Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Over, Under, Around, or Through | Full Auto Friday | 7.10.2026

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

No guest this week. Just me and the questions you sent in. A guy 23 years into a marriage gets served divorce papers and wants to know how you start over at 43. I walk through the process itself — mediation over a courtroom, staying amicable, treating your ex like the person you fell in love with. Then the harder part. You've never been alone. You don't know who you are yet. Lean into that instead of running from it. A question about the humor I use when a conversation gets heavy. Is it calculated or is it just how I talk. Answer: mostly the second one. But I get into when it works, when it doesn't, and the line between letting steam out of the pressure cooker and making things worse. Demonstration parachute jumps. Somebody watched a jumper come in with a flag, catch a tree, and eat a controlled face plant in front of a crowd. I break down what actually changes when you add drag and weight, why the pro rating exists, and why you never fly over something you don't intend to land on. And a 26-year-old who thinks he's falling behind. He isn't. Two things can be true — keep your foot on the gas, and stop robbing yourself of the success already behind you. Join the Cleared Hot Newsletter: https://www.clearedhotpodcast.com Take the Operator Code Assessment: https://www.theoperatorcode.com   Today's Sponsors:  AG1: https://www.drinkag1.com/clearedhot Firecracker Farm: https://www.firecracker.farm  

Okay, got the red smoke. So the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now. Good morning, everybody. Or whatever time of day you happen to consume this. I don't know where you're at. I don't know what time zone you're in. So it's not even morning right now for me.

It's in the afternoon. So I don't even know why I said that. But I said it and I'm not going to go back and erase it. So good whatever time of the day it is for you. Friday it is traditional Q&A. If you figured it out, we're bouncing back and forth. We're bouncing back and forth an episode with Michael, an episode just me. That way I can handle the Q&A that comes in. Got a couple lined out for me in front of me. And we should just dive in. Anything crazy on the horizon are going on right now. No, let's dive in. Question number one. Andy, I was introduced to you from a friend's recommendation to read your book. Then I found your podcast and cannot stop listening. Fellow Brother in Arms Army from 01 to 06.

The book is awesome. Some of it helped me to realize I am not special, but also that I am not alone. Some of it just has great insights. A way of thinking or looking in a situation I would have never thought of on my own. So thank you. You're very welcome. That's exactly why I wrote the book. I hope that it's helpful. I don't expect the entire thing to be revelatory for anybody. I would be happy if one section of the book resonates with people and has an impact. That's the most that I think I could ask for. writing in to ask advice on my situation. I've been married for 23 years and some change. We married very young. I was 20. She was 19. High school sweethearts. I am currently 43. I was served divorce papers a month ago. We are amicable and we get along. But she is just done. I don't blame her. I have acted like an ass enough to make her want to leave. My question is, I have never in my adult life been alone. I have never really sat down and pondered what do I want and need. I foresee a lot of free time to address these questions in the near future. Even the day to day of being single slash alone scares me. How does one go about finding a new or even a purpose in life?

We have no children because of broken plumbing. I think you might ask what I enjoy, then advise to pursue that. I really only ever filled my time with. day-to-day tasks, household chores, and duties. I do have a good job that can take me almost anywhere in the U.S., but I feel like I would just be moving the problems to a new state. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to think one would start over, or how you think one would start over this late. I feel like I am staring at a cinderblock wall with no way over. man I know how you feel I can't say I have been in exactly the situation that you are in but for those of you who are familiar with the show I've been very open that I was married for

just under 20 years went through a divorce process that took about 18 months it was not awesome there were three children involved during COVID let's see what else could have possibly made it worse I don't know anything else that could have happened that made it contentious or worst likely did. And it was challenging. And there is an essence or was an essence for sure of me starting over or having those thoughts, I guess, even before the process began, in the middle of the process, and certainly as it ended. How do you start over? Are you a worthy enough person to even start over? They're tough questions, especially when you are, looking at your life from the lens of this is all that it used to be. And now most of that

is being removed from the equation going forward. I think I'm going to go reverse here. You feel like you're staring at a cinder block wall with no way over. That's okay. I think you said a month ago you were served these papers. And I believe this email came in relatively recently. So you're still probably a month and change out. That's okay. I didn't. think the divorce process for myself was going to take 18 months. And then when we were getting close to the 18 month mark, I didn't think it was ever going to end. And both of those optics, I think, are okay, but neither of them are accurate. The brick wall you're staring at, or cinder block wall you're staring at. Not all of them you have to go over. You can go through,

you can go around, you can go under, or you could do a 180 and walk away from the wall. You have, although you may not recognize it right now, and I certainly didn't recognize it when it was this fresh for me as well, an amazing opportunity, which could be viewed as good or bad. There's a full conversation there and, you know, the things that led up to that to redefine who you are and who you want to be. It's okay that you have a cinder block wall directly in front of your face. Just don't lose sight of the bigger picture. And like I said, over, under, around, through, do a 180 and walk away from it. The answers will reveal themselves over time, but don't think that what you're staring at right now is going to last forever, because I promise you that it won't. Today's episode is brought to you by AG1.

