Club Random with Bill Maher - Bryan Cranston | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

On Club Random Classics this month Bill Maher sits down with Bryan Cranston for a headline making talk about privilege vs. advantage, the role that got Bryan Cranston in hot water, critical race theory, the show where Bill and Bryan first met, bulldozer parenting, creeps vs. nuts in casting, white peoples’ bias against themselves and tons more. Support our Advertisers: Try Lucy today! Get 20% off your first order at https://www.lucy.co with code CLUBRANDOM Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, in our next club, Random Classic, we revisit my conversation with Brian Crenson. Oh, I love him. He's got stories from his acting days that'll make your jaw drop. Wow, sounds good. We get into parenting and privilege in a way that actually means something, and then we debate critical race theory. We did? Wow.

I must have been high. Well, I'm sure it's good then, which made headlines because apparently two people having an honest conversation is newsworthy. I've had a zip-o lighter in the past. When I was doing... They suck. They never... It's like you...

If I don't put in every five times. But in Vietnam, they were always like burning the village. It's all zippa. You can't light a fucking cigar with you. I didn't always work in the jungle of the Mekong River. Because Zippos work when it's nice and moist out. I guess. Really?

No. No. But you know, do you drink? I do. You know, we have my booze over here. Oh, what am I asking? I'm asking me a guy who's got a giant tequila company. That's not the only thing.

Can I try your dust, hombres? Would you? I feel like we're doing it infomercial. Would you? Can I try it? Sep up to the smooth, refreshing flavor. You know, it is a great little sipping thing. I love it.

You always drink, you always drank tequila? I've been drinking. No, actually, mescal, this is a mescal. And our mescal has been around now for three and a half years. Mescal? Yeah, that's what this is. Is this a type of tequila? Actually, it's the other way around.

Tequila is a mescal. Oh. So. Is it from mescaline? No, no. It sounds very much like mescal. It does sound like mescal. It sounds like they possibly could be the same drug.

No. Would you like it with soda? No. No, you just drink it straight? Oh, yeah. Jeez. Is that because you're on the company or just because you really like it that way? I like it this way. But if I want to sip something all night, I don't want to drink, I'll put soda in it. Well, I drink it with this, I'm going to give this company a plug because I think they should advertise here. Maybe, I think that's a soda. It's, I drink this stevia soda. It's called stevia. It's called zivia.

Oh, Zivia. Because, and I can never find it anywhere. I literally take it into a restaurant because it's the only soda that doesn't have sugar or aspirate. So it's carbonated. It's stevia, which I think is, I'm not sure it's health food, but I think, I know it's better than sugar and steve and aspirin. So you're saying stevia, which is that sweetener. Cheers, by way. Nice to see you.

I'm so glad you're here. Thank you, brother. You know I'm a big fan of yours. I mean, I'm not just saying that. That's probably why we both accepted to do this because, you know, we're almost the exact same age. Do you know that? I'm January 20, 1956. Ah, you're a two months, like a month and a half older.

March 7th, 56. Mel Gibson, I think, is March 56. Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson, yeah, I think you see. Yeah, exactly right. Can you imagine of you and Mel had just, switched parts your whole career, why couldn't you have been Braveheart? Why couldn't you be, you know, with the up tool for this shit guy? You could have done that. And he

could have been on Malcolm in the middle. And breaking bad. And breaking bad. Yeah. He probably would have I wouldn't switch with Mel at this point. You could have been in the Pachin of the Christ. Wouldn't you? Oh yeah. That's a good one. Did you ever see it? I did not see that one. You might be surprised at this. But I've ever. said this publicly, I think it's a terrific movie. I think he's an amazing filmmaker. Apocalyptic is a great movie. Braveheart is awesome. And look, I'm an atheist, but I get the story. I'm here for the story and the popcorn. As storytelling, it's very compelling. He's, no, he is, he is a very good storyteller. And, you know, he was also a very good storyteller. And, you know, he was also a very

good actor at one time and I don't know I mean personal life yeah chagration sugar tits member member sugar tit oh boy um well he had the loon father hmm right you know about his father not too much I try to stay away he had he had like more Catholic than the Pope you've heard that oh okay yes he had the more Catholic than the Pope father. I mean, crazy Catholic who was like, it's almost like, you know, Trumpers who the regular Republicans aren't.

That's right. Enough. Yeah. Like these 20 clowns who just held up the speakership with Kevin McCarthy. They go far right. Right. That's Kevin, that's Mel Gibson's father with the Catholic Church. He was always criticizing the church because they did things like, you know, the mass

in English was too liberal for him. Oh, yeah. Or like, they used to do the the mass with the priest would have his back to the crowd. I was one of the congregants at that time in a fucking church. And even I, at seven years old, on a Sunday, having to wear a goddamn tie in a suit. Right. That's the last place in the world you wanted to be.

Right. And my brother and I would get an ear twist from our mother when we're fucking around in the pews. And those hard bench pews. Yes. And the only thing we could have fun with in the Catholic Church in those days was, are we going to stand next or are we going to kneel next? Right. We stand or kneel.

And it was almost like, you know, so it was terrible. And the priest coming down, homo de cemini omidori, come the scenic on a tico. Oh, with the smoke thing. It's a smoke thing. And it's like, and you don't understand a word. He goes up to the pulpit. He turns his back, facing the crucifixion, and mom's here me called my daddy going to

I mean, it's like, what hell are we doing here? What is this? I'm so interested to hear you talk about this because, you know, I was brought up Catholic, and I also was a seven-year-old boy in hard bench pews, and probably I made the movie religiousist because of how much I was turned off to religion back then when they scared the shit out of me. and we went to Catechism. Did you go to Catechism with nuns who taught you the Catholic?

I still have the memographed thing they gave us of a hundred questions that we had to memorize. Yeah. Like, who is God? Where is God? You know, all those kind of, and there was suspicious. And you had to, and I remember crying. Because I was in seven or, in school, they weren't that strict. Catholic schools, they don't fuck around.

No. Even today, when parents want their kids to get an actual education instead of the bullshit, that goes on in other schools, regular schools, even if they're not Catholic, they send them to Catholic schools if they can get them in. And they just tell them, yes, there's going to be some bullshit about Jesus. Just ignore that. They're going to teach you grammar. And I've seen it with kids. Absolutely. Yes. You can tell when a kid has got a Catholic education. Yeah. Yeah, there's no shit about that. So you went through Catholic school all the way to high school? No. Not Catholic school. No. And my mother was Jewish, which I didn't find.

out till later, but a hint, a hint should have been that she never went to church with my sister and my father and I. And I never asked why. It just never, you know, it just was never a thing, so I never questioned it. And I was so nervous about going to church itself, it gave me such anxiety that I wasn't even thinking about that. It just, she just never went. So, but yes, my sister and I would be driven to catechism first. That was like two hours before. the Mass we went to. And then my father would show up at the church and then we'd go to the Mass together

and then we'd go home. Did you go to Bible study and all that stuff? No, but that was by, you know. Yeah, your catechism was that, yeah. Catechism was just learning about, it's an interesting you mentioned like what you found appealing, which was sitting and standing.

