Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - When the Mirror Lies

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Strength, Struggle, and Service We are diving into resilience, dedication, and overcoming adversity today. All of the questions are listener-submitted, and I hope that the answers help in some way, both to the people who submitted, and those of us out there dealing with our own battles. From Trials to Triumph: A listener shares the riveting journey of her son's transformation from a troubled youth to an aspiring Navy SEAL. At just 14, he embodies the essence of hard work, discipline, and the dream of serving his country. How can parents support their children to achieve their dreams, even when they are scared of where their journey may lead? Battling Betrayal and Building Resilience: A heart-wrenching narrative from an Army combat vet facing the darkest moments of his life, betrayed by his spouse amid a custody battle, all while grappling with PTSD. The Weight of Transformation: A listener recounts his incredible weight loss journey, inspired by giants in the fitness and motivation world, leading to a transformative experience in Marine basic training. Despite his achievements, he struggles with self-image and loneliness. T he Speed of War Comic Series: https://www.thespeedofwar.com/ Check out the newest Cleared Hot Gear here: https://shop.clearedhotpodcast.com/  

Well, hello there. Friday has returned. We're going to go regularly scheduled programming. Not the easiest of questions today. Let's begin. Okay, copy. Where's to the smoke? I'm looking at danger close now. All right. Like I said, not the easiest of questions for today's Friday episode. And, you know, most of the time I have found that the best way to tackle difficult things is just to dive in. so let us begin. Email number one. First off, thank you for what you do. I'm in a pretty dark place now and have been betrayed by my wife. Hearing your podcast, especially the episodes about your divorce,

experience has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will try to keep this as short as possible. I am an Army combat vet who was in an Army scout sniper reconnaissance unit. I left the military and was diagnosed with PTSD and some other stuff, of course. my marriage has never really been quite right and I knew my wife wasn't truly in love with me. After seeing a few therapists to help me, it was quickly determined she is a hardcore narcissist. Her manipulations drove me back into depression and started some suicidal tendencies. I started speaking with a VA therapist for over a year every week.

My wife never even asked me what was going on and in parentheses didn't care. My wife decided to use my PTSD and job against me to falsely report me to the Department of Human Services, DHS. My wife reported, I leave multiple firearms unsecured throughout my home and said she doesn't feel safe. The police have never been contacted by anyone in my home, and no one here has even been in trouble. She did this twice to help her false case of painting a picture that I am an unfit father and serve me with papers asking for sole custody, temporary, in permanent child support and alimony. She served me with papers on the birthday of my recently past police canine less than two weeks later. I have always been a great husband and father. I don't drink, go out, do drugs, and just my work and try to be the best, and try my best to be a

good father and husband. My wife absolutely surprised me the second time she called DHS and is now spreading rumors that I had an affair. As a result, her family doesn't talk to me and some friends that we had are in the same boat. My wife is currently alienating my child and is coaching him to be negative with me and has drastically changed my relationship with my son. I've never been this stressed out in my life. I have one child with my wife, and my wife is college educated and has her own interior design business and makes a decent living. I'm just looking for words of encouragement and anything that you think might help me out. I live far away from my family and live here now alone.

My divorce trial is set for two years from now, and I currently live downstairs and had to change the locks on my door as she is still trying to frame me. How can I look past the rumors and try to be positive and keep moving forward? Oh, words of encouragement, positive, keep moving forward. I wish I had those things. The reason I picked this email is that there are about a half a dozen in my inbox right now that are very similar in theme. Maybe not the specifics, but similar in theme. And whether or not people want to believe this or whether or not people want to hear this, I don't really care. The reality is that this process, the divorce process, the divorce process,

and this type of reporting can absolutely be weaponized, and it is easier to weaponize it against the father than it is to weaponize it against the mother. That is the reality of the system. People who go into a divorce thinking that it's going to be equitable, a 50-50 scalpel cut down the middle of everything from assets to time with your kids. I have my total number of experiences is one, and I'm going to keep it like that for the remainder of my life. In my own experience and in everybody that I have talked to that has gone through this process, it was not 50-50. They oftentimes described it as unfair.

They have oftentimes described it as lopsided. And I'm not in a place where I can argue against that. The system is what it is. It does some things well. and then in situations like this, it allows for one side to get out in front of the narrative and process and really pressure and leverage people into a place that I consider to be completely unfair. The words of encouragement, I mean, here is the best words of encouragement that I can give you.

