Club Random with Bill Maher - Chevy Chase | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Bill Maher and Chevy Chase randomly riff on the stupidest thing Chevy ever said, Chevy working with Burt Reynolds, the time Chevy stole John Belushi's stash to protect him, Chevy’s take on Dan Akroyd, the time Chevy met Frank Sinatra, the one word you should never say to a woman, how Chevy played the drums in Steely Dan, the pros and cons of circumcision, comedians’ reactions to Chevy walking into a comedy club in New York, and where Bill got most of his pieces of art. Visit https://signalwire.com/c/random to sign up for a free account. Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/random  Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show!  

Hey, while I got you here, listen to the podcast. I wanted to tell you I'm having more fun than ever on the road. And I will be in New York City at the Hulu Theater at Madison Square Garden in November 12th. There are things that I say in this show that I wouldn't even say here at Club random, let alone on real time. So I'll probably be canceled after the show. So you want to be able to tell your grandkids you were there when it happened. So come on out and laugh your ass off. Go to nycomedyfetzable.com or

ticket master to get your tickets. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. See icon of icons. May I, may I, may I be able to afford a comedy god? No, you, you, you, I, please. That's it. Okay. I won't slobber over you anymore. I mean, I may verbally, I won't do it from my mouth. Anything you like. I'm, I'm so flattered that you would come here to club random to my little practice. I lived here practically.

I mean, across the state, really. Oh, oh, you mean this neighborhood? Yeah. Where were? Well, that's not give away. It's not give away. Well, that's not give away my undisclosed location, but you have some lovely neighborhood, isn't it?

What's the actual address here then? Ha, ha, ha. Jesus. That's the thing about you, Chevy. You were always very funny. I mean like- I still am. You know, I know.

By the way, I saw that movie you did with Bert Reynolds. Like? What? What the hell was that? It was called like the last movie star. The last laugh? No, was called the last movie star. The last laugh? No, no. The last movie star, Bert Reynolds.

With Bert Reynolds, yeah. It was recent. He just before he died, he was basically playing a version of himself, you were his best friend. He was actually dying during it. Really? Well, it's a sad thing. Sadly, yes. But I mean, man. That's when I learned when a great actor is.

He is a great actor. And it looked like he was a great real friend. I mean, I kept thinking, why did they have... I mean, I would not have like sort of guessed, oh, look, the perfect person to play the foil to Bert Reynolds should be chased, but it turned out it was. Yeah, I don't have any idea what it was about him. You never saw it. No, I never saw it.

Okay, can I tell you it's really good. You should see it. It's really good. He basically plays himself. In fact, they use clips of him when he was young throughout the whole thing. Who's now like he was at the time, you know, obviously this is not a business where you can be on top forever, so now he's 80, but he- Reclining. Yeah, by the way, I'm the most 80.

What? Kiss me. I'm serious. Yeah, really? Yeah, I'm 79 and a month or so. Yeah, but you look very spelt I mean thank you really by the way you look spelt I said swell no, but yeah, you do you look I mean I've seen you have much heavier and You look like you that was quite a many years ago. Yeah, I've been like this for 15 years really. Yeah, I've been like this for 15 years. Really? Yeah. Oh, well time flies, huh?

But let me tell you about this movie that you're in. Oh, but are you stone to the the bjesus like I've been hearing? Well, I will be. I don't think we need to bring jesus into this, but I may have had a clove cigarette earlier in the day. I don't know what they're put. I don't know what they're putting in. Listen. Don't you think I was there for many, many years? I don't know what they're putting in these clothes, Chevy. But it is fantastic. I say it every week. I can't say it enough. They should really sponsor this show. But I'm going to get this out if it kills me because I really think you'd enjoy this movie.

So your Bert Reynolds best friend, this was only a few years ago. Happy that funny. It's funny, it's touching. And especially since Bert really did die right afterwards, which is what Hollywood would be called a great ending. It's quite meaningful. Hi.

Yeah. So Bert is, again, he's this old guy. And you are, without you, there's no movie because you convince him to go to, I think it's Memphis where they're having a film festival. Maybe it's Nash. Yeah. Right, he gets this offer.

The Nashville Film Festival wants to honor you in your amazing career. And he's like, ah, fuck it, what are they? And you go, no, it's great. You can deserve these accolades. And he goes, and it's like three millennials who are putting on, they just sent them a letter, and it's not really a worse.

It's not really a film festival. I mean, it's their version of it, but he feels taken. And there's a whole thing with a young girl who is assigned to watch over him. And when I said, but a great actor, I started kidding because then there's this scene where he walks out into the field that he'd played football on. Yes.

And he said, just remembering all that period and the camera's on his face for maybe five minutes. Well he remembers. And I remember now, so you did see the movie. Well, I guess I did. Yeah, I did. That's okay. But there he is out there.

And this is the way he looks. That's it. That's birds, shining, molded. Okay, but no, I make fun. Right, but he's dead. Exactly, he's it, right. I always say this and thing, what does it hurt to be cruel if someone is either not there

because they're dead or they're not in the room? Like as long as they don't get wind of it or hear of it, I think there should be no limits on how cruel it is. Well, I know he's not going to get wind of it, but you know what, I'm making fun of obviously having incredible career. Oh, so great. And was it, oh, the girls love him. Oh, so great. And was it the girls love him? Oh, I loved him.

He was that handsome guy, you too. The handsome guy who played against time. You know, there's nothing, Ryan Reynolds does it now. You know, sometimes Ryan Gosling does it, Carrie Grant did it. When you're the good looking guy, but you act like the guy who's not the good looking guy That's like now you got him coming coming and going Warren baby Warren did it. Oh, no, you just reminded me of When I was on the top smider show remember that show I did a million fucking times. Oh, it was on that and no yeah and

He would be still the whole time. Yes, he did. Yeah, that's right. Anyway, he said, people say you're going to be the next carry grant. And I said, that's crazy. There's nobody like carry. Again, there will never be another carry grant.

