Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Risks Vs. Reward

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

Normal Friday Q and A for today with three listener submitted questions: Question 1: A 34-year-old white belt shares his early experiences in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, feeling both the thrill and frustration of starting something new later in life. What are some tips for new practitioners, advice for overcoming initial hurdles, and whether attending advanced seminars is beneficial or overwhelming for beginners. Question 2: A recent adventure in Switzerland's Lauterbrunnen Valley prompts a listener to reflect on balancing thrill-seeking activities with parental responsibilities. Are the mental and emotional challenges of pursuing high-risk sports worth it? How can you ensure family safety and also set a courageous example for your children? Question 3: A 27-year-old from the UK, navigating major life changes, seeks advice on becoming the best possible father and husband after an unexpected pregnancy shortly after leaving a career in finance. The Speed of War Comic Series: https://www.thespeedofwar.com/ Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

Oh yes, hello. We're back. It's Friday. Nothing out of the ordinary. Today, we're just going to get right into it. I don't know what number full out of Friday this is. I gave up trying to count a long time ago. I don't know why. I have no explanation for that other than does it really matter what number it is. I'm going to keep doing them as long as questions keep coming in. So, yeah, away we go. I have three questions for today. I think relatively distinct in nature or different in nature to say the least. And then let's just dive right in. Question one. I'm a 34-year-old white belt fresh off of two classes. I was hesitant to start, but I felt like I needed something apart from regular training as a challenge. Midway through the first class, I'm gassed and I'm feeling like a fish out of water, but also sitting there asking myself, why did I wait so long to start? No shit, man. We've all been there. I've all been there. I found Jiu-Jitsu in my 40s. I wish I had found it in my 20s. I could have found it in my 20s and 30s, but I was so against it because the people I know who were doing it were so dogmatic and so

excited about it that my natural response was, no, I'm not doing that. And now I look back and consider myself to be an idiot. Moving on. I understand I have much to learn, which became abundantly clear as I was getting smothered on the bottom, not having a clue what to do next. Oh, how we've all been there. I'm not sure if I felt this sort of challenge in my life, even through military training. Now for the questions, since I'm going to a gym where I know essentially no one so far, and I'm going to answer these in order. What are some things you would tell a new white belt? Okay, before I answer, I am not a jujitsu coach. I do not teach people jujitsu. I love jiu-jitsu, but I have never been in a place where I have been asked to teach it.

I am not a coach. And when people ask me questions about their trajectory or something about jiu-jitsu, I almost always answer the same way, unless it's a very easy, technical question that pretty much has limited answers. I tell them to go find a coach because that's the coach's job, is to help them with their journey. However, you are asking me this, and I will answer through my own lens of experience. I'm not an expert at jiu-jitsu.

I've been at this for six years at this point. I think six years and a couple days, something like that. I think late July was when I started six years ago. The number one thing that I would tell you, based on my own experience, so a data point of one person that is that I think helps is try to take away all of the pressure that either you are going to put on yourself or that other people may put on yourself. enjoy the fact that it is new, enjoy the fact that you're learning something that you know nothing about, enjoy the fact that you are feeling like a fish out of water, because that's not going to last

forever. And if you can enjoy the journey along the way, it doesn't matter how long the journey takes. I have seen in six years people who have gotten very tied to the belt structure. and I can't figure out why some people do and why some people don't. And what I mean by that is get tied to that structure or derive their worth in that activity based off the color of a piece of fabric around your waist. It probably has something to do with the person themselves before starting that endeavor and just the way that they are wired. I'm not saying one is right or wrong.

