Club Random with Bill Maher - Dave Rubin | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Bill Maher and right wing pundit Dave Rubin randomly riff on who in Bill’s orbit caused Dave’s political awakening, how Bill is an old school liberal, the point when things turned insane in America, what it means if someone “seems” gay, the three questions to ask to REALLY get to know someone, the movie that changed Dave’s life, the type of behavior in bed that Bill is against, the book Bill read when he was babysitting at 13, when Dave tried to hire his musical hero to play his birthday party, Dave taking Rumble public, and tons more can’t miss conversation.

Climb. Hey, I want to tell you about our new subscription channel on Apple. You can listen, add free to all episodes past and present. Get access to most episodes a week early and hear exclusive bonus content that you can only get here. Go to Apple.com slash club random to try it free now. Just click the try it free button now to check it out. I heard that you were a intern on the... For a week when you did those shows in Brooklyn.

Oh, right. Those the Mafia shows in Brooklyn back in like 2000 or something. You know what? That reminds me of the era of television where they did what they called sweep smones. Yeah. They took ratings three times a year at the ratings company February, May, and November. So during those months, every fucking show

had to do something stupid. You did a mafia week. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, right. We were in New York doing a week of shows with the mafia in a real shitiere if you remember that. But like that's how you got like fanzi on with the you know the phrase jumping the shark comes from Happy days you had to go to Hawaii because we literally jumped the shark because it was sweep's month

Right, and so you have to do something and so they would just do all this stupid shit. Oh, I'm glad you're having a drink. I'm gonna have a drink with you. I can't smoke the pot with you. I don't care. I don't think I can. We'll see what happens. But I could get pretty dumb, pretty quick.

I used to be a pro, but I'm a little, you know. First of all, I've never been a pot proselytizer. Yeah, like you do you. Yeah. I never the fuck you want to do. Well, I've never been a pot prosciitizer. Yeah. Like, you do you. Yeah. I never the fuck you want to do. Well, I care, I'm just, I've also never understood when people say that to me, like, come on, have a drink with me. What the fuck do you care if I'm drinking?

You do you. Sometimes I don't want to drink. This is not one of those times. Okay, good, good. But there are times when I don't. What's your drink usually? You know, I'm a very sparing drinker these days, but when I do drink, uh, I drink tequila.

That's why I'm the most interesting man in the world. You are, cheers man. Um, what was that? What was the most interesting man in the world drink? He was, uh, dosakis. Oh, right. But what was this bitch for? It was some, oh, I don't usually drink beer, but when I do drink dosakis, right. What was this catchphrase? Oh, I don't usually drink beer, but when I do...

I drank those that case, sir. That was a brilliant ad campaign. They did all right with that thing. We did a funny parody of that with Mitt Romney once, the most, at least, the greatest interesting man in the world. But we parried it very accurately. I'm sure they could dig that up on YouTube. So I got a copy of my first book over there,

which you will appreciate because it is dedicated to the guy who used to own this house because of you, actually. Who used to own this house, Freddie, Phil? Affleck, Ben Affleck. Oh, this house, right? This house, because my whole political awakening pretty much happened watching an episode of Real Time

when Sam Harris was on with Affleck and that thing. And I was left in my whole life and I saw that moment and I was like, holy shit, this is what I have been seeing and freaking out about. So I dedicated my first book, which is a defense of liberalism. So that's what I'm saying. So that's 2014, how old were you though?

Yeah, 2014, so that's eight years ago, I was 38. 38? I'm 46 now, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow, you look good with 46. I thought you were a much younger. Oh, I'll take it, I'll take it.

I'll take it. No, and no, just because of what you say. Oh. Yeah. I'll take it. You look like you're honored. Oh, yeah, you look right now. You look.

No, I tell you, I always, I used to do a bit a hundred years ago about like our gay men good looking because they like, how did this bit go? So why are all gay people looking? The good looking guys look in the mirror and go, I'm not waiting this on check. Yeah, it's like, how about who needs it? Who needs that?

I just feel like I was never destined to be a gay man. Nothing, I'm ugly, but just it's just not that look. I don't know that I was destined to be a gay man. I happen to be married to one, but I'm ugly, but just it was just, it's not that look. I don't know that I was destined to be a gay man. I happen to be married to one, but I, right, I don't really like dancing, I don't like show tunes, I don't like any of that stuff. So that, I was closeted for a long time. But come on.

There's one thing, but dictionally, yeah, you do like that. All right, I'm definitely gonna have to drink more. I mean, look, I'll be honest with you. I never got that whole thing. Look, whatever blows your dress up, I've always been a libertarian about all those kind of matters when I first was on and politically incorrect.

That's what they all call the libertarian. Maybe I called it myself. And then some ways I still have. Very much so a libertarian. And I don't think it's coincidental that liberal and libertarian come from the same route. Now, freedom, you know, freedom, that's it. That's why I fled this place, right away.

I fled Cali this year. I couldn't take it anymore. Is that right? Yeah, I lived in LA for the last eight years. I left on December 17th, 2021. Where'd you go? And I'm back for one day. I honestly, I ate this place.

I'm in Florida. I'm in Free Florida, man. Oh, well. I'm. I'm in Florida. I'm in Free Florida, man. Oh, well. I'm in Free Florida. Yeah. I'm in Miami. It's pretty sweet. I believe me, I looked hard at Miami and I'm not gonna live in Miami.

I'll get first of all to say. What is it? What is it? It's like Vegas with a beach. I can't. The service is a little slow. If I was your age, maybe I would live in Miami. It's just too wild. I like If I was your age, maybe I would live in my, it's just too wild.

I like, I do love my, isn't that funny? Miami used to be thought of as the golden girls and old and now, now it's too wild. Well, it's both. I mean, it's South Beach is not the golden girls, but it certainly is still God's waiting room, the Southern end of Florida, absolutely. But no, I get it about Florida. I've talked about Florida. I've talked about Florida a lot.

It's a love-hate relationship, but so is my relationship with California. But I ain't gone. Oh my kidding. I mean, it's just, I'm too dug in, and my friends are here, and my studio is here, and there's still some great things about California. And how crazy did it all make you though, during these like, I could not take it. Like two weeks into all the lockdowns and everything,

I knew it was never coming back. It was, you know, I also didn't live. You're in a pretty sweet spot. I was off Ventura with a riot's were going by my house, you know, like, now you've hit on the one, run nerve with me on this issue that could make me go to Florida or anywhere else, and that's COVID.

And they're overreaction in my view and they're limited ability to understand that, please, look, I wanna be a team player, but you can't get inside my body. No. That want to be a team player, but you can't get inside my body. No. And that has to be my decision. Remember the day before I had my body, my choice, wasn't that them?

That's okay, that's unfair analogy because we're talking about a different life that's not my life, okay? I am pro choice, but I've always said, I totally understand their side. And I don't like it when people say, oh, they just hate women. They don't hate women. They think it's murder. And I don't agree with that, but I totally respect it. And I get it. It is not a life, but it's undeniably becoming a life. It is a gray area. I get it. That's

different. Then this is my body. Yeah. This is my body, my health, and to pretend that you have enough information with all the things they've been wrong about. Everything. I'm talking about COVID. I'm talking about medicine in general. All the things they've been wrong about, not mostly because they're corrupt, just because we don't know that much. And all the things they don't know and are still knowing and every week there's some new story about something. I always say somebody should write a book about medicine and called it, call it, now you tell me.

Like they just found out that metabolism, which they always thought slowed down in age, actually doesn't, now you tell me. You know, all the drugs they pulled off the market because they said they were safe and effective, but they weren't. Now you tell me. You don't eat yolks, you don't eat yolks.

Yeah, right, stuff like that. It's like you don't have a monopoly on what the truth is about medicine and we're all individuals. My profile is different than somebody else's profile. So what might be right for them? Would I recommend as many vaccines and boosters as they have for people who are 100 pounds overweight? I would. You probably need them. I don't. Or I don't think I don't. And that should be my decision.

And even if it did affect you, which it doesn't, because we know that having the vaccine, you can still transfer it just as easy, or get it just as easy. So that's a red herring argument to begin with. It shouldn't involve it. But even if it did, it's still my body. I want to be a team plan, I want to help everybody,

but you can't come inside my body. So that's the one area where I could see having to decamp from, and that would be a terrible thing in this country where you can't live in the state you want to live in because of some government policy about medicine. Isn't it weird though, because I remember sitting just a year ago when I was deciding basically to move, and I campaigned with Larry Elder.

You know Larry Elder, you've done some stuff with him over the years. I campaigned with him. I wouldn't call it Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't Well, I mean like he used a radio show with him, or you know, I don't know about that. Maybe he didn't politically incorrect. Yeah, I like Larry. I mean, he says some goofy conservative shit. But so do you.

That may well be. And that's okay. Yeah, that may well be. And so people think I do. Most of the people who love me love all of your crazy concern. That's a, I mean, that's a nutty one for you, right? But I'm not conservative. Of course you're not. Of course you're not. I'm just appropriately critical of the excesses of the left,

which are plenty these days. Well, same. I think it could be same. And the people say to me, oh Bill Maher is getting red-pilled or something. And I talk about you a lot on my show because you've been a huge, huge influence on me. I remember seeing your HBO special, I don't know when was your first age were you special, like 88 or something?

I think it was 89. Yeah, and the thing about half Jewish, half, I bring the, that's my first half. Yeah, so and then politically and correct and all that. So people, so I talk about you a lot on the show and then people ask, well, wait a minute, you know, you and Bill used to sort of see eye to eye on all of this stuff and then I kind of shifted a little bit.

And then they'll say to me, Bill's saying, and I go, well, well, liberals were supposed to be saying. And they always say. They always say. I must say. Yeah, yeah. But that's gotta be weird watching everybody go nuts. I mean, I watch them all go nuts.

And I watch them all go nuts. And shifting is okay. Because things change. So sometimes we have to change. And sometimes we grow, we learn, take in new material. The last thing I'd ever want to be as a politician who has to pretend that you have the same view at 60 that you had at 18 or also you're some sort of a flip flopper or you know, he's not consistent on masturbation. He was whacking off five times a day when he was 18 and now he's down to one.

What's going on with Senator Dittel flopper? So but now you're some kind of a Jew, aren't you? Some kind of I'm born in Brooklyn when it was before hipster Brooklyn. I grew up in Long Island, you know, more Jews than Jerusalem. It's getting Jewier every minute. Keep talking. No, no, I shifted into the Jew mode there.

Right. Yeah, well look, I think partly what's going on here is that a lot of... A lot of conservative Jews. Well, I think Jews probably should be conservatives most, first of all, I don't even consider myself a conservative conservative the book that I'll give you at the end there It's a defensive classical liberalism. I think you'd read the book and you would go, you know Maybe a little bit. I'm more on the like I don't really want any government programs anymore

So I definitely have more of that stuff now Maybe then you do but I think you'd read that book and be like, yeah, we're 95% there politically. And even I was watching your, I was watching Club random with with Woody just a couple days ago. And by the way, I'm wearing shoes. That was an interesting little. Oh my God. Or comedians, those all supposed to be germaphobes and let you let the guy wander around with no shoes. That boy, is that the show where I said to him, you used to come over here like Huckleberry, say? Yeah, definitely.

Well, he had shoes when he came in. Yeah, and then just said it. But he has come over here and he didn't even have a pair with him. At least took my pants off now. I don't really see about your little game thing over there. I don't know what they told you this was. I would, they said I could do whatever I want.

You can do whatever you want. Club random, it says it right behind me. What does it say? What is the motto? VIP lounge, drink what you like, say to what you want. That's right. That's the truth. See, you are an old school liberal.

Oh, I am. You are an old school liberal. But it's getting problem. Don't you think it's getting lonely in a way? Watching, just watching so many of the people that you used to think were sane. Or guys that you would bring on your show over the years, that really were sane.

That goes both ways. Yeah, okay. Because I certainly have seen a number of people become trompers and like, you know, I can't let it like reveal too much and have people know who I'm talking about. But some people who you would never think who are not that, you're not like 60, 70 years old, you're talking about 40.

And from places you would never think and now are full on QAnon, Democrats eat babies and there's a pedophile right there. I don't think they eat them, they drink the blood. It's not an eating situation. They order them and then push them around the plate. It's really what they do. But it's that sushi-spin thing. But watching the lefties go nutty, because that's what people say about you now, that you stayed and they kind of did go nuts. I wish they didn't. I wish they didn't. Oh, me too.

No. Except that it's more material. Yeah. You know, it's like, I, when did you see it? Are you still happy? What happened? When did you see it first?

Like when did you see the thing really changing? Do you think? Well, Jonathan Hate is the one who I think pin points the year, not the day anything ever happens in one year, but he says 2015 was a turning point. So I'm going to do it with the phones and also like Gen Z. I remember talking about in the pre-2015 era, like talking about with people the idea that the millennials okay, they're just too soft.

And it will switch back with the next generation. And of course, Gen Z was way worse. It only goes one way in this country, worse. You know why? And it's because like 2015 is when we get microaggressions and like some of the like stuff that even makes fucking millennials look like Marines.

The really kind of silence is violence and like he really, what are you talking about shit came with the Gen Z. So I feel like that is, and then of course Trump was that same year. It was when he announced, 2015. So you have this confluence of like, you know, the phone shit, whatever that was, I can't remember, plus the new generation, plus this horrible human on the right who's scaring everybody way left, like picture a room and someone farts. And everyone's just a horrible fart

and they go to the other side of the room. So everything tilted toward this kind of crazy left. And then I feel like it just stuck. Do you know, do you have any friends or guests that you've had on that so many friends? I wanna list the friends. Just from Club Rand, to my episode. I have to be Chase was just here.

