Club Random with Bill Maher - Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

On Club Random Classics this month, we’re rolling back to June 22, 2022 – when Bill sat down with Jimmy Kimmel. The two riff on why Bill hates hockey, how his advice could’ve cost Jimmy millions, the Conan O’Brien–Jay Leno late-night wars, why Jimmy loves Letterman, his famous circle of friends, and the time college-aged Jimmy saw Bill and Jerry Seinfeld in concert. Check out this one and all the Club Random Classics in our back catalogue! Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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PlayStation 5 Xbox Series X&S and PC. Well, in this month's club, Random Classics, we go back to my talk with my dear friend Jimmy Kimmel, who you may have seen in the news recently. It's a freewheeling conversation of trade secrets, celebrity stories, and late-night confessions from how radio trained our comic timing riffing on Kraft, the glorious Conan Leno mess, to how Jimmy's wife still dresses him. Enjoy Club Random Classics with Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, look how sleek you are. What are you doing?

That sounded very gay. And I'm touching me. It's all right. You look like, I don't know, that shirt looks like some sort of, you're either like a mastermind who runs the world with a little Dr. Evilly or, I don't know. Can I tell you what I am? What? I am a guy whose wife has grown tired of me asking her what I should wear and she went and got me like four casual outfits that I can wear to things that have numbers on them like grow animals. Like a child.

That's why I am a big child. Is this why guys like marriage because there's somebody who does shit for you that you don't want to do? Is that the main part of it? No, I don't think it's that, but I do think... I don't know about you.

Do you have trouble figuring out like what looks right? No. I have a great deal of trouble with it. In fact, I'm a very instinctive and decisive shopper. I will go in... I'm the same way shopping. Yes.

If I say either it speaks to me or it doesn't, if I'm wondering, then the answer's no. And if I want it, you know, I want it. I'm good with shopping. I'm not good with putting combinations of things on. How often do you shop? Not that much, very rarely. I was at the mall about a month ago, maybe five weeks ago.

I don't know. I mean, fucking A, I had not been, even before the pandemic, I never really go to a store. for you. I'd see pictures of celebrities, you know, coming out of Vons. I'm like, why the fuck are they doing that? I mean, they must have assistance. You're buying toilet paper at 8 in the morning? Are you nuts? I don't go to stories because I don't have to. So, but I thought, you know, oh, it's fun. They're open again. And I should see what's out there for my own self. I'm too in my bubble with shopping wise. I mean, it was quite a mind-blowing experience being in the mall.

What'd you do? Did you go to Macy's? I went to the west side, the one in Century City. Yeah, yeah. Part of it is outside. Yeah. Interesting, like, the people with masks on were the least likely to be felled by the Andromeda Strain.

It was all the 22-year-olds with masks on outside. It just fucking made me crazy. Do you ever wear the masks so you can... I will never wear a mask unless you force me to. I wouldn't even do it any more like that. If it was walking into my studio, okay, we're playing this game. No, you have to yell at me and then I'll do it. I wear the masks sometimes just so I can walk around like Michael Jackson with my face cover.

So you're coming right from your show? I am. Oh, thank you. No, no problem. You're such a good guy, Jimmy. Yeah, sure. I'll have a little of that. This is from Mike Tyson.

Is it really? Guess of Club Random with Bill Maher, Smoke Pot. given to Billmore by other guests of Clubbrandom with Billmore. Provided by Mike Tyson. Right. I've smoked with Mike Tyson before. Who hasn't? He doesn't kid around.

He really, he loves his, well, you know what? For you and I, I mean, pot is whatever it is. I think for him, it really, I got my Eddie Vedder lighter, although these depots are terrible. They don't work. But I think for Mike, you know, he really, it makes him a mellow, very different guy. And he's not a guy you want to be unmellow. I mean, of all the guys, you don't want to be, you know.

Yeah, maybe he's medicating himself, but whatever he's doing, it seems to be working. It's totally working. Did you see that fight? He fought, who do you fight? Roy Jones Jr., I don't know, about six months ago. No. Tyson, he had a pay-per-view fight.

Of course. It was totally fixed. What happened? Well, first of all, he looked really good. I mean, it was surprising how good he looked. Roy didn't look so good. He clearly beat Jones, but they obviously made some kind of a deal beforehand where they would declare it a draw.

It was not a draw, but it was a draw at the end. But these two men in their 50s punching each other? Yeah, and Mike's quite a bit bigger than Roy. I think Mike might be 10 years older, too. How old are you of 54? Can you imagine a man punching you? I mean, how fucking ridiculous is that? Let me tell you something.

Today, I did something today in which children threw dodge balls at me while I was trying to shoot a basketball, and it was an absolute nightmare. I was getting hit with these light rubber balls. I was like, oh my God, this is terrible. So I was on your show. When was it like the month ago? Yeah, like five weeks, I think. And I think it was, I think I was mentioning that it was, is it 20 years since we passed that baton? It is almost, yeah.

It's so funny, that sign behind you. Yeah. I mean, I love seeing that. I love that you keep this stuff because it makes me feel okay about keeping my stuff. I have a big man show sign, you know. Yeah. I mean, never, it's going to, how can you throw it out? That's how I feel.

My wife would tell you how to throw it out there. I mean, there'll never be a better title. I wish I could use the title. It's a great title. Yeah, and especially it was in the day because it was new. You know, people weren't saying that. They were saying politically correct.

I remember we had a lawsuit about that because somebody else wanted to use that and we said, no, we made that. I never told you this, but there was a, when I was a disc jockey here in L.A., there was a guy, a producer, who wanted me to host a show called Athletically Incorrect. Do you ever hear anything about that?

No, but there was a time in the mid-90s after we were on for a year or so when there was a slew of copycatchers. I remember being very, very worried about it and talking to my producer, Scott Carter, God bless Scott Carter, all those years, such a great guy. He is a great guy, a super smart guy.

Oh, yes, and just a great human. And he, and I was like, They're going to take the show. And he said, you know, think about the people who have cycled through here that we tried to teach how to do this kind of show and they couldn't get it. He said, they can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it. Yeah, when you're telling them how to rip it off. Well, we always were doing something that was different than the other shows.

And they couldn't rip it off. When we did The Man Show, which you were on. Of course, I'm sure. And I don't remember it, but... I remember it well. It was some kind of a bit where I married a monkey. And then... Oh, yeah, I do remember that.

And at the end of the bit, I look across... We were wearing tuxedos for some reason. I look across the room. Of course, you're a monkey. And you were there with your own monkey. Like, it was a thing. But there was a show called The X Show. We made this Man Show pilot, and then it took, like, a year before it was on the air.

And in the meantime, FX, which was a new network, stole the idea. First, they tried to buy The Man Show, and we sold it to Comedy Central. And then they asked me to host this show that they described me. I was like, this is just like the show I'm doing, except for where it was five nights a week. And they bought time in our premiere episode of The Man Show. They bought ads from the local cable operator. And we were just so angry. They were like our arch enemy

And it's all we could think of And it's funny, you know, I was like, it didn't work It was terrible Who cares? Yeah, who cares? But it was the biggest thing in our office at that time. The brand of show business we're in Is the most disposable.

Like movies last forever, you know, People still watch fucking, it happened one night. I mean, it looks like it was made in the Middle Ages but it was only 1935 and it's on film and what we do is gone by the next week. It's sour milk, you know. It's so disposable. But for me, I come from radio,

which is even lower on that disposable ladder. As low as it get. I saw even just the fact that somebody is saving the tape of the show, which, you know, in radio, you want the show, you buy cassettes, you bring them in, and you take the show home. They didn't used to save them. I mean, not at all.

