Club Random with Bill Maher - Fran Lebowitz |Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

Bill Maher and Fran Lebowitz talk travel nightmares, their least favorite feral creatures, outdoor dining and New York City rats, who always wins in politics, city living vs. country living, Bill’s Tik Tok obsession, why Fran is stickler for grammar, the effect of being on Netflix, and her friendship with Martin Scorcese.

I got, I got to LA, I don't know, I think Saturday and the manager of the hotel, you know, reached me to the house, comes to the room with me and the bellman has my luggage. The bellman's standing there and the manager asked me a question and I turned to the bellman and I said, it's Saturday, right? And I could see him thinking, what a fucking country. Why am I carrying the bags of some of you? Just even though what day it is. What, you mean, you're saying he thought he shouldn't be working on the weekend?

No, or that you were so... You're sorry, can you carry the bags of some of you who doesn't know what day it is? You're so privileged that you don't have to know the day. No, I'm so stupid, I just keep thinking, look at him, I'm warned, doesn't know what day it is. Why should she carry my bags? I shouldn't have done what day it is.

You always know what day it is? On the road, no, I never do. Like, I mean rarely do, I really do. And I'm a creature of, you know, pattern and habit. And I like the fact that on Monday I do this, and on Tuesday I do this thing, and Wednesday, you know, that's my life. But when I'm off, yeah, I can miss track of a day.

And I think that's glorious, you know? Well, so I carry my schedule, see, is this the day? Someone said, you're doing this. I said, no, that is on Sunday. They go, it's Sunday. But hotel living. I mean, you don't mind hotel living, do you? I do.

I do. I mean, I'm at the Beverly Hills Hotel. It's one of my favorite hotels. Right. So I'd prefer really great hotels, but truthfully, I'd rather be home. Well, I really rather be home. Well, I really rather be home. And it's not that my home is more luxurious than the Beverly Hills hotel. It is not. No, of course not. But also at home, I don't wait for the coffee. I'm right. And it's not $20. $20. What for a cup of coffee in a hotel easily?

Excuse me. That is $30. $30 for For the coffee in the, in the, in the very hosted home in morning. $30. You're with the tip and no. Just, just for the coffee. $30. Come on. $30. I pay it every morning.

I mean, I sign the thing every time. For a pot? It's a pot of coffee. It's not a giant pot of coffee. Right. But it's coffee. It's very, yeah. No, I know.

It's $30. But, uh. I own, uh, $70. The next day I thought, that's I guess cramble bags 45 dollars right But You do know that people nowadays actually Largely would love to be in a hotel because mostly where they go and they travel is air being be

Yeah, what's that you know what they travel for something called pleasure. I travel for work by the way I know But do you want to go on vacations? Like, it didn't be a vacation, I'm home. But to be in an Airbnb, which is very popular, and I know people who prefer to a hotel. To me, it's just the most disgusting thing. I agree, totally disgusting.

To be living in somebody else's house, with a whole thing. And somehow, possibly seeing a pub on the soap, I would just jump out the window. No, it's that and also usually there are vacation to win that. And I always think, you know, you're in the airport, you're on the airport because you go by a private plane. But if you go by commercial plane, you're in the airport and you see these people, they

have three little kids screaming, 5,000 pieces of luggage. And I always think, what's a not luggage? How many baseball caps do you need? Like how many pairs of flip flops? You know, you dress like a five year old boy. And I think how bad is your regular life? This is more fun.

Oh, I know. I mean, Well, just the idea of going on a vacation with a family. Yeah, or just the idea of family. Well, just the family itself. Yes, I mean, I'm trying not to be too snobby about that. I don't. I know.

But honestly, you know, it's personal preference. You can't deny that we are just very different human beings. That's how we come out. We have a different chips in our brain for whatever reason. And for some people, the great joy in life is family. It's not the path we have chosen, but it's no less valid. Do you think it's less valid? No, I don't care what other people do. I am not that interested in other people. You know, only if their kids are screaming, I'm at the airport. Otherwise, I don't care. I don't care at all what they do. It's like, I know you were very interested in this.

I wasn't, but when there was this big fight to make a marijuana legal, people kept asking me about it. I said, I don't care, do whatever you want. Right. It doesn't matter to me, but you know, it's my problem. I don't care. Do whatever you want.

Just be the noise is what I, don't be noisy. Otherwise, I don't care. Well, and the problem with children is that they are. Well, they're feral. They're, don't be noisy. Otherwise, I don't care. Well, and the problem with children is that they, I'm noisy. Well, they're feral. They're, they're past noisy. They were always noisy. You know, if you go to a pool,

a public pool, you will always see your kids just, they're just screaming. I don't know what they're screaming about, but when they're outside, especially in near water, they're just screaming. Now, if you're, if you're safely distant, it can be kind of,. Now, if you're safely distant, it can be kind of, I guess, if you're a family lover,

kind of a soothing din. But if you're near it, it's like, I mean, it's like root canal in Somalia. It's just gotta be the worst. But also because they're loud to scream. So we were never loud to scream. It isn't that we've just worn a loud.

Oh, come on. You think when we were kids, pools were not full of screaming kids, I think they were. Pools maybe, you know, but in general, we weren't allowed to. No, no, outside in the backyard, yes, but we weren't allowed to yell. No, we weren't allowed to yell in the house. We're not allowed to yell in the restaurant,

we're not allowed to yell in public. We wouldn't have thought of yelling because we were scared of the parents. We were scared of the parents. Also, another big difference is that, between kids nowadays, I notice, is that we have to be invited into an adult conversation. We never were.

Once in a while, you would be pressed into service to testify for something that only someone of your age or generation could do. Kind of like the way the Nazis used little kids and the cans to do certain work with the bullets. It's, I think it's in Chandler's list. They're little fingers. We were, we were, it was like that.

We were only useful for something very specific that adults couldn't do. Like, hey, Billy, get in here and tell us what, you know, whatever the thing was about what's going on in school or something, or sports may be questioned and only I would know about the New York Yankees. But we were not, we just did not assume

that we could join the adult conversation whereas now, anytime I've been in the last, I don't know, 20 years, really. More. Probably more. With, you know, anytime I've been in the last, I don't know, 20 years, really, probably more, with, you know, people I can temperate, and they have kids, the kids absolutely feel free to join in the adult conversation, or even criticize. I've been criticized by 15-year-olds.

Five-year-olds. Yeah, and that's a big difference. I got an argument with a three-year-old child. She said to me, you shouldn't smoke. It's very bad for you. Oh, my God. And I said, you're a little girl. You shouldn't tell adults what to do.

Wow. She said, I'm not a little girl. I'm a woman. Oh. Hey, three. Three. I said, you're not a woman. You're a little girl.

Okay, but you have to... That's... That story takes the kick. I gotta say, because I mean, you know where a child does not born thinking that. No, they're mad at them. That is, of course. I mean, I talk about it all the time on my show.

The craziness is going on in the schools and I get a lot of shit from liberals and Democrats who, less now that they see that I'm not lying about it. But three years ago, they were like, oh, what are you turning into a conservative? What do you mean the schools, because schools are the province of the Democrats? That's their own education as a issue, right?

That's hard to... No, but the teachers union is like 99% Democrat. And the reason for this, you know, they're always so mad about it. The reason for this is that Democrats became teachers. They became teachers because they were interested in education and the Republicans wanted to make money. You can't make money teaching school. It's impossible.

And that's the way they... Well, you're talking about charter schools? No, I'm talking about college schools. You can't make money teaching school. It's impossible. And that's where they're. Well, you're talking about charter schools? No, I'm talking about colleges. Colleges. Yeah. Well, Collett, who do you think controls colleges? Republicans are Democrats.

Well, it depends. Because it's not the Republicans. No, in state universities, that's what a dissentist is doing now. All these rules, they're not for private schools. You can't do that. They're for state, all state schools in Florida. But state schools, okay, well, they're state schools,

which I still think are probably mostly run by Democrats. And certainly all the elite colleges, this is where the insanity comes from, by the way. There is a line that goes from a three-year-old, saying to you, I'm a woman, right to Harvard. If you don't know, if you don't know that those, there are jobs to be connected. On the other hand, how often have you heard that DeSantis went to Harvard?

Like a million times. They hate these schools. It's like they hate the New York Times and they're always saying, and if you're at a New York Times bestseller, and I think, what do you think? You hate the New York Times. Oh, that's right. He did go to Harvard, didn't he? Oh, how do I know that?

Because he's constantly says it. You know, and I think, well, that must be some different kind of welfare ordinances they had for, like, and we need to have some stupid people. I don't think I've ever heard DeSantis speak, because I'm surprised you have. He's constantly on the news, giving speeches. You can avoid it if you want.

Apparently I have. No, because I read the news. I gave up on cable news. Here, let me be, let me be Carrie Grant. Thank you. So you're Grace Kelly. Thank you. You're welcome.

I pleasure to light a cigarette for a woman. Thank you. I remember one night. I'm not a woman, I'm a girl. I remember when that used to be such a swavvy thing to do. When I was a gay blade in the 80s, like in bars, you know, picking up on women, you know, lighting their cigarette was like something we saw a Humphrey Bogart do and it looked cool.

And, you know, if you were quick with a joke or to light up your smoke as Billy Joel, but it, I mean, that was kind of a cool thing. No, but I don't think I've ever seen DeSantis and I hear all the time from other people and I don't doubt it that he has no personality. It's terrible that he's very dull and boring, which, first of all, in a politician, I find that fantastic.

I don't want personality. Well, you know, yes, but what he says is not boring. He himself, sometimes, he's totally with our charisma. Well, he's right, don't looking. He's very waxy looking. You know, I mean, his hair is, I mean, he's just a very like waxy looking figure. Right.

You know, but compared to Trump. Well, I mean, that's what would be running against. I mean, compared to Trump, he doesn't have a giant ass. He has hair, you know, he's got, I mean, that's what would be running against. I mean, compared to Trump, he doesn't have a giant ass. He has hair, you know, he's got a... And compared to Trump, he has policies, which Trump doesn't have, and the policies are really horrible. Well, he does a lot of performative art, yes. Some of it is a reaction to policies

that we're insane to begin with, like the Don't Say Gay Bill. First of all, it doesn't say that in it. It doesn't say don't say gay. Parents were not, look, he does a lot of stupid things. I agree. He campaigned for election deniers. That's a big red flag with me.

But parents were not unreasonably concerned that schools had become a place where kids were being exposed to ideas about gender and race that were completely inappropriate for some three years old. You're making my case for me. They may have been, however, I don't think, I think he does these things to distract from his real policies, which are, let's stop social security, cut Medicare, you know, those are the real things. And especially in Florida, 90% of the people are already stop social security, cut Medicare. You know, those are the real things.