Right. And I understand he was a homo. I was the stupidest thing to ever said. It's funny. It was very funny. You were always funny. I've never got, was it? We're sick.

I could have said though. Well, well, carry on. First, alive anyway. But again, who's hurt by that? That's always my question. Well, I agree. When people lose their shit, who's hurt by that? Certainly, you know,, homosexuals come on.

Among the best sensitive humor in the world, I think of gay people. They just are more orbane and sophisticated. By the way, I don't think Kerry was gay. Do you think he was? Kerry Grant, I think, was half a... I think there was a... I'm going to say this. I think he, at one time in his life, had a dick in his ass. Yes, I did. Just start now. That's conjecture, but he's just too good- looking not to. He has that great white hair in his old age. Oh yeah, he looked great. Always look great.

Well, Stan some guy in the world. Also got off the stage at the right time. He didn't linger, you know? There was no later years of carry through. But either, by the way, do I? You got, we're very much alike now. You know what? Fuck that. I'm gonna linger.

They're gonna have to fucking drag me out of show business because like what else are we gonna do? And, you know, and also we're in the end of show business where you can do it in old age because it's not like singing where our voice goes. You funny George Burns was doing it when he was a hundred. Yeah. You know, it doesn't, I mean, George Carlin basically died on stage.

Alan Corkwell. Well, I don't touch that, but you didn't like George Carlin. Wasn't he the first host? Was it George Carlin? Yeah, he was the first host. So did the first host. Yeah, I loved him. He was a good guy.

And such a great guy. Yeah, good guy. I have to tell you You don't have an Emory board. Do you I do? You lied. What are my Harpo marks? Yeah, I've got a here. I've got a candle. I've got a swordfish Yeah, and I've got Jesus swordfish. Remember he used to pull the shit No, oh every, every time I see, uh, who's the president now?

I think it's mine. Biden. That's the fellow. Every time I see him fall like he, the off the bike, he did one on the steps of the Joe Biden. He took a fall off the bike. Oh, yeah. Right. Also walking up the very steep steps to Air Force One.

Yes. It's like he's doing your act. I mean, it's almost exact that one on the watch the one on the Air Force One steps. It looks exactly like a corner. What are you coming down? He was going up and then he went down. But he, but he, it looks exactly like a cold open from 1975. You're doing Gerald Ford. It's his town.

Oh God, Jerry. I liked Ford. In the sense that he was a nice fellow and invited us to the White House and God knows why, but he was a good guy. He was nice, just a Republican ass, but yeah, I'm bad. Well, I mean, that's, but look, not to get political, but that's what we have to get back to is not hating Republican asses. Well, I mean, you can think, you can think that about somebody. I think, yes, I think that about a lot of Republicans always have. And a fair number of Democrats as well. But even the ones who I think are politically, yes, asses, I've known for 30 years doing the two shows I've done, they are often some of the nicest people, like when you talk

to them off stage and when it's not political, when you're having the drink in the green room. And it's like, that is what America has to get back to, being able to do that. And just get over yourself, thinking that every... Yeah. Yeah. Any mail for me?

Yeah. Mail, Chevy, we don't get the mail anymore. At least wake up and say, oh my God, is there a TikTok? Bring it up, bring it up, we're late. What, you do TikTok now, don't you? I don't know. Yes, I do. No, I do.

I don't follow any of that, despite. I, but what, you do it, you may not follow it. Like, maybe I do do it, if you pardon that's right. Yes, you definitely do it you may not follow it like maybe I do do it a few partners You definitely do do it or there can't be a Chevy impersonator out there No, I don't know remember when Remember when they said Paul McCartney was dead. Do you remember that hoax? I do Wasn't that amazing? I do. Wasn't that amazing?

I mean, it was, first of all, when they came here, everyone was go-go. I know, you know. So they were all like, they were like 21 years old. They looked like they had just one world were two for this country. Oh yeah, I so mean that the love, so they were happy. I had a jealous of them ever seeing.

Yeah, who could come on? Is there any career in show business? I know everybody thinks that they have their version of the Beatles, Michael Jackson. Yes, I'm sure there are comparable in many ways, but I think you had to be there and I was only eight years old, so I'm vaguely piecing this together.

But it seems to me that they did have a cultural impact. But again, maybe it's about harmony, harmonies, literally musical harmonies. These guys had it right. You could say even if you were a musician, say those are beautiful harmonies. And you could see how it affected people who weren't musical at all. It was just a Lovely group of guys. Yeah, how could you not like them even Ringo? That way I'm sorry Ringo. I know I know I don't mean to even wringo. No, but you know, I mean well Ringo I mean as far as we we talking about the Beatles?

Why not? Because we have no agenda here. Why, what do you have something? Do you have to plug something? What do you have a movie? Maybe I will plug. How about the shirt? Jesus farmers.

Is that what that says? Jesus farmers? What does that mean? What the fuck knows? Right. I just had an A. I had these made. They're gonna go big. I'm sorry, you know, you see T-shirts.

Right. You're not sure what it is or means. Shabby, are you circumcised? I used to be. I used to be. You used to be. You used to be. You grew back?

What? I mean, you know, that, that, that, I've never heard that, but I suppose what did I use to be? No, that a that a foreskin could grow back. Can it? I mean, you just, do you have to force that? Jesus, this is like being an E and E, an E and E,

that's the worst, what? An E and E, an E, an E, go play. God, that's so easy. Jesus. What does it even mean to you? Oh, no. Oh, you have to do the same, you're an s-go. Yeah.

