Club Random with Bill Maher - Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random w/Bill Maher

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Bill Maher and Jimmy Kimmel randomly riff on why Bill hates hockey, how Bill's advice could have cost Jimmy millions, the Conan O’Brien-Jay Leno feud during the late night wars, why Jimmy loves David Letterman, Jimmy’s high profile friends, and how Jimmy saw Bill and Jerry Seinfeld in concert when he was in college. 

I'm glad I knew. Oh, look how sleek you are. How you doing? I'm a talented, very gay. And I'm touching it. It's all right. You look like, I don't know, that shirt looks like some sort of, you're either like a mastermind who runs the world

at the old Dr. Evilie. Or I don't know, you look good. Can I tell you what I am? What? I am a guy whose wife is grown tired of me asking her what I should wear. And she went and got me like four casual outfits that I can wear to things that have numbers on them, like, granimals.

It's just a child. That's why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but-

Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- Is this why I'm a but- you don't want to do. Well, is that the main part of it? No, I don't think it's that, but I do think. I don't know, but you do have trouble figuring out like what looks right? No. I have a great deal of trouble.

I have a great deal of trouble. I have a great deal of trouble. I have a great deal of trouble. I have a very instinctive and decisive shopper. I will go in. I'm the same way shopping. Yes. If I say like either it speaks to me or it doesn't,

if I'm wondering, then the answer's no. And if I want it, you know, I want it. I'm good with shopping. I'm not good with putting, think, combinations of things on. How often do you shop? Not that much, very rarely. I was at the mall about a month ago,

maybe five weeks ago, I don't know. I mean, fucking, I had not been, even before the pandemic, I never really got to a store for you. I'd see pictures of celebrities coming out of vans, I'm like, why the fuck are they doing that? I mean, they must have assistance. You're buying toilet paper at 8 in the morning, where you nuts? I don't go to stores because I don't have to. So, but I thought, you know, oh, it's fun.

They're open again and I should see what's out there for my own self. I'm too in my bubble with shopping-wise. I mean, it was quite a mind-blowing experience being in the mall. What'd you do? Do you go to Macy's? I went to the Westside, the one in Century City.

Yeah, yeah. Part of it is outside. Yeah. Interesting, like, the people with masks on were the least likely to be felled by the Andromeda strain. It was all the 22-year-olds with masks on outside. I just fucking made me crazy. Do you ever wear the mask so you can never wear a mask

unless you force me to. I won't even do it anymore like just if it was a walk into my studio, okay, we're playing this game. No, you have to yell at me and then I'll do it. I wear the mask sometimes just so I can walk around like Michael Jackson with my face coming. So you're coming right from your show? I am. Oh, thank you.

Oh, no problem. You're such a good guy. That could be you. Yeah, sure. I'll have a little of that. This is from Mike Tyson. It's a really? Yes, of Club Brandon with Bill Mar.

Smoke pot. Give Bill Mar by other guests of Club Brandon. Bill Mar. Provided by of Club Random Bill Marr. I've provided by Mike Tyson. Right. I've smoked with Mike Tyson before. Who hasn't? He doesn't kid around.

He really loves his... Well, you know what? For you and I, I mean, pot is whatever it is. I think for him, it really... I got my Eddie Better lighter, although these get- Oh, that's terrible. They don't work. But I think for Mike, you know, he really, it makes him a mellow, very different guy.

And he's not a guy you want to be on mellow. I mean, you know, of all the guys, you don't want to be, you know, yeah, he's maybe he's medicating himself, but whatever he is doing, it seems to be working. We're totally working. Did you see that fight? I'm going to call it. We fought, um,

who do you fight? Roy Jones Jr. I don't know, about six months ago. No. Tyson, he had a pay per view fight. Of course. It was totally fixed. What happened? Well, first of all, he looked really good.

I mean, he, he, it was surprising how good he looked. Roy didn't look so good. He clearly beat Jones, but they obviously made some kind of a deal beforehand where they would declare it a draw. It was not a draw, but it was a draw at the end. But these two men in their fifties punching each other? Yeah. And it likes quite a bit bigger than Den Roy.

I think Mike might be 10 years older too. I have a deal of 54. Can you imagine a man punching you? I mean, how fucking ridiculous is that? Let me tell you something. Today, I did something today in which children through dodgeballs at me while I was trying to shoot a basketball, and it was an absolute nightmare. I was getting hit with these light rubber balls. I was like,

oh my god, this is terrible. So I was on your show when was it like the month that got me about five weeks, I think. And I think it was, I think I was mentioning that it was, is it 20 years since we passed that baton? It is almost. It is so funny. That's signed behind you. Yeah. I mean, I've been seeing that.

I love that you keep this stuff because it makes me feel okay about keeping my stuff. I have a big man-show sign, you know. Yeah. I mean, how can you throw it out? That's all I feel. My wife would tell you how to throw it out. Yeah, I mean, they'll never be a better title.

I wish I could use the title. It's a great title. Yeah, and especially was in the day, because it was new. You know, people weren't saying that. They were saying politically correct. I remember we had a lawsuit about that because somebody else wanted to use that and we said no, we and we made that.

I never told you this, but there was a, when I was a disjocke here in LA, there was a guy, a producer who wanted me to host a show called Athletically Incorrect. Do you ever hear anything about that? There was a time in the mid- 90s after we were on for a year or so, when there was a slew of copycatches. I remember being very, very worried about it. And talking to my producer, Scott Carter, God bless, Scott Carter, all those years, such a great guy. He is a great producer.

Super smart guy. Oh, yes. And just a great human. And he, and I was like, they're going to take the show. And he said, you know, think about the people who have cycled through here that we try to teach how to do this kind of show. And they couldn't get it. They said, they can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When you're telling the word. Well, we always were doing something

that was different than the other shows. You know, and they couldn't rip it off. When we did the Man Show, which you were on, and of course, I'm sure. And I remember it, but I remember it well. It was some kind of a bit where I married a monkey. Oh, yeah, I do remember that. At the end of the bit, I look across, we were wearing tuxedos for somebody to look across

the room. I'm like, you're a monkey. And you were there with your own monkey. It was like it was the thing. But there was a show called The X-Show. We made this man show pilot and then it took like a year before it was on the air. And in the meantime, FX, which was a new network, stole the idea. First they tried to buy the man show and we sold it at Comedy Central.

And then they asked me to host this show that they described me. I was like, this is just like the show I'm doing, except for it was five nights a week. And they bought time in our premiere episode of The Man Show. They bought ads from the local cable operator. And we were just so angry. And we were just like, they were like our arch enemy. And it's all we could think of. And it's funny now.

It's like, it didn't work. It was terrible. Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? But it was the biggest thing in our office. No. The brand of show business we're in is the most disposable. Like, movies last forever.

People still watch fucking, it happened one night. I mean, it looks like it was made in the middle ages, but it was only 1935. And it's on film. And what we do is gone by the next week. It's sour milk, you know? It's so disposable. But for me, I come from radio,

which is even lower on that disposable ladder. So as long as it gets. I saw even just the fact that somebody is saving the tape of the show, which, you know, in radio, you want the show, you buy cassettes, you bring them in and you take them the show. They didn't use to save them. I mean, not at all.

Carson used to complain that there were not those first few years, there were some, we're on a kinescope. I never even knew what the fuck that was. I used to talk about it. And it was like, what is a kinescope? I don't know, it was something. I think it was like making a picture of a picturecope? I don't know, it was something,

I think it was like making a picture of a picture somehow. So they had a few of them like that, but those early cars in years, they don't even have, because nobody thought, they would reuse those things. They would use it for anything. Yeah. It's hysterical, the lack of foresight.

