Club Random with Bill Maher - Aida Rodriguez | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Bill Maher and Aida Rodriguez riff on how Bill wants everyone to agree with him because he’s right, the last acceptable prejudice, the health benefits of fasting, the brilliance of Jim Carrey, how Prince was a fan of Politically Incorrect, awful corporate stand-up gigs, taking a joke from a significant other, how the other moms were mean to Aida at her kids’ private school, why it’s good to have a mom from the ghetto, and the proper age difference between men and women when dating.

Climb. Hey, I want to tell you about our new subscription channel on Apple. You can listen, add free to all episodes past and present. Get access to most episodes a week early and hear exclusive bonus content that you can only get here. Go to Apple.com slash club random to try it free now. Just click the try it free button now to check it out. So you're here again.

I am. I'm back. And you got a podcast. What do- look at you. Welcome to Comedy. You're now officially a comic. You have a podcast. Well, my real show is real time.

I mean, that's where you go to get cancelled every week. I mean, it's just, look, it's just, that's where you go to get canceled every week. I mean, it's just, look, that's a real show. Yeah. This is just us kicking in. And there's a place for that. Just like there's a place for, you know, Sergeant Pepper, a meticulously produced, timeless album, and then Jam Batch.

Jam Batch. So this is a Jam Batch? Yes, some people like that better.ash. I'm a jam-bash. Some people like that better. Yeah. You know, it's raw. But you know, people need to see all sides of you. They need both.

But they need to see all sides of you. They need to see that you two are a person, right? Because you're just a person. I think you mean that as a compliment, but I think people see me as a person. No, but I don't mean it as a compliment. What I mean is. I can tell. No, what I mean is that people need to see all sides of you and I think it's important because you know the conversation about you is always about your political, your social point of

view. Look, we're not basically disagreeing. No. We're just saying that, you know, like the figure of Janice, we are multiple sides to us. How's do you feel that people enjoy disagreeing with you? Like that it's become sport? I don't know if they do, but I know I don't. I don't like any disagreement. If I had my way in the world, if I was king, everyone would see how right I am, which I usually do prove to be about everything.

And I don't wanna argue with them. I only do it because it's like, well, I've gotta try to convince you that this is the way it is and should be. And, you know, I mean, a lot of people think that's just common sense, but the world keeps drifting further away from common sense on both sides. Absolutely. You and I talked about that.

Yeah. First of all, I want to say, I would pay, I would pay handsomely to have this confidence of a white man. I don't have the self-esteem. I think I'm always wrong. Really? But yeah, I had a conversation with you last time. Yeah. And we talked about how.

But you're not always wrong. No. I'm not. But everything you were saying was right. We were talking about, because nobody has, we don't explore nuance anymore. Everything is. That's, there's something that's right.

Right. What do you think you're wrong? You're right. I'm telling you, I talked to you. Myself the same. You're very in this very spot or that spot or some spot in this room. And I was like, wow, yes, you really have your shit together mentally about all these issues, which so many people have their head up their ass about.

People just generally have their head up their ass. And they just want to bitch and bitch and bitch. And it's never about like what the actual, you know, engaging in the actual argument. It's always about some stupid side argument. I mean, what they always, when they come after me, it's like, you're old. Yeah, but am I wrong?

Yeah, they call, they say you're old. Yeah, that's like the best thing. They like, oh, fine. Oh, I mean, I certainly don't feel old and I probably act younger than they do because they're the ones who are like afraid of the world and, you know, the virus and everything. But okay, engage with the argument.

Absolutely. You know, engage, okay, I'm old, but tell me why my argument is wrong. That they don't even want to get in that game. They don't want to suit up to that one. You know, I wish we could document other people calling people old, right? So that wouldn't make it older.

It's aging right? Talk about it a lot. It's the last acceptable prejudice. Yeah, it's real. You're so right. And I don't allow people to call me auntie because that's a go-to. But it's funny to me.

What is it? They auntie is what they call you when they're like, when you're an older woman, when they're 19, they'll call you like auntie. They do that to a maxi. That's so mean girl. But it's true, right? But it's so.

That's what young girls do. It's the maxi waters. Guys do it too. But I think it's interesting. Auntie or they'll say call you uncle. That's why Denzel Washington was like, don't call me uncle, I'm not your uncle. Right. But the thing is that these are the people

who are upset about you not using pronouns. These are the people who are upset about, but yet they use these microaggressions to call you old. Right. And it's such hypocritical bullshit. And that's why I... It is the last acceptable prejudice.

And I've seen it. I saw it on my show recently. Somebody, and it was a terrible argument because we were talking about whether a guy wrote a book about focus. The Americans have lost their focus. And he's a millennial, I think, like 40 or something. And, you know, it's things like phones and, you know, Facebook and, you know, lack of sleep. And mostly it's the technology and what the phone's doing. I mean, this is what he's saying in the book. And I'm agreeing with him. And some other panelists was like,

well, you know, when you get older, you know, as soon as you just like it, the old way. It's like, that's not what's going on. There's a guy that I like the old ways. I understand what the phone is. I use the phone. I like my phone. But it is fucking up with people's minds. And they're attention-spinning. It's not because, oh, I'm old and I can't.