The one thing that you have on your side is time. and that's not going to help you feel any better in the moment because it's going to take time for that time to have the impact that you wanted to. Your wife, alienating your child and coaching him to be negative with you, is in the end going to be one of the worst things that your future ex-wife ever does for her. I totally understand how in a relationship, man and woman, or whatever fucking structure your relationship is, there's two sides. There's an equal sign in between. I understand how people get to a place where they no longer want to be part of that equation. And they either fall out of love or never were in love or whatever it may be. They arrive at a place where they want nothing to do with the other person and they can get resentful. They can get revengeful. They can be. they can become very manipulative. And what they want to do is win. They get to a place where you want to win. And you want to hurt the other person,

a person on the other side of that equation that, assuming there was a reason you decided to get married in the first place, but I get it. Things change, feelings change, situations change. And you want to punish this person. If you get to a place where that's how you feel, My advice would be don't do it. But in addition to that, it would be that if you use your kid or children to do that, you are a ferocious piece of shit. Because the children have nothing to do with you falling out of part, falling out of part, falling out of love or getting to a place where you're going to move apart.

why would you use them as a lever or a chess piece against your significant other? If there is a risk to physical injury to the child obviously take steps to protect your children. But this is something that you just don't like your partner anymore. You need to deal with that and not involve your kids. Because what do kids need? The most positive environment possible. I think anybody could agree upon that. And a lot of people would say that's the nuclear family.

statistics would show us that the nuclear family is not working out about 50% of the time. So let's say if you have the nuclear family facilitating, empowering, enriching environment, spectacular. Let's say that that shatters. Does that mean that your children, your children don't need that same environment? No, it doesn't change anything about it. It changes the dynamic with which they are going to be able to receive it. They need as many positive role models in their life as possible, as many mentors. and they need their mom and dad.

What kind of person tries to use their children as a weapon against their mother or father to serve their own end of wanting to be right and wanting to win and wanting to punish somebody else? Like I said, I already gave you my opinion on what type of person that is. But don't do it. One, in my mind, I consider it to be wrong. But two, it's a ticking time bomb. If your kids are young and you try this bullshit, it's going to have an impact on their relationship with the other side. But in the end, it's also going to have a relationship with you and your child.

Because I hate to tell you, as much as you think your own shit doesn't stink, kids as they grow, so does their ability to uptake process and deliver information. So does their filter for bullshit for the world around them. do you want to be the type of person that as your children age they turn that lens back towards you and come to the conclusion that you were actually the problem that you were not telling them the truth that you were trying to weaponize them and their relationship with the other side of that parenting equation i don't think you do because that's going to happen at the end of the day is that they'll arrive at that same conclusion that you're a ferocious piece of shit and arriving there is optional. You don't have to take this path. So when I say you have time for the person who wrote this, you have time to show your son who you are. And take the behaviors that your future ex-wife is exhibiting as an example of exactly what you don't want.

want to do or be. This is going to suck for you. I don't have any way to encourage you around that statement because she is in a place right now where I bet she has more time and more influence on your child. And I don't know if there's anything that you can do about that. I don't know what state that you're in. I don't know if you could, from a legal perspective, petition in any way, shape or form, but you do have the ability to be the best version of who you can possibly be for your child. You know, being served with, let me see if I can find it, serve you with papers on your birthday, sole custody, temporary and permanent child support and alimony. Okay. You can be served with these things, and you might even find yourself in a place where they

are temporary, at least in my experience, and that is from my own situation and in talking with others, you will have the opportunity to argue against these things or present your case. It is not that I understand the headspace of being, you know, metaphorically or literally handed an envelope full of documents that are describing these things. And you are now on the receiving end of an ambush, so you have to fight your way out of it. I understand where you're coming from. You're going to get your day in court. And, you know, I would almost say if you can, I would avoid going to court. If you can, I would avoid going to court. possible just because your court date is two years from now in the situation that you have

described sounds horrendous. I would maybe potentially try to mediate this as possible or find a way to short circuit that two-year waiting time period. People often think that if you give things more time, that they're always going to get better. It hasn't been my experience in life. And I don't know why people assume that that's going to be the end state. Like, oh, if we just give it more time, it'll trend up and eventually hockey stick towards good. No, I've seen to go the other direction as well too. You, you know, are living your life. You're living in this situation. If you look at the next two years and you had to hypothesize as to it's going to get better or worse, then, you know, potentially take action upon those things. You are going to have an opportunity to

advocate for yourself. So please keep that in your back pocket and as overwhelmed as you may feel right now or as underwater as you may feel right now, you will have your chance. My first piece of advice to you is go find a good lawyer. find somebody who you can connect with, who understands you, and is in this to help you and your child. And I would also say, if possible, it sounds like you were living downstairs in the same environment that or house that your wife is still in. But you had to change the locks. I would do everything humanly possible to try to change that situation. I would go.