Carson used to complain that there were not those first few years there were some were on a kinescope I never even knew what the fuck that was they used to talk about it and it was like what is a kinescope I don't know it was something I think it was like making a picture of a picture somehow so they had a few with them like that but those early carson years they don't even have because nobody thought they would reuse those tapes they would use it for anything yeah it's hysterical the lack of foresight It's crazy. Yeah, even, yeah. How much could a tape have cost back then?

But that was the same with our radio show. Also, we had a thing where... Were you at 34 when you started? If you were 54? This show? Your show. 35, yeah. 35.

Yeah, I was about that exact age when I started politically incorrect. It's funny, you look back, and I'm sure there are people who like our earlier work better. Yeah, there are But I look back And I would just fucking cringe

I mean If you really wanted to torture me Make me watch something Same here I mean I don't even watch it now But if I did and occasionally I do To check on something Especially the parts that are written

Which I worked on all week I can watch that and go Oh, okay I can totally live with that I didn't stumble over one word If I stumble over one word, I'd like it's ruined. It's a bummer, right? You know, but to ask me to look at something all those years ago,

first of all, I would have zero recollection. It would be a total shock. And maybe there'd be parts that I'd go like, oh, that guy, that was pretty cute of that guy. But there would be definitely parts where I would go, oh, what a fucking douchebag. Oh, yeah. And that would be just exquisite torture.

Yes, it's terrible. I think I feel like I've had that my whole life with everything like I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid and You draw something. You think it was good and show it to your mom or whatever And then like two years later you look at it. You go oh God, I thought this was good And then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good I guess eventually you probably reach a point where you've peaked where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were better I don't think I would ever would because I feel like, I mean, what I really want to be is the most sophisticated I can,

in the best sense of the word, not a pretentious sense. And I just was less sophisticated at that age. I might not have been unsophisticated for my age. Right. But when you look back from 50s and 60s, at 20s and 30s, you're not that sophisticated. You think you are, and you're more than you were when you were a teenager, of course.

But you're just not what they, I think, used to call, seasoned. Yeah, you don't know things. You don't know. I heard you on one of the earlier podcasts talking about gazpacho and how you when you learned that it was cold soup. And that's my book.

That's one of the, that's that, I think that's a right. It's a very salient point, you know, it's. Yes, everything you, the gazpacho, I'm obsessed with this gazpacho. Because it's, you know, it's funny what sticks in your mind. For some reason, I guess because I was so humiliated at that moment.

when I was making a thing with the waiter about the gazpacho soup being cold. It must have been seared in my mind. And it just, I do want to write that book, Gospacho soup is cold because every single thing you know in your life, you did learn at a particular instant. You don't record the instant, but you could. Can I tell you what I didn't know

when I was in my mid to late 20s? I would, I thought fish was healthy and so I would get fish and chips for lunch almost every day and now you don't because of the mercury and stuff like that it's just it's a big blob of fried dough

over a piece of fry fish well no fish and chips like the traditional fish and chips oh but you just said fish you think all fish is unhealthy no I know I think I grilled fish is great this was like you know like a fried chicken version of fish right and I thought I was

eating I'd have french fries with it I was like, a meeting as healthy as could be. I would have a bagel every morning and think like, oh, this is good. I'm not putting much butter on it, you know. We don't know any. We're not taught the important things. Well, now you're, Jimmy, waiting into my deep end of the pool

because this is the area that makes me ballistic. We could spend the whole rest of this time talking about this subject, but I feel like maybe I have an ally in you. I don't know if I do on all these things. Really? Oh, yeah. Okay. But let me just address the general first, which is that somehow at 66, even though I understand

that my body is not in the shape, it must have been internally and in some ways externally that it was, I'm so much smarter about my health than I was in my 20s and 30s that in some ways I'm actually healthier. And you can look at even in the numbers. I feel the same way. Which is amazing. Because to your point, I had so many bad ideas. And, of course, when you're talking about bad ideas about health,

that's given the fact that we already, with our best ideas, don't know a lot. So if you have bad ideas based on other bad ideas, that's a lot of bad health. And yes, I was the same way. I thought, we all thought, that I can't believe it's not butter was what you should eat. And now it is illegal. That is trans fats. Trans fats are illegal. what they told us to eat 15 years ago.

To be healthy. This is why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way we handled it, because the bigger question about health, they just don't know that much, and they're wrong a lot. So don't sit there in your fucking white coat and tell me, just do what we say, because when have we ever been wrong? A lot. You've been wrong a fucking lot, including about this. I seem to remember six months we were wiping off the packages.

Right. Lots of things you're wrong about. The vaccine could prevent you, would prevent you from getting it, no, or giving it, no. Okay, you weren't trying to be wrong, but don't be arrogant about how much you're right, because it's not very much. Hello, you guys, it's Heather McDonald, and I have a juicy scoop for you on Audible. I've been loving their romance collection. They are a leading creator and provider of premium audio storytelling, and they've got this down. Romance fans are among their most engaged and voracious listeners, so there is nothing guilty about this pleasure. There's more to imagine when you listen, and they have audiobooks to satisfy every side of you. Audible has modern rom-coms by Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood and titles from the Romantasy genre that is going crazy right now, like the ones taking over book talk.

We're talking about authors like Devney Perry and Sarah J. Mass. Plus, you can get into classic regency favorites like Pride and Prejudice or all the really steamy stuff. I mean, imagine a dalliance with a Duke or a sexy billionaire. You can find a book boyfriend in the city on a hockey rink or find love in another realm with dragons. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down. So here's your invitation to have it all. Get your first great love story for free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com. This episode is brought to you by Peloton.

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where the conventional wisdom is what we accept? We know that grilled fish is good for us. Some are maybe not. Some are worse than others, but maybe we'll find out it wasn't. I mean, any fish that lives in the ocean is never going to be 100% good for you because the ocean is a fucking cesspool. There are many lakes and you can have a nice salmon out of a river. I mean, most bodies of water are somewhat polluted.

Just because what falls out of the air falls into the bodies of water. Mercury gets into the water no matter where the water is because it falls from the clouds. And fish eat that and we get it in the fish. Some fish are worse, obviously sushi. There are people who eat a lot of sushi and have mercury poisoning. That's how much fucking mercury there is in the fish. Piven had that thing on Broadway. Allegedly, yeah.

Oh, it's you. I don't know. I think he, wasn't he trying to get out of that play? I seem to remember that, yes, that's possible. I remember a lot of scoffing. That's what I remember from that time. They would write a book about it. He blamed it on the fish. The Jeremy Pivens story.

But certainly it is bad for you. When you, tuna has tons of it, swordfish. I used to love to eat. I wouldn't eat that now. Yeah, sweet fish is bad. Any deep sea fish is going to be full of And mercury is super bad for what's inside you. This is another thing about vaccines. You know, I've never been anti-vax,

but don't tell me that you know how vaccines will interact with how much mercury I have in my body, or how much electromagnetic energy I get exposed to, how many of the 50,000 chemicals that were never around 100 years ago that we ingest now or in the atmosphere. There's a million different variables that can affect my health.

