Club Random with Bill Maher - Brian Williams | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

Bill Maher sits down with longtime NBC News anchor Brian Williams (AKA the James Bond of nightly news) to talk about what happened to network news—and what America lost along the way. Williams explains how newscasts became consumed with East Coast weather and “water-skiing squirrel” filler, and why he believes Democrats lost touch with working-class voters. Away from the anchor desk, Williams shares the double life few viewers knew about: nearly five decades as a volunteer firefighter in New Jersey, near-broke beginnings in Kansas, and why he has avoided alcohol after losing his brother to alcoholism. He recalls meeting his wife in a television control room, tearing up at his daughter Allison Williams’s first Letterman appearance, watching his son build his own career in local news, and returning with Netflix’s We’re Back! With Brian Williams. Call him 007 – licensed to anchor, fight fires, and make his mother proud. Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: https://billmaher.substack.com Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Support Our Sponsors: New customers can save 35% on your first month of subscription by going to https://www.dosedaily.co/RANDOM or entering RANDOM at checkout. Visit https://www.hims.com/clubrandom to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. For a limited time only head to https://www.ridge.com and use code RANDOM at checkout for 10% off your order AND a chance to win Ridge’s biggest sweepstakes ever—a Lamborghini Huracan Sterrato, a Hennessey Velociraptor, A Ford Bronco or $100,000 in cash. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/random #rulapod For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life plus Free Shipping AND 3 Free Gifts at http://mengotomars.com/ Buy Club Random Merch: https://clubrandom.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM In Club Random, Bill Maher unleashes his comedic wit on an unpredictable lineup – from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Quentin Tarantino and Neil deGrasse Tyson – digging into everything but politics. It’s Maher in his familiar element: one-on-one vibes, unfiltered laughs, and the kind of freewheeling banter only he can deliver. ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last 23 years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 41 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written six bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass", and most recently "What This Comedian Said Will Shock You". FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of Green in all its forms. Get it. And for fellow lovers of, well, Green, the Club Random merch store, has you covered. Grinders, papers, and Zippo lighters, all designed to support your relationship with Green, wink, wink, whatever, and whatever philosophy comes with that for you. Head to ClubRandum.com and bring home some random. What do you know about the Jews? You're the least Jewie guy I know. Why are you telling me?

Are you sure about this? Yeah. These are all LBJ Democrats. They are now, they tend to all be mega. Ryan Williams. Ladies and gentlemen, from the Sands Hotel and Casino. Holy grow, you're really here. Mr. Jim Martin, how are you, bro?

So good of you to have me. Oh, are you kidding? This is perfect. I have to tell you. And, you know, don't make this weird, but I have been waiting for so long to get you alone. If I had a nickel. What? Something I hear every day.

And, well, I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, and I know you're in the game now. Back in the game. No, the podcast game. I know. I'm on television. What? Like 20 years ago, somebody said podcast.

was like, boy, I would never have invested. We're old guys. So what I get a kick out of is someone says, and it's a live podcast. And I'll say, have you tried radio? Because that's very cool as well. And then a piece in the journal said that Netflix is looking at a model where they would have scheduled shows airing on certain channels. And it reminded me of a television network. But it's so weird.

I went from Bright Lights, Big City, Big Studio, Stage Manager, a guy who's only responsible for your lavalier and your water to tiny studio, tiny cameras, huge microphones. Well, that's one thing I avoided here. Yeah, these are very nice. I purposely do this this way. By the way, speaking of that, can I pour you something? No, I'm good.

don't drink and this would be such an unfortunate time to begin. You never drank? No, I did. I never, I never drank to excess. There was one night on the beach in Kingsburg, New Jersey. Seriously? And tequila was the culprit because I came of age. I'm 17. I went into the fire academy. So I always had a responsibility. Right, you're a fireman. And so. And volunteers, well, they do. volunteers drive to the firehouse. So you wake up in the middle of the night.

In fact, on the way here, my guys are out at an alarm right now. If you wake up in the middle of the night, job one is waking up and driving, flashing lights to the firehouse, open the bay doors, get your gear on. You're learning about the call, get on the apparatus, and go. So you're saying there's a fire you're supposed to be at now, but you came here. Well, it's in New Jersey, which means.

It would have meant a long drive to get there. See, you live in New Jersey. Yes. But you do the show out here, don't you? The Netflix show? No, we're in Lower Manhattan. Oh. Netflix is building this huge campus on what used to be Fort Monmouth, decommissioned military

fort that employed about half the parents of my high school graduating class. Ted Sarandos grew up at Exit 105. I was at Exit 114. And so it was a huge employer in his town. And when the time came, then Governor Murphy of New Jersey, greased the sale of this decommissioned Fort Mammoth. It's massive. There's barracks. There's a PX bowling alley theater.

And they're putting up, I think, eight soundstages there. Hollywood, as you may know, started in Fort Lee, New Jersey. Yes, I know. Until somebody came out here and said, oh, listen, the weather's beautiful. We won't lose light until eight o'clock at night. And winters are like a summer day. And that was enough of Fort Lee, New Jersey. My father was in your game.

My father was a newsman, and he drove every day from northern New Jersey down to Fort Lee. And then you crossed the bridge. And he would park in Washington Heights up on the other side of the bridge and take the subway to Midtown. That's hardcore. That was a commute every day. That's hardcore. I wanted to ask you about your dad, because as a young, nerdy, news hound kid, I read everything.

Dinner in our house could not begin until Kronkite said that's the way it is. My parents didn't force it on us, but that's just the way. Oh, yeah. And so you watched it with them. We watched as a family. Yeah, I remember that. This is high to Vietnam. That is gone in America.

Families like communal experience like that, which is so important. 100%. But you had it and I had it because we're old and old is good. Old is fantastic. And when we got in a car, news radio was on. So I knew your father's voice and name, and his, when he would say his name, he pronounced it differently than you do. No, he didn't. Maher, it was two syllables.

Who would know this better? I'm the kid listening. You were blinded by familial relations. I promise you my own father. I'm John Maher. It was two syllables. Let's pull some air check. Please do.

Don't fight me on this. I have some. Okay. I have one where he's, I wish I had more doing the news. This is when every radio station had news at the top of the hour. He was one of those guys who got the news off the wire and did it like he had stopwatches because it had to come in right at five minutes. He never said it before.

It's news. Yep. And I remember I have the one, I'm so glad I have this one where he's announcing one news story, which was Mickey Mantle retirement. Oh. And he was like, you know, my father had a real flare to it, you know. He could have... Number seven.

He left a mark on me. I remember your dad's voice. That's awesome. Two syllables, but I remember your dad's voice. I'm proprietary. I can't believe you're arguing with me about me. Like, I don't get that. Like, when people do that...

I believe in the power of my argument. But, you know, people who do that who argue with you about yourself and, like, insist... Yeah. Oh, Brian. you can get any job you want. You have to be like, wouldn't I know this better? What don't you get about this? Yeah, yeah, I understand, but I'm gonna go to my,

I'm gonna die on this hill. This girl I went out with a thousand years ago, and she was very cute, and she was working as a receptionist, and she said, all day long people say to me, you should be a model, and she says, I always wanna go, don't you think I've thought of that? Like, if I could, I'm like, I'm purposely being a receptionist,

a receptionist because... I look like Broomhilda? Yeah, I know. I turn the modeling agencies down. I get it. I get it. There are some businesses, you know, especially entertainment,

certainly sports, where you can be so good. You can be such a good basketball player and still not be in the NBA. You can be so astoundingly gorgeous and still not make... You know, and that's why there's only fans. Not kidding.

Stuff right now. I love what you've done here. It's beautiful. When are you going to fire that sucker up? Are you serious? Well, I'm... Oh, that you'll do. Awesome.

No, no, no, no. Here's the thing. I'm an enthusiast. What does that mean? But edibles. Edibles have become so adjustable, so goddamn yummy, and so good. I just had one. That's why I'm not lighting this up.

I learned a long time ago that Endicca means Indicouch. And setiva, I don't like what setiva does. I'm the opposite. But with edibles this good, I will never inhale that shit into my lungs if I don't have to. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm trying to do. The problem with eating it is, of course,

that it's just a commitment. And, you know, Brian, I've ever been married. Commitment ain't my thing, you know. So, but I'm committed to, like, being high for, like, five or six hours. Wow. And I'm just not, I don't always want to do that. you'd be a bad firefighter.

Because I'd always be high. For that reason alone, I'd be terrible. Also, I hate fire. Yeah, that's, well, that's a good trait to have as a firefighter. Anytime I see it, I'm only trying to get away from it. You want to defeat the enemy. But like during COVID, one of the symptoms I got was insomnia, and it did not fit well in my life.

And it was either become a hopeless Ambien addict or take a tablet of, you know, pure go-to-H-H-C. And it's fantastic. Now, I've had to roll over for some overnight fire calls because I don't feel fit to hop in my car and drive at a high speed. But that's what gets you. You say you're taking it for sleep, for relaxation. Yeah, yeah.

I don't, I am... Yeah, you are... Trust me, I was a marijuana expert point. There are just a few different groupings, I would say, of people's reaction to pot. You are, we would call group A or B, whatever. I'm a different group. Your group is you take it to sleep.

Yeah. It relaxes you. Yeah. I'm the opposite. I'm, I get high. Yeah, I get it. That sounded just like Dick Nixon. Ooh, you know.

I like soaring. Here's my family history. I had a brother who moved a lot of product during the 60s and 70s. A brother? Yes, through Arizona. I probably knew. like kilos at a time, and it would arrive in brown paper, and then saran wrap, baby powder, to kill the smell, saran wrap, and then, you know.

