Club Random with Bill Maher - Charlie Sheen | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Charlie Sheen joins Bill Maher for an off-the-rails, hilarious, and unexpectedly heartfelt ride through fame, fallout, and second (and third... and fourth) chances. From his stolen Mercedes getting pushed off a cliff to carving Christmas prime rib in jail, Charlie’s stories are pure Sheen – wild, funny, and shockingly sincere. The two trade tales about Martin Sheen’s legacy, Gary Busey’s chaos, UFOs, baseball luck, and Mad Men fandom – and Bill drops a philosophy he learned from Charlie: “When you’re ready to leave a restaurant, just put the cash down and go. I call it Sheening it.” Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support our Advertisers: Go to https://www.radioactivemedia.com or text RANDOM to 511511 Get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for 1 year at https://www.factormeals.com/random50off Get 25% off your first purchase and free shipping at https://www.wonderballsusa.com and use code RANDOM Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode is brought to you by Peloton. A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. What was the fine? It had to be 50 grand, right?

Yeah, but with my salary, it's like a wipe my ass. Bus change. Are you kidding? Yeah. First Halloween? That's a slasher movie? I mean, the guy had a knife and he was fucking slashing people. Isn't that fit the criteria? Isn't that? Charlie on? I'm here. Hey, pal. How are we doing?

Boy, I don't see you for 15 years. Now I see you twice in three weeks. Amazing. Amazing. Yeah. God, you look great. Likewise. Likewise. Thank you. I know, but I didn't do what you did. This is true. This is true. That's why it's so much more amazing with you. And like I said to you on the show, I mean, it's like the resilience of the human body is, I said this to Matthew Perry. It's horrible memory, but it's so true. It's easy to die. It's also really hard. You have to really try. Yeah, you're right. And you tried as hard as you can. And look at your skin. Really, you should look so much worse. Wow. Don't you think? Yes, most likely.

The way the body comes back. It's a miracle, isn't it? It is an amazing organism, which is why I always, you know, if I can, we'll do something naturally. I'm not like anti-vax. People say that. It's just like, if I can handle it with my immune system, I'd like to, you try that first. Sure. Yeah.

And then if I can't, I'll. I'll fucking put an ice cube up my ass like you just went in doubt that's your go-to, right? Would you like one tonight, Charlie? You know, not yet. Not yet. Let's see where this winds up, you know? But good to know. It's just right there, yeah.

You don't hate me that I'm going to have a snort. Oh, gosh, no. I know. I mean, I appreciate that so much because some people, when they quit, they're pussies and assholes, and they're like, and you can't either. I can't even be around it. But how is that realistic? Like, how is that, like, you know, getting sober or just, you know, putting down the bottle to live in the real world? What?

I'm saying, like, the reason I can't choose not to do it anymore is because of where it takes me, right? Right. But I also knew that when I quit and quit for good, that I was not going to be the guy that went around doing that exact shit. You know who I'm talking about, though. It's very common. Oh, yeah. And it's, I, look, everyone's got their thing to deal with. I shouldn't be so harsh and judge it that way.

But it is just, it's annoying. It's like, you know, I have problems too. You know, like, I need to masturbate a couple of times a day. I'm not going to say, well, while we're talking, you know, if it's going to go on for a couple hours, I'm going to have to rub one out at some point. And you just have to understand. Of course. That's my emotional support animal. That's fine.

Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. No, and it's even there's certain people where even when they say, no, man, do whatever you want, there's no judgment, everything's fine, you can still feel it. You can still see it in their eyes. They're still over there going, you know, like just kind of. Right.

They're just saying that because that's the line that they were given in the script of wokeness or whatever phase of that they're on. By the way, I had your erstwhile partner. here, John. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw that episode. Yeah, it was interesting. It kind of took a turn, didn't it? Well, I mean...

Is that a polite way to describe it? What? Look, I did... I have a TV show. I did this because I wanted something different, and it is different. Sure, yeah. The TV show I work on all week, and I work hard, and I make it... It's a different kind of animal, and I try to make it as perfect as I can. This, I just show up.

I barely know who's here. I'm totally wasted. You know, it goes where it goes. Sure. It flows like the river, okay? Right, right, yeah. And to me, that's a great other way to do a show. And, I mean, yes, we got along like drunken disorderly.

We did not meet, you know, perfectly, and I probably should have been, I don't know, more gentle. But he's very woke. But I thought, you know, it always ends friendly. I hope he likes me. I like him. Yeah, I really do. I do, too. I haven't seen him in years.

You should. But the memories I have of what we, you know, the time we shared together and the things we created together are fabulous. Have you two went on the road, like with the show, like Sunshine Boys or Odd Couple? I mean, wow. Yeah, that's interesting. For the odd couple. Yeah, he is. Because he's Felix.

Yeah. And you're Slabo. Sure. Yeah. Or do we flip them? those roles. Nah, that would be a force bit, yeah, that would be a disaster.

Let's file that under worst ideas ever. Can we just... No, no, I had the worst idea ever years ago. What was that? With the torpedo tour. So that box has already been checked. But second worst idea. Yes and no. I mean... Oh, geez.

No, only because I said it because, like, you were at the time a legitimate folk hero and yes, it went off the rails and you did it to, you know, once you had status I felt like you could have the line opened up and you should have ran for a nice 25-yard gain, but you fucked it up after. But you did open a line there in the football analogy. It's hard to be a folk hero. That's what you were at that moment. Like people were like, this guy, maybe he's nuts, but boy, I am so connected to someone who is giving the finger to the establishment. who's like just, even if it was vague or weird or driven by ego,

it didn't matter. It's just the feeling of it was electric, it was, and it was also cathartic to people who, you know that, that that was a big appeal of it. Yeah, I think it was that reaction to it that really fueled it in a way that I wasn't anticipating. I mean, that thing could have gone on for a couple days and petered out And, you know, thanks for tuning in.

But it kind of took on a life of its own. No, I'm telling you, there is a separate category called folk hero. And like who were some of them, like Wild Bill Hickok or, you know, people like, I should be able to think of some off the top of my head, but I can't. But I know what I'm talking about, sort of, that the kind of person, sometimes they're Bonnie and Clyde, maybe. Bonnie and Clyde, we're folk heroes. That's absolutely true.

Even though they were criminals, the people in the depression were being fucked by the banks. Right. And they were fucking the banks. Interesting. Got it. Got it. Got it. Right.

Could Lenny Bruce have been a folk hero during like all the censorship when he got arrested and that whole... What a great question. Or it did not last long enough. Did it have legs? I think he was a folk hero, but not really because he appealed more to the intelligentsia. Interesting. more of the masses.

Got it. You know. But it's a trip that you say that because it's, it's, there's a thing I talk about in the book where, you know, the, the, the world I woke up into wasn't the one I said good night to six hours earlier. And I woke up into folk ballads and rap songs and, and people on the march, you know, and it was like this whole thing. I didn't really get a vote like or get to influence or, or, you know, dictate any part of that.

It was just happening, you know, and it was, it was a lot of energy to absorb and, you know, a pretty crazy wave to just try to navigate, you know. You know, you and Sean Penn have something in common. I know you were friends with them. Yeah, I love Sean, yeah. Like you both have a very poetic way, you know. I have letters from years ago that Sean little notes, you know, we saw something you liked on the show or something. before we were like really good friends. And I was like, wow, this guy, what a write.

And then he wrote a couple of interesting books, you know. And you really have a turn of the phrase. I mean, even before I read the book, I would see it when you would just talk. Thank you. You know, it was, yeah, where does that come from? Your father? Probably, yeah, if I started there. Yeah, it was a very creative household to grow up in, you know.

And then the other one, my second home, was the Penn's home. Oh, really? And that's where, yeah, that's where a lot of it took place. A lot of the influences, you know, a lot of the colors. I mean, when I was a kid, we went to the Jersey Shore for like two weeks in the summer. That was like our vacation. Okay. My father, El Chippa, bought a house after there was a storm on the Jersey Shore.

Sure, the property, a hurricane. My value went down and he swooped in. Well, it was literally declared a disaster act. So he bought a complete, two-story, not fancy, but for $18,000. Okay, all right. $18,000 in 1964. That's amazing. It's a year before I was born.

Wow. Right. Damn. And I wish I hadn't been born then because we had to clean it. You know, like we would rent it out for the summer that it was a moneymaker. But then we would take two weeks of a run. So we went to the Jersey Shore. So I have great memories of, you know, life by the sea.

Right, right, right. But to live, like, you had life by the sea always when you're in Malibu. Yeah, to an extent, we're on a promontory called Point Doom. I'm sure you're familiar with the area. And it's elevated above, you know, the beaches that Malibu is known for, like Zuma. So you didn't like go into the well. I didn't know. Did he?

No. I know he's a big surfer. Yeah. But his brother was and wasn't. His brother Chris, who I adored. It was my best friend growing up. Was that right? Yeah, sadly passed it like, Jesus.

I know. What was that from? I think enlarged heart that went undiagnosed or unobserved. That's why there's no God. You're here and you're fine and your skin looks great. Thank you. bastard did nothing i know i know it just doesn't wake up one day well he did have a you know he did have a run with with with with with the blow and the booze and and like that but it didn't

affect them i mean it's affected him in a way didn't you yeah you know it's just some of us just have a constitution i think they're finding this this gene like they're calling it the longevity gene okay i think it and i think it's a lot in ashkenazi jews oh oh You say it rules me out. Yeah, right. Father, I've got to say, I'm always been such a big fan of his. Have you, has he ever been? Have you guys ever done anything together?

No, but I would love to do any. If you guys wound up at a rally together? Could you? A rally. Have you guys carried a picket sign together? For what? I don't know. I don't go to rally.

Yeah, I'm neither. I'm not dissing the people who do go and rallies have done some great things. Right. And some of it is just performative and bullshit, and I'm not good. I tried the pussy hat on, Charlie. Just look ridiculous. I'm not good in pink. It's just not my color.

But, you know, a cause is always good to have a... Do you have a cause? Do you have a, like, like, you know, Jerry Lewis had the muscular dystrophy. I currently do not. Y'all, see, this is what we need. So, this is the... Is there one you're aligned with it that I... You can just kind of draft in mind?

Are you kidding? I've got several in mind. Do you? Okay, good, good, good. But, like, this is like step, I feel the final step of your rehabilitation. Oh, geez. Wow, to align myself with a cause, yeah. There's one eye that's very dear to my heart.

I think we could bring him in on hot tubs without borders. Just think about it. It's on brand. It's got a great ring. Wow. What is the border part of a hot tub, though? You know, we don't ask questions. Okay.

Is it where they're able to be imported? Is it where they're able to? Here's the real one. Okay. Sex changes. Okay. For emotional support animals. Okay.

All right. I mean, I can get behind that, you know? What support does the emotional sport animal get? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really good point. Like who drills the dentist cavity. Right, right.

And then the animals can't really complete. about what went wrong or what's going right, you know? So, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, causes. I mean, but see, that's the, John, as we were talking, got back to that. Sure. John, you know, he's...

Can I, can I crack one of these? Of course. Okay. That's your beer. It is my beer. Do you want to taste it or you don't drink? I don't drink beer, but I would love to taste it. And...

I think it's pretty good. I think we came up with a pretty good one. Sorry for the shameless plug in the middle of something poignant. No, no, no. do shameless look. In fact, here's, here's to you. Watch me fucking nail this. To you. Watch this. Okay. Wow. That's easily the best beer I've ever tasted. I love it. Thank you. Actually, it is. Okay, good. It's so much more mild without the liquor.

Yeah, but it's... I never like beer because it's too heavy. Interesting. This doesn't feel heavy. Beer can be like a meal, right? I hated it. Always did. And the people who drank it. Well, for me, it's interesting because there's this whole movement towards mock tales, you know. Thank you for the lovely review, by the way. Oh, no, it actually is very good. That's so nice to hear. Thank you. And the mocktails don't taste anything like the booze they're trying to impersonate, right? Or emulate or something.

But the beer, the thing about the beer that's great is it's still beer, just with the booze extracted, you know? Yeah, I guess you have to like that particular. um sensation on your palate on your tongue i mean i didn't never kind of did but for people look if you if you want beer um without the shitty taste that doesn't give you a big belly and doesn't get you arrested and stuff this is the one wild they wild as fuck um no it's actually i could actually drink one of these and i've never said that about a beer that's amazing and i really don't want you know, it was a lot of calories and this one is not, right?

70? That's easy. It's pretty, yeah. There's more than that in what I'm drinking. Now, what was the tincture that was added? What am I, was that something homeopathic? Or was that something like super groovy and cool? I mean, it looked really, because you did it so casually.