So don't pretend that there are definitive answers about any of this. But don't you, do you regret having the polio vaccine, the Rubella vaccine? You know, it's a... Did you get the shingles vaccine? I would have to go through them case by case, because to me, vaccines are always a case by case. There are some, yes, that I would endorse. And some, I certainly didn't want the COVID one.

you didn't want to get it no and I did uh-huh because I couldn't have like led a life without it and still couldn't today but I'm not going to get any more of it oh I will I will for sure yeah well I mean we're different on that yeah and but yeah I don't know I um I don't know I even the idea that mercury is bad for you like how do we know that mercury is bad for you we do know that but how do we know it we told us this Okay, well, peer-reviewed studies told us this. Right. And it's almost commonsensical, but, I mean, look, I'm trying to lay out the case that I'm the medical skeptic.

Right. But if the question is, is Mercury bad for you, I feel like that's on the side of settled science. I'm good with that one. I don't need to look into that one anymore. Mercury in your system, not good. Do you feel... Neither is lead, which we also have in our life. Well, no, I'm not saying they are good.

I'm not even questioning it. I'm just, why do we decide that certain things are? Metals in people's body is something that they don't look into enough and is very often, I've certainly anecdotally heard from people who say, I know one person in particular who was like she had all these horrible kind of like, you know, those diseases they call fatigue diseases. Yeah, Epstein Bar. Yeah, Epstein Bar, which is a virus many of us have in their bodies.

I have it in my body, lots of fatigue syndrome, whatever they wanna call it. And she said, looked at a million different things, many different doctors, had the mercury drilled out of her teeth, problem went away. Mercury, they used to drill it in, I had it drill. Yeah, I had it, yeah. Did you have it drilled out?

Yes, I had them move. Right, well, if you're. Yeah, the metal filling, sorry. If you're not sure about that, why'd you do that? I was a kid. My parents, I had no decision really in it. They drilled it in and then drilled it out while you were still a kid?

Yeah. They drilled it in as a little kid and drilled it out when I was like 13 or something. 14 maybe? Wow. Yeah. They said they had to. It was like falling out.

Yes. And it's bad for you. Yeah, I don't know what their reasoning was. Their reasoning may have just been... It's poison. We want to sell you another feeling. We don't want poison leaking into your body from your teeth.

Yeah, I mean, there could have been it, too, but I tend to think that they're just like dentists trying to make another 60 bucks. Not in this case. Yeah, well, no, why? If you leave here thinking one thing about Club Random, I hope it will be Mercury Bad. Mercury Bad, don't get Mercury in my body if I can help it. I was going to ask you why it was Club Random, but I think I understand. I think I need an explanation It's interesting you and I

You know we have so many things in common and so many things Unincommon Yeah, that's true Like you're a guy who loves to be married Yeah And I'm a guy who obviously doesn't Right I mean

And you even is your wife still the head writer She's yeah the head writer That's unbelievable Producer of the show Talk about someone who you can trust Yeah Because that's a real trust job totally you know if you and also who like chief knows you it's like chief of staff

of your president yeah right who knows what you would want right not want right even more importantly so it's not just the shirts that she does yeah it's not just the shirt it's the show the show and the shirts that is a hell of a wife you got there yeah no she's good sometimes if I think of something funny in the middle of the night I'll make a lot of noise so that it wakes her up and then I'll act like I did it unintentionally and then I'll tell her the funny thing that I thought of and she almost I mean she courtesy laughs but I don't think she's but then she puts it in a bit oh no it's usually ridiculous you have some I must say you do have some classic bits the the tweets bit see that was her idea my wife's idea

really yeah that is a I mean you know not a good bit every bit is a classic That's a class. Yeah. And the other one, the, you know, bleeping. Yeah, the unnecessary censorship. Yeah, that's something I started doing on the radio. Is that right? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. It goes that far back? Yeah. It was funny to put bleeps where we had to cut the tape. It's a scream. Where they don't belong. Yeah, I always got to kick out.

Yeah, that's another gold. It's those things, those like recurring. Oh, they're there. What a life raft that is. New rules, obviously, and some of the... Do you figure that out? I don't know if it's true. I don't know for a fact.

I just know it's true in our 24 things. I love those refillables, because we're old-school fans of the old... We grew up on... I mean, I know you adore Letterman, right? He's your big hero, right? Yeah, Letterman, Howard. Howard, yes. Oh, and he's still your boyfriend.

Yeah. Now, how did you wind up Howard's ass, but you couldn't get up Dave? That's my question for you, Jimmy Kimball. I'm sure you tried. No, I just, you know, I feel like Howard, no matter what he says, seeks human interaction. And I don't know that, at least with me, I don't know that Dave would be interested in that. And I would never want to, like, bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common.

We started in, you know, he's still a radio guy. was a radio guy. I got into it because of him, really. And my uncle would send me tapes of the show on WNBC, make a cassette tape. He'd send me once every two months, and I would listen to them over and over again. I feasted on them. Right. And this is the difference between your age, which is about a decade before mine and mine. Because, like, you're Howard Letterman, whereas I'm Carson. Jack Benny. Right.

No, not Jack. No, Jack Benny. I don't know. I don't know who the other one would do. But it was probably somebody on the radio. You know, I did listen to, like, the disc jockeys on W.A.B.C., Dan Ingram in the afternoon. Cousin Brousie, I didn't want to be him. Dan Ingram was very sophisticated.

But definitely Johnny Carson. And, you know, we wanted to be that guy. I think that guy to us was, I mean, we were never going to be, like, the athlete of the school you know right that's not what we're gonna be we weren't gonna be the leading man in the drama club but we could be that guy you know that was yeah our version of well I remember when college kids I would talk to started talking about Conan in the same way that I spoke about Letterman is it's whatever your the first thing first one you're exposed to is the one that means the most right Johnny

right you was Johnny and then everybody else after Johnny is like when there was that Conan Leno kerfuffle right ugliness not since the war between the States maybe it was the rap feuds between East and West Coast I don't remember but not since something was there something that was that condensious I remember at the time this is so funny it was like 2009 I think yeah it sounds right okay so my girlfriend at the time was 25 and I remember you know, it was very important thing in our world. Yeah.

And I was explaining to her. I said, well, you know, it's a generational thing. Leno is 59 and Conan's like 46. And she went, yeah, that's the same thing to me. And I actually felt better because I was like, oh, you know what? That's good, because that means I'm in the same boat with everybody over 40, you know? And that category is, you know You're out of range

Right, fuller, but But I don't know I mean, were you a team? Were you Team Jay or team? Oh, definitely not Team Jay. No? No, I was like... Oh yeah, you have a feud with him.

I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. Not anymore, I did though at one time. About what? He's such a nice guy. I know you always say that and I go, hmm. What am I not seeing? There's this evil Jay.

that I don't see? Really? I mean, is that really what you think? Tell me what you really think. You think I'm blind to a Bakiavellian side of Jay Leno? Maybe. I don't, I don't, yeah. You can say that.

I mean, unless you're, like, joking. I'm not joking. He's quite clearly very a cunning individual, let's just say. I mean, come on. Is he hidden the closet that time? He who hides in the closet and listens in? But on his own. Who's ever done that?

Okay, but he did it. It's like a soap opera. Wait a second. He did it on his own behalf. He didn't do it to rat fuck someone else. He did it right fuck Dave. What do you mean? Ratfuck Dave?

Letterman, I mean... How did that rat fuck Letterman? Well, it was part of his campaign. I mean, you know, he'd go through the whole thing. But basically, that was part of him gauging what NBC was planning to do. I don't recall exactly what that conversation was to you. But I think it may have been.