Look, and especially in Florida, 90% of the people are already on social security. Right, you're saying he's for, maybe the party is. Well, he is too. I mean, he is too. I mean, I'm less worried about him than other people are because he has these very, very clear policies and they're not the policies of most people.

I'm not talking about, you know, don't say gay or whatever. You know, he's virulingly anti-abortion. I don't know what more they could do. You know, then there's not enough guns. You know, there's too much abortion. There's too much, not really for birth control. You know, these things are not popular. They're even among Republicans. Right. You know, no, he does, again, I don't know whether he's playing the part of the Republican asshole, which you have to to get the base. He's never going to get Trump's base.

No one is. Trump has that base. I don't know. Well, he's not really that base as long as Trump is alive. Trump's not dying. He's just a dream of people that Trump's going to die. I say the same thing.

And this has to do with the fact that he's fat. And everyone I know says, he's gonna die. He's Big Max and I always say, you know, people we know think the worst thing you can do is eat a hamburger, but I don't know this for you. He has never smoked a cigarette in his life. He's never had any drug. He's never had a sip of alcohol.

You know, the Big Max are apparently not that dangerous. He looks like a little... Well, you're not taking into account so many variables. You don't know what his his genetics are probably just luckily very good. That's right. Okay. But big Macs are horrible for you. And I sure they are, but he's so alive. Everyone I know that's one person. That's anecdotal. I know, but the support some we're talking about. I know, but it's not a scientific study. No, I'm not saying it's a big max. I'm saying they're not gonna kill him. The people talk about it in the hopeful,

he's gonna know he's big max, okay? He's already lived past it. You would think you would die from big max. I'm just saying medical science is nowhere near the point. We will someday probably be there, where they can actually tell you, you know what, if you put food and I'm talking about bad food, next it's cigarettes and drugs and alcohol, let's say those four categories, I can actually

tell you which is the worst. And I would not bet $10 on which one it will be and it could be the food. Because the food is what everybody does and what most people, it's what you run your body on. Of course, we know alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, depending on the drug, but food is the one that slips by because people just in their mind, they don't think of it as poison.

But most of what they eat is poison. It's true, and the kind of people that we know don't eat this stuff, you know, on the other hand, some of them die anyway. So... What do you mean the kind of people we know? I don't know people eat this stuff, okay? Well, you know, what do they bring it? You're at I see you every year I have for many years at the Baden DeFaire Oscar party. Not lately, you have it. No,

I really do not go. No. Okay. Bad blood. No, I stopped working for a benefit. Right. I know. Like five years ago. So I don't have to go anymore. Oh, you went on because you had to. I used to go play and do it and he used to say to me, I asked you to do one thing for a year. Right.

And you know what, he was right. So I did it, but you know, I don't have to go anymore. You liked it. Sometimes I liked it. You know, after a certain number of years. You like parties. You like parties. I do. You know, after a certain number of years. You like parties. I like parties. I do.

I do. I do. If you didn't, you probably would sit home and do what you should do. It was right. Because you're a great writer, but let's not go. You know, I just realized, is this on or ready? Of course. I really did not realize it.

Everybody says that. I love that. The cameras are built into the walls. I did it purposely like this so that we could just feel like we are as we are and we are as we are. As you were. But we have always been. The, the, the Oscar party, what do they bring in at like midnight? You don't remember?

Yeah, those ended up with a red one. Red one? I never had one. Okay. And also some kind of donuts that especially people like us. Yes. And you look around the room and every A-lister in Hollywood is stuffing their face.

Yes, but you also have to take a, not a single one of them has eaten the thing for three months. I... Okay. Yeah. No one has had a thing to eat, not a lettuce leaf, for three months. You're right.

I always am amazed that it's the night when, of course, the tens come out, people who are a ten in their normal life. And somehow, on that night, they've managed to find a way to turn it up to 11. Like Margot Robbie's always a ten, but I promise you, next month, she'll be in 11. Whether it's colonics or fucking skin abrasion or they oil themselves, they tan themselves, they plump themselves, whatever it is, tens are now 11, sixes or seven, sevens or eight.

But also, Robert, Robert, he really is quite young still. You know, I mean, you know, some of them, that Oscar weekend lots of times at the 5,000 parties that proceeded the Oscar party Right, I would be sitting there. I would say to someone oh, there's someone's way she looks fantastic And so I'm gonna go friend. That's her daughter. Oh Yeah No, I know funny

One year I during the Astros I was in Australia. And it was very delightful. Margot Robbie Havvert was an holiday for an academy award that year was about five years ago. And so when I came back to him and said, was it the Austro-Sah, the big deal in Australia? I said, only Margot Robbie. They never mentioned it except like you would turn on the news and they would show you, this is where she went to junior high school. This was her bicycle.

This was they were only interest in her. But so many of our actors were Australian. She's hardly the only one. Have you ever been there? No, too far. Exactly. Have you ever been there? Yes.

Really? And for months before I went, I was incredibly worried because the flight is like the first flight. Now, first you fly to LA and then you fly to, I was going worried because the flight is like, you know, the first flight. Now, first you flight L.A. and then you fly to, I was going to Melbourne first. It's like officially that flight is 19 hours. It was 25 by the time we landed. And my concern was, the last time I did smoke for 25 hours, I was 11. So I was like incredibly worried about this, and I kept asking people about it.

Did you ever do this? Do smoke? How could you possibly do this? What did you do? I was really, really worried about it. And it was even worse than I thought. And I really felt that my greatest accomplishment life is that I didn't get arrested on the flight.

I didn't kill anyone. I was so tense, it was horrible. And I thought I was sitting quietly, just reading my book and just pretending that I wasn't not smoking. And during the course of this flight, three different strangers came up to me and said, you really ought to have a drink. That's how apparently I was radiating this tension. It was horrible.

Well, maybe they just wanted to meet you. They didn't want to meet me because I was so tense. But did you... I didn't poke. I didn't get arrested. Did you ever think when you get off the plane, hey, you know, I made it 25 hours. Maybe I...

I did not think that. You did not. I absolutely did not. It was not an inspiration. No, when I finally got out of the airport, like nine hours later, after you landed, the driver, I kept looking for light, we ever getting out of here.

And he took my bags and I lit a cigarette and he turned around and he said, you can't smoke here. I said, call the cops, the no smoking's over. He said, you can't smoke here. You have to smoke there. I said, fine, when I finish this, I'm gonna go over there and smoke there. No, I never gave it a single thought.

Oh, I remember how pissed you off you were at the med game when they made it. That was really far. I mean, we were outside. It's a ballpark. They made you walk all around the... Thousands of miles away. Like thousands.

To the other side of the stadium. Yes, thousands of miles away. Right. As people are reading hot dogs and the jets are flying overhead. Right. And people are drinking beer. Beer. You know, by the gallon. Right. You know, well, one hand beer, one hand ice cream. I think like, hopefully regime. I mean, you can't smoke in any, well, I didn't have only been, I think, to two different ball parks. You can't smoke in any of them. Now you can't, I mean.

You're just smoking movie theaters. You used to be smoking planes. Of course. They used to give you the cigarettes in first class. They would give you these little emotional packs. Have you tried these cigarettes? I used to purposely seek the back of the plane, not just because the smoking was there,

because I thought the chicks who smoke on a plane would be the ones I want to pick up. But I remember when there were no smoking sections on planes. You could just smoke wherever you were taking it. Of course. And then when there was a smoking section, you could be in the row right next to it, which is a sterical.

Right, right next to it. Or right once on a plane, or getting, I was on the ground in New York going to LA, and a guy got on the plane and he didn't fit into the first class seat, which then used to be very big. They're not that big now. He didn't fit in the first class seat. So they moved him to across the aisle for me, where there was, and they had to come on the plane and take whatever the dividers are out and then give them this big sheep out. And he sat down. We took off.

And the no smoking sign went off and I lit a cigarette. I was in the smoking row. And he said, you can't smoke here. I said, this is smoking row. But there was a rule if they had to put a no smoking person in the smoking role. It became no smoking. So the flight attendant he told the flight in an over and he said, I'm entitled to my no smoking seat. I said, yes, you are no smoking seat, not your no smoking seats, not entitled to two seats. If you don't pay for two seats, oh man. And the guy was going really yelling at the flight attendant and she was practically crying. She said, what can I do? I said, I'll see if the man is a health nut. He weighs 800 pounds and he's worried about this little stream of cigarette smoke that's

next to them. Well, you've just described a battle between the smokers and the fatties and in today's world, and there's at least in this country, one is a completely protected species. How dare you make fun of- I wasn't making fun of that. No, I'm just, well, I mean- I was making fun of them. I was just simply pointing out-

No, I understand. That- You can't even point out. Yes, no- This is the, what you're doing there, hitting a cigarette out, that is the ultimate evil, but anything else, but, you know, I don't- And there's also the idea- I don't want to get on my high horse about that.

There's also the idea that marijuana smoke is okay, but marijuana smoke is okay. It's better than okay. It's fantastic. I'm saying it's smoke. So if you think I'm going to second ass smoke. I agree. It's smoke. It is smoke. You're right. So what comes off of barbecue? It's smoke. You're right. You know, it's smoke. Yes. So I mean, but we don't do it all day. Some of us do, not now. Not I. You're right. New York has become a place where the streets,

weak of weed, there's no neighborhood you can be in. I have a friend who lives on the second floor. She has to keep her windows closed because there's so much where I want to smoke on the indoor apartment. It's not even, I don't think it's even legal yet, New York. Yes, it is. Oh, it is. Absolutely. And you can sell it. I think.

Well, she's not trying the police. She's just like, she'll send the upper side. Look, look, my mother smoked almost to the end. And in her, when her widow years, when she wasn't that happy anyway, she didn't like being a widow, still a smoker. And it was that era when people really started to turn against cigarettes and they decided that this was the one evil in society that we could extirpate and, you know, go out on the sidewalk and so all her life she'd live smoked and say, okay, we get it.

You know, people sure don't want to be around in a second. Don't be such assholes about it. I used to be very protective of her in those years. I always wanted to say to people, she was in World War II. Shut the fuck up. You know what? And the depression.

And yeah, but I mean, like, smoke is not the worst thing she's seen or you. I was once way before COVID, before restaurants in the street, but just when there were some restaurants had seats outside in the warm weather. So I, at a certain point, you could smoke in the street, but just when there were some restaurants had seats outside in the warm weather. So I, at a certain point, you could smoke in those seats and then you couldn't. And I was outside the restaurant, outside the seats, standing, smoking, cigarette, there's

like a little, like a railing. And right at the edge is a young Italian couple, a man and a woman, having dinner. The man likes a cigarette. The waiter comes over and goes, you can't smoke here. He goes, I'm outside. He said, you can't smoke here. So the guy looks at me. I said, you can't smoke here. It's a law. He said, it's stupid. I said, it's stupid, but you can't smoke here. He said, you're smoking. I said, but I'm here. So you, you're sitting down, I'm standing up. I'm actually having dinner inside. So I'm standing here.

