Club Random with Bill Maher - Carrot Top | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: September 10, 2023

Bill and Carrot Top on how Carrot Top’s act is show and tell with liquor, how Bill uses pictures to get laughs on Real Time, Bill’s reason for loving Orlando, when Carrot Top’s dad got him his first beer, the time Carrot Top built a very special mouse trap, Bill’s rule about being touched, the genius of Gilbert Gottfried, how comics couldn’t do both the Tonight Show and Letterman, how the public can be insulting without knowing it, the time Trump made Carrot Top touch his hair and much, much more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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No, I started the whole thing for you. You're so funny. No, I'm not making a huge feat, by the way. So I started this whole thing because of you. This is why I'm here. It's so funny. The message you left me the other day. It's like today's Wednesday.

It was like Tuesday and you were like, I know this is like the wedding. We're not supposed to talk to each other. You're right. I'm ready to do it. That's right. Yeah. You're right. You're not supposed to talk to each other. That's right. That's right, guys. That's right. Wow, you've been in Vegas a long time. Yeah.

Really? But see, to me, that's so impressive. Because, like, when did you start at the Luxor? 18 years ago. 18 years. And 18 year residency in Vegas. Yeah. See, this is...

Only Penn and Teller, I think, have gone longer, but the only one talks about it. Right? You can't count the one guy. He didn't say anything. So Penn really is doing all the work. See, I can abide by people who like do the carotops. I'm very offended if you smoke in front of me. I'm...

People who do like the carotop jokes. I mean, we've all done carotop jokes, but I always tell them. I'll tell anyone who does what I say. Yeah, but he's actually a very funny guy. You know, if they're like, slap on it. But what I cannot take is people who just don't give it up for success.

Maybe it's not your cup of tea or you wanna be a snob. Even though I've seen your show and I left my ass off. So, like, I'm a bright guy. So it doesn't, you don't have to be like, oh, I'm too smart for that show. You're not. It's just funny. It's using props, so it doesn't, you don't have to be like, oh, I'm too smart for that show, you're not. It's just funny. It's using props, but it's also funny.

But I cannot abide people who just will not give it up for success. Yeah. You know, I like what you said a second ago though, is that you said, okay, I might make a character, but he's funny. See, what I used to get was he's, but he's a nice guy.

So my cousin went to go, went and saw. Where? You know, you said, but he's a nice guy. So my cousin went to go, went and saw. Where? You know, you said, but he's funny. Yeah. So, so back in the days, but he's a nice guy. So, there would be was fun. They wouldn't admit that I was funny,

but they would say, but I know, but they'd say he's a nice guy. So, there was, instead of saying, nobody's funny, which would make me happy if they'd say he's a nice guy. But nice guy is, you always want to be a nice guy, but you also want, of course, your peers to think money. Well, I mean, 18 years as a, in the main room at a major hotel in Vegas, I just can't think of any other

comic who's done that. I mean, certainly magicians for whatever reason in Vegas. Well, I know what reason. They drags every yaw in the country. And that's like what they love, is magic. Comics, I know what reason. They drags every yaw in the country. And that's like what they love is magic comics. What many comics myself included hate magic is we think it's cheap and it's like we're we're trying to be clever and they're like, oh, you bought that at a novelty shop. Right. And I did a trick with a team once. It's like I was came out of the I won't say who it was.

I love them. But it was called rock blood from a rock. That was the out of the, I won't say who it was, I love them, but it was called rock, blood from a rock. That was the name of the trick. And they had a rock, which they made blood come out of it. Possibly that's where the name of the trick came from. Nice. Anyway, like when you, as a, as the shell in the audience, I was planted, of course. Like, oh, this celebrity's gonna come out of the audience.

Crazy, how did Bill Morgan? Yeah. exactly. Like when you saw it up close, it was not impressive. No. Like I get it from the 12th row. Just the way like our set, a real time set is the same set they use for prices, right? Or at least it has been for many years.

And sometimes people come in and they, when they see the prices right set up close, they're rather credible. Because it just looks like shit. Well, you know, TV. It's like, it looks great, and up close, it looks like a leopards asshole. No, not that bad, but not good.

I love this. You know, I was at your home, or one of these homes. Did I know? You were like, he owns every, he owns like 20 homes along here. No, I don't. Yes, you know, I was at your home, or one of these homes. Did I know? You were like, he owns every, he owns every 20 homes along it. No, I don't. Yes, you do, the whole mountain. No, I don't.

They told me that on the way here. You're thinking of Bob Holt. No, maybe Bob Holt. But you were all these homes. I don't know. So I, I was here one of them, and this is so many years ago, and I don't know how I got,

I don't know how I got invited, but you invited me. I'm sure I do. Everyone in the world. So I like you. So I was there with a sweep. Everyone was here. That was probably 2004 or five. Yes. it. I like it. Everyone was there.

Well, the sweep. Everyone was here. That was probably 2004 or five. Yes. I had been doing the tonight's show with Jay. Many may, Jay will be here a minute doing a setup here. Jay was right there. And I had left your house and I'd going down the hill.

And as I'm going down the hill, Florence Henner said, you can't make this up. Florence. No, she was there at your house. You did invite her. Right? I remember. I love her. So, she was there at your house. So you did invite her, right? Remember. Yes. I love her. So Florence has come to me.

She's dead. I think so now. Crush her off the list. I didn't see her in the driveway walking out. I'm getting another invite. Okay. But I walked down to my best friend was with me. And she says, hi, caretop, right?

And so I said hi. And then she hands her drink. This is the best part ever. To this day, we still talk about this in my friend. She's like, caretop. then she hands her drink. This is the best part ever to this day. We still talking about this to my friend. And she's like, it's carrot time. And she hands her drink to my friend. And so I was talking to me and he's like,

what the fuck? Like, he just works at the property or works for you. And he just stethere and held her drink. And I said, just keep holding your fucking drink. You're invited to this party. But then Jay will let him, you know, humbles, hobbles up. He's the jubbie. But as he make it up the hill, humbles, hobbles up. The rethensives of him.

But as he make it up the hill, he's, he is my third motorcycle accident. I can't do that. What? I mean, Jay, are you kidding? Jay could fall into a woodchipper and be in a thousand pieces. And he put himself back to the other in a day and he'd be on entertainment.

Yeah, he does. If I went to the woodchipper, I would say no big thing, my, my, my, my penis is up in my brain now. But, you know, that's kind of a good thing. So true. He was on the, he was on the like the next champion, right? I mean, no big thing, my, my penis is up in my brain now. But, you know, that's kind of a good thing. So true. He was on the next day, right? I mean, motorcycle likes it. I just routinely know, always call him Iron J.

You know, we used to do that character, Iron J. Yeah, yes. But he is, he is Iron J. You cannot, he doesn't miss a gig. He doesn't miss, he doesn't need sleep. He doesn't miss a gig. You can't, he's like the what's the character in the Halloween or whatever.

They can't kill him. Is it Jason? You're right. Right, how they, I mean, you talk to me. You know, you've been friends with him. I've been friends with him for as long as you probably. But when you, you see him, if I go say hi to like, I did to you, you're, I go, I go by to say hi.

And he'll say the same exact three questions. First thing he says, I say good. He said, have you seen any other comics? I go, there's no comics in Vegas anymore. You see any comic had your worth while I said, George was. And he's like, how big is your, it was his three things. I had a, how big is your room? And I always say the same thing.

It's a dumb joke. I said, I don't like, you know, three, three thousand. He's like, that's me. And I said, I don't like, you know, three, three thousand. He's like, oh, that's me. And I said, no, it's 300. But he always says that every time I see three thousand, he says, oh, yeah, three thousand big. And I said, no, gee, it's three hundred. But it's great watching.

And he'll eat a steak and just, you know, and talk to you and he doesn't give a shit. Where's my denim? He eats denim, by the way. He eats denim. Chunks of denim. You know, he does that. He does.

I, it always bugs me that the Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O'Brien have this huge heart on for him. And I respect that. Data do, you think they're so good? Oh, I think Conan more than Jim. Well, Conan maybe. Jimmy, you know, it's very hard to see. It's a thing.

They're both people I admire and like so much. And yet, I love Jay. And I just, like, are they really seeing something? And I'm sure, sort of like one or both of them at this, yeah, I think they still would both say, yes, we are seeing a Maccabelli inside. And Jay is Italian. I, you know, he did hide in the closet,

but it didn't seem like to me he ever crossed the line. It seemed like he won. Yeah. You know, it's, this is not a bean bag here. This is show business. We're old, you know, we all want to be on top. I don't, I don't, do you really? Or are you on top?

What? No. Man was going to be on top. Well, Jay had a great, either on top or on the top of your game. Top, right. Sometimes, you know, you can only be appealed to the, the, whatever. We're such a niche audience everywhere now. Yeah. That if you have, you know, back in the day, Johnny Carson used to get like 17 million. You know, at 11, 30 at night, I think it is 17 million. In 11, 38 night, I think it is 17 million.

And now it's prime time shows. Sometimes don't get a million. Yeah, so everybody has their own personal, in the future, I think. It's always nice to meet you. You'll have your own personal committee. Like you, you'll be in AI. You'll be in AI.

Yeah, yeah. And it'll just be you telling you jokes, and you know you'll love them because it's you and you know It's interesting because I did the show all those years it was they would call or I call them and say I have a set You know whatever I was current whatever a topical thing was out It's Trump or Barbie what are the fucks current and I would say I have a set put me on and they would always put me on and then I'd talk to J. Aftery's you know this comic they come in I mean the airport in these places Which is really flights probably so I don I'd talk to J. Aftery. So you know, these comics, they come in, I mean, the airport in these places, which is where he flies.

It's probably not always talking to people in the airports, but he would say, they give me grief because I book you. And I said, and he would always defend me and say, because I would bring the goods and I would always have the thing. I never tried to be anything I wasn't. I wasn't trying to take sets away from aologist. Right.

I just did my thing. Yeah. You don't have to apologize. Yeah. And Jay, there's still jokes to this day. I still remember Jay's jokes. Oh, Jay. No, Jay, Jay, right now.

You know, you were never a gay Italian. Remember his aunt? There was never a gay Italian. Jay. And he said, what about Lebron? Oh, it's just talk. But it's still funny. Like, it's still funny.

It's just talk. It's just talk. But it's still funny. Like, it's still funny. It's just talk. It's just talk. Yeah. One of the best ones ever, what's the girls? I don't have to apologize for pictures. You know, I use tons of pictures in my editorials

at the end of real time, which is the, you know, sort of the most serious part of the show. It's the end of the show. It's something I'm saying that's, you know, besides the laughs, I'm always making a point. Usually one no one else is making that right goal. It's brilliant.

So thank you. I'm not efficient for that. I'm just saying, we use plenty of pictures, you know? There's lots of things that end, and it wouldn't have been this guy picture come up. And that punctuates it. We, I don't apologize for that. I mean, I'm glad at this point

in the illiteracy standings of America, it's not all pictures and props. Sure. My show is easy to follow along. It is. It's like show and tell with liquor. It really is. If you can't get my show,

you're fucking crazy. That's just green. Stupid. That's true, isn't it? No, and the other thing is, I'll be speaking about it. I've helped them along and we're like, look, it's, it stupid. That's true. No, I'm the other thing. I'll be speaking. I've helped them along and I'm like look It's it's Joe Biden's dog. It's a dinosaur in a fucking rope. It can't be easy. I can't be easy

Because he's old. Yeah, see that you see Joe Biden's dog So interesting and then I have a classified document that has magnets in the back that picks it up at the end It's perfect. It's perfect. It is and you why I'm, they love it. I'm a little jealous because like, I don't do Joe Biden old jokes because one, that's the one I do though. I don't actually, I do one. I don't do one Trump. I do one Biden, so.

It works great as a prop. Yeah. It really does. I love that joke. And it's silly and no one gets offended. Right. And the same with the Trump, I do, I go, and I do a thing which is sad.

We're really into bringing this up a peover. I said, I said, if you look at Trump's moves, it's Pee Wee Herman. If you look, I do a thing on the video behind me where he's doing it, and if you put them side by side, it's Trump doing Pee Wee doing Trump. So he does the, and it kills, and now that Pee-Wee just passed, oh, it's gonna be probably even more beautiful for the show, but that is a, it was just one night I'm sitting there,

I'm like, what is he, what is Trump's Pee-Wee? He's a, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do on to something different. America does need more things that can get people from both sides of the political divide to sit together and enjoy something in common. We should bring them all in here. There's one, two spots left. No, I don't want to. Get your tickets now. Too many people in here would be, I mean, this is a cozy space, but you wouldn't want a big party. No, no.