But if you really only care about that next belt, there is pressure involved with that. Especially when you get to that next belt, there's going to be additional pressure because people are going to expect you to perform in a way or at a level that maybe you don't feel comfortable doing so. Or maybe the reality is you may not actually be at that level yet. Nobody wants that pressure. Nobody needs that pressure. So shit can that pressure. Enjoy the journey. The advice that I was given, probably the biggest piece of advice that I was given. And I think I've heard this given to every single person who has started jujitsu. And this is a is an impossible piece of advice because they are not capable of doing this when they first start, and that is to relax. It is the opposite of what you feel like you want to do, especially if you're a dude who is larger, who comes from an athletic background. It has some semblance of strength and conditioning behind them. You want to use it all. And it will work to a degree, and then you'll get to an experience level where they will use those attributes against you. And if you can't shelve them, your journey and trajectory is really going to be stunted. And you might actually

quit due to frustration. If you can relax, one, you're going to get injured less because you'll be less tense and you're going to be able to flow, which is a term that people who don't do judicious aren't going to understand. You're going to be able to ride the waves better by being more malleable than by being super rigid. It actually makes it easier as an opponent to somebody who's being super rigid. I prefer that because it's easier to do things to them, specifically knock them off their base and sweep them. It's actually really hard to deal with somebody who's super relaxed because they're not using much energy and you are. It can be exhausting, actually. It'll help with longevity. It'll help with not being super destroyed after every training session. It will help with

your fingers not being sore, your forearms working because you're not going to be gripping so hard. It's just going to make it more enjoyable. And even though I'm telling you to just relax, you are not going to be able to do so probably until about the six to 12 month mark, and that is okay. But you should be trying to because you will get to a place where you are able to relax. I'm like, oh, shit, this actually just got way more enjoyable. At least that has been my experience. As you also started later in life, what were some of your own experiences in the beginning that were impactful? The recognition and realization that the journey that you're on is yours alone. That really is all that matters.

There is a black belt at the gym that I train at, who is a physician. He is 172 years old, if he's 18. I actually don't know exactly how old he is, but I'm going to say somewhere late 50s, early 60s. He is a black belt for sure. But if he wore two lockhorns with a 20-year-old kid who baby wrestled in high school and was maybe a blue belt, has been at Jiu-Jitzy for a couple years. He's going to get fucked up more often than not. Why? Because those are not the same thing. And if you as a person finding this later in life cannot wrap your head around the reality that none of us later in life want to wrap our head around, and that is we're getting older. We're not the person that we used to be. We don't have the abilities that we used to have. Now, we might

have some wisdom that the younger people don't have. We might be a little bit more crafty. We might have some more tools, but all of those have a glass ceiling as well. So remember it's your journey. The black belt I'm telling you about, he is a black belt in comparison to the person that he was when he stepped through the gym door and started training years ago. His belt is a reflection of who he is in relationship to that person. And yes, of course, to a standard of knowledge, technical ability, technical knowledge, understanding of jiu-jitsu, of course, to all of those things. But a 20-year-old black belt and a 60-year-old black belt are not the same animal. The result is more often than not, if not, almost always going to favor the 20-year-old, especially when you start layering in athleticism, size, strength, cardio, all of those things.

that realization that the outcome of competitions in a gym setting, they mean actually nothing. It doesn't matter what happens in the gym. Nothing that happens with your training partners actually fucking matters. And what I mean by that is I don't mean that the training isn't meaningful and the knowledge base isn't meaningful. I'm saying when you go to an open mat and you're training with people that go to your gym and they're your friends and training partners, it shouldn't be how you define yourself. It shouldn't be how you view yourself as a person. Does it suck to lose? Of course it does. But does it actually matter in the grand scheme of things in life? No, it doesn't. You're training

with your friends in a controlled environment, in a goofy uniform, with a weird belt tied around your waist, for whatever reason might have brought you to the gym. Maybe you want to learn self-defense. Maybe you don't care about self-defense and you're just interested in the martial art in and of itself and everything in between. But those training partners that you have need to be those things. They're not your enemy. They're your training partner. So don't worry about the end result. It would be easy for the older black belt to get frustrated and upset by losing to younger people, unless he realizes his journey is just his and that their journey is just theirs.

And if he also can take it a step further and realize, yeah, I, from a physical perspective, have a difficult time competing with people who are decades younger than me. That doesn't mean that you can't help them through the knowledge and wisdom and experience that you have. And you know what's going to happen if you do that? Fuck, it sucks. They're going to beat you even more. They're going to beat you faster. But how awesome is that?