So he comes around and while he comes around, he picks up his wine glass and he takes a sip, he's talking to his girlfriend, the waiter comes over and he goes, you can't drink here. So, you said, what are you talking about? I said, let me explain the rules here. You can't smoke here and you can't smoke there.

You can't drink here. I said, I realized we're talking about four inches and I realized it's all outside and there are no sane person cares but they're afraid of getting a fine. So maybe this makes people understand why some of us who called out a lot of the nonsense with how we handled COVID were so skeptical.

Because we've done stupid health theater for a long time, it's not new. We've handled almost every health crisis badly, not all of them. And I found it just arrogant to have such a bad record in the past with health matters and just tell me, just do what we say, one of we ever been wrong. And then it's like, oh, okay, we're washing the mail. And they told us, you know, like, where are any kind of masks?

They're all good. Just some bad down, put a diaper on your head, doesn't matter. Everything's fine. And I remember, don't touch your face. It was about a big hit song for about a year. Don't touch your face. I'm not going to do that.

I'm not up on which COVID rules you were opposed to. They all turned out to be stupid. Not all. Which ones? It was not on the mail. No, I know that. They just found, they just did a study, the masks, unless they were N95 and maybe not even them useless, which you would just- Well, that I'm not aware of. I stopped wearing a mask and you didn't have to wear it anymore. But- But that's just- But the vaccines, good. I'm glad there were vaccines.

Yes, I'm glad there were vaccines. I don't, don't plea. You know what, if that's your choice, great. Are there some vaccines I would love to have and might need and would fight you for? But if I don't, but I should be able to make my own medical decisions- are there are some vaccines I would love to have and might need and would fight you for. But I should be able to make my own medical decisions. Will you are not a nurse?

Okay, you're not in the hospital. I think it depends who you are. You know? Well, you're saying they would have to get the back. Yes. Well, I mean, okay, but here's something stupid we did that other countries didn't do. Countries I think you would respect. By the way, countries you're going to.

I'm going to do your plugs. What a great segue. But like Europe, much more recognized natural immunity. If you're a nurse and you had it naturally at the beginning, which a lot of nurses did, then it was stupid and pointless. And probably unhelpful to make them take the vaccine after they already have the natural immunity.

We didn't use to do that with other stuff. But anyway, Europe, I want to, first of all, I got to tell you, I'm so happy for you that you are finally getting the props you deserve as far as like a touring act, you know, like you're a hot commodity all around the country and in Europe, oh, this is mine. Okay.

Like, I'm looking at your fucking schedule. You're everywhere. You like fucking poison in the 80s, the band, not the- I know what you meant. Way New Jersey. She's February 22nd and then March 3rd in Pittsburgh and Marietta Ohio, March 5th, March 6th, Columbus, Ohio, March 8th,

Bokers, Town, Florida, and the ninth were in Boston. And, you know, Redback, New Jersey on the 30th. This isth, Columbus, Ohio, March 8th, Bokers, tone, Florida, and the ninth were in Boston. And you know, Red Magnet, Jersey, on the 30th, this is like, I don't tour like this. I mean, that would... You don't have fucking kill me. You don't have to. Well, it's great. And then, and then fucking Europe, you're going to Europe.

I did last year, too. I did, I don't know. Right. You must be even more popular in Europe. So Netflix. What happened? Netflix, Netflix. Oh, that's special. Yeah. What happened? Netflix, Netflix. Oh, that's special.

Yeah, of course. No, I mean, I always had this. And your boy Scorsese on HBO. Yeah, but that didn't have this effect. You know, I mean, I've always done this. I've done this until I'm 27. I always did the United States and Canada. Right.

But after Netflix, which is unbeknownst to me since I've never seen it in 192 countries. Right. Yes. Much more of a foreign region. Sure. It's all over the place and it also came out during lockdown. But I mean, certainly there must be people all around the world sophisticated people in that space. It lots of places are a lot more sophisticated in America. We're a young country. We're a teenage country. You can't hate us completely for that, although I'm always trying to stop myself. But they must see you and think, oh, there's a sophisticated American. We found one.

Well, I could say, I was in the UK last year. I did a number of days there. And it was right after this record, I'll return Roe v Wade. And night after night, I take questions from the audience. The first thing to be, why do I return Roe v Wade?. And night after night, I take questions from the audience. The first thing to be, why do I return Roe v. Wade? I think I'm saying I did not overturn Roe v. Wade. I am not on the Supreme Court. You cannot blame me. I'm not going to call you a Ruth Patrick. They're blaming him. And then luckily for me, Boris Johnson, that Boris Johnson scandal happened while I was there. And so someone would go, Roe v. Wade, I go Boris Johnson.

And that was like, what scandal he had, he had a resign. He was, he was, oh yeah, what do you do? He went to a party that, well, he had done many things, but there was a scandal in his administration.

And he defended the person who perpetrated the scandal. And it was like, absolute like lies. I mean, it wasn't like, it was an iffy situation. So what European capitals, when you're on the continent, can we look forward to seeing you? Well, last year I did Paris, Athens. Athens. Copenhagen, twice, and I'm going again to Copenhagen.

And I said to my agent, I was already twice in Copenhagen. It's a Copenhagen, it's a delightful city, it's a size of this room. I said, haven't I run that place dry yet? Really? Yeah, so I'm going to get into Copenhagen, Oslo. See, those I understand, because when I toured Europe once, and you know, you can, for an American comedian, you got to go to the cities where they speak perfect English.

But I wouldn't try Paris. There is no city where people don't speak better English. But I wouldn't try Paris. There is no city where people don't speak better English than native-born American. Even in Paris? Yes. Wow. I mean, not everybody speaks English, you know?

Right. And in those cities that were in non-nings-weeking countries, the person who interviews me on the stage stays on the stage because here they leave. In case someone thinks they don't speak English, but they do. Because I like all Americans in Mono, England, except unlike most Americans, I speak English. So, but that, mostly people wouldn't come to see me if they didn't speak English. Of course they wouldn't, but I'm just saying to play Paris and places, Athens places that are not on

that typical circuit where they speak like almost better, you know, that you barely in accent Germany, the Nordic countries, of course, England, but the hardest people for me to understand in the UK. Yeah, like I remember, right. And in burrow, I Edinburgh, I was mystified. I kept saying, and I don't want to insult people, so I keep saying, I can't hear you. And I'm thinking, she's deaf, but I really couldn't understand. You know, I thought, how did you retain this extremely strong, regional accent that no one can understand? You know, when I was in London, I said, it's very hard for me to understand the people

in Edinburgh. No one can understand them. No, I can't stand those British movies where it's just what you're talking about. Like, what the fuck are you saying? I, you know, they're, what are you talking about? You know, like three smoking guns. There's some, I can't remember,

but there's like the British gangster movies and their, their cockney action is so thick, I guess, because they're gangsters and bad. No, because theyant that's the severe mostly I mean it's just annoying I mean I find the British action it can be lovely and looting and it can be fucking grating and annoying this is true of everything bill surely you notice that this is not confined to the British accent no but I feel like that's the paramount example. Anyway, I will be at the, oh, I'm changing hotels. This is very, I'm very, very clamped. I was at the mirage for like seven years.

It was fantastic. They were great. And they have a, they're owned by the MGM Grand folks and now they're removing the operation over there. The David Copperfield Theater, but folks make it clear I will not be doing magic. Magic with words, of course. February 17th and 18th, the Hard Rock Live in Wheatland, California, I think that Sacramento,

it is February 25th, the showroom in Bali's Lake Tahoe, March 11th, the Golden Gate Theater in San Francisco. Oh, I'm in there in a while, I can't wait for that one, March 12th, the Golden Gate Theater in San Francisco. I'm in there in a while, I can't wait for that one. March 12th. Yeah, it's mid. Great that, first of all, I would never predict it 10 years ago if you said to me,

podcasting would be a thing. It's basically AM radio, which was like the, like most least hip thing was AM radio. But this is basically that, it's people talk. I would never have guessed it became so big. But the fact that, you know, I can sit here and smoke, you can smoke, we can just do things without all the apartnances that I grew up with when you did the tonight show,

you know, you're wearing a suit and a tie and the bent, and then you're sweating like I'm big behind the curtain. And it's all very stylized and ritualized and compartmentalized. And we just, it's one good, I mean, yes, the country is falling apart, but one good thing is as they take down the barriers of formality, it is a pleasure. Just to do, like, here, I'm doing these dates, and I don't have to pretend and we'll be back

in a minute, we have to reword from Delmont. It's just, I've always wanted to get whatever we're doing as close to real life as possible. And TV was always a bit of a barrier. It still is a bit of a barrier. Yeah, it's much different than it was though. I mean, except for your show, I mean mean which I'm not sure this is still true But when I started on television in the late 70s in the green room there was always bar and Everybody would be drinking and then that completely stopped and I remember once I

Was in New York doing I think the Conan O'Brien show and the kid like in charge of me Alan King was doing the show Alan King and the kid like in charge of me, Alan King was doing the show. Alan King. And the kid didn't know who Alan King was, but he came in and he said, there's this guy here. Alan King, you know, he is. Yes, he's an comedian.

He said, he asked for a scotch. I said, yes. He said, we don't have alcohol. Oh my God. So I said, you don't? He said, no. Do you have any? I said, I don't drink. I didn't ask for it.

I don't care. He said, well, what should I do? I should get a moscotch. He said, I don't know where to get it. This is a rock of flower center. I said, go outside. There's probably a liquor store within six, you know, feet of the place. Again, moscotch. He said, do you think he should drink before he goes on television? I said, are you his mother? But your show, you still have the bar, right? I hope so. I'm gonna check out. I'm glad you reminded me. But again, not to be the dead horse

with the conversation we were having, but when people act like this, don't you blame a little more the type of person that you would call left leaning that would raise a kid who is like this undisciplined and this entitled. It's a disease on both sides, but I'm just saying, when I picture the family, that this little shit comes out who doesn't know who Alan, okay, I'll forgive him for that. I'll forgive Alan King, although kids have a terrible attitude

about the past, which is if I wasn't alive for it, it doesn't matter. No, they don't know about it. Like last time I'll say something, and they'll look at me blankly, and I'll say, I'll say, in fact, I don't know his name, but many years ago, like I don't know when it was, like eight years ago maybe.

Oh, let's see. Thank you. I was at a dinner in San Francisco, and I was sitting across from the guy who started Uber, I think. Yeah. Travis Kalanick. Yes. They made a show about it. this was not a match made in heaven

And I can see why I'm talking to him and I was really Astounded by him I have to say like like how could you not know anything about anything around and So I had a certain point some people I'm not the kind of person who like you know mixes around at a party I sit down. That's where I am and so people started walking around and people would come over and talk to me and So at a certain point, some people, I'm not the kind of person who like mixes around at a party. I sit down, that's where I am. So people started walking around and people would come over and talk to me. And he would be sitting there. And now I can't think of his name.