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In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. In total. Um, what was, oh, don't you have a movie with that accurate coming up? Oh, yeah, we just shot in Canada. You just shot it. Yeah, just, I mean, literally we could go out there. I heard Bert Reynolds is great. He's the last person in it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Danny's just, I do know Dan at all.

He just wonderful. It's just, I don't know. I always wished I did. I mean, as I do, I'm getting, this is, I do know Danny at all. He just wonderful. I don't know, I always wished I did. I mean, as I do, I'm getting, this is, I'm very, I don't, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be. He's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be,

he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be,

he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna be, he's gonna air, I was in college, just first having gotten stoned. It was my first fall of being a stone person. So the combination of watching that show, thinking about getting into comedy, being stoned, and seeing this revolutionary gang take over, and make me laugh, split a gut, and also do things I've never seen on television before, in timeslot of my hero Johnny Carson but it was like oh wow this could be something that is you know a step beyond him and he was great but yes he was getting on a little bit and this was like who are you talking about you know John oh yeah that's hurt rentals

well you know he was a good friend, actually. Really? Yes. I thought he was pissed at you when you were rumored to be like, hon, on his heels, taking his job. Because I remember that era. That's really not him at all. I mean, Johnny, yeah.

Were you kidding? He exiled. He practically sent Joan Rivers to Elba because she dared to like go up again. That's a funny concept. Joan Rivers to Elba, please. Well, that's where they sat Napoleon. You remember Napoleon, right? I think I used to go with him.

You and I should write a Marksburgers movie. Now, I admit there'll be a problem because they're dead too, but we could recast. Did they do all of them or dead? You would get them, like, I don't know. What about Dino, Marks? Dino. No. You're thinking of the beach boys. No, that's it.

But, uh, oh damn, what were we talking about? It doesn't matter anymore. No, it doesn't. Oh, there's really a nap. It doesn't really matter, but I could talk, oh, I know, your movie with Dan Acquired and Dan Acquired. Oh, yeah. He seems to be the one that,

he is what I used to say is that the resident genius of Saturday Night Live, I could say that. I'm remembering Dan with the painting that he was talking about as if he was like a museum guy or some guy that I only had a painting. And he's discussing the 400 points of the painting, the plants, this thing, and there's a nude woman in it and he never talks about it but that's all we're looking at. It's just perfect Dan. That was a sketch that that was a sketch she did early. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, many sketches obviously. And I think your point is very well taken about being kind of a rock because you could tell he was the guy who will wait there's

always one guy where you need to play like the dad, the authority figure, and you can just tell who's kind of the rock. And also the guy who gets along with everybody. I mean, you didn't get along with everybody else maybe. Dan was the guy who got along with everybody, right? Like Ringo in the Beatles. Yeah, like Ringo in the Beatles. And Ian Esco. Okay, so, um, yeah, so I feel like he, and just the fact that you guys are still friends. Sure. After all these years.

So, so was John, and I, but you know, John Belushi, yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, I'm just remembering, John and his hook and drug spawn, but back then, the big drug was cocaine. And, you know, obviously John turned it turned out to be a co-cat as it were. But I had a little jar, you know, cocaine, a vial. Yeah, a little vial.

And with a little spoon, the tongue from it? Yes, I remember this spoon. And I put some people's ward around their neck. Really? Yeah, like a cross. No, you go well on your Jesus shirt. With Christ. Anyway, I had it on the piano of the stage of Lemmings,

that we, the National Emptoon to Lemmings, classic. So I'm just playing the piano, nobody's, the crowd isn't in yet. And it's just, and it, after I played just a little bit, it's going. There's no idea how or what. I obviously was looking at my hands or something at the moment that John swooned in and took it. So I immediately said, I was just taking my coke. Oh, what are you talking about?

What coke, what? So about a month later, I'm invited to dinner, John and Judy's apartment. And I'm there, and I see my little viola empty in water. I was sitting on a shelf Clearly, you know, oh But he was gonna defend him and say you know when you leave your coke out

It's gonna get stolen by someone well, but well because it was right next to me. I know Sure Well, no, but it's well because it was right next to me. I know Sure But still those days like people drugs are easy thing to steal because you can't report it to the police That's true. So that's true. They do tend to walk off on their own. I'm so glad I just Put that stuff aside Because you wouldn't be here at 78 if you hadn't because John died at 33. Yep. I mean, when you think how long ago that is. And that morning, 40 years, he came that morning,

Janie, my wife and I were in our house. And there was a knock on the door. And I opened the door. And it seemed like 12 news people, writers, and media jackals, media jackals. Media jackals. Good, good, good, well put. Anyway, how do you feel about

the death of John? I didn't know yet. Oh, death of John Belushi just shocked me. And there I was stuck with these people. Well, can we come in Mr. Chase and take your clothes? Oh, I don't know what, you know, really stripped me me to the, but, oh, God, a horrible thing. And when John Candy died, well, John Candy was not a drug-map user. Well, John was, but those are food. Those are food my best friends have died, you know, that I really talk awful about, yeah. But I would say food is a drug. I'm prefer to, I mean, John Candy. And I everybody, why is that?

Food is a drug. But it is. I mean, it can be the worst drug, you know? Yeah, so yeah, you're right. But that, I mean, it can be the worst drug. Yeah, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, you're right. But that, I mean, he seemed like... We could hit him or we could. No, that's wrong.

You didn't eat that much, let me think. Well, she has balloons, she's a little like Elvis. She has? Well, yes. She's a little like Elvis. She balloons up. And then when she has to go back on camera, she loses the the weight and then she does one of those terrible travelogue pictures like fun and at Capoco Wait, that is Elvis. I'm sorry

Do you ever meet him and meet Elvis? I hear he know, but my wife saw him life I met Sir Notre yeah, what was he like? I liked him. I mean, you know, I went to the last show that Sonatra had, his last performance. And I went with Marty Short. Wow. And Marty and I then proceeded to be putting a little sort of living room like area like this or something, with maybe 20 people.

