Club Random with Bill Maher - Jerry Seinfeld | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

On Club Random Classics, Bill Maher and Jerry Seinfeld get into the gift Bill gave Jerry, Jerry’s obsessive attention to detail, the car he picked Bill up in for Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, and how both of their relationships to success, stand-up, and performing have evolved over time. They also talk about the mistakes Bill made reading comedy crowds, Lorne Michaels’ philosophy on retirement, the ruthless side of Johnny Carson, whether bad crowds really exist, why people instinctively pick apart compliments, and the enduring wisdom of Marcus Aurelius. This episode originally aired May 5, 2024. Support our Advertisers: Head to https://www.superpower.com and use code RANDOM at checkout for $20 off your membership. Unlock your new health intelligence. 100+ biomarkers. Every year. Detect early signs of 1,000+ conditions. #superpowerpod Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I've seen crazier rom-coms, so head over to clubrandom.com and bring home some random. Well, in this episode of Club Random Classics, I sit down with my friend Jerry Seinfeld, one of the few comedians who treat stand-up like a science. We break down the tiny details that make a break a joke, the evolution of performing over decades, and why most people misunderstand what great comedy actually is.

It's not just funny, it's a master class. So grab your favorite beverage or a pen and paper or both and enjoy. I must tell you, I got up this morning. I was like Christmas morning. No, really. I felt that Christmas morning vibe because like Jerry Seinfeld's going to be here. I got it. I am excited to.

I got excited to. I've been excited for a couple days. It looks odd that we're talking about being excited in this position with each other. Sit down. There's a stripper ball right there. I see. But you'll never guess who just called me. Leno.

I just talked to him too. He, but I said, yeah, I haven't seen him in a while. I really would love to get together. Maybe the three of us when you're out. That'd be amazing.

So that's what's good about these shows, though, which I'm sure you've already discovered. And I discovered with the comedians and cars, people, I can't, I can't. I'm not called. calling people up and hanging out.

But if you do a show... I said it every week. Yeah. Both people who I know like you, who are like, exactly, why are we here? Yeah. Because we're forced to... We're not. It's just this crazy force of thing that makes us we don't need the money.

You don't need the promotion, although we'll certainly do what we can. Thank you. But the other thing is, I don't know how you feel. I think you might be a little different this way, but I don't like to be around people not working. The working is kind of this base. It's like a baseline current. It's like a beat.

It's like I can hang out with almost any comic if we're here to do a gig. If we're just, if I'm here just to enjoy your company, that's not good. To me, no, the art. It's not going to be good enough. Your company.

If I can get a set in and chat and screw up. And get some new material. Yeah. I mean, I could take that the wrong way, but I'm not going to. Yes. I completely see the point about, and said it to about work, but also to while you are working,

do exactly what you would be if you were not working. In other words, if we were... Let's go over that again. If we were just here and we weren't working, I want this conversation to be zero different. Oh, that won't happen. That can't happen. Because, I mean... Yes.

I'm a savvy professional. You think I don't know that if I say something stupid, it won't. Okay, I can do it. No, even you are a savvy. You are also the savviest professional. What do you weigh right now, Bill? What do you weigh? Why is that a relevant question?

What's the name of the show? Club Random. You're right. What do you weigh? I think probably 152 today. What? Today. Today.

Today. It varies a day. Yeah, me too. I weigh 166 today. And what were you in 1979? 79, I was probably 150, probably the same. But I think you have, you're slightly smaller. I don't know.

Over time, or you mean compared to you? Yes, I'm slightly. Yeah, you're a little bigger. A little bit, yeah. Also ego. Yes. Well, I don't know. That's a close race.

Let's, let's. Well, listen, before I forget, what can I get Jerry for his birthday? I mean, the man, you have everything, you're a great star. Never get tired of that. Do you ever get tired of that? No one else ever said those words. But Don, you're a great star. I know, I only say it to you.

I love it. I love it. I want you so bad. But she took the necklace off and the head hits the sink. Some of those things they made no sense. You know, drop your pants and fire a rocket. Well, he didn't want to say fire a rocket out of my ass. That's what he wanted to say.

Oh. But he was very, very clean, which is interesting because he had those little, what do we call them? He would just kind of bend the rules, let's say, for television and for, you know. But yeah, drop my pants and fire a rock. it out of my ass, that's what you're supposed to, you're supposed to finish it in your head. I didn't even know that was the thing. Oh, sure. Well, I loved it as a kid, matter what he did, you know, and he certainly would be the eminently cancelable today. Oh, let's not. Oh, I promise you. I saw him. You can't move him

from then to now without him. Modulating, he wouldn't have. You don't know that. He's He's going to want to work. I think the man likes to work. Okay, but I saw him doing it like later than it should have, but I saw him opening. Yeah, yeah, that was a miscalculation. Right. Yeah. Anyway.

I wanted. This is so, Bill, I'm so touched. You don't even know what it is yet. And I don't worry, I'm not really touched. Well, I hope you were touched by what I gave you. I was. I put it very prominently in my little den. That was...

The metal rabbit, I love it. And I look at it and I think of you and it's a bit... It's too much because you really... Well, and it's true. And let me tell the people... Oh, gosh. Do we have to? Are you going to tell them?

You don't want to... All right, go ahead. It's okay. I mean, it's not... It's not a big deal. It was very sweet. I'm very nice. But it limbs, I think, for an audience who you really are to us, the comedians. I had a rabbit made.

By the way, they don't make rabbits. I have it made because you can get a bunny on Amazon. Bodies are all over, but not like the rabbit in motion. The idea was Jerry was always the rabbit among the comedians. He was the leader of the pack. We were all chasing, and it was inscribed the rabbit we never caught. What, you don't remember that? Of course I mean.

You said it like, oh. I don't think I read it. Does it say that on there? It does. Oh, I never read it. I'll go home right after this and read it. You just remember me saying it at this part? Yes, yes.

That's interesting. Wow. Well, anyway, that's exactly who you are. Thank you. You've also been a great friend. You know, you were there when I did the first week of politically incorrect. You didn't have to. You flew to Washington on your wife's birthday in 2014 when I needed a guest on

when we did our special show in D.C., you remember that? That's right, when you did the stand-up special in the... And I certainly have vivid memories of, like, one time I got offstage at the comic strip and I had tried, like, all this new material. That's my first year. Right. And I remember you, I look back and I think,

you must have been thinking, you fucking idiot, but you were nice enough to be like, you know, you should just try one of the tune of the things. And it was, you know, advice I needed to get and probably did not follow up for another thing. three years. But I went through all like my file from 1979 because I thought, where can I get the person who has everything, got the amazing career, the perfect wife, the great family, the adoration of a grateful nation. The only thing that could get you is to amuse you and give

you a memory or bring back a memory. So here's my show and tellbox. Look at this from 1979. what is it comedy hour don't more in company no I don't know why I'm in company it's my first year in comedy yeah look at the time 1230 to 130 1230 to 130

well you can't give me this I'm not giving it to you there is something I do want to give you oh okay um that I've treasured for 50 years 60 years but I 60 yeah yeah it's from the it's 1964

but 1230. The fact that we were doing shows. All the time. And this is, well, 1230 would be a bad time to do the show, AM or PM. But this was noon. This was a nooner. Okay.