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along the way. We're amicable and we get along, but she is just done. The best advice I can give you for the divorce process itself is this. I have a data point of one and one only. I have friends who have gotten divorced. I have friends who have never gotten divorced. But my own personal experience is a data point of one. If you can avoid it, I would avoid using lawyers and going to a courtroom and hashing it out in that manner. If you and your ex are amicable, my best advice on navigating the process would be to mediate if possible. I probably still use a lawyer to represent yourself and a lawyer to represent your wife. What will probably end up happening depending on the state that you live in or how they have it set up is they'll bring in a third lawyer, which by the way, you're probably going to pay for.

just buckle up. The mediation specialist, though, is exactly that. You have representation to look at your best interests. She has representation to look at her best interests. But instead of sitting there in a courtroom setting and hammering it out, you hopefully, and I think in concept, can sit there with a neutral third party who, from my understanding, their goal is to find resolution to the problem that is sitting in front of them. And in this case, the problem would be the relationship that it seems as if both parties have

agreed or at least your soon-to-be ex has agreed she wants no part of and we'll leave all of the leaving up to it or what led up to this for a later moment here. But if their goal, that mediator's goal is to work through that issue and she can do it or he can do it neutrally, I think that is the most beneficial. It's going to be the most cost effective. I think it's probably the most protective, emotionally, psychologically. It's not that it's going to be easy. It's not that this isn't going to suck. It's not that things are not going to be said that you may regret saying later on or regret hearing later on or be hurt by. All of those things are probably still going to happen to a degree. But it's the fastest way through the process. That is how my divorce

proceeding ended was mediation. We were diving headlong towards going to court. And let me tell you, There were substantial costs associated with doing that. And just remember, lawyers bill by the six-minute interval. So keep that in mind. I'm not saying all these decisions should be made economically or with money at the forefront of your mind, but money is a real thing. Things cost things and people only have a certain amount of money. Take whatever it is that you have. And states are going to vary as well on how they spread things out.

You mentioned that you have a job. I don't know what your wife does for a living. If you have relative or commensurate incomes, it might be relatively easy in comparison with who leaves with what. You guys have been together for a long time since you were young. You should probably expect to have a communal split of what you have built together, whether that's in assets or in cash or in debts. So prepare yourself for that. It is a process that moves at the speed of law. I do know people who have been able to using mediation get these things done in under 30 days.

I actually think I know of somebody who's done it in under two weeks. But that required compliance and agreement from both parties. And that is as fast as I've ever heard it. So don't expect this to finish itself up right now. Understand that you are likely going to have times of uncertainty and frustration associated with all of that. The only advice I can give you is this, be the best version of yourself. If you want to say something negative about your soon-to-be-X, don't. If this is the path that you know that you are going to go in, don't make things worse.

Just work on the process and then we can get into the real meat and potatoes of your email, which is, how do I rebuild? How do I find purpose? I do have some questions. I wish you could sit here. You've acted like an ass enough to make her to want to leave. What does that mean? I mean, you were together for 20 years.

Is this an aspect of two people got married young? And at the ages you're talking about, 20 and 19, I got married at 23. I look back at that and I would not, I was just having this conversation with my middle son. I would never tell somebody not to get married if they feel like they have found somebody they want to get married too. But I would be honest in my feedback that I would give to my younger self because I do think it had or played a part in the termination or the terminus of the relationship. and that was, I don't even know who I was at 23. I knew who I thought I was. I knew who or what I thought I wanted to be.

And for some people at that age, they can find somebody and enter into that type of relationship and they can grow together over time. It seems, though, that more often than not, they grow either at different rates or in different directions and they can grow apart as well. I don't know how many people who are in their 40s would look back as somebody just entering their 20s and say, yes, I had it figured out. Yes, I knew who I was as a person. Yes, I knew exactly what I wanted, what I liked, what I desired, all of those things. Most people, I think, would tell you, I could tell you who I was back then, but holy cow, I'm a different person now.

So this is not to say for anybody out there who was young thinking about getting married, I'm not saying that you can't make it work. I think, though, that it is challenging because you are still growing into who you are at a faster velocity than I think you do a little bit later in life. Pros and cons, not arguing for or against. It's possible. But for the person who wrote this in, what do you mean that you acted enough like an ass to make or want to leave? You mentioned, so there's no kids in this, which sucks, but honestly, when it comes to the divorce, might make things a little bit easier.

where was it you filled your time with day-to-day tasks, household chores, and duties. What you left out in that is anything that you did with your spouse. And I'm wondering if in reflection that emphasis was placed on those things and you became very comfortable and casual about the relationship you had with your high school sweetheart because it can totally happen. You've been together for 20 years, probably were together before that. two plus decades, I get it. You know, it's, you can become very comfortable.

You can, uh, it'll be the best way to describe it. You're more comfortable. It's not that you're lazy. It's just you can drift and you can become more forgetful of what the person was to you or what they meant to you. And that sucks, but it's a real thing. And actually that ties into my advice to a little bit. I'm going to go backwards about working your way through this. process. When you're thinking about your ex, try to remember the person that you fell in love with

and treat her in that manner, which is going to be incredibly, incredibly difficult to do at times. But I assure you, if you are going to have any level of amicable relationship afterwards, that will help. If she doesn't want to do that and she doesn't want to treat you that way, fine. Eat it and still treat her that way. It's a piece of advice that I think will serve you well. So you have never in your life, in your adult life, been alone, never really have sat and pondered what do I want and need. I'm going to ask another question on top of that, not that those two aren't important, but here's the question.