What was the name of the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Bickle? And he was, and finally he said to me,

why do you keep calling me Travis Bickle? My name is Travis, whatever it is, Cahdallococco. So I said, I said, didn't you ever see Taxi Driver? So he said, that's a movie, right? I said, yeah, that's a movie. He said, no, I never saw it. I said, you never saw such a great movie.

You should say it. He said, well, when was it made? I said, I don't know in the early 70s. He said, I wasn't even born then. I said, you never saw such a great movie, you should say it. He said, well, when was it made? I said, I don't know in the early 70s. He said, I wasn't even born then. I said, guess what? I wasn't born during the Civil War, but I heard of it. Right. And also that's...

That's what was perfect, his name was Travis. I've heard that same thing from kids about something like a movie, which is, okay, history I understand you didn't want to go to class. But a movie, it's not an indictment, first of all, just you know I'm to be so defensive, I wasn't born. Yeah, that's why they put them on cellulose. So, we get all, and I love watching, well actually, lately I've been watching some movies,

I won't name them because I don't want to insult anybody, like, but from the 80s, 90s, and some of them really do not hold up, that we just love everybody in America. I wish I could mention, but they're within South of the director, but like movies that we just the whole country thought, this is the shit. And then you watch it again and you're like,

wow, things were just different. This this this art form is not as advanced. And you could get away with contrivances that the audience would not put up with today. That's true, but I mean, that's true of everything. I mean, I looked a lot better in the 80s too. You know? A lot.

You know? Like a lot better than I'm sure the movie looks from the 80s. It's not just movies that don't hold up. Very few things hold up. Yeah, but you and I, we kinda like have just like, we had Larry Day, but there's a few of us who like, yes, of course we get older,

but we kind of never looked really young. So we kind of just have a brand. Well, I would say, you know, I'm old and hard. You know, and I've I'm old and hard. You know, that's so. And I've always been old and hard. And when my first book came out, I was 27. And lots of reviews said, I don't understand. What do we have here?

A young chromogen? And I thought, yes, but I'm just practicing for one of them old. But to look at you, it's just like, it's sort of like, I don't know, I don't see any difference, because you kind of like always had that certain look, and you're sure. You can't see anymore, Bill.

That is the, this is the brilliance of nature. Just when we start to look a certain way, we can't see anymore. And it's like, I said to someone recently, someone in my age, I was in part, you're something, everyone keeps telling everyone how great they look. look a certain way we can't see anymore. And it's like I said to someone recently, someone in my age, I was in part of your something, everyone keeps telling everyone how great they look. And I finally said, you know, when we really did look great, we never told each other. Now we just mean, you're alive. You don't look here. You know, for some time, so I'll

think, what the hell happened to him? Because a friend of mine says, you think only you get old. Now, if you don't see someone for six months, forget it. There are some other planet of disintegration that you miss the decline. But I mean, living in New York, oh, first of all, you're thinking about the smoking on the sidewalk. It's not even the smoking just eating on the street. It's so gross. Well, this is our present mayor who is horrible.

Is horrible? He's horrible. Eric Adams? Horrible. I didn't vote for him. I voted for the socialist candidate. I like him. I vote for the socialist.

I'm not a socialist. I don't remember her name. I wouldn't recognize her in the crowd of one. But I do not. I did not want to be one billion for responsible for our academics, not a billion for responsible. What is so hard about air care items?

He is a crook. A crook? Well, let's put it this way. You may or may not notice, you don't live in New York. I don't. But seven times a day, he changes his clothes. He wears... Why is a make-up of a crook?

He is as clothes made. The mayor doesn't make enough money to buy those clothes. I like to know where. He's been to public services' whole life, okay? He's been to public service' whole life. He shouldn't be able to buy those clothes. I find that to be preposterous. First of all, public servants

and I make a very nice salary. Not if you live in New York. He doesn't. I mean, now he lives in Grayson Mansion, but he doesn't. Well, he didn't. He's from Brooklyn. Yes, Brooklyn's pretty expensive. Okay, but if you live there, which he doesn't.

But I'm not, I wouldn't be surprised. And he was something of a celebrity in town. I mean, to run for mayor, he had to be was the borough president or something. He was the borough president. Okay. But he won the same reason, Trump won. Here's what happens. When you, you know, the party's control the primaries and stuff.

The party should not allow there to be 20 candidates in a primary. Here's what happens. When you, you know, the parties control the primaries and stuff. The parties should not allow there to be 20 candidates in a primary. Because if there's 20 candidates, the loud mouth always wins. That's our Trump one. There were 20 candidates in that... Yes, I agree. ...in the primary. He's Trump-y. He's very Trump-y.

Let's get back to, he's a criminal, because he's got seven nice suits. No, he's a fenduer at suits. He's Denzel in training day. And he's gonna stick up Scott Glenn and take the money under the floorboards. That's where the money came from. I don't know where the money came from.

They might have given them clothes where you're not allowed to do. You cannot take these things if you're the mayor. If all the problems in the world, this is what obsesses you, you don't think that this is... Because I mentioned something that doesn't mean I'm obsessed by it.

I was giving you an example. I thought you would understand. The clothes are an example of the money. I don't like them. But... I like it. I can't just say that. Yes.

I just say that. I didn't vote for them. I don't like them. And the restaurants in the streets, which were supposed to come down when you didn't have to eat in the street, he announced they're permanent. My thinking is permanent. You know what's not permanent? You, nothing's permanent.

So the restaurants are on the street. I object to this now. When you had to eat outside fine, this is a takeover of private ownership of public property. They don't own the streets. They put the restaurants in the streets. There are restaurants that have a hundred seats outside, without paying for the space, which in New York, that's what you're paying for own the streets. They put the restaurants in the streets. There are restaurants that have a hundred seats outside, you know, without paying for the

space, which in New York, that's what you're paying for all the time. But also, he keeps announcing like we didn't know there is an unusually high-rat problem in New York. I mean, there's always rats. But now- Never got you volunteered to be his rats, are? Yes, there's someone who's now- Oh, Curtis Sleewa.

No. Yes, he volunteered to be- They have volunteered, but he didn't get the gig. Really? The gig was given to this woman whose last name is Tish. She's married, I guess, to one of the teachers who are a big real estate family in New York. Yeah, sure. So they have, and there's like, we don't know why they're saw these rats. And I thought, really? I mean, my belief is that the rats in New York are calling rats all over the country, saying, you can't believe what's going on here. They bring you the food. They tell you the

specials. I mean, there's restaurants in the street. That's why there's rats. But see, that's why I never really warmed up to New York. I mean, I have a certain love for it because it's where I grew up near and then lived twice and many friends and the sensibility of New York, the New York media market, the sports teams, the TV stations, the newspaper that was in our house, all that stuff. But actually living there, I thought sucked. I mean, just the living in a building, maybe insects in it, you know, no maybe Well, here's the thing you don't have to live in New York you can live where you want

You know, I like to live in New York. I love New York. I know you know and I A couple times have rented houses in the country because of construction in my orbit or whatever. And I was always terrified. I was completely terrified living in the country. And people would say, you live in this lovely, you know, I once rented a little cottage on a farm outside of Princeton, New Jersey. I was in a total panic the whole time every night. And people would say why I would say, here's the really bad thing about living on a farm.

There are no dormant, you know. One thing I like, it's dormant. I don't like a dormant. See, I don't want anyone to... Because you don't want them to know about you, I understand that. Well, I... Right, I don't want... They know everything about you. There's no question they do.

Right, and also, I don't want to be obligated to say hello to somebody all day. I don't want to. I don't want to like... I make little chitchat and like see people in the elevator. Also, you're in a building. I meant how nice the apartment is. I'm aware that right on the other side of this wall, there are other people, they're like two feet away.

I like that. Oh, I like that. Because I'm afraid of the place where I'm at. It sounds gross. Well, then you don't live there. No, I know. That's why like. Well, then you don't live there. No, I know. That's why, like, when I think of eating on the sidewalk, even though it's done in other

cities, I think of it as a New York thing. I think it's gross and sweaty. You know, I picture a hot day. I've done it in New York. It's like, you know, you're pouring sweat and the get stinks are in the air because it's summer and everything's outside and garbage and cars exhaust going by. I never, I never ate outside until COVID, you know, I would always say like, but before COVID,

you people only had outside in the warm weather, you know, I never raised out of sight. I would see, why would I want to eat inside New York's disgusting? I never did, you know, during COVID I did because you couldn't eat inside, you know, and so I would, I had outside during COVID literally in snow storms. I would like look at my class before I went to the thinking, what's the best coat de dinner in and turns out there's not a good coat de dinner in, but I was very happy not to be in my apartment eating because there is no worse food in New York than the food in my apartment.

So I was very happy to that, but I don't like to eat outside. I don't care if other people want to. Were you eating out when before COVID, did you eat out every night? I would say, I would say you'd out like maybe four or five nights a week. So that's, yeah, the movie, yeah. Yeah, that's, I'd always had nice restaurants, I'm sure.

Well, to me, any restaurant is nicer than my apartment, do you? Right. That pretty nice. Yeah, but I mean, you always had a very vivid social life, the best kind of people always wanted you there. I mean, that's why, like, when I mean, you always had a very vivid social life, the best kind of people always wanted you there. I mean, that's why like when I saw you, or would see you at the vanity fair party or something, I would be like,

oh, what a great gig. The person who, you know, the cool people want around them, you know, maybe to like, just that would like, would rub off. Like I think a lot of celebrities want to have you rub off on them a little bit. Like they don't really appreciate, I don't think as much as I would like to think I do,

but they just know, they don't know why you're great. They just know you're, the cool people say you. Someone told them. Someone told them and Scorsese loves you. There's just something going on there and I gotta get a little near it. You know, Marty, a lot of people who are famous say they hate being recognized but it's not true.