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So he moved a lot of product. I don't drink because I had a brother. A regular Pablo Askebar, your brother. Well, I don't drink because I had a brother who enjoyed it too much and it died of alcoholism. So I was answering your question. I never enjoyed it that much. And I've always either had a responsible job or I had to go to fire calls, so I had reason not to get gooned. So how many hours a week are you on call? When I'm in Jersey, you're there.

You have an app on your phone. We have old school pagers that we rare that are next to the bed. And I've tried for 50. 50 years to figure out the pattern of calls. It is club random. You know, 90% of what we go on turns out to be bullshit. It's a bad alarm, a bad alarm head, a CO2 alarm that's gone bad. When you catch a real one, you know, you've got to be ready for that.

So you're subject to the call of... I always say that about cops. Like, you know, do they make a lot of mistakes, sadly? Yes, but they are human. and it is a tough job. And no one ever calls the cops to the front porch to tell them how well the marriage is going. That's right.

Yeah. They're like invisible civil servants. It's a job nobody wants. But no, I hope this is not an indelicate question. But, I mean, it's mostly a young man's game. Do you come up against an age limit where they say, you have to retire at 70 and you've got to hang up your hose. I am what's called.

Come on, Brian, have a drink. Come on. I can tell you, I can tell there's a party animal in there. He's dying to get out. Considered an interior firefighter. So every year I have to pass certain qualifications. That means you wear the respirator. You go in.

So no age limit? Your hands and knees. Most guys I know who have taken themselves out and who now stay outside at the fire scene have done so because they got a stent or they are overweight or they're just too old, they don't feel it anymore, or it hurts the next day.

We're crawling in. Attics are fought mostly from your knees because the good air is down there, bad air is up here. Whoa, what a great tip. Yeah, well, if you're ever fighting one, stay low. I should have known that or I probably did and forgot about it because I smoked too much pot.

I love it so much. It's a portable skill. We have great exercises at the Academy. One of them is called Flashover. It can reach 1,400 degrees. You're in a shipping container. They close the doors, light a conflagration at the front of the container. And it's about thermodynamics.

They open and close the rear door. They allow oxygen to feed it. It blows up and rolls over your head. You actually have to keep your helmet out of it because it's... It's above your head. It'll melt your face shield. It'll really fuck up your helmet. But you can reach up and touch fire.

Whatever level you're getting, I would say stick with it because your skin looks fantastic. Oh, thank you very much. I feel like it's just this gentle peel that you're getting. It's fantastic. You really can't buy anywhere else. I love it. And no one can bother you in there.

Because this is a special skill. You're with some of your best friends. people you would do anything for. You always, you're surrounded by a team. It's terrific. You do feel it in your fillings, wedding ring, snaps on your coat. It's that hot.

See, we're both the same generation. We're both boomers. But I'm a true boomer. You're more like the greatest generation. No, I am. Yeah, you are. That's a greatest, I'm not doing it. That's like a greatest generation thing that you're doing.

I'm more like the typical baby boomer. It's so funny, the kids today are so incredibly spoiled with everything. And they think, they thought we were spoiled. I remember hearing a lot of that. Yeah, true. As the 60s wore on, it's like, oh, boy, you don't hit your kids anymore. My dad in Framingham Mass, they had a kitchen tub and three kids and one bath, and you wanted to get first on the bath list and not last.

But I heard that story 100,000 times. What story? How he had to grow up in the Depression. Oh, I know. Monty Python did that awesome sketch about it. Oh, you know, that's nothing. I grew up under a tree branch. Yeah, that's a fantastic sketch.

We had to sleep on the dirt. You had dirt? It's fantastic. Look it up on YouTube, you viewers. That is one of their. Fantastic. You are a comedy fan. Oh, hell yes.

And by the way, before I forget, not that this makes me forgetful, I've told you this, but I'm going to say it, because this is our first time ever like talking or really like being on anything. I was always such a fan. Oh, thank you. I always said it was like Carrie Grant was doing the news. Yes. You know, you definitely had a quality that Peter Jennings, I was talking to somebody about him recently. He was also erudite like you are, you know, and cosmopolitan.

And, I mean, there's the different one that Dan, rather, very serious and, you know, Midwest, a technical. And, you know. And Walter. And Uncle Walter. And, you know, but then there was this other time broke off. He was good, but he wasn't quite as James Bondi as you. Jeez. My mom would get a kick out of hearing that.

No, it was a great, I don't really catch up with the nightly news anymore. But, I mean, even when you were there, I remember doing funny editorials about how it had devolved from, you know, real news. to like maybe one block of news and then whatever fucking shit happened on a plane that day. And then by the time he got to the last segment it was about the one-legged skier. And the squirrel on water skis, don't forget.

A perennial. And weather. Like any weather that happened on the East Coast, you just means it was snowing or raining in New York and we are so New York-centric. You guys went apes shit about a snowstorm. 100% guilty. You could have shown the same B-roll

from the past day. 100%. So, I can admit it now. Did you ever say, like, hey, guys. Yeah, I thought it was bullshit. And you could look out the window at 30 Rock. But that you got overruled. Watch the flurry start, count to 10,

and someone was saying, should we lead with weather? Because everyone lives here in New York, correct? Meantime, Southern California. Right. First of all, the whole state of California was so ill-served, continues to be. I was home at 9.30. when it was airing fresh in California.

We would do the first feed at 6.30 Eastern. It would go on tape. We had some standby anchor in Burbank to do some cumbersome cut-in to my taped broadcast. The West Coast has never had a live broadcast of the evening news. And they wonder why it's a decreasing part of American life. I hated that.

It's more the squirrel on waters. Yeah, I guess. That's why. And it irked my father. It was even starting then, and I remember him saying how... Mr. Maher. Go ahead. You know, he really hated that. People hate it when their name is mispronounced. We pronounced it more. And so it's natural because it has an H in the middle for you to think that. That's what happened. The years passed and your brain transposed that this is what you thought and then you thought my father said it, which is preposterous because I know my father and you don't. Anyway, so, I forgot, what were talking about?

Why was I? We were talking about New York centrism and how it affected the news. Oh, my father used to always say, you know, they squawked for years that they only got a half hour. And when it became the water's... Squirrel on water skis.

Squirrel on water skis. It was like, you can't even fill 20 minutes because 10 minutes was commercials. And then you would watch something like BBC for, I don't know, McNeil Lerner was a net. And it was a lot more sober and adult. And, you know, this was just, and also very nepo, like, you know, if something happened within the CBS family,

I remember like Ed Bradley died, but he was terrific. And it was like the whole show was about Ed Bradley. Okay, that's so narcissistic, you know. I get it. You guys are upset, but you're doing a show for the whole country. We can pay tribute to Ed Bradley without doing the whole show about him. There's actual news.

I just used his name today. Yeah, I think the thinking there is you've made a, like the airlines say, we know you have a choice in air travel. We thank you for flying with us. You've made an affirmative choice to watch CBS at 630 Eastern Time. So, ergo you must watch 60 minutes Sunday nights. Ergo, you must be as broken up about the loss of Ed as we are. That's the thinking.

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Let me ask you this. Yeah. A question that no publicist should ever advise. Boy, I'm not looking forward to this, guy. Advise that you enter. But what the fuck? As you can see, I don't really feel restricted. This is the face of dread.

Go ahead. So what do you make of today's crop of news anchors and how do you assess them and which ones are better than others. Like, who's better, and then who's not as good? I don't think there's anybody better or not as good. They're a product of their organization. My worry is for CNN, which I consider a public utility. That's not a pejorative.

That's a compliment. I agree. I think they're a hugely important... This is why we can't have nice decanters. It is a nice to canter, isn't it? hugely important part of American life. I think with the addition of my friend Richard Engel, their foreign correspondents are superb. They're foreign, their overseas camera crews, which we worked alongside for years, fantastic. Kind of casual bravery. They've been shot at every which way.

Just today, as we sit here and have this conversation, there's a Wall Street Journal article that the Ellisons are considering appointing a board to watch over fairness at CNN. Well, they may soon be my bosses. I think it's a great idea. Fantastic, isn't it? I didn't even know what you said, but I'm with it. Yeah. So.

No, what is it? Tell me again. They might have a board of overseers that makes sure that CNN is on the up and up. Oh, great. That does sound good. call management. But anyway, look, I have a lot of friends over there. I admire so many of their people.

You know, Wolf is your basic national treasure, and he and I covered the White House together. Wolf Blitzer? Yeah. I remember... It was President Harrison. Once I was on the show, and I said something like,

The American people are too stupid to this. And we came back from break, and Wolf said, we've got a lot of calls. We're going to break. We want to give you a chance to say the people aren't stupid. And I went, fuck no. I doubled down. You've always had the freedom to displace yourself.

I mean, freedom is earned and freedom is risky. And, you know, among the things that apropos we were talking about before, when people like tell you your life, like better than you, as if you don't know it, like, oh, you know, you're canceled proof. You could, it's like, shut the fuck up. You know, any, no one. No one is cancel proof. You know, I mean, Kanye pushes it.

Right up there. But he sells out, you know, I mean, every case of cancel is mine included, you know. Just a case of timing and what other news happened that week and the era it came down in. I mean, I hear a lot of people talking. Even AOC this week was like, 20. 2020, woke one was crazy. Did you hear that? Yeah, I did. That's, that's, I mean, most of me says, good.

