Club Random with Bill Maher - John Stamos | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Every friendship has an origin story, and for John Stamos and Bill Maher, it starts with a near-fight in the ’90s that somehow took 30 years to resolve. The two clear the air over booze, VIP access, and bruised egos before diving into Don Rickles’ fearless comedy and why it wouldn’t survive today. Stamos shares a moving story about seeing Sinatra perform with his father, bonds with Maher over MacArthur Park, Jimmy Webb lyrics, and their shared obsession with classic music, and trades wild stories about the Beach Boys, Springsteen, Broadway, and the challenge of staying relevant without losing yourself. Somewhere along the way, Uncle Jesse shows up — just long enough to remind everyone this is, in fact, a very full house. Support our Advertisers: -Try Claude for free at https://www.claude.ai/clubrandom -Go to https://www.radioactivemedia.com or text RANDOM to 511511 Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste. Mmm. View and enjoy.

Via Rail, love the way. Do you watch the show? Yes. That was my guilty pleasure. I've lost all respect for you. I don't blame you. Club Brenda.

I don't know why we spent 22 years avoiding each other at parties. I wasn't. I wasn't avoiding. I just don't, no, no. Charlie boy, I was told I have no recollection of it that we almost had a fight month. I'd like to, first of all, offer a complete and absolute apology. I don't remember what it was.

But in case it happens again, we're not any younger. I feel like we should not have a bare knuckle. Right, right. I think a regular fight, yes, with gloves, but no bare knuckles. Okay, fair enough. Look at you. So... I have in such good shape.

Sorry. About what? The fight I don't remember that we almost had. Well, it... But you think I don't like you and I think you don't like me. No, I never... And here we are. I don't think...

They smell like rats in here? It smells like... Yeah, I feel like a rat died in the walls. Anyway. I don't have... this memory. I'm a funny thing. I always liked you. I know, well, we've been, you know, we've seen each other forever, but you're right. We don't, I've never really talked to you. Ever. Because you don't like me. Except that time I almost killed you. You know where it was?

What, what, what year are we talking about? It was in the 90s. It was at, do you remember, it was like a club? It was, it was always in a club. I know, but it was, but you couldn't get in. I was a drunk and you were a drunk. Yeah, that's true. Okay, two drunks. Two drunks. I think we've solved it. No, here's the deal. It was like, it was Randy Gerber and George Clooney's place. Do you remember they had that, that, that, that, behind a hotel or something. It was like the hip place. Of course they did. I don't remember, but of course they did. And we were standing and we were waiting to go in to the VIP thing. And I think to, fuck it. Two asshole Hollywood white boys getting into a fight. Yeah, exactly. What could

be more lame? Stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I loved it, Bill. But what was the fight over? Do you think? I think I got in and you didn't. Really? Yeah. And you're like, why is that fucking guy getting in my mom? I said, fuck, sure. And I think we literally almost, you know, gotten it.

But why would I get mad at you for that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I've, since then, I've been your biggest fan. I'm your fan. But when I see you, it's like either, hey, John, or it's like. Well, I, just because I don't push, what?

The laughing in there. I don't push. relationships ever like friendships like when they happen organically i was once out with salman rushdie at the tower bar and somebody came up to us and said duck no i'm sorry sorry that's no perfect um and they said uh you know how long have you guys been friends and we went like looked at each other like i don't know like he i know he did the show a long time It just happened organically. Yeah, right.

You know, the last thing you want to do as a talk show host is be the guy who, like, meet somebody once and say, hey, let's hang out. Can I have your number, George Clooney? It's like, no, no, no, no, no. But, you know, but now it's happening that it's faded to happen now. It had to. I had to write your nice email and then... Oh, so lovely.

Thank you so much. That meant so much to me. Did it really? Well, because I love that Billy Joel show so much, And him was such a, what a great get to get. Yeah, you went to him. Went to him, yeah. But somebody we both loved.

But you were so spot on. Like, you've interviewed, you know, everybody. And obviously, we've seen you with so many, you know, politicians and all that. And you can go toe to toe to toe with anybody. But watching you go toe to toe with a musician like that was, like, who knew that you had that as part of your, you know, your repertoire? That's one reason I started a podcast. Because, you know, I would never do two hours with Billy Joel on, you know, it's not even a two-hour show.

Right. But, oh, I love music. I wish I could, you know, you can, you have a great, you know, split portfolio with music in it. I do not. I have no musical ability. Can you play anything? No, no. Twice I tried, when I was 15 with the guitar.

I got somewhere with it, but you could just tell if you're not really. And then somebody gave me a guitar fairly recently, and the pandemic hit, and I was like, oh, you know what, I'll pick up the guitar again. I'm home all day. So 50 years apart, I found out I have no musical ability, really. Guitar is hard to learn because piano would be easier. You hit three, four notes, and there's a chord, and you're done. Guitar, you've got to press it, and you've got to get calluses. You always thought he wasn't musical, who's now playing guitar,

all day long is Howard Stern. Really? Yeah. He's playing guitar. I know he's another one who like knows his music. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? How do you know?

He's very close to Billy Joel. Because they both like live on Long Island. They're married. It's like couples like to get with couples. You know, stars like to be with stars. People feel comfortable with comics. Comics like to be with comics. Absolutely.

They do. I'm a, I'm jumping around, but I am a comic, stand-up comic junkie. I think... I'm a junkie, junkie. Yeah, I was not... No, you're not. You're the healthiest junkie, I know. Why go through comedy, if you...

But I'm obsessed with stand-up comics and how you guys do it and craft and the science and the, you know... Well, it's like, you know, it's the same with me watching you. I've seen you many times, like, at Jeff Franklin's party's playing... You know, you're an official beach boy now, right? Well, I don't consider myself that, but... Well, it's like... Well, that's what I heard.

Who touched it at me? The same guy who told me we almost got into a fight. Yeah, I thought, well, anyway, there's like guys who play with the Eagles now. I can't remember the guitarist's name. And he's like really a part of the Eagles, but like they're not, you know, the fans want to see Mick and Keith, you know, holding hands at the end of the show. Even though they fucking hate each other and they're never going to like, they're not going out to dinner ever. You know, so like, would it, like, upset people, the beach boys? Fans are like that.

They get upset about very emotional things. They treat their stars, especially their musical stars. We don't want John and Paul fighting. Mommy and Daddy shouldn't be fighting. Yeah, right, right. You know? And you certainly shouldn't be writing nasty songs about each other. Right.

And one of the guys in the band shouldn't become good friends with Charlie Manson, shouldn't bring him home. Do you know this story? Oh, you talk about Brian Wilson. Dennis Wilson. Dennis, oh, okay, yes. Dennis Wilson was out, he was, he picked up two hitchhikers, took him back to his house, I had sex with him, went to the studio with Terry Melcher, Doris Day's son.

Had sex with the hitchhiker. Had two of them turned out to be Squeaky Fromm and Susan Atkins. Comes home. There's a party going on in his house. And this little guy comes out and says, kisses his feet. He says, I'm not here to hurt you, man. I'm here to serve you.

And it was Manson. And moved into Dennis' house and never left. Dennis had to move out. They crashed his cars. So Dennis, you know, Manson wanted to be a singer, right? Yes. And he found himself. I know he was a spirit to the musical arts

and thought he would advance himself through the Wilson connection. Yeah. And Terry notes you. That's a good bed. Yeah, sure. Well, he did. Brian Wilson to write songs for you?

He wrote a song that the Beach Boys recorded and played on the Mike Douglas show called Never Learned Not to Love. Written by Charles Manson? Written by Charles Manson. Lyrics by Jerome Porter for some... No, I don't...

That's... The lyrics by Druby. They collaborated briefly at the end of... And Manson, you know, like when... So they all thought he was a joke or Mike called him Pig Pan or something. And, you know, Terry Melcher, who was

Doris Day's son, was a producer. He produced the birds, some other big groups. A music producer. And Manson wanted him. And he had a, he was a musician, he was a singer. He had Terry and Bruce Johnston had a group together. They had Spring Little Cobra, Won't You Better? Shut him down. And if it was a Beatles song, you'd know it.

Who was this play? This was Terry Melcher and Johnston. No, who was this artist? Bruce Johnson and Terry. Bruce John. I thought Terry Melcher was the producer. He was, but he was an artist at first. Oh.

And he... Because the birds were great. Yeah. Turn, Turn, Turn. Is one of the greatest singles of any era. Not just the fact that they turned biblical verse. Right, right, right. Not that I'm a Bible fan, but that is a beautiful, beautiful verse.

And, you know, the Bible once in a while does stumble upon some wisdom. that is one play not Lividicus Duterotomy No no Those are the ones You know like If you see a man lie with another man

Kill him Yeah right This is more And it was a beautiful verse You know To everything Turn turn There is a season for

You know It's just And to turn that And then the song With that 12 string guitar McGuin right That he played Yes

All right So go back to your story Just to well So Manson wanted Terry to produce him, and Terry said you were shitty and didn't like him. And so, you'll like this. You have a connection to this. Terry Melcher owned the house up there.

We won't say where we were. Our friend's house. Our friends. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Terry owned that house where the murders happened. Yes. Until the day he died, he thought Manson was after him.

Oh, wow. When Manson committed the murders for her, a couple weeks they didn't catch him and the beach boys were doing coke and paranoid the mention didn't commit the murders because he was too much of a coward for that he was such a pussy there was like um kids daddy's staying home tonight um i there is an errand that i did have to do if you just cover for me uh i'm just not feeling great you know that feeling so okay you're gonna go listen to the white album real fast before you go there's a song of what is the connection there helter-skelter was they thought that that was speaking to them yeah yes another amazing song yeah

i mean we were playing so our friend jeff franklin owns built a house on that property they tore the property down but he he has a house there that we've been to and at the uh he had a um an open house he is the producer of the show that brought you to the attention of many zillions full house. We put a band together, and the guitar player, I can't remember, but it wasn't, someone in guns, it wasn't Slash for something, and he started playing, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and I'm like,

stop, we tried to stop him, he wouldn't stop, and that was it. But we shouldn't let that ruin the song. No. Cool song. I mean, you know. How do you stay so healthy, and you have control over the drinking and swunking? Well, plainly, I didn't back the day. I didn't for, I mean, if you had a real problem, I wouldn't never say I had a real

problem because it never affected my work. Right, right, right. And I didn't drink every day of the week. But when I went out, when I was in that era and I was younger, it would not be uncommon to have eight drinks in a night, because you would go to multiple places. And at each stop, you would have a couple of drinks. Right. You know, you were just full of stupid energy to go and do douchey things yeah yeah and that the fuel for that was liquor we were always after the girls well yeah that's i mean that was part of it right you know you and i never fought over girls i don't think no but i don't remember seeing you out that much and but then you got married you are married i'm married a second time a second time right oh my

Right, I was it Howie's party, and there was, did somebody Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry, right? Frank Sinatra to, oh, was it? Well, remember Frank Sinatra when Dean and Jerry didn't talk? Right, right, right, right. You went on the telethon and he got them.