Who are you? You have not spent a lot of time by yourself. And that space, when you're alone with your thoughts, which I think, can be very healthy for a lot of people in the appropriate doses. I don't think isolation is very healthy. But getting to know who you are as a person, what makes you tick, is going to help you determine your path going forward. And if you don't take the time in that space to figure those things out, then I would agree with you. You could be moving all of your problems to a new state.

It's not that you'd be moving your problems to a new state. you would just be moving yourself to a new state. And if you don't know who you are, you would be doing the same thing, but expecting a different outcome. I understand the idea of being alone can be scary. And I say that because I had to work my way through that as well. But there is huge benefit in utility in that as well. I think you should, instead of being scared of being alone, or actually not instead of being scared alone of being alone look at that fear and the unknown aspect of that is something beneficial there's

a reason that you are uncertain about what it's going to be like or you have a little bit of anxiety my words not yours about what that's going to be going to be like and that's a good thing i think you should actually lean into that i think you should spend as much time by yourself figuring yourself out until you feel comfortable layering in anything else on top of that. And it might suck at first. And you might feel really lonely and you might feel really restless and you might not know what to do with your time. Good. Eat that for a little bit. It's important. Because at the end of this, you said, where is it at? You're 43. Where's the rebuilding? Starting over this late. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how you think one would

start over this late. 43 is not that old. I used to think that 43 was older than anybody ever lived as a human being. But I was also 10 when I thought that. If you look at the stats, and I'm going to flip this from talking about specifically a personal issue to professional success, most people actually find the most economic, rewarding success in their life professionally in their 40s, if not in their 50s, when people find their way towards levels of comfortable economic status or wealth. It is anomalous and harder to scale much younger. So as far as this late, using air quotes to determine where you're at in your life or to describe where you're at in your life, I would say you are an exact opposite of being this

late. I'd say you might actually be entering into your prime or entering into your sweet spot, especially if you take the time by yourself to figure out what makes you tick. If you don't do that and you rush headlong into something else, again, like I've already said, you're repeating the same behavior and hoping for a different outcome, which is one of the terms that I consider to be a definition for insanity. So don't do that to yourself. Also, don't talk to yourself in this way where you say 43 is too late or so late. it is a number on a driver's license or on a calendar.

Is it important to pay attention to? Sure, I guess. So you know how many candles to put onto a cake. But other than that, what does it really matter? Unless you put it as an obstacle in front of you and a mental obstacle saying, oh my gosh, I'm so late in life, how can I ever start over? I don't know what to tell you, but five years from now, you might have to do the same thing again. Or 10 years from now or 15.

all of those are actually kind of irrelevant as long as you realize we all don't know how much time we have left so let's act accordingly stop putting a self-imposed barrier or a negative self-talk in front of you not that you are crushing yourself with that but even little things like this can have some weight so how does one go about finding a new or even a purpose in life by determining who you are by spending the time with yourself people are probably exhausted by what I'm about to say, but you need to go find somebody to talk to. One of the things I like about counseling or have liked about counseling and therapy in my life is when you find somebody who is a little bit more Socratic in nature. And they are asking you questions.

And those questions cause you to question yourself, your beliefs, your values, your morals, your view of the future, what it is you want for yourself, your goals, personally and professionally. So instead of, even though I am saying that there is immense value for you in my assumption or hypothesis for spending time by yourself because you never have, that doesn't mean you should isolate yourself and not talk to your friend circle, family, all of those things. I'm not saying become a hermit. Actually, I'm glad that my thought process took me in this direction because that's the opposite of what I'm saying. Do not become a hermit. This is where friends, family, social circle can become incredibly important. Don't treat them

like counselors and don't dump on them and expect them to be a mental health therapist, coach, counselor for you. Go find the professionals for that, but don't isolate yourself from other human beings. You're going to need their support at times. Don't be afraid to ask them for it. I assure you they see what's going on and they are very willing to give it, but most people won't do so until they are asked because we can't read each other's minds. But on the point of talking to somebody who specializes, and let's say the end of a long-term relationship, or people out there who can help you determine what your purpose may be or your goals or even just who you are, the two-way dialogue of allowing somebody to ask you questions that you may not

have considered yourself or not accepting an answer blindly and flatly on its face value, which we can all talk ourselves into, instead saying that to somebody else who then can turn that into additional clarifying questions or questions that can illuminate what is best going to serve you in life. So although you are going to be alone, from the perspective of a relationship,

you are not alone. We live in a world where you can do, at least what I was just talking about through counseling and therapy from your laptop, if you want to do that or your phone or your iPad, whatever. I don't know the Android versions of any of those things other than the phone, but you can do all that stuff. So remember that.