My big thing was the collection plate. That in the red candles, they had these red, not the candles weren't red, but they were in this little red thing where you let the glass. The glass, right, and you lit them for like dead people. Right. No, you did. I remember. And you put a dollar in a quarter of 50 cents. They had a little slot where you put the money in.

Oh, yes. Yes, where they had all the candles and there was a slot with a cash box basically and they would come empty it every now and in. That's a good description of a church itself. Yeah, the cash box. But you're right. I always thought, how did they get that job? The guys look like pool skimmers, right? And they send this little trade.

That's what fascinated me that it was a basket on the end of a long pole. Filled with money. And it was just filled with money. And my father would give me a quarter to put into it. Oh. And one time I remember that. God, the things you remember, but I guess it was traumatic. You know, I was bored to tears, of course, as you were.

And so I had, for some reason, rolled the quarter up in my shirt. So then the basket's there, and I'm like, I couldn't try to get the quarter out of my shirt. I think that's where my sneaky Pete started, really. When I was so bored, I needed to do something, and I was given a dollar to put in there in the basket. and I would fold it up as kids do. I palmed it a couple times. I rattled the basket. Really?

Yeah, rattled the basket. Good for you. Wow. There's a candy bar and plus. Wow. Yeah, that takes balls. It would have really took balls to take some out. Now that would have gotten my attention.

Yeah, can I change? Yeah, it's like put it in a tin. Yeah, it's a... I find it fascinating that all those sermons I sat through. And I remember my father talking about the sermon, like, I guess, to my mother or something like when we got home, because that was the part that he was interested in, because it was a guy, you know, he was obviously still a practicing Catholic. He did quit at some point, but so he cared.

And he was very often disappointed because he wanted... you know, some soaring rhetoric from some wise person. Because the sermon is just a speech about something that the priest or the pastor chooses to speak about. So it can be good, it can be bad, it can be tried. And it's interesting that, of course, I was a kid, but I can't remember one word from one, there is nothing that sticks in my mind that that sermon ever reached me. No. Well, they were talking over us. Well, they were talking to adults. Yeah, they were talking over us.

It wasn't for us. And I remember distinctly thinking, why are they doing this to kids? I remember like it was a punishment. Why are they doing this to kids? This is awful. Well. And it turned me off, too. I mean, it is, I mean, I think it was Richard Dawkins who called it, you know,

when just bringing a kid up in a religion child abuse because the kid has no choice. I mean, you're just inculcating him. in this superstitious voodoo and it's full of bad, I mean, occasionally the Bible stumbles upon some morality, but it's almost unintentional, you know. Yeah, and pretty obvious. Do unto others as you would have. And there's a couple of, there's a couple of greatest hits, but there's a lot of, you know, I always go, I've talked about it on my show, I mean, slavery, for the people who are wanting to cancel Thomas Jefferson and George Washington

because they had slaves and everybody else, in an era when everyone had slaves who could afford it, including people of color in other parts of the world. It was a human thing. It's not just a white thing. Okay. So if you're going to cancel Jefferson and Washington, you have to cancel Jesus because he never spoke against it.

it's not in the old, God, there's a million rules about slavery. None of them are, don't do it. And the reason is, because it literally didn't cross their minds. No one ever says in either testament, what about we just don't do it at all? What? Don't do it at all. Well, who's going to schlep the big stones over to the, you know, to make the cathedral and make the, you know. Yeah.

It just did not enter their minds. It just was a way every civilization did it. The Romans did it. The Egyptians did it. You know, Slav is a slave comes from the word Slavs. Slavic. Yeah, very wide. I mean, there were slaves, every.

It's just people were like, hey, if I can make you my bitch. I'm going to do it. I'm going to fucking do it. God. You know. So I just want to hear them answer that question. What about your boy, Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

Yeah. Because he's got sweet fucketh all to say about this kind of, you'd think it would be kind of a big issue. Or maybe it would make the Ten commandments. Don't you think that should be maybe in the top ten? More than like false idols? Yes. Yeah.

Well, he did come out and he did, of course, embrace. Well, Jesus. He didn't come out. No, he's still closeted. That's why they say amen. He, you know, I mean, Mary Magdalene, he was embracing of her, not judgmental of her, and saying. Yeah. Oh, I'm not saying he wasn't a good guy. That's a good thing. It never crossed his mind to condemn slavery. I'm telling you, they had rules about it, but it was like if a man.

decapitates your slave, you make the capitate it. One of his slaves. Yeah, it was just, it was never like, but don't do it. Yeah. But let's just junk the whole concept. It just never occurred to them. It never occurred to them. Because that talk about being privileged was superior then.

Because mankind advances just the way humans do in increments. That's why. 200 years ago, it's just how people. thought. There was an abolition society in America at the time of the founding of the revolution, the founding of the country. It had 24 members. That's how many people. That's it. That's it. Now, by 1860, it had changed. And most of the world had got rid of slavery before we did. We were bringing up the rear. But you know, you could gay marriage. Obama was against it his first term.

Speaking of bringing up the rear. Yes, he was. But that was a political move. That was because he thought that politically... Yeah, but it's still, but it reflects... Of course, because it was. Because it reflected where the people were. Yeah.

My point being that people just don't grow up overnight. society doesn't. It does. It does. It takes. But for God's sakes, it's time. It's 400 fucking years that we've dealt with this. And our country still has not taken responsibility or accountability. For what? For the history of the systemic racism that's in this country. What should we do more? Well, I mean, for one thing, critical race theory, I think is essential to be teaching. It depends on what you mean by that. I mean, I mean teaching how the race trade and racism is systemic in everything we've done, in government, in social activities. Yes, it has been.

