Club Random with Bill Maher - Jeff Dunham | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Bill Maher sits down with Jeff Dunham, the world's most successful ventriloquist and one of the highest-grossing comedians of all time, for a conversation that goes well beyond comedy. From their Johnny Carson debuts to decades spent on the road, the two swap stories about success, audiences, and the strange realities of show business. Jeff shares what it's like performing the same act in places as different as Abu Dhabi and Tel Aviv, while Bill weighs in on modern politics, free speech, and the cultural shifts that have transformed comedy. Along the way, they get into Gen Z's aversion to capital letters, the disappearance of common sense, and why comedians with props still don't get the credit they deserve. Support our Advertisers: Try ZipRecruiter for free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/random Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And it's so great that we went back because it's going to get us a lot. Oh, come on, it's fun. It's just another thing for rich people. No. It's a lot of car guys in one industry. I think you just named a bunch of guys that don't have any real vices. So interesting. Jeff.

Bill, how are you? Good. How are you? A great place. It's fascinating. Boy. You're like the same as ever. Really?

The last time I saw you in person was at a comedy festival in like Montreal or something. How long ago? That was like, I think, before politically incorrect. Before? I think it was. Yeah. What year did you do Carson first? The first one was 90.

90? Yep. Mine was 82. Oh, geez, is that right? That's great. We're probably almost the same Carson age. How old were you when you did it? I don't know.

I was... I was 26. I was 28. Yeah. So, yeah. I just did walking, with Kevin Nealyn, by the way. So we chatted about you a little bit.

Really? All good, I hope. Oh, yeah. I've never known comedians to talk shit about each other. They're not feuders. And they're not petty also. Ever, ever. And so, by the way, has it been revealed who's going to present you with the award?

Leno. Is Leno going to do it? Yeah. Oh, that's great. And congratulations. Oh, thank you. You're at the Mark Twain Award. Yeah, yeah.

Believe me. It's turned into, I mean, I'm very honored. I mean, if it wasn't a big one, I wouldn't have done it. You know, I don't need awards because they never wanted to give me awards. So I was all, if it was just anything less, I would have been like, well, please, because it's a lot of work to, you know, you've got eight speakers and the Kennedy Center. And, you know, it's a show. It's a Netflix special. Yeah.

You know, I'm not going to put on a dull show. So, like, I'm doing my jobs, not that this is a job because, you know, I love this. I mean, what a great break in the week when I get to talk to somebody who I never really knew often like you, but always knew of and was around. Right. You know, that to me is so fascinating. Like, let's catch up on the last 40 years. I feel like, you know, there was that night in Montreal. Yeah, right.

And then, you know, you kind of ghosted me for two-score. Well, I've always been kind of an outsider anyway. I never, I mean, coming over here is amazing. I never make it over the door. Our paths just wouldn't cross. First of all, we're both on the road all the time. The last place, either one of us would be, is in the same city, because we're probably playing the same theater.

Although you probably play much bigger. You play stadiums? I mean, arenas? Arenas, yeah. Like, how about it, 20,000? Yeah, we average between 8 and 10 now, something like that. And it's fun. Between 5, 8 and 10, yeah.

And that's one other thing I love about doing this. I like to talk to successful people, and I know you have big numbers of all time, like people come to see you. You were playing on a level above where I ever played. I never played 8,000, 10,000. The highest I got was like 5, 6,000. Yeah, it's a whole different thing. I don't know.

Everybody has their niche. Well, yeah, it is. Yeah, and it is amazing. Oh, I'm not saying you're better than me. There's no accounting for days. No, I mean, you're a great comic. Can people recognize that? But yes, do I think numbers?

Dice Clay used to do 25,000. Do I think he's a better comic than me? I don't, and I love him, and he's funny. And he's a good actor, too, by the way. But, you know, I don't have to. Numbers sometimes, numbers, they don't mean everything, but I always respect them. I always respect them.

Well, it's the same thing with McDonald's or Ruth Chris. You know what I mean? McDonald's does billions. Ruth Chris does a few hundred stakes. and it's a completely different thing. Ruth Chris Steakhouse? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah.

I'm talking about that Steakhouse versus McDonald's burgers. You know what I mean? Just because somebody's doing... Yeah. I know that name. It always bothered me. I don't know why it's such a terrible sounding name. And it was like, you know, look,

it's not like I haven't eaten a steak. I'm not a vegetarian, but I'm not a particularly fan of steak. And like, it just seemed like a place there would be a bunch of meathead. I could be wrong, you know. I was trying to find the fanciest steak place. I can think of. No, that's right.

It is. I just have a, you just triggered me. I'm just a thing with Ruth Chris Takehast. I've always saw it on the road and Vegas and, like, I just, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm not trying to insult. I'm going to start a feud, you know, comics in there. Right. Which is with Ruth Chris Takehouse, these bastards where I never was and never treated me bad,

but, oh, I'm burning to get even with them. No, they could be the greatest. I'm sure they're very good because I know their success. Right. Oh, never mind. Fucking bug me. Okay. By the way, what is what here?

What is that? That's mine. What is it? What is it? That's just sparkling water, I think. And this is the tequila? That's tequila. Have some.

I have a tiny bit. Oh, that's great. Are you a redneck? Where are you from? River in Texas. Texas, yeah. Yeah. Gribendells.

I don't know what that means. You don't really look like you're from Texas. Well, I don't really look like you're from Texas. I never really had an accent. My parents didn't have much of an accent, so I never really, you know. But, yeah, I grew up there and whatever. Can I ask you a question before we, talking about me? Before, we're halfway through.

I don't know what the word reasonable actually means, but I've just been fascinated watching you in the last couple, three years. And it just seems like it's shifted a little bit where what is the definitive Well, it's more than three or four years. It's longer than that. But there definitely was a shift. I mean, this is the debate I'm always having with my critics who would like to say, I've changed, and I have a million ways of saying it to them. But basically, I didn't change. I didn't forget what it is to be, I didn't become a conservative. You forgot what it was to be a liberal. And we don't have to go through all the ways that the left, a far left, has gone off the deep end. But it is what got Trump elected and so forth. So did I change?

I didn't. And I wrote a whole book or took stuff for my show mostly, but weaved it together into a book that basically tried to prove that point. Look at my history. I'm pretty much always the same. Right. But I will put the reasonable in there because I feel like you listen a little more now. Well, that could be true.

I mean, look, we all who are on TV a lot, I mean, how many specials have you done? 14. What? There's 13. 13. 13. But they're all big.

13 hours. No, it's more than that. They're long. Yeah. So when I tape a special, I do, easily do almost two hours. That's a lot. Wow. But then we edit it down to an hour.

So that's a lot of material. Yeah, you take up the shit, huh? Yeah. Well, sure, you know, of course. But you, you know, you take it down to the fine points. Right. And people don't understand when you, it's so much different doing, stand up in person and then you try and put it on television, the timing changes.

But that's a lot of material. Yeah, yeah, it is. I mean, I've done 13 HBO specials. Right. But, you know, over from 1989, I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. And do you, let me ask you this. Does somebody come to you and tell you a joke and you go, I've heard that somewhere before?

And then you realize it was a big party or act years ago? Also, I go through. you know, sort of a meticulous chronicler. I'm just an anal person, you know, as far as like taking notes and stuff. So I'm the opposite of Bellsor who never wrote down one word. Is that right? Ever. Wow.

You know, and it showed sometimes, you know. Not me. So, like, I will go through, like, a set list from 1982, and I'll just see, like, the little bullet point I had for it. And I'm like, what does, you know, wet painting mean? Right. You know, that was some bit I had. I know, and then I've done that same thing, and I'll go, and I'll try and regurgitate it in my mind and go, it killed.

I could at least. Right. Right. And I'd like to do it again just one time, and you can't remember it. Yep. And those notes made absolute perfect sense when you made them. Right. I look through them, and I'd realize, I mean, they're voluminous, the files I have of how much I put pen to paper and wrote.

Some of it is just raw stuff, writing. And I was never the kind of comic who purposely wrote. That was the Seinfeldian way. You get up in the morning, you get the yellow pad. They learned it from Dr. Cosby. Whatever happened to him. Right, right. I heard of him.

Yeah. But that was his thing. You just purposely, I said, I can't, and I know, I could never do that. What my method was to get high. Oh, perfect. You know, with my friends. And that funny shit would just come out and just try to capture what comes out naturally. And would you, like, if you were going to, when you were getting raised for a special,

Did you go to a club and work on it, working, or work, and working. For me, I mean, mine are, we never edit any of them, because I have so practiced it that when we shoot it, I know it's the right, basically an hour, so an hour two or something, or 58 minutes, you can't tell the changes with crowds, you know, frottie, they can be more tired,

they don't laugh as much. That can be five-minute difference in a show between Saturday when they're rested, And they have the energy to actually laugh more. That's our business. So, you know, but I have, I mean, the last one I did, we taped at the beginning of December 24 in Chicago. And, you know, I stopped after doing that, stopped the road, which is like where you still are. And I still was, you know, if you're like a decade younger than me or something.