All of whom expected to meet Frank or were friends of Frank. Sure. They do that after every concert. Yeah. Yeah. The, the, the, yeah. celebrities go backstage. There's a little room. Yep. And then the great one comes out, whoever just did the show. Yeah. And you have to know exactly how to complement stars of that level. Because even a compliment that's not but- Don't you realize I was in the middle of a fucking story? I'm sorry, you're right. Go ahead.

Anyway. You're right. I love you. You mentioned Tom's Niter, so I feel like I'm doing the Tom's Niter. I'm setting it up. What do you think you're backstage with Frank Sinatra? No. Well, no, he comes in after, you know, he's a, yeah. We figured, we just learned why he goes to bed at five

in the morning every morning, because he wasn't even in there till two. We're just sort of standing around. What time did the show end? Oh, probably 11. See, you were there for three hours before we showed up. Oh, yeah, yeah. What did you do?

I blew Marty. What did you do? What, with that three hours is we showed up. Oh yeah, yeah. What did you do? I blew Marty. What did you do? What did you do? With that three hours, so long. I don't know, I can't remember what we did. Okay. So you know, so they had a drink or something. So anyway, P finally comes in, yeah.

And comes right up to he says, hi, Jeffy, hi Frank, what are you drinking? Yeah. It's what he says right away. Sure. What are you drinking? I know whatever you are Frank. Wow. I was like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, point I say, oh, Frank, I'd love to introduce you to my friend, Martin Schoer. I mean, singer, very funny guy, Marty Schoer. And Marty is so taken by this moment that he goes, oh, Mr. Sinatra, and it gets that far. Frank says, Frank says, I think I know, what are you drinking?

That is right, Liz. I think I know that is the best show business story ever. I think I know. I think I know, what are you drinking? Don't bore me with how great I am, I know. Yes. Oh, sorry, I don't want to make your make your work to exactly Like we already both know this why go through the motion yeah, yeah

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Hey, just doing a quick commercial in case you don't want to watch commercials. So meta. We have a subscription channel on Apple now called Club Random Velvet Rope where you can get all the episodes ad-free. Most new episodes a week early, full exclusive bonus episodes, and extra bonus content where I talk about whatever the fuck I want. Try it free for a week now. Just search Club Random on Apple Podcasts. I happen to know Marty's a huge synodra fan because he and I both know this album that we can't find anybody else who knows this. I had to introduce this album to Seth MacFarlane,

who is a synodra adorate. So this is called, he did it in 1969, it's called A Manalone. Do you have you heard of that? Okay, you're the third one. I just lied. Okay, a Manalone. It's perfect for him. That's exactly. He was about add-on and the script. Well also because I think it was right before he got married for the third time. So he was like 50. It was written by Rod McHughan, a gay man,

who wrote a theme album called A Man Alone. It has talking parts in between the songs, where Frank, you know, with it. Oh, I've heard this. It's awesome. I have it on my phone. With Frank getting ready to sing, he's just talking about the song,

and the band with the band there, is this true? Count Pace, he's banned? No, there's no band there. I don't wanna discuss it, and there's no one here. No, that's like the Vegas albums. It might as well be swing, that's a great synod, that's from the 50s,

that's even before my time, I love that. But that's what fly me to the moon. It's like the it's like the I'm ready. Fly me to the moon. Yes. Yeah. Wait, I'm not finished. Let me play among the star. Then he goes, let me something and see what life is like on a Jupiter and Mars. He got a Jupiter and Mars. And you know, at that point, I've just peed pants because remember Richard Belzer? Do I remember the great comedian?

What do you mean the great comedian? You know what? What, what do you do, Robbie? I'll say. No, no, when I was working with Ken Shapiro, we did groove tube and number those. Five years of that. Where could we Kenny? And then finally I left Ken because he was kind of a prick.

And Belsar took over for me and did my parts. He was awful, frankly. Because I, you know, I'm... Well, he doesn't do what you do. That's not true. But he used to have that funny bit in his act where he would say, what all singers give you this move?

And then, you know, the way they tilt their head with everything's gonna be okay. As soon as I get my neck fixed. That's right, that's it. It's a kill me. I remember that. I remember that bit. Yeah, I do. Okay, as soon as I get my neck fixed You remember that bit yeah, I guess Catcher rising star used to walk in there sometimes catcher rising so you own that place City what and New York yeah, it was at 78th and first Rick Newman You know I think I saw you though I think when I was starting out, you probably stopped by there a few times.

It was one of those, oh my God, shall we chase this here? You know, I wasn't that. Yeah, I got there in 1779. Thank you. You were well-passed. What was there? You were a movie star by 1979. Oh, okay.

But Woody Allen. Woody Allen went there. No, he didn't. Woody Allen was never there. What are you talking about? The catchurizing star was on the upper reef side. He- Oh, what did I say? Would he- I'm thinking about a lane. A lane. It was a restaurant. Yeah, he lived- Yeah, sort of. It's sort of, no. It was a very good pitch. And she was a lovely matron. She was, she reminded me of Margaret Dumont in the Marks Brothers movie.

She, you know, the foil. Yeah, a little bit, you know, not that she was, you know, a prig like that. No, no, no, no, no. But she had that sort of matronly, yeah, I porctor. Anyway, yes. Did you who it is, Ed? Well, I porctor. Oh, I, I only wanted you anyway. Yes. Did you who it is? I said what I pork you oh

I only wanted to hear because how many people know I've used the word pork as a bird I it's a great It's a great word for Parking yes, no parking. Don't say right. It's definitely not a word you want to use while you're parking though Don't say it. Right. It's definitely not a word you want to use while you're porking, though. Right. You never want to say,

I'm going to pork you. It's like that. It's a direct turn off to a woman. I'll tell you. I'm a boy. And you're such a good kisser. Can I pork you? Yeah.

