the question, somebody, a friend of yours, has done something that's not criminal, but stupid and unprofessional. team leader what advice and action steps would you advise that young fuck ward to take to restore his reputation so i'm going to do this from two different i'll answer the question directly first as the team leader what i would say if i see somebody doing something stupid and unprofessional first and foremost you address it immediately you address it as early as you see behavior that you want corrected coming to the surface because if you don't i'm going to go back to a uh a quote that i use often

What you allow in your presence is your standard. So if you see something, a behavior or an action that needs correction, you need to do it immediately if you are in a leadership position. Sit this person down in a private setting, obviously. This doesn't have to be confrontational in any way, shape, or form. And let this person know exactly where they are falling short. That's a topic for a different question, sharding. Let them know where they are falling short. and then outline the steps that they would need to take correctively to get back to the standard

that you are looking to hold. It needs to be clear and concise. It needs to be objective, not subjective. When you're giving people subjective feedback, there's a lot of room for bias to creep its way in. So one of the things that I recommend for individuals and organizations is have a published set of standards. It's very easy to point at that and say, hey, Listen, these are the standards. These are where you're falling short. Anything outside of that can be viewed through the lens of subjectivity, which can be viewed through the lens of bias. We live in a very litigious society, and all I'm saying is protect yourself and cross your T's and dot your eyes when you're doing these things.

But as a leader, you have to address it immediately. Now, what if you fail as a leader, what should you do? This is going to tie directly into what you should do as the individual who had potentially failed. Step number one, own your behavior. Stand up. Raise your hand, like metaphorically, obviously. Stand up, raise your hand and say, hey, I fucked up. I am responsible for my behavior. This is what I did.

This is what happened. And that is on me. If an apology is necessary, you need to go and give that apology. Let me tell you this. In my opinion, at least, an apology. absent behavioral change is meaningless. If you're going to apologize to somebody for something that you have done, but then you continue to do that thing that you apologized for,

all you're really doing is playing that other person, right? You're not taking accountability. You are not taking responsibility because what's coming out of your mouth is divergent from what you are actually doing. This erodes the trust that your peers are going to have with you and in you, in your peers. If you're in a leadership position, don't think for a second that people don't pick on this stuff, pick on this stuff, pick up on this stuff rapidly and that it has an impact. So you have to be very cautious between what comes out of your mouth and what actions you actually

take. If you're going to apologize for something, that's great. What means even more is actually modifying your behavior. So people around you, maybe they didn't get the chance to sit down with you and have an apology, but what they do see is a change in your behavior, trending in the right direction. You know, when it comes to making mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. If you haven't made a mistake, or if you tell people you haven't made a mistake, one, you either have not been alive long enough, or two, you're a fucking liar. Probably the latter. Everybody makes mistakes. You should expect to make mistakes. You should not expect to be perfect. Don't put yourself up on that pedestal. But what you should also expect of yourself is when you feel.

fall short of the standard that is either published or that you set for yourself, that you can own that and take it as a learning point. And again, key feature here, modify behavior in the future. Because if you're unwilling to do that, right, if you're going to do the same thing and expect a different outcome, go look up in the dictionary, the definition of insanity, and that's what you're going to find. Nobody wants to work for somebody who's insane. Trust me, as somebody who has worked for people who I would consider to be a little bit crazy. And then give it some time. Apologies are great.

Changing behavior is great, but expect there to be a little bit of lag time between that apology and the change in your behavior before really rebuilding and, you know, putting spackle over the holes in the walls that you may have created with your behavior. It's completely possible. Don't take it to the point where your professional reputation is ruined because what that's going to likely come from is poor behavior after poor behavior after poor behavior. and maybe you're apologizing this whole time. Oh, guys, sorry, I messed up and this is on me, but then you keep doing dumb stuff.

That's how you're actually going to ruin your professional reputation. Having a failure, doing something stupid once, if it's an anomaly for who you are and your behavior, is not going to ruin your professional reputation, hopefully. And it should give you that runway to rebuild it. But don't expect it to be overnight. Issues of trust, they take time to build. and they take time to erode. Just don't let that trust bank account hit zero.

