Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Veterans, Cops & Concealed Carry

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

We are diving in on listener-submitted Q&A: 1. A Marine Infantry veteran reflects on his time in Helmand province and grapples with how to balance military service with life and relationships post-service. Can you have a successful relationship without sharing the same desires and hobbies as your significant other?  2. A police officer faces a tough fitness dilemma—should he stick with CrossFit, or dive into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu? How do you optimize fitness for law enforcement officers while balancing the physically demanding requirements of the job? 3. Lastly, a father seeks guidance on how to advise his son, a responsible concealed carrier, about the realities and responsibilities of carrying a firearm. How do you balance safety, training, and situational awareness? Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

What's up, everybody? Friday. I hope you have some pretty awesome plans for the weekend. I do. And those awesome plans are just not doing very much, just hanging out with the fam, which is going to be great. Hunting seasons right around the corner. Oh, man, it's so close to be able to fill up the refrigerator. I can't wait. But, yeah, let's just get to our weekend. Let's knock out these three questions and all be on with our day. Here we go. here we go. As always, tried to pick three different questions. I think there's some thematic differences between all three of these and not very repetitive in nature. So here we go. Question one. Longtime listener. I love everything you do and appreciate all of the podcast. Well, thank you very much and I appreciate the support. I am a Marine Infantry Veteran, who served in Helmand Province, which is in Afghanistan, in 2011. After this, I screened for Marsok, which is Marine Corps Special Operations Command, where I suffered an injury that ultimately led me out of the Marine Corps.

I know this pales in comparison to your service, but I thought I would set the preface. So I'm going to stop you right there. Comparison is the thief of joy in so many different ways. And I say that because I have experienced it so many different times in my life. Whether it's a thing that somebody has that you would want to have, or an amount of money that somebody is making that you would like to make, or a perceived level of success that they are having that you would want to have, it just sucks. and the only journey that you can control is your journey.

And I hate hearing military members prior, present, and I guess into the future, even though just so people know I can't see into the future. But I suspect this will happen in the future because humans are humans. And that is comparing one service against the other. And I hate it because it'll rob you of what your service actually was. Your service has nothing to do comparatively between what I may have done in my career and what you may have. have done in your career because there's no metric there that makes sense for anything other than unhappiness. The seals that served before I did, the ones who put me through training, never saw combat. And that does not mean that their service was any less important or valuable.

And as a matter of fact, they took the knowledge of the generations before them that also had never seen combat, but had learned the lessons from those that did, and they passed them on generationally. And those were the lessons that I learned and the ones that I took into a combat environment after 9-11. Without them, that knowledge transfer would have absolutely ended, and the SEAL community would not have been capable of doing their job. They never got to see combat, which I try to caution people. I don't think that is a good metric for the value of your service, because it's really only a matter of timing. I joined the military in 1996. I didn't know 9-11 was going to happen, and fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you view it,

portion of my career was in peacetime and then the rest of it was in a post-9-11 era. That doesn't make my service any better. The people who served before me were unlucky in comparison and their ability to execute their job in a real-world environment. I know they all would have wanted to, and they would have performed incredibly well. They didn't get the opportunity, though, and that should not in any way diminish how they feel about their service. I hear people saying things like, well, I only did two deployments and so-and-so did six. Well, the person who did six is always going to be able to find somebody who did seven or eight or ten or I know people up to the 16, 17, 18 mark, which, man, there's a whole conversation around that as to exposure to a

combat environment and whether that should be limited, different subject for a different day. But there's always somebody that you're going to be able to look up and down the ladder on. And why do that? Because your service was honorable. You did go over into a combat environment. And again, you might view that as something that was lucky or unlucky. But even if you hadn't deployed to combat, does that diminish your desire to serve something greater than yourself to raise your right hand and volunteer if asked to put your life on the line for this country and for the citizens of this country so we can continue to have the things that we have? Fuck, no, it doesn't. So be cautious, super long-winded roundabout way to say, be very cautious, comparison, comparing your service to