That was pretty cool. Oh my God, how great was that? I wasn't here. I only saw the end, but I saw it was really good. Unbelievable. I mean, he's still as chubby Chase. I was so perclamped about that. You know, he still got that same little boy in him.

Who were your comedy heroes? Oh my comedy heroes. What is this? Bob C comedy heroes. What is this? Bob Costis. Yeah, this is Bob Costis. Oh. Like who do you watch stand up that you were like I'm gonna do stand up? Mostly Stanley Myron-Hendelman. No. I don't know if that is. He was there. He was this comic. Like, in the era when, like, there was this brief period, like, late 60s, early 70s, like before comedy became the comedy clubs and there was like a million comedians. There was like one comic, new comic a year. And one year it was Stanley Myron. I have no recollection of that. No, of course not.

But you could, I'm sure YouTube him. And there was like Kelly Montyth. And there was, who else? Guys like, oh, there was a guy who, it's all acting as that. He was a rich kid. My daddy bought me blocks. Boardwalk and park plates. That's not bad, that's not bad.

That's terrible. What was his name? But that was his whole, I mean, you can get away with that being your whole fucking act. That your daddy was rich. What the fuck was that guy's name? I don't know. But it's not funny though. I ask you like who your comic influences are and you basically named a couple guys that nobody's ever heard of because you asked me like a fucking

Question that they ask on entertainment tonight and this is club random bill But I don't do that. We don't do that shit here. No, we don't do like who we are committing heroes and like, you know What should what kind of output is your dog eat? I mean, you know, that's to That's to like question you get in the press. Here, we're just, we're here to talk about gay sex. We're gay sex? I want to know. I just want to know one thing.

Yes. Is now, okay, so when did you, when did you, you started out liking girls or thinking, or you never did? I never really thought about it that way sort of because well first off People always say to me you don't seem gay. That's the thing that I get all the time. You know I am gay, which I dare you That is that is wrong right just say seam About gay Fortunately, I'm not I'm not a millennial so I don't quick. I can't quite put my finger on why that's offensive,

but I'll come up with something. That's what they spend most of their time doing. That should be the next day with the next book book. I'll come up with something. That's funny. Then they will believe they will. Can't offend it first. We'll figure it out later.

But I never seem gay sort of like, when you were 13. Yeah, okay. I always think this, you know, there's two questions you can ask a person, if like you only have like, five minutes with them to like, no. Which was their comic influence? That's the first one.

No, no, what's the other one? Not that. Got that one already. What's the other one? There that one already. Not that one. Just two or three questions. What do you think about when you're masturbate? Yeah. I'm talking about, like, they're,

they're taking sodium pentathol and they have the truth. You only have a few minutes to get to know them. Yeah. How do you get your money? Yeah. Who are you fucking? What do you think about when you're masturbate? If you got those three answers on, you know, I mean, sometimes it's not that scandalous.

I mean, how do I get my money? It's the OPs. It's the B-whip some Advertising. I'm not like selling fencing all over the street, you know. I mean, I was a drug dealer. Well, you see, if you ask the great place to do it, you can run. If you ask me that when I was 20 years old, it would be a difficult question you ask,

because that appeared, I was at Cornell, I do say like, well, I sell whatever drugs my drug dealer has, and I sell them to anyone who'll buy them. That's not a good answer. I went to SUNY Binghamton, only... Oh, really? 40 minutes away. I used to go to Cornell, I had a couple of buddies there,

my dad went to Cornell and... Why would anyone go to Cornell if you didn't actually go to the school? It's like when I had a buddy there they had a nice hockey rink, you know, you know what it was mostly guys and you could kill yourself very easily Yeah, that was the big thing right, but it was mostly guys. That's probably why you went there. That's why I hated it What there weren't a lot of girls at Cornell? Is that it? Is that it? No, it's not in 1975. It was the Ivy League. Conjustice. You know, what do you call it when they let you? He segregated girls. Not necessarily. We were segregated. We were integrated. We were just weren't co-ed. Yeah. You know, and oh, I was didn't know how to get girls

then anyway. But yeah, there were not many, many girls there. Did you have any classes with Carl Sagan? Was he there at the time? He absolutely was. Did you have any classes with him? You know what? I feel like I might have taken that class because he was on the tonight show a lot.

And I loved the tonight show. But I think I took the class and he would never, like taught it maybe once because he was off doing his, he was a celebrity. I'd ask you what you think of Johnny Carson, but I don't want to offend you. Well, no, Johnny was my hero. No, Bill, please, please.

No. I get it, you like Johnny Carson, okay, it's not that kind of. Oh, kid. No. We are brought to you by Signal Wire, the real OGs of software defined telecom. Remember that horror movie where those kids got phone calls that predicted their own deaths?

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Did you see, I'm sure you've seen it or read the book, but contact the movie contact with Jody Foster, which was Carl Sagan's only nonfiction. And I thought the movie, I mean, it actually changed my life. I ate pop brownies. You'll love it. You thought that movie changed your life? Tell you, I was 21.

It came out of 97. Change my life too. Now I don't watch movies without reading a review for you. Bill, it's a great one. I can move you on that movie. Listen to this. So it's nice. I thought it sucked out loud.

Oh really? I'm shocked. The one with her writing, just like all that writing and like writing. Look, weird writing. No, no, no, no. You're thinking of a rival from a couple years ago. Yes, I am.

You're thinking of a rival. Contact was with Jody Foster and Matthew McConaughey. It was written by Sagan. It came out in 97. I ate pop brownies with a bunch of friends, like crazy pop brownies. We go to see Air Force One, but it was sold out. It was sold out.

Of course it was. So it's America, get off my place. We say what exactly? So we go, what else can we, you know, I've been to Glend back. So I do some stuff with the blaze, which is Glend back's network. Right.

He's got the, the, like, fuselage of the airplane in his studio from Air Force One. Oh. From a movie Air Force One, not the actual Air Force One. Anyway, we can't get into Air Force One. I'm all over the place here. We can't get into Air Force One. I'm all over the place here.

We can't get into Air Force One. So we were like, all right, we'll go into this movie contact and I have no idea what this movie is. And do you remember the opening scene of contact is that ever in my entire life? Oh man, you would freak, Bill, it's everything. Refresh my memory, what happened? So it's a movie about...

Aliens. She is an astronomer and it's sort of, it's loosely based on a character around Carl Sagan, and she's an astronomer. She gets a message, but now she has to prove it to the scientists, but the believers kind of, you would freaking love it. It's the whole movie is religion versus science and sort of government versus rationality. I'll dial it up. Shocked. I don't even know why I was telling you that. I mean, you know, you very often miss things in life. You can't catch up to everything. I'm thrilled that I can hear at

this point in my life a movie that I missed it. It's going to be great. Oh, you will freaking love it, man. I may not. I think you will. I'm willing. But you know, I've learned whenever I said that you're going to love it. work out But it might make but I look I I respect you enough to like absolutely I will make this next on my list. It's next another. Contact absolutely Well, that's a thing nothing No, I mean there's always things I'm watching but um What was I asked you about something? Oh, well something about gay sex and who amassed you. I was trying to talk about philosophy and politics, but you know, so

You know, I do have gay sex. That's one of that something good for you. And I know people find that to be odd or Little out there for some people. It's odd. I accept that it is odd, right? Like it's a little bizarre for people. It's also it's odd, but it's also normal, it's odd. Well, it is odd. I accept that it is odd, right? Well, it's a little bizarre for people. It's odd, but it's also normal, because it's obviously a variation that nature intended. I mean, it's not the majority, but it is consistent and it's throughout history.

And for some reason, nature wanted this little sub variant where you take it in the ass. You do. I don't get it because I hate shit. this little sub variant where you take it in the ass. I don't get it because I hate shit. So like the idea of fucking shit is just so anatomy, I can't even tell you. Bill, do you realize my mother loves you and she's gonna watch this?

But I mean, it's where she agrees with you more than she agrees with me. And then I look, I love that you live your life as you love it and I love that you live your life as you love it and I love that for everybody, but we can't deny that's where the shit comes out. It blows my mind because I don't like taking a shit. So the idea that I would stick my dick in there

is just weird, but that's why America's great because we have the option and we should be respected for fucking it. I'm a one issue candidate. Honestly, you'd have half the country, but you do realize that heterosexual people have anal sex. Oh, yes. The kids, the kids are all about it. They don't even know this. If a giant is not there. It's all about anal sex. It's the most to be all they care about. What the hell is going on here? You talk.

That's what you asking me for. I'm the one. A guy that's as open-minded as you. I just, I just, oh no. Why not? It's not gonna hurt that much. You know, sometimes build, that was funny. I even heard, I heard finally a laugh out of there.

I'm not gonna hurt that much, man. Okay, you're right. Have some tequila. You're right. No, you get me, this is subject that, I don't know, I don't feel, I'm gonna say I feel, I don't feel passionately, I feel passionately. You do, I do, I do feel like I'm not gonna do.

You feel very passionately against anal sex. Yes, only because true. Yeah, that's true. Well, against anal sex. Yes. Only because of, again, the shit factor. Yeah. That's all, you know, just take away the shit I'm there. I know I'm not there. Well, but without getting too, you know, there are ways that, you know, you're not always gonna.

You know what, you know, I not always gonna you know what you know I Love the way we're I may have told this before you guys don't put this on the internet do you this is where this dude? That's what you're mad you're internal Imagine if we were actually filming this No, I may have told this before but it that proposes I think oh my entire crowd wants me to beat you over the head until you admit that you would vote for Ron DeSantis,

and you're asking me about anal sex. I know, but it's my show. So shut the fuck up. All right, all right. Keep going. And it's not a political show. I know. It's like, if we were actually just sitting around talking,

would you have that agenda? If you had an agenda, I wouldn't invite you here. You know? So I'm going invite you here. You know, so, to tell the... You know, to put context to this other area. Yes. Like when I was,

like 13, and I was babysitting. This was my job to make money, babysitting. Okay. Because who better to be with children? Yeah. Then me, okay, so there was this one house, money, babysitting, because who better to be with children than me? Okay, so there was this one house, a babysat, and they had a lot of great books, and I used to steal some, actually. And they had one about everything you want to know about sex.

It wasn't that, but maybe it was that one. That was a very famous book. You'd probably are a little too young to remember, but a doctor named, I think David... Robin, no, I couldn't have got it. We could have been David, Robin, everything you wanted. We could have been. It could have been. Do we have to go that way?

Do you have a magic lightbulb? I think I have some sort of device in my pocket. Look up, Mike. I think it was David, Robin. Oh my God, dude. You're freaking out right now. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be. Isn't it freaky? Yeah. Now I may have to smoke. Oh my God. Dude, you're freaking out right now. I'm not sure. It's supposed to be.

Isn't it freaky? Yeah. Now I have to smoke some pot. Right. I think you're right. Everything, it was, I'm telling you, it was the biggest book of the year. Johnny Carson, I think, had him on,

and he said the word penis on the tonight show. Oh, I don't have a wife I am here. Can we get someone to just yell? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're only interested. We're here alone. That's why this is great. But I'm pretty sure I think it was Dr. David. It's a common name, right?

So it is. Well, I mean, I'm here and you're telling me about this influential moment of your life. Well, it happens to be a guy with my name. Well, influential in the ass area. Because in the book, and it may not have been this book, but I remember there was a chapter on anal sex, which up until that moment, I'd never even,

didn't thought never entered my mind. I just learned about pussy. It's a ridiculous place to put something up. I don't know, you're just, I just learned about, I was like 13. And it said like, and if you have sex in the naughty place, my words, whatever it's said, there's very little fecal matter. And from that day forward, those words have rung in my ears. Very little, very little way too much fecal matter for me. But that's me. Other

people don't care. They pick up their dogs poop and shit. They just are not as bothered by poop. Yeah, I am not interested. I just want to be clear here. I don't like poop. I don't. Oh, I'm not interested in kids. We just had a kid.

I don't like even the child's poop. Oh, I know you're not big on kids, right? I know you. That's one reason. I don't want to. I don't want to deal with their poop. Well, I will tell you one thing about it. So we have a five week old and the poop does not smell. That's number one, just from the, I'm just telling you that, you don't have to deal with their poop. Well, I will tell you one thing about it. So we have a five week old and the poop does not smell.

That's number one, just from the, I'm just telling you that, you don't have to have kids. You just have a five week old. A five week old and I have another one coming in like two weeks. You look so great. So recently, I'm trying to get rid of the last. It was not easy. It was not easy, man.

You are. I'm a mess down there. I'm telling you, you look amazing. You look up there. I'm having a baby five weeks ago. You know, I even came here. Yeah. So who, who, who delivered the baby under what? The doctor, the doctor. We had a doctor. I mean, I don't gaze straight. Whatever. You're going to still have a doctor involved. Yeah, I knew I'd break you down. Yeah, all right, we got it. So, no, we get two, like, two surrogates.

Why, no. So what happened? So I'm 40, is it? Yeah, twins? No, no, no, twins would be one surrogate with two babies. We had, now you're gonna freak, man. So what happened was we've been trying to do this for a couple of years.

And I actually didn't want kids. I never really envisioned it. Also, when I was growing up, there was no such thing as gay And I actually didn't want kids. I never really envisioned it. Also, when I was growing up, there was no such thing as game average. I didn't even think I was gay. I just thought, like, people have sex with dudes and you just don't talk about it.

And like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never read your book. It's just a long island. Come on. I never read the book by Dave Rubin. Dude, just have sex with other guys. I just thought guys have sex with guys like on the DL. It's just like a thing that people do.