Don't let a check bounce. Start putting deposits in, and you do that with words and behavior that are matching. When you do make a mistake, you make corrective behaviors from that. You don't try to throw anybody underneath the bus. You step up in front of your actions and own what you have done. And if you can do those things and you can do them over time, I'm not really worried about your professional reputation.

So if this is a mistake that your friend may have just made, maybe with something stupid and unprofessional, there's a lot of guilt that you can put on yourself in those moments right when it just happened. And what I'll tell you is, is take that guilt and throw it in the fireplace and let it be the fuel that burns that change in behavior going forward. Unless it was catastrophic, which you described this as not being, it should be recoverable. But that is on you and don't expect anybody to give you a free pass. Number two, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college. Upon graduating, my plan has always been to enlist in the Navy with a Bud's billet or an 18 X-ray contract in the Army. Recently, my family friend, retired Navy pilot, who has been helping me with all of this has alerted me of a program the Navy is re-implementing the Bachelorette degree completion program. And for clarity, I have never heard of this.

Anyways, essentially what that is is a program for those who are about halfway through college like I am who are joining. the Navy after college. It would allow me to get a contract of buds on the officer route, provided I was accepted to the program and be paid a salary while in college to help with focusing more time on graduating college. That's interesting. So they're going to give you money before you enlist, before you go into the military. I'm going to stop right here and just say, if the military giveth, be aware of what the military may takeeth away. Read the fine print on this one. I have learned that as an officer, you don't get the chance to go to things such as Breacher School, Sniper School, etc.

Being in special operations is all I have thought about every day of my life for as long as I can remember. It's what I train and work towards every day. I am worried about taking a benefit in the short term, the safety of assigned contract to buds from the program, that ultimately would hinder me from being eligible for doing some things that are important to me. I am just worried that being an officer may not be the job I envisioned, and I am looking for some knowledge or guidance on the subject. Would being an officer shorten or change

my potential operational lifespan and in what way? There's a lot here. Broad answer first. Would being an officer shorten or slash change your potential operational lifespan and in what way? Yes, in the perspective or from the perspective that both on the enlisted and the officer side, there are mandatory career wickets that you need to knock over on the enlist. side, it's going to be your LPO tour, a leading petty officer. You're going to have to do that successfully before you're even considered for a chief petty officer. And I would say that's the big jump on the enlisted side, E6 to E7. On the officer side of the house, you're going to have to do your AOIC or your assistant officer in charge. Then your OIC, your officer in charge, and then you're

probably going to be looking at things like a troop commander or an operations officer. At troop commander, and I never served as a troop commander, and I'm saying this based off what I saw in other people's careers. AOIC and OIC, you are directly involved with a platoon. You are in the leadership module of that platoon. As a troop commander, you are now overseeing multiple platoons, and you are a layer removed from things that are likely going to be happening tactically. You'll still be on the battlefield, but the odds of you directly interfacing with something going on on the battlefield are very low. And actually, if you are, it's probably because something has gone wrong or something has happened that you didn't plan for and you are dealing with it on the

fly. Beyond the troop commander role, you know, as an operations officer or you could go to an executive officer or a commanding officer, your operational career. If you define that as being on the battlefield and directly interfacing with the battlefield, yes, it's over, in my opinion, beyond the troop commander level. On the enlisted side of the house, you could do a few platoons before doing your LPO tour. Then you could do your LPO tour and maybe pick up a platoon right away or go to a training billet, but you're going to come back and you can get your chiefs tour. And then you could be a troop chief. And at some point on the enlisted arc of a career, yes, you are going to have less impact on the battlefield like the officers will. I would say if it's measured in years,

an enlisted seal will have more opportunity to stay on the battlefield than an officer will. So that's broad. Now, you said in here, I'm just worried that being an officer may not be the job I envisioned. Well, what if being an enlisted seal isn't going to be the job that you envisioned? You know, the schools that you mentioned, were they at? They're up top. They are breacher school, sniper school, etc. I actually know of officers who have gone to both of those schools.