It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, even, yeah. How much could a tape have cost back then? But that was the same with our radio show. Also, we had a thing where... Were you at 34 when you started? If you were 54?

This show? That was your show. 35, yeah. 35. Yeah, I was about that exact age when I started politically incorrect. It's funny. You look back and I'm sure there are people who like our earlier work better.

Yeah, there are. But I look back and I would just fucking cringe. I mean, if you really wanted to torture me, make me watch something the same here. I mean, I didn't even watch it now, but if I did, and occasionally I do to check on something, especially the parts that are written, which I worked on all week, I can watch that and go, okay,

I can totally live with that. I didn't stumble over one word. If I stumble over one word, I'd like it's ruined. It's a butter, right? But to ask me to look at something all those years ago, first of all, I would have zero recollect, it would be a total shock. And maybe there'd be parts I'd go like,

oh, that guy, that was pretty cute of that guy. But there would be definitely parts where I would go, oh, what a fucking douche bag. And that would be just exquisite torture. Yes, it's terrible. I've had that, I think I feel like I had my whole life with everything. Like, I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid

and you draw something, you think it was good, and show it to your mom or whatever. And then like two years later, you look at you go, oh God, I thought this was good. And then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good. I guess eventually, you probably reach a point where you've peaked where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were bad. I don't think I would ever would because I feel like, I mean, what I really

want to be is the most sophisticated I can, in the best sense of the word, not a pretentious sense. And I just was less sophisticated at that age. I might have not have been unsophisticated for my age. Right. But when you look back from 50s and 60s, at 20s and 30s, you're not that sophisticated. You think you are, and you're more than you were

when you were a teenager, of course. But there's just, you're just not with a, I think, used to call seasoned. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you don't know things. I heard you on one of the earlier podcasts talking about Gazpacho and how you, when you learned that it was cold soup, and that's my book. That's one of that's I think that's a very salient point. You know, it's, yes. Everything you add to the Gospacho, I'm obsessed with this Gospacho. Because it's funny what sticks in your mind.

For some reason, I guess because I was so humiliated at that moment when I was making a thing with a waiter about the Gospacho soup being cold. It must have been seared in my mind, and I do want to write that book. Gazpacho soup is called because every single thing you know in your life, you did learn at a particular instant, you don't record the instant, but you could.

Can I tell you what I didn't know when I was in my mid to late 20s? I would, I thought fish was healthy. And so I would get fish and chips for lunch almost every day. Well, now you don't pick us to the mercury and stuff like that. Oh, it's just, it's a big blob of fried dough over a piece of fried fish. Well, no fish and chips like the traditional fish and chips. Oh, but you just said fish.

I think all fishes are healthy. No, I know, I think I grilled fish is great. This was like, you know, like a fried chicken version of fish. Right. And I thought I was eating, I'd have french fries with it. I was like, a meeting as healthy as could be. Right, I would have a bagel every morning and think like, oh, this is good.

I'm not putting much butter on it, you know. We don't know anything. We're not taught the important things. Well, now you're Jimmy waiting into my dear little pool because this is the area that makes me ballistic. We could spend the whole rest of this time talking about this subject, but I feel like maybe I have an ally in you. I don't know if I do. You do.

You do these things. You do? Oh, yeah. But just, let me just address the general first, which is that somehow, at 66, even though I understand that my body is not in the shape of must have been internally and in some ways externally, that it was, I'm so much smarter about my health than I was in my 20s and 30s that in some ways I'm actually

healthier. And you can look at even in the numbers. I feel the same way, which is amazing because to your point, I had so many bad ideas. And of course, when you talk about bad ideas about health, that's given the fact that we already with our best ideas don't know a lot. So if you have bad ideas based on other bad ideas, that's a lot of bad health.

And yes, I was the same way. I thought, we all thought that I can't believe it's not butter. It was what you should eat. And now it is illegal. That is trans fats. Trans fats are illegal. And that is what they told us to eat 15 years ago.

To be healthy. This is why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way. We handle it because the bigger question about health, they just don't know that much and they're wrong a lot. So don't sit there and you're fucking white coat and tell me, just do what we say because when have we ever been wrong?

A lot. You've been wrong, a fucking lot, including about this. I say and remember six months, we were wiping off the packages. Right. Lots of things you're wrong about. The vaccine could prevent you from getting it, no, or giving it no.

Okay, you weren't trying to be wrong, but don't be arrogant about how much you're right, because it's not very much. Club random is supported by Zippercruder. There are so many more things to do during the summer months, and you want to free up as much time as possible to enjoy them. So if you're a business owner, the last thing you wanna do is sort through tons of unqualified candidates resumes. When you could be doing boss things like barbecue and you're cooking the books.

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That's $50 off a purchase of $399 or more at Indochino.com promo code random. Do you feel though that now knowing what you know, do you feel like you're at in that place that you were at 10 years ago or 20 years ago where the conventional wisdom is what we accept. We know that grilled fish is good for us some are maybe not so some are worse than others, but we know maybe we'll find out it wasn't. I mean, any fish that lives in the ocean

is never gonna be 100% good for you because the ocean is a fucking cesspool. We've turned it into... There are many lakes and you can have a nice salmon out of a river. I mean, most bodies of water are somewhat polluted, just because what falls out of the air falls into the bodies of water.

Mercury gets into the water no matter where the water is because it falls from the clouds. And fish eat that and we get it in the fish. Some fish are worse. Obviously sushi. There are people who eat a lot of sushi and have a mercury poisoning. That's how much fucking mercury is in the fish. Jeremy Piven had that thing on Broadway. Allegedly.

Yeah, right. Oh, it was you. I don't know. I think you're supposed to be trying to get out of that play. I seem to remember that. Yes, that's possible. I remember a lot of scoffing. That's what I remember from the time.

I remember. It went right up book about it. He blamed it on the fish. The Jeremy Pivens were. But certainly, it is bad for you. When you, Tuna has tons of it, swordfish. I used to love to eat. I wouldn't eat that now.

Yeah, swordfish. Any deep sea fish is going to be full of mercury. And mercury is super bad for what's inside you. This is another thing about vaccines. You know, I've never been anti-vax, but don't tell me that you know how vaccines will interact with how much mercury I have in my body,

or how much electromagnetic energy I get exposed to. How many of the 50,000 chemicals that were never around 100 years ago that we ingest now are in the atmosphere? There's a million different variables that can affect my health. So don't pretend that there are definitive answers about any of this. But don't you, do you regret having the polio vaccine, the rubella vaccine? You know, did you get the shingles? I would have to go through them case by case because to me vaccines are always a case

by case. There are some, yes, that I would endorse. And some, I didn't, I certainly didn't want the COVID one. You didn't want to get it. No, and I did, because I couldn't have like, let a life without it and still could, right today. But I'm not going to get any more of it. Well, I will, I will for sure. Yeah. Well, I mean, we're different on that. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I, um, I don't know.

Even the idea that Mercury is bad for you, like, how do we know that? Mercury is bad for you. We do know that, but how do we know it? We told us this. Okay. Well, peer reviewed studies told us this. Right. And it's it's almost common-sensical but I mean there look I'm trying to lay out the case that

I'm the medical skeptic. Right. But if the question is is Mercury bad for you? I feel like that's on the side of settled science. I'm good with that one. I don't need to look into that one anymore. Mercury in your system, not good. Do you feel neither is led, which we also have in it? Well, no, I'm not saying they are good. I'm not even questioning it. I'm just just, well, why do we decide that certain things are? Meadows in people's body is something that they don't look into

enough and is very often. I've certainly anecdotally heard from people who say, I know one person in particular who was like she had all these horrible kind of like, you know, those diseases they call fatigue disease. Yeah, it's seen bar, yeah, Epstein bar, which is a virus many of us have in their bodies. I have it in my body. Lots of, you know, fatigueigues, syndrome, whatever they want to call it. And she said, looked at a different, million different things, many different doctors. Had the mercury drilled out of her teeth, problem went away. Mercury, they used

to drill it in, I had it drilled out. Yeah, I had it. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a drilled out? Yes. I had them drilled. Well, if you're,. Yeah, did you have it drilled out? Yes. I had them drilled. Well, if you're, yeah, the middle filling, so. You're not sure about that, why'd you do that? I was a kid. My parents, I had no decision really, and they, they drilled it in and then drilled it out

while you were still a kid. Yeah, they drilled in was a little kid and drilled it out when I was like 13 or something. 14 maybe? Wow. Yeah. They said they had to and I was like 13 or something, 14 maybe. Wow. Yeah. They said they had to. It was like falling out.