If this were me, I would go. to the point of potentially talking to close friends or somebody that has a couch that you could sleep on or a spare bedroom that you could stay in for a short period of time until you can figure out a solution for cohabitating. The reason I say that is I have more than one example. Unfortunately, those cohabitating situations becoming very explosive, not from them beating the shit out of each other, but just the passive being in the same area, the proximity, the opportunity for an engagement of some kind of. kind, a conversation that explodes into an argument and things can be said that neither party wanted to say, of course it's going to happen in front of the child as well, painting a bad picture of not only the relationship, but I mean, worst case scenario, what that child thinks of what a healthy relationship looks like. You want to avoid these things as possible. And you

need to give yourself a little bit of an ability to stress, relieve, and, you know, pull the plug and let some steam out a little bit. That is going to be probably impossible for you to do if you are physically located in the same house and separated by only a floor above your head because you're going to hear the person. You might even hear them talking. You're going to hear them walking around and it's going to weigh on you. So if you can exercise every possible option to buy yourself some space, even if it's temporary. But if it is possible for you financially to restructure, I have no idea about your financial situation. I have no idea about your financial situation. I would do everything humanly possible, even if it's a one-bedroom apartment where you have inflatable furniture, of which I know many people who have actually done this from my old job.

Not in this particular situation. But I would rather have time with my child in that environment where I can show them who I am versus time in the environment that you sound like you're in where you might still be hearing and seeing and susceptible to that person trying to interact or interrupt your time with your son. that's what I would recommend if possible. If it's not possible, it's not possible. I get it. But that's kind of the path that I would go down. The firearms thing, you know, if you own a gun, make sure you have a safe. Don't leave guns around the house unsecured.

I'm not saying that you are doing that. I'm just saying that as like a general point when it comes to firearms. They're designed to end life. Maybe let's treat them with that level of gravity. And if it's not in positive direct control, put it somewhere that's safe. And by that I mean an actual S-A-F-E, a safe of some kind. Whether it be a fingerprint one that it can pop right out or, you know, I guess a fingerprint one that is more of a stand-up safe, regardless. Just don't leave guns laying around the house.

Again, not that I'm saying you're doing this. This just brings up a good opportunity to push my own thoughts about firearm ownership to anybody who's watching or listening. I wish I had better hopeful things to say to you. This is going to suck. your wife seems like she's got the cart out in front of the horse on the narrative side of the house. She's already talking to friends and family. And if her family doesn't want to talk to you, fuck them. Who cares? If they don't want to give you, you know, if you were a good enough person to marry their daughter and they are only going to take one side of a conversation verbatim and cut you off, Fuck them. Because that's not the way it should be. Every conversation, every argument, every situation is going to have at least two sides to the story. I look at this as, you know, my own son or daughter being married and they came to me with issues like this. I absolutely would want to hear the other side of the story. How else can you make an educated decision? If they're not willing to do that and they just have blind allegiance and faith to their daughter, which doesn't surprise me, just be aware.

that not everybody tells the truth all of the time, then you're going to have to deal with those consequences. The friends that don't want to talk to you, fuck them. Put them in the same bucket. If somebody's your friend, they should at least be willing to have an uncomfortable, potentially uncomfortable conversation with you.

And actually, I would want, from a friend, somebody interested in determining and arriving at what the truth is. And, you know, if the truth that they arrive at is, is that I am fucking up, I want to hear that from my friends.

Friends are the ones who will stand with you in the rain, even if there's an opportunity for them to move to the side and be dry. These people who are moving to the side, just looking to be dry, maybe they don't want to be involved at all. Like I already said, fuck them. You have a rough road in front of you. It is not going to be fun. You are going to have plenty of opportunities and moments where you feel like you're going

to lash out at your wife. Say something stupid. do something stupid, my best piece of advice to you is is try to catch yourself in that moment and take that absolute angst and frustration and like tension in your stomach that you want to do something with and go do something positive for yourself, even if that's just going outside and walking for 20 minutes. Do not do something in those moments where you want to. And if you are struggling with control in that moment, try to think of what your son would think absent any context and you were to put a DVD or a VHS in a player and hit the play button,

and they had to watch your behavior towards your future ex-wife. What would they think? If you're worried it would change their opinion of you, perhaps don't do it. So I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It will end. The pain is going to be immense. It's going to be horrendous. You might lose your son for a little bit.