I know, because everybody is. And I'm going to add this. Yeah. Jing, I drink it. Jing. Jing is a way to add this little tincture to sparkling water and you have diet soda without any chemicals. Oh.

So, you know, health, not that I am. Okay. Are you sponsored by Jing? I'm discouraged. Jing should blow me and send my kids to college is what they should do, sponsored. I don't even have kids, but yeah, I mean, every week people ask me. But also, I like them. They're great people. They're sincere and also, I think, talented and knowledgeable

about and I'm always looking for things look I'm 70 you have really yeah wow you have whatever you're doing don't doing jing okay yeah don't doing jing and pot good don't stop anything you're doing I feel that way I mean who who could who has the right to say otherwise oh my kind every week I can't Charlie you did a Vietnam movie how the fuck did they burn down half of that country with these shitty lighters I can never every week I bring it, and now it's just locked up. Now it's really mad at me. I wound up in rehab one year with the air, this kid named George, to the Zippo throne.

That's the whole story. I don't know where it goes. And I felt bad because he couldn't really even use, you know, the products properly. And he was the guy who was going to step in and, you know, run that empire, the Zippo Empire. I wonder how George is doing these days. They seem so reliable for everybody else. I'm like, what am I doing wrong? Is it, can I take a look?

Yeah, but now it's like, it just, it got locked. Now it's just like, now it's just like, no, that never happened, but. Oh, your Flint, I mean, you, you put the thing, you put the flint in the back. You put the, you satirate. The fluid, yeah. I mean, that's it. Well, when's the last time you changed the flint? I, the, I don't know, this one is obviously dead.

I'm not going to send this to the Flint repair shop. Let's call George. But it wasn't. Maybe figure it out by now. Did you used to have like a bowl in your house where you put like cocktail napkins with numbers? From girls? Yeah.

I hope from girls. I mean, we know what happened later, but I'm assuming girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That took time to get there. But did I have a bowl? Nothing. No, my thing was, it was a trip. I would sometimes collect like out in, like a night out on the town, so many business cards,

but then, you know, wind up so completely hammered, you know, ultimately make it home most of the time, and then I could sort of travel back through the night by going through the cards and just trying to remember where this person was and then what they'd do for a living, why I was speaking with them, and occasionally there were women's numbers on those cards. So it wasn't just as lame as that story was feeling like it was heading, you know? Yeah. There are kids who are listening to this and going, what the fuck is a business card? Like, but yes, no.

I like, I think a business card is still awesome. It's pretty cool, yeah. I had one made one year with just my name on it. And so I'd hand it to people and sort of get on the move, right? That's very cool. And they'd be like, hey, and they think they had all my info, right? And all they have is Charlie Sheen and it just said, actor. It's pretty, it's a real, you know, it's a flex.

Kind of a dicky move, though, and then it's a little dickish, a little bit. It's a flex, but it's one you earned. Thank you. Thank you, and they were black and a nice gold thing around it, you know, so. You ever see? I thought it through. I thought it through. Wait, I'm sorry, was your quest for fire achieved?

Did you? Quest for fire. For your, for your, did you, did you solve it? I don't want you sitting here smokeless, man. No, no, no. That's why we have the bics. Oh, okay. They look like shit and they always were. Gosh, gosh, they're alive. You know? Just like Gen Z. No, I kid. Hey, wait a minute. No. What do you, what do you, is that like a cigaretteo or is that a, that's, that's, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's, that's, that's, that's, no, right on my, right on my, right on my land.

Wow, and do you have to get, like, a permit for that? Or you just wave to the drone as it flies over? How does that work? Well, it's just one plant, but, you know. Is it a robust plant? And is it healthy? I think it's very good. Wow, did you name it?

Because I have a plant and named it. It's just a little house plant. It's not a weed plant. Yes, I named a duby. Okay. That's appropriate. Yeah, mine is Otis. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's legal. It's 2025. Right, right, right, okay, good to know. We're in California. But if you plan a certain amount, then you've got to get some kind of permission or you've got to talk to somebody down at City Hall.

No, nothing like that, just fucking grow away. Just dump seeds all over the lawn and let it happen. Is that how it goes? You know, I don't, I'm not, probably should have thought these things through. I mean, I'm just curious. No. I'm just curious.

Now, are you, do you, do you have a green? Or do you have a horticulturist sort of a vibe about these things? Are not even close? No. No, no. I'm a rich landowner. I love it. I love it.

Juan Valdez. He looks at the beans individually. He cares so deeply about them. No, I'm inside doing inside things and making business cards. You know, I used to have the same thing. people would give me business cards, you know. And sometimes, like, I was drunk also, not like you, but I had quite a time when, I mean, Hollywood remembers.

I was quite the terror there in the 90s and made a lot of people who didn't, you know, I'm going to say enemies, but I didn't do myself any favors with the press. Got it. You know, you know, that error when, as they say, you'd go to the opening of an envelope. Right, right, right. Because you're new as being a star,

and it's like, oh, they're inviting me to this. premiere and then you're slashed with bimbo it's just a bad look but you know you use these events to have dates you know to impress a date right and then it was just bad but I remember

people give me business cards and sometimes when I was in asshole mode right as I was talking I said oh thank you so much I'd start cleaning my teeth well it is the perfect tool for that isn't it I know but talking about a dick move

Yeah, but, well, I may steal that. Don't. No, don't, no, don't, no, because this poor guy... But Cato could get away with that. Cato. Because he would do it in a way that it was part of the thing, right? But he never would do that. Right, because he's a sweet guy...

Isn't he lovely? A sweet guy from the Midwest. I know. I need to reconnect with him. Let's do it. We were asshole buddies for a long time. I know, I know, yeah. We spent a lot of time. He was my conduit to get to you after I saw your movie.

And I was like, I need to sit with this man. That's right. That is how we got connected. Yeah. I was like, find me, Bill Maher. Bring him to me. And we met the Apollo Lamp. Yes.

It was a lovely night. I didn't, I was a totally lovely night. I didn't remember all that, but I probably, maybe I never knew all that. But yeah. Oh, no. Anyway, I sidetracked you. Sorry. No, no.

Sidetrack. In this place with this shit. I like a lot. There's no track to go. We had to go to the breadcrumbs back to, you know, we were talking about, I don't know, your father and John. We were at a protest. We were at a protest with John Pryor, yeah. Well, let's talk about your father then, because I just loved your father.

I mean, from the get, right? Right. From something he did like a TV movie that was even before he was a movie star that I saw him. Like California Kid or something super cool or Pretty Boy Floyd? Yeah, I mean, some, no, it was like a. You remember the movie of the week? Yeah, of course. Those were events.

Sometimes. I mean, sometimes they were like, there were the way in that era that they addressed issues. Right, right, right, right. You know, not just a regular TV show, except for all in the family, kind of changed that. But other people didn't really dare. Norman Lear had that kind of to himself. But if you wanted to address an issue, like I remember David Jansen, He was the nightstander, right?

What? Wasn't there a show? Wasn't he? David Janssen was the fugitive. The fugitive, okay. There was another show that did... Harrison Ford did the movie, but the future was a great show. But he did a...

I need to talk like this. He had a gravelly voice. Yeah. And he and Angie Dickinson. Of course, yeah. She was a mainstay in that lane, wasn't she? She was a mainstay of my masturbation. I mean, why not?

I mean, right? I mean, that's the tip of the spear at the time, you know. No pun intended. See, the things that fall out, you can't. Yeah, see. You can't plan them. You don't need to be drunk to have fun. I appreciate that.

Isn't it true, though? You think you need that crutch? Yeah, and you know, the only... People get drunk and high. I don't know what to do with them, Charlie. You know, it's fine. The thing, the only thing that I think it's rooted in, and fantasy, the only thing I miss about drinking is the first hour. The first hour is the best

hour in the known universe. It's kind of like Fogers for you. Remember the Fogers commercial? The best part of waking up is Fogers in your cup. Yeah, of course. You would say vodka. Yeah. Not Fulgars. No, no. But yeah, it's just that it was that first hour when just everything just made perfect sense. And then didn't for those next couple hundred hours. Well, we talked about this in real time, that the real evil of drugs is that they don't work as well over time, both in the day and long run. Yeah, you're right. And your thing was, and it was a great insight that when you were shitty to people, you weren't mad at them. You were mad at the drug for not working as it was earlier in the day.

earlier in the week, month, and year. Sure. And I know that same feeling. Oh, yeah. Like... It's a resentment like no other. Come on. Yeah.

Come on. You find a vain. Not that we did heroin. Right. We didn't. No, I didn't either. I think that's the reason I'm still sitting here. Right.

Because that's a drug. I just drew just an embargo for... Since I was a child. Right. When I was like, I don't know, 11, 12 years old. without even really, probably saw it in a movie and decided that's something I need to avoid this entire lifetime.

Yeah. You know? I think it's something middle class kids tend to do. They're just something about heroin. It was, marijuana was that way from my parents' generation. Like my mother at the end, when she was a widow of the last 15 years,

pot would have been so great for her. It would have solved all her problems. Interesting. She didn't laugh enough. She was underweight. You know, she could have used a whole bunch of new friends. You know, it would have solved all her problems, and I couldn't get her to smoke pot. Wow, even just once.

No, because World War II generation, it was just like, and I think for us, that was heroin. You know, it's just not what us middle class kids do, you know. We're bad and we'll be bad and we'll think we're bad. Right. But we just don't go there. It was such an other side of the tracks vibe to it, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, or just back alleys or...

But, you know, you can obviously, I mean, drinking. I mean, so you were drinking, oh, that reminds me, I was talking about David Jansen. Right, right, I'm sorry. Issues. No, I want to go back to your liquor, but David Jansen and Angie Dickinson, who I once had dinner with at Sue Manger's house

and was so awesome. And everybody tried to get her to drop a dime on JFK because we kind of know that she fucked him. Okay. They were on Oceans 11 together. Okay. And she would, all these years later, and she would not do it. Wouldn't give it up?

Would not. Wow. Wow. And would she deny it in a way where you could, was there a gleam? It was just so, like, it was classy. I don't know. This was like 15 years ago, but, and we've sort of corresponded a little since. She's such a great lady, but it was just like, to me, so regal and so.

Interesting. Such integrity that all these years later, and this is like, Sue Mengers, you know, I mean, the super agents that Medlert did the show about it. She'd have these dinner parties, amazing people, always like some of the A-list, Old Guard Hollywood, on the new list A-listers. And, you know, Angie there was there one night and, you know, very high-level gossipy people who you'd think you'd want to impress. And she was like, uh-uh, you're not getting that out of me. whatever me and JFK did is dying, going to the grave with me. Wow.

I just... That was the vibe or those are the actual words? No, no, no. She was like, oh, no, we're not talking about that stuff. That's the vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was much classier about it. Anyway, she and David Jansett did this movie of the week and the issue...

I think it was called something like a sensitive, passionate man. Something like that. As awful as that is, I think that was... Yeah, 1977. Yeah, six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was a drunk. It was about being a drunk.

Oh. And she's the wife. And he's got the house in the suburbs. You know, and there's a scene where he comes home, like, you know, there's a scene where he first of all is putting the vodka in the orange juice at the breakfast table in the morning. Right, right. The kids don't know. And then passing out on the front lawn. I remember that scene and Angie coming here.

So they deliver, like, the clunky version of it, like the real, like there's just. I mean, I was probably a teenager. I was impressed. Yeah, sure. You know, it was like new to have like, wow, you know, this is serious shit. I mean, this guy's a drunk like, I mean, they did it in the movies, Days of Wine and Roses. It was a great movie about drunks and Lost Weekend was 1945. Wow.

Ray Milland, and he's got the liquor in the chandelier. Do you ever see Days of Wine and Roses? I don't think so. But I'm familiar with it. It's Jack Lemon. Yeah, I knew it was Jack Lemon. And Lee Remick, who I think also fucked JFK. But she blabbed about it.

No, I'm kidding. But I think he fucked her, too. Any blonde actress, I think, in the day, was just fair game for the Kennedys. Right, yeah. But Days of One in Roses is a, I mean, you don't need it anymore. But, you know, the famous scene is, he, he, They're drunks, a married couple, and they're loving it. But, you know, then they have to, like, they lose everything.