But they were vying for this same, they were buying for this one coveted spot, the host of the Tonight Show. It was the holy grail of comedians that it would be passed on. So obviously it's the Super Bowl trophy. They both want it. And I don't know. I find something wrong about the hatred of the people who, oh, you just went for it and got it and won. And then, by the way, he was like number one. They fired him twice for the sin of being number one.

in his time slot. I mean, it's not like he... Well, I don't know if that's why they fired him, but, yeah. Well, they fired him because they thought, well, we better look out. Why? Because he was such a hard guy to work with? No, I just think they saw Fallon surging,

and they saw that as the immediate future. There was a time where the ratings between those shows were getting close, which is very unusual. It speaks to the need in this business, kids, if you're watching, and you want to get in the business, you need someone talking for you

an agent, a manager, somebody because Jay Leno had no one speaking for him. He was his own representative. Whereas I think it was Ari Emanuel, one of the great talkers of all time and great people. I love him.

I think he was in the ear of the NBC exec saying, you need to think about the future. Yeah, sure Jay is number one now, but you know what? What about the future? Let's get ahead of this. And so they fired him for being number one twice, and the successors did not do as well.

I'm just saying these are the raw facts. I think it's more complicated than that. Tell me the complicated part. Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, first of all, Conan wanted the 1130 spot, and he went to NBC and said, I want the 1130 spot. If I don't get the 1130 spot,

I'm going to become a free agent, and other networks are going to offer me the 1130 spot, which was happening, by the way. You know, something that was happening. Right. And NBC said, listen, we want to keep Jay on. We want you to be the 1130 host. What we'll do is we'll make a deal in five years.

We'll give you the Tonight Show. And Conan now has to make a decision. Should I go to ABC at 1130 or stay here and wait and be a good soldier and take the Tonight Show at the end of it? Yeah, ABC. I know. But at the time they were talking to him and Fox as well. To replace you with him?

Yeah, to push me back or whatever, you know, move the show. I was on at midnight at that time. And Conan had to make a decision, you know, do I go to another network or do I stay here and wait? And he said, okay, I'll stay in wait. And then when he put in his five years, they broke the deal. Oh, so he did stay. Five years. He did stay five years.

And then Jay, who knows a lot about television, a lot about TV ratings, maybe more than anyone I've ever met. I'll bet. Was offered the 10 p.m. slot. Now, they don't have to violate Conan's contract. Jay knew that lead in is hugely important and that NBC had had dramas that were fairly successful in those slots. and they were bringing a pretty big audience to the Tonight Show, he knew that doing his show would have maybe half those ratings, turned out to be like a third.

And even if that show failed, it would make the Tonight Show's ratings dropped. And that's what happened. Conan had a bad lead-in from Jay. But should Jay have not taken the 10 p.m. spot because of that? Why is Jay always looking out for Conan's interest? No, I'm not saying he's looking out for Conan's interest. I'm just saying it's something. somewhat diabolical don't you think diabolical I mean I would never do anything like that

why he so he should not have taken the 10 p.m. slot he should not have kept working in the air in the in the in the job they offered him he should say no because of Conan's career I'm not going to work at 10 p.m. I don't get that you know but yeah I think I think from the beginning his plan was to retake the tonight show to see the ratings go down you just don't like this guy I don't know what he did to you well What do you do? Did he touch you, Jimmy? No, he did do a weird thing to me.

Tell me where he touched you. But I don't want to make this all about because I'm fine with him now. We've spoken. Okay. It's fine. But just, you know, whatever, just the facts. I hate when two people I love don't like each other

because I feel like I did something. No. It wasn't your fault at all. It wasn't. It's just when ABC was, when NBC was going to turned the show over to Conan, Jay was talking to ABC about coming on at 11.30. And Jay needed to get, Bob Iger,

they needed to get my permission in contractually because I was contracted to be on at midnight, not 1230. So they wanted to get my permission first. And so at that time, Jay called me a lot. And, you know, we spoke about all sorts of things. and I felt like we were having a friendly relationship. And then the day NBC decided, no, we're keeping Jay, never heard from him again.

And I didn't even find out from him that he was staying. He wanted me to be on 11.30, and I would move to 12.30, and I finally said, okay, yeah, I think I would do that. I'd be on at 1230 after you, because I was on at midnight at the time. And I felt he'd be a better lead in the nightline. You know that. Wait, Jay was going to move to? ABC? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff. I, yeah. Either I forgot that or...

No, I don't think most people even know that. But I know it because I was asked to move to 1230. Yeah. So I don't know. I sometimes feel like maybe... Well, I got a lot of friends. I don't need to... I don't need to like... I understand. You know what I mean? But I hope someday, as we all walk down the path of life... Well, this isn't going to make it better. That I get to somehow do a Jerry Lewis. What a run! This champ is picking up speed.

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Gambling problem call connects Ontario 1866-531-260, 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Let me tell you a couple of good Jay Leno story. I met him when I was a teen. out front of the improv, I think. And he couldn't possibly have been nicer to us. I mean, he was super nice and chatty and, you know. So, you know, I'm not indicated, you know, whatever.

I just think there are some weird things there. Well, he is a weird mix of, I think, a very moral guy. But he's definitely Italian. He has a, I mean, cunning, yes. Jay is smart about the business. I mean, he is ruthlessly smart. But I just didn't think it was at the detriment of others, except if you're going after the same job, yeah, I don't find it off-putting that he was in the closet. Yeah, from my point of view, I got to know who he was from his appearances on Letterman, and I thought he was cool because Dave put him on, and they seemed to be friendly, and he would give Dave shit, and he's always so funny.

Oh, so funny. Those were great. And then it seemed weird that then after Dave kind of opened that door for him, that he'd be squeezing his way through the other one. Well, Dave opened that door for him. I mean, he was obviously, I remember those appearances too. He was obviously a big talent. You know, Chris Rock for years would always say, oh, thank you.

Because back in 1996, we put him on, we were doing, it was the 96 election. he was our correspondent because he was at a kind of a down moment in his career in New Hampshire. It was funny. I can't find hair products up here. You know, it gave him a little boost. People saw him and it, you know, helped the next step. But I always said to him, Chris, I didn't do anything. You're a giant talent. It would have happened anyway. I'm glad that we were able to like work together at a moment that was beneficial for us both. But it would have happened some other way. You're Chris Rock. Yeah, but the difference is that's how Chris feels.

Right? It's not about how you feel, it's how Chris feels. And Jay is Chris in this situation. And this Chris is not so grateful. Interesting, the way you threw that Trump card down on me, I must say I'm a little taken aback. But, okay, well, someday I'm going to do a Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry. Not that you were ever Dean and Jerry. but it's like because you know there's so many there's still few people who can understand

what you and me and jay and you know there's a little club of people who know what it's like to do a talk show and talk to many many many many different people over the years and you know i mean i would be hard-breast if someone like had a list of every guest they've ever had to read them and make me identify exactly who we're talking about because oh yeah I just, you know, I don't remember everybody, Regis. Yeah. I mean, Jimmy. That's funny.

Especially because he's dead. He's not even, oh no. Is Regis dead? He did. He passed away. That's a relief? I feel bad. I mean, I feel good.

I mean, I feel bad. I feel good that he was around so long and terrible that it had to end so quickly. I had Regis and joy. and Don Rickles and his wife Barbara over my house for dinner one night. I cooked them dinner. And one of the things I love about, like, old guys like that is nationality means so much in their characterization of you. Like, Regis, oh, look, he's Irish.