This is it. I love being here with people like you, but um... Do you come in here sometimes by just by yourself, though? Oh, by myself, though. Oh, by myself? No, no, you would never. You said it to the like, you know? No, why would you say that?

You just sit in like, okay, action. No. You just pretend like, no? This is the best guest I've ever had. But, no, I mean, we use this room as the party room. This is where Florence Tennis Rinded rails right off this frame. You think I'm kidding.

No, but that's so funny. You're reminding me of just an era in my life, which was the politically incorrect era. That's when you, you know how we met? That's why I would know somebody like Florentenders, and because she wouldn't be on a show like real time. You know, she had that kind of iconic, also, Mrs. C from Happy Days.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it used to be on, and I would call her Mrs. C. I mean, some people, you know, they just, and that, again, you doing a service for America because our big problem is that half won't, they won't even mingle with the other half anymore. So don't you find that? Yes. Yes.

I mean, if you, I mean, Trump was indicted. Oh, yeah. Well, for the big one, for January 6th. Oh, to go with today, I didn't see it. No, I've been working. I've been preparing for this. Bro, that's why. But I know the other two.

Horace race. Okay, I know the other two. And died about United, okay. So what's going to happen? Yes. So what's going to happen to you guys? Who do we go to for this? What I'm saying to you is that this, you know, everyone who saw this, I mean, everyone,

but you, this is like, I will see tonight. It's not a, it's not a, it's a different time zone. It's happened over it. It doesn't matter. It's just, that's, you're on the pace of more people than I am, but this is my business. Oh, no, but it is a pretty big big news. I know now. It's a huge story because This is the I mean you could quibble and I have about well should they have really gone after an ex president even as when his loathsome is he

For the porn star hush money. Yes, did he do it always with the answer with any of his trials or engagements or crimes? Is did he do it? Yes, he did it. He's a criminal. He does criminal things. He doesn't even think they're criminal. He's a pure id.

He's an insane person because he's got malignant narcissism, like in a certifiable level where he literally can't think of, I don't think, the repercussions or other people. So he did all these things, but should we have gone after him for that? That one, and then there was the files one. I mean, again, did he do it? Of course, he's, it was like these files in mind, but this one, January 6th,

not considering the election, the thing that I had been saying all those years about Trump, when people were laughing at me, he's not going to leave office. That one is the one that matters. And so they finally, so hopefully they didn't blow their fucking powder on the first two. But of course, all the people who like him, they just think, oh, now they're trying this. Yeah, well, it's going to change nothing. Well, no, like to my point is, we need things where people who think, like when a story comes down like that,

half the country's on one side, half's on the other, go to the carotops show. No. And then, you know, nothing will, you know, not going to anything, it's going to really piss off either one. Whereas my show pisses off both. Yeah, show's great. That's funny, though. Yeah, it's very funny, off both. Yeah, show's great.

That's funny though. Yeah, it's very funny though. Now your show's funny. I saw it. I just saw it. It was really, really, I told you it was, oh my stand, oh yeah, she's coming to see my love. No, it was brilliant.

It was a thank you. It would be just to be honest. Not to blow smoke, but it was, but I do want to, I mean, I'm asking you. Well, I am, I'm asking you. I mean, it's way that way. I'm going to plug my date, sit some so glad, I'm going to pretend this was a segue. Thank you, I know I am. I mean, it's way that way. I'm gonna plug my date, sit some so glad. I'm gonna pretend this was a segue.

I knew about it. Why did you? Why I hit a piece of paper under the pillow. But I will be at the David Copperfield Theater at the MGM Ranch, September 15th and September 16th. And are you in town? We're gonna get together. I'm all alone.

Well, make sure I'm there. Let's go to, uh. I'm not fucking going, but I'll, yes, go. People go see you. I just saw. Let's go to what? I'm not fucking going, but I'll, yes, go. People go see you. I just saw. Let's go to what I went to that delight. Good restaurant. It was pretty awesome.

Do you remember how we met? No, I've been made into Thomas Brown. I'm romantic. No, it wasn't a romantic story. It's funny. When I went here about Charlotte. What Charlotte, fun? When did you really mention?

I know. Why? Well, I'll tell you how. Why? So I first started doing the comedy thing. And there was this guy that ran all these clubs in the South And they had like literally like where you Florida Florida where had a Orlando How can Orlando man? Love or land. No, it's great. I've been there my whole life. I

Love Florida. I love people. I do people should I say I love I like people shun on it. I say, I love. I don't care. I don't want you to come. I feel I feel like if I live there, I feel like the way I do about California, which is I love this place, but there's things I just hate about it too. There's bad things about Florida. Nobody talks well about the weather in the summer. No, they don't make any nice. There's never nothing any nice. But I do feel good in Florida. It's a freer feeling.

It just is. Florida's beautiful. Yeah, it's a great. I love it. They just want to have a good time. And Miami, I mean, you couldn't live there. It's like Vegas with a beat, right? I was just saying, you could say exactly.

But it's so great that there is sort of a city in America. It's not really an American city. It's much more of a continental, euro, South American. Well, it is like this little beautiful little quiet. Well, that does just like, you know. It's great. No, you don't like it.

No, I love it. You know, it's the kind of place where like, you know, you don't have to make an excuse while you're going to a strip club. What else am I gonna do? What else am I gonna do? And I hear they do it well here, you know. It's Florida.

You gotta do Florida thing. Yeah. That was my first prop I ever came up with. What? It was a hat just like this and it had a spring and an old lady's head on it and I said, you wear this. So you'd see the lady's head behind the driving.

And that was my very first product. And it killed. I'm playing a bokeh or a tone. Right. And that was the first thing. Like, this gets going somewhere. And old lady's head. So your mind always just went to the point.

No, it didn't actually. Well, though it did it then, because I didn't know how to be a stand-up. And now that I've done it over 40 years, I've started to appreciate how to become a stand-up. And now that I've done it over 40 years, I've started to appreciate how to become a stand-up. So I've slowed down and doing like what you, like it's a different world. It took a lot of time to get comfortable

and being like letting a crowd listen to a story until there's a punchline. Right. That was not, I was scared to death. So I'd have to do prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, prop, I'm still scared to death. Have you heard of microdosing? It's getting recognized more by people looking to improve their health and performance.

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My dad worked at the space center and that's why I'm from Florida. Your dad worked at the space center? Was it a rocket science? What a god I know. Dude, what the fuck, right? Well, my first beer, this is great. So my first beer, speaking we're drinking. So it's 14 and we're to see a launch.

And this evening, this is even a bit. This is just like a story. So I'm like, I'm dad, so he wanted to go see a launch. I said, no, I don't want to see a launch. I want to, this is even a bit, this is just like a story. So I'm like, my dad's gonna go see a launch. I said, no, I don't wanna see a launch. I wanna watch the fucking Brady Buncher, Gilligan's Island. So we go to this launch. It's a hundred degrees out in Cape Cranagro.

And my dad's shaking hands with astronauts and shit. And he said, he comes to these astronauts. And there's like these little tents set up with a beer, but lying hot dogs, you know. So my dad looks at me and he says, what do you want? I said, hot dog and a Coke. And my dad looked at the tents

and there was 50 people waiting to get a hot dog and a Coke and there was two people in the beer line. So my dad looked at me, so you're gonna have a fucking beer. That was, you know, 14, 13. So I said, okay. So he gives me a beer because my dad's like, I'm waiting the fucking line to give me a coconut dog. So I'm just sitting there with a beer

in the 13 and he kept looking at how he said, say, how these astronauts. I was like, I, and I'll send the launchers off. I did. I was a great launch. I said, there's like three launches. My dad's like, are you fucking drunk? I'm like, I don't know. I think. And then, you know, don't tell your mother for a second. See, your father sounds like a redneck scientist. Yes. He was? He was a very smart scientist, but he was not really...

Yes, redneck. Love country music. Love his pickup truck and his boots. Yeah, I don't mean it as an asshole. No, no, no. Not an asshole at all. No, but my dad was so smart. Well, my redneck was so good. He was too smart for his own good.

My brother flew F-16s for the Air Force. How weird is that shit? How the fuck did I become? I might have a head of that. I have. Seriously? Seriously. Like, didn't it?

We're going to turn the eyes. Seriously? Look at this. I'm tempted because I, but if I die, I'll probably die. One thing I never do is proselytize about pot or any drug. It's like it's so personal. It's like you do, you know, you do you, whatever you want to do. Just don't stop me. But it's not personal, because I was smoking on the same wedding lip. But you're, but you're, and you drink. And I do drink. I see you. But you're a bit, and you drink? And I'm sorry, I'm too drunk.

I'm too drunk. Yeah. Too exas, you drink a lot? No. No. But you drink every day? I mean, this thing was fun I got here, but no. No, I don't drink a lot.

This fuckers. Why do they do that? They do that to me. I was going to tell you, like, if I didn't know you were a prop comic, and I was just talking to you, and we were like comedians. I'm not a prop coach. Who meet backstage somewhere. I mean, and we were just talking to you. We were like comedians. I'm not a prop coach.

Who meet backstage somewhere. I mean, we were just talking, I wouldn't guess that you were. And I mean, that is a compliment. It's not like, oh yeah, he's only funny when he's got a prop in his head. He's a funny guy. You know, you sound like all my other good comic friends

when you're having a comic friends. Who are just funny. It's not like you pull out props while we're talking. I mean, okay, you did a cop. Well, that was the, that was yes. That was the fear I could. I mean, I might have something in it. But that was the fear when I first started doing

like what I did clubs, as you know, like way back, when I did clubs, they would have all the comics go on the radio shows. And they'd say, well, they would never, they would say, well, he's not gonna go on the radio because he's a prop and I said, I can, I can fucking talk. I can tell stories. Right.

And so I would or going to like Howard Stern and they were, they, they just blown away that, you know, right. You have your, I said, no, I don't need props. I'm talking. I'm a, I've, I've been doing this for a, I can tell a story. Right.

I don't need to do my act on that. Yeah. And then I said to my assistant during the house, I said, go get my fucking props. Just as a joke and he's like, you're gonna do props in the radio. And I said, just one. So I started doing like some of my props

as a joke joke on top of the joke. You know, a gay mouse trap. You know, it's already funny without even having to say it. It was a mouse trap with a little mirror ball. So it's a mouse trap to catch a gay mice. So you know, it kills without having to, without having to even do the prop, it, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say,

I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I got to say, I think anywhere, right? The rest of us, Lennon, you were talking about me, everybody, we go to, you know, I got to go to Orlando. I love Orlando, but, you know, I don't love going there. I don't love the trip, no matter how easy you make it, it's far away. Right. Whereas you stay in one place and they come to see you, that's the Vegas man. Yeah, it's, and not a lot of people get to do that.

Not that I'd want to live in Vegas, because I wouldn't. And I love Vegas for a weekend. But I don't know. But I guess you seem to like it right away. I didn't right away. No, no, I hated it. But you must have a ball.

I love it now. Big ass mansion. I have three that are all, like this, there's three properties. The middle one I do my podcast in. No. Shut up. No, I have a nice house in Vegas.

And then, you know, people always say this stupid thing to say, like, you hang out with other, you know, is like that. Is this not the fucking rat pack? No, we don't have one back then. They think that I'm hanging out with Celine Dion and fucking Adele. Oh yeah, Adele and I have barbecues every week. Like, you know, they, it's just not what it one back then. They think that I'm hanging out with Celine Dion and fucking Adele.

Oh yeah, Adele and I have barbecues every week. It's just not what it was back then. No, it's not. I mean, it's not, well, no. They think it is. They want it to be. But they want it to be. They want it to be.

I want it to be. Well, yeah. But they want it to be like, oh, dear. So, and there's not a lot of residencies that are there that are one person anymore like you said earlier. I mean, they do it for a while. I mean, Elton John was there for a while. Yeah, but a little bit more like this. You're 18 years. That's a whole different thing. That's like then you're like an institution.

And who wants to live in an institution? No. But again, no. I was there a few times with, you know. I had so much fun. I was on a show with, speaking of being an institution, Jonathan Winters. And so I was a young comic. And he had been on his special, Jonathan Winterspecial. Wow.