You can step outside of your own ego, which is all it is we're really talking about, and help somebody become better than you could ever be. How awesome is that? I can't think of anything more impactful than that. Stepping outside of yourself and helping somebody be a better version of what you could ever be, because they're starting younger. give them that knowledge and wisdom and experience. To do that, though, you have to get past yourself and that recognition and realization that

age is real. And slow is recovery time after training. All of those things are very real. When you're 20, you could probably train 18 times a day. When you're my age, go ahead and give that a try. And if you started that on a Monday, you'll probably be on your deathbed by Tuesday evening. So don't do that. But again, those are things that come with time and experience and understanding.

I'm at a different phase in my life. some of the experiences in the beginning that were impactful. Learn when to let go. This is a piece of advice. Actually, was this a piece of advice or it was something I heard somebody say? Probably more of the latter. A black belt that I deeply respect one time said to me that, you know, being a black belt is more about knowing when to let go and move on than anything else.

and I didn't understand it at the time and now makes absolute perfect sense. You're going to know, especially the more that you do this, and maybe this is probably something that's a metaphor true in life as well. The more that you do something, you're going to start recognizing patterns.

And eventually you'll recognize patterns where in jiu-jitsu, to go back to this, you're in a position, you're like, damn it, I'm probably about to be swept and go from being in the top position to the bottom position. Earlier on in your job, journey, what you do is hold on with every ounce and might of energy that you have to prevent that

from happening. And then it still happens. And because you chose to hold on, you're even further behind. What the Black Belt was saying was, if you start going down one of those paths and you recognize that it's about to happen, accept it, relax, and get ahead of the person. Land in that bottom position in a better spot, more able to defend yourself because you let go. of what was already lost and moved yourself into a more advantageous position. You went from being behind to being ahead. Are you in the most optimal position? No, but you're in an optimal position from the perspective of defense and then maybe reversing because you were able to let go. The more that you do this, the more that you're going to understand, there are points in times

where you realize that the micro battle is lost. Let go and move on to the next thing. And also So that actually ties back into injury. The times that I've seen people get hurt and I haven't seen a catastrophic injury, but I've seen some minor ones and I've been banged up myself. It's generally been because people were trying to force something. They were holding on far too long. And in an attempt to just, again, an environment that doesn't matter. Who gives a shit if you get swept?

They held on and at the last minute tried to post and stopped it. And they landed in a way that their body structurally didn't like. And there was an injury that came of that. As opposed to, you know what? Oh, this is going to happen. Moving on. takes time. But I would say those two things. Recognize who you are and where you're at in your life and learn to let go. And I do believe that's a good metaphor for life. How many times in life,

now, I would love to meet somebody who has never made a mistake in their life. And anybody who comes up to me and says that they're that person, and I was like, oh, hello, sir, how are you? Your last name must be fucking liar because it's impossible to not make mistakes in your life. I think the best we can hope for is not repeating those mistakes. And one of the best ways to do that is to develop pattern recognition over get to a place where you recognize, oh, this has happened to me before I'm going to let go of trying to control this and get myself into a place where I'm better able to receive and then deal with what comes next. That's my thoughts. Last part. Also, would a seminar like you go to yearly be too advanced for a white belt due to techniques, etc? Even in my first class, partners with

slightly more experience were visibly frustrated with my obvious lack of knowledge. So I would not want to attend this early if it detracted from others' training experience. First off, fuck those people. Okay? The fact that you're in a beginner's class and they know slightly more than you, like that's just, that's a shitty training partner. Anybody who's been to more classes than you is probably going to know more. And so remember this. Remember how much that sucked that they acted frustrated that you didn't know as much as they do. Five classes from now when you, the version of you who is somebody who is just starting comes in, just don't be that person. I mean, imagine how if every black belt that you ever encountered just treated you like shit and was

frustrated and you weren't worth their time because you don't know as much as they do. That would be horrible. That would be a horrible experience, a horrible training environment. They'd be a horrible training partners. What I have found is that the black belts with the most experience are generally the ones who are most giving of that experience and they don't get frustrated. They treat those opportunities as an ability to have. help you. And what they don't realize, these training partners that were slightly frustrated,

what they don't realize is by actually taking the time to help you, it'll reinforce the knowledge that they're learning, and it'll probably stick a little bit more like spaghetti being thrown against the wall. They don't know shit either, and that's okay. Just don't be an asshole. As to the seminar question, I think it depends on the seminar you would want to go to and the coach who is teaching it. I have not been to a ton of seminars. I've been to a good amount, but it's been through a circle or stable of coaches that I know pretty well. And those seminars, yes, you could absolutely attend from White Belt to many years as a black belt. But I don't know if that is true of all seminars.