I mean, it's embedded in it. It's like, for example, why the Second Amendment really was, I mean, this is one person's theory, but I think it's the truth. The Second Amendment really has to do with, in a country where you were keeping us. hostile people in chains, you needed guns to, you needed very loose reins on guns to keep the lid on that. Yeah. That has a lot to do with why other countries don't have like a Second Amendment the way

we do. And we didn't have an organized army. We didn't have an organized militia, so you had to, you had to form one quickly and be able to get your arms quickly when we were being. attack. But critical rights can mean, it's just one of these catch-all terms. If you mean, we should honestly teach our past, of course. If you mean more what the 1619 book says, which is that it's just the essence of America and that we are irredeemable, that's just wrong. It's not, I mean, I agree with that. But even teaching our past and being honest and owning up to who we

are as a country in the history. Most schools are doing that. I'm sure there are ones in Texas that are not. In Florida, they want to do away with critical race theory. And a lot of other states. Because sometimes it veers off into things that are really not appropriate in schools. So how do you govern that?

If you're telling five-year-olds that you're either an oppressor or someone who was oppressed, you're introducing ideas about race that are inappropriate for kids that age, you can't understand it. Okay, so common sense would govern that. Common sense is what's lacking in this country. That's why, but that is why people wind up passing laws about that. And yes, you're right, very often the laws go too far.

But it's not coming out, it's not coming from nothing. It's coming from things that have started in colleges and very far left, woke thinking, that many people feel is not appropriate. in schools. I mean, the same thing with gender stuff. You know, can they just be kids for a minute? Right. Okay. And that's absolutely. And we have to find that time, that level of maturity when a, when a child can understand that at certain times in this country's history, there was a grave mistreatment of other human beings. I think we get that. Well, no, we don't get it. What do you get it? Really? You think That is not something that is now widely understood and agreed.

It's definitely not widely understood. That America has a sorry races past? It's talked about and whispered, but they don't know it. Whispered? Yes. What, the Jim Crow laws? So emancipation proclamation in 1865. It was 1965 or in 1964 when the Civil Rights Act was passed by LBJ.

This is 2023. It took a hundred years, is my point. Can we live in the year we're living in? You don't think... Of course you live in the year living in. Okay, well, the year we're living in is not... You're not what you're describing. You're describing in America, yes, that I think most right-thinking people would agree was

deplorable in so many ways. No, I'm good. It's tasty, though. It is good. It's very different, and I like it. It's a little smoky, but... Because it's mescal and not... It's mescal and not tequila.

Because it's smoked and not steamed. Yeah. Anyway, what were we arguing about? Well, probably the Golden Globes, which you sound like you should be making... Hello? No, I just think we need to live in the year we're living in. And acknowledging progress is not saying the past isn't horrible or that we're done and there's no more work to be done. It's just being realistic about where we are today.

And where we are today is nothing like the times you're describing as bad as they were. So you're, I mean, this is, I think, a problem with a lot of the left. They seem to be obsessed on the past. The past is important. It's not the only thing. They teach it like the holocaust. Again, I think most places do teach it. There are places, there are places that go too far on either side.

Can we agree with that? But I bet you most places in America, I mean, again, this is 2023. The people who are doing the teaching are of a generation that is not mostly interested in suppressing the past or being racist. I mean, have you- I disagree with that. Well, then you don't watch a lot of the videos that they themselves post. They themselves. Teachers and educators.

Trust me, they're hyper-aware of race. If anything, it is injected too much into everything. But you sound like you're more in the Hollywood woke camp, and I'm not saying. It's fine. It doesn't mean we have to like. No, it's like it's a humanistic camp. I want, I want, did you, did you know when you were a child? Did you know that that segregation was all through?

Again, when I was a child was the 60s. Yeah. This is 2023. You keep going back to like how it was. And as if the same people, it is still, of course, you know what, racism is always going to be present in not just white people, but in all people, to a certain degree. You can't completely sanctify human nature. It's just what it is. It's tainted.

We try to extradate it as extirpated as much as we possibly can, but we can't. Certainly it's a great thing that we've passed. past most of the laws that you would need, I mean, discrimination is illegal, has been for a very long time. Obviously, it'll always be fought in the courts and so forth. But I mean, as opposed to these errors you're talking about when it wasn't even the law. Jim Crow, yes, before the Civil Rights Act, yes, but that's a long time ago. And you seem to think that the country in In 2023 is populated by seething racists who are unaware of our past and the obligation we have to do better. I do agree that there are people who want to move forward without looking at the past.

And when you move forward without looking at the past and course correcting, you're in trouble because it can happen again. Well, can't we do both? Can we be cognizant of the past and move forward? Yes, yes, you can't. Let me ask you a question. And acknowledge the present. And let me ask you a question. Yeah.

When you look at this guy's hat, make America great again, what do you think about that? Sweetheart, nobody has made more fun of Donald Trump than I. I know. So you can't get me on like I like Donald Trump. I don't like that. Okay. I'm not saying that. Okay.

And I get your point. I've said it myself. Yes, make America great again. I understand to a certain number of people, that's a dog whistle about America was better when it was whiter. I get that. Okay. But I will, would you then also accept that there's a large swath of people in his camp and other people like him who have no clue that that's a dog whistle? That they think, oh, yeah, make America great again is for everyone.

But when was it great? Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. I know. Oh, God. I mean, making a big sigh. Come on. No, no.

When was it great for African Americans in this country? When was it great? Well, if you're applying for college now, I would say now. So in our history, now it's great. I didn't say great. It's never great for anybody fully. Never great for anybody? Well, life is full of problems.

So great, you know, yes, if your life is great, you're very lucky. Most people would not say my life is great. Would you say your life is great? Yes, I would. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I would. Yeah, I mean.

And a lot of it has. I'm glad for you. And I've been privileged. Yes. Do you believe in white privilege? I like the word advantage better. Because advantage is broader. Here's the reason why.

When you say advantage, now, have I had advantages, especially growing up in, you know, being again, we're born the same year in 1956. If you're born in that year, yes, you were a young person in the 80s, probably in the 80s. you know, could, like I have been up for a job at a comedy club when I was working little comedy clubs and there was a black comedian and they gave it to me instead because they thought I would do better being a white comedian or that they were just maybe had racism in them. Yes, I think that probably could have happened and that was wrong. Again, I didn't do it. I mean, we can't all be.

I'm not saying you're doing. It's just recognizing that it exists. I don't think I should be even question that I'm someone who doesn't recognize that it exists. I have a pretty good record of speaking on the right side of civil rights issues. I just like to be real about where we are. And where we are is not where we were. And some people seem literally reluctant. It seems like they feel like the worst I think things are, the better person I am. That's what I get from a lot of the left, you know. I think things are worse than you do. So that's what makes me good. And like, I just want the reality. I just want the truth.