Right, right, right. Yeah, well, it wasn't exactly. Who were you beefing with? Oh, Jerry, because he married her too. Right, of course. But it was more like, it wasn't, it wasn't Howie wasn't Sinatraed. It was just like if Jerry would have jumped on Dean's back

because that's how, that was Jerry Boeck. He sort of jumped up, hey, Johnny, blah, blah, I never, I met him once about 25 years ago or something, and I haven't spoken to her, so it was interesting. Well, you've only been here 20 minutes, but I have to say, it sounds like you're always beefing with someone, your Greek fuck. Yeah, me of all people. You don't beefing, and you get along with everybody. Can you get that? Everybody loves Blumar across the thing. Oh, no, no, no. You know, I have to, I was, I couldn't tell my father-in-law was, come on. her but I didn't I want to say too that I you are genius you are my North Star for for being there was a relationship that I had that she said she thought she said I was stupid or said I wasn't smart enough to be around her people and stuff and I won't say who it was but you

mentioned her a few minutes ago and I never sort of got over that but I was like I'm not stupid and I really buckled down but but but I was you know not super articulate into the political world I didn't grow up in with politics my family okay and I learned everything from you good and I stand with you great right where you're at I appreciate your book I love especially the beginning you just laid out so simple and I'm not gonna well I appreciate that because you know I get nothing but shit really I mean from the media from the Hollywood establishment awards all that shit it's just like so I take a lot of shit I what I call a soft cancellation

for not not being woke but still being a liberal but but that's not enough for these fucks. Modern liberals. Yeah, old-school liberal is really. Yeah, like my... Yeah, yeah, but that's not enough for the Hollywood types. Anyway... But you don't back down?

No, but I don't back down. And it means more to me that people like you appreciate that than all that other shit. You can't have both. I mean, I'm up for a Golden Globe this year, which is a good sign to me that we're at least cracking the wokeness thing, but I don't think I'll ever win in that room. Because it's a...

It's okay. I don't think I'm going to go. Really? Yeah, I mean, I'm debating it. But people kiss you're out. When you're out, I mean, I'm sure. Yeah, they do. But those people, but not at the epicenter of wokeness.

Right, right. You know, but it is amazing how many people do say the very similar things to what you say. And I so appreciate it because, like I say, it's such a compensating thing. And, you know, there's fans. And I, you know, I'm too insecure about any career to not like. like appreciate every fan. But there are people who like get you on a deeper level. You know, and I could tell you are that person

who like really get what you're doing. I do. And other people like, they can enjoy it for a number of different reasons. And I'm thrilled if they get 70% of it or 50, whatever. I mean, lots of conservatives come up to me. And they go, you know, I'm not really what you are, but you know, I appreciate what you do and you're honest

and you're calling like, you see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not exactly on the same page. Yeah, but okay. But I do appreciate. you 100 percenters. I really do. And I can tell when someone really is one. I am. You know, I can always tell when someone's lying when they say, I watch you every night. Well, I'm not on every night. You must be a real fan.

Every Friday. I came and saw you. My friend of mine was in town where we, you know, all we do is talk about you the next on Saturday, like, you know, after we've seen a show. And I said, we should go suicide, Bill's filming, shooting this show tonight. And you were. I mean, Gervitz set me up down there. I came to see you. Yeah. I mean, I feel. I feel. I feel. like it's a good experience sitting in that audience because first of all unlike other

sitcoms you've done them I've done they stop tape this is just you're there for an hour I know you don't have to worry they're just gonna take a long time

there's gonna be a lot of boring shit in between we start it goes from one thing to another to another and we're done and uh... But you know what blew me to fuck away about you

is like you're so like you I can't remember who it was but it was a pretty sharp person and you were throwing out quotes and things and stuff. And you didn't look at your notes one time. I'm like, how the fuck does he know all this and remember all this? Well, it was probably history.

No, it wasn't. It was topical. It was shit that this person was talking about. And you were, boom, boom, boom, boom. I mean, why do you think you have a great, I know you're super intelligent, but a lot of memory, too, do you think? I'm not even super intelligent. I mean, like, IQ level, I'm sure I'm not in like the, and you know what? I don't want to be. Right. You know, people, are they, I want, I want to.

to be happy. You're a medium IQ. What? You're a medium IQ person. I think probably a little above medium. He says low IQ. Oh. Oh. Exactly. Oh, of course. I mean. I love that. I mean, I'm not a genius, but I'm not dumb as a rock. Sick, insane, wacko, very sad, or a crazy maniac. You're about three things on that list. I'm not a third-rate comedian. I'm not still a very dumb guy. I'm not a wacky guy. I'm not totally shot, John. I don't look terrible, exhausted cotton week. I'm not a jerk. No. My show isn't dead. No. And I'm not increasingly boring. You're right. You're none of those things. But, uh... I got a letter from here once. Really? Yeah, he came to see me at Cabaret. I was... Cabaret? Wow. You did Cabaret on Broadway? Wow, that's right. Studio 54. Were you...

The MC? Yeah. Oh, wow. What a part to get. It was. It was a second show I've done on Broadway. What theater was it? Studio 54. Oh, wow. Did you ever go there? No, but I did a Broadway show. I got a... Right, the Tonian nomination.

A Tony nomination for that one in 2003 about the War on Terror. And it was on 52nd. Oh, I can't remember the name of the theater, but I can picture it. It's very exciting to be in the theater district, I must say. You walk out after the show,

and you see there's all the other people coming out and all the other shows. That's what I would. say because you know like show business with everything's at different times or but in that eight block radius and eight o'clock everybody's being ready to be entertained and all the entertainers are ready to entertain and right at that moment spark that and there's lots of stars you know you're a star you're on broadway or you could see george cloney yeah or jack human right i mean you hang out at car patrol after a huge jack

what did you say jack human jack human that where were oh he so he so he came so i got a telegram from him. I didn't know he was there. A telegram? Back in the telegram days. Wow. And it said, you know, me and Maloney, it thought you were great, blah, blah. And every time I saw him after, like, with Howard Stern's wedding or whatever I was like,

it was like, you got my, wasn't my telegram the best telegram you ever? Just like he is now. I'm like, no. It was a good telegraph. Yeah, but wasn't it the best? It was a perfect telegram. Wasn't I the only one who said? No, a lot of people sent me telegrams. A perfect telegram. That's a perfect telegram. I swear to God it was that's he is who he is so I mean that is not going to change

you know they said no politics no no no I agree no I know I know I know yeah I guess you brought him up you're right I watched I watched your Rob Rob Rob episode yesterday Rob Reiner oh my God not to bring it back down to that but he was just here like a a couple, September or something? It's always so mind-bendingly weird. It's not the first time this has happened to me, or any of us is certainly my age, where you're with somebody and then they die

and you're like, it's just, your mind, it's hard to process. They were just here. Sagina. Well, no, it was one of the spinal tap he was plugging that, but it was very, very recently. And you know, I mean, gosh, I knew him for a long time. He did the show a lot and been out to dinner. I mean, it's just, you know, it's hard to stop have it come into,

again, it was just a few days ago. Hard to have it not come into your mind a few times every day, even after, you know, a few days of it because it's just so shocking and horrible. I mean, you know, this guy was such a, you know, just a presence. you know just charisma and you know he just was who he was we knew him forever right when kids all in the family at least

and I was still a kid you know and all through his changes and director and you know I was asking me for a quote from I'd give it to the free press about the discussions we had in recent years were a lot about him not being able to get funding you know because of his yeah well and he's not the only director of a certain age who's told me that And I just was saying, this town is very ageist and very, not very nice to people who have done a amazing. I mean, he's got a pretty iconic resume of movies. The spread is the drama and comedy. I remember him saying, you know, if it's not spandex or, you know, it's very hard to, you know, for even somebody of his stature to get that funding.

And, I mean, life goes on. The generation that's probably going out to movies, they don't want to see. things like that they have a different and that's what every generation is and and deserves to do their own thing but ages and i mean it's such all my god you know i started off the first show i did after the soap operas and tony geary just passed away too in the same day who was right you were on the soap opera i was on there and uh i'm old too yeah we're both aging out any minute um yeah but they show you on TMZ and they all and all the girls always go I can't believe how good he looks.

I don't care. The girl's on TMZ. Me? To you? No, when they show you on TMZ. Why are you watching TMZ? I watch your buddies with Harvey yourself, right? I love Harvey and I.

Okay, good. I mean, it's, you know, well, we weren't talking about TMD. But yes, but when they show you and all the girls are like, oh, I'd still do him. You know, what? That's pretty good. All right. I wouldn't say it about me. You'd do fine.

No, no, they don't like me just because they're woke, stupid. So like, you know, what I was going to say was the first show I did after there was I worked with Jack Klugman. Jack Klugman. And he was my first mentor, odd couple, twins, yeah, odd couple, TV odd couple. Yeah, that's it. Movies, it was Walter Moutham. Jack, did you ever meet Walter, no, Arthur? No, I saw Jack Lemmon walking on the street, my first week in Hollywood. I was very excited about that.

Yeah. No, but they, and then Jack Klugman and Tony Randall did it on TV. Yeah, my best. One of the Gary Marshall, right, wasn't that what made him Hollywood? And Jack, so I was on, I was on that show with Jack, and he was like my first mentor. I'm saying, we were talking about ages and these older men that I gravitate towards. And Gary Marshall was on there. Jack, one of the greatest things that Jack did was he would sit me in the writer's room on Tuesday, Wednesday, whatever the punchup night was.