It's incredibly beneficial. And if you don't know who you are, how are you ever going to determine what your purpose in life is going to be? I am 48 years old right now. I would say in the last 18 months, I have finally been able to put words to what I, believe my purpose is, what I feel like my purpose is in life. I still cannot articulate the exact steps that I want to take to arrive at the end state of that purpose or the tools that I

am going to use to wrench on that for leverage to achieve that purpose. And I think that's okay. I think that's the way for a lot of people. For people who can nail it and have it figured out, I am very envious of you because I was not able to do so. And it's okay for everybody else out there who isn't able to do so as well. Give it some time. I am at almost 50 years old now, and maybe this is a guy thing, because I might say almost 50 in my driver's license.

I'm about 14 years old. Anybody who watches or listens to the podcast could probably completely agree with that. It takes time, especially for guys. But that's okay. But we live in a world where we want answers now. Everything has to be figured out now. What are you going to do right now?

I don't agree with that. And I don't subscribe to that in rushing into those decisions. decisions has not treated me well over the course of my life. And that's what I would recommend for you. Avoid a rush. Take the time. What is making you the most uncomfortable right now? You have described that it is being alone and not knowing what to do with that. Lean into that. At some point, that won't be what's making you the most uncomfortable. But if you can determine what the next tier down from that is, the number two of what makes you uncomfortable, lean into that. that as well. That is one of the most valuable things that I have learned how to do. And that is

orienting yourself towards the things that you probably don't want to. And maybe you can't even identify why, but you feel this resistance to be to doing those things. Every single time I have done that, I have gotten closer to the person that I want to be in my life. Still a very, very far distance from that. But at least I'm not taking a step away from that. So hopefully that helps. I'm sorry you are going through what you were going through. How, And, you know, here's another piece of advice on the divorce process as well. You're going to have days where you feel better about this. And you're going to have days where you feel worse about this.

And you're going to have days where you probably can't even identify what you feel like. And that is okay. Try not to grab onto any of those versions too tightly. It sucks. Two plus decades with somebody, your life is going to look drastically different. Give it time to ease your way into what that looks like. Some of the days are going to be horrible. They won't last forever.

Don't worry about that. Some of the days are going to be great. They're not going to last for either. They're not going to last forever either. So treat both kind of the same. Enjoy one while you can. Don't get consumed by the other one while it's happening and maybe just aim for something in the middle.

But you will get through this. You're not going through something that anybody else hasn't gone through before. Stay the course. Reach out to friends and family. Reach out to professionals. and invest in yourself. If you don't, you will in fact just be taking your problems to the new state because the problem will be you. But you have the solution to that.

And that's all I have for question one. Question two, I've listened to your podcast since the beginning and have read your book. Thank you for picking it up. There's always at least one nugget of wisdom that sticks with me. I don't know if I have any wisdom, but I will share my thoughts. I've also written to a couple times over the years and you've been kind enough to respond. to respond. Most recently it was about Jiu-Jitsu and then a couple years ago about the Lahaina Fires, which I've heard they're slowly starting to rebuild, but that was gnarly. I have a question I've been

curious about. I've noticed you often use targeted but respectful humor to diffuse the tension in a difficult conversation. It seems to lower people's defenses, making them feel safe enough to address uncomfortable realities, while also bringing a more human perspective to the discussion. Is that something you're consciously aware of that you're doing? or as it simply become part of your communication style? And as a follow-up, have you ever seen someone try to emulate that approach but missed the mark using humor in a way

that became hurtful or dismissive rather than constructive? If so, what separates humor that builds trust from humor that erodes it? Okay, my sense of humor is pretty dark. And most of the people who I used to work with, their sense of humor is pretty dark too. we, man, we would make some very unacceptable jokes about each other, the world in general. And quite frankly, it helped.

And I think it does help get through some of those things. But that is a tool that doesn't apply equally to everybody. I, when I got this email, I had to think about it quite a bit. Because I do recognize what you're saying. But in the moment, when I do that, I can't say that I always have in the back of my mind, hey, if something gets serious, you need to make a joke. Because I don't have that in the back of my mind. There are a variety of ways that you could have a conversation in this medium of hosting

a podcast. There is the way that I have chosen to do that where I sit down with somebody and I'll close my laptop up and we engage in a conversation. And largely, I'm not going to say I don't know anything about the guests that come on. Like some of them I know an immense amount about like I just recorded a episode with Mike Lover that's going to come out in a few weeks because I have a bunch of them in the can. Monday's episode is going to be with Matt Bissonette. And we talk a lot about military service, a lot about Neptune Spear.

I didn't have to do a bunch of research leading into either of those conversations. And the reality is the way that I view the conversation is I only know for certain one question that I'm going to ask a guest. And that is the first question. And then from there, I let the conversation go wherever it needs to go or wherever it wants to go. And I realize that that isn't enjoyable for everybody. But I also realize it is impossible for me to please everybody so I don't try to do that. I try to stay true to myself and true to the conversation that I'm having with the person. So the reason I don't have in the back of my mind a joke on standby in case something gets serious is because I am doing my absolute best to be involved and engaged in the conversation.