So if you're looking at going to one, I would research the instructor and then reach out to them directly. I mean, in that era of social media, people are going to be connectable to you in six degrees of Kevin Bacon is gone now. It's one to two degrees based off social media. So reach out to them and just ask. there are definitely people who teach advanced seminars that I think the information would be over your head because you're in a phase of jiu-jitsu where you need to understand the foundational principles with which you can then build upon. But some coaches are great in their ability to express and impart knowledge. And if you find one of them, they could, in the same lesson, refine a technique for somebody who's been a black belt for years and also expose a white belt who's brand new to Jiu-Jitsu to those core principles and philosophies.

that person doesn't always exist in the same instructor or coach. So do your research, but don't be scared of going to a seminar because you don't feel like you know enough. If you're really worried about it, then find a training partner that can go with you that has that same level of experience and you guys partner up together the entire time. That way you don't have to worry about negatively impacting somebody else's training experience because you don't necessarily know what they're talking about. You're with somebody who's kind of at the same level of you. you could ask questions together. You could work through issues together at that same level. And really, if it is over your head,

the only people would be impacting would be those two. So that would be my advice and suggestion on that. Volume under the curve. Don't try to be a Jedi overnight. Try to be 0.001% better every class and get as much volume under the curve as possible. Before you know it, you'll have an immense and an amazing amount. And Jiu-Jitsu only gets more fun.

That's all I can tell you. All right. Listener since 2020, first time writing in. If by any chance this message gets picked up, I will be blown away. Well, I hope you're blown away because I liked your email. I had some wild news this week, and it felt like I should use it as an excuse to express my appreciation for what you do. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. Went through a dark time a while back and listened to you shedding light on some of your own darker moments.

Help me more than you might think possible. And of course, discussions of the cucking power dynamic have fascinated me to no end. They fascinate me, too. I was just in a hotel recently in the corner the entire time was a cuck chair staring me in the face and I have just nothing but questions. Nothing but questions. Can't we agree the power does not lie with the cuck? I don't know. Depends on who you ask. For background, I'm a 27-year-old based in the UK. I'm a BJJ Blue Belt and have started competing. I work out regularly and I'm hoping to secure a spot in the 1,000 pound club by the end of the year. I am a below-average mountaineer,

ex-ski instructor and have dabbled in a little free fall action. Essentially, I love technical sports where point focus is a requirement. It might not be a surprise that some of my favorite episodes were your conversations with Jeb Corlis, Mark Twight, and Miles Dasher. To the business. For the past three years, I've been working in finance in the office until 2 to 3 a.m. daily, frequently giving up weekends, forced to avoid friends, and generally hating most parts of my day. Earlier this year, I was passed up for a promotion, and last month I decided to hand him my notice completing my final day last week. It was a huge relief. I'm enjoying taking a short break right now and looking forward to finding a non-banking job. I will enjoy more. My solace

during crazy working hours has been my girlfriend of two years. She is my light and an amazing person. She trains and regularly footlocks the shit out of me when we roll. That just means she's a bad person. Footlocks and wrist locks are for assholes. She is in a great career as well. well, albeit with fewer hours, and therefore, as practical people, we have already discussed potential proposals. So I have had a ring made, and I'm planning on popping the question on holiday in a month. Hell yeah. Congratulations to you, sir. We also made the decision to stop using protection a few weeks ago, and this is the crux of my question. She has been on the pill for most of her adult life. Presumably, when you stop using contraception after being on for so long,