others. My service is absolutely no more meaningful than yours was. And I hope that at some point in time, a lot of people can understand that or come to understand that in themselves. And maybe just in that one era of your life, take that comparison piece and put it to the side. All right, moving on. I realized this was a long time ago, and at this point, I realized this was a long time ago at this point. And since then, I have gotten my college degree, held study jobs, and made decent six-figure incomes for multiple years. For some reason, with these accomplishments since service, I can't help but bring up my military service with people I have dated or been in relationships with, and it causes issues. with them. I have been through the therapy route. So I guess my question is, how did slash do you

relate to your wife, and do you think you need to have everything in common with a partner, or can you separate, or can you do separate activities? Two very different questions there. I will go with the, let's answer this in reverse. Do you think you need to have everything in common with a partner, or can you do separate activities? I don't think there is a wrong or right answer there. I know people who have had flourishing relationships, and they share, I don't want to say all, but I'll say most common interests, at least from what I can see from an outside perspective. With Lee and I, she is passionate about Jiu-Jitsu. She's been doing it for multiples of years longer than I have. Probably, gosh, she's been a blackout for nine years. I think she was seven years before.

Yeah, we're talking like 3x the amount of time that I've been doing Jiu-Jitsu. She's passionate about it. Do I enjoy it? Absolutely. It's one of the things that I enjoy about it that I get to spend more time with her and we get to travel and do those things. Yeah, I actually think I like that aspect more than the jiu-jitsu itself. Having said that, let's say I didn't do jiu-jitsu. You know, would that be an issue? No, I don't think it would be at all because I have seen, you know, when I opened with seeing couples that have the vast majority of things in common and interests and social activities and hobbies flourishing. I've also seen the exact opposite, where a couple will dedicate not only time to themselves as a couple to grow together,

but also, you know, some people value a little bit more alone or me time more than others. I don't think that's an issue at all, as long as you're up front and honest about who you are and what it is that refills your cup. There are some people who are more extroverted and their cup gets filled up by being around people in a social situation. I'm not necessarily that way. It doesn't drain my cup, but it doesn't fill it. it back up. And I don't think that's an issue at all, as long as you understand who you are and what it can, what you can do to recharge and replenish as a person that can bring you back to that relationship, a more complete or full person. If you're not honest about that, I think it can

become contentious. But if you truly find a partner, they're going to love you for who you are and recognize and realize, yeah, that it's okay that you have some hobbies that, you know, your others that may not be interested. Here's a great example between Lee and I. She's a has no interest in becoming a professional skydiver or base jumper. She said she would do a jump with me one time, a tandem, if I was the tandem master. But beyond that, she doesn't have any interest in pursuing the sport. And it's something that I love. I'm not going to say I'm passionate about it anymore, but it's definitely something that I appreciate. You know, I know how to fly airplanes, and I'm working my way through my helicopter license. She doesn't have any desire to do those things.

I think she could come with and appreciate once I'm fully licensed and, you know, less likely to kill us both, at least in a rotary wing aircraft. Fix wing, I think we'd be okay. But I think it's cool to have different interests. And again, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. You can have everything in common with your spouse, or you could have only portions in common with your spouse. I think it's more about the two people than it is about the activities or commonalities and things that they may like to do. So I wish I could give you a yes or no on that one. I just think the two people in that equation of the relationships or the actual variables. Okay.

I can't help but bring up my military service with people I have dated or been in relationships with, and it causes issues with them. What do you mean, and this is, again, the limitation of a one-way communication. When you say you bring it up to them, what do you mean by that? And I guess the secondary question I would have for you is, why? Why do you feel what is it about your military service that makes you want to bring it up? And I would sit with that question. What is it about that time of your life?

Is it residual issues through trauma and the expression of that over time? It says you went through the therapy route. I don't know what that means and what route you took and the duration of that. but there's obviously a chance that that journey isn't necessarily over. And just because you're feeling good in a moment or you get to a place where you're feeling good that you don't have to continue doing the work, again, everybody is an individual variable on that one. I would suggest spending some time trying to determine what it is about that time in your life that you feel you need to bring up with your partner.