Yes. And it's bad for you. Yeah, I don't know what they're reasoning. What, they're reasoning may have just been. It's poison. That's the reason. That's the reason. We don't want poison leaking into your body from your teeth.

I mean, it could have been it too, but I tend to think that I tend to think that they're just like dentists trying to make another 60 bucks. Not in this case. Yeah, well, no. Why? If you leave here thinking one thing about club random, I hope it will be mercury bad. Mercury bad. Don't get mercury in my body if I can help.

I was gonna ask you why it was Club Random, but I think I understand. I don't think I need an explanation. It's interesting you and I, you know, we have so many things in common and so many things un-incommon. Yeah, we, that's true. Like, you're a guy who loves to be married.

Yeah. And I'm a guy who obviously doesn't. Right. I mean, and you leave it. It's your wife. Still the head writer. She's yeah, that writer. That's the leader producer of the show. Talk about someone who you can trust, huh? Yeah. Because that's a real trust job. Totally, you know, if you and also who it's like chief of knows you. It's like chief of staff of your president. Yeah, right. Who knows what you would want and not want,

even more importantly. So it's not just the shirts that she does. Yes, it's not just the shirts. It's the show and the shirts. That is hell of a wife you got there. Yeah, no, she's good. Sometimes if I think of something funny in the middle of the night, I'll make a lot of noise so that it wakes her up

and then I'll act like I didn't unintentionally. And then I'll tell her the funny thing that I thought of. And she almost, I mean, she courtesy laughs, but I don't think she's... But then she puts it in a bit. Oh no, it's usually ridiculous. You have some, I must say, you do have some classic bits. The tweets bit. So that was her idea, my wife's idea.

Really? Yeah, that is a, I mean, you know, not. That's a good bit. Every bit is a classic. That's a classic. Yeah. And the other one, the bleeping, yeah, the unnecessary censorship.

That's something I started doing on the radio. Is that right? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Was that far back? Yeah. It was funny to put bleeps where it's the cut that tastes

cream, where they don't belong. Yeah, I always got to get that. Yeah, that's another gold. It's, it's those things, those like recurring, uh, there's, I mean, what are those life raft that new rules, obviously, and some of them, you figure that out. I don't know if it's true. I just, I don't know for a fact. I just know it's true and our 24 things.

I love those refellables because we're, we're old school fans of the old. We grew up on, I mean, I know you adore Letterman. He's your big hero, right? Letterman Howard. Howard, yes. Oh, and he's still your boyfriend. Yeah. Now, how did you wind up, up Howard's ass, but you couldn't get updates? That's my question for you Jimmy Kimmel. I'm sure you tried. No, I just, you know, I feel like Howard, no matter what he says, seeks human interaction.

And I don't know that, at least with me, I don't know that Dave would be interested in that. I would never want to like bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common. We started in, you know, he's still radio guy. I was a radio guy, I got into it like bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common. We started in, you know, he's still a radio guy. I was a radio guy. I got into it because of him, really. And my uncle would send me tapes of the show on WNBC, make a cassette tape.

He sent me once every two months and I would listen to them over and over again. I feasted on them. Right. And our talker, this is the difference between your age, which is about a decade before mine and mine, because like your Howard Letterman, where his arm Carson, Jack Benny. Right. No, not Jack.

I don't know. I don't know who the other one did. But there was probably somebody on the radio. You know, I did listen to like the Disjockeys on WABC, Daningroom in the afternoon, cousin Brucey, I didn't want to be him. Daningroom was very sophisticated, but definitely Johnny Carson. And we wanted to be that guy.

I think that guy to us was, I mean, we were never gonna to be like the athlete of the school, you know. That's not what we're going to be. We weren't going to be the leading man in the drama club, but we could be that guy, you know. That was our version of James. Well, I remember when college kids, I would talk to started talking about Conan in the same way that I spoke about Letterman, because it's whatever your, the first thing, the first one you're exposed to is the one that means the most. Johnny used Johnny and then everybody else after Johnny is like, when there was that Conan Leno kerfuffle, ugliness, not since the war between the States,

or maybe it was the rap dudes between East and West Coast. I don't remember, but not since something. Was there something that was that contentious? I remember at the time, this is so funny, it was like 2009, I think. Yeah, it sounds right. So my girlfriend at the time was 25 and I remember You know, it was very important thing in the our world. Yeah, and I was explaining to her

I said well, you know, it's a generational thing. Leno is 59 and Conan's like 46 and she went yeah, that's the same thing to me And I actually felt better because I was like, oh, you know what? That's good because that means I'm in the same boat with everybody over 40. And that category is out of range, right? Fuller, but I don't know. I mean, were you a team, were you a team J or a team... Oh, definitely not a team J. No, no.

I was like, yeah, you have a field with him. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing.

I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing. What am I not seeing? There's this evil J that I don't see. Really?

I mean, is that really what you think? Tell me what you really think. You think I'm blind to a back-y of alien side of J. Leno? Maybe. I don't. You can say that. I mean, unless you're joking, I'm not joking. Well, quite, he's quite clearly very

a cunning individual. Let's just say. Because he hid in the closet that time. He hides in the closet and listens in. But on his own, he's ever done that. Okay, but he did it. It's like a soap opera. Wait a second. He did it on his own behalf. He didn't do it to rat fuck someone else.

He did it to rat fuck Dave. What do you mean? To rat fuck Dave. Letterman, I mean, what? How did that rat fuck letterman? Well, it was part of his campaign. I mean, you know, he'd go through the whole thing. But basically, that was part of him gauging what NBC was planning to do.

I don't recall exactly what that conversation was, do you? No, but they were were buying for this same, they were buying for this one coveted spot, the host of the Tsunitio. It was the holy grail of comedians that it would be passed in. So obviously it's the silver bolt trophy, they both want it.

And I don't know, I find something wrong about the hatred of the people who, oh, you just went for it and got it and won. And then, by the way, he was like number one. They fired him twice for the sin of being number one in his timeslot. I mean, it's not like he's- I don't know if that's why they fired him, but yeah. Well, they fired him because they thought, well, we better look out why? Because he was such a hard-got-a-work with?

No, I just think they saw Fallen surging and they saw that as the immediate view because they thought, well, we better look out, why, because he was such a hard guy to work with. No, I just think they saw Fallen surging, and they saw that as the immediate future. But they were the time, there was a time where the ratings between those shows were getting close, which is very unusual. It speaks to the need in this business,

kids if you're watching, and you wanna get in the business, you need someone talking for you, an agent, a manager, somebody, because Jay Leno had no one speaking for him. He was his own representative. Whereas, I think it was Ari Ammanuel, one of the great talkers of all time and great people. I love him.