I'm glad we're looking back and now wiser. 100%. Especially from her. And you've always said that. You, I mean, new rules every week, I never miss a word because you're, you know, Rahm Emanuel is trying to teach the Democrats how to talk. And he's trying to teach them how to run for office. and you hold them to account just about every week.

And it's interesting to hear audience reaction. When you get serious, they get serious. They laugh at the laugh lines, but they know you so well. They know when you're kind of settling in to make a point. Yeah, that's well said, and that's what I'm trying to do. And I mean, I don't know, maybe it's just part of what media does. I just did the rope line at the Mark Twain thing I got with. Oh, sure, at the Kennedy Center.

Yeah. At the Donald Trump and John F. Kennedy Center. Oh, I could tell you stories about what a mission guys this hole was. I didn't think it would happen. Anyway, it did. But, you know, they ask you the questions. And it's very often the same kind of questions, you know, like, what else do you want to do? you know, like, nothing.

I just want to keep my job. I'm good. I'm good. I'm like, what do you think I'm lacking in my job? I'm good. They pay me so well, and, you know, I get to say what I want. The network is very supportive. It's fun as fuck. It's a comedy show. Excuse me, but you get ample time off.

I get, yeah. I'll be appearing at Shuckles in Atkinset you. I don't do that anymore. I know. I'm not on the road anymore. When was the last time you played Atlantic City? Atlantic City. Well, I mean, my last stand-up show was December of 2024, probably that year or the year before.

Atlantic City was one of those cities you could like Vegas, where you could play more than a little because it was an out-of-town crowd. Yeah. You know, for years, I played Vegas every couple of months and loved it. Yeah. But passages in life, you know. And what did Leno do? He banked his, he banked his NBC salary. and use, stand up for spending money to acquire his car collection?

Well, Jay is, at once the most brilliant Machiavellian world. I mean, I think he's also a great person. But, you know, he's an eccentric. Yeah. Not just the cars, but yes, the whole idea of, like, stock market too risky. I mean, you can look at a chart of money you put in a century, like where the stock market went from a century ago, too aware of that. And it's like the stock market thing goes, even with the crashes,

go, right up. And the other one kind of just crawls along the bottom. You know, Bush had the idea to privatize Social Security. Like you put money in when you're young. Put it in the market because it will over 50 years, it's just sitting there while you age. That wasn't the worst idea in the world. No. You know, that comes up still every couple of years. What? To do that? I think what, yeah, I'm surprised why Trump hasn't, like, jumped on that one. He certainly isn't afraid of socialistic practices. He takes over companies when he wants. And the Democrats now?

So that's exciting. Oh, yeah. That's exciting. That's what I said about the last election. You lost a crazy contest to a crazy person. And now, I mean, it's nothing's crazier than canceling Thanksgiving. You don't fuck with Thanksgiving. I think we've learned that.

As we sit here, we've just learned that she's not going to be the ex-governor of Wisconsin. If we were writing a sketch. Yeah. Where they had, you know, okay, you know, we want to really exaggerate this. What crazy thing that no normal person would ever go for can the Democrats get behind? No bad ideas. And then, you know, cancel Thanksgiving. Yeah.

I would add the NFL to that. And I'd add meat. Meat's great. What's the NFL? This is one of Carvel's harangues. They're anti-NFL because of toxic masculinity. They're anti-meat because the cows that supply the meat fart all day, and that is giving us methane and killing us.

Well, it is. Both things are true. What was the first one? Thanksgiving, the NFL, and meet. NFL. NFL? NFL. That one I have not heard.

Who thinks liberals are against the NFL? This is, again, I'm quoting James. I know, but I never saw that anywhere. Did you? Somebody needs a Google machine. When we're done here, you mark your little ass up to your laptop. You've seen that. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. Because it's violent? Yes, it's toxic masculinity. See, this is where the libertarian and I come out. I mean, I've done editorials about this. I watch these games. These players are happy.

This is their happy place when it goes well. Yes, it breaks your bones. As an adult, you have to have the right to say, I get it. This could fuck me up. Later in life will not be as good. I don't care. That's my choice to do it now.

And you and I know an elite level of suffering, which is called being a Giants fan. What? We've won. Oh, my God. Not for a while. wild but you know football's hard just know just horrible I hope they I took my father to the 86 Super Bowl against Denver it was out here at the Rose Bowl spent like my last penny to get him a ticket

and a mitzvah yeah he was a lifelong giants fan from like almost their inception wow he was born in 21 I think they were born in 1925 yep I have all the stuff I I wear my 56 jersey, and I love it. Sundays are a big deal. I'm also a NASCAR fan. Want to know what cracks me up about modern men? We claim we want simplicity. Then we sit on a wallet so thick it's giving us scoliosis.

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That is ridge.com and use random. After your purchase, they will ask you where you heard about him. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. So Sundays are a big deal. Oh, I've seen you talk about it. I'm like, you're one of those guys like Kevin Koster's not one of those guys. He's from out here, from California, but people think you're from the Midwest. You know, like if I didn't know that, it'd be like NASCAR and, you know, anchor. You know, you got to be kind of from the middle of the country because you're anchoring. it, you know? I started in, my first job

was in Kansas. I lived in Joplin, Missouri, and commuted every day. That's where you're from. That's where I had to start. But it was a quick 13 months, and I moved east because I was broke. I still go... You're willing to take any

job anywhere? Hell yes. I got a courier job when I thought I had bombed out a television. I was making 173 a week, and that was really hard. You think the kids today lack that kind of... It's been proffered that they might, that there's

more of a victimization culture, and because I have college loans, I am, ergo a victim kind of thing. I am not encumbered by college loans. A high school degree, I recommend. By the way, with AI coming, send your kids to a trade school. We need welders.

You can't frame a house, they can't hang sheetrock, they can't wire or plumb a house. All the trades. I just had Mike Rowe on the show last week. Well, Mr. Dirty Jobs. Yeah. And he's really a great apostle for carrying this message forward. And he's been at it for a long time, and he's right. And we were talking about the sad fact that not only do we need these jobs,

but there are some seven million able-bodied, men who are what they call not in the labor force. That's different than unemployed. Unemployed is you're looking for a job. You can't find it. This is not working, not looking. Not even thinking about it. Yeah.

Xbox. Yeah. Or whatever. I mean, and I'm sure people are here, oh, look at these two old white men talking about the kids today. In my day. Yeah, yeah. But also engage with the idea. Is it also somewhat true, at least somewhat true?

at least somewhat true. There's a big story this week about the $20 burrito. Have you heard this? Is Erawan selling burritos now? No, somebody was complaining. Some young person like 23 was complaining that

you wonder why we vote for a socialist because a burrito was $20. Turned out, yeah, because it was Uber-eated over. Because they think having food actually just brought to them is part of the living expense. Good point. Yeah. That'll do it. That just doubles your costs right there. But you're contributing to the Uber Eats and DoorDash driver economy, which is made up of people who try to make it. Which, by the way, few people ever talk about this. I did it once with

with Amazon. With disaster shopping like that is on the environment. a disaster. Well, look at the carpet print of Amazon. Bringing your food to you. Everybody needs their food brought to them. My day, we went out for pizza. Yeah. Well, that's true, too, but we're not saying it because we're old.

We're saying it because it's true. Come on. And because you're hypocritical about your love of the environment because you don't care. I mean, I very rarely order from Uber Eats or whatever it is. But when I do, I'm astounded at the amount of paper and plastic that one person's order generate. One person. And Amazon, you know, people order five pair of pants.

Oh, they'll bring the other four back that don't fit. So people are, you know, using gas to take your pants back and forth across the country. No argument in the country. And everything comes in a giant box and the plastic. Nobody talks about it. It's like, you know what? Liberals, conservatives, we both don't want to give this up. So let's just shut the fuck up about it.

I understand. Yeah. All right. Victory you. There's no other argument to make. I didn't even know what the argument. Were we arguing? I mean, there's no other side to that.

The carbon footprint has expanded exponentially due to convenience. Yes. It's a trade off. And there was something hypocritical about those who, use these things and pretend to be environmentalists, I'd like to think of myself as an environmentalist to the extent that I totally am on board with. It is still a calamity, even though we have ones that seem to have superseded it like AI, but it is still a calamity, slow motion. But did they get some things wrong where they made it seem like it was going to be worse by now than it was? Yes,

and that made a lot of people kind of skeptical. But it is still a really important thing that's going on. 100%. But I also flew private a lot because you get to gigs. Yeah. And I don't feel bad about it. Well, it's part of your job in a way. It's part of my job.

And even if it wasn't, zillions of people take zillions of flights every day. It wouldn't have made a difference. And every environmentalist you can imagine, I can show you a picture of them getting on a private plane. Yeah, that is a true fact. Let me ask you about the environment here in California. Tomorrow, my wife and I are going to drive up the PCH, and it's the first time I will have seen Malibu since the fires. By the way, we have found great success out east putting water in our hydrants.

I want to throw it out there. Just want a little pro tip. Adam Carolla, who I agree with on an incredible... increasing number of topics. I love Adam. Does these videos on the PCH showing the vacant lots in Malibu. And highlighting the ridiculous permit process in this state. The Coastal Commission, you've got the Bass administration.

We could do 90 minutes on that. Why is California this way? I've been bitching about this. Your solar panels. I watch. I know, I know. I'm just telling you, like, you wonder why. that part of the left fucking hates me.