What is the truth of the situation? And again, I'm not decrying that these changes are made. I'm applauding it. I'm applauding it. That it's great that if you're a black kid applying to college, yeah, you don't have to face discrimination like they used to. And very often, those colleges and businesses also in America are trying to make up for their sorry past. I think we're not really far apart. I think it's to, I mean, yes, are there factions that are on both extremes, of course. But to be, to say you're, you're a liberal person as I would consider

myself. I don't, I think common sense is is, is the law of the land. It's what should be. I think we are in a much better place than we've ever been before. as far as civil rights, as far as acceptance. It's just, you know, the people who are running the world now are millennials and Gen Zs. They're just, they're not, I think you're thinking of your generation, and they are still in place in some places. They're certainly not all racists who are in place. But yeah, there are, you know, like I said, I don't know if we'll ever get rid of it

completely, like any human flaw. But the people who are running things, you know, I just don't think that that's a lot. Their mindset is let's be racist to people of color. They don't understand it, but they are innately that way. Inately? Yeah. Oh, Lord. No, no.

What have you been reading? Oh, babe. You know, come on. Is that white fragility or some bullshit like that? No, it's not white fragility. Well, that's the book. Is that where you're getting that from? No.

But innately, like original sin? Like we're toxicly white-born races? Not toxicly. But you are, you recognize your experience and your, and what we don't recognize often is, is the privilege that you said, the advantage that you have. Look at, look at Congress. Look at, look at the makeup of Congress. You cannot deny that as older white men are the predominant factor in Congress.

I don't have the stats in front of me. But there's plenty of people in color in Congress. And yes, we are moving from a place where it was all white. We get it. Yes. But what direction is it going? And I'd like to see the numbers in Congress. Certainly in the Democratic Party, I bet you they're at least representative percentage-wise.

I would say so. Okay. Yeah. Less so in the Republican Party. But I have to tell you, Republicans are doing better and better all the time with people. people of color. I hope so. Because the woke shit actually doesn't help any black people.

See, to me, this is different liberalism and wokeism. Liberalism is about lifting people up. Woke is it just about self-loathing and hating yourself and scolding everybody and virtue signaling. It doesn't actually help anybody. Lifting people up who have gotten a bad shake in this country, who are for some reason downtrodden or have been cheated. Absolutely. I've always been for that. But I don't think that's a lot of what's going on. And I think there are, I just look at the numbers from the last election. I mean, Trump,

would you think that he would get even one black or Hispanic vote? He got 20% of the male black vote. And he did better with Hispanics than he did the first time. Yeah. Comes out. You're rapists. It then gets respectable numbers in that election. And from women, too. And then four years go by, and he does better. The people, especially immigrants, they don't like this unrelenting negativism about this country. They're like, you know what?

I totally agree with that. You should see the fucking river I swam through to get here. And I get here. And all you people do is shit on your own country and tell me how horrible it is. You know what? I came from horrible. You want to know. horrible. I'll tell you fucking stories.

So how can we bridge the chasm that has been created between this divisive world that we live in? Oh, good. I thought you were going to say you and me, and I don't want it. I don't want it. No, I don't want it to be a chasm between it. No, man. So you don't mind having a good Irish debate like that?

Fuck yeah. Good for you. Oh, my God. Come on, buddy. and like two old white guys we don't know, should we do this? What's the handshake? I don't know. That was the 1956 handshake. By the way, I just found out, too, from 23 and me, that I'm 10% Ashkenazi, Jew. Oh, wow. My grandmother converted to Catholicism like your mother.

Like my mother. Did or didn't or whatever? You know, I used to love my mother telling this story about she was, my parents got married in 1951. Now, back then, that was more outrageous than an interracial marriage is today. Yes. Okay. So neither family was very happy about it, but my mother agreed to take Catholic lessons. And she really had the greatest affection to the end of her life about this priest who did it.

because she said he was cool. He understood that this was a charade. So he didn't really make, he didn't really serious. You know, she could have gotten some asshole who gave her the hundred questions and made her do it. But this, he said, they just talked and, you know. Good for him. Yeah.

And when I asked my mother at the beginning of religious, they took her back to that church we used to go to. And I don't know why they let us film there, but they did. And I said, like, why did you go along with it? And she said, well, I just thought having some structure was better than nothing. Like, that's how they thought in those days. It was like, you just can't have no religion. Even if it's a bullshit religion, I don't believe in.

Well, a lot of the teachings were meant just to keep children in line, right? To scare children in life. And adults. What do you mean children? And adults, too. Yes, it's like starts with children. And you know, you'll be damned to hell if you don't do this. this, but so were nursery rhymes.

All those Grimm's fairy tales, I mean, they were all designed to scare children into behaving. Right. Yeah, they were gruesome, right? Oh, fuck. Weren't they gory? Putting people, putting kids in the oven and cooking them and fuck. Yeah. Jesus.

But people were so much rougher, you know, back then. People are just pussies now. Well, you and I had an upbringing where you could. my mom and dad, they didn't know where I was. I'd come home, I'd hop on my bike. Exactly. I'd be with my friends and I was off. There was no helicopter parenting.

No. There was no, what do they call, a bulldozer parenting. You know what that is? That's when they push out of the way any objects or impediments. It's even worse than helicopters. That's terrible. Yeah. I mean, there were people who've always done this.

I mean, we used to just call them spoiled kids, you know. But now it's got. to be, you know. So, I mean, that's the, who was the lady? You probably worked with her at one point. She got her kids into college by. Oh, yes. Yes, I know what you're talking about. What's her name? Yeah. Yeah. And you probably played Uncle Plunkie one week. I didn't play Uncle Plunkie. But I'll tell you, you know where we first met? Where? Murder she wrote. Really?

Yeah. You were the old lady? I was Angela Lansberry and drag. And no, they were, wow. You were being groomed. Yes. They were grooming your ass, man. They were saying, okay, we're going to make this guy the next star of this show.

Oh, boy. And you were her nephew. I didn't even, I didn't realize that. Yeah. No, you did too. No, I didn't. They put you in a position. Here's what I remember. Okay, here's what I remember. I did one episode with Roddy McDowell.

I remember I was in a hotel room with him all day. No make any jokes. Not going to say a word. Such a sweet guy. Where I was just like a guest star, where I was like one of the maybe people who killed somebody in this small town where everyone died every week. Okay. Then, I guess I did well enough. I came back like the next year and did a one hour episode where she wasn't in it. She just introduced it. That's right.

And it was me in Faith Ford. Yep. That's when I was in. What? Really? I was in that one. Well, you know what? We got to find it.