And it was Gary Marshall, Harvey Miller. Jerry Belson, these titans of comedy, and I would sit in the corner, and I'd just keep my mouth shy out of me, I'd just throw shit at me. But he would make me watch them rewrite, come up with jokes, structure, all this stuff. And Gary was one of them,

and Gary was the one who suggested me to Miller & Boyette to do Full House. Is that right? And Gary was a mentor as well after a while. At Fandual Casino, you get even more ways to play. Dive into new and exciting games, and all of your favorite casino classics, like slots, table games, and arcade games. Get more on Fandual Casino.

Download the app today. Please play responsibly, 19 plus, and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerned about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor free of charge. And then Gary passed away. Do you know, I may be misremembering this, but I think I was. offered the part on full house of saget the saget role you might have because Jeff I seem to remember it being a big thing Mark Gerbitts would know that we

really debated it because it was money and it was the lead on a show but we just thought it wasn't right for me kids me kids but of course Bob that was a good decision on both parts if that was the case this is like 1988 that's interesting that with the year around 88 no earlier I think No, I think it was because I took this other show called Hard Knocks on Showtime. Oh, that one. Yeah, exactly. On Showtime.

It was just starting a network. But it was cool. We were mismatched detectives. Who was the other guy? Tommy Hinkley was like a redneck detective, and I was Gower, Rhodes, the hippie detective, with long hair. And, you know, there was girls. It was like, oh, this is. This is just much more my vibe, you know.

Yeah, right, right. And, of course, it probably had an audience of 300,000 at the time. Saga was, there was another guy who, Sagitt wasn't available, and you turned it down. I think. And so, there was this guy named John Posey did the pilot, and then Bob became available, and then he came over. Oh, you didn't do the pilot? That's interesting. I was on a show once where they changed the, Sarah.

That was a big show on, and Sarah, it was 1985. It was my first. Gina Davis. Oh, interesting. Gina Davis. It was four lawyers and written by Gary Goldberg, who was the hottest at the time because of family ties. So it was Cosby, NBC's lineup.

We were sandwiched between like Cosby and family ties. It was a, or maybe after, I don't know, but it was a very good place. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. But Gary Goldberg at some point had almost a fist fight with Hollywood with Brandon Tardikoff, the head of the network, at a taping. And we knew we were dead after that.

But it was Gina Davis. We were four lawyers in San Francisco. Bronson Pinchot was the gay one. Alphrey Woodard was the black one. Gina Davis was the lead. And I was the office creep. I was. But in a sudden, TV guy, the office creep.

Yeah. See, I had all the funny lines. Yeah. Better to be the creep. Yeah, off the creep. Yeah, you were like Uncle Handsome. You know, that was like, what the fuck was that? I think I think it's funny.

I didn't make my own thing. Jack Klugman called, you know, the show was called You Again, and it was from a show in England called Home to Roost, and it was a son who came home and father forgot that he had him or whatever now, and it was like this. Yeah. And the notes kept coming back that, you know, soften up, You know, scream at it.

Stameless people like him, and you're so hard on them. And one day he called me over, and they had this set phone, you know, and he said, come here, come here, come here. Hey, let me, Brandon Tarnicka. Ranan, fuck you. Boom. Canceled the next day, just like you. What?

You're, we did a season and a half. And we were after Cosby, too. We had a great conversation. Oh. Same thing. Yeah. Don't ever, that was, you know, a lot of times kids come up me young people want advice about show business and they say you know hey austin butler can i

ask your question no and like among the lessons i would give them is is one you always have to someone talk for you you need i don't care that's the worst agent in the world you can't talk for yourself right and two don't ever think that you're important because they once canceled the one's fired somebody off was it Rhoda? No, it was... It was, yeah, the titular character, right?

She was the titular character, and then they changed, it was like, who was it? But then they changed it to like Hogan's family. Right, right, right. And they went, and the same thing, Roseanne got fired off, Aroncha. Like, you are not important, and they can always get rid of you.

The bus stop is full of people from Iowa who have come here to take your place. That's what they used to say with the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson was fired or was out of the band. It's like nobody's more important. Like the band went on without Brian Wilson, you know. That's right. Because you still had the song.

It's not the songs, yeah. And Mike Love, what? No, I just have a very funny way of like, you're almost doing Kevin Neeland's subliminal character guy, you know? No, I'm not yet. I'm not yet. I think Kevin Neal was hitting on my wife the other. The other day, I thought it was funny. Oh, you want the gloves?

Fucking comics. Yeah, they're always beefing. So you were able to play the songs. Oh, so handsome, right? Yes. Well, yeah, of course. Well, I mean, the songs are unbelievable. I was just actually just listening to the solo album he put out fairly recently.

Brian? Yes, which was quite good. Yeah? Yes, you must know it. It was, when was it? He put on a lot of solo albums. This one was good, though. It must have been fairly recent because some of the people who were singing on it, Nate Royce.

Am I, you know, my, oh, he's very, his voice is on a lot of songs. And he has his own stuff, very great voice and perfect for what Brian writes. But, yeah, those songs, I mean, are among God Only Knows. That's a perfect song. It's a perfect song. So has helped me, Ronda. Perfect song, yeah. And even, I have some that people don't know that I, well, one, I can think of for sure.

I think I said this to you at one of those parties. Disney Girls. Oh, I love it. It's such an amazing song. Bruce Johnston wrote it. Betty Page and Summer Days on Old Cape Cod. That's right. It's a turnback world with a forever girl and a kid someday.

It's just like so. He sang that at my wedding. It's my favorite, my wife's favorite song, and she walked down to the aisle of that. That's your wife's favorite song, too? Disney girls. Maybe we should be together. Maybe, yeah, I'm not.

Wow. I just thought I get in the first punch before it started. I was with my friend Kenny Fuchs, and he said, he said, what do you guys get talking about? I don't know. You don't have some of you pre-arranged these. It's not Jimmy Fallon, you know? And he says, you think he's going to bring up Jerry O'Connor?

I'm like, no, we don't even fuck about Jerry O'Connell. and then you did oh well I certainly wasn't planned yeah okay I mean yeah I think we can agree that yeah sure does not look right right okay this is what I plan I plan I plan on bringing a lighter and that and having a joint who's the only person who's been me and Ben Shapiro on here that don't drink or who else oh no um Ben Shapiro um Kanye Kanye Oh, no, we drank a lot. He said, ooh. Was that?

We haven't shown it. Right. Can you show it to me after? Do you have it on your phone? No, I actually want to have a screening. Right, like when they screen Jerry Lewis's Hitler movie. The clown that cried. Right.

Did you ever see that? No, nobody has seen it. There's like two people in the world who have seen it. Who? I don't remember who, but like, for people don't know what we're talking about, Jerry Lewis at the height of his genius, but also egomania, and power, made a movie about where he was a clown

in a concentration camp. To cheer up the kids before they went to take a shower. But he did not want to look like he was in a concentration game. He had a little slick back oily hair. He practically had the... He looked like Buddy Love, right? Practically had the pinky ring on in a concentration camp. And it apparently is so megalomaniacly, crazily wrong.

somebody has it though somebody has a print of it but it's it's not uninteresting i i need to see it we all need to see it we're gonna we're gonna find it yes i made a movie i i had this book uh by arthur marks about martin and lewis and um oh yeah sure i made a tv movie about it and jerry was so fucking pissed off because he was doing something with brad gray they were trying to do something at spiel and he's screaming and yelling at us and then we sent him the script and they called and said who wrote this was this guy was ellis was he there how does he know this is the best script about the two of us and we're I'm behind this 100% I got I thought I couldn't get it made and then one day I was in a restaurant

I saw Sean Hayes I go Jerry Lewis I said do you want to play Jerry Lewis he said yes I saw that it was Sean and and uh Jeremy Northam and he was perfect wasn't he great he was perfect yeah and so Jerry but he was pissed at me what movie is that I want to watch that again it's called Martin Lewis it was it's not it's hard to find because Jeremy Northam oh it was very good. Yes. He's had the hands and the whole thing. It's really interesting. But Jerry was pissed at me because I was a guest on the Howard Sternstra. So he wouldn't talk to

me, but Sean flew up there to Vegas and spent time of him. Another person who hates you. You are the most unlikable guy. I'm the most hated uncle handsome. I've seen having such a good time here, but like I just Well, when I get out that door, that's one. I was going to say you're very Trumpian in that way. You're very nice

in person. Oh, I know. He was so funny to you, I heard. He was, well, he wasn't funny, but he laughed at your jokes. He, I don't want to, we don't want to get into politics. All I'm saying is he was extremely different. Maybe I'm the Trump whisper, but I think we would do a lot better to have more people like me talk to him. He is not against talking to people. Yeah, no.

He's a guy from New York, okay? He doesn't want to be with a bunch of fucking rednecks and simpletons. Right, right, right. You know, I mean, he's, does he like ass kissers? Yes, he does. So there's always going to be a couple of them around. But I think he, anyway, let's not go there. You brought it up.

No, I didn't. Did I? I don't. We've both been bringing it up. Trumpian. It is hard. It is a phenomenon we have never seen before. Right.

That one person would dominate just the national. Every dinner. For over a decade. Yeah. You know, but, and I do think you have to fight that. Like I say, if that's your whole personality is, the first thing out of your mouth is, what are we going to do about Donald Trump?

I just can't. And, you know, I can't. And, you know, first of all, I can't. First of all, you don't have the answer. I don't have the answer, exactly. But people think you do. I would get it. I would get it.

I can't get away from these people who, like, walking through a room that I was at a party Saturday night, awesome party, Seth McFarlane gives an amazing Christmas party. What? Did he say he had an orchestra? with an orchestra is that him is that set back there one of those that thing is so cool i almost bought one of those oh it does it does it's creepy as fuck it is you see those i've seen them they kind of man right they used to have one of the ivy but the way they're painted it's very the shining oh yeah right yeah you know it's uh i don't know black people in that band it's they're

if they are oh they're okay well i think they all are Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. And look at that. Doesn't this guy look exactly like Kanye? A little bit, yeah. A little? Okay, yeah, a lot.