And I know many officers who never had the opportunity to do so. I also know of a lot of enlisted seals that never went to either of those. The billets are limited and the size of the community is larger than the number of billets that you're going to have available every training cycle. So it's not a guarantee that you are actually going to be able to fill those roles. And even in doing so, you know, maybe being a breacher isn't going to be as cool as you thought it would be. maybe being a sniper wouldn't be as cool as you thought it would be. Or maybe it would be everything that you thought it could possibly be.

But also, maybe that's what being an officer would be as well. Maybe you'll find that the favorite weapon system that you're ever going to encounter on the battlefield is leadership. You know, as an officer, what I will tell you is I think you have a broader reach and scope than an enlisted seal. Now, and there's a balance there. And what I'm going to tell you is in the grander scheme, I think you have a greater ability to have influence and impact as an officer. In the tactical environment, you have a greater ability to influence as a senior enlisted seal. And I can only speak specifically when it comes to the seal community, obviously. Bottom line, at the end of the day, I don't think you have two bad choices in front of you.

Or you don't have two choices in front of you and one of them is bad. you have two choices in front of you and they are different. Post troop commander, do you see some people getting out because I know their operational career is going to be over? Yes, you do. Does everybody? Absolutely not. Because there is still a massive amount of room and opportunity for professional growth in the military. You can go into the joint world.

There's so many things that you can do on the officer side and the same thing on the enlisted side. At some point in time, you will time out on both of those. And, you know, a question I would have for you, if you were sitting across the table for me, would be how long do you plan to do in the military? You know, if you're only, you say, hey, like 10 years maximum, well, you know what? Maybe you'll get all of the experience that you would want on the officer side of the house. If you were going to do six years, you know, maybe I would point you over towards the enlisted side of the house. And if you were going to do 20, I'd say both of them are very valid. And there's pros and cons of both.

bottom line is this. You are looking at a potential career path trying to decide whether you should go officer or enlisted. If I were you right now, what I'd be focusing on is just making it through the actual training itself, as opposed to like, oh, I need to go to Breacher and then Sniper School. Graduate Buds. Let's start there. Let's get through the filtering process and the additional training on top of that. Obviously have a plan for yourself. It seems like you're going to graduate college. So you always have that in your back pocket too. That's something that we should probably talk about. if you don't take this bachelor degree completion program, you'll still have the opportunity to enlist and have your college degree. And there are programs for people who can enlist

later on. So you could do 10 and 10. You could do 8 and 12 or you could do 10 and 20 if you wanted to. You have options. And you're going to have options, whichever way you go with this. But refocus a little bit and focus less on the schools and the operational career that you're dreaming of and maybe get through the program first. So hopefully that helped. I try to give you a little bit of insight on both sides of the street. They're both great. They both have potholes along the way as well. That's unavoidable. So you're going to hit them, whether you go enlisted or officer. But make sure first, before you do any of that, your primary focuses on making it through training. Question three. Long time listener, first time reaching out.

Most time your Q&A typically strikes a chord with me. I'm in an odd place in the life 38 years old fellow navy vet just didn't kick as much ass still had the time of my life nonetheless i've been married for 13 years four kids two from and then you didn't actually say so i'm going to say either a previous relationship or previous marriage um and two two from somewhere else so i'm going to say probably two from uh you and your wife now and two from a previous marriage. But your wife has basically taken the other two, 17-year-old and a 16-year-old as her own.

So I'm going to say, again, because of the phrasing of the sentence, maybe they were her children from a previous relationship. To the point recently, I have been confronted with the fact that my wife does not love me anymore. She still lives at home. I have been making strides to truly work on my own shit, to stay humble, motivated, and understanding. The rejection I get when I come home and see her drops me

into a complete depression that's unwavering. I spend 60 hours at work just so I can be happy and motivated. I can't wait to go home, but I also dread it. I find time for hobbies such as forging, welding, and going to the gym. She works nights, and I put our two-year-old to bed, and my 12-year-old can't stand her due to her harsh outlook, outlook, and rude criticism. When she is around, I cower. I sit trying desperately to muster up. up a word to say that won't come across as almost a plead for forgiveness or helplessness. I truly love her and if she is not happy, I'd let her go. Her negative behavior eats my soul.