So, all right, so here's the thing I want to have framed if you like it for you. See if you can see what this is. I bet you're here. Oh, yes. I'm a pack rat. You're not. Oh, my God. Do you know what that is?

Of course I know what it is. Really? I love this more than anything, yes. Were you there? I live for it. I went many, many times, and I have quite a bit of memorabilia and myself.

Anything blue and orange that says World's Fair on it, I have it. Not anything. Well, that is the map that told you were all the pavilions and everything was

at the 1964 World's Fair. Which, let's be honest bill what and say there's a sadness to what the world seemed like to us at this time what we thought it was what everybody wanted it to be right i was looking at this the other day and i see like you know the gm pavilion and i thought you know nobody bitched about every fucking thing back then. Now, every pavilion would have somebody in front of it, like, you know, you're making oil and you can't. You know, like, nobody would just enjoy the fucking... Well, it's Jimmy Brogan's great heckler line that he used to do when people would start to

heckle and he would always say, I'm sorry, we don't have microphones for everyone. Remember that line? No, I don't. Unfortunately, that's what happened. Right. That's what happened. And yes, it ruined everything. But how do you have this? By the way... Because I'm a pack rat. I'm the opposite of you. Oh, this is a map of the World's Fair. It looks like an architectural rendering. No, I think they gave it to you, like, so that you could know, hey, I'm here at the Finland Pavilion. No, really. And we want to get to Muriel Cigars before lunch. We want to get to Muriel Cigar. I remember walking around here and at one point being very, like, tired and my feet were hurt. Yes. Remember how boring the countries were. I don't want to see any countries. Right. Let's go to the world. Well, the Caribbean,

you'll see that was on there. That was kind of a good one. Do you remember the stories of the kids that got lost in there and the parents left them there and they were living off the coins in the fountain to eat corn dogs? I don't remember that, but I do remember kids getting lost there. Well, if you're going to give this to me? I want to have it framed and then give it to you. Yes, I would love it and I'll put it up on my wall. Yeah, isn't it? And you can look at it endlessly. Yeah. Because it's so intricate, and they have all the... Incredible.

Oh. Thank you, Billy. That's lovely. See? You can't get that at Sears. No, no. So funny that you mentioned Jimmy Brogan. This is what I took out of TV Guide in 1979.

The year I met you at the clubs. I kept every one of the fall preview issues of TV Guide that had all the news shows. you know what I'm talking about? Of course. And that was like, that was a big event for me when I was a kid. The fall shows, yeah. Like this one I do not remember, but this is a man called Sloan, Robert Conrad.

Wow. I loved him. I wanted to be him. Yeah. What a stud. Stars is Thomas Remington Sloan III, a stylish cosmopolitan, an unnervingly effective globe-circling, secret agent. Not unlike James Vaughn, who reports directly to the president. of the United States.

But look who's at the bottom. Out of the blue with Jimmy Brogan. And I cut that out because it was like, wow, I know a guy in TV guy. Right. Like that really... See, like I said, like there was nobody else here.

I read for Trapper John so many times. What? I don't know why. They kept reading me. They never put me on the show. I was desperate to get on in the 80s. So, here it is. Trapper John? Trapper John.

I didn't know you read for guest starring on... A couple of times, yeah. I know you did the Benson. You were a regular. Yes. Well, I did three episodes. I thought it was like seven. No, it was three, and they fired me.

Oh. Mercifully. That's very close to the guy who didn't sign the Beatles. Yeah. You know. Oh, sorry. That's all right. By the way, drink? You don't drink?

I drink, but it's a little early, and I'm driving. Oh, you're driving, you drove yourself. Yeah. What a stud. Yeah. But we know how you feel about cars. Yeah, I drove an old Mercedes-Benz diesel here. I mean, I just, that level of car, I mean, I guess Jay has it too.

Level of car enthusiasm. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that. I don't either. I don't like to, I know it's not of any interest. But to your credit, you made it interesting to me on the show, like when you did those accurate commercials. You got a little interested. Well, not enough to, like, pursue it.

But, like, I was interested in the connection you had between the person and the car. Yeah. Why you felt that was, I thought it was elegant. Yeah, people like that. I never understood the one you picked me up in. It was a German police. It was for one joke, which is, it was a VW police car because this is, you're someone who's seems to have a lot of power and has none.

And I thought that's what that car is, a VW police car. You're a police, but you can't catch anybody. Well, yeah, I guess. I noticed that, like, in that show, though, like, in your own kind of Seinfeldian way, you did become, like, such a truth teller. you know obviously not political the way I do it

but like you just used your political capital from the first show I felt like you know the popularity that you would accrued to like go well I'm just going to say what the fuck I want and it's not always going to be that pleasing to everybody and that's so to me the most refreshing thing

in show business yeah but it wasn't it was nothing really I suppose it was a little more revealing than what people had known prior, but not that much. Really? I don't know. What have you? That's what I think.

Oh, okay. I mean, just because you weren't playing from a script like in the show. I mean, that's a character, first of all, obviously, close. But, you know, I mean, the situations were so absurd. Right. And then they were ridiculous that there was a show about nothing. Nothing. It was a show about everything.

Right, yeah. And all those. Right. That's not. And then now you're just talking to somebody. Right. And they're saying, you know, like, what do you think you owe your kids, nothing? Right.

You just, you know, you know, you said things about like family and stuff like that that was like, oh, wow. Yeah. Well, that's what this show is, but what you've accomplished with this show, because I thought nobody has always been more, I don't want to use the word transparent, but you, we probably know more about your opinions than any other celebrity. Right. out there. And yet on this show, there was a whole other world of stuff that I can't

believe. I still can't believe. When you were on with, I think it was Mamet, and you got into a thing about the battery shortage in Germany that they were trying to go electric when they kind of overshot it. And I'm going,

how does this guy stop at that article in the paper? And they're like, yeah, I need to know more about the German power grid. Stop. You don't think you know about many, many things? No, I don't. Not like you.

Really? No, I watched the show to see what does Bill know that I didn't know he knew? And I'm always blown away. Wow. That one was amazing. And then you talk with that other guy about the Bible and you know all about the Bible. I'm old. I know, but your brain is worthy of all the attention it gets.

Well, finish your thought. Yes. No, I think you're amazing. I'm enjoying you as much now. You're such as things. I didn't even know you ever saw this show. I watch everyone. How do I know these things?

I texted you about doing this? You never texted me back. Texted you back. I love to. I'm a fan of the show. Oh, yes, that originally. Then I texted you about a month ago and said, what about when you're doing the promoting the Pop-Tart movie?

And I didn't hear back. Your people got back and said, yeah, he's going to do it. I was like thrilled. Because I already told you. I want to do it. I know. But most people are not quite. See, again, I'm a rat pack.