No one really talks about it. And by the way, that's of course that still goes on. But I just never, because I grew up in the 90s, I didn't, there was no such thing as gay marriage. I never thought of a future, you know? Right. And I think actually, totally honestly, I think that's partly how I became successful

in a weird way because I put everything I had into my career. Every bit of me, I never dated. You know what I mean? I just gave everything I had to stand up and to everything that I was doing. So it works for me. Yeah, right?

But also you can't, but you figured out obviously a lot of other ways to enjoy your life and become a full person. If you're doing it in the name of hiding something, then you've got a real problem. And by the way, a lot of comics do that, obviously, which is why I read Tree Story when I was... Oh, yeah, it's a great book by the way.

I read it. It is a great book. People should know more about it. Yeah, that's a great book. Even the way you describe the comics and one of them's fat and one of them is funny. It's funny. What is fat and shit?

I mean, that was just a device, but yeah. When those days, we did have one stock and trade kind It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. of doing not what you did, they end up going so deep into the fat or the shit or whatever

that pain is and they can't get over that thing. And it kills them. I mean, how many of, I can only imagine, how many of your friends from those days are dead. I can only imagine. We also have another friend in common who sadly is not, Bob Sagan was one of my best friends. It's been a rough year with first comics. I mean, I was just at a memorial Sunday for my friend Ron Zimmerman, who was a great comic and TV writer and Gilbert Gottfried. We lost second,

Norm MacDonald, Kevin Rooney, another great comic I started with. I mean, it's... Bob, I talked to you two days before. I had just moved down here and I talked to him. And Bob and I, Bob and I would argue, you know, Bob was a big lefty and we would argue about politics all the time, but have a great- And everybody knew Bob's tag. Everyone knew Bob's tag. He's amazing. It's like every fucking guest I have here.

I went to, what's that place in LA? Craig's, I'm sure you've been there, you know? And it's like, all it is, it's celebrities and everyone's there to be seen, obviously. I go with a re-walk in there with Bob. Right, restaurant. Bob shut down everybody. Alec Baldwin was there, Frankie Valley was there.

All the, everyone's there, everybody knew Bob. It was like, Frankie, I love Frankie Valley. I opened for Frankie Valley. In 1982, three and four, that was like a main part of my income. With opening for Frankie Valley. Please tell me he's a good dude. He's got to be.

Frankie and I are, oh, he's got a long great. Can I tell you a great Frankie Valley story? Yeah. So I moved from LA this past year but we had a my big party for me 45th birthday last year in LA. Turns out that Frankie Valley lived like two blocks away from me in Encino and I found that out because we had the same real estate agent or something whatever. So I contact, my guy's contacted his agents that I want him to come sing at my birthday party. And I was like, I'll give him, I don't know, 10,000 bucks. You can literally lip sync grease. Just come, you can stand in my bedroom in the balcony.

You don't have to see anybody. You don't even have to say hi to me. Just come, do oh, what a night. Just get, you know, literally 10,000 bucks. You're in and out in 10 minutes, literally. And of course, they wanted a hundred thousand dollars. So what I know is nuts, but I don't have that kind of money. So whatever, but get this.

So I was so disappointed that it's. What is something? Frankie Valley at your birthday party? Yeah, I don't have, I don't have like that kind of like any of you money. Frankie Valley don't play, Frankie Valley don't play birthday parties. Okay.

You're a Jersey guy. You came out right there. All right. My Jewish friend. Franky Valley does not play birthday parties under any conditions for any amount of money. Franky Valley has had 21 number one hits. I made that number rough. But he's got a lot of stuff in it.

Jersey Boys was a giant show on Broadway about his life. They don't do a show about somebody's life unless you were kind of a big marker in the business. Macher. Macher. See, I did that juice for you. There you go. Anyway, so I know, I know whatever.

I offered the 10 grand. I thought, whatever. Let's just see. They want a hundred grand. Here you go. Here you go. You're gonna pee right here. Right now. Oh, wait, who am I talking to? Oh, he got me. Boy, you really is like you're the anal sex thing. Now you want to pee on me. It's a lot, Bill. You know, anyway, I can't get over this 10,000 thousand. Oh, okay. So fine. It was in something. Like he's a fucking clown. Are they paying clowns 10 grand?

All right, keep going, Dave. So I just got my turn for a second. I just got, keep talking. So I opened 10 grand, whatever they say, no, it's fine. So anyway, that day it's my birthday. That it's on a Saturday. And I have to go get orange juice. They tell me to go get orange juice.

They need it. They need to get orange juice. I think either my husband told me his name's David too, by the way, which is hilarious to people. So we got two David's here. Anyway, he says go get orange juice. I go to the store to get orange juice. And I'm standing in the fruit section. And who's there thumping a watermelon? Frankie Valle. Frankie Valle. And the universe spoke to me because I didn't need him to show up anymore. And I walked over to him. I was right when COVID was still happening.

He had the mask and everything. And I just said, Mr. Valley, I know this is nuts. And you know, it's like when people come up to you and you they get all, like whatever. I've met everyone of my heroes, every athlete that I've cared about. I never got nervous in any way. Like I love you.

But you did for Franky now. But I'm not nervous now. But you did for Franky Valley. I was happy to in any way. Like, I love you. You've- But you did for Franky now. But I'm not nervous now. But you did for Franky, I've had trouble talking. I actually- But he's not of your era. I just, I love everything about it. I love Jersey Boys.

I love- Right. I love all the time. We had a disco-freaking album in the 70s that nobody's heard of. That's awesome. No, no, after Greece, which was around 77ers. I hear an album in like 79 at the end of disco.

There's a song called Soul Heaven Above Me. It will blow your mind. So I assume you know his solo in the 70s. Yeah, he had great. My eyes adore you. Yeah, you know that one. Of course I do. Well, I never put a hand on you.

You might. Which in the play or the movie, Jersey Boys, they made about his daughter because remember she dies and that's when they play that. But it really was about a girl that he had a crush on when he was in third grade. Which is why he says I never put my hands on you, meaning he never got to.

Swear on a gun. I love swearing on a gun. Saying it. Uh, swearing on a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a big singer, but yeah, I love all those songs. I can show you my freaking, you want my, why don't we don't apply fight here?

Can show you my Frankie Valley. It's called the best Frankie Valley playlist. I love Frankie Valley. We're on the one who, you open for him apparently. I open for him. So anyway, you thought the melanin I got your life for first party. I'm your birthday party.

So if I offered you 10 grand to show up to my house to sing a little bit for a birthday, too. I wanna say, oh yeah. I was gonna talk about Frankie Valley, me, I'll go. So what happened? No, so I, and he, oh, he, so he looked at me and I was, I was literally like, sweating and I was like, you made this offer in the market.

No, no, no, I didn't make the offer. I knew it was done already, but the point of the story was that it gave me what I needed. Whatever I, like it was like the universe was just like, oh, you wanted this guy to show up, it was insane, but there he is thumping a melon and it was enough. So I babbled something, I don't even know what he said. He looked at me, he probably couldn't even hear me

because the freaking masks and everything and he goes, great, that's great. And then turned around and I was like, you know what, that was, whatever it was that I wanted, whatever it was that I needed there, it was enough. It was enough, you know. I'm in low standards because that wasn't much. It wasn't much, what was he gonna do?

Like, serenade me right there? Well, I have two questions. Yeah, uh-oh. Have you been circumcised? I just, not only was I circumcised, I had to do a brist a couple of weeks ago and I got another one coming up. And you do realize the universe is kind of an asshole.

I mean, one actually, but you get moments. It's very odd for me to hear someone who, so politically, that's how we say staunch. Yeah. You, you know, come on, you work with Glenn Beck. I mean, you said yourself, you had a kind of conversion. You're more on the right. Yeah, I'm more on the right for you.

So, you're, I'm sorry for you talking about freedom. The universe. Yeah. It's such a fucking, that weird to you? Yes. Oh, so that's interesting to me. It's just, it's just concerning because it doesn't seem like, like, when I think of the, the criticisms

that you and I have in common, of the left. It has to do with like fuzzy thinking and you're not really thinking in this through and you're too weak and you're too frail and all that snowflake, all that stuff, which is all valid. So like,

I'm wondering, I think of my doing the universe, that's like, you know, the universe, come on man. Well, first of all,'s like you know the universe come on man well first of all what what what does that mean the universe i mean it's just the vagus sort of it that you know you must know that the universe really doesn't give a shit about you and it's not sending you messages it's that what it's not i think you can i think you can find messages within the nonsense that doesn't mean that the universe handed them to you or that even that there's a

divine thing doing it but you can find moments that have meaning like I mean really think about it this way So for universe what well? I don't know you call it the universe or whatever there are there are it's not all random Here we are in club random. It's not all It's not all completely random, right? You think it's all completely random. What do you think it's all? What we're saying all, the fact that you're here and you showed up on time. That wasn't random or arranged it. That it's any order to any of this.

You think it's all just... Well, first of all, we'll never know because we don't know, you know, we can basically... Well, you're right, we'll never know. Look, you say it all the time on the show that it's okay to say you don't know. Absolutely. And you're totally right, of course you're right. We'll never know. Look, you say it all the time on the show that it's okay to say you don't know. Absolutely. And you're totally right.

Of course you're right. Of course you're right. Of course you're right. I concede to the physicists that there was such a thing as the Big Bang Theory, even though it's so... Fucking ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's, I can't, and then there's, I can't even.

That's, I can't even. But, okay, I can't even. That's, I can't even. But okay, they know more than me, they have their measuring devices. The universe began 14 billion years ago when everything in the universe was inside a little marble and that exploded. Sure. Who doesn't know that? I've seen men in black. I got it.

But even if you concede that, what happened before that? Why was it in a marble? Why begin the universe that way? Why begin the universe at all? Who did this if it's not a who? Like these are the questions that just make your head hurt. They will never be answered. And so I don't like worry about trying to figure them out.

Yeah, well I don't worry about trying to figure them out. Yeah, well, I don't worry about trying to figure them out either. No, so maybe I think it's interesting that you're... If the universe... You're saying that the universe is a shorthand for expressing a certain point of view, right? There is something that is the reality of us sitting here right now, right? And then there is some reality that we can't fully grasp that's happening here at the exact same time, that you can have incredible moments with that just appear out of nowhere.

If you would have said to me, if you would have said to me, this isn't the greatest, but if you would have said to me in 1997, Dave, you're gonna be sitting with Bill Mar at his house, he's gonna be Smokin' Pot, Chevy Chase was just there before blah, blah, blah, you'd be married to a dude, Bill Marley, we'd be talking to you about anal, like that is so fucking bananas. My head would have exploded.

My head would have exploded. What is that? It has something to do with the universe. No, it has something to do with the universe. You create something, that you put something into this world that puts some things back to you. But it's interesting that you're, I'm shocked that you're so not seeing that because why wouldn't you see it?

Because I didn't see contact. Because you didn't see contact. If I'd seen that, you take more puffs than that thing. You'll see it, my friend. You'll see it. I would never waste pot on watching a movie. Yeah, oh, is that right?

Really? Really? Even though you can get pot left and right. Oh, I can get it. I can get it. Yeah, no, you can get it. I have too much of it because people are always giving it to me. You know, not that I'm complaining about my charmed life.

That's a wonderful part of my life. I have too much pot, so I give it away because I'm Santa Claus at pot. But, so I know. But it's a pot. I save people think I smoke tons of pot. I don't. I save my marijuana use, because I want to save my brain and my lungs

for the very important moments in my life. Watching a movie is a passive thing. It's interesting. I do it at night when I'm going to bed. The last thing I ever would do in life is get stoned to watch a movie is a passive thing. It's interesting. And I do it at night when I'm going to bed. The last thing I ever would do in life is get stoned to watch a movie. I get stoned and I'm gonna produce something interesting. That's what I get stoned.

So you like Sativa's probably, right? Cause you wanna be like, I'm like, oh my God. It gets me high. But yes, I would prefer Sativa, but if you gave me Indika before I went to sleep, I'd be up all night. It's funny, cause I,

so I used to smoke a ton of pot. And I could, I'm actually sort of tempted to smoke some pot with you right now, but I'm going, so I have to take the red eye tonight to go to New York. I'm dinging the bell on Wall Street tomorrow because the company that I sold, really? Yeah, is going public.

Rumble, I don't know if you heard about it. It's sort of a huge change. Yeah, so. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, so I literally came to LA to do this with you and I'm taking the red eye and then I'm going right to you Aren't you? Yeah, well, I'm having a hell of a co- I'm having a hell of a 24 hours. I'm doing that much. Oh, I'm very flat. Yeah.

That you made time in your schedule for that because that's a big fucking deal. That's also the universe saying a little something. Oh It is dude whether you like it or not. Whether you like it or not. You know what? I'm sitting here with Bill Martin. I'm sitting in the bell on Wall Street tomorrow. That's something. I always say, you know, I quote Dawkins who says, on the scale of one to seven, one being total certainty that there is no God.

Yeah. And seven being total certainty that there is, oh no, I have a backwards. One zero being total certainty. We've got the general idea. You could do it either way. I'll make it, I'll get it to make sense. Whatever. The YouTube comments are not gonna be kind to you,

but yeah, that's fine. I don't care. They love it because this is real pot. Right. Okay, talking. He says I'm a 6.9. He's not a 7. Yeah.

That's what you're talking. Talkin'. Yeah. Who's gonna be on this podcast in October? That'll be good. I love him. I interviewed him once. Oh, yes.

He was tough at first because you got to kind of get to know him a little bit. Sure. And then a few minutes in when he realized I wasn't a dick and I wasn't trying to get him. Right. There was just love there. We did it at the 90 seconds rewind. Same with me. Yeah.