But I also do recognize because of your email that I will do. that and I generally I think we'll try to do that when people are getting to and a very and you can see it building in people especially if you are listening and paying attention to them. You can see the emotions rising in people. And it's not that I am against the sharing of emotions. It's not that I think that people shouldn't cry. There are plenty of things that you should cry about and there are plenty of things that I have cried about. Stubbing your toe is a really good example of that. I thought I had broken my toe off my foot entirely. about a week ago and tears were shed over that tears of pain though not tears of sorrow it's not that

i'm trying to stop people from getting to that point where they do tear up i think more than anything what i'm trying to do is let a little bit of steam out of the pressure cooker and yeah it doesn't always land well and you need to know the person at least enough or be involved enough in the conversation that you know what you can say that would be considered appropriate versus out of less field that actually might make things a little bit worse because I've absolutely seen examples where somebody emulates that and they miss the mark using humor and it becomes hurtful. I've done that. I'm not perfectly in my communication style by any stretch of the imagination. But I have found and this is and this is true as well for people who are largely what I'm

talking about. We're talking about emotions that are in. I don't want to say negative, but they're sad in nature. The disruption of the thought process, it also works, though, when people are escalating in the other direction, where they're angry or they're getting ready to lose emotional control out of frustration or anger. You can see the anger building in them. It is a tool that if used properly, in my opinion, that can help deflect the trajectory of where the person is going and oftentimes bring them back to a little bit more of

objective reality. Again, I'm not saying people shouldn't express their emotions, but when I'm trying to have a conversation with somebody specifically at this table, it is not what people can't see right now is, I'm only talking to one camera, but there's five cameras in the room. Michael's sitting over there. Oftentimes we'll have, they'll bring a friend or family member and they will come and they will sit in a chair and they will watch from behind the camera, not like through the lens, but they are behind where the cameras are. And there can be a lot of stress and pressure on somebody sitting down in the chair across from me.

And I recognize that because I've been the person in that chair before. So more than anything, it is an attempt by me to allow them to take a step off of the emotional burden, both up and down, if they should choose to do so. It can be misused for sure. And I think more than anything, it has become a natural part of my communication style. It is not something that is calculated. I don't write down. Okay, no, we're probably going to talk about this.

So if we get to hear and this gets emotional, then I'll say this. I don't think it would work if you did that. I think just for me, because of the way it has worked for me in the past, and I mean other people doing things like that, bringing a little bit of levity back to the situation. I think that's why I'd do it. So not a magical tool, but hopefully that answers at least my headspace in doing so. this email got me thinking quite a bit.

I like to be a lot more thoughtful and intentional about the things that I do and the fact that I know that I do this, but maybe I'm not necessarily as intentional as I should be. Or I don't know. I don't know the answer to this one. It just got me thinking about it. Whether I should just let it be, do it less. I just, what I don't want it to do or what I don't want to have happen for a guest in either direction

is them to get to a place where they are acting emotionally versus logically and objectively. I'd like for there to be a balance because when emotions take over, that's exactly what happens. Emotions take over and your logical ability decreases. And on a medium, again, where there's five cameras and I hit upload and I have no idea where it goes in the world, I think as the host and I'm pretty sure as the guest, they want to be able to put their best foot forward. And again, there's nothing to do with the expression of the emotions. It would have to do with the emotions if they got out of control or out of check. And then I ended up leading them to a place where they wouldn't be proud of who they were in that moment. I don't want to do that to anybody.

I don't want that to be done to me. So I try to be cognizant of that. So hopefully that helps. Question number two. It's the first time I've ever been asked about that. So I'm still thinking about that one quite a bit internally. Today's episode is brought to you by Firecracker Farm. And honestly, Alex says it best on his website, everything is better with hot salt. I can't say everything, because I haven't tried everything with it. But I can say this. Everything that I have tried it with has been delightful. I've had it on the rim of a margarita. I've had it on the rim of a Bloody Mary. I've had it with seafood. I've had it with oysters. I've had it with pasta. I've had it with fruit now. I've had it with all kinds of proteins from traditional red meat to beef to chicken to shrimp.

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Parachute jumping is awesome until it isn't. Demonstration parachute jumping can be amazing until it isn't. and people have cameras out there. So happy fourth, as it happens to be. So this comes exactly from a week ago. Had a question about a parachute display I just saw. So it's definitely not critical you respond, but with your experience, I thought, who better to ask? I saw an Army parachute team member dropping in with a huge American flag underneath him. Just wondered how badly that affects you trying to hit the LZ or DZ drop zone or landing zone. Don't know if you saw the other day.

A guy was jumping into a rodeo during the same, doing the same and was too low. And the flag got caught in a tree and he crashed. And that video was wild. Until reading this right now, again, I thought you were saying that it was the army person that had that happen to them. But you were actually talking about two separate things. So you just watched an army guy come in with the flag underneath him. And you want to know how badly that can affect you trying to.

to hit the LZ or the considerations, which we'll get to. Let's start with my man. Oh, this was a rough video. This is the consequence. This is not the consequence of people having cell phones. This is the inescapability of the content world that we live in. There's a great video and the parachutist is coming directly at the camera person. And it is pretty much as described.