I think he was in the ear of the NBC exec saying, you need to think about the future. Yeah, your J is number one now, but you know what, what about the future? Let's get ahead of this. And so they fired him for being number one twice, and the successors did not do as well. I'm just saying, these are the raw facts. It's a little, I think it's more complicated than that. Tell me what it, tell me the raw facts. I think it's more complicated than that. Tell me what it is. Tell me the complicated part. Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, first of all, Conan wanted the 1130 spot,

and he went to NBC and said, I want the 1130 spot. If I don't get the 1130 spot, I'm going to become a free agent. And other networks are going to offer me the 1130 spot which was happening by the way you know that's something that was happening right and NBC said listen we want it we want to keep Jay on we want you to be the 1130 host what we'll do is we'll make you deal in five years we'll give you the tonight show And Conan now has to make a decision. Should I go to ABC at 1130 or stay here and wait and be a good soldier and take the tonight show at the end of the day?

Yeah, ABC. I know. But at the time they were talking to him and Fox as well. To replace you with him? Yeah, to push me back or whatever, you know, move the show. I was on a midnight at that time.

And Conan that had to make a decision, do I go to another network, or do I stay here and wait? And he said, okay, I'll stay and wait. And then when he put in his five years, they broke the deal. So he did stay five years. He did stay five years.

And then Jay, who knows a lot about television, a lot about TV ratings, maybe more than anyone I've ever met, but was offered the 10 p.m. slot. Now, they don't have to violate Conan's contract. Jay knew that lead in is hugely important, and that NBC had had dramas that were fairly successful in those slots and they were bringing a pretty big audience to the tonight show. He knew that doing his show would have maybe half those ratings turned out to be like a third. And even if that show failed, it would make the tonight show's ratings drop. And that's what happened.

Conan had a bad lead in from Jay. But is the Jay of the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10-

And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10-

And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- And not taking the 10- Why? He said he should not have taken the 10 PM slot. He should not have kept working in the air. In the job they offered him, he should say, no, because of Conan's career, I'm not going to work at 10 PM.

I don't get that. Yeah, but yeah, I think from the beginning, his plan was to retake the tonight show. To see the ratings go down. You just don't like this guy. I don't know what he did to you. Well, I, yeah. What do you do?

Did he touch you Jimmy? No, he did, he did do a weird show. Tell me where he touched you. But I don't wanna make this all about because I'm fine with him now we've spoken. Okay. It's fine, but just for the, you know, whatever, just the best.

I hate when two people I love don't like each other because I feel like I did something. No. It wasn't your fault at all. It wasn't. When ABC was, when NBC was going to turn the show over to Conan, Jay was talking to ABC about coming on at 11.30. And Jay needed to get,

Bob Eiger, they needed to get my permission in contractually because I was contracted to be on at midnight, not 12.30. So they wanted to get my permission first. And so at that time, Jay called me a lot. And we spoke about all sorts of things. And I felt like we were having a friendly relationship. And then the day NBC decided, no, we're keeping Jay,

never heard from him again. And I didn't even find out from him that he was staying. He wanted to meet him, he wanted to be on 11th, and I would move to 12th, 30th. And I finally said, okay, yeah, I think I would do that. I'd be on a 12th, 30 after you because I was on a midnight at the time. I felt he'd be a better lead in the night line. You know that. Wait, Jay was going to move to ABC? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff. I, yeah, either I forgot that or, no, I don't think most people even know that. Oh, that's nice. But I know it because I was asked to move to 1230.

Yeah. So I don't know. I sometimes feel like maybe I got a lot of friends. I don't need to. I don't need to. I'm not a guy. You know what I mean, but I figured out someday as we all walk down the path of life. Well, this isn't going to make it better.

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I mean, he was super nice and chatty. And, you know, so I'm not into, you know, whatever, I just think there are some weird things there. Well, he is a weird mix of, I think, a very moral guy. But he's definitely Italian. He has a, I mean, cunning, yes. Jay is smart about the business. I mean, he is ruthlessly smart.

But I just didn't think it was at the detriment of others except if you're going after the same job, yeah, I don't find it off-putting, then he was in the closet. Yeah, from my point of view, I got to know who he was from his appearances on Letterman. And I thought he was cool because Dave put him on and they seemed to be friendly and he would give Dave shit. And he was always so funny. Oh, so funny. You know, those were great things. And then it seemed weird that then after Dave kind of opened that door for him, that he'd be squeezing his way through the other one.

Well Dave opened that door for him. I mean, he was obviously, I remember those appearances too. He was obviously a big talent, you know. Chris Rodger for years would always say, oh, thank you. Because back in 1996, we put him on, we were doing, it was the 96 election. He was our correspondent, because he was at a kind of a down moment in his career.

In New Hampshire, it was funny. I can't find hair products up here. It gave him a little boost, people saw him, and it helped the next step. But I always said to him, Chris, I didn't find hair products up here, you know. It gave them a little boost people saw them and it helped the next step. But I always said to them, Chris, I didn't do anything. You're a giant talent. It would have happened anyway. I'm glad that we were able to like work together at a moment that was beneficial for us both,

but it would have happened some other way, your Chris Rock. And I kind of feel- But the difference is- That's how Chris feels. Right? It's not about how you feel, it's how Chris Rock. And I kind of feel just that's how Chris feels. Right? Some of how you feel it's how Chris feels. And Jay is Chris in this situation. And this Chris is not so grateful. Interesting. The way you threw that Trump card down. I mean, I must say I'm a little taken aback. But okay, well, someday I'm going to do a Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry, not that you were ever Dean and Jerry.

But it's like, because there's still few people who can understand what you and me, a J, and there's a little club of people who know what it's like to do, talk show and talk to many, many, many people over the years. And, you know, I mean, I would be hard-pressed if someone like had a list of every guest I've ever had to read them and make me identify exactly who we're talking about. Because I just, you know, I don't remember everybody reaches. Yeah. I mean, Jimmy. That's funny.

Especially because he's dead. He's not even, oh no. Is Regis dead? He did. He passed away. That's a relief. I feel bad. I mean, I feel good.

I mean, I feel bad. I feel good that he was around for so long and terrible that it had to answer. I had Regis enjoy and Don Rickles and his wife Barbara over my house for dinner when I cook them dinner. And one of the things I love about like old guys like that is nationality means so much in their characterization of you like Regis. Oh look, he's Irish. He's like he's Irish.

He's like, he's drunk. He's drunk, you know. He gets, he's like, yeah, with Don, like all he could think about is my mother's Italian is like, he's a kid's Italian. And he's Italian. And I think he thought I was Jewish. And at the outset, and was kind of hoping I was Jewish, but then it became the mob and spaghetti and all meatballs and all that shit.

I think about you, Rich Jewish. You say that really? Yeah. Oh my, your people think I'm Jewish, yeah. Really? My last name rhymes with the Jewish word and also when I dated Sarah, I feel like a lot of people presume that I was Jewish. I never presumed.

Thank you. No, no just do not. I don't have judar, but you... I was a joke, of course. You do not... If I had judar, you would not set it off. Is it the big crucifix on my hair, you chast? I feel like it's part and parcel to your amazing success.

Really, 20 years is a long time in that piece of real estate. It's because, like Carson and like your, your Arjenney, Jim Leno, and David Letterman, there's something mid-American about you that appeals to the broad, not just the coasts, although you obviously do well there too, but like the broad, not just the coasts, although you obviously do well there too, but like you strike people as American and it's not like there's the Larry Davidson, you know, people love those kind of comics, but yes, they, that's kind of like a Jewish sensibility they see there. I don't see it with you because you're not a Jew.

Probably that's not a giant it. Not a giant mystery. And for America, that's good, because it's usually like 2% of the population. It's very good to be able to do well also in Muncie and lots of other places. And I know you hate to be compared, but you and Jay, you both have your thumb well on the pulse of middle America.

You wouldn't have survived for that long in that spot if you didn't. Mwah. I like that ice bucket, by the way. Reminds me, like, my parents had one like that were in the 70s, you know? I remember it being, I still have mine right here. I remember being attracted to it in some way.