I know, right? And so he brings us to this restaurant in Santa Monica. There's like six comics in him. He's the host and takes us to a restaurant and he literally stands and talks to the wall for about 20 minutes now. We're all thinking it and everyone else who just laughed, I'm laughing, but I thought, you know what? There might be something too that like I don't think he's being, I think he's fucking not real. This is real. And so finally this people came over and said Jonathan, like,

yeah, he was crazy. Oh, and he talked to the way he said, he said, you get these soldiers out there and then he turned back and look at me. He says, you're a good looking kid. He kept doing that shit. I have had two people that just do a good looking, you grab your cheek and shit. And it was scary. It was scary, but it was Jonathan fucking winners, right? I think I'm like, what? But he was crazy. Don't touch me, still my role, even if you're... Don't touch me.

Even if you're a comic. Even if you're Jonathan winners. Even if you're a comic genius, that's not genius enough, don't, but he was a sad, my knowledge of it, which is not deep, but what I thought I know is that Jonathan Winters it was a sad life. He was depressive and he was kind of like borderline cuckoo.

And when he channeled it like on those old clips we've seen, that's how we know him from the tonight show and so forth, you could see somebody working off the top of their head that this was truly ad lib. This was high wire stuff where he did not do an act. Johnny would just, let me give you a prop, and you give him a stick or something. And Johnny would do, it was very much like what Gilbert did. In New York, when I brought him up every night

of catchurizing a star, there was like very basic props and he would just do crazy shit with them You know just flight of fantasy. I cannot compete in this realm. I could not do that. I'd be very intimidated to go up on a stage. Yeah, and I mean some of the bits of course Certainly I saw Gilbert thousands of times, well, yeah, probably thousands at least. I remember there was ones that he would keep in, like there was a stick and he would put it behind his head like this, like with his hand over it and it got impression.

Jesus Christ. Then he would take the stick and turn sideways profile and put the stick over his shoulder. And Jesus on the cover a TV guy. He was like, I'm sorry. You have to leave that one. You even knew that. He even knew he had to leave that one.

But in general it was, it was, it was still new, you know. And I think Winters was the same But in general, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was too new, you know. And I think Winters was the same one. Yeah, he was, he was, but, but yeah, you could just look at him a laugh though, that was kind of interesting, right? I mean, you, you wouldn't say anything. You just go, the hat, and you'd laugh.

But he was going somewhere, where you, it was an anticipation laugh. I sure know he was, he had, or I guess he didn't know where he was going. That was the, but he always seemed to get there. Of course, we've only seen the clips, right? Where, I mean, maybe there was one to rebound. I didn't, yeah.

I don't know. But it's funny, you mentioned the cheek thing, because I remember, we must have similar memories of when we were young comics starting out. And there was that old guard, which we are now, which is the Z part. Let's not dwell on that. But when we were starting out. And there was that old guard, which we are now, which is the Z-part, let's not dwell on that. But when we were starting out, I remember meeting people like Milton Burrell.

Meeting people, I remember I was at a, oh, Bud Friedman had a dinner and I was luckily one of his favorites. I love Bud Friedman. Bud was always sweet to me. You know, the comics you never gave me this spot, and I wasn't getting it messy, but she never gave me this spot, but Bud Friedman loved me And I wasn't getting it messy, but she never gave me this.

But Bud Freeman loved me. I don't know why and how. But he gave me this. I couldn't get out of the comedy store either, but I didn't try that hard. Same, I just told someone yesterday. Yeah. So you know, I never did, though.

I didn't try. But I was always, the Bud loved me. And I was like, when I did Leno, it was like the Leno, you're the Leno guy. But I did let him and they went and I'd be do let because they said I'm the Leno, I said, Bob, the Leno guy. No, back then, no, you're the Leno guy, but I do Letterman, they went and I'd be do Leop because I said, I'm a, I said, Bob, I'm a little guy. No, back then, no, you're the little guy.

No, but can I not do both? But I was a big enough to do both because they'd have you sign filled these guys who you could do Leno and Letterman, but me, they were like, no, you're just, you're the Leno guy, my, but I'm not the Leno guy. I just did Leno. Yeah.

But I would love to do Letterman and they said, huh? Yeah, I did do both, but I felt Letterman was much more sparing. I was, you know, they got it that I was, it was nice that they had me at all, I guess, because I was sort of Jay's guy. I was his two, I was his two times a Letterman two. I was his remote correspondent. I don't know if you remember this.

I remember. But in the year 1993, when I was just starting politically incorrect, I was also Jay Leno's remote guy. And it started New Year's Eve. They put me in Times Square. I remember the big laugh was, you know, the ball and it was like, Jay, England made a big bend. But here in America, we've got the big balls.

That's great. It was great. I don't remember who wrote it. I don't know if I'm probably not me, maybe. I don't really remember, but it's a great line because... You made a big bend. What's spicy? 30 years ago, you had to be a little more careful on TV.

You couldn't just go shit like they do. Right right now, Romany Central Ross. There's everything but... Oh, but Kant. They can't, yeah., right now. Comedy Central, right now. There's everything but, oh, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but way. It's so perfect. So, and then we did like, I did like 25 of those, the Grammys, whatever event, Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year. Do you remember this?

I do remember this. And I'd have, oh yeah, we'd go on these remotes. We'd kind of like shoot it ourselves. They barely gave us a producer. It was kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah. And Jay would then ask me the questions and,

you know. I mean, it's so interesting. Well, he loved to play straight, man. You know, he was a gen, you know. He, I mean, Jay always has a better joke or at least he thinks he does. Or try your, yeah, sure, sure. So he doesn't like pause to laugh a long time.

You know, he'd indicate to laugh to you. Right, yeah. But you know what, we like to funny thing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's time. He indicates to laugh to you. Right, but he knows what really is the funny thing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so true. You're out of the next top. It's kind of smart. It's kind of brilliant actually, right? Because you know, you know, you know, the way my parents came into the Connie Stevens ones,

so what are my favorites? Do you know this one? Connie Steven. Yeah, now I told Jay this not long ago and he said, I don't really know. I said, you did this joke for 30 fucking years. Any legitimacy looked at me like I did, like I was, he didn't know it.

So I thought it was kind of interesting. Cause I know every joke kind of, unless someone says, I saw you do this bit where you do it, I'm like, oh, I'm pretty stupid. So he says, my mom and dad, I just got the tonight, though, and they go, they're kind of, so my mom and dad come to from Boston, right?

We go to this fancy restaurant. Remind me, Connie, Steve. Well, I'll tell you, this is so quick. So he says, I'm gonna go, I bring my family, this is great, though. And so my mom, dad, we're this fancy restaurant, and I said, mom, dad, get everything, you know, and Jay, get everything you want,

or anything you want, it's not me, you know, so it's mom and dad's like, this is great, you know what I'm doing, that's what he's mom's like, this is expensive. He's like, mom, dad, just like, you know, this is crazy. You're not doing this and his mom's like, this is expensive. He's like, mom, dad, just kidding. You want his mom, Lee and Zoran says, this is so crazy, but that looks a lot like Connie Stevens.

And Jay looks behind him. He says, well, that is, it's Hollywood, mom. That is Connie Stevens, you know, which you kind of forget when you're here, right? Well, that is Connie Stevens. She goes, I would do anything to be Connie Stevens. So Jay says, you know, fuck, I just got the goddamn, but she doesn't know fucking, I don't want bother.

See, walk so he says, Ms. Stevens, I don't want to bother you. I'm the Jay Leno, I just took over from Johnny Carson. I'm the host of the science show. My parents are here from Boston, and they want to say hello, would you say hello? And she says, oh, sure, bring her over. So, he was mom, Connie Stevens, kind of Stevens, my mom. And he says, my mom, Lee and Zins says, whatever, sure, bring her over. So he was mom, kind of Stevens, kind of Stevens. My mom, and he says, my mom leans in and says,

whatever happened to you. Oh. And you know, Jay's like, ah. So it was just in how he does this. So I tell him that not too long ago, and he goes, I don't remember that joke. I said, you've got it for 35 years. Yeah, I just done a joke to a lot of people.

I mean, every performer, myself included, I'm sure you do too. Understands one thing about the public. Very, very large percentage of them without knowing that they're being insulting or trying to be insulting. Just don't understand. They're not in show business.

I'm not blaming them. I don't know the insurance business, but I've heard them say things like, why don't you have a show anymore? Right, you're like, I've never got to do that. Wait, is it just order it? I get that every day.

You used to work in a, yeah, I had to get today. No, really. I said, yeah, yeah, every night. You're like, go see yourself. Where you been in my own every night? I've never gone anywhere. Yeah. You used to work in, you know, you used to.

It's a weird thing too. I can take, I can take, not even a day off. I fly to somewhere. Let's say Orlando. Get off the plane. I've just done two months in Vegas. I get off the plane.

Go to a restaurant that I go to all the time in my little town, in my little scooter, in my speedo. And someone will walk up and say, oh, you're not working anymore? Are you retired? I'm like, I just fucking went to the months. I gave it one day off. What is your schedule?

How many weeks do you do it? I do like four weeks on one week off at an average. Right. This week, I would be in Florida, but I'm here. And you go back to Florida with your week off? Yeah, but I can't be here for you because this is, you only shoot one day and I as fuck, I have to get a thing.

That's why you go back to Florida. I put crown in a different kind of bottle. This is not how crown comes by the way. That's a different brand. Cause we don't want to, right, so I'm going to plug it. We don't have to pay for it. This is right, pay for advertising, you know.

Right? I'll put, let's ride. We do a shot instead. Yeah. Looks like it would be more fun. So, but why do you always go back to Florida? You still feel comfortable more in Florida? Yeah, I'll have a boat in the...

So being in Vegas is like always just being in work. I feel like I'm working in Vegas when I go to work. Well, you are. Well, I mean, right. Well, I'm right. But I guess... So my photos get away where I'm not working, so... I don't read about it.

And you work so I don't read it. I don't read, you know you know like the Trump thing I didn't know today because I didn't read it But I will hear about it. What no it's gonna be so big You were seven you get close with him. He's seven gonna be Sean listen to me I'm the only guy He was good so right he gets so close He's showing it is like what the fuck is like no seriously? We're gonna talk about this I'm the only guy who's ever done this. He was good so much. You're right. He gets so close. He's showing hate and it's like, what the fuck is, like, no seriously, we're gonna talk about this.

This is what I mean in Palm Beach. You can't help me. Can't get any closer. It's like a lap dance with Tom. Okay, don't you jump a little, like a lap dance for me. Right. He does, he's right in. It's such a...

It's true. It's true. It's true. Yeah. It's true. Oh, you know. You can't get any farther away. It's like, it's like, it's a barrier, true. Oh, you can't even bother with the way that's garyer wouldn't you? I know. We both have orange, you know I met him on the on Regis and Kathy Lee. That's how long has all I am. Regis and Kathy Lee and he was the guest host.

And we've, here's the weird thing, maybe you can help me, you very powerful man. You're a very powerful man. You're a very powerful man. I was on the show with him. He was in Silverstein or Silverstone, whatever name it's from Erasmith videos. Her, me, Donald Trump, and then I, Alicia Silverstone. Alicia Silverstone, thank you.

We got him a right for it. She just texted me again. Alicia Silverstone, God damn it. So anyway, I'm trying to get this goddamn clip, right? I come on the show and I walk out and read it in Kathleen. All I say is I love that I'm finally on a show where I don't have the stupidest hair. It's all I said.

Donald Trump looks at me. Oh, yeah. But he looks at me and he says, like, you know what? And then he says, touch it. And I said, what's that? He's like, touch my hair. And I said, I didn't say. So he makes me touch.

Like, I wish I could find the film. So, he puts his hand, like, he makes me touch his hair, right? I wasn't against touching his hair. I was making, I'm a comic. I could find the film. So he puts his hand like he makes me touch his hair, right? I wasn't against touching his hair. I was making a macama guy, I was making a joke. It's a kid in a joke. And then he tells the crowd, I said to the crowd, tell the crowd, it's real. I said I didn't say it wasn't real.

I said the joke was I didn't have the stupidest hair. I mean, not say it wasn't real. He's such an idiot. What I'm saying. Tell him all, I did. I told everybody. Stupid and he's real. He's such an idiot. So I'm saying, tell him all. I did. I told everybody. Stupid and he's crazy. These are two different things.