That's probably, I totally know exactly where you are. You're not 74. No, I'm 70. Okay. You're 64. Oh, wow. Okay. All right.

So we're only six years. Closer. You got out of here soon. You aged well. Oh, thanks. Some people at our age, they are unrecognizable. Well, especially, I don't mean to be mean, but do you look at the women that were in your high school class and go, oh, what happened? No, where would I see them?

Oh, Facebook, right. See, the whole world is, it's funny that you say that. And most of the world knows what that means because they're on Facebook and up. You don't do any of that. No. Why the fuck would I want to see my old high school people? I mean, it's only got to be depressing. Well, I got to tell you, I don't do either. I get, I don't, I kept up with technology for many, many years. And in fact, in the early 90s, you know, when I was doing my own tapes, I learned to edit digitally when that was all brand new. I taught myself all that,

but that was the end of my technological, you know, I know how to work the phone, but when it comes to social media. Do you keep up with, like, everybody you ever met in your life? No, no, no. But isn't that? But you're on Facebook. It's not an accusation, you? I am, but I don't do it.

I have other people that do it. Every once in a sure. That's me too, I'm sure. Right. I don't know. I have people who know people who know the answer. That's how removed I am. I love to ask those people to ask the people who actually do shit.

No, I'm sure we do. I'll post a picture now and then because I know how to do that. and I'll say things and then they'll put it up there for me, but I don't know how to, and Facebook is now, you know, it's all yesterday. Now it's all Instagram and TikTok and all that stuff. I think it's awesome to just embrace the generation you're in. Not on everything, of course. But look, there is a movement among the younger generation now

to go back to the way we had it. They get it that the phone fucked up their heads. They know they're fucked up. That's one thing about them. They're ignorant, but they're not unsavvy about like real life, IRL. And they know how fucking crazy it is. They know this. They can't seem to stop themselves.

So you don't have a device that you look on Instagram. I have an iPhone. Yeah, but are you, do you like at night go on board? I'm going to look at this? I'm going to ask the trite question. What do you do when you're not doing this? You're not playing golf. I'm doing this, but we're not filming it.

I'm getting high and drinking. Perfect. No, I wish I could do this every day. Seriously, now I'm really curious. When you have free time, what are you going to do? Well, I mean, up until a year ago, a year and a half ago, I guess now, really having a stand-up act and being on the road, not quite as much as you, I'm sure, but all year long,

regularly, like every other weekend. I would do it very, I had to be here to do the show. And also, I don't want to be way that much. It was perfect. I would fly into one. I get up Saturday, fly to one city, do the show, stay overnight, fly to the second city, and then after that city, fly home. Private.

That night. Of course, you have to do it that way. Yeah, the other way you can't do it. You can't do it that way. And you couldn't even get to these gigs in time. I have to be here all week. And it's theaters, right? Theaters.

And, you know, so like two cities over 30 hours, home in my bed Sunday night after I leave Saturday morning, that's not the worst. It was great. But even that, you know, it just became the travel, the hotels. It's wear and tear. It's not great for your health. But, you know, you have to make, if you want to have an act, people say, well, just do it sometimes. No, you have to keep sharp.

Your pitching arm is crazy. And, you know, during the pandemic, I had never, this sounds crazy, but I started the ventriloquism thing when I was in the third grade. And I realized that since the fourth grade. Those are puppet. What? Yeah. Oh, those are puppets. Yeah, yeah, that.

I'm sorry. And what's your name in your bathtub is great? I felt right at home. Whitney in the bathtub. Everybody said, be careful. You might scare. And I walked in and I went, it's like my house.

It's still a big meal. I got this. So I made her talk, by the way. She's very happy. What's it? In the bathtub. I made her talk. Oh.

Now that would be funny. If she didn't weigh a ton, I'd drag her out here and put her on my lap. Okay. Then I can make her talk that way. She weighs a ton. What was I talking about? I can't remember.

I'm talking about Whitney Houston in the best. Oh, oh, no. I don't know. What were you talking? I don't know. I'm the one who's smoking pot. You don't smoke pot? No.

Don't say it like you're ashamed. Some people like it and some people don't. I've never ever in my life tried it. I'm one of those guys. I mean, yeah. I mean, look, I don't, if I don't want people to judge me for doing it, everything is like people's personality. I always say this about politics.

Everything is political. days, which is kind of good for me. That's what I've always been talking about, so I'm not complaining. Right. But politics really comes out of people's personalities. It comes from like what your parents told you, how they brought you up, where you were brought up, you know, I mean, conservative. It's just, it's a person, I feel like it's a personality rate before it becomes a political party. I also think I equate it to sports. It's like you, most people love whatever sports. it was that their dad loved, at least for guys. Oh, my God, of course.

Oh, right. And I think the political parties are the same way. And I look at it and I think, I'm in show business, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would think that I would tend to lean left. And I tend to lean right. And that's just the beliefs that my father and my parents in where I grew up. I remember what I was going to say. It doesn't mean you're in the clan.

Right. You know, this is my problem with the left. It's like anything that's not super with us on the far, far end of it, And then you're a conservative. Do you get this like you're a conservative? I did a rant here one night about Landman, never getting any love from the media or the awards. It's an awesome show, but it's like seen as conservative.

Why? Because it's not, you know, taking place in a yurt. There's not a transsexual sharp in the show. I've been to a yurt, but I've never used the word yurt in a conversation. I think it would be a great name for a show. Yurt! Have you been to an actual yurt? His name is yurt, and he also lives in a yurt.

That's my idea for the show. Have you ever been to a yurt? No, it's like in Mongolia. Oh, no, they haven't. There's like what? I'd have to ask my wife. Up in, I don't remember where it was. It was in Utah or something.

The dead of winter, you get there. They take in a, you're drawn by a horse, like Santa Claus in a sleigh, and you show up there, and it's just big yurt, and they have an outhouse, and it's fantastic. So what's it? difference for the layman, like I don't know, between a yurt and a T.P. Would you say? I have no freaking clue. Well, a yurt is...

Now what are you doing? What's that? Oh, I'm roofing you, Jeff. I've always wanted to fuck you from that first night in Montreal. It was so romantic. People were speaking French. You were younger. You look awesome.

No, wait a second. I want to know what you're doing. What is it? That's... What's... Gene? What's... It gives me superhuman strength.

Does it? All right. I noticed you. It's why I can lift this glass. All right, fine. Very nice. You know, a yurt, yeah, it's like a T-P, but... But bigger?

That's what I'm asking. I don't know. Like, if I'm in the market for a yurt slash TP, if I go to Amazon, it's, you know... I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is that there was a chef there, it was a four-star yurt. Really? Yeah, it was amazing.

A four? Why do you say four-star? It was incredible. The food was there. They had a chef there, a famous chef, in your middle of nowhere, there's snow everywhere, it's 10 degrees outside,

and you're sitting in a coat, but it was fantastic. Americans can be hypocritical about anything. They really can, just like, I dare you. Yurt's, oh yeah, I can fuck that up. I can look like an asshole in a yurt. Absolutely. Peace rallies?

Oh, please. I'll be marching. for Hamas. How about that for fucking up? They can fuck up anything. It's hysterical. Okay, so we're talking about the left and the right. So I have always said that I truly believe that most of this world is good people. And my example, when I was doing one of my specials in 2013, I was in Abu Dhabu, Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi. No, that's Yogi Bear. That's Yogi Bar. Abed Dhabadoo.

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and look good doing it. This is the alienware experience distilled into one iconic machine. Visit alienware.ca. slash alienware 15 today. So doing a show there for 4,000 Muslims and all in the front rows were the guys in the white dish dash and the women in the black and the few rows back. And I did the same show with Ahmed the Dead Terrorist and that was their favorite character. Two nights later, I'm in the middle of... It's mine. Huh? It's my favorite, too.

Oh, well, thanks. Well, two nights later, I'm in the middle of Tel Aviv Israel doing the exact same show for 4,000 Jewish people. Didn't change the word of the show, and they all loved it equally the same. So my big thing is I truly feel this world is filled with good people that all want the same things. We want a house, we want a job, we want security, we want health care for our kids and ourselves and all that. And it takes a handful of idiots to fuck it up for everybody else. You know what you should do?