Man, after the third time I made that mistake. I said, she's just crying. That's not her again. I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, Chevy, this is the problem. Now there's so many tensions that I wanted to complete with you and I... Okay, okay.

I won't say another word. No. That's not what you want and I guess I get it. Oh, Frank Sinatra, let's go back to it. So Marty Shorten and I, we love this album. And when we see each other, we invariably break into the songs that no one else really knows these songs. Marty sings well too.

Oh, and he does. He can sing them. But there's one song. It's one of my favorites. I Seth McFarland, and Teddy would sing it together with me sometime, because he likes to sing like that at his parties. It's called, I've been to town. And it just, to me, says it all about the joy of listening to music written for adults,

because most of the music when you're first getting into music is written for teenagers, because that's who listens to it. It's like, it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to. See, I started with somewhere around Mozart. I don't know where they'll be. Sure, Mozart. Most of the music written is for teenagers. Yeah, Mozart.

What the fuck? Well, what teenager listen to Mozart? What? Where did you grow up? You listen to Mozart when you were a teenager? No, you listen to... Listen, help it. I knew him. No, I never mind. No, I'm just making fun of you. God knows I shouldn't. I can tell. No, I love it. I take it as an honor. You could any anything you hurl at me.

I'm not going to wash it off my face. I'm not good at that. Oh, I don't tell you. I'm good at everything. Yes. You're good at everything in comedy. But anyway, this song, I've been to town. And it's really just about a guy who's saying, you know, because again, Frank was like 50 when he recorded this.

And it's the metaphor for, you know, I've seen it all. I can't waste any more time. He's talking to a lover of his, you know. And there's this lyric where he says, you ask me if I know the Milky Way I do. And for the more I'd like to say, it's not Milky White, it's dingy gray, especially when your world breaks down. Fly me to my hated. It's got a genius though. The balls to sing something that cynical and real in a song. Also, he wasn't the smartest guy.

I got to be honest with you. He was actually a the smartest guy. I got to go to the studio. He was actually a very smart guy. I mean, a big, you know, reader. He was. What are you reading? Well, tattoos near girls pussy. It is reading. No, Frank Sinatra, besides being obviously the great vocal artist he was, had a huge movie

career. It did 50. Really? 54 movies. I know. By the way, I did 55. Is this right? You don't know.

Okay. Well, we'll call you the chairman of the board then. That's a lot. Anyway, I don't know why I'm then. For now. Thanks a lot. Anyway, I don't know why I'm defending. Thanks for that, Trick. We know. But you know what?

But he was nice to you. Yes, Frank. How about OJ? Was he ever nice to you? Did people say OJ? No, they did. Well, God, people say. Well, you know, his kids went to school and we're with my kids.

Really? Yeah. Are they alive? We live in Pacific. Oh, yeah, it's not. And he shot two of them. It was a mistake. Anyway. Right.

Well, good to see. Good to see he's not stabbing anymore. Are we hearing a dog or laughter? That's a dog laughing. That's not right, you make it. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, that's a pretty good dog. Thank you.

Yeah, what other animals do you do? Do you think I can get my hands on? I say do, I mean, have intercourse. Oh, I'm sorry, no one likes anything I can get my hands on. So we're both in the same bad way. Yeah. Well, there are people who do have sexual relations with animals. I mean, that's not it.

Name one. Besides that, the Carlisth. Um, um, um, what was the Eineska? Who was always, you know, rhinoceros. Why do you think the name of the play? I know. But you know, that hurt when he tried it. Yes, it hurt the rhinoceros.

Well, maybe not. Wasn't there a joke about... I don't have to paint. Really? It's going... Okay. Just... I just live for another 20 minutes.

That's all you need. And then we're wrapped. They dragged me out. Yeah, and then we just... As the next guest comes in. But, damn. What's the matter, man? You make me laugh.

You make me laugh so much that I forget what I'm talking about. Forget what I'm talking about. I'm talking again. And I look at you. Right. Oh. Are you sure? Why not just going to bring this up one more time?

And then I'm going to leave it alone. The circumcision. If you haven't had it done, I'm just saying it's great. It's great. I'm just saying it's great. Okay. Yes. Calm down. I'm just saying it's great. Okay, okay. Yes, it's come down. That is the essence of my message, but I can get deeper than that.

Okay. Why is it great? Prevents disease. Yeah. Is not originally why they snipped forskins? Yeah, and it feels good Not when you're not when you're getting it done. No, and you know, I still remember it though And I was what 12 12 months old 12 weeks You don't remember it were you circums? No, of course. I don't remember it

But were you a circums? Some people are not. Many people are not. Okay, I'll show you, but. Yeah. Okay. Of course I was. What don't say, of course, you know, there are many people who I did a bit in my act about circumcision and I've had to.

I remember that. Really? No. And people, I have had people yell out, it's not funny, like of all the subjects I talk about, that's the one that they literally yell at. It's not funny, it's bodily mutilation and people have died.

Really? Yes, people take, some people, What people have died of, what are we talking about? And you know what, even if they did, They're 38 and they get circumcised. Well, I, well, obviously something could get infected no matter when you do it at whatever age. So I'm sure there's a certain casualty count.

I don't care. That makes sense. Let's move on. You're talking about good. No, I'm a one issue candidate. And that is pro circumcision. It's very good. I, because it's a gross looking thing, and it is disgusting, and it's a, what, why do

you think they made it that law in the Bible? Because they obviously saw from experience that uncircumcised men, you know, bad things have been to them, or the, or God's smoke, them or something. And so they were like, let's make this a fucking law That you got a copy of the idea to Cut off the end of your dick. He's not going too far Bill Bill mar everybody Concircles decision. No. Oh, you know you were sick of size, right? May I see not not not recently, but I thank God, because you cannot have a pretty dick.