They're sitting behind you. And that people have to understand. Like stupid is, no one knew health care was so complicated. That's just, just that you're Trump impression? That was good. It was really good. It was not a good thing. Everyone can do it. Whatever that was was good. We all can do it good enough to like

make people understand. Just lean in. You lean in. You do. You breathe in. And you feel like you smoke in your face. That vagina pose that he does with his hand. He always leaves his hand between his legs. And the, I think that's the international symbol for vagina. I know what you're holding above your head, it's a safety in the NFL, but it's basically the same one. You're right, that does do that. But you did, you stayed loyal to your look. Although, wasn't it used to be more of a curly fur? Yeah, now it's all, yes. But it's such really yours. It's all mine. Really? I'm only half of it here for you. This is all mine., now it's all, yes. But it's such really yours. It's all mine. Really? I'm going to leave half of it here for you.

This is all mine. Yes, it's all mine. It's all mine. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's dreaded. It's dreaded. Yeah. Because I dread every fucking day of my life being a carotop. So it's a dread, I dread it.

How? That's actually funny. I did this because I dread every fucking minute in Caratown. This happened today, I was driving, I was walking down the sunset Boulevard to get a little bite before coming here. And one of those, yeah. Sunset Boulevard. Yeah, but in the nice area.

And so that one block that's not looted yet. So I walked by and one of those star buses went by and the guys like, I'm on the rooftop. No, I literally sound like, hi, and I thought, this is fucking, I can retire, I made it. I walked in sunset and I got recognized by one

of those tour bus guys. Well, you're very recognized. But everybody was like, oh my God. And they're like, no, that's not really here. Okay, you have a big massive But everybody was like, oh my god. No, it's not really. Okay. Okay, you have a big mass of red hair, first of all. I'm recognized. You've been around a long time. You know, everybody.

I'm fucked in a lineup, by the way. So, of course, they recognize you. No, but it was just cute. I thought it was cute because I was walking and I was car-topping and then the whole thing. What did you take to do dreadful? I didn't. I just did it. Who did it? No, it did it.

It did. I didn't do it. It did it. Your hair? Yeah. Because you never wash it. No, well, I wash it, but it's very, very big and full. And so if I don't comb it every day, it just starts to curl and not.

And then all of a sudden, it's not combing? And this all sudden, if you have every day. So then I just one day I said you know what I'll just I'll just whatever and needs to be we they comb it out now you're gonna take it'll take a while but they can comb it out but I know it's fun it's different I'll let you my crowd just it is a night to go let me amazing that you could go to me pull it off at your age like really it is I mean age I'm surprised I can even get up at the watch. I can get, I get what? And you're, I look at those guns.

What, yeah, what, why, why, why didn't you become this big, yesterday? It's insane. Well, I swear to God, yesterday I started lifting weights. No, it's been, I've always been lifting weights. That's why people can be so much crap. Because you're a comic and you can't be in shape. I think you're a comic.

Yeah, but he went too far. He was, no, he did though. I mean, I think I'm in, I know Joe Piscopo. I'm not saying it in the mean way. Right, no, no. He just went a little too great, but people say to me all the time, like, you know, you're a comic, you can't be in the mean way.

Oh, I'll say in the mean way. I don't know, really Joe. And I love a lot of his comic. I thought he was genius on Saturday Night Live as a sketch player, really Joe, and I love a lot of his calm. I thought he was genius on Saturday Night Live as a sketch player, the things, the things he did that's a nother and there's something he's never, I thought got enough credit for that partly because he was playing drums on the tonight show. With a tank top. With a tank top. And it's like you dick. And I'm sure he knows that too.

That's why I'm so glad to see you. And the way this part, in life, you know, we all look back and think at some things we did. I mean, I certainly do. Oh my God. I can't believe I thought that. I did that. I wore that.

You know, so I'd be very surprised if he was like, no, that was a great idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think he probably realized, he just went to the movies. It was like the end of every comedian coming out saying, no, I want to get the girls throw themselves at me like they do it.

Right, right, right. You know, and I think that's what it was. I think so too. I think he knows that too. But people ask me, I'm not that crazy, but I work out, but I'm not like, you know, first of too. But people ask me, I'm not that crazy, but I work out. But I'm not like, you know, first thing they say to me actually when they meet me is like, I thought you were like bigger.

I'm like, no, that was the hour. They make you out of this crazy big muscle guy. I weigh 160. Those guns look like you must really like it. I like working out, but that don't really like you. You do? Yes, but I don't really like. You do? Yes, but I don't go, I go like 30 minutes a day. I don't go like, I don't.

Oh, that's what, every day? Oh, most every day, but I also run. I'm a runner. Right, so I run. From people. I run from society. People. Yeah, no, I, I, I, from people, Bill.

And I gotta do, I gotta do your thing. I gotta do your vagina thing. That's funny. Now, then you just do that, doesn't he? He really does. Anyway. That's the pee we are. He is a.

What do you think about that? I never met Pee we're hermen. I didn't either. Not to my not. I've been talking. Maybe you haven't heard about this, but no. I know. Because you heard about Fox News. No, you heard about the

Trump thing but oh, I'm being stupid. Oh Yeah, no, I asked me I have no Interviews and I don't I said I don't I don't know. I didn't know I don't have did not know him did not watch the show Wasn't my type of humor but I was completely Understand because so many smart people love it. That it was very smart stuff. And to a lot of people it was this dream. Just didn't get me, I don't get everybody.

I mean, I don't get them as an audience. You just, you have to. I never, I never did it, but I would have probably liked to met him, but everyone, you know. And I remember when he was one of the first people who seemed to be canceled because he did something like jerk off in a movie theater. It was so good.

I liked that you said it was something like, that was what it was. It was something like jerk off in New York. I never heard about that. No, then that crazy though. You never heard that he got... No, no, no, I'm saying I'm being stupid right now again. So Mike, I want to talk about this in a sense

because it just happened and the newspaper here in LA just did a whole story about it. And let's say 400 words were about that and the other 50 words were about jerking well. No, what he's done, the 400 were only about jerking off. I thought that was a little offensive in a sense that, It's offensive.

When the poor guy, I mean, he wasn't, I'm sorry, but he was in a place where you're supposed to do that, I believe. And this happened so many years ago, but I lived in Florida. It's the kind of thing. What is it? It makes you me, I want to be a probability, fucking hate the media.

The way they, like, there was a Washington Post reporter who, like, an hour after Kobe Bryant's helicopter went down, brought up and was talking about his rape trial. You know, really? So, can you let the embers and the ashes, like, cool down before we... about his rape trial. You know, really? So that's what they... So that's what they... So that's what they... So that's what they... So that's what they... So that's what they...

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I don't think back then. I don't know. But there's places you go. There was, yes, I remember porn in the 90s. It was VHS. You could rent them or buy them. I remember. I still have them. You know what? I remember when I took off from politically incorrect, soon to do the show I'm doing now real time. Jimmy Kimmel came in in my time slot in ABC and we were always friends. I didn't interrupt it. I was happy for him. He came to the party and his gift to me

because he is such a sweet guy. A box of porn, VHS tapes. That was like where we were. It's funny. So if you were gonna masturbate, which is a natural, you know, he didn't masturbate on children or anything, did he? I don't think so.

He knows. I didn't askate on children or anything, did he? He just thinks so. He knows. I didn't ask. Before there was the easy way to masturbate at home, you had to go to the theater, or get a VHS or magazines. But why didn't that happen then? But he's not the Fred Willard, remember Fred Willard? Of course I do.

Got Fred Willard on the funniest guy's ever. Brilliant. Masterbated in a theater. But what about, I can't, yes. Remember Fred Willem? Of course I do. Got Fred Willem on the funniest guy I said to you. Ever. Brilliant. Masterbated in a theater. But what about, I can't, yes. I mean, that alone is brilliant. But what about what? But they didn't last long after that, what happened?

Meaning, I remember it happened that I was like, oh my God, but it was gone the next day. But the people thing destroyed him. Destroyed him, yes. Destroyed him. It was very, you said, canceled. Ited him, yes. Destroyed him. It was very said, cancel. It was very similar to...

The why? But why is such a good thing? I mean, seriously, there wasn't... Oh, this thing was constantly... It was just pornography, wasn't it? Yeah, I think you'll leave. Well, I guess, look, they can make up any reason they want, and people can posture and pose and pretend

that they believe anything about anything. So their excuse for this one was, well, his show was for children. Well, that's the only thing I'd say. Children plus masturbating. That's the only thing I think it's because he had a equal stable. But so the bullshit, you just for whatever reason, you cancel who you want.

Other people, my example always, and I'm not trying to pick on him, but Charlie Sheen has done more things that are like many multiple times worse in each area than people who've been canceled for something else, and he gets a super Pokemon. First night show, I really hate you. But they just don't hold it against him. They're just some people who slide.

We're known a writer. Yeah. Had the same thing happen as who we were talking about. Yeah, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the And right now, as you can just break into Barney's right now, they just said that the Gucci store got robbed again. That's funny. There's the billboard to say, come get what's left. But this one's right there. It was just ahead of her time. She was ahead of her time.

She was already, she was doing it before it was cool. In the wrong corner. She was fine here. She's job-worthy. It would be a tragedy if we were losing one person to drug overdose every day, even five, seven, or 12 people. It would be unimaginable if 15 families a day received news of a lost loved one to overdose.

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So do you remember how we met? I love, I have no idea. I have to tell you this. I remember all the damn data tases. Yes have to tell you this. I don't remember my old goddamn data taites. Yes, because you don't remember. I don't. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

But I don't remember anybody. No, I met. I know, but I want to tell you. Tell me. Right. It's going to be great. So, this is an H, maybe it's HBO, I guess, with the guy that used to run HBO. One of those big parties.

Everyone, everyone in the the world Bill Clinton was there Everyone what year is this 1990 something. He was always in the 90s, so I Was it most president? He might have either just came out of being president and he was there. Well, that was 2000 So it was nobody was after that before then. Sorry. He might have been so right Anyway, you're the you're everyone's just big round tables. There's like 30 or 13, 14 people at a round table. You're at one.

We'll be go, I don't know. All the people that were. So dinner party? Yeah. A dinner party. But it was, but it was, but it was. Somebody's house. No, it was in a big, like a hotel.

It was a big, like, it was like, either a ward show or a thing. Oh, so there's a big event. So there's lots of table. Is that right? Yeah. So yeah, dinner. So we go to the, if it's not just the one table,

there's a thousand people. But I was at this table. You were at a table. I was at a table, but all celebrities. You left out a thousand people. Oh, yeah, sorry. Celebrities, all celebrities, sorry. I'm a horrible. A thousand celebrities. That's where I'm a prop comic. I can't tell a story. a thousand people. Oh, yes, sorry. Celebrities, I'll celebrate. Sorry, I'm a horrible.

A thousand to live. That's where I'm a prop comic. I can't tell a story. A thousand to live, right? A thousand, no, literally. I mean, Larry King, you, a Clinton fucking Casey Kasim, all right? So I go, there's a restroom break.

I go to the restroom and I walk in and there's Casey Kasim who is next to me to Yurnal. Yes, and Ted Danson, Larry King, I'm not making this up. So I stand up at the Yurnal, you walk in, and you're next to me at the other side of the Yurnal. Really? And I looked over at Casey Kason, and I was losing my mind. I said, this is crazy.

Now this is before I'd ever met you, and I'm like, oh my God, Bill Maher. I've never been to California, and I'm painting next to Bill Maher in Casey Kason. And I looked over at you, oh my God, Bill Maher. I've never been to California, and I'm Phoenix, Bill Maher in case he case him. And I looked over at you, you were painting, and I looked over at your stall, and I said, that is a beautiful cock to you. And you said, what the fuck?

And I said, that's a great cock. And you laugh like you're now doing, and I thought, oh God, I could have gone either way, and you laugh, and you kept going, you, you fuck. See, went out,. And I thought, oh God, I could have gone either way. And you laugh and you kept going, you, you fuck. So you went out and I'm like, oh God, I hope I didn't, you know, ruin the whole. So I go back to my table and I see you sitting with your table of friends and you were telling them

what I just had done. And then you look at me and you said, come here. And I said, what you said, come here. And you're laughing and tell them what you just did. And I said, you just told them what I did. And so we'll tell them, I said, what, you said, come here and you're like, everyone's laughing. And tell them what you just did. And I said, you just told them what I did. And I said, well, tell them, I said, you just told them what I did.

And I said, and just for what it's worth to all your friends, I said, it's not that great. It's like Casey Kason's like a little. And then you said, you want to be in my show tomorrow. Oh, that's just true. And you put me on your politically show the very next day. The next day?