But Marty really hates being recognized. And that is why Marty's losing a house in New York, you know, instead of an apartment because he doesn't want to be in the elevator with people. He doesn't want to talk to the door man. So he's losing a house and he avoids that, you know, instead of an apartment, because he doesn't want to be in the elevator with people, he doesn't want to talk to the zoolerman. So he lives in a house and he avoids that, you know. How do you live in a house in New York, dude? There's houses in New York. You mean, townhouses? Townhouses, right. Oh, I could, yeah, like. Yes, they cost us $11,000. Yeah. Well, did you, I mean, no, dormant. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no was a house. Right, yes. Was it my house, but

was a house. So I doubt there are houses that big anymore in New York. But during the period of the Russians being allowed to be in New York, they would buy two or three houses and put them together. Russian. Yeah, the Russian billionaires were. Oh, and they are not allowed anymore. No. What? How can you bar a certain, you can't bar. They call it oligarchs, you know, they were the criminals. Right. If they're specifically guilty of a crime, there's not a clean penny in Russia. And then it's true. Oh, I know. Okay. And every penny comes from food. So, no. I'm prejudiced against Russians and I don't care who knows it. I don't,

it's not prejudiced. No, it's exactly. It's, it's, it's, and the people are good people, but communism made them cynical. That, that, the legacy of communism has not really been written fully until somebody gets on to that. Some,, some type of person who writes books, which is certainly not me. The psychological damage of living under a system where you know you can't get ahead, you know, the old joke, they pretend to pay us, we pretend to work. That legacy is what makes Russians so, well, they're, you know, you wouldn't want to fuck with the Russian mob or you just there was a viciousness there and a a

Ruthlessness that I think comes from Having that kind of cynicism beaten into you. It started before that Russian. Yes, it did Russia has had the worst form of every kind of government. They had the worst monarchy Zara's Russia made the quarterly 16th look, a go-roaring meeting. Okay, they had the worst monarchy, they had the worst communism, they had the worst capitalism.

And that is because Russia is too big. It is too big. The only way to govern a place that big is with brutality. And so, and all they try to do is make it bigger and bigger. The whole history of Russia is trying to make it bigger. And so I see the people, look, if you have two children, you could be a nice parent. If you have 12 children, you have to be brutal.

There's no way to deal with 12 children. And that's what Russia does. And that's why the Russians do that way. And it started way before communism. That's true. I mean, that's a very interesting theory about, and you're right, that's what they do always. It's too big.

Get big and get bigger. Soviet Union was just the supersized version of Russia. I was happy to be in Stockholm the day that Russian invaded Ukraine. And the people in Stockholm were hysterical. And they kept saying to me, Russia's right here. Do you know where it is? I said, I know where it is. It's right here.

Yes. Aren't you worried? I said, you mean for my personal safety? Yes. No. Why? He's not going to invade Sweden. That's why I'm not worried.

He's going to invade Sweden. But they were really concerned. Now, perhaps the concern is gone. I don't think he's going to invade Sweden, but I didn't think he was going to invade Ukraine. I did. You did? Yes. From the get?

No, not from. Not before. Anyone knew, but I mean, I wasn't shocked. I mean, I hate to say this, but and I wouldn't say it's not Obama's fault, but Obama did not respond when he and then when he went to Crimea. You can't do that. You have to respond. You have to respond in some way. Am I saying we shouldn't send troops? But you can't just say, well, I take your point and I kind of agree, but I don't know what you I'm sure that we're sanctions and short of, you know, nothing almost nothing. You know, and you know, one thing about that, one thing to me about, you know, we may not know this is, but Bill Clinton was the first president we ever had that didn't serve in the military. Yeah, I remember. And... Yeah.

Thank you. And I think it caused them... Now it's like no one notices, but Clinton was the first one. And I think you may not remember this, but there was a bombing of the American naval ship. Yeah, the cold. Cold. Yeah. Right.

The war in 9-11. Right. You can't, a bombing of an American naval ship is like bombing of the United States. You can't not respond. You have to respond in some way. I'm glad to hear you sound so hawkish. It's an hawkish. It's sensible.

And I always thought Clinton was fond. Clinton was afraid to use military because he thought he'd be criticized because he didn't serve in the military. You know? The problem is that it's very easy to say we have to do something. And then as soon as you take troops off the table, okay, everything else is, yeah, it can be effective, but it's not really, I mean, you know, Genghis Khan wouldn't have been like, yeah, sanctions first, you know. You know, people say, what, what should you do? Do you have a solution? I would say, I'm

not the president. If you weren't for the presidency, this has to be a thing you think about. This has to be a thing that you believe you would have some way of dealing with. That's part of the job. You know, the president isn't just, they get that, that we're slow playing. But so what would a, what should Obama, you say you don't want Obama to have sent troops to Crimea? Then what? There's something he could have done.

I say that. That's you. I'm not the president. I understand what. I understand. I would say that is the first duty of president. I'm not a dumb truck, but I I would say that is the first duty question. I'm not a dumb truck, but I could have an opinion on the highway bill. You could have an opinion, but it's meaningless.

People put too much, people put now too much faith in opinions, okay? There is certainly something he could have done. He really, there was no response. I mean, there was no apparent response. You talk like this, it's a mysterious subject. The things we could do to respond to do. I just say we, I said him. But it's not a ministry what these things are.

You can send troops. You could bomb from the sky without sending troops. That's what we did in Kosovo, right? But look how long it took. Serbia. Yes, but look how long it took to do that. It was way too late. No, I'm saying, but that is an option.

I'm just saying the things you can do, it's not a mystery. We could have done something for that. It's not like we're going to invent a new thing that we could do. But Kosovo is a very different thing. Economic sanctions bombing from the sky, troops. That's pretty much it. Yes, but these things are not all the same. Kosovo is not the same as well.

I'm just saying those are the options. So Obama in 2014, when Putin invaded Crimea, could have sent troops. No, we agree not that. Be, bomb them. I don't think we want that or see economic sanctions, which I think he did. No, he didn't.

None. No, no one's enjoying your day, Vlad. Real economic sanctions until Ukraine. Are you surely? I'm positive. No, I mean, first of all, before that, No real economic sanctions until Ukraine. Are you surely? I'm positive. No, first of all, before that, New York was packed with this filthy Russian money.

All right? Not now. Everyone is, you know what they call it. No, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, because they were taking the stuff. There were, in other words, the United States government, you know, was taking the stuff. In taking this apartment, United States government was taking the stuff, and taking the department, taking these boats, these planes.

They're all now basically in Saudi Arabia. That's where they went. Or the other Gulf states. But you know, they're more than welcome there. What London grad? Yeah, London is really in London. They call that section with the, yes. It's like, that's the second biggest property owner

in London next to the royal family is Saudi Arabia. Right. That's their problem. They have enough problems of you. That's one of their problems. They allowed it. But of course I've met individual Russian people who were lovely. But they weren't Russian oligarchs.

No, no. My grandfather was Russian. He was a lovely man. None of them were Russian. But he was a short-over cook. He wasn was a lovely man. None of them were rich. But he was short of the book. He went in all of the car. None of them were wearing a track suit. Yeah, no, that's true.

That's how I judge. Is that wrong? No, completely correct. Right, because they're white people, so we can make jokes. I hadn't thought of it that way, but... Yeah. So, um... Oh god, what was I going to ask you?

Oh, we were talking about the movies. You don't go to the Vanity Fair Party anymore. This is like, now, award season. This is when I feel like I used to bump shoulders with you. Yes, I used to see many gatherings. Right. And you, you know, we're all... For many years, way before, I kept saying they shouldn't have the

Academy Awards anymore, it's too old fashioned. I know you just think, I'm old. It seems all fashioned to me. How old fashioned could it be? You know, and then last year when we'll Smith hit Chris Rock, I thought, here's your chance. Right. You could say, you know what? Yes. We're done. Thank you very much. Good night.

No. There's a billion people who watch it, haven't you heard? No, they're not. Well, I know. Every year fewer people watch it. Right. But every year they say, how can we get more people to watch it? I know. And now, now, maybe people watch it this year to see they say, how can we get more people to watch it? I know.

And now maybe people watch it this year to see if anyone hits anyone, but other than that. But that's not how bean counters think. They don't think like, oh gosh, so many fewer people are watching it and maybe we're too woken. They're thinking, it still is a bigger audience than we get for almost anything else all year. So we could probably sell some fucking Jurgons lotion, right. I don't really know how many people watch the Academy Awards but I know but they do with they can measure it. We have nails and we have

them every year they say yes. It's the number of people that watch it. It's unwatchable. It's far fewer than the year before. Or it's fantastic if you're bored. If they want people to watch it they should put it in the super bowl because I just read that 208 million people watched Super Bowl last year. There are only 300 million people in the country. So that's obviously the thing, everyone watches except me.

I don't think it was that high. 200 million. 208 million, it said in the times the other day, 28 million people watched Super Bowl last year. Just in America? Yes, people only watch American football in America. You know, they don't have enough places. Canada, they do, they're interested. Canada, I know it's just up in America. Yes, only people only watch American football in America. You know, they don't have another place It's Canada. They do. I know

And they're football teams play in London now. Yeah, but it's still not a big no as big. No, not even close No, it's soccer is much bigger there No, but I thought like why don't they put the Academy Awards in the Super Bowl when everyone's watching like in the middle to have Right in the middle Like after they have the singer or whatever, then they get to have this Academy Awards and then it could be over. Well, so have you seen any of the movies

that are up for the bill? None of them, you didn't see Banshee's. No. I can't pronounce it. And when I saw, you know, I saw the guy win some other award. I can't think what it was. And I could hardly understand him.

Who? Some Irish actor. Oh, I like him both. Colin Farrell. Yes, I like him, but I could hardly understand him. Brendan Liesen. They're both great actors. Yeah, I mean, I had mixed feelings.

You know what I watched the other night? And I watched it's a three hour movie. So I watched the first half, like Thursday night. And I was like, oh, I can't stay up the whole thing. I got it the show tomorrow. And so, and I split up movies anyway. But I thought the first half of Babylon was fantastic. And I told everybody.

And then I got home. And it was second half. And it's, I still liked it. And I thought he kind of stuck the landing. But I, like, almost all movies. It's just so would have been well-service by cutting out a half hour. And this is true of everything in life. Everything, but especially in art, and especially in movies. But the way I feel is like, if something seems, I don't care how long it is.

If, as soon as it seems long to me, I'm done. That could be 10 minutes in. So you don't do streaming at all? No, you need a Wi-Fi connection. Why don't you get that? Because then you have to put another phone line in and you have to be there. I don't care.

You don't have to be, what? I don't care. It's not that I'm against it. You know, all this. I just don't care. I don't care. Okay. I'm just gonna say.

If I'm home, I read, I don't care. If there's something I really want to say, everyone I know has it, I can go see it there. Oh my God. I just, I just don't care enough It's something I really want to say, everyone I know has it. I can go see it there. Oh my God. I just don't care enough about it. Right. I mean, I don't understand why it bothers other people so much that I don't have it. I don't, it doesn't bother me, but I think because we love you and we want you to like

to see the, well, to think that there's something, if there, if there's, if we know of something that we think could make you happy, we want you to be happy with it. But like you're right, it's not completely necessary streaming. And I must say, a proponent of the conversation we're just having, the problem I have with streaming is that they make everything into a series. And I'm always watching this shit going, you know, this would be good if you just smurged it down into one decent two-hour

movie instead of 14 hours, which I don't have, and you're not worth, you're not worth 14 hours. Well, they call it streaming, but they used to call it show-poppers. So, the thing that's continuing like that I never watch, you know, because I just don't care. Even if I might watch the first few, and then I just like, I'm sorry, I'm done. But you are the definition of the cliche, the voracious reader. I mean, people like... Yes, and I never, like, I'm not gonna run out of books. I feel like if we put a penny in a jar

for every time someone in America read during the day, and another penny in another jar, every time you were reading in the day Well if you actually got paid for reading books I would be fine. I know, but you don't get paid for reading books Right, and your eyes don't get tired. I actually did horrible problems of my eyesight Um, and I just had like these operations not cosmetic Um, right, right and it took um, no, no, um, and I just had like these operations not cosmetic. Right.