Yeah. I remember reading the script, perhaps not all the way through. Yes. Because I remember they were fitting me for a dress at the end. And I'm like, wait. Yeah, I got into a witch's outfit or something. Oh, maybe that was the other one. I don't know.

One of them, they had me in a dress like a witch's outfit. And I think I would. Did you feel pretty? I thought, hey, I should read the whole script, but the other one was a one hour, what they used to call an M-O-W. Yes. Movie of the week. Yeah.

So we were hoping it was, we saw it also as a pilot. Yeah. But it was me and her as like, I guess, you know, husband and wife detectives. Okay, so the other actors who were just co-stars, guest stars for the week, we were going, this Bill Maher guy, he's being groomed. Really? Oh, yeah. It was totally.

It was totally that. And you know what? We were going, good luck, man. Yeah. You get a gig. You know, it's when you worked, you remember in those days, they call, your agent calls you and you're saying yes before the, before he hang up the phone. Oh, yeah.

I'll do whatever you want. Oh. You know, what is you want me to do? Yeah. I'll sit in a hotel room with Roddy McDowell for. Oh, no. I was thrilled to get that part at that point. Roddy fucking McDowell, man.

I remember going to auditions for, you know, sitcoms I knew were horrible. And I was once sitting in a room. And do you know the comedian Charles Fleischer? Sure. He was kind of weird looking, a very funny guy, but like he was like a nut. You know, that was his thing. And I remember I walk in and he went, we were reading for this sitcom. And he went, okay, nuts over here, pricks over here.

That's what it was. And did you get up in the novel? I was out for the prick part. He was out for the nut part, you know. Oh, who framed Roger Rabbit? Yes. That's his claim to fame and he was brilliant. Yeah, he was.

Charles, Charles is a good fucking actor, man. I should tell you the time that, you know, remind you to Charles Fleischer and, you know, like there was a time when I was doing a movie in Toronto that John Ritter was supposed to do, he was supposed to do this movie and said he did a play and it went to Broadway. And I said, and he was still producing this movie I was doing.

So I said, I was talking to him every day and I said, well, I'll come to New York and I'll see your play. No, no, no, no. You don't have to see it. You don't see the play. And I go, no, come about. What are you talking about? Of course I'm going to come see the play. He said, no, no, really. You don't have to see the play. And I said, well, stop talking that way.

way he's well give me a call when he come in and we'll see my wife and I fly in it was during Malcolm in the middle we're doing up friends and remember that and I said we're gonna go see John Ritter and his play dinner party was a Neil Simon play I vaguely remember that dinner party dinner party yeah and inevitable name for a play it's got to happen at least once so I she says oh no we shouldn't go see that I go, what? He goes, it got panned by everyone. No one liked this play.

And I said, well, I told him I'd come, so we have to go. Let's walk down to Times Square. Let's see where it is. So we walk down to Times Square and we look down to, oh, there, let's go down and see the marquee. Let's see the one sheet and whatever. We didn't know what time it was. Anyway, we walked down. As soon as we approach, the door is open.

It's the end of the play. Oh, my God. End of the play, people are throwing down their playbills going, this is a piece of shit. This is a horrible, horrible play. And I said, oh, I reached down. I grabbed the playbill, and I grabbed my wife's hand. And I said, come on.

She goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's not one to be able to fake anything through. And I proudly say she's never faked anything. And so we knock on the stage door. He said, I'm here to see John Ritter, Brian Cranston. Come on. Oh, come on up. He's surprised.

So I come up. He goes, John goes, why, why didn't you call? Like, don't tell me but the call. Are you kidding? The call. Why would I call? Yeah. He said, well, what did you think?

What did I think? What did I think? Are you really? No words. Are you seriously asking? What? my God, my God. That's perfect.

And talk about funny. Right. He goes, seriously. I go, are you kidding? Of course. Come here. Give me a hug. I hugged him.

And my wife goes over and talks to his daughter who is in his room. In comes John Lovitz. And, oh, my God, I'm just blanking on his name. A comic actor does a drool. Droll, is Dan Laurel? We'll think of it. They come in, they're taking over.

And he says, Brian liked it. And I went, Oh, are you kidding? Liked it. This play! And they're going, really? You're going to, oh my God, are you kidding?

Come on. Let's have a drink. To this day. So Lovitz had seen the play? Lovitz went into the play. And did he say anything to betray your lie? No, he was shocked. He was a little shell shocked to look at it.

And, oh, my God, I can't think of his name. He's such a great comedian. First, you take money out of the collection plate. Then you lie your way. Is this a review? Backstage. Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying I'm getting a fuller picture.

You're getting the full picture. That's it, you know. It is. You get to know somebody in increments. And I see you. kissing Angela Lansbury's ass in order to get a job. Well, but look at how it came out. I mean, you know, the irony as we fast forward in this movie of our lives is that you are the award-winning, famous, you know, critically lauded, universally loved A-list actor.

And here I am, lonely in my little club random all by myself, smoking my blunts. No. In your cave. We both went exactly where we should have gone. I was not an actor. An actor is the opposite of what I do. It could never work. A comedian can be.

Believe me, I saw your work. It was the opposite. Was they terrible in that? It just wasn't you. Yeah. It just wasn't you. That's what acting is. You're not you.

You're not you. I wasn't some guy you found a John Doe body. I remember that I did not. To this day, I don't understand that script. It was so convoluted. Yeah. Pretty confusing. Yeah.

And like, no, I'm very fortunate that I wasn't cast as the office creep on bringing up Chunky because I could have done 10 years on a show and then have never been able to have the credibility to do what I really do. No. Bringing up Chunky 2, Chunky 3, Chunky. It would have been a whole series. The residuals would have been fantastic. Amazing. No, but you...

I met you over 20 years ago on politically incorrect. Oh, that too. I remember that. Fantastic. Yes. And groundbreaking. And I'm not... And I'm not here to kiss your ass.

But it was fucking great. But if you want to. No, it was great. It was great. Well, I hope you don't think it was better than the show I do now. Because most of us who worked on both think... It was a giant step up to go to HBO and do the show. Well, because you had more freedom.

It's just more adult. You know, politically incorrect was a, I would say, a planned train wreck. It was four people who should never have been together in the same room. Right. And were, you know, and that's what we, and that's fun. You know, it's like, hey, this is a democracy. Everybody gets to vote. Why can't Bob Dole and Carrot Top have a debate?

You know, I mean, but it wasn't, you know. That was what was so brilliant about it. Is that now in all true? But for me, it's not nearly the work I've done on real time. No, real time. It doesn't. It's just different. It's a different world.