You are the guy who is, there's no extra. No extra. I do like that. I love no extra. Yeah. I mean, I think, to quote one more thing that I quoted before about the Paul Simon's song that I always think that is you. And it's such an amazing song, One Trick Pony, and you're anything but a One Trick Pony

because you've been successful. And when you did reinvent the talk show, you had your series and you've done movies, but there's that middle part. He makes it look so easy, look so clean, he moves like God's immaculate machine. He makes me think about all these extra moves I make and all this herky-jurkey motion

and the bag of tricks it takes to get me through my working day. I feel like I'm the herky jerky guy. Well, you're not. And you're the guy who's like just gliding through with no extra and no baggage and no stupid mistakes. Start your Alienware Journey with the streamlined Alienware 15. We designed this machine to refine the essentials, creating a more focused gaming laptop for players who demand quality without the clutter. We engineered a brilliant 15.3-inch 16.5 hertz display seamlessly into a port-a-year-old. 14-inch body. You get a larger, immersive window into your game that still travels easily

wherever your mission takes you. Inside, an Intel Core 7 processor drives high performance during every session. It delivers the speed and responsiveness you need to keep your game smooth and seamless. We wrapped all this in our signature durable alienware design to handle any journey and look good doing it. This is the alienware experience distilled into one iconic machine. Visit Alien dot CA slash alienware 15 today. And that song, by the way, hit me like that too. I thought, that's everything I want to be, what he's describing. I thought, that's it.

You don't think you are that? I don't know, try. I mean, you're always, like, more mature than the rest of us. Like back in the day. What did you do that was immature, professionally speaking? We all knocked around. Professionally and personally. many things.

Not professionally. Yeah, absolutely professional. I used to piss off the crowd, so they hated me so much no matter what kind of joke I told about how funny it was, they would never laugh. That's the most unprofessional thing

you can do. I remember once at the comedy seller, the emcee getting on after me and saying to the audience, okay, that bad man is gone now. That is absolutely, Bill Run Fest, I think it was, that bad man is gone now.

Yeah. I was very, Okay, I consider that just growth. No, creative experimentation that yet you need. No, no. No, no. It was totally a function of a bad attitude. Your bad attitude has matured into.

I hope. Totally. You're one of the most successful people in the history of television and stand-up comedy. I have been on a long time. Yes. Yeah, my aesthetic role model was Mike Tyson. when I saw Mike Tyson in his prime, when he cut the hole in the hotel towel

and had no socks and no stool and black shorts with nothing on them, I thought, that's what I want to be. Oh, my God. And recently, just a few years ago, I don't know what it was, I said, why do I have these different colored ties and suits? I go, I'm just wearing a black suit and a black tie from now.

And it just felt so calm. We visited Japan last December. I was so happy there. I connected so strongly with that ethic of their culture of just focus and simplicity and singularity of purpose. You know, I do like that. And I have done these other things. And I have to say it's all with a component of reluctance. I do it to think, I think I could do that, you know, like the movie.

Like, I think I could do that. Or let's do a different type of talk. So I think I might be able to do that. But it's not really what I wanted. If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done anything else. But you're already known as the purest of the pure stand-ups. That's your, that is like your, and it's real. And by the way, this leads me to something I feel nervous about telling you,

I feel like you're the confessor to this, but like after this year, I'm going to stop doing it. Really? Well, I could go back. I don't want to make it like a big announcement or something. Go ahead. Well, I mean, I'm doing a special at the end of the year. Right. It'll be my 13th for HBO.

That's a lot. That's a lot. And I just feel like you've got to, I don't know. You know, first of all, I put a lot of time and effort into it because, as you know, stand-up is like playing the cello. You can't just walk up there. You have to stay in practice. And I do.

And I've always loved it. and I'm always working on it. But I have a show. Yep. You know, I mean. I don't know how you kept it up during the show, or frankly, why. But you did. Because they fed each other, first of all, it was so great.

And also, because I love it. I mean, it's, you know, I can be the loosest. I can, you know, the show is great, but there's constrictures there. This is looser. But, you know, what's looser than just you people paid to see me? Yeah. Even if you don't like it, you kind of have to laugh. Just to get your money's worth.

The way you stay in a movie, even though if it sucks. I don't want to walk out. My father would pay $2 to see a movie and would hate it and wouldn't leave. God damn mother's great. He waited until it came to the theater, you know, where there was one theater in Bergen County where the movies would come late, and so they'd be like $2. Yeah.

All right. Let's get back to. Yeah. So, you know, but if I don't have to practice the cello eight hours a day, I can do, you know, I might want to do some of the, these kind of things live. That's kind of an interesting option that people do know. Oh, right.

You know, and then it's kind of an event. Interesting. You know. Yeah, it's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy. I mean.

The landscape of the business, which is one of the things I love about the business, is everybody's like, what is what is going on? You know, what do we do? What are we supposed to do? What's so-and-so doing? Why is he doing that? Should I do that? I love that endless grind.

Everybody has always harassed. Everybody's always on the phone, you know. You mean like what's happening? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did you see what so-and-so did? What did you think of that? Right.

Right. Streaming and, you know. And I think perhaps for you, for whatever feels right for you at this point, is what's right. But that's, after 40 years, that's why I don't want to like make an announcement. This is my final,

because I might change my mind. I might, it might be like cutting off a limb, and I have to go back to it. How do you view the show? How do you view real time? And, you know, how old are you now, 60 something? Jerry, I'm right, always hot on your heels. Okay. Well, whatever it is. What's a year and a half behind you.

Whatever it is. Do you ever look forward or do you stay focused? Only forward. Only forward. But I mean, do you think, you know, maybe another five and, uh, no, I can't. Have you the lawn Michaels line? I asked him, how much long? you think you'll do SNL.

He says, you know, I think it'll get to the point that I'll feel like I'm slowing down and I don't have the same edge. I don't have the same enthusiasm for it. And he says, when I get to that point, I'll do five more years. And I love that answer. I love that answer. I would love for us to compare notes who is more addicted to show business, you or me. because I love it to death today as much as even more.

Everything else in life for me has fallen away, has gone gray. I mean, I loved having kids, and that whole side of my life has been great, but you always have to say that, you know, but if you're just talking about work, let's just talk about work. We can cry on it, Jerry. You know, I love show business as much today as ever, if not more, because I tried every other goddamn thing. But you say you don't love show business, you love stand-up. That's show business.

I know, but it's that one aspect. Again, you're such a minimalist. You're so direct with everything that everything peels away, no extra things. And that's you. That's why I think you will do it until you drop. I will. I will. And maybe I will too.

I don't know. it's a tough decision, but I also feel like it's easy as you get older to not do new things, and that's what keeps you young. I think that's part of the reason I want to do this. Definitely. Because, look, when we're doing a podcast, if you said to me 10 years ago even, you know, the big thing at show business is going to be basically AM radio. Right.

I would have said you're crazy. Right. And yet, I mean, you talk about too many people. at the beginning of the marathon, clogging the road. Right. I mean, there's like four million podcasts in America. But no one's doing this one. I know, but it would be like if Johnny Carson,

when we watched him, had, you know, four million late-night shows that people had, that they, you know, maybe only 500 watched this one and a thousand watch this one, but his rating cumulatively all of all those tiny, ants sucking a little bit away would have left him not with 17 million which he had at his height but you know something much more modest that's the problem with so many podcasts no why what of all you're doing the thing that you hate the most which is moving people around in

chronology if johnny carson was it forget that we're here now you we're here now it doesn't matter what he would have done or what matters is this makes... Go ahead, finish your point. Oh, my God. What year is that? 1979. Oh.