And it took, no, no, no. And it took, I don't know, months to get the right eyeglasses for reading. And it was like, I finally got them. And now I'm happy again. Oh, good. At the eyeglasses for reading. And what would you do if you couldn't see well enough to read? Would you go braille?

You know, that is the one thing that I think I could not bear. I would find it embarrassing. Right. You know, I mean, not to bring to it sad subject, but suicide is something the only time I've ever thought of it is if a doctor once said I might be losing my sight. He was wrong. But like that, I thought I can't do that. I can't do it. thought of it is if a doctor once said I might be losing my sight he was wrong but like that I thought I can't do that I can't do it you know. Not that I'm you know I prayed

person otherwise you know but I absolutely can't do it and I couldn't do it so that would be really for me unbearable totally unbearable. But one thing I do I don't want to strengthen optimistic. I mean when people kill themselves and you ask why they say what they were depressed, I realize I've never been depressed. I've been, you know, I've been said, obviously, you know, I've been gloomy, but I've never thought about killing myself. Right. You know, except when the doctor said you might be losing your self. I did, but I realized when I looked back, if I got laid once, it would, it would, it would, it would,

it was when I was 19, like around that time, like right after high school, I had one girlfriend in high school, she dumped my ass, I was like moping for a whole year, and I was just not good with girls, you know, and I was very horny, but not nearly a cathode in the pussy beaker. So I was just, and I was at Cornell, there's no girls.

I couldn't get them. So I was like suicidal. And I read all these books about suicidal, the quotes and like I treated it like it was some sort of philosophical question. Let's see, should I kill myself next week? It certainly is something that has occurred to a lot of great minds and I have read their thoughts on it and I'm weighing it. And it was just like if one girl had

showed me a little of attention, it all would have gone out the way. See, this is why 19 year old shouldn't really be a lead vote. Exactly. I was reading a letter that I wrote, a friend I'd put on my Hawaii trip this year and he was a friend from college. And for some reason I wound up with a letter that I had written him. He must have given it to me years later because it was so funny. And I read this letter, I hadn't seen it in years, and that exact thought crossed my mind, 20-year-olds cannot be allowed to vote. I mean, if you saw this letter, it is just so laugh out out funny.

And they shouldn't be loud, it's like contracts, and they shouldn't be allowed to make these decisions, you know, because I cannot think of a single decision I would have come to at the age of 19, but I don't want to be bound to now. And that, but this is really something that I must say applies not exclusively, but overwhelming to American kids. I think other children in other countries mature a lot faster.

Our kids, college, is what high school used to be, and not even that. And they're still, you know, very dependent on their parents in many ways. If not financially, just psychologically, you know, a lot of my moms, my best friend, got it. Well, that, I mean, that's a real change that happened, you know, in our young lifetime, you know, and I think it was because I know you're younger than I am, but I can't remember how much younger you are. It doesn't matter.

Well, it matters for the point of this conversation. But to anybody 25, like, if we're both over 40, we're in the same category. Well, it's like that, you know, like, my five years of difference between us, meaningless to anyone. Like, like, someone said to me something about their son, what's he doing? What he doesn't know. He's an hour old.

He said, he's only 27. I said, let me explain something to you. By the time my father was 27, he had fought, and won World War Two. Right. He had gotten married, started a business, and had a child. He did not think he was a kid, and he wasn't a kid. And he had no doubts what gender he was.

Yeah, well that's a separate issue. I mean, my father would not have them now, you know, but my father was the kind of man who like would look a scant like at a man who was like maybe wearing like a pink shirt. So what? I know exactly what you're talking about. Or my father would look, when we were children, like me and my sister, when we were kids, if we saw a man and a woman in a car, and the woman was driving, it was like jarred our world.

Because my father would never let my mother drive if he was in the car. Really? Never. That's interesting, because my grandmother, who was way ahead of her time, she was a single mother in the 20s. My mother didn't know her father as soon as she was born, he was gone.

And that was not the common thing. And she told me my grandmother told me when she drove in the 20s, the other men on the street would yell at her from the other cars. Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Yeah. And one of them could have been my father. But he didn't care if women drove. But why were they driving if a man was in the car?

Oh, I see. That's where it had advanced into the, because this is not the 20 year old time. Because my mother took care of us. But you're not telling me, I'm telling about the 20s. What decade are we talking about? Where this was at? 50s, the 50s, okay.

See, there is progress. Who does America doesn't? You're not telling me, I'm telling about the 20s. What decade are we talking about? Where this was at? Fifty. Fifty. Fifty's, okay. Fifty's. See, there is progress. Who does America doesn't? And America does progress, by the way. You know, I know it doesn't look like it. It's so easy to be the people who hate everything that happened before more than the

next guy. But the truth is that America looks very different than it ever did. Well, there's a lot of things that are better now. Yeah. You know, I mean, you would know this, but it is a billion times better than you a girl now than when I was a girl. Right, there you go. There's no, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

There's no comparison. Right. There's not, and it's not good, it's not perfect, but it's a billion times better. No, keep talking to me. I mean, there's just, there's no comparison. You know, I mean, when I was, when I was a girl, if you asked to do something and your parents said no,

and you say why, the answer very frequently was because you're a girl. Yes. And the response was, oh, right. I mean, my response wasn't like to start, you know, a feminist movement, my response was, oh, right. No. And that was common.

That, you know, I just object to this thing, Stephen Pinker, I stole this from my install, I give him credit, but I did a thing about it. He called this progressive phobia that there is something on the left that does not want to admit progress because somehow it equates with, but we should be doing more. Yes, of course, we should always be doing more. Can we just be adults and just imagine that as we begin the conversation, we've already agreed on that as we have.

We should always be doing more. We are not perfect and we are not just enough. There's a lot more work to do. A lot more. And there's this other of more work to do, a lot more. And there's this other side of the story, which should be celebrated. I mean, progressives, it's right in your name. That's what you should be celebrating, progress.

It's all, I can take a fucking, I know we don't agree on this. And I also didn't mention this. But you just said you, but I agree on that. Oh. But this, which I'm about to say, I know last night I did a speaking date here in LA

and I take questions for one hour. First question shouted at me. Why did Bill Marr say this and this and this, which I didn't see you say because I didn't see this though? And he's becoming conservative. And why is that happening? I said, first of all, I'm not in charge of Bill Marr, okay? Like he does not consult me and what his opinions are. But he

supposed to, I said, and second of all, as far as I know, Omar is that Democrat? He's a libertarian. Is that not true? I don't. I've described to any of those names. I've never formally said I was a Democrat except maybe once when Trump was in office and I was like, okay, we can't fuck around anymore. Whoever the Democrat is. And look, I voted mostly for the Democrat. I would say more than libertarian. The Joe Rogan, I've heard him talk about it, and very appreciative, he was saying,

old school liberal is really the right term. That's what I am, I always say. And it is. And that's a very different thing than woke. And if you want to be ignorant and think being old school liberal is the equivalent of conservative, you're naive about politics and you're just, you're, you're tribal, which is our big problem. No, I'm not a conservative.

I'm always going to call it as I see it, always have, and it always, and it always has been somewhat from both sides, but yes, the left is nuttier now than they used to be by a good measure. That's the right as much worse. They are too. No, not much worse. And I, and I used to be, I don't, much worse, that, and I don't fail to make that point. So anyway, I was the one who said, no, I know.

Why did Bill Marcello say this? And I'm so sorry that you have to answer for me. It's so ridiculous. And it just happened that night, sometimes in the street, people stop me. Just straight up. Right at Bill Mar. Say this time, I say, I don't know.

Why don't you ask him? Stop what he said. You know what? I would say to those people, if you don't have an open mind, don't watch the show, because that's who I do it for. Really, I could take it. I have lost some audience and they're tribal people, and it's like good riddance.

I'm not interested in people like that. I'm interested in people, especially the ones who are like, you know what, I am mostly in the liberal bubble. It probably would be good to hear another point of view. And again, I do most of my material against the right, but it doesn't matter. They are in the tribal bubble of where I only want to hear what I already think I know.

And I don't want to have my side challenged because the other side is so bad. The other side is so bad. I still want to hear the whole truth. I don't. Bad because it's not the truth. If it was the truth, I would. But I said to someone recently, I didn't use to hate Republicans. I just disagreed with them. There's a difference. But the people who are Republicans now, I mean, professional Republicans, they're nothing like Republicans used to be. Of course, they're not. And they're basically... And neither are they woke. Anything like Democrats. But here's the thing, this woke stuff. I mean, like the reason that it bothers people so much,

I think, is because there's a lot of silly stuff attached to it. I agree. Some of it is just silly. And silly stuff that actually affects a lot of silly stuff attached to it. I agree. Some of it is just silly. And silly stuff that actually affects a lot of lives. It's not silly. The center of it is real. This, no, I wouldn't call it the center, the past of it. When the word was first out there, it meant alert to injustice. Yes, great.

No one can argue with that. Certainly not me. Certainly it's been a theme of mine since I was on television beginning in the 90s. So, okay, it morphed into something that was an eye roll. Yes, but not all of it. Not all of it. To me, I don't really care about it. A lot of it. A lot of it is silly. I don't pay attention to silly.

But it's silly that's affecting lives. It's silly that they're teaching children. It would be fine if it was silly and it was a cartoon in a magazine or something, but it's not. It's on a very granular level. Why do you think parents are, why do you think DeSantis got 60% of the vote? In Florida. In Florida. Florida is not the world.

Let me say something. It's not the world, but you know what it is? It is an absolutely great epitome of America because it's a little of everything. It's ethnic. It's Jews. It's red the world, but you know what it is. It is an absolutely great epitome of America, because it's a little of everything. It's ethnic, it's Jews, it's red necks, it's the panhandle, it's, you got it all in Florida. It's the Confederacy. It's not the Confederacy. Okay, it wasn't the Confederacy. South Beach is the Confederacy.

No, South Beach is. Okay. Well, that's where most of the votes are. Not his votes. Yes, the redneck Riviera is not only the Confederacy, it's the most of the votes are. Not his votes. Yes, the redneck Riviera is not only the Confederacy, it's the seat of the Confederacy. There's nothing more kid rock-ish than the Panhandle of war. So to me there's a difference.