How dare you. I mean, good name for a character. Wouldn't it, Mr. Pretty Dick? Well, that's not bad. Pretty dick. Captain Pretty Dick. Pretty dick, get in here. You're a Captain Pretty Dick.

Captain Pretty Dick. It's like a video. But are you done with this the whole thing? No, I'm going to, I'm, I'll give you another, you're going to have to fight me. I'll give you another hour. Okay. You have to fight to get rid of me because I,

when am I, am I going to be guaranteed to be able to ever have this amazing moment with the great Chevy Chase again? No, so I'm going to milk it for all I can get out of it. In fact, you're strapped in right now. I'll say. You're not strapped. No, that's not a thing I think. That means gun, right? Yes, strapped. Yes. Oh, that's my gun with my wife. He's taking box shots. I remember when you do these ones that like, I don't even quite get what the meaning is, but the rhythm is so good.

There you are. And the words are so good, you know. And it's like, that is a kind of a zen comedy that is on like 400 or 500 level. Just, you know? Mel Brooks did the same thing? Yeah, I think I'm not, yeah. I can't compare myself to Mel Brooks, but it's the same sort of, I don't know, it just sort of comes, I don't know, naturally or something to be.

I can compare you to Mel Brooks and I love Mel Brooks, but two great, funny guys who give an America a zillion laps and made a bunch of great fucking movies. So I can't give this great. You was so. Oh yeah. Yeah. But I remember comics like we would do that like with each other just to get each other laughing like we would just say a line and it didn't really track

it all but that was what was funny about it. That it didn't track. Yeah. I don't want to say, you know, she was ugly but the waiter was wearing a batting helmet. It was like, what the heck? It was batting helmet? It's very funny. It did funny because it's not funny. I think is, you know,

the rhythm of it. The rhythm, yeah. Yeah. And that's, and you're kind of a musician, right? Were you a drummer? I was a drummer and I played piano. Of course, I just found it. But she's, I was a drummer for Steely Dan.

When we were in college and then coming out. Yeah, I'm on. for Steely Dan when we were kind of like, Chad and then coming out. Yeah, I'm on. These Steely Dan? No, the other one. See, the one. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The one that was awful. Wait, Steely Dan.

Yeah, Don Fagan and Walter Becker. So like, you're on Ricky, don't lose that number. No, Ricky's on it. Ricky's on that one. No, no, I quit before. Oh, before that. I wanted to be, honestly, I wanted to be in comedy,

yeah, in some fashion or another. And it also started in college anyway. So, but no, I saw Don Fagan fairly recently. And... Oh, Steely Dan. He seemed very happy and he's married. Well, musicians, when you think about almost any band, any artist with notable exceptions,

like Frank Sinatra, or they get a decade. The Beatles had a decade, the 60s. The Eagles had the 70s. Lod Zeppelin had the 70s. They didn't go into, you get about a decade. And then you still work, but first of all, the parade moves on. Now the people who were your fans when they were talking

about very specific kind of music. I'm talking about almost all music. I'm saying you get a decade if you're at the top and then Beethoven, for instance. You Beethoven had the 1820s was huge. I mean, like the whole, you happen to be right. The whole deaf thing was, you know, he still got all the tail.

The 1830s, suddenly it was like, I would, but you can't hear me. I can't hear. I can't hear you. Right. I need a man who can listen. So I'm just saying, like the Steely Dan had the 70s, like so many, they kept making music,

but yes, it doesn't reach a master. I mean, Paul McCartney has some great... Paul continues to reach that master audiences. Not really. You're not going to hear Paul McCartney played anywhere where 20-year-olds, not his new stuff, maybe they do a remix of Eleanor Rigby or something and put a beat on it.

That's an interesting thought. Yeah, actually it is. Well, they do it all the time. Well, I mean, look at Alton Johnnie. You're wrong about Paul. He puts it out. I'm just saying with the people, it's not going to get heavy airplane on MTV. It's just not.

I don't think they're even showing stuff anymore. What am I talking about? But wherever they're showing it, you know, it's just not. I mean, you can't be 78 in music, and I mean, the Rolling Stones, I'm sure, well, they probably actually haven't put out a new album, but they used to. But when they would tour, they would play the list from the 60s and 70s. Yeah. They wouldn't play the stuff from the album that came out in 2005 It just wasn't well, you know It's so stuff does get over a bus friend of mine Mick Chagger and Friend that because I can't remember it's hosting some huge show in a huge arena

Football I can't remember. It's hosting some huge show in a huge arena, football, you were, years ago, and both, oh, a Tina Turner, and who we talking about, Rick Jagger and Mick. They ended up, you know, I introduced them basically. Now, is it, I did Jagger and the Brody Sunset. And now Tina Turner, without I, kind of. Anyway, I hope. Then we ended up in like a Volkswagen bus driving with them and the two of them behind me. I was just sitting in the front seat. And I just get away from the arena. I can't remember. Yeah, I think we're being in Nicholson too. We were all being driven away from the show after work. Right. And who's going to get hold of it? We were in that folks while I could bus, you know.

But I just remember having a blast in there and just making fun of them. And you know, we became friends. I mean, who makes fun of Tina Turner and Mick? You know, I do. Right. The guy you want. Yeah. Well, I mean, sometimes people on that level like the piss taken out of them, if you do it the right way. Yeah. Otherwise, I mean sometimes people on that level like the piss taken out of them if you do it the right way Yeah, otherwise they'll just throw you out of the Volkswagen bus Yeah, I mean right many of Volkswagen bus has a dead body on the side of the road just check underneath Yeah, right, you're right, but you probably being the deft Artisan you are

Know how to do it. Yeah. You know. I got a thing. You know what I'm saying. Hey, what? If you're serious, I don't want to, I mean, if you've got to go or do some shit. Are you serious?