Look, if we can't get along here. Look at all the years we missed being friends because, you know. I know. That's happened with a number of people who've sat here. But, you know, as I always say, everything happens. Yeah, I mean, we've got to have friends. It's, sometimes it's just not destined. It's like George used to always say about Ringo.

He was always meant to be in the Beatles. He just didn't enter until like Act 3. Right, right. You know, but it was destined. It's like, yeah, that's it. I mean. Did you have, have you, have McCartney? Have you interviewed McCartney?

I would love to. I hung up with him like this one night at the woods, the pot store that Woody Harrelson and I are running into the ground. Yeah. And he was super nice. Have you ever? I met him a couple times. Yeah, I mean, he couldn't have been more what you would want the beetle to be.

And I said to him, I said, besides the music, one thing I really love about you guys was that none of you ever did anything that made the fans go, ugh. Yeah, right, right, right. It's like so many people. But I think because they only had exactly 10 years, right? Like the Beach Boys, if they would have stopped at 10 years, they would have been closer to the Beatles, I think. They went on and on and on and on.

Not by numbers. The reason I love the old iPod is because one reason is that it helps me with numbers, simple numbers. I don't keep anything in there that I don't really want. I've never once loaded the whole album. I picked the ones I want. Now, there are a few great albums in the world where you want every song on them, but they're pretty rare.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. So the number of Beatles songs and the number of Beach Boy songs that I want. Of course, but it's my iPod. Exactly, for me. Well, if you look at my iPod, it's different. Okay, but I would say, not that it matters.

Well, what I'm saying is the Beach Boys did a lot of shit after, you know, 10 years. You know what I mean? And some shit during it. So did the Beatles. Yeah, yeah. Nobody gets through this without doing some shit. Yeah.

I mean, I don't have every Beatle song in there. Right, right. You know? But they both were solid. Those were the greatest 10, you know. I'm just saying the Beach Boys went on a lot of, they jumped in on that disco shit. And they, you know. I'll give you this, John.

Go ahead, Bill. I would say the best 20 Beach Boy songs are as good as the best Beatle 20 songs. That's huge. That is huge. For you to say. for me to say but the Beatles just have an additional like 150 songs that are still the additional 150 that's an additional plus and if you add in the solo work McCartney alone yeah yeah that's your John didn't do a lot but I mean you know there's like 20 good ones

George had a pretty you know not just all things must pass but he had a great one in 1987 he hadn't done one in 10 years or eight years or something he had some shitty ones too there's one he did where he was sick and you know the name of his label was dark horse and of course the review spelled a dark horse h-o-a-r because he had he had no voice and he still went on tour right that's fuck up whereas today these artists artists yes they are artists i'm not saying they're not good but like if they have if they just have a bad day They canceled the concert. These fucking Gen Z little Nepo baby or whatever the fuck they are.

If it's too cold, because these girls are wearing nothing. Have you noticed? Well, yeah. I mean, you mean, like, making music. I mean, we've done that for a long time where we want to mix sex in with the music. I mean, music, the reason why comics are jealous of musicians is because, you know. We get all the girls? Well, it goes right to the pussy, whereas we've got to go through their brain.

But you know what? In the long run, it's better because it filters out people who you are not really going to vibe with. Now, this is not something I would have said when I was 30 because I, you know, but I'm looking back, that is my assessment is like it actually saves you because, well, Well, because, yeah, a girl is not going to like you unless it's for something a little deeper than just the bass line. You know, I mean, you can sit on the bass and have the amp where the bass is playing and have an orgasm, as I'm sure you have. Yeah, but you don't want a long-term. You don't want any of you. Did you want, do you want some of the substance? I know what I want. You're basing it on that fight we had 30 years ago.

What do you care? I'm very happy right now. That's good. I really believe you are. Oh, I am. Oh, I am. No, no, no. But you are.

I played the game of The Bachelor for a very long time. And I gave out a lot of roses. But, you know, there was a winner. Who? That's not bad. I'm going to my personal life. You had a long term? That's not even, I said what I said.

My friend who's here directs the Bachelor. You're talking about giving out rooms. Really? Yeah. Come on. Yes. Who's your friend? Ken Fuchs.

Can you tell him for me? He's listening. Okay. Okay. I have a great idea for the Bachelor. What is it? You know, they do the Golden Bachelor. Yes.

I am the correct age. You want to be on the Golden Bachelor? Could I finish? Go ahead. It's your show. I want to be the Golden Bachelor. Okay. But none of this age-appropriate bullshit.

Oh, you want to have the young. What I would actually... Right. That's a funny show. That's a good show. That's a great fucking show. Yeah, that's a good show. Now, some of these girls will leave crying.

Do you... No, they will. Because I'm going to be real with them, not mean, just real. I'm going to fucking straighten out their lives as I have so many 20-year-old girls-ish girls in my real life. Okay. I'm very good at it. I was never meant to be Sir Lancelot. I'm the king.

I'm the old dude. Who sits back and says... Well, did you ever see Camelot? Yes. You would be good. With Richard Burton. Richard. I mean, but I know I saw it with Richard.

I saw it in Pat Pan. You know, you're such a good-looking son of a bitch. A brief, shiny moment. You could almost play. There was club random. Lancelot. Yeah? Too old.

Yes, a little. But it's a tribute to your Greek genes that you could almost play Lancelot. And you're, but, you know, you could, I mean, Robert Goulet. That's who I saw it do. but at the Pantages. Of course, he was Camelot on Broadway when it was first on Broadway. It was such a sensation, and this is 1960.

I mean, Robert Goulet is the singer who, when I was a kid, wetting my mother's panties. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like the screen crush, my mother had, you know. Robert Gulley. And yeah, Robert Gullet. Remember Will Ferrell used to do remember that on SNL? That's what I was trying to think of.

And I think they did it on SCTV, too. It's somebody did it on there. But he was a friend in mine later when he was. Really? Absolutely. I used the fact that he was a fan to once bring my mother to Las Vegas to meet him, go to his house, and have dinner with him. Wow. Is your mom still around? No, not to my knowledge.

Did she get, she died just to get rid of you. Tell him I'm dead. Yeah, this is like, mother. No, you know what's weird? She's still around, but she won't talk to me because I had dinner with Trump. Did she see your success? To a degree. Political correct?

Oh, definitely. saw that she died in two yes i was on real time for four years when she died so she's she saw a lot of it and your dad your father uh no he died right before i got politically incorrect oh okay you know did he see your stand up and did he go see your stand up i remember them once seeing me at carolines i was not good well i mean i was as good as i could be at that point in my career so you know like laughter is an involuntary response yeah involuntary okay so when you see your parents not laughing you know you have some work to do in the industry you know what I'm saying you know like not that I didn't but they were supportive of course I mean I didn't want them there I don't know why I guess it had just

got into the point where like what are you doing son you know because I was not the kind who ever like imposed I like I always made my own money I know that's why we're not we haven't been friends You didn't want to pose. Sorry, you made your own money? No, I'm a lone wolf. Yeah. You know. But you made your own, so, right.

So they, but your mom saw your success. That's good. Well, yeah, she did. But, of course, mothers are different. They just don't. I remember once I was staying at this very fancy hotel, she always used to ask me where I'm staying on the road. And I said, yeah, they gave me the presidential suite.

And she said, why? Come on, mom. And I said, well, you know, I'm kind of a big shot now. And she said, oh, yeah, I forget because I remember holding your little hand. Oh, that's beautiful. It is. It is. I'm glad she said.

I always get so upset with people. But you have that experience now. Don't you have little kids? I have a seven-year-old. But wait, I've got to get back to Golden Bachelor and the top. Oh, such a great idea. What are you going to call it? The gold, uh, the, uh, that we'll call it.

I don't, uh, uh, daddy issues. Golden Bachelor, Daddy issues. What do you say? Daddy, problem solving. Oh, not issues. Well, they gotta have the issue for you to solve the problem. I will. You ever have somebody, when I...

I will solve their problem. My wife's a little younger, but people are saying, what do you talk about with these young girls? I'm like, who gives a fuck? I'll talk to you about it all in the family. I don't need to talk to the... Anyway, so how do you fix these... There's a movie called Under Suspicion

With... Why did you look like that? Because I'm trying to talk. That looks suspicious. Oh. With Morgan Freeman. Okay. And Gene Hackman.

Any record? A signed adventure. Oh. Oh. So great. Gene Hackman? Yeah. Yes.

I worked with Ernie Borgnine on ER. That was pretty good. Ernie Borgnine. Sorry, we're jumping around. The movie you were talking about is under suspicion. Oh, yeah. Apropos of what you were saying about what do you talk about. And he has...

Gene Hackman is this rich guy in... And it takes place in San Juan, I'm not sure why, and Morgan Freeman is the police chief. And they're friends, you know, Gene Hackman's a prominent citizen. But then these young Puerto Rican girls start turning up dead. Okay. And Gene Hackman, who has a loveless marriage to Monica Balucci. Wow. Yeah.

But she's cold as ice, you know. So he likes, it's kind of the rumor he likes to be with younger women, okay? Very young, but still, not children, you know. Okay, I'm not saying, I'm not saying they'd make this movie today. No, yeah. So he is, when they start turning up dead, he is under suspicion. Okay, all right. So there's this scene where he's being interrogated by Morgan Freeman.

And he gives this awesome monologue where he's like, you know, you think I did this? And he says, you know, Victor, you're, you're twice. divorced, you're single with a vengeance. Where do you go every Friday night? You go to the martini bar and who do you talk to? The prettiest girl you can find, that's who. And she's not 50, probably mid-30s. But if you can find one in her 20s, hey, why not? What about young girls? We like the men. What changed? People say to me, what do you see in these young girls? What do you talk about? Hey, if I wanted to talk about the S&P 500 I'd call my broker young girls don't talk right they laugh they're in the moment and every

night is the night and their skin is smooth and hard like skin is supposed to be and saying so doesn't make me a pervert not that I've memorized the speech I was gonna say you've said that before I only I can watch a movie if I like a movie twice and I can and I can like and I say like I do one from the Godfather. Wow, yeah, I'm sure. Leave the canola thing. Not leave the, that's one line. I can do the whole speech.

I think I've seen you do that somewhere. Oh, yeah. Was it on? The wind. Yeah. But that one in particular makes sense. Well, it was apropode. You could start the Bachelor Daddy issue show with that.