So with this analysis, how do I keep striving forward being motivated, especially around her? How do I show her my new side without further pushing her away? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Well, damn, man, this sucks. You truly love her. I can understand that. This situation, based off of your description, and I understand that I'm only getting your side of the story, this person is treating you like shit.

If you are in your house around your children, cowering, desperately mustering a word that you could say that doesn't come across as a plead for forgiveness or helplessness and negativity is eating your soul. What are you going for here? Nothing that you do, whether it's working out, working on your hobbies, trying to kick as much ass as you possibly can, staying humble, motivated, and understanding is going to change the other part of this equation. The only person that's going to change that is her. 13 years is a long time. I made the decision to leave my marriage 18 years in. And the divorce finalized just before we had been married for 20 years. So I understand where you're coming from.

We had three children. There were a lot of reasons. And I have no doubt that my ex-wife could fill you in on 50x the number of reasons that I could give. as to why she wasn't happy and why her life is likely better now that I'm no longer in her life. And I will leave that to her if she wants to. Broadly, what I'll say is this. I realized that I could not be the best version of myself. I could not be the father that I wanted to be to my kids unless I changed the situation that I was in. Regardless of the amount of time that you put into yourself, if you are living in an environment that is defined by its negativity.

These are my words, not yours, but I'm basing that off what you wrote to me. As you are digging, we're trying to fill up the hole, the gap that might be between the two of you, just realize that there's somebody in there with a shovel throwing it out. And there is absolutely nothing that you can do about that. So the only feedback that I would give you,

and I don't want to be repetitive, because I know I've said this before, but look at any four of the children that you have and view this situation from the perspective of you're their parent, but they are in an identical situation that you are right now. What advice would you give them? And if the answer to that is stick it out, then maybe consider doing that. If the answer to that is that you would never want to see your children in this situation, that you would never want somebody to be this unhappy, to feel this uncomfortable in their own home, to feel like they can't talk to their partner, to feel like their partner has nothing but to stain for them. And you think that they should

never allow somebody to treat them like that. What the fuck are you doing, man? I would never recommend anybody take the steps towards getting a divorce until absolutely every measure has been exhausted. And even now, I'm not telling you to get a divorce. Even if you land on that latter category of viewing it and you would never want your kids to live through this. Well, you are living through it and just be aware that they are watching and they are listening and they are going to see far more than you would ever want them to. And they are going to hear far more than you would ever want them to. So be cognizant of the example that you want to set for them.

talk to your wife. If she does not love you, what the fuck is she doing? Is this a relationship of convenience? Does she feel it would just be too complicated to move on because she doesn't want to start over? And if that's the case, what does that say about how she's willing to treat you? And why would you want to be, why would you want to sacrifice the happiness in your own life to be treated like that? So I would start with a conversation. And I would say, go find some counseling.

I would do it as a couple. You could, I don't even know if you could necessarily recommend it for somebody else, but you could always go and seek it for yourself and get a neutral third-party impression of how you feel, why you feel the way that you do, and maybe just talk through some options with somebody who's not directly tied to this situation. And then make the best decision that you can, not only for your kids, but for yourself. If you are in an environment that doesn't allow you to be the best version of yourself, you need to do something about that. I'm not going to tell you what that is, but what I'll tell you is,

if you don't, you will regret it later on. And that's what I'll leave you with, and hopefully that helps. Question four. I'm writing to you because I need advice on how to approach my husband on how he thinks about the reality of self-defense and violence. For years now, I have been training and boxing BJJ. I just got my Purple Belt. Congratulations, by the way. And my journey so far has been wonderful. It's great exercise, a great community. I agree with both of those, and I love the fact that I'm learning how to defend myself in a case of self-defense situation were to happen. My husband does not train at all. As much as I love him, he's a bit of a homebody and a couch potato. I wish my husband was more interested in playing the role of protector of our family by training in some capacity,