Carson Mustay. What a baller he was, right? I mean, just to, like, have the headlines, like, about what you'd... But you're right. He would not... I mean, as great as he was, he would not survive today. He was just... That show breathed way too much for the current audience.

Right, I know. Yes, I... Who cares? The world wouldn't make him today. They don't make those guys anymore. They don't make George C. Scott anymore. You know what, loomed large in our world, even the latest, for it was 20 years after, but World War II was like my childhood, I looked back, it was like everything.

My parents were in it. TV shows were about it. Right. Hogan's Heroes and Mikhail's Navy in combat. And did you kind of feel also as a kid? I just missed it. I mean, it was when I played Army, I played World War II. And there was no nuance to it.

We were good. Yes. They were bad. Yeah. And, you know, I mean. It was like a big hug musical. That's what World War II was. Here's a musical for everyone, you know.

Yeah. And everyone was involved in it. Mm-hmm. Like nobody was ever like, I'm just doing something different these days. Yeah, no, no, I'm going to have. World War II. But anyway, I'm still not quite to the essence of why it feels right to you to not do it anymore. I don't know.

Because it's the cello and are you, travel and writing. How much time? No, I love it. How do you do a TV show and do it? any stand-up stuff. I mean, I'm not married, no kids. All my time is mine. Right. So that's, that's one way. I like that. I mean, you know me, I think we're very similar to this. I love the tinkering. I love the, I put that word in front of this thing, and I move this over here. It's like putting together a Rubik's cube. Yes, exactly. And I move this here, and now it all fits. You know,

for six months it was good, but now it's great because, and I feel bad for those audiences that last six months. But it's the same way in a relationship. I always felt like, oh, if I only knew what I learned on her with you, I would have been a lot better with you. Yes, yes. But I can't, you know, we can't reverse time. But you didn't answer my question about real time.

What was that? Which is, do you think of how many years, first of all you're at it? How many, 25 years? Real time. Starting with politically incorrect? Well, that's 31. Okay, 31. That counts.

Oh, I know. I know. So what do you think? Well, I certainly wouldn't want to quit now because I feel like I'm at the top of my gun. Absolutely. And lots of people tell me that. And that's why I put out this book, Jerry. I signed it to you also.

But, you know, I'm a book. How'd you do that? The strike. With the same glasses even. The strike. It's amazing. The strike. I had five months to, and it's just, it's all the editorials we do at the end.

Wow. That I put together in a way that made sense. Of course you did. No, I put a lot of work into this. Oh, I'm sure you did. Shut up. But I think what stand-up is for you is what writing that editorial at the end of the show is for me. Oh, okay.

That's what I. Well, that piece I never, ever miss. Oh, thank you. For the writing, for the flow of it. The consistency is shocking. Your level of consistency is shocking. And it's the best comedy monologue every week that anyone does. And you even make a point on top of being funny, which is, you know.

Usually a point no one else is making. Right. That's, I mean, it's very easy. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I mean, this is Christmas morning for me now. But, I mean, other shows, I feel like, are partisan one way or the other. I rarely hear a thought that I haven't heard anywhere else. You know, they will amplify it and get...

But their audience doesn't want to. The audience today just mostly wants to hear what they already believe. And they want... Yes, Trump's an asshole. And Trump is an asshole, and I certainly have done my share-up jokes about that. But I'm always trying to say something that's not... breaking a new story, but breaking a new way of looking at a new story. Right.

And, you know, consider this. And, um... Oh, it's just fantastic. Thank you. It's fantastic. Well, I appreciate it. And, you know, I, you know what? I don't know.

Like, when you would go on Larry King, that was always so great. Yeah, I loved that. It was great. That show, don't you think there's a hole for that show? I think it's Joe Rogan. I think Joe, what? You just, you just. Put your hands up.

No, what I'm getting at is what was, I thought special about that show was it was 9 o'clock. Every night at 9 o'clock, Larry King was going to be sitting with someone who could probably be of interest. Yes. And that was a great TV. That was great TV. The set, I thought, was, I loved the multicolored dots, the blackness. You know, not like he was the greatest interview in the world, but he was good. Well, but that's why I compared him to Joe Rogan, because they're both minimalist.

Both of them do zero research by their own admission. Right. Like, they just, I think Joe would say the same thing Larry said, I want to be the audience. I want to be the guy who knows nothing about you. I know, but he's on for three and a half hours. Larry King is, you know, it's on at nine. You're wandering around the house. You're looking for something to do.

Who's on Larry King? Right. That was a great thing. I can't believe they haven't tried to replace that. I don't know who would do it, but... Well, they did. Pierce Morgan did it for a minute. Yeah, he wasn't right.

I don't think it's the fact that there's nobody right for it. I think it's the fact that the audience is different. I mean, we don't have... That was one of the last shows. Well, it wasn't really a hearth show, but like in our... It was. It was a hearth show. Okay, so, like in our youth, but not to the level, like in our youth, like when there was three channels and all the new shows were in that issue of TV Guide,

Like the family had a communal experience with television. Don Rickles, you know. We all remember all, like it was an event when he was on the Tonight Show, especially in the summer when we could stay up. The famous one where he threw him in the Japanese bath. Remember he's getting them aside. It was amazing that throw, by the way, that he was able to do that. Why are you saying it was fayed?

It was quite a jujitsu that he... Oh, Johnny threw him. Yeah, when Johnny threw him. Johnny was a mean bastard. And like, you don't fuck with Johnny. I mean, that's the other thing about Johnny. I mean, he could be terrible to people. But what...

Everyone at that level is should be terrible to people. No, you don't mean that. You're not terrible to people. I'm not. I'm not. But when you hear someone is, I can't believe anybody thinks anything of it. I think there's levels to it.

And I don't think everybody is. I think he was just... He, firstly, when he drank, I mean, he just had a... really mean mean, he could close off. I read that biography by Bushkin, remember?

Bombastic Bushkin, right? And I felt it was so true. I don't know it's true, but everything I know about Johnny and it wasn't kissing his ass and it wasn't covering anything up. You know, he said he was just as cold as that, his mother was like very cold to him.

But in a way, it made it easier to watch him. I can't watch people that want me to fill that need for them. I can't do it. I agree. They're exhausting. I totally agree. Just a bombastic, Bushkin, don't you think that that joke was his intense jealousy of Dr. Vinny Bombards?

Rodney's great doctor. I think Carson loved that joke so much. He wanted his own. And, of course, he would steal when it suited it. I'm telling you. That's what I mean. He was just a badass. He broke into his wife's apartment.

You know that? I don't know. That's in the book. It's like when they were going through the divorce. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like did really badass things. I don't know if that's badass. It's just bad.

Yeah. Well, I'm just saying you didn't fuck around with him. And yes, I do remember, what did you say? What did he do? That bombastic Bushkin was. Oh, I wish I had. Oh, no, he was a thief. He loved.

Dr. Vinnie Boombots. But he stole The Answer Man from Steve Allen. And he stole Maude Frickard from Winters. Yeah, we know. It was horrible. And then he would have them on the show. Yeah, well, what they could do? He was the king.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not saying it was admirable, but I guess, you know, that persona kind of, he was, Mr. He was gracious. You know, that was what was Johnny's calling card. But, boy, when that light, Red light went off. I don't think he was that guy.