Like, just your face. Yeah, just in dramatic. Like, Ken, get the right lighting. Like, put him in shadow. You know, half of his face lit. did you do that speech on the on the on your i've never done that speed it's just i've never done it's not done i just remember things i can you want me to do the one goosebumps when uh with the horse's head dude okay you know you know the scene yeah in the godfather are you a godfather

fan yes okay um i'm probably fuck it up now but uh they're at dinner right right oh yeah And you think, yeah. Tom. You're out, Tom. I jump to the ending, sorry. That's not even the same movie. Oh, it's okay. Those two.

That's Godfather, too. That's right. I just liked it. Sorry. They're in the thing, and it's like, you're not going to get that part. Tom, asked me anything else. Oh, right.

And Tom is like, well, Mr. Grohione is a man who never asks a second favor when a first has been refused. Understand? You don't understand. Johnny Fontaine never gets that movie. He's perfect for it and make him a big star

But I'm gonna run him out of town And I'll tell you why Johnny Fontaine ruined one of waltz At the National's Most Valuable Pronoges I had her under a contract We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars Singing lessons Dancing lessons

Then Johnny Fontaine comes along With his olive oil voice and his guinea charm And she ran away with him Just to make me look ridiculous and a man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous and just to show you it's not all dollars and cents that I'm not a hard

heart-hearted man she was young she was beautiful she was innocent she was the best piece of ass I've ever had and I've had them all over the world you get the hell out of here and if that Goomba tries any rough stuff you tell them I ain't no band leader

yeah I heard that story I'm telling you And then he put his hat on and Tom and then Tom goes, thank you for a lovely evening. If your car can take me to the airport, Mr. Collione is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately. I don't know. People have weird bar trick skill.

But you have a great memory. I think some people... I don't, but for that I do. I don't remember our fight. Because you lost. Because I lost. And there was a producer you used to have on that show, An older lady.

Older lady. Well, you know, 60 maybe, 50s. On what show? On the show back, politically incorrect. Really? Yes. And she tried to patch us up, but I said, Johnny Fontaine doesn't, you know. That's all I can remember what you just did.

The Golden Bachelor, so you would, I think we can do it. Oh, is there an age limit to the girls? Well, you know what? Every other, like, dating show on TV is just as sexist in the other way. You're not going to find on Temptation Island, anyone over 30. Right. They're all going to be like 22 to 32, shall we say. So, fine.

Let's do that. Do you watch the shows? I used to love Temptation Island. Really? Yes. That was my guilty pleasure. I've lost all respect for you. I mean, I was so.

I don't blame you. Kidding. But you never saw it? No. Temptation Island? No. Temptation Island? Do you know the premise?

They're on an island. Yes. I love you, Bill. You know, I don't know why we spent 22 years avoiding each other at parties. I wasn't avoiding. A little bit. I know. I just don't.

I just don't, no, no. Because I don't remember the fine. Like, hey, John, Bill, Bill, John, you guys know each other. Really? We got close up on the camera? Well, I apologize. But you always had girls that wanted him to say hi. Really?

Yeah, sometimes. Oh, come on. You didn't have a... You just had a girl the other day I saw you, and she said, I'm going to say hi to John. She was not a girlfriend. Oh, that was not a girl. But my point to all this was that you're really charming and funny.

And, well, you're not as, you know, you can be, you come off as very, you know. Serious? Serious, yeah. Well, it's a comedy show. Oh, right. So. No, but I mean, you're, you're a lot. I know, I know, Jimmy.

Like, sure, like, I guess this is how you are. And I watch the show at the time. We talk about weighty topics. And here we're not talking about weighty topics. Right. I mean, sometimes we wander into a weighty topic. But, you know, the point of this show is. is that it is exactly what we would be doing

if there were no cameras and it wasn't a show. I mean, you know, there's no agenda. I don't have a series of questions. There was zero difference. And I feel like this is what differentiates from all the other podcasts, which are really just talk shows. They have questions.

Sometimes they see them in their hand. Yeah. And that's okay. But that's just what TV I grew up on. Yeah, me too. This is something different. This is just like, no, let's get high or drunk or neither or both

or whatever you want, but just have the exact conversation we would because like when I go to dinner, if we go to dinner, I'm not going to like bring a series of questions we're just going to bullshit and we'll stumble on some great stuff because we're both interesting guys of a certain age

which really helps, you know, because... Right, right, we can talk about well, you just have more experiences and more knowledge and more things right, you know, I mean, and of course there our kids out there, he'll be like, why are they still talking about Billy Joel? Yeah, right. Because, like, even though we really haven't talked about him that much. Right.

And we should. All right. Because we love him. And that's what brought us together. That's right. That's what brought him. You wrote me such a wonderful email about that, and I'm so glad you liked that show. Good things and people that inspire me.

I could try to write to them or, like, on Instagram, which you're not on, but you could just DM somebody, which I do all the time. I say, you're on a fan, and you're, yeah. I've met a lot of great, you know, people. The Beach Boys were looking for a new drummer. I found him on Instagram. Is that right? That's right.

You also are a drummer. I remember seeing you do that at Jeff's house. That's my main thing. It's a drums. Oh. You'd love it. I thought it was guitar. No, I'm not a crappy guitar player.

Really? But I've seen you play it with Beach Voice. Yeah, but I've played drums with the Beach Boys. I've seen you play guitar with them. Well, you weren't looking close enough because I mostly played drums with them. Yeah. At one time you were, it was outside. I did play, yes, yeah.

Okay. But mainly, I'm a drummer. I just kind of hacked the guitar. But I did say you do that. So maybe it's you who misremembers things. Oh, yeah. It is. Maybe I should start.

What do you got? Give me something. No, I play drums, and I've got to play it with some of the coolest people. I know you have Forbordy on here, right? Yeah, sure. He was a friend of mine. Oh, really? Yeah.

Credence Clearwater Revival? Yeah, I remember that. No, no. I'm just helping the audience. Thank you. Yes. CCR. No, he was, his, his, proud Mary. Friend of mine worked at a, do you remember Santa Pietro's up there?

Totally. I remember the guy. San Pietro, George Santa Pietro. He married Vina White. Vana White. Vana White. Yeah. It was Vina White.

Ben, I said Van der White. Okay. Mano white, yeah. Sagget used to live near her, and he used to listen to her have sex. What? Yeah. Seriously? Yeah, yeah, through the way.

I think Cooier would come over and maybe Mike Binder, whoever they were done, listen to it, fan out getting, you know. Railed? Yeah, railed. At the restaurant? No, at her apartment. They lived near her. Before she was, I think, the payment.

You were talking about losing Rob in a blink of an eye. Saggett was like that. I mean, one day you're talking to him. Another one. Yeah. I know. It's, we get to these ages. You know, I mean, I'm 70, basically, in a month.

That's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible when you think about how many, you know, not to beg a term from Taylor Swift, but eras you've lived through. Because, you know, it's a clever name for a tour and a concept, and she's not even that old, but we do live through eras. Yes, right. You know, when we were fighting each other. Yeah, it's like a completely different era of a completely different version

of the person you are. A hundred percent, yeah. A completely different. We're going to Nike or paying out of clubs and bullshit. Yeah, terrible. Just the fact that we were there speaks of how different. Trying to get into the VIP fucking thing. Yeah.

The Beach Boys, it's been 40 years. 85 was the first time I played with him. 40 years for you? Yeah. The first time I played with them, you like this story. Wait, I didn't finish the Fogarty story. So I became friends with him. He invited me to his 50th birthday.

He said, Stan was come sit in, was playing some Creighton stuff. And then he, and it was in his living room. Name some of the songs just for people who don't remember Credence. Susie Q. Proud Mary. No, that's not one of their great ones. Proud Mary. Green.

Up around the bend. Bad moon rising. Green river. Down on the corner. Down the corner. Long as I can see the light. Who will ever see it? Who stop the rain?

who'll stop the rain playing these songs the 11 minute heard it through the grapevine how about um midnight hour they were tight it did yeah down on the corner down the corner come on man drummer says it's like go sit in them play a couple songs forward he said it's room like this maybe 50 like his cousins and nobody famous right john gets on the mic goes bruce i get the fuck out of here spring Steve. Bruce Springsteen. Springsteen, Stamos, Forty. Played for about 45 minutes.

Just... Wow. Bruce is calling up. Anyway. All credent songs. Yeah, he didn't want to play any Bruce. So he played one song called, um... Detail, man.

I don't know. We just followed along. Midnight hour or two, they sing. But that was my point was that I'm a drummer. Yeah. First time I played with the Beach Boys, was in 85 at the Washington Monument on July 4th. Before Kokomo.

Before Kokomo was 88. Played on that... Cockamo was their comeback song. Yeah, number one. Number one, yes. You'll like the story. I get to D.C. and my friend says, come home, I've got to go teach Jimmy U the songs.

Jimmy Who? Go on doors on. Jimmy Page. page comes out Led Zeppelin oh yeah are we too old should we talk about Taylor Swift's more I'm just helping okay I may look like a fucking drunk and a pot head but I actually know

what's your show you know how to do you know he comes out like a slinky and um my friend says uh what he was wasted a little bit well he had a he had like a bottle of Jack Daniels and I said do you have a light beer Mr. Page yeah I didn't ever know

He was that guy. He was then. Okay, I'm sure he was, but, you know, you think about Keith doing that and people like that. I mean, I just didn't have that impression of Jimmy Page. Really? No. I mean, I really don't know what he did except put like a shark up a girl's pussy in a hotel room.

Yeah, right. You heard that story. Yeah. And how come he didn't get in showing me? I mean, first of all, we don't know if that's what happened. We don't know if it was a shark. It could have been a car. It could have been a shark.

which would be perfectly acceptable. You know what's good about you? I mean, if it's a freshwater fish. You know how some comics don't laugh at other people? You're not that. That's good. Who wouldn't want to laugh? Well, some comics don't think other people are, you know, some of your friends.

Trust me. Who are these people? I know. He laughs. He's a great laugh. Yeah? Seinfeld is the best. A laffer. Right.