but he does not. Furthermore, he has not been super supportive of me during my martial arts journey. He has told me on a few occasions that is a waste of time and that if I was in a self-defense situation that my training wouldn't do anything to help. He says this even though he refuses to roll with me to see what I'm capable of. I've tried to get my husband to come with me to class, but he refuses. He tells me that he would never need to train in martial arts because if he was in a physical confrontation, he would be able to beat most people that took him on. It's hard to believe he's thinking this, as he has never been in a physical

altercation in his life and his cardio isn't great. I don't know how to get him to see the reality of his inability in a physical confrontation. I want him to stop thinking that he's going to rise to the moment like a game time player in the self-defense situation. Any advice on what I can do, or I'm sorry, any advice on what I can say to him without damaging his manhood and get him to come to class with me would be greatly appreciated. Oh, man, where do I start? Any advice? Any on what I can say to him without damaging his manhood. Well, how about this? Right now, your husband isn't actually being a man. He's being a bitch. So let's talk about his bitchhood here a little bit. Obviously, I'm joking. Actually, I'm not at all. He sounds like

he might be trending towards Betakuk territory. Now, I'm not making a judgment of your husband. I obviously don't know you or him. I'm sure he's a fantastic guy. But things like this actually irritate the fuck out of me. the statement that, and this is a common one, oh my God, he tells you that he would never need to train a martial arts because if he was in a physical confrontation, he'd be able to beat most people that took him on, is the most common thing that people say about violence who have never been anywhere near violence. Because if you ever touch violence, what you're going to realize, real fast is that you fall to the level of your training. You don't rise to the occasion. Maybe occasionally you might get lucky, but what you're going to do is fall to the level of your training. And in this situation, your husband doesn't have any. If you're asking yourself, why won't he come to a class with you? Why does he refuse to do so? Here's the answer.

He knows what would happen. And his manhood, in air quotes, an ego, a soul. Ago, a associated with that is not going to allow him to be blemished like that. I suspect he knows he's not a game time player because guess what? You know who game time players are? Are the ones who although you're going to play on Sunday are working their ass off Monday through Saturday getting ready for the game, doing training that is harder than any situation that they're going to encounter on the field. So when they get out onto the field, it's easy. Violence is actually not that hard. It is completely possible to be emotionally present, mentally present, and extremely physically dangerous to other human beings.

You know how you do that? Practice. You know how you don't do that? Sitting on the fucking couch trying to negatively talk about somebody else putting in the work that you have been putting in. Now, what I'm going to say is this. I think it is fantastic that you are doing jujitsu. I wish that it was a requirement for women. One of the things I don't like about jujitsu is that people seem to talk about it as if it's magic. It's not magic. We're talking about angles, weight distribution, technique. There's a little bit of a gamesmanship

that's involved in a non-self-defense situation. But it's not magic. The fact that you got your purple belt is fucking awesome. What I don't want anybody to think ever is that because you have a belt that may be a color from everywhere from white to black that you're bulletproof on the street. It's not magic and you might be the best jujitsu practitioner on the face of the planet. And if you encounter a boxer in a bar and he cracks you and you hit the ground unconscious, guess what? Your jiu-jitsu is still awesome, but you never actually got to use it. Now, did you? Now, when it comes to women and jujitsu, again, I wish it was a requirement that women partake in jujitsu because of the impact that I think it can have. But there is a point where weight and strength is going to really, there's two lines that are coming at each other.

One is your jiu knowledge and experience. And the other one is the weight and strength of what I'm going to call a male attacker. and at some point they're going to meet. And it doesn't even really matter how much jujitsu training that you have. There is a possibility that you're going to be overwhelmed by that size and strength. And I hate to say that, but it is also the truth. A blue belt or a purple belt in jujitsu is going to protect you against the vast majority of people, but not everybody. And this is also why when I talk about self-defense and with women, I recommend

the application of tools as well, because guess what tools can do? And by that, I'm obviously talking about firearms. They can take that strength and wait and completely open up the trapdoor underneath it. Because if you find yourself in a true self-defense situation where you are fighting for your life and you're fighting a fucking giant, your jiu-jitsu may not help, but a nine millimeter round right in the fucking face, that is absolutely going to help. Or shoot his dick off, which is basically the same thing as saying shoot him in the leg, because it's a small target, and I actually don't recommend doing that. For whatever reason, it's just fun to say, right? Shoot him in the dick. Or if that video of the guy at the UFC fight, twist his dick off,

