Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Life & Duty - Untangling Moral Dilemmas

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Join me as we delve into the emotional and ethical complexities surrounding life-altering decisions. From exploring the remorse a law enforcement officer may feel after taking a life in the line of duty, to addressing the torment of a listener who saved a friend from suicide only to witness their life spiral into crime and violence. I encourage you to reflect on the weight of our choices, the responsibilities we bear, and the empathy needed to navigate life's gray areas.

What's up, everybody, and welcome to creepy hotel, Philadelphia edition. Sometimes you're on the road and you're not travel with my stuff in case I have the opportunity to link up with somebody to do a podcast or I happen to be in a super creepy hotel and I can do an episode there. Either way, it's Friday. We're going to do two questions today, one of them relatively long, but I think it's a great way to go into the weekend. One of them is pretty short, but a pretty heavy topic. So let's get into it. Here we go. I'm looking at danger close now.

All right, like I said, here we are. You can see behind me in my creepy hotel in the state of Florida. You're pretty wild, Florida. The people here, they do interesting things. I appreciate visiting and the fact that I don't live here. But personal choice and I'm sure the people here are fantastic. Actually, my experience here has been great,

but this hotel is pretty odd. So I have my gourmet coffee. coffee. That's what they called it. I'm using their term, not mine. And two questions. Like I said, the first one is going to be shorter, a little bit heavy. Actually, not that heavy. It's pretty simple in my mind, actually. And the second one is a little bit longer, but my thoughts on it, I think, lead us into a good end of the week. And hopefully, thoughts about yourself and who you can be as a person and what you should be like as a person. So let's dive in. Question one. This actually got in response to somebody getting some apparel delivered to their house.

Said, thanks. My wife said, thank God you are finally cleared hot. I mean, I like your wife already. She understands the finer things in life. We enjoy your content. On a separate note, I have recently retired after 32 years as a police officer in a large department. I spent all 32 years on the street as a beat cop, cannon officer and beach patrol. Hard ass fucking job. During my career, I was involved in two fatal incidents. My wife always thought that I should feel more remorse over these incidents. Well, I can tell you I never did, and I still don't. Does this make me a sociopath? I mean, they were trying to kill me. I often wonder if I should feel remorse. Curious to your thoughts here, as I'm sure you've experienced fatal incidents a few more times than I have. It's an interesting question, and I'm glad that

really almost nobody, when you look at the totality of the population on the planet finds themselves in these situations. Yes, I understand that people are getting killed every day, that police officers, every day somewhere in the U.S. or somewhere

in the world, are either involved in or taking actions that involve the loss of life, but from an overall number of people on Earth versus the overall number of people that directly touch something like this, it's super super, super small. And I'm glad that it's that way because it's a heavy choice and it's something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.

And it doesn't have to destroy you. But it also, I personally believe, doesn't leave you the same person that you were before that. And that's okay. If anybody watching or listening now has listened to the podcast in the past, you know that I believe in, post-traumatic growth. And I actually think that we should focus on that growth. And the things that you go through can, I don't want to say rebuild you, but they can be the building blocks. If you work through them appropriately, and don't just bury them deep down inside until they come bubbling up in an inappropriate manner, they can make you a better version of yourself. Again, my opinion on that.

Does it make you a sociopath that you don't feel remorse over these incidents? No, I don't think so at all. occupation that you were in for 32 years, right? You obviously volunteered for your job. The occupation of being in law enforcement or the occupation of being inside of the military. If you're joining the military and you're telling yourself or others that, hey, I'm picking this particular occupation because it's, you know, it's a safer job and I'm not going to ever have to worry about things that others do or I'll never be on the front lines or this, that, or the other, you're lying to yourself a little bit, especially in times where manning becomes an issue and particular departments or occupations become short-staffed.