I don't care what kid rock thinks he's a musician. He's a great musician by the way. He may be, but I mean, I don't care one way or the other, what he thinks. You know, he's not the governor. He doesn't make flaws, you know, uh, he does visit the White House when Trump's not. People are people, including you just a few minutes ago, um, say things like New York is a bubble. It's a bubble. You have no idea what's going on. New York City, you live in a bubble. I didn't say New York. No, you didn't. I didn't. No, you didn't. There are other people. Um, the people who say New York is a bubble. Um, you don't. I didn't. No, you didn't. There are other people. The people who say New York is a bubble.

You don't understand. I always say almost 9 million people live in New York City. Every possible kind of person on the planet Earth lives in New York City. There's no, I take the subway and sometimes I look around the subway car and with the gun to my head I could not identify the race of most of the people in the subway car. Everyone's so mixed up, everyone's so mixed up everywhere in the world. Isn't that great? It's great. But the here to me is a solution which I have.

The problem with what do you want to call them, well, left or whatever, is this idea that people like to be with people that are like them. That's what average means. So I don't care. Be with people that are like you. I mean, I'm not like that because I'm not average. But you see, you can be in a separate car in New York. I can look across and I can say sitting there is a young girl with a head scarf. Standing next to her is what normal Jews, by which I mean atheists,

call the crazy Jews. So standing next to her is a crazy Jew, meaning like a house. If they're like three inches apart, if I could say to each of these people, do you like this person, tell the truth, they would say no, I hate this person. However, they ignore each other. Right. They get off the train. There's no bloodshed. You know, that is the most you can hope for. And that's what you mostly have in New York. I couldn't agree more. And that is New York. And that is America. Again, progressive OBE. Let's not have it. I mean, yes, I've not. It's not true. I'm not in most of America. People, you know, don't care person that's certainly more than Karachi. I think it's a sad thing that we have to compare ourselves to Karachi. Well, that's kind of insulting to Karachi. No, it's like when that thing happened in Brazil, and they said,

it's just like Brazil's January 6th. All we have to compare ourselves to other countries and other places in the world and compare to not just Karachi, but almost all other places. That doesn't happen where the three people are on the subway and it isn't a fucking riot or it just wouldn't happen. And certainly you couldn't be an atheist in many countries. That would be blasphemy. And there's many places in this country where you can't be an atheist.

Oh stop. And where that many places. Christopher Hitchens used to say his favorite places to go tour was the South. This is when he was Mr. Atheist because the Atheists would come out of the Wood Rock. You really think that you can't be an atheist in Alabama? Well, you know, I would always be happy when Christopher Hitchens was not in New York. So he could say these deliberately provocative things which he may or may not have believed in order to attract attention to himself.

Okay, now Eric Adams, I let past, but you are. I know men love Christopher Hitchens, I'm aware of that. I love that way. I love my wife. You kissed and it's a male thing. It's a total male. Me, Tarzan, me love Hitchens.

No, because I was, once a friend of Hitchens said to me, you know, I don't stand way, I don't love Hitchens. No, because once a friend of Hitchens said to me, you know, I don't stand way, I don't like Hitchens. And I said, name one woman who's a friend of Christopher Hitchens. And he said, he has, I said, I'm not saying name one woman that's a slept Christopher Hitchens. I know it must be very attractive to women. I'm not talking about that. A friend.

Name one woman friend. No friend. Name one woman friend. No one could name one woman friend. I find that very surprising. Christopher Hitchens was attracted to women. Yes. To some women. No, I'm sure I, okay. So maybe this is a male thing.

It's like the Godfather. Do you like the Godfather? Like movie? Yeah. Okay. It's a movie. But if you asked me if I would like to live next door, do I an actual Godfather?

No, no one would. No, I would not. I'm just saying, men like the Godfather and women generally do not. Is that true? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you could say- I thought everyone likes the Godfather.

I thought so too, but no. You do a lot of women, you're just like, you know, you know what I'm saying? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Nah, nah, nah, it just, you know, it's violent and I don't know. I don't know. It's just a male thing. Like, but like you're saying, yeah. But Christopher Hitchens, I did not know. No, I certainly have heard him castigated as a sexist. Yeah. Yes.

And you would have, that's part of what bothers you about him. I wouldn't say part. You know, I mean, I mean, one of the things that that makes you is extremely old fashioned. You know, I mean, no, one. Okay, one of the things that makes one a man who is described by other men as sexist, one of the things that makes a man that is to be very old fashioned, very conventional, very old fashioned, and that's what he seemed like to me. And also very British, like a particular British way of being.

Have you read him? Yeah, luckily not recently. You have to admit he had a way with words. He was very articulate. I mean, extremely articulate. Great, right. And this is true of almost all English people. And so I don't give that much credit, you know, because I always say,

well, it's their language, they invented it. Yes. They're much better with the news. It's true, but not at that level. Well, no, but they're more English writers at that level than American writers. And that can't be just talent. That is, that Languages. But if we have a scale of, let's say you and bridge for engines and then TikTok. All right, yes, I give you that. But I mean, people, I'm saying we're talking about a human

population now that reading, as you know, that's gone. It's just. I don't agree with you. That is because well, except for a very small percentage. If you write a novel and it sells 50,000 copies, that's a big hit. 50,000 in a country of 300 million? No, that's completely true. I mean, if it's a good novel, I wouldn't sell 50,000.

Very, very few. Yes. And the ones that do are by Robert Ludlow. Yes, no, I agree with you. Okay. But that is in a way almost always been the case bill. It's that when people, everyone read novels, there was no other form of entertainment.

In other words, once we became, you know, people read novels. Yes, you're right. And once movies came, fewer people read novels. But in television, fewer people read novels. You know, and that's always been true. And novels that generally, there have been some great novels that so on. But generally novels so huge amounts are not very good. They're just very entertaining. Have you ever seen Tik Tok? Well, people have shown it to me, yeah. Isn't it amazing?

You know, I don't care about this. I know. But like, the fact that people are just all day I don't care about this, I don't. I know, but like the fact that people are just all day doing this, and I've looked at it and like I can watch cute, funny dogs and cats. Like, I mean, if you really just put me in a room, I would, I could drool my life away, like looking at this. It is, it is amusing, but I purposely, just the way I would put down a giant piece of cake, I just put it aside and I'm like, okay, I could. And yet, this apparently seems to be a level of discipline that alludes.

And I'm trying to big myself up on this. I'm just saying, I don't think I'm doing anything that outrageously great, but other people can't seem to pull this off. And they are just mesmerized by not just that app, but all, I mean, I get your thing about the phone, although, you know, also, you could have a phone and just not use this bullshit part, and just use it as a talk.

But I don't want to talk. Well, if we're talking now. No, no, yes, but you're here. I'm here. I like it. Or I have a phone in my apartment. People say you don't have a phone. I say, yes, I have one in my apartment. Yes, but you're here. I'm here. I'm here. I have a phone in my apartment. People say, you don't have a phone. I say, yes, I have one in my apartment.

Oh, you mean a landline? Yes. I mean, a phone that works, first of all. On my phone, my landline, no one's ever saying, I can't hear you. Wait a minute. I'm losing you. I have a phone in my apartment.

It's sufficient for me. People I know always like mad at me. I can't reach you. And I always say, it doesn't matter. I can't help you. In other words, I don't need to reach an emergency. I'm not a doctor. There's nothing I can do. If you need help, don't call me because I don't have these skills. Like I cannot, I cannot save you. No matter what is wrong with you, call someone who knows how to save you. That is not me. I don't need to be reached. Things like TikTok and stuff like that,

you're talking about kids mostly who do this all the time, right? No, it's not just kids. TikTok has taken over. And you know it's a Chinese company, right? I know it's a Chinese company. I mean, it would be the equivalent of in 1968, Chairman Mao running CBS. No, seriously.

Well, I don't have it because I don't have the thing. I know they banned it in certain places. They shut it off. Apparently in government phones now, you can't get it. It's, you know, I mean, I, I, well, I mean, you say there's nothing we can do about this. You know, I think, you know, there's certain things that maybe can be fixed, but that's not going to be one of them.

Kids, you said it before it. They know nothing about anything. They don't, and again, not to indict the education system, but I mean, what else conclusion can you draw? They just let kids out of school without knowing anything. There is nothing that you can, I've seen these videos like where they're, they're men on the street kind, and they're saying to people

at the mall over the 19-year-olds, when did America start? I don't know, take a guess. 1901, you know, like... Well, Jay Leno used to do that, I should've been a member. Jay Walking. Yes, same bit. How many people on the screen court for? How many planets are?

And I, I, I, I, before I had the opportunity to ask him, I thought they deliberately picked out the people who didn't know this. And he showed me that was not the case. I look, all videos are edited. So they talk to 50 people. Of course they're gonna use the 20 funniest ones. Jay was, that thing was more, I think, indicative because I don't think those people were

pre-screened that way. It's like, oh, when I got the four idiots in the audience. Right, that's what he said. He said that they just, they actually didn't. I believe him, they didn't. But- He said it's a fault of the school system. There's no question.

That's a fault of the school system. How could it, I mean, that is criminal. That is because at a certain point, you know, the education system is maybe connected to the fact that we were saying earlier, perhaps we were actually filming, I was unaware when we started. So I don't, maybe this is already on this. When I was a child, which is before you were one, no one ever asked a child a question. Because what would a child know?

You know, more than tonight, all you got was instructions. In my house and almost all house, it was non-stop instructions. And within my house, a lot of it was grammar. My mother was constantly correcting my grammar non-stop. To the point at which I do this in my head, my mother is dead. I am old. I'm much older than I. My mother was when she was telling me this step. It's non-stop in my head. To the point where this actually happened to me, I was walking across Washington Square Park, not in the park, but across on the street. And it was like three o'clock in the morning. And coming to me was a very tough looking guy, like a guy who had a tattoo of barbed wire

around his neck. Kind of person that you don't want to get into an argument with this guy. And you take that as a sign. That's a sign of someone I'm not going to get an argument with. So he's walking toward me. And I'm walking toward, we're walking walking toward each other and they were renovating Washington Square Park, which is like every five years, they think more trees out of it. And there were a lot of mice, which I am terrified of any road.

I'd rather have a wolf on my apartment than a mouse. So a mouse ran across my foot. And I screamed as if like a bear was coming toward me. Like in a comic. Yes. like this guy, like left. And he said, oh, what happened? Did one of those little mouses run across your foot? And I said, mice. And he turned around and looked at me. And he said, what? And I said, the plural of mouse is mice, not mouses. And luckily, the guy clearly thought this woman is not to kept walking.

So I thought like, I am a person who contradicts and corrects the grammar of a clearly dangerous 20-year-old thug because it's in my head. So this is what my my childhood. It was like, I would say to my mother, can I please have an apple? She would say, may I please have an apple? I would say, may I please have an apple? She would say, no. Now that's an entirely different person that grows up from that, you know.