I just really thought I, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I believe. Want you to be happy. I'm so flattered, you're here. I'm so happy. I love this. Okay.

Because is it too structured? Just out. Oh, okay. Do you feel it's overproduced? Yeah. Because that's what I get a lot. Who's that guy behind you? And it...

Oh. Made you look. I don't know where I... Oh, God, look at that thing. Trump and Clinton. Yeah, I don't know where I got these, but there's so many of the things in Club random. I don't know where I look at that. Trump and Clinton. Yeah, I don't know where I got these, but there's so many of the things in club random. I don't know where I got them, but I got them.

There they are. Well, maybe somebody got them for you. What's that? Yeah, that's a, that's some piece of artwork. I remember where I got that. I think I got that from Bud Friedman. I, most of the artwork I have. It's not sure. Well, you sure do drop names from Bud Friedman. Most of the artwork, I have... Well, you sure knew drop names.

Bud Friedman. Well, I love Bud Friedman, and I know. And, you know, he was the honor. He's still the honor. He's retired, but, you know, the improv, which is the granddaddy of comedy clubs. That's what started the whole thing before the improv. There was no place to be.

Were you in New York at that time? New York City? Well, yes. I was. I lived there. I mean, it grew up there. Right. Yeah.

Well, I got to New York in 1979. Yeah. Again, you were already a movie star, so we weren't hanging out. Yeah. But the improv started in 62. That's correct. On the west side.

And it was the first urban comment club. Before that, comics like were bad up in the cat skills. the two on the west side and it was the first urban comment club. Before that, comics were bad up in the cat skills. That was that training ground before the urban clubs. And it kind of changed the whole way comedy was done. I mean, you went from the, take my wife, please guys, right? Do the waiters wearing a batting helmet? We don't even know what's funny about that guy

You really like that the waiter's Like things that make no sense And you're right. Oh, I'm just I think you're just gonna eat ice. No, who got it? Although I have in the past But but the improms did very well for a while when comedy was sort of like, you know, the latest big thing in the 80s. And Bud bought a big-ass house in Beverly Hills because they were improv franchises all over the country. So while he had it, you know, and he filled it with all this really nice artwork

and then the whole thing crashed because comedy clubs were of trend, like mid-sized cities had six clubs. It couldn't last and it didn't. So I remember he had to like sell all his artwork. They were moving, you know, because when the bottom had out, and like a vulture. Yeah. bottom and out, like a vulture.

But I was invited as a vulture. He said, come through my house. I'm selling a lot of artwork. I'll give you this great price, but I just, what I paid for it. And so I, that's how I got a bunch of stuff that I still have. Oh, cheap fuck. Well, I don't put it in here. Well, I don't care.

Yeah, it winds up in here. But I don't care about artwork for price because it's so subjective. I don't think you care about artwork, period. I do care about artwork. I don't know. I don't know. You wouldn't know it by looking around you.

I see you would because it's, yes, it's a little kitschy. But I just like stuff that makes me feel good. And first of all, if I had an expensive painting, I'd always be worrying that it would, apart if I lost it in a fire or it would attract thieves. Yeah. You might like it. Yeah.

That's the real problem. That's the real problem. And then I'd be, it's nice seeing you. Yeah, well, yeah. So, I happen to, we are artists, you know, who are we? us? Yes, in particular. I consider myself an artist. Absolutely. Yeah. You're just an interviewer. Thank you very much. No, no, we're comedy artists. No, we are. It's and by the way one of the toughest things

To be an artist and and'm so moved. So moved. Well, I mean, to see, that's why I have trouble with stand-up comedians. I just, so many of them don't, you know, they're so desperate and they work so hard. And you know, they're 15 minutes sad or something. And the audiences love them. You know, some of them, love them.

My daughter works at the company's store. Oh, yeah. And LA. Cool. So you know, I go there sometimes and watch these comments. But you know, maybe one in a million get further up. You know, it's not that many. And no, as it should be.

Actually, there's more comics out there than ever. Do you have an memory board? I, Siri, you ask me that. Okay, sorry. I'll have to get it from Jamie. No. I think there actually is a glut of comedians, but that's probably because I'm a comedian. Well, you know what I'm saying?

There is one. Yeah. How many of them are great, you know? Well, it's just, some of them are great and some of them are not great, but still saw a lot of tickets. And other words, okay. I don't know. but still saw a lot of tickets. And other words, oh, okay. I don't know. But the comedy is so subjective.

Who could say what's great is what tickles me. I mean, there are people who could listen to this and be like, who are those two idiots? What the fuck are they howling about? They're not, they've not stopped laughing at each other since the beginning, since they sat down and they're just blithering. And the like, and other people I think understand where we're coming from.

And I suppose the other blithering it is. What we're doing. Yeah. But it's so subjective, just like music, you know, the stupidest thing to do I think is ever to read a music review. Yeah. You can't wait. How can you describe a song?

Either I like it or I don't when I hear it. I understand what you're saying. Do you still jerk off? I'm so glad you've turned this around. Turn this around. Of course, don't you? Oh, Christ. It's been 20 years.

Really? No. But I'm not gonna tell you if I jerk off. You just asked me. That's all I wanted to know if you did. Well, they're not gonna tell you if I jerk off you just ask me That's all I want to know if you did well, but I'm gonna tell you you make a good point You said you still do well then I'm gonna talk about mine. Well, that's seems to be the subject I want to turn this conversation to I don't think this ain't gonna be ashamed about it or tell I would be ashamed if I were you I I am I don't know why I am not ashamed and I could go into great

detail about my history with masturbation. I mean, it's been a lifelong love affair. I must say it's it's it's something that is distinct from sex. Although obviously it shares some properties like the goo that's at the end of the bed. What the hell? What? What do you just say to goo? The goo, you know, the man-bad. That's not bad.