They have to go live with the parents because they've lost everything. Got it. Okay. And, but now they're sober. So, you know, it's like stay on the dirt and narrow. And they live with the parents, and the father has a greenhouse that he, you know, his pride and joy greenhouse with all his plants and stuff. and so they're doing fine

they're not drinking and Jack Lemon hides at one point of a flask in the one of I guess when he was just there and he was just getting okay and he hides it somewhere

in one of the plants in the greenhouse and they're doing fine and doing fine and doing fine and one night they have one drink and then they want another and another and he goes into the greenhouse to find

that flask and he can't find you can't remember where he put it and it's wow just destroyed wow every plane i need to watch this it's sure that flask for me is is other things yeah other like crack like crack or like a bag of something or yeah you're bet you know pills whatever um and something very small in a very large house with 10,000 places it could be is like a bad combination for a guy who's who who who needs to get down like in that moment you know I've hid drugs in the house and forgotten where they were and had that, I had that, I didn't tear my house apart. Right, right. It's awful, isn't it?

I know, you'd think you'd, at the moment you were hiding it. Right. Be smarter and go, okay, it's in the drawer with the stuff chicks left at my house. Right, right, yeah. Okay, that's pretty specific. Unless there's 10 drawers like that. I mean, who knows, right?

in your house I mean it depends how forgetful the girls are at that point I think you never want to give back the wrong item that's a great point I've got your panties yeah those aren't my pants I don't wear that color

that's just not dialogue you want to hear and you know you just want to bag it and tag it bag it and tag it yeah I mean these are just tips for upcoming Mac

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This country is, in a very bad way, the younger generations, they don't have as much sex as our generations did. They don't. They can't stand each other's politics, the men and the women. Right. They also grew up on the phone. Yeah, no, it's hard to, you know, develop a relationship with anyone when you spend most of your time staring at your hand. You know what I'm saying? It's like, and nobody looks up anymore, nobody looks out anymore, it's just, and I see people crossing the street.

If you stare at your hand, you'll wind up using your hand. You mean, right? It's the next logical thing, right? And also, I'm throwing to that mix also, they, because they so, like, went bananas, not that it wasn't certainly justified in Me Too movement and all that, men got away with way too much, it's great that they're playing with five fouls now. But there is a fear. And this went on before me, too, like college campuses, you know, for 20 years have had policies that, you know, almost, I think some of them had, like, you needed, like, written consent to go to, like, the next level, like, second base, signed here. Well, I think that's not like the typical, but what I'm saying is, as a college student, you could be absolutely prosecuted for having sex with someone just because they were drunk. Right. You know, it's very hard to police that delicate moment where friendship becomes physical intimacy.

Somebody has to make a move. Something has to change to go from weird. not touching each other sexually to we are. Right. And when you have to like sign for it first, it just, it is a bit of a mood killer. A bit of a buzz killing it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's on the guys traditionally to make the move. Of course it is. And it's always just been that way. And women, God love them, all they ever want in life is just to do it well, just to make the move well, just to make that transition. That is what a gentleman is. Someone who can make that transition. It's not like they don't want to transition with you to intimacy.

They have needs like we do, I've read. They just do it well. Just don't do it clumsily. Don't do it scarily. Right, right. Don't do it aggressively. Don't be too much of a pussy. That's also annoying.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, there's a show I watched called The Rehersal. Did you see the rehearsal? Do you know what? I've heard of it. What is it? Yeah, it's a guy that he builds scenarios for people to practice something they're afraid of in life. And he does a perfect replica of a situation and they get to go through it until they finally can apply that and solve the problem that's, you know, with the person or that thing that they need to overcome.

Who's the guy who does it? Nathan. Nathan. Yes, he had that other show where he solved. people's problems. I think that, yeah. This is a little different. It's a different one.

He's the same guy. He's very funny. Yeah. So funny. Yeah, really, really inventive, really smart. Yeah. But also dry, you know, like low-key, almost sad, sack comic kind of. Totally.

Yeah. So. He's a trip. There's just a thing in the second season of that where he can't get this one guy just to make the move to kiss the girl good night. And even if it's just on the church. cheek. Right. And the work he puts in to get this dude just to like be courageous enough. Yes. And they practice it. And he can't even do it in the practice settings, in the rehearsal settings. And you're sitting at home yelling at the television like a moron, but hoping that that's the, you know, the motivation that will finally get him to deliver a peck on the cheek. Charlie, I think we have found our cause, our charity. Yeah. How about it?

Really? I once gave a fake TED talk on my show about teaching guys game. They really do need someone to teach. Who better than Charlie Sheen? Just saying. To teach game. Yeah, you know, like, teach what you know, right? They tell writers to write to what they know.

Now, they're going to say, well, Charlie didn't even need game, which is true. But I also remember from the documentary, Denise Richards, saying... I was a little shy. A little bit, old fashion. She said, he's not at all, would people think. Yeah, it was nice to hear that, yeah. Do you remember that? I do, yeah, I remember it well.

And it was very sincere. I mean, she was blubbering at the time. Right, yeah, kind of got away from her, didn't it? A little bit, yeah. I feel like, you know, she obviously still loves you. Yeah, which is great. I mean, love is eternal. Passion is often not.

You know, I mean, I always use the analogy of passion, sex, that's the ocean wave. It's exciting. It pounds the shore. Love is the shore. That stays there. I like that. The tides come in and out. Sure. But the shore stays. And, you know, you, I think we both have had the experience of loving someone passionately, and then it morphs into something else. And do you think the moon has a role as well? The moon. The moon. Because it controls the tides. Do you think there's something, or have I taken it to just a place where it doesn't... You think it controls my dick, too? I mean, I wasn't drawing that exact connection, but...

No, I think if someone has a nice moon, the relationship will last a little longer. But you know what? I always say, there's only so many fucks in the can, and then you're... And that's just life. You know, I mean, I could gild that lily and pretend it's not so, but, you know, whenever these people get divorced in the media, of the celebrities and they're always like, what went wrong in the matter?

Nothing went wrong. Right. They're married 20 years. That's what went wrong. Time went wrong. Interesting. Time went wrong. Right.

Everybody gets tired of each other because they're on top of each other all the time. So how do you feel about married couples that still have like a date night? Like year 23. Please put a bullet past my tongue. If I ever have to have a fucking date night, okay? Just saying. I would.

I cringe at those. I mean, they're cute, and they're kind of, you know, I'd like to root for it, but I know how they're both feeling at that dinner. To schedule sex is just so gross. It's like the worst perversion there is. I have been many times certainly, not, you know, my recent years, thank you, Jesus, but in my younger years, I mean, the horniest times of my life, high school, college was awful. early on in my career living in New York, no money, no nothing, no prospects. Like, I have many of those years, like, very little sex.

Just really, just horny, masturbating a lot. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I can get through that. It's like prison. I can do that standing on my head if I have to. I can do the five-year stretch. What I can't do is the fake. What I can't do is...

you know I mean I never got married were you ever close to marriage yes yeah did you ever engaged yes for how long was the engagement oh I don't know

like a year I mean it was just you know I've said this before on this show but like there's bad things about being 70 but if I if I had the choice of being 35

with that stupid thing in my head at 35, I'd still pick this age. Interesting. Because, you know, it just, I mean, a lovely person, but, like, you just, you don't even know who's, like, the right person to marry sometimes. You just, you know, it's like, it's a combination of lust and newness and somebody likes me, and we're having a great time,

and that's, you know, and then you don't really wait long enough to see, if it's, and then, you know. Or the people wait and wait and wait and wait, and everything's great or as great as it can be, waiting that long, and then they do get married, and it falls apart, like, inside of that first year or a couple years later, or... Well, sometimes that's because men,

problematic, just that, men, they have a way of hiding in the weeds and then emerging. I've certainly heard this from so many women I know, you know, ex-girlfriends or just friends or whatever, but they have some story about some guy who was great, great, great, great, great, and then he became this completely different person. Sometimes it's after the marriage because it's like, oh, we're married now.

You can't go anywhere. Now we're married and I can, you know, and it turns into a power control thing? Well, they just like they act, they can put on an act of being nice. For a year, for two years, but it's not really who they are. They're not really nice. And then when they have finally got to control for whatever, maybe it's not marriage, but they feel in control, the woman is in love with them. Then they become this thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Right, yeah. You know, we were bad in our way, but we weren't that. No, we never, like, revealed that we were going to be the guy. Yes. Did they fell in love with or got to know or got to, you know... We didn't pretend we were not bad.

We were bad boys. Yeah. But not like evil boys. No. Certainly not rapy boys. No. Not, yeah. No, nothing like that.

No. What can you do? I mean, people are going to say shit. I mean, you certainly have given them ammunition. I mean, you can't deny that. Of course. But like I said, on the show, and I was so glad I was so glad. I said it, you know, didn't some bad things, but not a bad guy.

I really appreciate that. And I think so many people mention that to me. And I feel like they really, they think that is, that nails it. People have come up to me in the street with that quote. They should, because it does nail it. Yeah, no, it's. And I think it also resonated because there's a bigger mood, I think, brewing in this country that we all have to have that attitude more. We went to little Puritan there for quite a while.

Yes, we did. I mean, this is part of what I was arguing with John about wholeness and that overwokeness. And they became the Puritans. They became the people with the stick up their ass, the people who were even more judgmental. Of course. And, you know, yes, people do some bad things. We used to have a greater sense of grace after time served. And, you know, it just became very performative about we're the good people.

And it's very important to us that you know that, that we're the good people. And the bad people, they're, well, you know, nothing is too bad for them. And it's like, no, you know, we don't all want to be judged by our worst moments. Or in your case, moments. Right, right, right. Sure. Yeah, racked them up, you know. But you were consistent.

I was consistent. There you go, yeah. Like, when you did that Super Bowl ad, I was like, wow, that guy has a kind of a likeability. You're talking about the planters ad, where I'm on the bus bench? Did you do another Super Bowl commercial I should know of? I did not. What year was that? It was only a few years ago.

That was probably three or four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But I'm just saying, like, people just want to like you. What's my line in that? Oh, I say, oh, and people say I'm nuts. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

Which was smart. It was pretty good. pretty good yeah you know the writers of that spot didn't come up with that um there was an assistant of mine um yeah and and we'd done a few takes and whatever that line was wasn't wasn't working and and he came up and just whispered in my ear what do you what do you think about uh people and people say i'm nuts and i'm like it i like it yeah it was it was it was steve these professionals are making an ad for nuts right right and they yeah They missed the most obvious, yeah, yeah.

His nickname was Cy, short for Cyborg, and he, sigh whispered in my ear. Really? Yes, yeah, and then I did that one. They were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, use that, use that. And that's what wound up on the air. Wow. Yeah, that was the, that was Tampa, Kansas City, correct?

When Brady dismantled them? Oh, who the fuck remembers things like that? Yeah. Yeah, because it was, it was Super Bowl 55. And because I can chart the Super Bowl's because I'm the age of the Super Bowl each year. So I don't have to figure out all the fucking L's and Xs and all that shit. You know what I mean? What are we up to?

This will be Super Bowl 60. Right, because you're going to be 60. I'm 60 now. September 3rd, yeah. I had a 60th birthday party in this room. Sean was here. Was it? Yeah.

He read a poem or not read, recited. Then he wrote for you for your birthday? No, no, no, it was one, I don't know, but it went on for a very long time. Wow. I mean, it was an amazing performance. It was like, some like, you know, and hats off to the temporary man from the, blah, blah, blah. You know, something that somebody wrote 200 years ago that's something that, a festive, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow.

It was like, whoa. Damn. This guy. Yeah, Sean, he will, he will deliver. No one is, I've said this publicly. I wrote it, I mean, gave it to Maureen. out when she did a thing about him, like, you could not come up with a script that is more interesting than his actual life, you know, the El Chapo thing, and Katrina and the Castro

and the, you know, Hugo Chavez. Yeah. Just like, like, talk about a guy who walks the walk. Oh, yeah. You know. Yeah. And with the Haiti thing, you know, when all the media left and Sean was like, yeah. And then they were like, well, why are you still here?

He was like, because I came here to get a job done, and I'm going to stay till it's finished. And it was so noble. Not to always be shitting on the woke, but like when I think of some of these, and I won't mention names, but, you know, people who think of themselves or even call themselves activist. I'm an activist. Is that a term now? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So barfie.

Wow. Actervist. Yeah, there's only real. I'm going to ask my dad, does he consider himself an act? activist. Well, I mean, just as a joke. That's a different era. But, I mean, but Sean is the one who really is.

Oh, yeah, he is. He's actually isn't a rowboat. He's actually on the dock and Porto Prince. You know, he's actually with Castro. Whatever the fuck it is. He's the guy walked to Poland to avoid a bombing run, you know? He walked from Ukraine to Poland.