They're flying in. What most people don't realize is they were in a break setting, which if you, the steering toggles, which if you pull the right one down, it will turn the canopy to the right, pull the left one down. It'll pull the canopy to the left. If you pull, if you let them both go up, the canopy is going to be in full forward flight because when you pull the toggles down, it deflects portions of the tail associated with the toggle. So the fastest forward you are going to be going is when you were in full flight, assuming we'll call it stable air with no headwind, no tail one, just a canopy flying. If you pull in a little bit of a break setting, you are going

to decrease your angle of descent. so you could actually go a little bit farther. Half breaks, you are starting to really adjust the angle that you are coming down vertically. You could, if you want to, go all the way to a flare. You don't want to go too far because the canopy can collapse if you steal all of its airspeed. But you could probably, and this person in the demonstration jumper, could have done this even though they shouldn't have in this situation. They probably could have held them all the way down and come down vertically.

That wouldn't have suited them either because they had to clear some trees. But the point is, when I was seeing this video, you could tell that there was inputs. So the parachutist is wearing their container suspended under their parachute. There's going to be in some way that big flag underneath that has a weight on the bottom. So there's the jumper. Then there's going to be a tether. Then there's going to be the top of the flag all the way to the bottom. And then there's going to be a weight associated with that. And all that makes sense, hopefully because you have this forward airspeed and you have something underneath you. Without that weight, it would kind of drift back up underneath you. It wouldn't have a nice presentation of

the flag, but there are complications that come from all of that. Normally, when you're flying around with a canopy, you just have to worry about clearing whatever obstacle it would be with your feet, even though I don't recommend having, you know, get that, you don't need to get that close unless you have to get that close. You shouldn't have to lift your feet up to clear an obstacle at the end of every jump. But if you know what you're doing, it's very possible to do so. And you can land in really tight, confined environments, which is what demonstration jumping is oftentimes all about. I've seen going to rodeos, tennis courts, outdoor venues, racetracks, football fields, baseball fields, fields, all of those things.

And I've jumped into all those places. And they all present their own unique challenges and ways that you need to fly your canopy like I was describing earlier. Jumping with a really large flag and a weight associated with that absolutely changes how far you can travel and how fast you travel. Because quite simply, the easiest way to describe it is there is more driest. rag out there. And you're heavier. There is a performance difference if you were to jump out. And when you jump out of the aircraft, usually there's a big bag on your chest with a handle that

you can pull and it's got a cable that goes underneath. And basically the bottom of the bag opens and the weight is there. You pack the demonstration flag, whether it be an American flag or a brand flag, you pack it into there. And when you pull that, the weight comes out the bottom and that pulls everything out to the end of the tether. The flag unfurls nicely behind you. And boom, you're off and running. You're presenting the flag. And it takes a little. It takes a little. It takes a lot of practice. If you just jump out of an airplane and you have just your parachute with that weight, that's all you have to worry about. The more weight you add, the larger canopy, the combination of those things, you have to factor those things in, which is why they do not let anybody just jump out

of an airplane and do a demonstration jump. There's actually a rating called a pro rating inside of the USPA. I forget a lot of the exact requirements, but it's things like how to rig a flag, jump with the flag, pyrotechnics, night stuff, confined landings. And I believe you have to do 10 sequential declared jumps where your first point of contact, I want to say it is a 10, I want to say 10 meter, but it might be a 10 foot circle. Regardless, before a jump, you have to go up before an evaluate and say, on this jump, my landing counts and you have to stick it. If you don't, you start over for the 10 again until you can get 10 sequentially declared jumps. It's pretty challenging. But there's a reason for that because what you don't want to do is be flying into what looked like an outside event.

And I said that because there were metal bleachers. And thankfully, this person was splitting the gap in between those bleachers as opposed to overflying the crowd. And everything cleared the trees except for the weight and the tether that was associated with it. So you can imagine here they come. The flag is down here in the parachutist. And the flag comes and it holds. And then you become a fulcrum. And you start what is called a controlled face plant.

Now, I've heard that the person was okay. I don't know exactly what that means. Were they physically okay? Were they emotionally okay? Two very different things. It was very public. It was all over the internet. But I think he was okay.

I hope he was okay. And I hope you also learned from this. And me explaining this, I hope other people can learn from it too, especially people who are looking at trying to get their pro rating. Demonstration skydiving is awesome until it isn't. There's another great video. of on a huge jumbotron.

You can see this person looks like they're going to clear it. And then Augusta wind comes and they come right down on top of it. And the weight swings back and just nukes a section of the jumbotron, which goes falling into the crowd. And they are suspended under their canopy. That's awesome to watch, but not awesome to be the guy hanging up in front of the jumbotron, knowing that that's probably going to trend on the internet. I'm so thankful that I'd never had that happen to me. be and trust me, I'm very, I'm as susceptible to that happening as anybody else. Again,

that's why you practice. So anytime you add drag, it changes the flight characteristics. Anytime you add weight, it changes the flight characteristics. You can add both, but that's why you do practice jumps. That's why you stay current and competent. That's why the pro rating has additional requirements associated with that. That's why there are different types of venues and you have to get FAA approval depending on the tightness of the drop zone. That's why that person, was not overflying the crowd, why they were looking for that place where they could enter into the landing zone without flying over there. Because you have to think about those things. I have watched it, oh, it's so bad. I have watched a jumper make the designated landing area with the weight, which it's

not like a five pound weight, hopefully that is just a metal one that's carabiner to the bottom of the flag. Oftentimes they're padded sandbag, not a huge sandbag, but you know, enough relative weight to hold the bottom end of the flag. I have watched people in crowds get annihilated by those weights because the parachute jumper either turned too deep and couldn't make their way back into the designated landing area or they just misjudged it. And people got caoed on the ground. That's the jumper's fault for clarity. Full jumper's fault. Don't fly over something that you don't intend to land on and that will help. But again, that's a full conversation into how you conduct a demonstration skydive.