is it because you derive a sense of your identity from that time period? Is it the experiences and potentially accomplishments that you had in your military service? Do they rise to a level where they are perhaps at the apex of what you've been able to do so far in your life, even though you've been able to do some great things after the military? Internally to yourself, do those post-military achievements pale in comparison to what happened in the military, you know, why, why is there an anchor? I can't answer that question for you, but advice that I would give you from a totally non-therapist perspective would be to play a game with yourself. And that is when you are interacting with anybody, significant other,

spouse, friend, fill in the blank, social circle, see how long you can go without mentioning your military background. Can you go one social interaction? Can you go a week? Could you go a month? And the more I think that you are present with what it is that you're trying to do and you're not trying to ignore it. You're not trying to have it not be acknowledged. You're trying to have it as something that you don't wear on your sleeve 24-7. You're trying to put it into a place. You're putting it into a box that you can choose to open if you want to. when the time is right, if there is a right time for that. And otherwise, you keep it in the box. And I'm not talking about any residuals that may come from that. I'm just talking about that

identity that may come from your military service and service in a combat environment. Shelf it to the best of your ability. Intentionally. Think about it. Before you go into a social situation or if you're, I don't know what your relationship status is, make a deal with yourself. you're not going to talk about it. It's not going to be who you are. It can be what you did, and I'm not saying ignored if somebody asks about your past. Of course, tell them about that. But if they don't ask any more questions, don't say anything. You know, my children, I am convinced I am uniformly the most boring person on the face of the planet to them. They never talked to me about my time in the military. They vaguely remember. They have some very

rough memories of the time in the military. Like I took my boys to the obstacle course down at the SEAL training center. They remember that a little bit. Some very peripheral stuff. And if they don't ask, I don't tell them. Leah and I don't spend time talking about my military career. If there's something that comes up like a parallel or she asks me why I think a particular way that I do or she asked me a specific question, 100%. I am going to answer those questions. I don't tell war stories. I don't talk about deployments. It's just all of those things happened. But if nobody's asking about them, maybe just put it down.

Easy to say, hard to do. That's all going to start, though, your ability to do that with sitting with this and understanding what it is about your military service in that time of your life where you feel the need to bring it up. if you can answer that, I think you can really start taking some sequential steps beyond that. Until that time, or even concurrently with that, play that game with yourself. Just don't bring it up. See how long you can go without bringing it up. See if you could get into a social circle and a few months into it, people are shocked at the realization

that you actually ever even served in the military. See how long you can go with it. I think it's a personally a healthy exercise. Of course, it could be taken too far. Don't need to ignore that time of your life for any of those things. But it seems like you might have trended a little bit too far in the other direction, where it has a consistent theme of coming it up. Just see if you could take it back in the other direction.

Hopefully that helped. Question two. I am a police officer in New York State for four years now and trying to figure out the best fitness program for someone in law enforcement. I was a lazy bum out of the academy and then two years ago I started to get into CrossFit and truly enjoy the workouts. and then a year ago, I became a psycho and got into marathon running. I would agree with that statement, psycho and marathon running. In that time, I've dropped 15 pounds and looking to continue to get back into the shape I was as a collegiate athlete.

The entire time, while doing this, I've contemplated getting into Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but with the cost of CrossFit and BJJ, it is tough financially to do both, along with getting range time in, on my own outside of the biannual firearms call my department holds. I'm a person that's vertically challenged, standing at 5-7, and want to get any advantage I can on the street. So, long story, short, what would you suggest for a law enforcement officer in my situation? Working on getting stronger or start rolling on the mats? Overall, broad answer to this is yes. Start getting stronger or work on getting stronger and start rolling on the mats.

The answer to that is yes, of course. You need to be doing both of those things, but I'll unpack that here a little bit. So, yes, CrossFit can be expensive. Memberships at a CrossFit gym are traditionally much more than they are at a, like, a Globo Gym model, a 24-hour fitness of golds. Because what you should be getting inside of that gym is equipment that's largely specialized towards CrossFit activities, which is actually a very broad term. I think it's becoming harder to precisely define. But you should be getting a lot of one-on-one coaching. your smaller class side size you should be getting some very directed coaching but what i'll say is this

and this is something that i found in my own experience of being a gym owner very rapidly people will know enough about the program that you can easily leave the gym environment and do this type of stuff in your garage so let's say you only have enough money to do crossfit or Jiu-Jitsu. I'm trying to see here. Two years ago, two years ago, you started getting into CrossFit. Okay. You understand the programming. You understand the workouts. You understand the movements. Is it convenient to have a gym where you can go to where everything's ready to go? Yes. Can you 100% do all of this stuff on your own with some investment into equipment at your house, your apartment, or maybe even aggregate the cost across a couple other people