Because the cars were all either out of gas or backed up or both. And he was like, fuck it I'm walking to Poland yeah no script could do justice you know when he reads a script it's like but it's not as interesting as my life although I see he's got a big movie now did you see it no I have not no no so we can't talk about it it it looks pretty badass though doesn't it it does yeah I mean it's carrying a very specific message I you know what I so don't trust reviewers for good reason.

So I don't really know. I know it's political, which is great. My guess, since it's about a sort of a revolutionary, is that we like him, it's Leo. He's the lead, so, you know, and he's in a bathrobe, so he must be a good guy. I don't know, but I'm not going to judge it. I know Sean's the bad guy.

Yeah, he plays a guy named Lockjaw. And who else you're going to hire? Yeah. Well, if he, I would bet dollars to donuts, he's going to win the Oscar for this. Probably. I mean, but are they going to give him three? Did they give Jack three? Is Jack the only guy with three? Or does Daniel have three? Daniel, like I fucking know him. Daniel DeLew? Yes. He can call it. He's one-word, one-name status, right? He is to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Although I'm making my way through on the recommendation of a friend who I have implicit trust, and we always have. always had the same taste in movies. Making my way through watching again, I hadn't seen it since it came out, there will be blood. Okay, okay. And I did not like it at the time.

I didn't either. Is it need to be revisited? Because, uh... I mean, I'm not like your normal movie watcher. I don't watch movies, especially long ones usually, all in a row. I watch them on TV somewhere. And I always say to people who are like,

I want a way to watch a movie. I'm like, do you read a book in one sitting? That's a great point. I don't need to. It's a great point. I remember where I was last night in the movie. I don't have to watch a three-hour movie over three hours. And unless it's so compelling, like the Godfather or something or Apocalypse Now.

Thank you. Yeah. You. Well, you didn't do it. No, I mean, just thank you to the universe that you recognize that. Yeah. Well, I was there for eight months. I know you were.

I was kind of, you know. I was apocalypse adjacent, you know. That's so interesting that you were in the... Philippines, right? Yes, yeah, but wait a minute, but there won't be blood, because you might be sparing me review of a repeat. I'm not quite through with it. I'm about two hours into the nine-hour version.

No, I'm about 45 minutes from the end. I think it's 2.45. I don't think any movie outside of that Godfather and Gone with the Wind need to be, and they could have taken an hour out of Gone with the Wind easily. Easily, yeah. But I'm glad we kind of have it, because it's so, you know, iconic.

Sure. I watched it fairly recently. It was pretty cool. Does it hold up? You know, I watched it with someone much younger who hadn't seen it. That's hot tub without borders. That's what it is. That's what it is.

Okay. And to see it through her eyes, I mean, it just, you know. So what's your wet? Are you going to wait for those final 45 minutes to like? I am going to wait. Okay. But I'm telling you, it's the bottom of the eighth. Okay.

and somebody, and they're about six months behind. Got it, got it, got it, got it, okay. Bullfin's depleted. Shurzer got shelled in the fourth inning. Right, right, yeah. So, I mean, yeah, they need your character that come in and throw gas because, yeah. No, maybe, but it's, it's taking, if it's going someplace, first of all, it's taking a long way to get there. Right, right.

Second of all, two hours in, all I get about it is that this is the biggest, prick I've ever seen in movies, which is you can make that character interesting. But I don't see any arc. Like he's a prick in the first scene. He's a prick two hours in. I don't think he's going to get better. He's bitter and nasty and just horribly shitty to everybody, which makes them miserable. And you see, he's miserable too.

Right. Is that the big thing that being a shitty asshole makes you miserable too? Those are pretty easy dots to connect. Again, I'm missing so far. Okay. But I haven't gotten to, remember the famous line, you're drinking my milkshake. Right, right, right.

And I haven't gotten to that yet. Maybe that's going to change it all. Something to look forward to, yeah. What if you were drinking a milkshake when he says it? Do you think that would change anything? This is lovely. I mean, this is a trip, you know. I said you on your show, you.

Thank you for this. Oh, I'm loving this. I knew. I always wanted to do this with you. I said to you on your show, speaking of movies, though, that you definitely, my, I'm wondering, can I give you a prediction? I'm a very good predictor. Sure. I've got all my predictions, politics right.

In five years, you will be at an award show. Oh, wow. You will be asked to leave. Okay. Let me finish. From the podium or before I come to the red carpet? Where you're ranting. Got it, got it.

No, in five years' time, you'll be, you'll have made a movie that people are giving you an award for. That's amazing. Thank you. They're going to want to work with, you know, people love a redemption story, and they also love somebody who, like, has a lot of history that they can trade on. Right, right, right. I mean, not that you have to play your character from, in fact, it'd be better if you did it against it, not all the way to the odd couple. Right. But that's comedy, but drama. Right.

You need to do a drama. I totally agree. A serious movie. I completely agree. And you can do it. I mean, one thing John said I didn't agree with, and I thought he was brilliant, by the way, in the documentary. He was terrific, wouldn't he? I love it when he said, he called you an icon of decadence.

I know. That's poetic. It's poetic to a degree, because it's pretty low-hanging fruit, isn't it? A little bit. Of course, but it just said it was phrased nice thing. It just says. Yeah, it was phrased nice. Two words.

Yeah. But he said... But does he deliver that complimentary, in a complimentary way? A little snark? I felt his... I felt his testimony was honest. It was, um... Look, I think you tortured him at some point.

Of course. Okay. Of course. Well, okay, so he... I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of all that crap. Jesus. Okay, so, um... Look, I remember, I did a said comment.

in 1991 with Sam Kinnison when he was a heroin addict. I remember how much I hated him. How many episodes did you? 13. Where can I find this? I hope you can't. Seriously? Even if I promises to watch it alone?

In loose sweatpants? Yeah. It was called Charlie Hoover. It was Tim Matheson was the star. He, and Sam was animated as a little devil on his shoulder. That was his character. Oh, but then that's calling back to Animal House.

Is Matheson in Animal House, or have I gone mad? No, totally. That's, yeah. He's otter. Right, but not his character, but the dude that played Amadeus. You're right. Right. Don't they appear on his shoulder?

Yes. Okay, so do you think they drew from that a little bit? I hadn't put that together, but that's totally what they did. Yes. Hulse? I can see it now. Yes. Isn't that?

Right. And by the way, what he's saying is something you could never put in a movie today with the devil, because what he's talking about. On your show? Or in animal house? Just all of it. What they're saying in animal house. Right.

Fucker. The brain's out is what he says. Of a passed out girl. Oh. That part I forgot. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Wow. That's bad. And that's where we were. Right. That was 1978? Because I saw it with Dave Anderson with Brown Dave in Westwood. And for the woke people who are now like flying over to Twitter to blue sky to like say what terrible people we are. For this conversation or just just in general?

They just they will not accept that people in general just used to be worse and we were all in on it. Right. So just stop yelling at the past. We can't dig up these people. who made the movie and yell at them. And everybody was in on it. We all just were there. And yes, it was wrong, and then we got better.

And if you lived then, you would have been one of us. You wouldn't have been Nostradamus. Right, right, right. I can see that in the future this will not be funny. Yes. Yeah, wow. Yeah. But you're right, that's where they rip that off from.

I think, okay, and it's interesting because I don't, I've never seen Charlie Hoover. Charlie Hoover. Is there a play in the thing there with the, you know, what Hoover means in the dope space? You know, when a guy's hoovering lines. And it's Sam Kenison, and he was known to Hoover, some lines. I mean, I apparently didn't know anything about this show I was on.

You know more about it 25 years later. That one's a bit of a reach. I was completely in the dark about all this, probably what it was. I don't know. Was his character a Coke addict? No, his character was like the devil on his shoulder. Oh, right, right, right. They miniaturized him. Got it. Got it. But he was like

on heroin at the time, and so he would like, we would be waiting for eight hours for him to show up. Oh, my gosh. I saw him once in the makeup chair like this. Oh, damn. Wow. And of course, it does not good morale for the set. So you were never in the scenes with him

because he was in a green screen the right freaking time? I was in the scenes with Tim because I was like his second in command. Got it, okay. You know, I was like the friend he talks to. Did they start figuring out of way just to film all of Sam stuff, like, for that episode in like four hours and just get it out of the way? I don't know. It was not a...

Because he should have. Then he could have been passed out at home. Right. Right? I mean, well, you know, we're just trying to make the week, right? I don't know. I'm just saying I have a... I can relate to working with somebody who is making my life miserable.

Gotcha. So John, he had every right to be like, fully like, I don't even want to be on this. Right, right, yeah, but there were also good times. And yeah, I also know he's not really the bad guy. It's the drugs and all the rest of this stuff. And, you know, it balances out. And I gotta give a guy credit for that, for at least.

So I felt like his testimony was honest. It wasn't ass-kissing. It wasn't at all, no. And it wasn't bitter, but it was like realistic. Yeah. You know, and that's as good as you can do. And he's a bright guy. No, very bright.

Very bright. Yeah, we'd be in the makeup room and, you know, and somebody would like be trying to think of something super random, some piece of trivia, or something that nobody knew except John. Oh, really? He could pull things from every, no, he's a really, really active, you know, a very, a beautiful mind. Yes, but it does need deprogramming.

But he sets it up with you. He says, I'm a little woke. I'm a little woke. Do you remember that? No, I remember. Dude, you false advertised their shit out of that one, you know? What I remember him saying, which was just beautiful, it's a highlight of this whole series,

was at one point he went, you know, next time you think of something super woke that really annoys you, I want this to be the face that you see. He said that? Oh, yeah, it's in the show. Wow. I mean, it was... Maybe I didn't make it that far.

It was... Yeah, it was really funny. Oh, gosh. It was maybe... But he was saying that as a joke, right? A joke, like with so many good jokes, with meaning behind. Right, right, right. But, yes, it was not hot.

Damn. Wow. So... He's out there. He's carrying the flag. I mean, he's leading the charge. He's part... I mean, most of Hollywood.

He weighs in a lot with some Twitter stuff, you know? I'm sure he does. I'm just kind of like, I don't, I stopped doing that. Oh, I never did that. Yeah, it's, yeah, good. It's so corrosive. Yeah, there's things I see that even if something is just funny, and I can add to that comedy, I still don't,

I don't try to build something and hit sand. I just, why? What are you getting from it? I don't know. It's only downside that could happen. You're right, you're right, yeah. And then it's also, when it's something super political or something really bad is happening.

You weigh in about how it should have gone or this is the, and it's like, what is that going to do? Whose minds are, are you going to change? Well, you give a shit about what people think about your opinion on fucking UFOs. Whatever it is. Right, right, right. You're entitled to it. Right.

And all they're going to do is shit on it because people have sad lives, especially the ones who are on Twitter all the time. Right. If that's what you have to do, and, you know, most of Twitter, like, 90% of Twitter is from 10% of the people who use it. Like, most of it is from the people who use it a lot. Wow. That's their home. So it's like crime.

It's like, it's like crime. It's like, very much. Because they always talk about, you know, 70% is only from 20% of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Oh, like in New York, they had some crazy stat of, because, you know, they throw people in jail in them, they're out the next day. I know.

Like something, some crazy percentage of crimes, some site of crime was like from 600 people who just over and over did like 80% of the whatever. That is just, I know. Wow. I know. So if you're able to build statistics from that, you clearly know who the fuck they are, right? I mean.

So why aren't, why not just take just that, those 600 people and just build a special place for them? This is why it's so easy. Call it the 600 building. Right. You know? That's good. I mean...

That's very good. There's our... There's a... And this is why Republicans get elected because Democrats run cities and they don't do that. And it would be so easy to do that. But then there would be a certain part of their constituency that I guess wouldn't like that. But everyone should like that. Yes, these are like career criminals.

I mean, call me crazy. I don't think crime should be a career. Or be allowed to become one. A side gig, of course, certainly. I mean, a hustle. Right. But a career criminal, I don't think it's, and it is their career. Interesting.

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Please play responsibly. Now streaming on Paramount Plus It's the epic return of Mayor of Kingstown Warden, you know who I am. Starring Academy Award nominee Jeremy Renner Had a sway in these walls Emmy Award winner Edie Falco You're an ex-con who ran this place for years

And now, now you can't do that And Bafto Award winner Lenny James You're about to have a plague of outsiders descend on your town Let me tell you this, it's going to be consequences Mayor of Kingstown, new season now streaming on Paramount Plus Don't you think? Yeah, no

But people don't frame it like that But you've played criminals, right? I've only played a few. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I haven't played that many bad guys. Is that by choice? Because you don't want to be...