it takes at least a few months for pregnancy to become likely, right? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that, I would have to direct that towards a woman and specifically a woman who specializes in those things. I don't know how quickly that stuff turns on and off. I mean, I think we can agree that it works. It doesn't work well for all women. I know the hormonal soup that those pills can become or the birth control can become can really check people up. But I have no idea the efficacy of when it starts or when it stops. So that's a question for somebody far more steeped in medicine into myself. Clearly, we were both potent as fuck, as I was greeted this week by a pregnancy test with two blue lines. It was unexpected so soon and still early days, but I couldn't be happier

for what might be down the road. My question to you is, how can I set myself up for being the best dad and husband possible? I hope I can be dependable, supportive, and an all-around good partner to my wife to be, as well as a great dad. I'm pretty active and would love to one day be a good role model physically and take my kids on cool adventures outdoors. So any tips on integrating this into family life would be awesome too. From the job perspective, we'll love to hear your thoughts on balancing financial reward with sustainability and enjoyment of the job. Any advice would be greatly appreciated in order not to massively fuck this up. Maybe we should start with that sentence. You ready? You are going to massively fuck this up. And that is the reality.

Regardless of how good of a dad you want to be, you're going to fall short at times. regardless of how good of a partner you want to be, you're going to fall short at times. And I don't want to say that's okay, even though I believe that failure is okay. I don't want to see a catastrophic failure from you out of either of those, like beating the shit out of your children or fucking around on your wife. But falling short of the person that you want to be in your life is going to happen. And I think the best thing that you can do with that is view it as a tuition payment. you have to embrace your failures.

And I'm not saying, you know, like wrap your arms around your failure and invite it to Thanksgiving dinner. But I'm saying acknowledge that they're going to happen because again, like I mentioned earlier in this episode, I've never met a perfect person, even though there are some people out there who claim to be. So mistakes are going to happen. Own your mistakes. That's what I mean by wrap your arms around your mistakes. Take the time to figure out why they happened with the express goal of trying not to let them happen. Again, let's not repeat mistakes. Let's have micro failures, not macro failures. That only happens if you acknowledge that you're not perfect, that you make mistakes and you take the time to

reverse engineer them in a way that provides you meaningful information. What happened, right? I mean, that's things are going to happen. So strip that off the table. The what did happen? How? What are the things that happened that allowed it to go that way? But then the why? Was there a motivation behind it? Your emotional state. Are you doing everything you can as a person. I would address the what to a degree, but the how and the why, I think are, let's call that two-thirds of the pie. That's where the meat and potatoes are. A word of caution for you. It's early in her pregnancy. I'm so happy that you are excited about the pregnancy. Do the best that you can to temper that excitement just a little bit, because I wish that all pregnancies ended with a

healthy baby being born. The math doesn't support that. The reality of miscarriages, the reality of health issues that can come up in a pregnancy. It is real. And it's been a while since my ex-wife stopped having kids 16 years ago. But I believe that first trimester is, it's not like 100% go-no-go. But until you get through that first trimester, the the amount of complications that can haven't is greater before that versus past that threshold. So again, I am so happy that you were excited about this because this is something that you want. Temper the excitement just a little bit. Because if it doesn't work out the way that you want it to, yes, of course you will likely

be able to try again in the future, but I don't want it to be something that emotionally destroys you. It's going to be challenging. It's going to be difficult. You can recover from that. But just keep it in the back of your mind. let's get through the first trimester before cakes and candles start coming out. Not that I think cakes and candles are usually associated with pregnancy. I don't know why I said that, but I think you get the point.

Okay, so there's that. How do I set myself up for being the best dad and husband possible? I hope I can be dependable, supportive, and an all-around good partner to my wife. Well, I think you, in being able to define that, have really well set yourself up for what it is that you're shooting for. You want to be dependable. You want to be supportive and you want to be an all-around good partner to your wife. to be. Define those things a little bit deeper. Figure out exactly what it is that that means to you, what you want to shoot for, and then use that as your target. And when you fall short, like I've already

discussed, wrap your arms around that and figure out why, figure out how, figure out how to not let it happen again. Maybe you're going to go back to the jiu-jitsu question the first one, pattern recognition a little bit earlier on. Maybe it's a behavior. Maybe it's a trigger for you, recognizing it earlier on, letting go, changing the outcome by moving earlier and getting yourself set up for success. At the end of the day, you want to be the best dad and husband possible. You have to be the best version of yourself possible. That's all you can control in the world, is yourself, your actions, your effort, your energy, your thoughts to a degree. I do think our minds are designed to wander at times, and I don't think you have 100% control over