inside of the department, or I assume there's a probably a department gym somewhere that may have all this equipment that you could use dumbbells and kettlebells or whatever it is to do your CrossFit workouts. My point in all of this is, if, let's just say, your budget was a total of $200 and CrossFit is costing you 150 and Brazilian Jiu-Soo would cost you the other, it would be another 150 bucks, right? So you're short $100 there. And those numbers, I'm not saying those are real in any stretch, I'm just making a mathematical example here. After two years, you should know enough about CrossFit. You can do it anywhere. I would say at this point, since you're already self-declared a psycho and running well over 20 miles at a time, which isn't a whole conversation there as to

whether or not that level of training and what that will do to muscle mass on your body, of course, incredible stamina, cardiorespiratory endurance, and all of those things. But I also look at aspects from a law course from a perspective of strength, size to a degree, and fighting cardio and running cardio are not the same thing. They just are not. I could take a marathon runner and hold them down for a few minutes and they would feel like they were having a heart attack and I guarantee you they could outrun me directly into the dirt because I don't run. I fucking hate running. It was the best thing about getting shot is not being able to run anymore. 150, 150, but your budget's 200. I would figure out a way to continue doing your CrossFit activities either at your department,

aggregating the cost across a few friends and buying some gear, or taking a few months worth of membership dues and putting that into some home gym equipment and then start doing Jiu-Jitsu. Because CrossFit and running, and I will be the first person to sit here and tell you about the benefits of both of those. Even though I had an issue with the leadership of CrossFit headquarters, I have never once said that I do not believe in the methodology because I do believe in the methodology. I actually believe the methodology is why it was successful.

It was successful and peaked when it did in spite of the leadership, not because of the leadership. It was because of the efficacy of the program. CrossFit and marathon running for all the positives that they bring from a health perspective and wellness perspective. are not going to give you an advantage on the street, unless you are running a marathon on the street or are exercising competitively with somebody that you are trying to arrest or detain. Jiu-jitsu is not magic. I say this is somebody who's been at it for just over six years. I always say the same thing.

It is its weight distribution, its angles, its technique, its timing, and a lot of it is an understanding of how humans move. It's grappling. You know, if you do this and pull somebody's weight forward, what's their likely reaction? If somebody's on the ground and they're facing in a certain direction, what are they likely to do? Are they going to go to their hands and knees and try to stand up? Are they going to roll towards you, which they likely will if they do jiu-jitsu, because you want to have your weapons-oriented weapons. I'm talking about defensive and, you know, hands and legs.

I'm not like, you know, pull and draw a weapon, but in the jiu-jitsu-specific environment, your tools are going to be, you want to face them towards your opponent. But most people who have never trained are going to turn away, which exposes the back for people who know what they're doing. But if you don't know that, it doesn't matter how much CrossFit what your fucking Fran time is or how fast you can do a 400 meter relay in route to your marathon. If you want to have capacity at fighting in the street, you need to practice fighting. Now, the biannual firearm call and you are getting in range time, why are you doing it? that because you know that the qual is the minimum standard you have to meet and you recognize that you need to train on the weapon system to be current with it. Well, there's a whole lot of options you have before reaching down and indexing your holster and pulling out your firearm.

You'll never be capable in that world unless you test yourself and train in that world. So figure out a way to keep doing what you are doing, but lower the cost of it. And then I would get for a Law enforcement officer, I would absolutely recommend grappling. And I would say striking as well. I don't believe jujitsu is a complete art when it comes to fighting because striking is absolutely real. And there are aspects of jujitsu. I would say specifically, I was going to say specifically sport jujitsu, but I don't think that's fair either. Jiu Jitsu without strikes involves can lull you into a place where you think you are safe getting away with things that you never would be if you were getting hit. So add the strikes, add the grappling. And I think you are incredibly well-rounded when it comes to being prepared for on the street.