And I know I'm getting a reputation with the staff. I'm always telling people career advice, but I think I really would have been a good manager. Okay. But you should do that as a documentary special. The same show in both those cities. Oh. And put stuff in the middle,

interviews here and there. You can handle that with people from the region and stuff. But show the same material from that. character working in both those cities. I think that would be very powerful. A lot of people would watch it. I would definitely watch that. Yeah, that'd be right. One of our biggest YouTube videos is showing me there

in front of them. But, yeah. I got a great location scout crew there right now in the Strait of Hormuz. That's the one we may not be able to get through, but that's why you get a fixer. You get somebody over there who speaks the language, you know, a little rattling

of the cups, as they say. A little bribe here, a little... Right. You know, it goes a long way. That's actually a great idea. It actually is a great idea. Interesting, yeah. You're right, people would watch it because people watch that thinking I'm going to be killed. And it was great.

But I will tell you, before the show started, my manager comes to me and he goes, we got it. Because I was a little bit nervous about being there. I'm like, well, what am I doing here? You know, we've been doing Norway and Sweden and the UK and all that. And I knew it was all great. And even Paris, France was great. They lived it in Paris, France. But then they said Abu Dabri, and I'm like, are you kidding?

What are you kidding? Well, I mean. But they love it. I loved it. Okay, I'm gonna now put it in perspective, however. It is great, and you should get a medal of honor for the balls to do it. Balls means a lot to me and you have them.

I don't mean that in a personal way. All right, thanks. But there was Montreal. Anyway. That's right, now we've created this whole thing where we have a backstory where we fucked in Montreal. It's ridiculous. But, oh, shit, what was I gonna say?

You're talking about the special, about doing the special. Yes, but it was something so important to me. You were doing this special. We should do it as a special. Oh, I'm going to put it in perspective, which is it's great that you can do those jokes with that character. Right.

But you don't really have freedom until you could do those jokes, and the character was a Muhammad puppet dog. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. But just know where the paraps, are. Oh, sure. That's where we are. Yeah. We are not in free speech country. No, no. It is not. I mean, I know America to the kids is the worst country that ever was because they know nothing about us or any other country, but it doesn't matter. Che Guevara looks great on a t-shirt. That's what they know. Che Guevara looks great on a t-shirt. Why you try to fill my head with facts. But the truth is that we do have, that is, there are levels of freedom and, you know, That there's just, you know, and people have different opinions about that, and we don't have to go through them here, but, you know.

So in your current act, is this what you're talking about? There is no current act, because I did stop drawing. Really? Yeah, yeah, I didn't do anything in 2025. No, I feel like, like I said, you either, like fully have an act going all the time. Right. I mean, I was always working on it. It was always a third job.

A job I like, more like a hobby. I always said it was more like building a ship inside a bottle that people do, because it was always this tinkering with my act. I loved the process of doing my act and oh, okay, that worked great. It would work better if I moved it here. You know, I used to bring on stage a kind of a poor man's teleprompter, bullet points, so, and I could edit that in my computer

and just every time I did it, it got better and better and sharper and cleaner and fun. Bad, I love that process. Yeah, and people don't understand that every word and every pause and every breath matters. Yes, absolutely. But what I was going to tell you was, I forgot, is during the pandemic, since the fourth grade, I had never gone more than two weeks without doing a show. I was always working, always, always, always, the only job I ever had.

I got withdrawal, too. Yeah, but so I thought, I'm going to do a special during the pandemic. So I sat down and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote this entire act, never having tried one joke in front of anybody. But you talk about the pitching arm and having to do it, I felt like I know what I'm doing here, I think I know where I'm going to get laughs.

And sure enough, after five months of not being on stage, we shot it somewhere out there. Outside, everybody with four tops, you had to be with their own family, everybody's wearing masks. We had like, I don't know, a couple hundred people. You didn't need a rehearsal. You didn't need a run through.

I never understood these, most of my friends, the comics, you know, they go to the comedy clubs and work out the shit before they're like, like, I never did that once I was out of the comedy clubs and I didn't need to. I would have been already doing this for 20 fucking years or whatever. I know what's going to work or what's not going to work.

Right. You know, maybe not as well or maybe better or maybe it would go there or go better. But, I mean, rarely, without ever having to try it out, did I do a joke, you know, in Des Moines or Cincinnati that I'd never done before and it just got nothing. Right, right. No, I couldn't done that after two years in the business,

or five, or maybe even 10, but after 20, I don't know how you can't. Right. And your act, I never saw the live act in a theater. What, what, was it the subject matter that we'd all expect it to be? Or is it political stuff? Was it? Well, then I guess you've never seen this stuff on tape either,

but I would say it was a mixture. I would say my view is that everything is sort of political, So there was nothing that was trivial. I put it that way. But I talked about my sex life. I talked about, I mean, I loved the last. No, I've seen the bits. I've seen the bits and they're great.

But I mean, it's like trivial stuff. So, yeah, you in Seinfeld. I'm not trivial. Like, even if I talked about my sex life, it always was like with the idea of some sort of issue in the day that was going on, like in cells. You know, I mean, that wasn't a thing when I was a kid. In cells, you know, involuntary,

celibate, these guys who have made a virtue out of being unable to get laid. I was an in-sell also. I just didn't, we didn't have a name for it and we didn't want to fucking brag about it and put it on the internet. I tried to keep it a secret. You know, I can't get

laid. But these guys think it's like a thing to like, we're in cells and, you know, we demand pussy. I mean, that's really, this is what they're... So, like, am I talking about my personal life? Yes, I'm also talking about something that's really going on in this country. I mean, Man being lost is a big problem in this country.

I don't understand it, and I hear about, like, kids these days, the 16-year-old boys that don't, they're scared to drive and they don't want to get their driver's license. What happened? What are you talking about? And they're not dating as much? You know what I read today? This is going to blow your boomer mind. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry.

That's going to be the clip I use. It's just going to blow your boomer mind. I'm keeping that. Okay. Steady yourself because you're going to want to punch something. Okay. I read that the reason why Gen Z doesn't like capital letters, they're too intense. No.

That's, I believe it. I mean, why don't they? You know, they're just, they're different. The brains have evolved, I feel like, because, a lot of because of the phone. Genzi is the first post-phone generation. That's why they matter. That's why we talk about them so much.

That's why they're so different, is that they are the beginning of what Ray Kurzweil, years ago called the singularity, which is, he said in 2028 is when man and machine would kind of sort of meld inexorably. And that's what they're talking about now with AI. Right. And it is amazing. Isn't that your tour called AI? Yeah, Arturian Intelligence, right.

Look at me like I'm going to go, a real host. You know, Jeff, I don't know about you, but if I was in... Wait, before we get to that, I'm serious. Oh, my God. So, I have always blamed all these problems on Steve Jobs. What are you on, ginseng? Look at this. Every day, you fucking Toledo. Wait, I want to lose this thought.

Penn State College, Detroit. I'm at Penn State College? Two night. The Fox Theater. See, I played the Fox Theater in Detroit. Awesome. Two nights, but of course, you, Mr. Big Shot, two nights. Las Vegas, Planet Hollywood on April 26th.

Oh, look at the Davenport. Oh, you're unpleasant, Thackerville. I remember Thackerville. Thackerville's great. Only comedians know the name Thackerville. Only comedians and geologists are, you know, tornado chasers. I'm big in Tornado, Alley.

Danville, Cherokee, Chalkto, Hollywood, Florida. Oh, yeah, Los Angeles, I heard of it. What? Am I Los Angeles? Wait, where am I? Okay, the county fair. You play county fair? Oh, sure.

But they're big. They're huge. You're out on a racetrack. And it's outside, right? Of course. I don't see me ever having done well at a county fair. I didn't do it. I wasn't asked.

It's all like, oh, they snubbed me. I don't remember anybody ever saying, get Bill Maher for the county fair. So who's your audience now? Like, if you were still doing stand. I had the county fair eating corn dogs. I have the best audience in the world. Are you kidding?

They're so loyal and they're so brilliant because they think like me. I mean, they're the people. I've lost all. I mean, you know, you have balls to go to Saudi Arabia. I have balls too, and then I'm not afraid to lose audience. And I have. Like the super woke? Right.

They left a while ago. When I wouldn't go along with their nonsense. Right. Who's left? Great people. Like people who don't, like, get upset about truth. They don't, the studio audience, I used to fight with them all the time. Now, they don't boo.

They get it. Well, see, that's what I've always loved about you is that, you know, so many times I'll be watching and you'll piss me off. And then a week later, I'll watch and I'll go, oh, okay. And that's why I don't like the word reasonable. What pisses you are? I don't know. I mean. Like when I make fun of Jesus?

Like religion? I mean, you're religious, right? I was brought up in a Christian home. And my big thing is, the same with de Grassee, what's his last name, DeGrasse? Paul Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, that guy. So, and I've talked about this in the last few days to a few people, because I feel like you guys have, both of you have backed off a little bit. And I think there's an...