your thoughts. If you did, I think dreaming would be a day. I think dreaming would be a difference. different experience. It's, I mean, I don't know about anybody else, but God damn. I have some wild ones up there, three-dimensional fucking insanity from time to time. And I don't grasp onto them. I kind of work my way through them and let go because I think sometimes you have to let your mind wander. But you can control where you put your energy, your effort, your thoughts. And in doing that, you can become the best version of yourself, which is going to make you well suited to deal with the challenges of life, of relationships, and of being a parent. It's really, I mean, I want to say it's as easy as that, but what I just described is a

lifelong pursuit of trying to be a better version of yourself. And that's not easy. It's easy to say it's very hard to do, but that's the direction that I would put you in. Being a good role model physically for your kids and taking them on cool adventures, here's what I would say. Whatever you do now, when you do have kids, bring them along. unless it's like base jumping or skydiving. Don't take them with you for those particular activities.

But if you travel, travel with your kids. If you love being outdoors, be outdoors with your kids. The best role model that you can possibly be, and the best way to do cool things with your kids is to do the things that you find to be enriching for you, but involve them, and go the places that you think are adventurous and enriching for you and them and involve them. Have them be present.

Model the behavior that you want to see. there is nothing in this world that frustrates me more than seeing overweight children. And spoiler, what I'm about to say is going to be rough for a cohort of people, and I don't give a fuck. My least favorite thing to see is overweight children with overweight parents. Because the overweight children didn't occur accidentally, nor did it with their parents. And yes, I understand there are some endocrine issues that can make people, deeply struggle with their weight, that's not the problem for the vast, vast majority of people. The problem for the vast majority of people is a lack of self-control and discipline,

which I have suffered from at times in my life. Don't get me wrong. I love a piece of cake. It was just my son's birthday. I had two pieces of it last night before dinner, told nobody about it and felt bad about it for the rest of the day. I also didn't physically feel great, but goddamn that cake was fucking delicious. Do I do that regularly? No. Do I want to model that behavior to my kids? No. Why? Because I want them to be the best version of themselves as well. And when you see a child who's starting off their life 40, 50, 60, 100 pounds overweight because their parents are fat fucking slabs, you are setting them up for failure for the rest of their life. So be the opposite of that. Those parents are probably not sitting there talking to their

kids saying, you know what we want for you? We want you to be overweight. We want you to struggle with general physical tasks throughout life and drastically shorten your lifespan due to the litany of issues that can come from obesity. They're not saying those things. And just modeling that behavior and oftentimes laziness to their kids. That is where they learn it from. You want to be on the other side of that coin? Be on the other side of that coin. Model the other behaviors. When you fall short with your kids, address it and explain to them what happened and why. Explain to them that you're not perfect. I've apologized to my children many times. And this is a concept that for some people is weird and I don't understand it because we're only talking about human beings. They're going

to make mistakes in their life. How are they going to learn to own those mistakes and address it with the people that they impacted if you as their parent are not willing to do the exact same thing with them? To me, that makes total sense. To some people, why would you need to apologize to your kids? I don't know. Maybe because they're sponges and they watch everything you do and listen to everything that you say and I want to model the behavior I want to see from them. I don't fucking know. How about that for an answer, though? I'm on a tangent. Okay, from a job perspective, I'd love to hear your thoughts on balancing financial reward with sustainability and enjoyment of the job. Define for yourself, what does financial independence mean? I, for me, financial, I'll answer this for myself.