Did you have little interactions with him in the hallway ever? Little, of course. Wasn't that the most exciting thing in the world when you would see him coming down the hall with the tie down? Didn't have I tell you the story, but when I saw him the last time I did it and Lenna was about to take over and I'm walking out and he's in his car,

like a corvette. Yeah, the corvette. And it wouldn't start. And I said, boy, I bet you, Lano knows everything about Carr, I bet you he'd know what to do. And he looked up and he went, we'll see how much he knows about television. I'm telling you, he was a bad man. Yeah.

Well, these guys, you know, they're not, it's not a coincidence that they're there, all these guys, whether politically, entertainment industry, corporate world, a lot of people are there for a reason. I feel like a late-night host is always a reflection of the society that we live in, better than a lot of other signposts. I mean, like, that's why Leno was right for his era and Johnny was right for his era. And what do we have now? We have Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon. I think are right for their era.

In that. Why, look at this. Oh, new breeders. stand-up comics. What's that? Oh, these are the two articles that were in the New York Times. Am I in any of those? You probably are. Here's Adrian Tolch with a Catcher Rising Star T-shirt. I have a Catch-A-Rising Star T-shirt that I wear all the time.

Still fits? It's a new one. Because I hear when you wash them, they make lovely hand puppets with the children. Open a God, Bill. I know. Calvin Fussman. Calvin Fussman, who's that? He's the writer of this ridiculous.

Why are you keeping this? Just because it's comedy in the day? You know what? Every year of my life, I make a file where I just put stuff in because I like to be a good caveman. Like if I want to go back and excavate and see who I was. It's one good thing I did. I think so many dumb errors, but that was pretty smart.

Like I saved, like, look at that Mad Magazine. I love that. I saw that car. Aren't you glad I saved this from the Supremes album? No. No, you don't think that's... I wasn't missing that. You don't think that's cool? It's okay. Be honest, Jerry. Come on. Come out of your show.

I went through all of my stuff recently. The new breeders. And threw out almost all of it. Of course you did, because that's you and I'm mean, because... And I thought, my kids don't care what I did. I even thought that. Aren't you glad. kept the world fair thing? Yeah. You never know which is going to be the one, right?

I think these are all good. No. Some of them are good. What about this from Richard Belser? I love that. First of all, it's Daily Planet from the desk of Super Comic Richard Beldor. Oh, wow. Now, it's a great shot of him, by the way. It's just too much.

When I play The Beacon, I always ask the only, I talk about how I started in New York at a club called Catch Your Rising Star. How many of you remember it? And that moment, Bill, there's like about 10% of the audience will applaud. It's a great moment. I just love that. Remember how cool that joint was? And it's so much fun to just share that for a second.

But isn't it all sad that only, well, and look what he wrote. A little, no. To potentially. Tremendously said. To potentially one of the great. That's funny. That's funny. I think he was talking about himself.

But I think it's sad that only 10% of the people were, well, You know what? Come on. You're right. You're right. Let it all go. Let it go. I do like it.

But I must say bad memories do not make me sad. Good memories make me sad. Oh. You know, bad memories, it's like, great, it's over. Right. Good memories. It's like, shit, I'll never have that again, you know. Right, no.

You never have anything again. You seem more at peace with that. I am. I know. when I came to the other day, because I'm going through this thing with the movie, you know, and you're doing a lot of press, and they're watching the movie, and they're responding to it, you know, and I hit me the other morning. An insincere compliment is absolutely of equal value as a totally genuine compliment. There is no difference in value. They're both utterly

meaningless and just as nice. An insincere compliment is just as nice. I don't care if they're lying to my face. It doesn't matter what they think anyway. What the fuck are you talking about? This is ridiculous. I gave you a very wonderful compliment, I think, and it came from me, and it's very sincere, and it's true about you. That's got to mean more than an insincere compliment. Not in that situation where you're meeting strangers, and they're saying, oh, I loved your movie. Great. That's great. That's just as great. That's just as great. I don't have to know.

Really? Did you really? Give me that rabbit thing back. A compliment from you who knows me. That's what I'm saying. That's different. Oh, okay. That's different.

I hope so. I'm talking about 90% of the things people tell you in show business are not true and not sincere. Of course. And that's okay. And even when they, I shouldn't even admit this. It makes me sound petty, but I think all show people are the same. sometimes people will give you a compliment and you still don't like it because it's like,

yeah, but you notice the wrong thing. Yeah. Yeah, you liked the show, but you thought that was the best part of it? Yes. And it's like, you can't. Petty doesn't even describe how small-minded that is. I don't know, is what's below Petty,

whatever that adjective would be. You never felt that way? No. Really? No. Take what you like. Whatever you like. What do I care what you like?

All right. Then why do you keep arguing when I say you're more mature than you have? I like to argue. I know. Good. I don't even believe what I'm the position I'm taking. We're not even arguing. But yeah, no, that's true.

I feel like I've evolved a long way. but I started way far back. Way far back, yeah. It's true, I didn't I didn't want to talk about that. Oh, here, look at this. No, I always thought...

This is so funny, all this crap you brought out here. Tell me you're not enjoying this. I'm not. You said, Joe. No, you said to tell me, so it's a get smart job. Look at this. My father was in radio.

I know. Right. Mutual broadcasting system. Or this is when the media was respected by this country because these were mutual metapac... Mutual men. So where's your dad? Is he in here? Right here.

Look right here. Bill Moore. Your dad is Billmore? Of course. Well, that explains a lot. I think we've cracked this case. Wide open right here. Mutual.

Men of Conviction. Isn't that awesome? He doesn't resemble you much. Look at, you can't see from that. It's a drawing. So that's not what he looked like? It did look like that, but, you know. You're very handsome.

He looks kind of, uh, oh no. Are we looking at him? Arnold stang-ish. It's a drawing from these creeps who made this thing. Men of conviction. So were these guys, um, staff announcers. Oh, but they weren't journalists. Well, I think they would consider themselves journalists.

Jerry, they had deep voices and they were on the radio. Did your dad have a deep voice? You have a deep voice. Of course. Yeah. Of course he did. When he took me to the radio station, you know, once in a while, I'd be like scared the shit out of me because they all, hello, young man. Nell Sharbert.

I mean, look at some of these names, Whitney Belton. Charles Batchelder. Bill Costello was good, as was Jack Allen and Martin Edwards. I did a little schick. We made a couple little video promotion pieces for the movie, and one is where I'm called into the office of the president of Pop-Tarts. So I needed a name for who would be the president of Pop-Tarts, and we came up with Kelman P. Gasworth.

I've... Oh. He says, I'm Kelvin P. Gasswood, the president of Pop-Tarts. And I'm sitting at the end of this long conference table, and I go, oh, I just made a whole movie about Pop-Tri. He goes, well, did you now? I can't wait to see this movie. It's fun. It comes out on Friday.

So it's funny because when I read about this, I thought it's both, you making a movie about Pop-Torges, it's both inscrutable and inevitable. that is a great line that's a great line you really like you were going and i just want to know before i see it or maybe you don't want to say this then just don't but like but what is the metaphor i mean plainly it can't just be about pop talk oh my gosh no no it's uh it's quite a deep story bill but it has to be a metaphor for something You got me. Really?