Yeah. Well, it's just, it's just a, anyway. I remember you went shortly after politically correct ended. I remember being on one of the shows near the end. and I remember, correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember you hinting like I'm going somewhere else. Oh, really? On the air or? No, no, oh no.

Oh, son of what you? No, no. It was after, yeah, I'm going somewhere else. A dramatic aside. Yeah, I was like, I'm going somewhere. Hark, I'm going somewhere. I think you use semaphores. Yeah.

And I got the message. Well, I loved the last six months of politically incorrect, even though we were cancel. Even though we were at one critic called us Dead Show Walking. Because we were still on for like nine months after 9-11. And it freed us to like do much closer to the show I'm doing now. It freed us to like we said because you know why the country was like in this somber mood. So it wasn't appropriate to have, you know, like like you know, dumbasses and sitcom twerks. So I did a much more adult show.

with like a panel of people who actually could speak instead of just verbal. It's been amazing to watch this. Oh. It really has. I can't believe, you know, first of all, we're both so lucky that we're still working. Yeah. You know, this is a business that puts people out to pasture, you know, whereas, you know, I mean, you've never been busier, right? Yeah, it's been really busy.

Yeah. Yeah. But see, you look just, I think we both look, no one is fooled that we're Chris Hemsworth, but like you look generically still like late middle age, but middle edge, you don't look old, you know. So it's not like you can play parts. I look Hollywood middle aged. Well, you look, you can play parts where like your looks are not distracting. Yes. We're not, you're not, no.

Oh, my. We're not confused that you're the guy who's going to. who's going to be, you know, getting... You know, looks are not distracting. I love that. That's true. Right. Yeah.

I look in the mirror and I don't get distracted at 67. That's not a bad. Yeah, that's right. Okay. It's coming. Right. It's as good as you can do. Yeah.

And you have all this acting experience and, like, popularity built up from your past roles. So you're like, you're in the killing field now. No, really. Yeah. It's a good time. And I feel like almost the same thing. for me. It's a good time. Yeah, built up enough credibility. I've been around and you can still look at me. I'm not repulse. You're not doing it. I don't recoil. Right. Exactly. You're not doing it for the

reason of looking at us. Hey, let me ask you this. What? Is there a bathroom around? I mean, it's like, do we do that on a show like this? Can you hold it for like five minutes and then I'll just let you go? Oh, okay. I mean, unless you want to like. I really got to go. Then come here. Should I go? Yeah. And then we'll come back. I... Good God. I feel that that really humanized you. It did.

It caught me down. The choice you made in the scene to go to the bathroom. I feel like we don't see that in enough movies. And I'm liking, you know, these super spies, they do everything, they run off buildings, they shoot 100 people without getting shot. But they never have to go to the bathroom. They never have to pee. Really? They never have to pee.

I feel like if you did... Bullshit. If you did a... superhero movie, and I'm sure you wouldn't, that would be a good, to have a really vulnerable, like maybe a superhero, but it's a urological problem. And it has to do it. A superhero who wears the pens. He just, he just, it was always, leaks.

He leaks. He's always at the urologist's office. But you would not do a movie like that. Have you been offered, are you, like, could you be like the villain in, uh, Dr. Shitfuck. I would consider? Really? Well, I would because...

Oh, then they're going to hear that and they're going to do it. Because you're exactly... Like I said, Killingfield for you. You're exactly at the perfect time to play like a super bad villain and because of who you are built this up to,

you'll get, you know, a bankload of, a truckload of money. I will? Yes, absolutely. You won't be the star. That'll be Liam Hemsworth, but you'll be, you know, but they need you too. I would do it. And it'll be the fun part of the picture.

That's the long of say. You'll steal it because you always do. It's the fun part of the movie. Yes. And why would I say no to that? Because you wouldn't. Why aren't they offering it? Because they need like someone who's the bad guy to be of like equal credibility, but on that

different level. Yeah. You know, not, he's not, okay, I'm not Liam Hemsworth. You've said that like four or five times now. Fuck you. But you're going to... You're going to see me in my youth. I wasn't then either.

I did on murder she wrote. And everybody was saying, that guy's going nowhere. Look what we knew. What did you play on that? I don't remember. I don't fucking know. You know, it's these...

I don't know. I honestly don't remember the shit I used to do. I do remember an actor on that name David Huddleston. Yes, of course. He was... He was the sheriff. Yeah. And he did that shit for a long.

long time and yeah I remember one day he was complaining I think he played Santa Claus yeah there was a he would be a good Santa Claus and I yes and I did a matlock where I was a Santa Claus you did a Mattlock of course oh my god don't ever didn't you don't no I was I was I was on oh yeah I guess in your 20s I don't know. When Matt Locke was on, I was like, I feel like I was a million miles from doing anything real in show business. Yeah. No, I did that. I did, I met my wife in a show called Airwolf. Do you remember that? Yes. With the guy, Jan, wasn't that, Jan Michael Vincent. Yeah. Did not end well for him. It did not.

You see, how lucky we are, Brian Cranston. I mean, here we are. You know. We got our hair. our hair, some of it, not everyone that was ever there. You know, our careers are peaking in our late 60s. Look at that. I mean, it could have gone a lot worse. White privilege on display. You know, speaking of that, you know what one I love, the one you did with Kevin Hart.

Oh, yeah. That is. Thank you. Wow. We're doing a sequel to that. By the way, when he is in color, by the right director to just be an actor. Yeah.

Fantastic. He is terrific. He does not need to just do what, you know, look, there's no shame in getting famous by being very popular doing a kind of. Selling jokes? Yeah. Well, he's also a good comedian. Great. But I'm saying in movies, he had that one kind of thing he did where he was a little over the top, but it was funny.

And yeah, it's a comedy. Let's come here. Let's live, okay? But when he is encouraged the right way, where it's not appropriate, And he was, I was so... It was called the upside. Yeah, the upside. The upside.

And he, I went to lunch with him. I wanted to find out if he was ready for this. If he was like, if he got this, I said to him at lunch, I said, you know, this is, this is really not a comedy. I mean, this is really a character piece. Are you, are you ready for that? He goes, I know exactly what it is. Right.

And it's exactly what I need for my career. Right. And he was entirely correct. Right. And I said, this movie rests on your shoulders. You have to drive every scene. Sure. And he did.

Yeah, he did. He did. Well, I mean, that's a bit over, it was a fairly equal two-man show. It was two people who were locked together. Yeah. Because in the movie you're in a wheelchair. But he was such a whirling dervish. Yeah.