I've never been a police officer. I talk to them all the time. They're some of my closest friends. And I'll tell you what they say to me every time I ask them, how many days per week that you are working when you are on a shift? Do you touch somebody? And their answer is every single day, every shift. So my question to you is, and you can make up your own mind, given the advice that I have given you, is how often do you actually touch people, consensually inappropriately, of course.

If the answer is pretty goddamn often and you are training in every other aspect, other than that, I think your priorities might be a little bit of skew. So identify your deficiencies and then work on making them your strengths. That's what I would suggest for you. Last question. Here we go. Long-time listener, first-time caller. My question. My son has recently started concealed carrying. He's 27 and he's been carrying for about a year. He has his concealed carry permit, which is not required in Utah because it is a constitutional carry state, but he got it to learn the rules and laws. Excellent idea. And I would advocate even in constitutional carry states, which Montana has become one. That doesn't mean it's the Wild West. That is just a different categorization for the state when it comes to your ability to carry a concealed weapon. The laws associated with the use of the weapon and the concealment of the weapon,

they still exist. And it is on the individual choosing to carry the weapon to understand and adhere to those laws. There's no, oh, I didn't know. Oh, I thought I could. That shit doesn't fly in court. So educate yourself. And one of the best ways to do that is you could go through the process of getting a concealed weapons permit, even if you don't need one. And in Montana, let's say you get a concealed weapons permit, it actually makes the background check portion easier for a firearm purchase. So there are some ancillary benefits that can be associated with that. He trains regularly with his EDC weapon, everyday carry. Both range time and dry fire practice.

Awesome. I'm loving this so far. We've spoken frequently about when it would be legally permitted to draw, when it wouldn't make sense, and gone through various scenarios. I'm loving everything in this email so far. We're doing range time. We're doing dry fire time. We're talking about what ifs.

We are trying to figure out in the, our mind how we could react in certain situations before we are actually presented with them. This is fucking awesome. I wish everybody who carried a firearm actually did something like this. I think he has a good sense of right and wrong and is cautious in who he associates with and where he goes. Also loving that. I think he has good situational awareness, no alcohol or substance use, and we live in a pretty safe place. This is the poster child for a responsible gun owner. All that being said, as a father, I'm nervous. Welcome to the club.

Both that he might have to draw someday and what could happen if he does. Those are very legit. So my question, hypothetically speaking, if one or both of your sons began caring, I don't know if they do or don't. They do not. My oldest son turns 21 here shortly. My middle son is 19 and in college. I don't even know what the rules are. I bet you it's prohibited in college.

Perhaps not, though. And for my 21-year-old, he's getting to an age where I think he would be allowed in Montana for a constitutional carry, I honestly haven't paid attention to the age because I'm so much older than the basement requirement of the age that it doesn't matter for me. So I'd have to do a little bit of research and that. At 21, though, I'd be shocked if he doesn't qualify for it. In some states, I think it actually might be 18. Back to the question. If one or both of your sons began caring, what kind of things would you tell him or them? I think you have a unique perspective on the use of force and in methods of de-escalation and when each could be useful. Any suggestions or

thoughts on counsel or advice to give him. He listens to the podcast, so if you happen to answer this one, I'll just point him towards the episode, which is fair enough. Thanks for your service and what you're doing for the listeners. If you ever in Salt Lake and hungry, shoot me an email. It'd be an honor to grab lunch. Well, what if I'm there at dinner time, sir? What if it's more like a breakfast affair? You know, all right? God. So I'm actually not usually in Salt Lake at lunchtime, surprisingly enough. And most of the time I'm in Salt Lake. I'm just walking through the terminal. I have very infrequent. actually leave the terminal, but I'm in Salt Lake all the time. So any suggestions or thoughts

on the advice to give him? I tell you what, your son is as prepared, if not more prepared, than the vast majority of people that I know who have a concealed weapons permit or carry because they are in a constitutional carry state. Most people don't dry fire train. They don't even go to the range and train with their everyday or concealable weapon. They don't put sights on. They can be seen 24 hours a day as opposed to only a time when the sun is up. If they have iron sights on that don't have tritium or another substance in there that can be seen 24 hours a day, most people don't have a light on their firearm, even though half every day, I say that and where, you know, Montana's creeping towards the time period in the winter where it has three hours of fucking sunlight a day,