I'm not planning for the telegraph, you know? No. And it was like, you know, wow, you couldn't get away with it. I couldn't say to her as a woman, like, well, you know? No. And it was like, you know, wow, you couldn't get away with it. I couldn't say to her as a woman, like, well, you know, your argument, should we really listen to it because you're a woman, you know, you believe from the crotch once, but if we really don't have anything, you're gonna be

saying about this subject. I mean, really, we should just take whatever you're gonna say with a great assault because you have to, you know, but with all you can totally get away with it. It's annoying. You're better shaped than a lot of the people who are following you, right? You're healthy.

Yes. And now I'm fat shaming, right? Because that's how it, that's what it trickles down to. Now, if I say you're healthy because you're lean and I'm dissing the people who are overweight. Well, that's wrong. We have got to arrest that trend in America. I mean, we are, we should not shame people, but we are at a place where we're not allowed to talk about the subject.

And the subject is too relevant to health, both in the COVID era, which, and in general before that. And it's a little dangerous to be unable to talk about a major health factor, no matter what that factor is. And that's where that has gone. I mean, we moved to a place where just in the last few years, at least like five years ago, losing weight was a goal. And it wasn't bad to say it was a goal. Now you have a knownness and you need to go to a 12-step program. Well, no, it's like, why? That's just a different way to be. And it is.

But it's also science does not stop being science. It makes you unhealthy. And unhealthy has ramifications throughout society, especially when there's something that is killing people. Yeah, you know, I think capitalism, right? We talk about all of the things that draw money and how they've weaponized all of the stuff, because women are constantly worrying about their weight, but you also see men doing it too. I had a needy disorder when I was modeling. I got down to 117 pounds on 510,

and I was deadly. I looked like a walking skeleton, but the fear of getting big was controlled my life for so many years. And even at that time, I had really bad body dysmorphia. And I still thought that I was big, but it was because we're always talking about this stuff, but what we don't talk about is health.

We talk about appearance, the goal should be to be healthy. And there are some big people who are healthier than people who are thin. But we do hurt you to do that. Yeah, no. Pretty hard to be healthier people who are thin. But we'd be hard to do that. Yeah, no. Pretty hard to be healthier, big than thin. Sin is for your body.

What is the body mostly use energy on digestion? Yeah. Digestion. And when you give your body a break from that or don't ask it to constantly be just, you know, I mean, yes, I mean, that's again, I'm not making this up to shame people. It's just the science. And it makes it's, you know, it's intuitive. You know, when you do a fast, have you done a fast? Oh, yeah, I do, I do four times a year. I do it.

Really? That's very good for you. For how long? 21 days. I do. 21 days. Raw foods. Yeah, all raw foods. Wow. Well, that's not exactly a fast, I do it. Really, that's very good for you for how long? 21 days, I do it. 21 days? Raw foods, yeah, all raw foods. Wow. Well, that's not exactly a fast, but it's a kind of a fast. But I mean, I've done like a fast, I don't do more than three days because I'm hypoglyphic. I can't go without eating anything. But even that is a lot of discipline, but that's so good for you.

Yeah, it is. It changed my life because I was unhealthy and I was thin and unhealthy and I had bronchitis And I had this ugly breakout on my face and I went to this herbalist He gave me his herbs. I did a 20 day 21 day fast I ate all raw foods fruits and vegetables the breakout went away and I've never had bronchitis again And it really changed my life. It changed my health for the better. And I battle with this on a constant. LA makes it very hard. Everybody, you know, there are people who are walking around here. I don't know how

they're walking around. I see them on Instagram. They look like perfect in real life. Well, because that's Instagram, because Instagram is all about faking your life. And again something, oh, you're old. So but am I wrong that it's worse to be more concerned with your virtual life than your actual life, that it's wrong to like want to look like you're having a good time than actually having a good time? No actually be having a good time. No. That's right, I feel you on that.

I could be a thousand, and that would be the correct assessment of that particular situation. But I agree with you, because I, I, I, It's not how they live, kids. But it's not just kids too, and there's a bunch of grownups.

And you know, think about it, Kim Kardashian isn't her 40s, like, and she is the Instagram queen. So when you think about social media, it's just become, one guy paid $400,000 to buy a house in the metaverse next to Snoop. We are brought to you by SignalWire, the real OGs of software defined telecom. Remember that horror movie where the babysitter thinks she's being prank-gold, but then

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Bring the kids. Not to the show itself. Please, leave them outside. But the show you're gonna love as adults. When we were here the other night, I was like, boy, I grow up in a tough crowd, but she's honest. Oh, I'm not a tough crowd, I love to laugh. I enjoy. No, but you're smart and you're in the business.

So, like, you know, when you get a laugh from you, it's a real laugh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, you know, you don't like, you don't fake, you know, you don't, Jimmy Fallon made you. No. And I love Jimmy, this is not a, but, I mean, you know, that's what those shows are. You have to like enjoy the fuck out of every guest.

And I'm actually enjoying the fuck out of you. But I mean, I know. But you know, it's funny for a long time. My Puerto Rican ass didn't know the difference between Jimmy Fallon and Chris Cotan. It was like, and I did a show with Chris Katan in New York. Chris Katan, it's not Jimmy Fallon and drag. Oh my God, you just rocked my world. You know, and he was doing his thing

that he always does, Chris Katan. And I was like, no. It's supposed to be working right now. But it's funny. Oh, mango, that character that was- Yes. Were you mad at Jimmy Fallon when he did this to Donald Trump?