I'm just waiting for you to bring this around to anal sex again. So it's, well, now that you've met me. Look, Dave, you know what, if I wanted a big gay, I could be gay tomorrow. You'd be, look at that shirt. Of course you could be gay. Excuse me. I could go down to Santa Monica Boulevard tonight at 8.30 and find a guy named Curtis and pull down my oh god I'm late. What?

That was very specific That was quite the joke. Wait a minute. It was Curtis. You would know see was with you when you were 13 But funny if I didn't make it specific. I can't see. You know how comedian he knows these things. I know, works. I know how, works. So is, is, uh, yeah, you keep bringing this up. I know you blame it on me, but I blame it.

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Visit shipstation.com, collect the microphone at the top, and type in code random. Hey, I'm going to be at Madison Square Garden on November 12th at the Hulu Theater. Bring the kids. Not to the show itself. Please, leave them outside. But the show you're gonna love as adults. You are the master of Segways, I'm politically incorrect.

Thank you. Did you love that more than the show in a weird way? Yes, because you could throw to a commercial, like nobody, man. I know. You know why I love that so much? Because my hero, Johnny Carson, was so good at it. Oh, Johnny, also, you liked other comedians back in the day

that you want to mention every now and again? Yes, I was wishing you would ask me that question. The other one I loved was Dean Martin. I loved Dean Martin. You want to see my Dean Martin playlist on here if my phone had any Wi-Fi in this house? You know why I loved Dean Martin? Well he was a joy.

He was a, but I could tell he made my mother's panties wet. Like she watched him Thursday night. His show was on Thursday night at 10 o'clock on NBC. And I could just tell, even as a kid, I just knew that there was something there, him and Robert Goulet, who was the other kind of Matt Ney, I'd live that era. And like, you know, you don't have no idea as you get older. The fucking universe doesn't tell you, Dave.

But it does. But, well, I walked into that. But, you know, you don't realize what got in there when you were young and what has created, you know, child is father to the man. And like, I think a lot of that stuff, like, what I wanted to be, what I saw was making a woman horny. I wanted to be that. I wanted to be Dean Martin, Johnny Carson,

Robert Goulet, whoever was like doing that to women. Because, you know, was Johnny doing that to women? Not the way, not quite the way he was. Not quite the way he did, because it was overt. But for me, he was doing it more, because I wasn't going to be a singer. Right. So to me, to be a sexy guy who was just doing it with talking and being charming. And sometimes not talking, sometimes literally just taking the hit as someone else was getting a laugh, right?

Absolutely. Like, just sitting through it, you know. And what are women like better than like you shutting up and letting them have the moment. Yeah. So, yeah, absolutely. I mean, Johnny Carson was a hero not just comedically, but I think, like, sort of sexually, like I wanted to be James Bond or Johnny Carson, you know, somebody who was attractive to

women, but in a very kind of adult, you know, intellectual way, because I wasn't gonna compete. I'm not an athlete. But I heard you're pretty good at basketball, and I saw the court man, I think. I got full court too, my house. My house was, I'll tell you after, I can't tell you on camera, it was owned by an NBA player.

So I have a sick, yours is awesome, like absolutely awesome, but I have also an awesome full court basketball court. And I know you do your game with the comics, and for years, when I lived in LA, I was like, one day I'll get in Bill Maure's game, then I got the hell out of here. I would love to have you in a game. Yeah, I will, I will literally come back to LA

to play in your game. There's a party here, I'm not gonna say, when I'll try to have details after. But Woody Harrelson, no I heard you play the Woody, it's like white man can't jump now. That he's been here at Club random on the podcast. He feels like, I'm glad he does.

This is sort of like his place. So when he's in town, we have parties here, not on camera. Yeah, yeah. And I'd love to have you here. Yeah, that would be awesome. Yeah, that would be awesome. I'd love to play ball with you.

That would be great. I've heard you're pretty damn good actually. I You know what I Pro 66 year old man. I can fucking run Ragnar around that court like anybody. Yeah, you know, and like you still have like all your energy and you feel in motion Do you have no like you look good? Like do you have no, like, physical, like we're like everyone I know at my, 46, all my friends that were great athletes, this is broken, that's broken, this thing can't work. I never broke a bone.

I remember a teacher telling you back in school, you know how to fall. And I thought, that's gonna be handy when I get into comedy. No, I didn't think that, I was eight years old. It makes a great story. But no, I felt like the universe was telling me something at that moment. And it damn well was.

No, it wasn't. Come on Bill, you can't tell me there's nothing else. Wait a minute, I'll give, I got a good one for you. So my grandma, who was really into, she loved you actually. A Bubba. She loved you. Wasn't my Bubba. This was my atheist grandma on the other into, she loved you actually. A Bubba? She loved you. It wasn't my Bubba. This was my atheist grandma on the other side.

This was my atheist. This was my atheist. Bubba's Jewish for grandma, or Yiddish for grandma or something, but this was my atheist, hated religion, you know, very like Santa Fe New Mexico out there grandma. So she had a place in the... No, why are we picking on Santa Fe? No, because you know what I mean? Like just sort of like... Santa Fe's an artistic community.

No, no, artistic but not religious. That's my point. It was like she was into art and she was into literature and she was into theater but not but she really hated religion. Like, you know what I mean? And we know that this is what Santa Fe represents to all of that. To my grandmother it did, I suppose. Maybe not to the audience. To the audience.

So we'll flow that for the audience. To my grandmother, I suppose maybe not to the audience. To the audience. Okay, so for the audience, wait, that way there's clouds. So, Santa Fe equals artistic, but not religious. Okay, okay, just got turned into a scorecard. I just got turned into something else. I just wanted to give me just one more. Right, okay. So, oh yeah.

She, my grandma, her whole life, her whole life was telling me, and she told everybody, she was obsessed with the clouds. She was always looking up at the clouds and talking about the clouds. They're so important. The clouds are important. So now get this. I'm going to blow your mind. She died on June 27, 2013.

My birthday is June 26. She was in hospice for about a month, and my mom kept saying the entire time, I just don't want her to die on your birthday. She ended up dying about 12.30 AM on the 27th. So she made it to my birthday, got a few minutes past, she dies. On the one-year anniversary of her death, she lived on a little island on the other coast of Florida,

on the west coast of Florida, on the one-year anniversary of her death, almost to the hour, her place was struck by lightning and burned down. It's the only recorded history ever on this island of something burning down now on the one-year anniversary of her death. So then finally two years later we rebuild this. My family rebuilds the place and I'm with my sister and we're walking on the island on the beach and it's very overcast day. There's no sun. I swear to God this is true. It's swear to God, whoever does. Where you have a fucking thing. I got it.

We're walking on the beach and we were like, you know, it kind of felt like a sign. My dad kept saying the sign was that she was trying to kill us. They didn't, that's kind of funny. They didn't really like each other. I'm like, anyway, I'm walking to my sister and we're like, you know, that kind of felt like a sign that the year to her death, the place burns down.

We have this new place, you know, that kind of felt like a sign that the year to her death plays burns down We have this new place, you know something like what's going on here? We took a walk and we're thinking about her We're like maybe she'll give us a sign right now And then we were walking now for like three miles on the beach and we were like we can't do this anymore I said to my sister Let's just pick the amount of steps that we're gonna walk further and then we'll turn around and she goes we'll walk 14 more steps My sister has always loved the number we'll walk 14 more steps. My sister has always loved the number 14. We walk 14 more steps.

I swear on my life, the sky opens up in like this. Like the clouds opened up like this, like there was a hole. The sun beamed down on us, like on us. I'm talking like a perimeter of like six feet around us. And it was very freaking obvious that something weird was going on there with grandma giving us some kind of sign. And we both very freaking obvious that something weird was going on there with grandma giving us some kind of sign and we both began to cry at the exact same time.

My sister is not someone that believes in a lot of that stuff either. So like all I'm saying is there is, everyone watching this has had some weird thing like that. I'm not saying that that proves anything actually or anything like that, but there is some weird thing going on with the universe. There is something there, man.

That's all I gotta say, and I cannot possibly imagine what's going on in your head right now, because you're either sort of agreeing with me or you think I'm completely fucking bananas. And I'm actually completely fine with the other one. I wanna ring the bell. You wanna ring the bell? The Wall Street.

I'm gonna have Bill Marmoney. I wanna do that. Yeah, that's the coolest thing. You want to ring the bell? The Wall Street. I'm going to have Bill Mar money. I want to do that. Yeah, that's the coolest thing. You got to start a tech company, man. You know what I did? You know what I did? You know how I did this? Big tech censoring everybody.

And I started a tech company. And I said, we're going to just allow people. I wish, again, I don't have my phone, but which is great. I started an app that basically allows you as Bill Mar or whoever to communicate directly with your audience, video audio, push notifications, you own it all. We merge with Rumble and Rumble went public.

And it's good. I mean, you want to come with me tomorrow? Come on, you got a plane. You got a plane? Do you have a Bill Mar plane? Yeah, but I got a job too. Tomorrow? Friday.

You're getting it out. I'm going to be working on it. How much rather going to Bill Mar? Plain, I got a job too tomorrow Friday. I mean get in and out I'm gonna be much rather going to bill more plan. I got to be on jet I'm gonna work on my job like now like I only like do this for like a couple hours on Wednesday and I go right back to work I work on my job work the jokes with you on the plane will get in and out Well, it would be pretty funny bill mars shows up to ring the bell for rumble. You wouldn't like me if it was just jokes If it yeah, I'm sure that's tough. That's got to be tough for the right person. I just I just always want to uh deliver like the

ultimate product I can deliver on a you know when you do a lot of a lot of writers over. I know your main guys are with you, but your main crew is with you forever right? Absolutely both. Yeah that's interesting. There's nothing wrong with firing people. Yeah, you know, right? Absolutely both. Yeah. That's interesting. There's nothing wrong with firing people. Yeah. You know, you're there for the audience. You're there to get the best product. I have no guilt about that.

Do you do it yourself? Actually, what do I do? If you have to get rid of somebody, do you do it yourself? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think, I don't know. Sometimes it's just like you don't pick up somebody's contract.

And a month later, when you go back to work after the season ends, they're just not there. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, it's like, you don't know what happened. We have to make this into a sad country song. I mean, things work out. Or they don't. I've been fired.

It's, you know. But if I had to choose between the sky opening up thing or ringing the bell, what I gotta say I go for ringing the bell. But I got both. That's my point. I got the sky thing. I got the bell thing. I got the bell thing.

But I want the, I'm not jealous of this guy. Yeah. But the bell, I really think that's awesome. That's a great thing in America. Very often when they do a documentary on something or a footage or when they die, they have moments of their life, one of them is ringing the bell. And then Mark the Stuart rang the bell. Mark the Stuart rang the bell.

And then somebody else rang the bell street. That's what he wanted to do, right? Not everybody gets to ring the bell. Like a star on the walk of fame. You can buy it kind of, I mean, most of the, I have one. I'm glad they gave it to me and they gave it to me legitimately. And most of the people are,

but I think some people on the walk of fame who I think you can just buy it for. It's kind of like a chamber of commerce thing. But I don't think you can do that with ringing the bell. I think that could just buy it for. It's kind of like a chamber or a commerce thing, but I don't think you can do that with ringing in the bell. I think that you gotta get something public. You gotta make it happen. Right, I think it's about money, which they never fuck with. Yeah.

Like the votes, they never seem to be able to count the votes completely accurately, but the bank never says, you know what, this may be a little more than we actually owe you, but you know what it is may be a little more and we actually owe you, but you know what I'm saying? That's fine. That's already cool. Well, I could text you a picture when I'm up there. You know?

I don't want to picture you. I want to make you a... You are, you are. I want to ring the bell. I want to have a company go public like that. Like I've owned a minority, I was a minority owner of the mess. Of the mess? So I certainly have done well with real estate. Yeah.

Wait, when you owned the mess or when you were in that, they were still a Che. No, no, no, no, they were gone. They were gone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I just got out with it. Oh, you just got out. Yeah, Steve Cohen bought the tin. Yeah, yeah. But no, I've had some great moments playing with money. Have you had any like, abject disasters, like really bad ones? Oh, yeah, I was with Lehman Brothers. I remember I had Elizabeth Warren on real time and I was telling it, this is right after the crash,

and I told her about Lehman Brothers, and I said to her, I don't have a question, I just want you to hold me. Oh, I got it. I remember the clip. I think that clip, is that clip in the promo for real time when they show it at the studio? I think it was in our anniversary,

special or something like that. But that's the way I felt at the time, because they did just Lehman Brothers. And I guess it was the first one that then, prior to that, they had always like bailed out those motherfuckers. And I had a lot of my money in Lehman Brothers. And this time they were like, yeah.

I'm getting a message from the universe. Fuck Leh labor brothers. I was, so I used to do, I opened a couple comedy clubs in New York over the years where all the comics would basically work together and we'd split the profits and I opened a few of them in time, square and we'd be out there barking, handing out tickets, all of the shit. I did it, I did it two hours a night, six nights a week for years. What years were you doing stand-up comedy? So in New York, 98 to basically 2011.

98 to two cents in New York. So you worked like the comedy seller. I did. So SD passed me at the comedy seller. You remember SD from the comedy seller? She was the owner. It was her and her husband with owners. I remember her.

I only worked the comedy seller. Oh, maybe it was a little bit after you remember here. I only worked the comedy seller. Oh maybe there's a little bit after you. Oh, I mean, I know you were out of stand, you were out of like New York City. I don't know the guy but I thought they owned it for a long time before I work. The comedy seller. Yeah, be began like my last year in New York, which was 1982. Oh, okay. So it was a new club. I did work it like my last year. Yeah, that's all. And that was the only club that had it. That's four years ago.