But if you focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be, those things will come back to you. It's just not going to be easy. And I'm sorry you're there. So hopefully that helped. Not the best words of encouragement that I'm sure that person was hoping to hear. So question two. Also, it's a little bit lighter, I should say. My husband and I have done our best to raise our son in a small town and miserably in the public school system.

My husband has worked in the oil field and then changed careers to be more of a family man and works four tens. as a mechanic for a small city in New Mexico. Many years ago, our son could not keep himself out of trouble to say the least. He has finally turned himself around at 14. First off, who can keep themselves out of trouble below the age of 14? Having said that, hopefully you mean trouble like not from the law. Just being a slap dick, I believe, is the technical term for a young male between the age of 10 to 14. It shouldn't shock any parents that children of that age,

specifically young men are going to have a very hard time living life or just doing life in an appropriate manner back to the email i turned himself around at 14 has become responsible even for 14 he has understood the concept of hard work and what it brings to the table we have a garden every year so he knows what it takes to reap the benefits he also received his black belt in taekwondo uh through my father's studio in january awesome uh he and i listened to andy frizzella me more than him religiously He has seen me run half marathons, training for triathons, and marathons. He watched me complete the 75 Harb, which is an Andy Frizzella program for those of you you are not familiar, as well as compete four by four by 48 twice.

I actually don't know what that is. I'm physically broken at the moment and finding to get treatment so I can be physically what I want to avoid being bedridden from an autoimmune disorder. We've also listened to David Goggins' books on Audible and I have bought his books for my son. I've also bought Andy Frizzella's newest. for him. Also, we listened to Tim Kennedy, Chad Robesha, and Kyle Carpenter's books on Audible. Damn. Very full selection of motivational people to say the least. My husband was supposed to go in the army before we got together, but a car accident changed that future. My cousin was

80-second airboard and a huge influence to my son. So, to my surprise, one day I was asking if he was going to try out for high school soccer again, and he told me, as long as it doesn't interfere with ROTC. My heart skipped a beat with pride. This morning, we were discussing his physical prowess. For 14, he really doesn't look it. I wonder if that means he's small or big. Hard to say. He mentions what he, what would look good on his military record, or at least what would help him be accepted into the military. I asked him what branch he would choose and I was expecting him to say Army because of his father and my cousin. He unquestionally stated seals, good man. The look in his eyes was complete seriousness and then jokingly said, hopefully I won't have to run

with broken shins like Goggins. All this has been in the last month or two that he has stated these things. He hasn't hinted at being interested in the military since before my cousin passed away in 2019. So kind of shocked, but more so proud that he wants to serve in the military. With all of that being said, and a small understanding, what would you suggest a 14-year-old who is looking towards the military and the Navy SEALs? How should he start training now, other than running, repetitive weightlifting, and swimming to be ready to get through SEAL training? Any advice for me is apparent on how to handle my son going to the military with the way the world is now? I am so proud of him, but I also fear what this could bring.

I know conflict will always be there and a concern. I just want to know how to support him and his choice for something like this. Thank you for taking the time to read my novel. I enjoy listening to your podcast, especially change agents. I hope you have a wonderful day. Man, cool email. And like I said, I was thinking like these are heavy topics. This one's far less heavy.

What's the best way to support a 14-year-old, regardless of what it is that they want to do? I have actually come to the conclusion that one of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to our kids is asking them at a super young age, what do you want to be when you grow up? And it is not something that I ever asked my own children because I don't think they have the capacity to really answer. Firefighter, police officer, astronaut, fill in the blank, there's some very common things that people will say. And surprisingly enough, the vast majority people don't go down that pipeline. Otherwise, those communities would be massive and exploding. So instead of, this is the theory.

I took with my own kids, take it or leave it. You're at the buffet line. Maybe you like the lobster risotto. Maybe you want to move on to the asparagus. I don't know. Or nor do I know which one of those food items this would be. But the path I take with my kids, instead of asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up when they were young, as I would say to them, what are you interested in? What is it that you're curious about? And then I would do the best that I could to support them in that. And all three of my kids are on very different journeys. I would say, one out of the three has a little bit more of a concrete idea of what they want to do with their life in a broad brush perspective. Definitely not something super precise.