He's, like, he's drunk. It's like, with Don, like, all he could think about is, you know, my mother's Italian, it's like, he's the kid's Italian. He's Italian. I think he thought I was Jewish at the outset and was kind of hoping I was Jewish. But then it became the mob and spaghetti and all meatballs and all that shit.

The thing about you reached Jewish. You say that, really? Yeah. Most people think I'm Jewish. Really? My last name rhymes with a Jewish word. No. And also when I dated Sarah,

I feel like a lot of people presumed that I was Jewish. I never presumed. Thank you. No, you just do not. You do not. I don't have Judar. It was a joke, of course. You do not set, if I had Judar, you would not set it off.

Is it the big crucifix on my hairy chest? I feel like it's part and parcel to your amazing success. Really, 20 years is a long time in that piece of real estate. It's because, like Carson and like your R. Jeremy J. Leno and David Letterman, And there's something mid-American about you that appeals to the broad, not just the coasts, although you obviously do well there too, but like you strike people as American. And it's not like there's the Larry Davids and people love those kind of comics. But yes, that's kind of like a Jewish sensibility they see there.

I don't see it with you because you're not a Jew. It's not a giant mystery. And for America, that's good, because Jews are like 2% of the population. It's very good to be able to do well also in Muncie. And lots of other places, you know. And I know you hate to be compared, but you and Jay, you both have your thumb well on the pulse of Middle America. You wouldn't have survived for that long in that spot if you didn't. No.

I like that ice bucket, by the way. It reminds me like my parents had one like that when we're in the 70s, you know. I remember it being, I still have mine right here. I remember being attracted to it in some way. Attracted, that sounds sick. You know what I mean? No, I don't.

You know what I mean? No, but like one day. You want to fuck my ice bucket? One day I'm going to be a man who has an ice bucket. Oh, that, yes, definitely. Well, the people I looked up to, like, manly, who I wanted to be a man, and if I was a man like these men, I'd be with lots of hot chicks were Johnny Carson and James Bond.

Yeah. They were the right age. And it's interesting, you know, they weren't, like, young. They weren't old, for sure. All the celebrities were older then. 40s. 40s was like the perfect age. Like, fully a man, although I was, you know, I guess.

I don't know. Like I said, looking back, I don't want to do it. But, you know, still, like, attractive, look good. Dean Martin also, I must say, I could tell that my mother was hot for Dean Martin. Like watching the 10 o'clock, he at the Thursday 10 o'clock show he comes out with the perfect tan, sideburns, you know, the tuxedo and, you know, just white teeth. and like it's like oh yeah I would love to I said well I can't be Dean Martin I don't want to be Jerry Lewis it's got to be something in the middle Carson you know who's your all-time favorite baseball player all-time favorite

baseball player well I mean there'll always be someone I mean a connection for someone my age who grew up in the New York market with Mickey Mantle. I mean, my A Yankee. Yes, my father appeared at the head of my first grade classroom one morning. I was shocked

because I'd never seen my father at the school. I didn't know what I thought. Maybe that it was a emergency or disaster. I was in trouble. But he was there to take me to my first baseball game. Like it was like... And he didn't tell you. He just showed

up. Just showed up. That's interesting. Marine back from Afghanistan. Oh, that's great. And, you know, I remember I do have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher. And he must have been saying, hey, I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know the school day is not out, but it's our one chance to go to a game, blah, blah, blah. And so there off I went. Wow.

And, you know, the first, it's almost exactly the way Billy Crystal describes it often. But like in his show, it's a brilliant show. Yeah, right. but walking into Yankee Stadium and before it had only been black and white on your television because your black and white TV showed the baseball games and here it was you walk out the tunnel and there's that giant expanse of verdant heaven I had that same experience because I had a little black and white TV I watched all the Dodgers games growing up and when my parents took us to Dodgers Stadium what really what really stood out to me was that the Dodgers numbers were

bright red, which I never really noticed in the, you know, in the newspaper. No, and it was just so big, you know, and there they were. So, Mickey Mantle, when I was seven, I had a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe uniform with seven that my mother sewed on the bag. Really? And I wouldn't take it off all summer, and she was begging me to it because it was hot, and it was flannel, but it was Mickey Man. So I guess that's back in my memory somewhere.

I mean, when I got more thoughtful about sports, I went right to Joe Pepitone. No. I don't know. Name some people. I mean, I like a lot of people, but, you know, they're basically... Like Tom Seaver, was that one of your... Yeah, Tom Seaver was great.

All the goals. Because I know you liked the Mets. I just didn't know it was... Yeah. I assumed it was from the beginning. It was fun. Yeah, right. And now they're doing great.

I told you that story about the Las Vegas Golden Knights. Yes. They offered me a piece of their franchise. And I didn't do it because I felt you told me it wasn't a great deal when you own the Mets. It was a great deal. It was. You told me. It was.

You told me that they never give you any tickets. You don't even have a parking space there. You always have to pay for tickets. That's, I would never have said that because I never, that was not the case. I had my own parking space. I mean, I made a major life decision based on this. I made, I had my, they were always great about that. I had my own parking space.

And yes, you had to, like at the World Series. Yeah, there were some things, but, you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series. I had the greatest seats. Right. They were, the Will Pons were super nice to me. I have no complaints about that. The problem was during the pandemic

because we weren't playing baseball games. So they had these things called capital calls when you're an owner and you don't, the team losing a lot of money, you got a pony up. And so it was very scary to be running a baseball enterprise and not playing baseball. And then when we did play,

there was no one in the stands to buy hot dogs. That was a troubling time I was worried about that way more than getting the fucking Andromeda strain I was worried about that That's so crazy You never think about that

You have a piece of a team That you might not be Oh You might have to pay up Absolutely Yes and I did Luckily Mr. Steve Cohen came along

The next year And the Met sold and it actually turned out to be a great thing. But, yeah, there was some fucking nervous moments. But, well, now I'm back. No, I think I made the right decision. Yes, you know what? But of course, the Golden Knights went to the Stanley Cup in their first season.

Is that right? Yeah. Are they a professional team? Yes, it's an NHL team. It's like unheard of. I don't know. I know so little about hockey, and I'm so actively against it, that I can't really judge that, you know, because hockey, I don't know, and I don't even think it should be here. It's not really American.

It's boring like soccer. It's a sport, sort of, just more like exercise. So I'm not, so I can't judge that. Have you gone to a game live? No, of course not. It's different. It's more fun and person. It's even more boring.

No, it's not. It's not boring. You're right up at the glass if you get good seats and just, you know, they're constantly smashing into the wall. It's all covered up. You can really see them fighting. I don't care. And now I'll go to a fight if I want to see them fighting. But in general, of all the things that goes up in value, this is why I did this deal back in 2011, sports teams.

People in this fucking country, you know better than anybody, love sports. And those investments never go down. Could they, yes, in a small market, but not the New York baseball franchise. There's only one National League baseball franchise, and it's not going anywhere. It's like Mark Twain said about real estate, God made the earth, but he ain't making any more. And they ain't making any more National League Baseball franchises. So I don't know if that's anything like what this one is in hockey.

Does it sound like it has quite the tradition? No, but it's been hugely successful as far as attendance and fan excitement and going to, it was a really big story. It hadn't happened in any professional sports since the early 60s, I think. But if somebody offers you something in a legacy team, and when I say legacy team, like, if there's like a World Series, as there usually is, without the Mets in it, so I don't really care who wins. I always root for the team that's been around longest. I root for the team whose baseball cards I had what I was a kid. It was the Detroit Tigers against the Marlins. Fuck the Marlins.