No, just never got the kind of material that was juicy enough or challenging enough or maybe elegant enough, you know? Because the bad guy changed forever with Hans Gruber. Hans Gruber? And diehard. Oh. The evolution of the elegant bad guy. Played by... Played by...

Love him. Rickman. Alan Rick. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. I mean, Academy Award worthy. Right.

Always kind of looked like he was holding in a fart, but I do like him as an actor. Yeah. Also in, you know, the famous Christmas movie, you know, the British, what's a, everyone loves, I can ever think of names when I'm stoned. You know, a Love Actually. There you go. I think Denise is in that, isn't she? She's in the very end of Love Actually.

actually? It has like a super memorable part. I've never seen it. Okay. But people love her from that movie or have I torpedoed this. No. She's in it. Let me tell you what the scene is. Okay. I mean, it's it's it's one of those movies that's sort of it's ridiculous but irresistible. So it's like 12 cast members. It's an ensemble. It's a Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant joint? Yes. No, not a joint. He's just one of like six love stories.

It's called love, actually. Got it, got it. So it's just about love in all its many forms. Hugh Grant is the Prime Minister of England. He's really Tony Blair. I got you. And he falls in love just like Clinton did with the chunky chick who brings in the mail. That's his love story.

Is that what the breakdown would read as when they were casting it? Can you imagine? The agent calls and says, can you play a chunky male? Woman, you know, she's the answer, you know. And then there's all these other love stories, and one of them is the British guy, and he's not getting laid in England, and he's, you know, I'm going to go to America and get laid. Okay. And he, like, picks Milwaukee, I think, with a dart on the map, you know, and goes to Milwaukee.

And, of course, of course, in Milwaukee, three of the hottest chicks of their time, Wow. Fuck him, like, first nighties in town. Wow. And one of them is Denise. Oh, damn. Yeah, of course. Go get it, Dee.

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it's, it's, it's, you never saw Love Actually? No, I know. I know. Well, I'm building a list here tonight with you. Watch it with your days of wine and roses. Love Actually. Maybe there will be blood.

Save. Definitely die hard just because I've thought of it again. Save Love Actually. for Christmas with your kids. Seriously? Why is that so... Because they'll be... Because kids would hate it.

Well, I live primarily with the boys now. Would Bob and Max like it, you think? Everybody loves love actually. Okay, all right, good to know. Good to know. Like I said, it's preposterous but irresistible. Okay, all right. You know, it's...

You have to give yourself up to it. Right, okay. Sure. It's not a great movie. It's a great time watching a movie. I'm sold. I am completely sold. I should get paid for that plug.

But you're going to get paid from the podium, emotionally, from me. If that happens in five years, I make this promise to you on camera. You're the first person I'm going to thank. Are you cool with that? You don't have to promise me. You should do that. Well, yeah. I mean, yeah.

No, I'm fucking with it. No, I'd be super honored. Okay. But not my parents first. You know, could create a riff. No, you have to thank your father first, just because I'm such a fan of your father. I love your father. Well, what if I tell him, Dad?

It was alphabetical. No. No. No. Martin Sheen, are you kidding? I mean, just for Apocalypse now, but then also, I'm in so many other great movies, and, of course, the West Wing. Yeah, of course, yeah. He just was that guy.

I mean, I can't. It's very rare when I, you know, see somebody do a part and I think nobody else could play that. Now, could somebody else have played that part? Yes. David Jensen, if he had been a lot, it would have been perfectly fine. But it still wouldn't have been, because there's something in your father that is that idealistic Democratic president, you know. For sure. You know, yeah. I mean, he did not have to play against type the way you didn't in your amazingly successful TV career. Thank you. You know, it runs in your family you know you you you do great with you know part i mean you could play any part i'm sure but

like that really works for you thank you i mean people like i said people just sometimes just like somebody i mean you really you're almost trumping and like i could shoot somebody in the middle of fifth avenue and they'd still vote for me yeah at the academy awards there was a thing there was something going on and I was getting yelled at by everybody for something and then it like then it got nice again and Denise said you could you you you could run a school bus of nuns off the road over over a canyon into a fiery death and people would forgive you because you were probably just avoiding a rabbit in the road or something you know so like the car that went over the cliff twice yeah what about

You're saying one of them could be a school bus. One of them could have been a school bus, yeah. That's interesting. That's still a thing. I don't have, and it's like at this point, like, would I keep that thing a secret? Why did the car go off the cliff? Because it got stolen from my driveway. Twice?

Yes. Wow. Yeah, it's a trip. I know, and it sounds like them. No, I believe it. But why did they drive it off a cliff? Because... Oh, just to get at you?

I don't think so. They didn't want to be, I think, driving all over town in a stolen. in a stolen car that would have been reported by then so they used it as a mule to go around my neighborhood and rob all these different garages so they were filling up my car with a bunch of stuff then they met their co-conspirator on moholland put all the junk in his car and then pushed mine off the cliff that's what i imagine happened that's a good plot but that's what happened no i know but i'm saying like like in a movie that's a good I've never seen that in a movie. But then in the movie, what they don't know is about the guy in the trunk. You know what I'm saying? Then it turns into a thing.

Was it the same car? Did they fish that car back out? They brought it out and it was totaled. Oh. But the interesting thing was that when the cops showed up, six minutes after Mercedes called me and said, are you okay? Your airbag's been deployed. I'm upstairs smoking

crack, right? And in a webcam, like waiting for my you know, my sweetest date to enter the room. And I'd never been in one before. The very first time I'm like, yeah, I'll pay. You know, yeah, I'll pay $20 for this experience, right? And waited an hour.

And she was about to come in, about to show up on camera. And Mercedes calls. And then the whole thing started unraveling. So anyway, that's just a little backstory. That's the part I had to keep hidden at the time. Then the cops, they ran a flashlight over my entire body when they came to the door. I was in a bathrobe, like sweaty, crazy fucking hair.

I'm like, yeah, no, I just got up to take a leak. Right. Yeah. And, no, my alibi was shit, but it was real. Right. You know, I couldn't say, yeah, no, of course I'm awake. I'm up for four fucking days, man. Right.

But they thought I'd gone over with the car and managed to get back up the hill in the dark, two miles down Mulholland you get home without a scratch army jump into a robe and answer the door so that part of it the mechanics of that the physical mechanics of that are impossible

I know but whatever it is I don't think anyone really cares that much what you did to cars it's more people it's more the people Charlie to cause the problem and there wasn't anybody in the trunk that was for our movie yeah I just want to clarify that

It's like, you know, did you ever hold a knife to the throat of a Mercedes? No. Or a person. I know. You know what I'm saying? She cleared that up. She did. Yeah.

She, you know, that says a lot that your exes stood up for you. That was pretty cool, right? I mean, Brooke, who, she was the one who we had dinner. You were with her when we had dinner that night. That's who I brought the dinner, yes. Yes. And, you know, it's funny because she did stand up and say that that was bullshit. And I remember it was all over the bullshit.

Oh, I know. ...dress at the time. Yeah. But I remember... Christmas Day. Yes, Christmas Day. Yeah. Never liked Aspen.

Me neither. I've never been back. No plans to return. Seriously, why? Why would I go back? Bad memory. Yeah, awful. Right.

They served... So I was in jail on Christmas Day, and they served prime rib. And it was overcooked, but it was all right. I was pretty freaking hungry. I hadn't eaten her for a couple days, right? And the guard... um this is before they unlocked unlocked my door right they kept it locked so he had um he was he was dumping uh horseradish on his on on his prime rib and mine was dry and i was watching that

like his life right now is actually better than mine you know and he didn't offer to share and then i said can you unlock my door and and he did that was kind of cool he didn't think is going to bum rush him with a shib, you know what I'm saying? John Cryer, if you're watching, I just want to say this story about prime rib being served on Aspen, that's one for you. Yeah. On the white privilege thing, okay?

All right, good, good, good, good. I'm going to give you that one. Okay, good. You were all wrong, it's all wrong, it's not. But... I mean, it was microwaved prime rib, so it wasn't like, you know, that special. No, but still, I mean... I don't know.

It's just a funny memory for me. that the guy was hoarding the fucking sauce and he's five feet away, you know, that's not fucking cool. I've already bent through fucking hell. You know, I'm all over the fucking news that's some murderer. We put a little fucking sauce on my steak. Come on, man.

It's Christmas. And they couldn't find a judge because they were all skiing. How about that? I see this as a Christmas story. I mean... Hallmark, if you're watching. If you're watching.

Yeah, Lifetime, if you're watching. But isn't it a Hallmark channel that makes all the Christmas? Yeah, Lifetime does all the murderment, all the murder, all the female murder shit, right? Right. Yeah. I just see, uh, this scene. And I just see, you start close on the firearm and pull out to me?

Or you start on the guard and pull back and reveal, oh, we're in a fucking jail cell. Oh, wait, that guy looks familiar. No, damn. It's you, it's first of all, it's you in the jail cell. Right. Uh, trying to get the sauce on your thing. thing and then two weeks earlier

you got to do that the chiron yeah yeah yeah always we go back and time like how did I get here without horseradish and two weeks earlier yeah it's you know you and then

two weeks earlier it would have been John and I like on the set like everything was cool well why did you go to Aspen were you a skier no no I've skied twice in my life and hated it both times so why Aspen because Brooke was

there because her mom keeps a place there. Oh. And she was there with the boys. I was working, and it was their first Christmas. And she said that I needed to be, you know, we both agreed I kind of wanted to be there. Not that they're going to remember it or anything, but just for the photo or, you know,

for the album. And so I got to the airport. I was taking a private. I know. Keep going, John. Keep going with this story, John. I never apologized for all the years. took private. Okay, good, good, good. There's like 8,000 flights a day.

Wow, damn. I mean, not private, but... Oh, commercial and private. Yeah, you're right. You know, it's at all just in that point that's all just blending, yeah. When everyone stops, I'll stop too. But as long as everyone, I'm not going to pretend

that this is going to make any difference. Nothing. Like, there'd be not one more polar barrel line. No, you're right. If I went to Wichita to do my show, and I was always doing it to do stand-up. Right. you know so i mean i was working yeah and and delivering goodness to the people i mean that sincerely

that is what we are all about come on now there are not more two guys who don't deliver goodness to the people i'd like to meet them we're talking about right i don't think they exist um i don't think they do my dad shows up at the airport unannounced as i'm as i'm walking towards the plane and he says, don't go to Aspen. Yeah, that was in your thing. Yeah, and I said, well, what are you talking about? It's the kid's first birthday. He's like, they'll never remember.

I just, I got a hunch kid. You can't, you can't get on that plane. Was he always psychic like that? He thought he was with, you know, karate kid and platoon and other stuff. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's interesting. You know, watching the documentary, there's things that I, deal with on film and that was just a couple of years ago that I'm like dealing with like so

with such like you know intense uh you know made them a little more precious than they needed to be you know like I was I was backpedaling I was I was leaning away from moments I should have just leaned into because now talking about all that shit in interviews and and just being you know wide open with it right I kind of watched that and I guess you could say all right Well, that's the journey. That's the progress. That's, you know, this is the road you had to take to feel that way about it.

So maybe it's better that there is a record of it feeling like that. Would you agree? I would agree that life is not a destination. It's a series of journeys. Okay. You know, I mean, there's a thousand song lyrics. I can't think of any at the moment,

but I just know there's a thousand of them that trade on that theme. because it is a universal truism. Sure. It is. Life is not a destination. Right. Because you never get there.

You don't. You never get there. You don't. And it's funny that you think as you go through these decades, I mean, again, now I'm, you know, well, I'm not quite 70, but like entering into the decade where you start with sevens. Right, right, right, yeah. You think that, like, when am I going to get to the one where I'm not looking back? and going even five years ago, shit, I was doing that. And it never happens.

Wow. I think. I don't know. Maybe when I get to be 100, I'll be like, I can't believe at 95. I was still worrying about that crutch that I had. You know, I don't know. But having gotten this far, I don't think. I mean, it's amazing even in five years at this late age,

how much you can look back and go wow I don't live that way anymore and so so you're you're saying that me seeing myself dealing with those things like that and and and over here yeah that's I know I get that I get that and in five years you won't be here no you know no the the the old I don't know east some Eastern saying and I don't remember what the actual words were but the thought of it was you put your foot in the river and it looks like your foot is in the same place but the water that passed over your foot is all the way downstream so it seems when you look down that nothing has changed right it has it's down there interesting yeah and that's what

our history and as a species is like it's what our history of as a country is like it's you know I mean, just in our lifetimes, we can look back at, you know, years and times and ways we lived and show business itself was very different. I mean, during the pandemic, I watched every Colombo episode. Did you really? This is the 1970s. There's not a black person in the show. Interesting. Not a single.