No. No, no, no. You can't get mad at Jimmy Fallon. It's not a political show. He's not a guy. I mean, you know, he's a genius sketch player. Mm-hmm. I would just, when he gets into a character or does it...

I mean, just nobody can touch him. I just... He's actually become a pretty good monologist, but I just want to see... Like, when I see somebody... I always think the secret of show business is... It's so competitive. Mm-hmm.

Do the thing that... Only you can do the best, because otherwise somebody who is more natural with that will eat your lunch. Absolutely. Whereas do that one thing, Jim Carrey, who's a fantastic dramatic actor actually, but people saw him as a spentur,

and I always say a great actor is one, actually, but people saw him as Ace Ventura, and like, I always say, a great actor is one, nobody else could do the part. Jim has done roles where I'm like, yeah, I don't think anyone else actually could have done that. Lots of roles you look and go, oh yes, a lot of people could do that. Now, the Truman show was him. Yes, well, yes, that's him.

But especially where that manic, one of my favorites of his is cable guy. Oh, yes. That's, I feel like that's true. That was us, that was me. Well, what do you mean you? Watching TV, raised by the television. Remember when HBO came along and cables

sitting there watching, um, fraggle rot, like that's us. Well, that's you. Um, that's not my generation. Oh, no. And I never had kids. You know what I was thinking about the reason why I do comedy. I learned how to speak English watching, uh, television.

Mm-hmm. And really? Yeah. You talk about Jim Carrey. I was thinking about him the other day because I love Jim Carrey. Love, love, love. Ace Ventura couldn't go on today.

That's what I was saying. If that was the first one, I don't think anyone else could do it. No, that was hilarious. But that movie could, today, we could be considered transphobic. We were talking about doing the thing that you're doing. Oh, you're doing the thing that only you can do.

Right. And, you know, because I remember when so Prince put out a jazz album and he didn't like announce it as such or at least I missed the announcement and I bought this this back when it was the fun CD one of the last CDs I think ever bought and you know it's like okay fine but you got me you got11.95 or whatever it was. And you know, I- That's a valid time you made me laugh. And fuck that because like, I don't like jazz.

This is not wired by a Prince album, you know? Yeah, you know it's funny. You can't lick yourself to a jazz record that Princess Lee. You need, I need a metaphor. I love Prince, but I don't want to hear Prince singing. Exactly. So when I was doing politically incorrect,

he became a big fan. Later on, as I became more apparent that I was disdainful of religion, I think that became a bridge too far. But he once, when I was politically correct, was on just a few years. And I remember he went on the tonight show and talked about it.

And I was like, it was such a father in my cap, that prints like my show. Right. And somebody who worked for him said, he would sometimes like, he'd go out after the show. I don't know if this is true. Mm-hmm. But Anne went like, go to the strip club and bring like, four strippers back to the room and they would think it was going to be a great

orgy. And then he would just sit there like and play politically and correct with them. Wow, and that's funny. And a lot of it, you know, led to, he was a proselytizer for, was it Jehovah Witness or? Yeah, I think he was. He was very, very serious.

A lot of the big families like in the entertainment business. But when you, or what? Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh, really? You know, no way. Jackson's with no way I believe the Jackson's the way in I like prints I like sex prints though. Well, that's the thing. I mean when you think about the dichotomy there in his mind Yeah, on the one hand, it's this Dionysan figure who is all libido and Super sexy and always thinking about sex and writing about sex and yeah, I mean just oozing sex even in his

diminutive state. I mean you could like I mean we've seen him in person like it's he was a diminutive man and then to also be like super Christian Which is very anti-sex has got to create kind of a... I'm familiar. And because? My family... Well, I was born into Catholicism, and then they converted to... They became Pentecostal. Oh, fuck.

And that was really scary for me as a child. And then my grandmother became... What do they do? So they like... They take candy... Tons. Yeah, the best music, very good music. But then my grandmother became a seven-day Adventist.

Oh. And those are... Well, they're the closest to Jews, right? Because they keep the Sabbath. Yeah, they don't eat pork, Fridays, the lights go out, everything goes out with... No! No Saturday cartoons for your girl.

You left through this? Yes, and I couldn't wear pants, no makeup, no jewelry. It was extreme for me. Oh my God. So then to become like sometimes when I'm doing stand-up and People who I know who our religious come to the shows. I can't look at them I avoid looking at them because I know that they don't want I can't be my

Myself self because they don't they don't think a woman should be cursing or woman should be doing stand up or woman should be why are they out? Because everybody wants to laugh but they now I don't mean now they want you to make them laugh without making them uncomfortable. So funny I just got this offer. For a bunch of money to perform with some private company. You know, as you, I'm sure you know, like what corporate gigs? Have you done them? Yeah. Yeah.

Sure I haven't gotten as an exorbitant amount of money as I heard tonight. But I've got some good bet on money than a regular. Well, I don't do them. Even though the money, I mean, I don't think people know this because they're always close and they're private, but like everybody does them. I mean, up until some years ago, I don't know how many,

but I know beyond saying, you know, would get like a million dollars a song. Like you sing three songs, which are a million dollars or whatever. And I'm sure she doesn't need that anymore, you know, why give up a day? But yes, no one was out of reach. I mean, this has gone on forever.