Well, he's a scientist. Okay. We're working in a different... I get it. But the Charlie Kirk interview with you and him was really interesting. Me? With him here? Yes.

I loved it. Because... And by the way, they're doing a documentary, and they asked if I would be in it. They said, the other people they said are in it already, all, you know, hard right-wingers. I said, yes. I'm giving them five minutes after my taping Friday night because... And I told them, don't expect me to be just saying, you know, hey, geography about Charlie. I liked him as a person.

I'm glad I talked to him. I do not think he was a mom. And if you look at, sorry, uh-oh, yeah, go ahead. Heart attack? Yeah, sorry, how did that you turn this thing on it. Okay, okay, okay. If you look at his statements,

I've read the full statements, of course, because everybody is only interested in getting points for their team, they mischaracterized them. But even when I read the full statement, which were accurately characterized, I still disagree with them. Right. But it wasn't what you were. it wasn't what they presented.

Again, it's always in the middle. It wasn't as bad as they said, but I still disagree. Sure. But that's what I loved about the interview, is that you sat there and considered things and listened to him, let him talk, and it was a really great discussion. My little motto here is everybody's a monster

till you talk to them. Right. Marjorie Taylor Green came on real time. Suddenly everybody loves Marjorie Taylor Green. Right. Lauren Bulbert, you know, these people who come on real time and it's like Anna Paulina Luna love her right you know we had a great time talk to her after the show I said you know if I'd only if I'd only known about you what I read

I would have thought you know crazy right yeah right right you're not crazy are we can agree on everything no but not crazy and and certainly you know talkable too that is my single biggest issue with the left they won't talk to people including me right talk Like, really, I'm so out there? I mean, we voted for the same person. Right. How far out there could I be? Right.

But they just won't. And the Republicans, they definitely are better at, like, well, we'll talk. Right. Well, that's what I do, love and having to sit down, like, okay, bring up another thing. Mark Maren, he and I couldn't be further apart comedically, politically, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're not gay. Okay. No, I'm kidding.

But we sat down like this and had. a really respectful conversation and both of us surprised each other and we walked away with a with mutual respect but we we respected our differences too and we'll have some of that too right um you know i feel like ours is i feel like i mean look i like mark although he's taken terrible unfair stupid shots at me but that's okay uh but uh i feel like his sympathica was he was probably more on an emotional level. Whereas I think you and I, or that's what you were trying to bridge, whereas you and I are kind of like the same kind of boomer guy. Right. You know, no nonsense. Right. None of that, you know, there's no microaggressions in our life and, you know, shit like that.

Not that microaggressions aren't a real thing. If you're black, that's true. Oh, it is true. Yeah. I mean, you know, a microaggression is somebody just looks at you shitty. Right. And yeah, when I know. just as a human when someone looks at me shitty, I feel shitty about it, and I don't like them. Right. So, you know, there is that. But, well, what I was going to say is, back to the Steve Jobs thing, the cell phone. Steve Jobs.

Yeah, I said, I said it a second ago that I think most of this is Steve Jobs's fault. I'd say that jokingly because of the phone, yeah. In nature, everyone was, everyone was not meant to have that loud of a voice or that effective of a voice. I think we were meant to have, everybody should have a voice, but to be able to say something, and the entire world hear and see it instantly, I don't think it's healthy. In nature, we were meant to do it we're doing,

looking another human being in the eye, in person. There are things that we are reading about each other. I mean, this is what happened in Montreal. I know it was very exciting. No, there are things that you don't even realize consciously that you're reading about another human when you're talking to them in person. It's just their face.

It just matters. It's just hugely different. And they don't seem to want to, they, I mean anyone who's like okay with living life on a screen, they don't seem to care to acknowledge that very key distinction, that we have not evolved past that.

And maybe we shouldn't. It's not making us better. I think it's fascinating that Trump you know, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And then you have these leaders go in a room, and three hours later, they come out and they've made a deal. It's like the art of the deal behind a door, and he knows how to talk to people.

And there's something there. You meet the guy in person. That's why I had that dinner with them that they all hated. Sure. But I bet you walked out of there, and I've heard what you've said, and I've seen what you've said, and I bet you walked out of there going, you've said it a million times,

that this is not the guy that you thought it was going to be. Is that right? I said a crazy person doesn't live in the White House. A person who plays a crazy person on TV lives in the White House. And why he chooses to do that or whether that is the real... I just put it in the lap of the audit. You decide. I'm just the reporter.

I went into the mind. This is what I saw down there. And you make up it at what you will. But of course, we don't live in that world. Is he a master manipulator or is his skin just that thin? Oh, it's totally that thin. I mean, he's really that thin, but not in all content. That was so interesting, was I challenged him on any number of things.

Right. From the trivial, like why you don't have a dog to the Iran deal. And he never once, never once bristled, like cut me off, delivered a monologue, stopped looking me in the eye. You know. I wrote, by the way, I wrote a great joke about the AI because I want to ask you about why you called it that, but it happened to be my editorial at the end of the show this week is about AI.

And I've never really been as aroused about a subject because I do think it's going to kill all of us. Right. And, you know, I had done one earlier about, and now everybody's writing about it, how AI is just such an ass kisser. I mean, everything, you know, hey, you know, great question, Bill.

You know, everything is just always kidding. And I'm saying it's seducing us. Right. It's going to fucking kill us. And it's seducing us, including all the people who say, Donald Trump, can't do anything without a bunch of ass kissers, just like you.

Right, right. Great question, Ashley. So I'm curious, is you're AI a man or a woman? I don't have it. Oh, you don't talk to me? I don't want it in my phone. I don't want it knowing everything about me. You already lost the battle.

You just sold your humanity for a bunch of fucking bar tricks that it does. If it had cured cancer by now, maybe I'll make that trade-off. But it has it. It can make SpongeBob look like it's getting blown by Stephen Hawking. Great. But you've got to say that it is unbelievably useful in many cases. You know what? It's crazy.

I'm sure it is. I seem to be getting along just fine. Sure. Like it wasn't like I didn't have Siri and Google, but now I need something even better than them. You know, we get so hooked on convenience that we are willing to sell such bigger things for these slightest little improvements in convenience. Seinfeld used to have a great bit about the you know the thing on board games that, you know,

you hit the thing and the dice go up in a bubble. Right. And he would mimic throwing dice and go, got to be an easier way. That's really funny. That agrees. Yeah, that's really funny. No, I get it.

I just enjoy the toy aspect of it all. That's all. I just, I love the technology. You're a car guy, right? Yeah, a car guy. And... What I said with comics? I mean, Letterman's a car guy and Leno's a car guy and...

Seinfeld? Seinfeld, of course. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but you know what it is? You just named... It's a lot of car guys in one industry. Well, I think you just named a bunch of guys that don't have any real vices. So interesting.

So interesting. You're right. And so maybe this is the thing. Right. It's expensive. It takes time. It takes money, but... That's why I hate cars.

You can't smoke it. I don't hate them, but they do nothing for me. You can't smoke a car. I get in a car like every three or four years, and every time I get it, I'm like, okay, this is going to be different this time. I'm going to actually learn all the things about this car, because, you know, you have to go through the guidebook and learn everything is, and I'm like, and it never happens. So what is your... And then two years passed, and I go, oh, fuck, and I'm almost to the next car. So what do you drive?

I drive electric and boy, was that a good decision? Mercedes, I used to have the Tesla. Yeah? I did not switch because of Elon's politics, I can separate them. I switched because Mercedes made a much better version of the Tesla and charged twice as much. So you're being serious. It was a good decision. You like it? You love it? I don't love cars. No. I fucking hate it actually.

I fucking hate it that the robots are too much in the robots are too much in the way. control. Right. They, something else I'm putting in the thing Friday night about, I do not like the idea that the robots are in control and these people who say, you know, huh, the future is going to be great, the robots will be our slaves doing everything. Bullshit, I already feel like I'm in competition with them. I'm not their slave master.

My car tells me when we can go. Right. I was stopped once. I stopped. I didn't want to be stopped. I was in the middle of like very heavy traffic. And apparently my passenger side door was a jar. Right.

It wouldn't let you go. And though, you know that feeling when everyone behind you is hunking? Right. And you're like, I, and it's not like a big thing lit up, it said, close the door. Right. I guess there was somewhere like a little, whatever it was. It was typical millennial bullshit. Right.