Attracted, that sounds sick. You know what I mean? No, I don't. Like you're attracted. No, I mean, like, one day, even a fuck my ice bucket. One day I'm gonna be a man who has a nice bucket. Oh, not, yes, so. Well, the people I looked up to, like,

manly, who I wanted to be a man, and if I had, if I was a man, like, manly who I wanted to be a man, and if I had them, if I was a man like these men, I'd be with lots of hot chicks. Were Johnny Carson and James Bond. Yeah. They were the right age, and it's interesting, you know, they weren't like young. They weren't old for sure.

But they were like- For the celebrities were older than. Yeah. 40s. 40s is like the perfect age. Yeah. Like, fully a man, although I was, you know, I guess, I don't know, like I said, looking back, I don't want to do it. But, but, you know, still like attractive, look good. Dean Martin also, I must say, I could tell that

my mother was hot for Dean Martin, like watching the 10 o'clock, he had the Thursday 10 o'clock show. We had, comes out with the perfect tan sideburns, you know, the tuxedo, you know, just white teeth. And like, it's like, oh yeah, I would love to. I said, well, I can't be Dean Martin. I don't want to be Jerry Lewis. It's got to be something in the middle. Carson. You know, who's your all-time favorite baseball player?

All-time favorite baseball player. Well, I mean, there will always be someone, I mean, a connection for someone my age who grew up in the New York market with Mickey Mantle. I mean, my... Yankee. Yes, my father appeared at the head of my first grade classroom one morning. I was shocked because I'd never seen my father at the school. I didn't know what I thought.

Maybe that it was a emergency or disaster. I was in trouble. But he was there to take me to my first baseball game. Like it was like. And he didn't tell you just show up. Just showed up. That's it. Fucking marine back from Afghanistan.

Oh, that's good. And I remember, I do have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher. And he must have been saying, hey, you know, I remember, I do have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher. And he must have been saying, hey, I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know the school day is not out, but it's our one chance to go to a game, blah, blah, blah. And so they're off I went. Wow.

And, you know, the first, it's almost exactly the way Billy Crystal describes it. Often. But like in his show, it's a brilliant show. That's the right stories. But walking into Yankee Stadium and before it had only been black and white on your television because your black and white TV showed the baseball games. And here it was, you walk out the tunnel and there's that giant expanse of verdant. I had that same experience because I had a little black and white TV. I watched all the Dodgers games growing up. And when my parents took us to Dodgers Stadium, what really stood out to me was that the Dodgers numbers were bright red, which I never really noticed

in the newspaper. No, and it was just so big. and there they were. And so Mickey Mantle, when I was seven, I had a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe uniform, with seven that my mother sewed on the back. Really? And I wouldn't take it off all summer, and she was begging me to because it was hot, and it was flannel, but it was Mickey Mantle. So I guess that's back in my memory somewhere. I mean, when I got more thoughtful about sports, I went right to Joe Peppetown. No. I don't know.

Name some people. I mean, I like a lot of people, but you know, they're basically, they're like. Tom Sever was that one of your... Yeah, Tom Sever was great. Oh, the goal. Because I know like the Mets I just didn't know it was yeah. I assumed it was from the beginning. It was fun. Yeah right. And now they're doing great. I told you that story about the Las Vegas gold the Knights. Yes. They offered me a piece

of that franchise and I didn't do it because I felt you told me it wasn't a great deal when you owned the Metz. It was a great deal. I don't know. It was. You told me. It was, it was, you told me that you, they never give you any tickets. You don't even have a parking space there.

I always have the pay for tickets. Yeah. That's, I would never have said that because I never, that was not the case. I have my own parking space. I mean, I made a major life decision-based. I made, I had my, they were always great about that. I had my own parking space. And yes, you had to like at the World Series.

Yeah, there were some things, but you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series. I had the greatest Series. Yeah, there were some things, but, you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series, I had the greatest seats. Right. The will ponds were super nice to me. I have no complaints about that. The problem was during the pandemic

because we weren't playing baseball games. So they have these things called capital calls when you're an owner and you don't, the team losing a lot of money, you got to pony up. And so it was very scary to be running a baseball enterprise and not playing baseball. Right. And then when we did play, there was no one in the stands to buy hot dogs. That was a troubling time. I was worried about that way more than getting the fucking drama and strain. I was worried about that. That's so crazy. You never think about that. You have a piece of a team that you might not be, oh, you might have to pay up. Absolutely. Yes, and I did. Luckily, Mr. Steve Cohen came along the next year

and the Met sold. You know, and it actually turned out to be a great thing. But, yeah, there was some fucking nervous moments. Yeah. But, no, I mean... No, I think I made the right decision. Yes, you know what? But of course, like, Golden Knights went to the Stanley Cup in their first season. Is that right? Yeah. Which is our professional team? Yes. It's an NHL team. It's like

unheard of. I know so little about hockey and I'm so actively against it that I can't really judge that, you know, because hockey, I don't know. And I don't even think it should be here. It's not really American. It's boring like soccer. It's a sport sort of just more like exercise. So I'm not, so I can't judge that. Have you gone to a game live?

No, of course not. It's different. It's more fun and more boring. But no, of course not. It's different. It's more fun and more boring. But no, it's not. It's not boring. You're right up at the glass if you get good seats and just, you know, they're constantly smaging into the bowl. Cover it up. It's the real thing. I don't care. And now I'm going to have a fight if I want to see them fighting. But in general, of all the things that goes up in value, this is why I did this deal back in 2011, sports teams. People in this fucking country,

you know better than anybody, love sports, and those investments never go down. Could they, yes, in a small market, but not the New York baseball franchise? There's only one national league baseball franchise, and it's not going anywhere. It's like Mark Twain said about real estate. God made the earth, but he ain't making it anymore. And they ain't making any more national league baseball franchises.

So I don't know if that's anything like what this one is in hockey. Does it sound like it has quite the tradition? No, but it's been a huge successful as far as attendance and fan excitement. Going to, it was a really big story. It hadn't happened in any professional sports since the early 60s. But if somebody offers you like something in a legacy team, and when I say legacy team, like, if there's like a world series, as they usually is,

without the match in it, so I don't really care who wins. I always root for the team that's been around longest. I root for the team whose baseball cards I had what I was a kid. It was the Detroit Tigers against the Marlins. Fuck the Marlins. The Proors in the American League. Not even the Proors.

It was the Milwaukee Braves. Before they went to Atlanta. When they went to Atlanta, well. Right. Yeah. Hank Right. Yeah. Hank Aaron. Yeah. I also had a card that said Bob Clemente.

Really Bob. Nice. Because he couldn't say Roberto. Because that was for that era. That was a little too ethnic. Bob, you have baseball cards? I do, I have some baseball cards. But their cards I collected when I was a kid.

You gotta come over one day. I know. I am one of my 10, yes. It's a brand new baseball card. You gotta come over one day, seriously. I'll go through my cards. You got good ones. Amazing.

That's great. Like the years, like 60, like maybe three, four, 5, something like that. When I was like 7, 8, 9, very complete. Did you flip cards when you were a kid? Yeah, we did. And you put them in the spokes of your bike. Yeah, yeah.

I valued them too much to do that, but we'd reflect them all the time. It was just nonstop gambling with the cards. I got a Metz team card once in this game. Yeah, Team Card. Oh, the checklist. The checklist card. Yeah. And the kid, his kid Mark, his parents owned the grocery store in Brooklyn, milk and stuff.

And he was so upset that I got the Met's team card. He made them open all of the cards in the store and it didn't get another Met's team card and wound up trading him the Met's team card for all of those cards, hundreds of cards. It was like a scene out of Willy Wonka who's like, they're opening these packs looking for this Met's team card.