But yeah, I saw it. Yes, it was awesome to watch. No, it wasn't awesome for the person involved in that. But hopefully, in me describing that, it at least unpacks a little bit for the things that you are thinking about as a demonstration skydiver. When you nail it, like when you go into a stadium and you have a huge American flag underneath you, a lot of the time, you're upwind and you're kind of presenting the flag to

the crowd. And there is an altitude with which you commit yourself to landing in. inside of a stadium. And I'm talking, I've done this in full packed football stadiums. You can't really hear the crowd when you're upwind. But when you make that turn, and again, to not make this a treaties on skydiving, let's just say it's a football stadium that is an oval on the outside with like a roof that comes up and you have the linear lines of the field. A lot of the time, you are either going to follow the lip of the stadium roof or you're going to follow the field itself, depending on what you decide is your entry altitude.

when you cross the lip at the stadium, you're committed. I mean, I guess you could bail, but you're going to be going into the parking lot, which, you know, that's probably better than going into the crowd. But my point is this, when you cross that lip and you start working your way downwind, the roar that you can hear from the crowd is insane. It is so cool as the person doing the jump as you're going downwind and then as you turn that crosswind, let's say it's a football field

where you have the goalposts and you're making that turn. so you're going to have that, we'll call it a left 90 degree, and then you're going to make your final term where you come in and you land into the field. It gets louder and louder and louder and as you get closer to the ground and when you nail it and you land on the 50-yard line and you hanged off the game ball,

it's pretty awesome. Assuming you don't go into the trees. So hopefully that helps answer some questions when it comes to demonstration skydiving. Question number, whatever it is. I think it's number four. Andy, Hope Wells, well, I'm emailing you today because I recently was reminded

that I graduated high school nine years ago. And it got me thinking, have I done enough up to this point now that I'm 26? I ended up doing three years in the military. Went to a selection while in the military. I passed. I just didn't get picked up. Ended up getting my full driver's license. And in general, have been having a lot of personal growth and figuring out who I am and how I want to live my life.

However, I feel as though I'm falling short. I feel I should have accomplished more at the ripe age of 26. I'm currently learning Russian and plan on learning multiple languages, and I'm working in the trades until I can apply to my city's police department. My question for you is, am I being too critical of myself? Or do I need to just take a breather and tell myself that having everything figured out at 26 is completely ridiculous? If you take the time to read my email, thanks, and have a good day. This one, I am going to say an element of both.

is true. How about in this situation, two things can be true at once? I don't know anybody, and that's not to say that I know everyone, but I don't know anybody in my personal life that has accomplished amazing things by sitting on their laurels, by not pushing themselves, by not continuing to learn, by not pursuing what makes them uncomfortable or gaps in their knowledge, by pushing themselves physically and mentally. The people that I know who are the most successful are the ones that have not done all of those things, but have done versions of those things. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with the drive that you have.

And I wish that more people your age had that level of. of drive. Now, people are people and people do different things. So I think it's unreasonable to expect everybody to have that level of drive, even though I think their life would probably be better served because of it. Now, can that be taken too far? Of course it can. And in this instance, like I said, maybe both things are true. Maybe your drive is really helping you. And maybe you are being a little bit too critical and robbing yourself of the things or the enjoyment from the things that you have been successful with so far and your accomplishments. You've already done, so I'm assuming you graduated high school. Good, knock that out. Join the military. Three-year stint.

Cool. Knock that out. You went to a selection. So you passed a crucible, threw yourself at a crucible, passed it, didn't get picked up by the program, which is totally fine. I don't know what program it was. Maybe you could have gone back. Maybe you couldn't have. Maybe you couldn't have. you didn't want to, but you still should be appreciative of and proud of the fact that you passed the selection course in and of itself. Right. There's something to be learned and something to be gained from everything, even failure. But in this case, you're actually talking about a partial success. You met the standard for the crucible. You just didn't get picked up for the program. And that happens to people. Maybe they had a limited amount of billets that were actually

available and for you it just didn't work out because you had more people that applied than were available and it just wasn't your time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be proud of that accomplishment. You got your full driver's license. I'm not necessarily sure if that was tied into a military thing or just in general in life, but I mean two thumbs up for having a driver's license. It's always nice to be able to drive yourself as opposed to having somebody else drive for you. A lot of personal growth. You're working in the trades. You're learning Russian and you've already decided what it is you're going to do next. I had accomplished one job at the age of 26. You are finding success, it seems like, and everything that you are doing so far. I wish that I had it

all figured out at 48. I don't. Did I think I have it all figured out at 26? Oh, for sure. I think I definitely did. I had a definitely unearned sense of wisdom, if we want to call it that. Emphasis on unearned, lack of emphasis on wisdom at that point in time in my life. But yeah, I think at my late 20s, I was pretty sure that I was nailing it. And I look back now and, man, I was a total jack wagon. I was successful in many ways, but a total jack wagon in what I thought success would be or what I would want success to be. Everything that you are listed have listed here. I know you haven't listed everything. I'm sure some things haven't gone your way. But everything you listed in this email, I'm going to call it positive in nature. Even then not getting to go to selection, that's fine.