You know, Microsoft would, I remember doing some for them way back and when I was like, oh my God, they're gonna pay that. It was like, fuck, I don't do whatever they want, you know? But fuck them, so. And they're always horrible, because it's corporate, not my fans. Yeah, they're terrible.

I need the people who understand me already. Yeah, exactly. Right? I've done it. I've done it. So this is a corporation, and maybe some people are fans, and some people are like, who the fuck is this? And some people are like, I don't like this guy at all.

It's like, I don't want to. So, it's like, well, a lot of money is like close. I could drive to it. It was, and it was like, and there was something like, I don't want to. So, I was like, well, a lot of money is like close. I could drive to it. It was like, and there was something like, but something we want you to be, you know, not clean, but they say PG, there's something like that. I was like, well, fuck now. And then, I was like, so I turned down,

of course, no, the strongest word in job is this. When you say, no, that we got to have this guy now. He's too good for this money. It's like, no, I don't want to play your PG game. So they send back a thing, well, we really want you, but you know, just don't make people uncomfortable. Impossible. Right.

And then they write, uh, last year one Discipes. Oh, I'm always. And I'm like, you know what? If one Discipes upset you first off, fucking good. Yeah. Until then you're really going to hate me. Those are the worst. I did one in Miami. And they said, don't talk about race. You can't talk about a sexual orientation. They were like in Miami and they said, don't talk about race. You can't talk about sexual orientation. They were like, you're whole act. Yeah, everything.

And then I did everything that they told me not to do. I got a standing ovation because those people are repressed. Because they're scared to laugh, because they don't want people in the workplace to know who they really are. That's really what that's for. And it's just annoying. It's like, but you get a little alcohol in them

and then they wanna hear it, they like dirty, they love blue. Of course. And I'm not that kind of comic. No. No, no, no. So it's really. So it's just interesting, I mean, that you're modeled into, model into company. I'm Model into company? That's interesting.

I modeled more into writing and acting, and then I became a comic. But I've always wanted to do stand-up. Like I said, I used to watch... It's like you're so natural fit. I mean... Thank you. I love it.

That's a great compliment. Price, you came to it that late. I know. I know. Well, it was religion, you know, being... Right. It gives you a lot of material. And, it was religion, you know, being, um, right. Get you a lot of material.

And the sexism of, you know, my mom used to tell me, nobody's gonna want to marry you. They don't want to marry a goofy, funny girl. Like, and now I'm... I just such an old way of looking at it, yes. Yeah, the what man is gonna want to be in a room with a woman that sucks up the air and all right. But I'm listening to this woman

like this on her third husband, give me advice about, I was just like, why am I listening to her? No, I'm sure. But they don't, and then when it started working out, it became something different. But it was just, why are you doing that?

Is that, you know, do you know? I'm sure you've never had any problem with suitors. I mean, nothing. Right? Yeah, I mean, no. We've been working for the good one. I'm going to get with you. But not now with comedy sometimes.

It takes a specific type of guy. Oh. You know, Sherry Shepard and I were talking about, they have to be secure. Like insecure men. But like doing comedy, like, it was terrible, but it sort of apropos what I'm saying is, remember this comic when I first started,

it was older than me doing better, and he had been like an engineer or something, right? And then he went into comedy like in his 30s. It was what's happened to me in the theory of why he was a real hound. Oh, yeah. So he was telling me his theory of why this was great. He said, OK, say what could have not been there, there's eight chicks there.

Oh, wow. Two of them married and two of them are already H and did it. So what are you going to do? But if you're a comedian, you meet like 500 new people every night. And it's like, yeah, I mean, look at all the guys who see you every night. Or when you work.

I mean, that guy is the type you're talking about who like, oh, I mean, I've seen guys go in a bunch of a Sarah Silverman. Yeah, she's hot You know there's like but also she's funny. That's not a bad point. Lots of guys like yeah I want the woman to take the line light away for me and you'll be the you know the one who we go into the party is the... That's the secure man though. Or just try. But yes, secure. But...

Do you how many times have you dated somebody who offered you a joke, but offered to write you a joke or a punch line? Offered or just I stole it? No, no, because that's one thing. My friends and I who are comedians always talk about the guys like, I got a joke for you and I'm like all the time, but I mean

What a joy it is to ever be in the company of a woman, but if you're dating them and you find them beautiful who is also funny and Yes, I have stolen jokes from girlfriends, absolutely. Not that they were telling me a joke. They just observed something funny, and I went, oh.

But that's not stealing a joke. Well, it's not my thought. So in that sense, it is perloined. But I would always make a joke of that. I'd be like, oh, honey, that's so brilliant. It's sometimes, I just get, it's like I hear a voice and it sounds a lot like yours. Oh, that's funny.

That's different though, but you know what? That's a compliment, right? That one is never gonna go on stage. Right, I remember when somebody bitching me about it and I was like, you should be honored. I'm gonna do, oh. I got my back up about it, you know. She got mad?