Do they still have cards? Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, cards are bigger than ever. You know, I not only have baseball cards. Oh Jimmy, when you come over here, we're gonna have such a good day. Not only do I have baseball cards, I have other cards that I that were beetle cards.

Wow. Batman cards. You have two kinds. One drawing, one photograph. Really? Yes. Two, two editions. Martian cards.

There was a movie. Jack Nicholson was in it. It was called something that's go to Mars or Mars attacks. Only it was Tim Burton. Tim Burton, right. Mars attacks. That was from a set of cards that I have. Wow. Still as a kid. Did you collect Iraqi packages?

What's that? You know, Iraqi packs. No, what's that? Um, Iraqi packs. That was a big thing like they'd, they take like a, a, a, a product like a tube of crest toothpaste and they change it to crust

and crust would be coming out of it. Oh, yes. You know, like that kind of thing. I think I have those cards. Yeah. I love those, those wacky pack cards. I have, um, monster cards.

Really? Well, maybe it's Adam's family. One of those. Yeah. And you remember buying them when you were a kid? No. I don't remember how I don't know how I have them. The baseball cards I know how I have,

because I did save my nickels and times to go by cards, packages of them, and when you get that stale gum. Yeah, oh yeah. And you would open it up and it'd like, oh, who did I get? A little bit of gum dust would come out. Yeah, and you see.

Sometimes you get like some shitty San Diego Padre. Right, fuck. Oh yeah. The best ones from them, I don't know if they still did it. But there was like, okay, each guy, Bob Clemente and you know, Raleigh Fingers, whoever it is, then checklist card, worst, team card, second worst. But best was like when they had two or three stars,

sometimes from different teams, standing together with a special card, buck blasters. You know, it was Clemente and Willie Starrgel, or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, for like the American League and National League best first baseman. Oh, yes.

Like Rod Kuru and Steve Garin. Right, it would be, yeah, like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays together, you know, like. Right. Yeah. See, for us, the team cards were big, but only teams we like, we didn't care about the expose. Race this victim basher.

Yeah. Did you ever play any of those celebrity softball games where you get to play with like those guys like Gossage was one in Winfield, these guys in one of these games. Games, what kind of like a celebrity softball game. They'll do them with all stuff. Oh, I played in the a couple of years. I was in something at Dodger's Daddy

and they sent over a uniform. You got a Dodger uniform with the stirrups, the whole thing. It was kind of cool. I remember I went with Alan Thick. Wow. And I loved it. I loved it.

Yes. Tony Danza got me out with a little 10 cent curve ball I loved it. I loved it. Yes. Tony Danza got me out with a little 10 cent curve ball, grounded to third. I remember Jonathan Silverman. Wow. Like really hit it a long way. Oh, really? Very impressive.

Hey guys, this is Scarlett Burke, star and creator of the original scripted country music series, Make It Up As We Go. This groundbreaking podcast tells the story of how the working class do their best to survive and occasionally thrive in the world of writing songs for modern country music, and we are back for season 2. You'll hear new music from myself, Shooter Jennings, L. King, Liz Rose, Nell Rodgers, and more. You can find Make It Up As We Go on series 6M, Apple, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcast.

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and Tony Collette, as well as experts to help unpack the science, history, and psychology behind the Michael Peterson case. Stream new episodes of The Staircase on HBO Max and subscribe to The Staircase Podcast on all major podcast platforms. You have so many like of these big celebrity friends. What's that about? Like Jennifer Aniston and like, you know, it's funny. It's funny. It's funny.

I just say some other motherfucker that you're friends with, some funny. I just want to say some other mother fucker that you're friends with some other. I still have my best friends from high school. Oh, I do. Oh, bring out the award. But before good job. It's not just, it's not just. But do they party defensive about it?

But do they party with Jennifer at it? Yeah, no, you keep them separate. That's actually not true. Really? Yep. Actually, specifically not true. In fact, my friend Jimmy gentlemen, who was Jimmy gentlemen.

Jimmy gentlemen. Come on, there's nobody named Jimmy. Jimmy gentlemen and there's actually two people named that him and his dad's John gentlemen. I think of you as Jimmy gentlemen. It's funny, my uncle Vinny was like, thought it was a nickname, he's like, cause yeah, cause you were like the jerk

and he's like the gentleman. And I was like, no, I'm not the jerk. Anyway, we knew that he's so polite, he wouldn't come if Jimmy Jenner meant to Jennifer Aniston's house, if he knew that's where he's going. So we lied to him. We told him we're going back to our house and just drove there and he was a nervous wreck the whole time.

Why? Because he felt he was not worthy to set for engine. Yeah. Which is not true. And he loosened up after a while. Right. I hope you slapped us not at him. I'm going to... He needs to be disabused of that notion. Yeah, well, I think he was disabused. Well, okay. Yeah, no, if you insist. I'll let you talk to him. I agree with you. I would like to interview Jimmy Jimmy. I agree with you completely.

And try to convince him. What are you in my wider? You know what I'm talking about? Try to convince him that just because he is one of your Memphis mafia, I just say. He told me, assume that's why you keep him around Jimmy. I assume he's like the Memphis mafia. He is your go for- No, not at all.

He lives in Las Vegas. He's got a wife and children. How did you- He just went to college. And you make them work for you too? No, nobody works. Nobody works. I know, I'm fucking mad. I got a wife and children. How did you just want the college? And you make them work for you too. Is that what it's like? Nobody works. I know, I'm fucking mad.

I'm like comedian. Who are you? You know, I've been smoking this. I was thinking, oh, Jesus Christ. And what are you drinking? Why? I'm drinking wine, you know. Jesus, what are you?

The river had wells in 1985. But you're bearded, you're wine. Yes, I am. You're ruined. Orson Wells was on the, so we say downslide when he was a fat old, do-ledgen commercial. Fat old legend.

And he'd always be on like Merv Griffith and he just made the rounds and it was like, you know, of course he's a legend, but that was the elephant in the room. It was like, okay, you haven't done anything in 30 years, but you're arson wells and he would, I guess, regale them with wreck on tour like tails of Hollywood. One time we, hey, we was, was twerking on my balls.

Wouldn't you love to have the real of him on talk shows. You know, from the 70s. It would not be hard to find. It's wearing a scarf. Yes, exactly. A scarf, a cigar, always a prop cigar. And a big cloak, because he was just big as a house by then. And of course, Lana Turner was always twirking on his nuts, which he referred to as

the magnificent Ambracens. Is that true? No. It's one of his movie. It's one of his famous movies, is the magnificent Ambracens. It's actually some people say his best movie. I watch Citizen Kane recently, again.

And it's like, one of those movies, you watch every 10 20 years, because you think, maybe I missed it the first time. Why it was so great. I was like, maybe I missed it the second time. Why it's so great. No, it's not bad. But it's a little like the Mona Lisa, very overrated. Like it just sort of got to this place in the public consciousness, and you know,

no one ever accused, never been geniuses. So like, they just made it, they just anointed this thing to be like the greatest picture, the greatest movie, and it's neither close to the greatest. It's an interesting movie. I like it, but enough. It's just not what they say it was. However, gone with the wind, as overstuffed as it is,

is still... Coss of Blanca is a good one. Oh, yes, Coss of Blanca. I talked about this, I think, with Quentin Tarantino here. It doesn't make sense because the whole thing hinges on the idea that there are these letters of transit, which can get you out of Nazi-occupied Morocco. And if you have the letters of transit, the Nazis will not touch you. And that is not really how I see the past.