I'm not trying to talk anybody out of military service. What I'm trying to say is don't lie to yourself and don't lie to others. It's an occupation of arms. And at the end of the day, you're probably, if you're smart, able to find an occupation that may keep you away from those activities, but it's not a guarantee, a long-winded way of saying, don't lie to yourself. So, with that in mind, either going into the law enforcement occupation or the military occupation, it is something, and I'm going to make an assumption here for the individual that wrote this, that you at least knew there was the possibility that you would be around things like you described. Two fatal incidents. So you knew what the occupation was getting into it. and you did the job for 32 years.

And it sounds to me, and this is true of every cop that I know, and I'm not saying that there aren't sociopath cops, the cops that I know are looking for every single possible way to not be involved in a lethal incident, to not pull their gun under the holster, to not put their finger on the trigger and line the sights up and break a shot off at somebody and take their life. The cops that I know are trying to do the exact opposite of that.

They are trying to find every single way for that not to happen, but they know it's a possibility. I think you would be a sociopath if you joined that occupation or sought out that occupation, and it was your sole goal to find those opportunities. And then you found them, and then you slept well at night, and they had no burden or weight on you. That is what I think would make you a sociopath. What I don't think most people understand, and this is probably true of your wife, is how little time you have to make decisions in these environments. I was just at a fieldcraft survival resilience seminar. I forget if he called it a resilient

seminar or resilient, resilience rendezvous is what he called it. And at the end of that, the last day, Mike put on some scenario training and my wife Leah was a part of this. And I don't, I've done some shooting with her. Actually, I can say for a fact. I was going to say I don't know if she's ever done scenario training like this. I know for a fact she had never done scenario training like this. And she shot and killed a man in that scenario. And it was fucking awesome. And the most awesome part about it for me was how quickly she made that decision

and then her reaction of shock afterwards. What does this have to do with what I'm talking about? Well, it has to do with time. the amount of time that my wife Leah and that everybody else in those situations had to make a decision. And they started all of these scenarios with weapons, but weapons were holstered. And there were a variety of situations. Encountering somebody who was trespassing on your property. Encountering somebody in a parking lot who was kind of panhandling and being very aggressive and wanting something from you.

And then the situation with my wife where she was in a car and somebody, well, I guess I wasn't in a car. It was an off-road vehicle at that point, and someone who was approaching the vehicle and ended up pulling a gun on them. The velocity with which you have to make a decision, where it goes from trying to de-escalate a situation to having a weapon out and pulling the trigger, was measured in seconds, shorter than seconds. And until you are placed into a scenario, a training scenario like that, or a real-world situation like that, you are not going to understand how hard it actually is. You have to make the best decision that you can in the moment with the information that you have available. Are there the correct decisions always made? No, not even close.

Do you have to live with the decisions that you made? Yes, you absolutely do. And in your situation, you described it. They were trying to kill you. So I'm going to assume that you took the appropriate action. and you're still here today, and they are not. Should you feel bad about that? My personal answer is no.

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. You did your job to the best of your ability. Should you remember those things for the rest of your life? Yeah. Yeah, I think you should. And I don't think you're going to have a choice, really. I think it's very common for people who are in these situations to have thoughts or emotions bubble up from time to time,

or even in your mind just to drift back to the incident. And I think that that's a very healthy thing. I would advise you to not try to avoid that. And if it gets to a place where you're feeling a little shaky about it, I would highly recommend that you go seek somebody who's a professional like that or talking or working your way through things like that. It's always nice to have somebody who is objective and understand how the brain works and manages and processes trauma to sit down and talk with.