The Brewers in the American League. Not even the Brewers. It was the Milwaukee Braves before they went to Atlanta. When they went to Atlanta, wow. Right. Yeah. Hank Aaron. Yeah.

I also had a card that said Bob Clementi. Really, Bob. Because he couldn't say Roberto. Because that was, for that era, that was a little too ethnic. Bob. You have baseball cards? I do. I have some baseball cards.

But there are cards I collected when I was a kid. You got to come over one day. I am. One of my ten? Yes, apparently I am. You've got to come over one day. Seriously. I'll go through my cards.

You got good ones, yeah? Amazing. That's great. Like the years, like 60, like maybe 3, 4, 5, something like that. When I was like 7, 8, 9, very complete. Did you flip cards when you were a kid? Yeah. Yeah, we used to do that too.

And you put them in the spokes of your bike. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I valued them too much to do that, but we'd flip them all the time. It was just nonstop gambling with the cards. I got a Mets team card once. Yeah, team card. Oh, the Mets team card was fucking big. Remember the checklist card?

Oh, yeah. And the kid, this kid, Mark, his parents owned the grocery store in Brooklyn, milking stuff. And he was so upset that I got the Mets team card. He made them open all of the cards in the store. And they didn't get another Mets team card. I wound up trading him the Mets team card for all of those. cards hundreds of cards it was like a scene out of willie wonka it's like they're opening these

packs looking for this met's team card did they still have cards oh yeah sure yeah cards are bigger than ever you know i not only have baseball cards oh jimmy when you come over here we're going to have such a good day not only do i have baseball cards i have other cards that i that were Beatle cards. Wow. Batman cards. Two kinds, one drawing, one photograph. Really?

Yes, two editions. Martian cards. There was a movie. Jack Nicholson was in it. It was called something, let's go to Mars or Mars attacks. I think it was Tim Burton. Tim Burton, right. Mars attacks.

That was from a set of cards. that I have still as a kid did you collect wacky packages what's you know wacky packs no what's that um wacky pack that was a big thing like they they take like a product like a tube of crest toothpaste and they change it to crust and crust would be coming out of it you know like that kind of i think i have those cards yeah i love those those wacky pack cards i have um monster cards really well maybe it's adam's family one of those yeah and you remember buying them when you're a kid no oh I don't remember I don't know how I have them the baseball cards I know how I have because I did save my nickels and times to go by cards packages of them remember you get that stale gum yeah oh yeah um and you would

open it up and it's like oh who did I get a little bit of gum dust would come out yeah and you see and sometimes you get like some like shitty San Diego Padre right right Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. The best ones from the, I don't know if they still did it, but there was like, okay, each guy, Bob Clemente and, you know, Raleigh fingers, whoever it is. Then, checklist card, worst. Team card, second worst.

But best was like when they had two or three stars, sometimes from different teams, standing together with a special card, buck blasters, you know, It was Clementi and Willie Sturgel or something like that. Yeah. You know. Yeah, for like the American League and National League Best First Basement. Oh, yes. Like Rod Carew and Steve Gardner.

Right, it would be, yeah, like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays together, you know. Right. Yeah. See, for us, the team cards were big, but only the teams we liked. We didn't care about the expos. Racist victim bashers. Did you ever play any of those celebrity softball? games where you get to play with

like those guys like Gossage was one in Winfield these guys in one of these games games what kind of like a celebrity softball game they'll do them with the all-star I played in the a couple of years I was in something at Dodger Stadium they sent over a uniform you got in a Dodger uniform

with the stirrups the whole thing it was kind of cool yeah I remember I went with Alan Thick wow and I love it was a game I loved it. Yes. Tony Danza got me out with a little 10-cent curveball, grounded to third.

I remember Jonathan Silverman. Wow. Like, really hit it a long way. Oh, really? Like, very impressive. You have somebody, like, of these big celebrity friends, what's that about? Like Jennifer Aniston and, like, you know, Howard Stern. It's funny.

I still just say some other motherfucker that you're friends with, some other. I still have my best friends from high school. Oh. I do. Oh, bring out the award for a good guy. It's not just, it's not just. But do they party? But do they party with Jennifer at it?

No, you keep them separate. That's actually not true. Really? Yep. Actually, specifically not true. In fact, my friend Jimmy Gentleman, who was in town. Jimmy Gentleman? Jimmy Gentleman.

Come on. There's nobody named Jimmy Gentleman. Jimmy gentlemen, and there's actually two people named that him, and his dad's John Gentleman. I think of you as Jimmy Gentleman. It's funny, my Uncle Vinny was like, thought it was a nickname. He's like, yeah, because you're like the jerk, and he's like the gentleman. I was like, no, I'm not the jerk.

Anyway, we knew that he's so polite he wouldn't come. Who? If Jimmy Gentleman to Jennifer Anderson's house, if he knew that's where he's going. So we lied to him. We told him we're going back to our house and just drove there and he was a nervous wreck the whole time. Why? Because he felt he was not worthy to set footage. Yeah.

Which is not true. And he loosened up after a while. Right. I hope you slapped the snout out of him. He needs to be disabused of that notion. Yeah. Well, I think he was disabused. Well, okay.

Yeah. No, if you insist. I'll let you talk to him. I agree with you. I would like to interview Jimmy, gentleman. I agree with you completely. And try to convince him. What do you like?

Why do you like? Try to convince him that just because he is one of your Memphis Mafia. I assume that's why you keep him around, Jimmy. I assume he's like the Memphis Mafia. He is your gopher. No, not at all. He lives in Las Vegas. He's got a wife and children.

His kid just went to college. And you make them work for you, too? No, nobody works for me. I know, I'm fucking with you. A comedian. Who are you? You know, I've been smoking this, so I think it a little. Jesus Christ.

And what are you drinking wine? I'm drinking wine, yeah. Jesus, what are you? Orson Wells in 1985, your beard and your wine? Yes, I am. You remember when Orson Wells was on the, so we say, downslide when he was a fat old legend? A fat old legend.

And he'd always be a. on like Merv Griffin and he just made the rounds and it was like you know of course he's a legend but that was the elephant in the room was like okay you haven't done anything in 30 years

but your arson wells and he would I guess regale them with recantor like tales of Hollywood one time we'd a hayworth was twerking on my balls wouldn't you love to have

though a reel of him on talking shows you know from the 70s it would not be hard to find he's wearing a scarf yes exactly a scarf a cigar always a prop cigar and a big cloak because he was just big as a house by then and of course Lana Turner was always twirking on his nuts which he referred to as the magnificent Ambersons is that true no it's one of his movies it's one of his famous movies is the magnificent Embersons. It's actually some people say his best movie. I watched Citizen Kane recently again.

It's like one of those movies that you watch every 10 or 20 years because you think, maybe I missed it the first time, why it was so great. Maybe I missed it the second time, why it's so great. No, it's not bad,

but it's a little like the Mona Lisa. Very overrated. Like it just sort of got to this place in the public consciousness and, you know, no one ever accused, never being geniuses. So, like, they just made it, they just anointed this thing

to be, like, the greatest picture, the greatest movie. And it's neither are close to the greatest. It's an interesting movie. I like it, but enough. It's just not what they say it was. However, Gone with the Wind, as overstuffed as it is,

is still. Casa Blanca is. Oh, yes, Casablanca. I talked about this, I think, with Quentin Tarantino here. It doesn't make sense because the whole thing hinges on the idea that there are these letters of transit, which can get you out of Nazi-occupied Morocco. And if you have the letters of transit, the Nazis will never touch you. And that is not really how I see the Nazis.