Like hide it from the boomers. What's really going on on this screen. Well, back when we were, in college, it would say, your right door is open. Remember that? When I first car, I would just pull over because there was no sign at all. I would just, if my door swung open, I'd pull over. That's what I mean. It tells you. Right. I don't like that. I got it. I understand. I understand. I get it. I do wonder, though, when Elon comes out with the robots that work in the factories,

I have a warehouse with merchandise, and I wonder if I'm going to buy that thing and let it be stacking boxes. Of course you will. You're a greedy fuck. No, no. It's just fun. What are you worth? Like hundreds of millions. I bet you. I've seen. Like, I think I read

once that only Seinfeld and Chris Rock made more money on the road. This is good tequila. I don't know what it is. Is that what it is? I thought it was the ketamine. I feel fantastic. I don't know what it is. I still want to know what Jing is. Oh, I'm sorry. It's just a way to make sparkling water into diet soda without any of the chemicals that are in diet soda.

Oh, all right. I feel like I keep... My wife made you cookies for today. Your wife made me cookies? Yes, she did. And she's a vegan... Does she know about Montreal? She does now.

Okay. That was before we met. So what was that gig at Montreal? Now I'm curious. It was a comedy festival. I've only been to like two. And you say the 80s? No.

See, hold on a second. Was it pre-your- Tonight Show? It could have been, yeah, it could have been late 80s, early 90s. I don't know. But you were doing a thing, and I was... But how many people were on the bill? Was it a big extravaganza? Man, that's tough.

No, I swear. I go back to theaters now. Like, I shot my first special in... What are you laughing at? Man, that's tough. I don't remember because... No, but it's just a great way to express what our age is, because I get this assed all the time,

you know, when I'm talking to younger people, as I often am. I'm a mentor. That's what I live for that to help the young people. Of course. But yes, it's like they ask questions about things in 1984 and you're like, that's tough. I mean, you know, you're asking a lot. Like disc full, like there is a memory, but it's just, no, I mean, it is amazing the way your mind, not you consciously, but your mind decide. Your mind is your mom going through your old playboys or your old soldiers, toy soldiers. and just baseball cards and just throwing shit away. And sometimes you want to say to your mind,

Mom, I wanted that. Right. And you threw it away. Well, the worst part is when you forget what it is that you were trying to remember. Yeah. Well, I do it live here every week. I mean, I'm doing it right now.

How can working out your local Tims take you further? Sure, you can level up your teamwork skills. You also get a chance to receive a Tim Horan's scholarship award. Ready for what's next? Apply today at careers.timhorins.ca. But no, the thing in Montreal, I do not remember because those gigs that I felt were big gigs back then, I will go back to that same facility and be like, what? Because my first special, I thought it was 2006 and a theater.

And if you had asked me two days ago, I would have told you it was 1,200 people. And we went back because we're going to shoot another special. I said, let's go back to that place, full circle. And they came back to me, and they said, it's like 300 seats. I'm like, it's smaller than a comedy club. Wow. So the thing that we did in Montreal. Like going back to your old room.

Huh? Like going back to your old room where you grew up. Yeah. Yeah. And you feel big. Right. And no more. So the thing that we did in Montreal could have been, it could have been three or four hundred seats or it could have been a thousand.

Well, I only obsess on it because. Montreal was the sight of such a traumatic moment in my life. What happened? I was booked there as a headliner before I was ready to be a headline. Oh, so what year was that? 1980. Okay. Wow, yeah, it was long before I moved out to LA.

I had only been doing comedy a year and a half. Oh, wow. And I was not ready to be a headliner and proved it that night. And it was just, you know, the only laugh I got was misper, pronouncing the name of the local premier, René Levesqueue, who was running to separate Quebec. It was a big issue at the time, whether Quebec would become its own country. And there was just something about bombing. Sometimes I go to the comedy store.

Like after dinner, we're just like, what am we going to do? I don't want to go home. Oh, you know what's great? Because I don't drink anymore, really. I mean, just here. and I see these people on stage. I mean, it's either really good or painfully bad. Either way, it's not uninteresting.

And when I see the painfully bad, I mean, I've seen some things that were just, and I'm like, wow, I know that exact feeling. Maybe I didn't lash out that badly, but I definitely made things worse as this comic is doing. Oh. and

but I did it and I couldn't do it now but well that's the way I am with the Melrose Improv and that's why I don't hang out with comics I'm like kind of my own lone wolf I've never been part of that that you know you did the

Tonight Show with Carson then you went back to the improv and you watched it and everybody were people snobby because you work with puppets of course really yeah of course it was like so it really should be another kind of designation for the woke to champion, if you will.

You know? I mean... Right, of course. Like in Walk Hard. You never see Walk Hard? No, I never did. Never saw Walk Hard. Should I? What are you, a communist? It's the best. It's so funny. Judd Appetow's sent up music, the Beatles. Oh, it's amazing.

All right. But one of them is there's a Dylan character and he champions midgets. Oh no, that's great. He sings a Volkswarkville for the little people. You have to, just even just look at that clip. It's just too much. All right. But

yeah, so the improv is the same way because it was you know, and there's a stigma against anybody who's not a straight monologist. You walk up on stage with anything. I care atop, you know, people love him. Yeah, but now his show, you go see a show and it is, in Vegas, it is laugh out loud

funny from beginning to end. It's brilliant. Just because it's a puppet. A puppet is a device. Well, see, what I like what I do, the reason I love it, is because I can point and counterpoint, and I can bring up a subject and a topic, and if the character says something that's not quite right, I can do the opposite side of it. It's a conversation. What it is, you know, I have the same jealousy of you that I have of my very, very dear friend, Seth McFarland.

Because, like, what I do is I say, as me, what I say. And so I get a lot more shit than they do. Right. Because when you're a cartoon, it's a... It's amazing. If I said the things that they do as a cartoon, cripples, and race, I would be castigated to no end.

And you can hide behind the puppets. No, I'm not. I don't mean that as a knock. It's just a device that allows you this distance that gives you a latitude with the audience that I do not enjoy because it is me as me. They know I'm not a character. Right.

And so you are just much more out front. And Gutfeld covers it by, he says something horrible. And he goes, a racist would say. He covers it up that one, which is like really, to me, really brilliant. He'll say something horrible. And then he'll back it up with that.

A misogynist would say. So, you know, but you're right. And it is, but it is fun like that because I can say outrageous things and then correct him. So you're right. I do. I can get away with a lot of stuff.

But I like doing that because people walk away from my show going, I really don't know what he thinks. I'm not sure what his beliefs are because he did both sides. Right. And that's, I mean, that's from the very beginning, that has always been and should always be the classic paradigm of the ventriloquist is, you know, just remonstrating the puppet. These are nice people, for God's sakes, what are you saying?

You're so out of line. I am the voice of, I don't insult the nice people like that. You know, it's every ventriloquist movie. It has to have that sense. Yeah. You know. So who, when you, how long have you done this show? We started this in 2022.

Who is the absolute best where you went? I think this is going to be a dud. This is, it would turn out to be a fabulous interview. Where you're like, got to be. It's not an interview. Well, whatever. A discussion. I mean, it's a.

Who turned into the best discussion that you, like, found? Oh, my God. I mean, even if I had an answer to that, I wouldn't. Okay, then which one has gotten the most watches that people have loved? I don't know those things either. My deal with this was I already have a job. All I'm going to do is walk over here from next door where I live. Right.

Exactly the time the show starts and leave right after it ends. And that is the level of my commitment. And I love it that way. Can I say the size of this part? I barely know who the guest is. Right. I used to love what Carson would say that he'd walk off stage and he'd get home and somebody say, how was the show.

And he couldn't even remember who it was he interviewed. Yeah, well, certainly when you do it everyday show. Right. But even now, if you said, who were the guests on Real Time Friday? Like, I would, okay, I think I could conjure it up, but two weeks ago, no. You know, I mean, that's the nature of this kind of business is a little like a sports team, Like, you know, next game, as soon as the one game is over, you're thinking about the next game. So what do you think is going to happen to the midter?

Bill Belichick. We're on to Cincinnati. What's going to happen to the midterms? The Democrats are going, cannot help but win this way. Even they can't blow it. Really? Oh, yeah. Trump is historically unpopular.

He's even unpopular, getting unpopular, more so in his own. party, his own base. They did not like the war. They think that was funny. Me and the base on opposite sides, I did support the idea of taking out the Iranian regime. Now that it didn't

quite work, there was no uprising. I'm not for like making this indefinite. But he's already pivoted to blockading, which is better than we're going to bomb you and end your civilization. I mean, once it got to that point, he lost me. Right.

See, that's the point. He says a few of those things where you go, what are you doing? A few. More than a few. But, okay. No, I mean, look, I said during the campaign before he won, I'm not going to pre-hate anything. Since he got into office, I've made a list of what I hate and what I don't hate. It's not like there's nothing on the what I don't hate list.

There are lots of things I like. Right. Or think, you know, he has a knack for like, a, identifying stuff that has been festering, even something like, you know, college campuses. Right. Yes, there has been an insanity festering on college campuses. No amount of voodoo could make me think, I didn't see that.