Maybe you don't need to at all. There's no judgment on either side of that. some people it's very impactful other people it's not impactful at all um but i don't think it's something that you need to feel remorse about if you are put into a position in your occupation or you have to make a decision and somebody is going to lose their life because they are threatening or trying to take yours you do the absolute best that you can understand that your actions have a great impact on the other side of that equation, right? There is a family also associated with and loved ones associated with an individual that lost their life. But what's

the alternative? You took no action and your wife is a widow and you didn't make it to retirement and didn't get to now hopefully spend another 32 years with what sounds like an amazing wife exploring life to its fullest because of the time that you've already put in. It's not a very good alternative. I don't think that any officer should be out looking to take life, but individuals have to be held accountable for their actions. And if somebody tries to take your life, especially in the execution of your job, you are authorized as a sworn officer to protect your life and the life of others. And that may not be something that your wife

will ever truly understand. But here's the beautiful thing. You have the rest of your life to have these conversations with her if you want to. And if she does bring them up, I would talk about it in broad terms. I would talk more about the limited amount of time that you had to make the decisions that you did as opposed to getting into the specifics because the specifics aren't going to matter for her.

I'm glad that she never lived in that world and that she doesn't have to. But at least maybe you can paint a broad picture of the situation, how little time that you had to make the decision that you did. And yeah, you're not a sociopath. I don't think it requires a feeling of remorse. I think it requires a feeling of respect and an understanding of the weight of the decisions and actions that you took. That's just my personal opinion.

Question number two. This one comes off of an email, and the only way I can figure out, and this is a long one, so stand by everybody, is just to read it. There's no way that I can screen grab this. So there's a little bit of a timeline associated with this and then the story. So let's start with the timeline. I got unexpectedly discharged out of the Navy in boot camp in late 2014 for a fraudulent enlistment as a direct result of listening to my recruiter when he had told me just say no about that part on the bottom. while I was sitting across from him at his desk filling out my medical questionnaire. Good job, recruiters.

You guys do some fucked up stuff sometimes. You're not all fucked up, but for anybody getting ready to go into a recruiter's office, if you have the ability to do so, please take somebody with you who has military experience or at least a parent or an advocate. And just remember, you don't have to sign anything in the moment. I'm not trying to talk anybody out of military service. recruiters jobs are to recruit people and just remember that. Okay, back to you.

I did what he said. Never thought about it twice. And that one single no checkbox ultimately got me sent to a separation division on processing day four boot camp in Great Lakes. While I was in that separation division, a guy in the sister division across the hall tried to hang himself with his bedsheets. And a female lost her mind and smeared her feces all over the head walls. The head is the bathroom in the Navy.

I wanted only to go to Buds and to serve as a seal in the global war on terrorism. I wanted to make sure that no one else had to die in the name of another man's religion. Good luck with that one. I had walked into the recruiters for the first time ASAP the Monday morning after Chris Kyle was killed on Saturday, February 2nd, 2013. I had just recently turned 18 and was the middle of reading Chris's book when he was killed. The event of his death, for whatever reason, prompted me to feel like it was my time to step up to the plate. I believed that I was ready. Maybe I wasn't, but I believed that I was the right man for the job.

My recruiters told me that the only way for me to get a seal contract would be in boot camp, and that I first had to go to boot camp with a different job. They also convinced me that I had to get completely unnecessary tattoo removal on non-visible and non-offensive tattoos, which had forced me to stay out of the pool during the healing process for seven different removal sessions. Yeah, you got some bad beta from your recruiter for sure on a variety of reasons or topics, I should say. And that I also had to get a second inexpensive GED. They also tricked misled me into believing that the two-letter rate slash job abbreviation for the contract that I ended up unwittingly signing actually stood for something entirely different than what I was led to believe.

And that this contract that I signed would somehow allow me to obtain a seal contract in boot camp. Just remember what I said about recruiters. That contract turned out to not even be a naval special warfare feeder rate, meeting a job pool. At least when I went into the military, you had to select from a pool of jobs that was allowed to go to buds because not every rate, which is the job pool, the jobs inside of that job pool, was actually even eligible to go to buds. So you had to pick one from the smaller pool that would even allow you to go to buds afterwards. So the contract turned out to be not even one that is a naval special warfare feeder rate and ultimately wouldn't even allow me to be eligible to try out for buds. So I was completely screwed.