That was the only club that mattered in New York City, really. Like, even, yeah, I'd say over the last minute, I'm a little out of the loop now. But when I was there for those years, that was the club you wanted to use. I got passed there. I think I was 20. I was right out of college. I like did stand up for like a year and got passed. My first night there,

and I got like the, you know, 1 a.m. slot, you know, Wednesday night. There were three people left in the crowd. Sheppel went on for like two hours before me smoking a joint. Everybody ended up leaving because it was way before sheppel, sheppel. It was, you know, and I ended up literally doing stand up for two. I remember my first night as a past comic at the seller, you know, not a bringer or any of that, right? Do in stand up for two people. What was your act like? Yeah, what was your act? I was always doing politics.

I was all the shit that I talked about now. All the politics? I was doing stuff about CNN. Now everyone does all that. But it was left wing. It was like that was the point of view. It wasn't left or right. It was like, I was doing a lot of,

actually, it was more media. I was always making fun of Wolf Blitzer and all of these people that were so inauthentic and fake and weird, but I also did a lot of, I did a lot of crowd work also, I like just being in that room and making something funny happen, where a lot of my guys,

think about it, I started in 98, so Carson had left the tonight show in 92, and Leno took over, and Leno, what, you had Leno here? Did you have a minute? You did have Leno here. So I actually did not like Leno back then. I've come to really appreciate him in a way,

because I think we could use him now. You know what I mean? I think America could really be. Absolutely. That's a great point of view on him. Yes. I did not appreciate it then, because you didn't know what he thought really,

and you know, lettermen at least, you had a better sense of what he thought. Yeah, that's what we could use. Absolutely. Instead of the just... No, it's horrible. It's horrible. It's so the irony. The irony, Dave, is that when I started the knock was you can't do a show where you're alienating half the crowd because you're telling your political opinions. And now you can't do a show. If you don't bow to the, uh, the interview of the audience, which is all going to be super woke.

But isn't it funny who's number one in late night? It's fucking gut felled on Fox. I'm doing his show on Friday. He's number one in late night. Number one, gut fell brings in better ratings than Kimmel or Kimmel two or whatever the other guy's name is, Colbert, all those guys, gut felled.

He has literally like three writers. He has probably five staff members on the entire show. It's sloppy, it's messy, but it's fun. And he's cool, he's fun. You should, if you haven't connected with him, you might have some issues, but you know what? I am putting that on my list right under contact. No, really?

Really, I love, I love my favorite three words here, I don't know. Because then I learned something. And I have heard, we did a bit about God fell amongst us. I think probably based on this premise that he was doing the best, I think. It was probably like other shows, it looked, it looked like a conservative bent. Well, look at that.

Everything's left, but I have been remiss in doing my due diligence and checking it out personally. And I always say, you know, if you're successful, maybe I'm gonna think it's a piece of shit. Yeah. But some respect has to be paid just to success. I totally agree. And so I need to watch that cell just because it's a success. And he's a good dude. You would totally respect him as a, as a, not even as a performer. That I cannot guarantee.

That may happen for it may not. Well, you might find that he would be like the universe or anal sex. You know what, I can't guarantee these things. Well, now I don't know if you guys put a title on these things, but the universe or anal sex seems probably appropriate. But isn't that crazy that you're right,

that all the comics that were supposed to put everybody to bed or whatever it is, they all went bananas left. I mean, these guys are terrible. Like, Kimmel to me is just fucking, you may be friends with them. I know a lot of people that were, I know a lot of them. I love Jimmy.

Yeah, like he's, Paul Barron, I love our not friends. Yeah, like those guys to me, they're just the worst sort of partisan nonsense you want everybody. But the good part of that is we don't hide it. Like, he doesn't like me and I don't like him. And we don't deny it.

And we don't like it. No, but he's nothing. You go bare. Yeah, he's nothing. He's not so successful. No, no, but he's just giving the machine what it wants all the time. You, for my differences,

I totally respect you. He's well said. Yeah, giving the machine what it wants. I wish I had thought of that phraseology. That's exactly right. And, you know, I will always give him great props for the thing he did in front of George Bush at the Charisma on the Stinner in 2007. Well, what did he do? Well, he was still in his character. Yeah. So he did an anti-jorge-burst speech in the guise of a, it was not only comedically brilliant

because it was, but the guts to do it right in front of the dude, who's president? That's a triple axle pulled off that I will always put in. I can't quite remember this one, so I got it with some. I got it with some. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's, the character he's playing is a conservative. Right. So, to pre, I can't remember with some. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I got you. So he's the character he's playing is a conservative. Right. So to pre, I can't remember the line.

Yeah. But to be pretending to be praising George Bush, who's actually sitting right there. Yeah. But really the laughs are coming that because he's stupid this guy. So he's thinking he's praising, but he's actually undercutting. Again, this is a triple ax, and he always should get... Dude, that's court-gestor stuff. That's the stuff that comes with your supposed to do.

Yeah, it's right. Court-gestor stuff. That's the stuff we were supposed to do. So they've all become the reverse, though, right? They've all become suck up. Maybe we'll become friends one day. I've had that happen before with people. You get off on the wrong foot.

I mean, there's no reason why two comics, we do have a lot in common. But, you know, I must say yes, up now, I think I did it show twice. I mean, it just, you could tell, it's on screen, and it's okay. It's okay, it's not like we fucking bought each other and like came to blows.

But it's just like, yeah, I, you know, he's very opposite of me. He's like a married Catholic, you know, and I'm like me, you know. So, you know, he's very opposite of me. He's like a married Catholic, you know, and I'm like me. You know, so, you know, but that's okay. We're not alike. You bring your lawyer to confession. I got an hyper public in gay sex.

I get more great friends now. You know, it's not like we have to be the pairing. In fact, America works better when it's not. Sean Hannity's always asking like, why is diversity a good thing? Well, I concede the point, as probably you promulgate all the time, that we make too much of diversity. Of course, of course.

Okay, but there's some level, of course, there's some level. But I could make the case easily, that it's a good thing, just because like in your life, it's a good thing. What I'd rather be with a lot of people who are different or in a room full of Tucker Carlson, you know, like. So think about it Bill, I just finished my book tour where I did,

I did stand up, you know, all over the country. You mentioned this fucking book again. Great. Great. This fucking battle. I'm going to throw this man. You're going to love it. I don't even think I said the name of the book. It wasn't a heavy promotion that I was doing here, but anyway, it's great book. You're going to really love it. I think you're in it. And so I do stand up across doing here. But anyway, it's great book, you're gonna really love it. I think you're in it. Oh, great. And so I do stand up across the country. My audience, which is mostly conservative, they know I'm gay married, I am begrudging pro choice.

I'm about, you know, I would say 15 to 20 weeks is like, so I take, so that's why we, it's interesting because even though we're, I'm so nonsensical to think about it, it just doesn't matter because even though we're I can't I just so Nonsense to call to think about it. It just doesn't matter even though like we're slightly different like I love to say at this I absolutely would vote Republican okay blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. Yeah my audience which is often Christian Conservatives and Christian Conservatives now love you and that's bizarre right like I went to I went to I did the the convocation at Liberty University, you know, it was Jerry Falwell's first. 14,000 people on Sundays go there.

It's a freaking political rally, like massive, you know, what's the biggest standup they were getting? And they were chanting my name. No, basically, but they know I'm gay married. They know I'm pro choice, and I got a standing ovation. So it's like, are these guys really the bad guys? They're all gay. They're all synchrony, I think. All right, but it's like, are these guys really the bad guys? They're all gay. They're all secret they're gay.

All right, but it's like. It's like, I'm not gonna hold it against it. It's like in the madrasas, you know, it's like they're all really kinda gay. Just having a good time. It's all good. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

No, but that is a really interesting. That, it's always interesting when you see the things that make you rethink where America is. Like elections do that for us, right? We have an election and then we go, oh wow. Or something like the OJ trial. Or something where it just makes America look up or the George Floyd protest,

it's like makes America go, oh, here's where we are. This is where the people, this is what the people are thinking now. Because- So what can I glean from if I go on tour and my audience is mostly conservative and they're usually somewhat religious, but I get a lot of your guys too. I get a lot of like the disaffected liberals or whatever you want to call that. But they love me. They love me and they think I'm honest, which I am, and I think that I'm decent, which I am. And I'm a little different.

They're over the gazing. They are over it. They absolutely are. And that's why the woke are so dangerous, because the right, and here's where I would give Trump credit, maybe you wouldn't, Trump lose literally on stage with a fucking rainbow flag, which is, I hate the rainbow flag, I have nothing to do with the LGBTQ community. Yes, I have nothing to do with any of that flag, which is, I hate the rainbow flag.

I have nothing to do with the LGBTQ community. Yes, I have nothing to do with any of that. I'm me, that's it. That's it, that's it. You're Bill Mar, that's right. You don't represent, what do you represent? I don't know, you're atheist TV host. I would like to represent all atheists TV hosts.

I would like to think I represent the universe. Yeah, that's good, that's good. Oh, you could always bring it back around. That's why you could do those outros really well. You can tire you. You really could nail those outros, man. That was like, you could get to a fucking commercial. You'd be working on it for a minute.

You'd have to listen to these idiots finish the segment, but then you could get to that commercial. I'll give you $10,000. If you wear this on your head for the rest of this show. Just to make a point about that. Thank you, Valley. That was that was funny But do it. That was fun. Come on a hundred thousand now we can talk because my agents get a cut You know it's by the time I get home after taxes You're ringing the bell man. I'm ringing the bell. It's pretty good. I fucking

Love that that's ringing the bell. That's pretty good. I fucking love that. That's bringing the bell. That's interesting. So it's like, you know, I'm a bell. I'm a bell. I'm a bell. I'm a bell. I'm a bell. I'm a bell. Yeah. I mean, you could use that as your theme song. I should play that to stand the shadow. I could not. You know, I mean, I'm not saying my life is empty and there's no light. But you could be. But you got a basketball court. Yes, but it makes me feel empty because I look at that court and I think I haven't run the bell. You want, I'm telling you, man.

Listen, let's take the plane tonight. What are we doing here, really? It's because I'm not full Jewish. Take the plane. It's because I'm not full Jewish. I go out in fashion, I bring my lawyer, priest, and this, me, me, what's it? What was his name? What was the lawyer's name? You know Mr. Cohen. Mr. Cohen, I bring my lawyer, priest, and this, me, me, what's it, what was his name,

what was the lawyer's name? You know Mr. Cohen. Mr. Cohen, you know, it's a great way to say that. Johnny is to make me do that joke every day. Did he? Yeah, whenever I would, when I got to the port where I sat down.

Yeah, yeah. Do that one I love about the end. I'm like, oh, for fuck sake, Johnny, I've done it. That's such a funny, but. Did you know that moment when he had you sit down to do panel the first time? Did you know you were good? Like you were kind of in?

Did you feel it? Like actually know it? Well, Billy Bush, let me tell you. Yeah. Come on, that's it. That's not one of those. That's not one of those. Come on.

That coming over to the couch thing on the tonight show was always overhyped overrated. Yeah. So that's just like lore is not. Sometimes they say yes. Sometimes really. thing on the tonight show was always overhyped overrated. Yeah. So that's just like, Lori, sometimes they say, yes, sometimes, really, you know why? Sometimes they did it because the show ran long, so they were going to cut the last guest. So they didn't even have to kill two minutes with.

Right. You didn't have enough time to bring out Pete Barboodi. Yeah. I don't know who he is, and I'm not even sure it's a real person, but when you get the wifi back on your magic light box, look up Pete Barbudy, Johnny had him on all the time. Okay. Always last. Okay.

So there wasn't enough time for that. So bring out the fucking chimp who just did five or six minutes of, you know, jokes and have him for two minutes. And sometimes it was just like, you know, Johnny sparked to somebody who then turned out to not have a career. But that's pretty rare, right? Were there two or three guys that you know, you could do well on this tonight show. When it didn't really indicate my, I did that tonight show 31 times with Johnny or his guest host, all through the 80s. It really didn't indicate very much

about where I was heading. Really? A little bit, but like, I wasn't one of the like, super standouts who, you know, I wanna mention names, but like some of them I've done much, you know, I'm still around peaking and many of them have, you know, or like, you know, steely Dan. No sense of steely Dan, I got, or like, you know, stilly dance.

No sense of stealing a dance. I got a lot of y'all to come in. That was in the Chevy J-Series interview, but I'm still referencing it. And we're in the Matrix now, Dave. Wait, speaking of Matrix, can we talk about someone else that has been very important to both of us that I think you will really appreciate me bringing up?

Halle Berry. You know what, when I, it would move a little for Catwoman. Oh. It could move a little for Catwoman. Oh. It could move a little. And I was being, and I was being too, well. So you're saying that you, gay man, could,

Halle Berry is so sexy. And even at 55. She's pretty damn sexy. Also Megan Kelly. And I'm friends with her. So now this is very uncomfortable. Next time I see her. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on.

I'll say this about Halley Berry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You would bang Megan Kelly. No. Yes, you would. No. Megan Kelly. First of all, I have more than ever.

Megan Kelly. Yeah. she's a great person Sometimes there's a woman that you can see and go wow that is a beautiful woman Not my type really just like flat. So you don't like blondes or something I do like blondes, but a certain type of blonde. I mean she's a little too white bread for me You don't have to be, you know, superethnic, but that's, you know, like Pam Anderson, the like the tan, that type with, you know. Too much, too much.

Oh, good. Oh, oh. Oh, that's good. Wow, so your Pam Anderson, more than Megan Kelly? Oh, yes. Again, we're talking in the day. That's clear. I'm trying to get this to anal, but I can't, Megan, if you're watching, I have too much respect for you, but the guy I want to talk about, it's a guy, actually, is Larry King.