You could have gone back and made the choice to try again. You didn't because you chose to go a different direction with your life. I think that's a positive thing. And it's also behind you. So let's put that where it should belong in your past. Everything else, though, to me seems awesome. And I would be super proud of that. Now, having said that, just because you're proud of those things, does that mean that you should stop working as hard as you are? No, take that pride in what you have accomplished and use those as the logs on your fire for additional motivation, especially on the days where you feel like you don't want to do anything. You have accomplished a ton at the age of 26. So, when you wake up one morning and you just don't feel like doing it, ask yourself,

what has been the result of the hard work that I have put in so far. You have the answer to this test in the email that I'm reading in front of me. And the answer is this, success, repeated success over what I'm going to call multiple different arenas. If that doesn't motivate you to continue to work as hard as you are, to continue to try to push yourself, to continue to try to drive yourself, then I don't know what to tell you. you because you are already stacking a volume of success at what I will call a middle formative age in adult life that I think a lot of people would pale in comparison. I think you're nailing it, which is not me saying take your foot off the gas.

It is me saying take a moment and take a breath to appreciate how far you have actually come from high school and how much you have actually accomplished in those nine years. It's impressive. I wish that more people were able to accomplish that much in any phase of their life in nine years. And for anybody listening to this who says, damn, why would you write that email in? I feel like you're kind of nailing it. I wish I had that level of success.

Ask yourself, why don't you feel like you have had? Is it the choices that you have made? Is it the actions that you have taken or the lack thereof? Is it a combination of discipline or motivation or the lack thereof? What has been holding you back from writing an email exactly like this? The answer almost always will be the person that you see in the mirror. Being this person, having this success, but feeling unfulfilled, I don't think is incredibly uncommon. but it can make people incredibly unhappy. And that's not what I want for the person who wrote this in.

So keep your foot on the gas by all means if you think it is serving you well. But don't ignore the success that you have had in life up until this point. Also, what does having everything figured out actually mean? I don't know if it's possible to figure the world out. Let me tell you what I don't know much about at all. all. Politics, locally here in the U.S., geopolitics, world history, history, engineering, electricity, plumbing. I could go on and on and on and on and on about the things that I know very little about. And I'm 48 years into this. So at the age of 26, I wish you were sitting here so I could ask you,

what do you mean by having everything figured out? Because from what I can tell, Tell, 22 years ahead of you is that you never will have everything figured out. You'll really want to, and I totally get that. But there are so many things in our life that are outside of our control. We don't know what the world is going to look like in 10 years. And so if you dedicate the next 10 years to trying to figure out what the world looks like now, I actually think you might be a little bit behind when it turns on its feet. Not that you should ignore what's going on now and only focus on the future.

What I think, though, is you are risking putting yourself on a never-ending hamster wheel, which will, again, rob you of the satisfaction of the accomplishments of your life so far, the joy of the experiences that you are having right now, or any sense of fulfillment because you are going to feel like a rival at whatever end state is impossible. And on that last one, I don't know if there is. an end state. I actually think or am coming to the conclusion that life is a lot more about the journey than it is the in state. And I say that again, as I've mentioned in a previous question, I barely, just barely have understood what it is I want to do with my life, the purpose of my life.

I still don't know the how, the exact prescriptive mechanism that I'm going to do or that I want to do to get there. And I am comfortable with that because I know since I have a true North in what it is that I want to do, the exact how matters a little bit less. So maybe that. And again, I couldn't have, I couldn't have identified that at 26. But perhaps for this person writing in, if you can identify where it is you want to go. And so let's use the police department as an example. I would consider that to be service to your community, service above self. If that is the purpose that you are going towards, I think it, take some pressure off if you can identify that because again you can go back like hmm presented with

something i don't know what to do here let me pull up my compass which ways of pointing like you know what okay this decision actually does align a little bit better with who i am and who i want to be that has helped me and it's actually relieved the pressure of having to have everything figured out i no longer try to i'm trying to figure myself out and nothing more beyond that because myself is the only thing that i can control. And that's true for you too. And that's true for anybody who listens to this or watches this. You cannot control the world around you. As much as you try to white knuckle it, you're going to just leave exhausted. I think you're better served to relax the grip, play the terrain as it comes at you and focus on the one thing you can control, which is yourself. Or in that your reaction to the

things that happen to you in life. Easier said than done, but perhaps that's a good end for this Friday episode. See you all on Monday with Mr. Matthew Bissonette.