No, she was just. She wanted to get paid for the joke? She was mad at something else. Oh, okay, well, that makes sense. You know, people in relationships, it's gotta be a better way. I mean, I don't know, this is the most personal topic in the world,

and I've never been married, I've never had kids, so like I can't really speak on an expert level on those areas. And your skin looks amazing, so it worked out for you. Well, I don't know about that, but for me, again, I know so many people who live for their kids and I'm talking about God.

I know lots of guys who are over the years, I've known Hounds, they're love being a dad. Yeah. Like, they could not not cheat on their wife, and they were always out there. But boy, did they take the dad part seriously and love it and do it well? That's an economy that's in men.

But that's why I think the progress is necessary and important, because I love the reality that we live in now where you can opt to be a parent and not be married and not be shunned. Like where I come from, I had women who were teenage pregnancy cases that did not, who were not married and had children tell me that I had to get married a virgin. And I was like, yeah, I was like,

what if it doesn't, it was not good? And that was something you couldn't say, because now I'm stuck with this dude, like, how long? That's not the ultimate virus remorse, that's how long is the penance? Like what, how much do I? How long is the penance? No. That's what the question you want I- How long is the penis? No.

That's what the question you wanna know before you get in there. Yeah. Right? I mean, No, I'm still in there. What, what, who's joke? It's a callback to you stealing your girlfriend's jokes.

Oh, I should. But. So, but you have kids. I do. I love my kids. My son is 27. 27. And my dinner.

You're a 27 year old. And a 25 year old. You're a milk. I am a milk. But you know it's funny, Mike. Are you a toger? I don't know. No, I'm not a cooger.

I was a young mom. My son went to one of these. You must have been. Private prep schools. And it was weird when he played football, because I would sit at the, in the stands, and no one would sit next to me. All the women would look at me

because they were all significantly older than me. And I would just sit there by myself because people were like, I'm gonna sit with that young bitch. She's not gonna fuck my husband. The only person who befriended me was Corbin Benson's wife. Who's that?

She's Australian, I forgot her name. Corbin Benson. Yeah, Corbin Benson was on one of those procedural shows. I forgot his name. Oh, LA Law. LA Law, yeah. Bernson, I think. And his wife was this Australian woman?

Yeah, no, he was hot for a minute. I got you. She was beautiful. She was bold and fearless. And she'd be on the sidelines. You can't do this anymore. She would be like, stop being a pussy and run!

And I was like, oh shit, this lady is from the hood. I used to go sit by her. All the other parents would just look at her and they would scoff. But I loved her because she was authentic. Everybody else was just, you know, the phone-y shit. And it was just interesting being a mom,

and L.A. being a mom feels like. So your kids are millennials? Or, yeah, like young millennials. They're young millennials. They're at the end of the generation. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And from everything I remember from talking to you the first time, you must be trying

at least to slap the snot out of them about all their bullshit wokeness that you seem to always have the, in my view, the smart, correct, we're living in reality, take on. Well, my kids have the blessing of having a mother that grew up in the ghetto. So in the hood, if you will. So they have the best of both worlds because there's a level of progress of things that they have learned

because of my evolution. But there are some things that I am not willing to part with that I grew up with from the people who are from the old world that gave me, you know, they gave me a cold. And I'll never release that. I'm always gonna be loyal to that. Because I think that being well-rounded is how I've survived.

Like, my grandmother used to tell me, my mom used to tell me, dick and alcohol ages you, proceed accordingly. Right? You couldn't say that now. Dick and alcohol in Spanish, it sounds even worse. Why does dick age you? But they were just saying, keep your numbers low. And you know, some people would be like,

oh, that slut shaming, that's patriarchy. Whatever it was, I took heed, because I didn't want to look like an hobbit. And I was just, and I'm not an alcoholic. But this is, I guess it's. I think it's in most women's nature just to not have a lot of dicks. Nah, nah, I know some holes.

No one there. There's that too. Nah, you know what I mean? Socially though, I mean, I think that this, it's a different time. I think girls never liked me. I wish they had, but they never, that was never. So.

They wanted to marry the guy with the corporate gigs. Oh. That took me a second. I'm like, why is she thinking of corporate? They were willing to give you a joke or two. That's a good call for security. That's a good call. But yeah. But you know, it's funny that I know women who are liberated.

They have a lot of the way that they, of course. That they see men is just very different. Yes. You know, then still invasion. Yeah. You know, it's still different to like have the thing that goes in versus to have to, like, you know, to cross that divide of, well, I'm going to invite you in my body. That to me is, like, you know, that's a divide.

I think it's still psychologically a divide that's easier for a man to cross than a woman. Yeah, you can't say that anymore. You know what I think is, you can't say anything. I just said you can't say anything. You can't say anymore, right? Well, I think that a lot of us are in denial about science and the reality of what it is.

You know, it's interesting like you can't slush aim, but if a woman says she wants to be a virgin until she gets married, there's someone always trying to tell her that she's backwards, that she's wrong. Like that's patriarchy. You can be pro-choice, but you meet somebody that's pro-life who believes that they're gonna go to hell

if they have an abortion, and you just can't leave them alone. And I've seen it. I've seen it because I believe in a woman having the choice to choose, but I also believe in leaving other people to fuck alone and minding my business. Well, I'm gonna quote, because I also believe in leaving other people to fuck alone and minding my business. Well, I'm going to, because I would never illegal spritz you have.