Because Larry, now that we're, Larry, Larry became basically my mentor. Is that right? Yeah, Larry, yeah, Larry, when you remember when he had Oratv after you did the show a few times after CNN he started or a TV was his other network. You even know he was gay. And Larry taught me everything I know about anal sex. Good night everybody. Wow. You really get around. I didn't know that Larry King. He remember he started or a TV. You definitely went to that's direction, Danielle. Yeah.

Well, it wasn't really, but yes, that people thought it was with RT. I think it was Russian. No, it wasn't. That's a whole other story. It really wasn't. You know, those people. It was distributed on RT after a couple of years or so. You know, those mugs that they put on the sets of every.

They had RT. There was borscht in it. Oh, that's funny. That's funny. Yeah, you put a little sour cream in there. Did you mark? Okay. Okay. So Larry can Larry when I started becoming more independent. Anyway, I got an offer to show on on or a TV. And my set was Larry King set. They would just skin it a little bit differently. And Larry became sort of my like bonus grandfather and mentor. And a TV and my set was Larry King set they would just skin it a little bit differently and Larry

became sort of my like bonus grandfather and mentor and we would go to his bagel place all the time and really and I was with Larry just a few weeks before he passed away and he was really not well at the time and you know like blah blah blah but you used to go on his show all the time all the time which were for me yes because I loved both of you I loved him as an interviewer I loved you as a comic and it was so good. I was trying to think of him real. I loved him. I mean, he was, well, you know,

well, it was obvious you loved him. They were so. We're talking about just so people know as if people are watching this. Somebody's watching. My mom's watching, so I had said about the anal thing still. It doesn't seem like it. And that's how it should be.

But we're talking about the years when I did Larry King when he was very young. He lived out here. Yeah, and he did his studio was on, I remember seeing it at 64 or 64. Hollywood, Bollabot or Sunset, Bollabot and Sunset. Okay, so the Sunset East, I remember doing it, going over there.

I mean, I must have done it five, six times a year. It was great. For 10 years. I mean, we're talking about maybe like from 2005 to 15 years. Yeah. You did it. It was his last year. Yeah. But can I tell you maybe in a way why it was better than even you thought is that you were expressing what he wanted to express. And Larry as an interviewer never expressed that. No, Never. A minimalist. Never. The minimalist. As a person in a later in life,

he loved expressing his opinions. And we would go out to lunch and he would be literally talking the entire time. And I always always thought it was funny. You go out to lunch, but Larry can't go to a... Shhh. Where did people go? Where did people go? The palm?

First thing? First thing. First thing. First thing. Now you're going out to lunch with Larry. I did a couple of things right couple of things right my I just just can I just say this is a very cool moment for me now I'm a little drunk I think but like this is a very cool moment for me. Yeah, it's not gonna happen I know Okay, I care all right I care how come on a little ain't a bill bill come on

I don't care how you Republican you make the I'll fully read pill you. That's what we call it. When you sprained out over the bed. That's what we call it, Mar. Is that it? Yeah, yeah. Because everyone's like Bill Mar is almost there. What does he need to finally get over the hump?

I know what it is, Bill. Oh, I know what it is too, and it's not that. First of all, you got to brick up with your boyfriend, Donald Trump. Okay, so forget Trump. We don't even have to do politics if you don't want. But I'm just all, you got to break up with your boyfriend, Donald Trump. Okay, so forget Trump. We don't even have the U-Politics if you don't want. But I'm just saying, you brought it up. Yeah.

You brought it up. Fair enough. You brought it up. And I'm telling you. Alright, so let's, okay. That's, I read pill. You know, you people make me laugh. Okay, so as if you think, that's what I would even entertain the idea

of joining up with the social club that made Donald Trump, it's president. This fucking twice divorced casino owner, that's who you think. Well, you grant me that Bill Clinton's a rapist, right? A rapist. No, I would not. I mean, he did stick out.

We don't know. No, okay. In Monica Lewinsky, the interns, vagina, that's different than a rapist. Rapist is different. I don't know if you have that much power like the 19 year old intern is not gonna say no to you. I wouldn't say it's a good thing to do.

It's different than rape. Let's not like have mission creep on the word rape. Okay, I'll, and he's gonna get it. He's gonna accuse different rape Bill Clinton. Yeah, that's true too. Nobody knows what happened in that room. Are the Clinton's handsy? Oh yes.

I remember being on a yacht. Uh oh. It. Yeah. With Roger Clinton. Yeah, Roger Clinton. And Jeffrey Epstein. And who else was there?

Uh, no. But it was the con film festival. I was in Europe that summer. We were doing politically incorrect. Stunt to bring it back to that. Now they're stunning. We did the show in one man. And then it was the con film festival.

So my friend had a yacht. Oh my God. And I went to the yacht. It's not my kind of thing to do. There was a bunch of people, Harvey Weinstein. He's a rat. Oh God. I don't think he was on the yacht. I saw him at the dinner.

Oh, God. And it was 1999. Yeah, yeah. And Roger Clinton was there. And he was such a fun, gregarious guy. But I did understand at that moment the thing about the Clintons. The second they meet a woman. It's a wonderful one for us.

Is that right? You keep saying they. So you mean both of them? I didn't. Bill Clinton wasn't there. a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a man. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a lot. You know, I just feel like there was that. So if we boot the orange man, let's say the orange man disappears. Let's say orange man's got. Good title. Are you good to go into Sanctus? I think that's...

Oh wow, that was the true Danny Thomas Spitcake. That was... Hey, Danny Thomas is on my never-funny list. There's a list of comics. There's a story that everyone talks about in LA.A. about him. What he did? No, well, you're talking about the plate, man. Yeah. That's not why you're not funny. That's the one thing he did. That's the one thing he did that was funny. He used to shit on a glass toffee table to get his rocks off. Everyone in this town knows that story as if it doesn't let show you the scale of humanity

is per me on one end. Hate shit. Everything about shit. All the other end. There's Danny Thomas. All he wants to do is look at shit. Again, we don't know this for a fact. Any more that we know that Bill Clinton is a rapist.

Let's always make sure we talk about what's fact and what's just conjecture. Sure. So let's stick with Danny Thomas for the moment. Never funny. I like that this aunt is spittate. Never funny. Yeah.

Again, this is me from my childhood memories, but he was even really before my time. Yeah. But when I would see Danny Thomas as a kid, and this is a kid who was like very into comedy, looking to be a comedian, admiring comedians or not, even as a kid, I was like, what is this guy on? He's got no jokes.

That's funny. He's just like what I should say. He was a little before me, so it's like, it's not quite. It's apropos to the discussion about elitism. Because he acted like a guy who was so funny for so long that he didn't have to make a joke with him. He was like, me.

Yeah, exactly. He was grandfathered in to make funny. And for me as a kid of that age, looking at that was like, okay, but you're acting like you're so funny, you don't have to prove it, but you do. Because you're so funny, you don't have to prove it, but you do, because that's show business, and you always have to prove it, no matter who you are at, what stage you are, you have to prove it. Would you say that spit-tank was a- I thought you were gonna go back to this-

Oh, your blight. That's what you're gonna go like. So, to stand, it's proved to you. You know what, if- if California If California says, I have to take shots and DeSantis says, I don't, hello Florida. That's what I'll say about DeSantis. He's a good dude. He's a good dude. He really is.

And he doesn't care whether you smoke weed and he doesn't care who you marry. He really is. And he doesn't care whether you smoke weed and he doesn't care who you marry. Just, he doesn't. But to sound like the voiceover at a movie that's coming out soon, shit just got real. But like for me, personally, really. Shit just got real with that.

Yeah. And then, that's in my mind. I got to put the left this place because of it. And I don't want to leave this place That's it would be very hard. I'm 66 years old. I know I look 40 look amazing the hair seems thicker than it was a year a couple years I don't know what you're doing. I'm sure It was not it but it's not easy for anyone right like so someone could look at you and be like it's actually easy for Mar he's single He's got all the money in the world. He can do whatever he wants, but I get it. Just to leave, honestly.

No, this is not. No, this is one of the coolest places I've ever been to in LA. Thank you. I just, and I don't live here. I don't live here in the nightclub. No, this isn't even your, but just one of the many houses. And it's not even that.

It's just, there's something about it. It's, it's, that, but everybody has that. Everyone has their own version of that, right? Like everyone, yes. Everyone can, they do. Yeah. So for me, for a while, I lived in a lot of shitty places. I have no doubt Bill, like I know what it's like

to be a speckling comic. Yeah, like. That's why I wanna ring the bell. You wanna come to meet a ring the bell? I don't wanna see you ring the bell, Dave. But I don't wanna go up there. What if I go up there and I go, ladies and gentlemen, Bill Mar.

No. I want the accomplishment of doing something that merits me ringing the bell. I'll give you a, you know what, if you get me on your plane tonight and you show up and you ring the bell tomorrow, I'll give you one percent. You're not listening to me. No, I don't want to be given anything.

All right. I just thought it would be nice. I give Bill Mar one percent of my thing. What do you think I am, a millennial? It's $10,000 dollars. Would you do it? I'm gonna give that. I can do it.

Look at that. You absorb that. Right, Mar, I'll take one puff of weed. I know you don't care. That's why I'm gonna do it, because you could not care less. This is the fancy bill, Mara. This is the fancy. I don't know what?

I gotta get on a plane now to ring the bell. All right. Look at this. My whole life led to this. This is like my grandma with the sun and the thing. Jesus. She comes on the universe again as if Bringing a bell required some sort of great Mental acumen at the moment

What happens you press a button do you have seen anything now? I just told you it's in every documentary I know you just read you just know what it is. Don't fuck with me. You ding the bell. You ring the bell. It's symbolic. But it means you've achieved a great thing. Because, you know, in America, there's nothing cooler than being rich. And, you know, being at that moment where, I mean, it's saying that

do you think it's crazy? Well, when you think back, to me means, okay, we are the means of production. And that's a big thing in capitalism. I mean capitalism is not a bad thing. Capitalism is a great thing. It's a great thing. It's given more people, more prosperity.

It's in our poorest people, our richest people almost everywhere. When I'm going back to my real job, and shortly, because I'm doing a, that's in my editorial this week. Yeah. You know they canceled me a couple of times? Oh, in real time?

I've been supposed to be, I've been booked a couple of times and canceled. Well, I am going to take this to the very top. But you know what? I've been to real time. Oh, you're going to. I've been in the audience. Sam has brought me a couple of times, Sam Harris.

And I've gone. And you know what I do? Because I don't get on the show and it's very upsetting to me. And I'm like, I have so many things to say. I go and I spin the wheel from prices right. That has made me feel better. Because it's on the same floor as you guys are downstairs. I always forget.

I spin the wheel. And I'm like, all right, it's okay. It's the same studio. It's the same, yeah. The second we're out, the wheel is back. Bob Barker, it is. It is. It's all the way.

It's all the way. It should write some sort of, it's fun. It's all over. That's funny. It is so funny. There is something about that. I can't put my finger on what that is emblematic of

or an analogy. It's, but it is so funny that real time and real fortune share the same. Now we all are fortune. Price is right. No price is right. I think it's not real. I mean, somehow we couldn't be more different yet.

We are able to share the same stage and change out. But you will be on very soon. That's my bad. I don't know. That was very soon. That's my bad. That was not a thing. That was not a it's my bad. It's people say to me all the time like, why did you want to do a podcast? Well, there's a lot of reasons, but here's an extra bonus one because I get to know people like this where then I'm like, oh, this would be awesome for my real job. Whereas we wouldn't have had this moment before.

So I would like to have you on real time as soon as you would like to talk exclusively about anal sex. Oh, I like to put you in the first spot. I don't want you on the first, the first spot. I don't want you on the panel. Oh, I can just do the, oh, I can do the other pre-protect the sit down to rupting you on the subject. Yeah, listen, I'm not gonna have, you know,

I'm trying to think of the visuals. I'm not gonna Brenner or Brenner. You got that name Brenner guy. I'm trying to think of somebody that's on a lot of them. I'm not gonna have that name in the David Brenner. You remember David? I do remember David Brenner. Can I tell you something about in Brenner guy. I'm trying to think of somebody that's on a lot of that. I don't have that in the David Brenner. You remember David Brenner. I do remember David Brenner. Can I tell you something about David Brenner as a standup?

So he was obviously very funny. Wasn't like totally totally my thing. No, no, it wasn't that was obvious. No, I like David. He was funny. He wasn't like, he wasn't amazing. He wasn't a revolutionary. No, but he was whatever.

He was funny. But one thing about standup that you were, he reminded. He was funny. But one thing about stand-up, that's where he reminded me of, was that when I would watch him do stand-up, I always remember thinking that you have to stand-up straight when you stand-up. You're gonna stand up. You're free. No, no, no.

I need to do it under my arm. I'm crying too. It's a lot. It's amazing. We're having such a good time. I'm that secreted in the middle of a show. You have to be wiped off. Bill, are you sure you have to work tomorrow?

Oh. Yeah. Come on. Let's give the people what they want. It's a different thing now. But can honestly, you can make more money than ring in the bell. Like, no, I tell you, I'm old school.

Yeah, you know what you know. It's like, what's the point? My ass is old school. It's old school. You don't need that. You need like a hole in the head. So let's go back to your child. Yeah.

You, um, you say it that when you were, I find this very puzzling. Yeah. This statement you made about, um, I, dudes, but I didn't, I think it didn't think it was, it wasn't a life, it wasn't a life, but it took it that way. I mean, like, when I was like 11, my life changed in a huge way, because I went from not constantly masturbating,

thinking about girls, to constantly masturbating, thinking about girls, but only girls. Yeah, it wasn't like I would do slip in there. Yeah In fact nobody even made a guest appearance. It was just nothing It was just they were all the days. It was just girls. It was either girls. I saw on TV Yeah, there was no like pornography. Yeah, which was great because I didn't have my mind perverted and it stayed Unperverted. That's interesting. That's a whole other topic, but that's an interesting thing.