Like the cop who comes in and says, come in here, Lieutenant. Right, right, right. That's it. Yeah, wow. Like it's a show with a white lead and then a white, a murderer. Right. Who went every single episode is white. Yeah.

And that's the 70. Yeah. I went on a very short Colombo run about two years ago. Oh, really? Yeah, just was always curious about it. Because Sean Penn's dad, Leo, used to direct Colombo. You're right. Yeah.

And I think if I'm not mistaken, didn't Spielberg do the pilot of Colombo? Yes. Yeah. And then another. episode. Yes. Or was the pilot the two episode event? I know that you're right. Spielberg was did something with Colombo. Right right right right right. That's where they cut their teeth. This is mid-seventh yeah you know yeah and it was a great show because it completely put on its head the idea of a who done it. You knew who done it right right that wasn't the interest of the show. The first act

before the commercial break, Colombo's never in it. You just see the murderer right. doing his murder. Yeah. And then act two, Columbo comes in and it's a great character played by Peter Fork who did a fucking killed it. Brilliant. And the concede is always, he's underestimated because the murder is always well to do. These are rich crimes from rich people in privileged Beverly Hills.

And he comes in in his raincoat and he looks like a befuddled buffoon and they underestimate him. people with big egos and big bank accounts and this little guy in a raincoat bucks with their mind every time and slowly and figures out how they committed the crime and it's always something very abstruse that you could never have come up with on your owners right and that's the interest in the show yeah and it was a long there were 90 minutes each episode yeah wow they were long yeah you know maybe too long but It's still good. Right, right, right, yeah.

But just the, it was a psychological drama. And I don't know if today's audience... They don't have the bandwidth. They don't have the patience. They don't have the focus. Right. You know? Even movies are sometimes coming in at like 88 minutes.

Not the one you're struggling through, of course, right now, but... I wish they came in at 88. Yeah. I feel like that's the rarity. I think they're always too long. Well, but there, I mean, there's certain genres that are known to be... a lot shorter, especially the, you know, the slasher genre, you know?

Oh, well, who, you watch slasher movie? I grew up on them when they were great. They were great? Well, yeah, like Halloween was a great film. Oh, that's a slasher movie? I mean, the guy had a knife and he was fucking slashing people. Isn't that fit the criteria? Isn't that

the fucking poster is a knife with a pumpkin, you know? Yeah, yeah. I feel like there was... Yeah, you're right. You know, maybe there was more actual stabbing and slashing. But at that point, it's apples and oranges, you know. It's a great commercial. I don't know what the product is.

I don't either. Where there's a, it's making fun of those kind of slasher movies where the teenage kids always make the terrible decision. I think it's for an insurance company. It's a Geico thing. Okay, must be. So they're like, they're like. It's actually really well made that commercial. And all the kids in it are terrific.

Of course. They spend money on commercials. Yeah. I'm sure they spent a lot of money on your Super Bowl. They did, yeah. But the last line is the cute blind, but blonde saying, quick, run for the cemetery, right? No, no. It cuts to Leather Face.

Yes. He's standing in a garage behind him are all these chainsaws that are hung there. And the kids have made the completely wrong decision. Right, right, right. Let's run into the garage. And they cut to him, and the commercial is brilliant because of this actor. And he just does it take like, yeah like these kids are making it too easy no that's a great that's a great moment right yeah yeah

i mean it's just it's just but it does end with run for the cemetery doesn't it well i don't remember i don't know i whatever decision they make is the wrong one yeah they're running toward the danger yeah no between that and the final countdown burrito in the microwave with with geico those two those they just put those put those in a time capsule you know You know, Mad Men certainly limned that world well. Did you do the whole series? Did you start and finish? Of what?

Of Mad Men? Oh, yes. He did, okay. As it was going on. I loved it. Okay. I got to it late, but then didn't get past season two. Just got distracted with other stuff.

Oh, right. No, I wasn't like, this sucks. I'm out. No, this is fucking great. It's fantastic. It was great. Well, you got another one on your list. You're lucky.

You watch that one. But how many seasons? Oh, I don't know, at least. Okay, so I'm halfway through. Oh, it was great. Okay. It was great. But, no, I mean, ad men are, they are super clever.

Obviously not the people you worked for, where you had to write the online yourself. There was that part, yeah. Those fucking idiots missed them. What the hell? Jesus Christ. Selling nuts and they can't come up with a nuts line. Look about an 80-mile-hour fastball right down the middle. Yeah, middle in, yeah, geez.

I mean, I love baseball. I do. And I know you do. I remember when I was at your house, Malibu the memorabilia collection it was pretty you still have that pretty unique i don't i don't you sold it yeah time to just right you know just it was recycle it back into the hobby you know what was in it um like remember remember i i had uh i had a had a had a had a Williams 41 road jersey which is pretty rare yeah it's the year it's the year he hit 406 you know yeah and back then they

only had a home jersey and a road jersey. They didn't have, like, 20. I had Babe Ruth Bats. I had... Babe Ruth's bat. Yeah. I had the Mookie Ball, which is pretty cool. Mookie Wilson's ground.

Yeah, the one that went through Buckner's legs, yeah. I don't think Buckner beats him to the bag. I really don't. Oh, even if he caught it. I think if he fields it cleanly, he doesn't beat him to the bag. That's interesting. And it's like no one ever says that. Wow.

You know? You know what bugs me is they do talk about... the game and they talk about it like it's a logical game and it's not i've said this before it's a game of luck much more than the other sports interesting basketball yes occasionally a guy will shoot a kind of a bad shot and it'll go in right but mostly it's a make or miss lee right and and they describe those as he sends up a prayer yes and it's answered yeah sometimes i mean there's don Nelson's famous one that broke Jerry West's heart. Samson

of the Rockets one year it clangs off the back iron, goes straight up and then bounces it. It goes through. But that's a rare. Very rare. Okay. Football, same thing. You can get a bad call from the ref or, you know, bounce

off a guy's helmet and into the defender's arms. But basically, when you do the right thing, you get rewarded. Baseball, you know, I'm watching. watching these playoffs and like the guy, the pitcher for the Yankees and the Red Sox, they had both had like a rookie pitcher. And the Red Sox guy just had bad luck. And they don't talk about it like it's luck. It is luck. The guy hit a grounder. If it was five feet the other way, it would have been a double play. Right. Yeah. And you're out of the inning. But it went through. And then they talk about it like it's foreordained. And like, well, he's getting big. He's not getting beaten around. No.

It's luck. Yeah. And a guy stings it, like hits a fucking line drive right at a guy. Yeah. And it's caught. Yeah. And another guy bloops it and it's like, well, that's two hits in a row. Two shitty hits.

Right, right. Shitty hits. The guy just had bad luck. Yeah. Could I just be honest about the luck? Sure. Sure. Yeah.

No, it is. I would support that. And I'm a student of the game. I'm watching my whole life. No, I know. No, I mean, there's nothing you could do about it. Except I would like a little more honesty about how much... From the announcers, you're talking about.

From everybody. Okay. About how much luck is involved in baseball. It's just a game where you just have to be lucky. I mean, Aaron Judge hit the foul pole. I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, yeah, on a pitch that...

Yeah. Did you hear the stat on that pitch on an 0-2 count? Yeah. There was like 598 of them during the season. Right. Right? That were out of the... They were in that part of the strike zone.

And that was the first one hit for a home run. I mean, I have a batting cage here. Oh, you do? Do you get out and take some hacks? I broke my finger, so it's been a while since I can grip the bat, but I will do it again. So you must have played baseball growing up? Yeah, I played Little League. Okay.

Were you a middle infielder? I was a second baseman, also a pitcher. I love baseball. I was a pitcher and a shortstop. So we're like a double play combo sitting right here, man. That's pretty badass. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Or Alex Rodriguez and Jarek Dieter in 2008. Exactly, yeah. But... We're Tinkers to Evers to Chance, right? Sorry. No, no. 1930 called. Oh, I know who exactly.

Larry King named his Sheldron after them. Oh. Did you know that? No. His kid is named Chance. Damn. Okay. And I think the other one, is the other one Evers?

I hope it's not Tinker. Yeah, that's a bit of a curse, isn't it? Tanker Kings. I was like a, I don't know, it was a burlesque act. No, I don't think it could be, but I don't know. But like just hitting off the fucking pitching machine. Right. Now, do you have a jugs or an iron mic?

I don't know. Like, do you have the wheels or do you have the R. Wheels. Okay, so that's a jugs machine. Yeah, and that's always going to have a little bit of bend in it, right? Well, you can set it to curveball. Right, but even the fastballs do tail a little bit coming out of a jugs, usually. I don't even have it certainly set at the highest speed.

What do you hit at, like, 65, 70, 75? It doesn't say the speed. Okay. My guess would be 70 to 80. Okay, all right, all right. But it's amazing. And once in a while, like, maybe the ball will be a little wet or something. Right.

And it'll, like, bean you. Oh, it'll come up at you. It's embarrassing because I charge the mound. And both benches empty, Gerald. I mean, of course they do. You know, it's a big. Yeah, it's a mailing. Then I got suspended for three days.

Donnybrook, I mean, come on, man, yeah. For my own thing, I got suspended. Yeah, I mean, as you should have been. The commissioner had to get involved. Yeah, how long was your, how long was your suspension? We're repealing it. Okay. What was the fine?

It had to be 50 grand, right? Yeah, but with my salary, it's like a wipe my ass. Bus change. Are you kidding? Yeah. That is awesome. No, but it's hard to hit a ball. just off of

and you know what's coming and where it's going to be yeah you know it yeah and it's still hard yeah and the thing you talk about the luck that you know even the greatest hitters will describe that you know a game a season changing home run I guessed right right on the pitch yes and the guys now are throwing 102 103 all of them how do you

like what is to I mean move the mound back only a foot Maybe a foot. I've thought, had the same thought. They certainly lowered it in 1968. They did. After Carl Yostromski won the batting title with a 301 average. Interesting.

And we're back to the same. There's only seven players, only one in the American League, or maybe one in the National League, who had averages above 300 this year. Wow. That's not the baseball that the game started at. No. I mean, do you know what Babe Ruth's lifetime batting averages? Yes.

It's like 342. Correct. Yeah, right? Of course you would know that. Yeah. Most people guess 242. Yeah, no, no, no. Because they're thinking of today's sluggers.

No, he never struck out a hundred times in a season. Also, he never faced black players. He never faced Latino players. He never plays Japanese players. There's that. He never had to play at night. He never had to take a flight. The wits were small and just fit just over your hand.

Right. Okay. Less teams. very familiar with all of their pitchers. Right. Right. But still, still, I know. They also once hit a grand slam while eating a pork job.

Somehow that film magically vanished, didn't it? Yeah, that's crazy. They say it's a myth, but it's true. Yeah, it's like the called shot, right? Yeah. But it, you know, that's why I feel like debates about even steroids are so pointless because the game changes. so much that and and it's a reflection of society sure um certainly racially it's a reflection

of society that it's just silly to compare yes ted williams hit 406 and he was maybe the greatest hit or ever but he wouldn't hit 406 today you don't think so are you kidding yeah not everybody threw a hundred miles an hour back it was like one guy like walter johnson right you had to face him like whenever he pitched of course back in those days he pitched every other day. Pretty much yeah you know both both ends of a double header

Warren Spahn and Juan Marischel once pitched both 15 innings of the same you mean opposing each other a 15 inning

yeah neither one of them would come out right it was zero zero and then Willie Mays did something and then they won one nothing wow wow what was the pitch for both of them, like up in the 160s and 70s? I don't know, but Warren Spun was like 80 at the time. Wow. I mean, he would, no, he couldn't have been 40.

I mean, it was the 60s. It was like at the end, 15 innings. Wow. They don't even let them go five. Seven. Seven, I know. Seven is like a complete game. I know.

When I see guys getting pulled because of a pitch count and they got a no hitter going, those are the moments when I just want to scream or strangle the manager, you know? You know, we want to keep his arm fresh. Are your boys interested in baseball? Not really. No, they didn't get dads.

No, I mean, they'll understand, like, they'll watch playoff games with me. Oh, they will. Yeah, and they'll see, you know, that it is, in fact, the most exciting sport. It is a sport with the most drama. I think, if the situation... I mean, that's a hard sell to a lot of people. Right. But there's no clock.