don't do either of those. Actually, God, I can't believe I just said that. Don't do either of those. Don't shoot him in the dick. Don't twist his dick off. If you actually have to defend your life and this person is all up on you, I'm going to tell you right now what I would recommend is a contact shot in the head, which I mean take a pistol and put it against the flesh of the head and pull the trigger. It's very effective. Holy shit, I've lost my train of thought. So your husband, though, what do we do? How do you get him to see the reality of his inability in a physical confrontation?

Absent him getting into a training environment where he's going to test himself, you're probably not going to be able to do so. When I read this, my dream scenario, and I don't know what this says about me, was that you two were off on a fine date somewhere. In my mind, I saw Fridays or a sizzler, and you were eating at the bar. I don't know why. And there were other people there at the bar, and one of them was a man who was very, very mouthy. And your husband wasn't having any of that shit, because he's a game time player. And he doesn't need to train because he knows in that moment when it's time to go, it's time to go. So he tells that guy, why don't you shut the fuck up? And that guy goes, why don't you shut the

fuck up? And then they do that for like five minutes because it's mostly peacocking anyway. and these guys actually want to fight, but then they do fight. And this guy, what he does is he starts beating the shit out of your husband. And you don't do anything because you're having a martini, probably an espresso martini in this particular situation. And I'm not sure why it's an espresso martini either. But instead of jumping in there and doing anything about it, you let it go on for a little bit. Your husband's getting batted around a little bit.

You have another sip of a martini. You casually put it down, making sure it's on the napkin, of course, because you don't want to stay in the counter. And then you go in there and you kick the shit out of the guy who's kicking the shit out of your husband. That's my dream scenario of how this would actually play itself out. I'd actually be really cautious trying to get your husband to roll with you, especially since he doesn't train at all, what you could probably expect from somebody, especially if you were challenging him. He says he's going to freak out. And I'd worry that he would use all of his size, all of his strength, all of his weight, and an attempt to show you that you've been. been wasting your time. His words not mine, obviously. And I don't want you to get hurt.

And I don't want him to get hurt either. I take that back. I want him to get hurt a little bit, but only in the ego department so he actually can get his ass up off the couch and go to a gym and learn how to be a very fucking dangerous person. I hope people realize that your odds of being victimized are much, much lower the more capable you are as a human being at applying violence. And that's not to say that you're going out looking for reasons to be in violent confrontations, but in my experience, the people who are the most capable are the ones who are least likely to actually encounter those situations. And when they do, what ends up happening is they actually show compassion towards the person that they are in an engagement with because they realize they could absolutely hurt that person at will and it's just not worth it. or on the other side of that coin, they snap their neck off.

But that's my recommendation. If you can, try to get him to a class. It doesn't sound like he's going to want to go. So you know what you should focus on? Yourself. Do not expect your husband to be there in that moment that he claims he's going to be a game time player in.

You know why? He's not going to be. So you're going to be your own first responder and then your husband's first responder. So what I would add to your BJJ, if you have time, is some tools. go to the range. If you feel comfortable with firearms, I would say consider carrying.

You know, you can have purses and other things that you can carry in, depending on whatever type of wardrobe that you would want to carry in. I know a lot of ladies like to wear yoga pants and shirts that are not going to be great for concealed carry. Well, you know, there's a lot of handbags and things that are actually designed for it. So there's always a solution when it comes to that type of thing. But focus on yourself because the reality is you may never be able to change your husband. but you can constantly and consistently improve yourself and work towards your brown belt and then work towards your black belt and hopefully one day your husband does change his mind and if he does be as supportive as possible and you're going to have to help facilitate and mentor him through

that journey and it's going to be really really hard on him but i think you guys would be better for it as a couple until then you're the alpha he's the beta i'm sorry that's just the way it is and that's all i have for this full out of friday