Because I will not stop saying these kind of things that are crazy. You make me my blood pressure. You're giving me a little walking. I'm not going to stop saying. Not just the solar panels. I needed to have my garage needed. It was a three car garage

that really was a two car garage. It really was thinking too much of itself. It was not really made for three. It was an aspirational two-car garage. Correct. So I wanted to change this instead of two things, poles holding up the thing, one in the middle. And like three inspections, and there should be no inspections. I should be able to do this on my own.

I'm not a child. I know my girl personally. Yeah. I can have him get the best. If it doesn't impact safety of human beings. So this, and it just shows the fact that we had this fire. It got this incredible amount of publicity. all the eyes of not just the state but the country in the world are on California

and what will happen with the rebuilding. And even with that level of scrutiny, they could not get their act together. That shows you the power of bureaucracy and red tape and people in entrenched positions who are used to a certain way of doing things or whatever it is. But cutting red tape, that is no joke. Yeah. I really thought the mayor, election was going to go the other way.

To Spencer Brett? Yeah. I viewed the videos that campaign put out as having the ability to change campaigning forever. The use of the fierce use of AI. Right. The cartoonishness, the caricatures of Karen Bass, that was unbelievable to witness out east, knowing a little bit about, I love coming to Los Angeles. I always have. Really?

I was that kid growing up in New Jersey. I bought the whole thing. I bought mash. I thought, well, hell, they're shooting that in South Korea. I thought there was a place named Mayberry. I didn't know I was looking at sets on Perry Mason. I loved Mannix because I could see parts of real Los Angeles. I never, our family didn't have money to travel to places like this

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You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. How old were you when you didn't know this? It was a couple of weeks back. Are we talking six or like 19? It's going to make a big difference. I came out for work, and we might have indulged in some marijuana

with my wife, me, and my wife, me, and my brother, we had a rental car and we were like Hicks, we got a map of the goddamn stars, and we got in the car under the influence and we were like, whoa, Lucile Ball! You know, it was just crazy.

I love it. I went on the TMZ tour bus about a year ago. Oh, I would do that in a heartbeat. I went on the Universal tour bus and just sat there. 13-13 Mockingbird Lane for God's sakes. Oh, monsters. Yeah. Hell yeah. The Bates Hotel. It's all right there.

Driving here, we're not going to talk about our location, I wanted to know everyone who lived in every house. I wanted to know how close are we to the Sharon Tate House? Did I just pass that road? I don't know enough. I go to the Sharon Tate House a lot. My friend lives there. Really?

Yeah, Jeff Franklin. He bought that property. And sadly, I just had lunch with him. He's a great guy, but it's, I guess that... There's some echoes in that house. I've been there many times. I never heard of them. The ghost of Charles Manson never came out of the party room while Chaka Khan was playing in the music room and stabbed me. You know, people are, I think, a little too superstitious. Although, look, could there be such a thing as a ghost? I don't know. I've said this before. I'm not that kind of person. I'm an atheist. But I do also know, I can't deny it. Many very, very smart, reasonable people who insist they were not drunk, not high, not asleep, who had some sort of experience with some spectral entity. I don't know what that is, and I don't know what to

do with it. UFO sightings, not so much. That's kind of always the same person. I think the alien, no, that's totally, now, it used to be the fucking farmer who got anally probed. Now it's the guys with the buzz cuts. Didn't you see that documentary? disclosure, not all. I mean, these are very serious people. Yeah, I know. I'm, I totally think they have been monitoring us for a long time, and they're not even being sort of like shy about it now. What do they make of us? Plainly, if they wanted us dead, would be dead by now, as the detective always says,

or the criminal. If we wanted you dead, you'd be dead already. I'm so glad I'm not high right now. No, I may be high, but that's not wrong. I just interviewed Roseanne Cash, who I love, for my very modest Netflix show. And she said, we may already be dead. She's into quantum physics. She's into all this stuff.

And it threw me for about a week. Well, I mean, this is not new. We might be in an alternative universe. Sure. You know, this might be a dream that the Matrix is having with Keanu Reeves. Yes, there's many possibilities. I spend zero energy wondering about any of them that I'll never know while I'm alive.

What I do know is I'm here now, and that feels real, and I know how to make it either, or try to make it either feel good or bad. It all goes back to the getting high scene with Donald Sutherland in Animal House, where the kid says, Wait, do you mean the Earth could be in a molecule?

Under our fingernail? Exactly. It's the same argument. I know exactly what you're talking about. But if you're telling me space is infinite, there's no chance there isn't an orb in space that doesn't support life. Oh, so we do agree. Yeah, I just think the mathematical odds are overwhelming that we're not alone. I don't know about visitations.

No, I think they're plainly around and. And I just think this, whatever entity this is, it gives me hope in the sense that it looks like, well, they're definitely technologically more advanced than we are. It tells me that if you do get technologically more advanced, maybe you also get morally more advanced because plainly they could do a war of the world. Remember the movie? Oh, fantastic. I love that movie.

Yeah. Spielberg got his best. Tom Cruise. That was one of the scariest movies. That movie stayed with me because it involved, like Jurassic Park, it involved children. And children were the subject of that great fear. I thought Stephen never got the credit for that film. Tom Cruise was fantastic in that movie.

That, his choice of creature was so goddamn scary in that movie. It also took place in our home state. They're chewing up the Jersey countryside as they go. But you know, it's from a war of the world. Orson Wells. Yeah, but also there was a book. A book, H.G. Wells. Yes.

Right. Okay. I had trading cards when I was a kid. I had baseball cards for sure. Yeah. But I collected those when I was like five, six, seven, eight. I got these other cards. There was a lot of cards back then.

Batman cards. Yeah, you know, I remember. Football cards? Beatles cards. Yeah. Cards were a thing. We didn't have the Internet. We also had Tiger Beat magazine, but go ahead.

I had a series of cards that I inherited from a cousin, so they were probably collected before even I was around, and they were War of the World's cards. And it looks exactly like they made a movie of it first called Mars Attacks, Jack Nicholson. Yeah. It looked like that. And it also, the tripods,

Spielberg kept that. That's in that book, the tripods, which was a very unique thing and a very creepy thing. I don't know why tripods are creepy. Well, because they're not anthropomorphically us. And Stephen, again,

in this most recent movie, Disclosure Day, had to decide on how to imagine an alien. And he went traditional with the egg head and the weird eyes and the big thorax like an aunt. When he came out at the end,

it was like one of those reality shows that has a reunion episode. A little bit, yeah. And the alien who was here 20 years ago and fucked up your head. Yeah, they were reminiscent of our childhood aliens. Well, whatever it is,

I do think they're here and they're queer and we should get used to it because they're apparently monitoring, but, you know, is the fact that we first tipped into the nuclear age and then now have tipped into the AI age.

Is this why they seem to be more letting us know they're here? There's more sightings by more military people. It seems like it would be at least foolhardy, not at least examine the possibility that nuclear and AI are things that would alarm aliens that these morons got a hold of. You know what I mean? But you're also... These fucking idiots now have AI.

No, bueno. Guys. Turn the tripod around, you know? You're also viewing their judgment, their potential judgment of our embrace of nuclear power and AI through the prism of all that we know, what we call judgment. Do you get what I mean, and I'm not high?

I swear to God. So you're giving them human qualities because this is our only existence. Yeah, that's true. We only know how to explain things. We're anthropomorphous. Yeah, that. Well, I'll have that with the white sauce, yeah.

And they're remorphizing them. And they can vinegar on the side. Which we do with animals too. Yes, we do. You know. Chew little baby cows and doggies. They treat animals so bad, but they're never shy about using them in commercials. My family makes so much fun of me.

My Instagram feed is dominated by golden retrievers. Donkeys. Donkeys are such an underrated, affectionate, lovely and loving animal. You have an Instagram feed? No, I'm a lurker. I don't, I'm not on Instagram. I have like a space saver. A space.

You can, you can not be public on Instagram. You can be private and just cruise around and follow who you want to follow. Oh, yeah, I don't do that either unless you're on Instagram because I do have an Instagram page. And then I do. I totally do. And I'm on it all the time. And that's totally, no, no one would ever write for me. But I think, I mean, on Instagram, we put stuff about the show.

But I don't, look, my bond with my audience has always been sincerity. Oh, I don't worry about your bond with your audience. What? I don't worry about your bond with your audience. Those are your people. Yeah, but it's like telling the truth. So I would never be like, yeah, I'm really on Instagram. I'm really not.

There's shit on there. Not shit, good shit. Great shit about me and the show. But like, you know, it's just not, I don't want to, it just, it would be like getting plastic surgery. It just doesn't feel right, okay, if that makes me a dinosaur. I mean, I am slow to adopt a technology. That's not my strong suit. We all have to know our strengths and weaknesses.

Right. You know, but I don't deny it, but, you know, I don't need it. Listen, folks, nobody warns guys about what happens as the ears stack up. You wake up one day. You're eating the same, working out the same, but suddenly feel like you're moving through wet cement. You think you're just overworked, but it is actually nature playing a sneaky trick on you.

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when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. There was no hole in my life that would have been filled by sending strangers pictures of what I'm doing. I understand. As I just said to Kara Swisher, on our show,

look at baseball clips from the 80s. and someone hits a home run. People are watching. Look at baseball clips from this week. A, everyone from behind home plate is having Kobe Beef down in the VIP room. So most of the seats are empty behind home plate.

It's crazy, but it's true. And B, when someone hits a home run, people's heads do this. Because they're looking down. All of society is looking down. Yeah, I just, I'm sorry that I don't want to join every part of the technological revolution. I want to be a cafeteria Catholic.