Who isn't? I'm not going to say who isn't. But I appreciate your point and I take your point because I love laughing and I love being a good laugher. And the thing with me, I think, that really adds a little half to it, a little half to it is that I'm known as not a panderer. So, like, if I do laugh, you know it's actually real. You know, I'm not, you know, they're our hosts, we won't name them all, who do that. I do not. Like, I can't.

I just can't lie. So, like, when you get a laugh from me, it's real. And we'll get a laugh from the booth back there. There's no booth. It's just us here. Oh, yeah, sorry, club random. Club random. It's just us.

Do you see any cameras or people or any in mics? That's why I feel so relaxed. It's just us. Hey, baby. Well, how are we in your jacuzzi? We're going on the jacuzzi after? That's probably what the fight was about. I wouldn't fuck you.

wouldn't you you know bill mar wouldn't fuck me i'm gonna fight him yeah i'm sure gay guys hit on you you seem like the kind of guy gay guys would hit on and i mean that as a as a compliment i did do cabaret you know yeah but i mean just in general there are gay guys who i won't there's one giant movie star who it's not technically out of the closet although it's like the worst kept secret ever let's who well no i'm not gonna say George Clooney. No. No?

Not him. Well, it seemed gay to me. He was so... If he's not gay, he's blowing guys for no reason. I'm kidding, George. I know you. Oh, that's a good line. Did you laugh this much with Kanye?

No, but that's a great joke. Blowing guys for no reason. I'm going to tell Jeff Franklin he should put you on the writing staff. I wrote two stuff on him. But, no, when I'm, this person, like, so good-looking and so, you know, charismatic and famous and star power that his thing was always, I mean, I hear. When I'm getting fisted, I hear. Right. It's talking to hear.

Just at my bathhouse. Right. I hear. Oh, I know you're talking about. That he, yes, that he, and there are gay men like this who are, like, feeling themselves so much. that they're like they're not really concerned whether you think you're still straight they want to turn you yes yeah right they want to take a straight guy and and that that's a challenge right i've had a couple of those but one in particular who uh and it's just like i'm not i'm not i'm married you're you came to you know you're

you're you're hang out with me and my you know it's what do you keep trying keep they're just waiting for that one moment of like okay if there are two words that mean less in Hollywood that I'm married, you'll have to tell them what they are because I'm married means nothing in this town. I've heard this from every woman here. It's like married men in this town absolutely give it no quarter.

It just does it matter. Yeah, no, I'm just saying marriage is not something that prevents them from hitting on women. Right, but there's a vibe that some people put out that they maybe shouldn't. if they're married, right?

Yes. Let's go back to the gay guy. I think I know who you're talking about. Well, let's say. Okay, I'm sure you do, but I had a story, like a, okay. But I'm just saying, I think gay men hit on you. Yeah, but I'm very gay, you know, like I'm a friend of the gays, as they say. Yeah, we're all friends of the gay.

Not all of us. No, but, again, this is one of those woke things. Like, you had Chuck on here, the guy who played Chuck. Stop pretending we live in America where it's just a nightmare to be gay. I mean, there was a time. Right, right. Yes, and it's not now. Can you find pockets of places where I guess they look at you,

crap, man, that guy's a, you know, okay, but don't go there. And, you know, is it wrong? Yes. Should we fix it? Yes. But in the meantime, it's got better. It's just not like a problem to be gay in America, mostly where gay people live.

and interact, and also look at the polling. Even Republicans have come around their pro-gay marriage. You know, it's just not what it was. I've officiated two weddings and both were gay. Really? So doesn't that make me great? Well, you, Rob Reiner was saying how... Well, that's probably how they're trying to get at you.

Will you marry us? You know, you perform the ceremony. You're in kind of a gay mood, shall you say. Right, because it's a wedding. Weddings are... Yeah, I mean, everyone is a little susceptible at a wedding. So Stamos, he's got the gay glow right now. If you're ever going to get him, do it now.

Take that robot. So. I love the way you think it's your, you're so adorable. You think it's your responsibility to carry my stoned ass. Like, you're always like, what next? And I'm like, oh, I'm going to light the door. I know, I'm going to ask, I know. It shows your kindness.

You know, you're like, oh, I got to, like, step in here. No, we can just like. Okay, we can just do. Yeah. Tom Hanks. No? My thoughts? No.

What is that your Larry King impression? Tom Hack. No, get you. You know. Harry King, I love him, but boy, he just, he just, talk about somebody who didn't prepare. Well, that was his whole thing, was like, I want to be like the person watching the show who doesn't know anything, so I'm going to find out.

But, you know, he just, like, to, I love him, but, like, he... He was one of your idols? No, no. Not at all. I loved him. Didn't you do something, his last thing or something? Didn't you have some of the other words? Oh, I did, like, ten tributes to him. But he was always getting a tribute because, again, he was like,

Al Gore, your thoughts. Yeah. And then he'd sit there for five minutes. You know, it's amazing the way they've elevated this kind of, like, genius. Right, right, right. It was just like, you know. Talk. That's what's me.

I'm trying to tell stories about Jimmy Page and the people. Oh, Jimmy Page. Yeah, so what happened? He came out all stoned. Yeah. And he had all these anvil cases everywhere, which I thought were guitars, turned out to be devil shit, like whipped and stuff. And, but my friend runs off with his assistant to some other room.

And I'm sitting, first I'm sitting there. First, I, they all. all leave he goes to get me a light beer my friend goes off with the roadie and they're looking on some guitars in some other room i'm sitting in this big cat like this kind of this this sinks down like this and uh i'm just looking around i'm like i gotta get the fuck out of this is weird swear to god out pops this like a goth cuckoo clock some weird chick out of the thing out of the behind of anvo case sees me goes back he had some young girl that he was bringing on the road of him he comes in the case and

Between the two cases. Oh. And there was a blank. I'll never forget a blanket over, I mean a tied-died sheet. Jimmy comes back and says, it doesn't say anything. I'm like, and I'm eight, 19 years old. He's like, okay, so what songs would do? I say, I think you're doing Barbara Ann.

What key is that in? F sharp. I can't fucking, screaming at me, you know, about the keys. And I'm like, oh. Again, people met at you. Yeah. Always. I know.

We should have took a guitar. Is it weird? It's like I'm watching this Puff Daddy video, not video, this Puff Daddy series, this documentary. And like everyone, you look at all the things in a row and you see, oh, God, everybody, this guy has ever been encountered with from J-Lo to everybody else has either been embroiled in some sort of violence or death or cheated or beaten or something horrible. I killed Tupac. It seems the same with you. I killed Tupac. Yeah, Tupac.

I mean, like. murders and I mean this is a this is a I've watched it enough for Checo Malo this guy I mean seriously he uh yes did you know him

well not like that I mean funny I'm funny my parties well no but I there's a few times they did run into him and I did see the charm he was the kind of guy who could like corner you

for like two minutes and make you feel like he was your best friend and he loved you and everything and then like he would give you your number and then you'd be like, I remember you get, and I was like, I didn't really want to call him, but I feel like an asshole if I don't, and then it could be like, eh.

It was nothing, it was not. Right, right. So, you know, but no. I did, I did, um, raising in the sun, a three-hour TV movie of that. I was the white guy. I was the racist white guy in there. Oh, there's a white guy.

And Sean Combs was the, was in it. Oh, I remember when he did it on Broadway, and then they did a TV movie movie. You were the racist white guy. Thank you. That might have been a fake laugh. No. Oh, no.

No? What do you do now after people, the guests leave? The guests don't leave, John. You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. All right. This is a satanic, a chagoozy, aren't you funny? this is satanic no it is a little weird

down here oh it's lovely it's the greatest do you hang here when you're not having a TV show I used to before we like made it and I'm so here off here so often you know but like before we did this it wasn't like

I didn't sit in this chair and smoke pot and talk to people it's like I'm suddenly doing this the Bachelor show let's get back to that we gotta get this going Don't you think the ratings would be off the charts? I mean, if we're...

Women won't watch it, but, you know. Women. Yeah. You know. Oh, you don't think they'd be interested just to hate watch it. This is like an ultimate hate watch for them. Maybe, yeah, yeah. I mean, what do people want to these days?

They just want to get stirred up about shit and be angry about shit and bitch about shit. Right. I think I'm giving them the product they are asking for. Okay. Start off with the stuff. your hatred towards the woke? No, but it's just, I just think it would be funny.

Yeah. I just think it's funny. Just all a bunch of young girls. Well, first of all, like, people in their 20s don't know anything. But you'd have to have sex with a lot of them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's one thing that you'd have to do. What do you mean? It would have to be chased.

Or else it would know. Then you would lose the audience completely. And I don't want to do it. But don't those guys have sex with all the girls on that show? But this is a different show. This is the Golden Bachelor, Age Inappropriate. Oh, okay. That's the name of it.

That's the name. Age inappropriate. Golden Bachelor age inappropriate. Okay. But you cannot have said. So a lot of it's just you telling these girls. It's just, yes. Say I'm a girl. Say I'm one of the girls.

Bill and 22. Oh, again, you're trying to get me to fuck you. Oh, Jesus. First it's the gay weddings and then it's the fighting. Yeah. Okay, John. That is the jacuzzi. All right.

So what? So, well, can you act like a? 22-year-old girl? Can you? Can I? Just because I didn't shave today. I would normally... What would you say to these girls?

Wow. That's pretty macho. You've got like a half a beard. Thank you. Yeah, go ahead. Do your best... First of all, what is the show all in the family you're talking about? I always say, who gives a fuck if they know those shows?

Then I would say... Yeah. It's an iconic, and you would stop me and say... What's iconic? Thank you. And you see, this is how we learn. Because it actually gets to, I think, if any problem you want to identify in America as root, I would say it is education. I would say...

What's education? Exactly. Something you didn't have. Because you went to high school in America after the time when they felt. it was perfectly okay to let you out with a diploma, even if you didn't know anything. You didn't know science, you didn't know history. You probably don't know which country America got its independence from.

Right. I could cut a frog up, though. I did when I was in high school, and I'm sorry I did. And I've been a repentant PETA board member ever since. Am I still the girl? Are we back to... I didn't know if we... I don't know if we went back to John and Bill. I like those beetle boots.

Yeah, let's go back, Josh. Yeah, I mean... But it is a great idea. Yeah, it is a very good idea. You got the guy here that can do it. And, like, I'm the only one who could do it. Because, first of all, to your point about the sex, no, you can't...