I tried to cancel and nullify the contract in multiple different ways, including MEPs and nobody would help me. My recruiter also told me that they would send the police to my house to forcibly bring me in if I didn't show up for my boot camp date. Awesome. They even put an incorrect last name on 100% of the police. my military paperwork that nobody would correct despite my multiple requests. I even stood up at the moment of truth to try to rectify these issues, and the senior chief there didn't help either, but just yelled me into oblivion and told me that my inability to follow instructions was going to

end up getting all of us killed, and to go back into the room. I'm not sure how your inability to follow instructions or the fact that you were trying to correct your legal last name was going to get anybody or everybody killed. I suspect that senior chief was just playing. the role that he was required to in that moment, but also for anybody in that position, maybe do the person a solid and help them fix their fucking last name. So they don't have to go through that later on, right? Like not everything in the military is a life or death issue. In fact, almost nothing is.

It's fucking take a wrap off. Okay. It even has the incorrect last name on my fraudulent enlistment DD214 to this day. So my recruiters lied to me every single step of the way, and then the Navy labeled me with fraud for doing exactly what my recruiters told me to do. Sickening. Never again volunteer yourself, which is a common abbreviation for the Navy, unfortunately. All right. That's a wild story. Be cautious placing 100% of the blame on the recruiters on this. Trust me, I have my own thoughts on that particular job. I understand what their role is. but take accountability and responsibility for your choices and your actions as well.

It seemed like you were highly motivated. You were very young at the time. And there's a reason why we make people wait until they're 18 to do certain things. And for a lot of people, especially young men, bring somebody in there who is older than 18. Because your fucking brain isn't even done processing yet. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't serve in the military or that you're not capable of doing so. but some of the things that you described could have been headed off at the past if you would have brought somebody in there as your advocate, especially if they knew a little bit about military service.

Okay, moving on. About a year later in 2015, I met an Army guy who had just transitioned from active duty to the reserves. He was either 22 or 23 at the time, and he was not doing well. He was in debt with medical expenses for seeking mental health treatment outside of the Army, and also had a 20-plus percent APR car loan on a used sports car from a shady used car dealer right outside of his base in Virginia at the time. And that car had an expensive gas-guzzling rotary engine that was going bad and needed to be completely replaced. He also had a girlfriend-slash-fiance with a young son, who she had at 15 or 16 with the previous guy. He was living in his mom's house. He was drinking heavily, and he was taking multiple different medications that had been prescribed to him.

by both the military docks and outside of the military. His mind was not operating properly and was compromised. I wish that I could say what you just laid out, pulling out of that the medications. Everything else that you have described about that is so more common than I would care to admit. I would love to believe that the modern-day military doesn't have this phenomenon. on, but I suspect it might. And this is like the classic E4, E5. There's a reason why there are predatory car salesmen within a mile of most military installations. And they have signs out there like no credit, bad credit, will finance anybody in the military, guaranteed sales.

Why will they sell you anything if you were an E4 or E5 in the military? Because they understand what you make. They understand they can garner. your wages and they will sell you a fucking Ford Mustang or a Camaro or a Corvette that is worth 3x which you're going to make in a single year and your payment will be through the roof and you will somehow leave with that vehicle not being able to afford it with an interest rate that exceeds most credit cards. Then you'll go back to your stripper girlfriend who had a kid when they were super young who doesn't live by a military installation by accident and is isn't dating somebody who is in the military by accident, looking for the benefits of BAH and

health care for themselves and their young child. I don't say any of that with any judgment. I don't blame people for how they live their lives. I want them to make the choices that they want to make, but let's not ignore the reality that the shit does happen and it's not by an accident. And it sucks. So what you describe is so incredibly accurate. And I saw it throughout my military career and I wish it wasn't.