You don't think a letter of transit would... That's just right. No, I don't know how that would be true. Letters of transit. So, do you like having a movie night at your house where you watch, like, I'm sure, a giant mogul, even though you have your high school friends still, like you, gets like the big movies that are out, so they want you to see it, so you'll promote it. I get a link to those.

I watch them on TV at my house. And watch them from where? Where are you going? Where are you when you're watching? In the living room. In the living room. I have a hundred-inch TV that's about 13 years old, starting to show it.

A hundred inches. It's a huge TV. I'll take out just enough to beat you. Okay, so you're watching in the living room. I watch it with Molly. Yeah, usually. Hopefully. So like this.

Off and not. And then you talk about it after like your assessment of it, or like this is something, you want to really have a good, honestly, then I wonder if you do this too. I will, if the producers tell me it's good, I'll watch it. If they don't, I won't, because I don't wanna have to give any commentary that is positive, and I think it's better to just be honest,

than I haven't seen it yet. Exactly the conclusion I came to. Yes, right. It doesn't come up as much for me, because I'm not on Friday nights a week like you are, and mine is not, and you're not plugging mostly at some times, but you know, I mean, Rod Stewart was on a couple of weeks ago. I like Rod Stewart.

I've listened to it forever. It's Rod Stewart. He's great. Well, it's not a problem. He's one of those Dean Martin type guys, Rod Stewart. Oh, that level. I think he was more Dean Martin was mostly a myth. He was not really a drunk or a womanizer. You know, Rods do it really golfer.

It was a golfer. Yes. It's a strange guy. You know, he'd rank himself to death at the old Remember the the place that was hamburger hamlet. It was on the corner. really? Yeah, it's now some other trendy thing, but it was the number one. I remember that. Corner of right where sunset goes into Beverly Hills. Sunset kind of branches there, Don Haney, little pest, Don Haney. Okay, hamburger hamlet.

And he just sat in the back, yet his booth, his last few years and kind of like drank himself to that. I mean, that's what they said alone at Handbrager Hamlet. And like, why? I know he lost his son early. I mean, it's horrible when any parent to face a child that predeceases you.

It's gotta be rough. Yeah. But still, you know, come on, you know. I don't understand why people... Yeah. But I never had kids. And you know, I think about this sometimes that some of these older guys, like Rick Ols, you know, like they just get such a kick out of the fact that younger guys like us are interested in them and that they're still relevant. No, bro, yeah, still around and you can express that to him.

And I have, and I have to, and don't you, I think like, I think that makes, is one of the things that makes us very lucky because I think that when we're in that position, you know, there'll be a handful of people at least who are wanting to, or interested in our lives and whatever and a lot of old people don't have that. Right. Right. And I think that, that's always nice, you know, and I think I could see how important it was to Don and to

some of these guys. But every perspective you have must be different in mind because you have four kids. Maybe not every, but really? I mean, I'm sure not every, because I think we largely agree with your perspective. But you mean my daily? Well, you, I mean, I don't know, anything like climate, you know, you're got to be thinking about, I'm only thinking about what the world's going to be like, sadly, for the next 20 years, you know, to be real. But I mean, I love that you've got to be thinking about what the world's

going to be like for the next 80 because the kid is 10. Sure. And then they're going to have kids, yeah. And yeah, I do. Sure I do. But, you know, Norman Lear does, too, and he's 99 years old. I see, really? Yeah.

There'll be 100 in July. What does he think about climate change? Climate change, right? He's, you know, like that. Right. Well, you have to have that attitude. You can't, once you feel like you're dead already, you're dead already, you have to feel like, yeah.

It's all about tomorrow. I never look back. I mean, of course you think. You don't really. Well, I, you waste water. Why? I don't know. Because I'm going to fuck up the future for your kids.

I don't know. I'm just asking if you waste water. I try not to. I don't know on purpose. Right. Well, you didn't do it on purpose. But you won't leave the shower going for 15 days. Absolutely not. Right. No, no, no. I don't do anything that way. So I think you have an overall.

But even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference. I mean, I'm one of, you know, but it makes a difference when like-minded people start doing those things, you know. And I think also for people who do that stuff, it's good to hear that other people will do it. People are not going, I don't think we are ever going to get people to do enough to affect on a individual basis of voluntary ism to affect climate change. I just don't think you will.

People want to live a ball or lifestyle. They want all of them want to take a private jet. But if they only people who don't take private jets are the people who can't afford a private jet. They all want to, if they could, they would, if a private jet was cheap, the skies would be filled with private jets, which are the worst thing for the environment. Right, right.

They're not serious about it, and that's okay. And there's countries like China and India where the people have been denied for all these years, because of poverty, refrigeration sometimes, even certainly cars, and now they're getting them. And their view is, oh, we should give it up now. Right. Now that you already enjoyed it, you rich white people, and now we're getting it. So, that's not going to sell.

Mm-hmm. That's not the way we get out of this, if we get out of it, So that's not going to sell. That's not the way we get out of this. If we get out of it, which I don't think we will. Have a good night, Jimmy. Yeah. Well, say how do your kids for me? I'm just being devil's advocate because I don't necessarily disagree with you.

But I hope that we make the connection with these things to our children. We actually make that connection. Where we go like, oh, I waste all this water. My children are not gonna have water to drink and their children are not gonna have water to drink. Yeah. I mean, we should care about our actual children.

Well, if we don't care about the children of the world, we at least our own children we should care about. Okay, but if shoulds and buts were beer and nuts, we'd have a hell of a party. Yeah. We should do a lot of things and we're just not. Again, it's not my fight even because like, I think the planet will be somewhat here. What if it's ready to get rid of me? Well, the planet will be here, yeah.

The planet's gonna be fine. Yeah. People on it are fucked. Yes, but I'm saying, I think there'll be some way to survive, you know, a hundred years or now, fifty years from now, I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, I always think things that are depicted in movies as the future always come true, because they do. And the thing they depict a lot in movies in the future is an apocalyptic wasteland brought about by either nuclear war or environmental devastation. Well, your original point, I'm interested in that you say that these movies, the things

they put in the movies, eventually come true, right? But I mean, that's certainly not the case with everything. I mean, Jimmy, remember we didn't use to have flying cars? Yeah. Okay, the flip phone, Captain Kirk had, we totally have. I mean, how about like the Jetsons had those food pills that were like your whole dinner? You know? Some people do eat like a lot of, I mean, red curses while I catch a drink of pills a day. Member minority report with Mr. Tom Cruise.

Okay, probably one of your friends, you know, Emily Blunt, did you know that? And Tom Cruise and William Blunt. Yes. He was like moving things on a screen with his hands. I remember watching that and going, Whoa! Look at that.

It was completely futuristic. And within two years, we were all doing it. And then seven years later, or whatever it was, it was everybody. Yeah, but they found out from the company that they were gonna be doing it. And this is they put it in. Well, I'm just saying, they imagined it on the screen and then it became a reality.

And I worry that that will happen with the apocalypse. I mean, there's just a lot of these movies. Do you think Star Trek will happen? Like, we'll have ships and we'll be shooting around all over the place. Not if we do the other one first. We might be wipe out civilization. Because I mean, think of all those kind of movies, the, you know, Mad Max.

And the barren wasteland is one where Matthew McConaughey has to go discover another planet because nothing grows anymore. I mean, I could see it. I think we like to see those things in the same way like that we find entertainment and seeing murders. Like, we know, eventually, our lives are gonna end for some reason, a murder mystery is very

exciting to us, entertaining. Yeah, but a murder mystery, yes, can be entertaining, because we're not the ones. Or even just the stuff. We're not the ones getting murdered. A Terminator, where people are just getting killed. Yeah, but in this scenario, we're not the one. Or even just this stuff. Or not the one's getting murdered. The Terminator, where people are just getting killed. Yeah, but in this scenario, we're all getting murdered. You know, if nothing grows, I mean, that's the premise

of that movie where, and I'm a fan of Matthew McConaughey, but like, come on, a scientist. It just doesn't read scientists. Like, the scientist is going to figure the shit out. I would not pick up. The world's most high-end scientists. I'm not saying he's a bright guy, but I the shit out. I would not pick up. The world's most happy to decide. I'm not, he's a bright guy, but I'm just saying, he's not that guy.