I'll take what I want. And, you know, again, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. It's not like I ever said to myself, boy, if only Gary Smontridge, my friend, freshman here at Cornell, could know what I'm having for lunch. My life would be more completed. I just feel better about myself and the day I'm having. And I think I'd be a better partner.

if I was in a relationship. That didn't ever occur to me. But, I mean, your kids sure turned out great. Your daughter's a giant star. What a thrill to have our daughter get into an Ivy League school. Oh, she went to an Ivy League school. She went to Yale. Yale.

Driving up to that campus and unloading her. I got turned down by Yale. She got turned down by Brown. Well, that's nothing. Why would you want to go to? Brown, is that the one in? Dart is in Providence. Our son went to Elon University.

He went to Elon in North Carolina. A good friend of mine who worked at CBS said when we were hunting for colleges, just look at the kids. Are they happy? And that sure proved true at Elon. Our son came out of college, trained up for a career. He is in television. He works for W.CBS in New York.

Oh, really? What's he doing? He's an anchor reporter, unbelievably. Really? At his dad's old. That's where I was in local news at WCBS. Because he's New York local and I, okay. But I'm sure they're grooming him for the national. Who knows? Wow, that must give you a kind of feeling, of course. I could never know being childless. I tried so many times, Brian, but just couldn't get it done. No, but that must give you as more of the majority of people on the planet who like kids.

I mean, I don't have them, but I get it. There's no love like that for most people. It must give you a lot of Spilkes. Yeah. To like... Nacchus. Whatever. What is that?

Nacchus is welling with pride. What do you know about the Jews? Spilkis is nervous. What do you know about the Jews? Smilkis is ants in your pants. You're the least Jewie guy I know. Why are you telling me? Are you sure about this?

Yeah. What is it in Nacus? You're giving me knockus. You're making me proud. Okay. And what Spilkis? Smilkus is you're making me nervous. Oh.

I'm keyed up. I'm on edge. I'm neither. I'm either nervous nor proud. For our viewers, we'll put the Yiddish hotline up at the end of this broadcast in case you're in crisis. Our son, first of all, when our daughter made her first appearance on David Letterman, I was like a weepy mess. And she looked just like, exactly like my wife when I met my wife. She borrows, thank God, so much from my wife.

Douglas physically tends to be my mini-mee. And it was interesting in our firehouse. Guys would come up to me over time and say, do you have a kid who works at, because they'd hear his voice and it's reminiscent? And because he's in the same line of work as his old man, it's too much. It's just we're incredibly proud of our kids.

They do become your life. They now have kids. So we have grandkids. and that becomes your life. You know, we're so lucky. Our kids want to hang out with us still, and we did something right. You know.

Tell me about it. And I wasn't around for, I mean, you know, my first day as White House correspondent, we flew to Jakarta for a G8. But see, this is what's so wonderful about our life here on Earth is people are different, and it's good, because it's good that we're the opposite time. type of person, because then we don't compete.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't hate you. I wouldn't anyway, but... No, I only have admiration for you. Yeah, but it's like opposites work. Yeah. In romance situations, sometimes they don't.

Sometimes they say opposites attract. They don't always work. I've seen them work. I've also seen them that was the problem, is that you're too far apart. I mean, you see in, show business, people almost always go out with someone else in show business. Yeah.

I mean... Because they understand the life. They understand. I met my wife in a television control room. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. And this was before sexual harassment was a thing.

I'm guessing it was... She was a manager and I was a lowly reporter and she went to her boss and said we're dating. And I think the quote from her boss was also my boss was, no, she was. shit, because I guess we had been a little obvious about it, but we reported it, you know. You did? Yes, she asked me out first. This was not some, you know, me too, sitch. And you wanted her to ask her? Oh, hell yes.

So you were. Oh, yeah. So you had a kind of a Pam and Jim thing going on in the office? Yeah, and when the day I saw her, I will name check one of my best friends, Bernie Smilovitz of Detroit, Michigan. He was our sportscaster. He was a longtime sportscaster later in Detroit. This was at Channel 5 in Washington when I met my wife. I walked into his office and said I'm off the market.

The day I met my future wife. You were dating this guy? No, he was just my friend. I'm off the dating market. Like I arrogantly said, you know, that I'm, I can't wait to watch this. Go ahead, please. No, let everyone see it. What do you think I'm going to do?

This is like, hey, yeah. It's a half a shot. That's how careful I am. By the way, this is the only time in the whole week I allow myself to drink. That's what age does to you. Okay. Put you on a short leash. But I enjoy this so much.

It's about the, what are three half shots? That's one and a half. Really? It's pathetic. I used to have that before I left the house. Water. Yeah, okay. You know what?

We'll see. We'll see who lives longer. So what are we talking about? It was important to me. It was very important. Meeting your spouse, relationships in the office. Okay, that's a good one, because we're thinking about doing something on that. I read so many stories these days, and somebody in our meeting today was saying, Pam and Jim, there was a sitcom where that was like the whole thing, the office romance.

And not just that one. And it was a great show, by the way. The office. 100%? Just genius. It really was. I used to wait for Thursday night. I would finish my work.

It was a hard work night. I'd get into bed with the office, a new episode. Fantastic. Yes. And they hold up. And they hold up. But boy, that is like not, today, you know, people get fired. They get outed.

I mean, they're paranoid about having an office relationship. And that's where you meet people. Of course it is. It's just so dumb. They always go too far. You know? Because you go after work for drinks. It's something you have in common.

You have the same employer from the jump. By the way, when Steve Corel shows off his new flat screen TV and his home, oh my God, just the outtakes from that scene. They could not get it because everyone could only break. When he's talking about surround sound and he pulls it out from the wall, it only has about an 8-inch extension. It is brilliant television. I'm sure I saw it, but I don't remember it.

Look it up. You've got several things to look up after this conversation. Oh, you'll have to remind me. Someone in the Arizond's control room there in radiology. You'll have to remind me. You walk into the room, everyone scatters. I like that. Like we're going to be dealing with radiology.

Just us here. No, I know. And I am going to break you down. It's very chill. I'm going to break you down. Professionals have tried. And make you into a drooling. Professional's tried.

I thought maybe you actually would smoke pot with me. I sort of got this idea. that maybe that could happen. Too much. I'm too much of a control freak. What was the last year you smoked pot? Before edibles got good. I guess I had a commercial pre-roll, those weird kind of state-issued

Massachusetts government-approved joints that are rolled by a government agency. And as spliffs go, they would make your patron saint proud They're big. They're fatties. But they're from the government. It's like getting your driver's test.

Bro, I grow my own right here. It's 10 feet from where you're sitting. Yeah, but does Gavin know? I have a pot store. That's a cash crop. You need a permit. I'll hook you up. If Gavin finds out, you're screwed.

You need a permit. Where did you say you just drove? It was fun with your wife. No, we're about to go on the PCH tomorrow. And I haven't been here since the fires. We're going up to Los Olivos, to a wedding. Oh.

Where's that like near San something? It's two hours. That's all I know. California Coast is like nothing in the world. I know. And we've done the big sir. We've done the big ride. And K-1A is up and running again.

Have you ever done Solvang? No, but God bless you. What is that? It's a completely Dutch founded, for some reason, Christmas town. It's a little north of Santa Barbara. I'm serious. lives, the mayor? He should be. It's awesome. It was founded by Dutch people. I guess they

have some, they found their way around to California and who knows when the 19th century and established this little Dutch town. Everything looks, Dutch, windmills. And of course, now they play it up. And so they're the Christmas town. And if you go there, like Christmas week, you can go to the visitor center and there's a game where you search for like these, I forget what they call them, I think Nisers, they're like little gnomes that are hidden all over the town. They give you clues and you find the gnomes. The Pokemon system. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's what I did last December 18th. I recommend it, but only Christmas week. What I can't imagine and what I could never imagine being a kid was Christmas in Southern California. Because when you grow up out east, it's snow, it's sleigh bells, it's cold as hell. Yeah. It feels like Christmas. I had it as a kid.

It was enough. I like this. This was more fun, Solvang. By the way, Santa was not there, and I made a big stink about it at the visitor's center. Well, you're all about the baby Jesus as well. I was like, you're the fucking Christmas town, and you don't have a Santa?

They didn't. They didn't have a Santa. Huh. Solvang, really. And also, Solvang, pipe in music. Like, oh, it would be so cheap. There should be Christmas as playing as you're walking on the quaint streets

with all the Christmas stuff in the windows. Take it from Mr. Manger. I'm telling you. They're very direct people, so they can probably take criticism. Who, the Solvangites? No, the Dutch. The Dutch. They're very direct.

Aren't we stealing Greenland from them? And they probably came here because... No, that's Denmark. We saw Ohio, we didn't like it. You know, they just kept driving west. I don't want to pin you down on political issues, but where are you on stealing Greenland, Brian Williams? Pro or con? Manifest destiny?

I think we should let Greenland continue to prosper and live their own lives. I feel the same way about our neighbors to the north in Canada. Yeah, but this is the part in the movie where the bad guys are discussing it, and one of them says a lot of minerals under that. Rare earth minerals. Minerals under that ice clear. Yeah, yeah, I know. A lot of money in those minerals.

Do a deal. Do a really great deal for the rare earth minerals, and let them be an autonomous place. I agree. It's a terrible idea to, like, demand land. Yeah. Monroe is dead, you know. Well, Monroe wasn't demanding land.

It was just saying, if you fuck in our hemisphere, we will... See this? This is under our control. Yeah. Certainly, and countries have done that for centuries and centuries. Sphere of influence, they called it. Yep.