Yeah. And I remember your producer to this day, and you put me on your politically show the very next day. The next day? And I remember your producer to this day, a writer came out and said, what the fuck, Billy Martin? And I said, Billy, how funny is that? Like he's like, dude, you know, whatever, but it was great, yeah. The very next day. I mean, he was about a slow week

you didn't have anybody to fill that last day. I was on there many times, it was fun. So good around the table. I'm trying to a many times, it was fun. It's a good round table. So, I'm trying to find out what year this is, because... 1990 something, I think. I understand that. I know it's not 1880, and I know it's not 2460.

Yes, the 90s. But like the show started in 93, and Clinton started in 93. Right, so it was around that time. Okay, but that meant, if that was the case, it meant that Clinton was sitting at the table with a... No, he didn't spit at the table. Oh, okay. He spoke. Okay.

He came out. It could have been a Clinton fundraiser. It might have been a... No, it was for... I wanna say it was for HBO guy, whatever his name was, but yeah, it could have been a Bill Clinton fundraiser. Well, it was very cool. If he was present in... I'm talking like, people like everybody...

I was like, I think talking like people like everybody. I was like, I think it had to be a little crystal on my, what the fuck? I think this had to be later than 93, because they did, the show just started. They didn't know I was. And it was five, six. Yeah, okay, so he was probably president and this,

it's pre-COVID. I said, that makes any sense. I love that. Pre-COVID. Yes, and post-Sovil war. Yes, yeah. I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I Scott, I have a very selected memory. I don't. Shut up. I don't. I don't really understand why the things that stick, stick. No, but you do a good job at it.

And then so much doesn't. You must have the same situation. You have memories. Of course. But don't seem to, from way long ago, that don't seem to have any significance. You just remember that, oh yeah, remember that night in college, and we were watching TV. And I remember that guy Stu said,

like, all your snacks revolve around cheese. You know, because I had cheese it and cheese squares and whatever. Why do I remember that from 1973? You know, it I had cheese it and cheese squares and whatever. Why do I remember that from 1973? You know, it just makes no sense. Why do I remember that? And then like the whole seemingly more important things just are gone with the way. And certainly every time I've met you up until this time is, yeah, but this is great. You know, this is the

first time I've ever had a restaurant. We probably said, we probably said before a wedding day, we shouldn't talk, but yeah, it's fun to see. Well, that's the sad, sad, happy thing about our business. People tend to only really even see friends when you're working. Yeah. You know? Yes, true. It's just the one thing that gets us off our ass. Yeah.

Even though we'd have just as good a time, and it would be exactly what we're doing, but there's just something about it. You're right. You know? Well, this is the thing, and God bless you, yeah, that you're working, because you know, it's not the worst things. You're right. You know? Well, there's a thing, and God bless you, yeah, that you're working, because, you know, there's other worsens.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I can't work anymore. No. If nothing, you know, No, you'll work till you drop. I hope so. Yeah, it's been a fun run. Yeah. I mean, what else would you do?

Run for Congress? Yeah, when they're praying. They always make that joke. Caratops got a run for a five. You could though. Yeah. You know why? Run for a come from for any kind of office. Well, first of all, as Trump and others before him have proved anyone. Every time you did it, I got to come in. And he got to go close. You got to be close. He's holding Sean Henry's knees like. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, It is where I do find it interesting when like you do this actually your this is interesting to me I'll ask you this so like when you do like politically incorrect

Like right real time. Yeah, you're you have your chair and you and you do have this Very calm demeanor for you. You're not like like no, but you're not but it's interesting to me like I always feel like I'm like I never could do something where I'm just so relaxed. I have to be kind of, so that's fun of it. Yeah, but that's what makes it interesting. We're so different. But I am relaxed. I've been sitting back until I do my job.

You guys are just doing this, but when you do your show, yes, you're performing it at an energy level. Then I'm not attempting to get to. And ruin what I'm doing. If I did real time, you know, and here's the governor and here's the senator. Bad man, you're way back. I mean, no, that doesn't work here.

That's why he started a bike. But it does, yeah. I mean, you gotta- You should do one time, let's do that one night in the show, come out that way. Now, our governor, whatever you just did was brilliant. Yeah, well, no, but really, we front you, as if one night, Bill is ill tonight,

filling in the host real time. Yeah, we took it. And then you would blow their minds because you'd have read the paper that day. Right, I read the paper every day. You could, I know you do. You could, you know what? I read it.

You could handle it fine. You could probably handle it better than like a lot of people that others would think would handle it better. We had a thank you. And we had a guy, we had a guy, we had an idea one time Sarah live The guy that of course owns it runs the show head glory Michael Michael's so it's weird that so so one time

My buddy had a great idea. He says holy shit Sarah live You should be like like be like you know the guest house whatever I said there the fucking have music God like, you know, the guest host, whatever. I said, they're gonna fucking have me as a goddamn guy. You know what I mean? No, but you know what I mean? Well, okay, but I mean, they're gonna have to ship, they're gonna have anybody, so it turned out my buddy had a brilliant idea.

He's at Saturday Live, oh my God, this year, it ends on a, the Saturday is near-seave. I mean, what's you call it? The April Fools. And I'm like, okay, so we, this idea, and it was really funny, and they loved it. It was funny. And even Lord Michael's loved it.

They were all ready to go, because it was the April Fools show. They're like, Blaine and gentlemen, you know, it's an awesome, you know, Adele and Carrotop. And I walk out, and before I, you know, the crowd's like, experience. A Dell and Carrotop, and I walk out, and before I, you know, the crowd's like, what the fuck? And then this is April Fools, and then they have like, you know, a Chappelle or someone real good.

But it was, it was the same idea. Well, it would have been really funny. And I was like, wait, wait, but I really can do this. I will wait, and then they'll put me in a skit later. And I'm like, yeah, but I really didn't, I can, yeah. Yeah, it's funny. I thought this was going in a slightly different direction. I'm not creating, I think I'm crazy about this because first of all, it's exactly, you could do it. It's just so snobby. It's just so New York and look, that nobody, truth is, nobody has been responsible

for more of the comedy that this country has consumed in his lifetime than Lauren Michaels. The comics who came out of that show became the movie stars. Jesus. I mean, it's just a bigger platform show. No one is close to second, just producing. And therefore also being sort of the arbiter of a certain kind of taste.

And they constantly found amazing people. Amazing sketch players turned into amazing movie, not everyone's a hit or a great, but I mean, I could go through the names. Oh, yeah, a lot of them. But and for whatever reason, he didn't want me to, you know, there was a time when I should would have been more appropriate to do it. I guess I'm too polarizing now. But and they would look upon you as what, too, I don't know. But there are many nights when they have somebody hosting that show and I go, okay, good name, bad host, you know.

You, your, your star fuckers, I get it. That's part of the formula, the show where it became it. But there are some people who actually would have given you a better show. I think you could have given them a great fucking show. And we shouldn't be so fucking snobby about it. Like, a lot of it. Like, a lot of it.

I took it from the other. I took it from the other. I took it from the other. Yeah. Well, I Potter should not be in this other category. Right. I took it. And I don't. Yeah. Well, I'm the one that thought of the idea. But I'm not me, my buddy didn't. But I have a sense.

I don't like the idea of you cementing this reputation of somebody who's just, you know, who is such a joke that that's sure. But it's a little, it's a little like a way. Well, that's what I thought we'd do that I would come in and sketch later and kind of re-bree, you know. Let him know. You know, that's one thing Trump never does is he never like own jump to anything. They're usually it's bullshit. But like, as far as defending yourself, that works great in politics.

The opposite was Al Gore in the year 2000 when he was running for president and after Bill Clinton's horrible blowjob scandal that just made America cry. He sort of distanced himself, not sort of very much distanced himself from a very successful administration, which he was the vice president. Because the head guy got blown, my joke was, what if he was holding Monica's hair?

I don't know, I can't. He was like, I'm like, you're doing it. And Trump is the opposite. You know, don't give them the satisfaction of putting a label on you. Right. Well, it's too late now, fuck up and do. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don't, I don, I don't, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I standing, I'm still doing my show every night. You know, speaking of the mon... This is great, so I did the J. Leno Joe show.

My closing bet was this podium. It was very well engineered. It was like a great prop. Great prop. It was like a podium and it had this like foot pedal and had the monoclonal head came up. There was like three parts to the whole, seriously, it was like three parts.

Oh, some of your problems are in the hybrid. Thank you. There was some that had been real. This one was great. You're like if Tom Cruise was a prop comment. I see. And this was the kind of shit that he would like. I've had a few that have been proud of as far as engineering wise.

One was the Senator. How much space do they take up a lot, right backstage? I mean, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And the Cross Street is a warehouse that's... Can you imagine having to travel with that? It would be like a rock band.

You need trouble. You do travel with it. I don't. I mean, I don't. I have a crew that takes it. Yeah. We go on the road. They take it all.

There was a Senator that got busted for soliciting sex in the bathroom where you tap his foot, remember that? Yes. Okay. So I'm like... Oh, Larry Craig. Yeah, so I'm like on it, right? I have to do Leno like three days,

and I'm like, I'm always topical. I fuck, I got the goddamn prop. So it's a briefcase that I want a leg to come down and I want the foot to tap like this, right? That was the whole joke. And the scandal thing. If I stood in my pocket. I found it up for you.

Larry Craig, yes, was a senator. He was in the bathroom in Minneapolis. He, correct. A bathroom that is known to be. Oh, oh, I do. Like the, well, that's part of it. I don't know. Yeah. How come I never heard of this bathroom?

Known to be like the gayest bathroom. Well, I don't know about this bathroom. Well, you do now. And so, and there were rumors about him anyway. He was playing a closet in a home of a sexual, he was in something like Idaho. Where you, you know, you just can't be as, this was a long time ago. You just can't be a, this was a long time ago.

You just can't be a gay senator. But I think that in an airport and you think they're gonna get fucking head? And that was the thing. Well, it must be some signal that goes on. But I'm saying, let's say, just for probably, what? Forget that he's a senator.

He's in an airport, but what does he think he's gonna get head at the airport? Like who gets fucking head at the airport? Lots! Really in an airport. In this bathroom? Oh yeah, at the airport. In this bathroom? Yes, in this app, yes. It was known for it.

So I don't understand all that. Well, George Michael Good, or I know, I just go by at a minute ago. Right, that was a park right down the road here. But it's different than an airport. Well, you're in an airport. And I got park. You can't have.

You can't have trees and breeze and fucking look at it. And I don't mean this. There's no judgment. No judgment. No judgment or demeaning is meant here at all, but the gay community is different. They're a little, you got me in the airport. Little looser. Yeah.

We're uptight. It's heterosexuals. But no, yeah, it's a briefcase. And I thought of the idea. And I just being funny. Yes. Here's what I want a briefcase and I thought of the idea and I just being funny. I said, here's what I want the briefcase to do. I want to put the come down and address like dress suit leg and address you. And I want to drop down and then I want the tap.

So my prop of good builder says to me, he says, okay, yes, I was. The next day I walk in the luxe and he's got this briefcase. He hit one, there's a red button, a blue button. The red button, the leg goes down and dressed. Sorry I didn't hit the blue in it. And it passed. So I'm like, oh my God. So I'm fucking, as I go on the tonight show,

I'm like, this is like as topical, you could be the camera guys. Oh. Always the worst. They finally got it. They zoomed right in on the foot. Right. So that's one that I'm proud of,

because it was just like, even James, I was like, how the fuck did you make that? I said, I, I don't know. I thought of it and the guy made it. But this guy is always on your payroll? Yeah. Yeah. You have to have a good like that. Yeah. It's a prop master. He master prop making unbelievable. And there's been some of that is that that was one that was very, that the Clinton one. I love this one because so I did the tonight show again. It was last, the last bit. And so I do the rehearsal as you've done it thousands of times. So, you know, the Rx-Lays, you know, just looking at me. She hates me. She

loves me, but she hates me. You know, I was bringing my jokes. She's like, Scott, you can't do a gay rat trap. Like, why? So I do the, I have this Bill Clinton podium. And it is three, there's like four layers of this prop. There's a podium that's got the presidential seal and a true false button. And the same thing, two buttons. And it have a, so I said, I did not have sex with that woman. And then I did, dang, so it's like built up.

The last joke of the whole fucking build up at this whole goddamn lie detector podium, which is so honestly, we work now, cause it's just generic. Right. As I hit this foot pedal and this monoclonal ski head would come up with a brand, a little bit of a brand. And all you see is this, is this from the,

you know, the brand, and I would take, and I would, I put a head, this is, makes you think of what you said. And I put our head, I'd use my hand, and I put it down. And I'd say not now, not now, right? And so, you didn't do that on TV. Wait, no, this is true.