that way, but it is. So, moving on. Despite my horrible Navy experience, my intentions of service were still pure, and I wanted to help this guy. I essentially took him under my wing, spent time with him, let him stay at our house sometimes, worked out with him, trained him, cooked for him, gave him haircuts, and tried to help him work through, talk through, and understand some of his situations. He was two or three years older than me, but said I was like his big brother. one Thursday or Friday he wanted to go to another city four hours away and hang out with some friends

and party for the weekend he wanted me to come with but thankfully I didn't drink or party and I still don't so I declined I didn't hear from him until sometimes Sunday night when he texted me that he was thinking about killing himself my first priority was to find out if he was home and no longer in the city or in the other city

he was home and I told him to come over to our house so he could get out of his environment and we could talk about it he didn't have any money for gas. He had no shit because his fucking car payment was probably $700 a month, and he probably was making $1,200 a month, something like that. So I told him I'd head right over. He said he didn't have any money for gas, so I told him he'd head right over. He thanked me, but by the time I got there, he had already started it.

There were at least two, if not three, empty pill bottles on the trunk of his car with at least one, if not two more full bottles that he was taking pills out of. and he had the largest bottle of Samirnav vodka that you can get in one hand that he was washing the pills down with and a 10-inch serrated Army combat knife and his other. He told me that if I tried to stop him, if I tried Kong for help, that he would slit my throat. I believed him. He also said that if any first responders were to show up, that he would go after them too. I believed him. It was later that night, I was unarmed, had long hair at the time,

and I was wearing flip-flops and board slash water shorts with no pockets, the official team guy want-a-be outfit. Your words, not mine. I had no choice but to watch him take handful after handful of pharmaceuticals with vodka, and wait for the drugs to kick in enough to the point where his motor skills would start to decline to the point where I could somehow get the knife out of his hand, and somehow get him into the car. I didn't want to get my throat slit or give him the chance to make good on his threats towards first responders, or potentially his family who were inside of the house. At one point, his young middle school-aged little brother came out and asked me where he could sell his Xbox.

His brother and I both tried to keep it together while his little brother was out there on the driveway with us until he went inside. I think his little brother knew that he was having money troubles and wanted to help his brother however he could, which for him was by trying to sell his Xbox to give his brother the money. That's rough. His little brother went inside, and by this point his motor skills were starting to decline. He put the knife down on the trunk of his car to try to catch his balance to remain upright, and at this point I distracted him enough to convince him to get into the car with me. I didn't want to call 911 at that point because an ambulance would have taken twice as long to get to our location.

And I didn't want to give him the time or opportunity to pick the knife back up and to potentially make good on any of the threats that he had made either to me or to potential first responders later on. On the drive to the nearest ER, which is at least 25 minutes away, he started to checkout. He was hugging the door, bubbling at the mouth. His half black, half Latino skin became wider than I ever thought was possible and he became unresponsive to either. physical or verbal inputs. He died in a passenger seat while we were within eyesight of the ER, about two to two and a half miles away. I watched the pulse on the artery on the left side of his neck slowly stopped until it finally stopped. His presence left him. He was gone. I was now alone in the car. Instead of stopping to try to render my own completely untrained aid on the side of a country road,

I decided the only logical option was to continue heading straight towards the ER, at which I was staring straight at on the horizon, and just hope that they could help somehow. I didn't think to call 911 at that point because the ER was just, just a couple of minutes away. At this point, I was now shifting my concern to what was going to happen to me later, after I showed up at the ER with a dead soldier's body in my car. He was dead for about one and a half to two minutes, which felt a hell of a lot longer than that, as we were going about 90 miles per hour on a straight country road towards the ER. In that short time, I had my own unique, hyper-connected one-on-one encounter experience communication with God.

in that hyper-connected moment, I determined that I had done all that I knew how to do, that I had already gone above and beyond, despite the threats that he was making towards my own life, that I was okay with any content with my actions, that I was okay and content with my actions, and that whatever was about to happen next would happen next. It was in God's hands now. The exact moment slash millisecond that I came to those conclusions within myself, my one-on-one hyper-connected encounter with God came to a close, and simultaneously the dead soldier leaning against the door with no pulse,

all of a sudden jerked up and sprang back to life, and he called out in a deep voice, I'm not going to the hospital without cigarettes. And then he started trying to take his seatbelt off and started reaching for the door handle while we were going 80 to 90s miles an hour to try to bail out on the side of the car and run off into a field. And now I was yelling at him and hitting him to try to stop him.