You know, and a lot of times, invasions of other countries start because the aggressor country is pretending to protect one of their minorities that are living in the other country, because, you know, borders don't necessarily mean... So, you know, Putin's in Ukraine to protect the Russians. Hitler went into Czechoslovakia to protect the Germans. You know, Austria, although Austria really is Germany. I mean...

Nothing like a cruise missile to protect those Ukrainians. Yeah Unbelievable What the world The Austrians pretended that they were taken over by Hitler I've seen the footage

It looked more like a parade to me It didn't look like he was Certainly some of the people France put up that Valiant fight for two weeks Isn't that interesting about the human mind When you think about the Maginot line Yeah

Like Who could not see that coming. To build a wall, but not all the way. Do not tell them it stops you. I know. I know. I know.

It should have been called the wall of flank. Yep. Well, there were many, as you know, Mr. Cornell, Mr. Ivy League education. There were many. They suffered greatly in World War I, which was also the motivator for Hitler, who thought his country had become a horrible, immoral mess and was a collection of ruins,

and they wanted to make the Germany great again, to coin a phrase. Yeah, I mean, look, Brian, let's not kid the audience. We're both white guys in our sickly's and now 70. We watch a lot of the history channel. Yes. And a lot of it is about Adolf Hitler. Eisenhower met with his commanders the night before. I used to watch when I was first in New York in 1979, living in this little box in this apartment, this other apartment. What neighborhood? Well, I had a rent-free situation. I lived in the maids room of the South African ambassador and did a service for them.

Actually, he wasn't them. They were expelled from the U.N. I was going to say that was bad South Africa. He was their first, he was the first delegate. Twice while I was living there, his picture was on the front page of the New York Times. times. Wow. How did you fall in with the ambassador from the South African ambassador? David Remnick, yes, that David Remnick was a friend of my friends and suggested I look, I had no money coming out of Cornell. Like that made a difference to a comedian. So he said, you know,

you can look in the village voice. There are rent-free situations, which has a dumb-ass 22-year-old, I didn't realize, meant mostly gay. Let's choose the most racist nation on earth. Hey, is your maidsroom available? I went to two interviews before, well, one, where I realized, oh, this is an old queen. This is how you pay the rent. But there was another one, and it was the first delegate to the United Nations from South Africa. They lived in a big, swanky apartment on the east side.

one's Mrs. Kissinger was there for tea. And I got the maids room and I took care of their children. Don't call me an opair. But if you do just know, that's how fucking bad I wanted to survive in New York City and have an apartment 20 blocks from Catch a Rising Star. Your maids room was my Pittsburgh, Kansas. I was focused on a television career and I wasn't going to be talked out of it. So what was your apartment like in Pittsburgh, Kansas?

It was a studio. I had a... You had studio? It must be nice. I had a corrugated plastic thing to close off my bed. You had corrugated? I didn't. I had roaches crawling on my face.

I used to... True. I used to buy a can of spam, cut it into five slices. Fry that up with two fried eggs. That was dinner. But you could have dinner for, like, pennies. I have the exact same thing, but it was... I would buy...

a sandwich at the Carnegie Deli. The sandwiches are like, there's no human I could think of who could literally open their mouth wide enough to eat the sandwich the way they built it. It was like a week's worth of turkey, which it was for me. Corned beef.

One sandwich. Yeah. That could feed a family of six. Yeah. Well, I was one. It could feed me for six days. I understand. You know.

I don't know what we were talking about, and I know how this is going to be mocked. No, we went now. It's also true. There's a tangent, and it was my fault, and I saw my... Exactly. You're the one who's not high. Yeah, I'm stone cold sober. I took my shot, and I gave you a tangent, and I feel terrible.

See, at this point, if you had what we used to wear an earpiece and a functioning control room, there I said it, they would talk to you. Well, you had to. You're an anchor man. You were, I mean, I always think of broadcast news. Oh, my God. Isn't that the greatest?

It really is. When Albert Brooks is home saying it, and William Hurd is like, they're known as Tomcats, the F-14s. And he says, they're the backbone of naval aviation. I say it here. It comes out there. Yeah. And it's just, but you're not that guy. I've seen you too many times.

And in the 11th hour, you know, you're you. That's why you're so successful and why I loved what you do. because you're talking, you're not, some producer isn't. He might say, you know, like, oh, this just in, Admiral Borda killed himself. Well, that's right. And you have to be, you have to learn how to talk while being spoken to. Remember that when Admiral Borda killed himself? You have to learn how to talk while being spoken to.

Do you remember all the stories you've ever covered? Well, I remember a lot of them, especially the impactful ones. But if you're covering a breaking news situation, which too often was a mass shooting, they will, as you're talking, they'll say, mayor and Jeff Zucker the long time. More! No, the mayor of a city. I'm joking. I'm a callback. Jeff Zucker, the longtime boss at CNN as a producer was terrific at speaking during your inhalation because he knew the game. Wow. And you need to be able to talk while someone is unloading stuff

and not get that look on your face like, you know, like a dog. I mean, I have that same basic cognitive challenge on a panel because I want to hear everything they say, and I do. I listen to everybody. But I also kind of have to be loading up what's next if I feel like we've exhausted this topic, or, you know, there is that challenge, which is, to me, the fun of the game. And then you get a time cue that you've got to start new rules because you have a hard out. Yes, exactly. You've got to stop the conversation. Well, that's easy. I just go, shut up. Yeah, that's true.

Because you have command over your family. It's been interesting seeing your regulars over the years, the people that I view you as valuing, who are on a lot and who match the ethos of the show. You always turn us down, but that's because you're an... I couldn't do opinion. You're an anchor, man. I get it, Ted.

I couldn't do opinion. Remember that episode of Mary Tyler Moore where Ted's going to become a quiz master? No. You don't? You didn't watch Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, I loved Mary Tyler Moore. Ted Baxter, the newsman. Yes.

Mayor, Lou. He was going to take a job being a game show guy, and Lou shames him. Is that what you want to be, Ted? Quizmaster. That's one you got to look up. Murray Slaughter. I love that show. I can do an impression of him.

Rota Morgan's Turn. Do you want to hear my... Who among us does? Oh, there's no one here. This is Gavin McLeod. Okay, yes. Murray Slaughter. So this is the episode where Ted meets this hot,

anchor lady from another station and he's telling Murray that she's attracted to him and she goes and he says, Murray, she squeezed my hand, she squeezed my hand. So that's your line and I'll give you Murray. You do, Ted. Murray, she squeezed my hand. Ted, she was probably trying to pump some blood to your brain. That's nice. That's good. It's eerie because just then I thought, I don't know if anyone else had that, we were back on the MGMMTM studios, Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, did you see that documentary about her? Oh, it was so powerful.

What a lady. First of all, she had no negatives. There's no one who grew up hating Mary Tyler Moore. She was a party. She was great as Mrs. Rob Petrie. And she was a trooper. Yeah. Well, she put up with a lot that we later...

Well, certainly as a hottie in that era when everybody took a shot at you and that was just day rigour. She was fantastic. Carol Burnett, we got to grow up in the era of Carol Burnett. Yeah, still around. I'm still trying to get her here. Yeah. You know her? Well, no, I think the weed will be an enticement to get her here.

It should be. Yeah. Yeah, I think that'll put it over the... I can't believe I can see you because usually you're... You've got a massive fatty going during this show. Like RFK Jr., who sat in this very chair. Yes. You had a good one cooking with him.

He cried in that chair. Wow. He did. I'm not saying that in a facetious way or a snarky way or I'm not proud of it. I'm just saying it's not fake. You know, I said to him, I don't think your father would agree with everything you say. But I can't imagine he would be very proud the way you never let anybody like make you turn your back on what you believe.

There's something about that. You know, like not my family, not, and I don't believe everything he believes. Oh, yeah. That's kind of a given. Well, but the big picture I do, like his, when he, I told him, I said, you know, you made your bones as an environment. lawyer. Riverkeeper of the Hudson. And he was. I went through some old papers lately. They like people like Vanity Fair printed him a lot. Like he was a liberal, liberal hero. I remember. Okay. So I said you should marry your desire for us not to be killed by the kind of stuff that's in food and some medicine with your reputation as someone who didn't

want us to get killed by what's in the rivers and what's in the air. It's the same issue. We're poisoning ourselves. That's it. You're the don't poison ourselves guy. Yep. But, you know. He's so much more than that. He can't, you know, he just takes that subway 10 stops too far. And, you know, but, you know, and the victories they've gotten, you know, I see Kellogg's is taking like the dye out of the cereal. Okay. You know, that's one. But it's not a big one.

And like, you know, I think they punt it on. It's going to ruin fruit loops, but go ahead. Well, let's get into your diet. Oh, my goodness. Because everything is about what you eat. Not everything. Here's how opposite to track. My wife's average meal looks to me like potting soil.

And she is happy. They will lay me in the ground. and I want one of the mourners to say, you know what, he never ate kale, quinoa, or sushi. When I was coming up, kale was a stock car driver. Is that what you're saying? Oh, she's so healthy. So you're into, so she, her cholesterol's in like single digits.

She is so healthy. Her food and your food are different food. 100%. I would and have eaten pizza for five nights a week. It's my go-to. I eat one meal a day because I have a massive, protein and athletic greens shake in the morning and it's enough fuel to get me through to dinner I only eat dinner yeah because you're a NASCAR fan but I like my burgers I like

I like Hebrew National dogs they're always in the house I was raised on spaghettios so do you eat dinner together just different food yes we we mostly share meals It's a rare event when I'll have pizza and she'll have a salad with a piece of salmon on it or something like that. We usually eat the same things. Oh, you do? Yeah. What's the crust of her food? Because you just described kind of a dichotomy.