That's bad. What the goo? Well, the goo, okay. Obviously, that is something that happens. Have I left you? I was trying to... I'm fine with it. See, that's the kind of thing I mean.

That E and S go loves. Now, it's like, there are certain, I was saying there's certain properties between sex and masturbation. They have in common, like an ejaculation does happen and so forth. And you're stimulated. And it's pleasurable. It would be in the category of pleasure and not sure. Hi, honey. Glad you're watching. And my daughter, by the way, that's great.

Okay. This should be the only portion that you showed. Importantly. Yes, yes. There is this other dimension that separates masturbation from sex that makes them two completely different things. Some properties of each, I would say, in the positive category, like I think touching another human is real good. But other things that you can speak well from masturbation, like you can do it in two minutes. You can just scratch that itching, get back to work.

You know, you're not sad for life. I'm not. No, two minutes. Are you saying that you've never masturbated in your whole life? No, that was like... No, I'm not saying that, that's what I meant. That's what I meant. Yeah, but the way you cut me off.

No, that you never did it just quickly to relieve the urge, the itch, much like you would milk a cow, so the cow was not bawling, because it was a disencombred of the burden of that feeling which is horniness, and then you... What? Where you going?

I'm explaining this. Ah! What was that your cow? It was my cow. Okay. I had to do a, ah! That's pretty good. Now you got the dog and the cow.

Thank you. Yeah, because you're building up a whole right toy. I think we should really get off the subject of masturbation because, again, because my wife and daughter are watching. They're probably in hysterics. They are probably in hysterics. First of all, I'm doing all the sharing.

You're not saying anything about it. Listen, you're just acting like Mr. Pretty Dick. It's none of... Pretty Dick... Count... This is a constable Pretty Dick. Who is... So it takes a dim view of discussions of masturbation in public events captain pretty dear

So you know what's the big Whoop about Doing something that's first of all it's harmless to any other human being. I mean Well, that in my case. Oh, it's occasionally put an eye out I like that. I'm gonna make you take me put an eye out. What the hell? Of the masturbator or of somebody nervous? Well, you shoot across the room.

You don't, you don't, you don't, and it just happens. I'm sorry, Kayleigh. Anyway, oh, geez, your kids are probably so much more good with like dirty talk than you are. Oh, sure, they are real. Of course they are because they grew up in an age that was much more relaxed, don't you think?

I think my fucking kids are. Oh, that's good. You'd love my kids. If I allowed you to see them, I'm just going to say, where's the end of that sentence? You have children, right? I do not have children. I mean, I talk about that. Thank you.

We have to talk about it. Okay. Well, see, because I masturbate so much. That's okay. Children. Bam! Okay. Talk about it. OK, well, see, because I masturbate so much. You're like, you're like, you're like, you're a children. Bam! OK. Well, let's go. No, I've never had children to my knowledge.

And I would say the one thing in my life that is a real constant because I didn't like children when I was one. I didn't like them in midlife, and I don't like them in midlife and I don't like them now. I'm God. That's a sad, no, it's not. Absolutely not. It's not sad at all. It's just personal preference.

I share it with millions and millions of people. I can't tell you how many people that come up to me over the years and said, oh, it's so great that you talk about how much you know my kids because I don't like kids either. And these are just the parents. Oh, it's so great that you talk about how much you know my kids because I don't like kids either. And these are just the parents. Okay, because they're just the parents, the parents. Yeah.

But, you know, I don't think it's odd that other people like children, I mean, there must be something to it, even celebrities do it. So, I don't get it. Why you want to do that? but I know people get a kind of joy out of children. What if I just got up and attacked you now? Punch you in the four days after rapid is up soon anyway. So it would be a good ending. And, you know, we like good endings. Yeah. But we really have to wrap it up. Yeah, we do. Because I have to get right now. Would you have another interview? And this is a work night for me. I have a real job on HBO.

I thought this was your job. This is not my job. This is not an HBO. This is my love. But to be able to sit and get to know somebody like you, I'll never, I'll probably never get this hour again. I'll come back. You will?

Sure. But we don't have to do it on camera, but would you actually, you would never like actually like have dinner with me, would you? Of course I would. You say that. Oh, you're actually quite funny

to very intelligent guy. I would, really? Yeah. Okay, great. You're not articulate, but that doesn't mean... No. See, that's a thing.

You always have it coming in behind. You never just leave it there. It's almost like the function, not your thing about, like, yeah, I heard it before. What do you want to drink? No. I think I know. Right. It's like I would much rather have the laugh at my...

Absolutely. Yeah, right. It's like I would much rather have the laugh at my, the dirt and stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Because I'm not wounded by it. I don't think you really mean it. As opposed to what? Sitting here and not laughing, like, you know. Well, so that would be funny.

Actually, if there were no laughter here. And by the way, where are the cameras? Like, isn't that a great question? I know that that's one. Yes, but it's clearly just on you. They're all... Well, there's two there. Look at that. One, two. They're so clever.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that one doesn't. And look, look over there. They're so cleverly hidden in that even a show business veteran like you asks at the end of an hour, where are the cameras? That's what I wanted when I built this place. Where are the, cause I don't want us to feel like we're on camera. No. I want us to feel like we're in a horror house.

We're in a horror house. No, that's enough now. Bad boy. Climb. Render. Give me a hug. Oh, I have the same shirt. No, that's enough, now bad boy. Climb. Render. Give me a hug. Oh, I have this same shirt.

No, I mean not the- not the six- Six- Six- What's your last week's? I get your filthy hands off. Hey, my wallet. Oh, shit. Give mine.

Oh, honey. Uh-oh. Where's my fucking wallet? Oh, honey! Where's my fucking wallet?