You know what I mean by that? Like, when a comic does a joke from his act. No, do it. And I'm announcing it. I appreciate that. Because I'm telling you, I would never try to, we used to call it illegal spritz when you do that. You know, it's one thing to like get a joke that starts in conversation and then put it in your act.

But you can't do a joke from your act and then play it off like, I mean, you can on the tonight's joke. But you can't with each other. Right. But this is just to apropos. You heard that? Yes. OS. OS, you hear this?

It's a bit in my act, but I have seen, because I have seen a few times in a restaurant, a person go up to a woman who's pregnant, who's having a glass of wine at dinner, and scold them, which I really have no patience for, that kind of busy body. And my thing is that I'm sure the person who's doing the scolding was pro-choice and on pro-choice. But, you know, it is definitely becoming a human. I don't think a fetus is a human, but it's not from becoming a human. So, but it's okay to kill it,

but not get it a little drunk. Oh, wow. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, this is a level of... But kind of true, right? That's a level of fearlessness that I want to have in my comedy. You do already. No, no, no, no, I want to go further.

Like, I hold my, I hold back. You will go. Of course, we're always going further. All of this, but you're, you're, you're, you're plenty there. Yeah, that's, I appreciate it. But that's really, you know, it's just, like I said, nuance is gone. We can't have those conversations about,

you have to be able to. We can. We can. And you do. And we will. You should not be selling yourself short at this point. You're doing great. You're very hot in the industry.

I feel like I just went to Hawaii, my annual Hawaii trip, Nikki Glazer. I tell her to take two comics. She was there. I feel like I'm because I love it. If I can be any kind of mentor to the, you know, you're the next generation, she's the next generation. It's like, you know, I never had kids, but I do have a little bit of a paternal bone in my body that's like, you know, that I could like, I don't know, do anything because, you know, trust me, I wouldn't want to sit down and talk to you for a fucking hour if I didn't think you were a big talent, you know, and yeah, and, you know,

I've never seen it. I love Nicki Minaj's new. Yes, she's a fucking big talent too. As I said, the Martin Short recently, the younger comics, what can we do to stop the I mean help them? Oh, Martin Short. Oh my God, he was so good and the only murders in the building. And everything.

Oh, but yeah, he was in Law and Order SVU. He was in a two. And everything. Oh, but yeah, you know what he was in? Law in order, SVU, he was in a two episode, yes. And he was a killer. He killed a nun, a black nun. Was it a no comic part? Just straight? It was dark. It was all drum up. He was so good.

And he's such a good actor. But all he murder is so funny. Yeah, no, he's called a whole show. It was a really great show. I had two of them on real time, slugging it, and I mentioned to them that, I swear I wasn't stoned, but I'm such a huge fan of Selena Gomez,

and her song, love you, love you like a love song, baby, you know that? I love that song too. I was under the mistake and impression It was only like two years old and then I find out it's ten years old Yeah, she's a whole grown up. Yeah, I did not realize that but like you know, I really I'm always looking for new music that I like and there's very little of it that I think comes up to the standards of the best stuff that I already have.

But when you put out one like that, it's like, yes, I would say that record could have been a hit in any decade. That's what I'm looking for. Listen, and as long as Taylor Swift keeps dating, she will always be number one. Because every album is about a failed relationship and we want to keep them coming. Spotify's in on.

So what do you do speaking of that for Valentine's Day? Are you? I'm going to dinner. I'm doing the Kelly Clarkson show. As a couple, a dinner. I'm going on a date, yeah. Yeah, but I'm doing the Kelly Clarkson show. But you don't expect to ring or something. No, I don't expect anything. I'm doing with some lobster

Like I'm I mean, I'm already Lobster like I don't come on man like I just I don't I think it's cool to go It was I was invited so I was like I'm gonna go to dinner, but I don't have expectations like I think I Don't know I just think I've never been like that. I've always been thankful for just people appreciating me. My grandmother used to always tell me she was very important in my life. Nobody has to do anything for you. So, everything anyone does for you is always an added plus. And so, that is always bled into everything that I do. I just, somebody. How old is this guy you're going in with?

He is 55. He's a grown. I don't like, I'm not into like young boy, because I have one in home. Well, he's not at home anymore. Well, I mean, but like the maturity level of men and women is not a lot of bar. Yeah.

I mean, men just take way much longer time to mature. Women need someone who has at least a 10-year head start on maturity, to even have a prayer. I had this football player who was in his 20s, maybe 29-30, and he kept sending me these messages on Instagram. And I was like, I'm not, I don't know, I'm not interested and you know, I just said I'm not interested. He was like, I hope it's not because of my age because I'm a grown-ass man and I make my own money. And I'm like, that is the indicator

that you are not a grown-ass man. Because I used to work at Anna's Friday dough when I was 14 and I used to make my own money and I was not a grown-ass man. Because I used to work at Anna's fried dough when I was 14 and I used to make my own money and I was not an adult. Right, if you're bragging about that fact, it was so weird. I blocked them.