Yeah. What? Again, we're not like the serial killer and the detective. We're not really like. No. It's, I like important seeming men in suits, like those names you're talking about puffs and flakes and sprinkles in a very serious way. That to me was funny. I like, it's about, it really is about a childhood fantasy and wanting to hang on to your childhood

and that time and that product. And to make this movie, I get to go back there. I get to go back to when the only thing I cared about was the stingray and my cereal and the TV shows that I liked. And that was, that was, you know, it was like a little soap bubble that I got. got to get inside for a few weeks. Yeah, I mean, I have that inclination, but our childhood is now just so long ago.

Yeah. I mean. But the fun of it is still there. Yeah, I know. So, and with a movie, you get to recreate it. But you don't. You don't get to really go there. No.

No. No, but you don't have intimations of more mortality when you dwell on the distant past like that, that it reminds you that you're closer to the end. I'm not that in love with, like, you really love life. Don't you? You love it. It's okay. Oh, come on now.

Your life? Oh. Because like when, I know this was your birthday and I was like, I bet you he's the same place with birthdays that I am, which is like, I had a big party here right in this room at 60. you had one at 65. After that, like, yeah, it's happening, but we don't need to go and do it at all. I mean, sometimes people, mine's in January,

sometimes people said to me a couple of weeks after they say, oh, didn't you just have a birthday? And I go, you know, maybe. I don't know, I might have. I didn't check my calendar. I didn't check my calendar. You know, because it's just like, it's happening. I can't deny it, but let's just ignore it.

Yeah. It's at a certain point, because you'd still look generically, late middle age, which is great. You know, you don't read old. No, neither do you. Like Biden. Yeah.

Like reads old and Trump reads crazy, but not old, you know. Yeah, okay. He reads, he just reads differently. Well, he's got a lot of makeup on, you know. A lot. And the hair color and all that. Yeah, I always say he's like kiss. He puts on the face paint and the wig, and it's always 1976.

That is fantastic. That is a great joke. It is kind of true. That is a great joke. He's like, kiss. He's so funny. But, yeah, so we could probably, I mean, Mick Jagger is doing it at 80,

doing rock shows. Okay. It's amazing. It's amazing. But I'm saying, if a guy can do rock and roll at 80, certainly comedy. What do you think you'll be doing at 80?

I hope very similar to what I'm doing now. Really? Yes, I would love to, I, only in my, 60s came to realize how right my mother was when I'm when she once said to me, yeah, I really like my 50s and 60s the best of all the decades. I said, that's crazy. 60s?

What are you fucking nuts? Yeah. But their 60s is our 80s physically. I mean, I don't have, I don't do anything different now that I did in my 40s. I could do any number of shows. I could go. Exactly. Right.

I haven't made any adjustments. Same way. But I imagine. I mean, there's a diminishment to everything. Yes. I mean, you know, I can still play basketball. Yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing.

And, you know, I mean. But yeah, I think you maybe have a little tighter grip on this lifetime than I do. It is what it is. All you can ever be is good for your age. But, you know, as far as how far you can. can go. I feel like I'm, and you are too, for a somewhat different reason, uniquely suited to another decade because I never was selling, I can dance, I can jump around, I was selling wisdom. Right.

And sophistication. Right. And that's why HBO has been such a good home for me. It's a sophisticated audience. It's a sophisticated show. I mean, that word, maybe I'm not, you know, putting that on myself, but yeah, that is what I strive for, and the audience is a sophisticated audience, and there's precious little left for people who are sophisticated. That's a genre. That's a niche. But it's always been a small niche. Yes, always.

Yes, that's what I'm saying. You have a much broader, you know. Somewhat broader, but... Majorly broader. It's one, another reason why I'm probably not going to do any more stand-up is because, like, first of all, when you're on top... TV every week. It's very hard for people to come out. It's harder to get that you're less unique.

Also, they tend to think I'm a political comic, which is limiting. Oh, right. So, like, there's guys who are, like, not half as funny as me selling twice as many tickets. I'm a little sick of it. Not that I can't do nice shows and theaters, but it's like, I am, I've always been fighting a little uphill on those things. Uh-huh, uh-huh, I see. I think your stand-up is my editorial.

That's what I want to do until they put me in the grave. is every week come up with that one thing. And, you know, because it's almost Seinfeldian because it's building one very small, limited, but trying to perfectly craft it, and then it's over. Right. You know, next week there's a new one. And on Monday, I, you know, I mean, I will,

we nail down the premise before the weekend. Oh, yeah. And on Monday, you know, I read all the passes and put it together, you know. Right. my own version and then, you know, sew it together. And each day, first it gets fatter, then it gets smaller. You know, there's a method to it to show you that it's by Friday.

Now, that would be a vacation that, for me, if I would just sit with you and not contribute, but just watch you do that, that would entertain me more than any trip to anywhere in the world. Because I think, I don't know how you do it, but the end result is so, elegant and that is what I love and appreciate more than anything is simplicity and elegance in writing thank you me too and and of course getting the job done comedically yeah we got to do all those three things right in the piece right when that is executed uh I mean I just feel full of music it's I just love it and I you know we're so lucky that you know I do think sometimes I watch great pitchers, great athletes.

And I think, oh, this guy's only going to get 12 years of this to be able to play this music. And it's a huge career for a pitcher, right? But for us, if they told us you can only do this 12 years, it's ridiculous. Musicians, does it bother you? You're very, very sophisticated

musically, and just you'd had all those Paul Simon lyrics in your head was amazing. but what's your theory, and I know you have one, on why these great, great, great songwriters are not able to find that thing in their later years. Too many drugs. Come on.

No, but too many drugs, one partly. But also, I just think it's innate. Music is something that flowers in youth. I mean... Do you think music is sexual? Of course. If you're not horny, you can't write a great... song. Well, oh, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Yeah, that's, we could, not all songs are

about sex. Yes, they are. Everyone, oh, stop it. But what is your theory on older songwriters struggling to find that same magic? I couldn't agree more. First of all, it's rare, and I'm not going to name names. No. There are exceptions to that, but they are rare. I thought the Eagles 2007 album was really good. Yeah. It was like could fit in, it was a double album. If you made it into like just one kick-ass album, it would be fit in their Uvra pretty well.

But there are people that we love, desperately love. Desperately. That write stuff now that is. And have for 25 years not been good. Right. Because part of it, I think, is you get too ahead of the parade. like you always want to be like a little ahead of the audience otherwise you're over

but not so far ahead they're like what and I think sometimes you're so good that like oh I've done that and this would be different it's like yeah but I just want to you know you got to hit that sweet spot where it's striking me is something a little different but not so alien that me just the young man in the 22nd row can't appreciate it because I'm not a musician I could just appreciate what you do.

So it's kind of, I guess, the equivalent of being like a comics comic. Who, you know, makes the other comics laugh. Right. And, you know, I always felt like that was what you, like, I always felt you had catch. Like, you always had kind of an attitude about catch. Like, this is a shiny object. Because it was the hot club, right? Yes.