So it kills, of course, in the rehearsal. Everyone's going crazy. Right. I mean, even Jay's, you know, he's over there with me. Oh, it's coming out of it. So come over. I had the worst, even Jay's, you know, he's over there with me. Oh, he's coming out of it. So come over. Not the worst. These are my, I'm gonna write a book about my tonight show,

stories. So the lady says, you can't, I say, I can't do the podium as my last bit, you can do the podium, you can do everything, but you can't use your hand to put her head down. That's what I would think. I said, well, there's no ending. So I said to the prop guys there that helped me

for so many times, I said, can you come up with my, you know, I have this flip, can you make it work? It goes down without me physically touching it. They worked on it for only had an hour from the work on it. You couldn't do it. So I'm live. from the work on it. You couldn't do it. So I'm live. Do the thing, kill.

The last bit in the fucking head comes up. It's fucking brilliant. And I can't do this or I'm done. So I use my elbow because I get, so I went, I go, no, not now. And I put, oh fuck. Did they get mad at you? Well, they did, but it was like a kill. But, you know, they can really say, I said, I said,

do he said I can't use my hand. Right. So, you know, you got to find a- And then what was there? They were fine. I know. No, but like, whether a million letters or something, but- Well, I don't know.

I wasn't there for the letters. So there was no like- No, but it was funny how- There's certain things you can do though that's fine, and then you find it's funny that the way you cross the line is using your hand, as opposed to your elbow, the elbow is okay, they didn't, they didn't let it go. But the hand is not, this is taboo, this is, oh, it's okay.

That's good, back to the, my, get back to my point about Charlie Sheen, and like everything is arbitrary. I don't mind rules, I do sometimes actually, but like, can we have some consistency about some of this shit? Like why does somebody get into this much trouble? I mean, like, I could not want Trump to be president less than anyone in this country. I don't want anything bad to happen to Biden. I want to be able to just be,

okay, everybody, we hate this choice, and yet he would beat him again. But his son, this shit with Hunter Biden, the stuff that this rascal's gotten into, and just even if it take away the criminality thing, the deal, just there's a quote that I've read many times now where he's sitting, I can't remember who he's sitting next to. Oh, he's sitting next to his father, or at least he says he is. He's on the phone with one of those shady people in China or in Ukraine or something.

And he's the level of privilege in this statement. It's like, if you don't do exactly what I say, right now, I'm sitting next to my dad, okay? And if you make me wait, I'm gonna be very angry, and I think he's gonna really regret it a lot, because I have a lot of things I can do to you. I mean, it is just, it's great. And if Don Jr. had said that,

they would just be so all over it. And this is not, I. And if Don Jr. had said that, they would just be so all over it. And this is not like Don Jr. But come on, can we just judge things by what they are and not what team does them? This may be great. You're important to this world. Thank you. Well, I don't finish your thought.

No, because you're just by your importance, Ro, because that's exactly what people say when I was telling I was coming to show that you're not always just, but you have you this is the shit that people need to hear. I gotta say, but it's true. It's not a strike, but it's true though. Starting to get a little old, you know, that's why I don't have writers. You know, no, I, no, I don't. I write everything yourself. I call this last hour genius all from me. Everything. No, but that's different. Right.

No, no, no, no. Right now. Every big sound. Yeah, no, I mean, I really wish. It's funny because I've had people that in the past. Like, I don't know my, you know, I would love to have people that would write that things that would make sense.

You can get that. Put a cryo wallet in the higher someone. I know. Is it, what are you, a cheap? You know what I would love to have people that would write that things that would make sense to work for my family. You couldn't get that. I just ran over and I'll let them hire someone. I know. Is it, what are you cheap? No. I just don't get people that, you know what people write for me? They use, and this is not a joke.

So they think, character up, so if I get people that write for me, I'll say to me, write me some stuff. They'll write like, hey, it's a shoe horn. It's a shoe and a horn. I'm like, that's not what I fucking do. So it gets, it really gets annoying that they don't understand how well that's I get it. Nobody's. No, no, no, you know what? Say them on. It's fun. It's fun. You know what? I like that. I want it something like the podium. I want the true fall. I want clever. I want like you had me at you. You have me at

you because like I got it because I have the same thing, but in my world, when I, I mean, I read writer submissions every year and see who's out there. But you want the conversation. It is astounding how lame it usually. Or they, or they think they're voices. They're really you, and of course, you know, they, they're writing the bits. They have to be somewhat familiar with the show because we're asking them to write samples of how you would write. And I think the show has been on 20 years. If you're a comedy writer and you're not aware of show, because we're asking them to write samples of how you would write.

And I think the show's been on 20 years. If you're a comedy writer and you're not aware, but you're probably not gonna fit for the, I'm sure they're all aware of the show. Maybe they're fans, maybe they're not, whatever, they want the job. And they understand, oh, you know, this is editorial. So we have to do a sample of that.

And here's some monologue jokes. And here's some new rules and it's like Are you this is the show you're watching? So I'm saying I agree with you what you're talking about right? So you're like they're not people can do you know what you send that for sending you yeah, right? I mean, but that's also the good part about it. It's like when you could do something few others can do, then you're going to have a niche in the business. True.

So they submit something for new rules and then you're, they should be a little bit on point with what's in the fucking. I remember when they've seen the show. When politically incorrect was first on like the first one or two years and it was, I got a lot of press and you know, for a minuscule rating. But it was, it was new impression, you know, they loved that in the media. So there was a lot of buzz about it

and they started to be some imitation shows as there always is in the team. And I remember being very agitated about it and worried. And I said to my producer, Scott Carter at the time, like, oh my gosh, they're going to steal our show. And he said to me, Bill, we hire people here, and we can't even teach them how to do the show. Right.

Right. It's like this. Right. You're so right. They can't steal it because I'm trying. Yeah. That's brilliant. Yeah.

It made me feel better. No, that's funny. We can't even teach it. We're trying to get them to do this. This is so fun. But it is crazy. What? That, that's mind-boggling.

So I don't have any writers because of that. We also met at the Playboy Mansion. You know, I met the playboy. So this is why you never got married. You're really going back to the, my work was too important. No, I worked too hard. No, I do. I have a, I had a job. Because I've used it.

Okay. No, I'm not, my hand is not clean here. I've used it. My work is too important. Because I'm not clean on this at all. I'm just asking the bats where you're using these things. Yeah, yeah. No, I do work, I do work a lot.

And I don't have, I'm very, I am kind of, I just, I. Yeah, yeah. No, I do work. I do work a lot and I don't have, I'm very, I am kind of a, I just, I don't, yeah. You're like you're alone time. Yeah, I love my alone time. I do too. No, I do. I mean, I know you, you know, but no special lady, yeah.

That's why I was asking if you were, you come down here by yourself sometimes, just interview like nobody's just to get away for an hour. No special lady in your life. She's in the car right now. God in the trunk probably when the earth running. Yeah, that's special lady. Did you ever get?

I was at a hotel last night. Yeah, I was nine years. We were married. No, we were together. Together night. Gotta get married. And I didn't want to get married. So I never had a show for no one's break up, right? You know, who are best friends now? Together night. Together night. I got to get married and I didn't want to get married so I didn't want to jump in and I didn't want to have children.

I'm sure for one's breakup, right? You know? For our best friends now. And yeah, I was at a bar, my hotel bar last night. It was great and his lady was sitting next to me. Wait, the hotel bar. The hotel bar. You would go to a hotel bar just by yourself?

Well, of course. Why would I not go to a hotel just now? I'm going to go to one later, my same hotel bar just by yourself. Well, of course. Why would I not go to a hotel just now? I'm gonna go to one later, my same hotel bar. Really? But yeah, and I said to him, I'm just, yeah, the horse. You're bossy. Yeah, I'm a risk taker.

And this lady's next to me for, I don't know an hour at least. And this guy came in and they wanted people to move down. And he said, it was, it's not a joke. He said, would it be okay for you and your wife move down a seat? Because they wanted another stool. He thought she was your wife?

The woman that I never, so I said, what's that? He said, do you mind if you're and your wife would move down a seat? I said, oh, I don't mind. I said, would you move down a seat? And then she said, what's that? I said, my, they think you're, and I said, and I made a joke.

I said, you know why you think she's my wife? Because we haven't spoken for over now. Like it's just like, it's just silly to me, but I don't know this one from Adam. And they just assumed, does it well next to me that that should be my wife? But wait, see, you're telling me that you go to a bar with that hair and Marilyn Manson's eyeshadow on.

And people just think you're like, Al from Cleveland who's married to the person next to you. Yeah, they do, they do. But I guess they just assume I don't know. I would feel like, you don't go to a barbersome? I don't know. No, I would be a very self-conscious. No, to be out by myself.

Yeah, I'm with a Dan Tannis. You know, Dan Tannis. Great restaurant. Great American. Oh, great, great. I went there. In fact, you know, my favorite Dan Tannis story I'll leave you on this because I know you're like looking for ice. I'm not going to.

I went to Dan Tannis years ago. This is such a wonderful LA thing. You know, LA is the only LA stories, right? Right. These things that happen only in L.A. Absolutely. We're only in the big city. Literally, right?

So I'm working on it. Well, this is two stories. I'm in Venice Beach at Golds Gym. This is way back in 1990. Of course, of course, I was. Look at these guns. Look at these guns. So I'm on this bench press, but there's no spotter.

I don't need a spotter because it's called a Smith machine. So you can, you can, you know what a Smith machine is. Okay. It's called a dumb cell. So, no, it's like it's locked in, right? So you don't have to do it. You have a pus spotter. Yeah, I know.

So I'm doing the Smith machine. I don't have the giant guns, but I do. You do. You have beautiful guns. You're very lean. I am very lean. I like lean. I mean, I don't know who that is. Lean with those guns, but I do. You do, you have beautiful guns. You're very lean. I am very lean. I like lean, I don't know who those. Lean with those legs better than that.

What is it? So, these are lean guns. Like the chicks dig that, is that why you do that? Totally love it. They do? Yes. Of course they do. They always do like this.

And every time a girl touches your arm, you go like this, oh, they've got this. You don't have to because you got your head on. Right, I was gonna fledge up. Anyway, so I'm just thinking, every time a girl touches your arm, you go like this. Oh, they've got this. You don't have to because you got to eat. Right, I was gonna flinch up. Anyway, some just think, and this guy says, let's go five more, right? So I'm working out and I'm like, I don't need a spotter, I'm gonna ask for a spotter.

I'm just by myself in the stupid gym. And I look up and this guy's over me yelling at me. And I'm like, I'm good and he's like, let's go five more. So I'm like, I'm presumptuous. Literally, I don't think it's so recording me, but not five more. So I'm like, fuck, I presumptuous. Literally, I don't think it's that important. I'm so reprimanded. He's been on five more.

So I'm like, I'm trying to get it up. And this guy's standing over me. This is so weird. He's just standing around me like, he's like, let's go. And I look up and his sweat is dripping off of this for him. No, not on my, it's in my, now it's in my face. Guess who it is.

Stop talking. Not on my like it's on my it's in my now it's in my my fake guess who it is stop talking shot is James Khan Jimmy Khan So I get down I'm like I go back to like good job, man And I was like as Jimmy Khan's fucking sweating on me, but so what do you what do you do like you're like this is the guy for the godfather But his sweat is like You know in my fake mustache, everything. This is fake, it comes off like. That's LA. Oh, so the Dan Tannis one's great.

Dan Tannis, he did it right. Still great, right? I'm sitting as bar one night, I'll be way quicker than the last one. This would be quicker. So this guy next to me says, oh my God, Tara's up and did it. It could be nicer.

Said, where do you, you know, what do you, my family loves you, my whole family loves you and we've been watching forever. And I was like, to me, you know, grow up with you. So he said, I'm, how did you, what do you owe your success to? And I said, you know, grew up with you. So he said, um, how did you, what do you owe your success to? And I said, you know, is it luck or is it, I said, well, completely, probably a little bit of everything, luck and at the right time, but this guy's just really

persistent on, on me. You're funny. But he says, I'm a singer, he says to me. I said, oh, you're a singer, I said, oh, cool. He says, you know, with all the connections, do you think it was connections that helped you? I said, why don't I have connections? I came from a, you know, it's not connection.