I was like, oh. I can get any block. Like, I don't, I already have my football player. I would say, things like blocking. I find, I don't know, you know, that phone, again, I guess it makes me feel old, but. Right? Anonymous so you can be more of a dick. Yes. The shitty side of people. It enables them. No, I don't really. It's a shitty side of you enabling technology. No, I agree with you. And you know, it's funny. Because they're going to use that phrase because it would not be good.

We should market it,. Hey club random. Right. Come get your truth. You know, I think you're absolutely right. My daughter went into my phone and used the focus app. I can only be on social media one hour out of the day. It locks me out. And she has the password.

Yeah, the roles have reversed. The daughter did that to the password. Yeah, the roles have reversed. The daughter did that to the mother. Yeah, because I only use social media for work stuff. Right. But it's just so toxic that it was messing with my head. I told her, I said, it makes you feel old, fat, ugly, unaccomplished, dumb. It's just because you're reading main things

that are said about you on Twitter. Yeah, it's just all of it. Why would you choose? No, no, it's just toxic. Not that, it's just because you're reading main things that are said about you on Twitter. Yeah, it's just all of it. It's just, no, no, it's just toxic. Not that, it's just like. What specifically made you feel this list of... Just going on there and like you said, everybody's on social media trying to always show that they're living their best life.

And then you see a comedian and you're like, oh my God, look at this person, they're doing all of this and I'm not doing enough. And it's all lies. Everybody's putting out the best of, but you don't think of it, but if you constantly, you're so conscious mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality.

So you have to be able to turn it off. And so my daughter was like, enough of this, like, tell your agent to go post on Instagram. Like, this is too much. And it's been so much healthier for me. I've been so much more productive because I only have one hour on social media a day. And I write most, I've been writing, you know, scripts

because I also write on stage like you. I don't sit down with the flow pad to show people that I'm writing jokes at the back of the book. I didn't say I read on stage. I said, I write here. Well, you hear whatever it is. I mean, that's how I write, like for me. No, on stage too.

I mean, you know. Yeah, but you, but I don't know how I sitting around. You know, I was coming there with the notebook, and they wanted to... Let me tell you, when I started, it was like that was the day we were going to a thing. We all had to like, yes, start to day,

just start writing. This was like the template where we were going to go. Yes, start today, just start writing. This was the template that we all, and you know who told the comics this, go Cosby. Oh wow. Like the book was like the guru, something the comics would like visit him, and his, you know, and learn about the great man's. Yeah, that was it.

Like, yes, you get a yellow pad, and you write, and even if it's bad, you just keep going until something comes out, and it's like, I was it. Yes, you get a yellow pad and you write, and even if it's bad, you just keep going until something comes out and it's like, I tried it. I just, I can't do this. It's so much better to just get fucked up. And you did. And you know, and just bullshit. And you know, something will come up or you know.

That's just smart though and you can get it. Well, I mean, you guys do that who I respect greatly who they do the yellow pad method, but it's just not for me. It's like a marriage, you know. The fishbowl, remember, that's what Dave Shepel does. The fishbowl. But you have to say, what is the fishbowl?

He says he puts like a different topics in the fishbowl, and then he pulls it out, and then he just writes a random joke about it. And how many days ago? No, he did it on stage, that was when, and I think it was equanimity, or no, no, six in stones when he did the joke. And then I kicked her in the pussy. That was what he pulled out of the bowl. And he said,

he had to write a joke around that phrase, kick her in the pussy. And then he did it. It's working backwards. Yeah, he did it. He's really a, that's what squashed up. Strict there, I think. The great Chappelle will deconstruct a joke backwards. Yeah, but I wanted to say about Bill Cosby, is that I have a friend who's an actor, and she was telling me that he's the curse like a sailor. And it was interesting that he would, you know, try to shun Eddie Murphy and criticize Richard Pryor

for being, for cursing. She said she hosted a show and he calmed her and everywhere that came out of his mouth was mother fuck a fuck bitch bitch. And I was like, that's because that's who he is. Like, you know what? But have you been watching the... I haven't started yet.

Okay, well I've seen two episodes of, it's a terrific documentary. We need to talk about Cosme. And of course this is something that people are always talking about these days. How do you separate the artists from the person? Well, I don't have the problem with Bill Cosme. He never made me laugh.

I never thought he was funny. But watching this documentary, I'm reminded, and sometimes just learned for the first time, what a major motherfucker he was as a groundbreaker. Like way back when, he educational stuff, and new roles for black people in movies and television like he Sort of has a reputation or oh, I just talked about the family stuff and no, he was a bad man

Yeah, and You know the sad part is at the same time being a very The sad part is at the same time being a very, and I'm the sadst of the world. Bad man with women. I mean, that started early on, but you know, you can't take that part of him away. He was a huge pioneer ground breaker and did it great. He was, I also feel like, you know,

I thought that was my brand of humor because I loved Richard prior as a kid. Like I always, he made me laugh. He made me, I mean, I loved Richard Pryor as a kid. Like, I always... He made me laugh. He made me... Of course we never made me laugh. No, like, I used to laugh at Bill Cosby on the Cosby Show, but I never thought that...