Okay, but he's gotta like find something through the wormhole or something, and it's just a bed plan. And, but the idea that things don't grow anymore, that could happen. I mean, certainly has happened in many areas of the Earth. What if it happened all over the earth? You think photosynthesis might come to an end?

Well, I think you can burn out, you can make things too hot for anything to grow, yeah. But you know, you can, now hydroponically, you can grow things with very tiny amounts of water. Yeah, so you're saying we grow all the crops in your mom's basement? Yeah, basically. Yeah, I don't know.

Whenever I fly over the country, it looks like a lot of the country is farmland. It would be hard to get that inside. That's what I'm saying. It would be hard to get that inside. You do? You'd be surprised. The whole country between nuts and River and Jen Bernardino.

No. I think she turned every cemetery into farmland. You know? Well, I know that every year, I promise. That's true. Yeah. But, you know, people are squeamish about their dead relatives. I mean, you got to, I'm feeling my dead relatives would like a potato or tomato vine on their,

yeah, their, it's more natural. You're right. I mean, but you, that's one thing. It's very, I would not want to, if I'm going to pick my battles, pick that one, like convincing people what to do with their dead relatives. I think, I feel like they got their feelings about it. Right, it's very personal and emotional and not logical and that's okay.

You know, I gotta give them that. What a job to pick though if you think about it. Like what? A job where all day, every day for weeks and months and years, your job is to console the relatives of dead people. Oh, you're talking about like a funeral director? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Right, there are jobs, I mean, obviously, proctologist is another one where you have to wonder like with all the painably of professions available. Who, I mean, gynecologist, I could see that's like a goof idea you had in high school. I get a look at pussy's all day and then you kind of just kept stayed with it. But the S-all one, I don't, I don't see that one. I think they could pay the little more. Oh, well, maybe they're you. Then what? Then other specialties. All other specialties? You mean there's a special I think there are

I don't know I don't know when but I do feel like I've looked this up it would I don't I wouldn't even want to look this up because then what would come to me from people who thought this was my Area of interest like if I was like I can tell you from my father It's definitely his area of interest. I mean all we talk about is his bowel movements and his farting and... Why, because he's in firm? No, not at all. He's just proud of his bowel movements and wants to tell me about them. Like, sometimes we'll walk right in the door and immediately start telling me about a

shitty took the day before. It happens all the time. He sometimes takes pictures of them and sends them to me. And I'm saving a file of them for his funeral. I'm going to do a slideshow for the family. Is this because your father has a good sense of humor and this is a joke? Part a little bit. He knows you're laughing at this.

Yeah, but he also loves it. It's like, people singing karaoke. Like, you know, they go for a round, whatever, but they fucking love being, I say, my dad loves. It sounds like you have a kind of a buddy relationship with your father. I do, but he also will do this with anyone. Like, I never had that with him.

Like, my sister-in-law, Hiltz, tell her about his, like, he, his shits. He sounds very laid back, your father, not like, he is pretty laid back. Okay, my father, not like he is pretty like. My father was one more update than that. Great guy, but like that would not have happened between us. My dad looks just like Wolf Blitzer, like almost exactly. And is...

At least, your mother... My parents are both alive. Still together. Still together. Wow. How many years have they been together? They just last weekend celebrated their 50th anniversary. Holy 6th anniversary. Come fucking on.

Yeah. 56 years. Yeah. That's... And are they looking around? Well, my mother is on an app. Wow. I can't even... I just can't imagine.

Yeah, they got married. My mom was 20 years old. They got married. Wow. It's crazy. And what's their relationship like, perfect? Because it's when they've been through all of them. No, it's not perfect, but they can't have big things. It's never big. There's never any big anything. It's just the series of little.

Well, I feel like when married, I feel like marriage is from what, of course, not speaking from personal knowledge, but from what I've seen and my parents. I feel like it's good in the beginning and then it's a difficult period for like 50 years, which, you know, where you're still like sort of, you know, subliminally resentful, someone of the other, because someone's not getting

an upsex, an upsex is an issue, and it's a hard thing to manage a good sex life after you've been with someone for a while blah blah blah And then you get to a point where you're past that I feel like I remember that in my own parents marriage When they got and suddenly it's like you've traveled together I mean it's like you have this great Golden years memory of your wonderful life together and all you built together and all those memories and and you don't have this monkey on your back about and we should be fucking right and that becomes like the second great period of of a marriage. I think this is the way it is. It's just that little middle 50 years in the middle

It's just that little middle 50 years in the middle. She has the mat. It works like a charm. Yeah, it's just that. I call it an interregum. But Jimmy. Yeah. So. All right, I got to go back to my job.

All right. I really appreciate you putting up with... That was fun. Was it? He was a lot of fun. I loved it, but there's a lot of fun. I don't know if you're just putting on an act for me. But I hope you love it.

I hope you love it. Because I adore you. You're just such a great guy. Ever since you gave me that box of porn, when we changed up our jobs, you know. You could have been a dick about it and you know, it's just never in your nature. You know, you're, you know, people, you've, done so well partly because, you know, when you're on TV that much for that long old cliche, you know, you can't hide. You can't hide who you are, you know, and people just like you and they're right.

No. And they're right to say that. It's true. You know, I've told you the story of one of the great shows I ever saw was you and Seinfeld at Arizona State University when I was in college. And you were great. You were just so great. I remember I remember I remember jokes from it. I remember we were both doing stand up on the same show.

Yeah, you guys were doing a big college tour. It was you and Jerry and I'm forgetting a third guy, but it was just so great. And I remember thinking Bill Mar was the funniest one. No, I did. I'm just sure I wasn't. But Jerry, you were talking about poppers and goofers and your father and really?

Yeah, yeah. It's great. I guess it was like late 80s? Yeah, exactly right. Before sign phone. It's like 1988. Yeah, because he was 8788. Yeah, because obviously he wouldn't have been doing that

And then I got politically incorrect in 93. Yeah Yeah, where did it go? It's so funny, you know like my actual life better now Then back then for sure in so many ways it's just that little but I'll be dead soon thing Boy, I sooner I Every fiber of my being That little fly in the ointment if they could just work on that

Everyone's so are you have that that little little glimpse that little flash of like being on a trip to California with your friends and like driving around and what that felt like and how. I mean, that's just got to be, I mean, it doesn't get any better than that. Yeah, I remember my first time out in California so vividly, you know, the palm trees, like here. I'd never seen that. And just sort of like everything you'd seen on TV, because it's all over every TV show, the way the street signs looked. I remember that so much, like I had seen it so many times. It was blue LA street signs, which we don't have back east.

They're not blue, the street signs, which we don't have back east, and I'd blue the street signs. And then you would see it. I had a gig once in La Jolla. I was my first year out here, and I never found the gig. I found La Jolla. La Jolla. That's good.

But I never found a street called La Jolla. That could be a contender for your book title, the Gazpacho book. I gotta go back to my real job. You know, I really do. I really go right back to working on real time. I am gonna too. All right, now we can do my homework. Now we can hug.

Thank you. That was fun. Clubs. This is what we want when we're kids at Clubhouse. Right. You know, Clubhouse, that word I will accept, not men can't. Clubhouse. Yes.

Very clubby. Yeah. It's more of a disco when the music is on. Yeah. Yeah, very clubby. It's more of a disco when the music is on.