Guess that this guy is who he's teaching. He's like, yeah, I would just think with my connections, I would have had a little more success and I said, oh, who do you, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, just at a loud dinner eating spaghetti. I don't know. Who do you, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who the president? Wait, so I said, uh, my brother being president, all. So I said, um, uh, Warner Brothers? He goes, no, no, my brother president. I said, uh, and he goes, the United States. And I said, it's fucking Roger Clinton.

Oh, Roger Clinton. But it's like, I'm having a conversation for like 30 minutes with this guy. Just eating no clue. My, my family loves you. I was, uh, I'm partied with Roger Clinton a couple of times. I was on a nice guy. I was on a, this is so not me kind of thing to say, but it happened once. So I'm gonna say it. I was on a yacht in con during the con. So festive. So fucking day. In say, you're a yacht.

1999 and Roger Clinton was on board. Could not have been nicer. I mean, I do understand Yeah, there was you know what it was we were just filming politically incorrect in London that year in the summer Okay, that was like a thing you had to do back then is like do a stunt week for ratings week Braiding's month so we went to London Did not get the guess we were hoping for, not that I'm holding a grudge 24 years later. Anyway, so I thought as long as I'm in Europe, and then my friend had a yacht,

and he said, you got to come down, the timing is perfect. Of course, me, the nervous travel I am, it was not perfect, but okay, I didn't like sleeping on a yacht. The whole thing was not my thing but okay, I didn't like sleeping on a yacht. The whole thing was not my thing, but Roger Clinton was there.

And I can see why the Clintons kind of have a reputation for hand-seeing this. I'll just say that. They're just very friendly men. I saw it with both of them. Yeah. You know, it's fun. It's fun.

It's kind of like the Trump lean-in, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People were like, but I'm a touchy guy. So if I touch somebody, they're like, what the fuck are you touching me? You're a touchy guy? I'm very touchy. Really? I didn't know that. I was with the first- I was a loner who's touchy. Yeah.

I was in the first- I was in the first- I was touched with every night. Yes. I pay for it. Really? There was a lot of prostitutes that hang out in my hotel. And I said to the barcadoss, I said,

you know what, the only reason I got, he said, it's not bother me. I said, you know, the only reason you get in showbiz is not to pay for fucking pussy. Wow. I said, and he said, no wait, no, he said, well, that's true. Yes. And then he said, really, I said, doesn't mean I might not ever, well, it's true. Yes. And then he said, really, I said,

doesn't mean I might not ever get any, but I'm not gonna pay for it. I mean, I might not, I can go for years without it, but I'm not gonna pay. I might never get laid, but I'm not paying for it, fuck. It's wrong. So why are we gotten showbiz? But again, this is another,

and I didn't get it for that. I'm saying that's the one reason you get it. Another reason not to go to the bar a lot But if I need another one Don't want to be like Chum in the water for prostitutes in a hotel bar. It's just not a good look and don't normally frolic to me Fra- you know, you know, yeah, not even the prostitute. No, they do You got to change your air. No, they do yeah, they do they go well change your air, man. No, they do. Yeah, they do.

They go, well, that's like, wow, are you like, is that real? Yes. You're staying at the, they allow me to stay. I can't believe, you may not, not everyone who encounters you may be a fan, but I can't believe that everyone doesn't know who you are. You're very, it's very Mickey Mouse with you.

Like, I mean, that's a logo. You know, it's just very, it's just worldwide. We just know the logo. It's like, we may have a diminished opinion, which is not right, but we may, I say we. That might be the most offensive thing I've ever told. It's very Mickey Mouse with you. The fuck?

No, but yes, it's a strong brand. It's a strong brand. It's a strong famous brand. So everyone's gonna have... It's a blessing and a curse. Everyone, yes, a bane and a boon. A boon bane. So everyone who comes across you,

and I do mean comes across me. We're back to the rest of the dudes in the bar. No. And when you come across me. We're back to the rest of dudes in the bar. No. And when you come across it, when I come across anybody, anyone who comes across you has a some opinion. They have some, like most people, you say do. Most people who see me, I feel like,

have no opinion because they don't know who I am. They don't watch the show. I bet they do. There's millions and millions who do, but there's many, you know, there's many who just, I'm just some guy in the crowd, which is great. I'm not happy about that,

but I feel like it's very different for you. You know, like, I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that.

I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I'll be honest with that. I honestly believe this, like the most times people that are aware of me or not aware of me, that meet me, it's always a better ending to it. Like, they don't, they always have this perceived, you can only go up. Well, they always, because priests can see, yes. Fun.

Conception of what you are, who you are, and then they meet you, they're like, God, you're so like shy and quiet, not like this crazy guy, you run around juggling, salt and pepper shakers at the restaurant kind of thing. And you're like, you're actually quiet and talking to the hookers, and you know. But seriously, so it's always usually more like,

wow, I didn't know you were such a nice normal guy. They think you're right. And you're different when you're in your job oh my God you don't sound now like you do when you're ordering ballots right whatever people do for a living guy assuming they're ordering ballots of something great yes I am sure they're actually doing your own palace work in the industrial adhesive industry right who have a voice that is different than the ones when they go out to the club right? It's it's you're right though, but people don't know that though. They don't know they don't know what to do

How I'm in Dale had a funny line. I thought it was very funny. He was an elevator in Vegas. He's a funny guy great guy Great great and funny one of the very nicest people that's there been the most nice people that's ever been. As of you too. We sat right here and to this day I kind of wish that we could do it. Give us your now. Well, it's back to my thing about when you're working. We both had such a great time like I'm having with you now,

but I bet, and we got to have dinner blah, blah, blah. That was like a year and a half ago. I did this podcast because that's work. You're here because it's work. you know, it's hard to get us out of our fucking ruts and whatever we're doing with the prostitutes and the hotel bar. And that's your business, but it's your business. That's not my business.

Well, it is now. That would be, that would be. That would be, that would be. But how is a brilliant suite from day one? As of you, there's certain people that I've met day one that I admired and loved and just wow. And he-

Did you meet with the dick thing too? No. Oh. I met him, no. Nice. That's not like everybody is. Only you. Here I am.

Only you and I met with him. And I find out you met like 10 other comics that were like a, you're a nice cock. You're a nice cock. Yeah. Oh, Barry, everybody, you're a nice cock. No, you were the only one that I saw. And it's not, it was a great cock.

But I, but how am I? I see he's did a joke where he gets an elevator in Vegas and he says, it's so weird. The door's open. He's by himself. And I'm not doing it justice because it's his joke. But he said the people came and said, oh my God. Aren't you, aren't you, Helen Mendel?

And he said, yes, how are you? He says, why aren't you smiling? And he says, how fucking weird would that be if the door's open? And the door's open. He goes like, he's standing there like, and it just made me laugh. And I'm like, you're right.

You're always just seeing him like, I don't see him okay. You see him. Why don't you have that glove on your head? Yeah. That's in your clothes. And you just seem to press, where's your props? Why is you not happy? Look, I'm sitting in a bar.

But here's the thing to remember about this discussion. Okay. Right. Taking this. Woody Allen made an interesting movie in 1980 called Star Desk Memories. You remember it? I do.

Okay. And it's about a comic who like sees his audience as something beneath him. They may not, and I think what served us well is never seeing our audience that way. Yes, they don't get our business the way we don't get the palates, right? Business, but that doesn't mean they're dumb. And you can't, you can't.

And what do you know, his movie was rather condescending. I mean, he, he was such a big star, bigger than we've ever been at the time. So I'm sure there was always people, but it was the same kind of thing. People coming at him saying things that seem ridiculous and are very trying for you to try to answer and respond to when, you know, but he did not do himself. I always thought favors by making that movie about that. That's true. It was honest. It was honest. You know, it's like, hey, this is how I really feel. I'm a big movie star now

And I got all these fucking idiots But all the time saying the most stupid Crazzy crap you can believe and I have to put up with it But it's like you have a year movie star. So you do have to put up with it So shut the fuck up and make them right up. That's what I kind of kind of know us and you're and dead on with that I would never want to fall in that trap. It's also not how I was raised. Like, my father, my mother, we were very disappointed

if I was ever like condescending to people like that. Especially since both were raised the same way probably. Really, I thought your father was a redneck. No, but very strict and shit, my dad would, yeah, I was scared of my father. Scared to death. Well, I was not, I would not say that. I mean, you know what I mean?

Scared in a sense of like, you know, no nonsense, they were nowadays. Yeah, that's how death is. No, that's how death is. I was, I was the scaredest amount scared of my father. I was scared of Tim, I was going to be a comedian. What? I was scared to tell him I was going to be a comedian.

Like, he just didn't understand. I was not scared, I was embarrassed. That's I was going to be a comedian. He just didn't understand. I was not scared. I was embarrassed. That's why I never told him. Until I was one. Well, okay, very similar. Yeah, very, very simple. I wasn't embarrassed, but I was, yeah. I was in good work.

Easily embarrassed as a kid, and especially about that subject of, what are you going to do with your life? And it just seemed so presumptuous. I don't, we did not have the kind of self-esteem that kids came to obtain later in their history. And the idea that I would tell people, I'm gonna be a comedian.

I just thought it would set me up for ridicule. Oh, yeah, sure you are. And I even heard them saying that, I remember at the Christmas party the first year when I had to tell them at some point, because I was actually living in New York hanging out at the clubs. So I just kind of mumbled it, you know,

yeah, I'm going to hang out at the club and be a committee, you know. And God bless them. They didn't like push it or, you know, they just were like, okay, we're not going to embarrass him. They're like, oh, you're getting on air. They didn't like push it or you know, they just were like, okay, we're not going to embarrass him They're like, oh you're getting on or what's it like or how do you what's the ETA and you being a star? They just let it happen and let me just shut up about it and Yeah, but I was embarrassed. I mean I was and then I was embarrassed the whole first few years when I was a failure when you know

I was embarrassed the whole first few years when I was a failure, when I was failing. You know, because you have to fail before you succeed. And it's embarrassing being a loser with nothing going on in your life. Sure. It's very... I was always killing it. I never failed. Come on. Did you know?

No, I ate shit. You know, there was one time in New York City speaking of the club scene. I went to New York when I was living in Charlotte starting out. And I have a... Oh, Charlotte, why didn't you try it? I didn't want to try it. Because there was a guy that owned these clubs that ran, so I said, you come here, you can work for a year and booked for a year.

So I said, okay, I met a girl and got a condo and... Yeah, man. And yeah, I was really... It was a state of Charlotte for... Yeah, I was. Got a first credit card card first everything. Yeah But the guy and I hope he's watching your show because I you might you probably know him I I I went on a catch a rising star in New York City was snowing took a cab with all my stupid props

This is literally like his 20 years old and I snowing outside go into the club was like Literally, like, it's 20 years old, like, snowing outside, go into the club, it was like nobody in there. They bring me up, never played a real club in New York City. And it was the worst in my life. I remember just like, I remember my first line was, I had more props in people, because it was like, four people and I had like 20 props and two were good, you know. And I get done. And it was just, it was, it wasn't even beginning

or ending, it was just horrible. And I get done. And I even, I had to pick up all my shit and put it back on the thing. And Dennis Leary walks on. And I've never been able to tell him to this day. He was the sweetest guy in the world to me. He says, that was fucking brilliant. I was like, I thought he was be mocking me. He said, that was brilliant. And I said, thank you, you know, what part of it was, he said, dude, like, did you do write all this? And it was like, it was weird jokes, like a... He was the MC? No, he came up to close the show. I, yeah, he closed it.

And he was playing to four people at that time? Yes, no, he, yes, but only because it was like, yeah, it wasn't his night. What year is it? Oh, God. 80 something, 90, maybe 1990. It wasn't his night. He just showed up to do a set.

I'm not, yeah, I'm not sure. And I guess I think it closed in 93. Okay, so it was before then. I was there, I was the MC there. I was my place. Okay, catcher, I was in charge. Started there in 79 to 82. That was my, it was that place. Okay, catcher, I was in charge. Started there in 79 to 82. That was my...

It was that close. Everybody there was. That was my life catcher, I think. Yeah. The owner, Rick Newman. Yes, I never. And Belzer, who was a high mentor there, they died one day apart in February.

One day, I was fucking nice to meet you. Love, he was so nice to me. This thing, you know, what happened with these? It was my handful of comics that had ever been nice to me, by the way. Literally. And I say, a handful, literally. Like, big names? No, no, no, big names, none. They're all big names.