That stuff you suggest was so annoying to me. But I was... I remembered listening to Richard Pryor do a joke about his dog getting high. And I was a little kid and just cackling, not even knowing what he was really talking about. listening to Richard Prior do a joke about his dog getting high. And I was a little kid and just cackling, not even knowing what he was really talking about, but always was somebody that I really loved. But I was going to tell you that my daughter who is 25 and I were having a conversation

and she said to me, I mean, when we talk about this art versus, you know, bad behavior stuff, she's like, isn't the punishment for sexual assault jail and not cancellation? And I was like, you have a point, young butterfly, because she was like, Oh, and he went to jail. And because she was saying,

we have been watching art that has been created by problematic people forever. Ever. You know, she's like some of the greatest. Artists are problematic. Because they're complicated people. I mean, they're not all rapists, they're stuff like that, but they're very complicated, and they're very often have a side to them that's a huge asshole.

And yes. You know, you can't... If you've got rid of every movie and music in your library, you know, there would be two cut left. And you know, we're humans. We have the ability to have two thoughts in there at the same time. I can separate the, there's no music that I wouldn't listen to because the guy was an asshole.

Our Kelly, I will play right now if I fucking feel like it. And wherever I feel like it. And wherever I feel like it. I believe I can't lie. I can't. And you know, Michael Jackson, you know, what I can't watch a Woody Allen movie. I don't know the game. It did it. But you know, all these people, Marilyn Manson, I don't really listen to them anyway. Oh, Marilyn Manson. but you know it's funny. Well, I was always creeped out by man. Yes, it wasn't like he wasn't a creepy guy to begin with.

I wasn't like when I heard of him. I want to leave. Yeah. It was like, let the act like, when he was Mitt Romney, and then we were finding out he's carving the initials and girls' thighs and raping them on camera, Mitt.

No, he was practically that to begin with. He did what Trump did. He committed his crimes in plain sight. Absolutely. I love that. That's the truth. You know, Donald Trump never, ever, ever, ever, ever hid who he was.

It's kind of gangster. But I'll tell you this. The other day, I was like, damn, I'm his Donald Trump, because I am so tired about hearing about the Kardashians. Remember when Donald Trump was president, you never heard about the Kardashians. Really? No, he trended, Donald Trump will wake up offending people.

Right. You know, they'd be like, President Trump, what do you feel about Chinese children? Fuck Chinese children, Chinese children are stupid. Boom, tweet to every, it would be trend, trend, trend. That indicates to me how you get your newf by what's trending. Well, no, I get my news by the newspaper. He knocked the Kardashians off the trend.

Oh, I studied that because I write jokes about it, but he used to trend every day. I had a joke about it and I was like, every single day you wake up, he knew because he picked up on it. He's a reality. You're saying that it knocked the Kardashians out. You never heard about them. They were gone.

As soon as Donald Trump was out of there, and I believe Chris Jenner got rid of him, I think she's behind it. Shark attacks. Did that go up also when Trump lived off his? Yes. Like every, so you're saying that the stupid trivial things that we obsess about when we have a normal president

made a resurgence after the mental patient stopped monopolizing. Solidore. That's interesting. It's the truth. It's all the door. That's interesting. It's the truth. It's like, No, I get it. But now you've been trending every week. Every week.

Oh, no, no. Yeah, but when Donald Trump was here, you were trending all the time too, because, Really? Yeah, because you say things that people, I don't understand the, sometimes, Yeah, I don't get it sometimes. I don't, there's people don't understand the sometimes. Yeah, I don't get it sometimes.

I don't, there's people don't make me mad. Like, I see some people get upset. I have some friends that are like, oh my God, can you believe what such and such said? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. I've just shucked you. Exactly.

What shocked you? Oh, or somebody said, somebody, racism every week, we are listening to how somebody was racist. I don't wanna watch that anymore. I'm like, no shit, really? The man with the Confederate flag hanging out of his car, riding around in a pickup truck with cussing people out the window

just said something that was inappropriate. Like, why do you not consider the source? And I don't wanna hear that anymore. I'm tired of you. What are we doing? What are we gonna do? Yeah. I hope it's a dwindling number of people

who wanna keep dwelling on, you know, stuff that doesn't change their lives. Yeah, because you know what? You know, if it changes your life, I'm always here. I'm with you on that. Yeah, I know you are changes your life, I'm with you. I'm with you on that. Yeah, I know you are. You're telling me. If you look at these people, the more things change,

the more they stay the same. You see all of this diversity push. You see all of these initiatives, diversity and inclusion. And then the pendulum swung back. And now you see a picture of the groundlings and everybody's white and people are outraged again because such and such was nominated by an Oscar.

And I'm like, because you are focusing on bullshit and not policy, not laws, not getting rid of your senator that's trash, you want to trend, you just want to talk on Twitter because your board, you don't have want to trend, you just want to talk on Twitter because you're bored, you don't have anything to say or you're trying to sell something. See, this is my girl. Oh.

That's. Try to sell something, right? No. All right, I gotta go back to my real job. This has been fun. Yes. What's making it? Congratulations.

Make it happen. On having your podcast. No, we know TV is still listening. Yes, let's make it happen. Congratulations. Make it happen. On having your podcast. Yes. No, TV is still listening. HBO is like on a level. This is my fucking basement. Like, I don't, I never confuse that. I'm afraid.

Render. Oh, I mean, I think people are going to fall in love with you and then the people who love to hate you will continue. Fall in love is a strong guy. Nah, I'm telling you. Really? The podcast community is different.