No, it was the end of my last, no, my 2018 special, it was all about how I'm very grateful for my basically leap of to beaver upbringing, because... What was the title of that one? That was live in Oklahoma. It was 28 times. I definitely have seen all of them on Blanken on the bit,

but yeah. By far, the highest viewed of all cable, not in Hollywood. Wait, that wasn't the one you jumped across the studio, right? No, no, no, of course not. Jumped to, oh no, yes it was. Oh it was? No, that was 2014.

You're right. God, that was, that was that one. That was that one. Yes, no, the 20-inch in was Oklahoma. Anyway, the ending was all about how I was very grateful that I had this little leave it to be for upbringing where there was no porn on my phone because there was no phones and there was no porn.

And the most scandalous thing I could see was I dream of Jeannie, or if you were lucky and have to get a playboy, but even playboys back then, they didn't even show pussy. It was just like a flank. But then you got to go to the, you went to the grotto. Up. That's pretty cool.

But that was a universe moment. That was a universe moment. That was not it. It was more. No, it's not. I was 12 years old. No, and then you're next thing you know, you're in the grotto. You got 10 chicks around you.

You're Bill Mar. Okay. First of all, that didn't happen either. You're assuming, I don't know, just, I need to know. Does that seem like an interesting term? It makes you, okay, okay. When you assume you make it, ask how to view in me. Come on, wait, but I don't know.

Why do I think that though? Okay, because I honestly don't know why I think that actually. Well, you know what, it's a good thing to examine, but because you saw pictures of me at the Playboy Mansion. First of all, let's go back to, yes, I'm 12 years old. I'm seeing a Playboy because we stole it from somebody's house or something, and it's in the woods. And then like, yeah, I mean, 20 years later,

I'm at the Playboy Mansion and it's not the universe. There's something with the universe. There is nothing with the universe. I just fucking grew up. I got into this profession, I was interested in, I was successful enough at it to get invited to the playboy man. And something the universe did, something there.

The universe had nothing to do. Connected that, man. No, no, no. I'm not even that spiritual. It's funny that I'm the one selling this. Exactly. It is a little funny. It is a that spiritual. It's funny that I'm the one selling this. Exactly. It is a little funny. It is a little funny.

I grant you. I grant you. Maybe you'll examine that. I'm completely open to examining that. All right. You'll examine that. I'll watch contact. Well, you're so great.

No, because you were masturbating without porn, and you thought it was wonderful. That I think was the point that you were trying to do. Because I didn't, at the age of 10, see a team of Japanese business men coming on a girl's face. That, what fuck you up for the rest of your life. And I think what you were linking that to was you were saying to me that I thought, oh, you just have sex with dudes,

but nobody really thinks about it. Or something like that. Well, that's what I said to you before. That like, it's just like something people do but nobody really thinks about it or something like that. Well, that's what I said to you before. It's just like something people do, but then they get married, something like that. You have sex with dude. One dude, one dude. I only have sex with one dude.

That's a great question. Yes, and we have sex all the time, and I've never cheated on him, and I never would. And we have sex all the time. We have a great, incredible sex life. Wasn't it a question? Oh, what? But I'm glad you entered that one. Yeah. all the time. You have a great, incredible sex life. Wasn't it a question? Oh, what? But. I'm glad you answered that one.

Yeah. That's an even better question. Yes, men want to fuck relentlessly. So we can take, so I'm not a gay, it's not a gay thing or a, I'm gonna say fuck, men want to get off all the time, right? Like the amount of time, you at 67, let's say you're probably thinking about sex.

I'm home. Right, right there. let's say you're probably thinking about sex. Right. Right. And lastly. Okay, so you're thinking about it that much. Every straight gay, it doesn't matter. If you then combine it with, okay, I want to have sex all the time and you're a dude and you want to have sex all the time. Right. So we've had, we have a great sex life. We have, we have a great intellectual life too though.

We really do. Like, and okay, but I think you're going to, so why don't you cheat or like why is it not like an endless area? I'm totally fine. All right. Well, this area I'm very interested in because I don't know. Yeah. So I'm just going to say for my end. Yeah. And I'm talking about, you know, I'm speaking, I think, a little bit for all heterosexuals. speaking, I think, a little bit for all heterosexuals, we have a big problem with getting bored with the sex over time. No, but Gays do, too. I'm just asking that, and it must be the case, but you just said we have a great sex

all the time. No, we have been together. 13 years. 13 years? Yeah. And we're still even fucking. Yeah. Well, then there's something different there.

No, yes, yes. I don't know what's going on there. We did, I know it's going to sound somewhat corny or something like that. But we kind of did the work to like do it. Like we did the work. Yeah, meaning like, like what's that mean? Like we just kept going, we kept going.

Like all the big times that we're dry. No, not really. Never, almost never. Oh, I would say, actually no, not really. No, not really. Never. Almost never. I would say, actually, no, not really. It's not right. Yeah, and we can have sex more people times a day still and always hit each other in the shorts. It, what, throughout the soul.

Somebody wants to have sex all the time. Somebody, I wonder what, what if the other one doesn't? You suck it up? No pun intended. I get it. Yeah, you got it. You, you, you get it. You get off it.

You get over it. Okay. You, you just, we, I remember, I'll like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'ms Late 20s. Wow. I came out to the first person I ever came out to was you you mentioned a couple of comics that that If nobody's necessarily heard of so there was a comic He was an openly gay comic in the late 90s early Mike's area You've never heard of this guy who's a fucking brilliant comic But he couldn't as he was gay, but he was he was a normal person So it didn't work because they wanted Mario canone. They wanted this flaming whatever, right? And that also kept me closeted for a long time because I was a good comic, I really was.

I really was. I'll send you some stand-up or something. Like I was, and I sold out every show that I did this year. Like I'm a good comic, but I don't mean, but in a weird way I don't care about stand-up and he works on doing something else, but that's the sidebar. You should come up up my Hawaii tour. Bob.

Bob. I get to do it. On the last times I saw him, he was telling me that she's on the plane with you. My telly is wife and I would love to trust me. I'm a good comic. Don't wear the mega hat. I'll back backwards. Oh, we're in the Santa's.

The Santa's 2024. No. Marino is he's going to vote for him. That's what I'm going to put on the hat. The Santaino is going to vote for him. That's what I'm going to put on the hat. To Sanctus, Mar is going to vote for him. Wait, Mar is going to vote for him if I have to. No, but you will have to. But we don't have to do all of the time.

I don't think I will have to. I don't think I can vote for Brain Dead Biden who you know is completely compromised. Oh, Marino is absolutely insane. That's just insane. But let's not let's not. Yeah, I know. Let's come back to anal sex. Yeah, anal sex. And that's the thing that's just insane. But let's not let's not. You know, let's not. Yeah, I know, let's come. Let's come back to anal sex.

Yeah, anal sex. And that's the thing that America has to understand, is that two people who don't agree on certain politics can get the good wine and anal sex. Yeah. And then why can't we come together over that? We should be coming together over that. We should be coming together over that.

The pun is the pun. Try being with a, if you're at, you know, it gays everything's a pun. It all ends a, if you're at, you know, it gays everything's a pun. It all ends up becoming really. There's literally nothing someone can say with there is no pun sex related, something. It's not right.

Oh, completely. But wait, what the hell was I telling you? That was hanging out with the gays one. Who was I, you wanna come, take your plane. We'll go to New York tomorrow. But I don't, I only had with one gay guy. I never go to gay bars. I have nothing to do with the trans community. I have nothing, I don't really like what you do. I don't even only had with one gay guy. I never go to gay bars. I have nothing to do with the trans community

I have nothing I don't really like I don't really show you Wait, there was something there man. I was telling you something I have to go to gay bars just to keep the bitches off me Oh, that's funny. That's funny Yeah, look at them. They're all waiting right here. There's 20 of them waiting right here to just pound. Wait, I was telling you something good there. It's something husband, sex, something, something. Oh yeah.

You were really on something there. Oh, well, I'm really up to you. We had something there. That's the whole thing about these close cigarettes. I don't know what they put in them. Is that in you high in a different way than you just just move to like I beg your pardon. I don't do drugs. No, no, no, this is so I've been there. That must be that must be an mRNA vaccine. You're smoking. I forgot that you're smoking this with me. I'll smoke that. I'm so sorry. That's not that

like that. See, that's the problem with drugs Is that when you're on drugs, you forget, you have to do more drugs. Is that not? I'm good. All right, good. There you go, just like a big boy. Tonight, tonight you are a man. This is a fun man.

You're a new barb-man. You're a new barb-man, son. I was and I had a brisk for my son. Are you a botanist with like a pussy who believes in the universe? That's good. I was barman, son. Oh, sorry, buddy. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Jesus. I should tell you, Bill, I don't want to change the topical together. I am unvaxed. You're smoking the same joint. It could take you out at any moment. I am unvaxed. You're smoking the same joint. Yeah, it could take you out at any moment. I'm so worried. What was your millionth clue? Oh, you're unvaxed. Yeah, I'm good for you. I would not do it. You know what? There were a million reasons that I wouldn't do it. But then when they started pushing it on people for their employees, the companies for their employees, I have people that work for me that are in my studio every day, just like you.

And I remember, I don't have 100. Remember it was OSHA wanted, if you had 100 employees, they said you had to get them back. So I don't have 100 employees, but I had guys in my studio. They have enough to ring the bell. I have enough to ring the bell, and my guys are sitting with me, and they're all young in their 20s. Bell, right.

And I remember thinking, I was looking at them. I literally said it on air. I was like, wait a minute. What fucking right would I have to tell you guys to get waxed? And I was like, there is no, and I'm very proud that I'm not. I know a zillion people with all kinds of problems now. And balance problems and vision problems and coordinate.

Like there is some serious shit. I mean, I'm so excited about ringing a bell. You want to ring the bell? Anybody asked for a good ring of bell. You're telling me, you don't have to come with me tomorrow, but there is just a plane that's sitting somewhere and Bill Maher can just text somebody and say, I'm going. No, I can't. Oh, you can't? Well, I mean, people think the private air travel, which I used to hide, by the way, because

I thought, oh, you know, it makes it, yeah. It's so on. travel, which I used to hide, by the way, because I thought, oh, you know, it makes it so on. And then I realized, you know what, the only people who don't fly private are the people who can't. It's not like I didn't pay my dues being poor and work in the shit clubs and all that. And yeah, these are good. When did you realize you were on the other side? When I got the private plane. Is that the day? So you could text somebody right now. You're like, moving an iron going up these are when you realize you were on the other side uh... when i got the private plane that day so you could take somebody like that

like you know you're going to be a little more from the universe of that you know i like the plan to plan is the universe really you like it or that well i would tell you you can take somebody right now in a plan you could be like i'm going to bed now get on the plane we're going to and i'm telling you to boi again and i'm telling you, you're boi-gan, and I'm telling you, it doesn't work that way. Oh, it doesn't. That's what I want to know.

No, because air travel is not like a fucking car. There's the FAA. Thank you, Stoner Helper. I got it, I got it, I got it. Hi, I get, I'm in Sharper when I'm still. Bo-bar, you know what? You know my co-host, Stoner Helper. Who helps me with letters when I'm so you know my co-host donor helper Well, it's with letters when I'm too fucked up to remember

Yeah, you know why my plane keeps getting grounded. I keep calling the FDA There you go man. I keep calling CAA. Yeah, oh my help. I just got rid of all my say- I can do something. Are you a CIA? I can, yeah. I just always got rid of everybody. Really? Yeah, after my tour, because they're fucking nothing.

There are my- See AA is nothing. They're just a bunch of clown, what? Now I'm gonna probably shouldn't, you know. No, it's okay. They're just nothing. They're just like,

I can sell out places. I do my thing. They are no help. They're a pain in the ass. You can sell out any club in the world. Liter, you build a club. No, no, no, no thing, they are no help, they're a pain in the ass. You can sell out any club in the world. You build a club. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

you can sell it any, I can sell it any, I can't. No, it takes a little work. No, it doesn't. It shouldn't, because I'm better than the any other comics out there, but it does, because I'm appealing only to people who think. And I'm also appealing, like, I've lost some of the woke left. Yeah. But you have conservatives that are kind of like,

well, they don't buy tickets, conservatives, because they're fucking conservative. No, that's not true, that's not true. I don't want the woke left in my audience. Of course. Because I don't want people like, no, but you do some kind. I can't believe you said that.

No, but you have, you do in a way because you like giving shit to your crowd. I've never seen anyone else do it until that, but that's me five years ago. Yeah, like that's interesting. So so what you did there? Well, you know, it's shifted a lot the pandemic because of the pandemic the forever flow that we had to avoid like the plague. We had to um Distance the audience when we first of all we't, we iced a shoot here. Yeah. This is the first in print. Oh right. You did the first couple of say

just from your year setting. Oh that's funny. I just said and talked to like Secretary of State. Yeah. We'll get it out. So whoever. Yeah.

Okay. But after that, we went back to the studio and we were allowed to have the studio but the audience had to do that. Hold on, if you put this on your head for the next half hour, I will give you a $10,000. Yeah, $10,000 even doesn't mean a lot to me. Bell ringer.

But when we get back to the studio, the audience had to be socially distant. So we only could have like about a third. I just rang the bell, you can't say that. That was pretty sweet. That's the same thing. It's interesting that you're drinking. You're drinking my like about a third. I just run the bell. I guess that was pretty sweet. That's the interesting thing that you bring your drink. My drink with a belt. You're drinking just a bell, like not enough to rub it in.