Long story short, I was now ecstatic and grateful that he was alive, But I had no choice but to get him his cigarettes because I was not about to chase this guy into a wheatfield at night with flip-flops on. I got him his damn cigarettes in a lighter to nearby gas station, which I had to pay for because he had no money. And then I got him back into the car into the ER parking lot and convinced him after four or five cigarettes to come with me inside. I went straight to the front desk and told me and told the woman exactly what had happened in quick detail. And that they needed to get him back there ASAP. he was losing his motor skills again and was getting on and off the floor the ER refused to take him back for treatment until they had his insurance information on file

and ER Tech came out from the back and said that he was an army combat medic and knew what was going on but he said he couldn't touch him until they had insurance information filled out completely out of luck he actually had just completely out of luck he actually had his disorganized wallet in his back pocket and after searching it I eventually was able to find what I thought was the accurate insurance card and filled out the hospital forms in my share shaky chicken scratch handwriting on his behalf. And they took him back and ultimately treated him. I was there until 4.30 a.m. and got to see him once more while he was hooked up to machines after

they had done, whatever they had done. After the short hospital stay, they sent him to a mental hospital where he stayed for however many days slash weeks. I took a few calls from him while he was in there. After that, I hung out with him for a week or two. I tried to help him a bit more. I kept in touch with him for about a month and then ultimately ended up never hearing from him again. I figured he wanted to move on and frankly so did I have a screenshot of text messages from him that night and a picture that I took of him after he got out of the mental hospital he did get discharged from the army as a direct result of this incident and I spoke with his sergeant who arrived in uniform at 2 a am while we were at the ER moving on before this incident I didn't think that he had any previous

criminal arrest record less than a year ago after no contact with him since then I decided to look up his name and I found a series of mugshots he has acquired a violent criminal record, largely related to family domestic assault and violence. One of his most recent mugshots in which he was in an orange jumpsuit, he was arrested on some form of terrorism charges. Based on the style of facial hair in his mugshot, it looks like he might have converted to Islam. And based on his charges, he may have potentially taken up some form of radical Islam. He's apparently had multiple arrests and charges, so as far as I know, he still may be in prison for quite some time. I don't really want any further contact with him in the future, and I can't help but worry

that he may hold some sort of ill will against me. So now, after all of that backstory, with which I have so many comments, but I'm going to leave them be, you know, the ER staff, I don't know how that shit works. If you have somebody who shows up in an ER and they're in the military, they're obviously covered by TRICARE, that you know, you have medical insurance being a part of the military. Any ER should know that. All you would need to be able to do, hopefully, is find his military ID. That should be a satisfaction right there of insurance.

But again, I'm not a specialist. I have so many things that potentially I can say about how you dealt with the situation. You know, a guy dies in the passenger seat at your car and you get him cigarettes because you don't think you can keep them in the car. Like if it's a true medical emergency, drive to the fucking ER, hold the guy in the car while you get to the ER. Again, no judgment on running of that stuff. You probably did the best that you could in that situation. This sounds like some very, very hill rod shit. And sometimes, I guess, that's just how it goes down.

So let's focus on your question, and then I can get everybody off to their weekend. So my difficult question for you, Andy. Despite him threatening to slip my throat and also threatening the lives of any potential first responders who may have arrived, I chose to stick around and try to save his life. And I guess I succeeded in that. After saving his life, he went on to rack up a series of violent charges against others, including his own family members, and has even acquired some form of terrorism charges. Apparently, he became a bad guy.