And I am totally okay with that because I'm 46 right now and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I am still at a place where opportunities present themselves to me often and I really look at them. And I try to dissect them and determine whether or not it is something that I would truly want to do. And I don't try to put any boundaries on what I think is right or wrong. I view it from the lens of, am I actually interested? Could it be enriching? Would it be fulfilling? And then the last thing that I look at, if at all, would it allow me from an economic or monetary perspective to live a life where I get to choose what I want to do with my time?

That is my definition of wealth. It's not an amount of money in a bank account. It is my ability to make decisions about my time that suit what I want to do and not have to be forced to do things because I have no other choice. All three of my kids. We're actually almost in birthday season. My daughter will be 16. My middle son will be 19 and my oldest son will be of legal drinking age this year. Wild. Where did the time go? I try to be supportive, not directive. I, again, I ask them what they're interested in and then I do the best I can to facilitate that, to help them explore things in that vein of interest, which ties me into my suggestion for you. The beauty right now in the modern era is that you can find almost anything that you could possibly want to know about the seal pipeline. I hope your son doesn't have to run with broken shins either. and quite frankly, most people don't because they take the time to research what they're getting into and they train for it appropriately and so they can condition their body to those things. Shin splints is still a real thing where it was at least when I was a Buds instructor.

But with the volume of information that is out there, this is not something that should be accidental and this should not be something that you shouldn't train for. You can increase your volume of running slowly over time. That's the key, slowly over time, to the place where shinsplands are very unlikely for you in training. Does he need to do that at 14? I don't know. It depends on his natural propensity for running and how much he wants to, one, he even enjoys it or wants to put it into his training protocol. But he has time.

My suggestion for you is that I would support his interest because that seems to be the direction that he wants to go down. So how would you do that? I would sit down with your son and research with him as much as possible. Looking at this is his goal, let's reverse engineer. This is the goal. This is what I want to be. Okay, how do I do that? And sit with him and put together as much information as possible, a robust dossier, if you

will, of information of things that he's going to need to be able to do in training, the standards that he's going to be held to. And all of this stuff is available in open source information. on the internet. You have an amazing tool that I didn't have when I was prepping for training. You need to use it. Anybody listening to this who wants to go down any of these pipelines and special operations, you need to use information that you have available to you. If you don't and you get there and you get surprised by something, that's on you. That's not on somebody else. And it's not bad luck. It's you not taking the opportunity that you had in front of you.

So support his goal. Does he have a place where he can train? Does he have, I don't know where you live? Actually, hold on, New Mexico. Man, I don't know if there's any seal or SWIC motivators in New Mexico, but guess what tool you have to find out the internet? That's correct. Swimming is another one that gets a lot of people. Make sure he knows how to swim. Does he have access to somewhere that he can go swim in practice? Not just like regular swimming, but the swimming strokes you're going to be tested on in buds. Do your research. It's the underwater recovery stroke. Look it up. plenty of information out there running calisthenics the things that you already mentioned sure he needs to do those things but figure out how much and then support your son by making sure he has the environment available to him so that he can do those things if he changes his mind later on

and maybe he finds something else that he is interested about or passionate about my advice would be the same support that passion i think it's okay for people to drift i look at myself now, I was very anomalous knowing what I wanted to do from such a young age. I'm sure my father would tell anybody who asked him if the other parents when I was 14 thought I was a little weird, maybe even when I was 11, if they thought I was a little bit off, maybe a little bit too intense, a little bit too focused. I bet you the answer would be yes. Most kids aren't like that. I was, so let's leave that as an edge case. Most kids aren't. You don't have to treat them like that. Does it matter when your son turns 16 if he changes his mind and says, I don't want to be a seal. I want to be an engineer.