which is a little bit of an exaggeration, but also not that much. They don't even put a flashlight on their weapon. That is how little thought they have put into the tool they might be relying upon to save their own life. So the fact that your son is doing training with his weapon, dry fire training, scenario-based, at least training from a perspective of thinking about it, thinking about when it would be permitted to draw, thinking about when it would be permitted to draw, thinking about when, de-escalation would be better. Thinking about when it would be legally permitted to draw and engage, he is galactically ahead of the vast majority of people. And quite frankly, what I would say is, my only advice is this. Make sure he keeps doing what it is that he is doing. There are some ways, if you wanted to go a little bit farther, and here's a recommendation I'm going to make,

just knowing that Glover has the fieldcraft survival facility down in Provo, and you are in Utah. If you wanted to take it to the next level, you can do live scenario-based training with force-on-force ammunition. That is an environment where you get to pressure test these ideas that you have, these what-ifs. You can be put into the what-if scenarios, and you can take the action that you think would be appropriate at the time. And what I will say is this, a range, a static range where you hang a piece of paper and you push it out to whatever distance, and you draw in an air-conditioned environment on your own timing,

even if you were working shot timer or all this stuff. That is all great, and I want people to do those things. But if you want to find out your base level of performance when it comes to not only shooting but decision making, you need to take it into that dynamic environment where you can do situational based training. I've done some of these with Mike, and it is amazing to watch people come unwound

and to see them struggle with the shoot no shoot in their brain. What should I do? What am I supposed to do in this situation? I have a gun out and I'm telling somebody what to do and they're not listening. They keep coming at me. There's nothing in their hands. Can I shoot? How would I articulate this? Somebody has a weapon in their hands and they're not pointing it at me. Can I shoot? What should I do? Should I run? Should I engage? Those questions are not answered on a flat stationary range where you're just working on your accuracy, even though you have to do those things. So that would be the only thing I would potentially add is the real world scenario-based training that is three-dimensional and it forces you through those thought processes as opposed

to just thinking about that thought process. More often than not, what I have seen in my own experience applying these courses is that people fall short of the standard and expectation that they had for themselves. They express verbally and very openly that it was a lot harder than they thought it was going to be, that it was more complicated than they thought it was going to be, that they remember far less about what happened than they thought they were going to, and those are all really important lessons to learn. I've also encountered people who, when they get to that point of scenario-based training, make the decision to not carry anymore, because they were so rattled by the execution of that thought process and getting to a place. They just,

what they thought it would be like, and what it actually is like, were so divergent that they recognized they would actually not want to find themselves in that situation for real. And I respect that choice because I would rather have that than somebody carrying around a firearm that is unsure of themselves. Because guns are not magic. They are a fucking tool that could be used for incredible evil or incredible good. But that person holding it is what determines that. So I am stoked that your son is doing what he's doing. Keep doing that. And I would say, keep layering on it if you want to.

Now, as a father, you're nervous. Of course you're nervous. I mean, how do you feel the first time your son got behind the wheel of a car or left home for the first time? Or had a girlfriend or went on a trip. I mean, like, I get it. Parenthood is, I think, about managing chaos and fear in equal parts, even though they seem to infrequently be equal. So I get where that's coming from. and it just means you love your son.

And it means you're aware of the reality of the world that we live in. And you know it's a possibility. What's really in your son's favor is that mathematically, oh man, it's statistically unlikely, which is a great thing. But, you know, so are a lot of the things that hurt the children and the people that we care about. And that's why we worry about them because we care. So take a breath, you know, do the best that you can.

Recognize that your son is doing the same. the right things. Maybe layer in that situational training, but other than that, I would say continue and be supportive of what it is that he's doing, because I'll be honest with you, I don't think I would recommend anything else. He's checking the boxes. He's being responsible. He's current. He's competent. He's thinking about it. He's situationally aware. All the things I love to hear. What I hate is somebody who goes into a gun store buys a Glock 19, nothing against Glock's or Glock 19s, and thinks that they have now the keys to the kingdom and all problems can be solved through a Glock 19. And they don't even And think about the potential consequences and how they could ruin their own life with that thing.

If they find themselves in one of these situations, and they act in a way that is unlawful or unjustifiable. So that is all I have for this Friday. Hope everybody has a great weekend.