With disinformation, was saving his life the right thing to do at the time? Or would it have been better if I would have left and had hypothetically let him die that night, like he so desperately wanted to? Or is this a question that's impossible to answer? It wasn't in me to just leave him there and to let him die that night, or for him to potentially go on to hurt and kill someone else. But now it hurts me to know that he went on to do and become. But now it hurts me to know what he went on to do and become,

although I don't know any of the direct details. Is this an impossible question to answer? Did you do the wrong thing by saving his life? To me, this one is far from impossible to answer. And I think it speaks to what I hope everybody when they look in the mirror feels about themselves. And that is that you're always going to do the best you can with the situation that you are presented with.

Was it the right thing to try to save your friend's life? Yes, that's always going to be my answer. If you have somebody that you care about, or even somebody that you don't care about, if you're presented with a situation where you can make a difference in somebody's life. If you could sustain their life, preserve their life, help them make a better decision so they don't take their life,

you should always do that. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be in those moments. And then you have to separate what you were able to do in that moment with anything else that they choose to do with their life, going forward. The email, just imagine for the person that wrote this, imagine the email that you would have had to write and how you would have felt about yourself if you had done nothing. If you had gone with the other answer and the question that you posed, which is,

should I have done nothing? You know, should I have just let him die? What if you had done that? Now, it's a hypothetical, right? it's probably impossible to know for sure how you would feel. But I have a suspicion that it would have haunted you for the rest of your life. Now, everything that you wrote that happened afterwards, you know of now because you were able to find it on the internet.

The only thing that you would be living with right now if you would have done nothing and allowed this person who was your friend at the time to die would be your own guilt and regret. You would spend the rest of your life one day, and probably blaming yourself for his death because you knew that there was something that you could do. The reason that it's hard for you now and that you're asking yourself that question is because of everything that happened afterwards. And I think the healthiest thing for you to do is to strip all of that away. Did you do the best you could in the situation that you were presented with?

It sounds like it to me. Did you do the best you could because of pure intentions and the desire to save somebody, life because you care about them. That's what it sounds like to me. That's all you can control. You can control your actions, your beliefs, your behaviors. And that's what you did. Everything else that happened after that is on this individual. Whatever left turns and right turns this individual's life took and they all seem to be leading towards a really shitty place has nothing to do with you. This goes back to something I fall back on often. Circle of influence, circle of concern. By influence, I mean control. By control, I mean what can you actually control as a human being?

You can control yourself, which is what you did in this situation. Everything outside of that is a concern, right? Does he have feelings of resentment towards you? Maybe. We can't control that. is his life? Did it go down a horrendous path because of everything that happened after this and his discharge from the military? It did. Can you control any of that? Absolutely not. And should you concern yourself with it? My answer to that is no. Don't waste another ounce of energy worrying about what happens with this individual. You are responsible for your behavior and the things that happen in your life. He is responsible for his behavior and the things that happen in the things that happen his life. And why did I say that this question ties into, you know, the best way that I wanted

to get people towards their weekend? It's because what I've already said. I hope that people, when they look into the mirror, have the desire to be the best version of themselves, which although you, in my mind, went around helping your friend in not a fucked up way, but a interesting way, is what I'll leave it. Your intentions were based in trying to help somebody else. You were trying to be the best version of yourself and prevent somebody from making a decision or taking actions that would have hurt themselves and hurt others. It seems to be weighing on you because of everything that happened afterwards. And I think you just have to let that go. For anybody who's ever faced with these situations, it's really easy to focus on everything that

happens afterward and decisions that other people make. Stop. wasting your time, stop wasting your energy. Focus that on yourself and the things that you personally can control your actions in a situation like this. Your actions leading up to this, all the things that you had talked about doing, largely mentoring this older individual, the feeding him, the clothing, the housing them, the mentoring, the coaching, the training. Like, you did everything that you could. And that's awesome. And I hope that everybody does that at all times, if presented the opportunity to do so. So be the best version that you can possibly be.

It'll help your friends. It'll help your family. It'll help yourself. It'll help people in situations like this. But everything beyond this situation, just let it go. And that's all I got. Hopefully that helped. And hopefully, everybody has a good weekend.