Motherfucker, look at that. Look at that quietly, don't ring it. Look at that. Oh, you didn't, you didn't. Oh, just in a, you didn't. But isn't it supposed to, no, I thought it was supposed to like really ring when you do the, there we are.

Anyway, was it like, I have no idea supposed to like really ring when you do that. All right, here we are. Anyway. Um, was it like, I have no idea. Oh, the audience. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So we only could have like a third of the audience. Yeah. So it turned out that when they got rid of like, or maybe half the audience, when they get rid of the half the audience,

we can only have half what we used to have. Yeah. It was, we got rid of the boars, we got rid of the groaners, we got rid of the woke, we just had the people who like think like me. Oh, but was that by selection, meaning those people would be in the show up? Well, that's interesting.

Well, that's an accident of like, who would we most rather keep in this audience of 300? No, but it was self-selected, right? Meaning that those people wouldn't show up. So that's cool. It's not my department. Yeah, but that's exact, but that was self-selected, right? Meaning that those people wouldn't show up. So that's cool. It's not my department. Yeah, but that's what happened.

And so when the pandemic sort of ended and we could have the full audience back, we were just like, no, let's just keep the cool people and get the groaners out. And that's sort of has happened on the road too. Like the groaners just, they've written me off. Yeah. Because I'm not completely on the page with, you know, um, so what percentage of your crowd would you say is, is I hate

this conservative because if you think of me as conservative, then that's not quite right. I mean, if you're, but just, what you're just saying, well, might road Republican or something like that, right? I would say a third. So that's pretty great. It is like great. It's great. Because that's what America needs is, you know, like you said, like who did you say we need again? Oh, Jay Leno. Yeah.

Like that kind of stuff that, yes, I will do jokes, lots of jokes about how awful Trump is. And there'll be a little whoo from them. But they still laugh at us. Because he's laughable. If you can't laugh at Trump, you have no sense of humor. I don't want you and my audience either. And then you have the other side that, I mean,

you'll love this. I'm at Marlago once. I'm having dinner with Junior, okay? You may not like Junior, but whatever. I'm having dinner with Junior. He says you want me to- This I'm not jealous about. Okay, no, no, but you're gonna like this.

You're gonna like this, because it almost involves anal sex. So I know you will like it. No, no, but you're gonna like this. You're gonna like this because it almost involves anal sex So I know you will like it two spitt takes Two spent takes people Okay, I want to see how this involves anal so we're at this is at the height of impeachment the first impeachment So the you know the real impeachment all nonsense, but okay the real impeachment, right? So we're at we're having dinner. I'm having dinner with, but David, my husband, Jr. and Kimberly Gille Foule. Junior, we have Don Jr. and he says, do you wanna meet my husband?

This is during impeachment, okay? And when everyone, I'm like, I'm like, no, the first one. So the walls are closing in everywhere he's thinking. When you have to ask which one is about impeachment, Dave, maybe you should think about throwing that guy into the bus or a on with your story. You might be right at a functional level

or maybe the whole system was designed to not allow someone who's a little different to get in, but okay, okay, we could do that in different. A little different. He steals from charities. A little different. I mean, the Clinton, the Clinton, all right, whatever, okay, okay.

The Clinton didn't steal from charities. I mean, what is the entire Clinton process? No, whatever, okay, okay, the Clintons didn't steal from charity. I mean, what is the entire Clinton process? No, no steal from charities. Okay, okay, okay, fine, good, just put that down for now. All right. I'm at Moralago. We haven't dinner. Junior says to me, do you want to meet my dad?

It's the height of impeachment. What's your like? I got it. So, Junior, he's a decent dude. I know you, I know I'm not a big ass guy. I know I want to open mine. He's a good dude. I'm not basically a libertarian.

By the way, he kind of likes you. He'll probably kill me for saying that. Right. But he thinks, you know, who said they like me out in public is Lara. Yeah. Erick's what? Because all they want is someone that's roughly fair.

So even if they think you're, let's say, too critical of Donald or whatever, they think that you're at least a lot. He will retweet a clip of you and be like, you know what, I disagree with Bill on a lot, but he got it on this. And that's because everybody is in their own... But they must know that their father

is a preposterous figure. They must know that. So we would, right. Listen, I've had enough... They hate him too. They didn't talk for a while. No, no, they don't hate him. No, not now. But they did it at at a time there was a time when don junior didn't talk to

the father i know don fairly well i i've never heard say a bad word about it that doesn't mean it doesn't exist i'm not denying it i don't know that's on the record okay that then i can't i can't speak to that i don't know that i heard that no honestly i never don't you and don't know trump didn't talk for a little bit of your issue with their parents, right? Exactly. And I can see that point, yes.

Yeah, everyone has shit with their parents. But anyway, so we're at Marlago, he says, do you want to meet my dad? It's the height of impeachment. I turn around, his dad's sitting there with Giuliani's there. Now, Giuliani, this is before the hair dripping and all that. First off, you've met Giuliani, I'm sure, over the years. He has a giant head.

It's so big, it's insane. Oh, you've never met him? His head is almost like it's. He has a giant head. It's so big. It's amazing. You've never met him? His head is almost like it's like a balloon on a stick. It's wild. But anyway. He says, you want to meet my dad? We go over to his dad. And again, this is the height of impeachment.

He says, dad, I want you to meet Dave Ruehmann. He Trump is sitting. He looks at me. He goes, let's have to recognize you. I recognize you. He goes, I said, well, I'm on Tucker a lot. Maybe you see me there. He goes, oh, okay. And then he goes, who are you? And he you. I said well, I'm on Tucker a lot. Maybe maybe you see me there He goes, oh, okay, and then he goes who are you and he's talking to my husband David?

He goes, well, I'm his husband. He goes husband Husband he stands up He slaps his hands on the table. He goes you guys are gay He goes you guys are gay and then he turns to me because you know what your problem is. I said what? Because your problem is you could have any chick you want. But you don't want them. You want this guy. And the point of all of that was broken clock is right twice a day. The point of all that.

He doesn't give a shit about that. He doesn't care about any of that stuff. He likes success and all the whatever. But that's putting me. That's what people love about him. Yeah. Authentic in that it's a funny thing. Who would you say is more authentic? Him or Joe Biden? Him. Because he's more than a chemorellis with Warren. But authentic doesn't mean good.

If you are. I'm not crazy person. But if you know, authentically, a fucking moron and a crazy person. But he is a world of in a fucking moron and a crazy person, but you know, he is a world in a world of liars. A little authenticity goes a long way. So that might be that's such a dumb thing. You know, it's kind of like when people say like, well, honesty is the most important thing in a real it. No, it's not. No, honesty is not that honesty will save no relationships. Would you say we're in a fog of bullshit right now? Everything with the factory.

Everything he's authentic is not the most important thing. It's a nice thing. No, I didn't say it was the most important thing. Yeah, I kind of think it did. No, it's something though. It's something. No, it doesn't matter if you have to. Authenticity is in the service of being a fucking moron.

But it was pretty good when he was president. What was pretty good? Well, we weren't in a recession. The border was a little moron. But it was pretty good when he was president. What was pretty good? Well, we didn't, we weren't in a recession. The border was a little bit better. We didn't have a crazy war in Ukraine. Like, there were things. Come on, you have to admit. Oh, like, I get it.

I get it. He also went after you personally. So I say it on my show all the time. There's nothing to do with that. No, no, but that was only Megan. Remember the bleeding for whatever. So it's like he went after you personally, if the president of the United States had ever said Dave Rubin, whatever he said about you,

he hasn't conceded the election. The last time I have no defense of that, completely no defense of that. Then what are we talking about? Then the discussion is over. I mean, because after that means nothing. If you can't concede the election, the jewel in our crown of America. Yes, is that every other transfer?

So many other countries had problems with the peaceful trend. That's like the one that really trips everybody up. Yeah. And it didn't trip us up until him. And now it's going to trip us up. Oh, wait, but that's not so I disagree with that. Because for four years when he was president Hillary Clinton, he's an illegitimate president. Stay serious.

Yes, she did. It's on Twitter. It's on Twitter. He's an illegitimate. Yes, it is. It is. 100%. Okay.

If she said, I don't remember that. She said, it is. It is. It's certainly not something that's in the minds of the people in this country. It was not promulgated. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Maybe she said it once in some different context, it took a minute.

No. Air that. Like Hillary Clinton says he's not, he has made a career. Bill, I mean, with total respect, I think to me, that's a blind spot with you, that, that Hillary Clinton. No, that, when you just said that nobody really paid attention to that or anything, a huge percent of the country, half the country, saw Hillary calling him. There's a tweet.

I mean, I can give you the tweet after. Okay. It's one tweet. He has made it. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no or Russia installed him or you know what I mean? I'm not even trying to defend Trump. That's not my... I'm not sure that a lot of people said Russia installed him. What we said and I would be part of this is that nobody ever gave themselves over

to a foreign entity like he did. Nobody ever said, please other country, get involved in our election, try to eat, hack their emails. Nobody ever sided with a guy like Putin against our intelligence agencies. I mean, how can you really be? So first of all, I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. 17 agencies all who had said one thing well, you know, but they all now admit that it was all nonsense They don't admit that no no that was it those 31 intelligence people now have all basically said that Russia was involved in the election No, but they're trying to but they've all said it has nothing to do with the election

Anyway, my point on all of this is when I can tell you this I went to the to a when I started turning on Trump It was a I met him and I I kind was like, all right, he's not evil. He's not Hitler and he's certainly not a homophobic. But then one day I was driving home and I went outside of, you know, rodeo drive where the Beverly Hills sign is over there and they used to have these Trump rallies on Sundays. And I saw one.

I wasn't planning to go. I had no idea what was happening. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go and just see what it's like, like what it is. It was a circus of the most, and I really mean this, and I wish you could have gone there. It was the circus of the most joyous American loving people that you have ever met, and it was, it had nothing to do with politics. Why are they, why are you saying they're, well, joyous, it was joyous because people were

happy, which is a weird thing in LA. There's not a lot of happy people here. There's sort of like, whatever it is, but it's not a lot of happy people here. There's sort of like whatever it is, but it's not a lot of happy people. Sounds like they were Trump loving, not America loving. There were American flags everywhere. There were gays for Trump, Latinos for Trump. Really?

Yes, everywhere, and nobody cared. And by the way, they didn't burn down rodeo drive like Black Lives Matter and anything. It was, and then I started going back. I went a few times and I did like streams from there. And I'm telling you, you could have walked in that audience and people would have, yes, would a certain amount of people have been like,

I fuck Bill Marren, but you know what? A lot of people would have been there like, you know what Bill Marren's here? That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Which, think how different that would be than if you went to an AOC rally where you would be hated beyond imagination.

You're right. I don't mean that as I- No, it's's like it's just true. It's just there. They're more the left and more purists. It's weird. Like Trump. Right. The Trump people. Again, I'm not defending everything he's done. You know, I'm in New York City businessman. So when I mean, when he said that thing about you could have all the busiest you want, yeah, what what through your mind? Well, first of all, I didn't could have all the pussy you wanted. What, what, what through your mind? Well, first of all, I didn't vote for him the first time around. No, but so I'm just telling you,

that's how I'm through your mind. No, no, but I'm just giving you context. I didn't vote for him the first time around. I begrudging you. You're something great. You're a jobby did. Well, like, but yeah, I did. Oh, wow.

Lois all time, black unemployment. I think that's what liberals care about. Lois all time Latino and play. Oh, okay. Don't give me the talking points. We're not, we're not, we're not on Latino. Oh, okay. Don't give me the talking points. We're not, we're not a class. Bill, those are, those are real things.

We're not on TV, no. Okay, fine, but those are real things. I don't want it. Real things, universes, talk, real things. The universe, okay. Really. When he said the thing about Bill, Bill, Bill, he had anything to do with Donald Trump.

The thing about Trump is, he's probably fucking thunderbolt through his mouth. Danny Thomas used to shit on a, on a window and let people see it. So it's like, it's a Trump. Not a window, a table. No, a table. No, but he would go after the table. He would go after a table. No, a table. No, but the glass table.

It's a glass table. And then, right. Yeah, thank God this isn't a glass table. It's been, I know. We've got to get a different table here. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't get,

I'm not saying he grabbed him by the pussy or he didn't grab him by the pussy or anything else. To me, politics is fucked up beyond imagination. No one knows that more than you. As someone that's tried to be an honest Arbitre of politics for for the last 40 years. The bottom the bottom line is the fact that you and I

Are have these differences and don't it. It's like it doesn't matter It doesn't matter and it's so glad to say that bill predictably within the parameter Yes of two human beings the odd the parameter of two human beings, the odds that two human beings would see everything exactly the same way. It's so ridiculous. It's so annoying and ridiculous. And ridiculous.

So the fact that we both fall within the 30 yard line, it's like, how could you expect more than that that or even care that it's not more than that or not love the person I I hear you brother. That's all I can that's all I can say about that I hear about it What I would like to do more than anything else honestly, I'd like to shoot hoop see at some point I can't tell you how I don't care about I don't care I don't care about the difference't care about that. I don't care about the difference I know you don't either. I've said this before on this podcast. I'm gonna say it again since this whole thing started Can I take off my shoes now?

I am because then I'd feel really at home killing it with guys I am making someone Name so many guy friends. Yeah, that didn't have before and I'm glad you're one of them Because this was super fucking fun but it's over now. That's it? No I got it. Oh sorry Bill I have to get on the plane and ring the bell.

Ah! I got it. Yes you do. I got to give you the props for that. Here's the bell right here. All right.