Right. And the border. You know, he closed it, but he fucked it up by sucking ice on the American public in a way that was unconstitutional and way too cruel, you know. So, I don't know, but the Iran war, I thought. but it's worth a shot. Take a shot, Mav. Take the shot.

And we did. And I think we missed our timing. They should have done it in January when there were actual uprisings in the streets. When they were in the streets. When they were in the streets, the Iranian regime killed them all. Now who's left to rise up?

Right. You know, so the thing has not been conducted well, but it's still, I'm so glad that he climbed down from we're going to bomb your civilization to death to we're going to blockade your blockade oh you think you're the only one to go

blockade okay I can live with blockades not we're going to destroy your civilization is there nobody around him going me that's why it was so good that I had dinner with him that's what I'm trying to tell the crazy left wingers you need more people like me talking

him not less right you're always complaining. He's surrounded by ass kissers. Yeah, get me in there. Get other people like that. He wants to talk to people, I think. I think he's bored sometimes with the ass kissers. And I don't think he respects anyone who does kiss his ass completely. I don't. I've known people like that. Well, does it drive you crazy when there's people around you that you know that they're scared to be around you or you've had employees that are scared to be around you and will say whatever you want, that has to drive you crazy, right? You're talking about me?

You, yes. It's an interesting topic. It's nice, especially when you're 70, when people give you what I believe is the proper respect a person deserves just for reaching that age. Right. There is a certain level, and everyone used to understand this in America. It's a very ageist society, many do not. But just for getting there, you should get a little something.

Your ass kissed, no, that's not what I'm saying. Just a kind of baseline respect. You got there, you must have done something right, especially if you got there and you're not like, you know, a mess. Right, but there are 70-year-old idiots. Totally. They used to be 30-year-old idiots. Of course.

There's no fool like an old fool. Okay. But what I'm asking is, because this is what drives me crazy sometimes, and people that work for me, if somebody's scared to death of me and won't say what they're thinking and won't give me their opinion, it drives me nuts. I want somebody who will tell me what they're thinking. Totally.

Okay. So you've had those people around. So to finish the thought, yes. It's nice that people give you the respect you deserve, but when people work for you, it is very hard for it not to tip into something that I bet you, 90% of the people out there would love, or if they enjoy it, do love, I don't love,

which is a little bit of, I don't know if you really feel that way, or you're just saying that because I'm the boss. Right. I don't like that. Right. Because I don't need my ass kiss. I'm very happy with who I am. My ego does not need fluffing.

I think it's the appropriate size. It's not small. It's not out of control. It's healthy. We need that. I do not, I value the truth. And that doesn't also mean on the other side to be a contrarian. Just don't say the opposite.

Because that's interesting. Right. Just tell me the actual truth. That's what I'm always trying to get from people. Right. Just the actual truth. It's why I love talking to the young people that I mentor, you know, people in their 20s. Because they don't know what the right answer is supposed to be.

Right. They don't know about Rachel Maddow or Fox News. Right. They don't know about what Tucker Carlson's saying. They just know what strikes them. How are your conversations with Bill O'Reilly? We don't really have any. You've been.

I mean, I've had him on the show. Right. He occasionally emails me and I always just hear what Bill has to say, and sometimes it's complimentary and it's nice. and I email back. I would say we have a cordial good relationship. We always kind of did. I mean, we're cousins, you know,

when Henry and Lewis Gates did my genealogy on, you know that show where they do your, has he done you? No, no, no. Oh, you should get it. I'm adopted, so I don't know anything. That would be even better. I don't know anything. Be like a CSI.

I could have married my sister. But Bill O'Reilly, which, natural Marr, very Irish. You know, O'Reilly. I mean, so way back in Ireland, I don't know, you know, we're all cousins at some. So you really are? Yes. That's great. I mean, we all are to a degree.

Of course. Even you and I are. Of course. I mean, we all come from Lucy. Yep. Yep. Not the one with Ethel, although she was almost as old. I mean the one.

Wait, where was Lucy found? Where in Africa? Yeah, East Africa. All of them's in East Africa. That's where man developed. Lucy is about 2.5 million years old, about four foot tall, female, and stood pretty upright. So 2.5 million years ago, we had an ancestor who was four foot tall and stood upright and, you know, was well on her way. I say you go, girl.

I mean, I know that's not what is in the Bible. I hope I haven't. Again, yeah, I'm a Christian. and grew up in a Christian home, at the same time, I have those beliefs, and I appreciate when people respect people that can have faith. And that's what I was saying about you and DeGrasse.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, yeah, is that I've been interested in, like I downloaded one of his books the other day, and it just seemed like he'd tempered that a little bit. And, you know, I don't know the truth. Nobody knows it's true. Well, nobody knows it yet. I can't speak for him.

I can only speak for me when I say, I'm always with Richard Dawkins, one of the most famous atheists, when he says, on a scale of one to seven, seven being utter certainty that there is no God, I'm a 6.9. Right. That's what I mean, like, who knows where it all began? Right. I mean, I've been following the... And see, something like that for me, I'm fine with that. That's your right to believe that. And that's what drives me crazy about the left that, as you talked about before,

they shove it down. And if you don't believe the way we do, then you're an idiot. No, I'm not saying that. But Bill O'Reilly, speaking of Bill O'Reilly once, I don't think this was in a debate with me, but again, it stopped to remember the past. It could have been, but I think it's just something he said when he was contesting people who don't have faith or believe in God. And he said, the moon, how to get there?

How to get there? which I thought was like the low end of your kind of argument if you're going to make the because first of all we know how the moon got there we don't know questions beyond that the moon I can answer you that one it's a it's a piece of a planet that maybe ours that broke off and got smoothed out over the billions of years you know by by the universe whatever okay and it's so great that we went back because it's gonna get us a lot Oh, come on, it's fun.

It is fun. It's great. It's just another thing for rich people to do. No, no. We have to do that. But the question, you know, the moon, how did it get there? We can't answer that. What we can't answer is, why is there anything?

Right. Why didn't any thing ever exist? You know, and if there was no thing with a beginning, would that be something? It's just ridiculous. Your brain is never going to comprehend this. Right. So some of us just let that go. Right.

And we think that people who make up stories about why things are being, you know, are just making up stories to make them feel better. But if it does make you feel better, I'm not going to, you know, I believe in good health. If that makes you feel healthy, if putting your head on the pillow at night knowing if I die in my sleep, I'll go to a better place. Right. I kind of wish I had that. Well, see, that's a reason. All those things you just said is very reasonable, and that's why I appreciate sitting here with you now and talking to you. Yeah.

And 25 years ago, ah, ah. 25 years ago was all about the sex. You know that. Well, there were those interviews about you, yeah. And what are you getting ready to smoke? Oh, a clove cigarette? Oh, okay. No, I'm kidding.

It's pot. Somebody just laughed. Okay. Probably my dealer. Because they knew. I mean, it would be great. I'm just going to have a taste. I got it.

I'm trying to smoke less and eat more. So I don't know anything. I'm on a health cake. Is this stuff really more potent now than it used to be? I'm really the wrong guy to ask that because I smoked steadily over the years. So like my resistance level is probably like Dennis Quaid in that movie where he was the quarterback and he's in the hospital. You got to pump up the volume. Doc, I'm a football player.

You know, I had a dentist once who told me he had Ozzy Osbourne in the chair once. And like, you know, Ozzy was like, please, Doc, I'm Ozzy Osborne. You know, I get it that you think this amount of gas gets people high. Is that true? That's cute. I mean, it's the story I remember. Could I have dreamt it? Never.

Could you have told it to me at a party? In Montreal? It's possible. But that was my recollection of the dentist. is telling me that. But, you know, the Beatles got acid from their dentist. That's how they got high for the first time. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. Oh, you never heard that story about... No. Is that what happened? Such a boomer, yeah. Such a boomer story and I don't know it. Is that what you're about to say? Well, the Beatles, you know, I mean, yeah, that their dentist

like put it in their coffee and they didn't even know it. They, for some reason there were, there was like this dentist of the stars, you know. We have, same thing that goes on now. this love, celebrities love doctors. Right. And very often, by the way, doctors kill them. Right. Elvis, Dr. Nick, Yep.

Michael Jackson, Dr. Conrad Murray. Yep. My personal internist now. Oh, perfect. Perfect. But, what were you talking about? It's tough. Doctors and, oh, doctors kill stars.

Stars definitely like to have. doctors around them and you why why would you not right but I know there was a bigger point to it but you don't care we don't care where the tequila go that one right there just just pour me a slight amount like like imagine I'm a drunk who was really trying to to that's enough is enough really trying to you know clean up his act and get off the street perfect but but my wife did make you cookies and she's How long have you been married?