That's super sleazy. It's super sleazy when age-appropriate people do. do it right right right it would be just beyond super sleazy and i wouldn't i don't want to be sleazy and i don't want to ever be in real life or any time be taking advantage of somebody if i'm with somebody who's younger than me it's it's to make their life better not to what is some of the advice though honestly that you give these girls i'm not being funny like what what are some of the it depends on what the issue i mean the daddy i'm sure it's it depends on what the issue is but generally it's the kind of uh common sense shit that

Kids don't get today anymore from their parents who have abdicated the responsibilities in big ways. And, you know, I just think they're directionless a lot of times. You don't think being an Instagram model is a good direction? I mean, are you on Pornhub? Right now? I've been on there, sure. I've been on there, sure. I mean, I haven't been on there, but I've been on, you know, I've looked, I've, no, yes, I've gone on there a lot, yes.

Jesus Christ, I'm so glad I'm not married that I would hate to have to fomfer around like this. She doesn't care. Then why are you like? I'm not. I've never thought it was, I said I'm on there. I said, you know. Okay, constantly. Not constantly, but, you know.

What's your point, Bill? My point is that you're unborn and have constant. I think there was a point, there was a point where I was running into the, I saw it all. I watched all of it. Okay, but that's like saying my dick is never going to get hard again. Yes, I've seen it before. I've also showered, but I'm going to need one of those too. Okay.

You know, okay. Anyway, the point is that if you look on Porn Hub, I mean, it is a never-ending, if you scroll, a montage of young girls doing porn who I've never seen before. I'll never see again. it looks to me like any girl who didn't go to college in America is either on Pornhub is on only fans or as a stripper. Right.

Because there's like no other way to make a living, which I think is a comment on our economy, not that we want to get into that. My next guest is Mondami from New York. But in the first half, we want to talk about this. Trump is not what we want to talk about him. Go ahead. He was making a speech.

But affordability, which is a hoax. I love your Trump because it's... I love it that we both said it in the same time. I love your Trump because it's terrible. It's terrible. It's like it's not even... Exactly. You sound like one of the guys from...

You sound like an extra from the Godfather. Yeah, it's just terrible. You're not... You're going to take the car. I know. I'm going to park the car. You're right. You're right. You know. It's not my skill.

It's not my bar skill. My skill is remembering lines from movies. Okay, good. You're good. Bar skills, right. Should I do Gone with the Wind? No. It's nobody...

If they have... If they haven't turned it off by now, you're going to Gone with the Wind, and we've lost everybody. Damn, I love to do Gone with the Wind. And I'm not kissing ass because I've already won you over, but you look really good in person, too. You look healthy.

Oh, here we go. We're trying to fuck me. Well, it's just, you have good coloring this time. You know. Look. Sorry. When you make it feel awkward, I know. I get the ick.

Sorry. Just come over here. When, instead of my laughing, we'll talk this out. Once I get the ick, excuse me, but, you know. The cringe is the kid, if I can say. The ick, I think they still call it the ick. I mean, that's that. The penicillin will get rid of the ick.

That's, no, nothing gets rid of the ick. What's the ick? The heck is when you give a girl, when you do something that makes a girl get the ick, she can never, ever look at you like she wants to fuck you again. Got it. And, you know, it couldn't be just something as simple as tripping. Right, right. You know, like, or just being...

Or texting them 8,000 times when they won't turn a call. Of course, that would give the ick. But, you know, just being rude to a waiter or something or to people. And she's like, oh, my God, that's who this asshole is? You know, like, it doesn't have to be something that's directly with her. Right. She can just see you do something icky and go, oh, I know what... That's a good way to weed them out, too.

because if you're shitty to a waiter and they go, I love that, be shittier to him. Right. There you go, she's out. She gives you it. You're right. Right, yeah.

You could test a girl. Maybe he'll do it on The Bachelor. On the bachelor. By being shitty to people. Right. Inappropriate. See if they, you know what? I don't want to be with you.

I don't want your penis inside me when you treat a waiter like that. And shove the rose up your ass and get out of here. Right? I never watched this show. Well, I don't know. I just seem to have connected the waiter and erections a little too closely.

But it is true that you can give a girl the... I thought it was something like a venereal disease or something, but it's not... Well, that would definitely give the ick, too. Right. But that could be more innocent because, you know... Giving a venereal disease? Well, it's... Let's not get into venereal diseases.

Why? It begins that gross. I'm just saying, you know, sometimes things don't come up in testing or, you know, there are... I once got it to clap. We'll be right back, right after... Who was the lucky guy? Can't tell you.

Richard Marks. I can't tell you. But what strange was that I got it, I had something... I was going to meet this girl in Hawaii for the weekend. Of course you were. And I realized, and I was going to meet. you're there. Thursday, it was along, like the late 90s, maybe.

Something was, I went to the doctor, said, I don't know, we're going to test it to take 24 hours, call me tomorrow. I'm going to be in Hawaii. Call them, said, you got it. And there I am with this girl. Wow. And I'll never forget, John Ritter was there.

And I came down to me, I can't be with this girl. She gave me the clap. Oh, this is the girl who gave you the clap. It was, yeah. Well, then you were good to go. You both got it. You might as well fuck. I guess so.

Right? No, it was terrible. She gave me the ick. That was the clap and the ick. She gave me. Yeah, but as long as you're in Hawaii, you both have the same disease, I would have fucked her and then broke up with her. No? No.

I hung out with John Ritter, and that was it. Wow, that's gay. That's pretty gay. Three's company. What's that? What's through his company? See, now I'm back to the girl again. You'd think that I was on some sort of pot or something.

Three's company, it doesn't matter. You don't have, you're not, that is not something you're responsible for, Three's Company. It was a sitcom, back when sitcoms were a big thing. Now, you should know what sitcoms were. Do you know what sitcoms were? Is that where you sit on a,

there's not sitting as it involved, right? No, it was like, you know, you don't have a TV, right? I have a iPod. It's all Beatles. Oh, now you're, Now you're John as a 22. Sorry.

Now I'm confused, okay? Look, they're going to switch back and forth. Well, I got to know when. I'll do a light or something. Well, because you would have Beatles. Well, you don't use the iPod, so you think of. You still have it? I'm telling you, I think it's a superior form of listening to music because...

Did you get that stupid Spotify thing where they said you're getting the money? You know, you can't just buy them, of course. Do you, do you, did you get that Spotify thing where they showed you how many songs, like who, you know, what your top song was from the, are you on Spotify? Do you know what Spotify? This is now, you know. I do know what Spotify. Hey, grandpa. Yeah. I do know what, I have Spotify and Pandora. And I like, I like, I like, I like, you know, sometimes if I, I'm not too interested in what the music. playing is and just want it in the background. Wow. I can, that's what it's, yes. Even the, they didn't get that one. But in, I, Pandora's box kids,

we'll get into mythology in the second part. I am Greek. But yeah, right. Do you know your mythology stuff? Not very well. I don't. It's fascinating. Yeah, I should learn.

I should learn. And many of the stories, you know, are just keep getting remade as modern versions. of course I mean p. Did a documentary well yeah there are there are definite you've been definitely that is Greek tragedy yeah baby oil but also apropos to our earlier sad discussion family murders is very much a part of the house of atrius the whole cycle is begun with He sacrifices his daughter to have favorable wins, Agamemnon does.

Favorable wins to go to Troy to fight the Trojan War because they were out of condoms. What can I say, folks? It's just a gift, you know. Who's your favorite comic? You know, you're the second person in two days who asked me that. Who was the first? Oddly, Mike Pence. No.

That's funny. Did you, were you friends with the Rickles at all? Friends, no, but I met him. Right. And he totally reckled me, you know, which I take as a compliment, but I would have loved to have seen if there was. There was. There was. Because you were friends with them.

Really? Yeah. And so he could not be insulting for like a half hour at a time? Yeah, with me, you know, when we're together alone. Wow, why'd you get to know him that well? We were out of, I paid attention to him. That's a liquor. That was a good spittaker.

I thought it was water. I paid attention to him. I was met him at a restaurant years ago. Tony's Taverna, you remember the Greek place up there? Speaking, going back to Greek. And we just became friends. He was irrelevant at that time. People thought he was dead.

I don't think, you know, it was before. before the documentary is, before the tributes and stuff. And we just, he lost his son, so I sort of, you know, waged myself into that. His son died very young. He was in for routine, he had esophagus issues and had a routine operation and passed away. At 32, I think he was. But no, he could be. You know, I would, yeah.

Do you remember he? his album, Hello Dummy? It was his only one who did. I didn't remember having an album. Yeah. I did see him open for Sinatra. I took my mother to see... Where? At the Pacific Amphithe? No, no, no. In New York, it was at Radio City. Wow. And Sinatra, it was 1995. My father had died four years earlier, so it was very, very emotional for both me and my mother, because they had seen him when he was pre-famous, because he was from Hoboken. Right. They were from Clipside Park, the next town over.

They saw them sing in New Jersey and the rustic cabin, the first place he ever sang. So, and then, you know, my father had just died. And so my mother was apprehensive about even going, but I said, come on, let's go see Frank Sinatra. And Rickles opened. And, you know, it was 1995. Even then, pre-woke, the band, you know, you could see the band guys, like the black guys in the band go like, oh, Jesus. You know, don't trip on it. Because he was still doing, and the black guy says this.

Is he laughing at it? You know, and it's just, it was just like, it was a little past its expiration. In 95? Yeah. A little bit. Did you, so? That was, look, I started politically incorrect in 93, and that was a reaction to too much political correct. So political correctness, we didn't quite call it woke yet, but it was the same sort of movement toward stuff that was, you just don't say that.

And, you know, a lot of his stuff was right on the edge of... Yeah. You know? I mean, he wouldn't last now. He would... No. One time I called him out, we were on a tonight show together, and he... And I said, you know, you go to one of dawn shows, and I'll say, you know, the black go over there singing the old Med River and the Asian over there.

It looks like a beaver eating a chair. And the Mexican over there going, can I get you another salad? And the lights go on. There's no black guy there. There's no Mexican. There's no Asian, you know, he's just doing it. 95, I went to the Pacific Amphitheir. My father was my hero, and he loved Sinatra.