You didn't, you weren't the man at the hot club. You were at the comics. The hot club was Belzer, and it was the hot club because that's where the stars went, and the celebrities went, and the mafia was there. And it was just, you know, singers and Belzer. And I think you were just like, okay, enjoy your shiny object, because I'm going to just do what I do, which isn't quite as flamboyant as some of this other stuff going on.

And I will be the bigger star because I'm going to be on television, which is a cool medium perfectly suited to me. I never. I bet. I read that on you. Well, you can read it, but I never thought it or felt that. But it turned out to be true. Yeah, well, you have an amazing eye for those kinds of things.

I just, in those days, Bill, I wasn't. But I just felt like you, the fact that it was ill-suited to your exact persona. It was. To your credit, because, again, that wasn't what was going to make you a star, jumping around on the piano. And all the same as the comedy store out here. A lot of stuff that looks great in a small club. But you had your eye on the prize.

I did. I did. And sometimes they would come to the comic strip and struggle. And I would realize, oh, they're out of context. And it's not working. And that's not what this game's about. This game is about put me in any context and I'll make it work. Right.

That's the bigger game. to play. Yes, you and I had an argument many times about like, is there such a thing as a bad crowd? Oh, yeah. And I, of course, took the position, yes. When they don't like me,

they're bad. Yeah. And you took the position, again, more mature, goofus and gallant. Yeah. That gallant believes, and you're right. There's no right. It's just a sport. You're playing... It's a better attitude to have.

Right, yes. You know, you were like... But you're also right. Of course there's bad crap. Yes, but you one said, of course they're in a bad mood. Why do you think they're at a comedy club? You're the doctor. Yes.

They don't come to the doctor when they feel well, yeah. Right. So... That's funny. It's another piece of advice I remembered and put into practice a mere 17 years later. No, I got around everything. It just... Yeah.

Some people just takes a long time. Yeah. You know. What about, I mean, everybody's, who cares? See, this is not why you're not afraid of dying. Everything that comes into your head is like, oh, who cares? I mean, don't you feel that changing? I mean, I'm 70, and I really feel things changing in my perspective.

Names I haven't. Who is the singer? All these things, even politics, even social movements. I'm meeting a lot of Marcus Aurelius. Have you ever read that? In college, absolutely. You should pick it up again. It's really great.

Meditations, what's it called? Meditations. Right. He was the Roman Emperor in 180. 150 AD. And he is a fantastic guy to get you to zoom out and go all these things you're worried about, all these things that you see happening. They've all happened before.

They're all going to happen again. Everything that you're worried about is much smaller than it is. that you make it in your head. That's his basic message. And being told that by the Emperor of Rome in 150 AD is a very nice daily. I read it almost every day. I'll read a page or two. And I love to imagine him in his bedroom there,

the leader of the entire world, an emperor, a Roman emperor, and saying, yes, you're going to talk to a lot of annoying people today. That's what every day is like. Why are you surprised? People are annoying. I like to imagine the peasants of 150 AD. Hey, did you hear the emperor has a new tract of treaties out? Oh, great.

I can't wait to pick it up. He was like the Sam Harris of his day. He had the morning meditation and, yeah. By the way, if people want to have an image of who Marcus Aurelius is, think of the movie Gladiator. Yeah. And he was played by Peter O. I thought it was Joaquin Phoenix.

He played the son. Oh, just grew up son. Who kills his father. Right. He kills Marcus Aurelius in the beginning. Well, not in real life, though. I think he did. No, no, no.

No, he died of natural causes in his 50s. You know a lot about Marcus Aurelius. I'm kind of into him these days. That's amazing. Yeah. I didn't think I'd ever hear that from you. Boy. Well, just because he didn't seem like a history buff and that...

I'm not really, but I do. I love philosophy and I love his philosophy. And I just find it helpful. I like shrinking things down. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And you do it better than anybody. Oh, thank you.

I mean, I always said that about you. Like the act that like every single person can love and the most intelligent person in the room is also not insulted by it. Right. And that's a, I feel like excellence is always getting to that golden, of like the two things that are in opposition, but somehow you bring them together. Right.

You know. Well, that's what I'm, I think you might find that in Unfrosted, the Pop-Tart movie. It's a silly idea for a movie, and the jokes are silly, but as we know, there are no silly jokes. They're either good or they're not. And you'll find there's a level of sophistication in the silliness. That is my ultimate. When I first saw Monty Python, when I was a kid on PBS in the early 70s, I lost my mind. The sophisticated silliness that they were doing absolutely lit me up like this is everything that I want, everything that I love.

I think Get Smart had that. I think Peter Sellers had that. He's acting dumb, but there is such a sophistication to it. It's because as we know, as comedians, acting dumb is really not, you know, Laurel and Hardy are not stupid. No, no. I wasn't a Stooges guy, but Laurel and Hardy is elegant and sophisticated. You were not a Stoge's guy? No. No.

I didn't like Mo. He's, I think he's funny. Curly, he was carrying the whole damn show. But we were five. No, not. I wasn't. I watched comedians when I was five years old going, this guy's got enough.

Did you watch, watch Officer Joe Bolton? Of course. Okay, didn't he introduce the three stooges? Wasn't that his? Yeah, yeah, he had the stooges. I watched it. And Superman also? No, they didn't have Superman.

They had those movie shorts. Superman just stood by itself? Yeah, yeah, that was a real series, yeah. Oh, I remember. Yeah. And still pretty good, by the way. I've been watching that lately. To me, George Reeves, is the greatest of Superman of all time.

His sophistication and those double-breasted suits, it's another reason I wanted to do on Frosted. I wanted to look like George Reeves. Did you like that Superman show when they would close the door? I would shake. What, I lived for it. You know this. Really?

When I was a kid. Yeah. I remember in high school, I would probably have that somewhere in my rat pack file, but we made a list of every episode that we could. could remember. Like, there was probably 100 episodes. Wow. I remember all the episodes.

We've talked about it. Caborium X. Yeah. I mean... I got to do a commercial with Jack Larson and Noel Neal in, I think... Yes, I remember it, yes. Yeah. The American Express thing is.

Yeah. I mean, I know. Gigantic thrill. And your bit was, you know, one of those... One of your first ones. Yes. It was a brilliant disguise. It was like, that is so you.

Yeah. And then somebody else had a great bit about... It's a bird. It's a plane. Who mistakes a bird? Whose joke is that? I don't know. I heard that.

That's a good one, too. It's like a perfect example of that bit that, like, it was laying there on the ground. Yeah. Anybody could have seen it. Yeah. Right? I have a Frankenstein bit I'm doing now about the sport jacket. Why is he wearing a sport jacket?

That's great. It's an AI bit. It's a part of an AI bit about making fake brains is risky. We can see that from Frankenstein. Oh, that's funny. That's a great joke. Yeah, exactly. And he goes, well, I thought maybe we'd go someplace nice afterwards.

No, it's Romania in 1820. There's no place nice. No one's going to say to you, I'm sorry, Mr. Stein. It's Jackets only this evening. That's hysterical. That's funny. I talk about monsters now with... you know, the toxic masculinity that they're always talking about.