Audrey and I've been married for almost 14 years. We have twin boys that are 10 years old. Wow. And I also have... And this is your second wife? Yeah, and I have three daughters from first marriage. When was your first marriage? When?

When, yeah. 94. 94. 94. And then how... Wait, is that right? 94 to when? Yeah, 94.

To 2007. Bob Newhart. Did you love Bob Newhart? Love Bob Newhart. He used to do a bit on the... I had some dude on the Tonight Show. He was like, You know, he said at some point the people out here in L.A., they start measuring everything by their wives.

Like, Dodger Stadium, last time I was here, I was married to Helen. That's true. That's absolutely true. Yep. So anyway, I have three grandsons. Grandsons. Yeah, three grandsons. Holy fuck. Really? And the oldest one is almost the same age as my twin boys. So the Christmas cards are very confusing. Why do you think the first one didn't take? She took, only it wasn't for me. That's why.

We'll be right back. Yeah. Sorry, it kicks in from years ago on ABC. I know. It's so great. Did Carson really have on his tombstone? I'll be right back? No.

He didn't? No. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. Oh, man. That's a wife's ten. But he said that it was. I can have put on it.

Really? Yeah, I think. I don't think so. Oh, well, it's been great. I mean, I think you... Do you still have family? Yeah, I have a sister. Yeah, yeah.

That's it. That's it? Yeah. And what does she do? She's retired. I mean, I'm 70. She's four years older than me. Oh.

She was a teacher. Yeah? So... Do you have nieces and nephews? No. Yeah? No, neither one of us got married. Oh.

Yeah. The line ends here. Many people have said to me, Bill, don't you know your line? It's going to end it die off. Like, what are my fucking Prince Harry? What do I give a fuck if I'm lying? And also, I mean, I just think celebrities having kids,

it would be a nepo baby. Right. I don't want a nepo baby. And it's unavoidable. Right. Like even if they're not in your business, it's, you know, it's just, it's almost inevitable. It's, it's, and why wouldn't you?

I mean, today's kids of celebrities, it's almost like day-regor. You're going to do it. Well, I've told all my kids, don't count on anything coming for me. I'm spending every bit of it. My father told me that. He said, there will be no inheritance.

So good luck. Keep working. And that's what I've told them all. Yeah, but you're a celebrity. If they do something, anything in the public eye, it's much more interesting for the media to cover them than somebody who is not. who does not have a parent of a celebrity,

because that's the first thing. It's like, oh, we can put this bold name in. They know your name. So, like, you know. But they got to work for it. Chloe Dunham. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just making that many of it.

Yeah, it was okay. That's terrible name. Oh, okay. So that's good. I didn't want it to be the real kids. It's like, whatever your kids name is. Okay. Okay.

This is a kid, maybe you're going to still have Chloe Dunham. Daughter of Jeff Dunham, the famous, you know. Right. Okay. made more money on the road than Chris Rock and Gary Seinfeld. And she is now, you know, has a new record contract with gigantic records. Okay. You know, like, you know, she's got two million followers.

I mean, a lot of the people who we know are household names, I mean, obviously the granddaddy of them, the Kardashians, but on down, I mean, yes, half of them come from the Disney Channel. Yep. And they seem to have talent like Zendaya. And, you know, they at least have training under Disney. Yep. And then half of them just seemed to be influencers. And Nepo babies and people who were kind of grandfathered into the whole scheme of show business. And what did your dad do?

My dad was in radio news. Where? Back in New York. And what did he do? Like he read the news. Like back in the day when... 60s, 70s, when every radio station, I mean, this is before, I mean, there was FM, but it was mostly AM, and every radio station would have news at the top of the hour.

Yeah. Headline, Moscow. Prime Minister Kennedy Howell of the United Kingdom has, you know, met in. Do you have tapes of him? Yes, I have some tapes of him. And is it a radio voice? Yes, totally. Absolutely.

Oh, yes. That's so great. Oh, that's what it was. Oh, absolutely. Right. And I remember when I first started getting into, you know, auditioning for stuff and be in front of the mic, and they'd be like, don't talk like that. I'd be like, don't talk like what?

Talk like yourself like that. Like what? And then I'd start reading like this. No, no, no, no. No, you have the accent that I would say at least 80% of the country has. Which is somewhere. Well, I mean, it's not, I mean, yours isn't, isn't pronounced. but it is an American exit.

You're an American. Right. I love America. So it ain't a knock on you. And you grew up where in New York? In New Jersey. In New Jersey. Where in New Jersey?

Well, right, a suburb of New York. In Oregon County, New Jersey. Oh, sure. Absolutely. And my father drove across the George Washington Bridge every day, parked in Washington Heights, which is across the river in Harlem, upper Harlem, and took the train, the subway, down to Rockefeller Center or mid-town.

where his station was. And what was the station? First it was W-O-R. Wow. Then he worked at NBC. And then, you know, in his later years, he was an editor. He worked with Howard Stern. He worked with Don Imus as the news editor.

Yeah. And, you know, in those days, they would work. And it was a stressful job. You know, my father was an Irishman, not a drunk at all, because he never missed a day of work or never affected his family life, is, but he would get home from work. He needed his three or four martinis.

Oh, you know, and dry, meaning just gin. But he, he was the morning guy? No, the opposite. And the evening, the evening. Yeah, toward the end, they put him on mornings, and he fucking hated it. Right. And he used to get up at 3.30 in the morning, dry, in the dark and the fog. That wasn't so bad.

It was coming home after a night of work where they had stopped off at the Ho-Ho, which was the Chinese restaurant in the... the bottom of Brockabella Senator to have a little Chinese food. Right. You know, he probably had three martiniis before he got in the car. Yeah, right. But, you know, that's what people did in the 70s. Right.

And... Happily married? They stayed together? Yeah. I mean, I think that era people had such different standards. And they just... Divorce just wasn't... Okay, different standards, but was the cheating going on and they just stayed together?

It has to be it. I would be seriously shocked if I found out either one of my parents was cheating. Oh, that's great. Why, you think yours were? No, I know there was a time that my father was very unhappy. That's called marriage.

I know. No, his was financial problems. He'd made some bad investments. They built the house. I was a little kid. Things weren't going well. And that's the only time I really remember in them arguing. And I look at the pictures and I go, is that all was and I think it's not all that it was. I mean it doesn't help when you're having financial

problems. Right. I mean, financial problems don't help making your dick hard. Right. Right. But even if finance is going well, time, you know, and familiarity in a marriage is going to work against excitement and red hot monkey love. You know what? And that's just that's just the deal. Okay. So I'm going to agree with you in my first marriage. And in my marriage now, it's like, I'm telling you, and I hate people that say this, but if it works, it works.

And if the two together are supposed to be together, that stuff can last and keep going. And it's rare, rare, rare, rare. The fact that, and again, I hate people to talk about their marriage when it's great, because it's like, shut up. But we love being together all the time. That's great.

Which is very, very rare. And, yeah, when we first got together, and Audrey was on the road with me, on the tour bus, we were together side by side for eight years, never left each other's side and never got tired of each other. And that's so odd. And she, I'm, you know, how many years older? I forgot. I'm drinking tequila. How many?

I'd like to know. No, because I get hit with this all the time. Well, she was born in 80, and I was born in 62. 18 years. Oh, please, you're an amateur. 18 years, please. Okay, so. That is beyond respectable for me. I mean, 18 years, please. But it's, but you know, that is a great feeling. I know that feeling. I don't know if I could ever maintain that feeling 31 days a month. It's just, it's just asking a lot. I just don't know how much. And it's not them. It's just, or her, actually,

it's just how much charm do I have? I like the fact that I have enough days to just be within myself, not having to put out any degree of charm to anyone. Ask my staff. No, I'm kidding. I'm not mean or any way.

I just, you know, we only meet once a week anyway. But, you know, I mean, I do my business and I go home. Right. Like a dog. Right. Take me out. I do my business.

You're not a tough guy to work for? No. I mean, I'm a tough guy to work for if you need Michael Scott. If you need some asshole who's like clapping you on the back every week and saying, hey, you're doing a great job. No. I mean, you know what? If I'm not complaining, you're doing a great job. Right.

I'm that kind of boss. I think that's so much better. When I was an employee, I love that kind of boss. Just don't talk to me at all. Right. Like, just don't talk to me. Do you shower them with things? Shower them.

I certainly do not. Okay, there's another question. Okay, and I know it's the age-old question. Why has it taken this long for anybody to come out and say anything? That's amazing. We were having our issues meeting today at the office. That is exactly the question we hit upon. Okay, and I, you know, you want to believe everybody, but why?