He carried the show. Yeah, I mean. So we're doing a sequel to it. Oh, wow. Yeah. You get up? Okay. For those of you who don't, who haven't seen the upside,

I play a quadriplegic in a chair. And that's why this bastard said, do you get up? You know, I got shit for that. What? I got a lot of shit for that. For what? Oh, this is going to set him off. Uh-oh.

I am not a... Oh, because you're not in a wheelchair. Yes. Well, we'll fix that. Yeah. I am an able-bodied actor playing a disabled actor. Well, Sean Penn had the great line about that. He said, it's getting to the point where you can only play Hamlin if you're a prince from Denmark.

Yeah. I mean, it's called acting. It's almost the whole point that you are doing something that you are doing something that you're that you are not, right? I can't even, I can't even. And again, you know, not to get back to woke goes too far, but you notice it when it enters your own life, don't you? Like that.

Yes, it was noticeable to me. I was pretty surprised that I got some blowback to it. And I thought there's a good point that disabled actors are not given an opportunity. It's a kind of a catch-22, that, you know, it's like, do you have the cachet to be able to carry a film? It has to make sense.

If, you know, if you're playing Jim Thorpe, you've got to be able to run. We lost all common sense. Yes, should there be the thought given to, hey, you know, this part could be, and by the way, it's not like I've never seen anybody in a wheelchair and a movie. Pretty much anyone who ever works a computer is in a wheelchair in every movie I've ever seen, okay? So, but yes, are there other, you know, doctors and lawyers? Yeah, they could. And where it's appropriate without, like, taking you out of the story, great.

We would have missed some great performances. But this one with- Daniel DeLewis, my left foot. Al Pacino, Incentive a Woman. Oh. There is a lot of... Oh, yes. It's not even worth considering. It's so silly. I think I'm just saying it's perspective.

You can only have the perspective of a 66-year-old white male. That's all you can have. All of us can only have our own perspective. Exactly right. It doesn't mean I can't, I'm not a sentient being who can't see. You can understand, but you cannot really know what it feels like to live in that skin. Nobody can. Except them.

If you had said that again in the era we were born, like somebody did a book on it in the 50s called Black Like Me, where he put on blackface basically so he could see what it was like. In the 1950s to walk around, it would be a just, you would, that's why that book resonated. Yes. It would be a shock. And in the 1960s during the riots in Watts and in Detroit and Chicago,

and elsewhere, I remember asking my mother, why are these black people so angry? Why are they so angry? I couldn't understand. Why are they throwing rocks and bottles? Because they lived in the 1960s. Yeah. But surveys now show that black people, especially young black people, are way more optimistic about their future in America than whites.

I hope so. Whites are actually the only ethnicity that has a bias against, themselves. Yes, the only group that, this comes from, you know, the far left, I think, they just, the only group who doesn't want to be with their own kind of people, every other ethnic group, or at least is okay with them. Yeah. Wow. No, there is a weird kind of white self-loathing. Yeah. That does go on in America. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of like wanting some dominatrix to dig a high heel into your neck to a certain degree. That's not disparage that kind of activity.

That could be very engaging and exciting. You could put that on your judge show. My judge show. Why? Why? Why is it? You sound a little bit like walking there. Why?

Do you do any impressions? I do impression. Impressions of Impressions. Everybody does. Kevin Pollock, you know. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Kevin.

Kevin. You do Kevin Pollock's. Yeah. I do Kevin Pollock's walking. You know. Right. I can do, I know exactly what you mean. I can do somebody's somebody.

Oh, this is perfect. I can't remember. I can do. Who is it? Who is it? Who is somebody's somebody? But yes. But that happens a lot of.

with impressions. There was a guy, you probably remember this because we're the same age, Will Jordan. Yeah. Okay, he was the guy who first did Ed Sullivan. And then everybody else was kind of like doing Ed? Yeah. Doing Ed? Yeah, doing, yeah, Will Jordan. Everybody was doing Will Jordan's Ed Sullivan, you know, mailmen were doing it. Yeah. It was not a, you just had to do. A big shoe. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. That's right. Yes. Oh, man. See, that was, that was, that was, that That was something that made America a easier place. What? Great again?

Oh, God. No, I'm just saying. That's what made America. Go get your Golden Globe. Really? Just go up there and do what they want and do you, engage in your kink. Make them feel guilty about just existing and their privilege because they're in an award. Well, I mean, an award show is pretty privilegedy.

It is, isn't it? Isn't it? Your life is fine. Why makes yourself feel guilty about it? I don't feel guilty about it. You didn't do it. You didn't do Jim Crow. I'm not guilty about it.

I know. I'm just accepting that this is the world that we have lived in. Have lived in, yes. And are making great strides and still work to be done. True. And let's try to accurately place ourselves where we are. Yes.

Is what I would say. But I still think you should go to the... Wasn't the show last night? Wasn't that the Golden Globes last night? It was, yeah. Were you there? Were you... No?

Not up for anything this year? Though on what you're doing? No, isn't that surprising? No. Weren't the Golden Globes themselves canceled because they were unwoke? They have completely... You know, Jared Carmichael, who hosted the show.

Okay. Young, black... I know who is, sure. he had the temerity and the balls that I was happy to hear that, that he said, the reason I'm hosting this show tonight is because I'm black. And gay. It's like, here it is. Yeah.

And that's, and that is to get back to our thing about the actor versus the comedian. Yeah. That is why he's a good comedian. That is what comedy does. It is like a divining rod. Yeah. that goes toward the thing that is true. It's the truth.

That everybody either is thinking or recognizes when they hear it. Totally get that. Or phrases it better than they have. Yes. But it's the elephant in the room. And you're right. Good for him. Beautiful about that.

Yeah. Yes. I mean, a lot of America is trying pretty hard in the last few years to make up for the sorry past. Can I ask you a question? in your work, did you ever pull up? Because pull up from the joke because you thought it was not going to be received well? No.

Well, I mean, pull up from the joke, I mean, I guess I could do that in the monologue because that's just really a bullet point here or there. Right. I'm really saying it, but I don't remember doing it there. The editorial I do at the end is, you know, I worked hard on that all week, getting every word exactly the way I wanted, so I'm never going to pull up on that. You work really hard.

No, I mean, yeah. I mean, I'm pulling up is not the way I create a bond with my audience. No. You know. I think most people will look at your show and go, oh my God, he's just winging it. He's just having a great time. That's what it should look like. That's exactly right.

That's fantastic if you think. Yeah. That's the skill, part of the skill. Yeah. It's to, you know, I think the Italians call it spretzatura, like to make something difficult look easy. And, you know, hopefully, yes, I mean, I'm old school with showbos. It's like, like, I'm there for them.