You don't think a letter of transit would... You're right. No, I don't know if that may be true. Letters of Transit. So do you, like, have movie nights at your house where you watch, like, I'm sure, a giant mogul, even though you have your high school friends still, like you, gets, like, the big movies that are out, so they want you to see it, so you'll promote it. I get a link to those.

I watch them on TV at my house. And... Watch them from where? Typically alone. Where are you watching it? In the living room? in the living room i have a 100 inch tv that's about 13 years old starting to show it a hundred inches it's a huge tv i'll take out just enough to beat you but um okay so you're watching in the

living room i watch it with molly yeah usually hopefully so like this often not and then you talk about it after like your assessment of it or like this is something you want to really how i do it honestly and i wonder if you do this too i will If the producers tell me it's good, I'll watch it. If they don't, I won't. Because I don't want to have to give any commentary that isn't positive. I think it's better to just be honest. I haven't seen it.

Exactly the conclusion I came to. Yes. Yeah, right. It doesn't come up as much for me because I'm not on five nights a week like you are, and mine is not a... And you're not plugging their product. Mostly, sometimes. But, you know, I mean, Rod Stewart was on a couple of weeks ago.

I like Rod Stewart. Plus, no him forever. He's Rod Stewart. He's great. It's not a problem. He's one of those Dean Martin-type guys, Rod Stewart. Oh. That level.

I think he was more... Dean Martin was mostly a myth. He was not really a drunk or a womanizer. You know, Rod Stewart, really... He was a golfer. He was a golfer, yes. He's a strange guy. You know, he drank himself to death at the old...

Remember the place that was... Hamburger Hamlet it was on the corner yeah it's now some other trendy thing but it was the I remember that point of right where sunset goes into Beverly Hills Sunset kind of branches there Doheny a little past Doheny okay Hamburger Hamlet and he just sat in the back he had his booth his last few years and kind of like drank himself to death I mean that's what they said alone at Hamburger Hamlet and like why I know he's no he lost his son early I mean it's horrible when we any parent to face a child that pre-deceases you

it's got to be rough yeah but still you know come on Dino I don't I don't understand why people yeah but you know I never had kids and you yeah well it's some you know I think about this sometimes that some these older guys like Rickles you know, like, they just get such a kick out of the fact that younger guys like us are interested in them and that they're still relevant. Mel Brooks, still around, and you can express that to him. I have. And I have, too.

Yeah. Don't you, I think, like, I think that makes, is one of the things that makes us very lucky because I think that when we're in that position, you know, there'll be a handful of people at least who are wanting to, are interested in our lives and whatever and a lot of old people don't have that. And I think that's always nice, you know, and I think I could see how important it was to Don

and to some of these guys. But every perspective you have must be different than mine because you have four kids. Maybe not every, but... Really? I mean, I'm sure not every, because I think we large I largely agree with your perspective but yeah but that does it but you mean my daily well you I mean even I don't know anything like climate you know you're

got to be thinking about I'm only thinking about what the world's going to be like sadly for the next 20 years you know to be real but I mean I love that like you've got to be thinking about what the world's going to be like for the next 80 because the kid is 10 sure and then they're gonna have kids yeah and uh yeah I do sure I do but you know Norman Lear does too and he's 99 years old is he really yeah it'll be a hundred in July what does he think about climate change oh climate change right he's you know right that right well you have to have that attitude you can't once you feel like you're dead already you're dead already you have to feel like yeah to it's all about

tomorrow. I never look back. I mean, of course, you think. You don't really. Well, I, I, do you waste water? Why? I don't know. Because I'm going to fuck up the future for your kids. No, I'm just asking if you waste water. I try not to. I wouldn't, I don't do it on purpose. Right. Well, you didn't do it on purpose. But you won't leave the shower going for 15 minutes. Absolutely not. Right. No, no, no. No, I don't do anything that would waste water. So I think you have an overall. But even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference. I mean, I'm one of, you know, but it makes a difference when like-minded people start doing those things, you know. And I think also for people who do that stuff, it's good to hear that other people will do it. People are not going, I don't think we're ever going to get people

to do enough to affect on an individual basis of voluntarism to affect climate change. I just don't think you will. People want to live a baller lifestyle. They want to, all of them want to take a private jet. But the only people who don't take private jets are the people who can't afford a private jet. They all want to. If they could, they would. If a private jet was cheap, the skies would be filled with private jets, which are the worst thing for the environment. Right. They're not serious about it. And that's okay. And there's countries like China and India where the people have been denied for all these years because of poverty,

refrigeration sometimes even, certainly cars, and now they're getting them, and their view is, oh, we should give it up now, now that you already enjoyed it, you're rich white people, and now we're getting it,

so that's not going to sell. That's not the way we get out of this, if we get out of it, which I don't think we will. Have a good night, Jimmy. Well, say how to your kids for me. I'm just being devil's advocate because I don't, I don't necessarily disagree with you. But I do, I hope that we make the connection with these things to our children.

We actually make that connection where we go like, oh, if I waste all this water, my children are not going to have water to drink. And their children are not going to have water to drink. Yeah. I mean, we should care about our actual children. Well, if we don't care about the children of the world, at least our own children we should care about. Okay, but if shoulds and butts were beer and nuts, we'd have a hell of a party.

Yeah. We should do a lot of things, and we're just not, again, it's not my fight even, because, like, I think the planet will be somewhat here when it's ready to get rid of me, Well, the planet will be here, yeah. The planet's going to be fine. People on it are fucked.

Yes, but I'm saying I think there'll be some way to survive you know, 100 years from now, 50 years from now, I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, I always think things that are depicted in movies as the future always come true because they do.

And the thing they depict a lot in movies, movies in the future is an apocalyptic wasteland brought about by either nuclear war or environmental devastation well your original point I'm interested in is that you say that these movies the things they put in the movies eventually come true right but I mean that's certainly not the case with everything I mean Jimmy remember we didn't use to have flying cars yeah The flip, okay, the flip phone that Captain Kirk had, we totally have. I mean, how about, like, the Jetsons had those food pills that were, like, your whole dinner, you know?

Some people do eat, like, a lot of, I mean, Ray Kurzweil, like has three in her pills a day. Member Minority Report? Yeah. With Mr. Tom Cruise? Uh-huh. Okay. Probably one of your friends. Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise.

Emily Blunt, yes. He was like moving things on a screen with his hands. I remember watching that and going, whoa, look at that. It was completely futuristic. And within two years, we were all doing it. And then seven years later or whatever it was, it was every phone. Yeah, but they found out from the company that they were going to be doing it. So they put it in there.

Well, I'm just saying they imagined it on the screen, and then it became a reality. Right. And I worry that that will happen with the apocalypse. I mean, there's just a lot of these movies. Do you think Star Trek will happen? Like we'll have ships and we'll be shooting around all over the place? Not if we do the other one first. We wipe out civilization.