I get there's a pitch clock now, but there's still no clock deciding, like, how much time you have to achieve something. A lot of people would say the fact that there's no clock is something that diminishes drama. Right, but, you know, full count, bottom nine, game seven, runner on third, down by run, tie game. You know what I'm saying? It's like there's... You got to really know, if you really know the game, it is that way. Okay. But for us, it is that way.

I get it. Yeah. To a lot of the public, come on. I mean, basketball, there's just more running and action and physicality and football. Same thing, and there is a clock, and it ends after an hour of play. Right. And it's more violent. I mean, I get it why those sports do kind of, you know, in a lot of ways, certainly as far as ratings go, kill baseball.

Right. But baseball isn't still popular, but not on that level. right not the NFL right i mean there's one show on television that still works football yeah everything else on podcast television is a disaster they got to figure out the halftime show what football needs to the super bowl needs to figure out the half time show what do you mean figure out like just uh you you know deliver something that that the the diehard fans really want as far as musically so you're am i am i taking this sort of a back-ended uh slight to Bad Bunny?

Yeah, I mean, I, I, there's just, there's bands, there's, there's acts, there's just people that I think are, are more germane to the experience of, of the game, of that moment, of that particular game. It's the biggest game in the universe that's played, you know, and I just feel like it, and I'm sure Mr. Bunny is wonderful. I mean, it's a reflection on me that I don't know his work as well as I can, but I'm of a different error. I was hoping the, after I'm sure it would be Eddie Rabbit.

I mean, that I'm watching, because we both, yeah, I mean. No. Yeah. But, you know, I like... What about Eddie Money? Eddie Money. What was his song? Love a Rainy Night.

Oh, Love a Rainy. And there was another one that was really huge. I just can't think of it. Now, you never had a musical career, right? You never tried to Bruce Willison. No, no. And I used to, yeah, and I used to listen to him sing at Planet Hollywood, because I was part of that first wave of actors

that got called to promote those things and his gig was their, his deal was that he would show up, but he got to play those venues with his band, you know? And he wasn't, he was a pretty good singer. It's a pretty good singer. But the music got, they played, it went all fucking night,

and the fourth hour, it's just like, dude, you know, what is your set list? You know? Yeah. I mean, it did, I mean, I was friendly with him when he first came out here. Also, he used to love to hang out at the improv when he was on moonlighting. Interesting. Because he was a New Yorker, and then the improv, I think, made him feel at home.

It was more of a New Yorkie place. He liked comics. Okay. So, I mean, we have some wonderful times. I have fond memories of them. That always struck me as a little bit of, like, you know, come on. you know it's like don't be greedy yeah you know like you're doing amazing as an actor you're killing it with this yeah yeah there's other people that kind of do that yeah it was a vanity

project yeah but it's okay you know like somebody once said i i wish i remember who i never remember who it was said when you first become a star you you get a year to act like an asshole i think i may have taken too how many did i guess I don't have a calculator with me. Yeah, no, I know. I know. No, but you had lots of moments. I mean, people remember those times.

But, you know, look, I mean, somebody showed up on the set of Wall Street, platoon, you know, all your big ones, you know, all your great ones. Thank you. Like, somebody showed up ready to do some real work. Sure, yeah. You know, I mean. Yeah.

And prepared and focused. I see there's a big, like, special, I think, Kim Kardashian is doing it for Liz Taylor. She's got out of her. Yeah, so I have a promise for that, yeah. And, like, you know, I remember somebody saying when Elizabeth Taylor was certainly the butt of everybody's jokes, Joan Rivers was at the spear of that, had tip of the spear of that one. But, like, she became a kind of a joke, you know, in her later years. And somebody said, yeah, but it wasn't a joke to get eight Oscar nomination. Oh, wow.

You know, somebody put in a lot. work. She took one home, I hope, eventually. Did you clear Apatra or? Well, definitely not clear. Not, no, okay. I don't think that was even. The Monty Cliff film something. No, it's probably who's afraid of Virginia Woolf. Okay. I mean, that was. That's probably it. Yeah. She and Burton were amazing. Right. Okay. I mean, another one similar to you and your father on certain projects where, you know, they played a married couple

who had a love-hate relationship. So, like, I don't know. if they needed to do a hell of a lot of... Not a lot of research. Not a lot of research. No. I think we just had to go action. Yeah. And, you know, I don't even...

But I mean, it's in Edward Albie play Who's Afraid of Junior Wolf. It's, you know, it's not for... I wouldn't show that to the kids at Christmas. Yeah, I'm not going to. Yeah. But you, but if you haven't ever seen that movie... It's been years. It's been years. It's... it's spellbinding

and George Siegel and Sandy Dennis as the other couple you know the the B story sort of this other straight-laced couple that has to put up with this night with this crazy fighting sort of love-hate couple

it takes place in one night yeah yeah I believe so interesting does yes you know I think the movie of the week that you might have been trying to think of a bit ago it might have been the execution of private Slovak. Correct. Is that the

one? Correct. Yeah. Yeah. The execution of private Slovak. Yeah. That was kind of a landmark. That was about an issue. Yeah. Yeah. It was very important. Yep. That's where we put important things in the movie at the week. Yeah. Really? Yeah, the only deserter ever executed.

Yes. Yeah. And it's interesting because when you start with that title, you kind of know what you're in for, right? It's like, yeah. It's not a rom-com title. It's not the trial of Slovak. No, it is the, yeah. Yeah, there's no meat cute.

There's no meat, cute, no. In the execution of, that's right. Yeah, and I think it's Gary Busey's first role that mattered. I did D.C. cab with Gary Busey. Didn't you really? Oh, I did. Wow, wow, Gary's a trip, isn't he? Oh, that I'd say this with great affection, because it'll get back to him.

Right. Like a literally insane person. I mean, yeah. I mean, you look like Dr. Albert Schweitzer next to Gary Busey. I swear to God. I mean, he is. Yeah, our kids went to the same school for a couple of years. I'd see him at the events and I'd see him in the parking lot and I'd see him, I'd see him every day.

I don't know. He was always friendly and had something fun to say. Friendly. He just got sued for being too friendly. Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah. He's a friendly guy. Oh, he's a crazy.

He's literally crazy. And yet he was one of those. guys a little like you who even though he did terrible things i couldn't like turn him away like on dc cab i remember we were on location of washington and the cast was out one night like like after shooting in someplace in georgetown where we stayed we all are trooping back to the hotel together and then like i mean there's probably eight of us and gary opens the door to his hotel room we're all on like the same floor and he lets in i don't know two or three people who we wanted

and just then slams the door no explanation just slams the door like you are not invited to this part of the evening this is where your night ends yeah my night certainly did at that moment I mean I can't

unsee that that's a trip and it's like it's so bad it's almost like I I almost can't blame him for it it's like how could you be that bad and and have it be like a volition. It's just something in his brain. And I've seen him like, try to pick up my girlfriend. I mean, this a very long time ago, while I was paying his part of the dinner check.

Oh, my gosh. You know, I mean, things like that. That happened. I've seen him at a party on this property, put a joint to his lips while he was saying, without irony, that he, I'm with Jesus now, and I don't do drugs, while he was smoking the pot. I mean, he is a cold. I mean, he is a crazy person. He also gave me a lovely housewarming gift that I still have in my house over there. And a great actor.

Can I ask what the gift was? It's like this bowl. It's this it's colorful and like it looks like it's something you would find in the market in Port-au-Prince.

Okay. Or, you know, in the Caribbean or something. Is it the bowl with the numbers in? I mean, it kind of sort of needs to be, you know. No. No. No. No, that bowl was a long time ago.

But, yeah, Gary Busey. So what did you, you worked with him on? Yes. Yeah, I did a film my dad directed called Cadence. And about a soldier who goes AWOL, gets stuck in a stockade, and he's the only white guy in there, and Larry Fishburn. Michael Beach, right? A couple other really good actors.

John Tollsbeye. Anyway, Gary was the commander of the stockade. He was the sergeant, you know? And so we filmed with him for a couple of weeks, and it started going sideways. Well, because it was his first job after the accident where he cracked his head. Yeah, oh, okay.

So he hadn't... Motorcycle accident. Yeah, he shouldn't have been cleared for work, you know. You were still kind of a fall risk at that point, you know. Sorry. And, yeah, and it didn't go well, so we had to kind of give his walking papers, you know. And dad then stepped in to play his role while still directing and did a great job, you know. I would say one thing to the people who were concerned about Gary after the motorcycle accident,

it could not have been any difference. It did not make it. Trust me, he was just as crazy before. Before the thing with the, yeah. There was no, that only confirmed matters. From the gallery, I know. But again, a fine actor and a person not without charm. But it was sad because they had been friends since Slovak.

Is that right? Yeah, and Dad thought, okay, this is a chance to let him be a hero. You know, let him just step in and show that he's, you know, he's just, We weren't mad that your father didn't do the documentary, right? I wasn't, no. Now, because we watched it together. We watched a rough cut with Andrew Renzi, the director. He did a fantastic job.

Didn't he, though? The way he cut in... Ridiculous. The way he cut in the footage. Yeah, was master. I meant to tell you that, masterful. He really was. He's a lovely man.

Really smart, really funny, really cool. Because, you know, we spent a year planning that thing, and we had to develop a trust with each other, you know? It was really well done. Thank you. No, no. Thank him. But no, I will, I'll pass that along.

He totally nailed it with that. He killed it. Yes, he did. He really did. I think he's ready for fiction. You know what I'm saying? Like to do movies and, and, because he's only worked in the documentary space. I mean, it's a completely different discipline, but maybe.

Sure. But as far as his, his, like, you know, his cinematic tools. Yes, he does. Oh. Yes, he does. But, um, but yeah. So, what the hell were we talking about before that? Are you busy?

Right, right. Your father. My dad, yes, watching the doc. Oh, yeah. And so he saw a rough cut of the first episode, like over a year ago and loved it. And Andrew told Renz, he said, I don't need to be in this. Right. I'm in this.

Right. You've got, I am so represented in this beautifully. This footage of him all through. All through it. Right. Yeah, his presence is, he's like one of the heartbeats of the show. And so, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I can't debate that. Yeah.

You know? You know, it would have been good to spend 10 seconds to say that in the documentary. Interesting. Hmm. You know? Yeah. Because it does leave the impression. Oh, but wait, we hadn't had that experience yet.

We would have had to have gone back into that diner. That is no excuse. And, and just, uh, shot, shot. that just that five minute section what diner was that oh gosh uh i want to say like luckies but it's not luckies maybe it was strikes maybe i'm thinking a lucky strikes um what it's one down in hawthorne oh wow hawthorne it's a it's one they film a lot of stuff in i love it done i do too i do too i mean i'm always having dinner in nice restaurants out here and i'm not a foodie so it's okay i'm not either right

I don't give a fuck about food. And the food in nice restaurants is generally worse to my palate than diner food. Wow. So, like, I wouldn't say struggling, but, yes, sometimes I'm struggling to find something on the menu that not only do I not want, but makes me angry. Wow. Wow, it becomes visceral. There's something in every description, like, and wilted lettuce. Like, wilted lettuce, and you're saying that as a selling point?

You're like, it's just like, is something stupid. It's something stupid in every one of your dishes. Stupid. Right. Yeah, or trying to be cute. Cute, stupid, not helping. And fuck you. I'm an angry man.

Maybe just name a dish. Fuck you. I'm going to have the fuck you tonight, you know. A restaurant called fuck you. A restaurant called fuck you. There you go. They'd be lined up around the block. is our next venture after we get the charity cause yeah oh i thought we figured it we did i

forgot what the hell was it it's not it's on film just just you know i know yes it reminds me of like when i first smoked pot like in college like you come up with the greatest idea and then half hour later like just whoa we were gonna make it trillion dollars and then what was it it's just gone yeah that see that to me is why i hope i know have to quit smoking pot. Why would you quit, though? I wouldn't. But I'm saying, like, what would it, like, could,

is there a human alive that could show up with something to, like, you know, some enlightenment to say something that would... Yeah, they could say your lungs... I'm not talking about a doctor. I'm just talking about like a buddy of yours. Well, I'm talking about a doctor. Okay, okay. And doctor is the best buddy you have.

Yeah, that's a good point. When you're 70. Yeah, I rely on doctors too. on doctors too yeah doctors are poor badass yeah and and the things they say have way more purchase on our opinions or they should yes we're smart yeah than what just your friend says yeah so yes they're so it would take them it would take a medical intervention to i you know i would hope look i've never been a hippie who says pot is uh is is is health food it's not right i've never been dishonest about it.