Right. So they stopped treating, grammar's a very, very boring thing to learn. It's the only way to learn grammar is by memorizing millions of rules. It's you can't make it entertaining or fun or interesting, you can't make it be about you. It's just about these rules

which are actually totally arbitrary so they stop teaching it. And that is why people make these mistakes. But the provenance of this problem is parenting because as we were alluding to before, and yes, we were been on since the second use that down. In our day, the big difference in schooling was the parents and the teachers on the same team.

And iron triangle, or a triangle, whatever. If you got trouble, when I got in trouble at school, you would then got in trouble at home. Exactly. Now you get in trouble. School, the parents do the school. Exactly. Exactly. Now you get in trouble. School of the parents, you the school. Exactly. Yes. Because it was not the, then it was the children

against the adults, you know, not my child, you know, and me against them. I'm just saying, to the average voter, whether it's in Florida or whatever city you're talking about in America, the average guy you were saying before, who doesn't, whatever you were saying, that guy who doesn't follow politics closely, he's going to go, that kind of shit. Yeah, I think the Santas will stand up to that shit.

I mean, to grammar. To parents not being on the side of the teachers. Well, there's also this idea, which I believe you seem to share in some way, that the teachers union is some malevolent force. It's not a malevolent force, but it has created a lot of malevolence because it's produced a lot of children who don't know anything.

Again, I'm trying to trace this back to what we are agreeing on. Kids don't know anything. Where did I'm trying to trace this back to what we are agreeing on. Kids don't know anything. Where did that start? Whose fault is that mainly? Obviously, there's a lot of blame to go around. But not insisting that kids know anything when they get out of school.

I got it said. The part of this is parents, like, and certain parents that they want to be friends with their children. So my mother used to say to me all the time, without the slightest bit of irony, I'm not sure a friend, I'm your mother. Like, I could mistake her.

And again, that's something that like me. That seems like more of a thing that the people are gonna think is in the blue bin. Is it the left? It is not true. It is not true. No, the parents who are hysterical that their children might learn about evolution,

you know, they are wrong. Yeah, that's true too. Okay, they're wrong. But they're definitely, they're certainly seen. Maybe they're not, but they're certainly seen as the side of the country that's more in your traditional values and discipline. And a lot of it is religious in nature, Bill.

Some of it is. A lot of it is, okay, and I really object to that. You know, a lot of homeschooling, which should not be allowed. Homeschooling, a lot of it is, okay? And I really object to that. You know, a lot of homeschooling, which should not be allowed. Homeschooling, a lot of it is so, half this schooling, if you wanna call it that, is about religion. But they've studied this,

and a lot of times the kids who are homeschooled actually wind up knowing more than the kids who went to regular high school, because those kids didn't learn anything. That's possible. That's possible. But some people are homeschooled from the very beginning. No, I know. And obviously, mostly the homeschooled are being incoicated

with religious stuff, but they're going to get that at home anyway. You know, which schools actually do the best these days? Catholic schools. And trust me, as an old Catholic who fucking hated catechism or the name else in my life ever. At least Catholic schools still like teach kids the basics. So a lot of people who are not Catholics want their kids to go to Catholic school and they just tell them, you know, when they started on the Jesus Bulls, you're just doing that.

You're gonna know it. But then they're gonna teach you grammar. Well, you know, and math, you know, I have a list. It's very short of people that I know who went to Catholic school. Now I mean, people my age. So people my age who went to Catholic school, really learned grammar because if you were my age, the nuns were allowed to hit you then. And being hit is the way you learn grammar, apparently.

I always hit by nuns. It's so boring, grammar. And so it doesn't make any sense. You can't like logically figure it out. So I know this one guy who went to Catholic school from kindergarten right through college, like he's a grammar expert. He knows every possible thing. And that's the only way you learn a grammar. So you have to compel people to learn it. And so since we don't compel people to do things any more in that way, you know,, you know, it's one thing to say, we should compel people to learn grammar,

which I believe we should. And it's another thing to say, we should compel people to believe things that are patently not true, which is many things from the right bill, patently untrue. I couldn't agree more, and I never shy away from making that point. I'm just putting the salt and the pepper together to make a balanced meal. And by the way, I read strung and white every year. And it's very helpful. And then not to be too privileged. I read strung and black. No, but you know, I went to Cornell and that's where that was written. You know,

that he what was it? Strung was the professor and E.B. White was the student, right? And when you were pronoun, it was all boys in the white. It was close to all boys. It certainly was in my circle. I'm not by choice. I was what they would call today an in-cell. Are you familiar with the in-cells? I know what they are.

I hope I'm not familiar with I know who they are. They used to be just unlucky unlucky and now they shoot people. Well, it stands for involuntarily celibate. I, just the idea that they would fucking name themselves and like start a movement when I was one because I certainly was one. The last thing I ever wanted was to like be part of a group of other losers. But you also didn't think it entitled you to go into a Walmart and shoot people. Yeah.

Okay. So most of them are not doing that. No, most of them are not doing that, but most of them. But that is, they do do that. Are those people? And, and that is, they don't like look down on them. So many of them don't look down on the people who shoot. There was a guy in Santa Barbara.

There was a, I remember this. Yes. Did you have down the street shooting of people? Correct. In a Mercedes. Right. He was a nice-looking guy. He was just at that age, and I remember that age where you can't get laid because you're bad at that,

as you are at everything at 19, because you're just at the very infancy of your adulthood. So just like in your real infancy, you're smaller than everybody at least in stature and life, you're powerless, you know less, you're just to fucking idiot about everything and you're going to be bad at everything. And I was bad at that and these guys were bad at that. But the difference is this guy, nice looking guy in a Mercedes, just took it upon himself to take this out on the people who really deserved the whooping for this and then shoot some women who I guess turned them down in a part

of your something. I think they were random. I mean, they, and I know, this was several years ago. I remember. It was like 10 years ago, yeah. He just, he went to school there. Yeah, right. And again, a very privileged area, Santa Barbara. Extremely. I went I did a speaking date there several years ago And I had never been there before it was a monocetone and or monocetia have a reset and someone in the audience said What do you think of monocetone and I said it makes Beverly Hills look like Detroit? Is that true? It is true. It's like you cannot believe. First of all, the just the lavishness of the natural environment. You know, it's so psychotically beautiful that you can't believe this is like a real

place. Really? I kind of get up there. It's really beautiful. Is that why Prince Harry moved there? Is that why he moved there? I'm good for you. No, I think he moved there because she told him to.

I doubt he'd heard of it. What is your opinion on Prince Harry? Well, here's my opinion. Well, first of all, here's my first, here's my first, like observation. Like I say to people, can you imagine a family where Williams is a smart one? Okay. So that's that family. That's that family. That's that family. Who, Prince Harry? Prince William. Prince Harry's not an idiot either, but and look, he served in Afghanistan. He says he killed 25 Afghanistan, the rest of the wedding went off without a hitch.

Yeah, no. I saw that, but I, no, but. Let me just, I like the whining, I really annoys me, I'm sorry. This is like like this is this spoiled brat. I believe I watched the interview He did with Anderson on 60 minutes and you know, I like Anderson He's actually really good journalist a lot of people dismiss him because he does that silly stuff with Andy Conn But he is a real journalist and I've developed this habit since Trump, of actually yelling at my television set,

I know it's idiotic, but it just, sure. And so he asked him, I mean, Anderson S. Prince Harry, well then why don't you, after he was like, you know, whining about how horrible the rough family was as life was impossible. My brother, hit me, my father was mean to me. I felt like, he acts like he was like,

in a Syrian refugee camp. Right. And then Anderson said, well, then why don't you give up your title? And Prince Harry said in a very princely manner, what good would that do Anderson? And I was like, Yelia Anderson should have said, well, because you're not here because your name is Harry. Your hair, because your name is Prince. And if you're complaining constantly about too much media attention, the place to do would not be 60 minutes. I couldn't agree with that more.

All of that. And he could have also said, John Lennon returned his middle of the British Empire. You can renounce these things. Yes, you can. But then you can't get a 16-minute story. No. Because a lot of people name Harry and they're not allowed. But that's the only thing that gives him saving grace with me, because I do think he's

a whiner and a terrible hypocrite and just go away. But anybody who was a prince who still went to war, I mean, I thought it was a silly war to be in, but I'm sure there was. But he said he liked being in war. I said I liked being in war. No, he did. Oh, he did. Yes, he did?

Yes, he said it was the only time he felt he had a purpose. Right. And that people treated him like everyone else. Although I do seem to remember, I can be wrong, that at a certain point they pulled him out of wherever he was. Well, they let him get his 25 kills. Yeah. I don't know if that's a lot or a little, you know.

Isn't that kind of a backhanded slap to the wife? If you say this, the only time I felt like I was worth a damn, I thought the wife was the person who like, upped him up so he felt like he was, could leave the royal family and be his own man and no. I don't know, I do not know them, even though someone who works in my building, there are many people. We originally started on that Netflix, which is all over the world. And someone who works in my building was leaving, and I was talking to her and she said, tonight is Meghan Markle and Prince Harry,

on Netflix, I said, oh, she said, you're gonna watch it, right? I said, no. She said, no. She said, I said, you're gonna watch it? Yes. She said, I said, do you like them? Oh, I love them. I said, oh, you like them? I said I love them. Oh, I said oh shit. You like them. I said no She said but you know them. I said no. Yes, you know them. I said of course, I don't where how they know them. She said from Netflix I said the cafeteria right. I said Netflix is not a place It's not like she had her mind. I said it's a place. It's like a bar. We all go there, all 8 billion people on Netflix.

And every night when you go to a different bar, we go to Netflix and we hang out. And that's where I see Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. I always love it when Russell Crowe has a movie on Netflix because then we can have a drink together at the cafeteria. Who is this woman? I mean, she works in the building.

She's a... What's up, people. She's a... She's a... She believed that this is a place and where I would know Prince Harry and make a miracle from. People, the problem that won't go away. Yes.

All right, well, I'm gonna release you back into the wild. Well, thank you very much. It's a delightful place to have your building. Oh, I... Any place that's delightful when I get this sit down and talk to you. Remember San Francisco?

We'll always have San Francisco. It was, it was, Silicon Valley. What was it? Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley. Yeah. It was three night, what year was that?

2017 or something. Anyway. I don't remember, I don't remember, but it was like three nights at the same time. Yes, three nights. Yeah. Oh, I remember. It was fun.

It's always fun to be with you. What are you doing now? I'm having dinner with some millennials. You'll love it. Oh, I'm having dinner with someone. You always do this. I've told you a million times. I've left my dinner with you.

You have to tell me before dinner time. Rando. Rando. Rando. Rando. Rando. Rando. I can't spring you under. I want a mankind.