Because, I mean, think of all those kind of movies. The Mad Max and the Barren Wasteland is one where Matthew McConaughey has to go discover another planet because nothing grows anymore. I mean, I could see us. I think we like to see those things in the same way that we find entertainment and seeing murders. Like we know, like, eventually, like, our lives are going to end for some reason, like, a murder mystery

like is very exciting to us, entertaining. Yeah, but a murder mystery, yes, can be entertaining because we're not the ones getting murdered. The Terminator, where people are just getting blown away. Yeah, but in this scenario, We're all getting murdered. You know, if nothing grows, I mean, that's the premise of that movie where, and I'm a fan of Matthew McConaughey, but like, come on, a scientist, he just doesn't read scientists. Like, the scientist is going to figure the shit out.

I would not pick that. The world's most handsome scientists. I'm not saying, he's a bright guy, but I'm just saying he's not that guy. Okay, but he's got to, like, find something through the wormhole or something, and it's just a bad plan. But the idea that things don't grow anymore, that could happen. I mean, certainly has happened in many areas of the Earth. What have it happened all over the Earth? You think photosynthesis might come to an end?

Well, I think you can burn out, you can make things too hot for anything to grow, yes. But you know, you can, now hydroponically, you can grow things with very tiny amounts of water. Yeah, so you're saying we grow all the crops in your... mom's basement yeah basically i don't know whenever i fly over the country it looks like a lot of the country is farmland it would be hard to get that inside that's what i'm saying it would be hard to get that inside you they do you'd be surprised the whole country between between the huts and river and san bernadino no i think they should turn every cemetery into farmland you know like Well, cemeteries are a waste.

That's true. Yeah. But, you know, people are squeamish about their dead relatives. Yeah. I mean, you've got to... I feel like my dead relatives would like potato or tomato vine on their crypt. It's more natural. You're right.

I mean, but that's one thing. It's very hard. I would not want to... If I'm going to pick my battles, pick that one. Like convincing people what to do with their dead relatives. I think, I feel like they got their feelings about it, right? It's very personal and emotional and not logical, and that's okay. You know, I got to give them that.

What a job to pick, though, if you think about it. Like, what? A job where all day, every day, for weeks and months and years, your job is to console the relatives of dead people. Oh, you're talking about, like, a funeral director? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. There are jobs, I mean, obviously, proctologist is another one where you have to wonder, like, with all the panoply of professions available, who, I mean, gynecologist, I could see, that's like a goof idea you had in high school. I got to look at pussies all day, and then you kind of just stayed with it. But the asshole one, I don't see that one. I think they get paid a little more.

Oh, well, maybe there you. Then what? other specialties all other specialties you mean there's a special I think there are I don't know I don't know what I don't know but I do feel like I've looked this up it would I don't I wouldn't even want to look this up because then what would come to me from people who thought this was my area of interest like if I got to tell you from my father it's definitely his area of interest I mean all we talk about is his bowel movements and his farting and why because he's infirm

No, not at all. He just is proud of his bowel movements and wants to tell me about them. Like sometimes we'll walk right in the door and immediately start telling me about a shit he took the day before. It happens all the time. He sometimes takes pictures of them and sends them to me. Oh, come on. And I'm saving a file of them for his funeral. I'm going to do a slideshow for the family.

Is this because your father has a good sense of humor and this is a joke? Part a little bit. He knows you're laughing at this. Yeah, but he also loves it. It's like, it's like people singing karaoke, like, you know, like they, oh, they're goofing around, whatever, but they fucking love being. I was like, my dad loves. But it sounds like you have a kind of a buddy relationship with your father. I do, but he also will do this with you.

I never had that with him. Like, my sister-in-law, he'll tell her about his, like he, his shits. He sounds very laid back, your father, not like. He is pretty, okay. My father was much more uptight than that. Great guy. But, like, that would not have happened between us. My dad looks just like Wolf Blitzer, like, almost exactly.

And is... Now, he's still... Your mother... My parents are both alive. Still together. Still together, yeah. Wow. How many years have they been together?

They just, last weekend, celebrated their 56th anniversary. Come fucking on. Yeah. 56 years. Yeah. That's... And are they looking around? well my mother is on an app

wow I can't even I just can't imagine that's yeah they got married my mom was 20 years old they got married wow it's crazy

and what's their relationship like perfect because it's when they've been through no it's not perfect but it's never big there's never any big anything it's just the series of little well I feel like when married I feel like marriage is from what, of course,

not speaking from personal knowledge, but from what I've seen and my parents, I feel like it's good in the beginning and then it's a difficult period for like 50 years, which, you know, where you're still like sort of, you know, subliminally resentful

someone of the other because someone's not getting enough sex and sex is an issue and it's a hard thing to manage a good sex life after you've been with someone for a while, blah, blah, blah. And then you get to a point where you're past that. I feel like I remember that in my own parents' marriage

when they got, and suddenly it's like you've traveled together. I mean, it's like you have this great golden years memory of your wonderful life together and all you built together and all those memories and you don't have this monkey on your back about, and we should be fucking.

Right. And that becomes like the second great period of a marriage. I think this is the way it is. It's just that little middle 50 years. It's just that 50 years in the middle. Other than that, it works like a charm. Yeah, it's just that. I call it an interregum.

But, oh, Jimmy. Yeah. So, all right, I'm going to go back to my job. All right. I really appreciate you putting up with my, was fun. Was it? It was a lot of fun. I loved it, but I don't know if you were just putting on an act for me.

But I hope you loved it because I adore you. You're just such a great guy. Ever since you gave me that box of porn, when we changed over jobs, you know. You could have been a dick about. and you know it's just never in your nature well you're all you know people you've done so well partly because you know when you're on TV that much for that long the old cliche you know you can't hide you can't hide who you are you know and people just like you and they're right well and they're right to say that

it's true you know I I've told you the story of one of the great shows I ever saw was you and Seinfeld at Arizona State University when I was in college and and you were great you were just so great I remember I remember I remember show I remember jokes from it I remember we were both doing stand-up on the same show yeah you guys were doing a big college tour it was you and Jerry and I'm forgetting a third guy but it was just so great and why I remember thinking Bill Maher was like the was the funniest one no I did I'm sure I wasn't Jerry you're talking about poppers and goofers and your father yeah yeah I guess this was like

late late 80s yeah oh exactly right before Seinfeld it's like 1988 87 88 because it was obviously he wouldn't have been doing that and then I got politically incorrect in 93 yeah yeah where did it go it's so funny you know like my actual life better now than back then for sure in so many ways

it's just that little but I'll be dead soon thing boy I could sooner I relate to that with every fiber of my being I relate to that little fly in the ointment

if they could just work on that but every once in a while you have that that little glimpse that little flash of like being on a trip to California with your friends and like driving around and what that felt like and how oh yeah I mean that's just got to be I mean it doesn't get any better than no I remember my first time out in California so vividly you know the palm trees like here I've never seen that and just it's sort of like everything you'd seen on TV because it's all over

TV show. The way the street signs looked. I remember that so much like I had seen it so many times. It was blue LA street signs, which we don't have back east. They're not blue the street signs. And then you would see it. I had a gig once in La Jolla. I was my first year out here, and I never found the gig. I found Lajala. That's good. But I never found a street called La Jolla. That could be a contender for your book title, The Gaspacho. I've got to go back to my real job. You know, I really do this.

I really go right back to working on real time. I am going to do. All right, now we do my homework. Now we can hug. Thank you. That was fun. This is what we want. weren't with kids, a clubhouse.

Right. You know, clubhouse, that word I will accept, not man came. Clubhouse. Yeah. Very clubby. Yeah. It's more of a disco when the music is on.

Yeah. Love and no.