Well, like chicken. What you say it? Like, well, of course I eat a chicken. You know, porkloin, chicken breast. So she's not a vegetarian? No, no, no. She's just really, really healthy. Right.

Okay. Well, you know, I've spent so much time and energy in the last 20 years on this sort of subject, which is something that is visited upon you really just because you age. And it's, you understand why, for example, young people never really wanted to be forced to get Obamacare. Because I remember when you're young, like, you're just so. You're bulletproof. You kind of are. I mean, they tried to cancel you for a bunch of stupid shit.

Everybody has done some stupid shit. We used to drive down to the Stone Pony in Asbury Park. Oh, really? The Bruce Springsteen, close. Yeah, that was my jam. You were that close? Yeah, I grew up eight miles from the beach. Oh, because we had a house on Barnaget Light.

Oh, wow. We're in Ocean County in a disclosed, undisclosed location, which I'll share with you. My father bought a house after the storm. There was a storm. 62. Correct. It carved LBI and two pieces. It really did.

Yep. And property was nothing. He bought a house for $18,000. I have a dear friend in Bernadette. We used to rent it out for the summer. It was a moneymaker. It's awesome. LBI is awesome.

The Jersey Shore is awesome. Everyone who goes to the Hamptons, continue going to the Hamptons. Please leave us with our Jersey Shore. Did you ever go to Long Beach Island? Oh, hell yes. We may have seen each other. John Stewart's a big LBI guy too.

In 1968. Yeah, that's true. I had an Anne Hazel in Tom's River, and we would go to... I'm thinking, now this bully beat me up on the beach. No, I was never that kid. We used to go to seaside. And Point Pleasant.

Seabright was my closest beach to where I grew up in Middletown. So we would start there on Friday nights because Clarence Clemens had an apartment there. And like detectives, like Dick Wolf like detectives, he would often lead us. When he got in his car, we would stay two cars back. but we go all the way down Ocean Avenue, he would often lead us to Bruce. And I've confessed this to Bruce that I was a stalker for years,

but that was such a privilege to grow up there. You got Stephen Van Zandt, you've got Bruce Springsteen. Stephen grew up within sight of my high school. We're both from Middletown. They made a sound. They created a Jersey Shore sound that didn't exist before.

Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. It was fantastic. and we were often under the influence of something because we were dumb kids in the 70s before the anti-drunk driving movement. Every other car on the road was somebody who'd had a few snorts. Yeah, I'm not proud of it.

You know what? We can't all just always stay mad at the past forever or feel bad about the stupid shit we did. Every generation is the, wow, you know, you did this generation. But it's all just through the prism of today, especially with social media's driving. There are things we're doing now that the people in 100 years

and say like these two assholes were talking about AI and they didn't get it, you know. Well, it's interesting now because here I am having very candid conversations on my very modest Netflix show and with you.

And for the nice people who watched me in that other role for so many years, like tuned in every night, like they were having a conversation with me. Those are the viewers, the customers you want. They never imagined that after hours,

I was a volunteer fireman in New Jersey who said fuck a lot. I had a living, breathing life. I have a wife and children and all the hopes and dreams and fears that everybody else has. I drive only American cars. On weekends, Saturday nights, I go to Wall Stadium Speedway

at the Jersey Shore where my dad brought me at age nine. And then at night you get into a superhero outfit that says, sir, fuck a lot. I go to stock car races, and I remember, because I was politically aware, I wrote Lyndon Johnson when I was an eight-year-old. And I wrote him because I saw the famous picture of him slumped over the cabinet table in the cabinet room.

Come to find out he was listening to tapes of young lieutenant Chuck Robb, his son-in-law from V. Vietnam, telling him very candidly that the war was going south. So I was that kid. I go to this stock car track, which is just fantastic, third of a mile paved. It's the roar of the Jersey short stock car. Stock car. Stock car racing.

The class of cars I like are modifies. Is that NASCAR? No, it's a real entry-level form of NASCAR. Like the minor leagues of NASCAR? Yes, the race I'm missing this Saturday night. because of the destination wedding we're going to, has a retired NASCAR driver in it, and we're all very excited that he's coming.

But you wanted to go to that? I love the place. But you're going to the wedding instead? Yes. See, that's why I never got married. No, there you go. I'm kidding. Just a joke.

Don't write letters. Where was I before you just stepped in? Sorry. Oh, my dad used to say to me, because I was a precocious kid. I read, you know, I leaped through Time magazine and read Life and Look magazine. Me too.

They were on the coffee table. I'm listening to your dad. I'm watching Kronkite on TV. And my dad used to, we used to go early, and he'd buy me a cheeseburger, and he'd say, these are all LBJ Democrats, looking at the crowd of about 1,200 to 2,000 people. And I understood what he meant.

They are now all, they tend to all be MAGA. the Democrats have lost that entire slice of the American population. They used to call them Reagan Democrat. Yeah, they have pissed that away. They have gone their separate ways. How old were you in 1968? I was nine years old. Okay, see, that's the difference.

Maybe you were more precocious. But I was watching the TED Offensive, like a freak at all. At nine, I think I was still into baseball and that stuff. 12, I was in 1968, and that was the year. of the Democratic Convention in Chicago, the TED Offensive in Vietnam. Gestapo tactics on the street as of Chicago. So, like, that's the year I got interested.

Yeah. That was a good year to dial in. It really was. It was, and I kind of got spoiled because, like, wow, is every year going to be this fucking awesome? Not great, awesome, always, but, like, just not dull, you know, and dramatic and Nixon running, you know, and, you know, it just, it will, it's like your first,

your first love, you know, there's a quality to the first time of everything that is so unique that nothing in that way can compare. You can, I mean, I've loved people more than my first girlfriend, but I was never in love for the first time twice. Yeah. You can't be, you know. You never forget your first, Estée. Did you marry your first?

No, I had a whole grown-ass adult life before I met her. I was already working in TV. So I had the usual high school girlfriend who I just got along with Great, daughter of two Irish immigrants from Keynesburg, New Jersey. I understand she is happily married as a family. I had the usual love life, as we used to call it.

But was it good because mine was shit. Like I was very shy, and then I went to Cornell. There was no women there. I was shy. I mean, there were, but very far, few and far between, and I didn't know how to get them. We used to end up at a bar called Jimmy Burns Seagirt Inn, which was loaded with nothing but preppy girls at the Jersey Shore.

A pro tip I learned, don't go to Jimmy Burns in your fire windbreakers with the expando key ring on the side of your belt. That's a bad look. Some chicks like that. And I had no courage to walk up. I would rather crawl on the floor through blazing. hellfire than try to walk up and start conversation with a girl. That was my problem.

Oh my God, I'd rather be an infantryman on Normandy. I know. It's the exact same thing. We have amazing parallels in our life, actually. God. And today, I'm so glad I'm not on, you know, Raya or because as bad as I was about meeting people in person, if I were in ever have to go out there and do it again, putting my life on some, on an app? Well, I think it does speak well of you that you think you'd go right to Raya.

Well, I believe my son met his wife on Raya. Trust me, you could get on Raya. Raya is the one where it's secret. You're not supposed to, it's like fight club? No, it's like the VIP entrance at a club. It's like they only allow on there. I've never been on it, by the way. I wouldn't know.

I wouldn't even know how to get on it. I'm with you there. But like it's, I know what it is. It's a dating site, but it's like rich guys and every girl's a model, which means like she's not really working, but she's looking for something. And, you know, I don't want to judge it. I'm sure there's many wonderful people.

I believe my son met his wife on Ryan. Yeah, many wonderful people are, I'm sure, on it. But you have to like apply. Like, it's not everybody. Yeah, it's a, look, I don't object to meritocracy anywhere, including looks, people care, or success of men. I mean, I was just reading some story about there's a new version of what used to be sugardaddies.com, and it's basically that. But the women are not again it. It's like, they're not, they're sort of like want to own it now.

like, I'm looking for a guy who will take care of me. All these clowns, if I'm going to put up with a clown, at least have money. Wow. You know what I mean? That's sort of where they are. Their cynicism is well earned by how lame men have become. Scott Galloway, your friend and frequent guest. Right here.

Scott Galloway, during COVID, went on your show, and I read this quote back to him when he just did my show. Right. He thought every Amazon truck should have an... nurse and COVID injections on board as they because eventually they cover the whole country. And he thought that should be the delivery system for the, and he said it's sitting next to you. I swear to God. Really? That's where I heard it.

That seems a little draconian. He's really at his best with you. But it's an interesting idea. He has a big brain. I love Scott Galloway. I love having him on. I'm so glad he has a big following. He's the kind of guy who has a big following.

I always think when someone who's a public intellectual, a professor of somebody on that level, my friend Michael Eric Dyson was on. Yep, got a interview to him 100,000 times. Yeah. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, isn't it? Well, he's a scientist. Yes, I mean, he's a big star everywhere.

But Sam Harris, you know, public intellectuals. Interesting guy. People are actually public intellectuals. Yes. It's like their few and they're far, between, but it just shows if you do it well enough now, still, there is not a big, but a sizable audience. Yes.

There's a small rearguard action of people who aren't complete fucking morons. Kara Swisher is adjacent there too. I'm sure I left up many people who should be mentioned in this public. But who were they when we were coming up? Were they Gorvidal and Bill Buckley? Yes. Exactly. And Johnny Carson would have them on.