My answer to that is no, as long as it fills his cup, because it provides you the same opportunity to be supportive and caring and be a mentor and a leverage or tool that can springboard your son into the future. That is what I actually think matters. He has time. So if he does continue down this path, as he gets closer to entering military service, I would increase. the volume of training, not drastically in a short period of time, but just slow increases in volume over time to get him ready for it. You also don't want to overtrain. It's a little bit of a balance. Recognize this, though. In boot camp, you're going to decondition a bit because you just don't train that hard. So maybe peak right before boot camp. So that way, when you have a degradation in your fitness, it's easier for you to kind of round that downward edge and head back up where you need to be when it comes to heading towards seal training.

advice for you as a parent on how to handle your son going into the military. We don't know what the world is going to throw at us. And you can either view that as an amazing thing because every day is a surprise or you can view that as the number one source for anxiety and panic because we don't know what the world's going to throw at us. And every day might be a surprise explosion or terrorist attack or whatever it may be. There is a risk joining the military just given what the military is and what they're expected to do. they're the foreign policy arm of, you know, they're the action arm, I should say, of American foreign policy. You should, in my opinion, anybody joining the military have the expectation

that you may be called upon and asked to go fight a war on this country's behalf. If you are really trying to get lucky or hedge your bets or pick a career that is not combat facing, I would say use with caution. I don't want to tell anybody how to live their life, but you could be sadly, sadly, shocked or surprised later on in your career, depending on what the world is expecting of you. But there are also from a parent's perspective, there are so many things that people can get from military service, whether it is vocational training, educational training, shit, maybe they make it into a career. And then we're talking about health care, a pension, although it is very small. I do believe that military retirement should be reframed as the money you get

paid to find your next job. But if you go in at 18, you're going to be 38 when you get out. you do 20, you still got a lot of sand on the top of the hourglass, and you should go find something else to do. But that's a nice buffer to have in your back pocket. Huge opportunities in the military. You can see portions of the United States, see portions of the world that they would never have access to on the government's dime. So the fear thing can be real. At the same time, realize from a statistical perspective your son's likelihood of losing his life in military service is extremely low. And I know that that doesn't remove any of the burden or suffering or sadness from people who have lost their life or lost a loved one in military

service. Those are horrible, horrible things. But what we have in this country comes at a cost and sometimes very small minorities end up paying that cost or paying the price for that cost. And that just is the way that it is. It's not that it's not a real threat, but statistically The odds are in your favor. It doesn't mean that they should be ignored, but the odds are, in fact, in your favor. To close it up, be supportive. Wrap your arms around the idea. Help him educate himself, empower him to make sure he has the tools necessary.

And if he changes his mind later on, embrace that too. And then do the exact same thing. Third question. And then we're out of here for the day. My problem is pretty straightforward, I think. I used to be 135, I used to be, oh, I must have said 135, and I don't know why I said that. I used to be 350 pounds in high school. Then after discovering Joe Rogan, I started getting into shape.

Then some asshole named Jocko came on the podcast and really set a fire under my ass. Then some other loud mouth named David Goggins, what a prick that guy is, who would ever listen to him. And then in parentheses, sarcasm. Then a motherfucker named Andy Stump, you left the F off my name, and I respect it, came on. Not as handsome as the other guys, but still just as motivational for a young 21-year-old. who was very overweight. This was the first time anyone ever told me that if I got active and lost weight, I could do something with my life. So about 18 months and 150 pounds later, I went to basic training to become a Marine. My experience in basic training could probably be best compared

to Leonard in full mental jacket, but without the murder suicide ending. I even went in close to my maximum weight of 208, and I'm six foot, two inches tall. But I came out at 150 pounds, which is a bean pole for somebody who is six foot two. Another weekend they would have had to put me on double rations. You could literally count my ribs. I remember other recruits started singing creepy, creepy skeletons after the showers making fun of my skinny ass. Looking back, I don't know why that pissed me off.

It was hilarious. Now I'm walking around, but heavy at 210. I'm a bit of a fat body now, but I can actually PT, unlike before Basic. This is all context to say I'm not just some asshole who texted you about a problem, never does anything about it. I'm not sitting here wondering why I can't be a Navy SEAL when I run a 25-minute, a 25-minute three-mile run while doing absolutely nothing about it. I've made a lot of progress in my mental health and my physical health, but every time I look in the mirror, I can't help but be disgusted in myself and hate myself. Part of the problem definitely has something to do

with never having a relationship with the woman before. I've tried talking to a girl at a bar, but the music just added to my future VA claims for hearing loss and the girls just wanted me to buy them and their five friends shots. Dating apps are worthless and a scam, not to mention literally trigger my depression and make me want to kill myself. I am at a loss now, to be honest. I'm in the best shape of my life. I have more confidence than ever before. I wonder or I sometimes wonder if that my training or if I actually, hold on, I sometimes wonder if that my training or if I am actually am, confident, but I just don't know how else to improve my mental situation.