Turn me on to Sinatra. I was a kid. Turn me onto the rap pack, you know. And I want, you know, you want to do, my dad was a very humble man. Trying to buy him a new car. He wouldn't, nothing, you know. I worked at his restaurant, a fast food restaurant. Here I am taking over the interview again.

It's not an interview. But it was the same tour. Rickles was opening up. I didn't know Don that. I wanted to meet Sinatra, so I put the word out to Tony O and all these people, and I said, if Sinatra wants to meet you, you'll know. I'm like, how am I going to, what my smoke signal? That's awesome.

Rickles goes on, intermission. I'm at the Pacific Avenue with my mom and my dad. My mom's drinking it. Really? Yeah, she liked the drink. And I get this poker. Tony O, Mr. Rickles, I'll see you now. Mr. Sanacho will see you.

Go back, take pictures with him. And my dad is standing off to the side. I say, Dad, get in here. You know, Frank's going to. And the pictures I'll have is like Frank's bossing around the, you know, the photographer. Do it this way. Do it. Do it. His hands going like this through the other picture.

Dad, come here. And he just, you know, no, no. And Sinatra looked at him like, you, either are two things. You fucking out. You don't want to take a picture with the great friend. Or you're the coolest motherfucker I've ever met in my life. You don't care about it. You just want to see your son.

I think that's what he felt. That was my dad. Wow. So the show, if Sinatra ends, and he gives it, he was older then. It doesn't leave anything on the stage. And then I go, that's a real, you know, me and my dad had this moment where we were both sort of tearing up and we looked at each other like this. But it was that great moment with my dad. Sinatra, Rickles comes on and introduces people in the audience, Tony Danza was there, whatever, so-and-so.

John Stamos, he's probably in the cheap seat, he's probably up in the grass. In fact, he's probably smoking grass. Sinatra grabs the mic from Rickles and goes, Smoke one for me, Johnny. My dad's there. Really? Yeah. It was the same tour, 95.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my memory of it was not as great because he was a little, he was, you know, drank during the show, was half in the bag. His son was the conductor. and he belittled him from the stage.

Did he do that at your show? I think so. I felt very bad for the sun. Right. And he also couldn't get through some songs. Did he have a teleprompter? Seven large screen teleprompters all around. My friend Tom Driesen, the comedian,

he always took credit for that. I'm not saying it's not true. He said, Frank, you know what? You could keep going longer if you just got a teleprompter. And then Frank had them apparently all around. Like, you couldn't look anywhere without sing. But, like, songs that he hadn't been singing his whole life, like Mac the Knife, he had just started doing.

And I remember he started it, stopped it, started it, stopped it. Oh, the shock bites with those, cut it, cut it, what is it, the teeth deer? You know, whatever it was, he was like he had to really have known it from, you know, in his bones from memory. Right. You know, if he went New York, you go New York. That's probably the next word there. But, yeah.

It was pretty good when I saw him. You know, I had the, Jan and Dean, who were, you know, adjacent to the Beach Boys, I was played with that. Jan and Dean. You know, Jan and Dean. What did they sing? Surf City? Surf City. Here we.

Little lady from Pasatina. Okay. Dead Man's Curve. So they're the group that people hear on the radio and think that's the Beach Boys, but they're not. Yes. Brian wrote Surf City. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, my God explains it. And Dean sang on Barbara Ann. He sang. barbara ann you know the high part of that barbara ann yeah that's the jan and dean that's the beach boys oh but dean sang on was part that's a great one barbara anne yeah dean was friends best went to school with this guy named barry keenan who kidnapped frank sinatra junior oh i remember that well i don't remember it but i remember seeing it when it i did a podcast the only podcast i've ever done i did it 10 episodes because i became friends with this guy through dean this guy barry keenan and um he recently shot killed himself

at 93 or something recently but because of you fascinating my fault mostly my fault another beef talked to my yeah see even 90 year old so like stamos enough people tell you you're drunk fall down anyway so that's I did it you should listen to that you like it's a fascinating story about how he you know why he came Frank Sinatra he he was mentally ill and you know the term back then and he said uh you I asked him why did he do it and he said because I was sitting in the car and on the radio God told me to. And this

is 62? Three. 63. Okay, so Kennedy? It was December of 63. It was after the assassination. Right after. Wow. And the nation was like this. He was going to kidnap Bob Hope's son. But he thought, no, it's too patriotic. I'll go for Sinatra because he's a monster.

And the whole, you know, it was like, Kennedy had just been shot. He kidnaps Jr., gets him out of Tahoe and brings him to the Valley. Taho realizes he left the gun It was like Keystone cops Left the gun, left the bag, left the thing Brings his girlfriend back up

They pose us as newlyweds They go get this stuff They're skiing, the FBI, the CIA Sam Giancana Sam Giancana called Sinatra and said Do you want me to take care of it? Let us do it first. The FBI, all of them after this guy

And he's doing the bunny slopes up And like Tahoe, you know, like a fucking guy And that was one thing about Rickles I got to say that just made me go whoa, what balls this guy has when he was on the Tonight Show on the couch with Sinatra and he would do

mafia jokes at Frank. Nobody did any jokes at Frank, but to do mafia jokes. And you know that if Frank wasn't laughing, it would have been, you know, there's no in between of like getting the laugh and dying. Right, right, right. Right. Right. And he was like, Frank,

oh, boo-go and bonzo fall. And Sinatra would be... Jimmy Bambon. Right, he called and said, you know, we took care of the thing. Yeah, right, yeah. And Frank would be laid out. Right, right, right, right. But, boy, if you missed that work.

Yeah, right. He called him, uh, he called him, what did you call him? Bullethead. I would sit here all night with you, but I'm sure you were. Well, I'm not leaving. We didn't get to Sammy Davis, Jr. Let's do it. Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong.

Whether I'm wrong. Whether I find a place in this world or never belong, I've got to be gay. Oh, shit. I got to be me. What else can I be but what I am? You're a good singer. What kind of fool of my name? You know, he never had a hit before that.

He was an... Candyman was after that. After that. He was iconic. Did you know him? Do you ever meet him? I think I met him once for a second, but no, practically no. I mean, he died in 94, I think, so, you know, he was 64.

But I saw him in Reno. Shoot a man? What? Did he shoot a man? No. Johnny Cash, so. Oh, I know. No, he was, I was playing Reno.

This is like 1984, and he was, I mean, and those rooms were intimate. Reno is not a big, you know, it's they call America. Biggest little, the little, accent, little. So you could see them. It was almost like a club atmosphere. Right. And I remember he sat in the middle of the room on a still smoking. And he even said to the audience, don't do this as I'm doing it endlessly.

But, you know, he was just amazing. And that was the, he had never had a hit before, I got to be me. And that was the first year I was listening to music, 1968. Really? Yeah. I was 12. 1968 and you know a year that had hey jude and macarthur park you don't have records you still do sure you do too do you have a record player yeah i don't use it what i'm looking for it

no but macarthur park i brought that up to billy joel we had to cut it out because you have to pay for it but immediately you sits and plays it right and play you know and it's very complicated You know, and just to talk to Billy Joel about MacArthur Park, which I was telling somebody who was going to be a contestant on The Bachelor Inappropriate age version about MacArthur Park, and we Googled it. And the first thing that comes up is,

this may be the worst song ever. And I was like, this may be the best song. Best song ever, yeah. It's crazy. Who wrote it? Jimmy Webb. Right, yes. I just had dinner with him.

You did? Yeah. Jimmy Webb? Yes. Well, I sat next to him at the, I had dinner with him, but at the songwriter's hologophie. Recently?

A few months ago. Wow. How old is he? He doesn't, I mean, maybe 70s, but by your age, but he's, uh, no, he's probably a little old than you. What's the best song he ever wrote?

What's the best line in any song? He had, whatever he wrote. Didn't he write gentle on my mind? Yes, but there was another song. There was a, great lyric. He says, in Wichita lineman. Wichita lineman. Right. And does... The Wichita Line... You want to be a singer.

Is still on the line. Right. And I need you more than want you. I want you for all time. Yes. Very, that will wet in panties a long way. Yeah. Yes. And I need you more than want you. And I want you for all time. Yeah. The Wichita Lineman is still on the line. Now, you've got to be a romantic to be alignment

and get a good girl. Yeah, unless you're a football. What? Bill, can I say that I've had this image of you for so many years, so I know you want to wrap this up, and I'm helping. I mean, I really don't. We've been here for three hours. But, like, it's, you know, I don't know.

Well, we can be friends now, right? Totally. We can do this, like, again, if we did this without the cameras, it would be zero different. Can you imagine it any more, like, inappropriate? No, yeah, yeah. But I will. I mean, and we're both friends with Jeff.

Yeah. Like, you're still asshole buddies with him, right? What is that? That means very close. It doesn't mean gay. Sounds like it. No, it just means you both can be an asshole with each other. Yeah, okay, yeah.

That's us now. That's us now. Well, we've been that for a while, but now we can do it in a chair and soft chairs. But I really, I was shocked. I was, I was surprised when you asked me to come on here. Only because, I'll tell you why. I'm so glad this happened. Because I don't, I didn't, I don't think of me as a big enough, get, you know, a guest for you.

Are you crazy? Well, you're, oh my God. I'm not looking for compliments, but I'm just saying. No, no, but your resume is like so broad. Yes, first of all, everybody knows you. So, like, you're much more famous than I am. I mean, not just from the sitcom, but then from broad, you know, all these places you, the music, the soap opera, all these places you've been. But you've had everybody.

Anyway, I'm just saying, I'm not looking for compliments. I'm just saying that I was so flattered when you guys asked me to be on here, and I'm so glad that I came and spent time with you. And you're just a charming, delightful guy. You are. I would feel the same about you. I mean, it looks weird now that at the end of it, like how much we love you. Yeah, yeah. Cycles, you know.

But, you know, it's real. It's real for me. Okay, all right, Paul. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The camera's still rolling? I had to break up a fight between you and Kimmel at a party.

Do you remember that? Brad Gray's house? It just makes me look really bad. No, seriously? Yeah, you can't. Come on. Why did you say that about me, Baba? Jimmy was like, I was right in the middle of you.

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