So what happened with the... He just came out and he said, it was brilliant. I remember, I remember like, wanted to not just kill myself, but like get it, you know, not in comedy. This is, I'm not in comedy. This is... Right. Like, literally, like, this comedy. This is, I'm not in comedy. This is, like literally, like this woke me up, like I needed to fucking go back to Florida, whatever. And he said that was what I do, it was brilliant. I remember him saying, my adda,

it was a good joke. At one point, Jordan Charles, it was a good joke. It was a paper cup and string prop that I had. You know, the phone with the paper cup and string, I said, they never made a good joke. It was a paper cup and string prop that I had. You know the phone with the paper cup and string. I said, they never made a new version. They should have one for like today's kids, and this is again in the 90s. So I said, hey, what's going on?

Not much, I ended up somebody, what's going on? Hey, you sound so close and we talk, and I had a third cup for call waiting. They came out of it. And George Cronle was like, that's a fucking great joke. It is. Right, it is. And it's clever.

It's where you're in. It's very clever. And then I had three cups of coffee. It was cofacirling and then I had a clear cup for coffee. Oh, waiting. You're on the phone. I see it. So anyway.

But Dennis Lurie said that was brilliant. So anyway, he saved me from killing myself and not getting out of comedy that night. Now, in an alternative universe, much the way Jerry Lewis was considered a genius in France, and is kind of a genius, Jerry Lewis. Not ever. I know where well. Yeah, really?

But I feel like- I was in his hospital room. What, no, why? Because he was in Vegas and you were in Vegas. They invited- Where would you see him? In his hospital room. They invited- Where would you see him Because he was in Vegas and you were in Vegas. Where would you see him? In his hospital room. They invited him. Where would you see him before he was in his hospital?

At the telephones. At the tele, you did his telephones for a very long time. Thousands of times? Not thousands. 30 times. Really? 30 years of the telephone? No, yeah, well, let me see exactly the right, yeah. 20. Is it 20?

Does that always, I've been there 20 years. So I did at least 20 of them. And Ed McMahon was my buddy too. And he bring me up in that, so I do. But when Jerry, they invited me to go to, they asked me if I would go see him at the hospital. And I said, of course I would. How would I not pass up an opportunity?

But it just me and him like in this couch. And I walked in and he would sit in his hospital. And the weird thing about Jerry Lewis is when you meet him, you know, visit him in his hospital room with all the nurses and like a normal hospital visit day, he was nonstop, stick, like, dude. Like the nurse, he would do the same, probably the same joke, killed every time. And then he would have his breasts. He'd turn around and go, and his teeth in. No one was ever more dedicated for getting the lab. It's entertaining me, it's a really afternoon.

A second, Harry Lewis. Please. It's not my story, it's my friend, Hiram Caston. Can we have him tell it? And I know it's... I'm not even telling him. You probably tell it better. But he told me this years ago,

and I don't doubt one word of it. He said, he's getting on a plane first class and Jerry Lewis is on the plane. And he's like right across him, the first row. But he's on this side of the plane, Jerry's on. The other side of the plane, but there's nobody in between them. So Jerry's there. So he goes before the plane takes off. Hiram goes over and says hello, and you know, kisses the ring and Jerry's cool.

Does his joke that he always did? I'd like you to say my pride and joy. And then he pulls out the fucking wall with the picture of pride and joy. Yeah, so that bathroom products. Why this genius thought that was a million times. Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea. Okay, but he's very nice.

Hiron goes back to his seat and he's Hiron says, I'm thinking, you know, I really want to look over the plane takes off. I mean, it's Jerry Lewis. I just want to stare at him, but I'm going to be cool and I'm just not going to be that guy. So he's looking, he's reading his book. He's so cute. He's like a half hour before he looks over. And when he does, Jerry is looking at him with the headphone twisted around in front of his face.

It's brilliant. And waited all that time. That's the best way. The star is the is. Right. For the guy to turn around. Yeah. Yeah. That is a maniacal hunger for a laugh. Yes. That's cheery Lewis. That's we would do that. We probably, if you ever, how many times have you done that? How many times have you, we've waited for a bit? Never. Really? So my way is to have our life. My way. Getting a laugh from somebody on a plane. Yeah getting a laugh from some nobody on a plane. I wouldn't even be on a plane.

No, I'm just not on a plane. That's how we're different. One time we had an opening act go up on the thing and I said, when he comes off, we have the feed on so we could hear him. So we're all going to be in my room in my bar like this, sleeping. And so we're like, waiting, waiting. And we're waiting. And then he's like, okay, good night.

We're like, waiting. And then he went somewhere else, we're like, God damn it. We're all waiting for then I was sitting, he's like, okay, good night. We're like waiting, and then he went somewhere else, we're like, God, damn it, we're all waiting for like 10 minutes. You know what? For the stupid fucking punchline. I saw a must of the same thing. You remember Jeff Altman?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Open for him. Funny, really. A butt stack. Such a funny guy. Great. So he hated me.

Really? Why? Because I just, I don't know, I did good need it. We, okay. We made up. good need it. We made up. We made up. We made up. I know this. I love to know.

I know the syndrome. I know the syndrome. But we were not close, but for some reason, I remember that. He's still around the region. Yeah, I think so. Probably the 90s, but for whatever reason, we were together that night.

And we were walking with two girls. I remember that, I don't know if we knew them before. This is so long ago, on Sunset Boulevard. Like we're walking a long way, like from one, like the kind of, I always say, by right in Memoir, it's gonna be called, who was in my body? The things I did, and I must have been me,

but it really wasn't, But it was my body. And we're walking and walking and walking. And Jeff Altman, out of the blue, like without explanation, just starts tearing down the street at 100 miles and as fast as he could run until we couldn't see him anymore. And we're, I mean, that was funny in itself. Right. And that said that alone, but it's really doing it. That's funny in its time, right? Like literally out of sight, he read so far. We've already paid the tab, Jeff.

And we're walking and we're walking and we're laughing about it and probably got onto another subject because it's been so long. And then we look at one point to the left and there's a waiting for a gag where he's got this he's Like he's passed out in the doorway of some place on the steps, right? He's waiting for the you did all that for that That's funny God I mean against I know what why you like but is it but you're talking about so what's funny?

I'm not competing. I don't want to compete. That is pretty funny. I like that he did that. I do too. That's funny. He ran it. So when he just got waited, he's like, passed out, he could have been, somebody could have seen him here.

Literally, yeah, really, really, really, really, really, really, but he's waiting for the joke. I mean, that's funny. It is a dedication. A dedication. To the laugh. Yeah, Jerry Lewis did that forever. Yes.

You gotta give it up for that. He came to my show and I don't know. Jerry did. Yeah, and right before he died, that this is- I really loved it. Again, this is strange because as many times as you know, you and I talk about, you just talked,

maybe earlier about, you know, we're not gonna come see you whatever you were working. Yeah, so I always see him and he always says I'm coming to your show kid So I said no, yeah, yeah, fuck you know doctor. Oh, so I saw him at a movie premiere. He did his last movie he did and So I said he's I'm coming tomorrow. So I said okay, so I said my friend. I think I think Jerry Lewis is coming tomorrow He said, he's, I'm coming tomorrow. So I said, okay, so I said my friend, I think Jerry Lewis is coming tomorrow. And sure as shit, he fucking, not only showed up, he came back. He said, a wheelchair.

And he sat him down in my little backstage bar like this. And he sat down and he said, he could have been fucking cooler. He's like, you know, all the years of the telephone. I said, do you remember the one? He doesn't remember this. So as a comic, when I did the telephone one, you're, he's out there and he's,

sure he's kind of cranky. And there's a video comes in, they give this guy this note and he says, he reads it and he says, no, fuck. So Ed McMahon is standing next to me. He walks out and he says, no fuck, the Ed McMahon is standing next to me. He walks out and Jerry says, before we continue, this kid passed away today and they showed that there's a picture of the kid. And it just happened.

They put the footage up and you know, fast it happened telling. But the picture of the kid up and he tells the story. Now Jerry loses crying, like fully crying, legitimately crying, and then shows videos him with him last week and then whatever. So my work, now what am I doing? And it's a, so Ed McMan's stand there with my microphone. And he says, is it my going up now? And he said, maybe. And I said, he's not going to do that to me. What do you? He says, well, he might. It's dead silent in the studio. And he says, uh, so we're going to miss you to me. It was Christ. It's probably my life, my God. And he says, now if anyone here can cheer

anybody up, caretop. And I swear my fucking life, he ends me the micro, and I walk out. It doesn't get worse. And it's horrible for the first two minutes, and then I do okay. I never did great. And I walk off, and I'm more distraught than anybody. And he says, and Jerry Lewis comes over to me after I'd been done, and he said,

I'm sorry I did that to you, but you're the only one that I could count on. Wow, that's great. But it was horrible. And I told him that backstage the night he came and he said, I did that. And I said, yeah, and he says, well, make you stronger. I said, yeah, I did. I mean, it really did.

Yeah. So then he says, all right, what time is your show start? I said, 10 minutes. And he says, 10 minutes, Jesus Christ, I'll be throwing up in 10 minutes, don't you read? I said, I don't know about now, fuck. Right. I'm gonna let you go.

You wanna do the picture thing? And I said, I didn't wanna ask you. I said, that'd be great. And he says, do the picture thing. So we do the picture. It's a great picture of him and I still have it frame backstage. And so we help him get up and I see my opening

act and my assistant stand there. Is it okay if I get one to my opening act? And he's stand there as wheelchair, trying to guess what he says, what's that? He's like, is it just cool one more? And Jerry Lewis stops. He says, if it's the last fucking picture I ever take, yes. And it's like, Tim, but he did take the picture, but it's great. I mean, imagine how many people stopped him for a picture, though. Jerry was riding high. I mean, there was very few careers like that. His ego was out of control, but I kind of get why.

He was kind of the king. He also was, when you see, the greatest, nutty professor, it's his peak, 1963, Murphy remade it. Absolutely. Well, we're there, but to me, it remade it. Absolutely. Well, with it, but to me, this, I mean, because, I mean, it was truly Jerry. I mean, he was this, like, buddy love. He was, when he takes the formula and he turns into buddy love. And, you know, he's got the slick back hair.

Yeah, no, he's, you know. He had so many, and, yeah. The way he picks up Stella Stevens, slide over, honey. Yeah. Yeah, it was real. Mr. Love, you're rude. I could give you a line of bullshit, couldn't I kid? But I know that that would insult you and stop us from having another fine moe.

You know, and he gives her the spiel and he was buddy love because he really was that as general. He was a very attractive, a giant producer. And he also was, and he was, yeah, he had the whole thing. And he was brilliant. At that moment it worked. And he, you know, like all those guys,

they took advantage of Vegas. I mean, I don't know if you were, it didn't seem to me like you're really taking advantage. But I guess that like you say, that doesn't exist anywhere. You know, you don't gamble, right? No. You don't gamble? No, I remember once.

That's true. Yeah, if you live in Vegas, that's probably good. Yeah, that's what I always say. Probably not good. But people ask me all the time, every day that I read day, every time a thing comes up, they say, you know,

where's the new rat pack? And I said, it's a different generation. Like, I know, I still know Wayne Newton. I know these people. I know different cop fields. Yeah, but we're not gonna hang out and have, no, we might have sushi together or something. We're not gonna, we're not gonna meet

every and every show and have drinks. And then go do their show. Right. And they're gonna come do my show. Right. No. No. Ron White, you know, it's the last guy

that came to my show and came on stage and that was great. He said, hey, I said, Ron White, you know, Ron is a fucking brilliant. So Ron comes up and I just said, and my crowd went fucking, batshit crazy because it's Ron White and he told the joke and the crowd went nuts. And even he said something at the end like the new rat pack and I remember thinking, you know, it's not though, but it's not though. But you know what I mean?

But it was a fun moment. And now we're too old to start around. Fuck me, yeah, no, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, we could be here. We could be around. We could be around. No, I'm 67.

Oh, fuck, okay. Yeah, well, I mean, we could do a rat pack. We could be wrapping right now. We could do a rat than you? No, I'm 67. Oh, so fuck, okay. Yeah, well, I mean, we can do a rat pack. It's gonna be wrapping right now. We can do a rat pack, but we can do it like once a week. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone, right, right, right, exactly. But let's do it. No, like noon.

Let's do it. No, no, no. All right, thank you for doing this. Yeah, thank you. This was fun, as I know it would be. Yeah. Club random. How much did student exceeded your expectation

by the scale of 9 to 10? More than I thought it's very counting. Exactly.