It was a very convoluted sentence. Hopefully the, I read it as is, hopefully that message came across. I don't know how to stop hating myself. I wonder maybe if I was skinnier, I'd have more luck with women and be happier. But I've seen just as, but I've been as skinny as human can be and I'd rather not walk down that path if skinnier is better. I know you won't have answers, but maybe you have a seedling of an idea that I can grow with into a real solution.

P.S. You should go on the unsubscribe podcast, your boy and the man, all that bro's dream of at night. Tim Kennedy has been on it once or twice before. I am not familiar with that podcast, and I make a rule of not going to places where I'm not invited. So until I get an invite, I'm not going to go. If I get an invite, of course, I would go. Okay. I'm going to go back to one sentence in here if I can find it. I've made a lot of progress in my mental health and physical health. But every time I look in the mirror, I can't help but be disgusted in myself. And I hate myself. I would ask for you to define the progress that you have made in your mental health. And here's what I'm going to tell you. I don't care how skinny you are.

I don't care how jacked you are. I don't care what school you go to. I don't care what uniform you wear. I don't care what job you have, what car you drive, what house you own. If you can't change or figure out a way to change that you think about yourself, you are not going to be happy. Because all of those other things that I just listed are complete and utter bullshit. The shiny objects that people pay attention to, but it will never change the way that you talk to yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. And I say this as somebody who struggles with negative self-talk.

It's nothing I like more than brushing my teeth in the morning and looking up and going, hey, what do you got playing for today? You fucking piece of shit. What are you going to fuck up today? And some of you might think I'm joking, and I am to a degree, but it's not generally that much more positive. Actually, I said take that back. Generally is not the right word. sometimes it's not much more positive than that. I don't think I'm unique in having the ability to be very negative in myself talk.

I don't think you are either. And I think a lot of people struggle with it. And it's super dangerous because the most powerful voice that we have in our world is your own. And it is amazing to me how we are comfortable talking to ourselves in a way that we would never say or talk to somebody else. The things I say to myself, I would not even fathom saying to somebody else because they're fucking hurtful. They're horrible. But why am I comfortable talking to myself like that? I don't have a great answer for it. I've recognized it's been a problem for me in the past. I do the best that I can to catch it in the moment and at the very least stop.

And until you start doing that and change the language you are using for yourself and how you feel about yourself, I hate to tell you, man, you're on a treadmill. And it's not going anywhere. and I bet you the incline is slowly increasing. So women aren't going to bring you happiness either. They don't get me wrong. Like my wife, Leah, has redefined for me what I think of the word love and happiness and what it feels like to be a whole person. She has definitely done those things for me, but I also did a lot of work on just myself.

And even though I know I sound like a broken record, the one thing I am going to recommend that you do, because it seems like you have the ability. to physically reshape yourself when the motivation is correct. You need to crack open what's going on between your ears. You need to go talk to somebody who can help you interrupt that negative feed loop, feedback feed loop. Man, the words are just tough today sometimes. Who can help you interrupt that negative feedback cycle that you are stuck in.

The beauty of that cycle is this. You're in control of it. Your hands are on the wheel of this steering wheel of this vehicle of destruction because that's what you're using it for as opposed to going down on an amazing ride. and checking out the scenery or chicks in your case, you're going to have to change that. Nobody else is going to be able to change it for you. Nothing you buy, achieve, or are gifted is ever going to change that.

At the end of the day, you might get a little bit of like a dopamine bump from those things. Trust me. Oh, negative Nancy, when you look in the mirror, she's coming right back around. You have to address that. If you can do that, if you can find a healthier way to speak to yourself, a healthier thought process. I think every aspect of your life will improve. It is super hard work.

It's going to be reflective. You might go through a couple of counselors before you find one that you can really connect with. Or you have the ability to connect with, even from a vernacular perspective, let alone a comfort perspective. The more work you do on yourself, the more impact is going to have on the world around you, through your own experiences and the lens that you view the world through. So first and foremost, or actually not first and foremost, because I've been rambling for like five minutes. What you did physically is amazing. Turn that energy and effort inward now and work on the muscle that is the most regulatory in your body, the one that's between your ears.

We could all do with a little bit more time trying to clean out that mess upstairs, trying to clean out those cobwebs and make that engine and machine the most efficiently and smoothly running as possible. That's it. for Friday.