Wealth for me is the ability to do I want to with my time. That's really it. I am as susceptible as anybody else by being enticed by fancy, shiny things. And I've made some stupid decisions with money, which sometimes you regret and sometimes you're like, oh, this, that I just bought with money is totally awesome. But that wanes over time. And you can always make more money. I don't know how to get more time. So to me, financial reward, the financial reward that I want for my life is the ability to say yes or no based off what I want to do with myself and my family and not be in a place that I have to do things because I have no other choice. That is for me what wealth means and financial independence. You should answer that for yourself. How many people

do we all know that the number that they're looking for is just more to steal a line from Wall Street number two for Josh Brolin. When Shia LaBoof is asking him, you know, what's your number? And he just looks at him and says, more. And how accurate is that for so many people? If you can't define what you want to do and the number that you need to get to to be able to do that, holy shit, you're on a hamster wheel. And I don't know if you're going to.

have you ever watched the videos on social media or your feet probably different than mine, but you see a lot of hamsters run really fast. They're running that wheel, and then they finally end up flat on their stomach or back, and they're spinning around, and the wheel is running them. And that's not where I want to be in life. So you have to answer this for yourself. I don't know what enriches you. I don't know what you like to do. Try to find an occupation that provides at least one of those, because you could always do the other one with outside of work activities. Balance that with your spouse and her desires as well, and where you guys want to grow to together, right? Where do you both want to be together? Because otherwise, you might end up

growing apart. And I don't want that for anybody either. So I wish I could give you a better answer to that, but those are kind of homework questions for you that you need to answer. Once you can define that end state, you can work your way backwards. And they're all solvable problem. So again, congratulations, not only on the upcoming addition to the population, but also the spouse, getting ready to ask somebody to marry you. Take the time and figure out a cool way to do it. It's a cool story to have if you take the time. Last question.

I wanted to hear your thoughts on a recent experience I had in the Latyr-Brunen Valley in Switzerland, an area I'm very familiar with. Recently while visiting the area with my wife, I convinced her to hike our first Via Ferrata. As you probably know, the term Via Ferrata translates to Iron Path. It is a hiking route made up on the side of a mountain that is too dangerous to hike without fall protection. In multiple spots, you are traversing cliff faces being held up only by the steps in the wall made of rebar. Underuse about 2,000 feet of air, then the valley floor. In addition, there's also a cable that you are hooking yourself into.

So that's the fall protection they're talking about. The Via Ferrata is a jump in the Laudeau-Brunan Valley, which is amazing. You actually take this rebar path down and suit up a little bit more on the Via Ferrada path, and you actually end up on a piece of wood or multiple pieces. It's almost like a deck, like this size, probably a little bit smaller with like non-skid on it and an angled front edge. And that's where you send it from. As people on this Via Ferrada are passing you by and wondering what the fuck is wrong with you jumping off of that cliff. So that's a different conversation, but I know exactly probably the Via Ferrada that you traversed.

And I think it's an awesome one. My wife was hesitant, but I talked her into it and she completed the hike along with me. It was far more mentally challenging than physically challenging, and we were pretty experienced hikers. I'm also relatively comfortable with heights and with rope climbing equipment as I use it at work as a fireman. After the hike, I was enjoying a beer at a small bar near the end of the trail and having a moment of introspection. I was thinking about how proud I was of my wife, and then I thought about how important it is for our three daughters to see her doing hard things. Couldn't agree more. Again, modeling the behavior that you want to see from your kids.

Then it hit me. The thought of my three daughters. immediately became anger with myself for taking such unnecessary risk. I know that with the right equipment and a little bit of common sense, this type of activity is very safe, but the consequence of failure is death. I couldn't help but think about what that would do to my kids if myself or my wife would have died doing something for a thrill. At the same time, I'm not willing to live my life in fear and plan to continue to pursue my interests in the safest manner possible. Just trying to figure out how to justify them in my own brain. I assume that you may have had

similar feelings about base jumping, and I wanted to hear your thoughts. Okay, I never tried to justify my behavior. I tried to view it from the perspective of risk versus reward. The Viaferata that you're talking about with the appropriate climbing protection, and if you use the protection properly, and I think they send you under the, I'm pretty sure they send you with a guide. I never did the full thing because obviously the jump was halfway through, and you're not required to get that climbing protection, nor do you need it to get it to get. get to the place where you're going to be doing your exit. Incredibly, incredibly safe.