Yes, he would. Can you imagine today? If feet snobs going on mainstream 1130 at night TV, but they got chewing Capotee on Carson. I mean, maybe they were snobs, but they sort of earned it. They were smart. You know, there's something to be said for giving it up for people who actually know things. You know, they weren't, look, I did this. show called Politically Incorrect where we had a bunch of fucking morons every night.

Stop. No, we did. I mean, that was the whole... Makes me a moron for watching. No, no. The people who watch it was a joyous train wreck, but it was purposely designed so that you had, like, the person who doesn't know much versus there was one expert and like, it was funny. That's what made it funny.

You know, Pauly Shore was debating Bob Dole or whatever it was, you know. I mean, it was a while ago. You had a lot of stoniers in your audience. I did. You did. I don't remember that. Oh, it was perfect for stoners. I guess so.

I want to put in a plug for a television show that I've asked all my fancy friends to watch because, as I call them, and this is Mike Rowe adjacent, being a first responder makes you hyper aware of the people in our society who are invisible to most of the population. I used to wear an Engine 23 FDNY jacket to walk back and forth between the people. 30 Rock and our apartment in New York. I called it my cloak of invisibility because no one saw me when I wore it. They looked through me.

So my friends in EMS, my police officer friends, my fellow firefighters, all the people who make the country go, especially in the era of defund the police, let me know how that goes. There is a show on weekends at night and Stoners reminded me because it's very popular with Stoners,

it's also very popular with first responders their families. It's called On Patrol Live. It's on a network called Reels. It's hosted by Dan Abrams. You know Dan Abrams. Yes, of course. It's part of the Dan Abrams Empire. They do three hours on Friday and three hours on Saturdays. They have live cameras rolling around with 10 police departments from coast to coast. You learn more about life and more about the invisible public servants who protect us every day, clean up our messes. We don't think about them until we reach for the phone and dial three numbers, 911.

In my line of work, we leave our dinner tables, we get up out of a warm bed on winter nights, we don't ask, who's calling 911, we don't question why we're going out, we go out. We love doing it, we love doing it. Cops, you know, if you have friends who are cops, they'll tell you, Sunday nights is horrendous. Sunday nights is that night before school, the night before work.

It's the night your NFL team loses, if you're a Giants fan. And that's when all the domestic violence calls come in. You want to avoid four to 12. If you have any choice in your shift, you want to avoid the four to 12 on Sunday nights. I've known that since I was riding along with a police officer friend of mine as a 17-year-old in Middletown, New Jersey. And I have this bifurcated life. I had an accidental career that put me with fancy people. hyper-educated, hyper-moneyed, people who went to boarding schools.

Cornel. It's a population. I was like Holden Caulfield. I had no exposure to that. I still can't name a boarding school. I don't know about that. And I've got this other life. And I own it.

I think if you've lived a good life, you want to run. return to where you came up as long as it's not negatively associated. I know I know who I was. I know my socioeconomic group growing up. I know how we talked what we wore, what we wanted to do for a profession, and I'm back half the time doing that. All right. Well, I have two things to say. Oh, boy. This calls for another spring water. I don't know why you're so exercised about. this bifurcated life, you know, you had the best of both worlds. You know, you had blessed every day. Talk about privilege.

But I hope that if you had to make the choice, if someone came down like 25 years ago and said, you know, I know you're love being a fireman, but, you know, you're the anchor of the NBC Nightly News, you have to choose one. I hope you would have chosen the anchor of the NBC Nightly News. I mean, not that firemen isn't important, but like, well, other people could do the fireman job, and this is sort of like one of the things that you uniquely could, very few people could do it. So I hope you would pick that. The truth is, but again, I'm the devil. The truth is, I mean, it has brought me terrific things, including my family.

My first career route, I thought I was going to marry a local girl from Middletown, maybe aspire to a split-level colonial and be a firefighter. maybe, maybe get on the wait list for FDNY, because I had a great mentor who was a New York City lieutenant. But this is a true story. I had an Irish Catholic mother who was the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. If you ever...

What does that mean? If you ever watched Maud, she was just like Maud. That's your mother? She was an actress and a singer. Wow. She performed at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey, among other places. She was very vocal, very dramatic.

Our daughter, I think, gets all of her acting chops just straight DNA chain through her parents. And my mom, television viewing is socioeconomic. The less money you have, the more the TV is on. Our TV was on from the Today Show to the Tonight Show. I'm a night owl today because I would crack my door open and listen to my parents' black and white TV for Carson. I would listen to Carson every night. I idolized him. Cronkite. They were my guys.

And I'm still a night owl because I trained myself as a young kid to stay up beyond my bedtime. I did too. I'm telling you, we were brothers from another mother. My mother would sit watching Channel 4, Local News, and say, come in here. They just hired these two new reports. You'd be better than these kids. And I love... literally have just walked in the door. That would put the bee in your bonnet? From one of my two jobs, not to brag, Perkins Pancake House and Sears.

And that's what I was. I was going to school. I was about to enter the Fire Academy. I was a, if there was a loser float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, that was me. I reek of maple syrup. My shoes were so sticky, they lived outside. And I would wear them to the pancake house.

and yet she stayed on me. She stayed on me. This is why you and I are so opposites because our mothers are opposites. Like your mother, you said this loud, brash, Irish, my mother was a quiet Jew. So quiet, I didn't even know she was a Jew. Really? I was raised Catholic.

Yeah, I heard you say that. They didn't even say until I was like 13. I heard you say that. Yeah. So I feel like that goes into our, you know, the sun. much of a personality is determined in zero to two. Oh, yeah.

And certainly zero to five. It's all locked in. And the rest of your life, you're just trying to either deal with that as it makes you, or in some cases, try to undo it. Yeah, sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. I mean, why is someone anal? What does anal mean? Like, super, like, neat.

I'm that. Okay. Okay. It's called anal because it's from the anal stage. Look at the time, ladies and gentlemen. You know, thanks for... Why is that so weird, do you? I didn't come here to talk about a rectum, but please continue.

Well, I thought I could get you loaded, but I didn't. Anal is being super organized. It comes from the anal stage because you are... You want to keep your poop hanging around? It's like... You don't. I think, I don't know. It's something with how...

Because you're at a... stage of your life or you're not even going to remember it, but it's in your unconscious, like how that went. And I imagine, yes, sitting around with a loaded diaper or whatever, I don't know what it is. I'm sure my mother did it well, so I don't know why I have it, but like, it makes you need. I'm not crazy. I'm not like, you know, OCDC, but like I do have to have things in apple pie order all the time. Or maybe I was just boring that way, and the theory's bullshit. I'm not a big fan of psychiatry. I know it works for some people. It's also a lot of bullshit. The following happens to me. We have friends over. I'm sitting and joining the conversation.

I see a book upside down on the bookshelf in the living room. I got to get up and I got to straighten it right now or I won't enjoy the rest of the night. Wow. That's worse than me. I'm not proud of it. Like coffee table books, there's got to be a certain way. My t-shirts are organized. My t-shirts. See, that's interesting, because that's a backstage item for me. My closet looks like a family of six has been living in it for two years. All right, this is getting a little gay now. I'm kidding.

I didn't assign. No, I don't care. I've been gay for you for a very long time. I've been your biggest fan for such a long time. And I don't think I've missed the word you've said. I'm so glad you're back on doing something. I saw the time. Tom Hanks, what a great.

First of all, what a feather in your cap to be able to get him. That's a big thing because like that's a hard guy to get on your show. I couldn't get him here. He's a, he is a national treasure. And he's always a treasure. He's a national treasure. And he's a national treasure. And, you know, so.

I knew I was going to be okay if he said yes. Yeah. But it's hard. We're doing booking, which you live and die around. Well, I hope I get to be on it. And, well, yes, of course. Obviously, I'm going to reciprocate. Well, you don't do it because you have to.

And I'll buy the weed. No, no. Then I'm on your show. Bring your own. I know what it means to be a guest versus a host. I'll still be stone. We have a small, darkly lit studio filled with earnest young people who are terrific. I have a staff of five.

Yeah, you don't need more. No. I mean, bro, they're making movies now. They make $300 million that they shoot on their phone. I know. Like the world, we are dinosaurs from the age of dial phone. Oh, yeah. I know.

I mean, I remember when BCRs were new, it's amazing the change we've seen. Remember eight tracks that we didn't mind just stopping in the middle of our favorite goddamn song to switch channels? I never had an A-track. They always looked stupid to me. Oh, they were.

But it was a music delivery system. It was either that, growing up in New York, when we were kids, you could walk across the beach and hear 77 WABC without interruption because it was on everybody's transistor radio. Hey, when I moved out here in 1982, I had a Toyota Corolla as my first car, and my sound system was a boombox that was in the back of boombox.

Remember a boombox? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the back seat that was then plugged into the cigarette portal. Wow, that's some... Okay. Because there was a lighter for cigarettes in the car. Yeah. And you could plug this in it.

I have one in my Chevy, which is a recent Chevy, but it's how we plug in our flashing blue lights to get to the firehouse. They call it a cigar lighter now. In the Chevy manual, they call it a cigar lighter. That's how they've gotten away from. I remember this girl I was going out with at that time, so out of my leg, and boy, did she make fun of that. Yes, I understand that.

But the sex was good. Anyway, Brian, it's great to see you. And again, I love what you've done. So this is like a speak-easy during the week. Well...