Like, I don't ask the audience, like, if I have a problem, you don't hear about it. My mother died. You don't, you didn't hear about it. You know, some people do that. It's fine on talk shows. I'm not knocking it. It's just not me. Like, I am there for you. So, like, if I don't feel good, that's my issue to work out before the show and to make the show just fly by and glide by. And, yes, make serious things still stay buoyant and funny at times. And so that it's not, you know,

a trip to the dentist to find out what happened in the world that week, you know. So, you know, I'm there for them. I will do what it takes to get to that point. I've never seen your show, your Vegas show. Come with me to Vegas some weekend. I will. And how long is it? Like just guys?

Yeah. Which your wife let you do like just a guy. Yeah. Really? Oh, absolutely. Even if it was me? I've been married for 33 years. I know, but I'm known as a bad influence.

No. You're not going to Your influence is not going to... I'm just saying You'd be prepared to have your picture taken at the Spirman Rhino at 2 a.m. It's Vegas. It's great! Okay, so you would do that?

Oh, yeah. You'd go to the Spirmet Rhino with me? I totally would. Oh, this is so going to happen. Let's do it. Let's do it now. I totally would go... Okay.

I go to Vegas. That's me. The Lisa Marie is fueled up and ready to go. I'm telling. I've got the peanut butter and banana sandwiches on ice. We are. How long is your show when you do Vegas? Vegas is different than any other city.

Okay. So you go to 70 minutes. 70 minutes. Why? Because like normally I would do 90 or. or maybe a little more. But in Vegas, they always want to keep the show short because any minute you're in the showroom,

you're not in the casino losing the house. Right? So. You want a little more? No, I have strict limits. No, really, seriously. It's important. At our age, you know, you just cannot,

I mean, it's one of the saddest things in my life is that I have to be very careful and circumspect about how I drink. Not that it's going to kill me over tonight, but like, come on, we're just not playing with the house money anymore. You know, I always say about health, and you look great, you look like you're in really good health. I mean, you're no Liam Hemp'sworth. I've got one more time for the road. But here's how I look back on my decades and how I handled myself.

There's a saying in sports, whatever the defense will give you. In other words, like, if they're playing against the run, you throw the pass. If they're throwing against the pass, you know, we took what the defense would give us. I feel like that's what I did with my body. When my body in my 20s and 30s would allow me to have 30 drinks a week, I did it. Yeah. I smoke cigarettes, you know. I mean, I just did stupid things, but my body didn't revolt enough to make me stop. You know, I still could function. You know, when you're 30, you can fucking drink. drink, have eight drinks at night, and, you know, pass out or whatever, falsely, pretty easily,

and you're at work the next day. I couldn't, that is inconceivable at this point. I mean, I'm impressed with you, like throwing these back, because that would knock me on my ass. Not that I'd be so drunk, I would just be sick for, like, till tomorrow. Oh, no. Well, purity. I don't smoke.

but I do I do like the drink but I sip I don't I think it's just you're probably have a very strong constitution

I do Are you Irish? I am Me too Yeah Irish and Jewish Me too Yeah

I mean I have more Jew and me than you I'm more Jew than you is what you're saying But it's not a competition Otherwise we You are, not only are we going to, excuse me. Not only are you and I going to go to Vegas and the Teddy Bar.

But I feel. Okay. I really want to see your show. You can. I want to see the show. No, I know. You're coming with me on the plane. You're going to be gone a total of 30 hours.

Okay. You can see the show twice. We'll go. I will do that. Friday late afternoon. We'll have Friday night after the show. We'll have brunch or leisurely. I've done this before.

Trust me. We'll have a leisurely brunch on Saturday. It'll be awesome. And then do whatever in the afternoon. Do the second show on Saturday night and get right back here. You'll be in your bed Saturday night at midnight. Great. Your wife will hardly know you're gone.

You'll probably like it. She'll say, Raoul. Is that you? Let's do it. No. I can't wait. But beyond that, I do think we should do some sort of reboot of the Bing Crosby Bob Hope Road pictures. I think I'd be a good Bing, I mean a good Bob Hope, and I think you could do Bing Crosby.

So you think you're Bob and I'm Bing. Oh, yeah. Bob and a Bing. I'm the comedian. Oh, yeah. You know. And I can play that, you know, cowardly schmuck, you know, that Bob Hope for a guy who was so beloved. His character was a sheister, and in his personal life, he was just known to be a huge brick.

Oh, my God. Graydon Carter tells a great story. I read it like in somewhere, Bobby Vanity Fair, his magazine. But he was at staying at Bob's house in Palm Springs. This is, I don't know, 25 years ago or something. And I don't know, I guess he was doing a story. on him or something. You know, he was a well-known editor, but, you know, he became a much bigger. I think this is before the Vanity Fair Oscar party. But he was still Graydon Carter, or maybe it was

after, it must have been, because he was sort of a celebrity himself. So whatever, for whatever, he was forever. He goes and then put him to bed, you know, whatever, and, you know, he says he's about to turn out the light. He said it was 11 o'clock at night, and he hears this padding outside the door, and then a little faint knock he opens the door, it's Bob. Bob says, hey, uh, you know, but I want to tell you. Why are we going to town and pick up some girls? And then Graydon wrote, he was 80 at the time. Unbelievable.

I don't want to tell you. Yeah, I was going to town and pick up some girls. Yeah, I was from town and pick up some girls. I mean, and of course, married. Connie Francis, ladies gentlemen. Connie Francis. And that's what you guys are fighting for. Yeah.

Oh, shit, it's eight o'clock. It's eight o'clock. All right, I'll let you go. Good time, bro. I'm telling you, that was fun. You don't mind going from here to here and then back. I love that about somebody when they can bounce from, we're very serious and then we're laughing.

And I'm serious. Right? It's rare. It's fun. How it should be. I admire the shit out of it. You. And I, you.

Really? Really do. You have over the decades been the voice of reason. Oh, I hope so. I never miss your show. Oh, great. I never see it, so how can I miss it? You don't watch your show?

No, that's Milton Burles. Oh, no. I never miss your show. I never see it, how can I miss it? See, I was serious. You were, yeah. Yeah, well, that's why we should go pick up some girls yeah 80 gotta love that gotta love it anyway we're doing good thank you man all right

let's have a good year it's the beginning of a new one new year my birthday's in uh nine days i'll get to 67 a little before you my friend i know but look at us we could play in a perhaps not the ingenue but uh and a and a but uh and a band of some sort. I'm not saying I could do Kate Hudson's part and almost famous, but I think... But I'd try.