Is the consequence for a failure of one of those iron rings death? Yes. Sometimes, though, the consequence for crossing the street without looking both ways is death as well. Driving in a vehicle and getting into a horrendous accident because you lose control due to an environmental condition also could be death. If you are afraid of dying, you will find yourself in a rubber-patted room doing absolutely nothing and at some point in time you are still going to die. So it is an

unavoidable consequence of life. Does that mean you should throw risk, you know, to the wind? Like, fuck it. I'm not going to pay attention to anything because we're all going to die so it doesn't really matter. No, that is not how I'm saying anybody should live their life. That's not how I would recommend somebody live their life. Feel free to do what you want to if you're an adult. For me, it is risk versus reward. What is the risk of being killed in an automobile accident? I'd have to go into the stats, but probably incredibly low, given the volume of drivers on the road. What is the risk of being killed by crossing the street?

Probably incredibly low, given the volume of people that cross the street every day. And most people are taught from a super early age, look both directions, which really is helpful when you're overseas and they start driving on the wrong side of the road. As an aside, because I've almost been zed out by looking the wrong way first and taking a step into the road and being met with a huge, huge horn. that was attached to a very large vehicle that almost wipe me off the face of the earth. I wish I could say that only happened once. But yeah, look both ways, everybody. It's advice that helps worldwide.

Risk versus reward. Do you want your children to be risk-adverse? Do you want your children to live an enriching and fulfilling life? I'm going to assume the answer for those questions is yes. Every choice they make then is going to involve risk. But the Viaferrata. Did you have the appropriate safety equipment? Did you have the guide with you?

If you answer to that question is yes, yes, which I assume it is, then your risk went substantially down. And the reward is the things that you expressed in your email that you saw from your wife, the empowerment, the sense of accomplishment. That, to me, outweighs this particular risk because you just can't do anything in life without some level of risk. Now, when it came to base jumping, for me, people. People think it was about adrenaline and about excitement, and it wasn't.

For me, base jumping was about turning down the static volume that we all struggle with in life to the point where it would allow me to think more clearer for times much longer and much past when I was even on a base jumping trip. I did, I have never, and I will never say that base jumping is safe, or even skydiving, for that matter. But it can be done as safely as possible. And for a long time for me, I felt that I was able to reduce the risk to a low enough level and that the benefit or reward was high enough that it was worth it.

It came to a point in time in my life where I found other activities that allowed me the ability to turn down that volume in a very similar fashion. It wasn't exactly the same, but the end state was really close. The physical consequence of those activities, and for me, as ties back to the first question, some of it is around jiu-jitsu because of it. of being in the moment and focusing on what's going on around you. What are the consequences? Potentially bodily injury, but if you're super cognizant of your training partners and where

you are and tapping early and often, risk just keeps going down. But reward keeps going up. Is it a consequence risk-free activity? No. Have there been people who have been seriously injured doing jujitsu? Yes. But what do I get from it and what is the potential cost? That ratio is what I consider more than trying to justify

whatever it may be that you're trying to wrap your head around. Because that's a deep pool. And you could sit there and, you know, depending on your level of crippling anxiety, you could justify that you should never leave your house, that you should use our app-based economy to only have things delivered to you, that you should shut yourself in because what if you get COVID-47? What if you get hit by a car? What if you get, you know, there's a World War Six.

There's an EMP that goes on. all of these things that you could talk yourself into never doing anything in your life and you'll live your life to the point where you're going to die without any of the experiences that you could have potentially had. And I don't think that's the way to go. Risk versus reward. The best way to lower risk, you have to analyze, assess, and mitigate risk. And then be honest about the residual that's left over.

The via ferrata risk, I would put a residual risk very low. potential reward very high via ferrata no fall protection equipment totally different matrix risk much higher especially if you're not conditioned to those type of heights consequence for falling and instantaneous once you impact the ground at terminal velocity death risk reward is now lower different metric and that's how i would have you approach or i would discuss with you approaching the things that you want to do. Don't need to justify. Risk versus reward. Be objective. Be honest about that residual risk. If the reward is worth it, then take that action. And that's exactly what I want to see for my kid too. All three of my kids. I don't want to see

them making haphazard decisions. I don't want to see them gambling with their life. I want them to analyze, assess, and take calculated risks with all safety measures that are appropriate in place because of the immense reward they can get in their life from that. And that's all I have for this Friday.