Fortunately, I don't have your gene for addiction. Good for you. People think I'm a giant. Well, I take no credit. It's just how we're born. Sure. Yeah. It's the hand you drew. It's absolutely the hand you. I was born this way. You were born your way.

Sure. I could say something. It's all right. Whatever. I was born dad, but that's beside the point. That was the joke I was going to go for, but I thought it might be too sensitive. I don't care. Right. It was a long time ago.

Yeah. It was a long time ago, yeah. You didn't even remember it. 60 Super Bowls ago. Right. Yeah. I guess that was your half-time show. Yes, it was.

Yes, it was. You could have, talk about, yeah. You're worried about bad buddy. Yeah, I know. No, but, oh, shit, while we were talking about... About the weed stuff, about, that you would never quit, or unless it turned into a thing, about doctors, about... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A smoke pot in... Yeah, I hope I don't have to quit, but... But the reason I most would miss it is because of this, because of this kind of thing that goes on in my life it has since I was 20. I luckily did not start smoking until I was 19 or 20, which is good because I didn't do it to myself in my most formative years.

Right, right, right. Well, everything's still trying to find it developing. Yes, right. I think I was fully grown. Got it, which is great, you know, as far as, you know. But it has been a long time. Again, it's not health food. I mean, I'm sure any smoke in your lungs

is less ideal than no smoke in your lungs. Perhaps. But I vape, and vape keeps me from smoking cigarettes. But that's not the most ideal. The most ideal with doing neither. Yeah, but I just, I have a thing about nicotine. I like it in my bloodstream. But we're talking about just the science.

Right, right, right. The science would say, like, I'm the same way. Like, you know, I just really look forward to this so much it gives it's the one night I allow myself a drink or two. Right. But it would be better if I had zero alcohol. Alcohol is poison. Zero poison is better than even a little poison.

Right. It's just true. Okay. But it's worth the trade-off because it just brings me back to sixth grade. Wow. You know, like, and I wasn't smoking pot in six grade. But I mean, just like hanging out with some guy, one of my friends, and we're going to come over and we're just going to like,

and, you know, shoot the shit and laugh about stupid shit and be stupid. Like, that's what keeps me young or alive, at least. Yeah, when the days felt like weeks and the weeks felt like months, you know, we just had all the time in the world, and the only things on our plate were the actual things on our plate, you know, the meals, our parents cooked us, you know?

No money. The simplicity, no money. Well, kid rock guys are the line. No money, just time to spend. Yeah. youth. Yeah. I love his songs about being 17. Yeah. They just always get to me. His song all summer long is a fucking masterpiece. I agree. He's got many. Oh yeah. Many great songs. And that to me is his special genius is connecting you to how you felt when you were 16. You're right. You're right.

At the concert with a girl on your shoulders. You know, like all those kind of memories. You know, I remember my first kiss. You know, that's one of his songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, just connecting you to that feeling. And so does this, this kind of thing. Yeah. You know, pot, just shooting the shit. I love it.

I love it. I think people go on with their lives and they have kids and blah, blah, blah, blah, and work and everything else. And marriage, and, you know, and I don't know if they still connect to, you know, the fun part, maybe not even the sex part. Right. And it's like the things that, like, you loved when you were young. Right. You don't want to die before. you have to actually die you know the old saying don't let the old man in right right right yeah

because he's he's he'll he'll knock and and and he'll start he'll start early he's definitely knock my friend it's uh yeah he's like the woodpecker outside i have a woodpecker damn not to make this your problem yeah that's all right but that's all right if i were friends now right i can unburden myself of course i have a woodpecker yeah outside okay bedroom oh for real yeah oh like an actual fucking bird yeah not like a wood eating fucking bird yes wow that's not cool that's not fucking cool i have a fucking owl you want to trade does the owl wake you in the morning no because the owls are sometimes 3 a m so and they then they also yeah and they also have a uh they have a mating call that nobody ever talks about that's like it sounds like a dog um that uh it's just it like it sounds

like a sad dying dog and it's a fucking owl trying to get laid it's like what are we doing you know but you're not up at 3am anymore no no you used to be i used to be yeah no sometimes i get up at five you know i get up at early yeah what yeah what time you go to bed i like something 10 11 sometimes yeah wow the mighty have fallen i know i know i mean that's your wow i thought because uh you know living with kids and freaking so you live with two uh not right now i live with max My son, Max. Yeah, he's terrific. He's great.

But they're twins. They are twins, yeah. You split the twins. Well, Bob is with his mom right now. Well, that's splitting. That's right. Probably a good idea. But they're usually, but they, but no, they're very tight.

We all usually live in the same village. Yeah. They. You live in the same village? We all usually live in the same city very close to each other, but they're in Florida at a place for some spiritual enlightenment. I, Lou. Yeah.

whatever that means. I mean, I think it's great to split up twins. I think they've spent enough time together. I think it's a good idea. Yeah. I mean, not that I'm not saying being a twin is creepy. It's a little creepy. I just think it is.

I mean, it's just weird. I grew up with identical twins named the Heath's, Kim and Steve Heath. Yeah, but you weren't a twin. No. No, no, I'm saying. To be one, you mean. To be one, I just think it's just got to be a very, very different life than than normal people.

Because it's just, it's just weird that there's this other you. Right, right, right. There's just this other you. Like right there. Like right there. Yeah, like while you're sleeping right there. Yeah.

You know, what are we, what? And, you know, I mean, they, and you must have, as you go through life, because I've seen this story in the inquiry many times of twins who got separated and then 40 years later, they were reunite them. Right.

And of course, like they were doing the same things. They married the same kind. guy they lived the same life because they're like two halves of a zygote or something right right right that's not the science i'm sure but close enough um what about the two sisters i think this happened in new jersey um that that that that had were separated for years and they decided on the same night and i'm pretty sure i'm almost positive this is a true story they they decided they were going to visit each other at each other's house and they were probably lived you know 20 miles from each other right and they left at the exact same time in their cars and had a head-on

collision with each other and both fucking died put your research department on that story I guarantee it happened it's so how do you like how do you if you're the parents if you're even just a buddy of that one of those girls how do you like what do you say at the funeral my bigger question is how do you not laugh I mean it's not funny just in life I mean at you at saying this story I mean I mean I I feel bad laughing, but it's just, like, too crazy. They had a head-on collision. But what does that tell us about the human psyche?

I mean, for someone like me, a lifelong atheist, well, not lifelong, but long-time atheist, and, you know, someone who just, you know, doesn't believe mostly in the things that are not able to be proved, I mean, it just puts your mind. you just have to like sort of accede to the idea that there are things we just don't know and cannot know or maybe we will someday

but like it's just but there too many times you hear about stories like that that are just so weird like could it be coincidence it could but the numbers would have to be so astronomical like the age of the universe squared

yeah right well I mean I mean the odds yeah yeah I mean that's I think you're pulling out of your ass. That's big. It's big. I've never done the math on it, but it's a big one. We do know the age of the universe.

Well, no, we really don't. But we know we're in the big bag theory. Right, right. Well, times itself, right? 14 billion. Okay. Times itself is... It's a lot. I didn't want to bring math into this.

I'm sorry. But yes, it's an astronomically unlikely event. So, you know, as Sherlock Holmes would say, if you eliminate the highly unlikely or the very very improbable what's left is the truth you know if you eliminate the impossible what's left is the improbable even if it's improbable that's the way i should have said okay no and that's what we have we have something improbable but you know i would say that yes the unit's age of the number squared is the impossible so what do we make of that i don't know yeah i don't know it's um your your

your instinct was to laugh. It's been not, not the tragedy, not the tragedy, the irony, of course, yeah. You know that there's a, I think, almost certain UFO heading toward Earth. Okay. Have you been reading about this? Yeah, it's called the three eye or the three, uh, three eye, uh, 470 or something like that. This thing's like maneuvering and changing colors and going against the flow of gravity and all kinds of unique

travel. It is ordinarily you would think it was a comet except that it's 12 miles long which is longer than a comet. The light is coming from the front of it which is not... Like headlights. I mean, come on. It's like a

fucking headlight. Okay, right. A comet would have the light at the tail. It's all to back, yeah. It also seems to have traveled close to other planets as if it has been doing a drive-by in the universe. Shouldn't it be pulled into those planets uh i guess so i mean right sort of that right yeah also it seems to have started its voyage

eight thousand years ago wow they say which is about when we started using technology on earth which may have been what intrigued them to this um there certainly have been a lot of uh instances in the last five years where even the military is saying we see things of a nature we can't We can't explain. We can't explain or replicate. Or replicate. Now, it could be China having technology we don't. I don't think that's the likely scenario.

It's possible. Everything's possible. But, I mean, this thing is supposed to be here in a couple of months. Oh. After its 8,000-mile journey. Wow. That's quite the road trip. Right?

I mean, what do you think, it's supposed to collide? It's supposed to land. is supposed to... Oh, it's not supposed to do anything, but it's just... Or it's been predicted that... Well, I mean, this is not just me. These are some Harvard physicist saying this. It's trajectory.

There is definitely something that is heading toward Earth. It could be a comet, but it is not acting like a comet or looking like a comet. So what is the conclusion? I mean, it sounds to me like a 12-mile-long UFO. Right. 12 miles fits a lot of people in the Trojan horse

I don't know I'm just saying I'm glad we're doing this now you and me both Jesus um but I mean are they giving us updates are they is there like a website people can go to and like

I mean I don't want to be the one to start the panic okay but people will well you started the panic in me I mean and they no one knows if they have malicious intent But it is suspicious to me that this is happening now after this run-up of so many instances

of where military people see things and it is very often around a military base or something. Oh, yeah. That they can't explain. And it's not like they're even trying to hide it anymore the fucking aliens, you know? They're getting very brazen about it. They shot at them recently and it bounced off.

Wow. And then the thing, of course, disappeared, like in the speed of sound. Yeah, light speed, yeah. And, you know, I don't know. I'm just glad I caught up on those Columbo episodes before. I got to watch those movies. And that I got to know you better. Likewise.

Likewise. And, you know, doing this without an audience, I think, is such a pleasure with you. And I'm not knocking the audience. Let me tell you. But there's something that happens. Yes. I designed it this way. I don't mean to, like, pat myself on the back.

When I said, I'm going to do a podcast, I really went three billion of them, I said, I'm going to do it differently. I'm not going to have a microphone. They all look like just talk shows to me. They just move the talk show to a different media. And I don't think it's any more intimate than a talk show. There's nothing wrong with a talk show.

But this is different. And it's because we don't see the cameras. We don't have the mics. And it's just us. Yeah. And there's no agenda. Even on the podcast, I see them with their cards. I know.

It's just like what we've done for years. It's the 50s on talk shows. I have a blue card. I have these questions. You answer my questions. I pretend to laugh. That's not what we're doing here. Not even close.

Not even close. I have something for you. It's the first one. We're starting to sell merchandise. Okay. And this is the club random. You get the bag. That's amazing.

You get the T-shirt. Oh, my God. You know, who doesn't want to see Charlie Sheen with Bill Maher on his chest? I'm wearing that. I'm wearing that tomorrow. It's a hoodie. Oh, wow. I mean, this is like great.

This is beautiful. This is, you know, some of your friends who are still on crack. I know they get the shivers sometimes. This is very good. when you when that happens and then there's here's the thing that cozy for your beer yeah amazing oh look at that yeah because you sell beer is a very good beer wild a F it's the only beer I ever drink that's brilliant that's lovely thank you thank you my friend thank you you you know one more thing I have to tell you that night we had dinner and you paid the

check okay and you did it you were like, you wanted to go, and Brooke was, by the way, really charming. I remember, I'd only seen her in the press before that. I was like, I don't know what to think of this, yeah. And then then I see, like, I see why he likes it. Yeah, she was. She was a nice spirit. Oh, so much fun, just fun, just a fun girl.

Yeah. And you just, like, I think you were anxious to get either. Anyway, this is a long, this, long ago, this is, this was like dinner for six. And with Tip, I remember you put down $600 bills. like right on the table and ever since then whenever i do it all the time and i call sheaning it seriously like we're in a diner or anywhere and i just want to get out of there and i go i'm just going to sheen it that's badass wow i left that behind for you wow wow i just put the money down it's like sheen it that is pay more than they want sure pay more than they're expecting sure

but just cash and then time for money wow that's amazing honored honored honored you Thank you, Bill. All right. This is lovely. Oh, this is yours. This whole thing, this whole kitten caboodle belongs to you. Lucky motherfucker. This is literally, this is the first one like this?

The first one. That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow. Beautiful.