And it's true, men are toxic. What are we talking about? I think men have been ruined by the phone. Yeah. And pornography. Uh-huh. And it's rapy. It's domineering.

It's not, you know, it's just, and this is what young men see. Uh-huh. You know, when I was, when we were kids, it was, if you had a playboy. Right. That was huge. Yeah. Now they see horrible things. Yeah, I can't imagine.

Choking and spanking. Oh, God. What? That's horrible. I know. I mean, what these kids are, when you think about how innocent our childhood was. Yes. The level of innocence is just like from a different what.

Yeah, absolutely. And we can't fix it, Bill. They broke it. Why do you think I'm always trying to fix it? I'm just, there's a difference between being, uh, trying to remedy something and just being amazed by it. I talk, like age fascinates me. And people say, oh, don't worry about it.

I'm not worried about it. Oh, I see. I'm just fascinated by it. Right, right. I'm fascinated by different generations. I'm fascinated by how different. I, the difference is that I could see in my lifetime. Right.

Yes. Like, I know. And I'm, I said to my mother one time who passed about 10 years ago at the age of 99. And I remember asking her one time, do you remember when cars, suddenly became popular? She said, oh, yeah. Yeah. My mother, when she was born, there was no cars around. When my mother was born, women couldn't vote.

Right. 1919. Yeah. Women got the vote in 1920. Right. I say to my kids, your kids are going to say to you, you mean they let people just get in cars and go as fast as they wanted? Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there were laws, but people

did pretty much whatever they want. My grandma... Didn't they crash and die all the time? Yeah. Yeah. Well, and children died often. You know, they'd get kicked by a horse on the farm. You know, that's why they had a lot of kids. They expected a few of them to. So better or worse, the way we value life today or the way we were more cash, so much more casual about it in years past. I mean, it's so easy to say, oh, you know, back, please, we are so seduced by, and I am as much as anyone, by creature comforts, inconvenience. No, I don't, with all the bullshit going on, we live in the most amazing fucking

times. Yes, yes. I mean, the climate change is probably going to get us at some point, but it hasn't yet. We walked out here today. We weren't like evaporated by the rays of the sun or something. I mean, we, it was a beautiful day. The grass is green. The sky is blue. I know it's really not. There's lots of things going on behind the scenes that are horrible, blah, blah, blah. But we're still living in that time where we're basically, you know, yes, health, Lincoln River's ugly head and there's lots of poisons everywhere and lots of terrible things and Trump could do this and democracy and blah blah nuclear war but for the moment you know when I'm sitting at a dinner with people and they're like well the world's ending look around you

you fuck you dumb ass we're at this fucking awesome restaurant they're bringing you this food it's probably gonna this dinner's gonna cost 700 you're i'm even gonna fucking blink and paying the check shut the fuck up yeah about how terrible things is when they're gonna I'm not going to lose my nervous system about Trump again. If he ends the world, he's going to end the world. I'm not going to fucking go nuts again if he wins another term. I just can't. I hope you have that wherewithal.

Well, what are you going to do? I don't know. I'm trying to stay right there. Yes. Or do you can get anxious like a millennial? No, it's good. Exactly. That is...

I mean, that generation, especially the Z generation. Ugh. What do you, but your kids, I mean, your kids are great. Thank you. I mean, I think with great parenting, you can still make great kids. Sure. Well, you don't really make them. You have a hand in it.

You're like the manager. Yeah, you're the manager. You give them advice, they take it, they don't take it. You know, like the manager of a team. Yes, that's right. A good manager. A good manager. It could affect like six to eight games a year.

That's right. That's right. Do you think that's all a parent can do? I have no idea. But wait, you raised three kids. It's mostly what you didn't do wrong, really bad stuff. But mostly the way we were raised, you were kind of left to your own devices, and you're in a fairly healthy environment, and hopefully you make decent choices.

And the same is true today. I remember that night you and Chris Rock were in my dressing room before the show, and I asked them something, you guys, something about, like, oh, your kids, do they play together, or do you both, went, Bill, the wives handle that. And I got, okay, that's, I see. Yeah, I have the most amazing wife. I really love my wife. I got to a point with my wife now that I can't believe how great she is because, I can't

really say that. But, you know, I mean, in the single world, it was always, it always runs out of gas. And I found a woman where it never runs out. I'm always excited to see her. That's great. We always have fun. I love talking with her. It's fun.

It's fun. But it's, again, it's a little bit of luck. Or maybe it's instinct. I don't know. But are you an empty nester now? Not yet. My son is finishing high school. But you will be.

I will be in a few months, yeah. And is that a big changeover? That's what people say, but Justin and I are, we feel more good. So it must be a, it's got to be a big difference without the sound of children. It is. But Bill, all these things. What? I feel like you're going back to like thinking that I'm somehow ruining the passage of time and I'm just remarking and I'm fascinated by it.

Yeah, I'm fascinated and I enjoy that that's over and now we're doing this. and anything else in life. Okay, well, you just characterize what I think about maybe quitting stand-up. Okay. I've enjoyed it, but maybe... That's cool. That's very cool of you to let your mind be that free. That's cool.

I mean, I think it's always great to stretch. It is? To put yourself out of your comforts. Just change. Just change the menu. Change. We're doing this now. Yeah, exactly.

Right. Because, you know, at our age, you know, it's an age. you know, it's an agist country. They're always going to try to move you out. I mean, it's the nature of what? Not an our thing. Nobody cares how old you are.

Well, that's another reason why I would add it to the hopper about me maybe getting out of it. I do think there is a generational element to stand up because humor is not something that translates through the ages that well. And like the humor of today is a lot more about feelings, nothing more than feelings.

And, like, people want to see someone of their own generation. Of course, but they also want to see people that can really do it. I understand that. Some can and some can't, and it's irrespective of age or anything. Yes, that's true too. But you're an icon, you know. Thank you. I'm going to be nicer when you give a comment.

I need to be nicer. I didn't mean it like that. Okay. I just meant you don't have to always. all you have to do is put your name in the paper, and it'll sell out. Maybe if I was there, I would still do it. That would be an element that would influence me.

Probably not. I think I'd still make this decision. Right, right. But yeah, it makes it a lot easier, you know. I mean, the audience that comes is certainly a great, I mean, look, it's a love affair, because anytime they're paying a hard money ticket to see you, you know, they want you to do what.

you do very specifically and I just want to do it for them right so well you know I'm getting sad bill that this show is almost over I was I and I I really was looking forward to this as much as you are oh because it's you and I also just love the vibe of this show well and I have one more thing to show you oh boy from my thing this was my father's how I met Holly was biggest stars by Bill Marr. This is amazing. What in the world?

What is this? Some gag gift. Somebody gave my father in 1960, whatever. That's great. And it's all Chinese, folks. Show and tell with Bill Mar. We were so innocent. Yeah.

Well, as a great man once said, it's so nice when it happens. Oh, God, Bill, you did it again. Freddie Decor de Cordova, after my first tonight show, put his arm around me as we walked off the set, and he said, it's so nice when it happens good. If you don't know you're in show business at that moment, when somebody says something like that,

all right, pal. Thank you. Thank you. This was what I thought it would be. I'm going to have this frame that's sent to you. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, I'm a world's fair obsessive. I didn't know that.