How is it taking this long? Was he really, was it really all cover up? I find that hard to believe. But why? I'm obviously not a woman. Don't get it. Scared to death if something like that would happen if I was a woman. Well, it's a subject I've talked upon before,

especially with Cassie and P. Diddy, that case, which was very high profile. Boy, you got a lot of blowback. As usual, Jeff, I will not pull a punch. even when I know there's blowback. And my thesis was, of course, we have great empathy for women and what they've had to go through and still go through. Me Too has a lot of work still to do.

But also, at some point, women have to take more agency, and when it starts to happen, report it right away. We don't want to hear about 20 years later. I mean, get out right away if it's abusive, report it right away. report it right away. It's the only way this is going to work. Because, yes, you lose credibility when it's like he did this horrible thing and then we started dating or whatever it is. I mean, it's not always that. But sometimes it is that. And it just makes it very murky. And women are stronger than that. And they can do this and they need to do this. I don't think we are living

in an era where the authorities are not sympathetic to this anymore. Right. That is one. thing that I think did change with me too. They're not going to just say, okay, honey, you know, you were wearing a mini skirt, get out of my office. You know, you can get into big trouble for that now, as you should. Right. So you can, you know, step forward. And so I still think we're living in that era where women are adjusting to this new reality. And I'm sympathetic to them because they see a guy like this getting away with this for as long as he has. Right. And it looks like, oh, well, what has changed if he thought he could get away with it?

But here's the bottom line. He didn't. Right. He didn't. Right. It's kind of like the cop thing. For years, I was very critical of the cops because no matter what abuse they did, they never, like, held their own accountable.

That changed. Right. When things change, yes, I changed. There's my theme. I change. Now cops do go to jail. Right. You know, the guy who choked George Floyd is in jail.

Right. Many cops, that used to never happen. Right. And used to never happen that anybody could do anything to a woman. I mean, the golden age of movies, it wasn't a golden age if you were an actress. Right. It meant Louis B. Mayor was going to get blown. Right.

But before we even start fitting you for the costumes. Right. Yeah, so things sometimes changes for great. What? Sometimes changes for great. Changes, you know, I mean, the thing I object to is with younger people is the idea that change, just if it's change, is automatically better. It's not automatically better just because it's newer. It can be.

But some things are not better because they're newer. Right. You know, I mean, we see that with technology. There's just a lot of shit that, you know, I call it reverse improvement. Right. You didn't make it better. Yeah. Oh, it is fascinating to me when you look back at some of the inventions and stuff

when they didn't even have electricity and blah, blah, blah, blah. We're no smarter now. We just have better stuff. That's it. And, you know, the brilliance of the arts and all the stuff that goes back. It's, I feel like we've dumbed ourselves down a lot. Well, I hope you and your loyal audience have not felt like you've dumped anything down. I feel like...

Not talking about that. No, no, but I'm just saying, you know, I'm glad that you... We've dumped ourselves down with technology. You were talking about the same thing with the phones and stuff and everybody's staring at it and the new generation understands that we need to somehow go back. And it's that reversal of progression that I think would help society and help us as human beings. No, I just mean your audience wants you to be politically incorrect. Oh.

And you should, you know, that's a great thing. You know, they don't, you know, want to be pandered to. Well, here's the way I've always judged it with my audience is it's like, I feel like if I'm offending 5% of the crowd and I want, want to walk out, then I've come to that line that I enjoy. Right. And this is the other thing. It's like, this is one thing that really is, as I cannot figure out. My job in front of an audience is to entertain that audience.

They have paid good money to come see the show. I am not going to push my politics on them. That's not my thing. My thing is to make them laugh. I don't know at what point, and yours is a different thing, politically incorrect. You're a different character, different thing. But I'm talking about straight stand-up comics that are supposed to entertain an audience. I always ask an audience.

This is what I've done for the past eight years. I ask an audience. I was asking who's going to vote for Hillary, who's going to vote for Trump? And then in the last evening over in Europe, I would say, we had an election a year ago this past November. How many people dislike what's going on with that administration? How many people like it? It's crazy the different countries that give your different reactions. Why am I doing that?

I'm trying to see who's in that crowd because I can slightly adjust some of the jokes to entertain a majority of the audience. I'm not going to do my show for me. I'm doing it for them. So I don't know at what point at late night or in show business,

did celebrities feel that they have to push their political agenda on everybody and they think that everyone needs to know their politics. My job is to entertain and make people laugh. I was just watching the... It's Carson. I was just watching the Elvis, Buzz Lerman.

You know, he did the Elvis movie, and then he did like a second movie on Elvis called Epic, Elvis Presley in concert. Right. And it's Elvis singing his songs. I mean, look, I'm a huge Elvis fan. I was not a huge fan of a lot of the songs he chose to do in his stage act. I love his recordings from that period, late 6th. early 70s, awesome.

But he didn't do them on stage. He did shit like CC writer. I don't get it. Anyway, Boslerman did this, and he showed, you know, clips of Elvis, and there's one where he's doing this press conference. I've seen the clip many times.

He's wearing his typical huge collar suit at a beautiful cobalt blue, and somebody asks him, and he's looking at his best, he's amazing. And they're asking him, like, what do you think about the protesters these days? And he goes like, ma'am, please, I'm an entertainer.

You know, I just, I'd rather keep those thoughts to myself. And then she's follow-up. You know, what about people, other celebrities who comment on it? I don't even want to comment on that. And it was like, thank you, Elvis. Right. You know, thank you. You know, just saying fucking suspicious minds.

Right. As you do, so well. Right. And again, I'll make fun of both sides. I'll still do political jokes, but I try and even it out, the same way Leno and Carson both did. And because I think that's, I think most people can laugh at themselves a little bit if you're not too insulting. Yeah, I think there's more politics in your act than you think there is. I mean, just to have a puppet named dead terror.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I understand that. I can't run away from. I understand that. But I'm not calling the other side an idiot. Exactly. No, no, no, no. I'm with you. I'm for you. I like you. I wouldn't have me here if I didn't. I don't think I'd be here where I like. I don't have to do this. This is my little pleasure. It's my midweekly pleasure. It's great. And by the way, can I ask you what band is that back there? That's the Supremes.

Is what? That? The little guy's in the band. Oh, that's no band. I mean, that's it. That's actually a real classic. I bought that from an art collector. That moves. I could like turn that on. That looks great. It's fucking creepy as much. They look like, they look like, they look. or something out of The Shining. I love stuff like that. Yeah, I'm sure you do.

I collect toys and stuff, so, yeah. Of course, you make puppets. Oh, well, you know. You actually make them, don't you? I do, I build the dummies myself. I even have a workbench on my tour bus. Did you ever see the movie The Stepfather? No.

You gotta catch up on movies. I do. You should see that one. What was the other one I need to see? I forget. Something good though. But the stepfather. Okay.

Why? They remade it. Well, he kills his whole family. Oh, perfect. Thanks, Bill. Like the first scene, you see, he just slaughters his whole family. And then he leaves town, changes his look. And, of course, this is, you know, the 80s, so you could do this easier without social, you know, I mean, without, you know, surveillance and stuff.

So now he's in a new town. And, of course, he's a charmer. He gets with a woman always, like in the last family, who, like, has got kids but no husband. And, you know, he's like the all-American guy. that's who's portraying, but he's really down in the basement plotting to kill them because that's how I picture you. I'm walking on the puppets and you're the stepfather. That's my second foot.

And by the way, we have a new show out called Jeff Dunham's The Cars That Made Us. The Cars, The Cars Show, exactly. What I do best, plug shit. So it's on Discovery and... Discovery. Yeah, it's on Discovery and... Who knows? It's been doing really, really well.

What is it called? Jeff Dunham's The Cars That Made Us. I bet you when I was on it. He is. How could he not be? He was great, too. And what about Jerry? You got to get him on there.

He's a car nut. You know, I don't understand. That's another guy. I am a comedian, I think, but he would never have me on the cars and coffee thing. I'll text him. Thanks. I like Jerry. I've always said, when I talk about Edgar Bergen, I talk about, I always say that Edgar

Bergen was the Jerry Seinfeld of the radio era because he was a huge radio star. And I always use that comparison. I've always thought Jerry was great, but he never had me on his show. Does he still do cars and coffee? I'll straighten this feud out. There's no feud. I saw him in an elevator and his manager. What's his manager's name?

Well, this manager passed away. Oh, no. What was his name? Oops. I don't know. I was still in. I can't remember either. Yeah, yeah.

But I met him in an elevator. George Shapiro. George Shapiro? I didn't know what George Shapiro died. Oops. Yes. Okay. But I met them in the elevator very nice.

Oh, yeah. You're great. I appreciate you having me on, Bill. Real pleasure. Grace to get to know you. Yeah. This was almost as good as Montreal. Because we had sex there.

Twice. Oh, now it's twice. I love the way this story only grows. Perfect. I don't know how this ends. It's ending. It's ending. I think it's over.

All right, perfect.